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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Dakota, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay story Time hosts, and we've got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick too mini break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep this show running.

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Speaker 3: My friend wanted a free wedding, but I told her

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Speaker 3: it's unrealistic. Unrealistic my butt. I twenty four female, am

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Speaker 3: a member of a friend group in which one member

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Speaker 3: we'll call her Coral twenty three female is getting married.

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Speaker 3: She announced her engagement to her fiance twenty five mail

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Speaker 3: a few weeks ago and we were all happy for

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Throway free Wedding and

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Speaker 3: if you want to spit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay Storytime supparate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie,

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Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice.

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Speaker 2: Goofully.

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 3: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

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Speaker 3: do in the comments, and op says. Over the weekend, though,

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Speaker 3: she shared more specific plans for the wedding, and that's

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Speaker 3: where things have kind of gone off the rails. She

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Speaker 3: said she's been seeing a lot of people on TikTok

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Speaker 3: and the insta showing how to plan free weddings weddings

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Speaker 3: where the couple spends zero dollars aside from the marriage

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Speaker 3: certificate fee. I guess at first I thought she meant

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Speaker 3: a city hall wedding, which would be completely fine, but

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Speaker 3: then she got into the details and her expectations for

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Speaker 3: the ceremony. She's going to try and find someone with

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Speaker 3: a large outdoor space to use, not formally a wedding venue,

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Speaker 3: who will donate their area in support of love. She's

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Speaker 3: going to have all of her guests bring a pot

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Speaker 3: luck with very specific assignments. She will have a friend

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Speaker 3: officiate and a friend do photography, a friend do save

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Speaker 3: the dates, and invites her family do the flowers, et cetera,

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Speaker 3: including some harder to swing in my opinion, things like

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Speaker 3: getting a large tent, decorations, wedding favor, speakers, band, etc.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure what her plan was for address. What's

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Speaker 3: more is that Coral and her fiance really aren't poor.

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Speaker 3: From what I can tell, she works as an accountant

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Speaker 3: at a big company and her fiance does software question

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Speaker 3: mark sales wells. His parents are loaded. Sounds like they

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Speaker 3: just want to do the free wedding thing for the

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Speaker 3: sake of it. That would be okay, But she's just

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Speaker 3: shifting all of the costs onto other people, some of

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Speaker 3: whom are probably less well off. Yeah. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 3: if the fact that she's saying, I'm gonna have someone

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Speaker 3: do a photography, I'm gonna have someone do like the food,

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Speaker 3: that that's all things that you should be paying your

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Speaker 3: friends to.

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Speaker 2: Like the fact that it's just your friend doing it

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Speaker 2: doesn't really mean like I get like maybe in the

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Speaker 2: olden days, I feel like that could work, you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean, because in the olden days, we paid for.

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Speaker 3: A lot less things because it's a lot of older days.

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Speaker 2: It was olden days, and we did a lot more

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Speaker 2: work ourselves and so but nowadays it's like, no, you

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Speaker 2: need to pay for that. That's you don't just get

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Speaker 2: companionship in exchange.

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Speaker 3: For the work, Like, no, all of your friends, Like

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Speaker 3: you could probably recruit your friends to help set up

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Speaker 3: the venue. Yeah. Maybe. Honestly, I feel like the potluck

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Speaker 3: thing could work as long as you don't say you

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Speaker 3: have to make this. This is like if you just said, hey,

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Speaker 3: everyone bringeth a dish. Yeah, some people, please don't like,

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Speaker 3: don't just bring desserts, just bring actual food, right, That

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Speaker 3: could totally work. Yeah, but everything else that you got here, no, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I'm also hoping that at least like she's doing

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Speaker 2: at least something here.

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Speaker 3: Know what is she doing? She's setting up like what, nada.

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Speaker 2: What's going on?

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Speaker 3: She's not doing anything. She told me that she wants

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Speaker 3: me to make the cake and then sent me some.

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Speaker 2: Pictures for inspiration.

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Speaker 3: The cakes were ridiculously elaborate. We're talking multi tier, fonded flowers,

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Speaker 3: gold leaf, and one even had a hand painted watercolor design.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a professional baker. I just like to bake

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Speaker 3: cookies and brownie sometimes. I told her that those cakes

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Speaker 3: would probably take me days to make and they wouldn't

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Speaker 3: come out anywhere near as good. She kind of laughed

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Speaker 3: that off and said, Oh, it's not about it being perfect,

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Speaker 3: it's just about everyone pitching in. It'll be fun, huh.

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Speaker 3: I told her that, but or not. What she was

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Speaker 3: describing was basically her friends and family subsidizing her wedding

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Speaker 3: with time, money, and labor, and that it was kind

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Speaker 3: of unfair to expect people to spend so much on

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Speaker 3: her free wedding or else she was expecting everyone to

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Speaker 3: show up to a lackluster event and just pretend it

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Speaker 3: was amazing.

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Speaker 2: It's like a group.

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Speaker 3: Project that none of us wanted to do because we

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Speaker 3: already graduated and moved on from all that, so we

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Speaker 3: don't need the credit. She does graduate a year later

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Speaker 3: than the rest of us. Okay, so she's still in

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Speaker 3: school too.

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Speaker 2: She's young.

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Speaker 3: I said that if she wants a free wedding, she

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Speaker 3: should probably just alope or go to city hall, because

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Speaker 3: this isn't really free, it's just free for her. I

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Speaker 3: might have been a bit more forceful in my wording,

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Speaker 3: but I didn't swear or call her names or anything

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Speaker 3: like that. She got super quiet and just looked at

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Speaker 3: me for a minute or so and then left, with

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Speaker 3: another one of our friends driving her home. Later that night,

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Speaker 3: I got a text from that friend saying I had

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Speaker 3: really hurt Coral's feelings and that even if the plans

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Speaker 3: were a bit unrealistic, I should have just let Or

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Speaker 3: come to that conclusion on her own. Orrel then messaged

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Speaker 3: me just saying sorry, don't worry about the cake, with

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Speaker 3: no more context. I'm feeling pretty bad now, especially since

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Speaker 3: Quarrel was so happy and excited, and she never really

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Speaker 3: said anything mean to me. Perhaps I should have just

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Speaker 3: gone along with the cake since she said she wouldn't

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Speaker 3: be mad if it turned out badly. But I'm worried

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Speaker 3: that her wedding would not have been what she wanted.

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Speaker 3: And I was also frustrated about the cake request. And

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Speaker 3: there is an edit. I'll read this. Honestly, I feel

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Speaker 3: a bit bad now. Orrel really is a sweet person

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Speaker 3: who's just a bit naive. I feel like a lot

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Speaker 3: of people in the comments are tearing her up more

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Speaker 3: than she deserves. She's always been the baby of the group.

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Speaker 3: But I just got frustrated and ranted on this case.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what the fiance thinks about all of this.

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Speaker 3: I think, oh, peace, Like, I don't know, you may

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Speaker 3: have been too harsh. I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I.

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Speaker 3: Think it's fair to be like, hey, you need a

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Speaker 3: reality check.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, how are you going to come to

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Speaker 2: that conclusion on your own if someone doesn't complain exactly exactly?

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Speaker 3: Everyone was like yeah, okay, right, Hey. Then she gets

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Speaker 3: to the wedding day yeah and realizes, oh, everyone just

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Speaker 3: kind of did the bare minimum.

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Speaker 2: This kind of sucks. Yeah, and like even then, she'd

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Speaker 2: probably just be like mad at them or something. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: She's probably like there's It would be really hard for

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Speaker 2: me to understand how she could just like randomly wake

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Speaker 2: up one day and be like, I'm expecting too much

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Speaker 2: of these people.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't see how she would have done exactly.

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Speaker 2: So I think you're fine. I mean, yeah, maybe your

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Speaker 2: wording was off. But at the same time, maybe she

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Speaker 2: needs to grow up here. Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Maybe maybe she just needs to grow up yeah, and

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Speaker 3: stop being the.

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Speaker 2: Baby of the group exactly.

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Speaker 3: Some of Opie's comments uh teaching Arctic Chain says Jesus,

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Speaker 3: I only got through the first paragraph. I would neither

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Speaker 3: involve people in a wedding like that, nor would I

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Speaker 3: go op says, I'm really curious if she would have

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Speaker 3: told everyone in the extended family and friend groups showing

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Speaker 3: up about the free aspect ahead of time. It definitely

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Speaker 3: sounds like something she would take pride in. But also

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Speaker 3: I don't know how you bring that up. Particular Path

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Speaker 3: says not the a hole. Your friend is being ridiculous,

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Speaker 3: and you were the only one with the balls to

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Speaker 3: tell her. Be happy. She decided to not force you

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Speaker 3: to do the cake, Opie says in her defense, for

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Speaker 3: the last few things she's been naive about, she has

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Speaker 3: ended up coming to the right conclusion on her own

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Speaker 3: in the end. So maybe I should have just let

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Speaker 3: that happen. And there is an update. I don't know. Well,

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Speaker 3: now she's going to speed run that. Now she's gonna

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Speaker 3: get to the right conclusion right now exactly.

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Speaker 2: I think that's fine. Yeah, I think you just grow up.

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Speaker 2: You're you's gotta stop in the face of reality. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and you're fine, You're fine.

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Speaker 3: And then she'll realize, whoa what was I thinking? That

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Speaker 3: was a terrible idea.

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Speaker 2: What a good friend for being so honest with me.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

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Speaker 2: And if she doesn't feel like that, then that's on her.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Update almost two months later, Hi, there, my last

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Speaker 3: post sort of blew up. Llowell. I really didn't think

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Speaker 3: so so many people would be that interested in my

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Speaker 3: silly friend group drama. Short recap, my friend Coral announced

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Speaker 3: she was going to have a free wedding with all

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Speaker 3: of her friends playing roles to volunteer a nice venue, tent, food, photography, band, cake,

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Speaker 3: my role, etc. It sounded okay at first, but her

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Speaker 3: expectations seemed unrealistically lavish, and I told her that in

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Speaker 3: stronger wording, and she got upset. After reading the comments,

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Speaker 3: I honestly began to feel bad for Coral. She really

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Speaker 3: is a kind hearted person, but a lot of people

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Speaker 3: interpreted her as an insane, entitled bridezilla. That's really not

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Speaker 3: the case. I decided I was going to make the cake,

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Speaker 3: and I sent her an apology text, to which I

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Speaker 3: didn't get any reply. That was making me really anxious.

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Speaker 3: I still didn't think that Coral's request were that reasonable,

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Speaker 3: and I wasn't expecting the wedding to fully go to

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Speaker 3: her plans, but that's not for me to worry about. Finally,

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Speaker 3: I got a message from Coral's fiance who will call Basil,

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Speaker 3: asking to meet up.

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Speaker 2: I said yes.

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Speaker 3: My expectation going into this was that Basil was going

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Speaker 3: to tell me how much I hurt Coral's feelings, and

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Speaker 3: I was going to reiterate my apology and share some

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Speaker 3: research planning I had done on the cake. That's not

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Speaker 3: how it went, though. As it turns out, the whole

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Speaker 3: free wedding thing was Basil's ida interesting Basil, Basil, Basil.

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Speaker 2: Bazel what are you doing here? You're supposed to be

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Speaker 2: on the food.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not the impression I got before. Basil didn't

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Speaker 3: at first explain why he wanted to do it, but

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Speaker 3: when pressed, it sounds like it's so he could spend

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Speaker 3: the money that he and Coral had been saving up

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Speaker 3: for their wedding on something else, a boat A Catalina

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Speaker 3: twenty seven.

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Speaker 2: Apparently.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry if I found out that my friend who

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Speaker 3: wants me to freaking subsidize the wedding, make their wedding free,

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Speaker 3: help me do all the work, was doing that because

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Speaker 3: they're trying to save up for a boat. Broa, I'd

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Speaker 3: be like, I'm no, not actually going no pay me.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you can save the money.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you can need a boat, Do not need a boat.

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Speaker 3: Have the wedding on the.

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Speaker 4: Boat, I guess if you want that, and then and then,

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Speaker 4: I ah, very useful and practical thing to have when

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Speaker 4: you're living in this city, especially if your fiance gets seasick.

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Speaker 3: Oh, we did one of those river cruise things a

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Speaker 3: while back and she had a bad time. Bazil says

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Speaker 3: he'll help her get over that, and sailboats are different.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, help her get over it. Does this man

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Speaker 3: know how seasickness works. We'll just worth through, She'll vomit

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Speaker 3: and then it'll be fine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah right, I'll just get over it.

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Speaker 3: I'll just dram a meaner every time we get on

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Speaker 3: the boat.

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Speaker 2: Totally fine.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't need to be awake while we're on the

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Speaker 3: boat anyway. After my whole outburst before, Coral has apparently

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Speaker 3: been having second thoughts about the free wedding things. Basil

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Speaker 3: asked me to talk to her, apologize and tell her

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Speaker 3: that it isn't a bad idea after all. He basically said,

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Speaker 3: I owe it to him to help clean up the mess.

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Speaker 5: I cons.

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Speaker 2: If I was his friend.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. So so now Coral's fiance

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Speaker 3: has gone to Opis who's Coral's friend. He's gone to

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Speaker 3: op and said, hey, Coral now has second thoughts about

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Speaker 3: this free wedding, and I might not get my boat.

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Speaker 2: I want my boat.

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Speaker 3: Fix it. I'd be like, Coral, are you gonna marry

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Speaker 3: this guy? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Honestly, you want me to lie to your fiance about

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Speaker 2: my feelings. And just because I caused a mess, I

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Speaker 2: mean what.

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Speaker 3: I don't feel great about that though, I don't want

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Speaker 3: to drive a wedge between Coral and Basil, but telling

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Speaker 3: her I think it's a good idea after all feels

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Speaker 3: like lying, And I guess actively advocating for a potential

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Speaker 3: train wreck is a further line for me than just

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Speaker 3: agreeing to play my assigned a voluntold baker role. Boo

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Speaker 3: Basil boo, Basil sa.

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Speaker 2: Asnia.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's all you're good for.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Come, we're gonna put you on a little margarita pizza. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because you're useless unless.

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Speaker 2: You're on the healthy mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: But there is a little bit left. Moreover, this was

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Speaker 3: my first real conversation with Basil, and I have to

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Speaker 3: say I'm not totally convinced he is a great person.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if he has exactly manipulated her into

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Speaker 3: going along with this, but it kind of feels that way.

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Speaker 3: So what do I do. It's been a little while

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Speaker 3: now since I talked to Basil, so I really do

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Speaker 3: need to do something, be it what Basil asks or

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Speaker 3: further involving myself in drama by telling Coral that I

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Speaker 3: don't think the wedding or the entire marriage it's a

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Speaker 3: good idea. Some of Opie's comments elle Qtion says, honestly,

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Speaker 3: make the cake, bring it to your friend like yesterday.

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Speaker 3: Tell her she can have the wedding like this or

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Speaker 3: any other way she wants it to be. But using

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Speaker 3: the save money for a boat is the second stupidest

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Speaker 3: decision she's making, right after marrying the selfish ahole Basil.

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Speaker 3: Opie says, right, I really don't have any issues making

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Speaker 3: the cake anymore, but I don't know how to approach

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Speaker 3: the rest of the situation with Basil. Janis nineteen eighty

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Speaker 3: one says, don't make the gike, don't lie and say

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Speaker 3: this nonsense is a good idea. You seem pretty sensible

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Speaker 3: apart from on this issue. What the F is the

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Speaker 3: matter with you? This is all unacceptable. You were one

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Speaker 3: hundred percent right the first time round. Stop backtracking. And

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Speaker 3: let's be clear, this crappy couple are foisting wedding expenses

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Speaker 3: onto other people so they can buy a boat. You're

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Speaker 3: an idiot for even needing to ask what you should do.

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Speaker 3: That is a needlessly harsh comment. Opie says, I just

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Speaker 3: don't want to tell Coral about all of this and

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Speaker 3: ever end up going through with the free wedding and

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Speaker 3: marriage which would almost certainly mean losing her as a

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Speaker 3: friend who's a name says, makes me wonder if Basil

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Speaker 3: is telling forcing her not to respond, continuing to try

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Speaker 3: to check in and being a friend to listen could

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Speaker 3: be much bigger than you think, Opie says. I hope

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Speaker 3: that's not it. I will try to reach out to

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Speaker 3: her another way.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I feel like if that is the case, then if

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Speaker 2: she just reached out and was like, Hey, like, I

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Speaker 2: want to talk to you about like the wedding stuff.

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Speaker 2: Can we meet up in Basil with total, they'd be like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you did totally meet up with exactly what she has

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Speaker 2: to say. And then she doesn't say what Basil wants her.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think you could trick Basil. You could. Yeah,

305
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Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

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Speaker 3: to the next one.

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Speaker 2: My best friend kept ignoring my boundaries and I'm finally

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Speaker 2: losing patience.

309
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Speaker 3: I can't take it anymore.

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Speaker 2: I female twenty one have a best friend of many

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Speaker 2: years whom I'm actually also roommates with right now. We

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00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,720
Speaker 2: usually rather stayed in our separate social circles and didn't

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Speaker 2: have any overlapping friends. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: Cadge Cutie, and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 2: go to the hour slash Okay Storytime, Separate.

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Speaker 3: It and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to

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Speaker 3: give good advice.

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Speaker 2: Goofy. But we don't have all the answers. We just

319
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Speaker 2: know we would do in this situation, So let us

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00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,080
Speaker 2: know what you would do in the comments. So Op

321
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Speaker 2: says she was actually rather apprehensive about introducing me to

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Speaker 2: her friends for whatever reason.

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Speaker 3: They were mostly people from UNI. She was always saying

324
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Speaker 3: we just wouldn't.

325
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Speaker 2: Get along pretty well, which I respected and didn't really mind.

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Speaker 2: I actually got to meet one of her friends at

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Speaker 2: a local festival. She was pretty nice. I got her Instagram,

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Speaker 2: but that's pretty much it. I never hung out with

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Speaker 2: her again, nor did I ever try to message her

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Speaker 2: or anything like that after that. I should mention, though,

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Speaker 2: I feel like my friend maybe didn't really want me

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Speaker 2: going there with them in the first place, as she proposed,

333
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Speaker 2: I actually should go with someone else and we can

334
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Speaker 2: maybe meet up for some time when we were already there.

335
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Speaker 2: That's weird, as I really wanted to experience this event

336
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Speaker 2: with her. I got to go anywhere I don't know

337
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,680
Speaker 2: it was weird, but I tried not to think much

338
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,720
Speaker 2: about it at the time. When we hung out in

339
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,200
Speaker 2: any group setting, it was always me inviting her to

340
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Speaker 2: go out with my other friends. Then I had a

341
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Speaker 2: really bad depressive episode for like two months where I

342
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Speaker 2: limited contact with let a lot of people and stopped

343
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Speaker 2: going out as much, so the hangout stopped. Recently, I've

344
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Speaker 2: been trying to get back on my feet, started UNI

345
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Speaker 2: and started looking for a new job, and also of course,

346
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Speaker 2: rebuilding my social circle. One day, she came to me

347
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Speaker 2: complaining about her current social situation and how she felt

348
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Speaker 2: like her friends didn't get her and how they were

349
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Speaker 2: kind of just on a whole different vibe than her.

350
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Speaker 2: She's also saying how she's a bit jealous of me

351
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Speaker 2: for being approachable and that people just take interest in

352
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Speaker 2: me in general. She was applying this to my dating

353
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Speaker 2: life too, as I did have some flings here and

354
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,800
Speaker 2: there recently. I honestly don't see it that way. I

355
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,560
Speaker 2: do feel like I may have a problem maintaining friendships

356
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Speaker 2: as a neurodivergent person, and I work.

357
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Speaker 3: Hard to get what I have.

358
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Speaker 2: Anyways, I tried giving her some advice and a few

359
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 2: days later, I got invited to an outing to a

360
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Speaker 2: bar with a couple of my old elementary school friends

361
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Speaker 2: I haven't seen in a while.

362
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Speaker 3: After giving it some thought, I decided to invite her too.

363
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Speaker 2: This outing started a chain of hangouts with these same people,

364
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,280
Speaker 2: during some of which I also mixed in some of

365
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,320
Speaker 2: my other friends here and there. Everything was honestly fine

366
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,560
Speaker 2: until one dude, who she's seen literally once in her life,

367
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 2: confronted me about how after he gave her his Instagram,

368
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:55,240
Speaker 2: she just started spamming him with dms and talking about

369
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Speaker 2: things she never even mentioned to me. E ooh oh man,

370
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,680
Speaker 2: it's okay. I think we're getting to the bottom of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe maybe we just I don't know. Take the

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00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 3: phone away, chill out, dude, all right, we'll get them

373
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Speaker 3: next time.

374
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Speaker 5: Yeah.

375
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Speaker 2: She usually shares minor updates about her interactions with other people,

376
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Speaker 2: even stupid things like someone texting her, yet she's never

377
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Speaker 2: told me she's privately texting my friends. After all these hangouts,

378
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,159
Speaker 2: he ignored her and didn't reply, but I immediately got

379
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 2: a bad gut feeling about this. One year ago, I

380
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,119
Speaker 2: got out of the worst relationship of my life with

381
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 2: a very clinging and possessive person. That person had done

382
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 2: something similar. After I introduced them to my friends, they

383
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 2: immediately started constantly messaging them one by one, sending them

384
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,320
Speaker 2: reels and whatnot, even if they literally saw each other

385
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,480
Speaker 2: one time. I always tried to respect their boundaries and

386
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,639
Speaker 2: never initiated any contact with their friends when they weren't around.

387
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,440
Speaker 2: I never really minded that until I found out that

388
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,600
Speaker 2: during a rough patch in the relationship, they started to

389
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 2: make play with two of my friends behind my back

390
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,120
Speaker 2: and talked about specifics of our relationship with them, which

391
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,720
Speaker 2: ultimately became one of the many deciding factors in my

392
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,240
Speaker 2: breakup with them. I got afft over pretty badly during

393
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,080
Speaker 2: this breakup. I'll admit this led me to having to

394
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,119
Speaker 2: cut off not only my eggs, but also two of

395
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 2: my friends, who, while not explicitly saying it, decided to

396
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 2: side with my eggs while simultaneously maintaining a facade of neutrality.

397
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,479
Speaker 2: It was traumatizing. One of those nights, we both got

398
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 2: introduced to a mutual friend of our friends, whom I

399
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,880
Speaker 2: immediately clicked with. He invited me to his Halloween party

400
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,480
Speaker 2: and I accepted as my other plans kind of fell apart.

401
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 2: I actually thought I'd spend Halloween with my best friend,

402
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,680
Speaker 2: but she already made other plans without even considering me.

403
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,600
Speaker 2: I still didn't care, though we don't have to spend

404
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 2: every waking hour together.

405
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,359
Speaker 3: I was really happy I got invited elsewhere, and it.

406
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,920
Speaker 2: Was honestly super fun. This guy also immediately invited me

407
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,360
Speaker 2: to his birthday party, which I even helped to plan

408
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,240
Speaker 2: a little bit. Another situation that had taken place was

409
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,639
Speaker 2: she met a guy not from the friend group, but

410
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 2: so some one I met briefly in the same bar

411
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,920
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago, when he decided to hook

412
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,640
Speaker 2: up with one of my other friends A boy.

413
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 3: So anyway, my best in him. They have a thing

414
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:10,280
Speaker 3: going on now.

415
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,680
Speaker 2: I guess he didn't really strike me as a great person,

416
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,959
Speaker 2: But when I tried to voice my concerns about him,

417
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 2: as she got very defensive about it and.

418
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 3: Basically stopped sharing any details about her dates with him. Interesting.

419
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,479
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't care. She has the right to keep

420
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 2: things private. Of course, I was just worried about her,

421
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,440
Speaker 2: especially because that guy kept updating my other friend that

422
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 2: he hooked up with all about his new relationship. Yesterday,

423
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 2: she brought the guy over for the night to our

424
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 2: apartment without telling me a word. It was also the

425
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 2: day of the birthday party I had planned, and I

426
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,000
Speaker 2: was actually really looking forward to it as I saw

427
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,400
Speaker 2: it as an opportunity to get away from the weirdness

428
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 2: and relax. As I was getting ready, she asked me

429
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 2: where I was going, and I replied honestly. She immediately

430
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 2: told me, oh, my god, right, it's that guy's birthday.

431
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 2: I totally forgot, but I was planning to send him wishes.

432
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 2: Thanks for reminding me. She then proceeded to send him

433
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 2: the most love Bobby TEGs to ever while she literally

434
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:08,560
Speaker 2: has a guy at the apartment.

435
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 3: Yike, go just say happy birthday, Hope you have a

436
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 3: good day.

437
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:18,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you forgot it was his birthday, yeah, mean

438
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 2: that much to you. Weird He, being a nice person

439
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 2: and knowing that we lived together, asked her if she

440
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,119
Speaker 2: wanted to go to the.

441
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 3: Party with me, and that's what she did.

442
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 2: She even wanted my help picking out a last minute gift.

443
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,680
Speaker 3: Wait, I thought you had a guy over? Yeah, where

444
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:38,399
Speaker 3: is he? He's just sitting there. He's like, She's like,

445
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 3: what do you think about this? Avat?

446
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, it's nice. Yeah, I gotta go. I

447
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 2: got pretty upset and emotional that I couldn't even have

448
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 2: this one thing for myself. I didn't ruin the party

449
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 2: for anyone, obviously, I tried to be nice, but towards

450
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 2: the end of the party I started feeling crappy and

451
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 2: a little ignored, so I got mean and snappy to

452
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 2: her before she left. None of that affected my relationship

453
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,159
Speaker 2: with the other people in the group. We talked normally

454
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,360
Speaker 2: after that, but she hasn't talked to me since yesterday. Honestly,

455
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 2: don't really want to talk to her either right now.

456
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 2: On the other hand, I don't really care for petty

457
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 2: Beef and want to resolve this stupid conflict as fast

458
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 2: as possible as I don't want any drama. I just

459
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,639
Speaker 2: don't honestly really know what to say except apologize for

460
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 2: my reaction. I feel really strange and conflicted. She is

461
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 2: constantly excluding me from her private life, yet expects me

462
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 2: to always be available for her and doesn't mind including

463
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 2: herself and anything I do.

464
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 6: Huh.

465
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 3: I think you have to have an honest conversation with

466
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 3: her because technically, although overall she's in the wrong, Yeah,

467
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,400
Speaker 3: you are in the wrong in this specific scenario because

468
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 3: you were rude, ah, and she doesn't necessarily know why. Yeah.

469
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 2: I feel like that's a hard thing to bring up

470
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 2: because like if you if the problem is that she's

471
00:21:54,480 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 2: including herself but excluding you, then it's like it could

472
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,920
Speaker 2: come off in a very like kind of whiny way

473
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 2: if you bring that up of like, hey, like you

474
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 2: are always part of my life and I can't be

475
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 2: a part of your life. Like I don't want to

476
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 2: be a part of your life, but I want you

477
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:12,959
Speaker 2: to not be a part of my life as much,

478
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

479
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 3: Well, I think it's just saying like, hey, I don't

480
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 3: see a reciprocation, yeah, in terms of like and it

481
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 3: feels like I'm always being very inclusive and I'm not

482
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 3: getting that same energy back, and I don't know if

483
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 3: we can necessarily be like I don't know if our

484
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 3: friendship is gonna you know, survive if we're not on

485
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 3: the same page.

486
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 2: That's a good way to put it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

487
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 2: Like that's just kind of how it like. I think

488
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 2: it's just.

489
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 3: Seems like, you know, I don't want to put in

490
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 3: what you're not putting in.

491
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess, yeah, yeah, Oh, that's a good way

492
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 2: to put it. There's a little bit more to the story.

493
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 2: I also realize it might be triggered due to my

494
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 2: previous trauma, but but I can't help feeling uneasy in

495
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 2: certain situations. I'm really happy for her that she's coming

496
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 2: out of her shell and even started dating again, even

497
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 2: if I don't like the guy. But I'm starting to

498
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 2: feel like I'm losing my autonomy and personal space a

499
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,200
Speaker 2: little bit here. I don't want to be one of

500
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 2: those bitter people who introduces their friends to each other

501
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 2: and then gets mad. But at the same time, she's

502
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 2: not being honest and upfront with me. One thing this

503
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 2: situation has told me is that I really need to

504
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 2: step up my boundary game. But aside from that, is

505
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 2: there anything else I can do. I'm honestly thinking about

506
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 2: emotionally detaching from her completely for the moment. I feel

507
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,360
Speaker 2: really drained by this situation. Am I the a hole

508
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 2: for seeing this situation this way? And that's the end

509
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 2: of that story?

510
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 3: I think you got you got a couple options, one

511
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 3: conversation at boundaries to distance and move out?

512
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 2: Sure, actually I guess there's only two. Yeah, yeah, I

513
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 2: wouldn't call you like an ahole for looking at it

514
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 2: this way. But I think, you know, maybe this is

515
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 2: especially if we have past trauma relating to this. I

516
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 2: think maybe this is a great chance to practice our

517
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 2: communication skills. Yeah, and just work on moral Yeah, talking

518
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,959
Speaker 2: about it, And like, I feel like avoiding the situation

519
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:14,120
Speaker 2: isn't gonna help anyone. Yeah, so like, especially not yourself.

520
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 2: So yeah, I would say, at least try to talk

521
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 2: about it. Just give it a try. Yeah.

522
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

523
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 3: to the next one. My friend made me her full

524
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 3: time emotional support and I've had enough. I'm stick of it.

525
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 3: I female forty five, have been friends with Jessica, female

526
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 3: forty one for eighteen years, who we met in two

527
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 3: thousand and seven and became fast friends. We used to

528
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 3: have a wonderful friendship, the kind where we could do

529
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 3: fun activities or literally sit around all day just talking.

530
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 3: I've always been the come to me for a laugh

531
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,200
Speaker 3: kind of friend, and Jessica could always use a good laugh.

532
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Ebers ninety And if

533
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 3: you want to smit your own stories, go to the

534
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime, supared it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie

535
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice. Goofy, but we

536
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 3: don't don't have all the answers. We only know what

537
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 3: we'd do, So let us know what you would do.

538
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,680
Speaker 3: In the comments, and op says Jessica didn't have the

539
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 3: best childhood. She had a broken home, an unstable mother,

540
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,479
Speaker 3: a basically absent father, and a family that didn't approve

541
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 3: of her lifestyle. Things were not good and it left

542
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 3: her with a lot of trauma. On the contrary, I

543
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 3: had a wonderful childhood with no real jah literally jogs

544
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 3: on her. I had a great childhood with no real

545
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 3: traumas to overcome. Because of this, I've always included Jessica

546
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 3: in my family events, so she never felt she didn't

547
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 3: have a place to go on holidays. One thing about

548
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 3: me is that I always want my friends to feel

549
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 3: like my family is their family, because my friends are

550
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 3: extremely important to me. I'm usually hard not to do

551
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 3: so if someone gets through my shell, I know there's

552
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 3: someone who will be in my life long term. Through

553
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 3: the years I've known her, Jessica has been through a lot.

554
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 3: She suffer the loss of her grandparents, FW, bad car accidents,

555
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:06,680
Speaker 3: major surgeries, difficult breakups, financial hardships, and all the mental

556
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,120
Speaker 3: and emotional pains that go along with that. Jessica also

557
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 3: went through a lot. I was there for all of

558
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,119
Speaker 3: it and did my best to support her. I've lent

559
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 3: her money seventeen hundred dollars more on that later, brought

560
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 3: her food when she couldn't afford it, been her personal

561
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 3: chauffeur after two back surgeries, helped clean her house and

562
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 3: countless other things. I've lived about twenty to thirty minutes

563
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 3: from her and would go to her house three to

564
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 3: four times a week, always with food in hand. None

565
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 3: of the things I did was ever because she asked.

566
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 3: It was because she was my friend and I loved her.

567
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 3: I also knew she didn't have support from family or

568
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 3: her other friends when I met her. She had a

569
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 3: pretty large group of friends, but none of them came

570
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 3: around when times were hard. Jessica was always looking for

571
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 3: people to replace the love she lacked as a child.

572
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 3: I consider myself somewhat of an EmPATH, so I picked

573
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 3: up on that and tried to feel as much of

574
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 3: her need to feel love as I could. The first

575
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 3: big situation Jessica had after we met was in two

576
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 3: thousand and eight. At that time, she had a job,

577
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 3: but got injured at work, which resulted in surgery and

578
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 3: left her unable to work. That's the worst time, Oh

579
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 3: my god, the worst time.

580
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 2: Not being able to work work made me not be

581
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 2: able to work.

582
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 3: Yeah. She struggled for several months until she asked me

583
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 3: to lend her seventeen hundred dollars not gonna lie. This

584
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 3: struck me as odd since I had known her just

585
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 3: shy of the year. That said, I had always been

586
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 3: a bit of a captain save aho what so I

587
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 3: lent her the money. We had a long conversation about

588
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 3: how important it was to keep her word. We came

589
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,680
Speaker 3: up with a simple payment plan. She was to pay

590
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 3: me at least fifty dollars a month until I was

591
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 3: paid in full. I only lent her the money because

592
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 3: I had it available, and at the end of the day,

593
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 3: it wasn't going to make or break me if I

594
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 3: didn't get it back. But it was the principal. She

595
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 3: paid me twice and I haven't seen a dime more. Wow. Again,

596
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 3: to my better judgment, I never mentioned it again, but

597
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 3: I let her know she would get no more loans

598
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 3: from me.

599
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 2: Genuinely.

600
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 3: I don't think I could be friends with someone who

601
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 3: promised to give me back the seventeen hundred dollars I

602
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 3: loaned and then only ever gave me back one hundred bucks. Yeah,

603
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 3: that was nowhere close. No, we're missing a lot there. Yeah,

604
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 3: we've got We've got like a month's worth of rent

605
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 3: right left?

606
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 2: Yeah times that.

607
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 3: By seventeen, since Jessica had gotten hurt at work, she

608
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 3: had workers comp case. This was something her job would

609
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 3: eventually have to pay for, but she had to battle

610
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 3: in court for a long time. During this time, she

611
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 3: got into two different car accidents. Geez, Jessicah, my gosh.

612
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 3: She was not at fault in either, and both involved

613
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 3: eighteen wheelers from large trucking companies. Jessica literally has the

614
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 3: worst luck of anyone I've known. Both accidents led to

615
00:28:59,200 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 3: back surgery.

616
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 2: My god, I need to know more details about that,

617
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 2: because how were you getting in crashes with two eighteen

618
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 2: wheelers and it's not your fault?

619
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 3: That's what I'm wondering, Like, I feel like at that point,

620
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, how close were you to those cars?

621
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 6: Right?

622
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 3: How to eighteen wheelers? Two separate incidents? Right? Where were you.

623
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 2: Where were you driving into them?

624
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 3: Were you in the blind spot? Yeah? Like were you?

625
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 2: Were you too close to the back of it or

626
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 2: something and it had to stop and they couldn't see

627
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 2: you there.

628
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 3: Just genuinely, this person seems like like workplace accident. Yeah,

629
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 3: two eighteen wheeler car crashes, Like.

630
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 2: That's like getting hit by a train.

631
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:38,959
Speaker 6: Yea.

632
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 2: Honestly, like that's as bad as it can get on

633
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 2: the road. I just don't understand how they could just

634
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 2: not see you there.

635
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, as you can imagine, these surgeries left are unable

636
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: to take care of herself for a while, with no

637
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 3: family support and friends who only liked to be around

638
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 3: for fun. I felt I needed to help her. Not

639
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 3: only did I feel need I wanted to help. I

640
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 3: made sure she ate went to doctor's appointments with her,

641
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 3: helped care for pets, and supported her during bouts of depression.

642
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 3: By early two thousand and nine, Jessica was doing much better.

643
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 3: She could get around on her own, and life mostly

644
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 3: returned to normal. I noticed she was going out more

645
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 3: and meeting other friends, while I was still always the

646
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 3: one going to her. When I asked her to come

647
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 3: to my house, i'd get excuses about her back hurting.

648
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 3: Then I'd find out she was driving twenty minutes to

649
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: lift big TVs and do other things that exacerbated her injury.

650
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 3: Bro she wouldn't even check my social media genuinely. At

651
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 3: that point, I feel like she's causing a lot of

652
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 3: these injuries, Like I feel like she's not being careful. Yeah,

653
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 3: and then she's getting injured.

654
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 6: What.

655
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 3: At that point, I stopped making much of an effort

656
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 3: to be around her. We went two to three months

657
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 3: without talking until she called me crying. She had woken

658
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 3: up paralyzed on one side of her face. She was

659
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 3: diagnosed with Bell's palsy. He needed someone, and I went

660
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 3: straight to her. The idea of her struggling alone did

661
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 3: not sit right with me. Everything went back to what

662
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 3: it used to be, me always going to her. She

663
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 3: tried a little more in our friendship, but it was

664
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 3: mostly the same as before. The more I write, the

665
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 3: more I realize how much of a doormat I was

666
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 3: being my people pleasing ways around twenty ten. This is

667
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 3: only this is only three years into the relationship.

668
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 2: Not a very long relationship. But a lot has happened.

669
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 3: Oh, our friendship changed. I moved in with my then

670
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 3: boyfriend now husband, and started a new job. I saw

671
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 3: her less but still hung out when I could. She

672
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 3: remained on disability, had no job, and was just getting by.

673
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 3: Her physical health improved, though she still had chronic pain

674
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 3: and Bell's palsy never fully went away. It went like

675
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 3: that for a few years until I moved three hours

676
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 3: away and got married. I visited her when I went

677
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 3: back for work in twenty fourteen. She moved to a

678
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 3: warmer state for her back pain. I was worried about

679
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 3: her leaving her support system, and selfishly I was going

680
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 3: to miss her. I understood why she wanted to go

681
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 3: and hoped it improved her quality of life. From twenty

682
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 3: fourteen to twenty eighteen, we hardly talked. She usually initiated contact,

683
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 3: and I assumed she was adjusting to her new life.

684
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 3: I kept in contact over social media. Around twenty nineteen,

685
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 3: when I got pregnant with my third child, we talked

686
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 3: regularly again. She had a bad breakup and needed someone

687
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 3: to talk to. I had time as a stay at

688
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 3: home mom, so I listened. By the time the VIDO,

689
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 3: we were spending hours on the phone. I felt she

690
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 3: became very dependent on me. If I couldn't talk, she

691
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 3: would text or use social media. When I could finally speak,

692
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 3: she'd say, I need to talk to you, like it

693
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 3: was my responsibility to be there immediately when I needed someone.

694
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 3: She wouldn't hesitate to say she couldn't talk, or would

695
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: turn the conversation into the Jessica show my people pleasing

696
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 3: ways let this happen because I didn't want to make

697
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 3: her life seem less important. She would also give me

698
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 3: advice on my relationship or my children, even though she

699
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 3: had no children and no stable relationship experience. I didn't

700
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 3: appreciate her assuming knowledge of things she hadn't experienced. I

701
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,719
Speaker 3: now choose not to talk about personal issues with her,

702
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 3: which isn't a hindrance. From twenty twenty eight to twenty

703
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 3: twenty three, I felt like I spent every waking moment

704
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 3: on the phone with her. My children and husband asked

705
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 3: me to spend more time with them, not on the phone.

706
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I didn't.

707
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 3: Realize it was causing issues. That how it's that bad

708
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 3: when you know it's real bad. Oh my god, spending

709
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 3: that much time on the phone with her, That your children.

710
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 2: And your husband are like, Hey, I don't think i've

711
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 2: ever heard of that kind of situation, spending that much

712
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 2: time actually with the friend.

713
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, not with a friend.

714
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 3: I had a person who did that with like a partner,

715
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 3: like literally that just always would be on the phone

716
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 3: with a partner. Now when I've heard yeah, but with

717
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 3: the friend, I've not heard that one crazy. I explained

718
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 3: this to her and she said she understood. Yet when

719
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 3: something happened that required her ear, I justified being on

720
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 3: the phone, telling myself it wasn't a big deal. It

721
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 3: started causing issues in my marriage. You gotta stand up

722
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 3: for yourself, Opie. You cannot let this friend who has

723
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 3: never been there for you once ruin your marriage. I

724
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 3: decided to stop answering every time she called. I would

725
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 3: only talk when home alone. She noticed and asked what

726
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 3: was going on. I told her, and she made it

727
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 3: about how my authsband.

728
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 2: Didn't like her. I wouldn't like you either, girl.

729
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 5: He had never liked Jessica.

730
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 3: She came on too strong. That wasn't the issue. I

731
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,280
Speaker 3: told her so, but she wouldn't accept it. We argued

732
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 3: because I refused to let her manipulate me. Her accusations

733
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 3: left me feeling gas lit. Ever since that confrontation, I

734
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 3: make a point not to fall back into that. I

735
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 3: feel she tries to pick fights to keep me on

736
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 3: the phone. We've been friends eighteen years, so I know

737
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 3: her life and she knows. I try to solve problem.

738
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 3: I suggest solutions, but she accuses me of judging her past.

739
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 3: I feel like I can't do anything right for so

740
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 3: I prefer to talk less. Not too long ago, we

741
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 3: had another heated argument. You told me I don't love

742
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:13,320
Speaker 3: her deeply.

743
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 6: It up.

744
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 3: You set a boundary and didn't understand why I struggled

745
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 3: to meet it. I felt overwhelmed and ended the conversation.

746
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 3: We tried again a few days ago. I feel I

747
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 3: met the boundary already. I believe this is just a

748
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 3: new way for her to demand more. You brought up

749
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 3: her trauma and said it was why she needs more.

750
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 3: I feel for her, but her trauma isn't my responsibility.

751
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 6: Yeah.

752
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 2: I need to pause really quick too, because a boundary

753
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 2: is something that you don't cross. A boundary isn't like

754
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 2: something that you have to meet Like I'm assuming what

755
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 2: her boundary was is like, Oh, I need you. I

756
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 2: need more attention from you because I feel like you

757
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 2: don't love meat, which is not a boundary. That's really yeah, yeah, exactly,

758
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 2: that's not Yeah, that's absolutely not what that is.

759
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 3: She's totally manipulating, very much manipulating you. WHOA I can

760
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 3: no longer give more than I currently do. I know

761
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 3: that my pulling back may feel like I abandoned her.

762
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:06,359
Speaker 2: Am I the a hole?

763
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 3: Girl? You are a self a whole? Yeah, self a

764
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,439
Speaker 3: hole to yourself? Yeah, stop being a self A hole.

765
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 2: I really want you to figure this out and really

766
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,840
Speaker 2: stand up to her. Yeah, you don't need to be

767
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 2: doing this stuff.

768
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,280
Speaker 3: I just need all of the comments to be like, girl,

769
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:22,720
Speaker 3: what you doing?

770
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 2: She's not a good friends. She wants like a relationship

771
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 2: from you.

772
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 3: She wants you to be her wife. Yeah, what she

773
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 3: wants she wants you to be your wife. Obviously. You know,

774
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that she's in love with you, but

775
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: she wants a romantic level attachment from you.

776
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 2: Right, and she doesn't understand that that's not not how

777
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 2: this friendship is.

778
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 3: No, but that is the end of that story.

779
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 2: Good luck, Opy, good luck.

780
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're

781
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:52,720
Speaker 1: gonna get back to the stories.

782
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 5: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

783
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,439
Speaker 3: My boyfriend's mother spied on our messages for a year.

784
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 3: What she wanna learn?

785
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 2: I need advice on how to best support my significant

786
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 2: others and to keep you invested. She had access to

787
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 2: his Apple ID and read every text between us for

788
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 2: a year before we figured it out.

789
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from aggravating let twenty eighth nine.

790
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

791
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay, storytime separated And I'm Angie.

792
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice.

793
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:24,800
Speaker 2: Goofily. But we don't have all the answers.

794
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,320
Speaker 3: We just know what we would do in the situation.

795
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

796
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 3: So Opie says.

797
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 2: For backstory, my significant other thirty one now twenty nine

798
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 2: when this started, is a surgical resident who moved to

799
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 2: my city for his training. He is an only child

800
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 2: and had never had a girlfriend before me. His family

801
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 2: decided together that they would move across the country to

802
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 2: be in the same city for his residency. The family

803
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 2: dynamic was always mother in law and significant other, with

804
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 2: father in law doing his own thing. Even though they

805
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 2: are still married. Father in law has been very isolated,

806
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 2: made bad decisions in his marriage, and is trying to

807
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 2: make up for it. I am a twenty six female,

808
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:02,439
Speaker 2: but I was twenty four when this started. Month zero

809
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,760
Speaker 2: to three, I began dating my significant other. Things between

810
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: us grew quickly and steadily. I made genuine efforts to

811
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 2: be resourceful and positive towards his mother. Months three to nine,

812
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 2: my partner had met my family and I was continuously

813
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 2: inviting him to invite his family to dinner and different

814
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 2: activities so they could meet people since they were new

815
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 2: to town.

816
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 3: He vented to his mom during moments of stress or confusion,

817
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 3: normal early relationship anxieties, misunderstandings, and ups and downs. Mother

818
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 3: in law interpreted these venting moments literally and negatively without

819
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 3: me realizing it. She began forming a fixed negative view

820
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 3: of me, built on assumptions rather than interactions. We hadn't

821
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,320
Speaker 3: met at this point, but I wasn't upset because I

822
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 3: was the first girlfriend and this was a big shift.

823
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 3: From months nine to ten, I finally couldn't take it

824
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 3: anymore and didn't understand why she wasn't meeting me when

825
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 3: she was in the same city for nine months. He

826
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 3: finally confessed that she refuse to meet me on scenes.

827
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 3: She continued building a narrative that I am controlling, manipulative,

828
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 3: or not good enough for him. She kept planting seeds

829
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 3: of doubt. But he defended me and stood up for

830
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 3: me the whole time for months eleven to twelve November

831
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 3: and December. Once my significant other told me about his mother,

832
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 3: he started in venting constantly. She was constantly nagging him

833
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 3: about everything, telling him his hair was receding, that he

834
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 3: was becoming a heavy drinker, he maybe drinks once a week,

835
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,879
Speaker 3: that he was a bad son, and that she missed.

836
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 2: What they used to have.

837
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 6: What's the jab with the hair receding in there?

838
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, you're know my son anymore.

839
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 2: You're drinking all the time, and your hair you're going

840
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:50,800
Speaker 2: bald a day. Oh my god, she said, I missed

841
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 2: when you would come home from work and strip down

842
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,720
Speaker 2: to your underwear and tell me about your day. I'm sorry,

843
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 2: huh what mom?

844
00:39:58,520 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 6: No?

845
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 3: By why are we doing that? First of all, why

846
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 3: are we missing that? I miss when my son would

847
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,400
Speaker 3: get naked and tell me all about his days.

848
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 2: You can tell me about your day when with your

849
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 2: clothes on.

850
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, you can just come home and tell me about

851
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 6: your day.

852
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 2: But then she said all this crazy stuff about me too,

853
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,839
Speaker 2: which she could not have known because he wasn't talking

854
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 2: to her about me at that point. For example, she asked,

855
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 2: why is she still at your apartment? We had each

856
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 2: other's location, but then she mentioned a charm that I

857
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 2: suggested he get her for Christmas. The only way she

858
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 2: could know that was if she was on the same

859
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 2: Apple ID, so he changed the Apple IDs so we

860
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:42,919
Speaker 2: had private conversations and she went berserk. No she cut

861
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:47,720
Speaker 2: him off of everything, including the phone plan, and didn't

862
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,320
Speaker 2: talk to him for a while. At this point, he

863
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 2: didn't want to fully face how controlling and manipulative she was.

864
00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 2: He wasn't justifying her behavior, but it was like he

865
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 2: didn't want to face it. She still hasn't met me

866
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 2: at this point, newsflash, she won't meet me. Months fifteen

867
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 2: to seventeen, she finally reached back out, and it was obvious.

868
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 2: It was very different because he realized how controlling she is,

869
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 2: but he didn't want to lose her because he doesn't

870
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 2: have siblings and they aren't close to extended family. Several

871
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 2: small incidents occurred where mother in law made passive or

872
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 2: critical remarks that I'm controlling him replacing her, or that

873
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 2: he doesn't invest in their relationship, blah blah blah. But

874
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,879
Speaker 2: he didn't go over to their house to see them

875
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,280
Speaker 2: at all. He was standing his ground. For his birthday,

876
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 2: I made my last effort. I invited all of his

877
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 2: friends to town to the Airbnb because he was sad

878
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 2: about the relationship with his parents and I wanted him

879
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 2: to be happy and see his support system. He had

880
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 2: barely seen his best friend for six years because of

881
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 2: men's school and residency. I asked his friend to invite

882
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 2: his parents to a brunch. I swore I would not

883
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 2: show up in disrespect their boundaries. It was Easter, so

884
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 2: I would be at church. She then went off on

885
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,439
Speaker 2: the friend because he suggested my significant other not see

886
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 2: them anymore or give in since they refuse to meet me.

887
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 2: She only knew this because she read all the text

888
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 2: messages after she attacked him and didn't see her own

889
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 2: son for his birthday. I wrote a really sweet letter.

890
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 2: Here are the contents, Dear mister and missus. I wanted

891
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,479
Speaker 2: to take a moment and reach out with sincerity and hope.

892
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 2: I truly respect the bond. Y'all share with your son,

893
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 2: and I see how deeply meaningful that bond is. It

894
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 2: is clear how much y'all love one another, as well

895
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 2: as how close your family bond is. I deeply love

896
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 2: and care about your son, and I only want what

897
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 2: is best for a significant other and your family. I

898
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 2: understand and recognize that this has been a challenging and

899
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 2: emotional season for everyone. I know how much family means

900
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 2: to significant other as I share that priority with him.

901
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 2: I only want to positively contribute to his life and

902
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 2: relationships with an open heart. I would love the opportunity

903
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,320
Speaker 2: to meet y'all and build a positive connection when the

904
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,760
Speaker 2: time feels right for everyone. I want to be mindful

905
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,400
Speaker 2: and respectful of your boundaries, so please let me know

906
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 2: if and when you'd be open to meeting love Opie.

907
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 2: I did not hear back from them, and of course

908
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 2: they guilt tripped him, and so that all he does

909
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 2: is break their heart because I'm controlling him by not

910
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:09,840
Speaker 2: letting them.

911
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 3: See him for his birthday.

912
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 2: Dude, they just totally ignored.

913
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 7: That letting sends such a nice letter and just nothing

914
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,320
Speaker 7: and then it's just like, okay, great, so we're gonna

915
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:24,360
Speaker 7: burn that then, Yeah, gosh, that was my last attempt

916
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 7: at hope and I was completely done after that.

917
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 2: Now month eighteen to twenty, he has not given up

918
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 2: yet as expected, so he started going over there once

919
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 2: a week for three months to spend time with them

920
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:38,160
Speaker 2: and given he thinks if he meets them in the middle,

921
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 2: then they will relent and meeting. He asked to make

922
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 2: sure I was okay and comfortable with it, and I agreed,

923
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 2: because the cutting them off from seeing him, but not

924
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 2: all communication was cut off, so we needed something new.

925
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 2: He was seeing them for three months and it was

926
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 2: getting a lot better until he finally said that we

927
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 2: are the two most important people in this life and

928
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,919
Speaker 2: he just wants a one and a half hour meeting

929
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 2: with an open mind. She then sent a long message

930
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 2: saying she and his father refused to accept our relationship

931
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 2: and will not bend. She claims they have seen every

932
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 2: text from me, my family, his friends, and that they've

933
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:19,399
Speaker 2: heard voicemails and private conversations for a year. So yeah,

934
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 2: we're just like fully admitting to crime here now.

935
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 6: I'm just also like, we are so far into this

936
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 6: relationship at this point. Yeah, I'm shocked one that their

937
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 6: first relationship has lasted.

938
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 3: This long two through all of this, yes, like because

939
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 3: that's already.

940
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 6: Impressive for like, oh my god, this is my first

941
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,919
Speaker 6: relationship and now it's like right, yeah.

942
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 2: Based on this, she accused me of being manipulative, controlling,

943
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:48,359
Speaker 2: and constantly pushing my significant other and claimed she had

944
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 2: a therapist confirm it. She says I dictate everything in

945
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:55,240
Speaker 2: the relationship and labeled me as a self absorbed person

946
00:44:55,440 --> 00:45:00,080
Speaker 2: with ADHD at minimum, treating ADHD as a flaw. You

947
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 2: also added harsh, unnecessary comments about my looks, intelligent, and

948
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,399
Speaker 2: work ethic, claiming I am not good enough for him,

949
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 2: but saying that's not why they shunned me. He then

950
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 2: said to her, I'm sorry that you feel that way.

951
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:14,320
Speaker 2: I love her, and when you're ready to be in

952
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 2: our lives, we are here. What a great response that is.

953
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like yeah, okay, well I'm choosing her too bad,

954
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 3: so sad? Yeah, had your time?

955
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 2: Literally like that's it reminds me of like when I

956
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 2: was younger and I would be crying about something stupid,

957
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,879
Speaker 2: probably because I was a kid, and my mom would

958
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 2: literally be like, okay, well I can't understand you, so

959
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 2: you need to go stop crying and come back to

960
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 2: me when you're done crying like that. This is like

961
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:38,759
Speaker 2: what they're doing.

962
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like okay, mom, I'll be waiting waiting, have your time,

963
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 6: pretend come me and my girlfriend when you're done.

964
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 2: Yeah. Literally, it's like, come on, dude, come on. Month

965
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 2: twenty to twenty four, my significant other pulled back completely

966
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 2: from communication with mother in law. He has not spoken

967
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 2: to her for a month and half. During this time,

968
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 2: his dad underwent major hip surgery. My significant other reached

969
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,239
Speaker 2: out to his dad only to ask how he was.

970
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,760
Speaker 2: His dad responded coldly. Mother in law did not respond

971
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 2: at all. Present moment, my significant other remains no contact

972
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 2: with mother in law. Mother in law has chosen to

973
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 2: stand by her message with zero apology or acknowledgement. My

974
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 2: significant other is grieving the realization that she has been

975
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:28,320
Speaker 2: controlling and manipulative. So that's it. That's the story. What

976
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 2: do y'all think?

977
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 3: Gal?

978
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 2: Can I support him? Have y'all had similar situations?

979
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 6: And there are some comments, But what do you think

980
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 6: she's already been doing it? Like you've been there, you've

981
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 6: been super understanding about everything. You can be there to

982
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 6: comfort him, like let him talk about it. Kind of thing.

983
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 6: But ultimately I feel like if if he finally broke

984
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 6: and was like, we'll be here waiting, I choose her

985
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:55,280
Speaker 6: kind of thing. Yeah, like, things will probably be fairly smooth.

986
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 2: But there are some comments coming. Number one says he

987
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,840
Speaker 2: might benefit from some counseling with a therapy familiar with

988
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,919
Speaker 2: in meshed family dynamics. That was a very sweet letter

989
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 2: you sent his parents. You've done all that you can.

990
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 2: Common Number two says, all this while doing a surgical residency.

991
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:13,359
Speaker 2: Do they realize they could jeopardize all his hard work?

992
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 2: What horrible people? Opie says he failed his boards last

993
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 2: year because she started a massive fight. Luckily he gets

994
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 2: to retake it again and no one really cared. But

995
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 2: he scored a ninety ninth percentile on the MCAT, so

996
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:28,720
Speaker 2: test taking isn't the issue.

997
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 3: Common Number three.

998
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 2: Says, my crazy family had my Apple ID on lockdown two?

999
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 2: Did you ever figure out how they managed to do that?

1000
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:38,959
Speaker 2: I still can't figure out how they did that to me. Still,

1001
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 2: Opie says, his passwords are really easy if you know him.

1002
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 3: If you know one, you know all of them.

1003
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 2: And she just figured it out or she was looking

1004
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 2: at his iPad that was there and figured out the password.

1005
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:51,880
Speaker 3: How did yours figure out your stuff? Did they read it?

1006
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 2: Can you expand? I feel so weird because I haven't

1007
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 2: met them, but my privacy was so violated, and.

1008
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 5: I don't know how to feel.

1009
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 2: Someone else responds it may have had to do with

1010
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 2: me being on a family plan, but aside from that,

1011
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 2: I have no idea.

1012
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 3: I'm sorry you're going through that.

1013
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 2: But what did work for me was making an entirely

1014
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 2: new I Cloud account with a new email that they

1015
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 2: weren't aware of, and.

1016
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 6: To go into your settings check which phone numbers and

1017
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 6: emails sharing too.

1018
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 3: It's usually that, oh wow, okay, and that's the end

1019
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 3: of this story. We're going on to the next one.

1020
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 6: My mother in law kept disregarding our newborn space and

1021
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 6: I'm losing my mind.

1022
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna lose my marbles.

1023
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 6: So my partner and I are new parents to a

1024
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 6: four month old I've unfortunately had a lot of negative

1025
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:40,240
Speaker 6: experiences with his mother ever since we shared the pregnancy

1026
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 6: with her. She is constantly trying to tell us what

1027
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 6: to do and control situations. We do not live with

1028
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 6: her and we do not rely on her for anything.

1029
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:51,320
Speaker 6: I tried so hard to be around her and do

1030
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 6: things as a family. I just really want to know

1031
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 6: if I'm the a whole. By the way, this comes

1032
00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 6: from Suspicious Girl ninety seven to fifty six, and if

1033
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,760
Speaker 6: you want usbmit your own stories, go to the rslash

1034
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 6: Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Angie, and we're here

1035
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 6: to give good advice googly, but we don't have all

1036
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 6: the answers. We only know what we would do, So

1037
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:11,800
Speaker 6: let us know what you would do in the comments,

1038
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 6: and Opie says, since I've had my daughter, her dad

1039
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:19,400
Speaker 6: hasn't really wanted to text everyone about her or send pictures. I,

1040
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,399
Speaker 6: on the other hand, have sent his family, including his mother,

1041
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 6: pictures at their request and when I wanted to share

1042
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 6: things with them. I don't want anyone to assume that

1043
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 6: I started this. I was letting her baby sit our daughter.

1044
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 6: I was sending photos and updates all of the things.

1045
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:37,720
Speaker 6: I wasn't doing too much with it, but I tried.

1046
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 6: I wanted my daughter to be around her family, especially

1047
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 6: her grandparents. I had great relationships with my grandparents growing up.

1048
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 6: Spending whole summers with them was great, and of course

1049
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 6: I want that for my baby. However, She's said and

1050
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 6: done a lot of things that made me very uncomfortable

1051
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 6: and upset. Firstly, when I was pregnant, she kept telling

1052
00:49:58,239 --> 00:49:59,879
Speaker 6: me where to go and what to do for ever

1053
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 6: everything I had already planned everything out, and she just

1054
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 6: would keep trying to control things because that's what she did.

1055
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 6: I of course listened to her advice, but always ended

1056
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:13,800
Speaker 6: up doing what I wanted because it's my pregnancy. I

1057
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 6: also have plenty of women in my family giving me

1058
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:19,439
Speaker 6: advice as well, so I didn't really need her trying

1059
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:22,840
Speaker 6: to guide me. We wouldn't even talk to her about

1060
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 6: things until after we already decided. It's a difference between

1061
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 6: wanting to be involved and wanting to control. So yeah,

1062
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 6: like I said, she just kept saying what we do

1063
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,800
Speaker 6: or don't need and do or should and shouldn't do

1064
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:39,399
Speaker 6: with our daughter. That unwarranted advice irked me so bad.

1065
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 6: Because she has her own five kids, she did what

1066
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 6: she wanted with them. Let me do what I want

1067
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 6: with mine. I'm venting, sorry anyways, the whole pregnancy was

1068
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 6: like that. Then, when I was in labor, she apparently

1069
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 6: was out in the waiting room complaining, hey speeding up

1070
00:50:55,719 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 6: in there, taking so loud, I got dinner reservations. I've

1071
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 6: been exclusively naturally feeding my baby since birth. Well, when

1072
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:06,800
Speaker 6: I was a few days postpartum, she said about the

1073
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:10,240
Speaker 6: baby crying, that baby is crying because she wants a bottle,

1074
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 6: or that baby is crying because she wants a pacifier.

1075
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:16,880
Speaker 6: Mind you. In the hospital, I literally broke down crying

1076
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,840
Speaker 6: with one of the nurses because I was having troubled nursing.

1077
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 6: So that really hurt a lot, especially since I had

1078
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 6: just had my daughter and was having a lot of emotions.

1079
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 6: When the baby would cry around her, she would get

1080
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 6: up in my face and put her hands out, saying, here,

1081
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 6: give her to me. I didn't, because what, I'm a

1082
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 6: first time mom, but this isn't my first time taking

1083
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:38,760
Speaker 6: care of a baby or child.

1084
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 3: For her to do that was just why not.

1085
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 6: Let me figure out how to do things. She was

1086
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 6: only crying for maybe a minute or two. By the way,

1087
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 6: she did a lot of other small things that I

1088
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,399
Speaker 6: can't think of right now, but enough altogether to make

1089
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 6: me not want her around.

1090
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,720
Speaker 2: Then a few weeks ago, she did something really weird.

1091
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,759
Speaker 6: I was about to get my period and wasn't feeling well.

1092
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 6: Men I was seriously about to check myself in somewhere

1093
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,400
Speaker 6: because my hormones were so messed up and I was

1094
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,800
Speaker 6: scared it was really bad postpartum stuff. I wasn't just

1095
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:13,760
Speaker 6: having messed up hormones, especially since I'm still naturally feeding.

1096
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 6: I hadn't felt like that since even with previous periods.

1097
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 6: I was really upset and not feeling myself. I asked

1098
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:23,399
Speaker 6: my boyfriend to put our daughter down for a nap

1099
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:27,399
Speaker 6: while I ate and calmed myself down. Guess who comes over,

1100
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 6: uninvited and unannounced, His mother, of course, being loud while

1101
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:34,839
Speaker 6: our daughter is trying to sleep.

1102
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 3: Side note.

1103
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 6: She's come over before when she was sleeping to ask

1104
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 6: to hold her, which I said no, but my boyfriend

1105
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,800
Speaker 6: said she wouldn't wake up it's fine, and guess what

1106
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 6: she woke up. Another side note, My daughter has had

1107
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 6: so much trouble with sleep, so in the early days,

1108
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,719
Speaker 6: getting her a nap was a big win and that

1109
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 6: really upset me. When we would let her babysit, she said,

1110
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 6: we don't do that over here. When she yawned, implying

1111
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 6: that she wasn't going to let her nap, I had

1112
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:04,399
Speaker 6: to tell her she needed a nap and what time,

1113
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:06,799
Speaker 6: like what we just we don't.

1114
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:10,280
Speaker 2: We don't believe in naps over here in my house.

1115
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 6: I will say, I'm sure not at four months old.

1116
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 6: But when I was like a toddler and stuff, my

1117
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 6: mom wanted to hang out with me too much, so

1118
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:22,360
Speaker 6: I didn't nap. That's so funny, and I am terrible

1119
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:24,879
Speaker 6: at napping now I really cannot sleep in the middle

1120
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 6: of it.

1121
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that is so funny.

1122
00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 6: My boyfriend continued holding her daughter and getting her to sleep. Anyways,

1123
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 6: she comes into the bedroom I'm in, sitting on my

1124
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 6: bed and says hi, but of course not just hi.

1125
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:39,719
Speaker 6: She starts looking around the room.

1126
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:44,240
Speaker 3: Sees my wig. She starts laughing about it. Then, since I'm.

1127
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,320
Speaker 6: Literally in my own bed, in my own room, in

1128
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 6: my own apartment, that she came unannounced to my front

1129
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 6: airbags are falling out of my braw bit. I didn't

1130
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 6: get a chance to fix them because I didn't know

1131
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,400
Speaker 6: she was coming into the bedroom. I thought she was

1132
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 6: just talking to my boyfriend. They aren't even fully out there,

1133
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:05,359
Speaker 6: but she says, Sweetie, fix your bra I look down.

1134
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,239
Speaker 6: Then she keeps saying it. I didn't fix it. So

1135
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 6: I'm literally in my own home. They weren't fully out

1136
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 6: by the way. I just kept blank staring at her

1137
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 6: because I really didn't want to be rude. After that,

1138
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:19,360
Speaker 6: I just didn't want to be around her. She's constantly

1139
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 6: making me uncomfortable and upset over stepping boundaries. Then she

1140
00:54:23,239 --> 00:54:26,239
Speaker 6: calls my boyfriend and tells him he must attend Thanksgiving

1141
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:28,959
Speaker 6: dinner with her, even though he told me multiple times

1142
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 6: he wants to stay home. She basically told him that

1143
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 6: our daughter and he both need her around, so they

1144
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 6: both need to be around family for support and stuff.

1145
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,439
Speaker 6: I understand wanting family around, but why is she telling

1146
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:43,840
Speaker 6: him what to do. She also told him that her

1147
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,200
Speaker 6: daughter is going to walk and she doesn't need to

1148
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 6: learn to crawl. She was saying all types of things

1149
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 6: on the phone call.

1150
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,360
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, that's crazy that maybe he's.

1151
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 6: Just going from laying down to walk it up, just

1152
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 6: genuinely trying to control my daughter and him. My boyfriend

1153
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:02,840
Speaker 6: has no backbone and just agrees to everything. But this

1154
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 6: mother in law's cuckoo.

1155
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,360
Speaker 2: Cuckoo, And I hate that last sentence that we just

1156
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:10,480
Speaker 2: read of like the boyfriend having no backbone, because yeah,

1157
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:12,239
Speaker 2: that was the only thing I was thinking that you

1158
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,720
Speaker 2: could really do, like was have him. Yeah, Like, obviously

1159
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,320
Speaker 2: you can say something, you can confront or whatever, but like,

1160
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 2: the person that would have the most say in this

1161
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 2: situation is your boyfriend.

1162
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 6: I was also so held up about the fact that

1163
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 6: OPI was more upset that the mom wanted boyfriend and

1164
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 6: daughter to and baby to go somewhere even though he

1165
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:35,239
Speaker 6: didn't want to, and not even the fact that she

1166
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 6: totally didn't cop an invite there. But he was like,

1167
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:41,439
Speaker 6: like my son and your new baby, Like you guys

1168
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 6: come to Thanksgiving? Like where was your invite?

1169
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 3: Girl?

1170
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 2: Right?

1171
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1172
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:47,359
Speaker 3: What the heck? I'd be more mad about that. Yeah right.

1173
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do.

1174
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 6: I told him if he wants us there, then we

1175
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,800
Speaker 6: will go, but he said we don't have to. I

1176
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 6: know he does want to see some family. He's been

1177
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,960
Speaker 6: dodging all of his mom's calls and text for weeks

1178
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 6: prior to their phone call. I feel like she thinks

1179
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 6: that's my doing since he's never been like that, But

1180
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 6: I don't know. He's just not been wanting to talk

1181
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 6: to her lately. I even asked him if he's going

1182
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:11,840
Speaker 6: through anything, but he says he's not. I don't know

1183
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 6: what to do about Turkey Day. My family wants to

1184
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 6: see me too, so it's hard. I'm not comfortable having

1185
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:19,839
Speaker 6: our daughter over there without me because her dad has

1186
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,400
Speaker 6: no backbone, and I know that boundaries will be crossed.

1187
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 6: Everyone in his family wants to give her food, and

1188
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 6: she's not ready yet. According to the pediatrician. I know

1189
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 6: they'll try, because that's the type of people they are.

1190
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 6: Any advice, Am I the A hole?

1191
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:37,360
Speaker 3: We have some comments? Oh, let's say you. Yeah, definitely.

1192
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:40,080
Speaker 2: I feel like that's so so easy to see. Yeah.

1193
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 3: Comment one, not the A hole.

1194
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 6: Come into my house, come into my bedroom unannounced and

1195
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 6: tell me to fix my bra get out of here literally.

1196
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 3: Lol.

1197
00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:53,399
Speaker 6: Sounds like your other half is seeing with clear eyes now,

1198
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:56,040
Speaker 6: and as he's not willing to speak up, avoiding is

1199
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 6: his tactic. Maybe it's taken having a kid and his

1200
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:02,880
Speaker 6: mom's overbearing attitude coming out to really see it. Go

1201
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 6: to your parents for Thanksgiving. Life is too short to

1202
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:08,399
Speaker 6: spend important family times with people you'll have to fend

1203
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:11,680
Speaker 6: off constantly. Comment or two, not the A hole. Oh

1204
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 6: my gosh, I would never let her in my house again.

1205
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 6: I would avoid her for eternity she's burnt the bridge

1206
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 6: with you. Kin Keeping her is one hundred percent on

1207
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:24,120
Speaker 6: the boyfriend. Now, if he wants her to be connected

1208
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 6: with his child, he can send the pictures and arrange

1209
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 6: times to see her. You can just escape and that's

1210
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 6: the end of that story.

1211
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 3: Wowow Yeah, I really want your boyfriend to grow backbone.

1212
00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 2: I really want your mother in law to like quit it.

1213
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:40,959
Speaker 3: Yeauh.

1214
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:43,840
Speaker 6: It's hard to do, but I feel like neither are

1215
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 6: gonna happen. But maybe, yeah, maybe things can calm down.

1216
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, honestly, I think if your boyfriend doesn't say anything,

1217
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 2: you just need to start saying things yourself, which I

1218
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 2: mean I'm sure you. I'm sure you.

1219
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:57,560
Speaker 3: Would, but like, maybe talk about that to your boyfriend.

1220
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,160
Speaker 2: It's like, Hey, this needs to happen. I don't to

1221
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 2: be rude because that's way worse for me.

1222
00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 3: To be rude than for me to be rude. Like

1223
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 3: can you just be rude?

1224
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 2: Please?

1225
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1226
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 6: Like you, yeah, fully just be like, hey, and we're

1227
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 6: not coming to Thanksgiving?

1228
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,800
Speaker 2: Yeah that's all. Like she's going to listen to you

1229
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 2: a few set boundaries more than she would listen to me.

1230
00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:18,919
Speaker 2: Like maybe she won't listen to you, but she would

1231
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 2: definitely listen to me less, so please do that so

1232
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:23,480
Speaker 2: I don't have to be mean to her.

1233
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

1234
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:26,920
Speaker 3: to the next one.

1235
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:31,439
Speaker 6: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Axelotel host.

1236
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 3: Here.

1237
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 6: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

1238
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 6: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1239
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 1: I accidentally shouted at my mother in law and they

1240
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:41,440
Speaker 1: never got over it.

1241
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 5: Say will you chessed me?

1242
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 1: Twenty nine female and my husband thirty two male got

1243
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 1: married last month in October.

1244
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 5: But we've been together for eight years. All right, hey,

1245
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 5: you did it. You died the not love for you guys.

1246
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: He proposed in March and we planned for a quick

1247
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 1: wedding as we want children, but he wanted to be

1248
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 1: married first. By the way, this comes from user Obvious

1249
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:07,280
Speaker 1: Weakness thirty one, twenty four And if you want to

1250
00:59:07,320 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Owkay

1251
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 1: story time, subbout it. I'm Dakota, I'm Vincent, and we're

1252
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 1: here to give you good advice. Googli, But we don't

1253
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 1: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

1254
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do in the

1255
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 1: comments and know P says at the beginning of our relationship,

1256
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: things were rocky with his parents. However, when we bought

1257
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,760
Speaker 1: our first house, things did a one point eighty and

1258
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:33,320
Speaker 1: suddenly they loved me. When we started planning the wedding,

1259
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 1: my mother in law wanted to be involved as much

1260
00:59:35,960 --> 00:59:37,880
Speaker 1: as she could, fine by me.

1261
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 5: I love her a lot. I even call her mum.

1262
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 1: However, despite the love, there just wasn't a lot to plan,

1263
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:48,760
Speaker 1: as we had the wedding abroad and had a wedding

1264
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:51,240
Speaker 1: planner doing most of the work. Due to me and

1265
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 1: my husband both working long hours think fifteen hour days

1266
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,160
Speaker 1: for me, and a lot of his work is out

1267
00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,920
Speaker 1: of the country. I would ask her opinion on things

1268
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 1: where I could, and she even came dress shopping with me.

1269
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:07,000
Speaker 1: Now on to the main event. The wedding was going great.

1270
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:10,240
Speaker 1: The ceremony went off without a hitch, and we sat

1271
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:13,840
Speaker 1: down for dinner. I suddenly came over really ill. My

1272
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: husband knows me very well, sees that I'm unable to

1273
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:20,000
Speaker 1: eat my food, looks at me and says, you're about

1274
01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:20,560
Speaker 1: to be sick.

1275
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 5: He isn't wrong. I'm struggling to even take one bite

1276
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 5: of food. My sister in law.

1277
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 1: My brother's wife sees that I'm struggling and comes over.

1278
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 1: She understands how I am and is just asking if

1279
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 1: I want to step outside for some air. Seeing this,

1280
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 1: my mom, mother in law, and maid of honor also

1281
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 1: come over, and now I am becoming very overwhelmed. My

1282
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: mom starts touching me and I say, please don't touch me.

1283
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,120
Speaker 1: Then my maid of honor does the same, so I

1284
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 1: repeat myself, please don't touch me. Then my mom does

1285
01:00:54,560 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 1: it again, so I again repeat myself, please don't touch me,

1286
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 1: along with my sister in law trying to tell everyone

1287
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:03,680
Speaker 1: to back up. At this point, I thought my mother

1288
01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:05,960
Speaker 1: in law had walked away, as I could no longer

1289
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 1: see her. But suddenly I had two hands land on

1290
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:11,720
Speaker 1: my arms and start rubbing them up and down. I

1291
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:14,720
Speaker 1: was startled to say the least, and then, with my

1292
01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 1: voice admittedly raised, I said, please don't touch me.

1293
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 5: I said it before, and I said it again. Seems

1294
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 5: like an honest just like overwhelmed. I don't even I

1295
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 5: wouldn't even say it's a mistake.

1296
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:30,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, you're about to hurl on your wedding day and

1297
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 8: you've repeated yourself three to four times at this point.

1298
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just don't touch me. Don't touch, don't touch

1299
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:37,600
Speaker 5: Oh my god, why are you touching me like that?

1300
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:38,919
Speaker 5: Don't touch me? Yeah.

1301
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:41,959
Speaker 1: So it turns out my mother in law had walked

1302
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:45,440
Speaker 1: behind me without realizing and was the one who then

1303
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:48,720
Speaker 1: put her hands on my arms. After my outburst, my

1304
01:01:48,960 --> 01:01:51,800
Speaker 1: mom and mother in law walked away back to their table,

1305
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 1: and my maid of honor and sister in law took

1306
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 1: me outside to my dad's apartment. All accommodation was on site,

1307
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:02,280
Speaker 1: and I proceeded to be sick. I felt a lot

1308
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 1: better after being sick, did the cake cutting, then it

1309
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 1: was time for the first dance. I felt ill again,

1310
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:11,080
Speaker 1: but as soon as the first dance was over, I

1311
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 1: felt one hundred percent. We put it down to me

1312
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 1: being nervous and sitting down having bottomed out my adrenaline.

1313
01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,560
Speaker 1: I felt bad for my outburst towards my mother in law,

1314
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,720
Speaker 1: but I didn't see her for the rest of the evening.

1315
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 1: As we were all getting ready to leave the next day,

1316
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:29,440
Speaker 1: I went up to her and said, I'm sorry if

1317
01:02:29,440 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 1: I upset you yesterday. That wasn't my intention, and I

1318
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:36,160
Speaker 1: apologize for my action. I had rehearsed it beforehand to

1319
01:02:36,240 --> 01:02:38,840
Speaker 1: make sure I got it right. So I then proceeded

1320
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 1: to let her know why I think I felt so ill.

1321
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 1: Now cut to last weekend, roughly a month after the wedding.

1322
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 1: We popped around to our in laws and it wasn't

1323
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 1: the first time we had seen them since the wedding.

1324
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:53,640
Speaker 1: We were all having a great time eating dinner, et cetera.

1325
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:56,440
Speaker 1: And after dinner, my mother in law went upstairs to

1326
01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 1: grab something for my husband, and my father in law

1327
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:02,600
Speaker 1: then asked me to explain what happened on the wedding

1328
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:07,640
Speaker 1: day regarding my outburst. I explained, and he then raised

1329
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:10,640
Speaker 1: his voice at me, stating that he would not have

1330
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 1: any of that behavior now that I carry his family name.

1331
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:15,800
Speaker 5: And that it was unacceptable.

1332
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:20,800
Speaker 1: Hey whoa, Hey, Pops, you're making it worse. You're the

1333
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 1: one now making it a thing.

1334
01:03:22,520 --> 01:03:26,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, chillick Grams, you're you're the one instigating now, Ma,

1335
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:29,840
Speaker 8: mother in law, same mom, seems like she's all right.

1336
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:33,360
Speaker 1: I do love that that it's so such like a

1337
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:36,760
Speaker 1: dad thing to like get in the middle of like

1338
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,400
Speaker 1: something they weren't like therefore and then like.

1339
01:03:39,560 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 5: I'm gonna make it worse and now I'm making it worse.

1340
01:03:42,760 --> 01:03:45,360
Speaker 5: I wasn't there the first time, but I want to

1341
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:46,640
Speaker 5: be important now now.

1342
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:49,920
Speaker 1: He said I have an image to uphold and that

1343
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:52,480
Speaker 1: it will not be spoken of again and it's the

1344
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 1: end of the discussion. I was shocked, but I thought, Okay,

1345
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 1: he isn't happy and he's allowed to have his opinion.

1346
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 1: I then asked him how he would have liked me

1347
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,040
Speaker 1: to handle the situation so I could learn from it.

1348
01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:08,000
Speaker 1: But before I could get past the word situation, he

1349
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:10,440
Speaker 1: started telling me to shut up and that it is

1350
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:11,680
Speaker 1: the end of the conversation.

1351
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:13,120
Speaker 5: Where is your husband?

1352
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:16,800
Speaker 8: Once anyone starts like disrespecting you, your husband's got to

1353
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 8: like bring it up. Yeah, yeah, we're see, where's your

1354
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:20,800
Speaker 8: husband to say?

1355
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 6: No?

1356
01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 5: You dad, No, you shut up.

1357
01:04:23,040 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 1: Actually I tried again to say I just want to

1358
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:27,680
Speaker 1: know what I could have done better, and at this

1359
01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:31,520
Speaker 1: point he went off on a tirade, calling me disrespectful.

1360
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:35,440
Speaker 1: I stood up, looked at my husband and said, we

1361
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,840
Speaker 1: are leaving. I don't need to sit here and be

1362
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:42,600
Speaker 1: spoken to like this. I started gathering my stuff. Father

1363
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 1: in law then continued to tell me that this is

1364
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:49,720
Speaker 1: why I have no friends, because I am stubborn and disrespectful.

1365
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:53,120
Speaker 1: He said, my husband needs to instill into me how

1366
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:57,080
Speaker 1: to behave properly. He continued shouting, but I had not

1367
01:04:57,280 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 1: blown up or started shouting back. I tried to intervene

1368
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:04,960
Speaker 1: while I gathered everything. I was crying as father in

1369
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:08,840
Speaker 1: law said some truly horrible things. Again, where is your husband?

1370
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:12,520
Speaker 1: Where is your husband to shut this down? This is insane.

1371
01:05:13,120 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 1: Mother in law came back downstairs wondering what was going on,

1372
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:19,520
Speaker 1: and my brother in law sat at the dinner table

1373
01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:23,680
Speaker 1: in shock. Then father in law said, my apology to

1374
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 1: mother in law was a half apology. He claimed he

1375
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:28,880
Speaker 1: listened in on it, and all I said was I'm

1376
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:32,360
Speaker 1: sorry if I upset you, which is not true because

1377
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:36,160
Speaker 1: you then did apologize for your actions. I was giving

1378
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 1: my mother in law hug at the time of the apology,

1379
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:40,640
Speaker 1: so how would he have even heard the rest that

1380
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:43,560
Speaker 1: was to her ear? As I was trying not to

1381
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:46,320
Speaker 1: make a scene, I tried to tell him that the

1382
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:49,479
Speaker 1: full apology was as I stated above, but he wasn't

1383
01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:52,479
Speaker 1: having it. Mother in law and I then headed into

1384
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:56,080
Speaker 1: the hallway as I was putting on my shoes to go. Eventually,

1385
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,480
Speaker 1: I just left because I could not listen to what

1386
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:01,000
Speaker 1: else he was saying. I waited in the car for

1387
01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:03,640
Speaker 1: half an hour before my husband came out, as he

1388
01:06:03,880 --> 01:06:06,480
Speaker 1: was still inside trying to talk to his parents to

1389
01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:09,040
Speaker 1: find out where this was all coming from.

1390
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:13,600
Speaker 5: It turned out there was more. His mom wasn't happy

1391
01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 5: that I asked her to change her hair.

1392
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 1: On the day the hair and makeup artist was doing

1393
01:06:18,760 --> 01:06:21,880
Speaker 1: mine and my mother in law's hair and makeup in

1394
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:24,760
Speaker 1: the bridal suite, mother in law showed me a front

1395
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 1: facing photo of her hair. I said, looks great and

1396
01:06:28,920 --> 01:06:31,600
Speaker 1: wasn't aware she was going for the same style as me,

1397
01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 1: even down to the pins in the same position.

1398
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 5: When I saw it, I gently said.

1399
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:41,640
Speaker 1: Oh wait, that's how I'm having my hair, and my

1400
01:06:41,720 --> 01:06:44,480
Speaker 1: sister in law said, yeah, that will have to change.

1401
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:48,560
Speaker 1: So she changed it, which took all of three minutes.

1402
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 1: Apparently she wasn't happy about this anyway. My husband and

1403
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:56,920
Speaker 1: I were in the car and started heading home. We

1404
01:06:57,040 --> 01:07:00,360
Speaker 1: got five minutes down the road and he said needed

1405
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:04,320
Speaker 1: to turn back as he really needed the toilet. We

1406
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 1: live an hour away, so we went back and I

1407
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:07,960
Speaker 1: stayed in the car.

1408
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 8: I'm sorry at that point the has had this big

1409
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:15,400
Speaker 8: blow up. You're losing a sleeve in the woods man.

1410
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,520
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, what better way though, to cap off

1411
01:07:18,640 --> 01:07:21,040
Speaker 1: a blow up than by blowing up their bathroom?

1412
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:24,560
Speaker 8: Dude, don't flush, you know, make it gnarly?

1413
01:07:24,800 --> 01:07:26,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, give it, give him some work.

1414
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:29,880
Speaker 1: Mother in law came out to talk to me while

1415
01:07:29,920 --> 01:07:32,400
Speaker 1: I was in the car, asking to please not let

1416
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:34,280
Speaker 1: this come between the family.

1417
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:37,120
Speaker 9: Why are you talking to her? Talk to your husband. Yeah,

1418
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 9: he's the one who brought up. This isn't her thing

1419
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:42,520
Speaker 9: at all. This is one hundred percent this was your

1420
01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:46,320
Speaker 9: your husband, the father in law. Everyone needs to stop

1421
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:47,320
Speaker 9: talking op about this.

1422
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:49,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, oh, piece of bystander in this.

1423
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:52,680
Speaker 1: She said that when she joined the family, I wouldn't

1424
01:07:52,760 --> 01:07:55,840
Speaker 1: believe what she went through, and that father in law

1425
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:58,840
Speaker 1: isn't feeling well, which is why he's acting like this,

1426
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:02,840
Speaker 1: which honestly makes so much sense because I don't know

1427
01:08:03,120 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 1: if you know anyone with like chronic pain or whatever,

1428
01:08:06,240 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 1: but when people who experience a lot of pain like

1429
01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:14,280
Speaker 1: have flare ups, oh my god, they become horrific to

1430
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:17,439
Speaker 1: be around, or they can like it's certainly a thing.

1431
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:20,720
Speaker 8: Yeah, I've known some people who like they've just had

1432
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 8: like pain that they haven't addressed for years, and then

1433
01:08:24,320 --> 01:08:26,320
Speaker 8: once they addressed it with like a surgery or like

1434
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:29,160
Speaker 8: taking care of whatever problem that is, They're like, oh wow,

1435
01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:33,040
Speaker 8: I had so much energy focused on just being mad. Yeah,

1436
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,360
Speaker 8: because of this this pain. It's like, oh wow, but

1437
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:37,240
Speaker 8: freeze you.

1438
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:38,040
Speaker 5: Up quite a bit.

1439
01:08:38,400 --> 01:08:38,639
Speaker 9: Yeah.

1440
01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:41,639
Speaker 1: This weekend I got a phone call from my mother

1441
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:45,280
Speaker 1: in law. We had a normal conversation. Then she asked

1442
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:48,120
Speaker 1: what our plans were for the concert this coming weekend.

1443
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:51,360
Speaker 1: I said, to be honest, I do not feel safe

1444
01:08:51,439 --> 01:08:54,200
Speaker 1: or comfortable being in the same room as father in

1445
01:08:54,360 --> 01:08:58,559
Speaker 1: law at this time. She said, oh, just push through,

1446
01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:02,360
Speaker 1: it will be fine. I repeated that I would not

1447
01:09:02,640 --> 01:09:06,200
Speaker 1: be comfortable, and she said, jes to come. I said

1448
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:08,840
Speaker 1: to her that I'm not willing to put myself into

1449
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:12,960
Speaker 1: a position that would be uncomfortable. Mother in law then

1450
01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:15,160
Speaker 1: went on to say, I just need to hear him out,

1451
01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:17,960
Speaker 1: as he has a lot more to stay. At this point,

1452
01:09:18,360 --> 01:09:20,519
Speaker 1: I gave the phone to my husband and said to him,

1453
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:23,280
Speaker 1: I can't do this. Please talk to her, and I

1454
01:09:23,439 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 1: walked away. I want them to have a good time

1455
01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:28,080
Speaker 1: at the concert, and I would just be on edge

1456
01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:30,759
Speaker 1: the whole time as it is a stay away concert.

1457
01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:35,120
Speaker 1: I think I have covered everything, but to be honest,

1458
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:36,240
Speaker 1: I probably haven't.

1459
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:36,800
Speaker 3: Though.

1460
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:39,720
Speaker 5: Am I the a hole? And that is the end

1461
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:41,240
Speaker 5: of that story?

1462
01:09:42,160 --> 01:09:44,920
Speaker 1: How could you possibly be the a hole? You were

1463
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:47,200
Speaker 1: just berated by your father in law.

1464
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:49,840
Speaker 8: Yeah, it sounds like you tried to make amends like

1465
01:09:50,040 --> 01:09:53,640
Speaker 8: the next day and then it got brought back up.

1466
01:09:53,840 --> 01:09:56,280
Speaker 2: Oh, this isn't on you, and that's the end of

1467
01:09:56,360 --> 01:09:56,799
Speaker 2: this story.