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Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, Nice to meet me. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I know you?

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Speaker 2: How many times have I been on your TV show?

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Speaker 1: That's what I was thinking this morning. This is so crazy.

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Speaker 1: I was walking This is the honest truth. I was

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Speaker 1: walking downstairs and I'm like, why do I feel like

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Speaker 1: I know her? I feel like we've been together? And

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Speaker 1: then I said to myself, I had this thought. I said,

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Speaker 1: was she on my talk show? And then like, now

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Speaker 1: I'm going to say that today I had this like

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Speaker 1: foreshadowing about this happening. You are on the show. What

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Speaker 1: do we do for three times?

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Speaker 3: I literally my book mob wife and me and FIG's okay,

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Speaker 3: this is funny too, because they printed out papers for

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Speaker 3: you today, and I was like, there's a lot more

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Speaker 3: in my head I knew.

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Speaker 1: I was like, she created the show. And I said

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Speaker 1: to myself, why do I know that? I'm like, she's

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Speaker 1: different than the others. Not to be no, I am,

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Speaker 1: you know, disrespectful. I was like, because she created the show.

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Speaker 1: But I said to myself, why do I know that?

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Speaker 1: And it's really weird my memory lately, and that please

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Speaker 1: no disrespect because I would never lie and pretend that

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Speaker 1: like I remember I remember everything, but I don't like

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Speaker 1: remember remember does that make any sense?

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Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it's cold, we're getting a little bit more mature.

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Speaker 1: Well no, yes, and the pots this thing that i've

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Speaker 1: had is autoimmune. Like they say that there's like this

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Speaker 1: like since the vaccine in the pandemic, there's a memory thing.

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Speaker 1: But like I literally knew all these things about you.

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Speaker 1: And I said, why do I know that? I thought

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Speaker 1: I saw it on another show. I swear to god,

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Speaker 1: I thought I heard it, but I don't watch him.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, my sister Jennifer created the show.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, I thought you created the show.

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Speaker 3: Okay, the star And it's no disrespect, but I really

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Speaker 3: don't care about the other women anymore.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: No, but we had this conversation. But you're saying it

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Speaker 1: was on my talk show.

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Speaker 2: We I was on, Yeah, I have pictures of us.

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Speaker 3: It's actually on my Instagram of me and you holding

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Speaker 3: my book playing with fire, and then I was on

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Speaker 3: with Alicia and Natalie, and then me and Benny Guarino

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Speaker 3: made meat balls for my cookbook as well.

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Speaker 1: You have a you have a ridiculous memory because I

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Speaker 1: was going through the worst divorce and that was like

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Speaker 1: all a blur and I've had this, you know, not

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Speaker 1: the first time this has happened. I literally don't remember

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Speaker 1: a lot. So anyway, anyway, I know you, but like

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Speaker 1: I've never seen you socially outside of the show. Have

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Speaker 1: I ever seen you at a party? Because I feel

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Speaker 1: like I know you.

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Speaker 3: We've been at like maybe one or two, like okay,

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Speaker 3: magazine parties like that, but it's always.

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Speaker 1: Quick stuff, you know, Okay, because I feel like I

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Speaker 1: don't know why I feel like I know you. It's

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Speaker 1: exactly And I wore something that I thought would be

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Speaker 1: mob wives appropriate. But yes, you are least well, the

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Speaker 1: least of you is mob wise and we've talked about

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Speaker 1: that before and and as you just mentioned, but I

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Speaker 1: know about that, and we talked about the show and

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Speaker 1: we could get into that. And but I called you

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Speaker 1: because of your story and the work you're doing and

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Speaker 1: being vocal about something that many people aren't vocal about

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Speaker 1: and that people have shame about. And I was reading

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Speaker 1: through the papers on you, and I was thinking of

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Speaker 1: Steve Madden telling me the addiction is your life, like

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Speaker 1: read my sobriety is my life. He said, like it's

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Speaker 1: before my kids, it's before my job, it's before my money,

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Speaker 1: before my company. Like that's a big statement. Nobody will

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Speaker 1: ever admit that something comes before their kids, you know.

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Speaker 1: And Steve Madden said that his sobriety comes before his kids.

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Speaker 1: And so when I just read a headline because I

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Speaker 1: didn't know this, I just like stopped my tracks, Like

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Speaker 1: what she was? She almost got she was dead of

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Speaker 1: a fence and all overdose. Like that's a massively like

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Speaker 1: jarring shocking headline to read.

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Speaker 3: So with that being said, your recovery has to come

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Speaker 3: before everything.

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Speaker 2: It's God.

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Speaker 3: And then so yeah, it actually and it isn't very embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: For me to tell it is or it's not.

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Speaker 3: No, I how could somebody not be embarrassed of the

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Speaker 3: fact that they got a bag of fentanyl which was

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Speaker 3: supposed to be cocaine.

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Speaker 2: And I'm very honest about it.

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Speaker 3: And then I have the text messages between the person

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Speaker 3: that was sent there and he said it in the message,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, because it wait.

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Speaker 1: What does that mean? Well go back to that because

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Speaker 1: I know someone this happened to their kids. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: tell you a story after But what are you saying now?

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Speaker 3: So when I was in Florida, I had text a

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Speaker 3: girlfriend of mine. I said, hey, handle this for me. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I vouch for the kid. Don't worry about it.

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Speaker 1: The kids, you're saying. You said to her, get the stuff,

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Speaker 1: and she said, I know the guy. It's a good

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Speaker 1: which is so it doesn't matter because the guy has

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Speaker 1: a guy as a guy, right.

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Speaker 3: Right, But it normally does matter. So and okay, because

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Speaker 3: nobody usually makes a mistake like that.

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Speaker 1: So with that, but they're not in the ca kitchen.

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Speaker 1: How would they know if something coming from.

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Speaker 2: That's what they do?

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Speaker 1: Oh, okay, they're living But okay, is.

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Speaker 3: As I didn't speak to anybody for so it happened

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Speaker 3: when I was in a restaurant, and I don't I

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Speaker 3: don't have recollection of three days.

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Speaker 2: But somebody was with me, so I know what happened.

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Speaker 1: They broke like in a bathroom, you're saying.

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Speaker 2: I guess so because I wasn't at the table for

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Speaker 2: that second.

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Speaker 3: I came back to the table, I made a phone call,

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Speaker 3: told my friend to send her friends. She sent her

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Speaker 3: friends when I had ohdeed in the restaurant, he had

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Speaker 3: text her and I have the messages because she sent

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Speaker 3: them to me afterwards.

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Speaker 2: So that's how I know what happened.

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Speaker 3: I gave her a bag of blank by accident.

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Speaker 2: I have the whole conversation.

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Speaker 1: Holy motherfuck, because I died right there in front.

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Speaker 3: Of them in the restaurant. Holy fuck table and my girlfriend,

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Speaker 3: who was a course from.

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Speaker 1: Me, Like, there's a bag of that that they mix

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Speaker 1: into other shit that they accidentally gave you. What the fuck?

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Speaker 1: But a whole bag would be You'd be dead instantly.

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Speaker 1: What I don't understand I was I'm touching it or

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Speaker 1: doing it.

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Speaker 2: I'm assuming I did it. Okay, okay, because I can't.

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Speaker 3: Tell you that nobody was in the bathroom with me,

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Speaker 3: but I know addiction and I know me.

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Speaker 2: So with that being said, I walked back.

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Speaker 1: You had it, you went to go do it. The

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Speaker 1: fact that my brain I can't remember you and you're

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Speaker 1: remembering all of it is crazy. But okay, wow, okay.

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Speaker 3: Cable, and I keeled over and died, Oh my god,

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Speaker 3: that was it. And the girl in the restaurant broke

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Speaker 3: four ribs and fractured my sternum in two places, reviving me.

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Speaker 1: And and did they have narakan in the restaurant?

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Speaker 2: No, she did it with her hands.

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Speaker 1: That's insane.

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Speaker 2: I'm in ems gets there. They hit me with the

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Speaker 2: with the shot.

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Speaker 3: The conversation with the kid is, oh my god, Gina,

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Speaker 3: I sent this. I gave this to her by accident.

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Speaker 3: The cops are here, So the cops were there. Every

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Speaker 3: the kid gotten whatever trouble, not by me. I would

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Speaker 3: not press charges at all. I prefer to have his

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Speaker 3: hands broken. But that's me and my mob wife thinking

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Speaker 3: with that, they took me to the hospital and when

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Speaker 3: I was intribated, I went into cardiac arrest. So I

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Speaker 3: was already intribated and went into cardiac arrest. What mean

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Speaker 3: you're in a like a coma, So they put off

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Speaker 3: coma so they I don't actually know why they do that.

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Speaker 3: I'm assuming the OD was so severe. I wasn't there,

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Speaker 3: like I wasn't here, you know.

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Speaker 1: Oh, meaning it's it's an induced they put you there.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so you're intubated.

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Speaker 3: And while I was interbated, I went into cardiac arrest

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Speaker 3: on top of it, which normally doesn't happen. From that,

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Speaker 3: I got pneumonia. And I had gotten that vaccine two

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Speaker 3: years ago, and I've had pneumonia twice since then.

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Speaker 2: And then they had to like give me a walker

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Speaker 2: and like I had to go up.

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Speaker 1: And down, like and how long ago was this?

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Speaker 2: September eighteenth, six months ago?

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Speaker 1: Holy shit, how are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm amazing. I wasn't supposed to make it. They told

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Speaker 3: my family, she's not going to make it through the night.

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Speaker 3: And three days later I woke up and I was like,

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Speaker 3: get me.

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Speaker 2: Out of here.

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Speaker 3: And they were like, do you know what happened? And

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Speaker 3: I'm like, absolutely not what happened? And they broke it

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Speaker 3: down to me and I was like, no.

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Speaker 2: That's impossible. I don't do those drugs.

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Speaker 3: And the doctor was like, oh, no, you did. And

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Speaker 3: I go but I don't said no, one said you did.

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Speaker 2: But it was mixed.

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Speaker 1: And now I have a I know someone whose son

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Speaker 1: a person their son had a baby, right and the

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Speaker 1: wife babies a couple months old and for whatever, maybe

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Speaker 1: six months old, I think it was six months old.

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Speaker 1: And the two of them, my husband and the wife

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Speaker 1: were home with the baby and they guess they just

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Speaker 1: wanted to have a little fun and they ordered coke

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Speaker 1: to the to the house and they both dropped out

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Speaker 1: and the baby was alone crying for like twenty four hours.

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Speaker 1: They father they died. Oh I got the parents.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, so they oh deed with death? Yeah, wow.

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Speaker 1: And I and I've had experience with this also with people,

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Speaker 1: and it's amazing that smart together people like you have

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Speaker 1: a different perspective on life. Like I don't have that

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Speaker 1: as much as you. But I had a severe anaphylactic

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Speaker 1: shock situation that I was unconscious and I was in

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Speaker 1: the I see, I see you for a couple of

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Speaker 1: days and it was brutal and like I could in

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Speaker 1: the background when I was coming to hear the doctors

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Speaker 1: freaking out about sixty over forty blood pressure and like,

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Speaker 1: why were there all these people? And frankly, I thought

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Speaker 1: it was because, like I don't know. I thought it

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Speaker 1: was because it was me, Like a lot of people

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Speaker 1: were like they got a couple of extra attention. I

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Speaker 1: didn't realize it was because I was dying in the hospital. So, like,

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Speaker 1: I know what that is, like not as much as

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Speaker 1: what you're talking about, but that's a that changes your

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Speaker 1: perspective on life. It changes you as a person, Like

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Speaker 1: it's it it escalates the I don't give a fuck,

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Speaker 1: but not in an angry way.

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Speaker 3: So let me say that I bo did before. This

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Speaker 3: isn't my first time when my father died in nineteen

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Speaker 3: I didn't, I couldn't. I didn't want to live. I

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Speaker 3: felt like my twin died. I felt this connection with

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Speaker 3: my father, way different than my sisters. He was like

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Speaker 3: my twin. We look alike, we act alike, we're giving alike.

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Speaker 3: We want to do everything for everybody else some and

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Speaker 3: we forget about ourselves. My father was a great man.

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Speaker 3: I don't care what anybody has to say. He was

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Speaker 3: a great man. He rescued a family out of a

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Speaker 3: burning building, He saved a girl drowning. In prospect part,

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Speaker 3: my father was really a good man. He paid for

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Speaker 3: my best friend's mother's funeral because she had no money.

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Speaker 3: So in spite of what he did for a living,

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Speaker 3: he was a good man. Which I'm very much like

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Speaker 3: my dad.

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Speaker 1: But he's saying two things can be true at the

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Speaker 1: same time. Absolutely, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 3: So I mean, look at Steve Madden. Ye pay with

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Speaker 3: my father. He's a good man, right, he got sober,

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Speaker 3: you know, and he's a strong individual. So yeah, you

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Speaker 3: could be a bad dying a good guy. At the

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Speaker 3: same time. People make mistakes.

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Speaker 2: You know, you don't know who you are.

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Speaker 3: You start out at life, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: It takes years to get where you're going, and for me,

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Speaker 3: it took a lot more than the average person because

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Speaker 3: I had low self esteem from a child.

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Speaker 2: So I was born very ill, wasn't supposed to live.

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Speaker 3: They drew spinal fluid at least five or six times

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Speaker 3: for the first six month of my birth. So what

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Speaker 3: we're learning now is that spinal fluid that was drained

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Speaker 3: for me probably screwed up my psyche. And you know

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Speaker 3: then it was I grew up in the mob with

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Speaker 3: a boss as a father. People were dying left and right.

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Speaker 3: Who's going to jail? I played it up like, oh,

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Speaker 3: we have another funeral. Oh I'm gonna wear this black

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Speaker 3: dress with that per pot. That's not normal, That's not

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Speaker 3: what I know.

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Speaker 1: I grew up at the racetrack with a lot of ties,

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Speaker 1: and I grew up going and sitting at the crabs

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Speaker 1: table at thirteen years old for weeks in Vegas and

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Speaker 1: growing to nightclubs at the Rafters in Saratoga and fourteen

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Speaker 1: like I get it, I really know it.

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Speaker 3: Campaign and cocaine. That's the way I grew up. I

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Speaker 3: grew up in the heyday good Fellain.

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Speaker 1: No and No money than all the money, all the

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Speaker 1: cars in the driveway, then no money next week ever

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Speaker 1: you're in the Yeah. My stepfather, John Paracel used to

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Speaker 1: come in and tell me the bookies after him, and

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Speaker 1: I would and I broke open my piggy bank literally

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Speaker 1: to give him catch. Like. But we had Mercedes in

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Speaker 1: the driveway and a card table, literally no furniture, but

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Speaker 1: a Jaguar and a Mercedes in the driveway, and then

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Speaker 1: that got taken away. I get it. It's like ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: He was very connected. Joe Scandor, he was his uncle,

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Speaker 1: and Jimmy Kam was sleeping on his couch and they

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Speaker 1: were doing drug. Yeah, uncle James. Okay, so my stepfather

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Speaker 1: and Jimmy Kahn were like boys and doing blow together.

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Speaker 2: How my father and my uncle because that was like the.

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Speaker 1: Click Ponti's yeah, John PEPs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, my uncle owns Splash in California, which was the

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Speaker 3: first nightclub in Malibo. And oh, my other uncle owned Frankie's.

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Speaker 3: Does Frankie's on Melroads. My uncle was Frank Martin, the

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Speaker 3: horse trainer, Like so I know, I.

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Speaker 1: Know Frank Martin. Yeah, he had my aunt Crew, the

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Speaker 1: father and the son Frank Martin and then and Jose Martin.

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Speaker 3: Okay, but the other son, Frank Martin, who he just

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Speaker 3: disrepem he died.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow. Okay, so we know a lot of the

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Speaker 1: same people because a lot of people don't know this

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Speaker 1: part of my life. And it affects my relationships too,

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Speaker 1: because in relationships with normal people, it's hard. When you

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Speaker 1: grew up like you know, on a wild car chase,

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Speaker 1: it's very difficult. You're an action junkie. So you were

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Speaker 1: a junkie junkie. Without using a bad word, I'm just saying, like, so,

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Speaker 1: let's get into that, all right. So you grew up

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Speaker 1: and you were sick and your father died and like so,

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Speaker 1: so you had a proclivity to highs and lows.

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Speaker 3: All right, let's pull that. I was a mob junkie.

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Speaker 2: Okay. I hate that word more than right in the world.

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Speaker 1: I say action junkie, but it's a bad word. It's

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Speaker 1: a junkie word. It's a junk word. I get it.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm actually trying to change the perspective behind it,

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Speaker 3: because a doctor could be one, a lawyer could be one.

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Speaker 3: The lawyer that you're calling the bail you out could

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Speaker 3: be and do the No.

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Speaker 1: Of course, it's a stigma, and I agree with you.

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Speaker 1: I was saying action Junker, but I yeah, I agree.

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Speaker 1: I agree because there's a shame there that you want

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Speaker 1: to do stigmatize.

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Speaker 3: And you know, a shout out to Richard Tate from

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Speaker 3: the Carrera Treatment Center in Malibu. I just took a

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Speaker 3: job with him and now, yeah, he started Cliffside Malibu,

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Speaker 3: so I took a job with him yesterday.

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Speaker 1: You know, I got crying.

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Speaker 3: Podcasts helping people, so I'm going to have to interview you, yes,

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Speaker 3: And it's just a way for me to give back.

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Speaker 3: And I didn't realize when I did my interview with

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Speaker 3: Bunny that it was going to blow up. But it's

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Speaker 3: been viral for the last five days. Every time she

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Speaker 3: drops a clip, it goes viralally. Cardi b video she

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Speaker 3: posted it viral. It's like all of a sudden, God said, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I got my hands on you this time, but you're

316
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Speaker 3: gonna be out there in the public, so do what

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Speaker 3: you need to do to save a life. Just know

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Speaker 3: people are gonna hate you, people are gonna love you,

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Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, my prerogative is

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Speaker 3: to save somebody because somebody saved me.

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Speaker 1: You have purpose, You have purpose? How there's so much

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Speaker 1: to go through? So lamar Odom and Jason Waller from

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Speaker 1: the Hills, that's interesting too, using your reality television career

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Speaker 1: and fame and connections to these other people who have

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Speaker 1: gone through a similar horrendous experience.

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Speaker 3: So Jason helped me out. And I had had plastic surgery,

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Speaker 3: so I had to go back on paying meds and

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Speaker 3: that was that was two years ago. That wasn't acceptable.

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Speaker 3: But Jason and Janah Woodbury did everything for me this

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Speaker 3: time around. It was November two and I was sitting

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Speaker 3: in a hotel. I had a friend who I was

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Speaker 3: fighting with my whole family.

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Speaker 1: So she's like, after you got after you almost died,

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Speaker 1: you're talking about it a couple of months ago.

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Speaker 3: Okay, October, Tom, move here with me. Nobody in my

336
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,879
Speaker 3: family wanted to be bothered with me. So whatever money

337
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,000
Speaker 3: I had had went into a trust for my BRANDK

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Speaker 3: and so I had no access to money.

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Speaker 1: So who are you did that? You intervened in your

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Speaker 1: own life and did that.

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Speaker 2: It handles everything.

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Speaker 1: You've given power of finance that a way had.

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Speaker 2: Power of attorney.

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Speaker 3: I trust my sister with my whole life, so whatever,

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Speaker 3: and it wasn't much, Bethany, because all the those years

346
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Speaker 3: on television, I gave everything away.

347
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Speaker 2: Here take this, here, take I left nothing for myself.

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Speaker 2: I didn't even buy a house.

349
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Speaker 1: Why I don't know.

350
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Speaker 3: Maybe I felt like the money wasn't gonna run out.

351
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Speaker 3: They were also paying for all of my housing, so

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Speaker 3: you know, why am I going to spend more money?

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Speaker 1: But I was paying who the show is paying for housing? Yes,

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Speaker 1: oh that was a good show.

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Speaker 3: Well, my sister is the executive producer. My father threw

356
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Speaker 3: me out.

357
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Speaker 2: I couldn't.

358
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Speaker 3: My father didn't talk to me for two years. I

359
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,920
Speaker 3: had nowhere to go. What was I gonna do? And

360
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,439
Speaker 3: here I am giving them a bigger story than anybody,

361
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,679
Speaker 3: aside from Karen Gravano because her story was extremely huge.

362
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Speaker 2: I love Karen. You know, I talked to everybody, but

363
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 2: Drita put it that way. Everybody.

364
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,880
Speaker 3: But anyway, Drida did an interview and said, now that Renee,

365
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Speaker 3: well my wife was just coming back. Now that Renee's

366
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:58,240
Speaker 3: father is dead, who is she gonna be? Don't play

367
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Speaker 3: with me and don't ever talk about my father in

368
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Speaker 3: any way, shape or form.

369
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Speaker 2: So there is no respect for that girl whatsoever.

370
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Speaker 3: She's called me a junkie more times than necessary, no

371
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Speaker 3: respect none.

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00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 1: More times than necessary is an interesting way to phrase

373
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 1: something like you're saying you gave grace to like your mistakes,

374
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 1: but there's more times thannecessary.

375
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 2: All the stuff you would do in the cloud did so.

376
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 2: Now you want to air me out?

377
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 3: Okay, so you want to you want me to hide

378
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 3: your truths, Well you tell me you hide your truths

379
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,680
Speaker 3: while you speak. I'm sorry you want to speak my

380
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 3: truths and I hide your lives. Not acceptable anymore in

381
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:44,400
Speaker 3: my life. Not acceptable. If you burn me, be prepared

382
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 3: not to be able to walk across that bridge because

383
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:47,919
Speaker 3: you burnt it.

384
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 1: But what it feels like, you're still you're not being

385
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,119
Speaker 1: paid for the show. Now you're still living that story

386
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 1: in the show. Who cares about anybody that you like to?

387
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,639
Speaker 1: Haven't you? I don't get paid for that, That's what

388
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,880
Speaker 1: I'm saying. But I'm feeling like you're in the conflict.

389
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 1: Like the way that I feel about women on the

390
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,879
Speaker 1: show that I used to be is like, go be happy,

391
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 1: be successful, Like everybody has a reason for why they

392
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 1: are the way they are, and who care? What do

393
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: you care? About what anyone else is doing.

394
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 2: So it keeps coming up. People just keep dragging me

395
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 2: and dragging me.

396
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 1: And but the more you talk, yeah, I get it,

397
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:17,800
Speaker 1: but just like what.

398
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 2: It's not all the women.

399
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,479
Speaker 3: Most of the women still call me and you know,

400
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 3: they send love. I just feel like, why are you mad?

401
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 3: My sister put us all in this position to earn

402
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 3: a tremendous.

403
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 2: Amount of money. Why are you mad? What did I do? Actually?

404
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,199
Speaker 2: I hit it with your lives? So what did I

405
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 2: actually do? Oh? I told you the truth about yourself? Sorry,

406
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:41,880
Speaker 2: do you.

407
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 1: Have any interet Where do you live? Where do you live?

408
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:48,159
Speaker 3: I just moved to California, So back to Because in

409
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 3: all honesty, let me say this, there is a bitter

410
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 3: feeling there. But she's not supposed to hold weight in

411
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:59,440
Speaker 3: my life. But it's very hurtful. So this isn't about her.

412
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,919
Speaker 3: It's about the hurt it's about them.

413
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:07,119
Speaker 1: It's funny because my therapist says, and it's really interesting

414
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 1: you're dealing If you're dealing with something, you'll describe the

415
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,119
Speaker 1: situation like you just describe the situation. But she'll say,

416
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 1: you know, but like, let's live in the feelings, like

417
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 1: really like and when you. I think if you live

418
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: in the feelings, you might not that you wanted to

419
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,120
Speaker 1: reach out. Maybe she'll reach out and stop or say

420
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Like if you live in the feelings that

421
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 1: you feel vulnerable in hurt versus like the story of

422
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 1: what's going on, like.

423
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 3: It is never ever allowed back in my life. She

424
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,200
Speaker 3: never showed up from my father's funeral. You'll cut off.

425
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,640
Speaker 3: That's the That's it for me. But any okay, I'm

426
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:38,119
Speaker 3: moving on.

427
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 2: I wish I do, wish her help and wealth, but

428
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 2: I don't like her. Plain and simple.

429
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 3: So November two and I was sitting I had just

430
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:54,160
Speaker 3: had a fight with my friend in Texas. She told

431
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 3: my son, please have all your mother's stuff picked up.

432
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,880
Speaker 3: I called my son. I said, agam done. I can't

433
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,400
Speaker 3: it anymore. I can't fight. I'm tired. I said, I'm

434
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 3: not going to kill myself. I'm Catholic. You know, that's

435
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 3: the biggest in in the world. So he's getting high though,

436
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 3: f y he and I said, in case I never

437
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 3: seen you again, I want you to know how much

438
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,159
Speaker 3: I love you. He said, MA, sit right there. My

439
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 3: son got on the phone with my dear friend twenty nine.

440
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: Okay, twenty nine.

441
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 2: With four kids.

442
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 3: He had twin girls the last and they turned one yesterday,

443
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 3: so he made the phone poll pulled me back. My

444
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 3: friend Bill O'Hara got me into recovery unplugged in Texas.

445
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 2: I went in the next day.

446
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 3: My girlfriend got mad at me that I didn't help

447
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 3: her get her things all done and out and robbed

448
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 3: everything I owned everything back, every pair of shoes, every pocketbook.

449
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 3: I swear this on my four grandchildren's eyes, every single

450
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 3: thing I owned. Everything my father left me.

451
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: Because I was going to say, maybe this is some

452
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 1: sign of starting. Oh okay, Oh the.

453
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,400
Speaker 2: Clothes got me sober.

454
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 3: I know that sounds crazy, but trust me, I couldn't

455
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 3: go out no more so. But she robbed my father's

456
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 3: tie collection, and that was very important to me. That

457
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,959
Speaker 3: was like wow in him and I my hand blessed

458
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 3: rosaries from the Pope, my father met two different popes,

459
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:28,680
Speaker 3: my bible from my grandmother, everything that meant something to me.

460
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 3: Oh child, yeah, very evil individual. My son was like,

461
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 3: all right, I'm gonna have it picked up on Friday.

462
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 3: She goes stop rising me. She has a crazy bitch

463
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 3: and played in English fucking crazy. She's my mouth crazy.

464
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 3: I walked into Detox with my Minx slippers, a sweatshirt

465
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 3: and sweatpants and that was all I had. Oh and

466
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 3: I just when she threw my pocketbook out the front door.

467
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 3: I went to grab it and it happened to be

468
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 3: my Gucci bag with my adult chain Gavana beg in it.

469
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 3: Don't ask me one, but she stole every pair of

470
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 3: eyeglasses I glass.

471
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 1: What how did you afford rehab?

472
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 3: Did?

473
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 2: So?

474
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 3: I'm getting Lamarrow phone call and he said, hey, please

475
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 3: come to my treatment center.

476
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 2: I want to help you.

477
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 3: So Gina Rodriguez, who's his pr is a dear friend

478
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:27,120
Speaker 3: of mine. Lamar took care of everything. I walked into

479
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 3: Vanity Wellness in California, and four months later, I'm sober

480
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 3: a f I'm happy. I can't understand that thought yet.

481
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 3: That's a little scary happy scary to me. I thrive

482
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 3: in chaos. I come from chaos. So you know, when

483
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 3: they say drama queen, I'm like Max all the way up.

484
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 3: But that's it wasn't drama to me. It was my

485
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 3: everyday life. And that's where I get a little frustrated.

486
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 3: People like you're a drama queen.

487
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm just a queen who lived in a

488
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 2: life of drama. Big difference.

489
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: And you've been an addict your whole life, how much

490
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: of your life?

491
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 3: So yeah, when I was younger, I partied, you know,

492
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 3: I partied. But when I was my ex husband shouted

493
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 3: my sacrum and he.

494
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 2: Put his elbow through it.

495
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, he broke my pain pills phone, he broke.

496
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,960
Speaker 3: My rib like, but I would not tell on him

497
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 3: because I was worried that he would be murdered. And

498
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 3: for me, that was my sin then, so I never

499
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 3: and then pain meds started thirty six. Oh, I owed

500
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 3: deed for the first time on July feof in two

501
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 3: thousand and seven, and three out. My mother didn't want

502
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 3: to admit I was an addict, so she put me

503
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 3: in a seventy two hour holdover where I was sexual

504
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 3: assaulted by a predator. And that really is what changed

505
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 3: me forever. I spent my thirty seventh birthday in the

506
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 3: mental wood for three weeks because I lost my line

507
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 3: after I was attacked. And I have a police report

508
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 3: that blacks that up with a man admitted it.

509
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,639
Speaker 1: So you've been like medicating to forget since then. And

510
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: then you got down a hole.

511
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, so medicated Zanex God, friend, I didn't want cokain

512
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 3: and I wanted Xani.

513
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:31,439
Speaker 1: Where were you getting it?

514
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 3: All?

515
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 2: The doctors made me It was the doctors.

516
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,719
Speaker 1: No, I know that, but how because I've seen all

517
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 1: the movies and I'm fascinated by topic because i have

518
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 1: experience with it personally, Uh not me, but one person apart?

519
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: And did you I did? Did you end up driving

520
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,239
Speaker 1: to other states and go like no?

521
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 2: I was prescribed?

522
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 3: True story two Oxy eighties, six rock scenes, eight milligrams

523
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 3: of xanax, diet pills, water pills, antidepressants, mood stabilizers. This

524
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 3: is by the doctor's hand.

525
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 1: That is why is there any part of the addiction

526
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,679
Speaker 1: and the pills and all of it. That's not just

527
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 1: only the chemical aspect, but like the process, like it's

528
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 1: like a friend, it's like something to do. It's an activity,

529
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: like let's get this, let's get that, let's organize it,

530
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 1: because no one talks about that, and I think that's

531
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: part of it too.

532
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 3: Right, So I was not an everyday user. Zan x

533
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 3: became my life for a year straight, That's true. I

534
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 3: kickation in twenty ten. Cocaine always played a part of

535
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 3: my life always, but not.

536
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 2: It's like when I was done, it was over. I

537
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 2: didn't get more. It wasn't like that. I party definitely.

538
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 1: Going out Saturday night. You're getting a bag with friends,

539
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 1: and it's fun. We're going out. It's like getting a

540
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:52,159
Speaker 1: bunch of drinks.

541
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 2: Right.

542
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 3: But the zon X took over my life really is

543
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 3: that I got arrested.

544
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 2: Nobody knows that I what ovid. I had to go

545
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 2: to jail for eight days. I was devastated.

546
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 1: You were like, no one's gonna notice because everyone's in

547
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: their home.

548
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,880
Speaker 3: I had twenty three hour lock up. It was supposed

549
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 3: to be for a twenty twenty four hour thing. When

550
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,119
Speaker 3: I was being released, I had made a phone call.

551
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,439
Speaker 3: I wasn't allowed to pull this person. It was like

552
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,919
Speaker 3: a restraining order because the person was antagonizing.

553
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 2: Me to a fall. I'm like, hey, I need my

554
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 2: lawyer's number.

555
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 3: Needless to say, that person was related to me, and

556
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 3: so I made the phone call. And when I was

557
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 3: being released, they were like, did you call so and So?

558
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 3: I go, yeah, I needed my lawyers now, But they go,

559
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 3: you just violated the temporary restraining order. I was like,

560
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 3: oh no, no, no, I did not that doesn't count,

561
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 3: and they were like, get it done. So eight day

562
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: they kept me bare. I was devastated.

563
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 1: At a jail.

564
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 2: It was dirty. It was cony.

565
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 1: It sounds like it's jail, so its dirty.

566
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was mom at count Holy shit. I was like,

567
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 3: can I have a pillow? They were like no, I said,

568
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 3: my sheet has a hole? So what Can I donate

569
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 3: mattresses to the women's prison? Absolutely not, So I'm sleeping

570
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 3: with the matts.

571
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: It's taking it. That's funny going you go into the mattresses.

572
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 1: You went to the mattresses.

573
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 2: Let's do it.

574
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: You went to the mattresses. That's a that's crazy. What

575
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: about your family not coming to the hospital because they

576
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 1: thought you were dead or because they wrote you off

577
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: and you were dead to them?

578
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 3: They well, they both they weren't going to make it

579
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 3: in time because of the timing, and they said it

580
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 3: you know, by the time they got there, it wouldn't

581
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 3: have happened. But they did write me off. So my

582
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 3: sister Jennifer stopped talking to me for a year and

583
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 3: a half and that was my closest relationship. My mother

584
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 3: and I were constantly fighting. My oldest sister and I

585
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 3: have always bought. So there's a lot of there's a

586
00:29:56,840 --> 00:30:00,479
Speaker 3: lot of dysfunction in my family. My little and I

587
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 3: shared a bedroom. We were very close. I was my

588
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 3: father daddy. I'm fit, daddy's favorite kid. I'm the most entitled,

589
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 3: I'm all of that. And then life just got hotter.

590
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 3: I was bullied in grammar school, terribly bullied. I was

591
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 3: told how ugly I was on an everyday basis, so

592
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 3: I took that on that became me. I was ugly

593
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 3: no matter what you said to me. I was ugly.

594
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: I felt it in my heart and soul. And you know,

595
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 3: I wasn't allowed to wear contacts until freshman year or

596
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 3: a high school. My mother gave me the worst haircuts

597
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 3: in the world. You know all that stuff.

598
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: But I were a disaster.

599
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 3: I was physically developed, and I was never ugly FYI

600
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 3: never I know that now, But.

601
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 2: I was physically developed.

602
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 3: So all the boys liked me, and the two girls

603
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 3: that bullied me, they would invite me to boy girl

604
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: parties and send me.

605
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 2: Home because the boys liked me. But there was.

606
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 3: Something wrong with me all of my life. My first boyfriend,

607
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 3: I was like turning fifteen. He was physically abusive and

608
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 3: That's how it started. He ended up my father. I

609
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 3: came home with a black guy and he said, Renne,

610
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 3: what happened.

611
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 2: To your face?

612
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 3: I said, oh, I walked into the door. My father goes,

613
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,959
Speaker 3: sit down before you walk into the door again. And

614
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 3: I sat there and he goes, what happened? And I

615
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 3: told him. My father made a phone book two phone goals.

616
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 3: One was to the boyfriend's ex boyfriend's father and the

617
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 3: other one was to four guys.

618
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 2: My father said, get in the car. I said, okay,

619
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 2: and don't talk. Swear to God.

620
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 3: True story in the Lincoln Townclock. We get to our

621
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 3: family restaurant. My father goes, go in the restaurant and

622
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 3: don't go by the window.

623
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 2: So what does that mean to you? What is it?

624
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: I could go by the window, thank you.

625
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 2: I watched him have his arm broken.

626
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 3: And it was that day that I never ever would

627
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 3: tell on another person again because I felt that was

628
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 3: my fault.

629
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 1: But it was so Now add.

630
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 3: This all insecurity, abuse, dysfunction in the household.

631
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: Action, highs and lows.

632
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 3: Murder, my father's in jail, all this stuff. I meet

633
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:14,479
Speaker 3: my ex husband when I'm very young. I was twenty,

634
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 3: got engaged a month and nineteen days after I met him,

635
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 3: my ex my father did not want me to marry him.

636
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 2: He was not Italian. Somebody spoke on his behalf.

637
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 3: That person too became a snitch, so we should have

638
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 3: never trusted him. And my ex husband started with the abuse,

639
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 3: knocking the shit out of me.

640
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 1: My father was it'd be weird to go knock the

641
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: shit out of a mob boss's daughter.

642
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 2: But he also knew I wasn't telling.

643
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 1: Still fucked up it is? And what is your relationship

644
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 1: with your family now? Besides your sister? Like, are you

645
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: mending my senses? Do they trust you?

646
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 2: Everybody?

647
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 3: Since I checked in on November three last year, I

648
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 3: have spoken to my son every single day, at least

649
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 3: two times a day, at least two times a day.

650
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 3: I just flew my grandkids out to California. We went

651
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 3: to Disney and Universal. My daughter in law and I

652
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 3: have had like the relationship.

653
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 2: We're on the phone. Got the bing like, oh yay,

654
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 2: everyone in my family.

655
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: That's you really meant you really did? You did the work?

656
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: Friend that every one of your friends that are my

657
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: real friends. Yeah, yeah, I know, Rene, We're proud of you.

658
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 2: I can't believe. And what has happened in four months.

659
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 2: I can't even tell you, Like.

660
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 3: The job that I just got, getting paid, the amount

661
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 3: of money I just got, It's like, oh wait a second,

662
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 3: I don't got to sell my soul anymore.

663
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 1: You have like a real job, and it's not like

664
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: bullshit entertainment. We have to have the high schlegs. You're

665
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: like a legitimate, like grown up job.

666
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 3: I you know, I spoke with Vivoca Fox, Justina Valentine

667
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 3: Havoc from Mob Deep. All these people are like I

668
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 3: asked them, you know, can I innovate view you? Jason

669
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 3: from the Dallas Jason Hatchet from the Dallas cab with

670
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 3: It's like an A list celebrity lineup, amazing Bunny roll.

671
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 2: Whatever, whatever you need, we got. You don't pay for anything.

672
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: What's fascinating is because I hear this with other people.

673
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 1: You hit the bottom, but it wasn't really the bottom.

674
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 1: When you went, when you almost died, you went back

675
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: and used again like you didn't go. You didn't go

676
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 1: to rehab, like what the fuck? Like people would be like,

677
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: what the fuck about that?

678
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 3: I didn't go For a month, I didn't go, so

679
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 3: what was that much? I was really battling with the devil,

680
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 3: Like I kid you not. I feel like he, literally,

681
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 3: the grim reaper king.

682
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,240
Speaker 1: Was holding you there with the battle.

683
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 2: Every day I get up and and that.

684
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 3: Next six weeks, I definitely use like I would say

685
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 3: maybe five or six times.

686
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely, But.

687
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: I was interested that at no.

688
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 3: I went back to the pill from the pharmacy. Let

689
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,400
Speaker 3: me take that pill. I know where it's coming from.

690
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,320
Speaker 1: But because you're you're justifying in your mind, that doesn't

691
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 1: count because it came from a doctor. Like it's different

692
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: than yeah.

693
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:23,719
Speaker 2: I wanted to die. You know.

694
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 3: I touched on this a little bit when my father

695
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 3: passed away in nineteen. I went to a hospital and

696
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 3: they said, okay, you know what, you're a candidate for

697
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 3: shock treatment. You have major depressive disorder. We're gonna do

698
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 3: six sessions. You're not going to be sad anymore. If

699
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 3: someone would have told me you're gonna get hit on

700
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 3: your head with a block of cement and you're not

701
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,439
Speaker 3: going to be sad anymore, I would have said, drop five,

702
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 3: drop five. So I did six sessions and it destroyed me.

703
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 1: It's uh, the opposite direction.

704
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's where my addiction then became. Like I

705
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 3: stopped sleeping completely. Everything was magnified, magnified. My body's in

706
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 3: physical pain all the time from like the surgeries I've

707
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 3: had over the years. So now I suffer like with

708
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 3: physical pain. But I put on a light a gain

709
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,399
Speaker 3: patch five percent light gain.

710
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 2: I don't take any medication to that.

711
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 3: I take prozac, which they're giving to every woman now

712
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 3: in menopause.

713
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: And you don't drink, No, I never liked alcohol, So yeah,

714
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: you're in a world now where I know you didn't

715
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 1: like alcohol. But people, so many people are sober curious,

716
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 1: So many people are just walking around sober now, and

717
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 1: so I think it's an interesting time. I mean, I

718
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 1: have a mocktail brand literally because I wanted to speak

719
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: to this space. But it's very prevalent. And are you worried?

720
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 1: Do you crave? Do you think about it? Are you

721
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: worried about going out and being social and being normal

722
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 1: and not hanging out with other addicts going through what

723
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: you're going through? Hang out with people that are partying?

724
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 3: Okay, So my core group of friends, they drink, they

725
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 3: don't get high, never did, nobody does.

726
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: And you don't want to drink, so you don't care.

727
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 2: I don't.

728
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I lost someone who I considered a brother to

729
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 3: suicide in October, and that's where the change came. Like

730
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 3: I couldn't believe I lost this person in my life.

731
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 2: That was like my brother.

732
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 3: He was the savior and he committed suicide and it

733
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 3: devastated me.

734
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 2: And that was my choice to get right.

735
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 3: And since then, when I tell you Beten, he it's

736
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 3: just I don't know what the feeling is. I can't

737
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 3: even explain it to you. It's this feeling of, oh

738
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 3: my god, I'm happy.

739
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 2: What do I do with happy? That's what scares me.

740
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:48,319
Speaker 1: I get it. I get it.

741
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,840
Speaker 3: Why does this guy want to take me out on

742
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 3: a date? Oh no, oh no, you know what I mean.

743
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 3: Like so there's like this siren that goes off, which

744
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 3: I have to attention to that siren because for me,

745
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 3: that's like danger. Danger, and danger to me means self medicaid.

746
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: You know what a great therapist and life coach you have?

747
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:08,479
Speaker 2: Great?

748
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: Because I have the great person out in La not

749
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: touchy feeling, not freud, but like okay, full on. He's amazing.

750
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 1: You should have him on you. He's amazing. He's like

751
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,720
Speaker 1: intervene in your own life. He's very he's amazing.

752
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 2: Let's talk about that.

753
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,399
Speaker 1: I'll give you his information. Yeah, I mean, I also

754
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 1: have an incredible I've been with the same. I have

755
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 1: an incredible therapist. But the life coach guy is in

756
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 1: lak and he's had the craziest life too, of like

757
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 1: money and addiction and wealthy parents and dated all these

758
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 1: famous models and like he changed his whole life years ago.

759
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:39,919
Speaker 1: But he's a major. He's a major guy. You would

760
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 1: like him. He's not bullshit either.

761
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 3: I became a life coach and twenty myself, and I

762
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 3: can coach somebody else's life.

763
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,439
Speaker 1: Just not no, but not yeah, I get it. Yeah,

764
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: when you're sometimes people feel uncomfortable. For me, it's not

765
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 1: being happy, it's it's normalcy. And peace feels weird, just

766
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 1: like level and normalcy and not the eyes and the

767
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 1: low sometimes feel weird. Just like you just feel like good.

768
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 1: You just feel okay. You wake up okay, you feel settled.

769
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 1: You don't feel mercurial, you don't feel erradic, you just

770
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 1: feel like a human being.

771
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 3: I wake up every day and I'm like, okay, the

772
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 3: sun is shining, even when it's raining, the sun is shining.

773
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:21,919
Speaker 3: It's the conversations between my son and I that are

774
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 3: really everything to me.

775
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 2: It's everything.

776
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 3: My sister Jennifer just signed back on from management with

777
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:33,720
Speaker 3: my other manager, Chris, Like it's just incredible that four

778
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 3: months and it turned around like it never happened. However,

779
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 3: it did happen, and I have to remind myself every

780
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 3: day that that did happen.

781
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,320
Speaker 1: Right, you could be on the high of the sobriety

782
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 1: right now, Like that's a different high, you know what

783
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 1: I mean.

784
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 3: I'm not on that pink cloud because I do cry still,

785
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 3: So I'm not on no.

786
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 2: I do miss my father.

787
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 3: I did a ketymine treatment and I don't know if

788
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 3: you know who Zappi is.

789
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 2: Do you know that name?

790
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 3: Okay, oh lamar Odom And this gentleman Zappie bought like

791
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:13,840
Speaker 3: fifty acres in Malibo and they do these ketamine treatments

792
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 3: so ten years ago and you do it with a doctor,

793
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 3: you know you process. So for me, I had to

794
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 3: figure out how am I gonna let go of my father.

795
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 3: Stop saying I want to be with my father. I

796
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 3: have full grandkids. That's the most selfish statement in the world.

797
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 2: And I gotta live. I have to live.

798
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 3: Big Ann's died and She used to always say, We're

799
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 3: out here for a long time, for a good time,

800
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 3: And it's been playing over every day in my life.

801
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 3: Every day I hear that and I'm like, Okay, what

802
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 3: am I gonna do today? Today, I'm gonna go to

803
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,879
Speaker 3: the beach, I'm gonna sit by the ways. And it's

804
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 3: changed me. I just I want to help somebody, like

805
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,800
Speaker 3: I want people to understand you do have a purpose.

806
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 3: I spoke at and I had like ten minutes to

807
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 3: give this speech, and I was like, what am I

808
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:06,360
Speaker 3: going to say? And I said, basically, Uh, if the

809
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 3: disease of addiction would have told me that I was

810
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 3: going to rob my son of thirteen years of his life,

811
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 3: I would have fought harder.

812
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 2: If the disease of addiction would.

813
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 3: Have told me that I'd marry my abuser, I would

814
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 3: have thought harder. If the disease of addiction would have

815
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,279
Speaker 3: told me that I was going to cause pain and

816
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 3: suffering to the ones that loved me and anyone who

817
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:26,240
Speaker 3: entered my life, I would.

818
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:26,760
Speaker 2: Have fought harder.

819
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 3: It goes on for like three more and then at

820
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 3: the end, I said, matter of fact, the disease of

821
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 3: addiction did tell me, but I was too high to

822
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 3: hear it.

823
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:39,919
Speaker 1: M wow and wow. Do you have any attraction now

824
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: to entertainment and fame or you don't care.

825
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 3: I know this is going to sound a little off,

826
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 3: but I feel like I've always been in that limelight

827
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 3: because of my father.

828
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 2: So uh huh, fame. Fame is infamacy, you know what

829
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 2: I mean?

830
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, infamy, Yeah, of course I do.

831
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 3: Realizy TV. Again, I'm grave at it, but I mean

832
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 3: break bringing TV. But I you know, with the exception

833
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 3: of Mob Wives, I didn't use on television mob Wives,

834
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 3: I was still an addiction, but I don't use when

835
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 3: I work like that's a different I'm just naturally, you know,

836
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 3: good crazy.

837
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 2: I say what's on my mind, so do you. You say

838
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,279
Speaker 2: what's on your heart period. You don't care. You say it,

839
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 2: and you skin what you say.

840
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 3: And that's why I have a disrespect for you, because

841
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 3: you do it, you say it, you do it, and

842
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 3: that's what I am.

843
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 2: Very welcome.

844
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 3: I have to do what I say w well, and

845
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 3: don't care about the dream is of the world or they,

846
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 3: you know, and I.

847
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: The men don't get Men don't think like that. Men

848
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 1: don't think like oh my god, I can't. I just

849
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: said that to her, and I feel bad now, and

850
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 1: what's everyone going to think? And I'm still even programmed

851
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 1: a little bit like that, even though it doesn't seem

852
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,680
Speaker 1: like I am. But men don't second guess what they're

853
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 1: saying and thinking like little babies like we do, and

854
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 1: we have to. That's one thing that should even out.

855
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 1: You said it and back it up and it's okay.

856
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 1: And you try to please everybody, You please nobody, and

857
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,280
Speaker 1: you don't have to be best friends with everybody.

858
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 2: Oh please.

859
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 3: Dating is off the table, and smack can smack people

860
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:10,280
Speaker 3: with my words.

861
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 2: Dating is off the table. I'm done. It's been a April,

862
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,240
Speaker 2: will be a year. I'm good.

863
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 1: Last night I was thinking about Drew Barrymore seeming like

864
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: she's got a you know, on her show, she's got

865
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 1: a career, she got a meaningful life, she has purpose.

866
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 1: She doesn't seem that interested in she talks about it,

867
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 1: doesn't seem that interested in it. And Kelly Clarkson was like,

868
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: I am not interested in it, but not in a

869
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: way where you're bitter Like they're like, I have a

870
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 1: relationship with my kids. I am of a successful show.

871
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: And even Hodah was saying she went on dates. And

872
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 1: it was funny because Jenna was saying, and you know,

873
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: and now there means there is hope. But you could

874
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: tell that Hoda was saying, no, I just went on

875
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 1: dates because it means I'm not with my kids and

876
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 1: I'm not working, but like, I don't need it. Just

877
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 1: seems like everybody's not being defiant when they say I

878
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 1: don't need a man, but they literally are saying I

879
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:55,759
Speaker 1: don't need anyone to complete me. I'm good.

880
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 2: Anybody couplicate me, you know what I mean?

881
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 1: Like, that's what I'm here aring a lot from women

882
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 1: fifty plus and no one's really it's getting louder like

883
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 1: it's really a thing women being like I don't need it.

884
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: I'm good and not in a not in an insecure way,

885
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: is what I'm saying. We've heard that before, right.

886
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 2: I think a lot of young girls are just giving

887
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:16,880
Speaker 2: it away.

888
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 3: And why buy the cow if you get the milk

889
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 3: for free, Like my mother would always say that to me.

890
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 3: So why am I going to add this guy into

891
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 3: my life who wants to day twenty five year old

892
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 3: girls because he's going through midlife prices?

893
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 2: Take your midlife prices, and stick it up your ask.

894
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 1: Well, I think a lot of young girls also want

895
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 1: someone to save them, want someone who's rich going to

896
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,320
Speaker 1: take care of them. And then they're going to realize

897
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 1: in ten years when they're sitting home smoking cigarettes, drinking

898
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,319
Speaker 1: wine with their friends and bored and like want to

899
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: go on all these trips that they should have enjoyed

900
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 1: their lives on the front end, because you have your

901
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,720
Speaker 1: whole life to be bored, to be old, to complain

902
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: about your back to the biggest exciting thing is like

903
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:57,719
Speaker 1: had you sleep last night? So on the front they

904
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 1: shouldn't be rushing that process because the people that are

905
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: in their fifties are realizing that they've done the marriage

906
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 1: and it ain't all it's cracked up. To me.

907
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 3: My ex husband's last name is Pagan. Wait ready, I

908
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 3: got married in a church called Our Lady of Pity

909
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 3: and a black crow sat on the perch like on

910
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 3: the thing above me, and the priest had a three

911
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:26,399
Speaker 3: kara dainty ring going on the way down the aisle.

912
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 3: I go, dad, I don't want to marry this guy.

913
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 3: He got swear on everything holy. He goes like this,

914
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 3: get down the fucking aisle because I just spent two

915
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 3: hundred and fifty thousand and two, So two fifty and

916
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:40,240
Speaker 3: nineteen ninety three was he h, we'll get to boss tomorrow.

917
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 3: You got five hundred people coming down the aisle and

918
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 3: I cried his derekly and people thought I was crying

919
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:47,600
Speaker 3: because I was happy.

920
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 2: I was crying because I was marrying the devil.

921
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 1: That's hilarious. That it's hilarious. Now it's not that, but

922
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 1: that's your son's father. Unfortunately, yes, he's the they have

923
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 1: a relationship. Did know he rated on my father?

924
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:07,720
Speaker 3: So I when I died on mob wives from plastic surgery,

925
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 3: really died. Flatlines mersed through my whole body in the

926
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 3: hospital for four months. Read my last rites twice. This

927
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 3: man comes back to me, Bethany and gives me this watch,

928
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 3: and it was the one Rolex I didn't have long

929
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 3: story should when he went into jail, he took money

930
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 3: from me, and he's telling everybody in these interviews he

931
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 3: left me everything. The only thing you left me was

932
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 3: embarrassed and crumbs. Because what you did to me was

933
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 3: you took my father, who just did twelve years, came

934
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 3: home three months and you took my father. My son

935
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 3: bought a beaten from these kids because his father was

936
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 3: a wrat. They gave my son fourteenth staples.

937
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 2: So what did you leave me? You left me problems?

938
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 2: What did you leave me? My house robbed twice? Wow?

939
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:56,319
Speaker 1: Where's he now?

940
00:46:58,239 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 2: He's the story.

941
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 3: So he came two years ago, three years I was sober,

942
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 3: ten months sober. He sawed with, I'm gonna kill you.

943
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,239
Speaker 3: I'm gonna kill you the threats.

944
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 2: What are you killing me for? You read it?

945
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:15,240
Speaker 3: I didn't you with the murderer, not me. You didn't

946
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,280
Speaker 3: want to do the time for the crime you committed.

947
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 3: Why are you threatening me? So it's an like it

948
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 3: still happens to this day. And it's terrible because I

949
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 3: won't get a restraining order, but I will tell you

950
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 3: that I might. I might, because you know what, I

951
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 3: kind of feel like it's a little scary with him

952
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 3: because I know.

953
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:39,359
Speaker 2: He really is a murderer. Okay, he went to jail

954
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:39,799
Speaker 2: for it.

955
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:44,760
Speaker 3: He he Oh wait, the funny part about the watch.

956
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 3: So after he left and he left me in debt,

957
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 3: I find his watch collection.

958
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 2: I'm like, screw it. I'll hop him and I'll pay

959
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 2: the taxes.

960
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:58,839
Speaker 3: All the watches were fake and all the watches had wires.

961
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 3: True story swear swear, It's in the court documents. Yep,

962
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,600
Speaker 3: he was taping my father and my I hear my

963
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:12,239
Speaker 3: mother on the tape saying.

964
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 2: Junior, do you want breakfast? She wants bacon or sausage

965
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 2: and this, and how do you want your eggs? My mother?

966
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 2: You take my mother? You should go to hell.

967
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 1: I wish you, well, that's a great. Wow. Oh my God,

968
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:29,720
Speaker 1: like I wish.

969
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,280
Speaker 3: Him one hundred angry renees every day of my life.

970
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:35,280
Speaker 3: And trust me, when I'm angry, I'd rather die.

971
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:35,919
Speaker 2: Wow.

972
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,239
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I'm so glad that I got to

973
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 1: speak to you because in the times that I met you,

974
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: I'm sure it was four minutes, three minutes, six minutes,

975
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 1: And like that's why I will never forget having met

976
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: you and gotten to know you again, like never, And

977
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: I felt it's weird though, I felt like I know her,

978
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,719
Speaker 1: but I don't know how, and I apologize for that

979
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:58,399
Speaker 1: deep people, but like I will never forget again. Ever.

980
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 1: You're amazing. I'm really happy for you. I'm happy you're alive.

981
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,279
Speaker 1: I'm happy you connected with the right people, and I'm

982
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 1: really proud that you're sober and if connected with your

983
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: family and raising awareness for this fentanyl thing. That's crazy

984
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 1: because I'm hearing stories of snap Chat and people finding

985
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 1: these dealers and teens going for adderall and it being

986
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 1: laced with fentanyl. And like, I've got a thirteen year

987
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 1: old daughter who's turning fourteen, and I tell her, don't

988
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: ever even put your drink down, doesn't matter if it's water.

989
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 1: Like you know, you're drilling.

990
00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 2: She lives in.

991
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're drilling in fear to these kids because it's

992
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 1: a different world than when we grew up. And I

993
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 1: really don't care.

994
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 2: Well, tell us she has the fairy mob mob.

995
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 1: I will my fairy mob mother. Yes, what we got.

996
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 1: She loves California, we love Malibu, so we're we. I

997
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 1: love that you're doing this and let me know what

998
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: you need. But I really good for you. Stay the course,

999
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:53,920
Speaker 1: you listen to Steve Madden. Your addiction is more important

1000
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,879
Speaker 1: than anything and the Sobriety's your best friend and your

1001
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: family member.

1002
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 2: Now, Yes, love you, Bethity Things, thank you

1003
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 1: Love you tonight, Thank you so much, congratulations, thank you,

1004
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 1: Bye bye,