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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly

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Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small

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Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you

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Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is

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Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session four twenty three of the

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Like Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our

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Speaker 1: conversation after a word from our sponsors. Balancing a career

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Speaker 1: in family life isn't always easy, but it is possible.

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Speaker 1: Today I'm joined by actor, producer, author, and podcast creator

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Speaker 1: Tika Sumter, a true multi hyphenate, her career continues to

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Speaker 1: thrive since becoming a mother. She's embraced her creativity even more,

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Speaker 1: defining the societal expectation that women should scale back their

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Speaker 1: ambitions after motherhood. Through her company Fort Sumter, she has

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Speaker 1: thrust herself into amplifying the experiences of mothers and children,

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Speaker 1: and after releasing children's media like her debut book I

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Speaker 1: Got It from My Mama and podcasts The Adventures of Curiosity,

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Speaker 1: cove Tka is rewriting the narrative on what it means

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Speaker 1: to realize your dreams while raising a family. If something

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Speaker 1: resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with

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Speaker 1: us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session,

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Speaker 1: or join us over in our patreons to talk more

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Speaker 1: about the episode. You can join us at community dot

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Speaker 1: therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Well, thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for joining us today, Tika.

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Speaker 2: I'm so happy to be here. I've been following you

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Speaker 2: for a very long time and I love what you

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Speaker 2: guys do, So thank you for having me.

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Speaker 1: Very excited to chat with you, and I know the

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Speaker 1: community will be so excited to hear from you. You

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Speaker 1: have one of our favorites. So you have won so

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Speaker 1: many creative hands, actor, director, now author. How are you

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Speaker 1: do fining creativity for yourself these days?

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Speaker 2: Ooh, defining creativity. I've been talking to a friend about

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Speaker 2: that and I literally am like, what moves me, what

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Speaker 2: sparks joy?

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Speaker 3: Literally, like, what is the thing that makes me want

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Speaker 3: to get up and do it?

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Speaker 2: Not where I'm like, I mean, I think some things

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Speaker 2: are going to be that way because I think people

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Speaker 2: see the end results on social media, But the process

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Speaker 2: is where the mud is happening, right, and so but

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Speaker 2: I want to be able to go through the mud

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Speaker 2: and feel like, oh, this is something that I really

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Speaker 2: want to do. So I think I define my creative

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Speaker 2: process as I want to literally like wring myself out

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Speaker 2: before I get to heaven, right, Like I want to

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Speaker 2: use every ounce of my creativity.

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Speaker 3: You know, I want to say I tried, I did it.

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Speaker 2: Whatever success means to this person, my metric of success

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Speaker 2: is I did it and I tried.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 4: What a beautiful definition.

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Speaker 1: You know, you mentioned social media, so you are a

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Speaker 1: fan of the platform. So you know, we talk a

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Speaker 1: lot about social media, and as you were talking, it

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Speaker 1: occurred to me your incredible career kind of predates like

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Speaker 1: what we see of social media now, and so I

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Speaker 1: just love to hear from you as a creative, as

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Speaker 1: someone who has been doing this for some time. How

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Speaker 1: do you think your work has changed in the advent

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Speaker 1: of social media, and what do you feel like your

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Speaker 1: relationship to social media is as a creative That's.

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Speaker 3: A really good question.

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Speaker 2: I think my work ethic in the way I work

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Speaker 2: is not dependent on social media, right, like in terms

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Speaker 2: of like I need to get this many people to

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Speaker 2: see me dance and do all these things. It's never

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Speaker 2: been dependent on the part where it's like fame and

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Speaker 2: like all that stuff where whatever you get from the

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Speaker 2: results of social media nowadays. So it's always been like

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Speaker 2: about the work for me. So my interest in my

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Speaker 2: heart and my goals have never been tied to like,

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Speaker 2: oh this many people like this thing, right, So it's

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Speaker 2: always been about the work.

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Speaker 3: But also I.

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Speaker 2: Think what social media has done is it has an

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Speaker 2: open line of communication directly to your audience.

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Speaker 3: And I love that. I love that. I mean that's

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Speaker 3: why Cinners killed it, right.

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Speaker 2: Because it was they were like, it's not doing so well,

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Speaker 2: and everybody was like, bet okay, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: and we galvanize. Everybody galvanized. No matter where you are

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Speaker 2: on the spectrum, you were like, oh, okay, cool, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to go support it.

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Speaker 3: And it was awesome.

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Speaker 2: It was great, And so I think it changed in

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Speaker 2: that way, like there wasn't a direct line if you

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Speaker 2: ever want to DM somebody that you're interested in creating

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Speaker 2: with and saying hi, you can do it like nowadays,

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Speaker 2: you know. And so I love that aspect, even doctor Joy,

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Speaker 2: you being online and seeing what you do and all that,

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Speaker 2: like the connectivity of the community, like I'm able to

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Speaker 2: be like, hey, doctor Joy, do you know this resource,

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Speaker 2: like can you help me?

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Speaker 3: Whatever?

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Speaker 2: There's like a communal thread that I love about it,

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Speaker 2: And it gives people their own sense of power.

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Speaker 3: That's what I like about it.

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Speaker 2: It gives them this sense of wait a second, if

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Speaker 2: you don't believe in this thing, whether you're agent, a

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Speaker 2: manager or whatever, that looks like I have my community

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Speaker 2: who has my back? You know that I cultivate it,

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Speaker 2: and so I love that aspect of it. I think

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Speaker 2: the other aspect of it is the shenanigans that.

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Speaker 3: You know, the shenanigans that I want no part of.

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Speaker 2: It's like you get the good with the challenging, I

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Speaker 2: feel like, and so the shanigans of like having to

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Speaker 2: like do all these things and like go viral or

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Speaker 2: people feel like they need It's like that's exhausting to me.

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Speaker 2: So I just feel like if I can just be

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Speaker 2: completely myself and put myself out there on socials and

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Speaker 2: who I am, fine, but I'm not going to like

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Speaker 2: try to cultivate that and a frame work that is

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Speaker 2: just not me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 1: So I think, you know a lot of women kind

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Speaker 1: of slow down as they are approaching pregnancy and giving

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Speaker 1: birth and motherhood.

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Speaker 4: And it feels like you have really used that.

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Speaker 1: As a launch pad almost right like you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's time to hit the accelerator.

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Speaker 4: Talk to me about this transition into motherhood and what

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Speaker 4: this has meant for you career wise.

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Speaker 2: It's so interesting that you say that. Yeah, it's so interesting.

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Speaker 2: You're saying such thoughtful things. That's why I'm taking a

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Speaker 2: minute to kind of put it through the factory in

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Speaker 2: my brain. I feel more than ever. You know, I'm

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Speaker 2: forty four years old, I have an eight year old,

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Speaker 2: I'm married and all those things. But I feel like

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Speaker 2: I haven't done everything that I've wanted to do. And

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Speaker 2: I feel like new dreams come with different phases of life,

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Speaker 2: and so my dreams of ten years ago is not

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Speaker 2: necessarily the same that it is now. And so what

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Speaker 2: I love about now is like it isn't too late.

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Speaker 2: It's never too late to start something fresh and start

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Speaker 2: something new. I don't know if you ever see on

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Speaker 2: this is the great thing about Instagram and these quotables.

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Speaker 3: It's like KFC.

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Speaker 2: Started sixty years old and Varuang started at forty four

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Speaker 2: or whatever, and it's like that is inspiring for a

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Speaker 2: lot of people who lay their dreams down after they're

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Speaker 2: like a married advocate.

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Speaker 3: I feel like it's a lot of inspiration. My inspiration

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Speaker 3: comes from me.

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Speaker 2: Wanting to cultivate like mothers to be their best selves

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Speaker 2: and families to literally whatever that looks like for you.

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Speaker 2: I just want to inspire them with everything that I

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Speaker 2: create and to live their most fulfilling lives.

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Speaker 4: Do you feel like my motherhood has unlocked anything for

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Speaker 4: you creatively?

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Speaker 3: Oh, motherhood has unlocked things creatively.

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Speaker 2: I think one of the things it's unlocked is my

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Speaker 2: sense of time in terms of girl, do what you

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Speaker 2: need to do, because time is gonna move on with

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Speaker 2: or without you, Especially when you have a kid. You

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Speaker 2: see them growing year by year and you're like, oh,

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Speaker 2: eight years later, I could almost be a doctor. I

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Speaker 2: used to drive a stick shift and it's like the

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Speaker 2: gear of like, Okay, let's accelerate, get the dreams that

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Speaker 2: you have out and go. Yeah, I think it unlocked

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Speaker 2: the intensity of me wanting to actually even though I

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Speaker 2: do it scared, it makes me do it scared anyway.

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Speaker 2: It's unlocked that like you're afraid to put this thing out,

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Speaker 2: You're afraid to invest in this for yourself, and you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, it's scary.

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Speaker 3: It's still scary. So I think what it has unlocked is.

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Speaker 2: My intensity to go and to see the growth of

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Speaker 2: my child year by year. It's literally physically manifested in

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Speaker 2: my face, you know. And also just on that same

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Speaker 2: end of kind of not caring. Also, it's like not

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Speaker 2: caring in the sense of, Okay, I make a fool

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Speaker 2: out of myself, or somebody doesn't like it, or somebody

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Speaker 2: is something that's okay, Okay. I'm at the point of like, okay,

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Speaker 2: you think the sky is green, great, it's green. What

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Speaker 2: I mean, That's where I'm at in my life.

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Speaker 3: So I'm like, okay, you don't like it, I love it,

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Speaker 3: that's okay.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So as you were looking around in the landscape,

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Speaker 1: because it sounds like a lot of your work, as

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Speaker 1: you mentioned, is really designed to kind of help moms

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Speaker 1: kind of unlock these different things and know that it's

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Speaker 1: not too late, like you can always do these new things.

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Speaker 1: As you looked around in the media escape, what kinds

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Speaker 1: of messages do you feel like you were getting about

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Speaker 1: motherhood that drove you then into creating the things you've

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Speaker 1: created right.

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Speaker 2: Well, in the beginning when I started a while ago,

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Speaker 2: when I've had the Sugar podcast, I just didn't see

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Speaker 2: a lot of podcasts talking directly to me or it

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Speaker 2: was kind of like doom and gloom to me. It

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Speaker 2: was like, you're dying at pregnancy, here's a percentage of

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Speaker 2: divorce rate, here's and it just felt like whoa, where

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Speaker 2: is our Like, you know, fun motherhood stuff and talking

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Speaker 2: about things that could be a depth but also making

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Speaker 2: light and having fun and joy And so for me

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Speaker 2: at that time when I first started that, and it's

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Speaker 2: no longer anymore, but I knew that I always wanted

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Speaker 2: to cultivate a place where there were resources but also

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Speaker 2: there was joy, and whether that is with our children.

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Speaker 2: I don't want people's parents to like I hate when

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Speaker 2: people say you're just a mother or you're just this

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Speaker 2: to me, that undercuts all the things a mother is.

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Speaker 2: But I think from motherhood we get wrapped in this

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Speaker 2: like you're a mother, now, this is what you do,

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Speaker 2: and it's like, no, there's a dichonomy of like, I'm

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Speaker 2: also a woman separated from my child who has dreams

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Speaker 2: of my own and things that I have to fulfill

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Speaker 2: on my own. And I just feel like I wanted

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Speaker 2: to kind of merge the two of talking to women

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Speaker 2: in general, but talking to mothers and families and creating

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Speaker 2: content that would bring joy to them.

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Speaker 1: And your daughter Ella is at the center of this

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Speaker 1: and is a character in the world. So Ella the

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Speaker 1: Curious is named after your daughter, and that's the center

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Speaker 1: of the podcast and the book. How would you say

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Speaker 1: she has really influenced the things that you've created.

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Speaker 2: Ella has influenced everything I've created in terms of this lane.

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Speaker 2: She is the officer in chief of telling me the truth.

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Speaker 2: She's the officer of truth, and if it's not good,

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Speaker 2: she's like, no, it's very honest.

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Speaker 3: If you don't want the truth, don't go to a kid.

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Speaker 3: They will tell you you're under armstink like smell it

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Speaker 3: outside all the things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So she basically inspired me she is a curious kid.

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Speaker 2: She asked a lot of questions. I didn't realize even

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Speaker 2: for the book. I got it from my mama. I

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Speaker 2: said this before that I would be apologizing, which is

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Speaker 2: very different from how I grew up or just taking

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Speaker 2: responsibility for how I played a part in the situation.

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Speaker 3: Right, It's not this kind.

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Speaker 2: Of way of like my way or the highway all

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Speaker 2: the time, because she is just a different kid, and

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Speaker 2: every kid is not going to just sit there and

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Speaker 2: be like I feel like you suppressed so much in

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Speaker 2: them when you're like, sit down and be quiet.

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Speaker 3: It's like, but I.

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Speaker 2: Have something to say, and obviously you can do it

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Speaker 2: in a respectful manner for the kid, because I get it.

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Speaker 2: I'm also of the sense of like respect is very

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Speaker 2: big in my household, especially how I grew up, and

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Speaker 2: especially respecting your elders, but also respecting your elders with

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Speaker 2: also a sense of having your own voice, and that

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Speaker 2: was very important to me.

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Speaker 3: With all of the.

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Speaker 2: Curious I think a lot of kids sometimes or generations

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Speaker 2: have grown up with well just follow the adult, and

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Speaker 2: it's not always the right way. It's not always the

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Speaker 2: right direction. And so I think even for me growing up.

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Speaker 2: I had to find my sense of voice when I

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Speaker 2: became an adult, a younger adult, because I didn't know

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Speaker 2: what I liked.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, should I say something? I don't know?

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Speaker 2: I'm scared, And I feel like if we allow our

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Speaker 2: children to grow their voices as kids, they won't be

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Speaker 2: those kind of lost adults. They'll be ahead of the curve.

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Speaker 2: And so for me that was really important with Eled

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Speaker 2: Curious and aocc Adventures of Curiosity Code, which is the podcast.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, el of the Curious is one of the

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Speaker 2: worlds in which the series within the podcast, but there

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Speaker 2: are other one off stories that definitely conversations have happened

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Speaker 2: in our household where we were like, oh, let's create

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Speaker 2: a story around this. So yeah, just given kids a

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Speaker 2: voice and also doing something fun where parents can also

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Speaker 2: have a break.

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Speaker 4: M what have you been most surprised by?

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Speaker 1: Like, maybe something Ella has shared based on one of

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Speaker 1: the stories, or something that inspired one of the stories.

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Speaker 3: What have you I think I'm.

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Speaker 2: Most surprised by Ella when she listens to the stories,

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Speaker 2: what conversation comes out of those stories. So right now,

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Speaker 2: all I can think of is this story called the Dragon,

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Speaker 2: which is one of my favorite stories, and Nick wrote it.

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Speaker 3: It's about fear and this.

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Speaker 2: Little kid who has to walk to school through the

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Speaker 2: woods every day and he runs because he hears the dragon.

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Speaker 2: And one day he goes back to go home and

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Speaker 2: the dragon is like this big, not so good looking dragon,

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Speaker 2: and he's talking to the dragon, and the dragon actually

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Speaker 2: represents his fear. And as this conversation goes along, the

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Speaker 2: fear grows smaller and smaller and smaller, and so much

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Speaker 2: so where the kids like, you're so tiny, and he's like,

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Speaker 2: I might be around the corner.

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Speaker 3: I might be in the corner. You know.

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Speaker 2: They get to talk about his fear and he kind

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Speaker 2: of overcomes it, but it's always there. It's not as

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Speaker 2: scary as it looked in the beginning, right when you

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Speaker 2: face it.

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Speaker 3: And so I remember listening to it in the ellen.

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Speaker 3: She's like, mom, what's your biggest fear?

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Speaker 2: And she asked her dad, and I was like, honestly,

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Speaker 2: my biggest fear is losing you, and she.

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Speaker 3: Said, that's my biggest fear.

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Speaker 2: And so once we kind of all said the fear,

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Speaker 2: it felt like like we all like, you know, it

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Speaker 2: kind of makes me a little teary eye, but like

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Speaker 2: it dropped something something happened where it was like not

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Speaker 2: as scary because we talked about it, and the fact

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Speaker 2: that she brought it up and asked what our biggest

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Speaker 2: fear was and we weren't like, oh, our biggest fear

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Speaker 2: is you know something that it really wasn't. Just to

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Speaker 2: kind of protect her. It felt really good as a

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Speaker 2: parent for her to see me open up, to see

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Speaker 2: my husband open up, and then also for her to

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Speaker 2: say that is also my biggest fear.

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Speaker 4: It's really cool.

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Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: My next question was going to be how do you

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Speaker 1: hope parents and children engage with your content?

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Speaker 4: But it feels like.

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Speaker 1: That is the way that you've just outlined, right, like

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Speaker 1: having these kinds of conversations that you might not.

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Speaker 2: Have exactly And I think sometimes as pariments, we think

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Speaker 2: we always have to fill the space. And it's like,

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Speaker 2: if you just allow even if you give yourself a moment,

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Speaker 2: turn on the podcast, give yourself a break, a brain break, right,

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Speaker 2: let your kid do their thing, listen, I think you'll

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Speaker 2: get more than what you actually thought you would get

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Speaker 2: from it, and more conversations maybe that you've thought about

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Speaker 2: in passing. And you're like, I don't know how to

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Speaker 2: bring it up. And then if you allow your child

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Speaker 2: to talk and not shush them away, I think you're

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Speaker 2: gonna get so much more than you honestly believed you

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Speaker 2: can ever get. And that's how things have happened for

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Speaker 2: us constantly, where I've just like, I know, I'm tired,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, girl, she's like, Mama, have something to say,

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Speaker 2: because you know it's exhausting after a while. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: they're little geniuses I call them, and I feel like

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Speaker 2: they have so much going on in their mind and

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Speaker 2: when they say it, we're just like, Oh, where'd you

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Speaker 2: get that from?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, more from our conversation after the break. So something

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Speaker 1: you said made me feel like we have similar upbringings

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Speaker 1: in that I was very much taught that kids should

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Speaker 1: be seen and not heard, right, So this idea that like,

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Speaker 1: kids have their own opinions and things. So it sounds

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Speaker 1: like that's one thing that you've unlearned and are aiming

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Speaker 1: to do different with your own daughter. What other things

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Speaker 1: do you feel like you have had to unlearn about motherhood?

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Speaker 2: Oh, things that I've had to unlearn about motherhood. That's

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Speaker 2: a really good question. There's a few things I've had

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Speaker 2: to learn I've had to learn to just be quiet.

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Speaker 3: It's like, you don't always.

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Speaker 2: Have to say something, you know what I mean, in

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Speaker 2: motherhood and in marriage, like okay, it's so exhausting to

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Speaker 2: always go back and forth.

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Speaker 3: You're just like why am I for what they? I said?

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Speaker 3: What I said? And you could talk to yourself, you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like, just be quiet.

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Speaker 2: Learned a lot of patients still learning that, working on that.

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Speaker 2: And I think I've also learned I don't have to

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Speaker 2: be perfect to be a parent.

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Speaker 3: My daughter knows for sure I am not perfect.

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Speaker 2: And that the standard of having to make everything somehow fit.

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Speaker 3: In these perfect little holes.

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Speaker 2: I just need to be present, like literally, it's like

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Speaker 2: not being perfect, but just being present. And that's kind

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Speaker 2: of a monstra that I have in my head because

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Speaker 2: the quicker, they know that you don't know all the answers.

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Speaker 2: When she sometimes asked me questions and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: that's a good question, let's.

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Speaker 3: Look it up.

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Speaker 2: You know, it takes the load off of my back

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Speaker 2: with the bricks in it to think a mom needs

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Speaker 2: to know everything, a parent needs to know everything. It's like, no,

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Speaker 2: you don't, And it releases them to know they don't

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Speaker 2: have to know everything.

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Speaker 3: They can go look for it.

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Speaker 1: You mentioned earlier that every kid is different, and so

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Speaker 1: I wonder are there things that you feel like you

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Speaker 1: thought you would go into parenting being one way, and

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Speaker 1: now you realize with ella, like, oh yeah, that actually

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Speaker 1: doesn't work.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: I thought I would be like this really strict parent,

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Speaker 2: like you better you, you better listen to me everything

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Speaker 2: you and I didn't realize. Children come out in their

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Speaker 2: own personalities that were created, you know, and their own

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Speaker 2: strong wills. You could push it down as much as

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Speaker 2: you want. That doesn't mean that person is not going

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Speaker 2: to be the person that they came out as. And

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Speaker 2: I realized I'm actually not that parent. I'm very much

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Speaker 2: and everything's in moderation. Go ahead, have the ice cream,

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Speaker 2: you don't eat it every day. I'm definitely like, hold on, guys, content,

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Speaker 2: Let her say what she needs to say.

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Speaker 3: What do you need to say?

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Speaker 2: My daughter sometimes is like I cut her off, and

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Speaker 2: she's like, mom, you cut me off.

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Speaker 3: I didn't finish my sentence where I.

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Speaker 2: Would be like excuse now, I'm like, you're right, I

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Speaker 2: did cut you off.

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Speaker 3: What did you have to say? You know?

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Speaker 2: And I give her that leeway, and I didn't know

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Speaker 2: that I would be that parent, and I actually love

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Speaker 2: it because it.

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Speaker 3: Softens me as a human.

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Speaker 2: But it also allows me just listen, Like just listen,

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Speaker 2: be quiet, listen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So what kinds of things help you to stay grounded,

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Speaker 1: especially raising a child in the public eye.

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Speaker 3: I think I just grew up in a very grounded situation.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: I grew up with a single mom. I grew up

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Speaker 2: with just not a lot of things, but still was happy.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's the everyday stuff. It's not this

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Speaker 2: big thing that makes me stay grounded. It's the every day.

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Speaker 2: It's the thank you, It's the looking somebody in the eye.

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Speaker 2: And like my great grandmother used to clean offices. How

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Speaker 2: grounded is that? You know, I treat people with the

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Speaker 2: respect that I feel like everybody deserves. And so I

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Speaker 2: just feel like when you come from a place of

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Speaker 2: not having a lot and seeing how other people treat

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Speaker 2: people with you know, not having a lot, there's no

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Speaker 2: way that I can be an idiot to somebody, Like

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Speaker 2: there's no way. And not only that, I feel like

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Speaker 2: another thing is I grew up like do as I say,

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Speaker 2: not as I do. It's like, no that's not how

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Speaker 2: it works. And I learned that too. Like my daughter

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Speaker 2: is like, oh, you have attitude. I'm gonna go to

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Speaker 2: my room and be quiet and not talk. And I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: which makes me realize Or if I have a bad day,

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Speaker 2: everybody has a bad day, right where you could be

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Speaker 2: like a little strong outside with people and your daughter sees.

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Speaker 3: It and she's like, why did you talk to them? Though?

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Like it makes you having a kid makes you realize, Oh,

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Speaker 2: they're doing as you do, and they see you and

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Speaker 2: they will call you out a lot of the times,

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Speaker 2: or they'll just do that too as well.

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Speaker 4: That's always very humble.

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Speaker 1: So what kinds of things have been like non negotiables

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Speaker 1: in terms of your healing and things that help you

441
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 1: to really kind of navigate the process of continuing to

442
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 1: be a creative.

443
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 4: But also now as a mom.

444
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 2: I think I'm still figuring out what the non negotiables

445
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,640
Speaker 2: are beside like I can't be away from my kid

446
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 2: for this amount of time, right, or my non negotiables

447
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 2: of having my morning time that's very important, having my tea,

448
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 2: having my book, having like that time to be like, Okay,

449
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 2: what do I need to do just to settle myself.

450
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 3: I think those are non negotiables for me.

451
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,919
Speaker 2: Also, if I feel stretched, a good no is always

452
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 2: on the right hand side of my bedside, like a

453
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 2: good no, Nope, I'm sorry, I can't do it. Nowadays,

454
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 2: I don't stretch myself where I try to do everything.

455
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 3: I can't do everything.

456
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 2: So I got to really choose the things that I'm

457
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 2: able to do, and maybe we'll come back around to

458
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,919
Speaker 2: that thing, but not feeling bad about it, Like I

459
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 2: don't feel bad about if I can't do something.

460
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, what kinds of things do you think have allowed

461
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 4: you to get to that place?

462
00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 1: Because I think that's something a lot of as struggle with, right,

463
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,680
Speaker 1: like saying no much easier.

464
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 4: What has helped you to get to that place?

465
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 2: I think when you are stretched to the point where

466
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 2: you're crying, that's bad. Your body is literally saying help me,

467
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 2: help you because you should not be doing this. You

468
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 2: shouldn't be crying because you're like, I am so tired,

469
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 2: I am so tired. My body feels like it's going

470
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 2: to break. I think when I've gotten to that point

471
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 2: of like my body feels like it's going to break,

472
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 2: then I was like look at my calendar or tell

473
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 2: my assistance like I can't do it all, like I

474
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 2: can't and try it and be a mom and be

475
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 2: this and be that, and then try to have a

476
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 2: little time for myself. So sometimes it takes you feeling

477
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,640
Speaker 2: like you're going to break, like that's what it took

478
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 2: for me at one point. And then sometimes it's just

479
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 2: like where your schedule is so crazy and you look

480
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 2: at it and you're like, how am I going to?

481
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 3: When you have to say how am I going to?

482
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 2: You should probably start shifting something so that you don't

483
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 2: get to the I'm going to break part?

484
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 1: Tika, Has there been a struggle with you between like

485
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,440
Speaker 1: ambition and being present?

486
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 3: Oof? Oof?

487
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 2: Yes, that's a constant struggle ambition and being present. Yes,

488
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:17,400
Speaker 2: I am so ambitious and I want to achieve so.

489
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 3: Many things and.

490
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 2: That are just in my heart, like threaded in my heart.

491
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 2: And also I have responsibilities. I have things that I

492
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: have to take care of at home with my child,

493
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 2: being with my child. And I remember I was on

494
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 2: my phone. You know, you use your phone as your computer.

495
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 2: You know, you're just like on your phone at home

496
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 2: and da da da da. And I remember Ella saying

497
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 2: I just wish they never invented iPhones. And I was like, oh,

498
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 2: I was like wow, She's like I just you and Dad.

499
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 3: Like I'm like, Ella, I'm working. She goes, yeah, but

500
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 3: I just wish they never invented them. I don't want

501
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 3: to be I don't want to phone.

502
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh that conviction of like, okay, I

503
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 2: need to figure out the times of where and when,

504
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 2: because if she's saying I wish they never invented them,

505
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 2: that's saying something about me and how I'm working things right, Like, so, yeah,

506
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 2: it's a constant battle for me.

507
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 3: It's a constant battle.

508
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

509
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 1: You mentioned that, you know, you try to get your

510
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: meditation in when you can. Are there particular meditations or

511
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 1: affirmations that you found yourself using recently that have been

512
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: really helpful?

513
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:26,360
Speaker 3: Yeah?

514
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 2: I did one this morning. I do it on peloton.

515
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 2: She just said, this morning, clear mind, clear heart. Like

516
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,239
Speaker 2: clear mind, clear heart. And then when I get up

517
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 2: in the morning, I say thank you. I just say

518
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 2: thank you. And today is gonna be a good day.

519
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 2: Today's gonna be a good day. You know, It's like

520
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 2: it's gonna be a good day. It's just gonna be

521
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 2: a good day. I always say thank you, thank you

522
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 2: just for waking me up this morning, and then I'm like,

523
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 2: it's gonna be a great day.

524
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 3: And then it's also like get.

525
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 4: Up and then do something right, Like we can't just

526
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 4: see it going to be a good day.

527
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 3: You know, it's cozy, like oh, you know, I'm like,

528
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 3: get up.

529
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a good next step to get.

530
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,920
Speaker 1: So I have found and I feel like your work

531
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: reflects this as well. But I have found that, like

532
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: community has been incredibly important throughout my life, but definitely

533
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: in motherhood. Can you talk about like the community that

534
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 1: you have found in motherhood and an extension, like you've

535
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: created Fort Sumter as a way for other moms to

536
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:34,200
Speaker 1: kind of create community. So I'm talking about community in motherhood.

537
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:39,719
Speaker 2: Again, Like I think what oh I would say, we

538
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 2: have these tribes and like tribes within motherhood I think

539
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 2: is so important.

540
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 3: It lets us know that we're not the only ones.

541
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 2: I see you, I get what you're going through. Here's

542
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 2: a little encouragement, and I just feel like it's just

543
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 2: a connective tissue just to hold each other's hands. I think,

544
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 2: you know, my mom's that she grew up with her

545
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 2: aunt living with her, her grandma was there. There was

546
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:09,200
Speaker 2: just a generational people in the home right where it

547
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 2: was community. I didn't just have to rely on my

548
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 2: small unit, right. And I think a lot of times

549
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 2: we're all in these little units all over the place,

550
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 2: broken off rather than connected and feeling like, oh girl,

551
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 2: I got you. And I think you have that in

552
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 2: physical in real life, right. You have your people who

553
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 2: you're like, girl, I'm tired, and somebody's like, I'm tired too,

554
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 2: and here's what I'm going through. Whether it's with my

555
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 2: husband or whether it's with my kids or whatever. You're like, oh, okay,

556
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 2: we figured this out. But I also think the community

557
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 2: online and the community when I go and go on

558
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 2: a plane and I remember and somebody reminded me of

559
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 2: this in the comments, and also I've done it a

560
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 2: few times when I forget what I do. Sometimes somebody's like,

561
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 2: you know how sometimes they call kids like come up first,

562
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 2: if you have a kid to get on the plane,

563
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 2: Da da da, They din't. I like spoke up for them,

564
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 2: and she's like, oh, it's this first.

565
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 3: And then and I was like and I looked at

566
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 3: them and I was just like they were like, thank you.

567
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,439
Speaker 3: For speaking up. But I'm always speaking up.

568
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,439
Speaker 2: Or I grab somebody's baby when they need help, or

569
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 2: I'm like, give me that stroller.

570
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 3: I got it. Like I just.

571
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 2: Feel like eighties just in this is instinctual for me

572
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 2: to look out for other people and their kids. I

573
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 2: don't care who you are, if you got kids and

574
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 2: you're just like I got it, because I'm too, I

575
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 2: got it.

576
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 3: I'm okay.

577
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,640
Speaker 2: It's like that is what community is for, to say no,

578
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 2: you don't have to have it all right, Like you

579
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 2: don't have to have it all You're gonna drop some things.

580
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 2: I'm there to pick it up. And so I hope

581
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 2: that that's what Fort Sumter brings is connective tissue, to

582
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 2: feel like we can hold one another up, that we

583
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 2: can laugh at things that we do that are crazy,

584
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 2: that we can have like mom fails or not be

585
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 2: perfect right but be present, and also just have content

586
00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 2: that gives parents a break to say, go listen to

587
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 2: that fifteen minutes, let me go start cooking, or let

588
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 2: me be quiet in the car for a second.

589
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 3: Here I'm about this, you know.

590
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 2: I just want to alleviate some things for parents and

591
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 2: mothers especially and also still allow them to feel themselves right,

592
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 2: Like I did this little TikTok the other day where

593
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 2: somebody's like, how do you feel about You're not no

594
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 2: longer a bad girl? I'm like, I'm still a bad girl.

595
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 2: Like I want women to still feel like this is

596
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 2: not only the part of me that I am, I'm

597
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 2: also still me and that's really important with the Fort

598
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 2: Sumter community.

599
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 4: More from our conversation after the break.

600
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: I love that you mentioned mom fails, because I think

601
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 1: what happens sometimes in mom communities is that there is

602
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: this like judginess of like, oh, I only do organic

603
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 1: food and I only do like right, and so it

604
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: sounds like you're attempting to build something very differ. Friend,

605
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: what kinds of things do you think are necessary for

606
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: us to let go of this like judging each other

607
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 1: as moms?

608
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 3: Oof?

609
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 1: Uh.

610
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 3: First, I think everybody's just doing the best that they

611
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 3: can with what they got.

612
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: I think if we start from there and like remember

613
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 2: that before we write the thing comment like girl, that

614
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 2: is not organic or that chocolate is so bad? You

615
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 2: know what I mean, it's like, how about you just

616
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 2: think everybody is doing the best they can with what

617
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 2: they got. I think some of the things that we

618
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 2: could probably change is everybody's starting point is just different,

619
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 2: whether they breastfeed or whether they you know, feed with

620
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 2: milk from the can.

621
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 3: What's it called formula formula the can?

622
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 4: Right, we used to be in a can.

623
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 2: I think that's getting better, Honestly. I just think it's

624
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 2: the thing that that seeps into you, like that little

625
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 2: hmm when you see somebody doing something that you don't

626
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 2: do right, and just because.

627
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 3: You don't do it doesn't mean it's not right.

628
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 2: And so I think I don't know specifics right now,

629
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 2: but whether it's what somebody's eating or how they're dressing

630
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 2: their kid during the summer or the winter or the whatever,

631
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 2: it looks like it's like that thing where I know

632
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 2: we want to help, but I think it's like say

633
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 2: it to somebody how you would want them to say

634
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 2: it to you. That's how I feel like. It's something

635
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 2: like the very baseline level of like, how about we

636
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 2: not be snarky? Parents and especially moms are doing like

637
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 2: a lot of work, and if we could, like the

638
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 2: baseline of being kind and saying ooh, maybe I could

639
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 2: say it like take it or leave it, this is

640
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 2: what I do right, like not like girl you know,

641
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 2: you shouldn't be you know, or you should not be

642
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 2: or this is how I do it.

643
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,479
Speaker 3: You know, it's like okay, that's how you do it.

644
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 2: So I think giving each other a little more grace

645
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 2: of how we would want to be treated.

646
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 4: Mm hm.

647
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 1: So of course the name for Sumter is a nod

648
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: to your name. Is there more behind the meaning that

649
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: why you chose for it Sumter as a name for

650
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: your community?

651
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 3: Yeah?

652
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 2: My dad he passed away when I was thirteen years old,

653
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 2: and he was somebody who was so empathetic with people

654
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 2: like he was somebody who tried really hard in life

655
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 2: to do the best he can. But he started behind

656
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 2: the eight ball in a lot of ways.

657
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 3: And I think what he.

658
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 2: Wanted to build was and what he did build at

659
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 2: a certain point in our lives was like a home

660
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 2: full of love and laughter even if we didn't have

661
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 2: a lot. And to me, carrying on his legacy would

662
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 2: be to lend a hand, whether it's upside back, forward, down, whatever,

663
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 2: lend a hand when people need it no matter what,

664
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 2: and create joy right and cultivate a situation where people

665
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 2: want to be part of it. And I feel like

666
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 2: where my dad was, he was cool he just dressed

667
00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: nice and he also was kind, but he also would

668
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 2: like have people stay at our house who needed to

669
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 2: from church, and you're like.

670
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 3: Who is it? You know, what is this? Why are you?

671
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 2: And it's just like that was his heart and his

672
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 2: heart was so big, and I think that's the thing

673
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 2: he passed on to me is my heart for people

674
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 2: and especially women. My heart is so big for them

675
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 2: that the empathy just runs through it and I just

676
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 2: want to be there to pick up whatever they have

677
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: to leave down and to also give them a laugh

678
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 2: and whatever that looks like, or give them inspiration of

679
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 2: like hey, here's a makeup tip or here's a da

680
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 2: da da da.

681
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 3: Dah, like take it again.

682
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 2: I want to leave this earth where I feel drained

683
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 2: of everything that I have to offer somebody. And that's

684
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: fort Sumter, creating a space where people feel loved and

685
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 2: they can laugh and they can have content that really

686
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,719
Speaker 2: helps alleviate a little bit of their burden.

687
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

688
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:55,719
Speaker 4: So you mentioned the book briefly.

689
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 1: I got it from my mama, but it is really

690
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 1: a celebration of like intergenerational life and learning. Tell me

691
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: more about why you thought that that was important to

692
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: write and how did the book Come to Life.

693
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the book obviously came out of the

694
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:13,760
Speaker 2: podcast idea, but I think the book also came from

695
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 2: a place of ME realizing again, like the conversations that

696
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 2: we've been having, having to apologize doing things that I

697
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 2: never thought that I would do as a parent, I

698
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 2: thought that's not who I would be. I didn't even

699
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 2: know that was a way, really, And so I wanted

700
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 2: to give parents, especially moms, the okay to say I

701
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 2: make mistakes and everybody sees it, including my child. And

702
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 2: I wanted to honor moms in terms of being enamored

703
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 2: with them, like I want to be like this.

704
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 3: Like my mom. You know, when you're younger, you're like,

705
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,360
Speaker 3: ooh that dressed. I want to be like this, or

706
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 3: her hair, the way she did her hair.

707
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 2: But also when we like in the book, the mom

708
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 2: kind of blows up at her. It's like when gentle

709
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 2: parenting is not gentle anymore, and the daughter goes to

710
00:34:56,640 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 2: school and mirrors that same attitude that the mom created

711
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 2: at home. And the mom comes and gets the daughter

712
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:04,839
Speaker 2: and she's like, where do you get that? We don't

713
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 2: treat people that way? And she's like, I got it

714
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 2: from you.

715
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 3: Mama.

716
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 2: I think that's a constant thing in my house, where

717
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 2: Ella's like, well you did that, and You're like what

718
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 2: I did, and it's okay, you did And to me,

719
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 2: it's always about the repair. It's always about how do

720
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 2: we fix this and how do you know that I

721
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 2: apologize and I get frustrated too, not just you, because

722
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 2: they're learning how to react to things. They're learning how

723
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 2: to be in the world by you showing them and

724
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:38,879
Speaker 2: giving them an.

725
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 3: Example, you know.

726
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 2: And so yeah, I wanted to put that in a

727
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 2: book because I think a lot of times in these

728
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,360
Speaker 2: kids books, you don't see the parents making any mistakes

729
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 2: or that you know, they're perfect during the whole time.

730
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 2: And so every time I have a read aloud and

731
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: I get to that part, all the parents gaff they go.

732
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 3: Oh and they're like literally it's like a.

733
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, it worked, So yeah.

734
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 4: I love it. I love that.

735
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: So, Tika, when you think about legacy, not just for

736
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: yourself and for your daughter, but for all moms and children,

737
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 1: what are you thinking you want the impact of your

738
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 1: work to be?

739
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 2: Oh, if I just impact a few people, I'd be happy.

740
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 2: I think my impact of Tika was kind and Tika

741
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 2: created a company that really helped me feel like I'm

742
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 2: not alone while also helped my child with emotional intelligence

743
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 2: and somehow helped me realize I need a break from

744
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 2: this kid, and we need to go on a date

745
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,320
Speaker 2: night and I need to put on a little lipstick

746
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:51,799
Speaker 2: because I'm still cute and I'm not only a mom, right,

747
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 2: I'm still me. And if somebody feels like my work

748
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,959
Speaker 2: has basically wrapped them with a big hug and made

749
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:04,319
Speaker 2: them feel like they still matter no matter where they

750
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 2: are as a woman and especially in motherhood, then I

751
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 2: feel like I've done my work. That they can wake

752
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 2: up another day and do what they need to do,

753
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 2: then I feel like I've done it.

754
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 1: I love that.

755
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for that.

756
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 1: Now, speaking of lipsick, now you have shown up today

757
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 1: looking especially gorgeous, especially glowy and fresh. I feel like

758
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 1: the community is going to be very upset if I

759
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 1: don't at least as can we get some details on

760
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 1: some skincare makeup like when is the key girl?

761
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 3: Okay, I always go by.

762
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:44,280
Speaker 2: Kiss right, keep it simple, simple, like I keep everything simple,

763
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 2: because I feel like when you start like you do

764
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 2: the mask, you do that and you can do that

765
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 2: once in a while, but like, I feel like I've

766
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:53,840
Speaker 2: messed up my skin so much in the past because

767
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 2: I I just want to try it all and I'm like, oh,

768
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 2: this is going to do this and this is going

769
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 2: to take away this mark and then but time is all.

770
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 3: It's like the products.

771
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 2: Are confused, child, They're confused and they don't know what

772
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 2: to do, and your face is like hell, I use

773
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 2: Mario Bdesco cleanser. It's very simple cleanser. It's literally for

774
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,399
Speaker 2: sensitive skin. Because my skin is so sensitive. I don't

775
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 2: use a toner every day. To be honest, I use

776
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 2: it once, maybe once a week. Maybe I just feel

777
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 2: like I don't need it. I don't need a toner

778
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 2: every single day. I just feel like your skin knows

779
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 2: what it's supposed to do and if you just allow

780
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 2: it to. And I know everybody has different skin situations,

781
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 2: but I just don't do it every day because I

782
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 2: noticed that I would break out a lot more and

783
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 2: then a simple cream. I created this oil and so yeah,

784
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 2: so it's gonna be you're gonna hear about it soon,

785
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 2: sooner than later.

786
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 3: But it's this oil that I like oil based products

787
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 3: because I don't know. It just I don't know.

788
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 2: It does something for my skin and it it's not

789
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 2: sticky oil though, it's not like where you feel like

790
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,960
Speaker 2: it goes away and it absorbs in your face and

791
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,240
Speaker 2: it's like vitamin E and it's like all the good stuff,

792
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 2: all the good oil. And then that's all I do.

793
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 2: I don't really do much. I don't I keep it simple.

794
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 2: I do want to start red light there because I

795
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,920
Speaker 2: know as you get older, like certain things happen. So

796
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 2: I'll probably get that for my birthday. But that mask

797
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 2: that looks like a serial killer.

798
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 3: Is that one? Yeah, so I'll probably start doing that,

799
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 3: but I don't know. I'm just trying to. Also, it's

800
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 3: an inside out.

801
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 2: Thing, right, like walk more, eating better, you know, even

802
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,799
Speaker 2: if it's a few things that you change, Like I

803
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 2: just reassessed how I eat, because it doesn't matter how

804
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 2: somebody looks like somebody can look healthy, but you go

805
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 2: and get those bio markers and you're like, your glucose

806
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:48,800
Speaker 2: is a little high.

807
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 3: Which affects everything.

808
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,280
Speaker 2: And so I'm just being more aware of the things

809
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,879
Speaker 2: that I eat. And so, cause it does shine from

810
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 2: the inside out, that's really where it is. Cause if

811
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 2: you're whatever you're drinking and it's not good for you,

812
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 2: and it's full of sugars and all that stuff. So

813
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 2: I think it's all like the body is separated, right.

814
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we think that and it all works

815
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 2: as a whole, and so I think it's multiple things.

816
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 3: But those are the things that I do. I love

817
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 3: to keep it simple. I don't.

818
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 2: I don't do a lot. But for makeup, I love Maxtill,

819
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 2: I love Oh. I love the powder called SunPower. I

820
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 2: put that on after I put on my just regular powder.

821
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 2: Sun Power makes you feel like, look glowy. You put

822
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 2: that on and then my goats to Usually I'm not

823
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 2: wearing it today. But Ruby Woo red kinda if you

824
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:45,919
Speaker 2: want to feel powerful you walking in room, you're like.

825
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 3: Good morning. Every time I posted, they're like, what are

826
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 3: you wearing? I'm like, guys, I've told you Ruby Woo.

827
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 4: Get with your program.

828
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 2: It's a staple. But yeah, simple mascara, regular mascara. Anyway,

829
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 2: you can go to a drugstore and just yeah, you

830
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 2: probably have it all in your drawer. It's all there.

831
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 2: But the one thing I do love is on.

832
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 3: Power from mac Okay.

833
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 1: And we will be on the lookout for this oil update.

834
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 1: We definitely will stay tuned for the information there. This

835
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: has been so much fun, Tika, please let us know

836
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 1: where can we stay connected with you and grab our

837
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 1: copy of the book and listen to the podcast.

838
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 2: Yes, you can grab your copy of the book at Amazon, Walmart,

839
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 2: anywhere online where you get books, target wherever.

840
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 3: You can go to Fort Sumter dot com.

841
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,439
Speaker 2: There's some resources there as well, and updates of things

842
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 2: that are going on that sometimes I don't always post

843
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:40,719
Speaker 2: on Instagram right away, and there's great resources and like

844
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 2: blog posts and things like that. But then online at

845
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 2: Tika Sumter on Instagram, on TikTok, I don't have my

846
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:51,280
Speaker 2: blue check yet, but it's at the real tik Asumpter

847
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 2: on TikTok, the realty.

848
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 3: Everybody's like, is this you? I'm like, this is much

849
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 3: about me. They're like, for real, this is you have?

850
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 3: I'm like, I promise it's me.

851
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 2: So the real tek a Sumter on TikTok and then

852
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 2: Tek a Sumpter on Instagram and then I haven't really

853
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 2: used Twitter lately that much, but I think it's I

854
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 2: am tek a Sumpter perfect.

855
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: We'll be sure to include all of that in our

856
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: show notes, thank you for spending some time with us today.

857
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:16,800
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it was such a pleasure.

858
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 4: Thank you.

859
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 1: I'm so glad Tika was able to join us for

860
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 1: today's episode. I hope you enjoyed our conversation as much

861
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 1: as I did. To learn more about Tika and the

862
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 1: work she's doing. Be sure to visit the show notes

863
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,760
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash session four two three,

864
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: and don't forget to text this episodes to two of

865
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: your girls right now and tell them to check it out.

866
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: Did you know that you could leave us a voicemail

867
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: with your questions or suggestions for the podcast. If you

868
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,840
Speaker 1: have movies or books you'd like us to review, or

869
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 1: have thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss, drop

870
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 1: us a message at Memo dot fm slash Therapy for

871
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind.

872
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 1: We just might feature it on the podcast. If you

873
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 1: tame for a therapist in your area, visit our therapist

874
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 1: directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory, and

875
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 1: don't forget to follow us over on Instagram at Therapy

876
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 1: for Black Girls or join us over in our Patreon

877
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: channel at Therapy for Blackgirls dot Com, slash Patreon, where

878
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Speaker 1: exclusive updates, behind the scenes content, and much more. This

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Speaker 1: episode was produced by A least Ellis, Inde Chubu and

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Speaker 1: Tyree Rush. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all

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Speaker 1: so much for joining me again this week. I look

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Speaker 1: forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon.

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Speaker 1: Take good care,