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Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to another episode of horror Blad. This

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Speaker 1: is your own cinema, So if you have not yet,

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Speaker 1: we are going to start off by letting you bitches

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Speaker 1: know dead spoiler alert, we are talking hunting wives on

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Speaker 1: Netflix today.

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Speaker 2: Y'all know what I was about to say, y'all late,

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Speaker 2: go watch.

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Speaker 1: Them Republic Hands and the six Fuel drug induced.

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Speaker 2: Heyos, it's great.

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Speaker 1: So if you haven't seen it yet, you may want

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Speaker 1: to save this episode but later. But if you have

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Speaker 1: watched it, you are in for a time. We are

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Speaker 1: going to start though, wait a little quick catch up though.

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Speaker 1: We're filming this quite at a good time for y'all to,

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Speaker 1: you know, see what's going on.

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Speaker 3: I think they'll get this in like a week or two.

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Speaker 3: Oh shit, we gotta get Billy his good Philly show.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, still, let me think what's I catch out?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Okay, so we double baths on a think girl.

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Speaker 3: Okay, now that they have not heard that story yet,

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Speaker 3: well to to just round it up basically.

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Speaker 2: Oh did you see my hitch? A moment I was like,

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Speaker 2: well I can see it still, bitch, let me show

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Speaker 2: you my face yesterday. Blew the fuck up?

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Speaker 3: You stay with something what happened, which I don't know,

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Speaker 3: but anyway, I posted it online what happened? But it

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Speaker 3: got cuter after a while.

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Speaker 1: It just that nothing about that looks but you look

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Speaker 1: like Angie.

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Speaker 2: No, I said, I looked like Larsa Pippen. Oh. I

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Speaker 2: don't know what's going on. But I was like, oh, bitch,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest with you.

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Speaker 3: I better not be allergic to alcohol. I had two

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Speaker 3: things that night, natural wine. I went to a que

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Speaker 3: party called Wine for Me and be Wine.

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Speaker 2: For Me BK. I really liked it. I've had a

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Speaker 2: lot of hohore hived there, which maybe it wasn't natural.

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Speaker 3: No, I think natural one. I think it's something with

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Speaker 3: that ship. And then the other thing I had. I

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Speaker 3: know this sounds like is it?

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Speaker 2: It was grab legs? But I only need grab legs.

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Speaker 2: I better not got it. If you got a shellfish

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Speaker 2: allgy so big eighth egg is enough. Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: Oh it's probably the grab legs.

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Speaker 3: Bro.

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Speaker 2: I woke up, got in the room.

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Speaker 3: That nigga lay, oh oh no, no, it's you might

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Speaker 3: need to go do allergy. I'm finna show you on

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Speaker 3: the picture. So then I got really mad because of

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Speaker 3: the way he reacted, and I was like, stop man,

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Speaker 3: have none and then literally so one of our listeners

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Speaker 3: was like, bitch, you need to be in a bubble.

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Speaker 3: Might need to get allergies if it ain't liked, think

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Speaker 3: a good reason.

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Speaker 2: We in on toy bitche cook. Also real shit, what

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Speaker 2: the fuck is going on? Anyway? Okay, so you.

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Speaker 3: Guys haven't heard this episode yet, but we did an

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Speaker 3: episode with Alex in La and basically I was talking

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Speaker 3: about how how Weezy ghosted the thick bitch.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know that it was a ghost. We just

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Speaker 2: haven't talked in months. Whatever.

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Speaker 3: So she sent me a message on field once we

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Speaker 3: rematched and was like, yo, I'm not a sex worker

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Speaker 3: that you could just hit up and be a plaything.

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Speaker 2: Whatever.

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Speaker 3: So then I was kind of feeling funny because her

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Speaker 3: message was intense. Yeah, she texted me this a few

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Speaker 3: days ago. Oh this is not the letter you read already.

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Speaker 2: No. I just said, hey, I hope you I didn't

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Speaker 2: turn you off like I need too much.

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Speaker 3: I am really happy you would catch it up every

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Speaker 3: couple of months more or less of schedules don't align.

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Speaker 3: I just didn't want you to think I was naturally

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Speaker 3: cool with sleeping with people that disappear without explanation, Bi Lee,

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Speaker 3: we'll grab food, drinks, three way kiss or just hang

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Speaker 3: out with if you're not busy with another date tonight

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Speaker 3: to like, Bro, how do you tell me cool?

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Speaker 2: Whateverythingne wants? But then he said I treated you like.

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Speaker 1: A sex worker because she said that disappear like so

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Speaker 1: there's still a level of a relationship she wants, whether

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Speaker 1: it's through text, message, phone calls, pictures from time to time.

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Speaker 1: That literally sounds like, bitch, don't fuck me go a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks or months without.

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Speaker 2: Hitting me, and it hit me only when you were around.

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Speaker 2: That's a very valid request. I'm not gonna wait it

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Speaker 2: right out. I just wanted to say, I'm not disappearing.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna hold you. That's a very valid request,

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Speaker 2: especially for a couple.

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Speaker 1: So Bro, one of y'all motherfucker's better be hitting me,

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Speaker 1: checking on if I'm good alive. I'm going on and like,

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Speaker 1: I understand the whole thing of like ghosting, like not

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Speaker 1: replying to a few messages, but just not having a

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Speaker 1: thread for a few months.

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Speaker 2: Is that bad?

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Speaker 3: Yes, she could have texted me too, but anyways, so

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Speaker 3: then we match with this undergirl that we start feeling.

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Speaker 2: Now, let me just read this to me.

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Speaker 3: It was a little too so this is a new girl,

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Speaker 3: but I've kind of like turped off from how she's

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Speaker 3: talking to.

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Speaker 2: Me because I liked it. What the fuck not?

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Speaker 3: I also had this required. No, we're just having requirements

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Speaker 3: and boundaries and standards. It's just sometimes it's a little

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Speaker 3: too much. Okay, let me hear what was too much?

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Speaker 3: So we're flirting blah blah blah. I was like, how's

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Speaker 3: your week holding up? Wuld you be up for drinks?

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Speaker 3: I'd love to. I'm not on here very much, so

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Speaker 3: you could text me. I'm usually a FaceTime zoom call

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Speaker 3: in before I meet up with anyone, especially couples. Cool

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Speaker 3: sending my number, hit me up whatever. She then messages

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Speaker 3: me in a text with the phone number. Hi, looking

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Speaker 3: forward to having a call. Can send you a zoom

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Speaker 3: link matureity of my phone number, or we can do

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Speaker 3: FaceTime if you two are comfortable. I do require this

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Speaker 3: before meeting up. Okay, So I said, all right, cool,

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Speaker 3: I mean I require oh wait, wait, okay, cool, We'll

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Speaker 3: be together at a thirty think we're heading out to

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Speaker 3: a party in Brooklyn, but give us a buzz whenever. Well,

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Speaker 3: if you're heading out to a party, it may not

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Speaker 3: be the best time for a zoom call, now, wouldn't it.

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Speaker 2: Bitch what.

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Speaker 3: I said, Hey, didn't know we were having an interview.

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Speaker 3: Just figured you wanted to make sure we look like

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Speaker 3: our photos and that there was a vibe check. To

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Speaker 3: be honest with you, I'm actually not having one anymore. Boom,

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Speaker 3: I'm donevich don't talk to me like that?

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Speaker 2: Are you crazy? Just say oh when you're more free

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Speaker 2: like she an't have to talk to you like that.

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Speaker 2: This should rob me back? Is more.

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Speaker 3: I feel like we got started off the wrong foot,

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Speaker 3: but I thought you'd be understanding as a woman. There

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Speaker 3: are many requirements and safety precautions that one needs to take,

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Speaker 3: especially on an app like this. So that is why

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Speaker 3: I'm asking you for your time and consideration. Doctor be

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Speaker 3: thrown and discarded by saying we'll be out just call whenever.

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Speaker 3: This so I'm tired of you.

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Speaker 1: Ho see you're on the other leg of the foot

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Speaker 1: like I had when I was on the app looking

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Speaker 1: for couples. Oh there was like again. I shared that

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Speaker 1: they not only want to test results with me first.

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Speaker 1: We all did share it app. We all yeah, but

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Speaker 1: we did all get on a group thing first.

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Speaker 3: There is just a level of consideration as not an

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Speaker 3: inconsiderate person.

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Speaker 2: I get it.

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Speaker 3: I would FaceTime you. We're already in a group chat.

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Speaker 3: I share results before I even get off the apps.

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Speaker 3: I'm not somebody that's tossing people away. But don't tell me, Hey,

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Speaker 3: you just want to chat? Are you free tonight? Oh,

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Speaker 3: we'll be out if you want to call me like

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Speaker 3: bitch's a requirement. I need to send you a zoom,

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Speaker 3: like like get the fuck out of her, bro it's

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Speaker 3: a dating app at the end of the day, Like you're.

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Speaker 2: Doing too much. Okay, there's the thing of doing too

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Speaker 2: much requiring.

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Speaker 3: A FaceTime, not doing too much requiring for me to

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Speaker 3: put in my Google caw and make a lock and

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Speaker 3: all this too much or a call? Now, what is

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Speaker 3: inconsiderate is I think saying something I'm like free your

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Speaker 3: this day or this day for a date. Maybe not

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Speaker 3: solidifying plans. You're requiring the call, telling me you want

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Speaker 3: it to be to night because you want to see

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Speaker 3: me by the weekend and I need to be absolutely

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Speaker 3: available and in the house for a zoom link.

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Speaker 2: You're doing too much.

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Speaker 3: And I understand that, like we have to be so

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Speaker 3: precautionary on apps because people are crazy, especially all these

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Speaker 3: Freedom of Fat and Murder books I'm reading. But at

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Speaker 3: the end of the day, there is a heavy pressure

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Speaker 3: that I don't think people realize they're putting on others

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Speaker 3: on these dating apps.

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Speaker 2: It's still supposed to be fun. We're still supposed to

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Speaker 2: be enjoying ourselves. And let's just be honest, ninety eight

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Speaker 2: percent of the time someone's not going to kill you

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Speaker 2: on the app. Let's just say ninety nine. So don't

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Speaker 2: treat me like the fucking enemy. Like, to me, that

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Speaker 2: was a really weird thing. Well, it seems like you're

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Speaker 2: blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: I don't like the fact that, like we're giving someone

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Speaker 3: a list, like, let the vibe happen first, we're already

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Speaker 3: like talking being friendly on that ap.

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Speaker 2: What are you into? I love to go here on

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Speaker 2: the weekends. Blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: I think that like some people are starting to treat

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Speaker 3: dating like a favor. At the end of the day,

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Speaker 3: we can all swipe each other away. Don't speak to

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Speaker 3: me as if this isn't supposed to be a romantic connection, Like,

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Speaker 3: what the fuck are you doing? How can we build

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Speaker 3: any type of connection or bond Once you start talking

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Speaker 3: to somebody like that, I mean you you're more entitled

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Speaker 3: to feel how you want to feel. I don't, on

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Speaker 3: my first talk want to be talking to someone because

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Speaker 3: I know I want to figure out if we bond

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Speaker 3: or not, if they're going out or they're going to

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Speaker 3: be out like it's it's funny because I just recently

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Speaker 3: matched someone. It was really, really attractive, but then I

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Speaker 3: realized he was using seven year old pictures, so it

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Speaker 3: didn't go anywhere because then once we got on FaceTime,

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Speaker 3: not only was he a little bit more rough, then

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Speaker 3: he looked on his.

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Speaker 2: Page hit a lisp. So never talk to him again

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Speaker 2: because of the list.

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Speaker 1: But for me, I and you know, even when we

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Speaker 1: have work calls, I like undivided attention. I don't really

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Speaker 1: I'm not a work call with no no, I get that,

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Speaker 1: But in any calls where I want to actually talk

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Speaker 1: to the person, I don't want to talk to no

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Speaker 1: nigga I meet on a dating app while they're going out.

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Speaker 3: That's the passive aggressive response of well then you're not free,

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Speaker 3: are you? You said to me you can only speak

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Speaker 3: at a certain time. I said, we'll be together. We'll

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Speaker 3: be heading out to a party later that night, but

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Speaker 3: eight thirty is fine, Blake, you can call us whenever

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Speaker 3: you're free. No, you could you see a passive aggressive

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Speaker 3: I don't hate will you're not really free then, are you?

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Speaker 3: That's passive aggressive?

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Speaker 1: I mean I would say that too, you're not really free,

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Speaker 1: then that's condescending, but passive. If I said I want

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Speaker 1: to talk to you when you're free, and you're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll be all the way to the party, only have

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Speaker 1: a window, Like, come on, Mandy, you're not really free, then,

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Speaker 1: are you?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Just say okay, it doesn't work, then let's try

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Speaker 2: another day.

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Speaker 3: There are many answers you can give somebody without being rude.

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Speaker 3: So I think that like consideration for how you speak

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Speaker 3: to somebody. She's tying me off. Sure, you're telling me

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Speaker 3: you only have this block. I'm telling you that you're

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Speaker 3: requiring a class from me. I'm telling you, hey, we'll

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Speaker 3: be together at a thirty just to let you know

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Speaker 3: we'll be going to a party later, but feel free

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Speaker 3: to call since you need this, And well, you're not

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Speaker 3: really free, then, bitch, I'm not really free to even

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Speaker 3: meet you at that point. Who the fuck are you

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Speaker 3: talking to? Like, I think that once you start treating it.

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Speaker 3: And this is what I mean by the dating process

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Speaker 3: of interviewing. I completely respect people that want to feel

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Speaker 3: someone out, but I don't speak to my friends that way.

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Speaker 3: I don't speak to my friends that way. I don't

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Speaker 3: speak to my lovers that way. This isn't and to

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Speaker 3: be honest, we can even colleagues.

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Speaker 2: That way is actually kind of rude.

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Speaker 3: Well you're not really read that like, it's just kind

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Speaker 3: of like silly like and I think she showed me

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Speaker 3: when you're having bad situations with people online, like, bitch,

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Speaker 3: you need a break.

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Speaker 2: You need to fucking break from the apps because some

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Speaker 2: nigga fucked her up.

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Speaker 3: Some couple was rude to her, passive, aggressive, maybe argued

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Speaker 3: in front of her.

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Speaker 2: Didn't look like their photos. You need to break bitch. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: she is crazy.

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Speaker 3: The other girl totally fine and understand her texting me

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Speaker 3: DI y'all all know you O, you ain't had this?

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Speaker 3: Was he it? And you never got summer? Okay, I'll

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Speaker 3: rough hate anyway. That's why I catch up.

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Speaker 1: You just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions

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Speaker 1: Patreon us up there. Tap in for the full uncurrent

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Speaker 1: and way Naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon

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Speaker 1: dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messyt

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Speaker 1: wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else.

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Speaker 1: And now here's You've Got Decisions if.

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Speaker 2: You would like to have us answer your questions. If

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Speaker 2: you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, friend, or

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Speaker 2: a terrible throatfle guess what You've got Decisions?

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Speaker 1: We welcome to you Got Decisions, pusse Hope.

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Speaker 2: I'm your girl, MADIV, and I'm here today.

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Speaker 1: Whether you got Decisions, you already know this is whole

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Speaker 1: Mail reincarnated, so if you haven't yet, make sure you

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Speaker 1: send us your letter over to Decisions pod at gmail

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Speaker 1: dot com, where we will attempt to give you some help.

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Speaker 2: I still don't know why y'all want our helps.

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Speaker 1: We are still figuring out lives ourselves, but I think

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Speaker 1: y'all really like the advice that we have to give you.

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Speaker 1: I do have my producer in the booth. I'm at

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Speaker 1: the Need to Know Studios, so I got Courtney helping

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Speaker 1: me here, So hopefully we're gonna get some male insight,

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Speaker 1: some female insight.

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Speaker 2: We gonna give it to you. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Before we get to this week's letter, however, I do

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Speaker 1: want to read yet another review from Amazon on our book,

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Speaker 1: No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power,

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Speaker 1: which is out and available now. If you have not

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Speaker 1: gotten it yet, make sure you get that thing. So

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Speaker 1: this comes from Mary Kay McNeil. I've been a longtime

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Speaker 1: listener of the pod which saved my life after a

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Speaker 1: traumatic breakup, and a long time fan of both Weezy

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Speaker 1: and Mandy Bee, and I have to say with all

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Speaker 1: sincerity that this book was absolutely amazing. I appreciate their honesty,

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Speaker 1: candor and truth. I appreciate the hard stories shared, the

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Speaker 1: humanness and power of female connectivity. Everyone should read this,

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Speaker 1: whether they listen to the podcast or not. Now, I'm

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Speaker 1: only gonna do this because we're not here, and she

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Speaker 1: probably would like vote against me doing this, but I

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Speaker 1: do not give a fuck at this point. Just rune

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Speaker 1: a goddamn email and we are not being supported. Let

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Speaker 1: me tell you how. So, Yes, our book is about sex.

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Speaker 1: Y'all saw what the first week of bookstores look like

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Speaker 1: for us, No Holds Barred. As lovely and as meaningful

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Speaker 1: as this book is to women starting from early I

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Speaker 1: would say early adolescents, but like lateeen years, all the

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Speaker 1: way up through your fifties, this is a book for

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Speaker 1: all women to step into their power, to regain their power,

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Speaker 1: to heal from a traumatic experience, to not blame themselves,

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Speaker 1: to find the truth like in where they exist. I'm

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Speaker 1: probably doing too much, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

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Speaker 1: This is not the listener letter, but this is a

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Speaker 1: response bits and pieces of a response of an email.

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Speaker 1: We recently were told by Kennedy Ryan, who is another

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Speaker 1: black author, about this convention called the twenty twenty five

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Speaker 1: National Book Festival. It is taking place in DC, I

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Speaker 1: believe in September. And this is the frustration that we

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Speaker 1: keep getting. Excellent that you're chatting with Kennedy. You know

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Speaker 1: she would be a great ally for you and No

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Speaker 1: Holds Barred. The team will be able to answer whether

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Speaker 1: it is possible to get you into the National Book

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Speaker 1: Festival lineup and whether it makes sense. However, my instinct

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Speaker 1: is that the NBF will be reluctant to take an

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Speaker 1: overtly sexual nonfiction content.

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Speaker 2: There.

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Speaker 1: Your hard earned New York Times bestselling author credentials are helpful,

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Speaker 1: but the topic is likely going to be too racy.

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Speaker 2: Y'all.

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Speaker 1: For the last couple weeks, we have been sending constant

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Speaker 1: ways for us to join book conventions. Again, we took

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Speaker 1: a step down from the book tour to really get

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Speaker 1: into more of the book space and leave the touring

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Speaker 1: for the podcast. And when I tell you, Miil Weezy

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Speaker 1: are sick of the nose. So if there is anyone

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Speaker 1: listening to this podcast, who is any sort of connections

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Speaker 1: to get Weezy and I to get these books into colleges,

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Speaker 1: women's studies programs, any other book conventions where we can

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Speaker 1: meet more book readers where we could specifically be around

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Speaker 1: other black women that support black authors and black storytelling.

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Speaker 1: Please please DM me at full Kirk Pumps Everywhere, Email

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Speaker 1: us Decisions Pod at Gmail.

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Speaker 2: We would love for our audience.

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Speaker 1: That sees the value in this book to help us

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Speaker 1: to get to more places, because Baby what team. Throughout

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Speaker 1: the entire time we were pitching this book, even before

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Speaker 1: becoming New York Times bestsellers, which we thank y'all for,

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Speaker 1: We genuinely feel like people don't want to hear women

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Speaker 1: be sexually liberated. People don't want to hear us talk

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Speaker 1: about our sexual experiences, and it's so frustrating.

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Speaker 2: It is so frustrating. I don't even know if we

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Speaker 2: If y'all are on Patreon, we share it with y'all.

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Speaker 1: We weren't even able to say the title of our

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Speaker 1: book at Essence Fest.

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Speaker 2: The title.

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Speaker 1: Would really really really love any of the Whorehive support

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Speaker 1: or any random listener that was just like, oh, you

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Speaker 1: got decisions? They give advice? Please please please, If y'all

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Speaker 1: have any connection to any sort of book festivals, black bookstores,

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Speaker 1: anything that we can show up for and really meet

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Speaker 1: and greet with you guys and continue to push for

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Speaker 1: this book that we really really believe in, please please

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Speaker 1: please hit us up.

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Speaker 2: Okay, now, Corney, you're ready to give some advice.

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Speaker 4: I'm all here.

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Speaker 1: That didn't sound crazy, did it? Do you know my

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Speaker 1: frustration right now?

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Speaker 4: Court Like, so I'm going to represent the layman's here.

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Speaker 4: So what are what is the NB?

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Speaker 1: So it's the National Book Festival the So it's the

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Speaker 1: event that I just talked about. So it's in DC,

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Speaker 1: and it caters to black books.

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Speaker 4: Okay, okay, wow, that's got it.

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Speaker 1: Anytime we've mentioned wanting to be a part of these

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Speaker 1: book fairs, book festivals, book conventions, book conferences, everything, book

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Speaker 1: and a big word after it, they're like, Wow, we

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Speaker 1: just don't think your book is gonna be accepted here,

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Speaker 1: or that it makes sense, or we're reluctant at you

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Speaker 1: having a presence here because XYZ elemental Piece suck my

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Speaker 1: fucking dick. Like, it's really just been frustrating. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how many no's I can take this year. Let's

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Speaker 1: just say that between like what mind you. Prior to

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Speaker 1: the book, we had three months of pr or maybe

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Speaker 1: it was just no, no, no, we had no traditional media.

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Speaker 1: There's still so many other people within our own sphere

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Speaker 1: that don't really support us either for whatever reason.

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Speaker 2: I mean clearly is the sex reason. But I'm just

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Speaker 2: it's just frustrating.

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Speaker 4: It's still unjust though, because it's just like, I mean,

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Speaker 4: there's books about I mean, like, first off, if d's

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Speaker 4: a great exist.

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Speaker 1: Mind you, Kennedy Ryan's book talks about there's sexual elements

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Speaker 1: in her book as well, like and so it's just

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Speaker 1: frustrating because it's like we specifically made sure to lean

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Speaker 1: into the mental health aspect of our journeys.

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Speaker 2: It's a self help book.

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Speaker 1: We made New York Times a best seller in the

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Speaker 1: advice column, which is right with Meil Robbins.

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Speaker 4: And no shades works like because even to that point,

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Speaker 4: there's like works like Precious and stuff like that, no

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Speaker 4: shades to authors like that, but like, even from what

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Speaker 4: I've seen growing up in my generation, y'all, address the

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Speaker 4: positive and the negatives about this sort of trauma versus

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Speaker 4: like all the year's worth of books we've been getting.

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Speaker 4: Word it's just like, for lack of a better term,

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Speaker 4: misery port.

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Speaker 1: Literally the like it's real life, and so the fact

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Speaker 1: that it's even sex nonfiction, so what we can only

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Speaker 1: accept sex when it's fiction. When it's fiction, that is crazy.

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Speaker 1: So sorry, y'all, I clearly just got off of a plane, landed,

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Speaker 1: saw that email, and it pissed me.

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Speaker 2: The fuck off.

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Speaker 1: Okay, now, the you got decisions question today comes from

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Speaker 1: I believe this is a male writer, which is why

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Speaker 1: I wanted.

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Speaker 2: To include you in this one. Court if you don't

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Speaker 2: mind helping me.

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Speaker 1: The subject line for this one is my wife is

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Speaker 1: holding back Hello. My nickname is I See Green, so

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Speaker 1: we will go with that. So my wife and I

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Speaker 1: are at a crossroads. I am a freaky ass dude,

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Speaker 1: and I know my wife was freaky as fuck as well.

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Speaker 1: That's part of the reason why I married her. But

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Speaker 1: since we've been married for five years now, the freaky

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Speaker 1: side in her just went off. I've asked her numerous

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Speaker 1: times that did she find me attractive? Do I still

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Speaker 1: turn her on? She says yes every single time, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna front. She has gained ten to fifteen

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Speaker 1: pounds since we've been married. But I thought my wife

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Speaker 1: was bad then, just like I think she's bad now.

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Speaker 1: But she always tells me I'm just saying that, or

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Speaker 1: I'm lying and all that other stuff, which frustrates the

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Speaker 1: hell out of me.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: So we're in a situation now where I want to

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Speaker 1: spice things up and she claims that she does as well,

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Speaker 1: but I'm the one putting in all the effort. She

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Speaker 1: wants to be with another bitch, all right, not the

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Speaker 1: bitch word, like she wants to be with another bitch.

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Speaker 1: She wants to scissor and all that other stuff. Because

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Speaker 1: she's always been curious about another woman. So we're going

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Speaker 1: to Vegas in a few weeks and hopefully it happens.

437
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 1: She said, her big fear is I'm gonna want to join,

438
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: and naturally, I'm a man, so of course I want

439
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,399
Speaker 1: to join. But out of respect for her, I am

440
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 1: more than happy to sit in the corner and jack

441
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: my shit while watching my wife sissor another woman.

442
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,919
Speaker 2: So what do you guys recommend?

443
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 1: How do I get her to break the ice because

444
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 1: we get women flirting with her all the time because

445
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 1: I think my wife is bad, like I said, and

446
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 1: obviously other people do too, and she did say she's

447
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 1: down with the same room, no swap.

448
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,720
Speaker 2: So what do you guys recommend I do?

449
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,399
Speaker 1: Because I see niggas sit all the time staring at

450
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,360
Speaker 1: my wife and trying to holler at her and shit

451
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 1: like that at work and everything, and it doesn't bother me.

452
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 1: I think it's amazing that people find my wife attractive,

453
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,920
Speaker 1: because I know I sure as hell do. We've also

454
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: talked about threesomes, but she doesn't seem to be appealed.

455
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 2: At the idea.

456
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 1: She knows I've had them, but she claims that she's

457
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 1: never had it. I've had FMF threesomes multiple times and

458
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,959
Speaker 1: she's never done it. She's told me she's never had

459
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 1: a threesome at all, and that she doesn't know if

460
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: that the two dudes that she had.

461
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 2: A threesome with. I know that y'all got, y'all gotta

462
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 2: do this. She y'all gotta, y'all gotta because what is

463
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 2: he right in here? He's all over the blades.

464
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,360
Speaker 1: She says that, yeah, I had one with two guys,

465
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 1: and now I'm just like, okay, anyways, all right, So

466
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 1: your girlfriend says she's never been with a woman, she's

467
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 1: never had a two female threesome, but allegedly she's shared

468
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: that she's been with two guys before. Clearly that's something

469
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 1: you're not interested in. So a part of you is

470
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 1: just clearly like, yeah, she told me she did that

471
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 1: that one time, but we're not gonna talk about that.

472
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: So your question is, there's a few things happening here, right.

473
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that you're saying that your sex

474
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 1: life currently is almost non existent. Your wife isn't as

475
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: freaky as she once was. Let's start there before you

476
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 1: start adding other people into the mix, because I think

477
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 1: that when we talk about spicing something up.

478
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 2: We says it all the time too.

479
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: If you are not in a healthy space with your relationship,

480
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 1: if you are not fully fulfilled where you're currently at

481
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 1: in your relationship, adding just another spirit energy COUCHI be

482
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: just gonna complicate it or highlight the real issues within

483
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:57,880
Speaker 1: your relationship.

484
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 2: So you feel me.

485
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: So a few things I would say is, before you

486
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 1: allow her to scissor another woman, before that's a conversation,

487
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: whether you're in the room or not, before that becomes

488
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 1: something that you both essentially.

489
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,159
Speaker 2: Enjoy, you gotta get right with her first.

490
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 1: And so what that looks like is not just complimenting

491
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 1: her and saying, baby, you bad as fuck. I don't

492
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 1: even care about the weight gain all of that, because

493
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: let's be very clear, you mentioned in the weight game,

494
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,640
Speaker 1: I'm side eyeing you. Yeah, you know, my wife gained

495
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 1: about ten peteen passes we got married or whatever, but

496
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 1: she's still bad. You mentioning the pals baby make it

497
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 1: seel like maybe she is right now, currently insecure with

498
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: the weight gain, with wherever she's at right now, which

499
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 1: insecurity absolutely can affect your sex drivee point blank period.

500
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,479
Speaker 1: And so if for whatever reason, she's not comfortable, if

501
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 1: she's not believing even your words of affirmations, there has

502
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 1: to be something to where you guys click back again.

503
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 2: So a few suggestions.

504
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: I mean, clearly communication is key, right, I would maybe

505
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 1: try to set up a really sexy dinner day going

506
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: from dinner. It could be even a trip. You know what,

507
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: fuck dinner, because dinner you don't.

508
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 2: Already brought up her weight.

509
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 1: Let's let's let's make sure she eating on the island

510
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 1: the way you feel me like. I would say to

511
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: put the spark back into the relationship.

512
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 2: And it doesn't have to be a lot of money.

513
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,439
Speaker 2: You don't have to go to an island.

514
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: You could do a staycation, right Hotel sex always brings

515
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,679
Speaker 1: a freak out, baby, you ain't gotta worry about if

516
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 1: the bed break. You ain't got to worry about making

517
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,680
Speaker 1: a mess. It's a little bit fun to think about

518
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: whether the people next door can hear you or not, Like,

519
00:25:54,040 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 1: it just intensifies the experience. So my first bit of

520
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 1: advice to this would be before you go into letting

521
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,959
Speaker 1: her says or another woman and y'all experiencing that together,

522
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,439
Speaker 1: get the bedroom and.

523
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 2: Sex life right first.

524
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: That is the first step, and I would say this

525
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 1: may take a couple months, so Vegas might have to

526
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: happen for New Year's or something, you know what I mean,

527
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 1: It might have to take.

528
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 2: A couple months.

529
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 1: So I would say, fix where you're in the bedroom now, period,

530
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: get back to your wife being the freak that you married.

531
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,679
Speaker 1: Then from there you go into the conversations about what

532
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 1: it looks like bringing someone else into the bedroom. And

533
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 1: before we get there, court, I want to ask you,

534
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: being a man having had relationships, if the sex routine

535
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 1: or the dynamic of sex changed, what has been different

536
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: things that you've done, or what has conversations looked like

537
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 1: before it got to either breaking up, cheating or any

538
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 1: of the toxic mess.

539
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 4: I'm very direct, so like I'll literally and that has

540
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 4: happened to me in my last relationship, so I had

541
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 4: to At one point I sat down with her. I

542
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 4: was just like it was going on. I'm noticing, like

543
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,120
Speaker 4: we just don't do stuff anymore and stuff like that.

544
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 2: Where did you have this conversation was it? Like?

545
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 1: Cause I always say too, don't have this conversation in

546
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,880
Speaker 1: the bed, Like, don't be trying to rub up all

547
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 1: your wife's DIY and then she maybe declines the advancements

548
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 1: and then you'd be like, see this is what I'm

549
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: talking about.

550
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 2: You won't be fucking me no mo.

551
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: So where would you suggest even this conversation, like and

552
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: where did you have your conversation?

553
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,640
Speaker 2: Like how did that conversation go for you?

554
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,439
Speaker 4: So a lot of the times when I was like

555
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 4: picking her up from work and we would just take

556
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 4: the bus back home together and stuff, I was just

557
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 4: like I would act her on the bus rides, if

558
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 4: we had gone on a date, I would, you know,

559
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 4: I would take those moments or even if it's just

560
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 4: like a mundane moment at the crib and we're just

561
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 4: sitting down watching a movie and I'm just like, oh, hold,

562
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 4: I'm me pause this, don't talk to you about something? Yeah,

563
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 4: just just bring it up and just like it's always

564
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 4: great to notice, like to say, like you notice, like yo,

565
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 4: you're kind of falling back and I'm just kind of

566
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 4: concerned about that. Am I doing something? Like it's something

567
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 4: going on. In her case, it was a lot of

568
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 4: like interpersonal stuff, a lot of like religious based stuff.

569
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 4: So it was there was like a lot of actual

570
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 4: like that conversation alone led to more conversations about like, oh,

571
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 4: this is a whole thing that like, you gotta like

572
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 4: kind you're kind of warring within yourself is.

573
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 1: What I do with me right Yeah, And I wonder

574
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: if that's something I do also wonder if the conversation

575
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: and now we're.

576
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 2: Gonna get to the other little elephant in the room here.

577
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 1: I'm also curious, and this is not I don't want

578
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 1: to put it on her, but this is where my

579
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: mind goes reading this. I'm also curious if her desire

580
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: for women right now is so strong.

581
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 4: That's exactly because I'm not gonna lie the moment when

582
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 4: he was just like, I don't know what it was.

583
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 1: The way, the fact that she's the fact that maybe

584
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 1: she said, but I don't want you to join.

585
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 2: I just want the.

586
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 4: Like even from when you first, like when he was like,

587
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 4: oh we talked about and she's expressed the interest like

588
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 4: I mean I could get it, I could get in

589
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 4: with you know, another woman. And I'm like, that's just

590
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 4: so strange because at the point in time her sex

591
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 4: drive is like low.

592
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 1: But she's telling you she want to have sex with

593
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 1: a woman waited out you. That's what That's where I

594
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm curious as to maybe she's experiencing

595
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: some level of not only curiosity, but shipped and maybe

596
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: her sexual.

597
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 4: Desire sexual desire. And I've seen, weirdly enough, in middle school,

598
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 4: I was seeing that a lot with a lot of

599
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 4: people figuring things out.

600
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 2: You're so young, it's so.

601
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 4: Right now with stuff like that at thirteen and fourteen,

602
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 4: what do you mean you're by But it's just like

603
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 4: a lot of people.

604
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: I mean, the gen Zers though no, I think do

605
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 1: dude start questioning differently.

606
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 4: So it's a very interesting thing, like and it's a

607
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 4: real thing, like, Yeah, you might have thought about yourself

608
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 4: one way for so long and then you get into

609
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 4: a situation you're like, oh shit.

610
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 2: But that's what I'm saying too.

611
00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 1: I think gen Z has had the ability to, you know,

612
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: waiver and experiment and feel shit out. And they're being

613
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 1: introduced to way more things than the older generation. And

614
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 1: so even with things like the book and horrible decisions

615
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: and decisions decisions, these conversations of different types of relationships

616
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 1: are there, and it's literally having people question, you know,

617
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 1: what is for them. And to the person who wrote

618
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 1: in this isn't to scare you at all, but it

619
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 1: could be the reality. Because here's the thing too, as

620
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 1: a bisexual woman, and I've had to have this conversation

621
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: with both of my exes recently, Yo, not recently, but

622
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 1: my two most recent exes. When I want to be

623
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: with a woman, I don't always want a man to

624
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: be there, Like those desires come from me just.

625
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 2: Wanting to be with a woman.

626
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 1: And I mean, I think it was a little harder

627
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 1: for ACTIVATED to kind of grapple with that because we

628
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: weren't having three somes or anything.

629
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 2: But I do think.

630
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: It it's something to consider, and I think that you

631
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 1: need to have maybe both conversations. Then do you think

632
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 1: that this is something that he should bring up in

633
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,960
Speaker 1: the conversation about their own sex life, because to me,

634
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 1: it's interesting that you're not really trying to fuck me,

635
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: but when we're talking about spicing things up, you want

636
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:32,239
Speaker 1: to explore with another person without me, And that to

637
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: me sounds like you're also.

638
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 2: Does she want to open this relationship up?

639
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. I'm like, there's like her interests.

640
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 4: I don't want to say it's not with you, but

641
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 4: there's a part of it to somewhere else too.

642
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: Problem one percent court a part of it, and so

643
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 1: I would I would really lean into what these sexual desires.

644
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 2: With a woman in tails.

645
00:31:55,800 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 1: I would also like to have you pushed the conversation

646
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: to discussing how that impacts the dynamic of your marriage

647
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: in terms of okay, are we moving this into any

648
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: sort of like open swinging poly and I know sometimes

649
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: we hate the labels, right, but I think it's I

650
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 1: think it's good for everyone honestly listening to.

651
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 2: Just google the poly umbrella.

652
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 1: Google the chat chept is my husband, go to chat

653
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 1: chept and literally tell them list all of the non

654
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: traditional relationship dynamics that exist and explain the difference between each.

655
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: Because where a lot of us are questioning whether monogamy

656
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 1: is for us, especially before we cheat, especially while we

657
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: want to explore our sexuality, it's important to know all

658
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 1: the different ways that you can go about it, all

659
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 1: the different ways you can create boundaries, all the different

660
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: ways that you could still respect each other.

661
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 2: Within your dynamic.

662
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 1: Furthermore, I will say this to any man and I'm

663
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: gonna leave leave off with this. When you go to

664
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 1: introducing threesomes for adding women into the bedroom, do not

665
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 1: be thirsty to participate to even be present, like it's

666
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 1: a like, even, okay, I don't know if if you

667
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 1: felt my ick court, but for her to express, hey,

668
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 1: so I just want to scissor a woman and I

669
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: don't want you involved, and his response to be okay, well,

670
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go sit in the corner and jack off

671
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 1: while I watch.

672
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 2: Y'all, Like even even like, that's where.

673
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: I think the conversation needs to be had because your

674
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: need to be present and get off. When a woman

675
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:53,479
Speaker 1: is expressing her sexual needs and things, it gets tricky.

676
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 4: And to be honest, now that you just said that,

677
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 4: it just occurred to my head, maybe that could be

678
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 4: a trait that she recognized, is where she's like, it's

679
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 4: adding to the insecurity to where she's like, there is

680
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 4: stuff I want to talk about, but because I know

681
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 4: I don't really want to, but.

682
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 1: Right, and so it might be to where it's like, damn,

683
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 1: I want to explore, but you got.

684
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 4: To beat there, you got to be there.

685
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,839
Speaker 1: And if I haven't had these relationships with women just

686
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 1: yet and I want to fill it out, that could

687
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:22,399
Speaker 1: make me.

688
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 2: Less comfortable to do so.

689
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,479
Speaker 1: And so I think that's probably let's be very clear,

690
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: if she's pulled away. I'd be really curious if y'all

691
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 1: have been married for five years, even though she was

692
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: a freak in the beginning. I don't know how long

693
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 1: y'all known each other. I would be curious to know

694
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: how comfortable she actually feels talking to you about sex.

695
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: And I think that becomes even a bigger thing in

696
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: terms of growing in a healthy sexual way with a partner.

697
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 1: Is the comfortability in expressing desires, fantasies, things you want

698
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: with the partner, without the partner. What the partner doesn't

699
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,359
Speaker 1: do that great, what the partner does well. When we

700
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 1: were on our tour for anyone who's come to the

701
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions live shows, we used to do a thing

702
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 1: with couples where they would sit back to back and

703
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 1: they would have to share write it on a on

704
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:18,359
Speaker 1: a whiteboard where their partner could improve in the bedroom.

705
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: And so it was interesting to see the person really

706
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 1: hold up the mirror and take a full account of

707
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: where they think they lacked and their partner being able

708
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 1: to say, yep, this is where you liked. And it

709
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: was interesting how many times those differed, and when they

710
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:42,839
Speaker 1: differ it's because oh, there's clearly not synchronic there we

711
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 1: go scredity, lack of communication, which is an author I

712
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 1: want to use big word.

713
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 4: Think or.

714
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 2: Sacredicity. And then it was so it was so interesting too.

715
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 1: On the other hand to see the couples that was

716
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,359
Speaker 1: like we'd be talking about this, were working on it,

717
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: and they would get it at the same time. So

718
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,880
Speaker 1: maybe that's another thing. That's another game you could play.

719
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 1: I would say, list the things that you love most

720
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,759
Speaker 1: about her in the bedroom, list the things you wish

721
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,480
Speaker 1: she did more, and allow her to create that same

722
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,439
Speaker 1: list for you and y'all go over notes with each other,

723
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 1: Like that's the thing. Sex is like this whole taboo thing.

724
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 2: Bitch. At the end of the day, is like hiking.

725
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 2: It's like going to the park.

726
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 1: It's like going bowling. It's something that you like to

727
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: do for fun. It's fun. And so the same way

728
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 1: you would you know, try to watch back the tape

729
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:43,239
Speaker 1: and get better at basketball, or you know, like, oh,

730
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 1: next time we go bowling, I want to put the

731
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: railings down, Like the same way you think about how

732
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 1: much more exciting you could make these type of things

733
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: and how much better you can get it at It

734
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: is what you should.

735
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 2: Be doing for sex as well. So I hope that

736
00:36:58,600 --> 00:36:59,240
Speaker 2: that helps.

737
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: Now y'all know, I also do Mandy on the Hotline

738
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:06,959
Speaker 1: over on Patreon, and.

739
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:11,360
Speaker 2: So would love for you guys to send me voicemails.

740
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: Let me give y'all at number, because where we take

741
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 1: your listener letters here, I take your voicemails, babe.

742
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 2: So if you.

743
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,400
Speaker 1: Haven't yet, make sure you go ahead and join our

744
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:31,240
Speaker 1: Patreon that's Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and Mandy

745
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 1: on the Hotline is where I answer your voicemails. So

746
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 1: go ahead and call into nine seven three nine three

747
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 1: two zero two to seven. That's ninety seven three nine

748
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 1: three two zero two to seven. Leave a voicemail to

749
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: leave a listener letter for you. Got decisions that airs

750
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:52,280
Speaker 1: every Wednesday, make sure you write us in at decisions

751
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: pod at gmail dot com. And if you've made it

752
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 1: all this way and you have any sort of book

753
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: con book conference, wait conference and conventions is cons so

754
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 1: any book cons any book fests, any book parties, any

755
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: book clerbs, please please please reach out to myself or

756
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 1: Weezy or email us decisions pot at gmail dot com.

757
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 2: Also, if any of you work at any schools.

758
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 1: Specifically, would love love love to get these books and

759
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: copies over in it some women's studies departments, or sexual

760
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:34,359
Speaker 1: health departments, sexual history departments.

761
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 2: It would be it would really be really dope.

762
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:40,720
Speaker 1: To continue getting this word out and helping more women

763
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 1: of color, specifically Black women, find their power. Y'all, this

764
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 1: has been you got decisions. Really excited to see y'all's

765
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:51,359
Speaker 1: next week.

766
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 2: By