1 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you 8 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is 9 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: for joining me for session three twenty one of Therapy 12 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation 13 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: after a word from our sponsors. Which friend are you? 14 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: And your sister circle? Are you the wallflower, the peacemaker, 15 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: the firecracker or the leader? Take the quiz at Sisterhoodheels 16 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: dot com slash quiz to find out, and then make 17 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,479 Speaker 1: sure to grab your copy of Sisterhood Heels to find 18 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: out more about how you can be a better friend 19 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 1: and how your circle can do a better job of 20 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: supporting you. Order yours today at Sisterhoodheels dot com I've 21 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: been wanting to experiment with shorter, more actionable field episodes 22 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: for a minute, so today is my first foray into 23 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:55,000 Speaker 1: what I'm right now calling I have some thoughts on 24 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: blank for this episode, I want to share some thoughts 25 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 1: on playing small. This weekend, I started rewatching Insecure from 26 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: the beginning and was struck when one of the first 27 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: lines Esa has in episode one is her asking herself, 28 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: how much different would my life be if I actually 29 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: went after what I wanted? Now y'all already know Insecure 30 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 1: is one of my favorite shows for lots of reasons, 31 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 1: but chief among them is the ability the writing has 32 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 1: to pierce at the heart of what so many of 33 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: us struggle with, in this case, the struggle with playing 34 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: it safe, not doing too much, not taking up more space. 35 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,679 Speaker 1: With this line, Esa verbalizes a dilemma many of us 36 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:47,919 Speaker 1: have or are currently trying to navigate. What would happen 37 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: if I really went after the life I really want 38 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 1: for myself? Now? There are a lot of reasons why 39 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 1: this might be hard for us. It could be that 40 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: even though we like something different, our current state is comfortable, 41 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: while the idea of an unknown makes us uncomfortable. It 42 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 1: could be that we don't know what steps to take 43 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: to get to what's next, or it may be that 44 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: we doubt our ability to actually obtain what we truly want. 45 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: If this is something you struggle with, I want to 46 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 1: share a few questions for you to consider and maybe 47 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: even take to your journal if you'd like. That just 48 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: might help you to get some clarity on what's stopping 49 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 1: you from playing bigger and help you to take some 50 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: steps in the direction toward the life you really want? 51 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: Question number one? What are you afraid will happen? If 52 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: you went after what you really wanted in life? What 53 00:03:54,840 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: would happen? Is there fear related to this decision? What 54 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: are you afraid will happen? Question number two? Whose criticism 55 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: sounds the loudest in your head? Many times it's difficult 56 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 1: for us to move forward because we've been criticized in 57 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 1: the past. Does someone's voice come to mind? Whose voice 58 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 1: is it? Question three? What will have to be left 59 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:33,720 Speaker 1: behind in order to go after what you want? Are 60 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: there habits that you'll have to leave behind? Environments, maybe 61 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:43,039 Speaker 1: even people? What will have to be left behind to 62 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,359 Speaker 1: go after what you want? And is the grief related 63 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 1: to this keeping you at a standstill? Question four, what 64 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 1: support and our resources do you need and how can 65 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 1: you obtain it? Is there somebody or some organization you 66 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: need to reach out to that can answer some questions 67 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:11,599 Speaker 1: for you? And question five, what's the smallest step you 68 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:16,480 Speaker 1: can take towards this new reality? How can you take 69 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 1: a tiny, small step in this direction? Is it through 70 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:25,719 Speaker 1: sending an email, maybe listening to a podcast, or someone 71 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 1: who has done what you're trying to do has been interviewed. 72 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 1: What's one thing you can do to get some movement started? 73 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: I want you to remember that the things that we 74 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 1: are called to do are often tied to the destiny 75 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: of others as well. So when the fear gets too 76 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,840 Speaker 1: big or you get too worried about what others might say, 77 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 1: try to silence those thoughts by remembering that someone is 78 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: waiting for you to stop hesitating so that they can 79 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 1: take their next step as well. Well. If you're so inclined, 80 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,919 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear the small step you're going to 81 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 1: take are the dream you've been sitting on, both to 82 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 1: celebrate with you and to serve as a space for 83 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: you to boldly proclaim walking in this new path. You 84 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 1: can find me across social media at Hello, doctor Joy. 85 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: Let me know what felt true for you about this episode. 86 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 1: If you're looking for a therapist in your area, make 87 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: sure to visit our therapist directory at Therapyfro Blackgirls dot 88 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: com slash directory, and don't forget to check out my 89 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: new book, Sisterhood Heels The Transformative Power of Healing and 90 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: Community at Sisterhoodheels dot com. This episode was produced by 91 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:52,919 Speaker 1: Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done 92 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 1: by Dennis and Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining 93 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: me again this week. I look forward to continuing this 94 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: conversation with you all real soon. Take good care which 95 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 1: friend are you and your sister circle? Are you the wallflower, 96 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: the peacemaker, the firecracker or the leader? Take the quiz 97 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 1: at Sisterhoodhels dot com slash quiz to find out, and 98 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 1: then make sure to grab your copy of Sisterhood Heels 99 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 1: to find out more about how you can be a 100 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: better friend and how your circle can do a better 101 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: job of supporting you. Order yours today at Sisterhoodheels dot com.