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Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch

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Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast Mia Miss Kat and

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Speaker 1: if you're new here, Couch Talks is the bonus episode

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Speaker 1: of You Need Therapy where I answer questions that you

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Speaker 1: guys send to Katherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com.

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Speaker 1: And a quick reminder before we get into today's episode

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Speaker 1: that it still rains true that although this is called

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy and I am a therapist, this podcast

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Speaker 1: does not serve as a replacement or substitute for any

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Speaker 1: actual mental health services.

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Speaker 2: However, we always.

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Speaker 1: Hope that it can help in some way whenever you

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Speaker 1: are listening to these episodes. So today I'm going to

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Speaker 1: do something a little bit different because I just said

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Speaker 1: I answer questions that you guys sent to me, and

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Speaker 1: I'm actually not going to answer a listener question today.

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Speaker 1: I'll be back on that next week. But I wanted

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Speaker 1: to share a story for today's episode from the trip

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Speaker 1: that I took this past weekend. And I went to

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Speaker 1: Chicago for just a quick weekend trip with Patrick. I

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Speaker 1: actually booked it the week after our honeymoon because I

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Speaker 1: was really sad about all of that excitement being over

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Speaker 1: I'm a seven on the Enneagram, so I'm sure some

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Speaker 1: of you guys can relate. I love having something to

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Speaker 1: look forward to, and it just felt like I had

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Speaker 1: like a huge crash when I got back from the honeymoon,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted something to stir up some excitement.

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Speaker 2: The mundane can be.

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Speaker 1: Very hard for me, although I also believe them Indianne

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Speaker 1: to be some of the most special and most important

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Speaker 1: parts of our lives.

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Speaker 2: However, I booked this trip. We did go, and it

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Speaker 2: was a quick trip.

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Speaker 1: We got there Friday night and we came back Sunday afternoon,

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Speaker 1: so not a lot of time. And I'm not super

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Speaker 1: familiar with the city of Chicago. I've been a couple

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Speaker 1: of times, but the last time I had been was

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Speaker 1: before COVID, so I'm sure things had changed. And it

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Speaker 1: was hard to decide what to do and when to

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Speaker 1: do it because I didn't understand really the neighborhoods, what

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Speaker 1: was where, what was the easiest to get to, how

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Speaker 1: should I schedule certain activities.

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Speaker 2: So what we decided is that.

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Speaker 1: There's a couple of things we definitely wanted to do,

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Speaker 1: and we were going to kind of work our days

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Speaker 1: around those things and then everything else. We were just

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Speaker 1: going to see what we wanted to do in that

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Speaker 1: moment and kind of let the city take us where

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Speaker 1: we needed to go. So we are on the flight

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Speaker 1: on the way there, and I think we have like

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Speaker 1: thirty more minutes of the flight, and I looked Patrick

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Speaker 1: and I say to him, did you book the.

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Speaker 2: Hotel or did I book it?

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Speaker 1: Because I haven't gotten a email from them since I booked,

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Speaker 1: since I thought that I booked it, and I remember

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Speaker 1: I stayed in this hotel before COVID and they sent

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Speaker 1: an email like the day before, like asking some questions

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Speaker 1: about check in and just stuff like that, and I

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Speaker 1: didn't get that. So he was like, well, I hope

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Speaker 1: you booked it because I did not. So I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure I did it. So I looked at my email.

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Speaker 1: Luckily I was able to pull up my email while

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Speaker 1: we were in the air, and I found the confirmation

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, okay, no worries, I booked it.

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Speaker 1: Didn't mean to scare you. Then I opened the email

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Speaker 1: and I have to do a double take because it

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Speaker 1: seemed as though I had booked the wrong dates for

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Speaker 1: our trip. So I looked at him and I was like,

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Speaker 1: at any point in our planning process were we going

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Speaker 1: to go Saturday to Monday, to which Patrick responded, no,

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Speaker 1: why are you asking me that? And my response was, well,

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Speaker 1: because that's what I did. That's what I booked for us,

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Speaker 1: and we have nowhere to stay tonight. And at first

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Speaker 1: I said it, laughing like I can't believe I did that.

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Speaker 1: And then I was like, I can't believe I did that.

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Speaker 2: What are we going to do?

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Speaker 1: And Patrick was so kind, so not bothered, like he

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Speaker 1: kind of laughed and seemed like a little bit annoyed,

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Speaker 1: but was like, we're to figure out. It's gonna be fine,

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Speaker 1: don't worry. There has to be a hotel somewhere in

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Speaker 1: Chicago we can stay. And I was just so frustrated

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Speaker 1: with myself, even if we could find another hotel, just yeah,

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Speaker 1: like the inconvenience, it was going to take time away

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Speaker 1: from us, all of that. And he just kept saying like,

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Speaker 1: it's okay, I'll call them when we land. It'll be fine.

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Speaker 1: They probably will be able to accommodate, but if not,

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Speaker 1: we'll figure it out. And I said to him, you know,

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Speaker 1: I would be really mad at you if you did this.

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Speaker 1: I just am confused why you're not upset, and he

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Speaker 1: was like, well, it's just really not.

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Speaker 2: That big of a deal. We're going to figure it out.

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Speaker 1: Like, yes, it's frustrating, but we'll figure it out, and

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Speaker 1: maybe you can give me some grace the next time

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Speaker 1: I do something dumb, because it's probably gonna happen sooner

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Speaker 1: than later.

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Speaker 2: And we just laughed.

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Speaker 1: And part of that's because Patrick's not the best apt

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Speaker 1: planning that kind of stuff, and I probably wouldn't trust

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Speaker 1: him to book that on his own without me double

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Speaker 1: checking it. Long story short with that is that he called,

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Speaker 1: they were able to get us a room that night

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Speaker 1: at the same hotel, which just was like a little

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Speaker 1: bit more expensive, and there was no issue. The hotel

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Speaker 1: was wonderful, checking was easy, figured it out. So throughout

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Speaker 1: our trip, like I said, we had a couple of

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Speaker 1: things that we definitely wanted to do and then some

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Speaker 1: stuff that we just kind of like bopped around, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of it was stuff that I picked and

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Speaker 1: that I said like, oh, I want to go here,

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Speaker 1: and Patrick's really a go at the flow guy, so

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Speaker 1: he didn't really give much input and was like, great, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll do that. So the last day, we only had

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Speaker 1: like six hours before we had to go back to

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Speaker 1: the airport, and I said to Patrick, you know, since

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Speaker 1: tomorrow this is on Saturday. Tomorrow, we only have a

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Speaker 1: couple of hours, and we've done it. We did a

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Speaker 1: lot of stuff today that I wanted to do. Why

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Speaker 1: don't you decide what we do tomorrow? And we can

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Speaker 1: do anything except I don't want to go to the

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Speaker 1: Navy peer and very Patrick fashion, he out of all

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Speaker 1: the things one can do in Chicago, out of all

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Speaker 1: the things, and maybe I should say, out of all

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Speaker 1: the things one can do in Chicago at the end

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Speaker 1: of April, when a lot of stuff isn't open yet

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Speaker 1: and the weather's a little cold, he chose to go

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Speaker 1: to the aquarium, which is fine. I didn't know that

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Speaker 1: he was like super into aquariums, and we had just

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Speaker 1: been to the zoo like a week before with our

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Speaker 1: nieces and nephews. But I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: let's go to the aquarium. It's supposed to be a

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Speaker 1: really nice aquarium. We're gonna go, so I'd let him

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Speaker 1: take care of that. He decided when we were going

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Speaker 1: to go, and then there was a lunch spot we

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Speaker 1: wanted to go to after before we'd go to the

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Speaker 1: airport and that was gonna be our day. So we

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Speaker 1: get to the aquarium, it's about eleven o'clock and we

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Speaker 1: get the car and there's a bunch of people outside.

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Speaker 1: And I almost made this joke because we've been to

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Speaker 1: New York twice together and both times we tried to

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Speaker 1: go to the Met. The first time we went to

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Speaker 1: the MoMA thinking we were going to the Met, and

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Speaker 1: the MoMA is very different than the Met, both art

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Speaker 1: but different expectations at both those places. And then the

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Speaker 1: next time we went, we did make it to the Met,

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Speaker 1: but by the time we got there, there were like

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Speaker 1: thousands of people in the line and to wait in

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Speaker 1: the line was going.

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Speaker 2: To take hours.

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Speaker 1: So we were like, I guess we're not doing that

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Speaker 1: and we will have to come back to New York again.

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Speaker 1: So we got out of the car that out of

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Speaker 1: the uber at the Quakram, and I almost made.

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Speaker 2: A joke like, Lol, what if this is one of those.

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Speaker 1: Things where you have to like get us a ticket

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Speaker 1: for a time, because we had just been at the

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Speaker 1: Zoo and you have to have tickets for a certain

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Speaker 1: time at the zoo, and we can't get in. I

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Speaker 1: almost made a joke, but I didn't because what are

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Speaker 1: the odds, Well, the odds are in our favor when

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Speaker 1: it came to that, because you had to get tickets beforehand,

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Speaker 1: and they had to be for a certain time, and

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Speaker 1: the soonest we could get tickets or the earliest we

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Speaker 1: could get tickets were an hour from then. And when

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Speaker 1: Patrick realized that, or when I realized it and told Patrick,

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Speaker 1: I was like, did you not read the website?

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Speaker 2: I'm confused. You look this up.

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Speaker 1: You decided we were going to go here, and you

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Speaker 1: didn't look at how much tickets were or how to

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Speaker 1: purchase them or what nothing. He was like, I just

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Speaker 1: didn't think about it. And I was like, exactly, you

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Speaker 1: didn't think about it.

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Speaker 2: And I got really.

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Speaker 1: Upset, and it felt like we were going to be

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Speaker 1: wasting an hour of our day.

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Speaker 2: That our arty was pretty short.

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Speaker 1: We didn't have enough time to go back to the

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Speaker 1: city and then come back again, and we'd just eaten breakfast,

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Speaker 1: but there's no point in us going to try to

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Speaker 1: grab food and there wasn't anything close. And I just

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Speaker 1: got really frustrated, and immediately after I kind of snapped

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Speaker 1: at him. I remembered, like I just did something like this.

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Speaker 1: I almost didn't have a hotel booked for us, and

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Speaker 1: that was something that I planned months before. So I

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Speaker 1: realized this and I said to Patrick, you know, I

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Speaker 1: really want to not be mad at you right now,

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Speaker 1: and I really am frustrated with you right now, and

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Speaker 1: I'm frustrated wasting time and we don't have a lot

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Speaker 1: of time today, and I'm gonna get over this, but

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Speaker 1: I really need a second. I need a second to

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Speaker 1: just calm down and kind of walk around, and I

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Speaker 1: need you to figure out what we're gonna do with

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Speaker 1: this hour. And the reason that I'm even telling you

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Speaker 1: this story, I actually talked about this on the Fifth

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Speaker 1: Thing with Amy yesterday on her podcast of four Things

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Speaker 1: with four Things with Amy Brown. The reason I'm telling

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Speaker 1: this to you, guys, is because there were two things

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Speaker 1: that were happening right there, and I feel like a

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Speaker 1: lot of times we feel like we have to pick

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Speaker 1: one side or the other. And it really was true

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Speaker 1: that Patrick had offered me a lot of grace and

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Speaker 1: he was so kind and so easy going about my mistake,

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Speaker 1: and I appreciate that so much because I was mad

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Speaker 1: at myself enough that him being mad at me too

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Speaker 1: wasn't going to help anything, and I was internally punishing

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Speaker 1: myself enough for the both of us over that mistake,

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Speaker 1: and it was really valuable that he and really helped

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Speaker 1: me feel good and safe and with such a kind,

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Speaker 1: caring thing and put to perspective some things about the

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Speaker 1: trip when he was able to do that. And I

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Speaker 1: have to in the moments when other people mess up

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Speaker 1: and do things that are inconvenient or frustrating for me,

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Speaker 1: I have to remember that I am also not perfect,

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Speaker 1: and I'm capable of making the same types of mistakes,

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Speaker 1: even when I think that that's not normally the type

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Speaker 1: of person I am, although I do have I am

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Speaker 1: not the best st at planning, but I can plan

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Speaker 1: the important stuff and this idea that I don't have to.

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Speaker 1: But this idea of giving people grace where I value

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Speaker 1: grace being given to me doesn't mean that I have

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Speaker 1: to not have feelings, or not be frustrated or not

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Speaker 1: be disappointed. But what it does mean is that I

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Speaker 1: try to remember that most people aren't going around trying

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Speaker 1: to ruin my day, and there was nothing malicious about

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Speaker 1: what Patrick did, and for the most part, people are

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Speaker 1: doing the best they can with what they know, And

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Speaker 1: it makes sense to me that Patrick wouldn't think that

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Speaker 1: you had to sign up for a pre timed ticket

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Speaker 1: to the aquarium. That makes sense to me. It also

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Speaker 1: didn't occur to me, even though I know you have

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Speaker 1: to do that at places like the zoo, and I

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Speaker 1: most likely would have looked up the tickets and tried

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Speaker 1: to buy them beforehand. But I can't say for certain

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Speaker 1: that I would have done that because I.

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Speaker 2: Didn't do that.

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Speaker 1: And there is space for me in those moments of frustration,

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Speaker 1: for me to be upset and be disappointed and have

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Speaker 1: all of those feelings that I have and at the

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Speaker 1: same time offer somebody grace and offer somebody kindness and

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Speaker 1: offer perspective in the sense that I could have done

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Speaker 1: that too. And I think a lot of times when

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Speaker 1: we are in those positions and we're trying to, you know,

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Speaker 1: not be mad at somebody or offer grace, it means

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Speaker 1: I don't get to be frustrated or angry or sad

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Speaker 1: or disappointed, and I get to do both. I was disappointed.

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Speaker 1: It did feel like we lost an hour. There's some

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Speaker 1: other things that I would have loved to have been

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Speaker 1: able to do that day with that hour. Doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that hour was totally wasted. No, because we actually got

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Speaker 1: a fun moment out of it, and I'll share that

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Speaker 1: in a second. But because I am offering Patrick grace

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Speaker 1: and allowing it to be okay, it doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: I'm not frustrated. And that is really helpful for me.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it'll be helpful for other people

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Speaker 1: out there, because sometimes it feels like I had to

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Speaker 1: pick one or the other, and a lot of times

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Speaker 1: we pick the anger, like we pick.

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Speaker 2: That, Well, I'm going to be frustrated.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to get over this

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Speaker 1: because if I'm over this, that means that I am

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Speaker 1: not disappointed, and that might not be the case. I

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Speaker 1: cannot be mad at you and still be disappointed. I

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Speaker 1: can understand how something happened and still be disappointed. I

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Speaker 1: can be frustrated and still have a good time. Those

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Speaker 1: things can exist. And I know in my experience of

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Speaker 1: of when I just can't get over something, it often

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Speaker 1: feels because I have to be one hundred percent okay,

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Speaker 1: act like this never happened, put a smile on my face,

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Speaker 1: and that's really hard to do. For a lot of

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Speaker 1: us and what happened after that moment, after I said

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Speaker 1: that I just need a moment and let's just walk,

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Speaker 1: we actually found ourselves in a really beautiful part of Chicago.

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Speaker 1: We wouldn't have known where we were because, like I said,

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Speaker 1: I didn't really understand the neighborhoods, where was where things were,

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Speaker 1: And there was actually this really nice space I think

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Speaker 1: it was near like Grant Park or something like that,

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Speaker 1: where we were able to go on a really pretty walk.

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Speaker 1: There's water that we could walk to, and we just

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Speaker 1: walked around and talked, and we ran into this ice

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Speaker 1: cream truck that was the same company that had a

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Speaker 1: like storefront near where we had breakfast, and the place

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Speaker 1: looked really cool, and I was like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: Like obviously I wasn't gonna have ice cream at breakfast,

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Speaker 1: but this looks really cool. I want to try this

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Speaker 1: ice cream. And it was this really like bright colored,

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Speaker 1: like rainbow ice cream cone that looked delicious. And I said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, you can make up up for not

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Speaker 1: buying the tickets beforehand by buying me this ice cream cone.

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Speaker 1: Which is like funny when we do that now because

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Speaker 1: all of our money is the same, so it feels

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Speaker 1: like I bought myself the ice cream cone, but it

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Speaker 1: still felt different. When Patrick pulled out his wallet. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if anybody can relate to that, but he

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Speaker 1: bought the ice cream cone. It was like ten dollars

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Speaker 1: for this ice cream that I kind of wanted, and

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Speaker 1: I got it. He took a picture of me eating it,

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Speaker 1: and then I started eating it and I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is actually horrible ice cream.

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Speaker 2: We just got scammed.

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Speaker 1: We totally got got by one of these like instagram

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Speaker 1: worthy which I posted on my Instagram ice creams that

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Speaker 1: were like food or whatever, where it's like all about

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Speaker 1: the hype. It's like, looks really cool in pictures, but

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Speaker 1: the actual experience of it wasn't that great. And I

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Speaker 1: threw the ice cream out after a couple bites because

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Speaker 1: it literally tasted like ice It was so bad. And

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't have a way to like wrap

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Speaker 1: this up in a really pretty bow, because my point

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Speaker 1: in sharing the story with you was more so to

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Speaker 1: talk about allowing myself to offer grace to people and

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Speaker 1: also I get to have my feelings at the same time.

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Speaker 1: But the ice cream scam really was like the cherry

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Speaker 1: on top of this whole experience for me because we

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Speaker 1: just laughed, or I laughed so much about how I

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Speaker 1: like was like, you're gonna buy me this ice cream

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Speaker 1: make me feel better about this lost hour, And then

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Speaker 1: the ice cream was horrible.

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Speaker 2: It was funny.

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Speaker 1: It felt like a waste of ten dollars, but it

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Speaker 1: was worth the laughs. And we just get caught up

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Speaker 1: in certain things that we think are important that really

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Speaker 1: aren't that important. And the best part of that trip

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Speaker 1: was being there with Patrick, And the best part of

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Speaker 1: the trips I go on with my girlfriends are being

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Speaker 1: there with my friends. Maybe that would be different if

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Speaker 1: I was on these trips alone, but the best parts

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Speaker 1: of a lot of the experiences that I have in

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Speaker 1: my life are the company that I'm with, not the

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Speaker 1: things that I am doing, the places that I'm going,

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Speaker 1: the food that I'm eating. It's the stories that I

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Speaker 1: get to tell about those experiences, and those stories very

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Speaker 1: much involve the community I engage in. And it was

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Speaker 1: just a really fun way to wrap up a moment of.

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Speaker 2: A lot of tension.

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Speaker 1: And I love how life can surprise us in those

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Speaker 1: moments where I thought the ice cream was going to

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Speaker 1: make me feel better, because it was going to taste

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Speaker 1: really good, and it made me feel better because it

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Speaker 1: actually sucked. So if you ever see a rainbow truck

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Speaker 1: in Chicago, do not buy it. And if you do,

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Speaker 1: just know that you're buying it to take a picture

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Speaker 1: and not because you're going to enjoy the actual ice cream. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: that's going to do it today. I will be back

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Speaker 1: next week with a really exciting episode of You Need

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Speaker 1: Therapy on Monday. It is a episode that I very

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Speaker 1: much looked forward to and had so much fun recording.

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Speaker 1: And then I'll be back with your questions on Wednesday.

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Speaker 1: If you have a question, send it to me Katherine

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Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy Podcast. You can visit us you

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com look at some of the

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Speaker 1: march we have up. You can follow us you Need

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Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast on Instagram and me at Kat dot Defada.

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Speaker 2: And until Monday, I hope you guys have the day

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Speaker 2: you need to have.

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Speaker 1: Guy