WEBVTT - Weird Little Round Up 0:00:01.760 --> 0:00:11.520 Cool Zone Media. Hey, this is Weird Little Guys, but 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:15.280 there's no new weird little guy this week. I mean, 0:00:15.960 --> 0:00:18.639 there are definitely more weird little guys crawling out of 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:21.000 the woodwork every day, and I've got a couple of 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:24.960 stories about them in development, but this episode isn't a 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:28.720 new guy. Sorry about that. We're a couple of months 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:30.760 into the show now and I just wanted to take 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:33.600 a minute to do a little navel gazing. So this 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:36.000 is just a little mini episode to check in on 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.000 how it's going, talk about what we're doing here, and 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:42.519 shoehorn in some fun facts and odds and ends that 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:59.720 got left on the cutting room floor of past episodes. 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:06.080 If we're being totally honest here, I just didn't get 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:09.480 it together this week. I lost a few days of 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:12.040 research and writing time to a trial at the beginning 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:15.039 of this month, and lost another couple of days to 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.480 travel for a family obligation this week, and it just 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:22.240 didn't come together in time. I thought I had a 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:26.120 topic that I could turn around quickly, but sometimes a 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:30.440 story that seems really straightforward turns out to be anything. 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:35.600 But I found a surprising and strange twist to a 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.240 story that I thought I knew, and I wanted to 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.000 give it the time it deserved to flesh it all 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.280 the way out. So we're doing something different this week, 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.920 but the timing is pretty good. We're about three months 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:51.000 into this thing, and I have some reflections on the 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:56.000 process so far. I think the biggest realization I've had 0:01:56.280 --> 0:02:00.440 so far is that I may have overextended myself a 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:04.480 little bit. If that wasn't obvious in what I'm doing 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:08.799 right now, what was I a person who dropped out 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:12.960 of college, mainly because I have a very adversarial relationship 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:16.480 with the concept of do dates thinking. When I signed 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.519 up to write what is basically a twenty page research 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:24.480 paper every week, I mean, just a baffling decision on 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:29.000 my part. But I think it's going okay, don't you. 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:34.359 I don't know if there's a fourth wall in podcasting, 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:38.800 but if there is, I'm kind of constantly knocking on it. 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:42.920 I'm always right there on the edge of the story. 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:46.800 I'm telling you. There will be a few stories I 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:51.520 tell you on this show that I am reluctantly, accidentally, 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:58.040 haphazardly actually in not just as the narrator but as 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:03.440 a chaotic little sidecarre And this little episode is sort 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:07.639 of a meta commentary on the storytelling process. So I'm 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:11.080 busting through that fourth wall like the kool Aid Man today. 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:13.920 I totally get it. If you're not into that, you 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:15.680 can just come back next week when I have a 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:20.560 whole new Weird Little Guy for you. But in the 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.880 years I've been doing this kind of work, I've always 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:28.800 been in conversation with the audience, and it feels so 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:31.680 strange to me now that I'm adjusting to this new 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:35.640 medium of podcasting, just not to have that at all. 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:42.160 Those conversations weren't always good. I'll refer you back to 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:44.880 the comment I made a second ago about being an 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:48.480 unwitting side character in some Weird Little Guy's journeys to 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:52.320 Federal prison. But I always felt like I was telling 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:54.600 a story to people who were speaking back to me. 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.520 I was getting their reactions and their input and their perspectives, 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:03.720 and sometimes that is part of the story while I'm 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:08.440 still telling it. And maybe that's a weakness or a 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.280 flaw or a dead giveaway that I didn't go to 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:15.280 journalism school or whatever, but it's the way I know 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.760 how to do the work that feels meaningful to me. 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:23.200 And I'm too old to change now. I alluded to 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.120 it a bit in the minisode honoring the anniversary of 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:30.560 Heather Hire's death back in August, but my introduction to 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:33.719 covering court cases and the weird little guys at the 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:37.520 center of them came from my own personal need to 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:42.000 understand the men who came here to Charlottesville for the 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:45.960 Unite the Right rally in twenty seventeen. When the handful 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:48.159 of men who'd been charged for the acts of violence 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:50.839 they committed that day first started appearing in court in 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:57.320 late twenty seventeen early twenty eighteen, I was coincidentally unemployed, 0:04:58.080 --> 0:04:59.720 so I had a lot of spare time to go 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:06.360 to and just watch. So I did, and I started 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:09.960 doing it just for myself. I didn't have a lot 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:15.600 going on, and I wanted to see. I wanted to know. 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:19.359 I didn't know what it was I needed to know, 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.000 or how I was going to find it out, but 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:27.600 I had the time, and I just sat and I watched, 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:32.920 and I started posting about what I was observing online. 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:37.760 I guess that's very millennial core of me, but I 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:41.160 realized very quickly that there was a hunger in this 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:46.000 community for information about those proceedings that was more personal, 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:50.880 less detached than the coverage that was being offered by 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:55.560 traditional media outlets. I mean, if you just wanted the facts, 0:05:56.279 --> 0:06:00.360 there was plenty of news. National outlets were still sending 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:04.480 reporters to a lot of those hearings, but there's something 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:09.760 missing from that kind of coverage. People wanted the facts, 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:13.239 of course, and I did my best in those early 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:17.680 days to get those facts right. But they wanted more 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:22.440 than that. They wanted to be in conversation with those facts. 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.000 They wanted to be informed, but they wanted to be 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:31.960 angry too, and they deserved to be. They wanted to 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:35.760 know the ugly truth about what was going on, but 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:37.760 they wanted it presented to them in a way that 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:41.840 felt affirming and grounded in what they already knew to 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:46.480 be true. They wanted to feel heard and to ask questions, 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:49.960 and they wanted to know not just what, but why. 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:55.479 And I did too, So I did my best to 0:06:55.520 --> 0:07:00.880 collect every detail and to make myself available to provide 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:06.839 context where I could, and comfort if I could. I 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:09.880 took on the role of audience surrogate for people in 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:15.400 my community who couldn't spend all day in court. I 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:18.680 hate to doubt myself as someone who reads the comments. 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:23.880 It's very embarrassing, but I am and I've seen some 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:27.520 feedback that some listeners don't care for what they call 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:32.440 my habit of editorializing, putting my own voice and my 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:37.080 own judgment and my own feelings into the story. There 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:40.240 were some reviews taking issue with what they believed to 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:44.800 be a put on affect, this melodramatic flourish and the 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:48.320 way that I speak. That is, unfortunately just the way 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:52.800 that I talk. And I've got a pretty thick skin 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:57.480 when it comes to things like death threats. But I'm 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:02.280 surprisingly sensitive to what is completely sane and valid criticism. 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:06.280 You know, some weird little guy can post online about 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.320 how he wants to carve his name into my chest 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.840 and fuck my corpse or you know whatever, and I 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:15.920 can take that in stride. But a perfectly normal person 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.880 thinks I talk too fast. That's going to send me 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:23.440 into a spiral. You know, I'm working on that, Okay. 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:28.520 I am pacing myself. I've been doing exercises where I 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:34.240 practice reading my script with the timer I'm trying. So 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:38.680 I did sit with that feedback about my narrative style 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:46.199 being too personal or too emotional, and ultimately I decided 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:49.760 to disregard it. This is the only way that I 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:52.839 know how to tell stories that weigh heavily on the soul, 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:56.160 because I learned how to do it while trying to 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.440 tell stories that were deeply personal for me and for 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:03.520 the audience, I was communicating them too, And because I 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:07.240 learned how to tell these stories in that context, I 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:13.240 know it's important. It's not for everyone, and that's okay, 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:17.439 and it's not better than or even a substitution for 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:21.480 more traditional journalistic approaches to telling these kinds of stories. 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:26.160 But there is a place for this kind of storytelling. 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:30.679 I'm a human being trying to make sense of the 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:34.520 world that we live in, and I hope that I 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:37.680 can try to help you do that too. I don't 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.400 just want to present you the facts of a case, 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:43.600 the timeline of a story of a man's life, of 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:47.760 a trial. I'm not just showing you the most fucked 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:52.079 up thing I can find for shock value. I want 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:55.679 us to try to understand what all of this means together. 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.600 When I take you on these little journeys into the 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:04.000 story of some weird little guy, we aren't just staring 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:08.120 evil in the face for something to do. We're taking 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:12.559 its mask off to really understand a moment in history 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:16.960 and to place a particular guy into his proper context. 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:22.400 There is one moment in my work that I have 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.520 held on to like a life preserver. On the days 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:30.000 I find myself asking what am I even doing? Is 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:33.559 this worth it? What am I adding to the world 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:39.360 by doing this at all? And I hope this person 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.760 doesn't mind me sharing it. I don't know who they are, 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:47.520 so I can't ask. It's something so close to my 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:51.120 heart that I almost don't want to let it out 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:53.760 into the world. I don't want to cheapen it or 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:58.319 wear it out by saying it out loud. See this 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:03.520 isn't actually my first attempt at a podcast. Back in 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:07.800 twenty eighteen, James Alex Fields Junior went on trial for 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:12.800 murder for Heather Hire's murder, and for two and a 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:16.719 half weeks, I sat on a bench in a courtroom 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.679 that was too crowded to hold the people of Charlottesville 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:25.400 who were desperate to see some approximation of justice done. 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:28.600 So I sat on that bench and I took notes 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:33.760 furiously for eight hours every day. I think I gave 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:37.720 myself carpel tunnel, and then I came home and I 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:41.239 wrote a script, and then I recorded a little episode 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.360 on the floor of my closet because it was the 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:45.600 only place in my apartment where you couldn't hear the 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:49.520 noise from the cars outside. And I was recording and 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:53.080 editing until three am every night, and then getting back 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:54.760 in my car a few hours later to go back 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:59.920 to court. And I didn't know anything about podcast editing. 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:04.560 I still don't. I don't do that, and I didn't 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.440 do a very good job of it. I really just 0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:12.880 cut out the parts where I was audibly crying. It's 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:18.480 still online somewhere. It's not very good. I'm not recommending it. 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:22.680 If that trial happened today, I would write that story 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:26.840 very differently. I wish I knew then what I know 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:32.120 now about the law about writing, about editing, about storytelling. 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:37.160 But I did the best I could. And it wasn't 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:40.960 meant for everyone to hear. It wasn't for all of you. 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:45.000 It was a labor of love for my community, for 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:49.319 people I knew needed to hear those facts, but from 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.200 someone who cared about them and would treat them with 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:56.920 a fierce gentleness, someone who understood that they were afraid 0:12:57.080 --> 0:13:00.440 and wounded and angry, and someone who were did their 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:04.680 right to be that way. They wanted to know the 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:07.800 boring little details of what happened inside that courtroom, but 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:12.120 the cool, neutral detachment of a nightly update on CNN 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:15.719 felt like a slap in the face. So I did 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:20.920 my best, and I found myself asking those questions a 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:25.040 lot that month. Why am I doing this? I'm not 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:28.559 even good at this. What does it add to this 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:32.319 glut of coverage of this trial for me to do this, 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:35.280 for me to try to tell this story and to 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:42.160 put this out. It was a long, brutal and gruesome trial. 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:48.400 There was graphic testimony about blood and tissue embedded in 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:52.839 the shattered windshield of the car. Doctors showed us X 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:58.760 rays and autopsy reports. James Alexfield's junior was being tried 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:01.920 not just for murder, how they hire, but for the 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.040 injuries he'd caused to eight of the dozens of people 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:09.000 badly injured in that attack, And each of those eight 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:14.600 victims testified about their injuries. I tried to treat each 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:18.679 victim with the care and tenderness they deserved, not just 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:22.280 choosing the most salacious details about the horrors they'd endured. 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:27.040 And then one night I got a message from a stranger. 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:34.000 It was about the podcast. This stranger, this gentle soul, 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:37.000 had been one of the street medics who was there 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:41.520 on Fourth Street when it happened. They had rendered aid 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:47.960 that saved people's lives. They were understandably pretty traumatized by 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.640 what they'd seen that day, and they were having trouble 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:55.560 consuming coverage of the trial. But someone had passed along 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:59.120 to them a detail that I had included that had 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:01.720 been left out a lot of other coverage of the trial. 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:07.320 This street medic had a crystal clear memory of the 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:11.200 moment they covered a woman's compound leg fracture so she 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:15.960 couldn't see it. Amidst the chaos and the screaming and 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.880 the blood. They had the presence of mind to make 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:21.840 sure that this woman they did not know and would 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:25.720 never see again, didn't have to see her own bone 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:29.360 sticking out of her flesh. And they did the best 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:31.560 they could with the medical supplies they had on their 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:36.200 backpack to splinter leg and to stop the bleeding and 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:41.000 to keep her calm until an ambulance came, and then 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:45.920 they went home. They didn't know that woman. They didn't 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:48.920 know her name, there was no way to follow up, 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:52.520 so they'd been left wondering for more than a year. 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:58.760 Was she okay? They'd lost sleep asking themselves, did I 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:03.240 do it right? Did I help her? Can she walk? 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:07.560 Did I make a mistake in that moment that costs 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:11.840 someone their mobility? And when that woman took the stand 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:16.480 a trial, she testified about the medic covering the bone 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:19.680 sticking out of her leg. She said she didn't know 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:21.640 how bad it was until she got to the hospital, 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:27.840 and she said on the stand that she's okay now. 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:31.600 She has a metal rod in her leg, but she's okay. 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:38.400 She can walk without pain. Her life isn't over, She's 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:44.240 moving on. And that wasn't headline news. It was just 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:48.480 nine minutes on the stand. I know it was nine 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.960 minutes because I bought a little digital watch all those 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:55.440 years ago, and I still obsessively timestamp my handwritten notes, 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:59.440 marking the time several times per page off in the margins. 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:04.280 She was one of nine witnesses who testified that day alone, 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.760 and the brief moment in her nine minutes of testimony 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:12.359 where she said she's okay now didn't make it into 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:17.560 the newspaper, it wasn't on MSNBC, it wasn't in the 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:22.480 wire stories. But for someone out there in the world, 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:27.080 it was everything. It was closure and it was peace. 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:32.439 And for six years, that single moment of peace that 0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:35.800 I got to give to a stranger who had risked 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.920 their life to save someone else's has been a north 0:17:39.960 --> 0:17:43.400 star for me. It's a lighthouse in the storm when 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:47.959 I can't remember why I'm writing anything at all. And 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:52.040 now years later, I'm not just writing about local cases 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:55.399 for a local audience, but I try to carry that 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:59.720 same level of responsibility to my audience with me. I'm 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:03.640 trying to weave together stories of terrible men who did 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:08.080 terrible things in a way that shines a light into 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:12.720 the darkness, rather than leading you into that darkness and 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:17.439 leaving you there to fend for yourself. I'm not always 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:21.000 going to get it right, I know that, but I 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:24.840 promise you I am agonizing about the ethics of this 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:29.720 work to the point of madness. I'm doing my best, 0:18:30.680 --> 0:18:32.920 and I want to navigate what that means for us 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:39.119 collectively together. So that's all I have to say about 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:44.080 my personal style of narration today. But this is an 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:48.280 ongoing conversation, and it's one I'll never be done having, 0:18:48.440 --> 0:19:05.680 and I'll try to have it with you. There are 0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:09.280 a lot of things about podcasting I did not know 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:12.840 when I started doing this show, and some things I 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:16.200 didn't even know enough to know I didn't know them. 0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:20.040 It didn't even occur to me until I was a 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:23.720 handful of episodes deep that I forgot to tell you 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:28.320 who makes the show possible at all? God bless them. 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:31.879 None of them said anything to me about it. I 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:35.639 left myself a little reminder to record some kind of 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:40.080 closing credit segment, but it's buried under a stack of 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:45.120 other reminders for things like change furnace filter and email 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:49.560 National Archives about that transcript again, both of which I've 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:53.439 been meaning to do for weeks now. Actually, I'm going 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:55.800 to get up and change that filter right now. While 0:19:55.800 --> 0:19:59.400 I'm thinking about it, and while I'm checking things off 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.920 my to do I have to take a little sidebar 0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:05.640 to gush a little bit about the team at Cool 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:10.560 Zone Media. This show would not exist at all if 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:14.720 executive producer Sophie Lichterman hadn't come up with the idea. 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.320 Given it its name, convinced me that I could do 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:22.720 it convinced the network that I could do it, and 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:26.440 then held my hand for months while I figured out 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:30.560 what She already knew that this show was the perfect 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:34.760 way to tell these stories. Maybe she just wanted me 0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:39.520 to stop derailing other conversations with my excited outbursts about 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.760 some new weird guy that I found, and she thought 0:20:42.800 --> 0:20:45.320 she could get some peace if she found me another 0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:50.040 outlet for that. And the show wouldn't get done every 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:54.600 week if not for supervising producer Ian Johnson. There's so 0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:59.080 much business stuff that happens that I am blissfully unaware of. 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:02.520 I don't know how the show gets into your phone. 0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:06.360 I just type my little scripts every week. I think 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:09.760 Ian takes care of the rest of that. All of 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:14.520 the research and note taking and conspiracy theorizing and writing 0:21:14.640 --> 0:21:20.160 is done by me. Apparently some podcasts have like a 0:21:20.200 --> 0:21:23.920 separate guy who does the research. But even if such 0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:27.280 a guy were to present himself to me, the research 0:21:27.359 --> 0:21:30.360 is my favorite part. I would never let that go. 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:33.960 The moment each week when I have to close my 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:36.920 two hundred browser tabs and stop researching so I can 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:41.680 start writing is always bittersweet. How I wish I could 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:45.080 do twice as much research and half as much writing, 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:48.840 to be honest. But if that's all there was to 0:21:48.880 --> 0:21:54.200 the show, just research and writing, it would be unlistenable. 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:58.879 Every week I read my little script into my microphone 0:21:58.880 --> 0:22:03.080 in my home office and I think, oh, no, oh, 0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:05.880 that was a mess. I'm thinking it right now. I'm 0:22:05.880 --> 0:22:08.360 reading into my little microphone in my home office. It's 0:22:08.440 --> 0:22:10.800 three in the morning, and this file is late, and 0:22:10.800 --> 0:22:17.280 I'm thinking, oh, no, you know, I'm retaking lines fifteen times. 0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:21.800 I burped into the microphone more times than I'm willing 0:22:21.800 --> 0:22:25.840 to admit. I'm so sorry, Rory. I'm always having to 0:22:25.880 --> 0:22:29.080 stop and look up something like how to pronounce some 0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:32.399 town in Michigan, because you know, they don't say it normal, 0:22:32.480 --> 0:22:34.760 and I know I'd never hear the end of it 0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:36.760 if I just read it, assuming they would say it 0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:40.840 like the rest of the world, like myland, Michigan. It 0:22:40.880 --> 0:22:43.760 says Milan. It says Milan. That's a city we've all 0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:49.359 heard of, but it's Mylan. And there are still, to 0:22:49.440 --> 0:22:53.520 this day takes that have to be cut because you 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:58.040 can hear my voice thickening with grief. That's the sound 0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:02.520 of the tears threatening to spill over it's someone else's 0:23:02.640 --> 0:23:05.600 job to edit that out now. But if it ever 0:23:05.640 --> 0:23:10.679 stops happening, I think the show is over. If I 0:23:10.680 --> 0:23:14.600 can do this without feeling it at all, then my 0:23:14.680 --> 0:23:17.919 heart has gotten too hard and it's time to stop. 0:23:17.960 --> 0:23:21.439 It's time to close my laptop and walk away and 0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:26.159 walk into the sea, because I've lost my humanity. But 0:23:26.840 --> 0:23:31.879 every week, somehow, my editor Rory Gagan returns to me 0:23:32.000 --> 0:23:37.879 something that I barely recognize, something all cleaned up and beautiful, 0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:43.440 with perfectly placed music beds. And that music, I've seen 0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:48.080 so many listeners asking about the opening theme that was 0:23:48.119 --> 0:23:51.800 created just for the show. Why the incredibly talented Brandon Dickert. 0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:56.439 This is another one of those podcasting things that I 0:23:56.520 --> 0:24:00.240 never even thought to wonder about. But of course, course 0:24:00.240 --> 0:24:02.840 it's someone's job to make custom music for a show. 0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:06.120 And when Sophie told me it was time to brainstorm 0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.280 what kind of music we wanted for the show, I 0:24:09.359 --> 0:24:14.560 completely froze. How could I possibly know what kind of 0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:18.399 musical vibe I'm trying to create here? I mean, how 0:24:18.480 --> 0:24:23.280 is it even possible to describe a sound you've never heard? Like? 0:24:23.640 --> 0:24:27.399 I know music can evoke an emotional response, but the 0:24:27.480 --> 0:24:30.679 idea of reverse engineering. That is like asking me to 0:24:30.720 --> 0:24:36.600 translate hieroglyphics. It felt impossible, What does that even mean? 0:24:38.320 --> 0:24:41.080 So I sent her a bunch of very stupid ideas 0:24:41.880 --> 0:24:45.360 and she was very patient with me. I had a meltdown. 0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:51.000 I was googling things like spooky sounding music, Comma not 0:24:51.280 --> 0:24:58.119 scary and whimsical spooky tunes. I just panicked and I 0:24:58.160 --> 0:25:01.800 sent more a bad ideas And I've just gone back 0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:03.760 to my email now to see what it was that 0:25:03.840 --> 0:25:06.960 I finally came up with that was good enough for 0:25:07.040 --> 0:25:10.800 the experts to work with. And who was a bulleted 0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:16.400 list that says Twin Peaks theme interstitial music for an 0:25:16.400 --> 0:25:20.560 evil NPR broadcast, a riff on the X Files theme, 0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:25.320 question mark, David Lynch's Elephant Man theme but more lively, 0:25:26.119 --> 0:25:31.959 and Tim Burton spooky but goofy, something like Danny Elfman. 0:25:33.720 --> 0:25:36.640 And I could not have had such good luck if 0:25:36.680 --> 0:25:41.480 I planned it. Brandon Dickert wrote back, I play in 0:25:41.520 --> 0:25:43.840 a band with the bass player from Oingo Boingo, so 0:25:43.880 --> 0:25:48.760 I'm very familiar with the Elfman vibe. What he's just 0:25:49.560 --> 0:25:52.120 casually in a band with John Avila, No big deal. 0:25:54.480 --> 0:25:57.520 So when people compliment the music, and I say, I know, 0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:02.560 isn't it incredible? I'm not tooting my own horn. I 0:26:02.600 --> 0:26:06.119 had nothing to do with that. I'm just so impressed 0:26:06.160 --> 0:26:08.639 and grateful for the theme Brandon Dicker wrote for me, 0:26:10.760 --> 0:26:13.879 and as for the show itself, I think I'm getting 0:26:13.920 --> 0:26:18.440 the hang of it. One problem I will absolutely never 0:26:18.560 --> 0:26:22.600 have is a lack of ideas. I am never going 0:26:22.640 --> 0:26:26.280 to run out of guys. There are, in fact, entirely 0:26:26.320 --> 0:26:29.480 too many guys. I have a running list of episode 0:26:29.480 --> 0:26:33.120 topics i'd like to get to that's a year long already, 0:26:33.359 --> 0:26:36.040 and every week my research into one weird little Guy 0:26:36.160 --> 0:26:38.879 turns up at least one or two new options for 0:26:38.960 --> 0:26:42.679 guys who probably need their own episode. If anything, the 0:26:42.720 --> 0:26:45.399 problem is I lose a whole day of research time 0:26:45.560 --> 0:26:49.000 every week to tracking down some strange loose end that 0:26:49.760 --> 0:26:51.760 really just needs to get added to the list for 0:26:51.800 --> 0:26:55.360 a future episode. And every weird Little Guy I do 0:26:55.440 --> 0:26:59.359 get to is just bursting at the seams with strange 0:26:59.400 --> 0:27:02.280 facts and side stories that end up cut because I 0:27:02.400 --> 0:27:05.359 just don't have the stamina to weave together every thread. 0:27:07.160 --> 0:27:11.399 When the first episode came out, I was kicking myself 0:27:11.640 --> 0:27:15.560 because I forgot to include a particularly funny little tangent 0:27:17.000 --> 0:27:20.520 that episode was about Kevin alfred Strom, the neo Nazi 0:27:20.560 --> 0:27:23.679 pedophile who was the original source of a quote often 0:27:23.720 --> 0:27:28.560 misattributed to Voltaire back when he got arrested for possession 0:27:28.600 --> 0:27:32.560 of child sexual abuse material. He's actually living here in 0:27:32.600 --> 0:27:37.879 the Charlottesville area. A strange coincidence. I suppose it really 0:27:37.920 --> 0:27:40.040 makes you wonder what it is about this place that 0:27:40.119 --> 0:27:44.680 attracts Nazis. But two years after he completed his very 0:27:44.720 --> 0:27:49.720 brief federal sentence, he started a blog. And that's not 0:27:50.240 --> 0:27:53.200 really surprising. He was an early adopter of the format, 0:27:53.240 --> 0:27:55.920