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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space.

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Speaker 3: Get back to that place of why you married them

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Speaker 3: in the first place. What can you do to make

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Speaker 3: sure you keep the spark alive so that you don't

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Speaker 3: become this business partner relationship just sharing kids and bills

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Speaker 3: like marriage is so much more than that.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments,

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Speaker 2: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, Lady, please

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Speaker 2: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing

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Speaker 2: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release

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Speaker 2: episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes

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Speaker 2: and visit herspacepodcast dot com and enter your email address

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Speaker 2: to get updates about our live events and all the

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Speaker 2: new beginnings that we have for this year.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

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Speaker 1: like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard, a college

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Speaker 1: professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 5: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 5: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 5: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 5: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 5: black women can just be.

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Speaker 6: Hey, Lady, is doctor Dom here from the Herspace podcast.

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Speaker 6: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get

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Speaker 6: feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective on a

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Speaker 6: situation you're facing? If so, visit herspacepodcast dot com and

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Speaker 6: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday,

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Speaker 6: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random.

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Speaker 2: Lady Today's special guest is extremely important during these days, okay.

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Speaker 2: Talsia Delmar is a mother, wife, personal marriage mentor, and

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Speaker 2: founder of lovers Bond. She and her husband have been

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Speaker 2: married for nineteen years and have three children and one dog.

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Speaker 2: Her marriage hasn't seen at all, but they have experienced

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Speaker 2: job loss, major surgery, infertility, two second trimester miscarriages, and

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Speaker 2: a long and frustrating adoption process, just to name a few.

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Speaker 2: Talsia and her husband are members of the American Association

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Speaker 2: for Marriage and Family Therapy and are certified Prepare and

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Speaker 2: Rich facilitators. Talisha, welcome to her space.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Domitory for having me. I'm so

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Speaker 3: excited to be here.

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Speaker 1: We are so excited to have you. And so we're

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Speaker 1: gonna start off with our quote of the day. Because

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Speaker 1: we didn't quit when times got crazy hard, even when

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Speaker 1: there were no feelings of love and respect for one another,

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Speaker 1: our marriage is stronger than ever. And that may sound

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Speaker 1: familiar to you, Talicia, because that is one of your quotes.

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Speaker 1: When I came across that quote, the thing that stood

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Speaker 1: out for me, The biggest piece of that is that

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Speaker 1: you guys didn't quit and you acknowledge that things got hard,

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Speaker 1: but you didn't give up despite those things being hard.

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Speaker 1: And so with that in mind, can you share with

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Speaker 1: us what are your top five traits or secrets for

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Speaker 1: having a long lasting relationship where you don't want to

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Speaker 1: quit when things get rough.

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Speaker 3: That is such a great question, and let me tell

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Speaker 3: you it was tough. We I mean we literally sat

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Speaker 3: in the car and talked about where who was going

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Speaker 3: to leave, who was going to stay, you know, and

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Speaker 3: because it was we just had to have that come

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Speaker 3: to Jesus moment, right and we just had a we

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Speaker 3: just we realized that, you know, things, things are not

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Speaker 3: We're not happy, things are not going well, and what

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Speaker 3: can we do? And so we instead of making a

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Speaker 3: decision right then and there, we said, you know what,

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Speaker 3: let's revisit this conversation. And we came back and let

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Speaker 3: me tell you, one of the things that really helped

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Speaker 3: us is that we committed ourselves, right We said, you

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Speaker 3: know what, I don't like you right now, but I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to give up on this marriage. So we

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Speaker 3: literally had to make an affirmative statement to recommit ourselves

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Speaker 3: to the marriage and say that the marriage is bigger

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Speaker 3: than how we are feeling about each other in this moment.

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Speaker 3: And so with that, you know, people talk about communication,

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Speaker 3: but communication is such a big umbrella.

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Speaker 4: I mean, we really.

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Speaker 3: Had to understand how to talk to one another. And

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Speaker 3: my husband will say to me all the time. You

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Speaker 3: know what, Alicia, you may be right, but I don't

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Speaker 3: your tone. Could you have not said that? Even better

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Speaker 3: than that? And I realized that even though what I

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Speaker 3: was saying was factually accurate, it was the way in

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Speaker 3: which I was saying, I can't demean him and become descending.

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Speaker 3: I have to you know, speak in love and respect.

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Speaker 3: And so it was the way that we communicated to

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Speaker 3: each other I think was really important. And so communication, again,

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Speaker 3: people talk about it a lot, but you have to

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Speaker 3: really break down the fastest of communication what to say,

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Speaker 3: what not to say, because you can't hit below the

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Speaker 3: belt because you know, we all hit that boiling point

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Speaker 3: and we want to hit below the belt because we

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Speaker 3: want to get our spouse back. And so you have

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Speaker 3: to realize, you know, there's some things that you should

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Speaker 3: not say. And then again going back to my example earlier,

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Speaker 3: it's about the tone and making sure that we say

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Speaker 3: the right things in the right way, at the right time,

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Speaker 3: and with the right attitude. So that's just you know,

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Speaker 3: so communication is just one of those traits, but it's

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Speaker 3: those many faces of communication. Then the second thing that

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Speaker 3: I would say is that conflict. So when we have conflict,

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Speaker 3: I always say you have to fix the friction. So

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Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with not agreeing. Right, you're going to

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Speaker 3: have opposing views. The key is how you handle those

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Speaker 3: opposing views. And so what happens is sometimes in marriages

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Speaker 3: you feel like because you're because you're committed to one another,

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Speaker 3: you become complacent where you feel like you can say

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Speaker 3: and treat each other any kind of way that you

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Speaker 3: want because you think that spouse is not going anywhere.

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Speaker 3: And so when you are dealing with having conflict, you know,

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Speaker 3: some people try to avoid it at all costs, so

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Speaker 3: then they don't address the issues that really should be addressed,

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Speaker 3: because let's get real, the issues don't magically go anywhere,

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Speaker 3: Like we literally have to take intentional actions and make

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Speaker 3: intentional words to make sure that we address the issues

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Speaker 3: because it never really magically goes away. So we can't

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Speaker 3: fall into the space of wanting to avoid it because

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Speaker 3: we don't want to deal with it, because it just

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Speaker 3: festers and then it just blows up.

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Speaker 4: When the next argument happens.

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Speaker 3: But then on the flip side of that is when

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Speaker 3: we are so angry with our spouses, are frustrated and

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Speaker 3: even sad, right, how we handle that disagreement can cause

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Speaker 3: more friction in your relationship, and so sometimes you just

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Speaker 3: have to say, you know what, we're gonna have to

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Speaker 3: agree to disagree on this one. You know you want

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Speaker 3: to go left, we want I want to go right.

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Speaker 3: Is there if you can't find a meeting of the

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Speaker 3: minds where you're both making a sacrifice for the greater

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Speaker 3: good of the team, then you have to say, you

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Speaker 3: know what, you and I might not be in alignment

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Speaker 3: on this particular issue, and figuring out a way to say,

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Speaker 3: you know what, let's let's put it over here, let's

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Speaker 3: put in a container, and let's revisit this a little

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Speaker 3: bit later. Because sometimes in the heat of the moment,

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Speaker 3: you are round tight in your emotions, you are every

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Speaker 3: going bit like it has to go this way, and

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Speaker 3: sometimes we're not taking a moment to really listen to

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Speaker 3: our spouse's.

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Speaker 4: Point of view.

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Speaker 3: And even if the spouse is wrong, you at least

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Speaker 3: want them to feel like you've heard them and at

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Speaker 3: least considering what they're thinking, even if it might not

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Speaker 3: be the point. But sometimes people just want to feel

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Speaker 3: like they've been heard versus you just quickly brushing them off.

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Speaker 3: So I would say how you handle conflict is definitely

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Speaker 3: an important trait to having a successful marriage.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, we got some juicy ones right

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Speaker 2: now I'm taking notes. So we said communication, we have

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Speaker 2: conflict resolution. What else do you got for a solution?

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Speaker 7: What else?

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Speaker 4: Let's talk about expectations.

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Speaker 7: Oh man, this is.

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Speaker 3: A big one because the reality of it is our

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Speaker 3: disappointment with our spouses comes because we expected one thing

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Speaker 3: and they didn't deliver, yes, and the way that we

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Speaker 3: wanted them to deliver, And so we get so bent

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Speaker 3: out of shape because.

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Speaker 4: They have not met our expectations.

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Speaker 3: And so when I work with clients, I go through

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Speaker 3: this exercise about figuring out one the expectations that we

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Speaker 3: have are they realistic? Because sometimes our expectations come because

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Speaker 3: that's how our parents' marriage was, That's what I saw

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Speaker 3: on TV. That's how Beauty down the Street has her marriage, right,

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Speaker 3: But is that realistic for your marriage? Because you are

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Speaker 3: two completely different, unique people, and you shouldn't have the

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Speaker 3: expectations of what you see on the outside automatically assume

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Speaker 3: that it should work within your marriage. So we have

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Speaker 3: to make sure that we talk to our spouses about

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Speaker 3: our expectations. Why you have the expectations that you have, right,

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Speaker 3: Because when you unpack that, you may realize that, Okay,

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Speaker 3: you know what, Okay, why why why do I say

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Speaker 3: you have to take up the trash?

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Speaker 4: Like why do I why does that have to work?

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Speaker 1: Here?

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Speaker 4: Maybe I take up the trash and maybe you wash

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Speaker 4: the dishes.

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Speaker 3: Like, we get so wound tight into what we think

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Speaker 3: marriage should be, instead of taking a step back to say, babe,

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Speaker 3: what works for you and I, instead of wanting to

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Speaker 3: do and have these expectations because this is what we read,

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Speaker 3: this is what we saw on TV, this is how

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Speaker 3: somebody else's marriage work. So expectations is a big one.

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Speaker 3: So when you get in alignment with your expectations, then

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Speaker 3: things go a lot smoother because now you're not being

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Speaker 3: disappointed because your spouse didn't do what you thought.

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Speaker 4: They should have done.

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Speaker 2: Does that make sense that man? Yes, perfects sense. I'm

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Speaker 2: just like I can see how there can be conflict, Alicia.

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Speaker 2: If you have one person that has expectations ABC, the

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Speaker 2: next person of the couple has X, Y Z. And

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Speaker 2: now y'all come together and you both have two totally

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Speaker 2: different expectations for each other, You're gonna have a lot

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Speaker 2: of conflicts. So I totally get that that is so important.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, and and the thing of it is is the

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Speaker 3: problem is there are.

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Speaker 4: A lot of assumptions that are made right.

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Speaker 3: So like if you watch you know your parents, and

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Speaker 3: this is how your parents' marriage was, you just assume

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Speaker 3: that's how it's supposed to be without having that conversation

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Speaker 3: with your spouse to say, oh, well, I thought that's

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Speaker 3: how all spouses do it this way. I thought this,

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Speaker 3: I thought this was my role. And so until you

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Speaker 3: really unpacked what your expectations are, sometimes your spouse don't

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Speaker 3: even know that they are not even me and your

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Speaker 3: expectations because we haven't really talked about it.

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Speaker 4: We just kind of assumed they were supposed to do something.

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Speaker 3: And so having that level of conversation and not having

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Speaker 3: the assumptions around those expectations, I think it.

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Speaker 4: Will solve a lot of people's problems in marriage.

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Speaker 1: Now, as I'm listening to you, you are bringing up

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Speaker 1: so many important points of these expectations and addressing conflict

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Speaker 1: and communicating about all of those things, and you're bringing

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Speaker 1: it up in the context of your spouse. When you

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Speaker 1: reflect back, like you've been married nineteen years, when you

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Speaker 1: reflect back on when you and your husband started dating,

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Speaker 1: were any of those things present?

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Speaker 4: Let me tell you. Okay, so I'm a little hard headed.

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Speaker 3: So, and I'm being honest right right, my husband, he

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Speaker 3: truly has been consistent. But I was thinking, oh, he's

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Speaker 3: gonna change. Oh there's no way he's gonna act like

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Speaker 3: that continuously. Oh no, when we get married, things to

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Speaker 3: be different. And so I foolishly thought that he so

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Speaker 3: he was, he was who he was when I met him.

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Speaker 3: And of course, you know, there were things that I

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Speaker 3: totally loved about my husband, but those things that irritated me.

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Speaker 3: I just assumed once we got that piece of paper

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Speaker 3: that he was going to do what I wanted him

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Speaker 3: to do and he was going to change. And so

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Speaker 3: I had to learn and I had to shift my thinking, saying, okay,

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Speaker 3: all right, Telicia, he's really not changing, So how are

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Speaker 3: you gonna adjust? Because he's been true to himself and

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Speaker 3: he's been authentic, right, And so I had to realize, Okay.

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Speaker 4: How can I not allow this to steal my joy?

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Speaker 3: This is who he is is, and what can I

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Speaker 3: do so it doesn't become friction and a witch in

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Speaker 3: between our marriage?

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Speaker 4: And so those are the things.

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Speaker 3: I think when we think back to when we were dating,

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Speaker 3: you know, there are things that we see in our

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Speaker 3: spouses and we just kind of assume over time that

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Speaker 3: they're gonna change, and they and they may not. And

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Speaker 3: the reality of it is people do evolve over time.

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Speaker 3: As people get older, they get wiser, they become more experienced,

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Speaker 3: they do change, but a lot of times it's not.

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Speaker 4: They're not changing in the way that you probably would have.

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Speaker 3: Wanted them to change, right, And so what happens is

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Speaker 3: it's like, oh, okay, he changed that.

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Speaker 4: Oh but I wanted him to change this. He didn't

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Speaker 4: change that.

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Speaker 3: So what can I do so that it doesn't become

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Speaker 3: frustrating for me because he's going about his life.

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Speaker 4: He's fine, he's good, and I'm thinking I'm sitting here thinking, well, darn,

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Speaker 4: I thought he was gonna start taking out the trade

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Speaker 4: room and again, married, he didn't take it out when

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Speaker 4: we were dating.

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Speaker 3: You know, It's like, you know, that was a simple example,

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Speaker 3: but just giving you an example of what happens. And

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Speaker 3: so for me, we had to do some self reflection.

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Speaker 3: You know, I have a program called The DNA of

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Speaker 3: a Happy Wife because it's all about how you can

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Speaker 3: have a happy match when you do your part. And

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Speaker 3: a lot of times, and I'll tell you, even when

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Speaker 3: I went to counseling, Kevin and I went to counseling.

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Speaker 3: First of all, we had pre marital counseling, and then

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Speaker 3: we did counseling after marriage, and then he had it.

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Speaker 3: He went to counseling and I went to counseling separately,

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Speaker 3: Like we have totally invested in our marriage. And I

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Speaker 3: can tell you even when clients come to me today,

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Speaker 3: we always want to point the finger to our spouses.

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Speaker 3: And while our spouses do have a role to play,

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Speaker 3: we sometimes diminish the role that we play. And so

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Speaker 3: there are things that we can do to change our perspective.

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Speaker 4: There are things that we can do.

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Speaker 3: To change our behavior, and a lot of times there

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Speaker 3: are things that we can do, and I'm not going

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Speaker 3: to say to change our spouse, but there are sometimes

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Speaker 3: things that we can do to inspire our spouses to

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Speaker 3: do things differently. But there's a way in which we

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Speaker 3: do it. And I'm saying that in a manipulative way,

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Speaker 3: But a lot of times you have a lot more

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Speaker 3: power than what you give yourself.

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Speaker 4: And so there are things and again, depending.

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Speaker 3: Upon the issues, there are some things that you can

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Speaker 3: inspire your spouse to do, and so we don't use

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Speaker 3: that and leverish that enough in our marriages and knowing

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Speaker 3: how to work with your spouse. Recognize that you're perfect,

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Speaker 3: You're not perfect, they're not perfect, and you're not going

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Speaker 3: to have a perfect marriage.

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Speaker 4: But there are definitely things that we can do intentionally

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Speaker 4: to improve ourselves and.

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Speaker 3: Ultimately that will ultimately improve and having an effect on

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Speaker 3: our marriage.

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Speaker 7: Tee.

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Speaker 1: I hope you were over there like taking notes, because

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Speaker 1: I'm taking notes and.

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Speaker 7: Because I'm just me too, this is good.

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to soak it all up. And the

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Speaker 1: thing for me is so I'm not married. But as

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Speaker 1: I'm listening to you, like, one of the things that

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Speaker 1: stood out to me was looking at like looking at yourself, right,

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Speaker 1: because I think it's really and I recognize this with

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Speaker 1: the clients that I work with too, that it's easy

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Speaker 1: for us. It's a whole lot easier for us to

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Speaker 1: point the finger at the other person or point out

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Speaker 1: their flaws than it is for us to do our

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Speaker 1: own internal work like that can be incredibly scary for

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Speaker 1: people to really dive into themselves and figure out what

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Speaker 1: are the patterns that I'm bringing to the table that

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Speaker 1: maybe I learned from my family or maybe that maybe

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Speaker 1: I wasn't even aware of that it's causing harm.

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Speaker 3: You are absolutely right, and it requires a lot of

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Speaker 3: self reflection. You know, we talk about marriage is fifty fifty,

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Speaker 3: but then when problems come about, we always want to say, well,

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Speaker 3: my spouse is eighty percent of these problems. My spouse

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Speaker 3: is ninety percent of the problem. But we definitely have

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Speaker 3: a role to do as well, and we have a

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Speaker 3: role to play in that as well. And so marriage

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Speaker 3: is fifty to fifty. So well really it's one hundred

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Speaker 3: and one hundred if we really want to be honest.

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Speaker 3: So you have and they have to put in there

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Speaker 3: all and so it does take a lot of work.

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Speaker 3: And I always say marriage is not for the faint

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Speaker 3: of heart, Like you have got to be ready to

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Speaker 3: really go through the ups.

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Speaker 4: And the downs of marriage life.

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Speaker 3: And it's not always easy, Like there are days that

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Speaker 3: you're just not gonna like your spouse, like you love

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Speaker 3: them completely, but they have worked your last nerves and.

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Speaker 4: We don't talk about that enough.

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Speaker 3: And so what happens is when people start to feel

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Speaker 3: like that they think it's something wrong with them and

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Speaker 3: their marriage, and they don't realize that, you know what,

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Speaker 3: this is a normal part of marriage. But this is

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Speaker 3: how we can get to the other side. You know,

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Speaker 3: people always say, you know, they want a long lasting marriage.

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Speaker 3: I hear that all the time. The three things I

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Speaker 3: hear I want a long lasting marriage, I want a

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Speaker 3: happy marriage, and I want a strong bond. But you

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Speaker 3: never get that without going through. You have to go

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Speaker 3: through the stuff, and so you can't give up. And

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Speaker 3: so while things get become tough and you're like, I

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Speaker 3: don't know if I can do this anymore, I'm telling

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Speaker 3: there's always something that can be done. And so we

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Speaker 3: have to make sure that we're ready to do our part.

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Speaker 3: And then how can you help your spouse do their part?

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Speaker 3: And part of that is sometimes they don't even know

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Speaker 3: what their part is, right, and so you got to

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Speaker 3: have a conversation about, Okay, this is what I believe

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Speaker 3: we need to move our marriage forward, and having a

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Speaker 3: conversation about that. The problem with marriage, and especially the

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Speaker 3: marriages that end up with children. Marriages with people who

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Speaker 3: are married with children have it hard because what happens

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Speaker 3: is the marriage is no longer focused on the spouses,

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Speaker 3: but then it becomes more about the children, and every

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Speaker 3: conversation is about.

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Speaker 4: Children and bills, children and bills.

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Speaker 3: It's so transactional, and it's become a business relationship managing

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Speaker 3: the house as opposed to focusing on each other and

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Speaker 3: the marriage. And so children are there, indeed a blessing

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Speaker 3: from God, but they were totally distract a marriage if

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Speaker 3: you don't know how to, if you do not make

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Speaker 3: intentional efforts to keep the connection and make your marriage

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Speaker 3: a priority. And so when you're with your spouse, you

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Speaker 3: have to you know, the date nights are so important.

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Speaker 3: And even doing this quarantine, I've been sharing with people

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Speaker 3: what you can do while you're stuck in the house

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Speaker 3: because you still have to continue building your bond, you know,

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Speaker 3: before you get married. You're so you know, the dating

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Speaker 3: part was so exciting, right, and we.

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Speaker 4: Just loved each other.

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Speaker 3: OUI guy, you know, you can't wait to see each

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Speaker 3: other again. And over time, then you come in the

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Speaker 3: house and you're like, hey, what's up.

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Speaker 4: It's you.

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Speaker 7: It's you again, Like you know.

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Speaker 3: What, Okay, we gotta we gotta reset, We have to

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Speaker 3: reset things. And so that's why it really takes intentional

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Speaker 3: action all the time. So can people have a long

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Speaker 3: lasting marriage, absolutely, Can they have an even happier marriage, absolutely,

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Speaker 3: But it doesn't come without work. Like just like every

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Speaker 3: day people wake up, not not everybody, because some people

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Speaker 3: actually do love their jobs, but there are a lot

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Speaker 3: of people who get up every day and go to

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Speaker 3: a job, not because that job fulfills them, you know

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Speaker 3: from a from on their happy spectrum, but they go

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Speaker 3: to that job because they need that job to fulfill

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Speaker 3: a need. Well, the reality of is sometimes in our

399
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Speaker 3: marriage you just feel like you're just getting up every

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Speaker 3: day going to do something because you sign a piece

401
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Speaker 3: of paper. And know what I'm saying is you have

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Speaker 3: to allow yourself to sit back and say, why did

403
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Speaker 3: I marry this person in the first place? Remind yourself wise,

404
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Speaker 3: because sometimes you do need to remind yourself right, and

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Speaker 3: so get back to that place of why you married

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Speaker 3: them in the first place. What can you do to

407
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Speaker 3: make sure you keep the spark alive so that you

408
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Speaker 3: don't become this business partner relationship just sharing kids and bills,

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Speaker 3: like marriage is so much more than that.

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Speaker 2: That's a really good point and Talia I want to

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Speaker 2: circle back around on the last two of those five traits,

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Speaker 2: but I.

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Speaker 7: Want to ask you.

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Speaker 2: You had a video where you share you talked a

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Speaker 2: bit about how you respond when your partner makes the

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Speaker 2: wrong decision. So I'd love to know what's your thought

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Speaker 2: process that supports the way that you respond. Because you

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Speaker 2: talked about you know how you react. Should I say

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Speaker 2: to your partner when or your husband when he makes

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Speaker 2: the wrong decision?

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Speaker 3: Yes, Now, let me tell you this wrong decision thing

422
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Speaker 3: that drives your patience all the time.

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Speaker 4: So here's the deal. Your spouse wants to feel like

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Speaker 4: a contributor.

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Speaker 3: They want to feel like they're doing something, whether you

426
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Speaker 3: want to call a leading ego, but your spouse want

427
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Speaker 3: to feel like they're making a valuable contribution. And sometimes,

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Speaker 3: well maybe even most times, the decision that they make

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Speaker 3: is what they honestly believe in their heart of hearts,

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Speaker 3: is the right decision to make.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 3: So the challenge is when your spouse makes the wrong decision,

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Speaker 3: we sometimes don't give them enough credit for trying.

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Speaker 4: And so it's like the kid. When you know, when

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Speaker 4: you have a kid, they go.

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Speaker 3: To school, they take a test, You've seen them study

437
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Speaker 3: all week, but they go in there and they get

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Speaker 3: a deal on a test, and they are just they're

439
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Speaker 3: just sad because they're like, man, I put forth all

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Speaker 3: this effort.

441
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,919
Speaker 4: Well, it's the same thing when you're dealing with us.

442
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 3: They felt like they took in all the information, they

443
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 3: made the right decision. And so we don't take a

444
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 3: step back to recognize them for that and just say,

445
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,880
Speaker 3: you know what, thank.

446
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 4: You for making that decision.

447
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,680
Speaker 3: I recognize that you think that that's the best decision

448
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 3: that we can make. And so we first have to

449
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 3: acknowledge the effort that they put into it, because we

450
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 3: don't want to totally discount it, right, We want to

451
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 3: give them the credit for them at least trying. And

452
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 3: let me tell you, every time you think your situation

453
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 3: is bad, I can point to another situation that's even

454
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,679
Speaker 3: worse than that. Because you have some people who are

455
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 3: married to spousers who don't like to make a decision

456
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 3: at all, like one apout us to make every decision

457
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,920
Speaker 3: because they don't want to be accountable for anything, right,

458
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 3: and so we have to make sure that we're saying, okay,

459
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 3: thanks babe for making that decision.

460
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 4: So first we have to give them the credit for that,

461
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:52,400
Speaker 4: and then we.

462
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 3: Have to listen to their thought process, right, because they

463
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 3: made that decision off of something, well, Babe, I thought,

464
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 3: you know we were going to we needed to do this.

465
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 4: Because blah blah blah blah blah.

466
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 3: You listen to that, and then before you say that

467
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 3: was dumb, you shouldn't even say that was dumb.

468
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 4: Even if you think it.

469
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 3: Was dumb, that's not the thing to say, right, And

470
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 3: so you want you don't want to discount them, because

471
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 3: they really probably put forth a good effort. So instead

472
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 3: what you should say is, you know what, babe, thank you,

473
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,640
Speaker 3: thank you for doing that, thank you for considering this.

474
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 3: Let me ask you a question and pose it in

475
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 3: the way to say what would happen if we were

476
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 3: to do this, And then let them come back and say.

477
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 4: You know what, babe, I didn't think about that.

478
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 3: You know what, that's a good idea because when they

479
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 3: do that now they feel like they made that decision

480
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 3: as opposed to your making that decision.

481
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 4: But you ultimately end up winning because you got your

482
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,400
Speaker 4: way in the first place, right.

483
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,199
Speaker 3: And so sometimes we get all rouled up because we

484
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 3: want to win. We want to win, we want to

485
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 3: make the decision. But when you are married, you are

486
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 3: a team. So who hears how you get the football

487
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 3: and the end zone as long as the durn thing

488
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 3: getting the end zone right right.

489
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 4: So we have to be able to say.

490
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 3: You know what, well, what if you know we were

491
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 3: to do it this way, how you know do you

492
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 3: think that that could work? And ask them the question

493
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,640
Speaker 3: and let allow their thought process.

494
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 4: To think it through.

495
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 3: And then sometimes let's just say your spouse is totally stubborn,

496
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 3: like nope, nope, we're doing it this way. Sometimes you

497
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 3: have to sleep on it because people are in their

498
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 3: emotions at that point, and so keep going back and forth,

499
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 3: back and forth, back and forth does nothing to your.

500
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 4: Relationship but just build a wedge.

501
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 3: So sometimes we have to recognize when it's time to

502
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 3: just lay low and say all right, babe, thank you

503
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 3: for your time.

504
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 4: Let me just think on it. Okay, thank you, and then.

505
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,159
Speaker 3: Come back maybe the next day or maybe two to

506
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,159
Speaker 3: three days later and say, you know what, babe, I

507
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 3: was really thinking. You know, I'm really I'm still concerncern

508
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,360
Speaker 3: that this will put us in this type of predicament.

509
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 3: If it does, what will we do Because sometimes the

510
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 3: way that you're thinking about it is not the way

511
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 3: that they're thinking about it. And so instead of you

512
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 3: pushing bait, we need to go right, instead of pushing

513
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 3: that way, then taking a step back to say, you

514
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 3: know what, babe, if we went left and this happens,

515
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,199
Speaker 3: this is what my fear is like. You have to

516
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:30,640
Speaker 3: be true, say what you're feeling. I fear, because now

517
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,159
Speaker 3: it's coming from a place of your spouse trying to

518
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,400
Speaker 3: address your fear, as opposed to your spouse just trying

519
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,199
Speaker 3: to win an argument.

520
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 4: See the difference.

521
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes a huge difference because that also allows

522
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: you to communicate better and allows you to be vulnerable.

523
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: And when when we are vulnerable, that naturally pulls people

524
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 1: closer to us in terms of wanting to really understand

525
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 1: us and and communicate better with us.

526
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 3: Absolutely, you know, I talk a lot about a safe

527
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 3: space because what happens is when you if you think

528
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 3: about your best friend. When you think about your best friend,

529
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 3: you think about someone that you can tell your innermost

530
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 3: thoughts and feelings, stuff that you probably wouldn't say to

531
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 3: the masses, you wouldn't say publicly, but you have a

532
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,160
Speaker 3: friend that you can tell anything too. Or your spouse

533
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:34,160
Speaker 3: should be that for you. But what happens is when

534
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 3: you sometimes you lose credibility because as soon as your

535
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 3: spouse wants to share something with you, you cut them off.

536
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 3: You tell them it was crazy, that's dumb.

537
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 4: How did you.

538
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 3: Think about that? And it's all you're told what you're saying.

539
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 3: And so now your spouse feels like, you know what,

540
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 3: let me not even take that to them, Let me

541
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 3: not even share that with them.

542
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 4: I'll share with someone else.

543
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you your spouse feel like they can share

544
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 3: anything with you. And so even when your spouse makes

545
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 3: the wrong decision, right, but you have to do it

546
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 3: in a way whether they don't feel ashamed, embarrassed, or

547
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 3: just like, you know what, I'm not even gonna share

548
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 3: those with them, because they're gonna cut me down. They're

549
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 3: gonna they're gonna say that I'm done. They're gonna think

550
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 3: that I'm crazy. So, you know what, let me not

551
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 3: even bother sharing anything with them. And so what happens

552
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 3: is because I've seen this too, where sometimes couples make mistakes.

553
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 3: One spouse will make a decision and won't share it

554
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 3: with the spouse until after it's already done and say it.

555
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 4: Because they don't.

556
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 3: They don't want to deal with the extra mouth, they

557
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 3: don't want to deal with all the ups and downs,

558
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 3: the overloaded conversation, so they go with and make the

559
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,479
Speaker 3: decision without including the spouse. And then now you've created

560
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 3: a second problem. And so you want to be able

561
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 3: to make sure that you have a safe space with

562
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 3: your spouse where to your point where you can be

563
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 3: vulnerable with each other share your innermost thoughts and feelings,

564
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 3: because what happens is if your spouse feels like they

565
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 3: can't share anything with you, they're not and that's going

566
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 3: to create a wedge instead of building you guys closer

567
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 3: and building your connection.

568
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 7: That's a really good point to Alicia.

569
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 2: And before we circle back on those two last traits

570
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 2: that are the secrets for a long lasting, happy relationship,

571
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 2: can you talk a little bit about how do you

572
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 2: make your relationship fun?

573
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 4: Right?

574
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 7: I mean, you've been married for nineteen years.

575
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 2: I'm sure at some point you're like, Okay, I kind

576
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 2: of know what's gonna happen tomorrow. You may have some

577
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 2: boredom or experience that how do you make it fun

578
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 2: and fresh?

579
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 3: That is such a great question, and honestly, we make

580
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 3: it harder than what it needs to be. So now

581
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:51,959
Speaker 3: sometimes making it fresh can be the simplest things. So

582
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 3: now i'll give you an exam. I actually give you

583
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 3: a real life example. I did this to my husband

584
00:30:55,680 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 3: the other day. Well sometimes so sometimes I'll call my

585
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 3: husband and he'll answer the phone and I'll just say

586
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 3: what color you what color is your underwear? And we

587
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: all because he's thinking, I'm calling about something with the

588
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 3: kids pick up drop off?

589
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 4: Can you stop with the grocery?

590
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 3: So he's thinking it's some transactional conversation and it throws

591
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 3: him off. So now I have my husband thinking about

592
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 3: me for the rest of the day because I put

593
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 3: a smile on his face and now he's thinking about

594
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 3: me and he's tickled pink. And so that and that

595
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 3: little little thing that took a matter of seconds just

596
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 3: did wonders for our conversation when we came home that day.

597
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 4: So sometimes it's like little things like that. So that's

598
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 4: one thing.

599
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,719
Speaker 3: And so the other thing like I did the other day,

600
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 3: because you know, we've been under quarantine, like we all are,

601
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 3: and so so I walked over to my spouse. Now,

602
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 3: of course I had to make sure the kids weren't

603
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 3: mind because we had to kill them home.

604
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 4: And I literally took.

605
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,120
Speaker 3: My shirt down and showed him abreast, like right there,

606
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 3: right there, and so now he's like, oh okay. And

607
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 3: so those types of things that we were doing we

608
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 3: were dating. But over time you kind of get into settle.

609
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 3: You settle down day to day and you forget to

610
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 3: do those little things. And so sometimes it doesn't take much.

611
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 3: But I always say the measure of a couple who's

612
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 3: strong is when you can laugh together. So when you

613
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 3: can do those things that put a smile on your

614
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 3: spouse of space, things that you can do to make

615
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 3: each other laugh, those are some of the things that

616
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 3: keep it fun. I also say, obviously, you know, I

617
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 3: have a list that I have where it's called the

618
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 3: Lover's Bond God to turn up your marriage. And so

619
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 3: if your your listeners want it, they can go to

620
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 3: Loversbond dot com. It's a free download. But in there

621
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 3: it's over one hundred things that you can do, and

622
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 3: I've broken it up into three categories, broken it up

623
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 3: into things that you can do that's interesting, things that

624
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 3: you can do that's fun, and things that you can

625
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 3: do that are romantic. And so that list and I'm

626
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 3: telling you, it's over one hundred things to do. So

627
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 3: you check off something and then you know, hey, you

628
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 3: have stuff that can keep you busy the entire year.

629
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 3: But it literally takes an effort to say, all right, babe,

630
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 3: what are we gonna do? And sometimes those things are

631
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 3: so fun because now you can sit there and plan,

632
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: all right, babe, what we're gonna do on Saturday, What

633
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 3: you wanna do?

634
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 4: Okay, babe, what we're gonna do on Tuesday?

635
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 3: You know, netflixing and chill is great, but sometimes put

636
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 3: the DVR on and do an activity between YouTube. Play

637
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 3: a game, babe, Okay, let's play play this game. What

638
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 3: kind of house would you want to live in? Like

639
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 3: those conversation starters, because what that does for you relationship

640
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 3: is build connection because now you get to imagine and

641
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 3: dream what your life will be like years from now,

642
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 3: the next house, what kind of car you want? You guys,

643
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 3: go online and look at cars online.

644
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 4: Now.

645
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 3: Granted you might not be in a position to buy

646
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 3: right now, but those are things that build you two together.

647
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 4: That's beyond just looking at TV on the couch.

648
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 2: Yes, I love that, now, Soluicia, Before we switch up

649
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 2: the vibe, we have another segment for you. But we

650
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: gotta circle back on our last two traits for a

651
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 2: long lasting, happy relationship.

652
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 7: So what are the last two?

653
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,879
Speaker 3: Okay, so we have to talk about intimacy. We have

654
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 3: to talk about intimacy because here's the and I say

655
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:36,439
Speaker 3: intimacy and sects. One of the complaints that I hear

656
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 3: most often is that it's not enough. I hear one

657
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 3: spouse is like, I want more. One spouse is like,

658
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 3: I want it, but I'm too tired, And so we

659
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 3: don't take enough.

660
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 4: Time to build intimacy with one another.

661
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 3: That physical touch is so important, so whether it's you know,

662
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 3: we gotten to the point where we you know, when

663
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 3: we were dating, we were kissing, we were holding hands,

664
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 3: we were snugged up in the bed, respooning. When you

665
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 3: get married, all of that somehow goes out the window,

666
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 3: right and you're in the same physical space together, but

667
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 3: there's no physical touch, and so you want to make

668
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 3: sure that you want to increase the intimacy. You know,

669
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,879
Speaker 3: when you have your quiet time in the bed where

670
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 3: it's just you guys, you're talking, you're reminiscent, you're getting

671
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 3: some nookie in like, you want.

672
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 4: To do it in different locations.

673
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 3: Different positions. That's how you keep the spice alive. Sometimes

674
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:35,239
Speaker 3: you can get into some role playing, some accessories, dress up,

675
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,240
Speaker 3: do a lap dance, play strip, poker.

676
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 4: Like, we increase with intimacy.

677
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 3: Because that's how you that's how you not only do

678
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 3: you build a connection. But see this is where I

679
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 3: talked about earlier, where I talked about we have a

680
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 3: lot more power than we realize. And leverage is that

681
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 3: when you give yourself that intimacy one, it releases stress.

682
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 4: Right, you release stress, You're.

683
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 3: A lot more happy now, you have a little bit

684
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 3: more patience, you're less snappy now. So sex for beyond

685
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 3: the physical thing. You're burning calories, Yes.

686
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 4: You're reducing stress.

687
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 3: You're building connection between you and your spouse. And so

688
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 3: we have to make sure that we do that to

689
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 3: each other. And you know, those little little things that

690
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 3: I just shared earlier, it could be just for play.

691
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 4: It's getting you ready, it's setting the stage for that.

692
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 3: Now let me just also say this, and now we're

693
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 3: going to get to that last tree in a minute.

694
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,320
Speaker 4: One of the things that a lot.

695
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 3: Of wise that they don't do is they're married to

696
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:43,800
Speaker 3: husbands who want more. They don't they're too tired. I

697
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 3: don't have time. I'm too tired. But what we don't

698
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 3: do is ask right to say, Babe, I want to

699
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 3: make love to you tonight, but I'm so tired because

700
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 3: I have to get these dishes done. Let me tell

701
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 3: you how many men will get up and do them

702
00:36:58,160 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 3: freaking dishes.

703
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 4: Because if that means they gonna clean them dishes.

704
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,879
Speaker 3: And so a lot of times wives will take on

705
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,839
Speaker 3: all this stuff being super woman. I gotta do this,

706
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 3: I have to do this, I have to do this,

707
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 3: I have do this. No no, no no no to

708
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 3: sex instead of saying babe, I want to relax, I

709
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,720
Speaker 3: want to come upstairs. I want to take a shower together.

710
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 3: But this has to be done, and this has.

711
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 4: To be done.

712
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 3: Is there anything that you can do to help me

713
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 3: so that we can have our quiet time tonight? And

714
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,439
Speaker 3: we never take a moment to let them help us

715
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,240
Speaker 3: help them.

716
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 1: It goes back to the communication. I think communication keeps

717
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 1: coming up for me as like like you said, like

718
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: it's multi layered, but like communication is that top one?

719
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: And so what is our number five?

720
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 3: So here's Toaday, you have to have a level of trust.

721
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 3: So now let me talk about trust because when there

722
00:37:55,320 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 3: is a lack of trust and security is abound. And

723
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 3: when this insecurity, love is hard to fester. And so

724
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 3: when I talk about trust, people's minds immediately go to infidelity.

725
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 3: And yes, that is a big part of trust, but

726
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 3: trust is also lost when a spouse says, you know,

727
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:20,240
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna make this really simple, when a spouse

728
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 3: says I'm gonna take out the trash, and then they

729
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:28,240
Speaker 3: don't take doubt the trash. So it's simply keeping your word.

730
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 3: So when you and your spouse have a conversation and

731
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 3: you tell your spouse you're going to do something, if

732
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 3: you don't deliver, that's cutting into your credibility. And now

733
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:41,120
Speaker 3: they feel like they can't trust you when you say

734
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 3: you're going to do something, And so that's like an undercurrent.

735
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 3: And so sometimes you know, again we sometimes think about

736
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 3: trust automatically in the infidelity column, but sometimes trust is

737
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 3: just the simple things of being a man and a

738
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 3: woman of your word, Like what exactly did you say

739
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 3: you're we're going to do? Are you going to do it?

740
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 3: Are you going to deliver it? Because when you say it,

741
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 3: you're going to do that. I trusted you and now

742
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 3: I feel like, well, what else are you not doing?

743
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 3: And so that leaves spouses to wonder that insecurity is

744
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,840
Speaker 3: not a good space, not for your mental health and

745
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 3: not for your emotional health. And so you want to

746
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,839
Speaker 3: make sure that you guys have a bond where there

747
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:28,280
Speaker 3: is a level of trust there just with you know, again,

748
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,840
Speaker 3: more than just infidelity, but you want to make sure

749
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:34,399
Speaker 3: that you guys have a level of trusting each other.

750
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 2: That is a great point. So we have communication, we

751
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 2: have conflict resolution, we have expectations, intimacy, and sex and

752
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 2: trust as our five secrets to a long lasting and

753
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 2: happy relationship. Now Toalicia, we want to change up the

754
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 2: energy of our interview. And because we recognize, appreciate, and

755
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 2: celebrate the multifaceted woman, I believe that it's okay to

756
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 2: be classy and ratchet and you can still be elegant

757
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,240
Speaker 2: and dance to strip club music. We want to invite

758
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 2: you to the oh you clatch it segment?

759
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 7: So do you take on the challenge?

760
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 4: I take it on. I'm scared.

761
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 2: No, don't be scared.

762
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: Listen, you're over there, you're over there being spontaneous and

763
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,320
Speaker 1: I'm not brush for your husband.

764
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 7: So you I know you can embrace this.

765
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: Oh you clash it like you got you got it.

766
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:34,280
Speaker 7: Dom, Why don't you kick us off for our first question?

767
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 1: Okay, So the first question is what is the most

768
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,479
Speaker 1: spontaneous thing you've ever done? And I'm just waiting to hear.

769
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 2: I cannot wait for this. I can't wait to hear it.

770
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 3: Oh gosh, Now you got to be thinking over a

771
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 3: nineteen year marriage.

772
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I would probably have to say spontaneous.

773
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh god.

774
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 4: Okay. So so okay, so.

775
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 3: Oh okay, my husband's gonna trip out that I'm saying it.

776
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 3: So I mean I gave my husband. I tasted my

777
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 3: husband at a time. He wasn't expecting it. Like literally

778
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 3: I came in and I closed the door and it

779
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 3: wasn't it.

780
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 4: We were not at home, we were we were at

781
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 4: someone's house, like.

782
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 3: And so we were in a spot and I inserted

783
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:36,240
Speaker 3: myself in the bathroom and yeah, mm.

784
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 7: Hmm, I love it, Yes, yes girl.

785
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,839
Speaker 4: Again, he wasn't expecting it, and that's what.

786
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: Right.

787
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 4: He was like why are you? Like, why are you

788
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:57,280
Speaker 4: in here? And I was like like some ps and bam,

789
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 4: it wasn't had all.

790
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 3: And so that to me is you know, and again,

791
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 3: it doesn't take long to do those things, but those

792
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 3: little things go a long way because now you know

793
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 3: it's a it's a memory, and they like, they excited

794
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 3: and now they want.

795
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 4: To do more.

796
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 3: And he's, oh, let me tell you talk about power.

797
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 3: You talk about when you want to ask something from

798
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 3: your spouse, you know the answer is going.

799
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 4: To be no.

800
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 3: You got to ask at the right time, because those

801
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 3: are the times I ask after those spontaneous moments because

802
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 3: I get.

803
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 7: It, I love it, and te Lisia.

804
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 2: That leads us to our next question for you, what's

805
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 2: your biggest pet peeves?

806
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 3: Ooh, my husband cannot make a quick decision.

807
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 4: So what irritates me.

808
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 3: Is I'll be like, babe, blah blah blah, what do

809
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 3: we do? And he'd be like, let me think about that. Like,

810
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:58,279
Speaker 3: my husband is the type that want to sit, pray, marinate,

811
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 3: let me think where I'm I'm like, I want a

812
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 3: decision right now so we can close this and move on.

813
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 3: And so my pet peeve is he does not make

814
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:08,319
Speaker 3: quick decisions.

815
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 4: So now let me just tie this back to what

816
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 4: we were talking about earlier.

817
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,279
Speaker 3: So what I had to do was recognize that my

818
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,720
Speaker 3: husband's always been like that, and I'm thinking over time

819
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 3: it's gonna get better, and he's still not like that.

820
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:21,720
Speaker 4: So what I've had.

821
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,839
Speaker 3: To come to realize is that when there are big

822
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 3: decisions that need to be made, I have to ask

823
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 3: him a week or two before I need the decision.

824
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 4: So that's how I adjusted.

825
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 3: So instead of asking him a question and he's saying,

826
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 3: I don't know, babe, and then me getting fucked cause

827
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 3: let me tell you, I used to get frustrated, like

828
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,040
Speaker 3: I'd be like, come on, just say something.

829
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 4: You have to write which way what we're gonna do,

830
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 4: And he'd be like, I don't.

831
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 3: Know, babe, let me think about it. I gotta think

832
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 3: about he got to sleep on, he got a prayer on,

833
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 3: he got to marry, and you know, he's just he's

834
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 3: just he's just not that guy quick on his toes.

835
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 3: And so I wanted him to be that because I'm

836
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,319
Speaker 3: typically like that, and I had to realize he wasn't.

837
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 3: So how I shift it was I had to say, Okay,

838
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,839
Speaker 3: if it's really an important decision that needs to be made,

839
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 3: either I need to be prepared to make it or

840
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 3: I need to give him the situation a week ahead

841
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 3: or two weeks ahead to give him time to marinate

842
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 3: on it for when I do need the decision. And

843
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 3: can I tell you my frustrations have gone down tremendously

844
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 3: because of that. I had to make that adjustment. For

845
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 3: sure what I'm happy for because you know I made

846
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 3: that adjustment. So that's an example of where I had

847
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 3: to do some self reflection because my husband has always

848
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 3: been like that. So instead of me getting mad at him,

849
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 3: like how can I do this where it doesn't steal

850
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 3: my joy every time I need him to do.

851
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 2: Something, that is such a good point and I feel

852
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,439
Speaker 2: like we need to just drop the mic right there.

853
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,879
Speaker 2: That was so good, Telicia. We want to thank you

854
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 2: so much for your time, and we would love to

855
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 2: know where should our listeners connect with you and learn

856
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:58,280
Speaker 2: more about all the spicy goodness that you can share

857
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 2: with them to keep their relationships fun and fresh.

858
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 4: Thank you well.

859
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 3: On Instagram, you can find us at Love's Bond and

860
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 3: you can go to Loversbond dot com and I'll tell

861
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 3: you I have three free resources for couples. It's a

862
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 3: free download, and one is the Lover's Bun Guide to

863
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:17,320
Speaker 3: turn up your Marriage. That's the guy that I was

864
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 3: talking about earlier with the over one hundred things that

865
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 3: you can do, fun, exciting and interesting things you can

866
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 3: do with your spouse to keep the spicy the marriage

867
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,359
Speaker 3: spicy and alive. And then there's the loves One God

868
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 3: to butter up your marriage. And these are curated texts

869
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 3: that you can send to your spouse when you need

870
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,919
Speaker 3: to apologize to them, when you need to appreciate them,

871
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 3: when you need to send them something to put a

872
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 3: smile on their face, things that when you want them

873
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 3: to be thinking about you all day. So these are

874
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:53,320
Speaker 3: specially curated texts that you can send your spouse throughout

875
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 3: the day. And then there's the Lover's One God to

876
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 3: man up your marriage. So this is the thick of

877
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,760
Speaker 3: the thick. You're a twenty five things. If you're finding

878
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:04,360
Speaker 3: yourself having conflict when you don't know how to communicate,

879
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 3: it goes back to those five traits that we talked

880
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 3: about earlier, and it gives you some things that you

881
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 3: can do to kind of of course correct your marriage

882
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 3: to get it right back on track.

883
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 7: Amazing.

884
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 2: I will be downloading all of those resources and Lady,

885
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,320
Speaker 2: we'll add a link to that in the show. Notes

886
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,800
Speaker 2: and we'll see you next time. Thank you so much

887
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:27,240
Speaker 2: for your time. We really really appreciate you, Telsia.

888
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me, and I really

889
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 3: hope you guys enjoyed this time. I'm here to really

890
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 3: serve you in your audience, and so I had a

891
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 3: great time.

892
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 4: So thank you, thank you, thank you for this.

893
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:39,760
Speaker 6: You are so welcome.

894
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:43,800
Speaker 1: We definitely had a great time and we definitely learned

895
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 1: a lot, so we are so appreciative of you.

896
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:49,720
Speaker 4: Great. Thank you.

897
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Hersbys podcast, and

898
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 2: I have a question for you. Do you want to

899
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 2: start your own podcast? Have you been thinking to yourself,

900
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 2: you know what, I want to start a podcast, but

901
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 2: you just haven't taken the leap. If that's you, I

902
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 2: got you. I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm

903
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,760
Speaker 2: going to teach you how to create your own podcast

904
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Speaker 2: from start to finish. I'll teach you how to format

905
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 2: your show and pitch great guests. I'll teach you how

906
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 2: to stand out in the crowd of nearly one million podcasts.

907
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 2: But I'm also going to teach you how to get

908
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 2: your mind right. Okay, we're going to talk about how

909
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 2: to overcome imposture syndrome, and how to deal with fear

910
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 2: on your podcasting journey. So even if you're not tech savvy,

911
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 2: it's okay. This masterclass is just for you. So visit

912
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:39,440
Speaker 2: Terrylomax dot com and click on the pink link in

913
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:42,440
Speaker 2: the middle of your screen and register for my free

914
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:48,720
Speaker 2: podcasting masterclass. Again, that's Terrylomax dot com. T E R

915
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Speaker 2: R I L O m a X dot com. I

916
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 2: hope to see you there.

917
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please know

918
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

919
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:08,400
Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

920
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

921
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are

922
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

923
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:24,240
Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today

924
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider.

925
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

926
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

927
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:37,280
Speaker 2: Twitter at her Space podcast or check out our website

928
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

929
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 2: after me, There's something inside of me that's bigger than

930
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 2: any obstacle.

931
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 4: We'll see you next week, lady.