1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: My wife keeps flirting with her coworker and now it's 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: getting out of hand. Am I the asshole for telling 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: her to end it? 4 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 2: You know? It was cool when it was just like, oh, 5 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,560 Speaker 2: hey have you been like eating out? Working good? And 6 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,480 Speaker 2: then when it's like, hey, I want to have your children, 7 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 2: that kind of was like a little bit too far, 8 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:19,800 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. 9 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, when it was like when it went from hey 10 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,079 Speaker 1: can we go eat out together? To hey can you 11 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:26,799 Speaker 1: eat me out? 12 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 2: That's what I do that, you know, if those two 13 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 2: words are just very very critical. 14 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:36,239 Speaker 1: Very important, critical critical critical. So my wife and I 15 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 1: have been together for ten years, married for nearly five, 16 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 1: and we have a three year old son. We are 17 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: fairly happy, though have been having couples counseling for six 18 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 1: months as we found being parents very difficult. We've been 19 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: making a lot of progress with our communication lately, but 20 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: today that all fell apart. My wife has autistic traits 21 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: which run in both of our families, and I have ADHD. 22 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 1: So we are a neuro divergent couple, and that's probably 23 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: relevant here. It's lamed to be a neurotypical couple. Now 24 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,319 Speaker 1: got to be neurodiverged. Got to flex that ADHD, baby, 25 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: you have ADHD. 26 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 2: Add technically, if you want to get really really technical D. 27 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: What's the difference? 28 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 2: I think eighty And there's different types too. I think 29 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 2: because my mom is like she can get hyper focused, 30 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 2: but can get like physical things can distract her, so 31 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,759 Speaker 2: like looking at a fly in the classroom and then 32 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 2: for me harder to focus, harder to hyper focus, but 33 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,759 Speaker 2: not as much trouble in the like extreme type setting interesting. 34 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: My mom definitely has ADHD or something. 35 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:40,960 Speaker 2: She has something. 36 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but something We had 37 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: a whole our family had a whole conversation about how 38 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: my mom has ADHD and pass it off as love 39 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: you mom, all right. My wife recently moved back into 40 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: our shared office as we both work from home. Today, 41 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: she hopped on a video call with a guy from 42 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: work who she is friends with, and I stepped out 43 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,200 Speaker 1: to take a quick call about something. After my call 44 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 1: was finished, I just sat scrolling read it for a bit, 45 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: but could hear their conversation, and it made me increasingly 46 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: more uncomfortable. My wife sounded like a completely different person. 47 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: She would touch and giggle before she said anything. She 48 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: was constantly joking with him every sentence. She was energetic 49 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: and it all sounded so incredibly flirty. 50 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 2: Hmm. 51 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,720 Speaker 1: You know what they say, if you can make her 52 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,079 Speaker 1: cheeks laugh and giggle, then you can make her cheeks 53 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,519 Speaker 1: clap andiggle and jiggle. That is what they said, jiggle. 54 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:39,920 Speaker 1: I mean, that's what they say minology, and it rhymes 55 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: that means it's true. So it's if you can make 56 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:47,079 Speaker 1: her cheeks laugh and giggle and giggle, then you can 57 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: also make her cheeks. 58 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,520 Speaker 2: Clap and jiggle. 59 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: He had called her, not for anything work related, but 60 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: to tell her he had taken a new job in 61 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 1: the city closest to us. 62 00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,080 Speaker 2: Why are you so close? 63 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: Red flagged? He currently lives far away. She said things like, 64 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: do me a favor. When that contract comes, just rip 65 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: it up so you don't have to leave. And as 66 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: long as you were always available for me on Microsoft teams, 67 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: and they went on to confirm they had each other 68 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: on WhatsApp, et cetera, all the while joking about various 69 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,839 Speaker 1: things and giggling in a way that I never hear 70 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: her do. 71 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 2: Ever, that contract ain't the only thing coming. 72 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:29,519 Speaker 1: Oh dude, that's rough, dude. 73 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 2: Do we think she's like do we think she's truly 74 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,800 Speaker 2: cheating right now, are we. 75 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: She's into him, She's into him for sure, but like 76 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: right like probably like into them a little. 77 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, maybe whether it's whether she's acting on it 78 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 2: or not. 79 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,119 Speaker 1: You know, like I'm not like, I don't think there's 80 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: anything like malicious, but like, you know, she could be 81 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 1: like also, maybe it's like into him in a friendly way, 82 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: but I definitely can understand as a husband if he's 83 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: like a total dud and has never made his wife 84 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: laugh once, and then this guy comes along and her 85 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 1: cheeks are laughing and jiggling and giggling. 86 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 2: Then you know, we've had a lot of milkworm husbands lately. 87 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, milkworm husbands, Yo, what's the deal? They were talking 88 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 1: for twenty minutes, and I almost started to record them 89 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: so she could hear herself back, but they said goodbye 90 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: just after I started. It just made me feel so 91 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: gross listening to it. This isn't the first time I've 92 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: noticed their flirtiness, and I brought it up last year 93 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,600 Speaker 1: after she started that new job. They were calling each 94 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: other outside work hours, and she added him on the 95 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,359 Speaker 1: PlayStation and they would sit in game together in the evenings, 96 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,159 Speaker 1: chatting away with the same giggly, flirty tone. She was 97 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,719 Speaker 1: talking about him a lot and telling me lots of 98 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 1: really personal things about his childhood and parents and stuff. 99 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: It caused issues when I brought it up that it 100 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 1: made me uncomfortable, especially one night when we were supposed 101 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 1: to have time together but she just forgot and spent 102 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: the night playing with him. 103 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, she was playing with them all right. 104 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: Oh god, oh god, John was set up too perfectly 105 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 1: for that one. Dude. 106 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 2: Oh guys, you gotta stop, said me up. 107 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 1: Also, this is the reason this is Like, this situation 108 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 1: is basically the reason that I broke up with my 109 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 1: ex girlfriend. Like, that's basically this exact kind of thing, 110 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: except she was touching him more than this guy. She 111 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,719 Speaker 1: denies flirting at all and just says he's a work friend. 112 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: Around that time, she traveled to the Central office, and 113 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: I know he had invited her for dinner at his place, 114 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 1: which hadn't happened at the end, I think because I 115 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: said I wasn't comfortable with that. They did end up 116 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: still going for dinner in the city together though as friends. 117 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 2: What Okay, So the husband is uncomfortable of getting a 118 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 2: dinner All three of you together. So it's like, oh, hey, 119 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,840 Speaker 2: no worries, I'll just go just by myself. Like that's 120 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 2: better for him. 121 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: Bro, he invited her to dinner at his place? Also 122 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: did he invite all three of them? 123 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 2: On? 124 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,680 Speaker 1: Around that time she traveled to the Central Office, and 125 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 1: I know he had invited her for dinner at his place, 126 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 1: but it didn't happen because he was uncomfortable with that. Yo, 127 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: this is some like emotional cheat we got. 128 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, it looks a little sus right. 129 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: Look a little sustead. The thing is, I'm not a 130 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,920 Speaker 1: jealous person. Over the years, my wife has had a 131 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: few crushes, one of them being my uni roommate who's 132 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: like a younger brother to me. It's kind of a 133 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 1: running joke that they both fancy each other a bit, 134 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,159 Speaker 1: and I genuinely don't mind and think it's funny. We 135 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 1: joke about one day having a threesome with him, et cetera. 136 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:21,640 Speaker 2: Wow. 137 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,160 Speaker 1: Okay, I do know that she is prone to the 138 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: occasional crush and I don't take it seriously, but have 139 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 1: once or twice over the decade felt like I have 140 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: had to point out some boundaries. I think again, like 141 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 1: nothing is there's not necessarily anything wrong with this kind 142 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: of behavior unless it crosses a boundary that like you 143 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 1: guys have set together. Like with my ex girlfriend, like 144 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: she was like super flirty with this guy, and I'm like, yo, 145 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 1: like this is getting a little bit too much. I'm like, 146 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: just don't stay at his apartment like after midnight. And 147 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: then like two days later she was out of his 148 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,719 Speaker 1: apartment like way past midnight, and I'm like, we just 149 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: made that role I got to break up with you 150 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 1: and so uh And it was like it was already 151 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: like accurring thing, but like we established a rule, and 152 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 1: then once that rule was cross that boundary was crossed, 153 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 1: it was like Okay. Then it makes say like you 154 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: don't you're not respecting the boundaries we've created. 155 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, Sam, I don't know if if if you've been 156 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,679 Speaker 2: in a summer position, but sometimes I'll be like overly 157 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: friendly to someone and like maybe that other person interprets it, 158 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 2: and sometimes a partner has been like, oh, hey, don't 159 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 2: like you know, that's maybe a little bit too much, 160 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 2: or did you notice this act? 161 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 1: Dude? Literally every Tuesday it's like John is coming on, Dude. 162 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 2: It's bad. Ten hours just just straight staring into each 163 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 2: other's eyes reading the deepest dark secrets. 164 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 1: Like he's always laughing at giggling, and. 165 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 2: You know what they say when the face cheeks giggle. 166 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 2: That's right, baby, the secret's out the content people before. 167 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I know what you made. It's like, I 168 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 1: feel like you're a super like you have that golden 169 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 1: retriever energy and so you want to just like be 170 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 1: nice to everyone and it can be missed exactly to today. 171 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 1: After they finished their call, I said, Hey, can I 172 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 1: talk to you for a minute. When I then said 173 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: that she probably wouldn't like what I was about to say, 174 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,000 Speaker 1: she immediately got defensive and walked off and said she 175 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: wasn't going to have this conversation since I hadn't even 176 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 1: said anything yet. That intuitively tells me that some part 177 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: of her knows that the way she was talking was 178 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: probably a bit inappropriate. I think he's probably right. I 179 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: got upset and said I was feeling uncomfortable with the 180 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 1: way she was talking with him again, that it sounds 181 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: like heavy flirting to me, that I would feel uncomfortable 182 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 1: if I talked to another woman at work like that, 183 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: or if a girl talk to me like that, even 184 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 1: as a clueless guy I would be getting a strong 185 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 1: vibe that she fancies me, that I feel hurt by it, 186 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,960 Speaker 1: and that if she talked like that to me, it 187 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: would be a great oh man, and that if she 188 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: talked like that to me, it would be a dream 189 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 1: come true. 190 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 2: Oh oh my guy. 191 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: Brutal, brutal. She basically dismissed it all very defensively, and 192 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: she said she wasn't flirting at all, that I just 193 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: didn't want her to be friends with him, that she 194 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: doesn't understand what she's done wrong, and that she's fed 195 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,839 Speaker 1: up with me being like this, even though I haven't 196 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 1: spoken to her about this since last summer and never 197 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: been jealous in her ten year relationship. I feel like 198 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: I felt like I'm being gas lit, as it seems 199 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 1: like such obvious flirting and she's dismissing it as all 200 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 1: in my head. It's caused a massive argument. I'm willing 201 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,199 Speaker 1: to admit that me getting upset about it is likely 202 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: due to some insecurity, But at the same time, I 203 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: feel like I know what I saw and heard, and 204 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: that I'm an understanding person. I'm okay with crushing, but 205 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: this crosses a line. I should be able to say 206 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 1: that no, I think it's likely something to do with 207 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,079 Speaker 1: my wife's autistic traits and not understanding the social norms 208 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 1: or boundaries. I don't know she doesn't realize how flirty 209 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: she's being. Sometimes I think that's definitely true. I wish 210 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: you would flirt with me by accident a bit more. 211 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: Is it okay for me to feel upset by this? 212 00:09:55,600 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: Or am I being controlling or irrational? There is a fat, juicy, 213 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 1: thick up day. But what do you think, Like, is 214 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: Ope being unreasonable here? And also like I think also, 215 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 1: I think she is right where she's like, hey, I 216 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: don't know what boundary I crossed, And I think it's 217 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: helpful to point to specific things that she's doing. They're like, hey, 218 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 1: that specific thing made me uncomfortable because just saying like 219 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: you're flirting, it's like what does that even mean? 220 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,079 Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent. Like like Opie's used the word obvious, right, 221 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,319 Speaker 2: but it's like obvious this could be very different to 222 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,079 Speaker 2: two different people. But if op is like, yo, these 223 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 2: are my boundaries and this is where it happened in 224 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 2: the past, can we like come together and like figure 225 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 2: out a way to where you know this can not happen? 226 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 2: And I can not be hurt. And I feel like 227 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 2: the the hard part is, uh, Opie's it's wife, right, Yeah, 228 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 2: Opie's wife is not really coming to the table and 229 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 2: being like Okay, yeah, let's like figure out where I 230 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 2: can kind of like you know, DoD do better to 231 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 2: not not hurt you, you know, maybe even unintentionally. But 232 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,200 Speaker 2: it seems like Opie's life is just like putting the 233 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 2: wall up and being defensive about it. 234 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, which is a little telling too, like that that 235 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 1: that feels like a little suss. But you know, like 236 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,760 Speaker 1: when I when I was going through this, I was like, hey, like, 237 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: don't spend time at his apartment past midnight, don't like 238 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,200 Speaker 1: touch his chest or like arms, it was like like 239 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,679 Speaker 1: stuff that like, or don't feed him out of his 240 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: food directly in his mouth. I talked to John about this, 241 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 1: whether it was having it was like I was, I 242 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 1: was like, dude, this is fucking suss as fuck, and 243 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 1: like I and I don't think she was doing any 244 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: of that intentionally, which I don't think Ope's wife even 245 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 1: is being contention about it necessarily, Like it could be 246 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 1: like totally innocent and she's just like, you know, but 247 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 1: to what she's not doing is she's not setting herself 248 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:53,319 Speaker 1: up for success in terms of miscommunicating something to this guy. Right, 249 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: this guy is probably getting the wrong impression if she's 250 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 1: trying to be loyal to her husb. And so I 251 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,360 Speaker 1: think pointing out very specific things that she's doing to 252 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 1: be like, hey, this is bothering me, this is why 253 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 1: you're crossing a line can be helpful. And then if 254 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 1: she crosses them, then it's just like, hey, like you 255 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: cross a line here, like and we agreed on this, 256 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: and then it's much easier to make a decision from there. 257 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 1: And I feel like that's what ended up happening with me, 258 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:23,400 Speaker 1: where it's like I we made these rules together and 259 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,199 Speaker 1: then she immediately crossed them, and it was like very 260 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: easy for me to be like, Okay, like this is 261 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 1: not a relationship that I want to be in anymore. Yeah, right, 262 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 1: And I think OPI could maybe do the same. 263 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. At the bottom line is like Opie's getting hurt 264 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 2: because of this, and from you know, you never fully know, 265 00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 2: but from everything in the way that OPI has broken 266 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 2: it down, it seems like he's pretty reasonable. He literally 267 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 2: jokes about his friend having a threesome with his wife, 268 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:49,559 Speaker 2: like this dude seems like, yeah, pretty chill all things considered. 269 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think that you deserves I would love 270 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: to know for some of the like the women in 271 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 1: our audience, like what you think about this situation? Do 272 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: you think Ope is overreacting? Put your comments? But there 273 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: is a freaking. 274 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 2: Juicy oh boy, give it to me, Give it to me. 275 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,000 Speaker 1: I ended up showing my wife the post that I 276 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: had written, and it was so incredibly validating to feel 277 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,839 Speaker 1: like I wasn't going insane. Okay, so I guess the 278 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,560 Speaker 1: reddit community came together and be like, yo, come on. 279 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: We had a really difficult conversation about it all, and 280 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 1: we both were so angry at each other until she 281 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: told me the truth in a rather heated moment. She 282 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,960 Speaker 1: kind of venomously said something like I like talking to 283 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: him because when I do, I feel happy and relaxed, 284 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: like I can be myself, which is something I can 285 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: never feel when I'm around you. 286 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 2: I'm almost like just cheating on me. Just just just 287 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:51,200 Speaker 2: get freaking pounded like whoo wow, oh damn. 288 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh that hurts. That hurts me. This 289 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: really made me sad, and I instantly wasn't angry anymore. 290 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: I just apologized and told her how that's just what 291 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 1: I wanted her to feel around me again. That feeling 292 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: of being herself is something she had lost after becoming 293 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: a mom. In the difficult few years we've had in COVID, 294 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: we don't have and never have had any help being 295 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: parents from our extended families, and so never have time 296 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: together for ourselves. She didn't have any feelings for him 297 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: beyond a friend, and I do think she was genuinely 298 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: being naive and also a little willingly ignorant about him 299 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: pushing boundaries. A few examples which came out after we 300 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: talked about it. He had asked her to come back 301 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: to her hotel room to continue chatting after the work party, 302 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: for example. This was also due to her autism as 303 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 1: well not fully understanding where the boundary is. But when 304 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: we looked at the big picture, she could see and 305 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: did admit that she had unwittingly begun down the path 306 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: of some kind of emotional affair which I think we 307 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: kind of like talked about too. What she didn't really 308 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 1: know was a thing. She took responsibility for this and 309 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: did stop talking to the guy and told him that 310 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 1: she would only be talking to him if required to 311 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: for work purses from then on. He left that job 312 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: shortly after, so that was also easier for us. Funnily enough, 313 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: it did come out that after he left, he had 314 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: made some advances and been awkward with a few other 315 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 1: of my wife's colleagues. People noticed at work that my 316 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 1: wife had stopped being friendly with him and was asked, 317 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: was it because he was being awkward with you as well? 318 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: Kind of thing. We talked a lot in counseling about it. 319 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: I think a massive problem that I had to acknowledge 320 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 1: was that she had got to a place where she 321 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: expected me to be angry and irritated by things, because 322 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 1: that is definitely something I have struggled with. So she 323 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: had begun hiding stuff in fear of Howard respond she 324 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: didn't feel like she could come talk to me about stuff. 325 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 1: When she did admit to her wrongdoing and acknowledged she 326 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: had begun to push me away and prioritize things above 327 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: our relationship, to surprise at how kind and patient and 328 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: forgiving I was, I was surprised too. We kind of 329 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: figured out that a lot of anger in irritation was 330 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 1: often because I could tell that I wasn't getting the 331 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: whole truth, that's all. I wanted her to be straight 332 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,880 Speaker 1: with me so I know where I stand that and 333 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: my feelings to be acknowledged, both of which are kind 334 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: of a massive trigger for me. So it's kind of 335 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: like this emotional affair actually brought. 336 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 2: Them closer together. What helps their relationship? Oh God. 337 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: We started doing things like having a take back of 338 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 1: the day, where if one of us said or did 339 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: something we later regretted, then we could apologize and call 340 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: it our take back, and we both agreed that we 341 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: would forgive and forget those with no exceptions. We found 342 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 1: that worked amazingly to develop compassion and understanding for one another. 343 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: We also began working on having date nights every Friday 344 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 1: and having difficult conversations with one hundred percent honesty while 345 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: we sat together, looking at each other and holding hands 346 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: so that we were connecting and feeling listened to. This 347 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: was prescribed by our therapist because she told us about 348 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 1: how when we both get triggered, we have a tendency 349 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: to dissociate and we don't look at each other and 350 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 1: turn away from each other and get stuck in a 351 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,000 Speaker 1: place where we can't hear what the other saying that 352 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: was really tricky at times, but we've gotten pretty good 353 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,919 Speaker 1: at it now, and whenever we start struggling, we are 354 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 1: very conscious to make physical contact and look at each 355 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,200 Speaker 1: other so we can hear and be hurt. We took 356 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: a break from counseling over the summer holidays because we 357 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 1: decided we needed some time to process, and we ended 358 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: up having an amazing summer. We went back for a 359 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 1: therapy session last week, which we thought was about starting 360 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: a second round. We were a bit nervous because we've 361 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: been so happy and didn't want to stir anything up, 362 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 1: but the therapist could see how happy and good things 363 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 1: have been, so she told us not to come back 364 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 1: unless we want to in the future. And it's true. 365 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 1: We have been the happiest we have ever been. We 366 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:39,160 Speaker 1: are really close again. Our communication is so much better. 367 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: Our understanding and compassion for each other, and our quirks, triggers, etc. 368 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 1: Is at an all time high. We look out for 369 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 1: when the other is struggling and step in when we can't. 370 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: When we miss it and the other has a meltdown 371 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 1: or says or it does something unkind we are much 372 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: better able to forgive and forget it using our takebacks 373 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,200 Speaker 1: and just have more understanding compassion for each other's strengths 374 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,360 Speaker 1: and weaknesses. I think it's fair to say that although 375 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,160 Speaker 1: some boundaries were being crossed, my wife was only at 376 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 1: the very beginning of the path that leads to a 377 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 1: full blown emotional fare. Nothing had really happened, and there 378 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,479 Speaker 1: were no feelings my wife had beyond exciting friendship and 379 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: someone who was giving me nice attention, though he definitely 380 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 1: had ulterior motives, so we were lucky to catch it 381 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 1: when we did. That being said, the root cause was 382 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 1: definitely our bad communication, negative behavioral loops that we had 383 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: gotten into, and the degradation of a romantic relationship from 384 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: becoming new parents over the last four years. There was 385 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 1: a lot to learn and a lot of effort and 386 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: willingness required on our parts to fix the issue and 387 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 1: move forward, but only in short, intense combo bars, outside 388 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 1: of which we have been very happy because we feel 389 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 1: in control of it. Hopefully some of you can read 390 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,920 Speaker 1: this and learn a few things to help your relationships. 391 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 1: If I had to recommend one thing, it would be 392 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,719 Speaker 1: the take back of the day. I'm happy to answer 393 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: any questions you might have, and that's aur wrap Broph. 394 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,159 Speaker 1: It ended up being all, Okay. 395 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 2: Wow, my mind is loow in a good way. 396 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,640 Speaker 1: Blowed in a good way. Yeah, No, I'm like, it's 397 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:10,640 Speaker 1: cool that she was able to like admit where she 398 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: had misstepped and op he was able to do the same. 399 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,679 Speaker 2: Yeah like it. Oftentimes these stories can just like it 400 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 2: gets to that point where it's right about to just 401 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 2: derail and just completely go off the deep end. But 402 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,960 Speaker 2: then they were able to like sit down, actually understand 403 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 2: each other, go to couple's counseling, which sounded like it 404 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 2: was very effective, and figure out all of these things. 405 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 2: And ultimately the wife did listen and put a stop 406 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 2: to it, which was. 407 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,400 Speaker 1: Which is yeah, you know. And the thing I think 408 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: is that's interesting about like a place like this is 409 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 1: it could easily have gone bold oh yeah, like you 410 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: you they didn't really know and and luckily it went 411 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,000 Speaker 1: a good way. 412 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 2: Beautiful to see, beautiful, to see. 413 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,520 Speaker 1: Hundred percent beautiful end. But I would love to know 414 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,640 Speaker 1: what you would do with this situation if you saw 415 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 1: the beginning, it's of like an emotional affair happening in 416 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 1: your relationship. What steps do you think you would take 417 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:01,199 Speaker 1: to remedy that and also have you ever been in 418 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,160 Speaker 1: a situation like this before? I would love to hear answers. 419 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 1: Put your answers in the comments. And with that, I 420 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,679 Speaker 1: think this is a wrap. 421 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 2: We'll see you on the next one. 422 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,960 Speaker 1: Oh. Also, if you want to submit a story, you 423 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 1: should call us immediately at four four. 424 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,160 Speaker 2: Zero five zero eight six five sixty seven. Can't wait 425 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,160 Speaker 2: to hear your stories. We'll play them on the show 426 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:21,320 Speaker 2: and we'll see you on the next one. 427 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 1: See you soon. This is an episode from Deep Within 428 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,439 Speaker 1: the Archives. 429 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:32,160 Speaker 2: Time for okop Relam. Friend prank calls me at work, 430 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 2: So I created a fake paternity lawsuit to destroy his life. 431 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: I feel like that's a little bit of escalation. But 432 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: what is the prank? Though? If it's a crazy, crazy, 433 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 1: awful prank, maybe the punishment fits the. 434 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,440 Speaker 2: No maybe uh but and also, you know you heard 435 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,199 Speaker 2: of that phrase go big or go home. He's just 436 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 2: trying to do things that the best of you know. 437 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,440 Speaker 1: You were going to say, have you ever heard that phrase? 438 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 1: Just a prank? 439 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 2: Bro? 440 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: And I was about to murder you. 441 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,600 Speaker 2: I it in, I held it, I held it tight. 442 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 2: There might be there might be one that was out 443 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,400 Speaker 2: in this story though it might be one, there might 444 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 2: be one. Ten years ago, a friend of mine prank 445 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,119 Speaker 2: called me several times in my office over the course 446 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:12,640 Speaker 2: of a day. 447 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: What was he saying? 448 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,240 Speaker 2: The worst act known to man? 449 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,760 Speaker 1: Was he like, is your refrigerator running? 450 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:23,120 Speaker 2: And I'm going to murder you? Let's play game. Great 451 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 2: green sweater you wore today, It'll serve great as a 452 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 2: body bag. I don't think he even says, what what 453 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 2: the friend pranks? Let's let's let's see. I decided in 454 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 2: that moment one I would not stand for this, and two, 455 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:45,959 Speaker 2: rather than entering into a long protracted quagmire of a 456 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,440 Speaker 2: prank war, I would use the nuclear option and end 457 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,880 Speaker 2: it immediately. For rank. 458 00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:01,440 Speaker 1: You were so, I'm just like, bro escalated so fast. 459 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,360 Speaker 1: It's like he calls me at work, leaves a couple 460 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: of prank calls, and then I was like, I'm gonna 461 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,359 Speaker 1: end this my whole man's career. 462 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's basically like I feel I filled your your 463 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 2: coffee cup with like soap water or something, and then 464 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 2: you're like, I'm going to murder your wife. Yeah, just 465 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 2: just absurdly over the top. 466 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no need, there's no need, no need at all. 467 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 2: My friend Mike. 468 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,399 Speaker 1: Friend for thread. 469 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 2: My friend Mike was well was a well known local bartender. 470 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 2: I worked at the same bar as a bouncer, and 471 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 2: he was very much enjoying this single life at the time. 472 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 2: If you know what I mean, as in sleeping around 473 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,200 Speaker 2: facts which I knew I could take advantage. 474 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,800 Speaker 1: I got dude, hope he is a mastermind. 475 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 2: Dude like that. 476 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 1: This sausage has been many caves to make sure that 477 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: sausage pace. 478 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:03,640 Speaker 2: Bro, that sausage is a cave membership. Just just every 479 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 2: cave that is in the cave network. I need every 480 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 2: bad bitch of an equinox. I need to know right 481 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 2: and have you freaking not soon A plan began to form. 482 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: This is evil. 483 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 2: I would have him served with a fake paternity suit 484 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,240 Speaker 2: while he was working at the bar. Wow. 485 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: Wow, dude, this is such an escalation. Man does a 486 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,840 Speaker 1: prank call, he gets a fake paternity SEUs. 487 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 2: Wait, wait till you see the steps he went her. 488 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 2: It's it's incredible. So I compiled a ton of free 489 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 2: online documents, not just the good old paternity suit you know, 490 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 2: regular schmegular stuff, but also income disclosure forms, statements of 491 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 2: paternal rights, and suggested visitation schedules. Pending demonstratable proof of sobriety. Wow, 492 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:03,000 Speaker 2: he's going all the way full scent. I filled out 493 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,679 Speaker 2: all the forms and then smeared what looks like a 494 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:09,040 Speaker 2: date received stamp is proof that they had been filed, 495 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 2: and I ran copies to make those stamps even more illegible. 496 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 2: So he's basically trying to like, you know, fudge it 497 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 2: up to make it seem like, oh. 498 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: This is like a copy of a copy. 499 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,239 Speaker 2: It's been through the system. From there, I crafted a 500 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 2: backstory to include a cover letter backstory. 501 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: Oh my god, dude, oh pee escalation, it's so high yo. 502 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 2: I crafted a backstory that included a cover letter from 503 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:42,360 Speaker 2: the fictional mother's fake law firm, the nearby city Family 504 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 2: Law Center on letterhead and everything. 505 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 1: He even made a fake law office. 506 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,520 Speaker 2: Dude, this has to be illegal. This is it has 507 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:56,000 Speaker 2: to be prank. I mean, this guy is going to 508 00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:02,000 Speaker 2: the upteenth degree to execute My god, you really got it, honestly, 509 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 2: Like credit though of ten for like execution, yeah god, 510 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 2: uh yeah. Imagine he like the guy finds out, he's like, man, 511 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,640 Speaker 2: this ruined my life. But damn if you didn't put 512 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,680 Speaker 2: in the good old effort here. 513 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 1: Or it's like, damn, this ruined my life and he 514 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: kills himself. Yo, he that but that would be the 515 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: best reverse prank. You know, flees to Cuba, leaves a suicide, commits, 516 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,200 Speaker 1: flees to Cuba. 517 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 2: So he he he's uh. 518 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:35,880 Speaker 1: People said he committed suicide. 519 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,120 Speaker 2: Yes, he doesn't come out like he's like no, no, no, 520 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 2: I'm committed to living in Cuba for the rest of 521 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,280 Speaker 2: my life to get back. I mean that's death that 522 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 2: he's like, bitch, you think he'll He'll walk into the 523 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,400 Speaker 2: room as he's like on a ventilator. 524 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:56,080 Speaker 1: And then he pulls the plug. Yeah, my god, this God, damn. 525 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 2: We just you know, we just created a very very 526 00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,359 Speaker 2: dark movie out of this. 527 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,159 Speaker 1: I would watch that movie. 528 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:06,919 Speaker 2: It was just a prank. Colon bro. The mother was 529 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:10,480 Speaker 2: an Irish exchange student visiting the area the previous summer. 530 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 2: She had only been with Mike, so she knew that 531 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 2: the baby, Eliza was his. 532 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 1: Wow, the details, you know that, like he hooked up 533 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,879 Speaker 1: with an Irish exchange student. 534 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,119 Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good question. I let's see if it 535 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 2: says it, But I'm not one hundred percent sure. The 536 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,719 Speaker 2: cover letter encouraged Mike to call during regular office hours 537 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,679 Speaker 2: to discuss arranging a DNA test to confirm perenity. I 538 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,720 Speaker 2: set up a generic voicemail for the number listed as 539 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,200 Speaker 2: the office on the letterhead. 540 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:41,800 Speaker 1: Oh my god. 541 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:45,080 Speaker 2: He he literally created a whole number for this. Imagine 542 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 2: he started getting like inquiries like, yeah, you know Sutherland 543 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,639 Speaker 2: Family Law Center. I need your help. 544 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: Yeah. 545 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, it becomes have you seen no? No? No? Is 546 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,480 Speaker 2: that like the premise of that he's like a fake lawyer. 547 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: Well, he's like a real issler. He's a lawyer in 548 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,600 Speaker 1: a breaking bad and they did a spinoff show. 549 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 2: I was thinking of catch me if you can, which 550 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 2: is like Leonardo DiCaprio, Yes, taking to be a doctor, 551 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 2: like doing all the papers. 552 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: I mean, he's like nop forged all these papers, so 553 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 1: why not. 554 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 2: He could do it if he really wanted to pull 555 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 2: it off. By the end, the paperwork was somewhere between 556 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:24,239 Speaker 2: twenty and twenty five pages long. Good god wow. I 557 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 2: enlisted another friend not known my mic to serve the 558 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 2: documents and instructed him to do so around ten pm 559 00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 2: on a Saturday evening. Oh this is the level of 560 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 2: savagey is is? It's too high? It's too much. I 561 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 2: told him to keep the interaction very simple. Imagine the 562 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 2: dude just like beats him to like beats him to 563 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,920 Speaker 2: a yeah, is like like tell killed him. I wasn't 564 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 2: able to be the bar back because I knew I 565 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,760 Speaker 2: would be laughing too hard. But based on eyewitness reports, 566 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 2: it played out like this. Friend are you Mike, last 567 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:11,160 Speaker 2: name Mike, Yeah. Friend Mike, middle name, last name Mike yes. 568 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:18,480 Speaker 2: Friend drops the folder on the bar. Mike, what's that? Friend? 569 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 2: Opportunity suit you've been served? Turns around and immediately leaves 570 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:23,840 Speaker 2: the bar. 571 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:29,520 Speaker 1: Shit. Wow, the theatrics of this are crazy. 572 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 2: The next line is great, Mike, Yeah, that sounds about right. 573 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 2: He already knows. Oh my god. Mike read through the 574 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 2: packet shakily, pouring himself several drinks. Then he ran over 575 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 2: to the bar owner, who is aware of the prank, 576 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 2: to ask what to do. He also called a number 577 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,560 Speaker 2: on the letterhead, but sadly did not leave a voicemail. 578 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 2: I slid ten minutes. After intense psychological revenge, the owner 579 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,280 Speaker 2: finally told Mike he should closely read the letter head 580 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 2: of the packet on it in size to font read 581 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 2: go fuck yourself, Mike, wow, at which point Mike ran 582 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,520 Speaker 2: to the front door and punched me in the chest. 583 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:23,800 Speaker 2: Oh my god, good god. Wow. Well there is an update. 584 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: Let's hear the update. 585 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 2: Several months later, Mike was on a trip across the country. 586 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 2: He had left his car at home with his mom, 587 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 2: who generously had it washed for him. Mike, for some reason, 588 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 2: kept the paternity suit paperwork in the driver's side. 589 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 1: Tor oh no, oh, mommy no. 590 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 2: During the course of the car wash, his mother found 591 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 2: it and read the entire thing, then called him sobbing 592 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,800 Speaker 2: in the middle of the night, asking why he hadn't 593 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,920 Speaker 2: told her about her bastard irish granddaughter. 594 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,760 Speaker 1: This is the most beautiful story ever. 595 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,640 Speaker 2: I mean, you kind of have to respect. 596 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 1: Op likerank that keeps on giving the level. 597 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, like dedication, Like his dedication went so far that 598 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 2: it just unraveled an entirely new layer of prank of prank. 599 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, power to got it.