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Speaker 1: We're doing listening letters because we knowsy.

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Speaker 2: We knows he too.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we have so many more voices. Now for

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Speaker 3: this listening letter episode, we're joining with Josh, Trull and

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Speaker 3: Matt to give their two cents. So that's two, four, six,

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Speaker 3: eight ten cents. Y'all about to get a whole dime,

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Speaker 3: a whole die.

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Speaker 1: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 1: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 1: Webby Award winning podcasters in New York Times best selling authors.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 3: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: Be wraw or but most apportly be us.

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Speaker 3: But as we know, life keeps evolving, and so do we,

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Speaker 3: and through it all, one thing has never changed. This

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Speaker 3: is after because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's get started, baby.

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Speaker 3: Let's go. Are we skipping karaoke? Do we have a

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Speaker 3: collective karaoke? What something that we all can sing together?

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Speaker 4: Well?

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Speaker 2: We all know.

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Speaker 1: Let's in honor of da can Josh.

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Speaker 3: He raised forever, he raised forever, He raised forever, he raised,

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Speaker 3: he ranged, he RaSE he he he raised, He raised forever.

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Speaker 2: Oh hell, okay, Jesus, I'm making a mockery out of

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Speaker 2: the choir. Jesus, if you.

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Speaker 1: Ain't a mockery. I grew up on that song. Maybe

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Speaker 1: shout out to my debbie.

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Speaker 3: My money didn't a song.

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Speaker 5: No, I didn't know that one.

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Speaker 6: I took you to church, Heathen.

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Speaker 3: Do you have a favorite like church song or him

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Speaker 3: from my gospel playlist that I play on Sundays.

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Speaker 5: No, No, it's people to think I was.

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Speaker 1: Thinking the same thing to durradical with our message.

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Speaker 4: I was literally samething by Fred Haim, but I don't

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Speaker 4: know which one at this point.

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Speaker 5: Uh, weird blasted, Yeah, I like that one.

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Speaker 1: Triple. I heard the vocals, Weird Blass.

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Speaker 4: Saying I was gonna be the the next Beyonce happened.

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Speaker 4: I was going to be Well, it ain't. Nothing happened yet.

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Speaker 4: Be on the lookout for the BBL triple album.

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Speaker 1: Be staying for something different, b b L.

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Speaker 3: Triple b b L B e O. Y, all right,

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Speaker 3: let's dive in. I'll go ahead and read the first one.

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Speaker 3: Maybe we can rotate and see, well the reading and responsibilities.

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Speaker 2: I'm not reading it. I'm not reading.

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Speaker 3: Don't tell me you're not the ones that could not

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Speaker 3: read aloud in school.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't.

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Speaker 6: It wasn't that I couldn't read it.

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Speaker 2: I did it. But if this is optional, I'm talking facts.

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Speaker 2: I think.

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Speaker 3: The cheat code to that, if you had any anxiety

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Speaker 3: about reading aloud, it was to look at how many

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Speaker 3: kids were ahead of you, and if you were reading

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Speaker 3: paragraph that you account the paragraphs so you can practice

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Speaker 3: your second.

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Speaker 6: Idn't want to do it.

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Speaker 2: You had me stuttering on this podcast. I can't even

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Speaker 2: read what's on my mind?

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Speaker 3: I thought it was just invisil line collect.

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Speaker 4: I had a I had a history teacher, Miss mall Eternal,

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Speaker 4: and he would let us do like popcorn reading for

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Speaker 4: extra credit. And I was so good at it that

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Speaker 4: he was like, you should do something with public speaking.

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Speaker 1: You have a reader's voice like that and you read, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: one of them about you said, what the chick from

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Speaker 1: Howard Stern?

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Speaker 2: The lady?

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Speaker 1: What's the lady?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 5: Okay, the real short lady. I don't know her name.

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Speaker 3: I forget.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sound like her, you do.

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Speaker 2: It's the radio. It's a good thing.

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Speaker 3: It's a good Yeah, that's definitely a good thing.

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Speaker 2: Like beetlejuice. The house.

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Speaker 1: He just struggling.

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Speaker 3: Bro Listen, I get it.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think he was a real person the whole time.

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Speaker 1: As a little kid, I thought it was like a

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Speaker 1: fake person. I didn't know Beatles this was a real person.

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Speaker 1: Until I got older.

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Speaker 3: I wondered what his nosey or smell like.

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Speaker 1: Definitely, definitely.

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Speaker 3: It was rent free in my head where she was like,

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Speaker 3: even his nose earstinks.

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Speaker 1: I'm my god them when you just know somebody breath

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Speaker 1: through their nose, they really got a problem, just like.

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Speaker 2: Weed all the time.

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Speaker 4: He got his breath, Breakfast team, it's going after I'm

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Speaker 4: not his breath.

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Speaker 1: He depressed and all the time, and he's probably depressed too.

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Speaker 1: They're both going through it. That was an old listener.

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Speaker 3: Letter, but yes, all right, Well into the listening letters

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Speaker 3: for today. Hello. My name is Carolyn and my fiancee, Ashley,

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Speaker 3: and I have been together six and a half years

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Speaker 3: and got engaged last May. Congrats y'all. We're both from

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Speaker 3: New York me Long Island, that's how counting from Hot

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Speaker 3: Bob and she's from Brooklyn. She sounds like a very

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Speaker 3: swell individual. Knowing that she's from Brooklyn. I work in

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Speaker 3: college athletics with a crazy schedule, and she works in

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Speaker 3: the government. Lord knows. We're going through it right now,

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Speaker 3: and we have goals both professionally, personally and as a couple.

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Speaker 3: I'm wondering how you all came across the friends who

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Speaker 3: would later become your family that you've built your empire with,

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Speaker 3: and how that evolution professional How was that evolution professionally

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Speaker 3: and personally? We have friends we call family that we

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Speaker 3: came into relationship with, but haven't yet met those people

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Speaker 3: as a couple that we build with in our own way.

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Speaker 3: You all, your chosen family included, are inspiring me and

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Speaker 3: me and I are aspiring me and I hope to

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Speaker 3: have our own version of that. The way that you

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Speaker 3: move in society, what you use your platforms for, the

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Speaker 3: sneak peaks into your lives, what you share, how you

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Speaker 3: raise your kids. I'm studying so I can adapt and

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Speaker 3: change for what will work for us. We've already made

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Speaker 3: a few moves inspired by you both. Thank you for

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Speaker 3: creating a blueprint I find valuable and more importantly consistent.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you so much. We appreciate that.

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Speaker 3: Very sweet, Carolyn and Ashley, super sweet.

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Speaker 4: Now, did you notice that the letter is not about

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Speaker 4: romantic relationships. But she had to let us know that

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Speaker 4: she a gay. She's in al one of the als

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Speaker 4: shout out to the.

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Speaker 3: L Ashley And then sometimes you can't even like I

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Speaker 3: wanted to make sure that we were correct, because some

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Speaker 3: names can be to sexy, is brawling, You never know.

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Speaker 3: But let's let's err on the side of she's probably now.

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Speaker 2: You just changed her whole sexual orientation.

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Speaker 3: We love everybody. We love everybody.

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Speaker 1: I understand her question though, asked you know how we

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Speaker 1: built our family of friends. I mean, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if anyone has noticed everyone that's around me, with the

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Speaker 1: exception of Trouble, we've known since Brooklyn. Yeah, and we're

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Speaker 1: just trying to get everybody to move down here. And

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Speaker 1: I think I think it's the same familiarity I have

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Speaker 1: with the people from Brooklyn. I just want to have

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Speaker 1: all of those same people with me here in Georgia.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's just using discernment, realizing like these

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Speaker 1: people are not only just good business partners, but they're

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Speaker 1: good with our children. You know. For example, before Trible

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Speaker 1: moved and Matt and Josh move, they would stay here

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Speaker 1: for four or five days as we filmed the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and it takes discernment, the same discernment you use to

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Speaker 1: choose someone. It takes the same level of discernment to

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Speaker 1: choose business partners and people you're going to have around

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Speaker 1: your children and family. You have to find people who

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Speaker 1: are alignment you are in alignment with you. I knew

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Speaker 1: Josh was married and Matt always aspired to be married.

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Speaker 1: Trible wants to be married. She likes women like I

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Speaker 1: like women. So there's aliment here we go. We're a

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, But it's also just knowing

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Speaker 1: somebody's heart. You know, I can look at these three,

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Speaker 1: I can look at Jay, I can look at anybody

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Speaker 1: I work with and know that those are just good people. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're just good people.

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Speaker 3: Because naturally, as we all grow, you know, within our

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Speaker 3: professional relationship, there's going to be differences when it comes

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Speaker 3: to you know, work processes, work ethic, how things are done,

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Speaker 3: and we try to respect everyone's process, but also knowing

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Speaker 3: that we're working together for the greater good. Discernment is

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Speaker 3: also knowing people who do not fall into that category.

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Speaker 3: So just because you've come from you know, the same

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Speaker 3: place and you grew up around the same era, doing

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Speaker 3: the same things. Some people will stay stagnant and they'll

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Speaker 3: stay there. So you have to also know, all right,

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Speaker 3: maybe this person is not somebody I can do business with,

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Speaker 3: but on a personal level, we can still vibe.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, ain't no shade to them. It's just they

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Speaker 2: just don't online with that particular That's okay for buildings.

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Speaker 3: That's how you compartmentalize people, I think.

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Speaker 1: But I do have a question because a lot of

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Speaker 1: people talk about trying to choose friends and fine friends.

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Speaker 1: Does anybody else have a problem trying to choose and

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Speaker 1: find friends me personally? I don't. Maybe I'm old and contankerous,

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Speaker 1: But if I realize that the relationship isn't serving me

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Speaker 1: no more, I feel like it's okay to just be like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I'm good on that.

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Speaker 3: You've only become like that recently, though. You were very

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Speaker 3: much the kind of person that wanted everybody to win,

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Speaker 3: and you want everybody not to say that that's not

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Speaker 3: how you feel now, But you don't invest as much

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Speaker 3: time that you used to in trying to build people up.

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Speaker 3: Who you realize, Okay, After having five six, seven, eight

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Speaker 3: nine conversations with you about the same thing and you

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Speaker 3: haven't progressed or made any changes. Then I'm pretty much

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Speaker 3: speaking to a wall at this point, and it's no

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Speaker 3: longer serving me. Your battery is being depleted when people

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Speaker 3: are not charging you up.

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Speaker 1: That is a fact. I think it's also having kids,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't have time, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: Like you really, when you have so many kids and

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Speaker 1: a wife, the time that you spend with your friends

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Speaker 1: is few and far in between. And when you have

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Speaker 1: that time, you want to spend it with people who

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Speaker 1: are going to help you be a better version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: That's how I choose to spend time with my friends.

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Speaker 1: Like if you're going to sit down with me and

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Speaker 1: complain about all the negative things going on in your life,

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Speaker 1: to me, that's not somebody I want to hang out

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Speaker 1: with you. If you want to talk about the same

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Speaker 1: things that we were talking about in high school and

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Speaker 1: college with no evolution, I want to spend that time

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Speaker 1: we got to sit down to.

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Speaker 3: Be talking about businesses.

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Speaker 1: I could be a better husband, how we can be

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Speaker 1: better you know what I'm saying. That's what I want

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Speaker 1: to spend my.

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Speaker 3: Time with my friends. And you're right, that's probably just

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Speaker 3: the era that we're in. Do you, guys, feel like

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Speaker 3: there's any people or do you have any remorse for

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Speaker 3: people who you've left behind in your past that you

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Speaker 3: feel like, damn, like I'm trying to elevate and grow

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Speaker 3: in this person. It's just kind of stagnant. So we

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Speaker 3: no longer do you like more in relationships like that

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Speaker 3: that no longer serve you in that circumstance.

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Speaker 2: No, I think what Devell has been able to do

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Speaker 2: is and the reason probably why we're here. Although I

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Speaker 2: knew you guys, but it's a star. It starts with conversation, right,

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Speaker 2: and it's all a conversation of this is what I

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Speaker 2: want to do or what can you do or whatever?

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Speaker 2: And through that conversation you see if people are receptive

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Speaker 2: to it or not. You might even prior with Like

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Speaker 2: I started my photography career as a duo. It was

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Speaker 2: supposed to be two of us. I started with Meat

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Speaker 2: and another friend, but going through that process, I just

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Speaker 2: realized they didn't have that same drive that I had. Right,

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Speaker 2: So it's just like that happens. He's still my friend,

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Speaker 2: it's still a really good friend of mine, but it

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Speaker 2: just business wise, it just doesn't work right, And you

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Speaker 2: see that very early on. You see like coaching probably

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Speaker 2: doesn't work or you know, they got other things going on,

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Speaker 2: so you just leave that. You do it, you got

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Speaker 2: to do on your own and find somebody else.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought up business because we always talk

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Speaker 1: about how people don't understand business. Right. One of my homeboys,

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Speaker 1: it's Jay. Y'all know Jay, it's mom juices. She does,

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Speaker 1: you know, juice compression. So I was paying to have

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Speaker 1: the other dude compressed my juices. I say to Jay, like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: your mom compressed juice. I pay her na d she

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Speaker 1: want to do it for you. She just want to

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Speaker 1: do it for you because she appreciated it. I bet

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Speaker 1: so I paid her for the juices. I paid up

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Speaker 1: front and then midway through she's like, I'm just tired.

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Speaker 1: I can't finish. And then for me, I'm I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't worry about it, but like this is bad business.

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Speaker 1: And she was like, well, I wasn't doing a business.

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Speaker 1: I was doing a favor. And I'm like that's where

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Speaker 1: people have to understand the difference. That's a friend who

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Speaker 1: wants to do a favor. Let me keep that person

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Speaker 1: in that lane. When you have a friend that wants

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Speaker 1: to do a favor, but then you're trying to do

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Speaker 1: business with them, that's when you make the right right

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Speaker 1: and that's why you can't do that. Thank you. I agree,

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Speaker 1: like because for me, it's like I wanted this as

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Speaker 1: a priority. I didn't. It didn't matter to me how

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Speaker 1: much I had to pay because I was already paying somebody.

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Speaker 1: But when she was just like, I want to do

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Speaker 1: it as a favor, she wanted to do it on

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Speaker 1: her time. That's not how I run business. So so

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought that up because a lot of

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Speaker 1: times friends fall out because they haven't defined the expectations,

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Speaker 1: expectations for the business, you know, And I think it's

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Speaker 1: important when you have friends and y'all are going to

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Speaker 1: go into business, we have to define those expectations before

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Speaker 1: it starts, because that's how friendships get lost.

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Speaker 3: Oh you know, I've seen it happen to a lot

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Speaker 3: of folks. Yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 6: Going back to what you said about mourning friendships, I

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Speaker 6: don't necessarily more in friendships because a lot of friendships

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Speaker 6: are only for a season, and once you start understanding that,

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Speaker 6: you get over.

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Speaker 3: That's a good point, because I think we're conditioned to

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Speaker 3: believe that friendships are like forever forever. You know, friends

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Speaker 3: through thick and thin growth, and yeah, as you get

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Speaker 3: older you realize that.

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Speaker 2: Yes, the reality is if you love this friend, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter if you guys are close in this season

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Speaker 2: or not speaking in the season, I still love you.

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Speaker 2: You're my friend. I think for me, that's a definition

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Speaker 2: of friendship. Friendship does not mean that somebody you have

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Speaker 2: to do somebody with someone something with someone. It doesn't

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Speaker 2: mean that I have to see you all the time.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that we have to speak. And that's

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Speaker 2: where people fall out with certain friendships.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree.

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Speaker 4: I think I haven't fallen out with people because of

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Speaker 4: they're not willing to elevate in their own lives. I

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Speaker 4: think that the way you choose to live is the

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Speaker 4: way you choose to live. And I don't find myself

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Speaker 4: in friendships with bums anyway. So people are at least

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Speaker 4: doing what they need to to live in the way

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Speaker 4: that feels comfortable to them. The only times I've lost

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Speaker 4: friends is when they're like mean to me, or when

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Speaker 4: the friendship is like toxic and we can't be friends,

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Speaker 4: and that is sad. I've more in those friendships. But

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Speaker 4: you know, I tend to get people grace when it

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Speaker 4: comes to like what they're doing in their career, because

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Speaker 4: I mean whatever.

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Speaker 1: I feel bad now because I feel like friendships, like

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Speaker 1: much like relationships have a transactional component, right, And it's

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Speaker 1: like we're only friends because we provide something for each other.

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Speaker 1: Like that's how friendship starts. No one's just saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: I like your shirt, let's be friends. It's like you

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Speaker 1: provide something for me, I provide something for you.

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Speaker 3: Really, I don't think I'm.

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Speaker 2: Friendships are transactional.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm talking about my perspectives, Like it seems like

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Speaker 1: friendships become transactional and it maybe you can't do something

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Speaker 1: for somebody, then they no longer have no purpose for you.

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Speaker 1: So for me, and maybe this is just my.

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Speaker 3: Perspective because of your experiences.

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Speaker 1: Maybe because of my experiences, I've noticed that my relationships

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Speaker 1: would be very transactional. As long as I'm doing stuff

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Speaker 1: for people with somebody, then we're friends. In a minute,

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Speaker 1: I can't or I don't, we're no longer friends. So

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Speaker 1: for me, I don't get upset at that. I just

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Speaker 1: become very transactional way, which means if you can't do

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Speaker 1: something for me, there's no reason for me to continue

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Speaker 1: to try to put forth my best effort in this friendship.

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Speaker 1: Because maybe it's because I'm cynical and I've been hurt

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Speaker 1: so many times with friends that way. That's just how

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Speaker 1: I approach your best friends. This is how you hear

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Speaker 1: with your best friends.

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Speaker 2: I have it. I don't really have friends.

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Speaker 1: Not your best friend, your best friends. All your friends

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Speaker 1: aren't like equal, Nah, my friends they can't be Do

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Speaker 1: you want to be.

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Speaker 5: My best friend?

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Speaker 1: The month to be honest, my best friend is k Yes.

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Speaker 5: You want to be my second best friend? You would

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Speaker 5: be seven.

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Speaker 1: I would be seven for me.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean be honest.

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Speaker 4: I mean you probably because I don't have one wife.

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Speaker 4: I have like seven wives, you know, like seven that.

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Speaker 1: Makes a lot to deal with. I don't know how.

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Speaker 4: Romantic best friends they make up one wife, Like if

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00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,480
Speaker 4: you think about the time that we're able to spend

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00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,600
Speaker 4: together and the things that we're able to provide with

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Speaker 4: each other, Like what kadeenas for you, these like seven women.

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Speaker 1: Are for me. I get that. That makes that makes

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Speaker 1: I get it. I just don't have anybody other than

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Speaker 1: Matt let's call you like we has.

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Speaker 3: Literally become like the balls.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, seems that way. It's precious.

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Speaker 3: Like even some of your friends from college and who

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Speaker 3: we've grown with, they're not even people who you converse.

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Speaker 1: Body calls me to be like, I want to stop by,

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Speaker 1: say what's up with the value?

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Speaker 2: Good?

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Speaker 1: Nobody, not my brother, not mine.

355
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Speaker 2: Nobody text you last week and EXECU was good.

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Speaker 1: You did one time in ten years.

357
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Speaker 4: I always want to but one saying don't text. You're

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Speaker 4: saying you niggas, don't text back, And.

359
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,920
Speaker 3: Then I know I don't say all that the fact.

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Speaker 1: Time I text back.

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Speaker 5: But I also we talked about this before.

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Speaker 4: I don't be feeling comfortable being like I'm gonna stop by. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I got fifty eleven kids and I'm not.

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Speaker 3: Plus one.

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00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,440
Speaker 1: I'm not blaming anybody for I'm just saying my life

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Speaker 1: is what my life is like, my life crazy. I'm

367
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Speaker 1: never really home. No one ever really calls to be like, yo,

368
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:27,120
Speaker 1: you're good, mattle hit me. Matt'll just come by. I'll

369
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,720
Speaker 1: be upstairs and I'll be like, who the fuck is

370
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:29,840
Speaker 1: downstairs in the man cave?

371
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,119
Speaker 3: Take the camera.

372
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm like oh, Matt, Matt is downstairs.

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Speaker 2: Good.

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Speaker 6: I can see it in your face. You're not what's wrong?

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Speaker 1: Other than that, there's no one calls me. And maybe

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Speaker 1: that's why I feel like relationships are transaction because if

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Speaker 1: it ain't Matt, tif call me me once.

378
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,399
Speaker 4: But other than that, yeah, I feel like I just

379
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,439
Speaker 4: have with a lot of my friends. I know that

380
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Speaker 4: if I don't go see them, then I won't see

381
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Speaker 4: them right, And it doesn't make me feel away like

382
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,600
Speaker 4: you know, I know that some people just don't have

383
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Speaker 4: the muscle.

384
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Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.

385
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,399
Speaker 4: I prioritize my friends differently maybe than other people do.

386
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Speaker 3: Yeah, so you just don't take you don't take it personally.

387
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Speaker 3: I don't have to compartmentalize friends and say, Okay, I'm

388
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Speaker 3: this kind of person. Don't you feel like there's a

389
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 3: deficit though.

390
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 4: No, because I feel like some people view me in

391
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 4: a way that I don't view myself or that's not accurate,

392
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 4: and so they might not feel like I have as

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Speaker 4: much room in my life for them as I actually do.

394
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Speaker 5: So I have to make it known that I do.

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00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,320
Speaker 4: By reaching out to them or calling them or going

396
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Speaker 4: to see you.

397
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,320
Speaker 1: No, see that that to me. That to me is

398
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 1: the transactional part. It's like if you're my friend.

399
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 4: But they provide something to me once you know what

400
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,440
Speaker 4: I'm saying, once I'm there, once I'm on the phone.

401
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,239
Speaker 4: They definitely give back to me as much as I

402
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 4: give to them.

403
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:52,160
Speaker 2: I justeah, they're just tired.

404
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,280
Speaker 1: Though it does for me, it gets turned. I stopped initiating,

405
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 1: so now I feel like I'm kind of on the

406
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 1: island when it becomes yeah, I'm cool with it, though,

407
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 1: like don't. I don't take it personally. You're just understand

408
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,679
Speaker 1: only one with a life. You should have lives too.

409
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 6: Correct When you start understanding that other people got stuff,

410
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,439
Speaker 6: there's no why am I stressing about this?

411
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 2: And it's still cool.

412
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 6: We just don't need to talk daily or I don't

413
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 6: need to push it to reach out.

414
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,439
Speaker 2: And that's the issue when people feel slighted because you

415
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:22,199
Speaker 2: don't reach out to them, not understanding like yo, I

416
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,359
Speaker 2: got something going on, just like you got go.

417
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,680
Speaker 3: It's not having understanding when I said when I said

418
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,439
Speaker 3: that one time on the podcast, that you know, if

419
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 3: I don't talk to my friends for two three weeks,

420
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,800
Speaker 3: a reply like were good? People were just like what

421
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,399
Speaker 3: you're a bad friend. I was like, this works for

422
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,199
Speaker 3: me and my friends, Like this is the understanding that

423
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,240
Speaker 3: we have. You know, it's no love loss, it's just

424
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 3: what works for us. Kind of like in romantic relationships,

425
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 3: you got to talk to the people involved to see

426
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,880
Speaker 3: what what's the code, Like what's the lay of the land.

427
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 2: On a group?

428
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 1: I know, I know shit is transactionally me and my friends,

429
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 1: And maybe it's because we're coming from that era where

430
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 1: men are only value for what they can provide. Like

431
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,919
Speaker 1: me and my friends don't talk every day. Them niggas

432
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,199
Speaker 1: need something, they call me. I'm on it, yo, you

433
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 1: need I got it when I needed something from them.

434
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,639
Speaker 1: They my friends and I didn't talk to is like

435
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 1: what you need, bro. So for me, it is kind

436
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: of transactional, but I don't take it as.

437
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 6: But we're still friends.

438
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 1: We're friends. Yeah, like my boys that from college, they

439
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 1: got my back. I don't got to talk to them

440
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 1: every day, but it is transactional, but doesn't need to.

441
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 2: I have a hard time seeing that as being transactional.

442
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 1: Because we only really contact each other when you need,

443
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 1: like like we have the the group chat conversations.

444
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,880
Speaker 2: But let's I'm saying, let's clean this up. You're not

445
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 2: doing it because they're going to do something for you. Nah,

446
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 2: And they're not asking you because they're expecting that they'll

447
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 2: have to do something for you to get something what

448
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 2: they desire from you.

449
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 3: No, I mean, like the core of the friendship is

450
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 3: not based off.

451
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,399
Speaker 1: It's not it's not based off the transactions. But that

452
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that it's not transactional.

453
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 3: But you still like each other as people.

454
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, people when I'm when I mean the friendship. Our

455
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: friendship isn't based on going on trips together experiencing new things.

456
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 1: Our friendship is based on your you need help. Yeah,

457
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 1: that's and I think that may be a man thing

458
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: because men are often like you know what I'm saying. No,

459
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 1: I don't know, because I feel like some of the

460
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 1: whole thing about men being angry and fine, I feel

461
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: like men often do that with their own friends. Or

462
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 1: he's fine, he's fine until he angry and needs something,

463
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 1: and it's like I know what he's going through, so

464
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 1: without even And this is me being a good friend

465
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 1: without having to ask too many questions or make you

466
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 1: feel guilty about what's going on?

467
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 4: Bro?

468
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 1: What you need help with? All right? Yeah? The answer

469
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: is yes, because as a as a man, sometimes I

470
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 1: don't want to have to explain why I need help

471
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: to my friends. I just need help. And I got

472
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 1: those type of friends where I was like, yo, I

473
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 1: need to borrow ten bands and they'd be like, they'd

474
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 1: be like, all right, well when can I get it

475
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 1: to you? And I'm just like, can you get it

476
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: to me by Friday? And they'll just be like, all right,

477
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: I got y'all you like. And I don't have to

478
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 1: be like I'm out on this and this.

479
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,479
Speaker 2: No, it's like you don't want that.

480
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: You know what we go through as men's times, so

481
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 1: to me it's transactional. But they're still my friends.

482
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 2: Like I don't have.

483
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 5: A friend that I can borrow ten bands from.

484
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 2: You don't need all your friends to be a therapist

485
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 2: and borrow loosely.

486
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 1: Yes, that is a fat and Josh, what you said,

487
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: you don't need all your friends to be a therapist.

488
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 3: Sometimes escape.

489
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, we have one of my friends who is not

490
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 4: very good at reaching out. We have a group chat

491
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 4: with another friend. We've been all friends since high school,

492
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:38,119
Speaker 4: so we have history and we are aligned in certain ways,

493
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 4: but we're not aligned in the ways that we communicate,

494
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 4: you know, and so one thing, though we all play this,

495
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 4: we know that so two of us talk more often

496
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 4: and then the other one. It's kind of hard to

497
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,720
Speaker 4: keep her engaged. But we know that she likes to

498
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 4: play the New York Times games, and so we started

499
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,919
Speaker 4: a group chat where the only thing we do is

500
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 4: send each other our results to connect the game connections

501
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 4: every day and then sometimes somebody will say something extra,

502
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,959
Speaker 4: but it's it's not overwhelming her because it's something that

503
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 4: she's already doing, and we keep in contact at least,

504
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 4: and so like, yeah, so there's ways I feel like

505
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 4: alignment going back to the beginning, so we can go

506
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 4: to the second letter. But alignment is super important, and

507
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 4: sometimes when you have history, you have to find the

508
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,479
Speaker 4: ways that you align. And sometimes friendships can grow out

509
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,959
Speaker 4: of alignment. Because this person is talking about wanting to

510
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 4: build with people. So sometimes when you're already in a

511
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 4: certain like professional relationship with somebody, then you build a

512
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 4: friendship from there and then you can push what you're

513
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 4: building forward. Sometimes people want to make friends and then

514
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 4: try to build something from there, but that doesn't always

515
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 4: work because sometimes it's your idea that you're forcing onto somebody.

516
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good yeah point.

517
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,919
Speaker 4: Maybe if you find a way to get involved in

518
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 4: the thing that you want to do, and.

519
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 3: Then through conversation, then from the right right. Thank you

520
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 3: so much, Carolyn and Ashley appreciate the love and support

521
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 3: hope that helped.

522
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: Now number two, Hey Cavell.

523
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 3: People were always like, why don't you have a son

524
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 3: named Cavell? It keep the names together?

525
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: Sound like a fruit, like, you know what I'm saying.

526
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 3: Like to me, it sounds more like a medication. Like

527
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 3: if you have leaky gut, it's probably your cure Covell, Coveal.

528
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,920
Speaker 1: It would be Cavalley, you know, and they would have

529
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: people dancing around and floating.

530
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 2: Is that I use Cavali to get rid of that?

531
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 3: You know?

532
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 1: Something like what.

533
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 2: Local from the eyes and.

534
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 3: Right like causes leaky gut? Is a leaky gut?

535
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: Lord, here's a good question. Does anybody know anybody that

536
00:24:59,480 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: has had this?

537
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 5: Yeah?

538
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 4: You do not personally, No, But it.

539
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 5: Was like a big thing.

540
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 4: There's this this journalist who lives in New York and

541
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 4: she married her longtime boyfriend and he died like a

542
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 4: couple of months later from mizo thelioma.

543
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 5: And I was like, why do you know her?

544
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 1: Not personally, nobody I ever met anybody that says like, y'all,

545
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 1: I lost this person from Mezzo. But I've been seeing

546
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: these commercials since I was like forever. They're still on

547
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,159
Speaker 1: Joe Joe Brown was just on the other day, Mimi

548
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: was watching and I was like, there was another Mezzo

549
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: Theloma commercial. But I haven't met nobody with that ever.

550
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 1: They be scamming us, whether the lawyers are who they

551
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 1: be scamming us. Bro, there's no way that we've never

552
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 1: met nobody.

553
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 3: Like the symptoms of that, like what is what does?

554
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 3: We might all be walking.

555
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,479
Speaker 1: Around with it and don't even know, right well, if

556
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: I don't, if I don't know that I have it

557
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 1: and I'm from, don't tell me because I don't want

558
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 1: to start feeling the symptoms. You know what I'm saying.

559
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 4: It's good something that a lot of people don't have

560
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 4: because there's been like a spect this loss because that's

561
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 4: where you get it from in hand.

562
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 3: Oh that's what you get it from, and oh I see, Okay,

563
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 3: so that's probably like a way back thing. When it's

564
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 3: the biggest is probably let paint and whatnot and all that.

565
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, like chicken buildings. But why the commercials still out there?

566
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 3: They got a paid spotman somebody over there making money

567
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 3: off of.

568
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 1: It, right, well, let me let me get back.

569
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 3: Let's get.

570
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 1: Hey, caval Kadeen and Davou. The fact that they put

571
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 1: that in quotes like we wouldn't know who we're talking about.

572
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 1: But I appreciate you.

573
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 5: We love it clean.

574
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 1: My name is Queen, and I wanted to say thank

575
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: you for all that you do and all the laughs

576
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 1: you guys bring. All we appreciate you. It really has

577
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: been a joy watching you guys grow and learn in

578
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: real time, and watching the boys grow up as well.

579
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 1: The teacher and me be trying not to cry watch

580
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,360
Speaker 1: them grow up. I come from a single parent household.

581
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: My parents divorced when I was three, so I wanted

582
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,440
Speaker 1: to thank you guys for showing me what a good

583
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: marriage looks like and how to maintain one. All we

584
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 1: appreciate you. We trying our best. You have opened up

585
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 1: my mind to a lot of different things and giving

586
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 1: people grace. I have a different look on things, and

587
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 1: my opinions are different as well. I use y'all as

588
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 1: an example to a lot of my friends and family.

589
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 1: For example, my sister and I were talking about is

590
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: it a deal breaker for you to have to teach

591
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: a man sex? Years ago I would have said yes,

592
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: But now I'm actually like, now we can figure this out.

593
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: What I learned to continue to learn from you guys,

594
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: is from you guys. I use it on other people.

595
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you all this appreciation letter.

596
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: Oh no, the end, I said. Now for my question,

597
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: I am on the second floor, twenty five, twenty five

598
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 1: year old. We wanted to be old so bad the second.

599
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 3: I'm on the second floor still like mezzanine level. Girl,

600
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 3: you didn't get to the good studs it.

601
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: You know, you know what a person told me about floors.

602
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 1: But if you're on the floor and if you fall

603
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 1: up that balcony and you can't die, then that floor

604
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 1: don't matter. To think about it. If you're on the

605
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 1: second floor to fall off, that.

606
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 2: Does matter, old man, You're gonna hurt real.

607
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 5: Bad, not die though you fall.

608
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 1: Off get paralyzed. You're not gonna get paralyzed on the

609
00:27:58,640 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 1: second floor.

610
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 2: Why did not you tell you can breaking falling out?

611
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: This chick, correct, we're just talking about the floors. The

612
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 1: second floor is right there. Josh, I guarantee you can

613
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 1: jump out that.

614
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,439
Speaker 2: I won't try. I won't find out. I don't know.

615
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 1: My next thing was gonna be like, go ahead try.

616
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 3: You know why this was a recent thought for me, guys.

617
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 3: I was in Kingston, Jamaica last week with Tiffany on

618
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 3: a quick trip.

619
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: Right we got I wasn't for all y'all would be like, Kade,

620
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: you need a break. She just says she was on

621
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: a trip to Jamaica. I wasn't dead.

622
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 3: It's okay, baby, I got your trip coming up. You

623
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 3: were working. I couldn't get you out of.

624
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: It for them to be on my ass talk about Kadin,

625
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: you need to break.

626
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 3: So I was in Jamaica. I was looking for property. Actually,

627
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 3: I want to buy a house down there or some

628
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 3: land something. AnyWho, Tiffany and I were at a hotel

629
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 3: in Kingston and we were checking out at the hotel,

630
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 3: ready to catch our cab to the airport, and we

631
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 3: were locked into the room, meaning the dead boat lock

632
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 3: that we put on the night before would not open.

633
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 3: One hour and ten minutes. There were about eight men

634
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 3: outside of the door having to sow and drill and

635
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 3: bang and hammer us out of that door. And for

636
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 3: two seconds, we literally got so nervous because we were like,

637
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 3: God forbid, this was a medical emergency or fire. How

638
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 3: would we get out? So we're we're like strategizing how

639
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 3: we would get out of there. And we were on

640
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 3: the second floor, and I was like, yo, tif, I

641
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 3: would just use this chair, bust the window and jump

642
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 3: out like I would jump on the.

643
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: Second Why would you just open the window.

644
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 3: Because that there was no balcony, So we were literally, no,

645
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 3: you can't open it. It was literally floor to ceiling glass.

646
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 2: Well you could jump out because the bell feels like

647
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: you're not going to get hurt. Um out the window.

648
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: I didn't show that. I said, you wasn't going to die.

649
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: God a fire. I hope she does jump out. Josh, like,

650
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna burn because if I jump

651
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 1: out this window on the second floor, I'm gonna die.

652
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 3: Take my chances, I might fracture, but at least I'll

653
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 3: be alive. That was a real thought for me. AnyWho, Sorry, y'all,

654
00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 3: we'll be getting so sidetrected the station.

655
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 2: Get to the question.

656
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 5: A question.

657
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 1: Now for my question, I am on the second floor

658
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: twenty five and I am like Kadeen. In many ways,

659
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: I am an introvert and need my space. I don't

660
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 1: talk to or like people. Lol. I would like to

661
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: start the relationship train, but I'm scared. It's not my

662
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: first relationship, but my last one was extremely violent, destroyed

663
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: me emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I'm in therapy and

664
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: my therapist is asking when I'm getting back out there.

665
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. Do you have any advice?

666
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 3: Take your time? Yeah, like you to heal from that

667
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 3: past relationship. There is no time I think where most

668
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 3: people in their twenties and this is where I went wrong.

669
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 3: And I've even seen my sister do the same thing,

670
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 3: and I've been trying to, like, you know, talk her

671
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 3: off of this ledge. It's like, you feel like in

672
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 3: your twenties, you have this roadmap of what your life

673
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 3: is supposed to look like and what these milestones are

674
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 3: you're supposed to reach at a certain point in time.

675
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 3: Throw the timeline away if you're just not in that

676
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 3: moment ready for whatever that next step is, whether it's

677
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 3: relationship wise, whether it's career wise, and you're just not ready.

678
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 3: Life is a journey, it's a building process. Don't get

679
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 3: too wrapped up in Oh, I'm twenty five and I

680
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 3: should be dating if you're not ready?

681
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 6: Where do these timelines come from?

682
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: The biological clock? Which is why I'm going to challenge

683
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 1: k right. A lot of older women are now it's

684
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 1: going on social media saying to younger women was like,

685
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: I all brought into the whole my career, my career,

686
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: my career. Now I'm in my mid thirties and I

687
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: have my career, but I want a family. But now

688
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,479
Speaker 1: I'm in my mid thirties and I'm not a viable

689
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 1: candidate because once you get to thirty five, you're considering geriatric.

690
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 1: So a lot more women are saying to younger women now, like,

691
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 1: don't put everything in front of your family and wanting

692
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: a relationship, because this is a fact that people don't

693
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 1: want to admit. The thirty five version, thirty five year

694
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 1: old version of Kadeen is not as viable of a

695
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: candidate as a twenty five year old version of Kadeen.

696
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: If we want to have children for her and me

697
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: at thirty five, if she has a baby and has

698
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 1: pardon preclamson, she could die, which is why we chose

699
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 1: not to have another child. But at twenty five. That

700
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 1: wasn't an option. You see what I'm saying. So when

701
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: we say to women like take your time and just

702
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 1: women can't just take their time because your body's actually

703
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: going through something and there is an actual countdown.

704
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:20,479
Speaker 3: So I get it. Yeah, you know, I hear your

705
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 3: perspective and I respect it because it is true as

706
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 3: a woman. But I also feel like you don't have

707
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 3: to be rigid in there's a rush per se, especially

708
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 3: when it's not right, because then you're going to rush

709
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 3: into something that just ultimately won't serve you.

710
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think taking your time doesn't mean focus

711
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 4: on yourself, focusing your career, don't date. It does mean

712
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 4: if you're gonna date, take your time in dating, get

713
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 4: to know somebody before you commit to them, make sure

714
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 4: you're asking the right questions.

715
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 5: It seems like she's focused on what it takes.

716
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 4: To be in a good relationship because she doesn't want

717
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 4: to repeat the patterns that you know of her parents.

718
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 4: But it is also very important as a young woman

719
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,719
Speaker 4: to be a good picker and to not let your

720
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 4: emotions get you in a situation that is not good

721
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 4: for you.

722
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: I feel you, But she she did say my therapist

723
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 1: has asked me when I'm getting back out there date.

724
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 1: But that's what I'm saying, she's not even dating. You're saying,

725
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: is she should date and take her time dating. Yes,

726
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: she ain't even get out there to date.

727
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean because I feel like the what she's

728
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 4: thinking about is getting out there to get into a

729
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 4: serious relationship altogether.

730
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 5: If you're taking your.

731
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 4: Time, you're figuring out what you want out of a

732
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 4: serious relationship. You're not necessarily looking for the one, but

733
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 4: you're looking for what are the characteristics of the one?

734
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good. That's a good it's actually a good

735
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: A good like tip just to get back into it.

736
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 1: Don't date exclusively, just date and.

737
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 5: Practice walking away.

738
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 4: That's something that I didn't learn how to do until

739
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 4: this year, is to say this is the red flag

740
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 4: I do not like, I don't want to be with

741
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 4: somebody like this, and I'm gonna walk away the first

742
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 4: time I see.

743
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: It like that, Like, don't date exclusively and don't get

744
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 1: comfortable walking away. That's a good point because people oftentimes,

745
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 1: once they get into a relationship, feel like I just

746
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 1: got to stick it out.

747
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, because we are taught that love is compromise, and

748
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 4: it's you know, holding on, and it's grace, and it's

749
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,319
Speaker 4: you don't know this motherfucker yet you can walk away

750
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 4: from them, because yes, I do have grace. I understand

751
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 4: that you're not there yet and maybe you will get there,

752
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 4: but I don't have to be here when you when

753
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 4: you work on it.

754
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 3: So as a dater, as a dater triple I say,

755
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 3: this question is directed towards you because you're probably the

756
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 3: only one in the dating scene now, So how does

757
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 3: one decipher when is a time to not compromise and

758
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,439
Speaker 3: walk away? Like how much time are people investing now

759
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 3: in the dating process, because from what I hear from

760
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,399
Speaker 3: people around me is that, you know, people are quick

761
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,759
Speaker 3: to just walk away like one you know, as they say,

762
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 3: now red flag, or like one little thing that you

763
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 3: don't agree upon, you're ready to throw in the towel.

764
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

765
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 3: So I'm like, if I was to throw in the

766
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 3: towel on the vow with a couple things that I

767
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 3: didn't really like early on, then I would I would

768
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 3: have missed out on the best thing that's ever happened

769
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: to me in my life. Said that again, I would

770
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:13,279
Speaker 3: have missed out the gauge. Was there a time frame, like,

771
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:14,719
Speaker 3: how do we know when to throw in this towel.

772
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 4: I think that you have to be serious about what

773
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 4: red flags are. Red flags are not a man asking

774
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,319
Speaker 4: you to split dinner, especially at this age. This man

775
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 4: probably wants to have a conversation with you, but maybe

776
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,839
Speaker 4: today he didn't have all the money that he needs,

777
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,839
Speaker 4: and you know, let's just split dinner on the first date.

778
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 4: But for somebody that's been in an abusive relationship, and

779
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 4: this is something that I had to learn as well

780
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 4: as being in an abusive relationship, I can pinpoint the

781
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 4: moment that I started letting somebody take control of me,

782
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 4: and it was a red flag in that moment, but

783
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 4: I let it go and I compromised, and I kept compromising,

784
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 4: and I kept compromising until this person was slapping me

785
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 4: in the face with a shoe. And so this, uh,

786
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 4: somebody I was just dating on our second date did

787
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 4: something that was a red flag.

788
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 5: And this red flag was.

789
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 4: It was like the night we went out, the night

790
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 4: before I was supposed to move to Atlanta, and the

791
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 4: day that I was moving to Atlanta, I had to

792
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 4: be up at six am because that's when they were

793
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,879
Speaker 4: coming to pick up my stuff. I had to work

794
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 4: at the radio station from ten am to six pm,

795
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 4: and then right after that shift, I had to leave

796
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 4: and drive to Atlanta from Rhode Island, and so I

797
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 4: was gonna go to dinner by myself. But then she

798
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:34,479
Speaker 4: was like, you know, we had went out the night before.

799
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 4: We had a good time. I'm like, yeah, come out

800
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,719
Speaker 4: with me, but the day got away from me. I'm

801
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 4: still packing, I'm still trying to get my stuff together.

802
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 4: So I get to dinner like five minutes late. First

803
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,359
Speaker 4: of all, I told her I can be there at

804
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 4: nine o'clock. She's like, what about eight forty five. I'm

805
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 4: moving tomorrow and I can't. Nine o'clock is the earliest

806
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 4: I could be there. So I tell her all this

807
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 4: stuff I got to do. She's like, okay, I'm gonna

808
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 4: eat before we get there because I'm hungry. So I'm like,

809
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 4: that's great.

810
00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 5: Get to the dinner.

811
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 4: She's pouting, she's pissed, and I'm like, are you okay?

812
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 4: She doesn't have an appetizer, she hasn't eaten like she

813
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 4: said she was going to because she knew she was

814
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 4: hungry and she needed to take care of herself. But

815
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 4: What she also didn't do was offer to help me

816
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 4: at all in that situation, to be like, let me

817
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 4: if I want to eat earlier and you have to

818
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 4: get stuff done at the house before. I'm not dating

819
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 4: them now, That's what I'm saying. Yes, this was the

820
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 4: second date, though, this was a second date where somebody

821
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:31,400
Speaker 4: was like, I want you to feel bad because.

822
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,919
Speaker 5: I cannot help you at all.

823
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 4: I can't you know, I have no consideration for what

824
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 4: is going on in your life, and you need to

825
00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 4: have all of the consideration for what's going on with me,

826
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 4: regardless of what's going on with you.

827
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 5: So to me, that was a red flag.

828
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 4: That was somebody who would go on to be controlling,

829
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 4: who would be abusive, who would be thoughtless.

830
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 5: That's a red flag.

831
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 4: And to walk away in that moment, I feel like

832
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 4: was the best decision to make.

833
00:37:58,400 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 5: So it's red flags.

834
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 3: Like that, not like major blowout fights or yeah, or.

835
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 4: You didn't text me back for an hour or you

836
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,799
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. Especially when you're first getting to

837
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,359
Speaker 4: know somebody, maybe you can something that you can work

838
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 4: on is communication. And I actually did give that person

839
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,720
Speaker 4: another chance after that, But the longer that we've dated

840
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 4: the more that started coming up, the thoughtlessness, the like

841
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 4: controlling this, like the not being able to, you know,

842
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 4: adjust when I needed something, but wanting me always.

843
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 5: To adjust when they needed something.

844
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,760
Speaker 4: So I think that you gotta you gotta get serious

845
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 4: about what red flags are, and if you are in therapy,

846
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 4: that's something you should talk to your therapist about, Like

847
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 4: what are the moments that you feel like make you

848
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 4: vulnerable to a certain type of partner who can be controlling, narcissistic,

849
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 4: and abusive.

850
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 1: It's hard for me to understand that being a red

851
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 1: flag on the second date. That's what I'm like, It's

852
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 1: the second date. She's not gonna be that considerate on

853
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: the second day.

854
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, but she didn't take care of her own needs.

855
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 4: I told her what I had to had going on.

856
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 4: Had I still hadn't showered when we talked. I was

857
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 4: out running an errand I needed to get my roommate

858
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 4: to help me move my mattress. I still had to shower.

859
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 4: I had been uppacking all day, and I had to

860
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 4: be up at six am. And we were potentially gonna

861
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,399
Speaker 4: spend the whole night together because we had just done

862
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 4: that the night before. She was already hungry, and she

863
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 4: wanted to go to dinner earlier, and I said I

864
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 4: couldn't because I have all this stuff going on. So

865
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 4: what she said is I'm gonna eat first, and then

866
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 4: she did it. And then because she didn't eat first,

867
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 4: she was mad at me for not moving around my

868
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 4: plans to accommodate her needs instead of her accommodating her

869
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 4: own needs on the second date and then having an

870
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 4: attitude on the second date, So.

871
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: She chose not to eat after telling you she was

872
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: gonna eat, and they got an attitude. That's that seemed

873
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 1: to me. That seems like she was trying to manipulate exactly.

874
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 5: That's a red fucking flash. It's a huge draft.

875
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 4: Well well yeah, I mean I'm saying like, not only

876
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 4: did she not accommodate her own needs, but she didn't

877
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 4: even think about out being thoughtful and helping me do

878
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 4: what I had to do on the second day.

879
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 5: That's that's a thoughtful thing to do.

880
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 4: If you wanted me to be thoughtful enough to get

881
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 4: to dinner early enough so you could eat, then I

882
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 4: would expect reciprocity. That's a person who doesn't do no reciprocity. No,

883
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:15,520
Speaker 4: But what could she have done that she could have

884
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,439
Speaker 4: brought dinner. She could have said, you know what, I'll

885
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 4: just pick it.

886
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 5: Up and come to you. You know what I'm saying.

887
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 4: If she really wanted us to be together, we really

888
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 4: wanted to eat together, and she was hungry, I had

889
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 4: something to do, she wanted to be there earlier. She

890
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 4: could have done something different instead of expecting me to

891
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 4: do something different.

892
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 6: Did she have the other stuff to do?

893
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 5: No? No, absolutely fucking not.

894
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 4: But that's a person that's not going to reciprocate care

895
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 4: the kind of care that they're asking for, and that,

896
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 4: to me, that's a reflag on the same Yeah, because

897
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 4: especially on the second day, you want.

898
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 1: To show them as your best so trouble could that

899
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: also be a person that doesn't know that they're doing that?

900
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: And if you don't express that and give grace because

901
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 1: a lot of things you're saying haven't. We had the

902
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 1: same issues about consideration and if I would do the

903
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: same thing that K I wouldn't be married.

904
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 5: Her on a second date.

905
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:04,720
Speaker 4: Though, on the second day, showing up as your best self,

906
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 4: you want somebody to like you, I'm not in your

907
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 4: best self is to be it is to not take

908
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 4: care of yourself be inconsiderate and then have a visible

909
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 4: attitude with somebody you don't know.

910
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 1: No, I understand what you're saying. What I what I

911
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,959
Speaker 1: all I'm saying is is that most people are flawed. Right,

912
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that you're wrong. What I'm saying

913
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,279
Speaker 1: is most people are flawed. And if everybody takes that

914
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 1: approach that by the second date, if you're not perfect

915
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: and what I need, I'm moving on. That's how you

916
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 1: end up being single. It's only been two dates and

917
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 1: you expect her to know everything on the second date.

918
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:42,280
Speaker 1: That just seems a little premature. That's just my thing.

919
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: I could be wrong because I haven't dated. So I'm

920
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: saying like, I don't know, but that second day.

921
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 4: For six months, and every brand flag that came up

922
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 4: on the second date was consistent throughout the six months.

923
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 3: You're continue dating after that?

924
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 1: Yeah?

925
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 3: Okay, so it's been six months. Okay, gotcha? Because I

926
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 3: was wondering, I'm like, is it just tea?

927
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

928
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 3: Is it dating fatigue? Like that people have that. It's like, okay,

929
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 3: after you know, kissing all the frogs, It's like, okay,

930
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 3: I'm tired of kissing frogs.

931
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 4: I think is Maya Angela quote that's like when people

932
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 4: show you who they are, believe them the first time.

933
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 5: And that's a big thing.

934
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 4: Like if think about if if you went on a

935
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 4: first or second date with a woman and you're like,

936
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 4: let's go to dinner, and she shows up to dinner

937
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 4: in sweats, she had nothing else going on, this is

938
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 4: what she chose to wear. Then wouldn't you expect her

939
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,720
Speaker 4: to show up in the relationship in sweats.

940
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 5: Because that is the best that she could give you.

941
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 4: I think that people in the beginning, when you're first

942
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 4: getting to know somebody, you're delivering your best self. You

943
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 4: want them to see the best of who you are.

944
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're also delivering their version of what they think

945
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: is their.

946
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 5: Best way exactly exactly.

947
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is is right when we put

948
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 1: a timeline on things, right, it's second date. You should

949
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: know how long you been married, Josh, fourteen years? Fourteen years,

950
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: I've been married, about to be fifteen. How long you've

951
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: been married enough by the year. Aren't there things in

952
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 1: your relationship that you still repeat to your wife that

953
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: you like?

954
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 2: Bro?

955
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 1: How can you not get this? We've been having this

956
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: conversation all right, So what I'm saying is if the

957
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 1: second date is going to be if you don't get

958
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: this by the second date, then we've done. It's a

959
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 1: red flag. You wouldn't be married. Neither would you. Neither

960
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 1: would you or I Because there's things that we've been

961
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,360
Speaker 1: going through in our relationship for twenty two years that

962
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 1: it's like, For example, you say, if you had nothing

963
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,959
Speaker 1: to do, like think about it, if you had nothing

964
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: to do, you supposed to be considerate to what I need.

965
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:40,520
Speaker 1: You had nothing to do. I come to the date

966
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: and you still got on sweatpants. There's been plenty of

967
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 1: times on both sides where she's been doing something and

968
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,799
Speaker 1: I've been doing something and the other person didn't have

969
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 1: much going on, but we just weren't considerate of that

970
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 1: person in the moment. And it's like the whole red

971
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: flag thing for me is difficult. Plus I've never dated,

972
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 1: so I'm not saying that you're wrong, but it's just

973
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 1: like it will be a lot of red flags with

974
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: all of us in our spouses if we go through

975
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 1: the years we've been together and the stuff we have

976
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: to repeat.

977
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Yeah, but I think what

978
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:10,399
Speaker 2: what I hear her saying is what Hair is saying

979
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 2: is consideration is her red flag?

980
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:12,960
Speaker 5: Exactly?

981
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:13,879
Speaker 2: That's a.

982
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:16,240
Speaker 5: Yes.

983
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 4: I don't want to be with somebody that I have

984
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 4: to teach how to be thoughtful or considerate, like to me, like,

985
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 4: I want to be with somebody who shows up as

986
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 4: a considerate person because I keep considerate people in my circle,

987
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 4: and I know that I come to the relationship being

988
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 4: extremely considerate, and I know that I give a lot

989
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 4: and I you know what I'm saying, I'll meet my

990
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 4: partner ninety percent of the way, and I don't think

991
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 4: that that, for me is something that I want to

992
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 4: continue to do in a relationship.

993
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 1: Some idtand I just understand that consideration is not so yeah,

994
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: for me, that's for me, that's a red flag.

995
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 5: I'm not saying that this should be a reflect everybody.

996
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 4: Yea yeah, but because of my experience, because I've learned

997
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,400
Speaker 4: what I want and don't want in a relationship, for me,

998
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 4: that is a specific red flag. So again I'm saying,

999
00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 4: like she should learn her own red flags therapy with

1000
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 4: her therapist, so her therapists can say, well, is that

1001
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 4: really a red flag or is that something that can yeah,

1002
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 4: that you can communicate or is it a preference?

1003
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 5: Right?

1004
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,360
Speaker 4: I don't think everything is a red flag, Like I

1005
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 4: don't necessarily I don't think sweats is a red flag.

1006
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 4: But my example was, wouldn't you expect that person to

1007
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 4: keep wearing sweats in the relationship if their best self

1008
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,440
Speaker 4: that they presented to you on the first or second

1009
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 4: date was sweats, And you got to decide is that

1010
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 4: something you want or not?

1011
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 1: I hear it. This is the disconnect that happens with

1012
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 1: single people and married people. Married people will tell you

1013
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 1: you have to learn the compromise and give grace and

1014
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:36,359
Speaker 1: be patient, right, and then a single person will say,

1015
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 1: but when it's too much patience enough. This is the

1016
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:42,919
Speaker 1: difference between a married person and a single person. I've

1017
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: found someone that I said, I'm going to just be

1018
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:49,399
Speaker 1: patient with throughout life. Mm hmm, Like I'm just gonna

1019
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: be patient. There's so many red flags that other people

1020
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: could point out, be like that was a reflag, shit

1021
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 1: or never, that was a ref flag. But I'm like,

1022
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:55,920
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck.

1023
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 5: Other people's red flags.

1024
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Yeah, I want to be married,

1025
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:02,239
Speaker 1: and I think some people need to just decide.

1026
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:03,879
Speaker 2: Oh it is definitely a decision, you know what I'm saying.

1027
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: I think I remember our pre marriage counseling was like,

1028
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 2: what do you what do you not like about your partner?

1029
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 2: And you write it down, But the next question is

1030
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,919
Speaker 2: will you be willing to move forward with them? If

1031
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:20,239
Speaker 2: this thing never changes right? Right, and it's.

1032
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: It's making the decision decision? Am I able to end it?

1033
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 2: And I get it, like if consideration is not a thing,

1034
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 2: like I want to be considered. If you can't you

1035
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 2: if I feel like you're not considered to me and

1036
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:36,760
Speaker 2: I can't move forward with you not considering me, it's

1037
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:38,840
Speaker 2: hell yeah, Like I don't.

1038
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: Like it, but I do. I got to bring this

1039
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 1: up too. Though. Studies show that women will tolerate less

1040
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: where men will definitely sit down and accept more. For example,

1041
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 1: heterosexual marriages, most women initiate divorces. In gay couples, women

1042
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 1: get divorced at like a seventy percent rate, but men

1043
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: get divorced at a twenty percent rate. I think it

1044
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 1: also goes back to you see how triple set them

1045
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:10,320
Speaker 1: rigid red flags. Men are more willing to be like, eh,

1046
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 1: I might deal with that, you know what I'm saying,

1047
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,359
Speaker 1: And before people get upset and say that's a generalization.

1048
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,919
Speaker 1: The statistics prove that men are more willing to sit

1049
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 1: in misery doesn't make it a good thing. But to

1050
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 1: sit in misery where women will be like, I'm not

1051
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: dealing with that shit, you know what I'm saying.

1052
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 3: So what is it that men turn a blind eye

1053
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:30,399
Speaker 3: to it or they just you know, get their needs

1054
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 3: fulfilled elsewhere.

1055
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: Well, I think that's that's what the discussion has to be.

1056
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 1: It's like when I'm listening to Triple Talk or even

1057
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,959
Speaker 1: listening to my single friends, it's like that's a red flag.

1058
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 1: I'm cutting it off. And if you even look at

1059
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 1: social media, a lot of the things is red flag,

1060
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,879
Speaker 1: red flag, red flag. But all of the married people

1061
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 1: here was just like, yeah, we saw red flags with

1062
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: our spouses, but we kept going. And to me, it's

1063
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: just at some point you got to make a choice

1064
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:56,280
Speaker 1: if you want to be married. You're never gonna find

1065
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 1: somebody that don't got no red flags.

1066
00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 3: I guess that's where love comes into play, where it's

1067
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 3: just like, man, I just really love this person, like

1068
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:05,279
Speaker 3: I can't see my life without this person. So to

1069
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 3: Josh's point, what are the things that I'm willing to

1070
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 3: bend on and tolerate for the rest of my life

1071
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 3: potentially with this person because I just genuinely love that person.

1072
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 3: So you feel like you haven't met someone yet that's

1073
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 3: just like, this is the person that I meant to

1074
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,279
Speaker 3: be with. And you know, I'll deal with the sweatpants

1075
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:24,839
Speaker 3: or I'll deal with the pouting because I love this.

1076
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 4: Person and every relationship I've dealt and dealt and dealt

1077
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 4: and dealt, and the lack of reciprocity and the fact

1078
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 4: that I can look at moments in those relationships that

1079
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 4: were early on before I made a brash choice to

1080
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 4: deal and to stay and to decide, I'm just like,

1081
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 4: I don't think it's worth that anymore. I got to

1082
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 4: think about what am I ignoring when I go into

1083
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 4: these relationships that are not giving me what I want

1084
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:54,240
Speaker 4: out of a relationship. And I have to be serious

1085
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 4: about walking away because I deal too much for something

1086
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,919
Speaker 4: that you know, doesn't you know, what I'm saying doesn't

1087
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 4: give to me what I'm looking for. And the other person,

1088
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 4: I'm giving them grace and I'm deciding to be with

1089
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,879
Speaker 4: them and they're not doing the same thing because they're

1090
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 4: not even holding themselves accountable, so they're they don't you know,

1091
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,359
Speaker 4: I'm letting them give me shit, and that's what they're

1092
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 4: giving me, and then they walk away when they're when

1093
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 4: they are tired, you know what I'm saying, Like, it's

1094
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 4: just it's it's I So no, I have not found

1095
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 4: the person that I would decide And I'm not say.

1096
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think all marriages, the part part of marriage

1097
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: is suddenly part of it.

1098
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1099
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 4: I'm not saying anybody has to be perfect. I don't

1100
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 4: want anybody to be perfect. I'm dated people who are

1101
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 4: not perfect. But there's just some things to me that

1102
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 4: you know, I don't I don't want and I guess

1103
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 4: I guess Yeah, to your point, I haven't been in

1104
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 4: a situation with somebody that I felt like, well, I

1105
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,800
Speaker 4: don't like this about you, but I love you, except

1106
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 4: like my friends, Like my friends are like that, my

1107
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 4: friends get on my fucking nerves.

1108
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:53,959
Speaker 5: I love my friends.

1109
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: I don't think is you have to love the person.

1110
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 1: You have to love the idea of being married. That

1111
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:00,840
Speaker 1: to me is the difference. There's never gonna like Kadeen

1112
00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 1: didn't do anything to make me want to marry her,

1113
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 1: like I don't think Anika did something and I was like,

1114
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 1: this was the thing that Josh that I'm gonna marry her.

1115
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,480
Speaker 1: It was like, Josh wants to be married, Matt, you

1116
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,880
Speaker 1: want to be married, right, I want to be married.

1117
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 1: That's just what it is. And I think that what

1118
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying is you have to be in love with

1119
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 1: the idea of being married in order in order to

1120
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: even start dating, to find someone to say, you know what,

1121
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 1: I'll deal with this because I love that person. Because

1122
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,439
Speaker 1: my thought process is if you don't like the idea

1123
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 1: of being married, any red flag is going to be

1124
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,480
Speaker 1: like this is why I'm not getting married. You know

1125
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,879
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. It's just like, yo, I don't want

1126
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: to have like what Triple just said. I don't want

1127
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:45,759
Speaker 1: to have to capitulate or bend and keep bending and

1128
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 1: keep bending and keep bending. She says, she don't want

1129
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,839
Speaker 1: to have to Do you feel like you you ever

1130
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 1: stopped bending in your marriage? Do you feel like you

1131
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 1: ever stopped bending?

1132
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 2: Oh?

1133
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 1: No, you see what I'm saying. Tribal trible is so

1134
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 1: before you so before you disagree with what I'm saying, Listen,

1135
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 1: I'm not tripple, said she doesn't want to be in

1136
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,359
Speaker 1: a relationship where she always has to bend and bend

1137
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 1: and bend. No, no, no, no, no, you said that.

1138
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 4: Just now, I said, dealing with stuff that I don't

1139
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:14,280
Speaker 4: want to deal with and getting reciprocity.

1140
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 1: From that's bending. That's the same thing. She don't want

1141
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 1: to have to deal with that.

1142
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 4: No, because I want to be married, and if I

1143
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 4: had the opportunity, I would be married.

1144
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 5: I would have been married to somebody that was slapping me.

1145
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is that you said you didn't

1146
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 1: want to stop having to You wanted to stop having

1147
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 1: to deal with stuff. Do you deal with stuff in

1148
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: your marriage? Do you deal with stuff in your marriage?

1149
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: Do you deal with stuff in your marriage?

1150
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 3: For sure?

1151
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: You can't say you want to be married, but you

1152
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 1: want to be married and not have to deal with

1153
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 1: bending and not things being reciprocated. Are things always reciprocated

1154
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 1: in your marriage?

1155
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 2: Not all the time?

1156
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:51,319
Speaker 1: Are things always reciprocating your marriage? That's my point. My

1157
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 1: point is if you're looking for a marriage where you

1158
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 1: never have to deal and this is always going to

1159
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 1: be reciprocated, you're never going to get married because that's

1160
00:51:58,680 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 1: not how it works.

1161
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 3: Saying wanting to be married is where it starts is

1162
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 3: not entirely true in my opinion, because sometimes the love

1163
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 3: and the like that you have for this person as

1164
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 3: an individual outweighs all of the pomps and circumstances around marriage.

1165
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 1: Because you but the thing is marriage is definitely that thought.

1166
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:22,239
Speaker 1: Marriage is dealing, Marriage is capitulating. Marriage is saying I'm

1167
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 1: going to bend and negotiate. What Triple is saying is

1168
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to have to marry somebody that she

1169
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 1: has to negotiate, and it's not being received.

1170
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 5: I don't think it's I don't think it's as.

1171
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 4: I hear what you're saying, and I'm not saying that

1172
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 4: I don't ever want to have to bend and negotiate

1173
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 4: with my partner.

1174
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 5: I don't think that's possible. But there are certain things that.

1175
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 4: I don't want to have to that I don't want

1176
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 4: to keep putting up with all the Yeah, I don't

1177
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 4: want to risk. I don't want to risk being in

1178
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 4: a toxic relationship that is violent. And that's what this

1179
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 4: person is saying. I'm saying, like, in order to pick

1180
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 4: the right person, I have to be aware of how

1181
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 4: like what it is that is making me pay the

1182
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 4: person that is not, you know, the person that I

1183
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 4: want to marry.

1184
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, but I think people don't

1185
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 1: understand what marriage is. Marriage is a constant, constant bend.

1186
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 1: And when people say I don't want to be with

1187
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 1: somebody that I always have to bend, then you don't

1188
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: want to be married. And this is where I say

1189
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 1: to people. People don't want to be brought, don't want

1190
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 1: to be wives. They want to be brides, right, They

1191
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:25,359
Speaker 1: want to have all that comes with the outside of

1192
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,400
Speaker 1: what it looks like to be married. But you know

1193
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:29,760
Speaker 1: what it means to really be a wife. It means

1194
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 1: to bend. It needs to give in, It needs to sacrifice.

1195
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 1: You know what it means to be a husband. It

1196
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:37,960
Speaker 1: means to give in, It needs to bend. It means

1197
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,839
Speaker 1: to sacrifice. And every time you look at a sacrifice

1198
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 1: or a bending or not getting your way as a

1199
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 1: red flag, then that means that you really don't want

1200
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 1: to be married.

1201
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:49,720
Speaker 5: But don't both people have to bend, Yeah, both people, right.

1202
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 4: So this example is me noticing the way that I'm

1203
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:56,360
Speaker 4: bending this person not appreciated, and them refusing to bend.

1204
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 4: So to me, that's a red flag that if I

1205
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 4: were to want to married this person, I'm gonna do

1206
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:05,319
Speaker 4: all the bending like oh boy, Like Jackson said, So

1207
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 4: you're doing right in one.

1208
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 1: Right, but in one aspect.

1209
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:12,960
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, and that aspect is something

1210
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 4: that I just don't want to bend only on. I

1211
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,040
Speaker 4: want resity in that assholect. So now let me ask

1212
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 4: y'all a serious question.

1213
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 1: Is women right? It is fair to say that, y'all

1214
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 1: sex drives is not as high as men right.

1215
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:28,800
Speaker 4: So men, I wouldn't say that about myself, okay about yours,

1216
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:32,359
Speaker 4: But oftentimes men have to bend because what they want

1217
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,440
Speaker 4: sexually is not reciprocated from women.

1218
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 1: Is that not a fact?

1219
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:36,959
Speaker 3: Yes, I'll say that's a fact.

1220
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 1: So based on what you both said, wouldn't it be

1221
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:41,919
Speaker 1: okay if a man went and got sex from someone

1222
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 1: else or said I don't believe in marriage because I

1223
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 1: don't want to have to bend to that.

1224
00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:48,240
Speaker 3: Absolutely if a man felt like that, a man who's

1225
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 3: not married, I believe it felt like I don't want

1226
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,760
Speaker 3: to have to bend to having sex not as often

1227
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:54,279
Speaker 3: as I want to have sex, then you're not made

1228
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 3: for marriage.

1229
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 1: And you know what happens when men say that, They

1230
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: say he's childish. I believe in non monogamy.

1231
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 4: Though, so but you see what I'm saying, non monogamyn.

1232
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: But but you see what I'm saying. How for us

1233
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 1: as as men, right in these situations, we are told,

1234
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 1: especially for marriage, be prepared to bend and understand that

1235
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:17,760
Speaker 1: it's not going to be reciprocated. That's what we're told,

1236
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: am I Lion, Josh, am I Lion. That's what we're told.

1237
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 1: But it's hard to hear women sit down and say

1238
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: if if you're not reciprocated, and that's a red flag,

1239
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 1: then I'm out. It's like y'all tell us all the

1240
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 1: time that we have to be prepared to bend and

1241
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:35,720
Speaker 1: be molded and take what y'all offer. But then say,

1242
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 1: on your own side, if you don't bend and offer

1243
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 1: what I want, I don't want to get married. To me,

1244
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 1: that just seems like someone that doesn't want to be married.

1245
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 6: You say, know what I'm saying, what you're saying, but

1246
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 6: I feel like trouble and what she's saying that she

1247
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 6: was trying to look for somebody that at least shows

1248
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:52,439
Speaker 6: some signs of they're willing to work with you, they're

1249
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 6: willing to listen and.

1250
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 2: Learn or at least change at least. Issue was the

1251
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 2: second Yeah, I.

1252
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,600
Speaker 6: Heard the second day part and the same way till

1253
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:01,319
Speaker 6: she explained it.

1254
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 1: But that's why I can't blame her, because I'm not.

1255
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 1: I haven't dated that often. That's why I'm trying to understand,

1256
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 1: because I haven't dated in this era, so I.

1257
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 3: Don't particularly difficult from what I hear.

1258
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:12,799
Speaker 1: And a lot as for a woman, how many how

1259
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,359
Speaker 1: many dates do you take before you say?

1260
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 3: That's That's what I'm trying to understand. And all I

1261
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 3: know is that I in the bed. My agility, my

1262
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:23,719
Speaker 3: agility is spot on.

1263
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:28,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I can say, I guess if that's how you feel. No,

1264
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 4: I don't want to be married. If it means not

1265
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 4: having reciprocity in the areas that I demand reciprocity in,

1266
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 4: that's I would not be married.

1267
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 2: Then I would say a lot of times like if

1268
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:43,879
Speaker 2: you are not willing to change at all in some

1269
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 2: things and it's just not going.

1270
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 6: To work, that's what I'm got to be adaptable.

1271
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 2: Somewhere there's something change, and it's something that changed for

1272
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:53,960
Speaker 2: the better. Some people grow into who they are, Like

1273
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 2: I mean, I was a very immature person, like in

1274
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 2: my twenties, and I got married in my twenties. I'm

1275
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:02,400
Speaker 2: not not as immature as I was then, you know.

1276
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 2: So I think grace is important and understanding, like it

1277
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:10,960
Speaker 2: takes a lot to for somebody to change and understand

1278
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:14,280
Speaker 2: what you actually mean, because sometimes we're just not as mature. Fact,

1279
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:19,080
Speaker 2: So I wouldn't say, like, don't get married because people

1280
00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 2: aren't going to change. I wouldn't say that, but I

1281
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:23,479
Speaker 2: would say, like people change, something's changed, and some things don't.

1282
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:27,600
Speaker 3: So when you change, Josh, do you change or anyone

1283
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 3: who has changed right within a relationship, do you when

1284
00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:34,040
Speaker 3: you are going through this change or this metamorphosis, do

1285
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 3: you change considering how your spouse may receive it or

1286
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 3: do you just say I'm changing and you have to adjust.

1287
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 2: I don't think I understand the question.

1288
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:46,840
Speaker 3: So if you're changing, you realize you're going through a

1289
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 3: change in yourself, do you consider during that change how

1290
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:53,760
Speaker 3: your spouse may react to it, or do you just

1291
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 3: say I'm changing, so as my spouse, you need to

1292
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 3: just honor this change and learn to adapt to this

1293
00:57:58,120 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 3: new version.

1294
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 1: Of me type of oh, yeah, that's a really good question.

1295
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 1: That's a really good question.

1296
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 3: Or are you not even aware that you're changing until

1297
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 3: your I don't know.

1298
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:08,440
Speaker 2: I don't know if a lot of times we are

1299
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 2: aware that we're actually changing. We change based on circumstances,

1300
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 2: we change the relationship that we're in. You you might

1301
00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 2: reflect five years ago. I'm like, man, I used to

1302
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 2: do this. That's crazy.

1303
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 3: I don't even really really, I don't really.

1304
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 2: Realize it because you are growing, right, I don't think

1305
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 2: our growth as people. I don't think it's ever never.

1306
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 3: It's not indicative of your spouse, Yeah exactly.

1307
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:31,800
Speaker 2: It could be because of your spouse, or could not

1308
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 2: be just because of your situation financially whatever. So I

1309
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:37,640
Speaker 2: don't know if you're changing. I can't say. I can't

1310
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 2: say specifically I'm changing because or in consideration of my spouse.

1311
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 2: Obviously there are things that I'm changing because I've been

1312
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:47,680
Speaker 2: told that there things I'm changing because I know, like

1313
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 2: I could do better this, like or I'm learning or

1314
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 2: reading books or or what have you.

1315
00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:58,800
Speaker 1: But you know, I just man listening to people who date.

1316
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 1: It's just foreign to me, becau because I haven't dated.

1317
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 1: So sometimes I'm asking questions because it just really don't

1318
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 1: make sense to me. But I do understand it's hard

1319
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 1: if you're outside and you alone right now when you're

1320
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:10,720
Speaker 1: trying to get to know people. You can't spend too

1321
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 1: much time trying to get to know people if you

1322
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 1: realize red flags. But I'm from this side where we

1323
00:59:15,880 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 1: both have sacrificed so much everybody, and it's just like,

1324
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:22,680
Speaker 1: to be married is to sacrifice, Like that's just and

1325
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 1: I feel like if you want to be in a relationship,

1326
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:28,880
Speaker 1: you have to desire marriage first before you desire someone else,

1327
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: because you already go into the relationship knowing I'm going

1328
00:59:32,200 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 1: to have to sacrifice and bend at some point. Also

1329
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: know that this person that I'm talking to may not

1330
00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 1: bend immediately to what I'm saying. Like, our conversation with

1331
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 1: a lot of things has been a decade plus long conversation,

1332
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 1: and it's a lot of relationships go through that. It's like,

1333
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 1: how long y'all been married? Those six years and we're

1334
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: still talking about this And I'm like, yo, keep talking

1335
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:54,920
Speaker 1: about it, you know what I'm saying. But when I

1336
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 1: talked to single people, they're like, nah, I'm talking about

1337
00:59:57,640 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 1: that for too long. It's a red flag. And I'm like,

1338
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 1: that to me, is the difference between single people and

1339
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 1: married people. You know what I'm saying. We don't see

1340
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 1: the red flags as that's a red flag. I'm out,

1341
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 1: I see a red flag as this is an opportunity

1342
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: for us to discuss something and work through it.

1343
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 3: So when you explain it this way, that makes me

1344
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 3: understand why you said you need to consider wanting to

1345
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 3: be married before.

1346
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. That because okay, that's why I would I tell

1347
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 1: my boys right now, de young, I'll say, once you

1348
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:28,120
Speaker 1: pick a girl, make sure that you choose a woman

1349
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:32,400
Speaker 1: who aspires marriage, not aspires a wedding, because there's two

1350
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:35,000
Speaker 1: different things. There are a lot of people who aspire

1351
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 1: the idea of what it means to get married, right,

1352
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 1: have a big party, get dressed up, do all of this,

1353
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,520
Speaker 1: but then when it comes time to the actual marriage,

1354
01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 1: they're like, wait, I wasn't ready for this. Aspire to

1355
01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 1: be with somebody who wants to be married, which means

1356
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:52,480
Speaker 1: that person knows they're gonna have to discipline and be

1357
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:55,959
Speaker 1: sacrificial to some of their things too. And I feel

1358
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 1: like I found a person who wants to be married,

1359
01:00:58,000 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 1: but you.

1360
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 6: Still want the good the green flag our way to

1361
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:04,560
Speaker 6: red absolutely, absolutely, you want to find someone to work with,

1362
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:06,919
Speaker 6: want to be married and work through those other things.

1363
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, way more green flags and yeah.

1364
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:12,120
Speaker 1: Like you can't ignore red flags, but when that person

1365
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:14,560
Speaker 1: wants to be married and you want to be married them,

1366
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 1: red flags aren't so much like a run. It's let's

1367
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:20,600
Speaker 1: discuss this. Are you willing to fix that? Because for me,

1368
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 1: some of my red flags because I wanted to be married,

1369
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:27,440
Speaker 1: I was willing to fix. But if I wasn't prepared

1370
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:29,640
Speaker 1: to be somebody's husband when she checked me on it,

1371
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:31,680
Speaker 1: they'd be like, what this is who I am?

1372
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 6: Except me you don't even know and you didn't even know.

1373
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:36,920
Speaker 1: The house has to be the one at the time,

1374
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 1: the person you dated, And that's what I was saying,

1375
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:41,520
Speaker 1: like you could have been that person for her, like

1376
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 1: shorty and you said you were for six months. You

1377
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 1: tried and it didn't work, so you were right. So

1378
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:48,720
Speaker 1: we're not even talking about that moment. I'm just trying

1379
01:01:48,760 --> 01:01:51,120
Speaker 1: to think about how many dates do you go on

1380
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:53,000
Speaker 1: before you say that red flag is stuck.

1381
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 3: Well, the biggest red flag right now is that we

1382
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 3: got to pay some bills, and this was a very

1383
01:01:58,200 --> 01:01:59,920
Speaker 3: long list and letter number two, but I love how

1384
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:03,920
Speaker 3: the conversations tend to kind of spiral into a bigger conversation.

1385
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 3: So let's take a break. We hope we helped you

1386
01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:09,200
Speaker 3: out there, Queen with a whole lot. That was an

1387
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:11,680
Speaker 3: air full, and we'll be back with our lastness to

1388
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:27,160
Speaker 3: that other day. All right, we're back, and I feel

1389
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:28,960
Speaker 3: like at this point, for the sake of time, we

1390
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 3: can do one more listening letter.

1391
01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 1: First of all, I want to say this, Trouble. I

1392
01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 1: appreciate you being so open with your life. You know

1393
01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, because for a long time, Kadeen and

1394
01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 1: I have been very open with our lives, you know

1395
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But we don't hear too often other

1396
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 1: people being vulnerable about what they go through and what

1397
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:49,520
Speaker 1: they And I appreciate you saying this because we have

1398
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:52,200
Speaker 1: single people who listen to our podcast and they're like,

1399
01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:55,480
Speaker 1: sometimes I listen to y'all and it makes me jealous,

1400
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:57,360
Speaker 1: but also makes me feel like I missed out on life.

1401
01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 1: But then also it's like, nah, we want to hear

1402
01:02:59,160 --> 01:03:01,200
Speaker 1: what you go through, is a single person, because Kate

1403
01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:03,960
Speaker 1: says it all the time parts of her wish that

1404
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:06,120
Speaker 1: she could expect parts of her twenty singles so she

1405
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:09,000
Speaker 1: could have her own apartment going. You know what I'm saying, Jason.

1406
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:11,720
Speaker 1: So we like hearing these stories just to hear, like,

1407
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:13,800
Speaker 1: what is it like? So we could also get a

1408
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:16,840
Speaker 1: different insight. Solutely, I appreciate you but for being vulnerable

1409
01:03:16,840 --> 01:03:17,280
Speaker 1: and honest.

1410
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:19,120
Speaker 3: Yes, and we hope some of our lesseners can relate

1411
01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:21,160
Speaker 3: to Yeah, that's in part two Lives for Elis. Ever after,

1412
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:24,080
Speaker 3: we wanted to open up the discussion to Trible, Matt,

1413
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 3: and Josh because they all have their lives and different perspectives.

1414
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 3: So we're here to learn and grow folks.

1415
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:31,360
Speaker 1: Hey, Kane de vou, First off, I love you guys,

1416
01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:33,439
Speaker 1: We love you too. I don't think I ever looked

1417
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:35,560
Speaker 1: up to a role model back a black couple until

1418
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:37,920
Speaker 1: I came across your Facebook page back in twenty twenty.

1419
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 1: But I need your help. I am a person that

1420
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 1: constantly acts on impulsiveness, also a person that requires instant

1421
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:47,000
Speaker 1: gratification the value. You spoke on poor minds and mentioned

1422
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 1: that this generation, which is me once instant gratification. You

1423
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 1: also said that nothing is easy that's worth having that

1424
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 1: said something to me. I have commitment issues and that

1425
01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 1: stem from how I saw my father my family treat

1426
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 1: things and treat other people. My goal, my dream career

1427
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:04,400
Speaker 1: is to be a full time content creator and hopefully

1428
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:07,520
Speaker 1: can make it to TV. I extremely enjoy making people laugh.

1429
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:10,320
Speaker 1: I love the attention for the right reasons. Everyone tells

1430
01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 1: me you should do YouTube, or you should post more

1431
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 1: on social media platforms. You have the talent, you have

1432
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:18,520
Speaker 1: the personality. I believe I do too, but sometimes procrastination wins.

1433
01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:20,520
Speaker 1: I love being a student and a teacher in the game.

1434
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:24,880
Speaker 1: I'm a leo, so I am hot headed. Sometimes I

1435
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 1: don't listen and go. Sometimes I don't listen and go

1436
01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:31,440
Speaker 1: based on my own desires rather than thinking logically. You guys,

1437
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:34,080
Speaker 1: please help me. I am twenty four years old. That's

1438
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:36,160
Speaker 1: why you feel like that. You're twenty four and I

1439
01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:39,200
Speaker 1: want to make something of myself. You still can twenty

1440
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,640
Speaker 1: four as a baby. I want to be more creative

1441
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:43,920
Speaker 1: and generate wealth from my passion.

1442
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:46,440
Speaker 3: I love it because you know, people listen to us.

1443
01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:48,840
Speaker 3: Like you said, they listen and they're just like man,

1444
01:04:49,080 --> 01:04:51,320
Speaker 3: I want to have all these things. I want to aspire,

1445
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 3: but at twenty four. It's like, girl, you got so

1446
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 3: much time, so much time. I advised to her today.

1447
01:04:57,840 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 1: The first thing I said is she said that she's impulsive.

1448
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:02,440
Speaker 1: She's impulsive. You can't be impulsive if you want to

1449
01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:04,760
Speaker 1: be a content creator and you want to make money

1450
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:07,640
Speaker 1: from your passion. Impost ain't the way to go about it,

1451
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:09,320
Speaker 1: and being hot headed. You have to have a plan.

1452
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:12,600
Speaker 1: One thing you've heard Kadeen and I say since the

1453
01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:15,360
Speaker 1: very first episode is that we had a plan when

1454
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,520
Speaker 1: we first met each other. I told her what I wanted.

1455
01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 1: She told me what she wanted, and her response was

1456
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:22,920
Speaker 1: with how we gonna do it? Make a plan, and

1457
01:05:23,040 --> 01:05:25,240
Speaker 1: with that plan, don't make it a ten day plan.

1458
01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 1: My first plan was a five year plan. I told Okay,

1459
01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 1: I said, kay, I'm gonna get us to Hollywood in

1460
01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:32,920
Speaker 1: five years. That was at the end of two thousand

1461
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:35,240
Speaker 1: and nine, turn into twenty ten. At the end of

1462
01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:37,640
Speaker 1: that five years, I was nowhere close to being in Hollywood.

1463
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:39,880
Speaker 1: So I had to create a different plan. It took

1464
01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:42,440
Speaker 1: me ten years to get to where I am now.

1465
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:46,919
Speaker 1: But I was consistent. I was disciplined. I never listened

1466
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:48,720
Speaker 1: to people tell me I shouldn't do it. I focused

1467
01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:50,920
Speaker 1: on my dreams and my goal, but most importantly I

1468
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:51,800
Speaker 1: stuck with the plan.

1469
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 3: Yeah love that anybody else?

1470
01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:55,800
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1471
01:05:55,880 --> 01:05:57,880
Speaker 4: Deval hit the nail on the head for me a

1472
01:05:57,960 --> 01:06:01,680
Speaker 4: couple episodes ago when he was talking about and I

1473
01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:04,080
Speaker 4: heard him saying this to Jackson yesterday, which reminded me

1474
01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:05,800
Speaker 4: it was like a blessing that I walked in right

1475
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:09,280
Speaker 4: at that moment. But just most people don't focus on

1476
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:12,400
Speaker 4: the process, like we want to be good at something

1477
01:06:12,520 --> 01:06:14,880
Speaker 4: right now today, we want our first video to go viral,

1478
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 4: instead of understanding that there is real power in the process,

1479
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:23,000
Speaker 4: like getting better at something, especially at twenty four. But

1480
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,480
Speaker 4: the Oprah didn't get the Oprah Show and she'll till

1481
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 4: she was thirty.

1482
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 5: Yep, So think about doing this.

1483
01:06:27,960 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 4: I used to tell myself, this is my twenties all

1484
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:31,920
Speaker 4: the time, and now that I'm past thirty, I'd be like, fuck,

1485
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:35,240
Speaker 4: I should have listened to my goddamn self. But think

1486
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 4: about getting better at doing this by the time you're thirty,

1487
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:42,000
Speaker 4: Like you'll be really, really good if that's what you're

1488
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:45,080
Speaker 4: focused on. Instead of being focused on building wealth, be

1489
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:47,080
Speaker 4: focused on building your craft.

1490
01:06:46,880 --> 01:06:49,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely figuring out what it is you like, not what

1491
01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:51,640
Speaker 3: everybody say you should be doing yeah, and do what

1492
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:52,760
Speaker 3: you like, like, do.

1493
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,240
Speaker 2: It because you actually like it, as opposed to doing

1494
01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 2: it because I wanted a viral.

1495
01:06:57,480 --> 01:06:57,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1496
01:06:58,280 --> 01:07:01,160
Speaker 2: I think people don't realize only viral a lot of

1497
01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:04,680
Speaker 2: times isn't something that's intentional, right, It isn't something you're

1498
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 2: trying to do right, right, Like I remember, like before

1499
01:07:08,360 --> 01:07:11,040
Speaker 2: viral was like what it is. Now you go viral

1500
01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:13,800
Speaker 2: and get like five hundred likes on a picture years

1501
01:07:13,840 --> 01:07:16,720
Speaker 2: ago when we just like when social media started on Facebook, right,

1502
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:18,920
Speaker 2: that was like the pity me going viral because five

1503
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,360
Speaker 2: thousand people you don't know is li like in your stuff?

1504
01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:21,520
Speaker 1: Right?

1505
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:23,919
Speaker 2: Then it goes and but you're just doing it because

1506
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:27,320
Speaker 2: you're getting you're you're you're you're in the process of

1507
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:30,680
Speaker 2: doing something, and you're doing what I enjoy. The fact

1508
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:31,960
Speaker 2: that you became viral.

1509
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:34,920
Speaker 1: Is something it is aproduct. It's a byproduct of you

1510
01:07:35,040 --> 01:07:35,840
Speaker 1: getting that out.

1511
01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:39,600
Speaker 2: So I think this generation has it twisted absolutely saying

1512
01:07:39,680 --> 01:07:42,840
Speaker 2: the only way I could make it is to uh

1513
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:45,360
Speaker 2: is to go viral, Like that's that's the way I

1514
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 2: I quantify my success by going viral by the amount

1515
01:07:49,280 --> 01:07:51,920
Speaker 2: of people that see it. But your success is actually

1516
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 2: you doing the thing that you that's birthed out of you.

1517
01:07:54,600 --> 01:07:57,800
Speaker 2: And we so we so often miss like the act

1518
01:07:57,880 --> 01:08:00,120
Speaker 2: of doing stuff, the act of the process that of

1519
01:08:00,280 --> 01:08:02,880
Speaker 2: like looking back from like from when I was twenty

1520
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:05,280
Speaker 2: three to twenty five, like I've grown so much doing this.

1521
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:08,320
Speaker 2: I'm such a better person. What's next for me? Because

1522
01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:10,480
Speaker 2: if you're not doing something now, you can't say, you

1523
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 2: can't really really say what's next for me? You got

1524
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:14,760
Speaker 2: to start the action to doing stuff. And I think

1525
01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:19,080
Speaker 2: this generation has completely lost touch of what it is

1526
01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:23,320
Speaker 2: to be like successful at everything because they're looking at

1527
01:08:23,479 --> 01:08:25,360
Speaker 2: going viral. It's always a viral moment.

1528
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:29,160
Speaker 1: You know why too. Now I can look at my phone,

1529
01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:31,160
Speaker 1: I can see a twelve year old that ran a

1530
01:08:31,240 --> 01:08:34,160
Speaker 1: ten point in a hundred and if I'm twelve and

1531
01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:36,280
Speaker 1: I don't run a ten point in the fuck track,

1532
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,519
Speaker 1: I can't. You know what I'm saying. It's like you

1533
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:42,680
Speaker 1: comparison high these things. You get to see the anomalies

1534
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:45,600
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, and now you think the anomalies

1535
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:47,960
Speaker 1: is the Normously did you get.

1536
01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:51,720
Speaker 2: To compare yourself instantly against somebody else and you don't

1537
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:52,439
Speaker 2: know what they're doing?

1538
01:08:52,640 --> 01:08:55,240
Speaker 1: That's what she's dealing with. Now, can you can hear

1539
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:57,680
Speaker 1: now that you're pointing it out being twenty four, I

1540
01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,880
Speaker 1: can't imagine being twenty four with all of this stuff.

1541
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:03,040
Speaker 2: But it's that's a she's I mean, it happens now

1542
01:09:03,160 --> 01:09:06,120
Speaker 2: it being thirty and forty. Like you like, now that

1543
01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:09,080
Speaker 2: you've accomplished so much things, you're still like looking at, okay,

1544
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:11,360
Speaker 2: what this person did. But I think that's the problem.

1545
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:14,040
Speaker 2: Like you just got to do and you got to

1546
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:16,720
Speaker 2: get better. Like real talk, we have to start. This

1547
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:19,320
Speaker 2: is something we have to just get better at what

1548
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:21,800
Speaker 2: we Yeah, like in my twenties, I wanted to act.

1549
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:23,640
Speaker 1: I was playing football, I was learning. I went in

1550
01:09:23,640 --> 01:09:25,600
Speaker 1: audition for stuff. I didn't get booked, wow, because I

1551
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 1: wasn't good. Yeah, I had to learn, you know what

1552
01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:29,920
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I had to learn how to do this

1553
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:32,479
Speaker 1: process and not even the process of acting. First you

1554
01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:34,920
Speaker 1: got to learn how to audition. Yeah, okay, you learn

1555
01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:36,720
Speaker 1: how to audition, Then you got to learn how to act.

1556
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:38,280
Speaker 1: Then when you act, you got to learn how to

1557
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:40,799
Speaker 1: act this way, you know what I'm saying. That's a process.

1558
01:09:40,840 --> 01:09:43,840
Speaker 2: It's not practice makes perfect, it's perfect. Practice makes perfect

1559
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:44,720
Speaker 2: there you go, and.

1560
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:45,479
Speaker 1: That takes time.

1561
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, baby girl, We hope that helped you out.

1562
01:09:49,240 --> 01:09:51,760
Speaker 3: Lots of great advice today. This is a really good episode, y'all.

1563
01:09:51,760 --> 01:09:54,160
Speaker 3: I really like listening letters because even though you yeah,

1564
01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:56,360
Speaker 3: you guys spark the conversations of course when you write in,

1565
01:09:56,439 --> 01:09:58,720
Speaker 3: and we love that. Thank you for letting us into

1566
01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:02,000
Speaker 3: your world a bit and it helps us. I think

1567
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:04,960
Speaker 3: every time we build on conversations from listener letters to

1568
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:07,000
Speaker 3: learn more about ourselves and each other.

1569
01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:11,960
Speaker 2: So learn more about Trivial and we love your trip.

1570
01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:16,559
Speaker 3: All right, y'all. Keep writing into listen letters, y'all because

1571
01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:19,000
Speaker 3: we really enjoy having them on the episodes. And sometimes

1572
01:10:19,080 --> 01:10:20,840
Speaker 3: like this, we'll have a listening letter episodes. So if

1573
01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:23,280
Speaker 3: we don't get to your listener to right away, chances

1574
01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:25,240
Speaker 3: are at some point during the season we will. So

1575
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:27,439
Speaker 3: if you want to be featured as a listener letter,

1576
01:10:27,479 --> 01:10:30,680
Speaker 3: be sure to email us at the Ellis Advice at

1577
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:31,800
Speaker 3: gmail dot com.

1578
01:10:32,040 --> 01:10:34,439
Speaker 1: That's t H E E L L I S A

1579
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:36,000
Speaker 1: d V I C E at Gmail.

1580
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:38,920
Speaker 3: All Right, moment of truth time. We couple of covered.

1581
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:42,560
Speaker 3: We covered a couple of things today, so anyone have

1582
01:10:42,600 --> 01:10:46,200
Speaker 3: any moment moments of truth based off of anything that

1583
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:49,040
Speaker 3: we've spoken about in any particular letter, or just something

1584
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:50,720
Speaker 3: overarching that you want to say.

1585
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,080
Speaker 1: My mourning the truth is about listener letters, is that

1586
01:10:53,160 --> 01:10:56,320
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of y'all realistically, because nobody really has

1587
01:10:56,360 --> 01:10:58,360
Speaker 1: to get up here and tell their truth about their life.

1588
01:10:59,520 --> 01:11:02,559
Speaker 1: We've done it, and now we've asked that our friends

1589
01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:05,280
Speaker 1: come in and be included in the conversation, and they've

1590
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:08,400
Speaker 1: all been very open and vulnerable. Now I just want

1591
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 1: to say thank you to y'all because y'all really didn't

1592
01:11:10,479 --> 01:11:13,360
Speaker 1: have to. You know what I'm saying, Like, y'all both married,

1593
01:11:13,400 --> 01:11:16,160
Speaker 1: your spouses aren't here to tell their perspective, but y'all

1594
01:11:16,200 --> 01:11:18,680
Speaker 1: is still being open trouble, you're single, and you're being

1595
01:11:18,840 --> 01:11:21,240
Speaker 1: very vulnerable about what you go through. Someone is going

1596
01:11:21,320 --> 01:11:23,960
Speaker 1: to listen to these episodes and be like, yo, I

1597
01:11:24,120 --> 01:11:28,120
Speaker 1: learned something because the perspective is different. So my moment

1598
01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:30,080
Speaker 1: of truth is that I love y'all and I appreciate y'all.

1599
01:11:33,160 --> 01:11:35,760
Speaker 4: Those listeners who don't know what Davala is talking about

1600
01:11:35,840 --> 01:11:41,720
Speaker 4: because I cut that whole portion of the side too.

1601
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:46,720
Speaker 7: Great, that's hilarious, That's great, all right, y'all be sure

1602
01:11:46,800 --> 01:11:49,560
Speaker 7: to follow us on Patreon if you have not yet subscribed,

1603
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:52,640
Speaker 7: so you can get exclusive access to the Ellis ever

1604
01:11:52,760 --> 01:11:56,559
Speaker 7: After After show, as well as more exclusive Ellis family content.

1605
01:11:56,880 --> 01:11:59,559
Speaker 3: You can foindow us follow us on social media on Instagram.

1606
01:12:00,120 --> 01:12:02,640
Speaker 3: Uh Ellis ever After is our handle. I'm Kadeen, I

1607
01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:04,160
Speaker 3: am i am Davao.

1608
01:12:04,120 --> 01:12:07,280
Speaker 2: I'm Underscore Matt Ellis, and I'm Joshua Underscore Duwaye. You

1609
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:08,960
Speaker 2: can double click on my fix right there.

1610
01:12:09,400 --> 01:12:11,519
Speaker 5: I'm at Trims the Cool t ri I b b

1611
01:12:11,720 --> 01:12:14,240
Speaker 5: Z the Cool on Everything And.

1612
01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:16,439
Speaker 1: If you're listening on Apple Podcast, be sure it's a

1613
01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:20,400
Speaker 1: great review. Subscribe one three y'all want two three.

1614
01:12:23,240 --> 01:12:28,160
Speaker 4: Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1615
01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:32,800
Speaker 4: by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1616
01:12:32,960 --> 01:12:37,439
Speaker 4: Production by Joshua Dwyane and Matthew Ellis, Video editing by

1617
01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:38,320
Speaker 4: Lashan Roe.

1618
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:14,120
Speaker 1: Togona Togona

1619
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:19,480
Speaker 3: Bad Tokona