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Speaker 1: Na, I can't remember what the fuck I said.

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Speaker 2: I don't recall me neither, but I'm glad it helped,

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Speaker 2: because really, this is a podcast is like a stream

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Speaker 2: of consciousness, like it's just word vomit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, more better.

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Speaker 2: Or a little more better, Welcome to more Better. A

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Speaker 2: podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together

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Speaker 2: in a bracest journey of becoming a little more better

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Speaker 2: every day, or at least trying to.

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Speaker 1: That's Stephanie Beatrice, and that's Melissa Fumero. And this is

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Speaker 1: a podcast that you're listening to in your car or

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Speaker 1: maybe at your home. Perhaps you're trying to go to sleep,

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Speaker 1: and we've absolutely ruined over you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah we have.

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Speaker 3: Are your friend. I'm pretty I'm bringing eh Yeah listen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, there's one episode left of White Lotus

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Speaker 1: at this point.

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Speaker 3: I've heard it's ninety minutes long. Oh gosh.

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Speaker 1: The government's in a real turmoil, I'd say, is a

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Speaker 1: polite way to say it.

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Speaker 2: I'm keeping it together, how about you? Yeah, man, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: pretty much the same. The world is on fire. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm packing up my apartment in Atlanta going home this weekend.

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Speaker 2: So that is keeping me afloat and ativated. Although I

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Speaker 2: fucking hate packing.

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Speaker 3: Why do you?

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Speaker 1: Now, why do you hate packing when you're leaving? Because that,

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Speaker 1: to me is the best part. I just get overwhelmed

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Speaker 1: with packing.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I mean this is an easier form of packing

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Speaker 2: because I don't have to decide what to put in bags.

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Speaker 3: You just take everything bags.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, either it goes in the trash or it goes

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Speaker 1: in the bags, yeah, or donated.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, So it just feels like a lot.

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Speaker 2: I'm just I can't believe how much stuff I've accumulated

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Speaker 2: over five months. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, and uh okay,

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Speaker 2: so I think I'm maybe judging myself or how you accumulated.

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Speaker 3: To you, that's the worst part for you.

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Speaker 1: Is like what's wrong with me? Why did I get

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Speaker 1: all these things? And it's like because you were there

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Speaker 1: for five months. People, if everybody in the world had

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Speaker 1: to see what they accumulated in the last five months,

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Speaker 1: like just delineated into like a marked out, taped out

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Speaker 1: box and their living room floor, everybody would be shocked.

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Speaker 3: Everybody.

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Speaker 2: Now, Yeah, like I'm judging myself for like the spices

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Speaker 2: I bought that I didn't end up using because I

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Speaker 2: bought now cook more nobody. I cooked like three times

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Speaker 2: the whole time I was here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you either you give them to someone. I mean

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Speaker 1: half of your crew probably lives there, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I gave a huge bag of like kids necks

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Speaker 2: to Matthew Davis on my show because he has two

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Speaker 2: little kids.

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Speaker 4: See.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so there, and I found there's a food bank

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Speaker 2: down the road. I'm going to bring a bunch of

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Speaker 2: stuff to tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: You're paying a fea baby, I know. I know.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, I have two days to do all

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Speaker 1: of this. Well, then sometimes it's going to get Listen. Also,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you're gonna throw an or you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: Like sometimes you just yeah, it has to go in

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Speaker 2: the trahood, in the fridge and freezer that is just

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Speaker 2: going to go in the trash and it kills me.

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Speaker 3: But I know that's a hard one. I know that somebody.

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Speaker 1: The last job I did, one of our riding staff

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Speaker 1: was looking at places, like a week before everybody got there,

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Speaker 1: and he was looking at places to rent. And while

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Speaker 1: he was looking at one of them, he decided not

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Speaker 1: to go with it, I think. But while he was

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Speaker 1: looking at one, the realtor was like, Oh, don't worry

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Speaker 1: about the fridge. The last person that was here was

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Speaker 1: an actor and he just left yesterday. He opens the fridge.

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Speaker 3: He's with her.

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Speaker 1: He opens the fridge and it's just like from the

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Speaker 1: bottom of the fridge to the top, it's just like juices, all.

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Speaker 3: These amazing juices. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: She was like, he couldn't take them with you. Feel

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Speaker 1: free to take one when you leave.

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Speaker 3: She left. He put as many as he could carry

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Speaker 3: in his bag, like, I was like, good for you.

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Speaker 3: They would have gone to waste. So I was gonna

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Speaker 3: drink those. Like the people that come and look at

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Speaker 3: the apartment, they're gonna throw.

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Speaker 1: Them away once someone decides to get the apartment or whatever,

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Speaker 1: you know, take twelve or whatever, go for it.

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Speaker 2: An actor's refrigerator full top to bottom of juice.

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Speaker 3: I think he had like a lot of He had

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Speaker 3: a lot of shirtless scenes, this guy. So, guys, this

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Speaker 3: is this is that you guys. You know we're on

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Speaker 3: a tangent. We're gonna bring it back. Let's put it

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Speaker 3: back anyway. That's part of why you like this though.

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Speaker 3: I feel like.

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Speaker 5: More Better.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode's very special Season one of More Better is coming.

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Speaker 3: To the close.

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Speaker 1: We are I don't know I've liked doing it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think it's been very fun. Melissa, I agree.

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Speaker 2: I agree, it's been very very fun, and and we're

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Speaker 2: gonna celebrate by dedicating the last two episodes to you listeners.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening to friends out there,

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Speaker 2: give your emails, your reviews, your community on Instagram and TikTok.

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Speaker 3: That's been you. We love you. It's been awesome. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So today is the listener mail Bag Extravaganza Banza. If

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Speaker 1: it was a ball, you would be dressed head to

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Speaker 1: toe in your letters.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna answer some questions. We're gonna read some emails and.

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Speaker 1: Dms et cetera, et cetera, etcetera.

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Speaker 3: Shall we shall we die? We have?

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Speaker 2: We have a lot of replies and voice notes and

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Speaker 2: fun stuff to get through. Okay, this first one I'm

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Speaker 2: excited about this. Okay, this first one is from our

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Speaker 2: Spring cleaning episode. It is Okay, we have a thank

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Speaker 2: you email and we have a couple comment and a

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Speaker 2: comment and like a question.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So hi more better team.

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Speaker 2: Just want to say thank you for this episode and

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Speaker 2: what Stephanie said about how she didn't grow up having

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Speaker 2: money and as a result, she knows it's hard to

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Speaker 2: get rid of things that you've spent good money on.

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Speaker 2: That hit me so hard, and I had a revelation

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Speaker 2: because I didn't realize.

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Speaker 3: That that's my own problem. Oh gotta remember it's okay.

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Speaker 2: So I really hope they didn't think this episode was

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Speaker 2: just them bullshitting around.

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Speaker 3: We always do. We always think that because it helped

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Speaker 3: me at least. Thank you for all that you do, Amanda.

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Speaker 3: That's very cool. And then there was.

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Speaker 2: Quite the fiery debate over the you guessed it drunk

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Speaker 2: junk drawer, the drunk it should be?

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Speaker 3: It does? It looks like a drunk organized it. So

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Speaker 3: we have a couple.

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Speaker 2: Abby said, as a really organized person, a junk drawer

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Speaker 2: is necessary a la Monica Geller to show people you

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Speaker 2: are not actually crazy and sometimes you don't want to

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Speaker 2: get rid of things but they are uncate, categorizable.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Abby, I don't know if you knew this, but

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Speaker 1: Monica Geller's fake person. She's not real. She's on a

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Speaker 1: TV show. Somebody wrote her. It's not real, babe, it's

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Speaker 1: not real.

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Speaker 3: Stephanie.

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Speaker 2: Stephanie a Beatrice representation matters, okay, and she represents organized people.

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Speaker 3: And she has a valid point. But I also I.

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Speaker 1: Love that Abby was like, oh, you need the juncture

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Speaker 1: to show other people that you're not crazy. Because what

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Speaker 1: Abby wants, deep down in her heart is to not

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Speaker 1: have the junk drawer. She wants to organize her junk

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Speaker 1: drawer and gosh dark, but she realized, Abby, you should

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Speaker 1: live your truth and absolutely have an organized junk drawer.

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Speaker 1: You can have an organized junk drawer. Meanwhile, it's still

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Speaker 1: a junk drawer.

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Speaker 2: The whole debate was about whether or not you have

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Speaker 2: a junk drawer.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I wish I could pull this strawer out right

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Speaker 1: now because there's a lot of junk in this strawer.

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Speaker 3: But it's organized. Duh, I don't.

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Speaker 2: I don't begrudge, but there's a lot of dundellaneous things

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Speaker 2: that are in there. Are there, not, Stephanie, There are

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Speaker 2: a lot of things, miscellaneous things that are not related

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Speaker 2: to each other.

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Speaker 3: No in that drawer, aren't there?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: No? Okay, no, no, no. I'm going to take a

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Speaker 1: picture of this and I'm not even going to clean

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Speaker 1: it up. I'm going to take a picture so that

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Speaker 1: we can put it on our Instagram and you guys

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Speaker 1: can see the drunk drawer because no.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, Josh would like to know Joshi from TikTok

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Speaker 2: would like to know where you keep your batteries and

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Speaker 2: your twist ties?

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Speaker 3: Motherfuckers. I keep them organized, okay, Josh. The batteries have

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Speaker 3: a place. Everything has a home, is okay? Okay? Where

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Speaker 3: does that bin go?

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Speaker 1: It lives in the cabinet in the office. It lives

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Speaker 1: on the second shelf in the cabinet. Because where do

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Speaker 1: you put your twist ties? Where do you put your

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Speaker 1: rubber bands? Why do you have twist ties? What do

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Speaker 1: you need a twist tie for? Melissa?

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Speaker 3: I have children?

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Speaker 2: What where do you keep your little clippies for the bags?

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Speaker 3: What are you talking about?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 3: What are you talking about? Open a bag of tortilla chips?

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Speaker 3: Because your you have a clip for the okay, fine clip? Okay,

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Speaker 3: we have chip clips, and we have rubber bands.

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Speaker 2: We use rubber bands mostly like we save all the

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Speaker 2: rubber bands from produce and stuff in the grocery store.

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Speaker 1: And I don't ever pick up a rubber band off

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Speaker 1: of any and no, why would I need a rubber band?

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Speaker 3: I don't need the right for closing bags? No, and

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Speaker 3: and not in this house. Not in this house. I

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Speaker 3: reject you. I reject it.

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Speaker 2: I reject it.

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Speaker 1: I'm also trying to reject every every twist tie or

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Speaker 1: rubber band that I'm coming in, trying to be sustainable,

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Speaker 1: use a recycle. I don't know when the last time

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Speaker 1: is that I actually bought something that had a twist

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Speaker 1: tie on it.

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Speaker 3: Maybe bread. I guess bread has twist ties on it.

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Speaker 1: But like, yeah, you can just excuse me, but you

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Speaker 1: just stripped the twist tie of the paper. Throw the

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Speaker 1: paper part away because it's usually died, and then stick

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Speaker 1: the little thing in your recycling the metal part anyway.

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Speaker 3: Question number two fave place.

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Speaker 5: Hi.

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Speaker 3: I'm Clara from France.

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Speaker 1: First of all, I'd love to thank you for this

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Speaker 1: amazing podcast, but especially for being such beautiful people. That's

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Speaker 1: really sweet. Every episode is a little dose of happiness,

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Speaker 1: and you too have created a safe space for everyone

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Speaker 1: who had a bad day.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: That is truly what we wanted to do, so that's

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Speaker 1: really nice to hear. Clara, Thank you for the laughs,

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Speaker 1: all your advice. My question for you, is there a

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Speaker 1: place on earth that makes you feel better, a place

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Speaker 1: that tastes like home or maybe a trip that changed

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Speaker 1: your life forever. Mmmm, and then she said episode that's

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Speaker 1: really cute.

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Speaker 3: What about you?

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Speaker 2: I always feel great when I am at the beach.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what beach. I love a day at

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Speaker 2: the beach. I feel relaxed, I feel I just feel

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Speaker 2: so good. I like that whole woo woo thing of

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Speaker 2: like letting your feet touch wet sand and it like

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Speaker 2: have you heard that before? It like takes out all

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Speaker 2: the negative things in your body, Like I do feel.

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Speaker 2: I feel that and I believe it. Yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 2: my happy place. I don't know, I grew up going

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Speaker 2: to the beach. Maybe it's you know, ancestral DNA. Maybe yeah,

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Speaker 2: you arean the Caribbean. Yeah, but it's.

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Speaker 3: It's really is my happy place. What about you? That's beautiful.

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Speaker 3: I think there were two.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I really love Paris. I love Paris. I

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Speaker 1: think it's really special and beautiful. I don't know that I've.

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Speaker 3: Had a trip there that has felt like.

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Speaker 1: There's always been something about the trips that I take there,

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Speaker 1: something funky. So I don't know if it's like I

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Speaker 1: need to go back, or if I need to free

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Speaker 1: myself from expectations of Paris.

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Speaker 3: But I do love Paris very much.

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Speaker 1: I think I've been really I built it up in

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Speaker 1: my mind for so long when I was a kid.

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Speaker 1: It was this like amazing, magical place. And then the

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Speaker 1: first time that I ever went there, I was in

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Speaker 1: my you know, thirties already, and I just was like

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Speaker 1: overwhelmed by it. You know, I don't think it's a

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Speaker 1: city that you can explore like that.

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Speaker 2: Our trip was that was your first time, right, yeah trip, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that was my first time.

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Speaker 1: It was really special and like, but the the thing

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Speaker 1: about Paris is that it always makes me look at

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Speaker 1: my life like it always makes me like I was

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Speaker 1: dating somebody that didn't want to go at the time,

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Speaker 1: and I had to convince them to journey with all

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Speaker 1: of us to Paris, and it was like what the pick?

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Speaker 1: And then the second time I went, I went with

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Speaker 1: a friend who really just wasn't a great traveling partner.

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Speaker 1: And then the last time that I went was I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna do Paris with the baby, and

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Speaker 1: so like we went after oh gosh, we went after

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Speaker 1: a really long job that I had in London and

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Speaker 1: then went to Paris with the baby and my sister

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Speaker 1: joined us, and it was like a hillscape. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it is a hellscape if you're trying to like see

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Speaker 1: that city with a child like that, they can't walk

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Speaker 1: with themselves.

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Speaker 2: Right, But since Ros is a little older, I do

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Speaker 2: have a great Paris tip that I got from another

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Speaker 2: mom that I wanted to do with my boys at

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Speaker 2: some point, but now they've outgrown.

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Speaker 3: Like the playground.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so this mom went to Paris and every day

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Speaker 2: they picked a different playground to go to, and then

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Speaker 2: they just kind of centered their day around that, right

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Speaker 2: and went to stuff around it. And she said they

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Speaker 2: explored the whole city and every day it was a

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Speaker 2: different playground. So it was like exciting for her kid.

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Speaker 2: And she also like wore out some you know energy,

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Speaker 2: And I thought that was such a cool, fun way

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Speaker 2: to do a city with a small kid.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's really smart. I think we Ross was still napping,

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Speaker 1: so we know.

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Speaker 2: She was like itty bitty, like, I mean, now if

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Speaker 2: you went back, like if you went back at some

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Speaker 2: point in the next few years, like you still have

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Speaker 2: like probably yeah, if we I mean we're I go.

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Speaker 3: Back, I'm not going to take my kid, you know

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Speaker 3: what I was playing that you just want to go

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Speaker 3: and have like a romantic experience of it. Pars for

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Speaker 3: love of.

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Speaker 2: Yes, okay, next question, I yeah, so I really love

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Speaker 2: pears uh okay. So this next one is from the

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Speaker 2: Style episode with our very own Ril Tunnel, who we

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Speaker 2: adore and love. She is both of our stylists. This

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Speaker 2: comes from Celeste. She said absolutely loved this episode. Ariel's

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Speaker 2: advice about shopping was so helpful and I literally felt

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Speaker 2: more better in my dress in my last dressing room

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Speaker 2: too all sizes and when something didn't fit I like

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Speaker 2: I had hoped, I totally thought, well, too bad for

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Speaker 2: that dress.

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Speaker 3: Great advice, Thank you. Yes, we love that.

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Speaker 2: I also thought of that episode recently because I went

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Speaker 2: through some thrift stores here in Atlanta. In there's some

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Speaker 2: really cute thrift stores in the Old Fourth Ward for

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Speaker 2: those of you visiting Atlanta. And I also thought of

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Speaker 2: that episode because obviously thrifting and vintage, the sizes are

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Speaker 2: crazy crazy, They're all over the place. Oh and I

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Speaker 2: just took all different sizes and kind of eyeballed and

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Speaker 2: didn't like stress out about it. I found a great

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Speaker 2: pair of Levi jeans from the seventies that are super

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Speaker 2: high waisted and like I guess people waists were smaller

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Speaker 2: then because like the weight. Sometimes I have a problem

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Speaker 2: with something fitting over my butt and not my waist

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Speaker 2: because I'm a booty girl, and I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: did ladies in the seventies have like booties like, because

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Speaker 2: if it's really good on the booty, but then it's

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Speaker 2: like a cinched waist and I've never found jeans with

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Speaker 2: that wit.

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Speaker 3: I think it was just the fit.

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Speaker 1: Really, it was like slightly different on all of the pants,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's just like lightly different.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, it's it's it's they're great and

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Speaker 2: they're soft, and like, yes, yeah, and they're real. De

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Speaker 2: just didn't And then there were some things I took

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Speaker 2: in the same size that like did not zip at all,

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Speaker 2: Like they were just so so small.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, well, to bad for those pants.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, too bad for those Oh that's great. I'm so

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Speaker 1: glad that uh she felt that way. IG is also

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Speaker 1: demanding to see your pink pants from that episode.

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Speaker 2: I did post them on my stories, so we'll try

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Speaker 2: to uh in the post. I don't know, maybe we

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00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 2: can highlight them on the more better pod. I'll try

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Speaker 2: to find the story or something, but I did do it.

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Speaker 2: I just paired them with like a simple little black

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Speaker 2: tank top I think cute, and I think I did.

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Speaker 2: I don't even remember if I did heels or like

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Speaker 2: sneakers and they looked were they like kind of long

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Speaker 2: or something? They were kind of long, so maybe it

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Speaker 2: was heels.

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Speaker 3: Do you still own them? Did you get rid of them?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 2: I still have them, but I do plan to get

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Speaker 2: them tailored for sneakers because I feel like they look

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Speaker 2: cute with like white sneakers, nice, nice, and they need

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Speaker 2: to be a little shorter, like I don't want to

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Speaker 2: have to wear a heel every time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I just tailored, like I think. I paid like

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Speaker 1: forty bucks for three T shirts. But I took them

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Speaker 1: to the dry cleaner and I was like, they because

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Speaker 1: they're like, you know, they fit everywhere else, but they're

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Speaker 1: like so long that they're hitting the whitest part of

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Speaker 1: my hips. And then they like, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: wear them, so I took a T shirt shorter. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I took a T shirt that fits me great and

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00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,399
Speaker 1: hits in the right spot. It was forty bucks for

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Speaker 1: three T shirts to get them hemmed, and they look

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Speaker 1: oh god, I'm gonna do that because I always end

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Speaker 1: up just cutting them and then I do and I'm

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Speaker 1: just I'm just gonna work out in this now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. No, they have like

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Speaker 3: a finish tim Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because are we leaving our T shirts out or

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Speaker 2: are we tucking in?

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Speaker 3: What do I think?

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Speaker 1: It depends on the T shirt and the pair of

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Speaker 1: pants and also the belts. Okay, we can have this

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Speaker 1: discussion if you want. Y.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, if we're we're tucking in, we're using a belt.

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Speaker 1: Usually we're using a belt or like a pant that

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Speaker 1: lays like really flat. Because what I really to test

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Speaker 1: for myself is like you know, when you have so

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Speaker 1: now it's a fashion podcast.

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Speaker 3: You know when you like when.

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Speaker 1: You sit with a tucked T shirt in or a

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Speaker 1: tuck tucked T shirt especially, and then the waistband of

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00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,359
Speaker 1: your pants starts to wrinkle up. Yeah, you know what

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00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,760
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, Like the actual band of fabric, it

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Speaker 1: like starts to wrinkle and then it just looks bad.

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Speaker 3: Like to me, it looks bad on me. I don't

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Speaker 3: care why other people wear what I wear.

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Speaker 1: Whatever you want, but like that's a lot of times

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Speaker 1: we're all why I'll stick on a belt because I'm like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: I want to tuck this shirt in, but I also

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Speaker 1: don't want to look at my wrinkled waistband.

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Speaker 2: Tips tips, we got them tips tips.

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00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 1: Or the work life balance episode got a reply from

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Speaker 1: Amanda on Instagram.

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Speaker 3: Oh, she's the one who sent in. She's the one

393
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 3: that sent in the voice note.

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Speaker 1: She needed help with like balancing and balancing all the

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Speaker 1: things she said the way I was shaking all capital

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Speaker 1: letters when I saw this episode drop.

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Speaker 3: She put the.

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Speaker 1: Capital letters, not me. I was the one who sent

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Speaker 1: the voice message. Thank you for talking about this, y'all

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00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 1: made me feel a lot better. I'm gonna keep this

401
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 1: episode on repeat. Such good nuggets of wisdom here, Bitch,

402
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 1: I can't remember what the fuck I said.

403
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,680
Speaker 2: I'm glad it helped, because really, this is a podcast,

404
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 2: is like a stream of consciousness, like it's just word vomit.

405
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 3: And then we tried you.

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00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,959
Speaker 2: I feel like I did re listen to that episode

407
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 2: and thought to myself, bitch, you should do more of this.

408
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,919
Speaker 3: I'm practice what you catch.

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Speaker 2: These are great tips and you don't always follow them.

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00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:22,200
Speaker 1: That's real, that's real. Okay, do you want to read

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00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 1: this next one.

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Speaker 2: Next one is oh pep talk question email from Julie. Hi,

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Speaker 2: Melissa and Stephanie. My name is Julie and I live

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Speaker 2: in Northern Ontario, Canada. I am emailing because I am Canada.

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00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 3: What's so Canada? We still love you even though our

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00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 3: government doesn't, but we do.

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Speaker 2: Sorry fifty one, Yeah, sorry, I am emailing because I'm

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Speaker 2: sitting at home with a concussion right now. Oh, and

419
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 2: your podcast is so entertaining and I'm so glad you

420
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 2: made it because I can't watch Brooklyn nine nine or

421
00:20:55,880 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 2: any screens for another week. Last week, I was singing

422
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,439
Speaker 2: at a red light on my way to work and

423
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 2: someone drove right into the back of my car. Now

424
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 2: I have whiplash and a concussion. I was wondering if

425
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,840
Speaker 2: you guys could talk about how you deal with it

426
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 2: when bad shit just happens to you and there is

427
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 2: nothing you can do about it. Oh, Julie, that is

428
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 2: so relatable and like, I feel like we've all been there.

429
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 2: I tore my ACL once in my twenties, and I

430
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:27,159
Speaker 2: was a struggling actor, and I tried to because you

431
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:30,480
Speaker 2: don't like need your ACL to really function in life,

432
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Speaker 2: Like I know someone that like never got into me. Okay, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: because it's only for when you plant your foot and

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00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 2: change direction, so like you would in tennis, or you

435
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,959
Speaker 2: would in dancing, or you would probably doing like an

436
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:50,439
Speaker 2: action scene. So I just didn't want to like be

437
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 2: out of auditions. So I was like, I'm going to

438
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 2: wait till maybe like a slower time of year to

439
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 2: do the surgery. But then I did a job where

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Speaker 2: I had to wear high heels, like a short job

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Speaker 2: where I had where I heels and like my knee

442
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 2: buckled ones, and it just was like not possible, and

443
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 2: I was like.

444
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 3: Fuck, I have to do the surgery.

445
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

446
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 2: So then it's a pretty intense surgery and you're basically

447
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 2: like like put out for like six weeks. I had

448
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 2: to wear a brace from like my hip all the

449
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 2: way down to my ankle. Your whole leg shuts down,

450
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 2: so like getting in and out of the I needed

451
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,880
Speaker 2: help getting in and out of the shower or bath.

452
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 2: I had to sit in the bath because like literally

453
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 2: your muscles are shut down, like they can you wiggle

454
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 2: your toes or no, you can move, you can move

455
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 2: a little bit, and you can wiggle your toes but

456
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 2: you can't like put any weight on it until like

457
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 2: a few weeks of physical therapy and then things start

458
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 2: to wake back up. I remember I had one muscle

459
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 2: above my knee that like wouldn't wake up, and they

460
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 2: used to always put this little you know, those little

461
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 2: things that make your muscle pulse. They would put that

462
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 2: on in the physical therapy to like wake it back up. Whoa, yeah,

463
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 2: So it was scary.

464
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,479
Speaker 3: It was scary. It was really hard.

465
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 2: So I my heart goes out to Julie because it

466
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:12,120
Speaker 2: is the hardest thing.

467
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 3: I think the fact that you are listening to podcasts

468
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 3: is like you're you know you are.

469
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 2: You just have to like kind of make the best

470
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 2: of it. This is a great time to tell your friends, Hey,

471
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 2: I'm like laid out. If you have any time, like

472
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,639
Speaker 2: come visit me for an hour and like, you know,

473
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 2: it's like you got to break up your day when

474
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 2: you can't like move around and so you know, uh,

475
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 2: once you get through your week of no screens, definitely

476
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,880
Speaker 2: take you know, the opportunity to pick, you know, catch

477
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 2: up on some shows and movies, read a book. I

478
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 2: don't know how book is with you know, but it's

479
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,920
Speaker 2: it's like you have to. I think the biggest thing

480
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 2: is you have to keep your head right. That's the

481
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 2: hardest part because it's really easy to like fall into

482
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 2: a deep depression to like want to show it to me,

483
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 2: why did this happen to me? You have to be

484
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,439
Speaker 2: like kind of disciplined about you know. Obviously, like let

485
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 2: yourself have the fucking treats because you're going through it,

486
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 2: but like be conscious of what you're eating and putting

487
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 2: in your body because like all of it affects you,

488
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 2: you know. And I think that it's just keeping on

489
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,919
Speaker 2: the motivation to keep your mind right. Yeah, and yeah,

490
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,680
Speaker 2: it's like this is the time to like reach out

491
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 2: to your people for support.

492
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 3: Make sure you do go to physical therapy.

493
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:34,160
Speaker 1: Uh.

494
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 2: I remember when I went through my knee surgery. My

495
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 2: husband was so annoying about the importance of physical therapy

496
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,880
Speaker 2: and he was like, you have to do your exercise

497
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 2: every day. And there was like this machine that would

498
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 2: like bend my leg and he was like, come on,

499
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,679
Speaker 2: five more minutes, Like he was like a little like

500
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 2: a personal trainer.

501
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 3: And I was like, you're so annoying. I want to

502
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 3: punch you in the face.

503
00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 2: But he was right, per usual it's really you. You

504
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 2: can't drop the ball on physical therapy, like you have

505
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 2: to do all the things, and you know, make sure

506
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 2: you do them when you're at home too. Just don't

507
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 2: just do them when you're at your sessions right right,

508
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 2: and know that this is temporary and this too shall

509
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 2: pass and you're just in the like worst part of it. Yeah, yeah,

510
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,160
Speaker 2: but it happens.

511
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 3: It sucks, and like it sucks. It's okay to acknowledge

512
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 3: that it sucks, and it's okay to have like a

513
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 3: good cry about it.

514
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 1: I mean, and yes, obviously we're talking about there's like

515
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,879
Speaker 1: a there's a big scale of bad shit, and yeah,

516
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 1: this is in the grand scheme on the low end

517
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: of yeah, bad shit. A concussion is scary for sure,

518
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:52,959
Speaker 1: and whiplash is really painful, but you will make it

519
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 1: through it. It's gonna be okay. It's only a week.

520
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

521
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 1: Also, you know, like a little digital detox for a

522
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 1: week isn't bad. People fucking pay a lot of money

523
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 1: to go do that shit. Put their things in a

524
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: little zippered bag, a La White lotus, you know what

525
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, yeah, you it's gonna be okay, Julie, Okay,

526
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 1: You're gonna make it, Julie. This is from our self

527
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 1: care episode. Kristen wrote in, so this is very cute.

528
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: I just listened to the episode on self care and

529
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: at the end of it said to email in what

530
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: we do for self care? So I wanted to share.

531
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: I am in my mid forties, single and no kids.

532
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 1: I work in the veterinary field and work for eleven

533
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: hour shifts plus another eleven hour shift over time. Girl.

534
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 1: So when I have the time, I do like to

535
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 1: get my nails done and I like how Stephanie said,

536
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 1: I don't mind a long appointment. I always bring a

537
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 1: book to read when I get a pedicure. I also

538
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: horseback ride.

539
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 3: Oh dreamy.

540
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 1: When I ride these horses, you are both just in

541
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,160
Speaker 1: tune to each other and balanced together. It's this amazing

542
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,120
Speaker 1: feeling that lasts for the rest of the day.

543
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 3: Wow.

544
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: One more thing I'm doing is me and my best

545
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 1: year going on a trip just us to Disney for Halloween.

546
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 3: Cute.

547
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: We're going to be care free and go to the

548
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,719
Speaker 1: Halloween party and dress up and trick or treat and

549
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:14,760
Speaker 1: no spouse's husbands, kids or pets involved. And on my

550
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 1: commute to work, I just love to blast my music

551
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: and saying because I sound like Celine Dion in my

552
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: car alone. Yes, yeah, any time to be compress before

553
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 1: work and after work. I greatly enjoy listening to the

554
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,919
Speaker 1: podcast and can't wait for more. Just for fun, I

555
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 1: added a picture of me.

556
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 3: And my horse Patches.

557
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 2: Her horse Patches Patches.

558
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: Horseback riding sounds like I'm very, very invested in the

559
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 1: idea of doing this myself this year. I really want

560
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: to take horseback writing lessons.

561
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 3: I just I've always.

562
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 1: Wanted to do it. I'm I don't know how to

563
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: go about it and do it. I really want to.

564
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 6: You can.

565
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 1: You can go to the Equestrian Center and Burbank. Oh

566
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: that's such a drive though for me, I need something,

567
00:27:59,400 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: Oh my.

568
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 3: God, I know it's not it's whole, it's four.

569
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 1: I need something easty. I need something more easty. I'm sure,

570
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: but I do want to do easty. I do want

571
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 1: to do it. That's so cool, that's a really I

572
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 1: also really love that she does all these things for

573
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 1: herself while maintaining such an intense work schedule, so she

574
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: can find the time.

575
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,679
Speaker 3: And so can you, Yes, dear listeners, so can you?

576
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 2: So can you I also love the girls trip. I

577
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 2: just had two childhood buddies visit me in Atlanta and

578
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 2: we had a girl's weekend and it was so restorative

579
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: for everyone involved, Like that's amazing, no kids, no husbands,

580
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 2: just as girls.

581
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 3: Like it was so fun. And we did a spa day.

582
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 3: It was great.

583
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 2: It was great, and I was like we were all saying, like, Oh,

584
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 2: we have to make this happen like more often, not

585
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 2: just you know, every five years.

586
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's so nice. I did.

587
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 5: I don't.

588
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 1: I haven't done one of those in a really long time.

589
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,239
Speaker 1: But I did go to the mall in Arcadia with

590
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 1: one of my girlfriends. No kids, no husbands, nobody but us.

591
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: That mall, girl, I tell you what, that is the

592
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 1: best mall I have ever been to India a life.

593
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 3: It is fantastic.

594
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: It is it's like Korean skin care, just like delicious food.

595
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: Luxury shopping. But then there's also like not luxury shopping.

596
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,239
Speaker 1: I mean I did not luxury shop. I was like

597
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: looking for those deals. I had a great there's a

598
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 1: dairy queen slash Orange Julius. I was in heaven. I

599
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: could have stayed there all back. Yeah, Okay, I get

600
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: it was fantastic. Next, also, I'll go in a girl's

601
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: trip with you. Oh, that would be fun. That'd be

602
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 1: really great for not work.

603
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 3: We've only ever done them.

604
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 2: For not work, for work where we're where we're not

605
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 2: doing a panel, I'll do a girls trip with you,

606
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 2: or we're not because we've actually been on so many

607
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 2: girls trips, so many, but.

608
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 1: They're always like a panel, yeah or yeah, work related.

609
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: There's a picture Patches attached to the email. Let me

610
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 1: just see here. Oh my god, this is the dream horse.

611
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 3: This is the dream really looking at the camera. He's

612
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 3: a modeling. He's a super modeling. He is Oh my god,

613
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 3: it's a supermodel. This is rude. I love this horse.

614
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, all right, I guess I need to

615
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: learn how to ride horses.

616
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 3: Okay? Do I love that idea for you? Don't put

617
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 3: that sign in there?

618
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: Why am I telling everybody to edit everything out this episode?

619
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 3: Don't edit it out?

620
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: That's real, my sigh of despair and delight over this horse. Patches,

621
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,480
Speaker 1: who I'll probably never meet, who have calls him my soul.

622
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 3: Okay, next question, Next.

623
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 2: Question is that's in life listener Emma email?

624
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 3: Okay, Oh, it's a voice note.

625
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 6: Hi, Stephanie and Melissa. First of all, I adore your podcast.

626
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 6: It makes my day so much brighter. When I listened

627
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 6: to it, I was just wondering, what's your take on pets.

628
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 6: I recently got two more cats and I had to

629
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 6: bottle feed them, so I was waking up every two hours,

630
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 6: and that's when I primarily listened to your podcast. So

631
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 6: their names are Beatrice and for Marrow. But I was

632
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 6: just wondering how you deal with your pets and your

633
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 6: busy lives. So, yeah, how a great day?

634
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 3: Buye that was so cute? Like good she loved her cat.

635
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 3: You can't believe me, do so cut? Okay, Emma, that's

636
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 3: really sweet.

637
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 2: I have a dog.

638
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: His name is Guda. He is so sweet and a

639
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: real pain in the ass. He he was really used

640
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 1: to being the only little little creature and then Roz

641
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,239
Speaker 1: came along, My child came along, and he was not

642
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 1: having it. He is much more resigned to the fact

643
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: that there is a child here now, I would say,

644
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: but he's not. He's still like very uncomfortable around her,

645
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: Like he doesn't really like he'll sit still for pets.

646
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: Sometimes if Brad and I make a big deal over

647
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 1: something Roz is doing.

648
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 3: Guda will get in the mix and try to like

649
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 3: he gets really jealous. He's my god. He's yes, he's

650
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 3: very god.

651
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 1: So I the way that I make time for him

652
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 1: is like I really try early in the morning to

653
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: walk him by myself or spend time. If I don't

654
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: have enough time to walk him that morning, I spend

655
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 1: time with him by myself, like if I'm answering emails

656
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: or something like he's sitting on my lap and I'm

657
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: petting him, like just me and him, you know. And

658
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: the other thing is like sometimes I feel like with

659
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: older dogs they can.

660
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 3: Become a part of the furniture a.

661
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 1: Little bit because they're just laying around a lot of

662
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: the time because it's.

663
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 3: Uncomfortable for them to move.

664
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: He's not that old, but I try to pet him

665
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: every time that I pass by, like or I try

666
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: to acknowledge him every time that I pass by, like

667
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 1: I see you, buddy, you're being a good boy, or whatever,

668
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 1: you know, because like with my last dog, who I

669
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 1: adufted when he was an old old man, you just

670
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 1: don't know how much time you have with the older ones.

671
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: And like period, honestly, like with animals, like they can't

672
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: tell you when shit is fucked up. You don't know

673
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 1: how much time you have. Yeah, you know, it's like

674
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 1: you just gotta squeeze them and hug them and love them.

675
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: And it sounds like you're already doing that by you know,

676
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: bottle feeding them every two hours like you do a

677
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: baby when they're new.

678
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've I've I've found with pets it's a

679
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 2: little bit like kids where it's like quality over quantity,

680
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 2: you know, like if.

681
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 3: I also, I also have a dog. She's a big dog.

682
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: She's two years old, so still like a little bit

683
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 2: puppyish sometimes, so she requires, like, you know, she has

684
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 2: to be walked, and she has to like get her

685
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 2: energy out every day, which we're pretty good about doing.

686
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 2: But when it's a spend busy and I can tell

687
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 2: that she's you know, been neglected all day, it's like

688
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: I'll just take her outside for twenty minute and just

689
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 2: like I'll set a timer and I'll be like twenty minutes,

690
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna throw a ball, I'm gonna tug

691
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 2: a rope, I'm gonna like try to get your wigglies out.

692
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 2: She'll do some zoomies and then that that's like, you know,

693
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 2: and then I'll give her like lots of hugs and

694
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 2: cuddles after that, and like.

695
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 3: That seems to be Oh my god, I just the

696
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 3: little cat picture just of her cat just popped up

697
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 3: on our.

698
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 2: Outline and it's a little baby black kitten and it's

699
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 2: so cute, so tiny.

700
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,320
Speaker 3: Oh all her cats are black.

701
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 1: Oh my god, kids, these kins are freaking cute.

702
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 3: Broh.

703
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you had to bottle feet. I mean

704
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 2: that's like having a newborn man. Like you just got

705
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 2: to get through it. You gotta do the bare minimum, uh,

706
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:58,720
Speaker 2: until they get a little bigger.

707
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 3: And then yeah, like if you get.

708
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 2: Really busy and you feel like you, you know, just

709
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 2: get out some toys, set a timer, like whatever time

710
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 2: you have and.

711
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 3: Then do that.

712
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 2: I feel like cats at least, you know, you don't

713
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 2: have to walk them. You'll have to take them outside.

714
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 2: So but yeah, it's it is tough.

715
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 3: Oh my god, they're so cute. They're really cute. This

716
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 3: is rude.

717
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 1: We're gonna post this picture of the cat trying to

718
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 1: figure out how to eat out of a bowl because

719
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 1: it's so funny.

720
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 3: Oh, it's got Lottle.

721
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 2: And then at least for me, like having having a

722
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:36,920
Speaker 2: dog is like before we got the dog, I was like, okay, uh,

723
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 2: we have to know who's gonna take care of the

724
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,799
Speaker 2: dog when we have to go out of town or

725
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: you know, and so like we made sure to have

726
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 2: those things in place too.

727
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 3: The responsibilities are big, I think big.

728
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 1: I forget that I ever tell you one time this

729
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: is tea, but one time I was at a job

730
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:00,439
Speaker 1: and I overheard someone. I overheard someone talking about how

731
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 1: while they were just gonna have to give the dog

732
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 1: back to the shelter because it just was not listening

733
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 1: and this and that or whatever, and like I was

734
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: sitting there and like, listen, sometimes you do have to

735
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: rehome pets, like if you've really really tried all the things.

736
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 3: But I do, I really.

737
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 1: Strongly believe that, like there's not a world in which

738
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 1: I would have rehomed Gouda unless he like he hurt ras,

739
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 1: you know, like and even if he accidentally hurt her

740
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 1: or she got in his space and like he bit

741
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 1: her or something like, I would hope that we would

742
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: try to work with him. Obviously, that's my own situation,

743
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 1: and my dog is ten pounds. It's different than a

744
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: you know, fifty pound animal. Yeah, but I mean I

745
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 1: think you getting a dog looks fun. It always looks

746
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 1: so sweet in the movies, you know. But like cats

747
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,279
Speaker 1: are a lot of work, dogs are a lot of work.

748
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 3: Birds are a lot of work.

749
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 1: The fucking birds lived for like forty years. Like, be

750
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 1: real with yourself about how much yes, I can, I can.

751
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 1: I can't imagine it, Okay, next one subject, Thank you

752
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 1: for the heartbreak episode, Dear Stephanie, Melissa and the More

753
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: Better Team. I was listening to your episode about heartbreak

754
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 1: and it made me cry in a good way, the

755
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 1: kind of cry that you've been needing to have but

756
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 1: you just don't have time.

757
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 3: Or emotional space. Tell me about it. I love those cries.

758
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,879
Speaker 1: Over the past three years, I've gone through a lot

759
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: of change. I moved to a new state to go

760
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,400
Speaker 1: to law school after nine years in a totally different career. Wow,

761
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: so many things have started and go ahead, dang and

762
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,479
Speaker 1: ended in that short time. And while I'm super proud

763
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: of myself, most of those things have been good. Every

764
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: now and then I felt really sad and I couldn't

765
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 1: put my finger on why your episode made me realize

766
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: some of what I was feeling was heartbreak. Even though

767
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 1: wonderful things started in those three years, a lot of

768
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,360
Speaker 1: things ended. I don't think I took the time I

769
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,359
Speaker 1: needed to recognize that and more than the things I've

770
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 1: lost for the changes I'd undergone, the past three years

771
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 1: have been go, go, go, and you gave me thirty

772
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 1: mone and it's to stop reflect and feel all the

773
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 1: things I'm gonna I'm gonna cry that I had put

774
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: to the side as I was trying to keep up

775
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 1: with everything. Thank you for giving me that chance. I

776
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,319
Speaker 1: definitely feel more better. Sincerely, Rebecca, Rebecca, how dare you.

777
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 3: Make me cry? Becca gos Nic.

778
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: That is really really sometimes you just need because that's

779
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: the thing, right sometimes when you can name it where

780
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:28,960
Speaker 1: you can put a name to it and it can.

781
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 3: Just like help you process it.

782
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 2: And the fact that that episode helped you do that

783
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 2: is huge. It makes me feel so touched and thank

784
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 2: you for that, you know what, Rebecca, Fuck you for

785
00:38:43,560 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 2: making me tear up. Okay, Next, this is actually a

786
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 2: question listener question and there's a voice note, so let's

787
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: listen to it.

788
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 4: The subject is setting boundaries. Hi, Stephanie and Melissa le

789
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 4: Ninus Lupet. I live in Los Angeles and I have

790
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 4: loved your podcast. Thank you for what you both do.

791
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:23,919
Speaker 4: I'm curious about your thoughts on setting boundaries, whether it's

792
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 4: in life or with loved ones or at work. I'm Latina,

793
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 4: and I think for Latinas and basically all people of

794
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 4: color or anyone that is part of a marginalized group,

795
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 4: it can sometimes feel difficult to set boundaries due to

796
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 4: perhaps a combination of cultural expectations, systemic pressures, and or.

797
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 5: Basically just how we were raised. I think it was

798
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 5: a few podcasts episodes ago where you both touched on

799
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 5: code switching how we can sometimes feel like we have

800
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 5: to suppress parts of ourselves in order to fit into

801
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 5: certain environments, and it made me think about boundaries and

802
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 5: how difficult it can be setting boundaries and environments like that,

803
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 5: and it basically leads to perhaps us not always advocating

804
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 5: for ourselves and just makes it even more challenging. Curious

805
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 5: about your thoughts. Love you both and really appreciate your perspective.

806
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 3: That's first of all, is Lupa teaching a class? Can

807
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 3: I take it like? She sounds so smart?

808
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: I know Jesus so well spoken and you should be

809
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: our podcast. Yeah yeah, I think, like, yeah, I mean

810
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 1: it is all those things, right, Like, I think, especially

811
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: for groups that are marginalized in any kind of way,

812
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 1: shape or form, it becomes this most strange mix of

813
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 1: I know what I need, but I'm not sure I'm

814
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 1: safe enough to ask for it at all times. Right.

815
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,800
Speaker 1: I feel like for many people in this world's straight

816
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: wide dudes, like they there's a safety at all times

817
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 1: and I'm going to ask for what I need.

818
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,280
Speaker 3: But for groups that are marginalized.

819
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: It can be like I actually don't know if I'm

820
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 1: safe to ask for what I need or to create

821
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 1: the boundary because I don't know if I'm going to

822
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: lose my job. I don't know if I'm going to

823
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 1: be seen as a bitch. I don't know if I'm

824
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 1: going to be you know, I don't know if I'm

825
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 1: going to lose out on further opportunities because I was,

826
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 1: I mean hard to work with, you know, I don't know.

827
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 1: It depends on the situation, right, but I think, Uh,

828
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:46,799
Speaker 1: the thing that I try to remember is that everybody

829
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,839
Speaker 1: around me is human, and I try to sort of

830
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 1: like scale.

831
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:52,479
Speaker 5: Like.

832
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 3: How important is this boundary? Is it?

833
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: Is it like a physical boundary of like, oh, don't

834
00:41:59,040 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 1: touch me like that, you know?

835
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 3: Is it?

836
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 1: Is it with my employer sort of saying like, hey,

837
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 1: we need you to work on a Saturday, and I

838
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 1: have a my kid's birthday parties planned for that Saturday,

839
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 1: and I can say, I can say I can't.

840
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 3: I can't. I can't work on that Saturday.

841
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 1: I understand that it's going to put us behind, but

842
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: I just I mean, contractually, if you obligate me to

843
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 1: be there, I will show up, but I.

844
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:26,840
Speaker 3: Can't work on that day, you know.

845
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: I mean I remember when my dad was dying, and

846
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: like I showed up to work every day, and I

847
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,399
Speaker 1: maybe shouldn't have those that the last day.

848
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 3: I probably shouldn't have.

849
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I probably should stay home with my dad, you know,

850
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 1: because like he was gone three days later, and you know,

851
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have or I should have Maybe I

852
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 1: should have. I mean I shouldn't should all over myself,

853
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 1: which is what my friend Lina says, but don't should

854
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: all over yourself.

855
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 3: But I wish I could have said.

856
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: Actually, my needs in this moment are that I have

857
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: less hours in this last week because my father is.

858
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 3: Dying, you know.

859
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 1: Now that's different than a boundary necessarily, but it's similar.

860
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: I think, what do you think? Also, I know it's hard.

861
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:18,800
Speaker 2: I think especially like women in general, but particularly Latino women,

862
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:20,879
Speaker 2: I feel like it is kind of ingrained in our

863
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 2: culture and the way we grow up of like we

864
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 2: do everything, we take care of everyone, and we don't complain,

865
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: and like we're built for that, you know, these all

866
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 2: these like made up expectations. Yeah, and it can be

867
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 2: really really hard, and it's something I struggle with. I

868
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:42,319
Speaker 2: think part of it is I think what I have

869
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 2: gotten more better at is like saying no. I feel

870
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 2: like I'm so sorry, but no, like I can't or

871
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 2: that's not going to work. You know, Is there another

872
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 2: solution we can come to? Is there another compromise we

873
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 2: can figure out?

874
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 3: You know?

875
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 2: Always like trying for me, like setting a boundary a

876
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 2: lot of times I don't know if this is good

877
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 2: or bad includes some type of collaboration follow up, you know,

878
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:08,400
Speaker 2: like a better solution, like can we you know, is

879
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 2: there something else we can work out? You know, because

880
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 2: I find sometimes if I'm bringing the other person into it,

881
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 2: they're more likely to like respect my boundary.

882
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 3: Because how can we collaborate with shutting them off?

883
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 2: How can we collaborate on like a different solution or

884
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,720
Speaker 2: something else that works for me and you because this doesn't.

885
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:30,399
Speaker 3: I think that's great. Yeah, I think there's like a.

886
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 2: I feel like setting boundaries is also like somewhat newer

887
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 2: in our society, do.

888
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

889
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 2: Like in general, like in general of like talking about it,

890
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 2: like I don't feel like it's normalized yet, do you.

891
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 3: Know what I mean? So I feel like for people

892
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 3: that aren't.

893
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 1: Men, Yes, I'm pretty sure set boundaries a full time

894
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: since time, you know what I mean, like the for

895
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 1: the the rest of us, for the rest of us,

896
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:03,959
Speaker 1: like a work in progress for the best.

897
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 3: So I'm just kidding.

898
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 2: I think I'm always like on guard of like people

899
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 2: can get really defensive when you're trying to set a boundary.

900
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 3: So I think that's why I do the collaboration thing.

901
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:18,320
Speaker 2: Is just like I find I you know, there have

902
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 2: been times where I just be like no, and then

903
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 2: that person sure like defense goes up and they get

904
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,960
Speaker 2: insulted or whatever, and and then I have another problem

905
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:31,919
Speaker 2: I have to deal with. But yeah, so I've sort

906
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:35,320
Speaker 2: of started doing that is but yeah, it is hard.

907
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:37,680
Speaker 2: It is hard, and I and I myself have to

908
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 2: constantly remind myself that like.

909
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 3: Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I'm like

910
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 3: better at you know.

911
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 2: I mean, I am better at like a lot of things,

912
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 2: but like doesn't mean that my you know, my gender

913
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,720
Speaker 2: or my DNA makes me like naturally better at things.

914
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 2: I'm just doing them because no one else is, you know.

915
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 2: And yeah, and so you know, it is it is hard,

916
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 2: but then it always feels great when I do it,

917
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 2: And that's the part I try to remember that.

918
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 3: I always feel stronger and more empowered, and so.

919
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,359
Speaker 2: I try to like hold on to that when I'm

920
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 2: about to try to have that conversation.

921
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:23,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think some sometimes it is. Sometimes it's worthwhile

922
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 1: to have a collaborative conversation about it. Sometimes it's it's

923
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 1: guess in check a lot of times, like what what

924
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 1: what would happen if I just said no? You know what,

925
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 1: what does happen if I just said no?

926
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:37,680
Speaker 3: That doesn't work.

927
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 2: Right, because you build it up in our heads and

928
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 2: we say no, and the people and the others and go,

929
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 2: oh okay, yeah, and it was no medal, and.

930
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 3: You're like, fuck, man, I should say no more.

931
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 1: I wish that everybody was starting with the same baseline

932
00:46:52,680 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: of kindness, politeness, thoughtfulness, and the reality is that nobody

933
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,360
Speaker 1: is starting with the same baseline. Most of the time,

934
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,880
Speaker 1: you find people that are similar to you, and you

935
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 1: become friends with those people because that feels good. But

936
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,399
Speaker 1: the reality is that we're all in a big old

937
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: mix with people that you know, some people haven't had

938
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 1: a kind word given to them their entire lives, and

939
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 1: so our real true pieces of shit to work with,

940
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: you know, or like be around, and it's hard. That's hard,

941
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,839
Speaker 1: and then other people just don't know how to have

942
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 1: like delivery that always sounds great to somebody else's ear.

943
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 5: You know.

944
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:40,319
Speaker 1: I remember being friends with this kid who in high

945
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 1: school he just like had no boundaries and it was

946
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 1: so difficult to like get him to understand like bro,

947
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: and like subsequently he didn't have a lot of friends

948
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 1: outside like the theater group because like he just had

949
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: no boundaries, like with you know, he just couldn't like

950
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 1: quote unquote read signs. But like turns out he was

951
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 1: sort of I think today he would probably be described

952
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 1: as autistic and like couldn't really would absolutely respect the

953
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:11,400
Speaker 1: sign like or respect a boundary. If given a specific

954
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: boundary like I don't feel comfortable when you put your

955
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 1: arm around me when we're hanging out in a group,

956
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 1: you'd be like okay, and like wouldn't even feel like,

957
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 1: oh sorry, did I do something wrong? Would just be like, oh, okay,

958
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 1: I won't do that anymore, you know. And it was

959
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: as easy as that, right. Yeah, he couldn't necessarily read

960
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 1: signs that you didn't like it, but once you told

961
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,960
Speaker 1: him what your boundary was, he respected.

962
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 3: It always and forever. It was a really.

963
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:39,919
Speaker 1: Interesting lesson and like, oh yeah, sometimes you just got

964
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 1: to come out, come right out and say it without

965
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 1: beating around the bush and trying to be polite.

966
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 3: And other times you have to use kid globes to

967
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,359
Speaker 3: handle people, so lopout. What we're saying is we don't

968
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 3: want the answer. Sorry, it's hard. Sorry, thanks slooping for

969
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 3: the ways.

970
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 2: That's a good question, really solid air.

971
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 3: I hope we kind of sort of tackled some of it. Yeah, okay, so.

972
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 5: More better.

973
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,280
Speaker 3: Okay, So what have we learned today?

974
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 1: I learned that I really love horses, particularly Patches, who

975
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 1: I feel is maybe maybe a prototype for the horse,

976
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: maybe I'll get to ride someday if I take these lessons.

977
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 1: I'm not going to Burbank, but maybe I'll take horses

978
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 1: right back riding lessons and indulge myself in some more

979
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: uh self care that.

980
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 3: Maybe I didn't realize that I needed.

981
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, get that horse joy in your life, girl. Yeah, girl,

982
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 2: I have been watercolor painting more.

983
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 1: I just like bought a big thing you want to see?

984
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want to see your watercolor.

985
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 2: Oh, Stephanie, that's so pretty. Oh my goodness, I love

986
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 2: and I would like a water color. I would like

987
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 2: a Stephanie Beatrice water color in my house. So can

988
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 2: you please make so let us know everybody if you.

989
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 1: Guys want, original's going to be opening her Etsy art.

990
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 2: She's gonna be opening her Etsy store any day now.

991
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 3: No, thank you? What about you? Would you?

992
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 1: Would you come away with this this session?

993
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 3: Oh gosh. I came away with.

994
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 2: Relief that what I have felt has just been us

995
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 2: fucking bullshitting has actually made some people happy and meant

996
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 2: something to people, which was always the goal.

997
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 3: And so I.

998
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 2: Feel really proud and mostly relief of oh, thank god

999
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:52,720
Speaker 2: we pulled it off. And yeah, and I also learned

1000
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:56,879
Speaker 2: that I got to work on my boundaries, my boundaries,

1001
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 2: because the way I broke out into a sweat while

1002
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 2: we were talking about them men was a big old

1003
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 2: clue that.

1004
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 3: I don't think I've been nailing it. Only I've been

1005
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,399
Speaker 3: nailing it. You probably that's always a work in progress. Yeah,

1006
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:11,360
Speaker 3: that's what it is. It's a work in progress.

1007
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 2: And it feels like I feel like it's something that

1008
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 2: evolves too, like as you get older and you know,

1009
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 2: and it's something that you're always having to kind of reevaluate.

1010
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 2: Like I know very few people that are like so

1011
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 2: good at setting boundaries.

1012
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 3: They are all white men and like maybe a couple

1013
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 3: of women.

1014
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's just like super powerful people usually are.

1015
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:35,399
Speaker 2: Pretty damn powerful people are really good at it, that is. Yeah,

1016
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 2: those are those are good kind of people to look

1017
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 2: to of like how they do it sometimes if they

1018
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:41,759
Speaker 2: do it in like a kind healthy way.

1019
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1020
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 2: But yeah, but it was it was great. It was

1021
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:46,360
Speaker 2: great to like go through all of these It was fun.

1022
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:48,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a nice hearing from you guys.

1023
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:52,359
Speaker 1: Join us next week for finale, our season finale with

1024
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:54,800
Speaker 1: more listener emails.

1025
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 3: Okay, bye bye, bye bye, you guys.

1026
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 1: Do you have something you'd like to be more better

1027
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 1: at that you want us to talk about in your

1028
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 1: future episode.

1029
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 2: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried

1030
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:08,720
Speaker 2: one of our tips and tricks?

1031
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,799
Speaker 1: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at

1032
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 1: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you

1033
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:15,879
Speaker 1: want to be featured.

1034
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 3: On the pod.

1035
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:19,399
Speaker 1: Ooh, More Better with Daphanie Melissa is a production from

1036
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 1: wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted by me Steffie

1037
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,680
Speaker 1: Diatriz and Melissa Kumara. More Better is produced by Isis

1038
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 1: Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are Wilmer

1039
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 1: Valderrama and Leo Klem at wvsound. This episode was edited

1040
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:38,840
Speaker 1: by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features

1041
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 1: original music by Madison Devenport and Heylo Boy. Our cover

1042
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 1: art is by Vincent Remys and photography by David Avalos.

1043
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:49,480
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

1044
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 1: or wherever.

1045
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:52,439
Speaker 3: You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,

1046
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:54,239
Speaker 3: Bye

1047
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:02,760
Speaker 1: On no Pokitomas Mahor