1 00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: Welcome everybody to another episode of horrible Decisions. I'm only 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,160 Speaker 1: moaning because someone just mentioned that they missed the moaning, 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: but maybe they're not on Patreon. I'm not gonna own 4 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: decisions decisions. I'm your girl, Medibe. 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 2: I honestly thought you did moan. 6 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:21,920 Speaker 3: No, na easy, I'm actually here on video. I'm I 7 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,799 Speaker 3: ordered so many like in stripe clothes for the tour, 8 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 3: but I was like, I'm not as well bust them 9 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 3: out today. So whatever episodes I'll listen to in a 10 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 3: near future, it's gonna look like I'm going to a 11 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 3: whole job. 12 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:34,559 Speaker 4: It is given like business casual. 13 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna maybe I'll wear this to my 14 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 2: meeting tomorrow. I don't know. I went to like A. 15 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 3: It's weird because the way that we grew up, and 16 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 3: if you're in your thirties, you understand what I'm saying. 17 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 3: Thirties and plus I'm not evenna say it's the entertainment industry. 18 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 3: People dress different to work now, so let no, it's everywhere. 19 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 3: Sometimes when i'm they dressed unprofessional, I hate it. Fuck, 20 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 3: it's almost like they're going to the club the mall 21 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 3: or just rolled out bed but like I say, like. 22 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 2: A mall outfit. 23 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,480 Speaker 3: I'm definitely mall sexy for work. But I went to 24 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 3: even fuse. I would say it's like chill, but they're 25 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 3: like TV, they're streaming, they're digital, they're all this other shits. 26 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 3: Like when I pop in there, I don't dress up 27 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 3: too much for meetings, I will say, but any other place, 28 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 3: if they have maybe fifty to one hundred employees, they 29 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 3: look like shit. Now, the only time I think you 30 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 3: can look like shit is if you work in tech. 31 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 3: Here's why, because I really do think some of these 32 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 3: tech offices they're forcing these people to come in that 33 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,320 Speaker 3: we're like semi remote. They're working at the desk eight 34 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,399 Speaker 3: to ten hours a day. They're not really front facing. 35 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,039 Speaker 3: They're just there whatever, Like you're slamming the shit back. 36 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 3: But somebody's motherfuckers. How you making too fifty and you 37 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 3: wear a sweatpants. I mean that's how like super rich people dress. 38 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 3: I just think that there's a loss in professionalism across 39 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,000 Speaker 3: the board. Like it's funny because me and Crysal Lord 40 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 3: just talking about this because in real estate, like you're 41 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 3: selling houses, you're meeting people, but you still have to 42 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 3: go into the office and do old calls and stuff, 43 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 3: and she was like, she was like, bro, I don't 44 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 3: get it, Like there's a clear distinction between people who 45 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 3: clearly take this series and people who just think this 46 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 3: is like a hobby. And she's like one of like 47 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 3: the mentors had had a group meeting and I guess 48 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 3: made one of the girls cry because she's like, what 49 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 3: the fuck do you think you're gonna sell dressing like 50 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 3: this and looked at one girl was like, she looks 51 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,920 Speaker 3: like she's gonna be able to sell a house. You 52 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 3: you probably won't be in this very long. You need 53 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 3: to fix your hair, you need to do this. And 54 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 3: apparently just how honest she was about how the two 55 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 3: like girls look. One of them cried. 56 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: I don't know, but Crystal talked about what the people 57 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: have on because again, like Crystal's gonna be forty next year. 58 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: Well not only that, there's just a wait to dress 59 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: when you go to work, but that's when we're outside 60 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,079 Speaker 1: I'm talking about I'm talking about I'm talking about going 61 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 1: to work. She does dress, but you have to well 62 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,800 Speaker 1: she never on cameras. That's where she's like, she does 63 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: like the voiceover stuff. We were just talking like girl, 64 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: you know. 65 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 3: But see that's what That's what I'm saying with the text. 66 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 3: Shit that is front facing. She needs to meet with clients. 67 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 3: I'm not gonna hold you. Some people, even I remember 68 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 3: back in the day, remember in the real estate agent car. 69 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,680 Speaker 3: When I can hear the car, I'll be like, now, 70 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 3: I just looked at houses with my mom to speak 71 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 3: to the real estate experience. 72 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 2: Because my mother brought it up. I didn't. 73 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 3: We saw four open houses, so I finally decided, like 74 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 3: renting two apartments, isdem I am here for seven days 75 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 3: a week a month. However, I'm just like, what if 76 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 3: I just got a bigger spot, not an apartment, because 77 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 3: I feel like once we start running into each other 78 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 3: in the bathroom, maybe it won't work. So a house 79 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 3: or town, I'm like, let's have some separation. So we look, 80 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 3: we go to a house that is I'm not saying 81 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 3: I can afford this. I just want every don't come 82 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 3: rob meet. I like to go to any open house, 83 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 3: as y'all know, that's my manifestation thing. I'm like, I 84 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 3: want you to see how much houses cost me. This 85 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 3: is one point eight and it's in Silver Lake. Then 86 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 3: we're gonna go look at something that's nine hundred thousand. 87 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 3: I just want you to know what you can get, 88 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 3: so if you don't like the stuff that's cheaper, you 89 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 3: can understand why. One point eight million. We meet the girl, 90 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 3: white girl that's hosting it. Cutesie button down top, the jeans, 91 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 3: but the jeans are pressed out, nice shoe, the way 92 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:27,919 Speaker 3: that she's talking everything perfect. Next house nine hundred thousand dollars. 93 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 3: My mom joked that it went down here. There another 94 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 3: white girl. These are all white women, kind of chill outfit, 95 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 3: like little flowery dress but sweet cute, but not as professional. 96 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 3: She wasn't saying things like well, hey, this is going 97 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:40,720 Speaker 3: to pay for itself back. 98 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 2: You need to understand that. 99 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 3: You know, there's no flooding insurance that's high here because 100 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 3: you're a little bit lower blah blah, you don't have 101 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:49,360 Speaker 3: to worry about the fires because next girl is like, 102 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 3: oh yeah, better than running an apartment, right, bitch, we 103 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 3: saw our house, those six could be This nigga had 104 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 3: coffee dripping down the shirt and he goes, oh, I'm 105 00:04:59,040 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 3: so Glorio. 106 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 2: Oh that's my wife. 107 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,479 Speaker 4: She looked a mess. I was thinking did she know 108 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 4: she was coming? 109 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 2: And I was like yo. It kind of also speaks 110 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 2: to who you're selling to. 111 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,600 Speaker 3: It does, because for one point eight they need to 112 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 3: be making some money, Like right, you're putting down two 113 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,839 Speaker 3: hundred thousand and three hundred thousand dollars for a home 114 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 3: like that, Like you've got to have that capital, like 115 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 3: you're making bread. 116 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:24,039 Speaker 1: If you got that, didn't, oh bitch, once you got 117 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: done six fifty, I said, this is still expensive. 118 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 2: By the way, this is still expensive. It's Los Angeles. 119 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 2: But yeah, And my mom got in. 120 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 3: The car with me and she says, there's no experience anymore. 121 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 3: I used to talk about you wearing sweatpants in first class. 122 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 3: I'll never say it again. She's like, I understand, this 123 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 3: is a new world. I thought we were meeting someone 124 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 3: a suit. I did my makeup, I did my hair, 125 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 3: just to know that we're buying a home. 126 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,160 Speaker 2: I was excited about the process. She said that they 127 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 2: took me out of it. 128 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 3: She said, if I'm about to do this big, have 129 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 3: this big moment in my life and my daughter and 130 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,359 Speaker 3: you look like that, what is this? 131 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 1: I mean, it's tricky because I know the markets are expensive. 132 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: But also as a real estate agent, if you're someone 133 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 1: selling over a million dollar homes and someone's selling lessons, 134 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: you know, seven hundred thousand dollars homes. Even your commission 135 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 1: is different, so the money you make is different. I mean, 136 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 1: I think we see it. You're going to dress differently 137 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: if you work, if you make two fifty at an 138 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,239 Speaker 1: executive company, or you're in them all selling clothes. 139 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 4: I mean, I just think it is. I don't know, 140 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 4: they don't. 141 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,480 Speaker 3: Need a lot of money too. And that also, and 142 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 3: we all know this to be true. 143 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 2: You go on she and get you a nice. 144 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,280 Speaker 4: Fabb Yeah she could, they could step. 145 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,600 Speaker 3: It up, but I think it's really how much care 146 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 3: you put into these things. And it's maybe also with 147 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 3: these agents, the seriousness of the client. 148 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 1: I just think over all those that's why I said overall, yeah, 149 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:50,719 Speaker 1: there's no professionalism that exists anymore, and I do. I 150 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 1: mean we could blame the pandemic quite a bit. I mean, 151 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,919 Speaker 1: with everyone having to be at home, with people not 152 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: having to go into the office, I think Z has 153 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: made things a lot more like the days ago, Like 154 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: professionalism just ain't ain't what it used to be like, 155 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: even from how you show up on interviews, like showing 156 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 1: your shoulders and things that were just never acceptable. Are 157 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: now like Okay, I know, I mean it's crazy. It's 158 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: crazy when when I went. 159 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 3: To work the first day in Audible, I wore a 160 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 3: blazer dress. 161 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 2: And the first thing one. 162 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 3: Of the colleagues I had at the time said, is girl, 163 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 3: what nigga you think is in here? And I'm like, 164 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 3: because I kind of have a blazer dress, Like really 165 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 3: this is But at the end of the day, we 166 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 3: all fought for casual fridays. 167 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 2: I'll look, we talking about. 168 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 4: Oh, where's the suit? Like nobody ever wanted to do 169 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 4: that anyway. 170 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: So I feel like and even that when I had 171 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: casual fridays in corporate, it was just that you could 172 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,600 Speaker 1: wear jeans, that's it. And you couldn't have rips in 173 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: the jeans. You couldn't have tears in the jeans. They 174 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: still they had to be gene. And then you still 175 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: have to wear like a blouse or a button up 176 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: or you know, a polo can be, but denim, but 177 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: well it's Denham can be, especially if they don't have 178 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: ribson terrors. Like that was even like, bro, you can't 179 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: come in here with no rips in your jeans. Man, 180 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: you just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon, 181 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: but why it's up there. Tap in for the full, 182 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: uncut and way naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to 183 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messy, 184 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: t wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. 185 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 1: And now here's You've Got Decisions. 186 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,959 Speaker 2: If you would like to have us answer your questions. 187 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 3: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or 188 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,960 Speaker 3: a terrible throatfle. 189 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 5: Guess what You've got decisions, You've got decisions. Hey, hey, hey, Horhive, 190 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 5: it's your girl, Mandy b One half of the Decisions 191 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 5: Decisions podcast here. 192 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 4: To answer yo, no question now. 193 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 1: If you want to submit anything regarding your relationship, your situationship, 194 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 1: your friendship, your workship, your partnership, go ahead and send 195 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 1: it on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com. 196 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: Before we get to this week's which is an update 197 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: which makes me so excited again, make sure, if you 198 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: haven't yet, go and purchase No Holds Barred Doing Manifesto 199 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:33,959 Speaker 1: of Sexual Exploration and Power, available now wherever you get books. 200 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: Also make sure you get that audible version as well, 201 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: and leave a review that continues to help us push 202 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: the messaging of this book. Now, y'all, I was supposed 203 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,839 Speaker 1: to record this only yesterday. 204 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 2: Huh. 205 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,440 Speaker 1: But y'all the government shut down. Had you grow in 206 00:09:55,480 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 1: a disarray at the airport? You follow me on social media. 207 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 1: I ended up being drunk as hell, was put through 208 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 1: a mattress and was like, I'm just gonna throw on 209 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 1: this Turkey costume and go through the airport. 210 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 4: No one's gonna notice me, no one's gonna see. 211 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 2: Me, bitch. 212 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 1: Also, I dealt with three flight cancelations and it took 213 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 1: thirteen hours for me to get from New York City 214 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: LaGuardia Airport to goddamn Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, finally I am 215 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:32,559 Speaker 1: done from being stressed out over all that shit and 216 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: really excited because this week we have an update from 217 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 1: the letter. Is my boyfriend get boy? 218 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:42,960 Speaker 4: Do? I love an update? 219 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 1: So let's just get into all of these things. And girl, 220 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 1: I am not gonna read your name. By the way, 221 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: when you submit a letter, just know that it will 222 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: be anonymous. We will not give any details that'll let 223 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 1: the folks know you are going through it. 224 00:10:59,120 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 4: Again. 225 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: If you want to say and your letter in make 226 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 1: sure you send it on over to decisions pod at 227 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. 228 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 4: Let's get into it hunt. 229 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: By the way, I'm doing this by myself because Weezi 230 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 1: is still in Brasil. 231 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 4: Okay, she is still in Brazil. Okay. 232 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 1: Anyways, don't know what accep that is, but suck my 233 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 1: day from the back. All right, this is an update. 234 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: It is my boyfriend Gay. Hey, thanks for answering my email. 235 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,439 Speaker 1: I just listened to the episode and I'm writing back 236 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 1: to provide more details. 237 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 4: Transparently. 238 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: I ended it before writing that email, but I was 239 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,559 Speaker 1: still ruminating on it, so I decided to write in 240 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,240 Speaker 1: we broke up back in July. I'm definitely okay with 241 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: a man being bisexual, and honestly find it attractive. My 242 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: issue was that I felt he had zero attraction to 243 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 1: me as a woman and seemed to be attracted to men. 244 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,439 Speaker 1: He claimed that he was a boob guy. I'm a 245 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 1: size forty G, so you would think he would love that. 246 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 1: When it came to intimacy, he seemed mortified at the 247 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: sight of my breast. 248 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 4: My boobs are nice. 249 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 1: After the breakup, I hooked up with an old friend 250 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: from college and he thoroughly enjoyed my boobs, So I 251 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: feel comfortable saying that my breasts weren't the issue here. 252 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,080 Speaker 1: When I tried to have conversations with him about sex 253 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:22,200 Speaker 1: and sexuality, it was an uncomfortable topic for him and 254 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: he would get defensive. He said in his last relationship, 255 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: sex was an issue as well. At one point I 256 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 1: thought he might just have ed. But as I continue 257 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: to ask questions, the combination of his answers and his 258 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: behavior around gay men and his lack of sexual interest 259 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:41,199 Speaker 1: in me made me feel like he is gay. 260 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 4: His family is on a cult, girl, his words, all. 261 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: Right, now, I don't think you added the cult port 262 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,319 Speaker 1: last time, so I imagine they would disown him if 263 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: they found out he was gay. So I believe that 264 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: is why he sought out a relationship with a woman. 265 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,079 Speaker 4: Now, Girl, I don't think coats. 266 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 1: Have any connection to homophobia, like real for real outside 267 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: of the church. But U Okay, back to the topic 268 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: of conversations around sex and d I asked him if 269 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: he watches porn and if he is able to ejaculate 270 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 1: when watching porn, and he said yes. I asked what 271 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 1: type of porn does he like and he refused to answer. Oh, bitch, 272 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: he said, that previous exes gets him in his past 273 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 1: and said things like I bet if I was this, 274 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: you'd want to have sex. He didn't explain what this was, 275 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: but I'm going to like but might automatically filled the 276 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:44,439 Speaker 1: word with man. I still tried to stay open minded 277 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: and think of the possibilities and also consider that he 278 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 1: may be a sexual, but the way he lustfully looked 279 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,080 Speaker 1: at men, it was hard to believe that he might 280 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: be a sexual. The other part that made me feel 281 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,680 Speaker 1: like his roommate was his boyfriend is because for the 282 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: nine years he was living with him, they also had 283 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: only a one bedroom apartment. He lived in Oklahoma, which 284 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 1: is extremely affordable. The man works in aerospace, so only 285 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,320 Speaker 1: is financially able to get a apartment. The city that 286 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: I'm in is LA, so it is definitely moreive, but 287 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: he can still financially afford a two bedroom there as well. 288 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: What led me to break up with him is that 289 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 1: I couldn't get over that feeling, and anytime I tried 290 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: to discuss sexuality, he blew up and got defensive. 291 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 4: Ever since his roommate moved out here. 292 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: He's made excuses as to why I couldn't come over 293 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 1: the combination of that and the fact that he went 294 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: one week without seeing me even though he only lives 295 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 1: ten minutes away from that led to the breakup. While texting, 296 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: I did tell him that I don't think he's straight, 297 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:52,120 Speaker 1: oh God, and he vaguely confessed that he isn't straight. 298 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: Going to attach a snapshot of that text as I'm 299 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 1: curious on your thoughts about it, ooh girl. 300 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,120 Speaker 4: Not the tape. 301 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: The situation where I felt like he was farting with 302 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: a guy, only engaging in conversation with him and not 303 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: his friend, I guess when they were out and anytime 304 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: the guy would try to speak to me, he would interrupt. 305 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 1: I felt that he was competing with me for that 306 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: guy's attention. 307 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 4: Also, the fact they. 308 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: Thinked about him and wondering about him right after we 309 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: had sex was also odd. 310 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 4: I know I could be wrong, but there were too 311 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 4: many red flags. 312 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: The roommate situation really took it over the top for 313 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: me because that's when everything changed and he became less available. Also, 314 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: the fact that he's living or been living with this 315 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: man for nine years in a one bedroom apartment explains 316 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,920 Speaker 1: why he didn't want to talk on the phone. Lunch 317 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: and preferred texts and voice notes. Also, they're black and 318 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,960 Speaker 1: in their late thirties. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks 319 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: for taking the time to read all of this. I 320 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: was more so seeking confirmation if you all believe that 321 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: he is likely gay and. 322 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 4: That I was tripping. 323 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: He made me feel like I was the one tripping 324 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 1: anytime I brought up the discussion. All right, few things, 325 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: so he admitted that he's not fully straight. But you 326 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: said he likes titties but also flirts with men. It's 327 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,440 Speaker 1: giving that or in that he likes might actually be 328 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 1: trans women. This is just my guess because that too 329 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: is the point that I like to watch as well, 330 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 1: and it may also be the reason why he identifies 331 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: as straight personally. I have dealt with quite a few 332 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 1: men or heavy Asian conversation with men who identify as 333 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: heterosexual straight men. However, they have engaged with or are 334 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: turned by, or at least fantasized about trans women. It 335 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 1: is trans women with the dicks with the tits, so 336 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 1: that could be also an explanation as to why he 337 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 1: still identifies as straight, or even when he decided to 338 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,800 Speaker 1: open up to you that he will straight. His confusion 339 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 1: came from still identifying those women as women, So in 340 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 1: his mind, even though there is a dick there, he 341 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:13,160 Speaker 1: still believes that he is attracted to women specifically, did 342 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: it on women. Let's get into the text message. She 343 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: sent a text message saying, no, not at all. I'm 344 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,760 Speaker 1: an open person, but I asked you about your sexuality 345 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,960 Speaker 1: and you lied. This seemed to be a text message 346 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:40,479 Speaker 1: that he didn't respond to, so she re quoted it 347 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:45,160 Speaker 1: and said, so you're not going to respond to this, lol, 348 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: Okay his response, sexuality is a spectrum. 349 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:57,160 Speaker 4: You know this. You're not even one hundred percent straight yourself. 350 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 4: I'm not gay. I don't prefer men. I prefer women. 351 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 1: But I'm just saying I don't think anybody today is 352 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: one hundred percent straight. All of my relationships have been 353 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: with women, and that's where I want to stay. I 354 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,399 Speaker 1: have no interest in men. I was not flirting with 355 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,399 Speaker 1: that dude at that play. 356 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 4: Lol. I believe I have to say that I. 357 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: Just thought you was cool, and since I'm new to 358 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 1: the area, I'm gathering context of cool peeps as potential friends. 359 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 4: Is that a problem? 360 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,439 Speaker 1: You say things as absolutes, as if you've come to 361 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: these conclusions without even confirming them Ooh girl, he ran 362 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: you just a little bit. I agree that sexuality is 363 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 1: on a spectrum. We talk about it all the time. 364 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,480 Speaker 1: If you're new here, check out the Kinsey scale. This 365 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 1: response leads me to believe and even the way you 366 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 1: kind of attacked him, I asked you about your sexuality 367 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 1: and you lied, I find it interesting coming from someone 368 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: who says that bisexuality would be something that you would 369 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 1: be open to being with. You also seem to not 370 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,040 Speaker 1: care about the sexuality as much as you cared about 371 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,440 Speaker 1: the lie, which in the text message you also brought 372 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: up the lie. However, you can't get honesty out of 373 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 1: a person when you come at them on the attack, 374 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 1: because all they're going to know how to do is 375 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:16,919 Speaker 1: defend themselves. 376 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:17,880 Speaker 4: And so. 377 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: I guess I'm glad to see that you guys broke 378 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: up because this clearly wasn't working. 379 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 4: For either of you. 380 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:30,959 Speaker 1: But in the same sense, I do think that you 381 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: should wholeheartedly sit with what it is that you want. 382 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 4: You did this long distance relationship. 383 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,640 Speaker 1: You're now even admitting that you didn't speak to him 384 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 1: very often, You didn't spend him very often. If I 385 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 1: recall from the last letter you had been together for 386 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,399 Speaker 1: like a year. He made it official, but it was 387 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 1: long distance and you didn't see him often. So to 388 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 1: read even in this email that you also were only 389 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:02,159 Speaker 1: able to really text him because you weren't much of 390 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: a phone conversation because he was living with a roommate 391 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,399 Speaker 1: which you now believe to be his boyfriend for the 392 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 1: last nine years. 393 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 4: It's all very tricky. 394 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,959 Speaker 1: And what I want to express to the listeners to 395 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 1: the whore Hive, baby, if he wanted to. 396 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 4: He would. And this is one of those things that 397 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 4: are like, oh my god, what does that mean? Or 398 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 4: I hear it all the time and da da da da. 399 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,639 Speaker 1: It's one of those where I promise you you do 400 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,919 Speaker 1: not have to force a man to show up for you. 401 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:31,719 Speaker 4: You don't. 402 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 1: If he likes you, he will let it be known. 403 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 1: If he wants to show up, he will. They know 404 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: how to ladies. They Here's the other problem. We be thinking, 405 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: we gotta we gotta like not raise these men, but 406 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: then we gotta show them how to treat us. Bro. 407 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,800 Speaker 4: These niggas know how to treat a bitch. They like 408 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 4: they do. 409 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: I promise you, And if he's not showing up in 410 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:01,719 Speaker 1: a way that makes you feel special or seen. He's 411 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:06,160 Speaker 1: just not that into you. If you're going days without texting, 412 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 1: he's just not that into you. If he's not showing 413 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,439 Speaker 1: up for certain holidays and your birthdays, he's just not 414 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:12,119 Speaker 1: that into you. 415 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 4: If he makes excuse to us why he. 416 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,720 Speaker 1: Don't show, girl, he's just not that into you. And 417 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: that's okay, it's okay. Thank you for the letter. By 418 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 1: the way, she signed a beard for the boy. 419 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 4: I do agree. I do believe that you were none 420 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 4: other than a beard for this this gentleman. 421 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 1: But yeah, anywhos, I'm gonna get into this letter fall 422 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:55,199 Speaker 1: this week, and I love that we could start with 423 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:59,000 Speaker 1: a quick a quick update. If you have sent a letter, 424 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 1: you heard our advice, and you want to follow back up, 425 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 1: please again, send that on over within the same thread, 426 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 1: send it on over to decisions pot at gmail dot com. 427 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 1: All right, there's a good one this week, y'all. Dating 428 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 1: while broke is the subject. Hey, ladies, I have been 429 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 1: in a relationship for about five years now. I'm a 430 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 1: black woman, he's a white man, and he is also 431 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 1: about seventeen years older than me. Ooh girl, I've had 432 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:35,000 Speaker 1: that age difference before as well. I have a teenage 433 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: child from a previous relationship that I am the primary 434 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,160 Speaker 1: parent of, and it's the exact same situation with him, 435 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,239 Speaker 1: just to paint the picture for you. Recently, I've been 436 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: questioning if I want to continue with the relationship. 437 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 4: One of my main reasons being is finances. 438 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 1: It seems like he's always complaining about being broke or 439 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,120 Speaker 1: not having enough money to do certain things. At first, 440 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 1: he would only say it once in a while, but 441 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,480 Speaker 1: now it feels like he says it all the time. 442 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: He still makes a way to plan simple dates or 443 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,440 Speaker 1: treat me to certain things, but days later he will 444 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,200 Speaker 1: complain about his money not being right or how he's 445 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,000 Speaker 1: tired of being broke. I try not to pocket watch, 446 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:18,159 Speaker 1: but he makes more than me, not a significant amount, 447 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 1: but it's considerable, and splits the rent and builds with 448 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,679 Speaker 1: his mother. His child had been living with her for 449 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,880 Speaker 1: about seven or eight years now. I know things are 450 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 1: expensive and he has personal bills outside of the bills 451 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: that he shares with his mother as well, but he 452 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 1: also has a gambling habit. 453 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:40,880 Speaker 4: Girl, that's bitch. He ain't broke, he just irresponsible. 454 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,720 Speaker 1: I just feel like he should get a better control 455 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,359 Speaker 1: of his budget to afford his wants and needs. Also, 456 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,680 Speaker 1: what's crazy is just talked about this on selective ignorance. 457 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: This is purely him being selectively ignorant, not budgeting correctly. 458 00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 4: Bro, you live with your. 459 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 1: Mom, you raising a whole kid under yomama roof, and 460 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:11,160 Speaker 1: you gambling it outside of me being a single parent 461 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: and working full time. I also recently completed my master's 462 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: degree program, which I hope will bring me a more 463 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:21,919 Speaker 1: lucrative employment. I'm not struggling, but there's nothing wrong with 464 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: striving for better. 465 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 4: I know that's right. 466 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 1: With it only being me and my daughter, I pay 467 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,880 Speaker 1: all the bills and maintain the household, her completely out 468 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: of the picture. Star I received no support from him 469 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,959 Speaker 1: or his family. Now, don't get me wrong, I am 470 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,280 Speaker 1: far from perfect and fall short from time to time 471 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 1: as well. It just seems like he is always in 472 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,160 Speaker 1: a financial buying despite the fact that he makes more 473 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: and splits bills with someone, and because of his openness 474 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,120 Speaker 1: about money issues, the very few times I needed help, 475 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 1: I avoided asking him. Hell once when I questioned if 476 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,679 Speaker 1: I should be entertaining anyone if I'm not where I 477 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 1: want to be financially, I just have a feeling he 478 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,919 Speaker 1: doesn't have the same moments of reflection bitch, and don't. 479 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,360 Speaker 1: That's why he's been living with his mama for seven 480 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,920 Speaker 1: eight years. The most recent incident was a trip that 481 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 1: I wanted to take. Ooh girl, not you wanted a 482 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: trip in this economy with a broke nigga libing away 483 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: his mama with gambling issue. And yet I am that 484 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 1: girl that only flies on certain airlines and likes to 485 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:21,840 Speaker 1: say at certain hotels. 486 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,680 Speaker 4: Ill because his. 487 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 1: Money was short and he couldn't convince me to take 488 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,800 Speaker 1: a cheaper flight or say at a cheaper hotel, I 489 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: went with my best friend instead. Period to celebrate me 490 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: getting my masters, I want to take a trip out 491 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,719 Speaker 1: of the I already have a feeling that he's not 492 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 1: going to be able to and I'll just go by myself. No, 493 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 1: it's not when a woman says something is fine, it's not. 494 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 1: About two years into the relationship, he brought up moving 495 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 1: in together. My response was an immediate no. Not only 496 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 1: am I uncomfortable compromising me in my daughter's face, but 497 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to live with them man with money 498 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 1: problems and bad credit. 499 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,119 Speaker 4: I didn't want to hurt. 500 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: His feelings, so I simply just gave the reasoning of 501 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,000 Speaker 1: I'm not ready. I'm sure you didn't like the response, 502 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 1: and I can see me not wanting to live with 503 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 1: him being the reason he breaks up with me in 504 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: the future. 505 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,359 Speaker 4: How would you approach this situation? 506 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 1: Have y'all ever experienced dating a man that was financially irresponsible? 507 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: Also as a woman, have you ever felt you shouldn't 508 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: be dating because of your finances? Love y'all and looking 509 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: forward to your responses? 510 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 4: Oh shit, my bad, y'all. Don't drop my sign because 511 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,400 Speaker 4: I didn't headick on this one. All right? How would 512 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 4: I approach this situation? 513 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,240 Speaker 1: I would love to know if you're in therapt because 514 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 1: knowing that this is knowing that this relationship is five 515 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 1: years old, knowing that he's been living with his mom 516 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 1: for seven or eight years, now, knowing that two years 517 00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,159 Speaker 1: ago he asked you to move in. I'm confused to 518 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 1: how y'all even got here. You said you have a 519 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 1: teenage daughter, so even at the bare minimum, you had 520 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 1: her early. You're in your early thirties. I don't know 521 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,320 Speaker 1: what you're waiting for as to why you're not moving 522 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: forward from this relationship. It doesn't seem like I guess 523 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 1: my question is, and only because you didn't put it 524 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:27,879 Speaker 1: in here, what are you getting from this? What is 525 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,920 Speaker 1: he providing you that you feel so stuck in this 526 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 1: relationship that you don't deserve more. He can't even go 527 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 1: on trips with you, He can't celebrate a moment that 528 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 1: means a lot to you. You don't feel like you 529 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:49,440 Speaker 1: can count on him when you're in a bind. What 530 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,720 Speaker 1: is keeping you in this relationship? What's keeping you here? 531 00:27:54,600 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 4: And why? And why? Have I ever experienced dating. 532 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 1: A man that was financially irresponsible? No, not one that 533 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:10,120 Speaker 1: I considered having a long romantic partnership with. I think 534 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: if I think of someone who was financially irresponsible, and 535 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: maybe it wasn't financial irresponsibility as much as it was 536 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 1: the irresponsibility of the decisions he made that led him 537 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,359 Speaker 1: to not be able to get a job. If you 538 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,160 Speaker 1: listened to a couple of years ago, a shit, maybe 539 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,280 Speaker 1: actually six seven years ago. Now, I met this guy 540 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:36,800 Speaker 1: on tender. He went by felon May at the time 541 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 1: thought he. 542 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 4: Was just oh my god. I was just giddy about him. 543 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:47,760 Speaker 1: But he couldn't find certain employment because of his felony record, 544 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,960 Speaker 1: And so for me, That was a huge part of 545 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 1: why I didn't consider taking him serious. Although like, we 546 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 1: had a blast and he was fun and he lived 547 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: right around the corner and it was a great thing 548 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,720 Speaker 1: to me long term, I didn't see how it makes 549 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: if he was still figuring out how to get on 550 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 1: his feet. And for me, you made this decision five 551 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,600 Speaker 1: years ago, as a woman with a child, as a 552 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 1: single parent with a child, to get into a romantic 553 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 1: partnership with a man living with his mom. 554 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,200 Speaker 4: Who is seventeen years older than you. 555 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do the math. Say you thirty, That 556 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 1: mean when you met him? No, no, no, let's say 557 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,120 Speaker 1: you thirty five. Let's go my age, because now we 558 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 1: go get it. Let's say you met him at thirty, Mitch, 559 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: when you met him, you met a forty. 560 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 4: Seven year old man with a child living with his mother. 561 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 4: I want to know how yo plus he got on. 562 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:53,960 Speaker 4: That's what I want. 563 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: I wants to know how he'd have made it five years. 564 00:29:58,280 --> 00:29:59,720 Speaker 1: I wants to know how he made it past the 565 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,560 Speaker 1: first date. I think at some point we have to 566 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: stop dating people and considering their potential. And I don't 567 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,520 Speaker 1: know what potential you saw in a man who got 568 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 1: you seventeen years your senior and couldn't move out his 569 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 1: mama crib. I don't know what potential you saw Temna 570 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: the other and the last question you asked is as 571 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,280 Speaker 1: a woman, have you ever felt like you shouldn't be 572 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:34,760 Speaker 1: dating because of your finances? 573 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 4: Boy, read the goddamn book. 574 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:44,760 Speaker 1: For me, there was a sense of self worth in 575 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 1: how I would show up as a partner, as a 576 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:51,040 Speaker 1: woman who wasn't financially secure. So in my twenties, I 577 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 1: actually felt like I wasn't ready to be anyone's girlfriend 578 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,200 Speaker 1: because I was such a dire name and to show 579 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 1: up financially for me, So the idea that I only 580 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 1: wanted a man who could come in and pay my 581 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: bills or take me on trips. 582 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 4: I knew that those wouldn't be realhips. 583 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,239 Speaker 1: They wouldn't be based on the premise that I liked 584 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 1: this man, that I'm in love with this man, that 585 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: he's everything I wanted. More, I knew that it was 586 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: based on survival instincts of this man can provide, and 587 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,000 Speaker 1: so for a lot of my relationships they were transactional. 588 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:32,440 Speaker 1: Because of that, I absolutely wanted a sense of and 589 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,520 Speaker 1: wanted to feel like I liked a man because I 590 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: liked him, not because of what he could do for me. 591 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: And so again for me, I think two years into 592 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:47,960 Speaker 1: this relationship him even asking him and not wanting that 593 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 1: to happen. Two years into the relationship, I think two 594 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,840 Speaker 1: years is also enough time to see if a man 595 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:53,760 Speaker 1: is together. 596 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:59,520 Speaker 4: And maybe you're five years in deep and it don't 597 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 4: seem like changed. 598 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 1: In a gambling A gambling problem is not something fixed 599 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:08,680 Speaker 1: with a pill. It's not something fixed just over. That 600 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:14,600 Speaker 1: is a hard addiction that should be treated as crack cocaine, 601 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,240 Speaker 1: you know, like maybe it's hard to wean yourself out 602 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:24,080 Speaker 1: of the addiction of gambling, but also whatever debt has 603 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 1: incurred from it, and there's a lot of embarrassment that 604 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: stems from that. He clearly maybe is not even too 605 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: prideful for the simple fact that he did as to 606 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 1: move in, for the simple fact that he'd been living 607 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,880 Speaker 1: with his mama for seven or eight years. And so 608 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 1: my advice to you would be to sit with yourself, 609 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:48,320 Speaker 1: and I want you to ask yourself, if you believe 610 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 1: you deserve better? 611 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 4: Do you deserve better? 612 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:59,280 Speaker 1: Do you believe that there is any person out there 613 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,480 Speaker 1: that the ability to show up in the ways that 614 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,720 Speaker 1: you would like a partner to show up. And if 615 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 1: the answer is yes to those, my advice to you 616 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,360 Speaker 1: is to break up and end this relationship. 617 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 4: It's not serving you. And again, even if he's making. 618 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,600 Speaker 1: You feel butterflies, bitch, think about how you feel about 619 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 1: not being able to celebrate your master's degree completion with 620 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,200 Speaker 1: your partner because he too poored a fucking Get on 621 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:32,480 Speaker 1: a flight and book the hotel and enjoy the pleasantries 622 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,760 Speaker 1: of life that you want to travel. Don't let this 623 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 1: relationship rob you from your happiness. Don't let it happen. 624 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:41,920 Speaker 1: Don't do it, girl, don't do it. 625 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:43,640 Speaker 4: Don't do it. 626 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,040 Speaker 1: Also, love that you misled me with the title here 627 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,200 Speaker 1: dating while broke, you are in a relationship with. 628 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,920 Speaker 4: A broke nigga. You're not dating while broke. 629 00:33:55,520 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: You are in a relationship. What a skilly, irresponsible fuck boy. 630 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna call him a fuck boy because bruh, 631 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,400 Speaker 1: he at least in his forties, at least living with 632 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,600 Speaker 1: his mama and been living with her for seven eight years. 633 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,960 Speaker 1: He might not even be paying as much or splitting 634 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:21,520 Speaker 1: the bills as much as you think he is with 635 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: his mama because he might be a mama's boy. 636 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:32,600 Speaker 4: So I'd say go ahead and go ahead and break 637 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 4: up with him. In the good words of crystalin Fury 638 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 4: from the read break up with Him. 639 00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,239 Speaker 1: Hopefully I spoke to some of you listening to this 640 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: as well, because baby, we are rounding up the year 641 00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,760 Speaker 1: twenty twenty six is around the corner, and baby, January 642 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 1: first is not the time to her and start feeling 643 00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,719 Speaker 1: good about yourself and wanting more for your life. 644 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 4: But the turkey the Christmas gifts. 645 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:08,120 Speaker 1: Don't sit here and wait and squander through these these 646 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: holidays knowing that you're with somebody that just ain't put 647 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 1: in the bill, that just ain't cutting it. 648 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,040 Speaker 4: I'm telling y'all, this is where you start. 649 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 1: Making your New Year's resolution, stepping into what you're welcoming 650 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 1: into the new year. 651 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:30,040 Speaker 4: You start doing that right now, right now. 652 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:35,840 Speaker 1: So for this listener, I would absolutely advise you to 653 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,360 Speaker 1: break up with him and really sit with yourself and 654 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: put out into the universe the type of partner that 655 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,320 Speaker 1: you feel like you deserve. And I'm telling you, I 656 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,279 Speaker 1: know we'll be talking about dating is the ghetto. Girl, 657 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,680 Speaker 1: be found some good ones. I got good ones right now. 658 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:56,319 Speaker 1: I got two and a half great ones that are 659 00:35:56,400 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 1: making like just showing me like you know, so. 660 00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:04,360 Speaker 4: Yeah do that. 661 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:09,440 Speaker 1: And for anyone wanting to submit their listener letter, go 662 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,840 Speaker 1: ahead end us your letter. 663 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 4: To decisions pod at gmail dot com because bitch, you 664 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:22,120 Speaker 4: got decisions. See y'all next Wednesday,