1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: Find Downcast. All right, guys, welcome to another episode of 2 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:11,800 Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janna Kramer and Michael Cosson. I am 3 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: one of your co hosts, Mike, as you all know, 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,439 Speaker 1: and I'm really taking this Mike Monday thing to a 5 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:22,599 Speaker 1: whole another level in demanding my own podcast episode. Uh No, 6 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: you know, those of you who followed Janna know she's 7 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 1: been working her ass off on this movie that she's 8 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 1: shooting for a lifetime and I just I credit her 9 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,839 Speaker 1: so much because of the adversity that she's had to 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: overcome with having pneumonia the first week and in the 11 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: past two weeks, dealing with people testing positive for COVID 12 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:45,519 Speaker 1: and false positives and all the above. She's really just 13 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: kind of been grinding a way, and unfortunately, because of 14 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,920 Speaker 1: the changing schedule with all of that, we weren't able 15 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:56,319 Speaker 1: to get her on here today. So I'm holding down 16 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: the fort so bear with me. Um, But it couldn't 17 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: have been more perfect time. I mean to have the 18 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: guests that we have today, These two wonderful ladies talk 19 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 1: about Um. They wrote a book called Be All In, 20 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 1: which is all about kids and sports and parents and 21 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: that dynamic which those of you who are avid listeners 22 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: to this podcast. No, I'm very passionate about So we're 23 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,759 Speaker 1: gonna talk about things with you know, kids getting trophies 24 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: for everything, and how parents should behave at sporting events 25 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: and how much to push your kid, how much to 26 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: pull back. So we have some great conversations around that. 27 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 1: Christie Rampone is a US women national soccer player who 28 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: spent seventeen years on the team, is three time gold medalist. 29 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: She's a legend in international soccer. And her partner of 30 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,679 Speaker 1: crime is Dr Christine Keane, who is one of the 31 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: leading neuropsychologists in her in her field. So we have 32 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 1: some great discussions coming up. It's gonna be a lot 33 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: of fun. Let's take a break and dive right in. 34 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: Al Right, guys, Uh, we're so excited about our guests today. 35 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: Janna had to step out for a little bit. She's 36 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 1: got a lot going on shooting a movie. But we 37 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:15,239 Speaker 1: have the legendary Christie Pierce Rampone and Dr Christine Keene 38 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: who are here to talk about basically the future of 39 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 1: our children and and those of you who don't know 40 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: who these two are. Christie is known around the world 41 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 1: as one of the most legendary soccer players in the 42 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,640 Speaker 1: history of the game for sure, has represented US in 43 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 1: numerous Olympics, has been part of the US women's soccer 44 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: team for many, many years. And Dr Christine give us 45 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: a little bit of your background to educate us on 46 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 1: where your specialties at. So, I'm a clinical neuropsychologist and 47 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: I specialized in sports neuropsychology because for years I've been 48 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: working with athletes dealing with sports concussion mainly. So that's 49 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: what led to our collaboration from you know, working with 50 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 1: athletes for so many years and thus the parent of 51 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: kids who have had concussions for sure. So how did 52 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: you guys, so we're here to talk about your book 53 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 1: be all In, which is about raising kids for success 54 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 1: in sports in life. How did you guys meet and 55 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: kind of learned to, you know, begin to collaborate on 56 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: this project. Yeah, so we we teamed up on you know, 57 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: talking about concussion and going on the speaking tour and 58 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: working on this with the same organization and both being 59 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 1: sports moms and with Dr King's clinical background as well 60 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,799 Speaker 1: as my background playing on the fields as well as 61 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: coaching for the last twenty years and just watching this 62 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: climate of sports get so emotional and there's so much 63 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: pressure anxiety within these youth athletes. Um, we just wanted 64 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,520 Speaker 1: to give back honestly and help parents through this, this 65 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: guideline throughout our book to just help them, you know, 66 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: have a better kind of the better journey with their 67 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 1: kids through sports and trying to teach them is more 68 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: than just winning. Yes, we all want to win, we're 69 00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: all very competitive, but when those moments of losses um 70 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: or mistakes, um that you can teach your kids so 71 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 1: much through sports. I love this topic and I was 72 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: really excited to have you guys on because Jane and 73 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: I are kids are four and a year and a half, right, 74 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: so we have some time. But Julie's starting that age, 75 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: getting into sports, getting a soccer. We're just kind of 76 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: throwing everything at her. Whatever she likes, she likes. And Christie, 77 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:27,160 Speaker 1: your kids are ten and fifteen? And Dr Christine, how 78 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: old are your kids? Like a little bit more of 79 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 1: a range on eighteen sixteen and today eleven. Wow, so 80 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: we got all the age ranges covered right here, so 81 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 1: we can solve every parents problem right here on this episode. 82 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 1: I love it. So let me ask you both then, 83 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: as as a newer parent, and with kids starting to 84 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: get into this. You know, my background being in professional athletics, 85 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: for athletics my entire life as well. I'm asked this 86 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:57,279 Speaker 1: question only from a standpoint of because I played professionally, 87 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: people think I maybe have the right answer or more 88 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 1: of an opinion, when really I don't. I don't have 89 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: any more of a knowledge based in than anyone else would. 90 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: But I am curious because I don't know what the 91 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: answer is. All I know is I want kids to 92 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: be kids, right, So what is Yall's philosophy when it 93 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,480 Speaker 1: comes to all these parents who want to send their 94 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: kids to the specialists and set them up for success 95 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: and they should just play this one sport year round. 96 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 1: Like where do you guys stand on that kind of concept? 97 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: You know, we talk a lot in the book about 98 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,640 Speaker 1: there's like really no one size fits all a way 99 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,720 Speaker 1: to parenting, but just being aware of your own individual 100 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: children and they could have a different relationship with sports 101 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: compared your relationship with sports, and just being open minded 102 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,599 Speaker 1: and communicate and at a young age, allowing them to 103 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: express themselves by choosing what sports they want to play 104 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: and allowing them to start their own journey rather than 105 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 1: pushing your interests on them. You want to show them 106 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 1: your interests and be there along the way, but allowing 107 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,960 Speaker 1: to them to express their own individual interests. You know, 108 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,919 Speaker 1: we really hope like parents start to, like the next 109 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: generation of parents could start to let their kids have 110 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: some more free play, because it seems like since we 111 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,279 Speaker 1: started raising them, everything got so structured and there it's 112 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,840 Speaker 1: almost like a child's right in their childhood to have 113 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 1: a sport, to be active, and then it's like a 114 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 1: parent's moral obligation to get them structure. So there's this 115 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,279 Speaker 1: whole shift away from free play. So if if we 116 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: could give any advice, we'd say, like set some time 117 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: apart to just let them be and just do and 118 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 1: just you know, hang out with their friends in the backyard. 119 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,599 Speaker 1: And you almost can see that now in this current 120 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: stage of the pandemic or like God, the kids are 121 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 1: lost because they are so used to this structure routine, 122 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: like coaches to tell them exactly what to do, you know, 123 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,279 Speaker 1: they sign up for whether it's individual training or individual fitness. 124 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,159 Speaker 1: They were lost, you know, and there's a perfect time 125 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: to you know, prepare your child from when it does 126 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: is open up and have those conversations of why do 127 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: you want to play sports? And you know how to 128 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: get outside and exercise on your own, how to like 129 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: play with your friends that in your small group settings 130 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: and just enjoy sports. You know, I miss the days 131 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: of I feel like maybe my age range or generation 132 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: was maybe the last ones where it's like your parents 133 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 1: are like, all right, go outside, I don't want to 134 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: see you till you know the street lamps come on exactly, 135 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: and it's like you don't see that anymore. And to 136 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: your point, it's like, you want, how are kids supposed 137 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: to do that when they're having you got this coach 138 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 1: on this day, and this sport on this day and 139 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 1: this and it's this is just my outside looking in. 140 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 1: Because of the impact of social media and Facebook and 141 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 1: all of that, my fear that I make up is 142 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: that it's becoming more about the parents, because the parents 143 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: want to be able to post that, oh, my son 144 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: or daughter is training with this coach and it's third 145 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 1: known to be the best you know, goal goalkeeper coach 146 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: in the in the county or the state or whatever, 147 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 1: the best quarterback coach. And it's like, is it a 148 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: out your kid or is it really about you being 149 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: able to say that have you guys experienced kind of 150 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: that same opinion or any of that. Absolutely, I mean 151 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 1: that's the trend right now is the fear of the unknown. 152 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: And social media makes us all feel anxious because you 153 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: have somebody post something and then you wonder if you're 154 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: doing the right thing and putting your child in the 155 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: right situation to be successful. But I always reflect back 156 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 1: to you know, some of the great players from what 157 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: where I've experienced And I even went to college on 158 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: a basketball scholarship. I was a walk on the soccer team, 159 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 1: and everybody's path is so unique and allow and then 160 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 1: try to have that conversation we talked about that lot 161 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 1: in the book is like you have you early you know, 162 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:38,959 Speaker 1: right on at the gate, you know you can tell 163 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 1: the athletes, and then you have your late bloomers, and 164 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 1: you know you don't know which whereich direction your child 165 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: is gonna go in. So just allow them to be 166 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: themselves and just sit back and and enjoy it. But 167 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 1: sometimes you do have to encourage your child, to push 168 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 1: your child to do something and bout dr keen and I, 169 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,440 Speaker 1: you know, make sure that we let our children know 170 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: like you choose, but you have to do something like 171 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: it's not gonna be sitting in the house and doing 172 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 1: nothing like you will choose something and if you need 173 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: to help, we need to help along who can't choose 174 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: Xbox Like hey, mom and dad, Xbox Fashion, Xbox Player, 175 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: you know, and just like you know, having fun with 176 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,719 Speaker 1: it because right now it is some tense sometimes there 177 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,839 Speaker 1: tous in. I'm sure you don't know what the top 178 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,560 Speaker 1: up of how many elite teams, I mean town teams 179 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 1: have changed their name to the elite team to attract 180 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: that kind of thing, because parents are you know, it's 181 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: answering the question am I doing enough? Okay, I put 182 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,319 Speaker 1: my child on an elite team, but what does it mean? 183 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 1: Who's training your child? And what are they getting out 184 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 1: of it? And doesn't necessarily mean the more you spend 185 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 1: doesn't mean the better experience you're going to have and 186 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 1: the letting And that's something we talk about and educate parents. 187 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 1: It's it's not the label, it's not the money. It's 188 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: just who you're putting your child into and who's the 189 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 1: coach and trusting that process because that's where the emotion 190 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: really does play into their fact is like when you 191 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 1: see your kids failing, you see your kid making mistakes 192 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: and that you get anxious, and then you want to 193 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 1: blame it on the reff you want to blame it 194 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 1: on the coach, you want to blame it on other 195 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: athletes on the field. And it's like, I think it 196 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 1: comes deep rooted from not really trusting the process of 197 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 1: allowing your kids to develop and grow. You just want 198 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 1: them always to succeed, and that's that's not part of reality. 199 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,520 Speaker 1: You know, in the expectation that we have for our children, 200 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,959 Speaker 1: we always got to kick up, kick out of like 201 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 1: is the parent getting up for the game more? And 202 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,959 Speaker 1: we get a kick out of it. We've been there too. Obviously, 203 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: we all get emotional about sports and then especially when 204 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 1: you're child's involved. But it is something to look at, 205 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: like am I more involved in this loss emotionally than 206 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: my child is? And my child's ten and what does 207 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 1: this really mean? And what's happening with me? I went 208 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: to to touch on that point. I went to these 209 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,839 Speaker 1: good friend of ours, um their oldest son is ten 210 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,319 Speaker 1: years old, so he had a youth football youth football 211 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: game last fall, so I went, you know, we're really 212 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,040 Speaker 1: close with them. He's like a nephew to me. I 213 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: want to go to support them. It's like their first 214 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 1: playoff game. And while I'm watching the game, like there's 215 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: kind of some stir. I like to stand away, So 216 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,400 Speaker 1: I just watched the game and not get caught up 217 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: on what parents are doing. And I hear the stir 218 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: and I start going over their long story short there 219 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: was someone from the other team on their sideline videotaping 220 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: like signals or the like video taping the sideline so 221 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: he could like report to the other side kind of 222 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 1: what they're doing. I'm like, these kids are ten years 223 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 1: old and there's like a spygate issue going on, Like 224 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,320 Speaker 1: what is this world coming to their ten? What are 225 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: you trying to win? Like what what is going on? 226 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 1: What is a grown man sitting there? And like grown 227 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: man came up with this idea, Hey, go over there, 228 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: record their stuff and let us know what they're doing. 229 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: I couldn't I couldn't even fathom, like what was going on. 230 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: I don't know if there's a trend, but what I 231 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 1: see personally, my my ten year old soccer games are 232 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,600 Speaker 1: more emotional and can get a little bit more hectic 233 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 1: than the sixteen year old. And maybe it's that by 234 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 1: then figured out figured it out like it's okay. If 235 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: there didn't fall off sides, the game will go on. 236 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: It's not about us anymore, right, just you found another 237 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,959 Speaker 1: hobby or something. I mean, like to your point though, 238 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: it's like what kind of role models are these coaches 239 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 1: being for these athletes? Because those kids look over that 240 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 1: they're sponges, you know, like I've experienced that through my 241 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,199 Speaker 1: own children and traveling with the US team, and they 242 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: just we're very lucky to be around so many female, 243 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 1: like powerful role models that they were like taking things 244 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: that were they're positive away and like using it into 245 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 1: their world today. And I just look at you know, 246 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 1: when you have a coach that is maybe altering you know, 247 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 1: maybe the guidelines to win. You know, like it's kind 248 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: of teaching our kids the wrong message, and you know 249 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: they should be working on the fundamentals, the skill sets, 250 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,080 Speaker 1: you know, even the mental side. I'd rather than even 251 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: encourage them to you know, persevere. So those tough times 252 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: and the losses are maybe playing up against a bigger, 253 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: bigger athlete and how to overcome that or you know, 254 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 1: those are the things that you know, coaches should be 255 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: inspiring their kids to kind of get through those moments 256 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 1: rather than filming you know, plays and sending the wrong message. 257 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 1: It's insane. And you have two daughters, right, Christie, Yes, 258 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 1: do they play soccer one place. They both play one 259 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: place that like a competitive level, that loves it, and 260 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,560 Speaker 1: my younger one just plays at a non competitive competitive level, 261 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:38,079 Speaker 1: just loves to have loves down the armed slices at halftime. 262 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,200 Speaker 1: Social part of it, I like, I love it. You know, 263 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 1: do they have they voiced any kind of pressure because 264 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 1: of who you are and everything. Yeah, that was a 265 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 1: part of the reason that I started talking to Dr 266 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,679 Speaker 1: King about this, because you know, I'm on the field 267 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,840 Speaker 1: a lot as youth coach, and I have parents getting 268 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: crazy if they beat you know, an Olympic athlete that's 269 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: reaching against our team, as well as my you know, 270 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: my child, like who you know, who's her kid? Which 271 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 1: number is she? And then you know the things that 272 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: parents would actually say in the words they use, you know, 273 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: towards my child. So I used to you know, people 274 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,959 Speaker 1: would ask me like, which one is your kid? And 275 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: I used to change the number up. You know, I 276 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 1: would tell my daughter that I'm like, oh, I think 277 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: you're number nine today. I don't worry don't stress because 278 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: there's so much added pressure. Like just be you, you know, 279 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: like you have way more advantaged, Like you're so much 280 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 1: you have a better skill set than I ever did 281 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,400 Speaker 1: at your age. Just go with it, be like who 282 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 1: you want to be, don't be your mom, you know. 283 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: And but that's I had to have those early conversations 284 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: way too young with her, and she should have been 285 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: able to just have fun and be a kid and 286 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: express herself on the field, but she had all these 287 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: outside distraction and voices that were interfering with who she 288 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: should have been. Dr Christine, what were you just mentioned 289 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: to her about? Well, I wanted her to tell you 290 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 1: the great story about the parent who walked up throughout 291 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: the game and heard this was I think at this 292 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: point eight or nine years old, and said, you know, 293 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 1: I just you know, this just has to be a 294 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 1: pretty good team. Did you know that Christy Rampone's daughter 295 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: actually plays on this team? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, we were 296 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 1: like no, really really like, yeah, that's my daughter with 297 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: that ar sliceszing parents get like again so caught up 298 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 1: in like the wow, in the emotion that you're like, 299 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: just their kids, don't forget that like their their kids 300 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: and they have feelings and just know about like your 301 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 1: words means something. So like when you go out there 302 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,880 Speaker 1: and say that, like understand like you are, you know, 303 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 1: changing somebody's um true love for the game by just 304 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: throwing these nasty words out. And you know, I'm blessed 305 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: and lucky that my child still playing sports from what 306 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: everything that she's heard along the way. That definitely exhibits 307 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 1: some resiliency and your daughter being able to kind of 308 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: take on that pressure as much as you're trying to, 309 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: you know, kind of filter all that, but she's still 310 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: able to play this, play that sport that you played 311 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 1: and kind of keep trucking. So that's awesome. Dr Christine, 312 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: with your scientific and educational background around all of this, 313 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 1: like sports psychology, how do you interact with your kids? 314 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: Like do you find yourself getting too technical with things 315 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: around them or you're like, Okay, I just need to 316 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: back off for a second and let my kid be 317 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 1: a kid. If I tried technical with them, they would 318 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: never listen to a word I said. I mean, I'm 319 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 1: certainly hyper vigilant about it, especially after this journey with 320 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: Christine writing that used to be a crazy parent. After 321 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: this journey just being able to like, like, we come 322 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: off a game. Christie's my daughter's coach who plays with 323 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: her older daughter, and I would be so excited, like 324 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 1: what what did Christi ram Bones say about this game? 325 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,120 Speaker 1: Because the first thing to get in the car or 326 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: what she's saying. But sometimes she didn't want to talk 327 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 1: about the game. She needed time to cool down, chill out. 328 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: And we talked about that in the book a lot 329 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 1: about giving your kids time to heal from the field, 330 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 1: having some space because in that moment you're emotional, they're emotional, 331 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: and you need that that time to you know, cool down, 332 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,359 Speaker 1: chill out, and then you can talk rationally. But so 333 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 1: many times, I know your kids are young, but you'll 334 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: see you'll leave the game and you can see the 335 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,199 Speaker 1: car ride home, parents yelling, kids tuning out. You know, 336 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,879 Speaker 1: all that happens, and it's really a great time that 337 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: car ride home too. You know, you can have a 338 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,879 Speaker 1: really positive experience because clearly the parents care about the game, 339 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: and that's your connectedness to your child. You know a 340 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: lot of a lot of dads say they really relate 341 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,160 Speaker 1: to their kids through the sports. You know, that's when 342 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: they're you know, talking the most to their son. You 343 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 1: know that's like the conversation opener or something you know 344 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 1: for some parents. Um, but I think you were saying before, 345 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,919 Speaker 1: like when we were younger, our parents weren't there for 346 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: a lot of the practices, or like like parents are 347 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:05,359 Speaker 1: now and now we see, Wow, this is really enjoyable. 348 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,439 Speaker 1: I had a whole socker social life. I love watching 349 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 1: my kids play, and then I think that's where all 350 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: this like kind of over involvement, um, you know comes 351 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 1: into play for sure. And I mean that gave me 352 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,359 Speaker 1: a different perspective just instantly, because I was that kid 353 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: in the car and my dad would read me out, 354 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 1: you know, nine percent of the time after games, What 355 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:25,479 Speaker 1: were you thinking, why did you do this? You know? 356 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 1: And I would I'll just get upset and want to 357 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: tune them out, and almost to the point where I 358 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 1: didn't even want them to come to games because it's like, 359 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,280 Speaker 1: just leave me alone, like give me a second to breathe. 360 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: But I can also anticipate that excitement where I want 361 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,160 Speaker 1: to be like, hey, let's talk about even if it's 362 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,639 Speaker 1: good stuff, I want to be like hey, hey, you know, 363 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: but I'm making a mental note right now being like okay, 364 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,360 Speaker 1: offer them be like Hey, whenever you're ready to talk 365 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 1: about the game, let's talk about it. I want to 366 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: hear about your feelings about what you saw it there 367 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 1: or whatever. I'm always been the parents. I've never yelled 368 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 1: on the sideline. I've always kind of chilled out. I've 369 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: known enough not to have that interaction with my kids. 370 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 1: I don't ride them. Um. But then you know what 371 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,479 Speaker 1: Christy was saying then what I would get with her 372 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,160 Speaker 1: and we'd be alone, and I said, what happened there? 373 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 1: What was this? But so I think that's been you know, 374 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,360 Speaker 1: I've kind of known through my travels like I'm I'm 375 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 1: vigilant of what I'm saying because I know I'm planning scenes. 376 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 1: So and then through this process of writing this book, 377 00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:22,879 Speaker 1: I learned even more about um. Like they're like, I 378 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,920 Speaker 1: tell a story of my daughter with a penalty kick, 379 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: and you know she's a forward, so I thought, I'm 380 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: cheering her on saying how many points you gotta score 381 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: for me? But that's actually the last thing you want 382 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,480 Speaker 1: to be saying through forward before they you know, the 383 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 1: best thing for me to say is love you a 384 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: great game, and that's the end of it. So that's 385 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: like a change I made that way. Yeah, putting added 386 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:45,440 Speaker 1: pressure on your kid before they perform, you know, remembering 387 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: what to say for sure. A buddy of mine we're 388 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,679 Speaker 1: talking about one day, and it's like, what else in 389 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,440 Speaker 1: life besides sports gives you that instant like adrenaline rush 390 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,000 Speaker 1: or like cheering, Like there's really nothing else in life 391 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: that you're like, maybe can't read, maybe gambling right, like 392 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,200 Speaker 1: you double down and you hit. But other than that, 393 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: what in life gives you the instantaneous rush of feeling 394 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: and emotion? So I can I make up that. I 395 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,119 Speaker 1: can see why parents get so involved because it's like 396 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,639 Speaker 1: even if they're never used to play sports, but now 397 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,679 Speaker 1: they're flesh and blood is doing it and they just 398 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: get that intense and everything. It's like they've got nothing else, 399 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: And like work isn't doing that for him, you know, 400 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: money through Friday. It's like that's not doing it. Take 401 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,959 Speaker 1: your four year old gambling right right. That's where I say, like, 402 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: when you truly look at it, like your kids are, 403 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 1: you're entertaining you, right because you live this like structure, 404 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: like too, you're going to work, and work may not 405 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,200 Speaker 1: be the greatest thing, Like your outlet is to people 406 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: watch your kids play, and then when it doesn't the 407 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 1: picture isn't painted perfectly, then we get emotional because we're 408 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,919 Speaker 1: like this is supposed to be our fun time. And 409 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: that's like, you know, the whole premises of the book. 410 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,359 Speaker 1: Because even when dr he was talking about like after 411 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 1: a game, like as a coach, like I love to 412 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 1: use as a teaching moment, and parents get so annoyed 413 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,679 Speaker 1: that I keep the players like an extra ten minutes 414 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: after the game, especially if they're lost, because like I 415 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,119 Speaker 1: want a chef to say to them now, like and 416 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,800 Speaker 1: she you know, talk about that during the week. But 417 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,479 Speaker 1: those are all the points that like are fun for 418 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 1: me as a coach to like make sure we like 419 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: wrap up what we just what the game was. And 420 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 1: those are the moments that I love the kids to 421 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: get in the car too, and if they want to say, 422 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,879 Speaker 1: like this was our game plan and this is what 423 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: we executed and have the parents were more engaging about that, 424 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:24,680 Speaker 1: like you know than their own individual childs, like you look, 425 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 1: you know the little tired out there. You showed no 426 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 1: energy and you know, how come you're doing this and 427 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,280 Speaker 1: like questioning all that versus like kind of educating parents 428 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: to be like yeah, like did the game plan work? 429 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 1: Like what were you thinking out there? And like were 430 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,640 Speaker 1: you high pressing? Were you low pressing? And kind of 431 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,159 Speaker 1: educating their parents along the way about how the games 432 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 1: changed so much because as you know, like the game 433 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:48,639 Speaker 1: keeps evolving year after year and com parents evolved with 434 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 1: the game. That's that's really that's actually really cool to 435 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 1: know that after the game, like you can be helping 436 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 1: the relationship between the parents and the kids because you're 437 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 1: coaching them almost together, and like wrapping that up so 438 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: the parent knows how to talk to their kid a 439 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,919 Speaker 1: little bit more instead of asking these questions that don't matter. Now, 440 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,439 Speaker 1: let me ask you in the opposite end of the spectrum. Okay, 441 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: So I have a brother that's fourteen years younger than me, 442 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: and I remember going to his baseball games. I was 443 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 1: like early in my NFL days. He was playing you know, 444 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: like his first year kid pitch and it was like 445 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: in my off season, and I remember coming to his games. 446 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 1: I'm like hot, you know, early summer Saturday mornings at 447 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,920 Speaker 1: eight am, and it's like watching paint dry. I mean, 448 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,120 Speaker 1: especially the first year a kid bitch just like ball 449 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 1: ball ball, strike out, Like everyone's walking everyone's striking out, 450 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 1: no one's hitting the ball. How do you as parents 451 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 1: kind of mentally approached that when your kid is in 452 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 1: that young infant stages of sports and you go to 453 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,639 Speaker 1: some of these these events and it is watching like 454 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,679 Speaker 1: it's like watching paint dry, and you're like, how do 455 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 1: you kind of stay enthusiastic and excited for your kid 456 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 1: when you're there You're not enjoying it yet your kids 457 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: aren't entertaining you. Yet You're like in your head, you're 458 00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,560 Speaker 1: like you feel bad. You're like, yeah, ring on the 459 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:06,120 Speaker 1: side somewhere with the other parents. Well, first note to sell, 460 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 1: do not play on your phone because it's that one 461 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 1: time your kid looks over in your phone. My younger 462 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,600 Speaker 1: daughter reminding me of that early on, like mom, you know, 463 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,560 Speaker 1: and then she got to the point of always looking 464 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 1: at me and I'd give her the thumbs up, like 465 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,880 Speaker 1: keep going, you know, like make sure that they're you're engaged. 466 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 1: But now those are parents, like we would say sports 467 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: parenting is hard work, like and knowing that, especially at 468 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 1: a young, boring youth game, like you definitely have to 469 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: stay involved. You know, you have to know the score, 470 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 1: make sure you know the score, and you know, chier 471 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 1: human and but isn't it like if you're really there 472 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,400 Speaker 1: for what you're there for? I mean in an ideal world, right, 473 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,320 Speaker 1: it's really exciting when your kids really good, But if 474 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,360 Speaker 1: you're there to support your child, you think your emotions 475 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: would kind of look the same regardless. I mean, obviously 476 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: sports is exciting when somebody's excelling, but you know, whether 477 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: you're there for that t ball game, right, you're still 478 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,639 Speaker 1: there for your child. So you would hope that there'd 479 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,880 Speaker 1: be some stability in how you, you know, saw these 480 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: kids and how you you're proud of your kid where 481 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:13,040 Speaker 1: they're at the two so you're kind of pulling from 482 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 1: that part of like why you're there, like really that's 483 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,919 Speaker 1: the big time as a parent or something like you know, 484 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,120 Speaker 1: as ir relative to see like do they actually really 485 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 1: enjoy this too? Like it it's boring to you, Like 486 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,359 Speaker 1: are they really getting something out of it? Making sure 487 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: like they're not just bored? And your board and does 488 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 1: it really align with what you really wanted doing? You know, 489 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,440 Speaker 1: the grand parents you look thrilled because they're in such 490 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,959 Speaker 1: a different place than all of us, so they're more 491 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 1: in touch with that, like the like not getting caught 492 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,200 Speaker 1: up in the game and getting caught up in like 493 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,520 Speaker 1: this is this beautiful kid that I love so much 494 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,879 Speaker 1: and I'm just watching them and have a childhood. So 495 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,480 Speaker 1: they're like more in touch with it than us, and 496 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,760 Speaker 1: we're like, we got ten other things to do today, 497 00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,920 Speaker 1: Like you hit a home run, So when I could 498 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:06,959 Speaker 1: leave something like that on your Facebook posts? Okay, Now, 499 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: this is the one of the biggest areas of contention 500 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,680 Speaker 1: for me personally, just my personal beliefs when it comes 501 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: to sports and kids and everything like that. With the 502 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 1: whole thing about keeping score, okay when and like some 503 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 1: of these youth sports there's no winners or losers, and 504 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,159 Speaker 1: then the whole trophy thing. Janna. I wish Janna was 505 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: on here right now because my daughter, when we're living 506 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 1: in l A. Still, she had a dance recital, right, 507 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,680 Speaker 1: and our daughter was the one that was like all 508 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: the other kids were doing the routine. Our daughters like 509 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,399 Speaker 1: running circles, right, and the teacher has has having to 510 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,920 Speaker 1: corral her back into her spot on stage. It was 511 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 1: the cutest thing ever. We're so proud of her for 512 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: going up there and doing it. And every kid got 513 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: this little trophy with a spinning star on it. So 514 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: we get home, I have the trophy. I was like, 515 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 1: all right, honey, I'm just gonna throw this away. She 516 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 1: was like wait, what, like, like why she loves it? 517 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, tomorrow she's gonna forget about this. I'm like, 518 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,080 Speaker 1: why are we going to keep this? Because why like 519 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 1: why can't us being proud of her, her being proud 520 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,080 Speaker 1: of herself be enough to show her that what she 521 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: did was amazing. She doesn't need this little spinny star 522 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: thing to show her that. So, from both y'all standpoints, 523 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,560 Speaker 1: I would love to hear how you feel about keeping 524 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 1: score and then the whole trophy thing. Yeah, for me, 525 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 1: the trophy thing is something that you have to earn, right, 526 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 1: and then if it's always handed to you don't really 527 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,040 Speaker 1: understand what an accomplishment really is, you know. So we're 528 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 1: teaching them the wrong things at such yourn age. Just 529 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,920 Speaker 1: something is handed to you, you're never gonna know how 530 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: to earn it, how to like work towards something, and 531 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,040 Speaker 1: they're always going to expect things handed to you. So 532 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: we're sending the wrong message early on as parents, um 533 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: by just allowing them to win trophies. You know that 534 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 1: for me is um no, No, Like I'm the same 535 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: as you as I take that trophy and I kind 536 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,880 Speaker 1: of put it away because I'll take any star if 537 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 1: you still yeah, um yeah. I mean that's from an 538 00:26:56,040 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 1: athlete and knowing how hard it is to win, you know, 539 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 1: an Olympic medal and stuff, and if we start setting up, 540 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: you know, these early expectations for kids that they can't 541 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,239 Speaker 1: meet later in life, it's only gonna set them up 542 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,040 Speaker 1: for failure, you know. So I agree with you encourage 543 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 1: them and be appreciative of what they've earned or how 544 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 1: they got there. But just handing it to them to me, 545 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,480 Speaker 1: is um is not helping them that in the long run. 546 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 1: So I think in like the child development literature, you 547 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: see support for both. So from you know, I agree 548 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:31,119 Speaker 1: with Christie. I think there's enough organic experiences in a 549 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:35,440 Speaker 1: child's life that it is important for them to experience 550 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 1: those successes. So if you keep putting your child, who's 551 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,960 Speaker 1: maybe an average soccer player on elite teams, they're not 552 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,359 Speaker 1: going to experience that. And it's it's good for them 553 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,640 Speaker 1: to get a trophy or win, So you really could 554 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,200 Speaker 1: you could set that up in more of an organic way, 555 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 1: so you know you can they can feel that it's 556 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: great to feel success. Um, they learn self efficacy that way. 557 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,159 Speaker 1: So I think it's it's good to have those experiences, 558 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 1: but then not in an artificial way like here's a trophy, 559 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: No you lost, but no, you really want here's a trophy. 560 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: Like how confusing is that? Right? And it could work 561 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,919 Speaker 1: towards something like a girl Scout badge. They actually, you know, 562 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,200 Speaker 1: so you really confine things. There's enough out there, there's 563 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,919 Speaker 1: enough ways, you know, for your child to succeed. Child 564 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: has gifts that you know, maybe haven't developed it, they 565 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,199 Speaker 1: might not be in the right activity. So that's what 566 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,719 Speaker 1: I would look for. So so you have that balance 567 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: of both not artificial but more organic. Also equated to 568 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 1: school too, like I love for the teachers to hand 569 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 1: out the hundreds for good effort. I mean like it's 570 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 1: the same if you look at in the like the 571 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: same perspective. It's like, you gotta you gotta earn your 572 00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: grades in school. And it's the same thing as I 573 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: think in sports, as you gotta earn your way to 574 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: to to winning and accomplishing you know, a scholarship or 575 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 1: an award or certificate, like that's all that's all part 576 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 1: of it. Now with the same thing with winning and 577 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 1: losing in you know, because I feel like it's it's 578 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: okay regardless of the kid's age, to to understand loss 579 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 1: because that's part of life. Right. If if everyone just 580 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,719 Speaker 1: feels like we didn't keep score, then why are they 581 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 1: doing it? Right? It's like it's like age appropriate loss. 582 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: And then again that gets back to like how involved 583 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,320 Speaker 1: emotionally are you in the game. So if you're flipping 584 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,640 Speaker 1: out about the laws and you have a six year old, 585 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 1: that might not be commensurate, right, So you let them 586 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,080 Speaker 1: feel the loss, But then it's also okay, you have 587 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 1: a hundred more games to play within the next couple 588 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 1: of years. You know, you know you can move on 589 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,920 Speaker 1: from that loss. You know they're not playing the World 590 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,880 Speaker 1: Cup at that moment. So I think it's like just 591 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,960 Speaker 1: the age appropriate losses that you notice as a parent 592 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,960 Speaker 1: that you know that that's commensurate with their level of understanding, 593 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,480 Speaker 1: but they need it to learn. As I saying, like 594 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 1: the coaching, but my philosophy and coaches coaching, as you 595 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 1: you train for fun, then you train to learn, then 596 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,000 Speaker 1: you train to compete, and then you train to win 597 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 1: and the winning comes is the last piece because you 598 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: want to start training to win when you're you know, 599 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 1: in the fourteen age group. So if you don't ever develop, 600 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 1: the winning is going to be hard as you get older. 601 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,720 Speaker 1: If you go just for winning as a young youth 602 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 1: athlete at eight, they're not gonna experience the development stage. 603 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: And I would say, like winning is a byproductor that 604 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 1: developed thing, right, So like it's a process and get there, 605 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 1: And that's something that we tried to instill throughout this book. 606 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 1: Is like, you know, when you try to develop, sometimes 607 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 1: it's gonna be tough to win, but you actually win 608 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: because you're learning something throughout the game. You know. For example, 609 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,960 Speaker 1: the other day and my girls played a younger team, 610 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 1: so I was working on low pressure and we tied, 611 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: and every everyone's like, who you tied? You know, a 612 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,280 Speaker 1: team that was younger than you and maybe not is 613 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 1: at a sting level, Like yeah, but we actually did win. 614 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 1: And the fact that we won and the fact that 615 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 1: I taught them something, they digested it and then we 616 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,720 Speaker 1: need to use it or implement it in a game setting. 617 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 1: And you know they'll be able to do that in 618 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: adjust and a depth so that you know That's why 619 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:00,680 Speaker 1: I think it's important to align stuff with the right 620 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 1: coaching staff to make sure that your child has developed 621 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: in the growing what's your biggest thing, I make up 622 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:10,320 Speaker 1: that the age of girls that you're coaching. That's probably 623 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 1: again in my my personal opinion, is probably the age 624 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,840 Speaker 1: where you know you can get on them a little bit, right, 625 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 1: So what's what's the thing for you as a coach 626 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 1: that you'll get on your girls? Bet that will really 627 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,040 Speaker 1: like disappoint you, bother you that you'll have no issue 628 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,440 Speaker 1: being like, look, I'm piste off. Oh the count that 629 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,280 Speaker 1: accountability piece is huge. The eye rolling, you know, when 630 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 1: you get the teenage years where like you tell them 631 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: something and it's you know, no matter who you are 632 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,720 Speaker 1: and what coaches you know, where have I've been, the 633 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 1: eye rolling is a no doubt. It's like you pulled 634 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 1: immediately off the field and you've got to cool down. 635 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: But you know, just as simple as like showing up 636 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 1: late for practice, you know, and using excuse my parents 637 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 1: didn't wake me up, for my parents didn't get me 638 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: there in time. It's like no, no, no, Like you're 639 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,800 Speaker 1: responsible of your own actions, and that's huge as you 640 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 1: get older, you know, all the emotion that you've show 641 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,440 Speaker 1: in a game, like you're responsible for that. So those 642 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 1: those little moments are definitely moments that I make sure 643 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 1: that there is a lesson at that at that time. 644 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,880 Speaker 1: And I'm a very about immediate lessons. So if it happens, 645 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: the players removed right away and then we have a 646 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 1: discussion and then we implement it back, um, you know, 647 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 1: through training, and they have to earn the way back 648 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:23,719 Speaker 1: on the field. But yeah, and every every week they 649 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 1: have to earn. It doesn't matter how well they played 650 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 1: in the last game, Like, you still gotta show to 651 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: be consistent every day. And that's the accountable the piece 652 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,080 Speaker 1: kids need to learn because they're so used to parents 653 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 1: doing everything for them. The same thing is if they're 654 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 1: late for practice, just text me goes a long way, 655 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 1: you know, versus showing up late and like the shoulders 656 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,480 Speaker 1: going down and like the head coming into the like sorry, coach, 657 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,680 Speaker 1: Like you could easily solve that because I plan my 658 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 1: practices on the numbers that are going to show up, 659 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:53,239 Speaker 1: and then you disrupt my practice by being late and 660 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 1: not showing up and then having to stay hello to 661 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 1: everybody when you get there. You're an interruption, So like 662 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:01,160 Speaker 1: just let me know so that you can you know, 663 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 1: I could tell that the team that you're on your 664 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 1: way and that you're just gonna jump in and warm 665 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: up on your own, but just holding the accountable for 666 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,920 Speaker 1: their actions. Dr Christine, I'm gonna start with you on 667 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 1: this next question. It's you know, when kids are are 668 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:18,520 Speaker 1: young and like our daughter, Okay, she is competitive as 669 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 1: competitive as jan and I and if she doesn't win, 670 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:26,320 Speaker 1: she's pissed, I mean crying like I didn't win. So 671 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 1: we're trying to like teach her to let her brother 672 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 1: win sometimes or you know, other people are gonna win 673 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:35,080 Speaker 1: and when someone else wins, you just say good job, right, 674 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,920 Speaker 1: So she's starting to come around on it. But Jane 675 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: and I are were kind of torn at times because 676 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,760 Speaker 1: we're like do we want to like bring her off 677 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 1: of that competitiveness and like humble her, or do we 678 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,480 Speaker 1: want to and you know, encourage it or it's like 679 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 1: that kind of like where's like the neuroscience behind that 680 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 1: kind of how we can handle it the best. So 681 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 1: I would say to that that you want to let 682 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 1: her have her or ocean let her emote now obviously 683 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 1: if you see it going in a you know, a 684 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 1: full out tantrum or something. You want to model the 685 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 1: right behavior, but respecting her emotion about it. Obviously, some 686 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,960 Speaker 1: kids are gonna be more upset about a loss than others, 687 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,520 Speaker 1: so you so you let her do that so she 688 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,920 Speaker 1: can handle her emotions and then you're gonna teach her 689 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,000 Speaker 1: ways to calm it down. So yes, I have that reaction, 690 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,880 Speaker 1: I'm excited about this, I'm upset about this, and then 691 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 1: you're gonna model for her how we calm ourselves down 692 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,359 Speaker 1: and we move on and then we can talk about it. 693 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,799 Speaker 1: So I'm like Cherson, We've we've talked about this several times. 694 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 1: We we would not squash that or try to change it, 695 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,320 Speaker 1: because that's that's who they are, you know, So letting 696 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:44,680 Speaker 1: her do that and feel safe in expressing herself organically, 697 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,040 Speaker 1: you know, just her natural self. This is how she feels. 698 00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,560 Speaker 1: But then you and your wife are her role models 699 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,000 Speaker 1: for and this is how I calm myself down, because 700 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,479 Speaker 1: you're also teaching her emotional control. Because there's things called 701 00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,719 Speaker 1: mirror neurons where when someone is upset, then our brain 702 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 1: re acts and then we start mirroring them. And she's four, 703 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,720 Speaker 1: so it's probably not happening yet, but when they're sixteen, 704 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 1: it's pretty crazy, so that everybody's yelling, so you want 705 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:09,840 Speaker 1: to be aware of that, like how am I miling? 706 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,319 Speaker 1: Like yeah, that was upsetting. And then so teaching you 707 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 1: know those ways like maybe you need to take a walk, 708 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,120 Speaker 1: maybe you need to take a break from thinking about it, 709 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:18,879 Speaker 1: maybe you need to journal it, or you're not doing 710 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,600 Speaker 1: that at before. But um, but the way you react 711 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,560 Speaker 1: to it, and you're teaching her how to self soothed 712 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:28,439 Speaker 1: after she's really upset, that's that's what. Yeah, it says 713 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:30,960 Speaker 1: from a coaching aspect, it's the hardest thing to pull 714 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:32,680 Speaker 1: from kids. So I wouldn't want to take it away 715 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:36,000 Speaker 1: from her. At four she's competitive, Let her be competitive. 716 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: But when I say to those athletes is like how 717 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 1: you feel when you lose is how most people feel 718 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,920 Speaker 1: every day if you were competitive and you're beating them. 719 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:49,920 Speaker 1: So you gotta respect like their emotions, So try to 720 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,920 Speaker 1: like hold back and not get so excited. Maybe when 721 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:56,359 Speaker 1: you're constantly, you know, beating your brother, you know, and 722 00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,879 Speaker 1: you don't want to necessarily let him win, but understand 723 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,080 Speaker 1: and like how he feels when he loses and he's 724 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,880 Speaker 1: not very happy and upset, and just you know, you 725 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,680 Speaker 1: don't want to pull too much on that competitive edge 726 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,319 Speaker 1: that she has, but just making her aware of other 727 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:15,799 Speaker 1: people's feelings, and then when she feels that loss, that's 728 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,520 Speaker 1: the time. That's the teaching moment right there, Like she 729 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 1: at your one year old saying in your face, that's 730 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:28,640 Speaker 1: happening to teach. Different take take that. I don't care 731 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:32,160 Speaker 1: if you're one. I still wants like the locker room 732 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,279 Speaker 1: celebratings in her bedroom. Yeah exactly, Yeah, go upstairs and 733 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:39,560 Speaker 1: celebrate the game. I love it. And I could talk 734 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,480 Speaker 1: to you ladies all day because I just love talking 735 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,840 Speaker 1: about this whole stuff. And my thing is, like I 736 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:48,080 Speaker 1: feel like you probably got this question a lot, Christie. 737 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:49,680 Speaker 1: What do you want to coach? Do you want to coach? 738 00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:52,160 Speaker 1: And obviously you're coaching now, and people ask me that, 739 00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:53,919 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but I would never coach anything past 740 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,799 Speaker 1: high school, so eventually I want to. I want to 741 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,840 Speaker 1: start coaching my kids. I want to coach high school. 742 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 1: I'm scared of parents today because I'm just old fashioned, 743 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,799 Speaker 1: and so I'm you know, I'm kind of anxious for 744 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,480 Speaker 1: those days because I don't know if I'll be able 745 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,480 Speaker 1: to handle it as politically correct as you know, people 746 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:15,160 Speaker 1: expect you to so for you personally, how have you 747 00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,680 Speaker 1: kind of dealt with that as an obstacle as a 748 00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 1: coach with parents today. Yeah, just honestly, it's having those 749 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,920 Speaker 1: that open communication on your your outcome goal for your 750 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,400 Speaker 1: team and like the process that your your thoughts in 751 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 1: the process that you're gonna try to instill to get 752 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,320 Speaker 1: them there with the parents early on, you know, whether 753 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,000 Speaker 1: it's a team that's going to be rotating playing time 754 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,399 Speaker 1: and if it's not, you have to make sure that's 755 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,840 Speaker 1: clear to the parents before saying, like you're gonna earn this, 756 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:44,759 Speaker 1: you know, And some of my teams out that way. 757 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,160 Speaker 1: It's like they have to earn their planning time and 758 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,360 Speaker 1: if they are strong with their playing time, they have 759 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:51,239 Speaker 1: to come to me. I don't want to hear from you, 760 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,919 Speaker 1: you know, making the older players be accountable and making 761 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:56,719 Speaker 1: sure that you're clear with the parents on that, like, 762 00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:58,279 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear from you. It's their time 763 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,000 Speaker 1: to be responsible, accountable and the younger ones, depending on 764 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,680 Speaker 1: what level that are at. You know, you can still 765 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,600 Speaker 1: earn your playing time at a younger age, but as 766 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,839 Speaker 1: long as the parents know what they're setting themselves up for. 767 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:12,160 Speaker 1: It's so much easier because if you're honest up front 768 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,359 Speaker 1: right away, it makes the journey so much easier because 769 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:19,560 Speaker 1: I've made mistakes where I haven't really addressed the group 770 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,640 Speaker 1: as a whole of like what my plan was. And 771 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:26,239 Speaker 1: it's hard because when you're trying to develop and put 772 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,640 Speaker 1: a lot of skill set into the technique behind the game, 773 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,399 Speaker 1: losses do come and when parents just want to win, 774 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,640 Speaker 1: it doesn't align with them. So we kind of butt 775 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,319 Speaker 1: heads and it's just like it's okay, you're you know, 776 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,360 Speaker 1: move your child onto a different team then because it 777 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,239 Speaker 1: doesn't align with what I wanted to teach because I 778 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,239 Speaker 1: want them to be able to understand the game as 779 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,960 Speaker 1: well and be able to play. Dr Christine, as a 780 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:51,640 Speaker 1: former crazy parent, how what what would help you like 781 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,360 Speaker 1: as the parent? Just so when I am the parent 782 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: of you know, of of of my kids and they 783 00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,520 Speaker 1: have coaches and everything, what would help you as the parent? 784 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:04,120 Speaker 1: Is it Christie's approach? Like what has helped you? So? 785 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,040 Speaker 1: One of one of my son's coaches when he was 786 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:12,440 Speaker 1: in high school, actually, uh at a breakfast with the parents, 787 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,920 Speaker 1: he said, if I hope I quote him correctly. He said, 788 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:20,560 Speaker 1: you know, there's three roles. I'm the coach, there's the players, 789 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,080 Speaker 1: and there's the parents. And we have our team, we 790 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,600 Speaker 1: have our eight team players, and I'm the coach. So 791 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 1: there's only one more role left and that's yours, and 792 00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:30,960 Speaker 1: that's a supportive role. And he made it very clear 793 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,920 Speaker 1: from the beginning, Um, you're here to support. Do not 794 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,879 Speaker 1: come to me with questions about playing time. If that's 795 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 1: a you know, a question you have, that's for your 796 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 1: son to address with me. And then he made the 797 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,560 Speaker 1: channel of communication clear. So you have a concern, start 798 00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,719 Speaker 1: with the assistant coach. You can email me the good 799 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,760 Speaker 1: old twenty four hour rule. Don't communicate with me until 800 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,400 Speaker 1: twenty four hours after a game. So he laid that 801 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,040 Speaker 1: out and then it was just very clear where he stood. 802 00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:59,680 Speaker 1: You know, he was a high school coach, so he 803 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:04,080 Speaker 1: was able to do that. Um, we propose for travel 804 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:08,720 Speaker 1: teams creating a mission statement where collectively parents get together 805 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,719 Speaker 1: with the coach coach lays out this is this isn't deal, 806 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,200 Speaker 1: this is the team. And you can also address issues 807 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,640 Speaker 1: like are we the team that yells on the sidelines? 808 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,160 Speaker 1: Are we the team that yells at the refs because 809 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:22,920 Speaker 1: I've I've myself gotten upset at games because I have 810 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,120 Speaker 1: other parents yelling at reps, and I think it makes 811 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,400 Speaker 1: the game unsafe because now if you're if you've upset 812 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,200 Speaker 1: a ref, now the refs aren't making the same calls. 813 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,719 Speaker 1: Now they're emotional, and then it can be unsafe for 814 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,799 Speaker 1: the kids. So when you when you can all get 815 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,200 Speaker 1: on the same page, because we do so much prep 816 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,359 Speaker 1: like training, you know, all this money into getting ready 817 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,160 Speaker 1: for a season, but then rarely do we get together 818 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 1: and communicate like what does this look like? Like we're 819 00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:48,720 Speaker 1: all stakeholders in it, and we can't pretend that parents 820 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:50,839 Speaker 1: aren't a big part of it because parents do so 821 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,879 Speaker 1: much to make all of that happen. So I think 822 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,399 Speaker 1: it's a matter of the coaches setting up like these 823 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,000 Speaker 1: are my boundaries, these are my guidelines, and then let's 824 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,160 Speaker 1: talk about what this team looks like, like are we 825 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,359 Speaker 1: equal playing time team or we earn your playing time team? 826 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,759 Speaker 1: And you know, just addressing those issues because when it's 827 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,719 Speaker 1: when it's out there, I think ahead of the time, 828 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,520 Speaker 1: you really clear this up, you know, And I think 829 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,200 Speaker 1: it it comes parents to to to know because they're 830 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,759 Speaker 1: not wondering. You know, that's brilliant. I hope everyone really 831 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 1: listens back to that, because that's that's fantastic. And again, 832 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:25,440 Speaker 1: that's something I'm gonna make a mental note of as 833 00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:28,239 Speaker 1: a parent, as a coach, and even if I have 834 00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:29,600 Speaker 1: to be the one as a parent to kind of 835 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,840 Speaker 1: set that up. I mean, that's definitely something if everyone's 836 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,719 Speaker 1: on the same page, and like you said, everyone's a 837 00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,279 Speaker 1: stake older that's never heard it describe that way and 838 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,160 Speaker 1: articulate that way. So thank you for that. That was amazing. 839 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,480 Speaker 1: And before I let you guys go, what's one thing 840 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,640 Speaker 1: each that you really hope the readers of this book 841 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:50,920 Speaker 1: kind of take from it? I think the overall one 842 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:54,480 Speaker 1: of the overall messages is just being comfortable with that uncomfortable, 843 00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,399 Speaker 1: you know, because sports put you in those environments where 844 00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,799 Speaker 1: you do feel uncomfortable, and just be aware of your 845 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,120 Speaker 1: motions and your intentions, you know, And and there's so 846 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:06,359 Speaker 1: much more to sports than just winning. Yes, we all 847 00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:07,960 Speaker 1: want to win, but there's so much more that we 848 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:12,440 Speaker 1: get out of it. For me, I'd say, like, enjoy 849 00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:17,280 Speaker 1: the journey, enjoy the process, trust the process, Trust the process. 850 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,680 Speaker 1: I mean That's that's what it is. It's a journey, 851 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,680 Speaker 1: and I think there's so many pressures and and it's 852 00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,160 Speaker 1: you know, childhood is quick, it's speedy. You can get 853 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,480 Speaker 1: swept up. So I mean that's why we name the 854 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,800 Speaker 1: book be all In as a reminder to be present there, 855 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,359 Speaker 1: you know, to be all in, all spheares, mindful of 856 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,799 Speaker 1: what's going on and not just kind of like swept up. 857 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,760 Speaker 1: Because as I have a child right now in college 858 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,400 Speaker 1: for the first year, everybody says that it's so cliche, 859 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,000 Speaker 1: goes so fast, but sure, it really does go so fast. 860 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,320 Speaker 1: So to enjoy all those moments and instead of looking 861 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,160 Speaker 1: ahead all the time, so like what's next, what's next, 862 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:55,839 Speaker 1: and just being president at that boring teaball game. Thank 863 00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,920 Speaker 1: you Christie and Dr Christine so much. This was an 864 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,640 Speaker 1: awesome interview. I really appreciate and enjoy talking to y'all. 865 00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:06,080 Speaker 1: Where can our listeners find this book and purchase it? Yeah, 866 00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,440 Speaker 1: right now, it's on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, Walmart, 867 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:11,720 Speaker 1: and we have a website called be all In book 868 00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:15,200 Speaker 1: dot Com that will start to update after people start 869 00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 1: reading the books to keep it current and the current 870 00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: times of sports. I think when I whenever I do 871 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:21,799 Speaker 1: become a coach, I'm going to hand one of these 872 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,480 Speaker 1: out to each parent and be like, hey, this is 873 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:28,080 Speaker 1: this is my mission statement. Here you go homework. Take 874 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:29,960 Speaker 1: this home and read it and then come talk to me. 875 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,759 Speaker 1: Thank you Christie and Dr Christine so much for coming on. 876 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,279 Speaker 1: We really appreciate it. Thank you Michael for having us. 877 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:41,680 Speaker 1: Of course, thank you. Nice to meet you. Well. I 878 00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 1: hope all of you enjoyed that. UM. I wish Jana 879 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,279 Speaker 1: would have been able to to stay with us and 880 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:49,839 Speaker 1: be a part of that. UM. But I just really 881 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,719 Speaker 1: think you guys have heard me on here before talk 882 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,920 Speaker 1: about how passionately I am about you know, kids and 883 00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,200 Speaker 1: their influence in sports and kind of the mentality behind 884 00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,080 Speaker 1: all of that. So I'm definitely gonna get the this 885 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,560 Speaker 1: book and read it again. It's called Be All In 886 00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:07,120 Speaker 1: by Christie Rampone and Dr Christine Keane. Go go get it, 887 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,960 Speaker 1: take a list, and educate yourself before you become that 888 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:13,160 Speaker 1: crazy parent on the sideline, because we gotta remember it's 889 00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,960 Speaker 1: about our kids, you know. So this was this was 890 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,000 Speaker 1: a really cool experience to talk to them. So Jenna 891 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,680 Speaker 1: will be back next week and uh, we'll keep on 892 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,240 Speaker 1: winding down later guys,