WEBVTT - Put Me in Coach! 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:09.080 Find Downcast. All right, guys, welcome to another episode of 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:11.800 Wine Down with Janna Kramer and Michael Cosson. I am 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:14.360 one of your co hosts, Mike, as you all know, 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:17.439 and I'm really taking this Mike Monday thing to a 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:22.599 whole another level in demanding my own podcast episode. Uh No, 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:25.480 you know, those of you who followed Janna know she's 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.200 been working her ass off on this movie that she's 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:32.239 shooting for a lifetime and I just I credit her 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:34.839 so much because of the adversity that she's had to 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:37.760 overcome with having pneumonia the first week and in the 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:41.280 past two weeks, dealing with people testing positive for COVID 0:00:41.360 --> 0:00:45.519 and false positives and all the above. She's really just 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:49.159 kind of been grinding a way, and unfortunately, because of 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:52.920 the changing schedule with all of that, we weren't able 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:56.319 to get her on here today. So I'm holding down 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:59.160 the fort so bear with me. Um, But it couldn't 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:00.480 have been more perfect time. I mean to have the 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:03.800 guests that we have today, These two wonderful ladies talk 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.319 about Um. They wrote a book called Be All In, 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:08.880 which is all about kids and sports and parents and 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:11.480 that dynamic which those of you who are avid listeners 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:14.160 to this podcast. No, I'm very passionate about So we're 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:16.759 gonna talk about things with you know, kids getting trophies 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:20.959 for everything, and how parents should behave at sporting events 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:23.160 and how much to push your kid, how much to 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.640 pull back. So we have some great conversations around that. 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:32.240 Christie Rampone is a US women national soccer player who 0:01:32.480 --> 0:01:35.720 spent seventeen years on the team, is three time gold medalist. 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:38.520 She's a legend in international soccer. And her partner of 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:40.679 crime is Dr Christine Keane, who is one of the 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:44.640 leading neuropsychologists in her in her field. So we have 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:47.240 some great discussions coming up. It's gonna be a lot 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:50.040 of fun. Let's take a break and dive right in. 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:06.240 Al Right, guys, Uh, we're so excited about our guests today. 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:08.120 Janna had to step out for a little bit. She's 0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:09.840 got a lot going on shooting a movie. But we 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:15.239 have the legendary Christie Pierce Rampone and Dr Christine Keene 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:18.000 who are here to talk about basically the future of 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:23.240 our children and and those of you who don't know 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:28.160 who these two are. Christie is known around the world 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:30.960 as one of the most legendary soccer players in the 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:33.640 history of the game for sure, has represented US in 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:36.880 numerous Olympics, has been part of the US women's soccer 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:40.320 team for many, many years. And Dr Christine give us 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:42.880 a little bit of your background to educate us on 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:47.680 where your specialties at. So, I'm a clinical neuropsychologist and 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.880 I specialized in sports neuropsychology because for years I've been 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:54.760 working with athletes dealing with sports concussion mainly. So that's 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:57.760 what led to our collaboration from you know, working with 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:00.840 athletes for so many years and thus the parent of 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.760 kids who have had concussions for sure. So how did 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:05.760 you guys, so we're here to talk about your book 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:08.360 be all In, which is about raising kids for success 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:10.680 in sports in life. How did you guys meet and 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:13.200 kind of learned to, you know, begin to collaborate on 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:17.320 this project. Yeah, so we we teamed up on you know, 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:20.520 talking about concussion and going on the speaking tour and 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:23.320 working on this with the same organization and both being 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:27.080 sports moms and with Dr King's clinical background as well 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:29.799 as my background playing on the fields as well as 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:34.920 coaching for the last twenty years and just watching this 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:38.200 climate of sports get so emotional and there's so much 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:42.280 pressure anxiety within these youth athletes. Um, we just wanted 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.520 to give back honestly and help parents through this, this 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:49.040 guideline throughout our book to just help them, you know, 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.800 have a better kind of the better journey with their 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:54.520 kids through sports and trying to teach them is more 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:56.560 than just winning. Yes, we all want to win, we're 0:03:56.600 --> 0:04:00.240 all very competitive, but when those moments of losses um 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.240 or mistakes, um that you can teach your kids so 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:07.560 much through sports. I love this topic and I was 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:09.800 really excited to have you guys on because Jane and 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:12.920 I are kids are four and a year and a half, right, 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:15.600 so we have some time. But Julie's starting that age, 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:17.800 getting into sports, getting a soccer. We're just kind of 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:21.560 throwing everything at her. Whatever she likes, she likes. And Christie, 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:27.160 your kids are ten and fifteen? And Dr Christine, how 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:29.760 old are your kids? Like a little bit more of 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:35.240 a range on eighteen sixteen and today eleven. Wow, so 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.760 we got all the age ranges covered right here, so 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:42.280 we can solve every parents problem right here on this episode. 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:44.360 I love it. So let me ask you both then, 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.400 as as a newer parent, and with kids starting to 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.320 get into this. You know, my background being in professional athletics, 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:53.400 for athletics my entire life as well. I'm asked this 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:57.279 question only from a standpoint of because I played professionally, 0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:00.440 people think I maybe have the right answer or more 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:03.680 of an opinion, when really I don't. I don't have 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:07.200 any more of a knowledge based in than anyone else would. 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:12.760 But I am curious because I don't know what the 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:14.800 answer is. All I know is I want kids to 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:18.960 be kids, right, So what is Yall's philosophy when it 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:21.480 comes to all these parents who want to send their 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:23.880 kids to the specialists and set them up for success 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:25.960 and they should just play this one sport year round. 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:28.240 Like where do you guys stand on that kind of concept? 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:30.920 You know, we talk a lot in the book about 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.640 there's like really no one size fits all a way 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.720 to parenting, but just being aware of your own individual 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:39.880 children and they could have a different relationship with sports 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:43.080 compared your relationship with sports, and just being open minded 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:46.599 and communicate and at a young age, allowing them to 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.880 express themselves by choosing what sports they want to play 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:52.680 and allowing them to start their own journey rather than 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:55.680 pushing your interests on them. You want to show them 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:58.880 your interests and be there along the way, but allowing 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:02.960 to them to express their own individual interests. You know, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.919 we really hope like parents start to, like the next 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:09.400 generation of parents could start to let their kids have 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:13.240 some more free play, because it seems like since we 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:17.279 started raising them, everything got so structured and there it's 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:20.840 almost like a child's right in their childhood to have 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:24.120 a sport, to be active, and then it's like a 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:27.680 parent's moral obligation to get them structure. So there's this 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:31.279 whole shift away from free play. So if if we 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:34.320 could give any advice, we'd say, like set some time 0:06:34.360 --> 0:06:36.880 apart to just let them be and just do and 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:39.240 just you know, hang out with their friends in the backyard. 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:41.599 And you almost can see that now in this current 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:43.680 stage of the pandemic or like God, the kids are 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:47.440 lost because they are so used to this structure routine, 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:50.520 like coaches to tell them exactly what to do, you know, 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:54.279 they sign up for whether it's individual training or individual fitness. 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:57.159 They were lost, you know, and there's a perfect time 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:00.000 to you know, prepare your child from when it does 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.640 is open up and have those conversations of why do 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:04.440 you want to play sports? And you know how to 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:06.760 get outside and exercise on your own, how to like 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:09.400 play with your friends that in your small group settings 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:14.080 and just enjoy sports. You know, I miss the days 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:17.280 of I feel like maybe my age range or generation 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:19.240 was maybe the last ones where it's like your parents 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:20.920 are like, all right, go outside, I don't want to 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:25.240 see you till you know the street lamps come on exactly, 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:27.800 and it's like you don't see that anymore. And to 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:30.520 your point, it's like, you want, how are kids supposed 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:33.560 to do that when they're having you got this coach 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:35.200 on this day, and this sport on this day and 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:38.520 this and it's this is just my outside looking in. 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:41.600 Because of the impact of social media and Facebook and 0:07:41.640 --> 0:07:44.200 all of that, my fear that I make up is 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.280 that it's becoming more about the parents, because the parents 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:49.360 want to be able to post that, oh, my son 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:51.960 or daughter is training with this coach and it's third 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:55.080 known to be the best you know, goal goalkeeper coach 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:57.480 in the in the county or the state or whatever, 0:07:57.520 --> 0:07:59.920 the best quarterback coach. And it's like, is it a 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:01.280 out your kid or is it really about you being 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:04.320 able to say that have you guys experienced kind of 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:07.840 that same opinion or any of that. Absolutely, I mean 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:10.760 that's the trend right now is the fear of the unknown. 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.920 And social media makes us all feel anxious because you 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:15.920 have somebody post something and then you wonder if you're 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:17.600 doing the right thing and putting your child in the 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:21.720 right situation to be successful. But I always reflect back 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.240 to you know, some of the great players from what 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.800 where I've experienced And I even went to college on 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:29.600 a basketball scholarship. I was a walk on the soccer team, 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:32.679 and everybody's path is so unique and allow and then 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:35.040 try to have that conversation we talked about that lot 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:37.200 in the book is like you have you early you know, 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:38.959 right on at the gate, you know you can tell 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.400 the athletes, and then you have your late bloomers, and 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:44.440 you know you don't know which whereich direction your child 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.240 is gonna go in. So just allow them to be 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:51.280 themselves and just sit back and and enjoy it. But 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:53.960 sometimes you do have to encourage your child, to push 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:56.960 your child to do something and bout dr keen and I, 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.440 you know, make sure that we let our children know 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:02.240 like you choose, but you have to do something like 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:04.240 it's not gonna be sitting in the house and doing 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:06.720 nothing like you will choose something and if you need 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.400 to help, we need to help along who can't choose 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:16.000 Xbox Like hey, mom and dad, Xbox Fashion, Xbox Player, 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:18.160 you know, and just like you know, having fun with 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:20.719 it because right now it is some tense sometimes there 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.839 tous in. I'm sure you don't know what the top 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:27.560 up of how many elite teams, I mean town teams 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:32.080 have changed their name to the elite team to attract 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:34.760 that kind of thing, because parents are you know, it's 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:37.200 answering the question am I doing enough? Okay, I put 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:39.319 my child on an elite team, but what does it mean? 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.959 Who's training your child? And what are they getting out 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.600 of it? And doesn't necessarily mean the more you spend 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.600 doesn't mean the better experience you're going to have and 0:09:47.640 --> 0:09:50.560 the letting And that's something we talk about and educate parents. 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:53.920 It's it's not the label, it's not the money. It's 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:56.360 just who you're putting your child into and who's the 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:58.960 coach and trusting that process because that's where the emotion 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:02.120 really does play into their fact is like when you 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:04.760 see your kids failing, you see your kid making mistakes 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:06.760 and that you get anxious, and then you want to 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:08.200 blame it on the reff you want to blame it 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:10.000 on the coach, you want to blame it on other 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:12.400 athletes on the field. And it's like, I think it 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.960 comes deep rooted from not really trusting the process of 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.960 allowing your kids to develop and grow. You just want 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:21.040 them always to succeed, and that's that's not part of reality. 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.520 You know, in the expectation that we have for our children, 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:25.959 we always got to kick up, kick out of like 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:29.760 is the parent getting up for the game more? And 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:31.959 we get a kick out of it. We've been there too. Obviously, 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:35.120 we all get emotional about sports and then especially when 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.560 you're child's involved. But it is something to look at, 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:40.520 like am I more involved in this loss emotionally than 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:44.240 my child is? And my child's ten and what does 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:47.120 this really mean? And what's happening with me? I went 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.440 to to touch on that point. I went to these 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:52.839 good friend of ours, um their oldest son is ten 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:55.319 years old, so he had a youth football youth football 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:57.920 game last fall, so I went, you know, we're really 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.040 close with them. He's like a nephew to me. I 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:01.600 want to go to support them. It's like their first 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:06.120 playoff game. And while I'm watching the game, like there's 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:07.960 kind of some stir. I like to stand away, So 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:09.400 I just watched the game and not get caught up 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.520 on what parents are doing. And I hear the stir 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.160 and I start going over their long story short there 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:21.000 was someone from the other team on their sideline videotaping 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:26.400 like signals or the like video taping the sideline so 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:28.440 he could like report to the other side kind of 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:31.080 what they're doing. I'm like, these kids are ten years 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:34.760 old and there's like a spygate issue going on, Like 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:38.320 what is this world coming to their ten? What are 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:41.080 you trying to win? Like what what is going on? 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:44.920 What is a grown man sitting there? And like grown 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:46.880 man came up with this idea, Hey, go over there, 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.280 record their stuff and let us know what they're doing. 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:52.800 I couldn't I couldn't even fathom, like what was going on. 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:56.400 I don't know if there's a trend, but what I 0:11:56.480 --> 0:12:00.160 see personally, my my ten year old soccer games are 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:03.600 more emotional and can get a little bit more hectic 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.319 than the sixteen year old. And maybe it's that by 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:10.160 then figured out figured it out like it's okay. If 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.760 there didn't fall off sides, the game will go on. 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:17.520 It's not about us anymore, right, just you found another 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:20.959 hobby or something. I mean, like to your point though, 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:23.600 it's like what kind of role models are these coaches 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:27.200 being for these athletes? Because those kids look over that 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:30.280 they're sponges, you know, like I've experienced that through my 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:33.199 own children and traveling with the US team, and they 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:36.000 just we're very lucky to be around so many female, 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:39.480 like powerful role models that they were like taking things 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:42.240 that were they're positive away and like using it into 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:44.600 their world today. And I just look at you know, 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:49.120 when you have a coach that is maybe altering you know, 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:52.720 maybe the guidelines to win. You know, like it's kind 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:55.240 of teaching our kids the wrong message, and you know 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:57.880 they should be working on the fundamentals, the skill sets, 0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:01.080 you know, even the mental side. I'd rather than even 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:04.640 encourage them to you know, persevere. So those tough times 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:06.760 and the losses are maybe playing up against a bigger, 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:10.360 bigger athlete and how to overcome that or you know, 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:12.360 those are the things that you know, coaches should be 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:15.040 inspiring their kids to kind of get through those moments 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:19.400 rather than filming you know, plays and sending the wrong message. 0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:22.800 It's insane. And you have two daughters, right, Christie, Yes, 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:26.760 do they play soccer one place. They both play one 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.720 place that like a competitive level, that loves it, and 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:33.560 my younger one just plays at a non competitive competitive level, 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:38.079 just loves to have loves down the armed slices at halftime. 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:41.200 Social part of it, I like, I love it. You know, 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:45.000 do they have they voiced any kind of pressure because 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:48.079 of who you are and everything. Yeah, that was a 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:51.040 part of the reason that I started talking to Dr 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:53.679 King about this, because you know, I'm on the field 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.840 a lot as youth coach, and I have parents getting 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:59.760 crazy if they beat you know, an Olympic athlete that's 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:03.000 reaching against our team, as well as my you know, 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:05.200 my child, like who you know, who's her kid? Which 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:07.720 number is she? And then you know the things that 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:12.280 parents would actually say in the words they use, you know, 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:14.440 towards my child. So I used to you know, people 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:15.959 would ask me like, which one is your kid? And 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.000 I used to change the number up. You know, I 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:19.680 would tell my daughter that I'm like, oh, I think 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:22.240 you're number nine today. I don't worry don't stress because 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:25.400 there's so much added pressure. Like just be you, you know, 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:28.720 like you have way more advantaged, Like you're so much 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:30.680 you have a better skill set than I ever did 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:33.400 at your age. Just go with it, be like who 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:35.360 you want to be, don't be your mom, you know. 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:37.960 And but that's I had to have those early conversations 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:41.280 way too young with her, and she should have been 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:42.960 able to just have fun and be a kid and 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.920 express herself on the field, but she had all these 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:49.040 outside distraction and voices that were interfering with who she 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:52.040 should have been. Dr Christine, what were you just mentioned 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:53.600 to her about? Well, I wanted her to tell you 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.080 the great story about the parent who walked up throughout 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.360 the game and heard this was I think at this 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:00.680 point eight or nine years old, and said, you know, 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:02.640 I just you know, this just has to be a 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:05.200 pretty good team. Did you know that Christy Rampone's daughter 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:11.680 actually plays on this team? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, we were 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:16.280 like no, really really like, yeah, that's my daughter with 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:21.960 that ar sliceszing parents get like again so caught up 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:24.400 in like the wow, in the emotion that you're like, 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:28.160 just their kids, don't forget that like their their kids 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:31.520 and they have feelings and just know about like your 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.640 words means something. So like when you go out there 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:37.880 and say that, like understand like you are, you know, 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:41.880 changing somebody's um true love for the game by just 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.240 throwing these nasty words out. And you know, I'm blessed 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:47.440 and lucky that my child still playing sports from what 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.480 everything that she's heard along the way. That definitely exhibits 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:52.680 some resiliency and your daughter being able to kind of 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:56.080 take on that pressure as much as you're trying to, 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:58.840 you know, kind of filter all that, but she's still 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:01.280 able to play this, play that sport that you played 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:15.600 and kind of keep trucking. So that's awesome. Dr Christine, 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:20.120 with your scientific and educational background around all of this, 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.280 like sports psychology, how do you interact with your kids? 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:27.040 Like do you find yourself getting too technical with things 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:28.640 around them or you're like, Okay, I just need to 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:30.280 back off for a second and let my kid be 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.720 a kid. If I tried technical with them, they would 0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:35.280 never listen to a word I said. I mean, I'm 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:39.240 certainly hyper vigilant about it, especially after this journey with 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:46.920 Christine writing that used to be a crazy parent. After 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:49.840 this journey just being able to like, like, we come 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.880 off a game. Christie's my daughter's coach who plays with 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:56.080 her older daughter, and I would be so excited, like 0:16:56.160 --> 0:16:58.480 what what did Christi ram Bones say about this game? 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:00.120 Because the first thing to get in the car or 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.640 what she's saying. But sometimes she didn't want to talk 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:05.600 about the game. She needed time to cool down, chill out. 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:07.800 And we talked about that in the book a lot 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.359 about giving your kids time to heal from the field, 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:14.560 having some space because in that moment you're emotional, they're emotional, 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:17.800 and you need that that time to you know, cool down, 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.359 chill out, and then you can talk rationally. But so 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.720 many times, I know your kids are young, but you'll 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:24.480 see you'll leave the game and you can see the 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:28.199 car ride home, parents yelling, kids tuning out. You know, 0:17:28.240 --> 0:17:30.879 all that happens, and it's really a great time that 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:32.720 car ride home too. You know, you can have a 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:35.879 really positive experience because clearly the parents care about the game, 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:39.040 and that's your connectedness to your child. You know a 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:41.800 lot of a lot of dads say they really relate 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:45.160 to their kids through the sports. You know, that's when 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:47.840 they're you know, talking the most to their son. You 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:50.600 know that's like the conversation opener or something you know 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:54.359 for some parents. Um, but I think you were saying before, 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:57.919 like when we were younger, our parents weren't there for 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:01.080 a lot of the practices, or like like parents are 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:05.359 now and now we see, Wow, this is really enjoyable. 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:08.439 I had a whole socker social life. I love watching 0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:10.280 my kids play, and then I think that's where all 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:13.280 this like kind of over involvement, um, you know comes 0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:16.520 into play for sure. And I mean that gave me 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.359 a different perspective just instantly, because I was that kid 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:21.840 in the car and my dad would read me out, 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.080 you know, nine percent of the time after games, What 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:25.479 were you thinking, why did you do this? You know? 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:27.560 And I would I'll just get upset and want to 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:29.520 tune them out, and almost to the point where I 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:31.240 didn't even want them to come to games because it's like, 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.280 just leave me alone, like give me a second to breathe. 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:37.040 But I can also anticipate that excitement where I want 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:39.160 to be like, hey, let's talk about even if it's 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:40.639 good stuff, I want to be like hey, hey, you know, 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:45.080 but I'm making a mental note right now being like okay, 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:47.360 offer them be like Hey, whenever you're ready to talk 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:48.960 about the game, let's talk about it. I want to 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:50.720 hear about your feelings about what you saw it there 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.879 or whatever. I'm always been the parents. I've never yelled 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:56.880 on the sideline. I've always kind of chilled out. I've 0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:59.960 known enough not to have that interaction with my kids. 0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:02.919 I don't ride them. Um. But then you know what 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:04.479 Christy was saying then what I would get with her 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:06.160 and we'd be alone, and I said, what happened there? 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:10.199 What was this? But so I think that's been you know, 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:13.360 I've kind of known through my travels like I'm I'm 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:16.840 vigilant of what I'm saying because I know I'm planning scenes. 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:20.080 So and then through this process of writing this book, 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:22.879 I learned even more about um. Like they're like, I 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:24.920 tell a story of my daughter with a penalty kick, 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:27.639 and you know she's a forward, so I thought, I'm 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:30.040 cheering her on saying how many points you gotta score 0:19:30.080 --> 0:19:32.080 for me? But that's actually the last thing you want 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:34.480 to be saying through forward before they you know, the 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:36.679 best thing for me to say is love you a 0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:38.800 great game, and that's the end of it. So that's 0:19:38.840 --> 0:19:42.080 like a change I made that way. Yeah, putting added 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:45.440 pressure on your kid before they perform, you know, remembering 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:47.560 what to say for sure. A buddy of mine we're 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:49.679 talking about one day, and it's like, what else in 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:53.440 life besides sports gives you that instant like adrenaline rush 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:56.000 or like cheering, Like there's really nothing else in life 0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:58.760 that you're like, maybe can't read, maybe gambling right, like 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:01.200 you double down and you hit. But other than that, 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:04.280 what in life gives you the instantaneous rush of feeling 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:06.600 and emotion? So I can I make up that. I 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.119 can see why parents get so involved because it's like 0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:11.639 even if they're never used to play sports, but now 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:13.679 they're flesh and blood is doing it and they just 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:17.480 get that intense and everything. It's like they've got nothing else, 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:19.600 And like work isn't doing that for him, you know, 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:21.800 money through Friday. It's like that's not doing it. Take 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:25.959