Speaker 1: Are you leaving all?
Speaker 2: You wanta way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you.
Speaker 4: Claim, and give us time and a turning on and Gaby,
Speaker 4: we want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 2: You wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her?
Speaker 5: Was it fine?
Speaker 1: Mal porn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Ride? Do you need.
Speaker 2: With Karen and Chris?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, yes.
Speaker 3: Hi, welcome to Do you need a ride? My name
Speaker 3: is Chris Fairbanks and.
Speaker 5: I'm Karen Koger. Okay, let's pretend this is a car.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was.
Speaker 3: Going to bring I couldn't find it, but I did
Speaker 3: make a cardboard cut out of a fifty seven Chevy
Speaker 3: that seventh grade I sang little old Lady from Pasadena
Speaker 3: from behind a cutout of.
Speaker 5: A classic car, and you still have that.
Speaker 2: It was a big hit.
Speaker 3: I had a girlfriend up until high scho because of
Speaker 3: that performance.
Speaker 5: Because of one. Was it a talent show.
Speaker 2: That I don't? I hope that they asked.
Speaker 5: I just caught you in a lie, didn't I know,
Speaker 5: I very much.
Speaker 3: I very much lip synced to little old Lady from Pasadena.
Speaker 4: From like so then there was a cardboard cut out
Speaker 4: of a car in front of you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I had like a handle on it and
Speaker 3: I was having a float like it was a boat.
Speaker 2: Hank hank.
Speaker 5: So the car was moving as you were lip syncing.
Speaker 3: It was stationary, but I gave it motion so if
Speaker 3: if behind me there were things passing, it would all
Speaker 3: the elements would then be there.
Speaker 5: But but hey, boat moves.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is you're used to this, you're
Speaker 1: used to Oh.
Speaker 5: This is this is just my whole life now. Yeah,
Speaker 5: this podcast.
Speaker 2: Podcasting in front of people.
Speaker 3: I've never done this, and it's funny because I kind
Speaker 3: of feel nervous because I've done stand up in front.
Speaker 2: Of people, but this is so different. It feels like
Speaker 2: I'm back an improv class.
Speaker 5: Okay, well, you get up on your feet right now
Speaker 5: and give me three examples.
Speaker 3: Just a non geographical location that means not a place
Speaker 3: on a map or on your lap.
Speaker 2: How about it on your lap. We're gonna go with that.
Speaker 2: Thank you. You guys don't need to say anything.
Speaker 1: And you're a playmate and go.
Speaker 2: Oh God, I miss it.
Speaker 5: I'm a playmate sitting on my own lap. Yeah, and scene.
Speaker 2: I like the suggestions to already.
Speaker 3: Like when people hear it, they're like, well, I feel
Speaker 3: like I already watched the scene.
Speaker 2: It's just a lady on a lap.
Speaker 5: Yes, what more do you need?
Speaker 2: Two things that belong together?
Speaker 5: Ladies and laps?
Speaker 6: Right, they belonged together, ladies and laps.
Speaker 4: You've ever seen cinemax, you know that ladies and laps
Speaker 4: go together. I have I put a certain kind of
Speaker 4: a hand lotion on there's a you don't know about this.
Speaker 4: There's a certain kind of intense hand lotion ladies use.
Speaker 4: It's almost like, uh, it's like it's vaciline. We're pretending
Speaker 4: it's not.
Speaker 5: We're pretending it's like aromatic or organic and something. It's
Speaker 5: just grease.
Speaker 2: And it sounds like you're describing a sob.
Speaker 5: It might be a bone solve solve.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I only have experience that we used to put it
Speaker 3: on horse hoofs on the ranch.
Speaker 2: But your hands is it like that?
Speaker 4: But if you it's pretty much for your like nails
Speaker 4: and all your like really dry parts.
Speaker 5: But I just went ahead and rubbed it all over
Speaker 5: my arm, so now I.
Speaker 4: Look a bit like an exotic dancer from just any
Speaker 4: arm area.
Speaker 5: I don't claim to look that way.
Speaker 3: In there there is an unexplained gloss to you, my
Speaker 3: podcasting globe. Get that lap ready, Hong huh. It's weird
Speaker 3: that you suggest that I don't know about lotions because
Speaker 3: I use all kinds ofs like what, let's name some
Speaker 3: alpha hydroxya newt Regina. There's an SPF in there, not
Speaker 3: enough to matter, but it's something.
Speaker 5: And enough to pretend it's funny.
Speaker 2: I've been putting it on. I keep making the same mistake.
Speaker 3: I'll apply it to my face and then I go
Speaker 3: to bar class, where I then sweat and acid goes
Speaker 3: into my eyeballs.
Speaker 7: Time to get ahead, and yeah, you wear one anyway, Chris, guys,
Speaker 7: I think you must know this, and if you don't,
Speaker 7: if you're here just for funzies, hid you'd ride the
Speaker 7: podcast thanks.
Speaker 3: Originally we would take comics and drive them to and
Speaker 3: or from there, or just one or from the airport
Speaker 3: and record in the car.
Speaker 4: And then it became so that we could not go
Speaker 4: to Lax anymore because we hated it so much.
Speaker 2: I think we almost killed Eddie pepatone.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, just with bad vibes.
Speaker 2: There was a close call.
Speaker 3: I don't even think he knew, but it's like, well,
Speaker 3: that could have been mad.
Speaker 2: Let's let's close up shop was lost all inventory?
Speaker 4: Do we have the recording? Okay, we're fine, but let's
Speaker 4: never do it again. Then we should we switched to
Speaker 4: a studio.
Speaker 5: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter now I can't remember.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, oh, if you listen, you know
Speaker 4: that Chris had an entire hip replaced, and so because
Speaker 4: of that, yeah, you cheer for Chris's new hip.
Speaker 2: It's funny, brand new.
Speaker 5: Do you want to show it off?
Speaker 3: I mean, okay, god, yes, yes, I'm sore because Greg,
Speaker 3: who we're gonna bring out in a minute.
Speaker 2: During walking the room.
Speaker 3: I would we were talking about my hip, and I
Speaker 3: sprinted around as fast as I and I was able.
Speaker 2: I can run as fast as that could. I think, well,
Speaker 2: here's the thing. I'm very sore from that.
Speaker 5: Oh just from thathibition.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like that felt great, And then the
Speaker 3: next getting out of bed, I had to do the
Speaker 3: old use your pants to move your body you ball the.
Speaker 1: Dummy.
Speaker 3: It's like a weekend of Bernie's but it's just Bernie.
Speaker 4: Oh you're moving your own Bernie, that is you. I'm sorry, well,
Speaker 4: but I guess I was teeing all that up because
Speaker 4: in a in an extended physical therapy situation, Chris is now.
Speaker 5: Taking a ladies bar class.
Speaker 2: Mostly ladies, thank you. It's very popular sport.
Speaker 3: I call it a sports but everything that was my therapy,
Speaker 3: which was rubber bands and sidekicks and slow, concentrated little moves.
Speaker 2: So that's what bar.
Speaker 3: And someone told me that, and then I went and
Speaker 3: I'm like, this is this is my home.
Speaker 2: And then I just.
Speaker 3: Got to make sure not to look at it because
Speaker 3: I feel like a weirdo being the only dude.
Speaker 2: But I think they it's been great.
Speaker 5: They love it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure they do.
Speaker 5: It's fine, you're fun, you have great hair.
Speaker 4: They can kind of look over at you every once
Speaker 4: in a while and then like Titan.
Speaker 3: Core, I'm looking at everyone else because I don't know
Speaker 3: what to do, so I'm not It's like I'm not
Speaker 3: checking out all of.
Speaker 2: Your They're so in shape.
Speaker 3: Yes, just ladies doing twenty slow push like little push
Speaker 3: ups like.
Speaker 2: That, Knees aren't on the ground. This is a new era.
Speaker 5: We call it the g I Jane era.
Speaker 3: We called me feeling so weak, But I feel great. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's really working. I feel great. My mood has improved.
Speaker 2: Look how happy.
Speaker 6: If you knew me a year ago, I probably would
Speaker 6: have punched you.
Speaker 4: Chris was in constant pain, but still fun to podcast with.
Speaker 5: I'll tell you all.
Speaker 2: Thanks. Yeah, you're fun too.
Speaker 5: Thanks.
Speaker 3: I get That's the only time I give compliments is
Speaker 3: when I'm deflecting.
Speaker 2: Them back.
Speaker 4: Because they're so painful to engage with, hard to receave,
Speaker 4: hard to give.
Speaker 5: I hear you, I hear you.
Speaker 4: Well, here to learn to withstand the light of love
Speaker 4: or something living, And it's grace.
Speaker 5: That wasn't fue.
Speaker 3: Was your mom like this too, where if someone complimented
Speaker 3: her she would say, oh, bullshit, Like someone's like, your
Speaker 3: hair looks great today.
Speaker 2: No it doesn't.
Speaker 5: It's terrible.
Speaker 1: Fuck.
Speaker 5: This is what my mom would do, compliment.
Speaker 2: Me, I really like that shirt.
Speaker 5: Oh this thing? I got it at Pennies.
Speaker 4: She always had the perfect reason why your compliment was incorrect,
Speaker 4: and somehow I found it.
Speaker 5: In a drawer. Okay, sorry, I fucking brought it up.
Speaker 2: This what are you blind?
Speaker 5: This?
Speaker 2: Sorry?
Speaker 1: What Are you a.
Speaker 5: Member of the bush? Was he?
Speaker 4: I always tell stories about my mom and make her
Speaker 4: sound like she was a drag Queen's.
Speaker 3: Get out of here unless you're gonna unless you're gonna work.
Speaker 5: It, get out of the kitchen. I'm bringing the.
Speaker 2: Heat, pat, I went to U. We'll bring out Craig
Speaker 2: in a minute.
Speaker 5: Okay, I just had to tell you.
Speaker 3: I went to a last minute invited to a lobster
Speaker 3: feast last night.
Speaker 2: They do everything you say.
Speaker 1: I had.
Speaker 2: I had three lobsters. It was fine.
Speaker 3: I didn't know any of my neighbor friend, the woman
Speaker 3: that lives across from me, she had a ticket.
Speaker 2: It was an event.
Speaker 3: Ticket that I had with a barcode. But I went
Speaker 3: to a house and there was a weird It just was.
Speaker 3: First of all, I'm used to going to comedy parties
Speaker 3: where I'm the oldest, and this is a thing where
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I'm the kid, and but it
Speaker 3: was guys rubbing their friend's wife's shoulders and stuff.
Speaker 2: It had a weird vibe, a lobster vibe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that everyone. I mean I had three
Speaker 3: lobsters to myself.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 2: It was insane. And then.
Speaker 3: Friends in the last time we were here, there was
Speaker 3: a tarp and no one explained it. And then these
Speaker 3: ladies came out out they were naked and they were
Speaker 3: on the tarp, and then we were asked to leave
Speaker 3: because we weren't invited for that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, we're at a swinging orgy.
Speaker 4: Sorry, they were invited for like the first half of
Speaker 4: a party, a different party.
Speaker 2: You aren't here for fucking hit the bricks.
Speaker 5: But you know what, swingers are so fucking rude.
Speaker 4: It's like, if you have people over there there, you
Speaker 4: don't get to cancel mid party and be like, sorry,
Speaker 4: we're super horny, me and everyone I fucking know on.
Speaker 2: His tar you were just here to soak in the
Speaker 2: hot tub.
Speaker 5: Now get get up, get out so we can fuck.
Speaker 3: And yeah, it's never a good sign when there's a
Speaker 3: tarp and you show up.
Speaker 1: To a place.
Speaker 5: I don't think you're either.
Speaker 3: Going to get whacked or whacked or one time at
Speaker 3: church camp I used to volunteer.
Speaker 4: I don't know, is this an orgy story from church
Speaker 4: camp that.
Speaker 2: Pastor was quirky.
Speaker 1: He was though.
Speaker 3: He put down a tarp and then they put down
Speaker 3: bananas and all the kids were blind okay, kid, no
Speaker 3: blindfolded bananas.
Speaker 2: They were already started and you with your mouth. I didn't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they ate.
Speaker 3: Bananas are kind of gross, right, they all trigger everyone's
Speaker 3: gags reflexes.
Speaker 2: Right, there's streams on them.
Speaker 3: First time you see someone open their mouth with banana
Speaker 3: in there, you're like, I don't know if.
Speaker 2: I like earth. Yeah it was.
Speaker 3: And this kid, I remember him kicking around like spinning
Speaker 3: like one of the stooges, and he was eating bananas
Speaker 3: and then he just threw up everywhere.
Speaker 2: And I looked at the pastor and he was like going.
Speaker 3: Like, Pastor, Wayne, you're laughing at this kid's vomiting.
Speaker 4: Sorry, the tarp goes down, the tarp goes down, they
Speaker 4: unpeel some bananas.
Speaker 3: I was thinking that this is overkilled, just for some
Speaker 3: banana residue to have a whole tarp.
Speaker 2: Wayne knew he was going to vomit.
Speaker 5: That's his king. He was looking for child nana vomit,
Speaker 5: that fucking pervert.
Speaker 4: So wait, kids, had you without their hands eat the
Speaker 4: banana that.
Speaker 3: I can't remember? Yeah, I think you were all this.
Speaker 3: It was a Presbyterian church, the one from a River.
Speaker 5: They're the worst ones. Presbyterian.
Speaker 2: They tell you we're just going.
Speaker 4: Fish and those Catholics hands, hands, hands, Why is it
Speaker 4: dark hall?
Speaker 2: Banana?
Speaker 5: Banana strictly banana.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's only banana's getting shoved in there.
Speaker 3: And he threw up. And then I saw Wayne a
Speaker 3: few years later on the beach. We were walking on
Speaker 3: the footsteps.
Speaker 2: Next to me were my friend. I was with a friend.
Speaker 3: And Ross and I he's my friend, and we were
Speaker 3: we're in the middle of We're in like Newport Beach, Oregon.
Speaker 3: And Wayne came walking on the beach. We're like, you're Wayne,
Speaker 3: you were our pastor. Are you at a church here now?
Speaker 3: He's like, I'm not into it. I do family council.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, you know if you And then you went.
Speaker 5: Down and there was a broken handcuff on one wrist.
Speaker 5: Let's see that counseling certificate.
Speaker 2: Could we an appealed banana together? What did you bring out?
Speaker 2: Our friend?
Speaker 5: Let's do that.
Speaker 3: Let's sure everyone loves him. Put your hands together for
Speaker 3: our very good friend, Greg Barrett.
Speaker 2: Everyone loves me. Over Hey, Greg, shift on over look?
Speaker 5: Is that for me?
Speaker 2: Oh wow?
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 3: That's the most accommodating boiler room.
Speaker 2: There's just a Starbucks down then the hell.
Speaker 1: Hey, yeah, ship behind you?
Speaker 2: Yes please, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1: Fucking card joke. Right, Hi, Hi, thanks for having me
Speaker 1: on your program.
Speaker 5: Thanks for bringing me.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you guys were coming to
Speaker 1: get me.
Speaker 2: Sorry the curve occasionally over there, but it sounds better, right, yes,
Speaker 2: on his pod program and right, and.
Speaker 1: When I liked at the beginning of the show, you said,
Speaker 1: you know, I have never done a live podcast, and
Speaker 1: I thought, but you were on ours Friday. You're right,
Speaker 1: you have never done a lot podcast. So this has
Speaker 1: gotta be fucking good for you. Good for you, this
Speaker 1: is what a podcast feels like. Well, this is exactly right.
Speaker 1: Congratulations to both of you. Thank you.
Speaker 2: Starting one. It's the whole moment like that.
Speaker 3: I still after seventeen years of doing stand up where
Speaker 3: you have to pull the mic out of the mic
Speaker 3: stand and put the mic stand.
Speaker 1: To the side.
Speaker 3: It's humiliating and it feels awful and you're vulnerable and
Speaker 3: they're like, oh, that wasn't very professional, mic dismount.
Speaker 2: It's the starting of a show that is hard for me.
Speaker 4: That's what I mean is is it always humiliating to
Speaker 4: you to take a mic out of a mic stand.
Speaker 3: My hands always shake, like anytime I'm reading something piece
Speaker 3: of paper, it's flapp and it's like, well everyone knows.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, you spend so much time there in
Speaker 1: your head.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I don't ever.
Speaker 1: Think about it, like the fact that you're like, no,
Speaker 1: that whole moment, I don't when the oh they're taking
Speaker 1: it out like you through the whole process and you
Speaker 1: do not enjoy it there. What do you think's happening
Speaker 1: with them? Do you think during that part they're like Nope, nope,
Speaker 1: I didn't like that. That's not the way you pull
Speaker 1: it eye that is that is no.
Speaker 2: I think that they're judging every move I make.
Speaker 5: Greg, you gave me a prank coffee. This coffee just
Speaker 5: spilled itself all over me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. Right. Oh yeah, they're from
Speaker 1: the podcast Festival, the podcast festival. Yeah, they're prank coffee
Speaker 1: for a lot of podcasting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hilarious.
Speaker 5: Oh I can't it's just so funny.
Speaker 2: Regular coffees.
Speaker 3: And then they give you sewing needles and you poked
Speaker 3: the side of the cup money, look, mine does.
Speaker 5: It too, And then I light yours on fire. Let's
Speaker 5: call this hot coff.
Speaker 1: I left the tart back at my house.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Like a fucking tarp party. Just if you laid the
Speaker 1: tarp out, then whatever happens happens, and I get to
Speaker 1: be there for the whole tarp. You to just decide
Speaker 1: I'm half tarp. If you out and I'm already there,
Speaker 1: you can't make me leave, right Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think in that situation, get belligerent, grab something,
Speaker 4: a big.
Speaker 5: Piece of furniture, and just be like, I'm not fucking
Speaker 5: leaving and you can't make me leave.
Speaker 1: No, you could have had a tart party without me.
Speaker 1: You didn't have to bring the tarp out now, because
Speaker 1: now the tarp's out, and I'm like, why would I go? Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the only reason to come to your house.
Speaker 5: Really, Yeah, you're trying to be withholding with your tarp secks.
Speaker 3: What do you think when there's a tarp? You go
Speaker 3: to a place and there's a tarp, what do you
Speaker 3: think is gonna happen?
Speaker 1: I mean, piscopeaion church. Sure, bananas are gonna come out
Speaker 1: before video games or toys of any kind. Like when
Speaker 1: I was a kid, that was people did shit like that,
Speaker 1: like here's a tarp and some bananas. Go there, you
Speaker 1: go make up a game. Here's some blocks and a
Speaker 1: couple of knives. Yeah.
Speaker 2: My first toy was my dad.
Speaker 3: He cut two by fours into different shapes and sand,
Speaker 3: numb or anything.
Speaker 2: And it was a little game I called splinter Time.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, the world was not set up for kids
Speaker 1: at all.
Speaker 2: When we were kids.
Speaker 1: They were like literally like there's a box outside, you know,
Speaker 1: go play in the refrigerator box, and like all that
Speaker 1: thing closes and then that's it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I actually have a very distinct memory, be very very young,
Speaker 4: probably like five, jumping on the bed while drinking cough syrup.
Speaker 5: Totally alone.
Speaker 4: It was great cough syrup, and I would jump on
Speaker 4: the bed and then take a break and take like
Speaker 4: four swigs put it back.
Speaker 5: I continue to remember that on the bed.
Speaker 1: I remember that from like twenty months ago.
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 2: I was five.
Speaker 1: Was I home alone?
Speaker 4: Did someone put out all of the pharmaceuticals in the
Speaker 4: house and then be like we'll be back in fifteen.
Speaker 3: I mean, if you were roboing, which is what it's
Speaker 3: called when you drink a bunch of robotests, and I
Speaker 3: don't know if you've that's true.
Speaker 2: Yeah, roboing, let's robo.
Speaker 4: Don't say it like I'm supposed to know it, because
Speaker 4: that's the same.
Speaker 1: Great, that's awesome.
Speaker 2: Let's robo You know what that means, right?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you just explained of it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, before we all heard, I didn't know I've.
Speaker 1: Done it even but I didn't. I don't know what.
Speaker 2: I didn't have a I can never remember who is
Speaker 2: and who is in a juggalo. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: It's hard. It is hard now they play, so it's
Speaker 1: getting weird.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's tons of them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that they're doing that. Get what's up
Speaker 2: with magnets?
Speaker 5: How do they work?
Speaker 2: That's for like ten by three to ten people? How
Speaker 2: was your how was your murder podcast?
Speaker 1: Did you do that yesterday? Was you talking about a
Speaker 1: rather podcast? During your podcast? How was your other podcast?
Speaker 1: Because that dinner play some of it. I'm walking home
Speaker 1: on the phone. If you want to just really bring
Speaker 1: it down, feel what to bringing it down? Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, why don't?
Speaker 1: Why don't?
Speaker 4: And instead we talked about our guests podcast. You just
Speaker 4: did the first walk in the room after how long years?
Speaker 1: After?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Just just a year?
Speaker 1: It wasn't it wasn't even like, oh, it's been so long.
Speaker 1: It was like no, it was just last podcast festival
Speaker 1: and the one before that, and then in austri we
Speaker 1: this is the fifth final one we've did. I thought
Speaker 1: we were done and felt have you not talked to Dave?
Speaker 1: We must be done. And then he called me up.
Speaker 1: He said you want to do it again? And I
Speaker 1: was like oh yeah, and he goes, well this is it.
Speaker 5: That'll teach you to answer the phone.
Speaker 1: Felt like I just got spanked. But then he said
Speaker 1: I could bring my other podcast, which I did in
Speaker 1: an upstairs which was fun.
Speaker 5: And what's the name of that one.
Speaker 1: It's called a rock Out with your dock Out and
Speaker 1: it's a rock documentary podcast where Kay Hanley and I
Speaker 1: talk about rock documentaries. I can't be couldn't be happier.
Speaker 2: Can you occasionally talk about boating?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes that's what I think. Yes, it rocked out,
Speaker 1: you do and sometimes we sometimes we.
Speaker 2: Try the propeller after with your dock out.
Speaker 1: You gotta have it because they if it's in, the
Speaker 1: boat has no place to go. So we we got
Speaker 1: a different docks.
Speaker 2: Rising water level.
Speaker 1: We were in Tahoe a couple.
Speaker 4: Of weekends ago and we count them sometimes and then
Speaker 4: once a year you change it and it's a very
Speaker 4: special episode where it's rock Out in Docout.
Speaker 1: World War two rock Out and Docout is tough.
Speaker 5: It's a tough one.
Speaker 3: You only do it once a year, Yeah, nervously laugh
Speaker 3: when I don't have any idea what a reference means.
Speaker 5: Like.
Speaker 1: It's best for me as well. Yeah, I do it
Speaker 1: with Kay Henley, who's the lead singer of Letters to Cleo.
Speaker 5: Ye and Get.
Speaker 2: Big, Bigger to Go.
Speaker 1: But for years they didn't have guitars. For years they
Speaker 1: didn't have the money for guitars, and they did exactly.
Speaker 1: I got hard to watch. It was like it's bad,
Speaker 1: like bad jazz, improv rock scatting, hard to watch. Nobody wants, No.
Speaker 5: One wants that it's hard rock scatting.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Uh so yeah, so that was my But the
Speaker 1: Walk in the Room was uh poorly recorded and uh
Speaker 1: sort of unwieldy. And Dave talked about his other podcasts, right,
Speaker 1: and that's I think what you do is you go
Speaker 1: on a podcast and talk about the podcast that you
Speaker 1: have that's doing better.
Speaker 2: Uh break up.
Speaker 5: You're just like, well I'm doing great now.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Membership to Equinox and I was at Curves for a.
Speaker 1: While and then I and that wasn't the right place
Speaker 1: to be speaking to.
Speaker 2: The choir there, right, is that where you go to Curves. No,
Speaker 2: it's a specialized facility for women, for women.
Speaker 4: And I think you should, actually, the next time you
Speaker 4: go to your bar method class, you should put on
Speaker 4: a pair of transition lenses.
Speaker 5: They are so picture it.
Speaker 3: They are so when you want you're like a normal
Speaker 3: guy outside, just wearing sunglasses, and then you come into
Speaker 3: the room and the tint starts, and then at that
Speaker 3: midpoint you are.
Speaker 2: A sex offender.
Speaker 5: You're a sex offender.
Speaker 2: They're the creepiest.
Speaker 1: In transition, right, So just in that middle, that middle
Speaker 1: area where it could be like, uh it's brownish gray, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it looks lavendery or maybe even like the seventies.
Speaker 2: You turn to go into room. In one of the lenses,
Speaker 2: it's a lighter.
Speaker 3: It's like, fuck, you want me to I like that
Speaker 3: show you where the schools are? I am, Yeah, I am.
Speaker 2: I don't. Yeah, I don't like transitions lenses. And you
Speaker 2: know that about me.
Speaker 1: I liked Karen. I just wanted to bring it back
Speaker 1: to this. I loved in your imitation of your mother.
Speaker 1: You imitate her saying you're like, oh, I like your bluff,
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh this whole thing, I got a
Speaker 1: J C. Penny And then you're like, fuck you. Then,
Speaker 1: like your your reaction to her seems to be the
Speaker 1: one we should be looking at. You're all like, yes,
Speaker 1: I love your mom, but I always loved your mom
Speaker 1: and your dad. I love both of them. There, but
Speaker 1: you really, boy, you're giving it to that. And I
Speaker 1: know because I had a sister. He's like, let her
Speaker 1: have her, give her a break. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, you know what it is is you look back
Speaker 4: and in your childhood your mom does stuff like gets
Speaker 4: a lovely compliment from a person and then swaps it
Speaker 4: down like a fucking feral cat, And in your mind
Speaker 4: you're like, that's the way you receive compliments. Then you
Speaker 4: continue on in life and you suffer the consequences of
Speaker 4: having a bad personality because of that, and then you
Speaker 4: suddenly one day realize, oh, I do this because she
Speaker 4: fucking did it all my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Karen, your personality wasn't bad. It's just work.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: When I met Karen, I thought she was so fucking good.
Speaker 1: I saw her perform before I before I met her,
Speaker 1: and I came up to her and I was like,
Speaker 1: you're fucking awesome. And she didn't talk to me for
Speaker 1: like four years, and stay heard me anytime we were
Speaker 1: at a place, like, you fucking asshole.
Speaker 2: She can't take a compliment. Yeah, you told me that
Speaker 2: when you met me. And I was like, oh man,
Speaker 2: this guy's my new best friend.
Speaker 5: Oh you opened. You can't take a compliment on Chris.
Speaker 1: No, No, I complimented.
Speaker 2: He complimented me, and I was like, yeah, keep them,
Speaker 2: keep them coming.
Speaker 5: We're different.
Speaker 2: What else do you like about me?
Speaker 5: Friend?
Speaker 2: They took me on the road, You took me all
Speaker 2: these I used to open for Greg all the time.
Speaker 2: It was so fun. Yeah, you're done. Do you are
Speaker 2: you doing stand up late?
Speaker 1: Why not? I love it if you did? No, I do.
Speaker 1: I do. Actually know. I've been doing a little bit better.
Speaker 1: I think we should do it more. I think I
Speaker 1: I think I reel good at it.
Speaker 2: I'll do it right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, nothing could be worse, Nothing could be worse.
Speaker 5: Spider Man.
Speaker 1: Just just do Spider Man.
Speaker 5: I always do that.
Speaker 1: I tell you to do that one ye do it anyway,
Speaker 1: So I got my last joke, lady, I think I
Speaker 1: think this is my raft joke. I said, I live
Speaker 1: in San Francisco. I gotta stand up for this. Yes,
Speaker 1: And then I got stand like I used to with my.
Speaker 3: Legs, and we'll be the pull like on BT that
Speaker 3: are just for some reason on stage looking at your ass.
Speaker 1: We all lived in the barrier, and I would say
Speaker 1: when I was in San Francisco, I said, hey, if
Speaker 1: you're visiting and you're looking for some male company, that's
Speaker 1: your thing. The way to recognize a male prostitute is
Speaker 1: if you're coming down the street and you see a
Speaker 1: guy standing up against a wall and he's got one
Speaker 1: leg up like this, that's a male prostitute. Likewise, if
Speaker 1: you're coming down the street and you see guy has
Speaker 1: both legs up like that Spider Man, and how did
Speaker 1: he get here? And why is he for sale?
Speaker 5: Do you see why?
Speaker 1: I would jump out right after that. Any tag for that,
Speaker 1: they'd be like, that's enough, we bear the joke was
Speaker 1: barely good. No tag it, don't tag it.
Speaker 5: It's still wonderful thirty years, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4: That's why when you after doing a set of jokes
Speaker 4: chalk full, a set chock full of jokes like that
Speaker 4: you came to compliment me, and then I was like,
Speaker 4: he's making fun of me.
Speaker 5: Somehow I have to get away. That was always my
Speaker 5: my thought process, I'm being mocked.
Speaker 2: No, I am that way a little. I just believed
Speaker 2: him when he said it. Oh, I say yeah, and
Speaker 2: I'm like you also, But I.
Speaker 1: Don't like any other two comics. I don't like any
Speaker 1: other comics. Dave a little bit not it but yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: just YouTube. Do you watch much comedy?
Speaker 5: I have been lately in stand up comedy?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, yeah, do you lately? I have been and
Speaker 2: enjoying it. I've gotten to shows where I'm not even involved,
Speaker 2: and I kind of really getting good at it.
Speaker 1: You know, they've been getting good at it for too long.
Speaker 2: Yeah, watch it on TV or just at all?
Speaker 1: Like you do you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean I did mean?
Speaker 4: Do you like?
Speaker 1: Do you pursue it as like the thing you do?
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna go watch some stand up or I
Speaker 1: want to watch stand up? Like do you ever have
Speaker 1: that thing? I'm like, God, I would love to watch
Speaker 1: stand up like I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't only live and only if it's people I.
Speaker 1: Know that I like, And only if you also happen
Speaker 1: to be there because you're performing.
Speaker 4: That's right, and also only if someone's asking me for
Speaker 4: my autograph.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 4: Now, actually last night we were just talking about this
Speaker 4: last night. It was so fun because it was everybody
Speaker 4: doing the stand up show. So it was like me
Speaker 4: and Aaron Foley and Graham Elwood and Jackie Kasion and
Speaker 4: Paul like we all just got to stand back there
Speaker 4: in this group and we're never like that.
Speaker 5: Many people usually aren't on a show together.
Speaker 4: Like it was so fun and then everyone it was
Speaker 4: just like the best crowd, so everyone had this comfort level.
Speaker 5: Maren was on it.
Speaker 2: He was amazing.
Speaker 5: It was just like everything was felt like it was
Speaker 5: way up here and you're just like, yeah, this is
Speaker 5: the best part. But it's so rarely like that usually,
Speaker 5: like it's like you and one other person.
Speaker 3: I think that everyone wanted to do well and even
Speaker 3: had more fun or did it differently because they're among
Speaker 3: their peers. I've always wanted to make other comics laugh
Speaker 3: to a fault, I'd like not. I think I'm better
Speaker 3: at like trying to convince other comics. Then I'm funny,
Speaker 3: then I am audiences. And there isn't a big living.
Speaker 2: To be made.
Speaker 1: Unless you're Andy Kindler. He milked that, I'll be he
Speaker 1: has milk that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Is that why everyone was having fun?
Speaker 5: It's like yeah, And I think they didn't.
Speaker 4: They knew there would be no work to be had
Speaker 4: because everyone in the room is like, it's super into comedy,
Speaker 4: a comedy specialist, probably a comic themselves in some way.
Speaker 4: So there was just this comfort where everyone was like,
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna just hang out, as opposed to like
Speaker 4: you're at the improv you could get yelled at by
Speaker 4: a person from Covina.
Speaker 5: There's all these like those things you have to always
Speaker 5: be ready for West.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're okay. At least they've got like a you know,
Speaker 1: they've got a small mall there with a you know,
Speaker 1: an anthropology. But you get out at a West Covina
Speaker 1: not even there because the.
Speaker 2: Sun sets a little later there.
Speaker 1: It does.
Speaker 2: All right, what's your first joke you ever did? Careen?
Speaker 2: Do you remember?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone, Karen Kilgarrett, everyone.
Speaker 5: I used to talk a lot about working at the Gap.
Speaker 4: So when I started stand up in San Francisco, Greg
Speaker 4: was I was like to say, it was just like
Speaker 4: you were like a sophomore to my freshman, wouldn't you say, yeah,
Speaker 4: that's right sophomore in my freshmen and I worked at the.
Speaker 5: Gap during the day and then I would go do
Speaker 5: sets at night.
Speaker 1: And we wore uniforms too.
Speaker 5: It was a Catholic or comedy uniforms.
Speaker 1: We were comedy. There were Catholic comedy.
Speaker 3: And there was a locker like in the movie Punchline
Speaker 3: and near set you put your poked up bow tie
Speaker 3: in there.
Speaker 1: And there was a hallway for some reason, just allay
Speaker 1: for people to people shove each other. And yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Maren used to smoke.
Speaker 5: Maren was always on a stool somewhere smoking. Yeah, it
Speaker 5: was awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: I had a joke that was like, uh, it was
Speaker 4: something about working at the gap, and it was like
Speaker 4: and I so I have to work at the gap,
Speaker 4: and I stand at the front. I'm like, Hi, welcome
Speaker 4: to the Gap. Well socks are on sale today. I
Speaker 4: do like a little speech. People love it when you
Speaker 4: recite the whole speech of like jargon. And then at
Speaker 4: the end of that speech and then I'm like and
Speaker 4: people are like.
Speaker 5: Oh, you're so nice. Do you work here? And I say, oh, no,
Speaker 5: I'm just talking this way so I don't start crying.
Speaker 1: Something like that. I remember that. I remember that. I
Speaker 1: heard that.
Speaker 5: That was just a piece of the gap chunk and
Speaker 5: went on and on.
Speaker 2: Mine was I think mine?
Speaker 5: Get up there? Ye yes, let just keep doing this
Speaker 5: until the time is up.
Speaker 2: Until we do all of our jokes already.
Speaker 1: I already my go ahead. I'm not gonna stop. I
Speaker 1: have a point to make. Ever ready, I can no,
Speaker 1: no go. I want to see you. I saw you.
Speaker 1: I saw you very early on in your career, and
Speaker 1: I fucking chased you down, like there's something wrong with me.
Speaker 1: You were, you were sitting, you were, you were sitting
Speaker 1: on a stool at the time for a minute, and
Speaker 1: you had on you were talking about but dazzling a hat.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is my favorite comedian I've
Speaker 1: ever seen, because he dazzles a hat. Anyway, I remember.
Speaker 2: Studs on a Misfits hat. It was like kind of cool,
Speaker 2: but I to call that be dazzling as in itself
Speaker 2: so fun.
Speaker 3: Okay, So this I think I took like a comedy
Speaker 3: class once and they said tell us a story, and
Speaker 3: so this was my thing. My roommate has a bulldog.
Speaker 3: His name is Virgil. Virgil has since died. That wasn't
Speaker 3: part of the original joke.
Speaker 2: And Virgil he's purebred and he would so he's not
Speaker 2: real smart.
Speaker 3: You pay more for that, actually, but he would bite
Speaker 3: my feet while I slept, Like, while I was sleeping,
Speaker 3: he would sit at the end of my bed and
Speaker 3: if I moved my feet, he would bite them with
Speaker 3: his teeth. And I was like, this is going to
Speaker 3: be a problem to my roommate. And he said, well,
Speaker 3: the dog sends fear. And I was like, well, I
Speaker 3: guess I got to sleep with more confidence.
Speaker 2: And that was my first That was my first joke.
Speaker 2: That was my first joke. I guess I got confident.
Speaker 1: I would quit. If I already were that, I would
Speaker 1: have been like, that's it, I'm done.
Speaker 2: Oh that's nice.
Speaker 1: Sleep with confidence the Greg Barns story. So that is
Speaker 1: so sleep with confidence. That's fucking that is magical.
Speaker 4: Well, first, I think the first time you worked with Chris,
Speaker 4: you when you came back from where and maybe it
Speaker 4: was Austin or I don't know, or you right when
Speaker 4: he first moved here.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you I remember you coming maybe a b line.
Speaker 4: To me, being like you have to see this guy
Speaker 4: do stand up really gonna love it? Yes, And remember
Speaker 4: he brought you to my Christmas.
Speaker 3: Party, Yeah, at where we watched Mac and Me on
Speaker 3: your on your garage, Yes, projected on the garage.
Speaker 2: That was Christmas, No, it.
Speaker 4: Was that was a different party. That was summertime point
Speaker 4: being the first time we all did a show together.
Speaker 4: It was the little room at Largo, remember this, and
Speaker 4: everybody we all did sets and everybody was having like
Speaker 4: the most incredible It was one of those very transformative
Speaker 4: comedy nights where.
Speaker 5: Were just like, oh, if I have to go up
Speaker 5: after this, I had to was really I have to
Speaker 5: beat as good. I have to, you know, like I
Speaker 5: have to Well that's me anyway, I have to beat
Speaker 5: everybody my mind.
Speaker 4: And that's when Chris Fairbanks during that flicked his shoe off,
Speaker 4: caught it and answered it.
Speaker 5: Like a phone, and I was like.
Speaker 1: I usually couldn't throw it back.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was to be like, oh my.
Speaker 4: God, Greg's right, He's the best thing that's ever happened, totally.
Speaker 2: And you did hay ride what you did your hay
Speaker 2: hay Ride corn Maze, hey Ride. Come on, this was
Speaker 2: around Christmas, right, you can't image me, don't know you
Speaker 2: know Jack Lanyards.
Speaker 1: So God, Greg, I love I love the listen you know,
Speaker 1: I love your dad and Slash. That was one of
Speaker 1: my favorites. Yeah, this is true. That's what makes it's awesome.
Speaker 5: Tell you a little bit about myself. I've never said
Speaker 5: that as I sat ever in my life.
Speaker 4: All I do is tomatch for myself, and I've never
Speaker 4: said that in sincerity.
Speaker 5: My father's a San Francisco fireman.
Speaker 4: And the other day, this would have been nineteen ninety one,
Speaker 4: the other day he came up to me and goes, hey,
Speaker 4: I met your.
Speaker 5: Friend Slash last night. And I was like, what are
Speaker 5: you talking about.
Speaker 4: So apparently Slash Odd when they were Guns and Roses
Speaker 4: played San Francisco and they had to call nine one
Speaker 4: one and be resuscitated. And so my father's a San
Speaker 4: Francisco firement had to break down the door and he
Speaker 4: walks in and he sees Slash on the ground. They're
Speaker 4: out because of drugs. And then he looks at him
Speaker 4: and goes, oh, I wonder if Karen knows this guy.
Speaker 5: And it was true, and it was a true story.
Speaker 5: I don't have to write why did.
Speaker 3: He say I met your friend? So he revived him
Speaker 3: and then said do you know Karen. He said yes,
Speaker 3: and they went to you and said, hey, I met
Speaker 3: your friends Slash.
Speaker 1: Why oh, I don't know fucking Slash Slash knows you.
Speaker 4: Basically because that's how my dad talks all the time,
Speaker 4: where it's like if someone od's that's my friend, I'm not, that's.
Speaker 5: Who I am.
Speaker 1: Around that same time, my father left me a message
Speaker 1: on my phone machine and he goes, hey, buddy, it's
Speaker 1: your dad. Hey, uh shit, I saw one of your
Speaker 1: your friends died. Are you know one of those guys
Speaker 1: that you're like anyway, I gotta go. So for fucking
Speaker 1: three days as I couldn't get a hold of you know,
Speaker 1: if you called me, weren't there. They weren't there, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't get a hold of him, and I fucking
Speaker 1: and I hunted through the paper. They basically the second
Speaker 1: guitar player from Deaf Leopard Deaf Leopards Rhythm Player drank
Speaker 1: himself to death and I was in a fucking panic,
Speaker 1: like it was somebody I really knew from high school
Speaker 1: or something. Yeah, not at all, Like not even just
Speaker 1: because he has a guitar. Yeah, figures like people just
Speaker 1: made connections back then there was no Internet where you
Speaker 1: could see, Oh, you're friends with Andy Richter, like.
Speaker 5: You know that.
Speaker 2: That's funny. I don't have an example.
Speaker 3: My dad's a great communicator, oh god, very smart, easy
Speaker 3: to read, well spoken.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but who isn't a great communicator that you have
Speaker 5: a bit about. Oh you're when your parents come to
Speaker 5: tell you something in the doorway, get up there?
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I didn't know what you were pointing out.
Speaker 6: That was horrifying. I thought you were like you, okay,
Speaker 6: here we go. Yeah, yeah, this is what we Yeah,
Speaker 6: Karen gave you. Well you get this thing outside of
Speaker 6: a car and it really moves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, kind of hurt. Like Karen said, let me
Speaker 2: tell you a little about myself. My parents.
Speaker 3: I was pretty young, but I'll uh, it's an early memory,
Speaker 3: but I'll never forget it. My parents they walked in
Speaker 3: on me while masturbating. I'll never forget that. You know,
Speaker 3: me laying in bed looking up there, my parents in
Speaker 3: the doorway. You know, like I said, they were masturbating.
Speaker 3: All right, that's pretty much it.
Speaker 2: It's a switch through because usually you walk in the
Speaker 2: room people are doing that. It's not where it's like
Speaker 2: you're doing your homework, and so it's like a fun
Speaker 2: you know, they're masturbating in rooms all the time. Other
Speaker 2: people are walking in and out of rooms. It's about
Speaker 2: but for it to be the other way around.
Speaker 1: And then they come in together.
Speaker 7: All right.
Speaker 3: It's a visuals, all right, and a lot of people
Speaker 3: don't want to think about their parents.
Speaker 2: Dual master.
Speaker 5: And competitive master.
Speaker 3: No, by duel, I mean jerky off on horses going
Speaker 3: towards each other.
Speaker 5: They're jouster made.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, yeah, jowster babing joust baby, you guys
Speaker 3: we did Oh god god, why at midnight? Not a
Speaker 3: show anymore?
Speaker 1: Jouster that's fantastic.
Speaker 2: A man who has a cigarette.
Speaker 1: I feel this. I was wrong about comedy all along.
Speaker 1: It's terrific. We got to get and watched it from behind.
Speaker 4: Great, get back up there and tell the people about
Speaker 4: your that one thing that time.
Speaker 1: I think I don't know that I remember any I do.
Speaker 1: There's so many jokes you can you you remember? Can
Speaker 1: you remember? Well?
Speaker 5: The last time I saw we did that set. We
Speaker 5: did a set in like Eagle Rock.
Speaker 4: It's some really beautiful, very hipster Spanish bar, and we
Speaker 4: both plowed each other and We're like, why.
Speaker 5: Are we still doing this? It was just like a
Speaker 5: bunch of twenty seven year olds in hoodies and then
Speaker 5: me and Greg on the side like this is weird
Speaker 5: and sad, right right, right right. We were the best ones.
Speaker 4: And I always have to tell myself that after a
Speaker 4: night like that, you did that joke about Lars Ulrich and.
Speaker 1: What he did with himself. That's a that's quite a bit.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's linked. It's well, I mean, do
Speaker 1: you can you tell it? I can tell it as
Speaker 1: a you must stand okay, all right, thank you?
Speaker 2: I talked.
Speaker 1: I started actually with the punchline I learned from you.
Speaker 1: I tell people that I uh uh, you know when
Speaker 1: the short of it is that when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: you know, we didn't have the pornography, so I didn't
Speaker 1: really ever get a good look at a vagiina until
Speaker 1: I got someone, you know, surprising because you can't imagine
Speaker 1: it before you get there, so you don't know what
Speaker 1: it looks like.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: And penis is too. We never saw them, and when
Speaker 1: we did usually then there they were right there in
Speaker 1: the movies. They were up, they were working. I never
Speaker 1: saw non working penises in my life. I only ever
Speaker 1: saw the ones that were going in a lady that
Speaker 1: I was watching on a pornographic film, because none of
Speaker 1: my friends walked around hard ever. And I only I
Speaker 1: think I only ever saw five real penis. You know,
Speaker 1: if you're a straight guy, five penises, if you're lucky,
Speaker 1: if you're living right, you know. But I never saw
Speaker 1: like a fucking big one, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: like I said, not up but at rest until I
Speaker 1: went to Metallica and.
Speaker 6: It was a.
Speaker 1: Lars the drum So I'm trying to remember how Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's been a while. Also, is anyone heard
Speaker 1: this story yet? Okay, this is a true story. So
Speaker 1: I went to go see Metallica, and uh, there's a
Speaker 1: part in the show where the drummer. You don't have
Speaker 1: to know the music at all, just be horrified by
Speaker 1: this story because everywhere this is fucking true. There's a
Speaker 1: part in the show where the drummer comes out Lars
Speaker 1: and waves the audience to let everybody know he's also
Speaker 1: in the band. He just was like to get his
Speaker 1: he'd like to get a little he's been sitting in
Speaker 1: the back seat, you know, maybe on his phone a
Speaker 1: little bit and then he wants to come out and go, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Lars. There wasn't those phones then, and it is
Speaker 1: around the Black album. So anyway, we had we had
Speaker 1: a buddy wh knew a friend, and we got really
Speaker 1: good tickets. And this is when they had a big
Speaker 1: old ramp like the youtooth thing. And so Lars comes
Speaker 1: out and he's making his journey to the front and
Speaker 1: we're in the VIP section. We got VIP tickets and
Speaker 1: he just stops in front of the VIP section and
Speaker 1: he's only wearing shorts, just the black running shorts of
Speaker 1: the eighties, no nothing else, let recall. And and he
Speaker 1: comes by and he waves. We're all very excited and
Speaker 1: and this happens in just seconds. So he waves him.
Speaker 1: We're like, well, look it's Lars. And then he reaches
Speaker 1: in his pants and he and he pulls his dick out.
Speaker 1: Now you listen to what I'm saying, pulled it out.
Speaker 1: He pulled it you under. Someone's saying he had to
Speaker 1: use a tricep. He had to pull it. Most guys
Speaker 1: take it out. You take your dick out. You want
Speaker 1: to take your dick out, I wana take it out.
Speaker 1: They have to actually bring it up and use. He
Speaker 1: had to pull on it so that he could clear
Speaker 1: the waistband, at which point he didn't let it go
Speaker 1: and it just fell. At this point he could do,
Speaker 1: It's just sort of flopped. It just dropped in front
Speaker 1: of him like a salmon, like a like a fresh right.
Speaker 1: And none of us are nobody's ready for that, because
Speaker 1: that wasn't on anyone's waistless at all. You don't even
Speaker 1: think to think about that, like even if that's what
Speaker 1: you wanted, Like, I love to see some cock, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to go somewhere afterwards. I can't. We're
Speaker 1: not gonna get it at the show, certainly not during
Speaker 1: the and there it is. So he takes it out,
Speaker 1: and that's not it. So it's just there and we're
Speaker 1: all confused. Everyone's it's still the nineties. We're not that far.
Speaker 1: We're very confused. And uh, and then he did this thing,
Speaker 1: and I'm not really sure how he did it, because
Speaker 1: again he had pushed on he created it work, he
Speaker 1: spun it. He he spun his penis. He pushed down
Speaker 1: on it and went, you know, right counter clockwise or
Speaker 1: clockwise to you right, He spun it and then he
Speaker 1: fucking caught it and put it back in his pants
Speaker 1: and then fucking ran off.
Speaker 4: Like it.
Speaker 1: Like we're we're in the tickets that your fucking family has,
Speaker 1: like these are for your friends, Like we're everyone and
Speaker 1: nobody nobody. Here's how much we Everybody asked each other
Speaker 1: if that had happened. He's looking out right why. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of why, And there are a lot of
Speaker 1: guys rethinking everything, like you're like, fuck man, I because
Speaker 1: as a guy, there's just no way you don't sort
Speaker 1: of have yourself on a scale, Like you're like, I
Speaker 1: don't know where mine is, but it's you put yourself
Speaker 1: somewhere kind right. You're like it's not huge, it's serviceable,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean it's not I gotta work, but
Speaker 1: you know, but that fucking reevaluation Like I'm not even
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm not even kind of a person
Speaker 1: I am. Now Like if that's what, if that's out there,
Speaker 1: why would I even take my pants off? And I
Speaker 1: was like, there are people, hang, I go, I go,
Speaker 1: I go. That's a very hard thought for any guy
Speaker 1: who was a penis for whatever reason, just to know
Speaker 1: that there are dudes that when they take their penises
Speaker 1: out and they wrap their whole fist around them. There's more, right,
Speaker 1: If I wrap my whole fist around mine, it's gone.
Speaker 1: You don't know what happened. Is this my penis or
Speaker 1: fifty cents?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 5: Not?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought you were saying rapper fifty cent had
Speaker 3: a tiny day?
Speaker 1: Say it again?
Speaker 2: Is it my penis or fifty cents?
Speaker 1: Fifty cents?
Speaker 2: Fifty cents penis?
Speaker 1: Yeah, fifty chance, yeah, not fifty cents per It's like
Speaker 1: gods right right. I have said skittles too, just to
Speaker 1: you know, skittles. I usually tag it's like I'll go
Speaker 1: fifty cents and then skittle. I like skittles too, but
Speaker 1: it was really like a fucking huge penis. Like it's
Speaker 1: like that's fun when that's part of your day like
Speaker 1: that that I never I just put on my underpants
Speaker 1: and I go and for him, it's like I left
Speaker 1: right or I fold it, you know, and then my
Speaker 1: whole body has to get in the sync because there's blood.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I wonder why he helicoptered it once, because it's one I.
Speaker 1: Think, just because you can and you don't get to
Speaker 1: show that to people much. And the people who probably
Speaker 1: everyone who's seen it has seen it, right, there's a
Speaker 1: whole new like how about this boom you know about.
Speaker 4: You check to the VIP listing of what you get,
Speaker 4: it's like you get a picture and you get a
Speaker 4: laminate and then you get one helicopter that's actually on
Speaker 4: the list one rotation.
Speaker 1: Apparently Steve O from Jackass, he has a He takes
Speaker 1: a friend of mine and said he takes his dick
Speaker 1: out of the end of a show. But they put a.
Speaker 2: Towel up, but he goes.
Speaker 1: But I was standing in the side of this who's
Speaker 1: hanging out behind him like a tail. He tucks it
Speaker 1: so he's like, oh, I have a vagina. That's his joke. Look,
Speaker 1: I have a vagina. He's not loud to show his penis.
Speaker 1: Hats against but if you see it from behind, you're like, well,
Speaker 1: not that should really be against the law because that's
Speaker 1: going out in the back end.
Speaker 5: That's why he's so brave.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he really is brave.
Speaker 1: It was nice to be able to bring a little
Speaker 1: bit of walking in the room to this, you know
Speaker 1: a little bit where like some people are like, fuck
Speaker 1: what I love Karen and Chris, I would have gone Friday.
Speaker 1: If I wanted to feel shitty.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't agree with the direction you're going
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 5: The human body is natural.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 2: A friend of mine. You Steve O's sidekick.
Speaker 3: Like if Steve A was shooting flames out of a
Speaker 3: fart or whatever, my friend Ryan would be the one
Speaker 3: allie on a skateboard over him. And so he was
Speaker 3: in town and we went to the Rainbow Room, which
Speaker 3: is where like rock and rollers hang out your lemmys,
Speaker 3: your lars, which is sticks.
Speaker 2: Have you been there?
Speaker 1: Have you gone by there?
Speaker 3: I went there and Steve O was like eating, And
Speaker 3: then there was a pimp and ho party, Like I
Speaker 3: thought it was a theme to a costnup type party
Speaker 3: at the Key Club, and so we walked to that,
Speaker 3: but it was real pimps that do it professionally and
Speaker 3: maybe have guns and stuff.
Speaker 1: And actually it was a convention that it was a
Speaker 1: convention for that. And then because they were.
Speaker 3: All there, okay a trade show. Yeah, and and Steve O,
Speaker 3: my friend Ryan had a camera and we followed. We
Speaker 3: went with Steve and Steve O. Just the first thing
Speaker 3: he did is pull out is agreeably. Big Dick and
Speaker 3: Pe'd were right on the red carpet and it was
Speaker 3: like splashing onto a pimps nice shoes.
Speaker 2: No, he does not care.
Speaker 3: And then he took his shirt off and he had
Speaker 3: some blood and crip new tattoo that was like making
Speaker 3: fun of bloods crisp, and they were like, where, let's
Speaker 3: kill him. But then someone's like, oh, he's on that
Speaker 3: MTV show and then they're like yeah, ever everyone loved
Speaker 3: him and he got afshered in and then we couldn't
Speaker 3: get in.
Speaker 2: I can pee on your shoes.
Speaker 1: That used to be if you told me you'd been
Speaker 1: on MTV, that would save your ass. Man. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: that's amazing.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, but Steve is undeniable. He has a tattoo
Speaker 5: of his own face on his back. It's great, it's
Speaker 5: fucking funny.
Speaker 2: It's pretty great.
Speaker 5: It's a nice, nice, super nice, beautiful tea.
Speaker 2: The only other good ther it is the best back.
Speaker 3: I think the other good back tattoo would be I'm
Speaker 3: was stupid with an arrow pointing down to your butthole.
Speaker 1: That has so many levels.
Speaker 2: Ye, just a couple.
Speaker 1: It could be for so many different people. Wow.
Speaker 5: Remember remember my friend Dawn from San Francisco.
Speaker 1: Greg I do remember Dawn.
Speaker 5: She used to drink with us a lot.
Speaker 4: She would always talk about how she was to get
Speaker 4: a tattoo of a little tiny guy in her outer
Speaker 4: labia that said this is where the fun is at.
Speaker 2: A little monopoly man.
Speaker 5: Yeah, almost like a ska guy maybe or something.
Speaker 1: Joking tattooed.
Speaker 2: Do you want to get that you would never get?
Speaker 1: I think I got him. I think I I looked
Speaker 1: like I was searching my tattoos go for a while,
Speaker 1: Like there's some like whoa, Really you're like coffee when
Speaker 1: it's on fire? What is that? Is that a baby heart?
Speaker 1: When did you get a baby heart?
Speaker 2: Do you have a tattoo that says wear less fabric?
Speaker 2: Or is that just something says dress better okay, but
Speaker 2: you may wear it tighter better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got tattooed a lot of my identity want
Speaker 1: to be identities on there and then not been able
Speaker 1: to live up to them.
Speaker 5: So that's been super I think that's that's what tattoos
Speaker 5: are all about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, get yourself up. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I always wanted a tattoo of a little toaster.
Speaker 3: I'm not getting a little toaster down here, shoot and
Speaker 3: then buttery toast up on my shoulder like it flew across.
Speaker 1: I have a flaming I have a flaming toaster right here.
Speaker 2: No you don't with toasts?
Speaker 1: Yeah, real, actual, I didn't. Yeah, I got that. I
Speaker 1: did that when I had had a special when I
Speaker 1: was doing an HBO thing early on and I got
Speaker 1: a tattoo on it.
Speaker 2: I guess I haven't seen you.
Speaker 1: It'd make me any harder. Nobody felt anything, And I
Speaker 1: haven't never seen you with your shirt off, So I
Speaker 1: didn't know that. Chang's change that now. People always used
Speaker 1: to stay. Man, you're gonna really regret, like when you
Speaker 1: get older, you're gonna regret those tattoos. And I was like,
Speaker 1: if I'm running around in my eighties without my shirt on,
Speaker 1: tattoos at least worris that's not what worried about. What
Speaker 1: did you get all that confident? Man? It's the fun.
Speaker 1: I want some of that.
Speaker 2: My concern these giant nipple gauges.
Speaker 1: I got plates here. I got plates here. That's not
Speaker 1: where we're supposed to get the plates where the expander's
Speaker 1: not supposed to get there.
Speaker 5: I got them in the wrong place, so they ended
Speaker 5: up just looking like two short jump ropes.
Speaker 1: I put a bar. I put a bar through my butthole. Wrong,
Speaker 1: that's the wrong place, but through my BUTTHOLEE to just.
Speaker 2: Those tribal gold neck rings. I got those up my
Speaker 2: butt like a like a like a Thanksgiving cornucopia. It's
Speaker 2: kind of happened.
Speaker 1: When you and I, I just want to give you
Speaker 1: topics and then you make comedy and that's how it works.
Speaker 5: And that's podcasting. Oh my god, topics ship.
Speaker 2: God, that would have been a great place to end this.
Speaker 5: How much longer we have under?
Speaker 1: Does anybody give you a lot of time to podcast here?
Speaker 1: Like probably more than a podcast should be. I mean
Speaker 1: like we were like took under forty five minutes. Okay,
Speaker 1: what if this is almost as long as Blade Runner.
Speaker 4: Is?
Speaker 1: Anyone? You probably didn't because you were here this weekend.
Speaker 1: I'm still a blade Runner. That's how long? You says? Fuck?
Speaker 1: Is it long? Have you seen it? It's it is good,
Speaker 1: but just pack of fucking lunch. Or it's long, and
Speaker 1: there's parts of it where you go, let's not go
Speaker 1: to this character again. Nope, nope, okay, let's come anyway.
Speaker 2: Well that's my review and I don't want to see
Speaker 2: it now.
Speaker 1: It's good. I love it. I did love it. I
Speaker 1: did love it. But it is that thing like you're like, wow, man,
Speaker 1: we have been here for I wonder if we go
Speaker 1: back to get back to earth because I don't know
Speaker 1: where we are. I'm lost, and I don't want Jared
Speaker 1: Letter to come with us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't want him to go with me anywhere,
Speaker 3: and I want him to spend more than thirty seconds
Speaker 3: on Mars.
Speaker 1: Do you guys? I feel like it will be uh my,
Speaker 1: it's my two favorite people right here, right here. That's
Speaker 1: all you need. That's all you need. That is all
Speaker 1: you need right right there. If I had been in
Speaker 1: I should have just gone into management.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, you and Wrath.
Speaker 1: I'm enthusiastic. I could get people excited.
Speaker 5: You are a you're a fan, you.
Speaker 2: Are in all seriousness.
Speaker 3: Karen and I have always talked about how you you're
Speaker 3: an unsolicited champion of each of us.
Speaker 2: You and we didn't know that about each other. And
Speaker 2: I think you probably do that all the time for
Speaker 2: people only.
Speaker 1: Not that not love that many. I mean, Dave was
Speaker 1: a mistake. But no, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. I'm not saying I love it. I
Speaker 1: love it.
Speaker 2: I used to laugh when my parents fought too very comfortable.
Speaker 5: V.
Speaker 4: So far.
Speaker 2: We hit anyone.
Speaker 1: How we play our game great.
Speaker 5: I think we've talked about this before.
Speaker 4: But you are the reason that I started recording music
Speaker 4: because you insisted that I do it.
Speaker 5: And the first time I did it.
Speaker 4: Which was with you, it's thank thank you. I wasn't
Speaker 4: saying that, but then okay, no, no, no, but Greg
Speaker 4: was like those you know. It was when I had
Speaker 4: like four songs and you were like, you have to
Speaker 4: record them, you have to and I was like, I
Speaker 4: don't think.
Speaker 5: I don't want to intrude.
Speaker 4: It was kind of my mentality of like I don't
Speaker 4: want to put this on anybody, and you're like, no,
Speaker 4: we're doing it. And then you actually went with me
Speaker 4: to a studio with matchbooks with Paul Paul that's sorry Paul,
Speaker 4: that this amazing drummer, well, amazing musician all around, who
Speaker 4: basically then kind of like put out all of the
Speaker 4: music to all of my songs and made them sound
Speaker 4: like real songs, and then we recorded.
Speaker 2: That they were real songs.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's why I liked them. They were real songs.
Speaker 1: They weren't like I was I was just telling my
Speaker 1: buddy Kane. Everybody who's a comic, his name's Kane Holloway.
Speaker 1: What do you do with that name? He's already has
Speaker 1: to live up to his fucking name, isn't it's Kane Holloway.
Speaker 5: He's not a wrestler.
Speaker 2: You fight multiple man or a former skateboard yeah are you? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 2: box people on a loading.
Speaker 4: Doge for living Yeah, careful Holloways down there and he's
Speaker 4: kissed off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's very funny, but uh uh, I don't know
Speaker 1: what we were talking about.
Speaker 2: Music. Music. She recorded music, and then you.
Speaker 1: Don't telegraph your punches, so those songs they creep up
Speaker 1: on you because you're like, this is a really pretty
Speaker 1: sad song, and then you're like, oh my god, it's
Speaker 1: about Tina Fey that's so fucking and the time mean
Speaker 1: and funny, and the thing about the one about the
Speaker 1: grid going down, Like I was like, they're just like,
Speaker 1: there's that you have that thing that's like super unusual
Speaker 1: because it's like it's as pithy as somebody who wants
Speaker 1: to be smart and pithy, but funnier than people that
Speaker 1: are funny. So I loved it.
Speaker 2: This I got a.
Speaker 1: Fuck you, that.
Speaker 5: Stupid oh this new thing. But anyway, thank you. I
Speaker 5: don't know if I ever properly thanks. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 5: difficult process for me.
Speaker 2: I recall either of you were encouraging me and my music.
Speaker 1: You know what, I.
Speaker 2: I don't even like it, but I can't not believe
Speaker 2: holding up a cartoon lion.
Speaker 1: I would buy a ticket for that show You're One
Speaker 1: man version.
Speaker 2: Well it's an hour and a half. It's an hour
Speaker 2: and a half.
Speaker 5: What are some other songs we would hear at that show?
Speaker 1: Lion?
Speaker 2: Majestic, majestic Lion. That's one of the other songs.
Speaker 4: That's short, sweet yep, two words very relevant to today's issues.
Speaker 2: I mean really kind of Wait was there a mishappen
Speaker 2: a zoo or something? Nope? Okay, oh, just we should
Speaker 2: be what Karen saying?
Speaker 1: You remember we remember we were shooting cows. You remember
Speaker 1: when that cow? You remember when that cow got shot
Speaker 1: in twenty five times?
Speaker 2: Wait?
Speaker 1: Remember there was that cow? Does he remember this? There
Speaker 1: was a cow, a cow that got away and it
Speaker 1: got out on the highway and the cops shot it
Speaker 1: like twenty five times. Do you remember this?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Nobody remembers the fucking cow they shot to pieces off
Speaker 1: the fucking highway in San Diego's gott got got got
Speaker 1: got Jesus.
Speaker 2: That is not ire at all? Why did they ah harsh?
Speaker 4: Also great the way you introduced that first you go,
Speaker 4: remember when we shot that cow?
Speaker 5: It sounded like remember in San Franiscs we love to
Speaker 5: go shoot.
Speaker 1: Cows as a group, as a as a generation. Do
Speaker 1: you remember when we would shoot cows? Yeah, way beyond.
Speaker 5: It was like smoking clothes shooting cows.
Speaker 1: Because they don't know, but they don't know they die yet,
Speaker 1: Like they're literally like what's happening? Like like the thirty Times?
Speaker 2: Like a fuck, I'm in retrospect. Do you know why
Speaker 2: they murdered this cow?
Speaker 1: It was it was headed to the it was headed
Speaker 1: into traffic. I think I don't remember it completely, but
Speaker 1: they felt it necessary to take it down now and
Speaker 1: they shot the ship out.
Speaker 5: Of it and just real quick. Could this have been
Speaker 5: a dream.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to rule it out, but I do
Speaker 1: think I'm not going to rule it out. I don't
Speaker 1: know anything I'm saying is from my real life or
Speaker 1: the one I live in my dream life, which is
Speaker 1: out the side of this. I'm not sure what one
Speaker 1: I'm in, and I don't really care because I'm not
Speaker 1: doing that great in either of them.
Speaker 5: But they're fun.
Speaker 1: Bounce back and.
Speaker 5: Then you're knowingly point to no One off stage. Yeah, buddy,
Speaker 5: that's right, you heard me, secret inside joke to no one.
Speaker 1: You know, people don't think about this ship. They could
Speaker 1: do all the time and make them s. I'll just
Speaker 1: seem fucking like better or cooler, like do that during
Speaker 1: a fight with somebody. I don't give a ship. That's
Speaker 1: not what I.
Speaker 2: Think. I've done that a few times, like not I
Speaker 2: did someone to LA's on there.
Speaker 1: Just everyone goes, you gotta finish this fight. I know
Speaker 1: it's just you, there's somebody.
Speaker 2: But what were we doing? No, I'll talk to you later.
Speaker 3: Empty empty, You and one other person, one other person
Speaker 3: that's one do that thing forest. You're in a for camping,
Speaker 3: no campers even just you and someone else. You're on
Speaker 3: a glacier, you're hiking with one other person. You get
Speaker 3: in a fight about length of rope and then you're like, well,
Speaker 3: I fucking.
Speaker 1: You brought the rope.
Speaker 2: What's up?
Speaker 1: You brought the rope?
Speaker 2: I bring the carabineers. He's like.
Speaker 3: It's green boots to mailmarker dead man, someone playing uh, coconuts?
Speaker 5: Do you hear that?
Speaker 1: I think that was my laugh.
Speaker 5: That was my tropical Marguerita Ville. I save it for
Speaker 5: when I'm really enjoying myself.
Speaker 3: When I laugh, it's it sounds like someone tripping with
Speaker 3: their flip flop.
Speaker 1: That's fucking that, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: the flip flop trip is fucking hard, man, because you
Speaker 1: fold that thing over and it shoots you. You're fucked man.
Speaker 1: Flip flop that's a that's a hard way to go.
Speaker 1: Thanks for backing me up. I'm just telling you, man.
Speaker 1: I bet I fall I fall down sometimes I don't
Speaker 1: have to flip flops on. I feel like I hate
Speaker 1: their flip flopsy're not flip flops regular shoes.
Speaker 3: I hate flip flip flops and I hate them. They
Speaker 3: always gets caught up or turned or they they they somehow.
Speaker 3: I can't believe everyone just goes around living life wearing them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you're like, oh, I got these on, I'm
Speaker 1: Lard Hamilton. That never happens. You're not Lard Hamilton. No
Speaker 1: one is just layed. Yeah, not big wave surfing fans here,
Speaker 1: like a surf coach from guys up.
Speaker 2: I called Lard Hamilton.
Speaker 3: I interviewed him once and I called him Lance Burkheart
Speaker 3: because that's his character from as you all know, North Shore.
Speaker 2: He's like a villain, uh surfer And he didn't who's that?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, they called you that for probably a
Speaker 3: month and a half for production, right, I mean he didn't.
Speaker 2: Maybe afterwards they were saying that name to its face?
Speaker 1: Is she nice?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Very nice? He was very nice. We were he
Speaker 2: was very nice.
Speaker 1: He was.
Speaker 2: He's very intimidating.
Speaker 1: He's a huge you guys know, it's Hamilton.
Speaker 4: He's an American Express commercials with his volleyball players everyone.
Speaker 1: He was in the Descendants. He was, Uh, he's the
Speaker 1: guy that. Yeah, he's in the He's he's in it.
Speaker 1: Is that right? Okay? I get those guys mixed up.
Speaker 1: He plays the neighbor's husband or so. Anyway, he's handsome,
Speaker 1: he invented big wave surfing.
Speaker 3: And he's a very Olympic gold medalist women's ball.
Speaker 2: Corbett Gabriel, thank you of the Reese chocolate family.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: Anyway, at the end of the segment, we thought it
Speaker 3: would be a nice way to close it if he
Speaker 3: paddleboarded away from where we were interview him, interviewing him
Speaker 3: on the beach in Malibu, just off into the and he.
Speaker 2: Paddled and we shot it like so we could speed
Speaker 2: it up later. I'm not a camera I am a
Speaker 2: sound man, and he's working great.
Speaker 3: Uh, And he just fucking paddled until he became a
Speaker 3: tiny person then disappeared.
Speaker 2: He paddled off in the ocean and he was gone
Speaker 2: and never and I'm like, did he just slowly die?
Speaker 3: He was like watching a sunset, but it was a
Speaker 3: man the best joke of all time, and he would
Speaker 3: he never?
Speaker 5: Is this the last shot?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 2: I get the bit?
Speaker 5: And then he just bailed, goes ocean bad.
Speaker 1: He's got to get back after that joke. But that's
Speaker 1: not our worry.
Speaker 5: He's out in the middle of the ocean.
Speaker 1: Invented. He invented that. He invented sucking the paddle boarding.
Speaker 5: Afraid of it.
Speaker 2: I think it is kind.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think the Hawaiians did it originally when
Speaker 1: they were but then we take it.
Speaker 3: Wait, wait if you take it and trading, we did it, yeah,
Speaker 3: and give you a smallpox blanket.
Speaker 1: I got Really we took it to the bad place.
Speaker 1: We got political as well political on the show.
Speaker 5: Sorry, deal with it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry if you don't like to hear, if you
Speaker 1: don't like it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not during gameplay. We know you're just running the clock, right.
Speaker 5: I do a lot of football jokes, true them on
Speaker 5: this podcast, follow you.
Speaker 2: I know, I'm a stick and ball guy.
Speaker 4: We think somebody must be like, please get off the stage,
Speaker 4: right we light up there?
Speaker 1: That thing, the fire that they've lit up there, I
Speaker 1: think that's the might be that get off fire.
Speaker 5: That is it's one of the seven wonders of the world.
Speaker 3: I feel like Trump's eyeballs during the eclipse right now
Speaker 3: because I won't stop staring at those lights, wanting them
Speaker 3: to tell me something.
Speaker 4: That moment in history when he looked at the fucking eclipse,
Speaker 4: I was just like.
Speaker 2: It's over.
Speaker 1: That was the peak, that was.
Speaker 4: Any hope anyone had for anything. It was just like,
Speaker 4: this is fucking over for humanity.
Speaker 2: That was the top of the roller coaster.
Speaker 4: He's the president, and he was just like everyone's like,
Speaker 4: you can't look to He's the fucking dumbest place.
Speaker 3: Like he was looking at the sun as if to say, no,
Speaker 3: you're you're a loser.
Speaker 2: I'm the power of the sun.
Speaker 1: Imagine, though, Imagine the freedom that he wants to take
Speaker 1: from you, with the freedom he has, and that he
Speaker 1: only takes a little bit information. He doesn't never, he
Speaker 1: never has I got to read that thing tonight. He
Speaker 1: never says I got to read that thing tonight, or
Speaker 1: I need to be briefed on this. He just uses whatever,
Speaker 1: the handful of words he knows and then just says
Speaker 1: them and then just fucking moves along like he just
Speaker 1: let's get rid of that. I don't like it. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: well he can go. You want to fight, let's fucking fight.
Speaker 1: I'll write it down. I don't give a ship. What
Speaker 1: am I doing now? I don't care. I'm the president.
Speaker 1: I can do whatever. I fucking neil, don't kneel. I
Speaker 1: don't like it. I like the Democrats not anymore, don't.
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm the fucking president.
Speaker 2: I'm free. That would be freedom. He just not have
Speaker 2: to have no consequences over what you're the.
Speaker 1: Only thing that's cool is that if by breaking the
Speaker 1: fourth wall, maybe we'll have a president that is a
Speaker 1: good person. But his fucking me like a guy that
Speaker 1: like can't pretend you can't find the fucking podium and
Speaker 1: ship and swears for no reason and pulls his pants down.
Speaker 1: It's like, just like your uncle Greg, are you It's
Speaker 1: just a good plan, comes out, goes, what's up, bitch,
Speaker 1: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm the president. No, I gotta
Speaker 1: check it all seriouser that last he was mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not mean, I'm not mean. Let's turn some of that
Speaker 1: Obama ship back on. Let's tenu plip those witches back on. Regulate, regulate, regulate, and.
Speaker 3: Then he just does a pratt fall down some stairs
Speaker 3: comedically awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, God fucking gets on a paddle board and
Speaker 1: just there he goes, there, goes to president.
Speaker 2: I guess he just addressed the union.
Speaker 7: Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you think this morning when Mike Pence walked out
Speaker 1: of the Colts game he went a rumph, I've never.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he went there just to do that, to
Speaker 3: be able set kneeling during the you know, and I
Speaker 3: think he did is he.
Speaker 5: I think he slowly peeled his face off. He like,
Speaker 5: as he got into his black suv, he was like
Speaker 5: lizard face. He's just you look in that man's face
Speaker 5: and You're like, there is no human being.
Speaker 2: Inside of them.
Speaker 5: It is fucking frightening.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I used to think it about like a Wilhem
Speaker 3: Dafoe or till those Winton.
Speaker 5: It's now it's a new level.
Speaker 2: At least I like them. Yeah, he is a he's
Speaker 2: a cyborg lizard man. I wish other way. Well bought lizards,
Speaker 2: gills and batteries. He's fuck.
Speaker 1: I wish he'd gone the other way and stood up taller,
Speaker 1: like got on a table. I see you fucking kneeling,
Speaker 1: and I'm fucking double standing. I'm double standing president who
Speaker 1: nobody knows or cares about anyway, plain to you that
Speaker 1: I'm the vice president.
Speaker 5: Also the Handmaid's Tale, what if he was? Like everything
Speaker 5: that Mike Priends.
Speaker 4: Was about, this was purely just like a street performance
Speaker 4: for The Handmaid's Tale. It's just grassroots publicity. Whi's just like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, the vice president wants to take away
Speaker 4: my uterus. It's like, actually that was for The Handmaids.
Speaker 2: That was a script.
Speaker 1: That was just a script. It's a TV thing. It's
Speaker 1: actually about the opposite. No, it is great promote mother,
Speaker 1: We're going and he took his wife. It's it's call
Speaker 1: his mother. But he's cool. We're open to it.
Speaker 5: He's super fine with it.
Speaker 1: Just don't regulate other people.
Speaker 3: It's weird that they keep promoting that show after it's concluded.
Speaker 5: The Handmaid's Tale. Yeah, you mean by taking awhare rights.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, they keep doing it.
Speaker 5: They just keep doing it.
Speaker 1: We watched it, We liked it. That's their version. That's
Speaker 1: their version of merch. Yeah, like from the show. No,
Speaker 1: it's just like from the show.
Speaker 5: This rage you don't have my your birth control taken away?
Speaker 1: That's where you guys like the show. We thought, Oh
Speaker 1: you like this, you must love this my.
Speaker 5: Dad Okay, fine, no planned Parentoo that's season three.
Speaker 3: Did you know that the fucking red those hats that
Speaker 3: trump that they're forty five dollars on a website that
Speaker 3: he's still forty five? Did you know that the valley
Speaker 3: parking in this hotel is also forty five dollars?
Speaker 1: The well?
Speaker 5: Do you know that this is one of my favorite things?
Speaker 2: My sister told me it's a cost forty five dollars.
Speaker 4: This list of things that cost forty five dollars. No,
Speaker 4: this was my sister just told me recently. My dad,
Speaker 4: who is obviously retired, a retired fireman, and has friends
Speaker 4: in his immediate friendship group, very very tight group of
Speaker 4: men that are like Trump Republicans. And they met somewhere,
Speaker 4: I'm sure they were like golfing, and he showed up
Speaker 4: and one of his friends was wearing a Make America
Speaker 4: Great Again hat and he took it off his head
Speaker 4: and said that's disrespectful and slap like slapped in into
Speaker 4: his hand.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But yeah, my dad is like the one seven year
Speaker 4: old white man in America that's doing stuff like that.
Speaker 4: But I was like, thank fucking God, because I told
Speaker 4: him to listen to the lyrics if People Are People
Speaker 4: by Depeche Mode over and over.
Speaker 5: In nineteen eighty two, and it finally fucking got through
Speaker 5: to him.
Speaker 1: Europe, My hard work, you want to imagine made off
Speaker 1: your father is so awesome. And he looks like if
Speaker 1: Ron Howard dreamt of what a fireman would be. He's
Speaker 1: better than anything. Like he goes, oh my god, the
Speaker 1: white must have must say something. He's fucking huge. Yay,
Speaker 1: you know, Irish.
Speaker 4: He looks like the dad the woman's dad from Fargo
Speaker 4: that is then won't get the police in Fargo, is
Speaker 4: like my fucking dad's in a Coen Brothers movie.
Speaker 2: This is awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your friends called up and they want me to
Speaker 1: be in a fucking movie. I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: I'll be in a movie.
Speaker 4: I got nothing else to do but play pedro Be
Speaker 4: in your movie Owen Brothers.
Speaker 5: Anyway, guys, I love it, and he hu.
Speaker 1: Amira told me to tell you. And here's my wife
Speaker 1: and we actually started listening called, uh, you're living all
Speaker 1: over me and it's just we get together a week
Speaker 1: and go do we still want to be married?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: But it's fun and she said, uh. She said, uh,
Speaker 1: I want to be on Karen's podcast because when I
Speaker 1: moved here and I was nineteen, that guy there, a
Speaker 1: couple moved in below us, and then the woman died
Speaker 1: when he was clean and is done. And then two
Speaker 1: weeks later a new lady moved in. Oh yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and she goes, I want to t now told the story,
Speaker 1: but she told him much much more compelling, and then uh.
Speaker 3: Hercides like that doesn't fit with our inhabit about me. Yeah, actually, oddly,
Speaker 3: I think that'd be better On Karen's other podcast, This
Speaker 3: is not that sounds like a murder took.
Speaker 1: Place all the time. I thought you were somebody else.
Speaker 2: Really, Yeah, and she just and he got away with it.
Speaker 1: He did cleaning his gun.
Speaker 5: Was she there when the gun went off? Was she
Speaker 5: in her apartment?
Speaker 1: She was in the apartment. Yeah, she received the bullet. No,
Speaker 1: she was there, but they didn't. They were there the bullet.
Speaker 4: She actually had to sign for it with C O. D.
Speaker 4: It's very It was one of the strangest murders ever
Speaker 4: in Hawaii.
Speaker 1: Sign for this all right, But I don't know what
Speaker 1: it is. I don't know.
Speaker 5: I don't like bullets.
Speaker 3: But okay, I mean, my roommate's not here, but if
Speaker 3: you're trying to murder him, I guess I'll go.
Speaker 1: It seems silly to just send the one. Don't they
Speaker 1: come in sixes? Uh? Yeah, no, I don't. I uh,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be sexist. I didn't know if
Speaker 1: that's a I don't know. I'm not sure what my
Speaker 1: handshakes are supposed to be anymore. Uh yeah, So anyway,
Speaker 1: that's uh, that is wow, that's nuts.
Speaker 2: Maybe it may be.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 1: I was like, have you listened to a podcast? I
Speaker 1: think they talk about pretty big murders. But okay, if
Speaker 1: you have that sort of bag unsolved one. I'm sure
Speaker 1: they'd love to hear about it.
Speaker 5: We do that all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean, I mean you don't really know that, man,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I never like. I've lived a
Speaker 1: fucking healthy long time and nobody I know has been murdered.
Speaker 5: You're very lucky.
Speaker 1: I just don't have that, you know. I need to
Speaker 1: know more people, that's m Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 1: I mean people have quietly disappeared. Yeah, yeah, yeah, how
Speaker 1: many people?
Speaker 5: If you don't know anyone that's been murdered, you're the murderer.
Speaker 5: That's the rule.
Speaker 1: I call it assisting. I assist you to that next place. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just a bullet delivery to really soon. I just need
Speaker 1: to get a few more people to go and then
Speaker 1: I get it. I get to go. Okay, it's dark,
Speaker 1: too dark, I mean just fun fun, and that's interesting.
Speaker 5: There's so many options. Should we wrap it down?
Speaker 2: That's not how they say that, So what wrap it up?
Speaker 5: Get up there and do your final bit. Let's see
Speaker 5: the closer.
Speaker 1: Come on, closer, closer.
Speaker 5: Do your worst, closer. I don't need the closure. You
Speaker 5: hate the best, do the closer. Nobody likes.
Speaker 1: I don't do the one you can't close on, the
Speaker 1: what you've depended on and can't close on, and you've
Speaker 1: finished after and usually for me, it ends with as
Speaker 1: what happened?
Speaker 5: Nothing, just get louder and louder as it goes.
Speaker 1: Okay, look at that, I get.
Speaker 5: I just I just want to close it. Come on,
Speaker 5: stand up and stand up, do I No matter.
Speaker 3: How young you get with your making a child, I
Speaker 3: will not get more.
Speaker 2: I'm a baby, all right, I'll do it.
Speaker 1: Just that model in your I don't I don't like it.
Speaker 5: It's not I don't know what would your funeral be
Speaker 5: like that?
Speaker 2: Kind of like this actually what I get?
Speaker 3: Actually when I die, I want to cremate my legs,
Speaker 3: just my legs, set those aside for a minute, and
Speaker 3: then I'm gonna tax it or you know, stuff my
Speaker 3: remaining torso uh you know. So it's on a spring mechanism,
Speaker 3: so the casket will rotate, go out towards the audience.
Speaker 3: It will be an audience bigger than this and then
Speaker 3: and uh, and then I'll pop up and holding the saxophone.
Speaker 2: Of course, that's why my arm.
Speaker 3: I just have my arms like this all the hold
Speaker 3: the saxophone and it's gonna blast out the most beautiful jazz,
Speaker 3: like you know, that's more of a trumpet, but you
Speaker 3: know what a saxophone sounds like. It'll be a fucking
Speaker 3: and everyone's just and all of sunglasses going like oh yeah,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, all along with saxony, and birds will fly
Speaker 3: out and the smoke will be coming out dry ice
Speaker 3: or smoke machino.
Speaker 2: And I haven't bought any of the stuff. I'm not
Speaker 2: even sick, but well, everyone's going to be like this wow.
Speaker 3: And then back then I'm going to launch my leg
Speaker 3: remains out of a T shirt can and just get
Speaker 3: into everyone's fell open mouthed, just and they'll.
Speaker 2: Be like well, and You're like it is that talcum powder?
Speaker 2: And I'll be like, well, if you're at a you're
Speaker 2: at a funeral. It's a powdered lake. You knew that.
Speaker 2: How would I say that there's holes in my.
Speaker 3: I don't know how I'm talking now, I can't remember
Speaker 3: how it ends, but that's my funeral.
Speaker 2: And that's.
Speaker 3: Like, it's hard to end a comedy. Said God, I
Speaker 3: got so sweaty and scared when you made me do that.
Speaker 2: Did you do it again?
Speaker 5: Doing some more do it in a different voice.
Speaker 2: Oh, I've been playing in me funeral?
Speaker 5: Yeah, old time.
Speaker 1: Oh god, we all love a good I am to
Speaker 1: launch my leg remains out of a T shirt cannon.
Speaker 1: If I like type that, I'd be done for the day.
Speaker 1: I mean, like that, What do you want from me?
Speaker 1: No one has ever said that, nor will they ever.
Speaker 1: Look what I said. That's what was in my head,
Speaker 1: and then I thought that say that to people. I
Speaker 1: didn't keep that inside.
Speaker 2: I say, I agree, you have a million lines like
Speaker 2: that that you're not I want you to do. Will
Speaker 2: you please do? Stand up? I don't want.
Speaker 1: I don't do in life.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, he's so good at it. And influence on
Speaker 3: me and on Karen too, I know, and every human influence.
Speaker 3: She's blocked out the human influence. Per she doesn't recognize it,
Speaker 3: but I will.
Speaker 2: She talks about it. When you're not around. We both
Speaker 2: think you're great.
Speaker 1: Thank you, and I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 5: I'm going to send you a card.
Speaker 2: Yeah I get that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter. But I love us
Speaker 1: correspondence and all sign it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that too.
Speaker 1: What is every dad in the country? And dad, I
Speaker 1: should say something Okay, it's your dad.
Speaker 2: They know it is all right.
Speaker 1: Did you write your name? I did for a while.
Speaker 1: I wrote my name to my kids. Greg. Why you
Speaker 1: should try dad? Is this guy? Yeah? Why don't you
Speaker 1: try dad? I'm not ready for dad yet. You don't
Speaker 1: feel like they're not ready for dad. Yeah, not ready
Speaker 1: for dad.
Speaker 2: Nine o'clock coming to them. Oh man, that would have
Speaker 2: been funny.
Speaker 5: That would have been amazing.
Speaker 2: What do we do with half his batteries? Put him
Speaker 2: in the mics. We're gonna festival the fucking run in bucket.
Speaker 5: There's somebody actually jamming the mics in the back. They're like,
Speaker 5: you can't.
Speaker 2: Just a guy with an ipatch in the top hat
Speaker 2: pulling them. Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3: We've been giving the signal to quit. They're broadcasting permanently
Speaker 3: and uh no, fuck, this was great.
Speaker 1: This would be kind of a fun festival if you
Speaker 1: brought your your podcast here to be judged, and at
Speaker 1: the end, you guys would go forward with more podcasts
Speaker 1: or you had to be done. Yes, that's the crowd
Speaker 1: goes No, actually, no, really, Pod Save America. No, we
Speaker 1: got it, guys, we can't like it. We get it.
Speaker 1: Blah blah, blah. I like those guys.
Speaker 2: I like that though.
Speaker 5: It's almost like a beauty contest. There's like it's not
Speaker 5: just the podcasting, but then you have to come back
Speaker 5: and sing yep like at one point answer questions sure, yeah,
Speaker 5: you'd have to know some stuff. And of course bathing suit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, be in front of everyone in a bikinia.
Speaker 2: That's how you close the show.
Speaker 1: And the guy back there going, I keep turning their mics.
Speaker 1: I keep turning their mics off, turn them off. But
Speaker 1: then they got I don't want.
Speaker 2: To be it's going without being amplified.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just.
Speaker 4: Sheer power of riffing that's making these people that talk
Speaker 4: about doing comedy they.
Speaker 1: Do not know when it ends.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they don't feel the room going. Let us sleep.
Speaker 2: We don't know where used to we go to a
Speaker 2: desk nation. I always haven't mapped it out strategically.
Speaker 3: So it's exactly fifty nine minutes and usually we'd be
Speaker 3: pulling up to your house.
Speaker 1: Did you guys ever forget anybody?
Speaker 5: Oh, like we were supposed to pick them up.
Speaker 6: We didn't be late.
Speaker 5: We've been real late.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. The airport is always Yeah, it's not good
Speaker 1: and it's like forty minutes. No, it's like four hours.
Speaker 1: It's right, so long.
Speaker 4: And then there's people who like, say they had a
Speaker 4: whole week in a club in Boston and then we
Speaker 4: were like, well, let us pick you up. And then
Speaker 4: so they're done with a week of comedy, right and
Speaker 4: they're just standing like bumming out and then they have
Speaker 4: to stand with their bag for an extra to then
Speaker 4: get into my uh Honda fit filled with animal hair
Speaker 4: and be like, what's up America.
Speaker 5: It was pretty We were like, we have to stop
Speaker 5: doing it.
Speaker 2: It was dangerous. Such a great idea though.
Speaker 5: I mean conceptually amazing, what.
Speaker 2: A good concept, but the execution was a piece of
Speaker 2: shit and dangerous. So it's we've been safe tonight.
Speaker 5: Safe insane.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's how we are now.
Speaker 3: You guys have been great. You've been listening to Do
Speaker 3: you need a ride? You guys have been watching it.
Speaker 5: All of this is true. Do you have any final
Speaker 5: plugs or just anything you'd like to tell the people?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: No, I think I mean maybe a final bit, just
Speaker 5: one quick I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think I have a quick one tattoo.
Speaker 5: There's an interesting tattoo.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing they're all labored, and then I'm surprised
Speaker 1: by my own stupidity at the end, or somebody else's penis,
Speaker 1: somebody else is being its like, there's usually all think
Speaker 1: about something. I'm like, oh, somebody else, why.
Speaker 2: Is it in a jar on the mantle? I used
Speaker 2: to say something.
Speaker 8: I'll say one time I was with a I'll tell
Speaker 8: that I was, Yes, finally here's what I here was
Speaker 8: my we're going to keep doing this long after you leave?
Speaker 5: Yes, we don't. All we need are hot mics and
Speaker 5: each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this one. And by the way, keep those
Speaker 1: expectations super low. This is vintage. There's like two thousand
Speaker 1: and two. I think I would say, you know, just
Speaker 1: be honest when you're fucking somebody, Just if you're gonna talk,
Speaker 1: just say what's actually happening?
Speaker 2: Hello, Okay, let me let me kids it h.
Speaker 1: I don't you know, like just be honest, because if
Speaker 1: you say something that isn't real, you know, like if
Speaker 1: you're trying to be too complixed. Like I was having
Speaker 1: sex with this girl and I'm I put myself in
Speaker 1: and uh, I mean she helps it, but she was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're so huge, And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: fuck when somebody else is in there, because I'm a
Speaker 1: medium at best, you know what I mean. Like, I'll try.
Speaker 1: I got a lot of hustle, but I'm not fucking huge.
Speaker 1: Let's not play that guy. I'm a special teams guy
Speaker 1: all the way. I'm not a I'll put a hit
Speaker 1: on you, but I gotta fucking just do what I
Speaker 1: can to make the squad.
Speaker 5: Thanks Greg Barons. Album Dicking Around is available on iTunes.
Speaker 5: All Dick Jokes Two hours of dick jokes.
Speaker 2: You've been you've been listening to? Do you need ride?
Speaker 2: D y N A r R M? Did someone hot?
Speaker 2: Someone did it? Thank you you guys, Thank you very much.
Speaker 2: That's really talking. Are leaving you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 5: Doesn't matter how much baggage you clean.
Speaker 4: Give us time and they turn it on and gay.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off in start. We want
Speaker 2: to welcome you back home.
Speaker 5: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her?
Speaker 5: Is it fine? Melbourne?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 7: Do you need
Speaker 2: With Karen and Chriss