Speaker 1: Na, I can't remember what the fuck I said.
Speaker 2: I don't recall me neither, but I'm glad it helped,
Speaker 2: because really, this is a podcast is like a stream
Speaker 2: of consciousness, like it's just word vomit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, more better.
Speaker 2: Or a little more better, Welcome to more Better. A
Speaker 2: podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together
Speaker 2: in a bracest journey of becoming a little more better
Speaker 2: every day, or at least trying to.
Speaker 1: That's Stephanie Beatrice, and that's Melissa Fumero. And this is
Speaker 1: a podcast that you're listening to in your car or
Speaker 1: maybe at your home. Perhaps you're trying to go to sleep,
Speaker 1: and we've absolutely ruined over you.
Speaker 2: Yeah we have.
Speaker 3: Are your friend. I'm pretty I'm bringing eh Yeah listen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, there's one episode left of White Lotus
Speaker 1: at this point.
Speaker 3: I've heard it's ninety minutes long. Oh gosh.
Speaker 1: The government's in a real turmoil, I'd say, is a
Speaker 1: polite way to say it.
Speaker 2: I'm keeping it together, how about you? Yeah, man, Yeah,
Speaker 2: pretty much the same. The world is on fire. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm packing up my apartment in Atlanta going home this weekend.
Speaker 2: So that is keeping me afloat and ativated. Although I
Speaker 2: fucking hate packing.
Speaker 3: Why do you?
Speaker 1: Now, why do you hate packing when you're leaving? Because that,
Speaker 1: to me is the best part. I just get overwhelmed
Speaker 1: with packing.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean this is an easier form of packing
Speaker 2: because I don't have to decide what to put in bags.
Speaker 3: You just take everything bags.
Speaker 1: Yeah, either it goes in the trash or it goes
Speaker 1: in the bags, yeah, or donated.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, So it just feels like a lot.
Speaker 2: I'm just I can't believe how much stuff I've accumulated
Speaker 2: over five months. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, and uh okay,
Speaker 2: so I think I'm maybe judging myself or how you accumulated.
Speaker 3: To you, that's the worst part for you.
Speaker 1: Is like what's wrong with me? Why did I get
Speaker 1: all these things? And it's like because you were there
Speaker 1: for five months. People, if everybody in the world had
Speaker 1: to see what they accumulated in the last five months,
Speaker 1: like just delineated into like a marked out, taped out
Speaker 1: box and their living room floor, everybody would be shocked.
Speaker 3: Everybody.
Speaker 2: Now, Yeah, like I'm judging myself for like the spices
Speaker 2: I bought that I didn't end up using because I
Speaker 2: bought now cook more nobody. I cooked like three times
Speaker 2: the whole time I was here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you either you give them to someone. I mean
Speaker 1: half of your crew probably lives there, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I gave a huge bag of like kids necks
Speaker 2: to Matthew Davis on my show because he has two
Speaker 2: little kids.
Speaker 4: See.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so there, and I found there's a food bank
Speaker 2: down the road. I'm going to bring a bunch of
Speaker 2: stuff to tomorrow.
Speaker 3: You're paying a fea baby, I know. I know.
Speaker 1: It's just like, I have two days to do all
Speaker 1: of this. Well, then sometimes it's going to get Listen. Also,
Speaker 1: sometimes you're gonna throw an or you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Like sometimes you just yeah, it has to go in
Speaker 2: the trahood, in the fridge and freezer that is just
Speaker 2: going to go in the trash and it kills me.
Speaker 3: But I know that's a hard one. I know that somebody.
Speaker 1: The last job I did, one of our riding staff
Speaker 1: was looking at places, like a week before everybody got there,
Speaker 1: and he was looking at places to rent. And while
Speaker 1: he was looking at one of them, he decided not
Speaker 1: to go with it, I think. But while he was
Speaker 1: looking at one, the realtor was like, Oh, don't worry
Speaker 1: about the fridge. The last person that was here was
Speaker 1: an actor and he just left yesterday. He opens the fridge.
Speaker 3: He's with her.
Speaker 1: He opens the fridge and it's just like from the
Speaker 1: bottom of the fridge to the top, it's just like juices, all.
Speaker 3: These amazing juices. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: She was like, he couldn't take them with you. Feel
Speaker 1: free to take one when you leave.
Speaker 3: She left. He put as many as he could carry
Speaker 3: in his bag, like, I was like, good for you.
Speaker 3: They would have gone to waste. So I was gonna
Speaker 3: drink those. Like the people that come and look at
Speaker 3: the apartment, they're gonna throw.
Speaker 1: Them away once someone decides to get the apartment or whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, take twelve or whatever, go for it.
Speaker 2: An actor's refrigerator full top to bottom of juice.
Speaker 3: I think he had like a lot of He had
Speaker 3: a lot of shirtless scenes, this guy. So, guys, this
Speaker 3: is this is that you guys. You know we're on
Speaker 3: a tangent. We're gonna bring it back. Let's put it
Speaker 3: back anyway. That's part of why you like this though.
Speaker 3: I feel like.
Speaker 5: More Better.
Speaker 1: Today's episode's very special Season one of More Better is coming.
Speaker 3: To the close.
Speaker 1: We are I don't know I've liked doing it. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's been very fun. Melissa, I agree.
Speaker 2: I agree, it's been very very fun, and and we're
Speaker 2: gonna celebrate by dedicating the last two episodes to you listeners.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening to friends out there,
Speaker 2: give your emails, your reviews, your community on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 3: That's been you. We love you. It's been awesome. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So today is the listener mail Bag Extravaganza Banza. If
Speaker 1: it was a ball, you would be dressed head to
Speaker 1: toe in your letters.
Speaker 3: We're gonna answer some questions. We're gonna read some emails and.
Speaker 1: Dms et cetera, et cetera, etcetera.
Speaker 3: Shall we shall we die? We have?
Speaker 2: We have a lot of replies and voice notes and
Speaker 2: fun stuff to get through. Okay, this first one I'm
Speaker 2: excited about this. Okay, this first one is from our
Speaker 2: Spring cleaning episode. It is Okay, we have a thank
Speaker 2: you email and we have a couple comment and a
Speaker 2: comment and like a question.
Speaker 3: Okay, So hi more better team.
Speaker 2: Just want to say thank you for this episode and
Speaker 2: what Stephanie said about how she didn't grow up having
Speaker 2: money and as a result, she knows it's hard to
Speaker 2: get rid of things that you've spent good money on.
Speaker 2: That hit me so hard, and I had a revelation
Speaker 2: because I didn't realize.
Speaker 3: That that's my own problem. Oh gotta remember it's okay.
Speaker 2: So I really hope they didn't think this episode was
Speaker 2: just them bullshitting around.
Speaker 3: We always do. We always think that because it helped
Speaker 3: me at least. Thank you for all that you do, Amanda.
Speaker 3: That's very cool. And then there was.
Speaker 2: Quite the fiery debate over the you guessed it drunk
Speaker 2: junk drawer, the drunk it should be?
Speaker 3: It does? It looks like a drunk organized it. So
Speaker 3: we have a couple.
Speaker 2: Abby said, as a really organized person, a junk drawer
Speaker 2: is necessary a la Monica Geller to show people you
Speaker 2: are not actually crazy and sometimes you don't want to
Speaker 2: get rid of things but they are uncate, categorizable.
Speaker 1: Okay, Abby, I don't know if you knew this, but
Speaker 1: Monica Geller's fake person. She's not real. She's on a
Speaker 1: TV show. Somebody wrote her. It's not real, babe, it's
Speaker 1: not real.
Speaker 3: Stephanie.
Speaker 2: Stephanie a Beatrice representation matters, okay, and she represents organized people.
Speaker 3: And she has a valid point. But I also I.
Speaker 1: Love that Abby was like, oh, you need the juncture
Speaker 1: to show other people that you're not crazy. Because what
Speaker 1: Abby wants, deep down in her heart is to not
Speaker 1: have the junk drawer. She wants to organize her junk
Speaker 1: drawer and gosh dark, but she realized, Abby, you should
Speaker 1: live your truth and absolutely have an organized junk drawer.
Speaker 1: You can have an organized junk drawer. Meanwhile, it's still
Speaker 1: a junk drawer.
Speaker 2: The whole debate was about whether or not you have
Speaker 2: a junk drawer.
Speaker 1: Okay, I wish I could pull this strawer out right
Speaker 1: now because there's a lot of junk in this strawer.
Speaker 3: But it's organized. Duh, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't begrudge, but there's a lot of dundellaneous things
Speaker 2: that are in there. Are there, not, Stephanie, There are
Speaker 2: a lot of things, miscellaneous things that are not related
Speaker 2: to each other.
Speaker 3: No in that drawer, aren't there?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: No? Okay, no, no, no. I'm going to take a
Speaker 1: picture of this and I'm not even going to clean
Speaker 1: it up. I'm going to take a picture so that
Speaker 1: we can put it on our Instagram and you guys
Speaker 1: can see the drunk drawer because no.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, Josh would like to know Joshi from TikTok
Speaker 2: would like to know where you keep your batteries and
Speaker 2: your twist ties?
Speaker 3: Motherfuckers. I keep them organized, okay, Josh. The batteries have
Speaker 3: a place. Everything has a home, is okay? Okay? Where
Speaker 3: does that bin go?
Speaker 1: It lives in the cabinet in the office. It lives
Speaker 1: on the second shelf in the cabinet. Because where do
Speaker 1: you put your twist ties? Where do you put your
Speaker 1: rubber bands? Why do you have twist ties? What do
Speaker 1: you need a twist tie for? Melissa?
Speaker 3: I have children?
Speaker 2: What where do you keep your little clippies for the bags?
Speaker 3: What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 3: What are you talking about? Open a bag of tortilla chips?
Speaker 3: Because your you have a clip for the okay, fine clip? Okay,
Speaker 3: we have chip clips, and we have rubber bands.
Speaker 2: We use rubber bands mostly like we save all the
Speaker 2: rubber bands from produce and stuff in the grocery store.
Speaker 1: And I don't ever pick up a rubber band off
Speaker 1: of any and no, why would I need a rubber band?
Speaker 3: I don't need the right for closing bags? No, and
Speaker 3: and not in this house. Not in this house. I
Speaker 3: reject you. I reject it.
Speaker 2: I reject it.
Speaker 1: I'm also trying to reject every every twist tie or
Speaker 1: rubber band that I'm coming in, trying to be sustainable,
Speaker 1: use a recycle. I don't know when the last time
Speaker 1: is that I actually bought something that had a twist
Speaker 1: tie on it.
Speaker 3: Maybe bread. I guess bread has twist ties on it.
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, you can just excuse me, but you
Speaker 1: just stripped the twist tie of the paper. Throw the
Speaker 1: paper part away because it's usually died, and then stick
Speaker 1: the little thing in your recycling the metal part anyway.
Speaker 3: Question number two fave place.
Speaker 5: Hi.
Speaker 3: I'm Clara from France.
Speaker 1: First of all, I'd love to thank you for this
Speaker 1: amazing podcast, but especially for being such beautiful people. That's
Speaker 1: really sweet. Every episode is a little dose of happiness,
Speaker 1: and you too have created a safe space for everyone
Speaker 1: who had a bad day.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: That is truly what we wanted to do, so that's
Speaker 1: really nice to hear. Clara, Thank you for the laughs,
Speaker 1: all your advice. My question for you, is there a
Speaker 1: place on earth that makes you feel better, a place
Speaker 1: that tastes like home or maybe a trip that changed
Speaker 1: your life forever. Mmmm, and then she said episode that's
Speaker 1: really cute.
Speaker 3: What about you?
Speaker 2: I always feel great when I am at the beach.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what beach. I love a day at
Speaker 2: the beach. I feel relaxed, I feel I just feel
Speaker 2: so good. I like that whole woo woo thing of
Speaker 2: like letting your feet touch wet sand and it like
Speaker 2: have you heard that before? It like takes out all
Speaker 2: the negative things in your body, Like I do feel.
Speaker 2: I feel that and I believe it. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 2: my happy place. I don't know, I grew up going
Speaker 2: to the beach. Maybe it's you know, ancestral DNA. Maybe yeah,
Speaker 2: you arean the Caribbean. Yeah, but it's.
Speaker 3: It's really is my happy place. What about you? That's beautiful.
Speaker 3: I think there were two.
Speaker 1: I mean, I really love Paris. I love Paris. I
Speaker 1: think it's really special and beautiful. I don't know that I've.
Speaker 3: Had a trip there that has felt like.
Speaker 1: There's always been something about the trips that I take there,
Speaker 1: something funky. So I don't know if it's like I
Speaker 1: need to go back, or if I need to free
Speaker 1: myself from expectations of Paris.
Speaker 3: But I do love Paris very much.
Speaker 1: I think I've been really I built it up in
Speaker 1: my mind for so long when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: It was this like amazing, magical place. And then the
Speaker 1: first time that I ever went there, I was in
Speaker 1: my you know, thirties already, and I just was like
Speaker 1: overwhelmed by it. You know, I don't think it's a
Speaker 1: city that you can explore like that.
Speaker 2: Our trip was that was your first time, right, yeah trip, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that was my first time.
Speaker 1: It was really special and like, but the the thing
Speaker 1: about Paris is that it always makes me look at
Speaker 1: my life like it always makes me like I was
Speaker 1: dating somebody that didn't want to go at the time,
Speaker 1: and I had to convince them to journey with all
Speaker 1: of us to Paris, and it was like what the pick?
Speaker 1: And then the second time I went, I went with
Speaker 1: a friend who really just wasn't a great traveling partner.
Speaker 1: And then the last time that I went was I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna do Paris with the baby, and
Speaker 1: so like we went after oh gosh, we went after
Speaker 1: a really long job that I had in London and
Speaker 1: then went to Paris with the baby and my sister
Speaker 1: joined us, and it was like a hillscape. I mean,
Speaker 1: it is a hellscape if you're trying to like see
Speaker 1: that city with a child like that, they can't walk
Speaker 1: with themselves.
Speaker 2: Right, But since Ros is a little older, I do
Speaker 2: have a great Paris tip that I got from another
Speaker 2: mom that I wanted to do with my boys at
Speaker 2: some point, but now they've outgrown.
Speaker 3: Like the playground.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so this mom went to Paris and every day
Speaker 2: they picked a different playground to go to, and then
Speaker 2: they just kind of centered their day around that, right
Speaker 2: and went to stuff around it. And she said they
Speaker 2: explored the whole city and every day it was a
Speaker 2: different playground. So it was like exciting for her kid.
Speaker 2: And she also like wore out some you know energy,
Speaker 2: And I thought that was such a cool, fun way
Speaker 2: to do a city with a small kid.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's really smart. I think we Ross was still napping,
Speaker 1: so we know.
Speaker 2: She was like itty bitty, like, I mean, now if
Speaker 2: you went back, like if you went back at some
Speaker 2: point in the next few years, like you still have
Speaker 2: like probably yeah, if we I mean we're I go.
Speaker 3: Back, I'm not going to take my kid, you know
Speaker 3: what I was playing that you just want to go
Speaker 3: and have like a romantic experience of it. Pars for
Speaker 3: love of.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, next question, I yeah, so I really love
Speaker 2: pears uh okay. So this next one is from the
Speaker 2: Style episode with our very own Ril Tunnel, who we
Speaker 2: adore and love. She is both of our stylists. This
Speaker 2: comes from Celeste. She said absolutely loved this episode. Ariel's
Speaker 2: advice about shopping was so helpful and I literally felt
Speaker 2: more better in my dress in my last dressing room
Speaker 2: too all sizes and when something didn't fit I like
Speaker 2: I had hoped, I totally thought, well, too bad for
Speaker 2: that dress.
Speaker 3: Great advice, Thank you. Yes, we love that.
Speaker 2: I also thought of that episode recently because I went
Speaker 2: through some thrift stores here in Atlanta. In there's some
Speaker 2: really cute thrift stores in the Old Fourth Ward for
Speaker 2: those of you visiting Atlanta. And I also thought of
Speaker 2: that episode because obviously thrifting and vintage, the sizes are
Speaker 2: crazy crazy, They're all over the place. Oh and I
Speaker 2: just took all different sizes and kind of eyeballed and
Speaker 2: didn't like stress out about it. I found a great
Speaker 2: pair of Levi jeans from the seventies that are super
Speaker 2: high waisted and like I guess people waists were smaller
Speaker 2: then because like the weight. Sometimes I have a problem
Speaker 2: with something fitting over my butt and not my waist
Speaker 2: because I'm a booty girl, and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: did ladies in the seventies have like booties like, because
Speaker 2: if it's really good on the booty, but then it's
Speaker 2: like a cinched waist and I've never found jeans with
Speaker 2: that wit.
Speaker 3: I think it was just the fit.
Speaker 1: Really, it was like slightly different on all of the pants,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just like lightly different.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, it's it's it's they're great and
Speaker 2: they're soft, and like, yes, yeah, and they're real. De
Speaker 2: just didn't And then there were some things I took
Speaker 2: in the same size that like did not zip at all,
Speaker 2: Like they were just so so small.
Speaker 3: And I was like, well, to bad for those pants.
Speaker 1: Yeah, too bad for those Oh that's great. I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that uh she felt that way. IG is also
Speaker 1: demanding to see your pink pants from that episode.
Speaker 2: I did post them on my stories, so we'll try
Speaker 2: to uh in the post. I don't know, maybe we
Speaker 2: can highlight them on the more better pod. I'll try
Speaker 2: to find the story or something, but I did do it.
Speaker 2: I just paired them with like a simple little black
Speaker 2: tank top I think cute, and I think I did.
Speaker 2: I don't even remember if I did heels or like
Speaker 2: sneakers and they looked were they like kind of long
Speaker 2: or something? They were kind of long, so maybe it
Speaker 2: was heels.
Speaker 3: Do you still own them? Did you get rid of them?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: I still have them, but I do plan to get
Speaker 2: them tailored for sneakers because I feel like they look
Speaker 2: cute with like white sneakers, nice, nice, and they need
Speaker 2: to be a little shorter, like I don't want to
Speaker 2: have to wear a heel every time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just tailored, like I think. I paid like
Speaker 1: forty bucks for three T shirts. But I took them
Speaker 1: to the dry cleaner and I was like, they because
Speaker 1: they're like, you know, they fit everywhere else, but they're
Speaker 1: like so long that they're hitting the whitest part of
Speaker 1: my hips. And then they like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: wear them, so I took a T shirt shorter. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I took a T shirt that fits me great and
Speaker 1: hits in the right spot. It was forty bucks for
Speaker 1: three T shirts to get them hemmed, and they look
Speaker 1: oh god, I'm gonna do that because I always end
Speaker 1: up just cutting them and then I do and I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm just gonna work out in this now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. No, they have like
Speaker 3: a finish tim Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because are we leaving our T shirts out or
Speaker 2: are we tucking in?
Speaker 3: What do I think?
Speaker 1: It depends on the T shirt and the pair of
Speaker 1: pants and also the belts. Okay, we can have this
Speaker 1: discussion if you want. Y.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we're we're tucking in, we're using a belt.
Speaker 1: Usually we're using a belt or like a pant that
Speaker 1: lays like really flat. Because what I really to test
Speaker 1: for myself is like you know, when you have so
Speaker 1: now it's a fashion podcast.
Speaker 3: You know when you like when.
Speaker 1: You sit with a tucked T shirt in or a
Speaker 1: tuck tucked T shirt especially, and then the waistband of
Speaker 1: your pants starts to wrinkle up. Yeah, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, Like the actual band of fabric, it
Speaker 1: like starts to wrinkle and then it just looks bad.
Speaker 3: Like to me, it looks bad on me. I don't
Speaker 3: care why other people wear what I wear.
Speaker 1: Whatever you want, but like that's a lot of times
Speaker 1: we're all why I'll stick on a belt because I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I want to tuck this shirt in, but I also
Speaker 1: don't want to look at my wrinkled waistband.
Speaker 2: Tips tips, we got them tips tips.
Speaker 1: Or the work life balance episode got a reply from
Speaker 1: Amanda on Instagram.
Speaker 3: Oh, she's the one who sent in. She's the one
Speaker 3: that sent in the voice note.
Speaker 1: She needed help with like balancing and balancing all the
Speaker 1: things she said the way I was shaking all capital
Speaker 1: letters when I saw this episode drop.
Speaker 3: She put the.
Speaker 1: Capital letters, not me. I was the one who sent
Speaker 1: the voice message. Thank you for talking about this, y'all
Speaker 1: made me feel a lot better. I'm gonna keep this
Speaker 1: episode on repeat. Such good nuggets of wisdom here, Bitch,
Speaker 1: I can't remember what the fuck I said.
Speaker 2: I'm glad it helped, because really, this is a podcast,
Speaker 2: is like a stream of consciousness, like it's just word vomit.
Speaker 3: And then we tried you.
Speaker 2: I feel like I did re listen to that episode
Speaker 2: and thought to myself, bitch, you should do more of this.
Speaker 3: I'm practice what you catch.
Speaker 2: These are great tips and you don't always follow them.
Speaker 1: That's real, that's real. Okay, do you want to read
Speaker 1: this next one.
Speaker 2: Next one is oh pep talk question email from Julie. Hi,
Speaker 2: Melissa and Stephanie. My name is Julie and I live
Speaker 2: in Northern Ontario, Canada. I am emailing because I am Canada.
Speaker 3: What's so Canada? We still love you even though our
Speaker 3: government doesn't, but we do.
Speaker 2: Sorry fifty one, Yeah, sorry, I am emailing because I'm
Speaker 2: sitting at home with a concussion right now. Oh, and
Speaker 2: your podcast is so entertaining and I'm so glad you
Speaker 2: made it because I can't watch Brooklyn nine nine or
Speaker 2: any screens for another week. Last week, I was singing
Speaker 2: at a red light on my way to work and
Speaker 2: someone drove right into the back of my car. Now
Speaker 2: I have whiplash and a concussion. I was wondering if
Speaker 2: you guys could talk about how you deal with it
Speaker 2: when bad shit just happens to you and there is
Speaker 2: nothing you can do about it. Oh, Julie, that is
Speaker 2: so relatable and like, I feel like we've all been there.
Speaker 2: I tore my ACL once in my twenties, and I
Speaker 2: was a struggling actor, and I tried to because you
Speaker 2: don't like need your ACL to really function in life,
Speaker 2: Like I know someone that like never got into me. Okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because it's only for when you plant your foot and
Speaker 2: change direction, so like you would in tennis, or you
Speaker 2: would in dancing, or you would probably doing like an
Speaker 2: action scene. So I just didn't want to like be
Speaker 2: out of auditions. So I was like, I'm going to
Speaker 2: wait till maybe like a slower time of year to
Speaker 2: do the surgery. But then I did a job where
Speaker 2: I had to wear high heels, like a short job
Speaker 2: where I had where I heels and like my knee
Speaker 2: buckled ones, and it just was like not possible, and
Speaker 2: I was like.
Speaker 3: Fuck, I have to do the surgery.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: So then it's a pretty intense surgery and you're basically
Speaker 2: like like put out for like six weeks. I had
Speaker 2: to wear a brace from like my hip all the
Speaker 2: way down to my ankle. Your whole leg shuts down,
Speaker 2: so like getting in and out of the I needed
Speaker 2: help getting in and out of the shower or bath.
Speaker 2: I had to sit in the bath because like literally
Speaker 2: your muscles are shut down, like they can you wiggle
Speaker 2: your toes or no, you can move, you can move
Speaker 2: a little bit, and you can wiggle your toes but
Speaker 2: you can't like put any weight on it until like
Speaker 2: a few weeks of physical therapy and then things start
Speaker 2: to wake back up. I remember I had one muscle
Speaker 2: above my knee that like wouldn't wake up, and they
Speaker 2: used to always put this little you know, those little
Speaker 2: things that make your muscle pulse. They would put that
Speaker 2: on in the physical therapy to like wake it back up. Whoa, yeah,
Speaker 2: So it was scary.
Speaker 3: It was scary. It was really hard.
Speaker 2: So I my heart goes out to Julie because it
Speaker 2: is the hardest thing.
Speaker 3: I think the fact that you are listening to podcasts
Speaker 3: is like you're you know you are.
Speaker 2: You just have to like kind of make the best
Speaker 2: of it. This is a great time to tell your friends, Hey,
Speaker 2: I'm like laid out. If you have any time, like
Speaker 2: come visit me for an hour and like, you know,
Speaker 2: it's like you got to break up your day when
Speaker 2: you can't like move around and so you know, uh,
Speaker 2: once you get through your week of no screens, definitely
Speaker 2: take you know, the opportunity to pick, you know, catch
Speaker 2: up on some shows and movies, read a book. I
Speaker 2: don't know how book is with you know, but it's
Speaker 2: it's like you have to. I think the biggest thing
Speaker 2: is you have to keep your head right. That's the
Speaker 2: hardest part because it's really easy to like fall into
Speaker 2: a deep depression to like want to show it to me,
Speaker 2: why did this happen to me? You have to be
Speaker 2: like kind of disciplined about you know. Obviously, like let
Speaker 2: yourself have the fucking treats because you're going through it,
Speaker 2: but like be conscious of what you're eating and putting
Speaker 2: in your body because like all of it affects you,
Speaker 2: you know. And I think that it's just keeping on
Speaker 2: the motivation to keep your mind right. Yeah, and yeah,
Speaker 2: it's like this is the time to like reach out
Speaker 2: to your people for support.
Speaker 3: Make sure you do go to physical therapy.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: I remember when I went through my knee surgery. My
Speaker 2: husband was so annoying about the importance of physical therapy
Speaker 2: and he was like, you have to do your exercise
Speaker 2: every day. And there was like this machine that would
Speaker 2: like bend my leg and he was like, come on,
Speaker 2: five more minutes, Like he was like a little like
Speaker 2: a personal trainer.
Speaker 3: And I was like, you're so annoying. I want to
Speaker 3: punch you in the face.
Speaker 2: But he was right, per usual it's really you. You
Speaker 2: can't drop the ball on physical therapy, like you have
Speaker 2: to do all the things, and you know, make sure
Speaker 2: you do them when you're at home too. Just don't
Speaker 2: just do them when you're at your sessions right right,
Speaker 2: and know that this is temporary and this too shall
Speaker 2: pass and you're just in the like worst part of it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: but it happens.
Speaker 3: It sucks, and like it sucks. It's okay to acknowledge
Speaker 3: that it sucks, and it's okay to have like a
Speaker 3: good cry about it.
Speaker 1: I mean, and yes, obviously we're talking about there's like
Speaker 1: a there's a big scale of bad shit, and yeah,
Speaker 1: this is in the grand scheme on the low end
Speaker 1: of yeah, bad shit. A concussion is scary for sure,
Speaker 1: and whiplash is really painful, but you will make it
Speaker 1: through it. It's gonna be okay. It's only a week.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also, you know, like a little digital detox for a
Speaker 1: week isn't bad. People fucking pay a lot of money
Speaker 1: to go do that shit. Put their things in a
Speaker 1: little zippered bag, a La White lotus, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, yeah, you it's gonna be okay, Julie, Okay,
Speaker 1: You're gonna make it, Julie. This is from our self
Speaker 1: care episode. Kristen wrote in, so this is very cute.
Speaker 1: I just listened to the episode on self care and
Speaker 1: at the end of it said to email in what
Speaker 1: we do for self care? So I wanted to share.
Speaker 1: I am in my mid forties, single and no kids.
Speaker 1: I work in the veterinary field and work for eleven
Speaker 1: hour shifts plus another eleven hour shift over time. Girl.
Speaker 1: So when I have the time, I do like to
Speaker 1: get my nails done and I like how Stephanie said,
Speaker 1: I don't mind a long appointment. I always bring a
Speaker 1: book to read when I get a pedicure. I also
Speaker 1: horseback ride.
Speaker 3: Oh dreamy.
Speaker 1: When I ride these horses, you are both just in
Speaker 1: tune to each other and balanced together. It's this amazing
Speaker 1: feeling that lasts for the rest of the day.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: One more thing I'm doing is me and my best
Speaker 1: year going on a trip just us to Disney for Halloween.
Speaker 3: Cute.
Speaker 1: We're going to be care free and go to the
Speaker 1: Halloween party and dress up and trick or treat and
Speaker 1: no spouse's husbands, kids or pets involved. And on my
Speaker 1: commute to work, I just love to blast my music
Speaker 1: and saying because I sound like Celine Dion in my
Speaker 1: car alone. Yes, yeah, any time to be compress before
Speaker 1: work and after work. I greatly enjoy listening to the
Speaker 1: podcast and can't wait for more. Just for fun, I
Speaker 1: added a picture of me.
Speaker 3: And my horse Patches.
Speaker 2: Her horse Patches Patches.
Speaker 1: Horseback riding sounds like I'm very, very invested in the
Speaker 1: idea of doing this myself this year. I really want
Speaker 1: to take horseback writing lessons.
Speaker 3: I just I've always.
Speaker 1: Wanted to do it. I'm I don't know how to
Speaker 1: go about it and do it. I really want to.
Speaker 6: You can.
Speaker 1: You can go to the Equestrian Center and Burbank. Oh
Speaker 1: that's such a drive though for me, I need something,
Speaker 1: Oh my.
Speaker 3: God, I know it's not it's whole, it's four.
Speaker 1: I need something easty. I need something more easty. I'm sure,
Speaker 1: but I do want to do easty. I do want
Speaker 1: to do it. That's so cool, that's a really I
Speaker 1: also really love that she does all these things for
Speaker 1: herself while maintaining such an intense work schedule, so she
Speaker 1: can find the time.
Speaker 3: And so can you, Yes, dear listeners, so can you?
Speaker 2: So can you I also love the girls trip. I
Speaker 2: just had two childhood buddies visit me in Atlanta and
Speaker 2: we had a girl's weekend and it was so restorative
Speaker 2: for everyone involved, Like that's amazing, no kids, no husbands,
Speaker 2: just as girls.
Speaker 3: Like it was so fun. And we did a spa day.
Speaker 3: It was great.
Speaker 2: It was great, and I was like we were all saying, like, Oh,
Speaker 2: we have to make this happen like more often, not
Speaker 2: just you know, every five years.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's so nice. I did.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 1: I haven't done one of those in a really long time.
Speaker 1: But I did go to the mall in Arcadia with
Speaker 1: one of my girlfriends. No kids, no husbands, nobody but us.
Speaker 1: That mall, girl, I tell you what, that is the
Speaker 1: best mall I have ever been to India a life.
Speaker 3: It is fantastic.
Speaker 1: It is it's like Korean skin care, just like delicious food.
Speaker 1: Luxury shopping. But then there's also like not luxury shopping.
Speaker 1: I mean I did not luxury shop. I was like
Speaker 1: looking for those deals. I had a great there's a
Speaker 1: dairy queen slash Orange Julius. I was in heaven. I
Speaker 1: could have stayed there all back. Yeah, Okay, I get
Speaker 1: it was fantastic. Next, also, I'll go in a girl's
Speaker 1: trip with you. Oh, that would be fun. That'd be
Speaker 1: really great for not work.
Speaker 3: We've only ever done them.
Speaker 2: For not work, for work where we're where we're not
Speaker 2: doing a panel, I'll do a girls trip with you,
Speaker 2: or we're not because we've actually been on so many
Speaker 2: girls trips, so many, but.
Speaker 1: They're always like a panel, yeah or yeah, work related.
Speaker 1: There's a picture Patches attached to the email. Let me
Speaker 1: just see here. Oh my god, this is the dream horse.
Speaker 3: This is the dream really looking at the camera. He's
Speaker 3: a modeling. He's a super modeling. He is Oh my god,
Speaker 3: it's a supermodel. This is rude. I love this horse.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, all right, I guess I need to
Speaker 1: learn how to ride horses.
Speaker 3: Okay? Do I love that idea for you? Don't put
Speaker 3: that sign in there?
Speaker 1: Why am I telling everybody to edit everything out this episode?
Speaker 3: Don't edit it out?
Speaker 1: That's real, my sigh of despair and delight over this horse. Patches,
Speaker 1: who I'll probably never meet, who have calls him my soul.
Speaker 3: Okay, next question, Next.
Speaker 2: Question is that's in life listener Emma email?
Speaker 3: Okay, Oh, it's a voice note.
Speaker 6: Hi, Stephanie and Melissa. First of all, I adore your podcast.
Speaker 6: It makes my day so much brighter. When I listened
Speaker 6: to it, I was just wondering, what's your take on pets.
Speaker 6: I recently got two more cats and I had to
Speaker 6: bottle feed them, so I was waking up every two hours,
Speaker 6: and that's when I primarily listened to your podcast. So
Speaker 6: their names are Beatrice and for Marrow. But I was
Speaker 6: just wondering how you deal with your pets and your
Speaker 6: busy lives. So, yeah, how a great day?
Speaker 3: Buye that was so cute? Like good she loved her cat.
Speaker 3: You can't believe me, do so cut? Okay, Emma, that's
Speaker 3: really sweet.
Speaker 2: I have a dog.
Speaker 1: His name is Guda. He is so sweet and a
Speaker 1: real pain in the ass. He he was really used
Speaker 1: to being the only little little creature and then Roz
Speaker 1: came along, My child came along, and he was not
Speaker 1: having it. He is much more resigned to the fact
Speaker 1: that there is a child here now, I would say,
Speaker 1: but he's not. He's still like very uncomfortable around her,
Speaker 1: Like he doesn't really like he'll sit still for pets.
Speaker 1: Sometimes if Brad and I make a big deal over
Speaker 1: something Roz is doing.
Speaker 3: Guda will get in the mix and try to like
Speaker 3: he gets really jealous. He's my god. He's yes, he's
Speaker 3: very god.
Speaker 1: So I the way that I make time for him
Speaker 1: is like I really try early in the morning to
Speaker 1: walk him by myself or spend time. If I don't
Speaker 1: have enough time to walk him that morning, I spend
Speaker 1: time with him by myself, like if I'm answering emails
Speaker 1: or something like he's sitting on my lap and I'm
Speaker 1: petting him, like just me and him, you know. And
Speaker 1: the other thing is like sometimes I feel like with
Speaker 1: older dogs they can.
Speaker 3: Become a part of the furniture a.
Speaker 1: Little bit because they're just laying around a lot of
Speaker 1: the time because it's.
Speaker 3: Uncomfortable for them to move.
Speaker 1: He's not that old, but I try to pet him
Speaker 1: every time that I pass by, like or I try
Speaker 1: to acknowledge him every time that I pass by, like
Speaker 1: I see you, buddy, you're being a good boy, or whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, because like with my last dog, who I
Speaker 1: adufted when he was an old old man, you just
Speaker 1: don't know how much time you have with the older ones.
Speaker 1: And like period, honestly, like with animals, like they can't
Speaker 1: tell you when shit is fucked up. You don't know
Speaker 1: how much time you have. Yeah, you know, it's like
Speaker 1: you just gotta squeeze them and hug them and love them.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like you're already doing that by you know,
Speaker 1: bottle feeding them every two hours like you do a
Speaker 1: baby when they're new.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've I've I've found with pets it's a
Speaker 2: little bit like kids where it's like quality over quantity,
Speaker 2: you know, like if.
Speaker 3: I also, I also have a dog. She's a big dog.
Speaker 2: She's two years old, so still like a little bit
Speaker 2: puppyish sometimes, so she requires, like, you know, she has
Speaker 2: to be walked, and she has to like get her
Speaker 2: energy out every day, which we're pretty good about doing.
Speaker 2: But when it's a spend busy and I can tell
Speaker 2: that she's you know, been neglected all day, it's like
Speaker 2: I'll just take her outside for twenty minute and just
Speaker 2: like I'll set a timer and I'll be like twenty minutes,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna throw a ball, I'm gonna tug
Speaker 2: a rope, I'm gonna like try to get your wigglies out.
Speaker 2: She'll do some zoomies and then that that's like, you know,
Speaker 2: and then I'll give her like lots of hugs and
Speaker 2: cuddles after that, and like.
Speaker 3: That seems to be Oh my god, I just the
Speaker 3: little cat picture just of her cat just popped up
Speaker 3: on our.
Speaker 2: Outline and it's a little baby black kitten and it's
Speaker 2: so cute, so tiny.
Speaker 3: Oh all her cats are black.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, kids, these kins are freaking cute.
Speaker 3: Broh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you had to bottle feet. I mean
Speaker 2: that's like having a newborn man. Like you just got
Speaker 2: to get through it. You gotta do the bare minimum, uh,
Speaker 2: until they get a little bigger.
Speaker 3: And then yeah, like if you get.
Speaker 2: Really busy and you feel like you, you know, just
Speaker 2: get out some toys, set a timer, like whatever time
Speaker 2: you have and.
Speaker 3: Then do that.
Speaker 2: I feel like cats at least, you know, you don't
Speaker 2: have to walk them. You'll have to take them outside.
Speaker 2: So but yeah, it's it is tough.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, they're so cute. They're really cute. This
Speaker 3: is rude.
Speaker 1: We're gonna post this picture of the cat trying to
Speaker 1: figure out how to eat out of a bowl because
Speaker 1: it's so funny.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's got Lottle.
Speaker 2: And then at least for me, like having having a
Speaker 2: dog is like before we got the dog, I was like, okay, uh,
Speaker 2: we have to know who's gonna take care of the
Speaker 2: dog when we have to go out of town or
Speaker 2: you know, and so like we made sure to have
Speaker 2: those things in place too.
Speaker 3: The responsibilities are big, I think big.
Speaker 1: I forget that I ever tell you one time this
Speaker 1: is tea, but one time I was at a job
Speaker 1: and I overheard someone. I overheard someone talking about how
Speaker 1: while they were just gonna have to give the dog
Speaker 1: back to the shelter because it just was not listening
Speaker 1: and this and that or whatever, and like I was
Speaker 1: sitting there and like, listen, sometimes you do have to
Speaker 1: rehome pets, like if you've really really tried all the things.
Speaker 3: But I do, I really.
Speaker 1: Strongly believe that, like there's not a world in which
Speaker 1: I would have rehomed Gouda unless he like he hurt ras,
Speaker 1: you know, like and even if he accidentally hurt her
Speaker 1: or she got in his space and like he bit
Speaker 1: her or something like, I would hope that we would
Speaker 1: try to work with him. Obviously, that's my own situation,
Speaker 1: and my dog is ten pounds. It's different than a
Speaker 1: you know, fifty pound animal. Yeah, but I mean I
Speaker 1: think you getting a dog looks fun. It always looks
Speaker 1: so sweet in the movies, you know. But like cats
Speaker 1: are a lot of work, dogs are a lot of work.
Speaker 3: Birds are a lot of work.
Speaker 1: The fucking birds lived for like forty years. Like, be
Speaker 1: real with yourself about how much yes, I can, I can.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine it, Okay, next one subject, Thank you
Speaker 1: for the heartbreak episode, Dear Stephanie, Melissa and the More
Speaker 1: Better Team. I was listening to your episode about heartbreak
Speaker 1: and it made me cry in a good way, the
Speaker 1: kind of cry that you've been needing to have but
Speaker 1: you just don't have time.
Speaker 3: Or emotional space. Tell me about it. I love those cries.
Speaker 1: Over the past three years, I've gone through a lot
Speaker 1: of change. I moved to a new state to go
Speaker 1: to law school after nine years in a totally different career. Wow,
Speaker 1: so many things have started and go ahead, dang and
Speaker 1: ended in that short time. And while I'm super proud
Speaker 1: of myself, most of those things have been good. Every
Speaker 1: now and then I felt really sad and I couldn't
Speaker 1: put my finger on why your episode made me realize
Speaker 1: some of what I was feeling was heartbreak. Even though
Speaker 1: wonderful things started in those three years, a lot of
Speaker 1: things ended. I don't think I took the time I
Speaker 1: needed to recognize that and more than the things I've
Speaker 1: lost for the changes I'd undergone, the past three years
Speaker 1: have been go, go, go, and you gave me thirty
Speaker 1: mone and it's to stop reflect and feel all the
Speaker 1: things I'm gonna I'm gonna cry that I had put
Speaker 1: to the side as I was trying to keep up
Speaker 1: with everything. Thank you for giving me that chance. I
Speaker 1: definitely feel more better. Sincerely, Rebecca, Rebecca, how dare you.
Speaker 3: Make me cry? Becca gos Nic.
Speaker 1: That is really really sometimes you just need because that's
Speaker 1: the thing, right sometimes when you can name it where
Speaker 1: you can put a name to it and it can.
Speaker 3: Just like help you process it.
Speaker 2: And the fact that that episode helped you do that
Speaker 2: is huge. It makes me feel so touched and thank
Speaker 2: you for that, you know what, Rebecca, Fuck you for
Speaker 2: making me tear up. Okay, Next, this is actually a
Speaker 2: question listener question and there's a voice note, so let's
Speaker 2: listen to it.
Speaker 4: The subject is setting boundaries. Hi, Stephanie and Melissa le
Speaker 4: Ninus Lupet. I live in Los Angeles and I have
Speaker 4: loved your podcast. Thank you for what you both do.
Speaker 4: I'm curious about your thoughts on setting boundaries, whether it's
Speaker 4: in life or with loved ones or at work. I'm Latina,
Speaker 4: and I think for Latinas and basically all people of
Speaker 4: color or anyone that is part of a marginalized group,
Speaker 4: it can sometimes feel difficult to set boundaries due to
Speaker 4: perhaps a combination of cultural expectations, systemic pressures, and or.
Speaker 5: Basically just how we were raised. I think it was
Speaker 5: a few podcasts episodes ago where you both touched on
Speaker 5: code switching how we can sometimes feel like we have
Speaker 5: to suppress parts of ourselves in order to fit into
Speaker 5: certain environments, and it made me think about boundaries and
Speaker 5: how difficult it can be setting boundaries and environments like that,
Speaker 5: and it basically leads to perhaps us not always advocating
Speaker 5: for ourselves and just makes it even more challenging. Curious
Speaker 5: about your thoughts. Love you both and really appreciate your perspective.
Speaker 3: That's first of all, is Lupa teaching a class? Can
Speaker 3: I take it like? She sounds so smart?
Speaker 1: I know Jesus so well spoken and you should be
Speaker 1: our podcast. Yeah yeah, I think, like, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it is all those things, right, Like, I think, especially
Speaker 1: for groups that are marginalized in any kind of way,
Speaker 1: shape or form, it becomes this most strange mix of
Speaker 1: I know what I need, but I'm not sure I'm
Speaker 1: safe enough to ask for it at all times. Right.
Speaker 1: I feel like for many people in this world's straight
Speaker 1: wide dudes, like they there's a safety at all times
Speaker 1: and I'm going to ask for what I need.
Speaker 3: But for groups that are marginalized.
Speaker 1: It can be like I actually don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: safe to ask for what I need or to create
Speaker 1: the boundary because I don't know if I'm going to
Speaker 1: lose my job. I don't know if I'm going to
Speaker 1: be seen as a bitch. I don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: going to be you know, I don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: going to lose out on further opportunities because I was,
Speaker 1: I mean hard to work with, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It depends on the situation, right, but I think, Uh,
Speaker 1: the thing that I try to remember is that everybody
Speaker 1: around me is human, and I try to sort of
Speaker 1: like scale.
Speaker 5: Like.
Speaker 3: How important is this boundary? Is it?
Speaker 1: Is it like a physical boundary of like, oh, don't
Speaker 1: touch me like that, you know?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 1: Is it with my employer sort of saying like, hey,
Speaker 1: we need you to work on a Saturday, and I
Speaker 1: have a my kid's birthday parties planned for that Saturday,
Speaker 1: and I can say, I can say I can't.
Speaker 3: I can't. I can't work on that Saturday.
Speaker 1: I understand that it's going to put us behind, but
Speaker 1: I just I mean, contractually, if you obligate me to
Speaker 1: be there, I will show up, but I.
Speaker 3: Can't work on that day, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean I remember when my dad was dying, and
Speaker 1: like I showed up to work every day, and I
Speaker 1: maybe shouldn't have those that the last day.
Speaker 3: I probably shouldn't have.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I probably should stay home with my dad, you know,
Speaker 1: because like he was gone three days later, and you know,
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have or I should have Maybe I
Speaker 1: should have. I mean I shouldn't should all over myself,
Speaker 1: which is what my friend Lina says, but don't should
Speaker 1: all over yourself.
Speaker 3: But I wish I could have said.
Speaker 1: Actually, my needs in this moment are that I have
Speaker 1: less hours in this last week because my father is.
Speaker 3: Dying, you know.
Speaker 1: Now that's different than a boundary necessarily, but it's similar.
Speaker 1: I think, what do you think? Also, I know it's hard.
Speaker 2: I think especially like women in general, but particularly Latino women,
Speaker 2: I feel like it is kind of ingrained in our
Speaker 2: culture and the way we grow up of like we
Speaker 2: do everything, we take care of everyone, and we don't complain,
Speaker 2: and like we're built for that, you know, these all
Speaker 2: these like made up expectations. Yeah, and it can be
Speaker 2: really really hard, and it's something I struggle with. I
Speaker 2: think part of it is I think what I have
Speaker 2: gotten more better at is like saying no. I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm so sorry, but no, like I can't or
Speaker 2: that's not going to work. You know, Is there another
Speaker 2: solution we can come to? Is there another compromise we
Speaker 2: can figure out?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: Always like trying for me, like setting a boundary a
Speaker 2: lot of times I don't know if this is good
Speaker 2: or bad includes some type of collaboration follow up, you know,
Speaker 2: like a better solution, like can we you know, is
Speaker 2: there something else we can work out? You know, because
Speaker 2: I find sometimes if I'm bringing the other person into it,
Speaker 2: they're more likely to like respect my boundary.
Speaker 3: Because how can we collaborate with shutting them off?
Speaker 2: How can we collaborate on like a different solution or
Speaker 2: something else that works for me and you because this doesn't.
Speaker 3: I think that's great. Yeah, I think there's like a.
Speaker 2: I feel like setting boundaries is also like somewhat newer
Speaker 2: in our society, do.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like in general, like in general of like talking about it,
Speaker 2: like I don't feel like it's normalized yet, do you.
Speaker 3: Know what I mean? So I feel like for people
Speaker 3: that aren't.
Speaker 1: Men, Yes, I'm pretty sure set boundaries a full time
Speaker 1: since time, you know what I mean, like the for
Speaker 1: the the rest of us, for the rest of us,
Speaker 1: like a work in progress for the best.
Speaker 3: So I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2: I think I'm always like on guard of like people
Speaker 2: can get really defensive when you're trying to set a boundary.
Speaker 3: So I think that's why I do the collaboration thing.
Speaker 2: Is just like I find I you know, there have
Speaker 2: been times where I just be like no, and then
Speaker 2: that person sure like defense goes up and they get
Speaker 2: insulted or whatever, and and then I have another problem
Speaker 2: I have to deal with. But yeah, so I've sort
Speaker 2: of started doing that is but yeah, it is hard.
Speaker 2: It is hard, and I and I myself have to
Speaker 2: constantly remind myself that like.
Speaker 3: Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I'm like
Speaker 3: better at you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, I am better at like a lot of things,
Speaker 2: but like doesn't mean that my you know, my gender
Speaker 2: or my DNA makes me like naturally better at things.
Speaker 2: I'm just doing them because no one else is, you know.
Speaker 2: And yeah, and so you know, it is it is hard,
Speaker 2: but then it always feels great when I do it,
Speaker 2: And that's the part I try to remember that.
Speaker 3: I always feel stronger and more empowered, and so.
Speaker 2: I try to like hold on to that when I'm
Speaker 2: about to try to have that conversation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think some sometimes it is. Sometimes it's worthwhile
Speaker 1: to have a collaborative conversation about it. Sometimes it's it's
Speaker 1: guess in check a lot of times, like what what
Speaker 1: what would happen if I just said no? You know what,
Speaker 1: what does happen if I just said no?
Speaker 3: That doesn't work.
Speaker 2: Right, because you build it up in our heads and
Speaker 2: we say no, and the people and the others and go,
Speaker 2: oh okay, yeah, and it was no medal, and.
Speaker 3: You're like, fuck, man, I should say no more.
Speaker 1: I wish that everybody was starting with the same baseline
Speaker 1: of kindness, politeness, thoughtfulness, and the reality is that nobody
Speaker 1: is starting with the same baseline. Most of the time,
Speaker 1: you find people that are similar to you, and you
Speaker 1: become friends with those people because that feels good. But
Speaker 1: the reality is that we're all in a big old
Speaker 1: mix with people that you know, some people haven't had
Speaker 1: a kind word given to them their entire lives, and
Speaker 1: so our real true pieces of shit to work with,
Speaker 1: you know, or like be around, and it's hard. That's hard,
Speaker 1: and then other people just don't know how to have
Speaker 1: like delivery that always sounds great to somebody else's ear.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: I remember being friends with this kid who in high
Speaker 1: school he just like had no boundaries and it was
Speaker 1: so difficult to like get him to understand like bro,
Speaker 1: and like subsequently he didn't have a lot of friends
Speaker 1: outside like the theater group because like he just had
Speaker 1: no boundaries, like with you know, he just couldn't like
Speaker 1: quote unquote read signs. But like turns out he was
Speaker 1: sort of I think today he would probably be described
Speaker 1: as autistic and like couldn't really would absolutely respect the
Speaker 1: sign like or respect a boundary. If given a specific
Speaker 1: boundary like I don't feel comfortable when you put your
Speaker 1: arm around me when we're hanging out in a group,
Speaker 1: you'd be like okay, and like wouldn't even feel like,
Speaker 1: oh sorry, did I do something wrong? Would just be like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I won't do that anymore, you know. And it was
Speaker 1: as easy as that, right. Yeah, he couldn't necessarily read
Speaker 1: signs that you didn't like it, but once you told
Speaker 1: him what your boundary was, he respected.
Speaker 3: It always and forever. It was a really.
Speaker 1: Interesting lesson and like, oh yeah, sometimes you just got
Speaker 1: to come out, come right out and say it without
Speaker 1: beating around the bush and trying to be polite.
Speaker 3: And other times you have to use kid globes to
Speaker 3: handle people, so lopout. What we're saying is we don't
Speaker 3: want the answer. Sorry, it's hard. Sorry, thanks slooping for
Speaker 3: the ways.
Speaker 2: That's a good question, really solid air.
Speaker 3: I hope we kind of sort of tackled some of it. Yeah, okay, so.
Speaker 5: More better.
Speaker 3: Okay, So what have we learned today?
Speaker 1: I learned that I really love horses, particularly Patches, who
Speaker 1: I feel is maybe maybe a prototype for the horse,
Speaker 1: maybe I'll get to ride someday if I take these lessons.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to Burbank, but maybe I'll take horses
Speaker 1: right back riding lessons and indulge myself in some more
Speaker 1: uh self care that.
Speaker 3: Maybe I didn't realize that I needed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, get that horse joy in your life, girl. Yeah, girl,
Speaker 2: I have been watercolor painting more.
Speaker 1: I just like bought a big thing you want to see?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want to see your watercolor.
Speaker 2: Oh, Stephanie, that's so pretty. Oh my goodness, I love
Speaker 2: and I would like a water color. I would like
Speaker 2: a Stephanie Beatrice water color in my house. So can
Speaker 2: you please make so let us know everybody if you.
Speaker 1: Guys want, original's going to be opening her Etsy art.
Speaker 2: She's gonna be opening her Etsy store any day now.
Speaker 3: No, thank you? What about you? Would you?
Speaker 1: Would you come away with this this session?
Speaker 3: Oh gosh. I came away with.
Speaker 2: Relief that what I have felt has just been us
Speaker 2: fucking bullshitting has actually made some people happy and meant
Speaker 2: something to people, which was always the goal.
Speaker 3: And so I.
Speaker 2: Feel really proud and mostly relief of oh, thank god
Speaker 2: we pulled it off. And yeah, and I also learned
Speaker 2: that I got to work on my boundaries, my boundaries,
Speaker 2: because the way I broke out into a sweat while
Speaker 2: we were talking about them men was a big old
Speaker 2: clue that.
Speaker 3: I don't think I've been nailing it. Only I've been
Speaker 3: nailing it. You probably that's always a work in progress. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's what it is. It's a work in progress.
Speaker 2: And it feels like I feel like it's something that
Speaker 2: evolves too, like as you get older and you know,
Speaker 2: and it's something that you're always having to kind of reevaluate.
Speaker 2: Like I know very few people that are like so
Speaker 2: good at setting boundaries.
Speaker 3: They are all white men and like maybe a couple
Speaker 3: of women.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's just like super powerful people usually are.
Speaker 2: Pretty damn powerful people are really good at it, that is. Yeah,
Speaker 2: those are those are good kind of people to look
Speaker 2: to of like how they do it sometimes if they
Speaker 2: do it in like a kind healthy way.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but it was it was great. It was
Speaker 2: great to like go through all of these It was fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a nice hearing from you guys.
Speaker 1: Join us next week for finale, our season finale with
Speaker 1: more listener emails.
Speaker 3: Okay, bye bye, bye bye, you guys.
Speaker 1: Do you have something you'd like to be more better
Speaker 1: at that you want us to talk about in your
Speaker 1: future episode.
Speaker 2: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
Speaker 2: one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
Speaker 1: want to be featured.
Speaker 3: On the pod.
Speaker 1: Ooh, More Better with Daphanie Melissa is a production from
Speaker 1: wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted by me Steffie
Speaker 1: Diatriz and Melissa Kumara. More Better is produced by Isis
Speaker 1: Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are Wilmer
Speaker 1: Valderrama and Leo Klem at wvsound. This episode was edited
Speaker 1: by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features
Speaker 1: original music by Madison Devenport and Heylo Boy. Our cover
Speaker 1: art is by Vincent Remys and photography by David Avalos.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever.
Speaker 3: You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Speaker 3: Bye
Speaker 1: On no Pokitomas Mahor