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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, this is another podcast that we absolutely love.

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Speaker 1: This is Ashley and Taran of Unsolicited Advice. This is

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Speaker 1: an incredible episode that we're gonna post here and if

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Speaker 1: you want to hear the rest of it when it's over,

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Speaker 1: go to the links in the description or search Unsolicited

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Speaker 1: Advice wherever you listen to your podcast without further ado,

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Speaker 1: Here is Ashley and.

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Speaker 2: Tarran Mandy, don't film the side of my head? Please

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Speaker 2: back ahead?

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Speaker 3: Head is ridiculous. Good okay, hello ash Hello Taran? Can

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Speaker 3: we leave the back of your head is ridiculous? In

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Speaker 3: the intrucks, I was going, yeah, it's funny. No one,

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Speaker 3: No one's gonna know, Okay, Karen turn didn't get ready

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Speaker 3: for you guys today.

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Speaker 2: Guys, I put on the only bit of makeup I

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Speaker 2: have on my face was with a dry beauty wonder.

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Speaker 3: That's when you know you're in a specific type of spot.

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Speaker 2: Ash did you know for my fun background.

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Speaker 3: All yourself together.

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Speaker 2: I picked this one specifically because of you, because you

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Speaker 2: sneeze a lot.

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Speaker 3: I do sneeze a lot.

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Speaker 2: We we sneeze a lot, weed a lot.

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Speaker 3: Together. We have more allergies than all of you guys combined.

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Speaker 2: That's one of the reasons we bonded. We were like allergies.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you know me at all, it's like

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Speaker 3: a running joke that I can never sneeze just once,

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Speaker 3: like it. It's a minimum of three to four times

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Speaker 3: always it's annoy.

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Speaker 2: I've learned to like wait, so like you'll start, and

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Speaker 2: there's been times where like you only do two and

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Speaker 2: then I wait for a while and I'll like turn

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Speaker 2: and look at you like be like.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, there's only she die.

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Speaker 2: Like did you know that if you sneeze too hard

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Speaker 2: you could fracture a rib?

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Speaker 3: I have heard that. How I have heard that. I

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Speaker 3: forget who it was, someone I knew in high school

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Speaker 3: or maybe he coughed. I don't know. I know I've

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Speaker 3: heard that's the thing.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I'm stupid, But like how like muscles are attached

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Speaker 2: to it?

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Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, yeah, I think if you pull this strong

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Speaker 3: ab abdominal muscles really crunching. You know I don't have those,

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Speaker 3: So no worries, don't don't worry about it. That's all

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Speaker 3: I got.

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Speaker 2: Well, lovely, great starlcome to the great start by exposing

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Speaker 2: my loyally hair. So your hair looks great. I think

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Speaker 2: you needed frequently. I feel like we've have we talked

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Speaker 2: about before, how the one episode where I had a

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Speaker 2: bald spot the entire have you talked about that? Oh? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I told you.

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Speaker 1: So.

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Speaker 2: It's like a thing now when I come in and

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Speaker 2: if I know my hair is gross, I'm always like, Mikayla,

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Speaker 2: just watch my head for me. It looks fine looking.

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Speaker 3: She's just saying it looks I'm trying to get you

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Speaker 3: to record.

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Speaker 2: I have a cowlic right, it's like the top of

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Speaker 2: my head. So if my hair is not like first

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Speaker 2: second day clean, it starts to show and it like splits,

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Speaker 2: and I don't know why. That's like a massive insecurity

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Speaker 2: of mine.

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Speaker 3: You gotta blow dry it.

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Speaker 2: I do blow dry it.

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Speaker 3: No, I mean like after like the second day, like

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Speaker 3: every morning, giant reblow dry that spot.

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Speaker 2: Do you like wet it? Yeah, and then just reblow dry.

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Speaker 3: Yeah with a round brush.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, you'll never stop learning, guys, even at thirty, I

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Speaker 3: don't want to talk about it.

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Speaker 2: Five I feel like, yeah, I feel like sometimes I'm

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Speaker 2: like I learned things that I'm like, how have I

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Speaker 2: gone this long? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I was just being a woman. What have you have

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Speaker 3: you never tried rewetting and blow drying it.

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Speaker 2: Not at all.

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Speaker 3: That's fascinating, not at all. Hey guys, Hey, welcome back.

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Speaker 3: We're going to deter from harror journey and get back

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Speaker 3: to you guys. Hello, welcome back to the podcast. That's Taran.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's actually and uh, we're here.

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Speaker 3: We're here, We're here, we're here, we survived, we made it.

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Speaker 3: How are you, Tarrean.

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Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm good. I'm tired. It did not sound

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Speaker 2: I'm so tired, which it's funny.

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Speaker 3: Whoa, why does that deja vu? You? I said that

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Speaker 3: exactly before on the podcast when I've asked you how

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Speaker 3: you guys, No, you've said I'm tired, I'm so tired.

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Speaker 3: You said it, oh, exactly.

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Speaker 2: The Coachella episode after Coachella, when we were like.

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Speaker 3: I forget what it was, but there is a there's

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Speaker 3: a clip of you saying that exactly with the same

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Speaker 3: like inflection and everything.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's you know, it's part of my personality

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Speaker 2: at this point.

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Speaker 3: No, it literally was like a deja vu moment, like

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Speaker 3: I've heard this before.

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Speaker 2: I've told you my the theory DejaVu that I heard

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Speaker 2: that change my life matrix. Now, someone told me that

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Speaker 2: deja vu is moments in your life where like you

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Speaker 2: know you're in the exact place that you should be.

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Speaker 2: So like when you have one of those moments, it's like,

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Speaker 2: I love that, just the universe, God, whoever you think

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Speaker 2: telling you you're in the exact place you should be.

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Speaker 2: So then it's change being like trippy and creepy to

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Speaker 2: like beautiful affirming. Yeah yeah, but yeah. Anyways, I don't

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Speaker 2: think I've talked about it on the pod, but I

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Speaker 2: did my surgery and I'm okay, I'm so tired of

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Speaker 2: getting updates about my surgery, so I'm not gonna like

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Speaker 2: go into detail. If you would like to know, I

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Speaker 2: did post a video on my channel.

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Speaker 3: We posted it on our social share to night.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we posted a link to it, so if you

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Speaker 2: want like the detailed description of what happens, you can

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Speaker 2: go there. Are also the freaking craziest thing because I've

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Speaker 2: been dreading filming that video. I had been waiting for

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Speaker 2: a call for my surgeon for over two weeks, and

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Speaker 2: when I finally I was like, I just need to

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Speaker 2: get it over with him, film this video. I sit

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Speaker 2: down to film, and like two minutes into filming. My

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Speaker 2: surgeon called with the results wild, so it's actually on

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Speaker 2: all on film, which I like debated putting in, but

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Speaker 2: I also was like it felt weirdly like it was

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Speaker 2: meant to happen because of the circumstances. So that's in

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Speaker 2: the video too. But all in all, half my thyroid

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Speaker 2: got removed, surgery went great. One of the tumors ended

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Speaker 2: up being cancers. But it's out and I'm recovering. Answer

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Speaker 2: free baby, yes, so but yeah, that's all all the

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Speaker 2: energy I have on the update. But definitely if you're curious,

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Speaker 2: you can watch the video. And now I'm just trying

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Speaker 2: to figure out my thyroid levels and moving on. Move on,

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Speaker 2: dot Com, Move on dot Com. Yeah, but that's that's

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Speaker 2: all I got. What about you, Ash, Oh, I'm pretty good.

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Speaker 3: I had you know what? Oh you know what I

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Speaker 3: did today or this weekend? I learned how to do

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Speaker 3: a wing liner nice.

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Speaker 2: Like, well you've always I mean, well I did it

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 3: No, I've never been able to do a winged liner.

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Speaker 3: It's something it looks great, it's something I've never succeeded at.

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Speaker 3: They always looked horrible, and I've refrained from doing for

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Speaker 3: like my entire life because it just looks so bad.

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Speaker 3: I'll have someone else do it, and I love when

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Speaker 3: someone else does it. But I figured it out. It's

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Speaker 3: an angled brush and it's eye shadow. It's not liquid liner.

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Speaker 3: It's not trying to freehand a wing. I can't. That's

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Speaker 3: not physically, that's not my cards to play. But eyeshadows working.

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Speaker 3: So I think my next step is going to be

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Speaker 3: taking the eye shadow, doing the wing, and then going

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Speaker 3: over it with a liquid liner.

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Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, like tracing it is great.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been watching a lot of videos.

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Speaker 2: Eye shadow is eyeshadows fun because you can like mess

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Speaker 2: with different colors too and do like a lighter brown

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Speaker 2: or whatever. But yeah, I love that on a trick.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was good. I finally feel like I did it.

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Speaker 3: You know, I feel so accomplished, only because it's been

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Speaker 3: it's been years in the making. That's why.

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Speaker 2: You know, we all learn things. We all learned. Dry

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Speaker 2: your hair in the morning. Do you use that shadow

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Speaker 2: for eyeliner? Come here if you want to learn how

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Speaker 2: to be a woman learned before us. I have we

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Speaker 2: have an announcement. Oh, we do have to have an announcement.

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Speaker 3: We do it's a good one.

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Speaker 2: How to say it. We didn't practice this, but we

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Speaker 2: did just.

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Speaker 3: Like we should have done, like a rehearsal or something.

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Speaker 4: We gott award did, did the Signal Award for how

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Speaker 4: To best how to and advice podcasts.

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Speaker 2: Basically, we are officially the best podcast in the entire world.

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Speaker 3: What they said, not us.

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Speaker 2: I'm just reiterating what they were, Like tripped out that

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Speaker 2: we even got nominated, and then obviously huge thank you

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Speaker 2: to all of you because I think it was by voting,

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Speaker 2: because voting for voting, so we won, y'all.

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Speaker 3: We one guys.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if there's like a show we're going

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Speaker 2: to go to or like ste I want a trophy,

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Speaker 2: I'll buy you a trophy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, let's make a trophy.

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Speaker 2: You buy me a trophy, I buy you.

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Speaker 3: Mikaylaf one of these mics go missing and it's dipped

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Speaker 3: in gold and mounted to a plaque.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't Yeah, No, we were super excited. It was

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Speaker 2: very like trippy to like here.

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Speaker 3: It also was kind of great timing because we recorded

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Speaker 3: our two hundredth episode very recently and this happened right after,

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Speaker 3: So it's just it's all of these things, including my

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Speaker 3: Daja Boo moment saying that we're doing the right thing.

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Speaker 3: We're in the right place, yes, doing the right thing.

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Speaker 3: We love you guys, thank you so much for the

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Speaker 3: love and support and forgetting us the award and uh yeah,

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Speaker 3: yeah that's all right Smith Today, that's what's going on

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Speaker 3: that we're.

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Speaker 4: Back into.

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Speaker 2: The episode.

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Speaker 3: I have an excellent tear it up to and I'm

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Speaker 3: just like, I'm just so excited to say it. I've

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Speaker 3: been wanting to. I've been holding onto this for a

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Speaker 3: second and I'm ready to go.

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Speaker 2: Are you ready tearing it up?

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Speaker 3: I'm not going to say the title because it gives

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Speaker 3: it away. Hello, girls, this is this literally just happened

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Speaker 3: to me, and I am so embarrassed and mortified that

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Speaker 3: I just had to get it off my chest by

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Speaker 3: writing into you.

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Speaker 2: Guys. Those are always the best one when it's like

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Speaker 2: it just happened.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like we and you immediately thought of us,

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Speaker 3: that's what we're doing something wrong. Imagine it's ten am

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Speaker 3: on a Friday morning, You're sitting in your PJ bottoms

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Speaker 3: rocking at commando style since nine pm yesterday. Bral is obviously,

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Speaker 3: because I'm not a Psycho. Then a knock on the door.

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Speaker 3: Me excited as hell. I think it's the Amazon package

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Speaker 3: that I ordered forever ago. I look through the peep

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Speaker 3: hole and I see a man with his daughter. That

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Speaker 3: information is important for later, so as any kind of neighbor.

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Speaker 3: I open the door thinking they're selling Finman's and I'm

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Speaker 3: about to cop myself a box. They get to telling

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Speaker 3: me that they're from the church. But I'm in a

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Speaker 3: conversation now and I can't just back out of it.

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Speaker 3: Let's remember PJ pants, dirty T shirt, no bra, no wonderwear.

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Speaker 3: All of the sudden, my dog, a five month old

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Speaker 3: black lab comes bounding down the stairs trying to get outside.

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Speaker 3: I try to grab the puppy, and in doing so,

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Speaker 3: he somehow gets his back legs through the waist of

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Speaker 3: my PJS and is now thrashing about trying to get

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Speaker 3: out of my arms.

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Speaker 2: Again.

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Speaker 3: Remember standing at the door talking to the man and

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Speaker 3: the daughter from the church, rocking it command out in

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Speaker 3: pj's with a thrashing dog in your arms.

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Speaker 2: We all see where this is going.

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Speaker 3: This thrashing causes him to quite literally pull my pants down,

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Speaker 3: and now I'm standing there Koochie in the wind dog

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Speaker 3: in my arms and the most horrified look on my face.

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Speaker 3: The pair standing outside, who I am still trying to

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Speaker 3: keep a conversation when Howe mentions they'll come back later

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Speaker 3: at a better time.

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Speaker 2: They were never seen from again.

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Speaker 3: I've never seen a Jehovah's Witness run that fast off

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Speaker 3: of property before, and I am now scarred for life.

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Speaker 3: I will never be opening my door ever again. I

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Speaker 3: really hope you got a kick out of the story,

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Speaker 3: because I don't think I'll ever live this down in

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Speaker 3: my own mind. Thank you girls for all that you do.

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Speaker 3: I hope you read it on the podcast. So my

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Speaker 3: experience wasn't for nothing.

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Speaker 2: That's so rough.

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Speaker 3: So it's such a bummer. The whole time.

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Speaker 2: You're just like, no, like what are you even supposed

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Speaker 2: to do? Yeah, I don't know how she just kept

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Speaker 2: standing there.

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Speaker 3: I would have It's like I would have like fallen

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Speaker 3: to the floor, like collapsed, trying to like hide me. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: the title was showing my koucie to a Jehovah's witness.

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Speaker 2: God, it's so good.

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Speaker 3: That's just one of those things when you you like,

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Speaker 3: I I shouldn't have I should have planned this better.

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Speaker 3: I should have like not opened the door. I should

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Speaker 3: have like put the dog away first. I should have

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Speaker 3: put like a robe on first, Like something could have

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Speaker 3: happened to prevent this, But you just weren't weren't thinking,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 2: The one I don't. I don't ever open my door,

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Speaker 2: like I have to absolutely know who's coming, like if

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Speaker 2: I know, like, oh, I have a main and sky

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Speaker 2: coming from the apartment to like fix something. But I

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Speaker 2: always tiptoe to the door so no one can hear

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Speaker 2: me and look silently, and then like if it's someone,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't really know them or what they want,

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Speaker 2: like I won't answer.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I also wonder if that's like because when I lived

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Speaker 3: with my parents growing up, we used to open the

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Speaker 3: door all the time. The older I got, the less

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Speaker 3: I opened the door. Well, all the murder podcasts.

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Speaker 2: I was just going to say, that was when we

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Speaker 2: were just ripe, innocent kids, and now we know of

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Speaker 2: three hundred and sixty five ways to kill someone.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know what, my dad still if we could,

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Speaker 3: you know, no hate, But if someone came soliciting towards

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Speaker 3: the door and it was obvious we didn't open the

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Speaker 3: door for that. Yeah, I was like I nobody has

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Speaker 3: time today to sit and chat. Yeah, I mean usually

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Speaker 3: like unless you have cookies. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: I love Jesus too, and then I can get away that.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that's real. That's so good.

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad, Thank you so much Anonymous for sending

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Speaker 3: that in because that just made my whole damn day cool.

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Speaker 2: Well, shall we jump on it. Let's get on into it,

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Speaker 2: jump on my story if you.

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Speaker 3: Okay, you said jump on it.

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Speaker 2: What made that worse? Like the fact that you're singing so.

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Speaker 3: Quiet, So it was like, huh, I didn't want to

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Speaker 3: scream the lyrics, but oh my god, have you the

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00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:37,600
Speaker 3: like Apple music trailer for Rihanna doing the Super Bowl chills,

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Speaker 3: actual full body.

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Speaker 2: Chills in my like my just trying to be very

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Speaker 2: positive and manifesting mind, I was like, maybe I can

302
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Speaker 2: go somehow, like maybe I can weasel my way into something. Right,

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Speaker 2: There's no way, there's no way.

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Speaker 3: I was going to try to be supportive.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, we're not getting so

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Speaker 2: many of my friends who have like just so much

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00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,080
Speaker 2: more of like a status to where they would go

308
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:10,680
Speaker 2: before me, before my ancestors, like and and I just yeah,

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00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,400
Speaker 2: they can't get in. I'm just saying, like before, me

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Speaker 2: and everyone who's gonna come from any part of me,

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Speaker 2: and if they can't go, then like, yeah, I'm not going.

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Speaker 3: It's gonna be epic.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna be so epic it'll be cool to watch too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gonna be good. It's gonna be good.

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Speaker 2: Any who. Okay, so this is called how to stop

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Speaker 2: craving male validation? Yeah? Yeah, just don't get it like me,

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Speaker 2: and then you won't create it.

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Speaker 3: What's that you don't know?

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Speaker 2: Why with that.

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Speaker 4: You don't know?

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Speaker 3: What? You don't?

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Speaker 1: Hey?

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Speaker 2: Really, first, I'd like to start off with the usual.

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Speaker 2: I love you guys, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: I love that you know what it's it's it's likely

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Speaker 3: is a requirement. Now you can't write us an email

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Speaker 3: without complimenting us.

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Speaker 2: Your genuine, easy relationship reminds me of my own friendship

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Speaker 2: with my best friend. And I just find your podcast

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Speaker 2: calming and grounding. In general, I like to sit down

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Speaker 2: to my Monday morning routine of ash and tearn with

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Speaker 2: my breakfast. Lo I love that. What do you doing

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Speaker 2: right now? Okay, Now onto the issue. I would really

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Speaker 2: like to hear your thoughts and input on. This is

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Speaker 2: something I've struggled with for a while now, probably for years,

336
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Speaker 2: and I've only come to realize it in the past

337
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Speaker 2: few months or so. I feel like I've been having

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Speaker 2: a lot of moments where I'm connecting current triggers, current behaviors,

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Speaker 2: current habits, whatever with like where they started. Like, it's

340
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 2: been really weird where I'm like, I'm looking back at

341
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Speaker 2: my life or situations and I'm like, oh, like that

342
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:02,680
Speaker 2: trauma definitely is why I still seek this or do this.

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Speaker 2: It's been really interesting. I don't know why. Yeah, anyways,

344
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Speaker 2: I think I crave male validation, but I also hate it.

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Speaker 2: It's like a weird mixture of emotions with me. On

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Speaker 2: one hand, I'm weirded out and disgusted, and then on

347
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Speaker 2: the other hand, I get this happy little glow of

348
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 2: confidence and pep in my step. It doesn't really make

349
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Speaker 2: any sense, and the only thing I can think of

350
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Speaker 2: is that we as women were and are programmed to

351
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Speaker 2: naturally crave male validation because of the male gaze that

352
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 2: it's just ingrained in us. For instance, a few months back,

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Speaker 2: I was out of park, just chilling on my laptop,

354
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Speaker 2: headphones on in my own little world. All of a sudden,

355
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,720
Speaker 2: I hear someone talking to me. Confuse. I look up

356
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Speaker 2: and there's this fully grown man saying excuse me. When

357
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Speaker 2: I proceeded to ignore him because you know, stranger danger,

358
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Speaker 2: he said, Hi, I just want to let you know

359
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,359
Speaker 2: I think you're really beautiful. Then he left. I was

360
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 2: so creeped out, but then I thought about it and

361
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,119
Speaker 2: it gave me a little glow. This is really concerning

362
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 2: for me because I know I cannot base myself worth

363
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,440
Speaker 2: on men, because that's ridiculous and not going to bring

364
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,119
Speaker 2: me happiness or self fulfillment. But for some reason, I

365
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 2: can't shake this notion. Besides, it's superficial. We women are

366
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,200
Speaker 2: just so much more than our physical appearance. Looks change

367
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,159
Speaker 2: and evolve, and I cannot rely on this sense of

368
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,399
Speaker 2: confidence that stems from external sources. Anyways, this has been

369
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 2: on my mind for a while now, and I feel

370
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Speaker 2: weird bringing it up to my friends. So thanks for

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Speaker 2: letting me rant. Lol, Sorry it's so long. That was

372
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Speaker 2: like the shortest I know. I was like that stores yeah,

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Speaker 2: love anonymous. And then she sent a picture of her

374
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Speaker 2: and her best friend, which I'll show you. I'll show

375
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Speaker 2: you later. I love this.

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00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's interesting.

377
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Speaker 2: I love the like I love like the detailed stories,

378
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 2: but I also like when they're like these little topics

379
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Speaker 2: of discussion, which, by the way, like I feel like

380
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 2: if you hesitate to write in because you're like, oh,

381
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,879
Speaker 2: what I have to say is too sure, or I

382
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,560
Speaker 2: don't really have a story, I just have questions, Like

383
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 2: nothing's off limits, so I just want to throw that

384
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:19,679
Speaker 2: out there. This is a very interesting or this was

385
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 2: interesting for me to read because coupled with what she's

386
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Speaker 2: concerned about, she also says all of the things that

387
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 2: like you need to know to combat that. So I think,

388
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 2: like it's so relatable because I think all of us,

389
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 2: once we get to a point where we can actually

390
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 2: identify and acknowledge a problem that we have, we usually

391
00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:45,399
Speaker 2: know how to solve it or we know the truth.

392
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 2: It's just learning how to create habits, create patterns to

393
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 2: kind of like fight those tendencies and then be disciplined

394
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Speaker 2: enough to like reinstate that over and over again.

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Speaker 3: Hundred percent. I think with something like this, I think, one,

396
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 3: you're not alone. Yeah, I think I think anyone loves compliments.

397
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 3: I think compliments are amazing, and compliments do things to you.

398
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,919
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I could be having I actually remember

399
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 3: in the middle of COVID when obviously I was dating

400
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 3: no one and I had no male like interaction, let

401
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 3: alone whatsoever, let alone validation.

402
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 2: Remember when my brothers came over towards like the end

403
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 2: of COVID and me, you and Alicia were like, it

404
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 2: is just so like not even in a weird way,

405
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 2: but we're just like male energy, like men was great,

406
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 2: been around men, it's so long.

407
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 3: And at that same time, I ran to the grocery

408
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 3: store one time and I remember looking like, I mean awful.

409
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 3: I was in swetpants, had a mask that my hair

410
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,919
Speaker 3: wasn't done, and a guy, this beautiful guy like followed

411
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,159
Speaker 3: me out and was like, hey, I just want to

412
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 3: let you know. I think I told everyone at the

413
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 3: house Hailisha. I was like, guys, because he complimented me

414
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 3: and just said I was beautiful and I needed that,

415
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,439
Speaker 3: and I I don't think there's anything wrong now and

416
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 3: letting like I needed that compliment because I was. It

417
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,919
Speaker 3: was a weird dark time. I think what's crazy and

418
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,119
Speaker 3: I think something that can be a little skewed is

419
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:11,120
Speaker 3: especially with this mentality of like screw the patriarchy, we

420
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 3: have trained ourselves to kind of like not need things

421
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 3: from them, and that to a degree obviously love. Yeah,

422
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 3: you are independent, you are self sufficient. You don't need

423
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 3: a man. However, we love a good compliment that's so

424
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 3: good for you to get and to feel. It just

425
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,919
Speaker 3: shouldn't control you in any way.

426
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my.

427
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 3: So take the compliment. Yeah, but it shouldn't be like

428
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 3: you're trash without it, and it shouldn't feel like you're

429
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 3: nobody without it. And if you get it, it shouldn't

430
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 3: dramatically change how you view yourself. Like it should be like, oh,

431
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 3: that felt nice, Yeah, but then you know, move on

432
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 3: with your life.

433
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Speaker 2: And I think there's a difference between basing your self

434
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 2: worth on something, yeah, and then enjoying someone appreciating you

435
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 2: and that like giving you a little like pep in

436
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 2: your step, like internal glow, like she said, I always

437
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 2: think about, like, for example, when I was like really

438
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,880
Speaker 2: struggling with just my body and how I felt, there

439
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 2: were so many times we would, like our friend group

440
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 2: would be getting ready to go out for a girl's night, right,

441
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 2: and I would spend so much time getting ready and

442
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,200
Speaker 2: doing my makeup and trying to pick a good outfit,

443
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 2: but the whole time, I'm like just tearing myself down

444
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 2: and I'm like not being nice to myself. And then

445
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 2: I would walk down and if no one complimented me,

446
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 2: I was like my entire night was destroyed. Like if

447
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 2: I walked down the stairs and I heard like you

448
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 2: being like, oh my god, Alicia, you look so hot,

449
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,199
Speaker 2: but like you didn't acknowledge something about me, like I

450
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 2: felt disgusting, and the whole night, I'm like adjusting my clothes,

451
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 2: I'm like checking my face. I'm trying to figure out

452
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 2: how I can like bail to get out of there,

453
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 2: because I was just so uncomfortable because at that point

454
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 2: I did not love myself at all. So without someone

455
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 2: else's validation, I was nothing.

456
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 3: Which is a good like self check to be able

457
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 3: to be aware like oh my god, that's a red

458
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 3: flag that it affected.

459
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 2: Oh kay exactly. But if I would have walked down

460
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 2: the stairs and you would be like, oh my god, Terry,

461
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 2: you look so cute, I would have walked into the

462
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 2: room at the most confident person in the world. Why

463
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 2: And I think that's like so like relevant and like

464
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 2: you said, like it's a good self check of when

465
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 2: you feel yourself being like I need someone else to

466
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 2: say I look cute or I'm making the right choice

467
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 2: or whatever. You're not reaching within to get those things.

468
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 2: You're seeking it somewhere else. So for male validation to

469
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 2: be what you base your self worth off, it would

470
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 2: have to be a point where you're like craving it

471
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 2: to the point of like I need to know I'm

472
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 2: beautiful to men, or I think I'm not beautiful. Yeah,

473
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 2: so I think I'm not hearing that in the email.

474
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 2: I'm hearing that you like it, and you're confused of

475
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 2: like should I like it or should I not? And

476
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 2: I think there's nothing wrong with letting that put pep

477
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 2: in your step. But on the flip side, if a

478
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 2: guy were to ever be like, oh, you're gross, you

479
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 2: would have to like not let that have weight on

480
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 2: you either. So it's like, I think it's just finding

481
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:22,640
Speaker 2: a good balance of letting that be an extra like

482
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 2: someone gassing you up as.

483
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,640
Speaker 3: Quite well take that compliment, thank.

484
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 2: You, thank you know, and even if they're creepy, like

485
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 2: the creepy wonky eyed you know guy in the gas

486
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 2: station parking lot, like be like, thank you, sir, and

487
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 2: then walk away. But like you can still there's a difference, yeah,

488
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like eating it versus enjoying it.

489
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think where the tricky part comes with

490
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 3: specifically male validation is the whole like daddy issues thing

491
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: and like needing some kind of confirmation from men that

492
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 3: you're beautiful, that you're worthy, that you have value, that

493
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 3: like X, y Z, whatever it is that you're that

494
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 3: you are lacking in your own self love you're like

495
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 3: trying to get from them, or like you didn't get

496
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 3: from your dad, or you had a bad boyfriend experience

497
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,679
Speaker 3: and they never showed you this type of love, so

498
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 3: you're looking for it it somewhere else. That's when you

499
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 3: just have to, like I think it's really important to

500
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 3: kind of do a self check, deep self check quarterly. No,

501
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: you know, like obviously like keep track of all things

502
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,719
Speaker 3: all times, but every once in a while you need

503
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 3: to sit down and just be like, how am I doing.

504
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 3: Let's take a look, and if you're noticing things like oh,

505
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 3: every time a guy did.

506
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 2: This, I like.

507
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 3: Came alive, or if you were in a real if

508
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 3: you were down bad because you didn't get any kind

509
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 3: of guy validation at some point then let's do a

510
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,199
Speaker 3: self check and figure out why you don't value yourself

511
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 3: in that way or like.

512
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 2: The women who like and we all know because it's

513
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 2: so obvious. That's what's so funny, is like when it's you,

514
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 2: you think you're being so nonchalant, but like people watching

515
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 2: are like girl. You know, we all know the girls

516
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 2: that you see them walk into room and they're the

517
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 2: way they're holding themselves, the way they're flirt like they're

518
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 2: seeking that attention, and there's times where it's like harmless.

519
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 2: And then again I think it's just measuring like what

520
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 2: you're doing it for. Yeah, so I think it's just

521
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 2: it really is all a balancing act. But I also

522
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 2: think I mean, I think even in healthy relationships, even

523
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 2: if you're married, if a guy, if your husband never

524
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: tells you you're beautiful and appreciates you, that weighs on

525
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 2: you too. So like, I don't think it's unhealthy to

526
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 2: want those things. I think it's just again, like we've

527
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,199
Speaker 2: said a billion times already, like it's just finding that

528
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,239
Speaker 2: line of if you need that to feel beautiful, then

529
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 2: there's restructuring that needs to happen.

530
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, a thousand percent, and there's nothing wrong with wanting

531
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 3: male validation. There's nothing wrong with even seeking it if

532
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 3: you haven't gotten it in a while. It's how it

533
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 3: shouldn't affect you dramatically in any way. That's kind of period.

534
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 3: That's the end of the of.

535
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 2: My Yeah, my thoughts at the end of what I

536
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 2: have to say. No, I think you're good. I think

537
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 2: you have a very solid foundation, and I think you

538
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 2: just need to like be easy on yourself for like

539
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 2: enjoying it and just restructure. But it sounds like anonymous,

540
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 2: like everything you've said, like you know, you know, you know,

541
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 2: did I ever talk about that guy that the homeless

542
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 2: man hit on me and Jack in the box drive

543
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 2: through line?

544
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 3: No?

545
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:31,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, he So I had my window down, unfortunately, and

546
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 2: because Charlie was with me, and he walks up and

547
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 2: he's like, he asked for food, and so I was like, yeah,

548
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 2: like what would you like, I'll meet you on the

549
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 2: other side. And so he told me what he wanted

550
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 2: to eat, and then he goes, you're so beautiful. I

551
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 2: was like, thank you so much. She's like, no, like,

552
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 2: you're you're really beautiful. I was like, thank you. He goes, yeah,

553
00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 2: you should really like try to work for or he

554
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 2: said to like company names. Right away, I was like,

555
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 2: I don't think. I don't think this is a compliment

556
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 2: that I want. And then so anyways, I was like,

557
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 2: oh no, like I've never thought about working for them,

558
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,719
Speaker 2: like I have a job like whatever. And then he

559
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: just said I was like, okay, I'll see you on

560
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 2: the other side. And then he's like, I love you.

561
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 3: Okay, thank you.

562
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 2: They were two porn companies. I literally I'm not going

563
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: to say the names because they are offensive, but I

564
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 2: literally was like he just straight up told me, like

565
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 2: you should get But it was like if I was like,

566
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 2: have you ever thought about being a therapist? Like you

567
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 2: would be really talented at being a Like that's like

568
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 2: the tone he had, and I just was like, I

569
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 2: just remember sitting in the drive fay by myself, like

570
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 2: I don't know how to feel about this.

571
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, also take take what he says with a result,

572
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 3: but like, well, thank you, sir, I have a lovely

573
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 3: compliment and making me feel beautiful today. I appreciate that.

574
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 3: And you know, we can we can. We can we

575
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 3: live and we learn and we take things from from

576
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 3: every aspect of lifetimes. We have to really sift, yeah,

577
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 3: to find the superb comment was a was a hint

578
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 3: of glitter that just I'm sure yes made you feel good?

579
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 3: You know it did. Thank you did, Thank you, Thank you, sir,

580
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 3: Thank you sir. Shoot, well, good sid. You gotta find

581
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 3: the positivity you know you really do.

582
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, hope you enjoyed that. If you did, again,

583
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 1: go to the link in the description. If you want

584
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 1: to finish this episode, or if you want to binge

585
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: their entire catalog like you do hours, you can search

586
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: unsolicited advice wherever you get your podcasts