WEBVTT - Betrayal Weekly: EP 7 - Heather 0:00:01.520 --> 0:00:03.240 My dad was like, I want to talk to you 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:07.080 about something. Let's go talk for a second outside. He 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:09.720 started this whole preamble of like, you have taught me 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:12.720 the importance of honesty. You have been such a positive 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:17.040 influence on my life, Like you are an inspiration. And 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:19.160 he was looking me in the eye and being really 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:22.360 emotional about it, and he said, because of that, I 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:25.040 want to be honest with you. They're gonna have a 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:27.000 little bit of trouble coming up. 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:43.760 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:47.440 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:53.840 change everything. At Betrayal, we hear lots of stories about 0:00:53.960 --> 0:01:00.640 romantic betrayals, marriages and relationships blown apart by deception. Sometimes 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:04.760 we encounter another kind of betrayal, one that's not a 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:08.640 violation of vowels, but instead the violation of a more 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:12.880 inherent trust, the trust a child puts in their parents. 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:17.160 That's how we found Heather summer Lad. 0:01:19.600 --> 0:01:24.240 As a really young child, I had no idea that 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:26.640 there was anything bizarre about my family. 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:30.360 Heather grew up in Elpaso, Texas, in the eighties and nineties. 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:34.040 She was the youngest child in a blended family. We're 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:36.800 not going to use her parents' names here. We'll just 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:40.200 call them mom and dad. Her earliest memories of her 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:41.520 parents are fond ones. 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:46.240 My parents were everything. They were really silly, they were 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:50.040 really fun. My dad, he used to play this game 0:01:50.040 --> 0:01:54.280 with me where he put me on his shoulders, like 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:57.760 a piggyback ride. But he used to call it a 0:01:57.760 --> 0:02:00.560 camel ride for some reason. I don't know why, but 0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:03.440 he said that he was my camel. So I never 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:07.200 called him dad. I only called him camel. I thought 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:09.640 he was the funniest best father in the world. 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:13.320 Heather's mom was also playful and charming. 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:17.120 My mom wasn't strict at all. There was this kind 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:20.320 of running joke in my family. Anytime I quote unquote 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:23.359 acted up or threw a tantrum, she'd make me sit 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:27.200 in this little pink plastic chair, probably from the Dollar 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:30.359 Store or whatever, and it was called the attitude change 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:36.359 chair until my attitude changed. But then she would feel 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:40.280 so bad about making me sit there that every single 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:43.640 time she made me a chocolate malt she would joke 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:45.839 about it. She'd give me the malt and be like, oh, 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:48.200 I mean, how you're gonna act up? Just so you 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:49.520 can get this chocolate malt. 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:54.240 Her mom was part of a tight knit Mexican American family. 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:56.720 I always like to joke that my mom didn't teach 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.880 me Spanish so that she could talk about me in 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:02.359 Spanish to other people, and then I wouldn't understand. 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:06.280 Heather says her mom treated her more like a confidant 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:09.240 or a friend and not so much like her child. 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.200 I never had a bedtime, and I remember asking my 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:16.880 mom for a bedtime because all my friends they had bedtimes. 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:18.800 But it was a free for all, like we could 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:19.799 do whatever we wanted. 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:23.400 When Heather was in second grade, she was confronted for 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.560 the first time with something that would become a major 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:31.240 theme in her life, money, or more specifically, debt. 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:36.600 I have a pretty specific memory of being in line 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:40.840 at school for lunch and I had my little tray 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:44.240 and I walked up and the lunch lady just looked 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.600 at me and she was like, your parents owe us 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:49.560 a lot of money. You can't keep taking trays, And 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:52.880 a shame, you know, that washed over me, and also 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.360 the anxiety of just like, wait, what do you mean 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:56.040 they owe money? 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.120 At home, meal times were always a crisis. 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:02.680 Dinner would roll around and we'd be like, we're hungry, 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:06.520 and then my dad would act surprised that we were hungry. 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:09.920 And then it was dinnertime. When we didn't have money, 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:13.320 my dad would have to go like basically forage for 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:17.360 food or money. He would leave for like a few hours, 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.920 and we wouldn't know when he was coming back, and 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:22.880 we didn't know where he was, and then he'd come 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:26.760 back with Sometimes it was full blown takeout, and my 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:29.640 mom would ask me, how did you get that? Other 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:33.880 times he would come home with like tortillas, And this 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:36.120 was like a daily occurrence until payday. 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:41.440 Heather's childhood revolved around her parents payday. 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:45.239 That was such a big day in our house. Everything 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.520 was centered around when was the next paycheck? When are 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:51.120 we getting paid again? And so we would get the paycheck, 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:56.360 and you know, it was like celebration that first day. 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:58.160 We'd got to eat, or we'd go to the movies, 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:01.680 or my mom would go shopping and we'd live it up. 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:05.200 We'd have all this stuff, but the money seemed to 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:09.440 always be gone a few days after pay day and 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:12.520 then a few days later we didn't have anything. 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:16.320 Between pay days, Heather and her dad would usually take 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:17.800 a trip to the pawn shop. 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:21.000 I used to go with my father to pawn things 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:24.839 as early as first grade. We would drive around to 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:28.280 all the different pawn shops. I mean, to me as 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:30.720 a kid, it wasn't bizarre. It was like, oh yay, 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.279 like we're going to the pawn shop, We're going to 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:34.280 Applebee's tonight. 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.760 But here's the thing that still doesn't make sense to 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:39.599 Heather about her childhood. 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:44.600 We weren't poor, or at least their salaries suggest that 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:46.200 we shouldn't have been poor. 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:50.920 Both of her parents worked full time as teachers. In fact, 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:53.840 when she was growing up, her father was an assistant 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:55.600 principal at a high school. 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:59.200 We should have been, I think, pretty clearly middle class. 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.479 Especially the cost of living where we were from wasn't 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:05.920 really that high, so it was bizarre that we never 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:06.640 had money. 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.400 They lived above their means. When the paychecks came in, 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:14.480 they bought things, including jewelry and expensive electronics. They spent 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.640 so quickly that between paychecks they would run out of 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:20.520 money and wouldn't have enough to eat, so they pawned 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:24.960 whatever they had just bought. She began realizing this was strange, 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.359 especially when she made friends at school. 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:33.320 My friends. A lot of their parents were teachers, and 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:38.200 seeing how they lived in comparison with how we lived 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:40.880 was eye opening. 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:44.480 When she was in fourth grade, Heather was finally allowed 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.119 to go over to a friend's house for the first time. 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:50.880 One of the craziest things is they would offer me food. 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:56.040 They were like, oh, do you want dinner? And the 0:06:56.160 --> 0:07:00.560 idea that somebody would be offering me food willingly and 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:03.320 that I was welcome to it like it just didn't 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:06.440 feel real. So that, I think is when I started 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.960 to realize, like, this is really not normal. 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:13.200 And there was another thing Heather noticed. 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:17.080 She had her own room. That was really I hope, 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:20.240 because I never I got my own room maybe like 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:23.320 four times in my childhood out of like the seventeen 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:24.480 houses we lived in. 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:30.720 The seventeen houses they lived in. Her family moved every 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:34.960 single year of her childhood, and Heather shared a room 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:37.160 with her half brothers or slept on the couch. 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.400 We always knew it was because we were getting evicted. 0:07:40.960 --> 0:07:43.840 There was no cover story. We heard all the fights, 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:44.680 we knew everything. 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:50.720 After every move, Heather watched her mom become increasingly defeated, exasperated, 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:54.120 and angrier with her dad. 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:57.120 Because that was the girl. I think my mom relied 0:07:57.160 --> 0:08:00.800 on me emotionally. Oh, your father did this and he's 0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:03.520 done that. It started to become really clear that the 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:05.960 things he was doing were really shady. 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:10.760 Heather quickly learned that her mom didn't approve of her 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.560 dad's behavior, and it rubbed off on her. 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:17.440 I started to see my father as the quote unquote 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:23.160 problem and my mom. I always thought of myself as 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:23.800 her protector. 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.680 Heather's mom would even confide in her about wanting to 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:28.440 leave her dad. 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:33.240 She was always talking about leaving him. She never would 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:36.079 leave him though, because like, oh, I don't want to 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:38.720 be a burden to my kids, or I'm saving as 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:39.880 much money as i can. 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:45.280 Right before Heather started high school, her dad just walked out. 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.760 He just said he couldn't take it anymore, so he left. 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:53.040 And that was great. I was helping my mom budget. 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:58.120 Family and friends came to help. My aunt paid some bills, 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:01.480 people brought us grocery. It was just great. And I 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.400 remember going with my mom to a divorce lawyer too, 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:07.240 and just like really like trying to support her and 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:09.680 actually going through with a divorce. 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:13.600 But within a month or two he started coming back around. 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:17.120 My dad would start to come over in this period 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:20.720 when they were separated. He would come over because my 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.080 mom needed him to fix a light bulb or something, 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:25.520 and then he'd come over, and the next day it 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:28.440 was just say a little bit longer, Oh, let me 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:31.880 fix the light bulb and also do your laundry. And 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:33.600 then he lived there again. 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:37.840 He promised that this time things were going to be different. 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:42.199 He started taking steps towards financial stability. 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:45.560 And so my dad started seeing the pastor and was 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:47.360 supposedly getting all this help with budgeting. 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:50.840 Heather didn't believe him at first. She was angry with 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.840 him and angry at her mom for letting him back 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:57.120 into their lives. It was a lot of pressure on 0:09:57.160 --> 0:09:59.520 a child, too much pressure. 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:04.400 I have memories of sobbing in front of my parents 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:06.960 and then just kind of like going about and eating 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:10.720 breakfast while I'm there, just sobbing about getting evicted again. 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:14.000 My mom just like eating her grapefruit and kind of 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:18.800 like ice colds and giving no comfort. My dad just 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:20.440 like catering to her needs. 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:25.640 Heather retreated into herself emotionally when she started high school. 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.040 She fixated on the one thing she could control. 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:35.120 I was in the gifted program at school, and part 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:38.480 of how I connected to other adults was trying to 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:41.480 excel at whatever I did. So trying to excel at school, 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:47.000 making good grades, not being rebellious. And I played the violin, 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:50.160 which my mom wanted me to do, even though. 0:10:49.960 --> 0:10:54.240 It wasn't her passion. Heather was a gifted violinist, and 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:57.760 she started dreaming about a future, one that was far 0:10:57.920 --> 0:10:59.120 away from her parents. 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.199 Wanted to be a writer. That was like a big 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:05.720 part of my childhood. And there was this writing contest. 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.200 And as I was looking up the writing contest, I 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:11.000 discovered Bennington College. 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.600 Bennington College is a small liberal arts school in Vermont. 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:20.000 It's known for creative student led coursework. It promised the 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.320 one thing Heather craved the most. Freedom. 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:27.320 Everything about it just seemed like paradise, and it was 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:31.319 like two thousand miles away. So I just got it 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.600 into my head that I really wanted to go there. 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:39.640 From that moment on, Bennington became her goal, her only goal. 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:42.880 I just had that determination. I just knew I needed 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:45.839 to get the fuck out. My body just couldn't take 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:46.440 it anymore. 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:51.280 One day, during her senior year of high school, Heather 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.679 got a letter in the mail the letter she'd been 0:11:54.720 --> 0:11:55.440 waiting for. 0:11:57.000 --> 0:11:59.640 It was just a normal day and my mom got 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:01.680 the mail and there was an envelope for me and 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:05.000 she handed it to me. It was from Bennington. I 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:08.200 remember opening the envelope and I was like, Mom, I 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:12.880 got in and her face just dropped like it went 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:19.080 ice colds, and she started walking away. And I was like, oh, 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.280 maybe she's getting me a present or something. 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:26.040 But she wasn't getting her daughter a present. Instead, Heather's 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:28.840 mom felt abandoned by her decision to go to college 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:32.880 so far away. To Heather's surprise, it was her dad 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:36.160 who swooped in, and it was him who said the 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.520 things she desperately needed to hear. 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.760 Like Oh, I'm so proud of you. This is great, congratulations. 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:48.520 I will talk to your mom for you, like, let 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:50.880 me smooth this over for you, because I really want 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:52.360 you to be able to go to this school. 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.720 Her dad worked hard to earn her trust back. He 0:12:56.800 --> 0:13:00.160 acknowledged his mistakes and promised that he was going to 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:04.080 be there to make her dreams come true. 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:07.880 My dad really made me believe that he was on 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:12.120 my side. He would say things like, after everything that's happened, 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:14.280 I want you to go to school. I want to 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:16.280 help you do this, like I will figure this out 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:16.520 for you. 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:21.080 For the first time since she was a child, Heather 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:22.400 trusted her dad. 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:25.800 I wanted that cammel relationship that we had had because 0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:28.320 after a while I stopped calling him anything, Like I 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:31.360 didn't call him Cammel, I didn't call him dad like 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:33.719 I think for a while, I was referring to him 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:37.720 as my biological father. So to have him put this 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:41.600 olive branch out of like, yes, you know what, I know. 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:44.520 I did wrong. I'm learning from my mistakes and I 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:47.760 want to help you. You're an eighteen year old kid, 0:13:47.800 --> 0:14:02.560 you're gonna eat that up, which I did. 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:08.040 Heather had been accepted to her dream college, Bennington, two 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.280 thousand miles away from El Paso, Texas and the chaos 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.840 she'd grown up with. There was still one big obstacle 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:19.880 between Heather and Bennington, money, but her dad was there 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:20.720 to help. 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.160 When it came time to filling out the paperwork for 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.440 financial aid. You know, he was the one helping me. 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:29.000 He was like brainstorming, and then he was like, I've 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:32.040 worked it out with Bennington. We've got this payment plan. 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:37.520 Heather was skeptical at first, just a few years ago, 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:41.440 they didn't have enough money for food even with financial aid, 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:45.880 how could they afford regular college tuition payments. But her 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:47.200 dad reassured her. 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:51.000 We're budgeting and we have more money now, and like, 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:52.880 I know how to do this, and I want to 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:53.360 do this. 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:58.760 So Heather enrolled at Bennington. She finally felt like her 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:02.440 life was starting. There was one upfront cost that financial 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.880 aid didn't cover. A few thousand dollars she needed for 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:10.640 travel to Vermont, a laptop, and textbooks. The family put 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:13.360 their heads together to come up with the money. 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:16.720 I remember one day he came and was like, I've 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:18.920 got a co signer for you for a loan. Because 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:21.200 my parents were never going to be co signers. They 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.320 didn't have the credit for that, and I didn't have 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:27.520 any credit. It was a small loan for I think 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.680 three thousand dollars, and that was the loan that was 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:32.640 going to get me to school. It was going to 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:34.800 buy me a computer, it was going to get me 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.200 my textbooks. He came home he was like, I've got it. 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:40.600 I've got you a co signer. She's already agreed, it's 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:44.520 my friend. She's already signed the paperwork, like all you 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:47.040 have to do is sign right here, and this is it. 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:52.400 When August came, the whole family took a trip to 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:56.080 Vermont to move her into college. As they began the drive, 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:58.520 Heather was overcome with anxiety. 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.840 I kept expect there to be some sort of issue, 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:03.920 and the whole drive up to her mom, I was like, 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:06.480 I'm going to die. We're going to get into a 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:08.920 car crash. My dad is going to have a heart 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:13.240 attack and die. Just the most awful situations just kept 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:15.400 replaying in my head because I didn't think that I 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:17.120 was actually going to make it there. 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:23.120 Behind her catastrophic anxieties was a much more realistic one. 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:24.720 I'm going to show up and they're going to tell 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:27.680 me that I'm like denied or something like the payment 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:28.680 plan didn't work out. 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:32.200 When they finally got to campus, I go. 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:35.600 And I ask for my ID. It took my picture 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:41.160 and everything like here, and I was like, Okay, this 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:41.760 is real. 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:45.800 It was a huge relief. Her parents took her shopping 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:49.040 for dorm supplies and helped her move in. It all 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:53.280 felt shockingly normal. When it came time to say their goodbyes, 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:57.320 Heather expected her mom to be upset, clinging or even angry, 0:16:57.920 --> 0:16:58.720 but she wasn't. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:02.280 She was kind of like, Okay, we had, you know, 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.000 just to have fun. And I was kind of like, 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:08.200 what is happening. This is very bizarre, and I was 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:14.320 like goodbye, and I was on my own. As far 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:18.280 as I knew, I was leaving my childhood behind and 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:22.800 entering into a new life with my parents as supporters. 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:28.320 Bennington was everything she expected it to be. She finally 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:29.919 felt free. 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.880 Oh my god, I loved it. When the leaves started 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.720 to change. Oh my gosh. My friend took me in 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:39.480 her car and we just like drove around and it 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:41.960 was just like the best freaking day ever. 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:46.119 She thrived at Bennington, even though she wanted to be 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:49.320 a writer. She ended up pursuing a degree in music. 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.640 But in the back of her mind, she always felt 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:56.000 a nagging guilt that her parents were breaking the bank 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:59.879 to send her to college, and Heather felt a special 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:03.320 guilty that she had left her mom alone with her dad. 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.680 So she was surprised when her parents called to tell her. 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:11.000 That they were moving to Boston. It was a shock 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:13.119 that it actually happened, and they just kind of up 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:13.639 and moved. 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:18.160 Her mom loved Boston and always talked about moving there. 0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:21.880 So maybe Heather's dream was allowing her mom to live 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:25.800 hers as well. For the remainder of her time in college, 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:28.320 Heather's parents were just a few hours away in their 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:29.720 new Boston apartment. 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:35.520 They moved to this really nice, cute little apartment, three bedrooms, 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:39.480 two stories, a tree lined street, and they were there 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:43.000 for a couple of years. For my family, like that 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:45.520 was huge, Like staying anywhere for more than a year 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:49.840 met things were great. They're not only paying for my education, 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:54.199 They've also got this amazing apartment in Boston, and so 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.639 when I would go back home to visit, I have 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:58.040 this nice place to be. 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:02.080 Even though her parents were doing better than ever, the 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:05.920 cost of Heather's tuition was still a strain. She had 0:19:05.960 --> 0:19:09.240 financial aid and then that small loan she'd co signed 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:13.399 before she started college. Everything else totaled about five thousand 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:17.120 dollars a semester, and her parents were covering it out 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:19.120 of pocket pretty much. 0:19:19.160 --> 0:19:22.159 Every semester. I would get a late notice of payment 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:25.199 in my box, like your past do with your tuition, 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:28.320 And I'd always call my dad and I'd be like, listen, 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:31.480 I know you're working really hard. You know, whether you 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:32.960 can be able to make the payments. 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:36.960 Every time she had to make a call like this, 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:38.919 it racked her with guilt. 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:42.480 My parents would be really stressed, like, your mom's been 0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:45.720 working so hard after school doing tutoring to get some 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:47.800 extra money, and I'm doing this, that and the other. 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:50.679 We've almost got it. We've almost got it. 0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:55.399 The day before her senior year started, she was staying 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:59.040 at her parents' house. Before she left, her dad wanted 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:01.359 to talk. He sounded concerned. 0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:05.280 It was like a really beautiful day. My dad took 0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:07.119 me up to the back deck and he was like, oh, 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:08.960 let's go talk for a second outside. I want to 0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:11.679 talk to you about something. So he started with this 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.880 whole preambled like you have taught me the importance of honesty, 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:18.359 Like you have been such a positive influence on my life, 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:21.919 Like you are an inspiration. And he was like looking 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:24.840 me in the eye and like being really emotional about it. 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:27.840 And he said, because of that, I want to be 0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:30.159 honest with you. You're going to get a note in 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:31.520 your box this semester. 0:20:32.080 --> 0:20:35.480 He asked Heather if she knew how loans worked. 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:38.359 I was like, you said that we didn't have to 0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:41.080 take out loans for this year, like you said, everything 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:45.199 was all set and he was like, no, actually we 0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:47.520 did have to take out a loan and everything is 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:49.800 all set, but you're going to get this paper and 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:52.800 just give him this. And he started phishing something out 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:54.480 of his back pocket and it was just like this 0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:57.919 piece of paper he was a promised story note and 0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:00.040 he was like, you just give him this and everything should. 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:03.119 Be get The next day, when Heather got to school 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:06.439 to start her senior year, there. 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:08.480 Was a note in my box. I went to the 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:11.879 business office and they told me that I had to 0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:14.639 leave and that I couldn't be on campus unless I 0:21:14.680 --> 0:21:16.840 came back to school with a bank certified check for 0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:18.000 twenty thousand dollars. 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:21.720 The number didn't even make sense. As far as she knew, 0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:24.520 her parents only paid about five thousand dollars out of 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:28.600 pocket every semester. How could they possibly be this far 0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:29.960 behind on payments. 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:32.680 I called my dad and I kept on being like hey, 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:34.920 like they said twenty thousand dollars, How do we owe 0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:37.320 twenty thousand dollars? And he was like, Oh, those guys, 0:21:37.560 --> 0:21:41.159 they're real jerks over there at the business office. I 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:44.040 couldn't get anybody to tell me what was going on. 0:21:44.480 --> 0:21:48.160 My father didn't know anything. My mom didn't know anything. 0:21:48.640 --> 0:21:51.240 I just knew that I couldn't be at school until 0:21:51.440 --> 0:21:52.399 this money was paid. 0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:57.159 Without any real answers, Heather's spent a few days at 0:21:57.160 --> 0:21:59.560 her parents' house. I'm sure if she'd be able to 0:21:59.600 --> 0:22:04.919 continue her education. Furious and exasperated, she stopped asking for 0:22:05.000 --> 0:22:07.480 answers from her dad. She just wanted to go back 0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:10.359 to school, and somehow. 0:22:10.520 --> 0:22:13.080 It got cleared up. I can't even say I know how. 0:22:16.119 --> 0:22:17.440