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Speaker 1: And I tried out for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to try out and I wanted to do this,

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Speaker 1: so I went and I auditioned for it, and when

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Speaker 1: I booked it, I was shocked. She's made a huge

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Speaker 1: splash in the fashion industry. Toy's Secret Angel Taylor.

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Speaker 2: Him, let's talk about the grief of losing a friend.

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at him and I'm asking him, like you,

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Speaker 1: if you need to go, wait, please let me know.

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Speaker 2: I will let you go. Hey, everyone, I've got some

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Speaker 2: huge news to share with you. In the last ninety days,

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Speaker 2: seventy nine point four percent of our audience came from

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Speaker 2: viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel.

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Speaker 2: There's research that shows that if you want to create

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Speaker 2: a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the

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Speaker 2: subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to

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Speaker 2: be happier, healthier, and more healed. This would also mean

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Speaker 2: the absolute world to me and help us make bet

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Speaker 2: that's a bigger, brighter content for you and the world.

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Speaker 3: Subscribe right now.

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Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness.

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Speaker 2: Podcast, Jay said, Jay Sheidy s set Hey everyone, welcome

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Speaker 2: back to On Purpose, the number one health and Ononness

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Speaker 2: podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one

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Speaker 2: of you that come back every week to listen, learn

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Speaker 2: and grow. Now you know, our mission here is to

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Speaker 2: help the world, help you become happier, healthier, and more healed.

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Speaker 2: And the way we do that is by trying to

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Speaker 2: introduce you to people who can help you foreseen heard

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Speaker 2: and understood. And I want you to be able to

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Speaker 2: relate to the experiences, the challenges, the journeys that our

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Speaker 2: audience and our guests go on. And today I'm so excited,

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Speaker 2: I'm so grateful, and I'm really honored to be having

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Speaker 2: this conversation.

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Speaker 3: I've been really looking forward to this.

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Speaker 2: I've been speaking to so many friends who've been going

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Speaker 2: through different challenges, and I really believe that this episode

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Speaker 2: is going to be a powerful and empowering one for

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Speaker 2: each and every one of you. Today's guest is Taylor Hill, supermodel,

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Speaker 2: content creator, actor, and philanthropist. Taylor was discovered at the

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Speaker 2: age of fourteen, and Taylor's worked with fashion houses and

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Speaker 2: luxury brands around the world and grace the covers of

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Speaker 2: many of the biggest fashion magazines, including Vogue and many

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Speaker 2: many more. Taylor's life was forever changed when she became

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Speaker 2: mom to her late labradoodle Tate. Their special bond together

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Speaker 2: inspired Taylor to create Tit and Taylor, a rapidly growing

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Speaker 2: media content platform and community for pets and their humans. Today,

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Speaker 2: we dive into Tate and Taylor's story. Please welcome to

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Speaker 2: the show, Taylor Hill. Hello, Taylor, thank you for being here.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited.

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Speaker 2: I'm so honestly grateful to have you here. And even

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Speaker 2: the few moments we've probably spent ately about half an

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Speaker 2: hour chatting, even before we started recording, and in that moment,

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Speaker 2: I can already tell I completely am n sync with

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Speaker 2: your energy, and oh thank it's been so wonderful spending

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Speaker 2: this time with you.

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Speaker 1: Already, I'm so excited. I'm also kind of nervous. I mean,

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Speaker 1: this is only, I think, like my second podcast I've

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Speaker 1: ever done. So I'm happy that, you know, I get

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Speaker 1: to be here and I get to talk to you.

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Speaker 1: You're amazing and I've obviously listened before, and it's a

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Speaker 1: special it's a special listen, So thanks for letting me

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Speaker 1: come and talk.

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Speaker 2: No, well, thank you for trusting us, and thank you

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Speaker 2: for being here. But let's dive straight into it. I

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Speaker 2: want to ask you. I feel like you're someone who's

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Speaker 2: had such an iconic career. You are extremely well known,

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Speaker 2: You're brilliant and one of the best at what you

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Speaker 2: do across the world, yet we may not know so

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Speaker 2: much about you, and that I had so much curiosity

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Speaker 2: when your name came up and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I know exactly what that is, but I want to learn,

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Speaker 2: and so I want to start asking you. What would

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Speaker 2: you say is your earliest childhood memory that you feel

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Speaker 2: has defined who you are today.

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Speaker 1: My first memory ever is my I think it was

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Speaker 1: my third birthday party. So I was born in Chicago

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Speaker 1: and I lived there until I was probably about five

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Speaker 1: years old, and then I moved to Colorado, and that's

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Speaker 1: like my home and where I am from in my head,

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Speaker 1: because I don't really remember Chicago, but I remember being

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Speaker 1: in our backyard there and we had this little red

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Speaker 1: house and it was my birthday party and all of

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Speaker 1: the kids in our neighborhood were over and we were

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Speaker 1: having a party and I had a pink Barbie cake

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Speaker 1: and I specifically remember the candle was Barbie like. It

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Speaker 1: was a very intricate candle. And everyone's singing Happy Birthday,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm supposed to blow out the candles and

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Speaker 1: then my friend he blew the candles out before I could,

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Speaker 1: and I got so upset, and I was very emotional

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Speaker 1: and I was like kind of crying and I got

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Speaker 1: so mad, and I was like, why would you do that?

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I was supposed to do that. And

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Speaker 1: then my mom's like, it's okay, we can you know,

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Speaker 1: we'll light the candle again and then you can blow

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Speaker 1: out the candle. And I was like, well, it's not

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Speaker 1: the same. He took my wish like. I was heartbroken.

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Speaker 1: And I think if that says anything about me, it's

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Speaker 1: just that I'm very emotional and I just sometimes when

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Speaker 1: people do things that aren't so nice to others, I

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Speaker 1: sometimes don't understand. I'm like, why why did you do that?

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Speaker 1: So that's one of my very first first memories. But

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Speaker 1: I think something that kind of helped like maybe define

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Speaker 1: who I was when from a child I would say

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Speaker 1: is sports. I was a gymnast from when I was nine,

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Speaker 1: I did ballet from when I was six, and then

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Speaker 1: I grew up snowboarding, and I think for me being

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Speaker 1: athletic and being active really helped shape who I am

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Speaker 1: because I've been you know, I've been modeling for fourteen years.

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Speaker 1: I was scouted at fourteen. And I love my job

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Speaker 1: and I love working and I have such a passion

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Speaker 1: and a drive for it. And I think I have

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Speaker 1: such a drive because of being in sports my whole

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Speaker 1: life and honestly being a gymnast. Not a very good gymnast,

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Speaker 1: but I loved it. I had so much fun doing it,

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Speaker 1: even though I wasn't. My mom's like this girl, she's

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Speaker 1: not going to the Olympics. That was understood, but you know,

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Speaker 1: she encouraged me to do it anyway, and she knew

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Speaker 1: I had fun. And you know, it gives you sort

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Speaker 1: of this sense of structure, and you know, healthy competition

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Speaker 1: is always a little bit nice. And I love the

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Speaker 1: sport of gymnastics because it's very demanding in a sense

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Speaker 1: and it challenges you to always be better.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: The sort of motto of gymnastics, or what my perception

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Speaker 1: of it was from doing is, you know, strive to

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Speaker 1: be better, strive for perfection, perfect ten, all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: You'll never get there. You'll never both. Some people do,

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Speaker 1: but I was never going to be a perfect ten

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Speaker 1: let's be hones. But you know, having the drive to

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Speaker 1: like always do better always, you know, perfect this trick,

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Speaker 1: perfect that flip, do this, do that, and you know,

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Speaker 1: push myself it was, and push myself in something I

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Speaker 1: enjoyed doing kind of gave me the I have a

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Speaker 1: similar headspace and my modeling career just because I love

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Speaker 1: doing it and I love my job and I just

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Speaker 1: want to, like, I just want to keep doing it,

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Speaker 1: you know. So I think that's two things about me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, those are great answers. Are you do you still

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Speaker 2: know the person who blew that candle out?

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Speaker 1: I do, Yes, I do. I I hadn't seen I

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Speaker 1: haven't seen him in forever. But I did go back

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Speaker 1: home to my where I was born a couple times,

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Speaker 1: like throughout my childhood. My my godparents and my my

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Speaker 1: mom and dad's best friends. They still lived there and

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Speaker 1: their children were our childhood best friends. So we would

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Speaker 1: spend summers together and everything, and some summers I would

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Speaker 1: go back to Chicago and like see them and all that,

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Speaker 1: and see the kids in the neighborhood. So I did

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Speaker 1: see this boy multiple times, and he was a really

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Speaker 1: good friend. It was very innocent. You know, we were

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Speaker 1: only maybe three years old, so he didn't know what

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Speaker 1: he was doing either, But I just didn't understand.

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Speaker 2: Does he realize now what a big moment?

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Speaker 1: He probably doesn't even remember that he did that, but

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Speaker 1: I do, yea, And he probably doesn't even know what

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about him. But I'm not going to say

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Speaker 1: his name before.

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Speaker 2: Well, how was that like when the Bobbie movie came out?

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Speaker 2: Was that like as Bobby always remained idol in your

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Speaker 2: life since that day?

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Speaker 3: Or not? Really?

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Speaker 1: You know, I loved I loved Barbie. I have two sisters,

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Speaker 1: and I actually have three siblings, So I have an

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Speaker 1: older sister, a younger sister, and a younger brother. And

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Speaker 1: we're all very close in age. We're all about, you know,

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Speaker 1: roughly one year apart from each other. So growing up,

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Speaker 1: we loved playing dress up. We loved Barbie, We loved toys.

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Speaker 1: We loved you know, Polly Pockets, we loved Little My

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Speaker 1: Little Pet Shop. You know, we had all of those things.

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Speaker 1: We loved all of that. And I loved the Barbie movie.

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Speaker 1: I thought it was great, and I thought it was

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Speaker 1: really profound, and it touched on a lot of things

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Speaker 1: in a really interesting and kind of a lighthearted way.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I had a childhood connection to Barbie for sure,

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Speaker 1: So I loved her. And then the candle was blown out.

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Speaker 1: I was I was like, how could you do that?

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Speaker 2: I can see it still affects you still. What was

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Speaker 2: it like, you said, of course you got scouted at fourteen?

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Speaker 2: What was it like? You have siblings? I'm assuming they

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Speaker 2: weren't all working at fourteen, and so when you start

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Speaker 2: working at fourteen, which is a very young age, First

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Speaker 2: of all, what does working at fourteen as a model

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Speaker 2: look like? Like? What are the hours, what are the commitments?

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Speaker 2: Do you drop out of school? And then how do

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Speaker 2: your siblings react to it?

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Speaker 3: How do your parents react to it? Like what does

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Speaker 3: it look like?

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Speaker 2: Because I feel, yeah, they're not working, they're not getting paid,

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Speaker 2: they're not traveling.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was interesting. I mean, so my mom was

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Speaker 1: a hairdresser, so she worked in a salon and cut hair,

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Speaker 1: and you know, after having all four of us, she

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Speaker 1: obviously was like, I can't stand on my feet all

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Speaker 1: day and take care of four young children under the

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Speaker 1: age of five, So we're not going to do that anymore.

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Speaker 1: And she became a stay at home mother, which I'm

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Speaker 1: so grateful to have had my mom. And that's a

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Speaker 1: that's a job, it's work, and she was amazing at it.

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Speaker 1: And you know, when I was scouted and I started

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Speaker 1: traveling and you know, working as a model, it meant that,

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Speaker 1: you know, I went to New York, I signed with

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Speaker 1: IMG when I was fourteen, and from there I went everywhere.

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Speaker 1: You know, I traveled the world that you know, fourteen

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Speaker 1: years old, and my mom came with me everywhere I went.

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Speaker 1: You know, I did Paris Fashion Weeks, I did New

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Speaker 1: York Fashion Week. I went to Australia and I lived

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Speaker 1: there for a month or two. You know, milan all

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Speaker 1: those spaces, and she came with me everywhere. And I

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Speaker 1: definitely wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for

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Speaker 1: my mom and her support. And I know it was

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Speaker 1: a difficult thing for even her to navigate. She had

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Speaker 1: three other children at home, and you know, we were

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Speaker 1: all trying to figure out how we were going to

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Speaker 1: do this. My grandpa was a huge hell he you know,

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Speaker 1: would come with me places as well, and he would

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Speaker 1: live with me places. He lived with me in La

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Speaker 1: for a bit. He traveled with me. And then when

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Speaker 1: my older sister was eighteen. She would travel with me

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Speaker 1: and she would live with me, which wasn't much help

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Speaker 1: because she was eighteen and I was seventeen, so you

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Speaker 1: can imagine how fun that was for us to do.

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Speaker 1: But you know, my mom always wanted to make sure

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Speaker 1: I had somebody with me who was just like another

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Speaker 1: set of eyes making sure I was good and I,

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Speaker 1: you know, I I could take care of myself, and

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Speaker 1: she made sure to teach me how to you know,

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Speaker 1: read signs in an airport and this is what this means,

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Speaker 1: this is how you get to your gate, and this

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Speaker 1: is how you do this, and you know, don't take

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Speaker 1: a car ride from a stranger, you know. So she

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Speaker 1: was really really good at making sure I was able

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Speaker 1: to do all of that. And then my siblings, you know,

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Speaker 1: I think it was really we just didn't know. You know,

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Speaker 1: you don't know what you don't know, and I think

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Speaker 1: we didn't really know any better than it better. And

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Speaker 1: it was like, oh, well, this is Taylor's doing this,

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Speaker 1: so this is what she does now. And they were

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Speaker 1: you know, nothing changed I think for them because they

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Speaker 1: didn't never see me differently. They were just like, well,

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Speaker 1: Taylor goes to work instead of goes to school, so whatever,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I think because we were all a

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Speaker 1: similar age, they did have an understanding of what I

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Speaker 1: was doing.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: It's not like they were you know, really young and

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Speaker 1: didn't get it or much older than me and didn't

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Speaker 1: understand why I didn't want to go to school or

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Speaker 1: didn't go back to college and stuff. They were kind

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Speaker 1: of you know, accepting of it. And my older sister

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Speaker 1: now is a photographer and a content creator herself, so

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Speaker 1: she really got it. You know, she gets it, and

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Speaker 1: she saw what I wanted to do, and you know

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Speaker 1: that I loved what I was doing, so she was

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Speaker 1: really helpful and supportive of that. So yeah, it was

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Speaker 1: It was definitely interesting. I look back on it and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, wow, how did we do that? I

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Speaker 1: don't know, we just kind of did it. You know.

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Speaker 3: At the time. Was it exciting or was it scary? Well?

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Speaker 3: What pots were exciting and what pots were scary?

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Speaker 1: I was really excited just because I I wasn't very

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Speaker 1: good at school and I didn't love being in school.

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Speaker 1: I was really distracted, daydreaming, kind of didn't pay attention

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Speaker 1: very well. I didn't learn things very easily, not very

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Speaker 1: good at math, and I remember the first time being

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Speaker 1: on a set and feeling so excited because I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I can do this instead. And once

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Speaker 1: I started booking more and more jobs in school became

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Speaker 1: more and more difficult to keep up with. You know,

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Speaker 1: we looked into so many different options. I did do

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Speaker 1: homeschooling for a little bit, and ultimately that was still

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Speaker 1: really difficult based off of how much I was working,

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Speaker 1: because you know, you have to put in at least

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Speaker 1: five to six hours a day even online school, you know,

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Speaker 1: because you have to commit an hour or so for

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Speaker 1: each class. I was in different time zones, getting one

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Speaker 1: on one time with my teachers to explain something to me.

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Speaker 1: It was very difficult. So, you know, I tried to

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Speaker 1: go back to regular high school, but you know, in

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Speaker 1: Colorado they don't have these child entertainment laws like they

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Speaker 1: do in California. There was no structure for me to

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Speaker 1: be able to do both. So ultimately I dropped out

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Speaker 1: of high school and I got my GED instead, and

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Speaker 1: I just I left school totally at fifteen and started

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Speaker 1: full time modeling at fifteen. And to me, it was

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Speaker 1: really exciting because I felt like I all I would

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Speaker 1: think about while I was in school, was I can't

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Speaker 1: wait to get out of here. Stay in school, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? Don't do what I do. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I do value school. I think education

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Speaker 1: is really important, but I do think that it's not

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Speaker 1: always for everyone, and people learn differently. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like I went to sort of a school of life.

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Speaker 1: I guess you could say I kind of learned by

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Speaker 1: doing and by seeing the world. So I have a

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Speaker 1: different education than what academia maybe teaches you. So I

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Speaker 1: am grateful that I got to experience some school of

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Speaker 1: like a normal childhood to an extent until about fifteen.

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Speaker 1: But I'm grateful I started, I left, and I was

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Speaker 1: done and doing what I was doing. By fifteen, I

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Speaker 1: felt like, Okay, this is it, this is what I'm

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Speaker 1: supposed to be doing. So I was just ecstatic. I

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Speaker 1: was just I was where I was meant to be.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's amazing hearing your passion in drive, Like

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Speaker 2: after all these years. You said you've been modeling for

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Speaker 2: fourteen years, and I can feel like it's still this

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Speaker 2: energizing feeling. What was that transition like from that to

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Speaker 2: becoming a Victoria's Secret model, Like what is that journey? Like?

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Speaker 3: Like what is that arc? Like?

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Speaker 2: Like how hard is it to move from Paris Fashion

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Speaker 2: Week and New York Fashion Week and doing runways and

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Speaker 2: then going to actually be a Victoria's Secret model.

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Speaker 1: At the time, it was really interesting because you know,

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Speaker 1: at that time, Victoria's Secret was the end of all,

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Speaker 1: be all, you know what I mean. It was not

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Speaker 1: to everyone, but to a lot of models it was,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you know the Victoria's Secret Fashion show.

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Speaker 1: It gave you more of a mainstream name. I guess

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Speaker 1: you were more I guess in the street, the pulse

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Speaker 1: of pop culture. I guess if you were a Victoria's

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Speaker 1: Secret model. Some of the most famous models in the

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Speaker 1: world were victoria Secret models, you know. You know. Giselle

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Speaker 1: Bunchin was like one of my favorites and I love

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Speaker 1: her and look up to her. She's why I went

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Speaker 1: to IMG, because I was like, just how much IMG

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Speaker 1: at the time she was. I don't think she still is,

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Speaker 1: but when I signed with them, she was still with them,

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Speaker 1: so I was like, I want to be where she is.

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Speaker 1: And Carly Klauss is with IMG, and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: be where she was, so I I just I feel

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Speaker 1: like when I went from doing you know, fashion and

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Speaker 1: more commercial brands, like I did shoot a lot of

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Speaker 1: for H and M and Forever twenty one and some

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Speaker 1: like some of these younger maybe fashion lines that were

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Speaker 1: more for you know, teenagers like myself. So I did

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Speaker 1: work a lot with brands like that, and then kind

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Speaker 1: of when I turned eighteen, I was switching into more

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Speaker 1: of you know, adult modeling, which is so crazy because

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Speaker 1: I was still so young eighteen year old, and I

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Speaker 1: tried out for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show just because,

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Speaker 1: you know, because why not everybody wants to do it.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to try out and I wanted to do this,

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Speaker 1: so I went and I auditioned for it, and when

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Speaker 1: I booked it, I was shocked because I really didn't

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Speaker 1: think that I would get it on the first time

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Speaker 1: and on the first audition, because so many people go

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Speaker 1: back multiple multiple times. But probably because I'd had you know,

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Speaker 1: a fashion career and had been on runways since I

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Speaker 1: was fourteen, I was able to sort of be in

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Speaker 1: the room and kind of maybe know a little bit

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Speaker 1: more about what was happening, Whereas I feel like some

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Speaker 1: girls start modeling at eighteen sixteen, eighteen, you know, so

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Speaker 1: they're still new and newer. And I, even though I

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Speaker 1: was still really young, I had been working for four years.

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Speaker 1: So I felt ready for it and I was excited

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Speaker 1: for it. And when I booked it, I was shocked

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I can't believe I'm here right

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Speaker 1: now in a way, this is happening.

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Speaker 2: Like what?

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Speaker 1: So that was really scary? Was it was booking it?

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00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,439
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, oh God, Okay, all right, this

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00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 1: is happening. But it was an amazing thing for my career,

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Speaker 1: and I'm really grateful for it. And I'm grateful, you

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00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,200
Speaker 1: know that I got to do that because I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be sitting here if I hadn't, you know. So I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm grateful for it for sure. I keep saying that

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Speaker 1: I am, you know.

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Speaker 3: I believe it.

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Speaker 2: How many steps was that audition process? Like what does

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Speaker 2: that look like in terms of getting there?

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Speaker 3: Well? And what is it like?

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Speaker 1: Like what do you think? I mean? It was like

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Speaker 1: ten years ago now, so I have to try and

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Speaker 1: remember what I did. But I'm pretty sure what happened

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Speaker 1: was I So I knew the casting director who was

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Speaker 1: casting for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. He was casting

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Speaker 1: some of the other shows that I'd walked in before,

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Speaker 1: like Michael Corre's and you know, a couple of the

378
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,960
Speaker 1: other New York shows as well as shows in Milan

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Speaker 1: in Paris, so I was familiar with him. And for

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Speaker 1: the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, you go to a pre

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Speaker 1: casting with him and his casting team, and you know,

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00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,919
Speaker 1: you do the walk, they record you, they film me,

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Speaker 1: They ask you questions, where are you from, how old

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Speaker 1: are you, what agency are you with, So it's just

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00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,919
Speaker 1: a little bit of your personality or the way you

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00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 1: talk on video, and then they take your picture and

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00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 1: then I guess they probably take it back to the

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Speaker 1: Victoria's Secret internal casting team that also does showcasting. Because

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Speaker 1: when you get into the main room at the Victoria's

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Speaker 1: Secret headquarters, there's five or six people at a table

391
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 1: in front of you, and then five or six people

392
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,560
Speaker 1: behind them sitting in chairs, and they all have notepads,

393
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 1: and you know, there's a big camera and they're filming you,

394
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,200
Speaker 1: and you know, you do the whole like walk thing,

395
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:37,959
Speaker 1: and they asked you to do it again. You do that.

396
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:42,000
Speaker 1: So I did a pre casting with the casting director directly,

397
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 1: and then I went back in for a callback, which

398
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,879
Speaker 1: was the main casting. So they had probably seen my

399
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,960
Speaker 1: tape and seen my pre casting video and thought, okay,

400
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,400
Speaker 1: let's request her for our main casting. So I went

401
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 1: into that, and then you know, sometimes there's another one

402
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,159
Speaker 1: and there's another callback, and you know, another casting you

403
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 1: have to do. But I was working in LA, So

404
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 1: I went to my casting and got on a flight

405
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,679
Speaker 1: and landed in LA and got a call that I

406
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 1: booked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. So that's what I did.

407
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Speaker 1: That's how it happened to me.

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Speaker 3: Useful to know.

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00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 2: I feel like it's like we need a picture in right, like,

410
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,199
Speaker 2: because if you've never done it, you just don't know

411
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,639
Speaker 2: what the process looks like. And you mentioned something that

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Speaker 2: I've heard a lot of models talk about how they

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Speaker 2: went from like teen modeling to adult modeling and also

414
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Speaker 2: when you're still a teen, and like, how was that

415
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 2: process for you, because I've heard other people describe it

416
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Speaker 2: as like it was uncomfortable where certain poses or certain

417
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,480
Speaker 2: clothes or whatever. It was like I've never worn something

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Speaker 2: like this, or did you feel that or was it

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Speaker 2: not like that for you?

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Speaker 3: Was it just kind of like you enjoyed it was fun?

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Speaker 1: No, I didn't I didn't feel like that because I

422
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Speaker 1: I was just happy to be there. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just happy to be here. Also, I love it,

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Speaker 1: like I love I loved playing dress up when I

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Speaker 1: was a kid, and I'd do it for a living,

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Speaker 1: So like, how can I not be just having the

427
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 1: best time ever, you know, trying on all these clothes,

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Speaker 1: doing all these things. Also I did dance. Wasn't very

429
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Speaker 1: good at it, but I loved it, and I loved dancing,

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00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,879
Speaker 1: and I loved gymnastics and I love moving. And you know,

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00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: if you're on the right set and you have the

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Speaker 1: right team around you, and you know a lot of

433
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 1: the Victoria's Secret team from that time, I've known them

434
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 1: for a really long time, and I have worked with

435
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,719
Speaker 1: a lot of the photographers in the past, and you know,

436
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: it felt like a safe space. And my memory and

437
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 1: my interpretation of that environment was that I was safe.

438
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 1: So I felt comfortable and I was just like, this

439
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 1: is what we're doing now, and I had the best

440
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:38,120
Speaker 1: time doing it. So for me, I never felt afraid

441
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 1: to do anything. So I just was so excited, I guess,

442
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: or maybe I was just young. I was like, WHOA,

443
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe A bit of both, you know.

444
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,719
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I never felt I never I

445
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 1: know some people do feel that, and that's something I

446
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 1: have felt like that for sure, definitely, but maybe not

447
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 1: in those instances and maybe not at that time, just

448
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:01,399
Speaker 1: because a combination of you know, excitement and you know, youth,

449
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 1: never having that experience before, being excited to be there,

450
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 1: so it kind of wiped away the fear a little bit.

451
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: And maybe I was a little delusional and kind of

452
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,400
Speaker 1: was like, whoa, this is so cool. You know, it's

453
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 1: like rose colored glasses a little bit. But I've been

454
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 1: in some scenarios where I'm like, yeah, maybe not, so, you.

455
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, no, I think. I mean I love hearing that.

456
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 2: I think for me, I mean I moved to La

457
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 2: much later in life, but even for me, like as

458
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 2: soon as I came to the United States, to me,

459
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 2: being in the US is like living in a movie

460
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 2: because we grew up watching American television in London, yep.

461
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 2: And so when I first landed in New York, I

462
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 2: visited maybe once or twice in my teens with family,

463
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 2: but I remember moving in like even when I saw

464
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 2: like a yellow school bus or I saw like a

465
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 2: cop car or NYPD or whatever. Like to me, it's

466
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 2: like I've only ever seen that in a TV show

467
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 2: or a movie, and so it's really fascinating. And then

468
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 2: you see the Empire state. And then when I moved

469
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 2: to LA it was the same thing. It was Wait

470
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 2: a minute. Even now, when I'm driving down the street

471
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 2: and there's palm trees on either side, I'm like, I'm

472
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 2: on vacation, because yeah, in my head, like that's such

473
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 2: a it's such an alien experience having grown up in

474
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 2: London that you know, living in LA So I kind

475
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 2: of have some of that youthful enthusiasm around some of

476
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 2: these things too, because it reminds me of a time

477
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 2: when I used to watch TV religiously and what I

478
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 2: grew up on. So I can resonate with that feeling.

479
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 2: Whereas someone will always be like, oh do anything La

480
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 2: is like this or New York's like this. I'm like,

481
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:29,919
Speaker 2: to me, it just reminds me of what I saw.

482
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 1: In the movies, like, Wow, I can't live I get

483
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 1: to be here.

484
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.

485
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 2: I can't believe. I never imagined a million years that

486
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 2: my life would look this way, yea. And so I'm

487
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 2: just taking it all in as opposed to seeing gaps

488
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 2: and holds in it or whatever.

489
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:42,719
Speaker 3: Else you may.

490
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's days where I see gaps and holes, but

491
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 1: my overarching goal and perspective is to be I'm in awe,

492
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: you know, and I am still in awe, and I

493
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 1: can't believe I'm even sitting here right now. I'm like,

494
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 1: this is crazy. So you know, it's just I definitely

495
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 1: that's just. I think my natural sort of energy and

496
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: where I sit with things is just wow, I'm here, WHOA?

497
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 1: How do I get here? And you know, like all

498
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: humans do, every day is different. So there's definitely times

499
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 1: where I'm just like, oh, whoa this is? You know,

500
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 1: I don't like this. I don't like this feeling or

501
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: what's happening here and what's going on there. So there's

502
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 1: definitely both, Like I don't want, you know, the perception

503
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 1: of me to feel like she just whatever, she has

504
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 1: no idea what's going on, She's in a bubble, and

505
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 1: I'm just no. I just feel. I just feel grateful,

506
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,639
Speaker 1: And I think the most important emotion for me to

507
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 1: feel daily is gratitude. So just I try to remind

508
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 1: myself where I'm at and where I came from and

509
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 1: just be grateful to be here. So that's my genuine

510
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: consensus on things.

511
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,119
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, it's Jay here. My wife and I have

512
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 2: had so much fun creating our own sparkling tea Juni,

513
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 2: and I've got big news for you. It's at Target

514
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 2: and we love your support. If you can, if are

515
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 2: grab a Juny, you'll be adding adaptagens and new tropics

516
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 2: into your life with mood boosting properties aimed at promoting

517
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 2: a balanced and happy mind. Through our commitment to our

518
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,439
Speaker 2: wellness journey and striving to fuel our bodies with the

519
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 2: healthiest ingredients, It's been our purpose to make healthy choices

520
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,879
Speaker 2: accessible for all, which is why Juni is now on

521
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 2: shelves at Target. So head to our store locator at

522
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 2: Drinkjuni dot com and find Juni at a Target near you. Yeah.

523
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 2: You obviously have a hard work ethic and a drive,

524
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 2: which is what you're talked about with sports and that discipline.

525
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 2: Walk us through the discipline of being a Victoria Secret model.

526
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 2: Like to die at the workout, the plan the day,

527
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 2: like the hour?

528
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 3: What does that look like?

529
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 2: Because I think often again that's another thing you don't

530
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 2: ever see. Yeah, so you don't really know.

531
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, It's so when I first started doing Victoria's Secret,

532
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: I was very young, and I was very lucky because

533
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: I didn't have to work out that hard and I

534
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: you know, didn't have to die it because I was

535
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,199
Speaker 1: eighteen and you know, six feet tall, So you know,

536
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:05,479
Speaker 1: you can imagine how lucky I was in terms of

537
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 1: that sort of stuff. But then obviously as I was

538
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 1: starting to grow up and mature as a woman in

539
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: that arena, I did have to start working out. You know,

540
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 1: there was an air there was a time where I

541
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, well, if I want to be in

542
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 1: the best shape of my life for this one really

543
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 1: important day, then I'm going to take it. I'm going

544
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: to step it up a notch. So there was some preparation.

545
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: Probably when I was like twenty one to twenty two,

546
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 1: I started you know, amping it up in terms of

547
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 1: like the exercise and diet and stuff like that when

548
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: we were training for the show. But you know, there

549
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: was such a Sometimes there's such a negative connotation in

550
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: terms of talking about those things because I think a

551
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:49,479
Speaker 1: lot of people have maybe an unhealthy perspective of it

552
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: because Victoria's Secret wasn't inclusive and it wasn't a welcome

553
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 1: space for everybody. You know, it was welcome for you know,

554
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: women who were six feet tall and naturally slim, and

555
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,680
Speaker 1: you know, and then they were really fit on top

556
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 1: of that. So if you're an outsider looking in, it

557
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: looks like a really well not everybody looks like that.

558
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 1: And I don't see myself there, yeah, fair enough. Sometimes

559
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,679
Speaker 1: even I didn't see myself there, you know, So I

560
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: had to train hard to get there. But you know,

561
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: I always tried to be as healthy as I could

562
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: with it, and you know, keep a positive outlook on

563
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: it for me personally in my journey. And like how

564
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 1: I went about training for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show,

565
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: I sort of looked at it like maybe an athlete would.

566
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 1: I'm not an athlete obviously, but you know, the level

567
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: of training that I would do and the diets I

568
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: would be on. If a footballer came in and you know,

569
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 1: started talking about his diet, people would accept it, I think,

570
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: because he is an athlete. But you know, if I

571
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,959
Speaker 1: come in and say how I was working out and

572
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: what I was eating, because I'm a six foot tall,

573
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 1: naturally slim woman, I think it could be you know,

574
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: taken negatively and miscan strewed. But I just want to

575
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 1: assure people that you know, I did do it healthy,

576
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: like I was very healthy when I was doing it.

577
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: This is my natural physique. I know that everybody doesn't

578
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 1: look like this, and not everybody can relate to that.

579
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: And that's I hear you, and I see you, and

580
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,199
Speaker 1: I hope you. You know, don't take anything that I

581
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,280
Speaker 1: say and misinterpret it and say like to look like her,

582
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: I have to do this. No, don't do that. You know,

583
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: do what you need to do and for you and

584
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: your body. And when I was training for that, I

585
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 1: did what I needed to do for my body. So

586
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: I can get into that. I did a lot of

587
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: like hit cardio training. So I had a personal trainer

588
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: who's amazing, Christina. She's near and dear to my heart.

589
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 1: She's so intelligent. She has, you know, a nutrition background

590
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: as well, so she was making sure that I was

591
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 1: eating the amount of food I should be eating for

592
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 1: the exercise that I was doing. And so we sort

593
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: of did like a mix of things. It was weightlifting.

594
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: I love weightlifting. It's really fun. I also I'm a

595
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 1: crazy person, like I love exercise. I love fitness. I

596
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: like working out it's it's really it's good for my

597
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: mental health. When I work out. I work out because

598
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: I want to do it for my mind, not for

599
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: how my body looks. So but for the Victoria's Secret

600
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 1: Fashion job, obviously, I was training for a reason, so

601
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 1: I did care about you know, muscle definition and all

602
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: that fun stuff. So we did like you know, weight training, weightlifting.

603
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: You know, it would be like interval like we would

604
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 1: you know, sprint on a treadmill and then hold a

605
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 1: plank kind of stuff like that. And I really liked

606
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: that type of workout because it was it was you know,

607
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 1: high energy and going from one thing to the next thing,

608
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: and it was challenging, and it kind of sort of

609
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: reminded me of maybe my gymnastics background and the sports

610
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 1: I'd done before, where they're a little bit more dynamic

611
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: and you're moving around a lot. And then you know,

612
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: for diet, I would eat pretty healthy just I would

613
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: eat like I would make sure I was gluten free though,

614
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 1: just because I think sometimes gluten can respond in your

615
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: body in a negative way. So something I know some

616
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: people our gluten free around the VS Show. Be gluten

617
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 1: free for about a month, no alcohol for about a month,

618
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,479
Speaker 1: and a half or so leading up to the show day,

619
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: just because alcohol is never going to help you if

620
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: you're trying to, like, you know, gain muscle weight. So

621
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: that was my sort of goal, was muscle, not never

622
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: managing or washing my weight. It was more just about,

623
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: you know, making sure I was eating lean proteins. I

624
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: had like protein shakes. In the morning. I would have

625
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: a gluten free bagel. I would have eggs, vegetables. I

626
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: ate chicken, breast, ate sweet potato, I ate sushi, rice fish,

627
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 1: I ate all kinds of things like that, and making

628
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: sure that it was enough based off of what the

629
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: kind of exercise I was doing. So the trainer that

630
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 1: would work with me on my fitness routine, she also

631
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: worked with me on the food I was consuming. Hey,

632
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: need to make sure you're consuming before you see me.

633
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: You need to eat this amount and then we come

634
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 1: and we're going to work out and we're going to

635
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,479
Speaker 1: do this, and then you go home and you have

636
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 1: this protein shake, so we know you're getting the right

637
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: nutrients that you need to fuel your body. So yeah, hopefully.

638
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 2: Very Yeah, that was very in depth. Yeah, I know,

639
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 2: And I asked Taylor, I genuinely asked because I do

640
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 2: think it's an interesting thing around the discipline, and that's

641
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 2: why I asked him from that perspective, because to me,

642
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 2: the discipline, the work ethic, the you know, the focus,

643
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,959
Speaker 2: and I'm so happy that it was a healthy journey

644
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 2: for you. And I think we're taking into account the

645
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 2: fact that it may not be a healthy journey for everyone,

646
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 2: and we recognized that that it can cause challenges for others.

647
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I know that time too. It was

648
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: difficult for so many for women watching, and I know

649
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: like the expectation that was put on women to look

650
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: a certain way to I never want to feel like

651
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: maybe I was a part of it and perpetuating that

652
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: just because of the way it was being presented, maybe

653
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 1: that I was just like I was just happy to

654
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 1: be here again. I was just like, well, I'm so

655
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: excited to get to be here. But I know what

656
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 1: it meant to society. I know what people perceived it

657
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: as for sure. So I do take that into account

658
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: and I know that's it's a lot, and I hope

659
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: people can maybe listen to me in my perspective and know,

660
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: like I was trying to be I was really healthy

661
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 1: in the way that I was trying to do this

662
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 1: and go about this, and I never want to like

663
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: perpetuate that somebody should do something or you know, work

664
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: out a certain way to look like a Victoria's Secret model,

665
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: because you know that's not fair and not everybody looks

666
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: like used to look like that. That's not what's beautiful.

667
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: You know, Beauty is so much more than what people

668
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: were trying to make us believe it was at that time.

669
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to put that.

670
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 2: I'm glad you careful as you think you made a

671
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 2: really interesting point, though. I think what's interesting. For example,

672
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 2: like I love watching basketball.

673
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 3: I am I have.

674
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 2: Nowhere near the physique of any basketball player on the planet.

675
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 2: There's no one in my size who plays basketball in

676
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 2: high physique, whatever else it may be. And if you

677
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 2: saw I don't play basketball, but if I was to

678
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 2: try and play basketball when I was younger, I was

679
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 2: great at three pointer because I didn't need to be

680
00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 2: anyone or whatever. But it's I would never be expected

681
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 2: to do what.

682
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 3: Someone does on the court.

683
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 2: It's really interesting how the industry is then projected onto

684
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 2: people thinking they have to be that, whereas I can

685
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 2: watch basketball knowing I never have to be that. And

686
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 2: I think that's the part which is so interesting that

687
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 2: it's almost like a interesting pressure that if it becomes

688
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 2: about beauty, it sets an unfair standard. But if it's

689
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 2: about sports, like you just said, in one sense, you

690
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 2: were training yourself like an athlete. Yeah, but we know

691
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 2: we I know I can't be Tom Brady or I

692
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 2: know I can't be Lebron James neither.

693
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and I'm okay, you can't be Adriana Lima.

694
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 1: And because that woman was amazing and Giselle, I mean,

695
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 1: they they trained so much harder than even me. I

696
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 1: did my best, but you know, I did what I

697
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: knew I was comfortable and able and capable of doing.

698
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: But they are them, and they're their own person and

699
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 1: they trained in their own way, and I did it

700
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: my way too.

701
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 2: So yeah, no, no, no, And I hope anyone who's listening,

702
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 2: like the reason why I wanted to open up that

703
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 2: conversation is because it's interesting to hear from someone who

704
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 2: just loves what they do, it's excited about it. And

705
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 2: then naturally there's this bigger thing going on in society

706
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: and culture and industry, and it's like you might just

707
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:12,839
Speaker 2: be doing your thing and not know at a time

708
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 2: when you know, you don't realize it. How did you

709
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 2: feel about when it stopped? And now, of course we

710
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 2: know it's coming back. Yeah, the plan iss to be

711
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 2: more inclusive.

712
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: I'm really glad that it's coming back in a different

713
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 1: way and from a different lens and a different perspective,

714
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: because I think, you know, I'm I'm so happy I

715
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 1: still work with Victoria's Secret and I'm you know, I've

716
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:33,319
Speaker 1: been a part of the brand for ten years and

717
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:35,800
Speaker 1: I've seen the shift that they've made and the changes

718
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:37,919
Speaker 1: that they're trying to make, and it's to me, it's

719
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,959
Speaker 1: a little relaxing, you know, a bit of a breath

720
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 1: of fresh air, because now I am at a different

721
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 1: phase in my life where, you know, maybe I don't

722
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: want to work out like that anymore, you know what

723
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 1: I mean. When I was younger, and you know, it

724
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: was exciting to do so then sure I could, definitely,

725
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: I was, let's do this, But you know, ten years

726
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 1: later and also I haven't don that show, and how

727
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: many years now, how long has it been since the

728
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: last one, you know, so five years maybe, maybe four,

729
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 1: maybe more, I don't know, you know, I feel when

730
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 1: it comes back I am excited that it's going to

731
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 1: be so so different, but also I hope that we

732
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: can still maintain some of the fund some of the

733
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 1: glamor some of the beauty, because I think reclaiming it

734
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 1: for ourselves as women is really important, because you know,

735
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: if you want to feel sexy and you want to

736
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: be sexy, I don't think there's anything wrong with that,

737
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 1: but you want to do it for yourself, not for

738
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 1: not for the objectification of what men want, you know, so,

739
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 1: and I think that's the difference now, and I think,

740
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 1: you know that's definitely the goal with the Victoria's Secret

741
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 1: Fashion Show coming back is to make sure that women

742
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 1: are doing it. You know, we're comfortable. They asked me,

743
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 1: you know what wings would you want to wear? And

744
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 1: are you excited about doing this? And you know, what

745
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,240
Speaker 1: do you want to see when the show comes back?

746
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: And I really appreciate that, you know, I value that

747
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: they're asking how I feel and you know what I

748
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: would like to see as a woman doing it, as

749
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 1: a woman who's done it before, and you know, we'll

750
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: probably do it again. So I'm just I'm excited that

751
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: it's going to be very different, and I hope that

752
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: it can be perceived in a way that's you know,

753
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 1: not setting an unrealistic beauty standard, because that's what it

754
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 1: one hundred percent what it was. And you know, maybe

755
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 1: I was maybe some of that like expectation was put

756
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: on me, but I didn't realize it at the time

757
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: because I was so young, you know, I didn't. You

758
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 1: don't again, you don't know what you don't know. And

759
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: now that I'm twenty eight, you know, ten years later

760
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: from my first show, if I look back on my

761
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 1: first show, it's kind of like, I'm sure so many

762
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: women who were at that show felt such an intense

763
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 1: pressure to look a certain way and work out a

764
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 1: certain way, and that's probably why some people had an

765
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship with it. And maybe just the timing of

766
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 1: my age and where I was at and where my

767
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: headspace was that I got really lucky that I didn't

768
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: feel any of those things. But that doesn't mean it

769
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,239
Speaker 1: still wasn't happening for other people, and that doesn't mean

770
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: that it didn't make society or other women watching it

771
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 1: feel that way. So like, you know, I just I

772
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 1: hope that, well, yeah, there's definitely both. They could both

773
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: sit with sit with me, so everyone.

774
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,759
Speaker 2: Who's listening to watching. I can definitely, I definitely hear

775
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 2: what you're saying, and I can see how much of it.

776
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 2: It's such a complicated it's sosplex layered topic. When it's

777
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 2: personal but collective.

778
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 1: It's hard to kind of verbalize and talk about something

779
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 1: because it is very complex. So how do I put

780
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: that into words? But I do see both, and they

781
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 1: it's weird two things can be true at the same time,

782
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Sometimes emotions are parallel and

783
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 1: they're really just happening. On's happening here and once it's

784
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: also happening and you're going on the same path and

785
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 1: you're going to the same place, and you're feeling two

786
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 1: different things at the exact same time. So I look

787
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: back on it and I have new emotions that sit

788
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 1: alongside the old ones and the joy and like the

789
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 1: wow that I felt there, And I can see how

790
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: everything happened, and I can see the heaviness, and I

791
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 1: can understand, like I see where maybe by me talking

792
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 1: so positively about it makes other people feel a negative

793
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,720
Speaker 1: way Like I I would never want to make somebody

794
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,440
Speaker 1: feel like that, So I have to acknowledge that and

795
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 1: be like Okay, I know I see now like we've

796
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 1: we were like we were the early two thousands, we

797
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: were in this bubble of this thing and it popped,

798
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 1: and now we can see clearly and I see it,

799
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,839
Speaker 1: so I get it. But you know, also, if I'm

800
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 1: going to talk about my personal experience while I was

801
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: in it, it was I did have a great time,

802
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,239
Speaker 1: and I I personally went about it and what I

803
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 1: feel like was as healthy as I could possibly be. Like,

804
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 1: trust me, I was eating, I was working out, I

805
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 1: was doing I was doing all the things like I

806
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 1: should be doing to make sure that I'm not, you know,

807
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: being unhealthy and having like a negative thing that was

808
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: happening in my mind and my body.

809
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 2: So well, I really appreciate that kind of the way

810
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,720
Speaker 2: you've presented that because I think there's so much truth

811
00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 2: to it, and I think if anything helped just become

812
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 2: more aware of Hey, let's try and be aware of bubbles.

813
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 2: But by the nature of a bubble, you're not aware

814
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 2: of it until it pops, And so when it pops,

815
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 2: then we all become aware of it. And then all

816
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,320
Speaker 2: of a sudden, so it's almost like we've got to give,

817
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,839
Speaker 2: We've got to give ourselves grace. We've got to give

818
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 2: others grace. We've got to give everyone time and space

819
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 2: to kind of understand and grow and rise together. Because

820
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,439
Speaker 2: and this doesn't just apply to the beauty industry or

821
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 2: the modeling industry. This applies to so many industries across

822
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 2: the world where I think there's a need for collective

823
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 2: grace on both sides and then and then rising together.

824
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 2: And I love and I completely agree with you. I

825
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: think you're allowed to have your own experience. I almost

826
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 2: think about it sometimes to do with entrepreneurship too, Like

827
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 2: a lot of people will be like, entrepreneurship is really tough,

828
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 2: it's really hard work, and there's the hustle culture of

829
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 2: you have to work eighteen hours a day and you

830
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 2: have to do this, and you have to do that.

831
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 2: And I always say to people like, if I'm completely honest,

832
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 2: for the first two years of my career, three years

833
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 2: of my career, I did work eighteen hours a day,

834
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 2: and I'm really happy I did. Like it was amazing

835
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 2: and I'm really grateful, And yes, some parts of it

836
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,879
Speaker 2: were unhealthy, but it allowed me to get to where

837
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 2: I wanted to get to in order to put things

838
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 2: in place to be more healthy. And that's my personal

839
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 2: experience in it, and that's not right or wrong or

840
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 2: the best way or the worst way. It's just how

841
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 2: it's worked for me. And you could look at that

842
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, well, eighteen hours of the hustle

843
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,799
Speaker 2: culture and there's no balance, and I'm like, but it's

844
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 2: each of us have got to find what's comfortable and

845
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 2: natural for us, and you're allowed to have your own

846
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 2: experience and also recognize that there's negatives within it.

847
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you you know, you were working those eighteen

848
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: hour days and when you realize, well, maybe I shouldn't

849
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 1: be doing that, or you have maybe this realization of

850
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,759
Speaker 1: maybe I should have more balance in my life, maybe

851
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 1: I should do this. Oh okay like that, then you

852
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,240
Speaker 1: can maybe fix it and grow from it and change

853
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: and not do that anymore. But doesn't mean that when

854
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:55,840
Speaker 1: you were doing it, you were you know, having a

855
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 1: terrible time. Maybe you were having fun and you were

856
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 1: just excited that you to do this work and all

857
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,320
Speaker 1: that stuff. And then you can look back on and

858
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 1: be like, WHOA, I was actually some more overwhelmed than

859
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 1: I thought I was. Oh okay, likes I That's what

860
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: that was. Because sometimes you feel these things and some

861
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: new emotions that you've never felt before, and you can't

862
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: pinpoint what it is exactly until you hear somebody else

863
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 1: say it, or there's a new topic of discussion where

864
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,319
Speaker 1: people are like, do you guys ever feel this? And

865
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: then you're like, I do feel that? What is that?

866
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 1: And then you discover oh, it's burnout? Yes, Oh see,

867
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: there was never a word for it before. That's what

868
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 1: that is. It's just like acknowledging and recognizing something and

869
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: then being like, Okay, well we're not going to do

870
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 1: that anymore. But I did do it, so you know

871
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: we're not going to do that.

872
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so true. I mean I think about that.

873
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 2: When I was young, I used to have certain physical

874
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 2: sensations or experiences in my heart space and my chest space,

875
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 2: and I would go to the doctors. I would tell

876
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 2: my mom and we'd go get checked out. The doctors

877
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 2: had no clue. They were like, you're absolutely fine. Yeah,

878
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 2: And now I look back and I'm like, oh, I

879
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 2: had anxiety. Oh I had panicitects. I had no idea,

880
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 2: and no one ever used that language. I saw multiple doctors,

881
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 2: no one ever said it to me, and so I

882
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 2: just moved on with life and got on with it,

883
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 2: and it became better at dealing with it. And now

884
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 2: I look back and I'm like, oh, now there's a

885
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,360
Speaker 2: word for it, and now we can label it and

886
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 2: talk about it.

887
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 3: But I didn't know then.

888
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 2: And There's been definitely times in my life where I've

889
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 2: been in denial, that I've been in stress or burnout,

890
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 2: and then I look back and I'm like, oh, now

891
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 2: I can notice it. But at that time I just

892
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 2: needed to push through or whatever it may be. But

893
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 2: I mean talking about this and talking about relate relevant

894
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:33,400
Speaker 2: emotional experiences. I was talking about my friend earlier, and

895
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 2: you were talking to me about the experience you went through.

896
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 2: You shared this on social media. You talked about the

897
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: loss of Tate and the grief you've experienced, which is

898
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 2: what's led to Tate and Taylor, which is this incredible

899
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 2: new platform and company that's supporting so many people walk.

900
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 2: I want to talk about what you've built and the

901
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 2: passion and the purpose behind it, but let's talk about

902
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 2: the grief of losing a friend, because that's really what

903
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 2: they say, is a really dear friend walk me through

904
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 2: those nine years and the amazing relationship you built with Tate.

905
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, Tate, Oh my angel. I got Tate when I

906
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: was eighteen, so it was really kind of in the

907
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 1: mix of all this my life changing, you know. I

908
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 1: booked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show not very long after

909
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 1: I Tate came into my life and we went We

910
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: walked through life together for nine years and he was

911
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 1: my best friend. And oh gosh, it's so hard to

912
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:43,439
Speaker 1: put it into words because it's it's so it's such

913
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:47,240
Speaker 1: a unique thing to have a deep relationship with an animal,

914
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: and it sounds I hope it don't sound crazy. Yeah,

915
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 1: I gonna sound a little crazy, but like, I just

916
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 1: feel like the love that you know, dogs and animals

917
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 1: in general have for humans is so unconditional, you know,

918
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:09,319
Speaker 1: and they have no judgment. They don't want anything from

919
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: you but your love back, and it's so pure and

920
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: it's so innocent. It's almost childlike in a way, you know,

921
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: when I I can only imagine, you know, when you

922
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,960
Speaker 1: hold a newborn baby for the first time, that immediate

923
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,439
Speaker 1: connection that you feel to this thing that I can't

924
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 1: even talk get and is just a part of you.

925
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 1: It's really special to have such a deep connection to

926
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 1: something that literally wants nothing from you except for also

927
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 1: the like unconditional love. So to have take com into

928
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: my life at that time was so special, just because

929
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 1: so much was changing. You know, I was growing up.

930
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: I was, you know, becoming a young woman from a

931
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:55,879
Speaker 1: girl to a woman, and he was there for that.

932
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 1: And you know, I was traveling all the time, and

933
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:02,320
Speaker 1: I was away from family, and I just had this little, tiny,

934
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 1: innocent soul with me that just always looked at me, like,

935
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,319
Speaker 1: you're the best, and I love you. And Tate taught

936
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:14,320
Speaker 1: me so much. I mean, he taught me, you know, responsibility,

937
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 1: caring for something other than myself, you know, taking care

938
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 1: of him, you know, pouring love into him and making

939
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: sure that he was good and you know even well behaved,

940
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 1: and training him and doing all those things is showing

941
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: him an act of love and making sure that he's

942
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 1: a confident, comfortable dog he could be in any scenario.

943
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 1: And he was the best boy. And I think he

944
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: also kind of knew that I was just kind of

945
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:38,359
Speaker 1: out there winging.

946
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 4: It a bit.

947
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 1: He was like, oh God, this girl, this girl has

948
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 1: no idea what she's doing. So I'm gonna have to

949
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,399
Speaker 1: be a good boy now. And he just I really

950
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 1: sometimes feel like he did teach himself how to just

951
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 1: be everywhere with me all the time. And I think

952
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,359
Speaker 1: that he was meant for me, and he was meant

953
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 1: to be in my life, and I think that we

954
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: were sort of made for each other and we belonged

955
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 1: to each other. And you know, he was he was

956
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 1: so it sounds crazy to say this about a dog,

957
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: but he was so emotional, Like his eyes were so human.

958
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 1: He could look at me and I knew what he

959
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 1: was saying or what he was thinking, or I felt

960
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 1: that he could feel what I was thinking or what

961
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 1: I was feeling. And I definitely think that he also

962
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 1: taught me a lot about you know, emotion and you

963
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: know being. You know what's that saying? You know, be

964
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:34,280
Speaker 1: the person your dog thinks you are. They think you're great.

965
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: You know, they're like, I love you no matter what. Yes, mom, Yes,

966
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,879
Speaker 1: So if that's the energy they give you, right, it's like, oh,

967
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: you're the best, and it's just like am I the best?

968
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: But to how something, you know, this little creature just

969
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 1: look at you and think you're the best. It kind

970
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 1: of makes you want to be the best, right, you know,

971
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 1: constantly trying to grow and be better and change, and

972
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,800
Speaker 1: you know, nobody's perfect and no one will ever be perfect,

973
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 1: and we're always learning and we're always growing and we're

974
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: always changing. But having something to do that for and

975
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 1: having someone to do that with is is really is

976
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 1: It's different, you know, like it's more intentional, right, So

977
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 1: trying to be better because Tait thinks I'm the best

978
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 1: is a different motivation. So he definitely was there for

979
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: me through, you know, so much of my life and

980
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 1: so much of my life changing. I think from you know,

981
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: eighteen to twenty seven are pretty formative years. I don't

982
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 1: I'm not a doctor, but someone told me once that

983
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:42,279
Speaker 1: your brain stops developing a twenty five or something. So

984
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,840
Speaker 1: you know, he was there. Oh sorry, I hit the

985
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 1: mic top with my hands. He was there. He was

986
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 1: there from when I had an undeveloped brain to a

987
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 1: developed brain. You know, he kind of just saw me

988
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 1: through and he was He was just the best, I mean,

989
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 1: the love of my life, I mean, my soulmate really

990
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: because he just knew, you know, and I've never had

991
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 1: a connection with any anyone like that that I've had

992
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:13,440
Speaker 1: with Tate. So I'm just I'm really grateful that he

993
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: was in my life. He's the inspiration behind me even

994
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 1: wanting to start a pet company, just because I love

995
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 1: him so much. And I know other people have felt

996
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,360
Speaker 1: that before, people who've had you know, what I like

997
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,919
Speaker 1: to call a soul dog, they know what I'm talking about,

998
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,720
Speaker 1: you know, they know that feeling. And when I shared

999
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: that I lost Tate, people who who'd you know, been

1000
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 1: on my journey with me and been maybe following me

1001
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 1: for a bit, no the day I got him, and

1002
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:40,719
Speaker 1: maybe saw saw him on my Instagram all the time.

1003
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:42,319
Speaker 1: I mean, he was probably in every single picture on

1004
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 1: my Instagram for nine years, so I feel like people

1005
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 1: felt like they knew him. And when I said when I,

1006
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 1: you know, shared that he was sick, and then when

1007
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: I ultimately shared that he had passed, the overwhelming amount

1008
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 1: of support and you know, messages that I got and

1009
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 1: also shared experiences that I received from I lost my

1010
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 1: soul dog ten years ago and I still think about

1011
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 1: them every single day. It made me feel It made

1012
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 1: me feel less alone and less maybe kind of strange

1013
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: for feeling this way about a dog, because I you know,

1014
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 1: you get both you get. I got amazing, overwhelming comments

1015
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: that were just overwhelmingly positive. I mean, just you know,

1016
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 1: I know what you've what you're going through. I went

1017
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 1: through this, you know. Just remember He's always with you. You know.

1018
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 1: I got messages like that that touched me so deeply

1019
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 1: and positively, and I just felt so grateful that I

1020
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 1: got those messages. But then, of course you get the

1021
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: flip side where people don't understand. They're like, oh, it's

1022
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 1: a dog, what's the big deal. You know, Oh, it's

1023
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,760
Speaker 1: a dog. Move on. I'll never move on from Tate's death.

1024
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 1: My grief will change, for sure. My perspective of his

1025
00:49:55,360 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 1: death will change, and it has even since I lost him.

1026
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:08,319
Speaker 1: You know, I it's devastating and it's heartbreaking, and you know,

1027
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: to anyone who's felt that, I know that feels like

1028
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 1: and don't let anybody rush you. You know, some people

1029
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:18,799
Speaker 1: don't understand it's just because this is a dog and

1030
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:22,680
Speaker 1: you know, not a person. It doesn't mean that they

1031
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 1: don't deserve the same amount of time and space and

1032
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 1: energy you would give to grieving anything else. So I

1033
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:34,879
Speaker 1: would just say, you know, take your time, and you're

1034
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:38,920
Speaker 1: not alone. And it's not a fun thing to go

1035
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: through at all. So I think I'll always miss Tate.

1036
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 1: You know, I don't see how I can't, you know.

1037
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 1: And I think to say to get over something is

1038
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:54,800
Speaker 1: such a harsh way of saying it because I'll probably

1039
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:58,959
Speaker 1: never get over it. I'll never really get over losing Tate.

1040
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 1: I can heal from it, and I can find, you know,

1041
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 1: peace with it, But those are two completely different things.

1042
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 1: Getting over it? How do you get over that?

1043
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 2: You know?

1044
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 1: It does? It's not something that it's not an object

1045
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 1: in my way, it's he's a part of me and

1046
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:22,280
Speaker 1: he's no longer here. So yeah, I definitely think losing

1047
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 1: a pet is tough. And you know, losing one that

1048
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 1: you have such a deep, strong connection with that's been

1049
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 1: with you for so many things with no expectation from

1050
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 1: you other than just they want to be there with

1051
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 1: you is that's a tough loss and a tough thing

1052
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 1: to work through.

1053
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 2: So thank you for sharing that. I mean, I like

1054
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 2: I was saying to you. I've had two friends recently

1055
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 2: who've both lost pets that they were dogs that they

1056
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 2: were close to for many, many years, and I've been

1057
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 2: talking to them and when this opportunity came up to

1058
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 2: talk to you, I was thinking about you, and then

1059
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 2: thinking about them, and I can't wait to share this

1060
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 2: conversation with them because it's I don't think there's anyone

1061
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:08,160
Speaker 2: who has a pet that they're deeply close to that

1062
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 2: sees it as a loss that's different of any kind.

1063
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:13,280
Speaker 3: And why would you when that.

1064
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 2: Person has been there with you through all these experiences

1065
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 2: walk us through, Like what is it like when you

1066
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,919
Speaker 2: get that caller, you have that meeting with the vet

1067
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,799
Speaker 2: or the doctor that goes this is the condition that

1068
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 2: Tate hasn't please tell us a bit about the condition

1069
00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 2: and that experience, because I feel like, to me, when

1070
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 2: I think about grief and loss, it's like that point

1071
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 2: in the journey is so pivotal to everything that comes

1072
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 2: after it because it's like the first time it really

1073
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:42,720
Speaker 2: hits you that this may not last.

1074
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also it can dictate your journey and how

1075
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,280
Speaker 1: you grieve and why you're grieving. So Tate was diagnosed

1076
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:54,359
Speaker 1: with T cell and foma, and you know, he was

1077
00:52:54,520 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 1: acting strangely, probably less than a month before his diagnosis.

1078
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:03,919
Speaker 1: It was little things, very subtle things, and almost things

1079
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:08,520
Speaker 1: that were already kind of things that he had been

1080
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 1: doing before, but they were just a little bit more

1081
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 1: frequent or a little bit more extreme, and I was like, well,

1082
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 1: that's really weird. So Tate had a very sensitive stomach.

1083
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 1: He would always sometimes I don't want to say the

1084
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 1: word throw up, but sorry guys, So if you're triggered

1085
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 1: by that. He would throw up his food sometimes, and

1086
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 1: he like it didn't always like sit well with him.

1087
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 1: And he he had, like you know, already had like

1088
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 1: digestion problems from when he was a puppy, but probably

1089
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:39,439
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks before his cancer diagnosis, he was

1090
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 1: still throwing up food. He was like drinking water excessively,

1091
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 1: like drinking a lot of water, like he seemed very,

1092
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:48,720
Speaker 1: very thirsty. And then when I ultimately was like, okay,

1093
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: something is really really wrong, it was incontinence. So he

1094
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 1: was peeing in the bed at night, which was he

1095
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 1: never did that. He was such a good boy. I

1096
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:02,759
Speaker 1: was like, he would never do this intentionally. So I

1097
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 1: took him to the doctor and I was like, something

1098
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 1: is wrong. He's you know, it's not strange or abnormal

1099
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,640
Speaker 1: that he's throwing up his food, but it's strange that

1100
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:13,200
Speaker 1: he threw up water yesterday, and it's strange that he

1101
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: peed in the bed. And I don't think that those

1102
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:18,800
Speaker 1: are normal things. So you know, they're doing blood tests.

1103
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 1: His calcium levels are off. I don't remember in what way,

1104
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,399
Speaker 1: just because honestly, it's all a bit of a blur

1105
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 1: because it's it was a very emotional time. So but

1106
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:31,759
Speaker 1: I do remember his calcium levels. There was something wrong there.

1107
00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 1: So they did another test that was a bit more

1108
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 1: of a deep dive into that. They were like, okay, yeah,

1109
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,880
Speaker 1: this is a problem. We should probably do an X ray. So,

1110
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 1: you know, that was a week ago. So now it's

1111
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: a week later, and you know, getting these appointments and

1112
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 1: like seeing the doctors, you know, it's just sometimes not

1113
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:54,319
Speaker 1: always easy, even in dogs, even you know, in veterinary circumstances,

1114
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 1: it's weirdly sometimes similar to human doctors. You know, it's

1115
00:54:57,239 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 1: just getting these appointments and getting into sea it's like, well,

1116
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,440
Speaker 1: something is wrong. Can we just do this now? Why

1117
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 1: are we sitting here and waiting? He doesn't feel good,

1118
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 1: So we go in for the x ray, and you know,

1119
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 1: sure enough, they find a mass in his shoulder and

1120
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 1: his lymph node near his shoulder, and they're like, okay,

1121
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: well we think it's lymphoma. So you know, you need

1122
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 1: to take him to an oncologist, and you know, these

1123
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 1: are the oncologists that we recommend. I'm calling every hospital

1124
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 1: in New York that I possibly can to see. You know,

1125
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 1: who can I take him to right away? Everyone was,

1126
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:36,000
Speaker 1: you know, this was maybe May. Everyone was like, our

1127
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:39,319
Speaker 1: next appointment isn't until June sixteenth. Our next appointment isn't

1128
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 1: until July sixteenth. I'm like, okay, well, my dog was

1129
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 1: just diagnosed with cancer, or what they think to be

1130
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:48,400
Speaker 1: is cancer. I can't imagine that he can wait until

1131
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 1: June or July. And I don't really know what to

1132
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 1: do next. So he starts getting worse, and he's not

1133
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 1: eating anymore, and he has no appetite and he can't

1134
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:04,279
Speaker 1: keep even water down. So my husband actually takes him

1135
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 1: to the vet. I'm out of town when this is happening,

1136
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:11,719
Speaker 1: and she says, he's in a really bad state. He's

1137
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 1: severely dehydrated. You need to take him to the emergency

1138
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:18,840
Speaker 1: room right now, and they'll check him into the ICU

1139
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 1: and then maybe then he'll be seen by an oncologist.

1140
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, why didn't you tell me that before?

1141
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:25,839
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I would have done that a week ago,

1142
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 1: even though he wasn't in a state of emergency. He

1143
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,920
Speaker 1: has we think he has cancer. We think he has

1144
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:35,840
Speaker 1: tell tea cell and foma that's very aggressive. So we

1145
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:41,879
Speaker 1: my husband takes him to the emergency room, and sure

1146
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:44,360
Speaker 1: enough they do. They check him into the ICU. He's,

1147
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:48,440
Speaker 1: you know, very severely dehydrated, he's very weak, he hasn't

1148
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:51,439
Speaker 1: eaten in like two days, and he's on a wait

1149
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:57,040
Speaker 1: list to see an oncologist that day. And well, remembering

1150
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,800
Speaker 1: all this is hard because I wasn't in town. This

1151
00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:02,320
Speaker 1: was happening, and I get the calls that Tates in

1152
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,399
Speaker 1: the emergency room, Tates in the ICU. I'm not there,

1153
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 1: petrified I'm going to lose him, and I'm not going

1154
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 1: to be there. And he's seen by the oncologists. They

1155
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 1: do all the tests, they do all the scans. Yes,

1156
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 1: he does have T cell lymphoma. It's throughout his entire body.

1157
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:29,240
Speaker 1: He has multiple you know, masses on multiple lymph nodes.

1158
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 1: And he definitely doesn't have much much more time left.

1159
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:42,240
Speaker 1: So I get home as soon as I can. I'm

1160
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:46,640
Speaker 1: in the I see you with him, and you know,

1161
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 1: all this is happening days before our wedding. Actually, I

1162
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:54,800
Speaker 1: was in the hospital with him on a Monday, and

1163
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 1: on Thursday, I was meant to fly back home to

1164
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 1: Colorado to get married. And I'm in New York in

1165
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:04,360
Speaker 1: the hospital, in the icy with Tate, and you know,

1166
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 1: I'm looking at him and I'm asking him, like, if

1167
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 1: you if you need to go, wait, please let me know,

1168
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 1: like I will let you go, you know, Like I

1169
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 1: don't want to make him do anything that he doesn't

1170
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 1: want to do, because sometimes I feel like when you're

1171
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,880
Speaker 1: dealing with a sick animal, we can be quite selfish.

1172
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 1: And I want him to be there, and I want

1173
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:24,000
Speaker 1: him to be okay, and I want him to be

1174
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 1: at my wedding and all these things that I want,

1175
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:29,600
Speaker 1: But what about him. He doesn't feel good, he's sick,

1176
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 1: he's in the hospital. So Tate was at the Animal

1177
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 1: medical Center in New York, the Shworsman Animal Medical Center,

1178
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 1: And a lot of what we do at TIT and

1179
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 1: Taylor is I have a whole cancer like a fuck

1180
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 1: cancer merch collection line where one hundred percent of the

1181
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:49,040
Speaker 1: profit that we make goes back to a fund that

1182
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:51,600
Speaker 1: they have at the Animal Medical Center called the Buddy Fund.

1183
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 1: And what the Buddy Fund does is help subsidize the

1184
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 1: cost or cover the cost in total of chemotherapy and

1185
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 1: cancer treatments and pets. It's an incredible program and it's

1186
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:07,400
Speaker 1: an incredible hospital and a part of my journey and

1187
00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 1: story with Tate, so much of it has to do

1188
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 1: with the amazing the oncology department at the Animal Medical

1189
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 1: Center is amazing. They're the largest nonprofit hospital in the world,

1190
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 1: and they they have so many amazing programs there. They're

1191
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 1: teaching hospital, so it's a really it's a great place.

1192
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 1: Tate was in the best hands when he was there,

1193
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:32,320
Speaker 1: and while even though I was going through something quite

1194
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 1: emotional and a turbulent time of is he going to

1195
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:37,000
Speaker 1: make it to one of the most special days of

1196
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 1: my life and or is he not? I I had

1197
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:44,040
Speaker 1: an amazing doctor there. She was so supportive. She was

1198
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:46,440
Speaker 1: about to get married. She was, you know, getting married

1199
00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 1: a week after me. So she was I have a

1200
00:59:48,440 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 1: dog and she was like, I can't She's like, I

1201
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 1: can't imagine what you're feeling right now. I mean she's

1202
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 1: at She's like, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now.

1203
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 1: You know, getting married, your dog in the hospital, this

1204
00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 1: is your baby, and you know you're he might not

1205
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 1: be there. So the team that the oncology team was

1206
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:09,440
Speaker 1: so amazing with Tate and with me. They did everything

1207
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,400
Speaker 1: in their power. They're like, well, we think we should start,

1208
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 1: you know, the chop protocol, which is what he started,

1209
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 1: and he started responding to it really positively. So I'm

1210
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 1: you know, there's a small segue cut back to you know,

1211
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: I'm looking at Tate. I'm like, please tell me, like,

1212
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 1: do you want to fight this? Like are you gonna

1213
01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 1: stick it out? You don't have to do that, you

1214
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 1: don't have to come. I know I want you to,

1215
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:36,160
Speaker 1: but I need to do what's best for you. And

1216
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 1: after I you know, said this to him, he it's

1217
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:42,919
Speaker 1: you know, he's going in to have a feeding tube

1218
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: put in because he's not eating and he's about to

1219
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 1: start the chop protocol. They want to make sure he

1220
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,200
Speaker 1: has nutrients in his body, so they put a feeding

1221
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:53,000
Speaker 1: tube in so that they can start giving administering, you know,

1222
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:59,000
Speaker 1: nutrients to him. And immediately flipped. He went from looking

1223
01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:02,840
Speaker 1: like he was on st doorstep to Tate. He was

1224
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 1: wagging his tail, he was energetic, he was you know,

1225
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 1: doing it. He was him. I was like, it was

1226
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 1: the next day, and this was Wednesday. I'm supposed to

1227
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 1: leave Thursday for the wedding. I was my mind was blown.

1228
01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:18,800
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I can't believe it.

1229
01:01:18,840 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 1: I was like, Tater, are you lying to me right now?

1230
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 1: What are you doing? What is this? All of a

1231
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:26,960
Speaker 1: sudden he knew, he knew he wanted to be there.

1232
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 1: I asked him. I was like, do you what do

1233
01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:31,520
Speaker 1: you need? What do you want? They, you know, put

1234
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 1: the feeding to him in they're administering his first dose

1235
01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 1: of the chop protocol, and you know, he's able to

1236
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:39,280
Speaker 1: get some nutrients in his body. He's a different dog.

1237
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:42,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, this dog wants to fight this for me.

1238
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 1: He wants to pull through right now, so he does

1239
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:49,440
Speaker 1: make it to the wedding. It was an amazing, beautiful

1240
01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:51,280
Speaker 1: experience to be able to share that with him, because

1241
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 1: literally every person who he's ever loved and who has

1242
01:01:54,440 --> 01:02:00,160
Speaker 1: ever loved Tate was there and they got to they

1243
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 1: got to say goodbye to him, you know. As not

1244
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 1: to sound morbid, but it is. It's in a way

1245
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 1: sort of cancer and dogs is it's not curable. They

1246
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:14,560
Speaker 1: don't live much longer than maybe a year, you know,

1247
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:17,840
Speaker 1: sometimes in some cases too, like it's different, you know,

1248
01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:21,880
Speaker 1: you they treat dogs to live the best quality of

1249
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 1: life if they can, for the rest of their lives,

1250
01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 1: until they get to a point where it's okay, well

1251
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 1: it's their time. So it was a way for people

1252
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 1: to say goodbye to him because we knew he wouldn't

1253
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 1: be around for much longer. We didn't know how much longer,

1254
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:38,960
Speaker 1: but it wasn't going to be much longer. And it

1255
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 1: was really special. You know, my best friend from my childhood,

1256
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:45,439
Speaker 1: someone I've known since I was five years old, he

1257
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:48,640
Speaker 1: was what did I call him, oh, my man of honor,

1258
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:52,200
Speaker 1: and he walked him down the aisle and it was

1259
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:55,880
Speaker 1: really special, and you know, people were crying and everyone

1260
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:58,240
Speaker 1: was hugging Tate and kissing Tate and just it was

1261
01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 1: so special for me to be able to see and

1262
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 1: feel the love for him, knowing what he had gone

1263
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:06,080
Speaker 1: through and what we were going through, and it felt

1264
01:03:06,080 --> 01:03:09,640
Speaker 1: like it really felt like a miracle that he made

1265
01:03:09,640 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 1: it there and that he was there that day. So

1266
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 1: then you know, we get back to New York and

1267
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:20,240
Speaker 1: he's you know, he's on maybe number two or three

1268
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:25,840
Speaker 1: of his doses. It's a sixteen week process, and we

1269
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:29,720
Speaker 1: were probably only on like week two and so because

1270
01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:33,120
Speaker 1: he had t cell lymphoma, it's a it's very aggressive

1271
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 1: and it adapts in the body really quickly, and you know,

1272
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 1: since Tate had tumors throughout his entire body, we didn't

1273
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:45,200
Speaker 1: know how he would respond to it. He was nine

1274
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:50,560
Speaker 1: years old, so he was older, but he wasn't old old,

1275
01:03:50,600 --> 01:03:52,400
Speaker 1: I guess. So the doctors were like, well, we're not

1276
01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,480
Speaker 1: really sure. He's nine. It's old, but he's still energetic.

1277
01:03:55,480 --> 01:03:58,160
Speaker 1: He's still quite youthful. Like we're gonna kind of play

1278
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 1: it by your and see how this goes. And then

1279
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:05,160
Speaker 1: it was we were we were in New York for

1280
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:08,960
Speaker 1: maybe about a week ten days or so, and he

1281
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 1: started to get really really bad again, really bad. We

1282
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:16,160
Speaker 1: take him back to the emergency room. They you know,

1283
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 1: he's back in the ICU and they're doing all the

1284
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:22,680
Speaker 1: blood work and the tests and you know, checking on him,

1285
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:30,200
Speaker 1: and he the cancer in his body had adapted to

1286
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 1: the to the chemotherapy treatments and it was attacking his

1287
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 1: kidneys now and essentially, you know, his doctor said, if

1288
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 1: he doesn't pass from the cancer, he'll pass from kidney failure. So, right,

1289
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:49,560
Speaker 1: now we're in a position where there's not much more

1290
01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 1: we can do, and he's not comfortable. He's in a

1291
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 1: lot of pain. He's very sick. She said, it's completely

1292
01:04:56,520 --> 01:04:58,440
Speaker 1: up to you, and I can't tell you what to do.

1293
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:01,040
Speaker 1: All I can tell you is where he at, what

1294
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:05,680
Speaker 1: hit the health. The condition of his health right now

1295
01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:08,880
Speaker 1: is not good. So you know, we ultimately have to

1296
01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:12,280
Speaker 1: come to to the decision to let Tate go because

1297
01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 1: I don't want him to live like that. But so selfish,

1298
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 1: you know, I think to try to keep treating him

1299
01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:24,240
Speaker 1: when he's Yeah, he's not. He shouldn't. He shouldn't be,

1300
01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 1: you know. So we were able to make an appointment

1301
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:33,920
Speaker 1: with the doctor that does humane euthanization in home so

1302
01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:38,360
Speaker 1: that Tate could be with me, my husband, and we

1303
01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:41,959
Speaker 1: were in our home together and we got to hold him,

1304
01:05:42,120 --> 01:05:44,920
Speaker 1: and you know, he didn't have to go back to

1305
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:48,880
Speaker 1: the hospital because going there was it was a scary

1306
01:05:48,920 --> 01:05:51,080
Speaker 1: thing for Mike could tell it was stressful because that's

1307
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 1: where they would take him away from me. And I

1308
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:54,560
Speaker 1: knew he wanted to be with me. He was very

1309
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:57,080
Speaker 1: attached to me, so I didn't want to have to

1310
01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 1: take him back there. I didn't want him to have

1311
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 1: to pass in that environment, not to speak negative. It

1312
01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 1: wasn't a negative space at all. It was actually very happy.

1313
01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:10,040
Speaker 1: It was a very beautiful space. The doctors were amazing there,

1314
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 1: and it was it was both. It was tough because

1315
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:16,160
Speaker 1: it was what we were going through was so difficult,

1316
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:19,600
Speaker 1: but they were so they were so amazing there. They

1317
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:22,800
Speaker 1: were so positive, their energy was so great. So it

1318
01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:24,800
Speaker 1: wasn't that it was a dark, scary place. It's just

1319
01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:27,800
Speaker 1: I wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible. And

1320
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:30,160
Speaker 1: I know that by him walking in there, he was

1321
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:32,440
Speaker 1: like he would be like, oh no, like I'm in

1322
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:34,680
Speaker 1: this place again. They're going to take me away from you, mom.

1323
01:06:34,720 --> 01:06:36,320
Speaker 1: So I didn't want to bring him back there, and

1324
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 1: I have to, you know, his last moments be in

1325
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:40,560
Speaker 1: a place where he didn't know what was going to

1326
01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:44,600
Speaker 1: happen to him. So we did it at home and

1327
01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:49,680
Speaker 1: it was really special that I got to hold him

1328
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 1: and you know, come for him and be with him.

1329
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 1: That was the most important thing to me. I was

1330
01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:57,760
Speaker 1: I absolutely have to be there, like I have to

1331
01:06:57,800 --> 01:07:00,520
Speaker 1: be there. And I think he knew and I think

1332
01:07:00,520 --> 01:07:03,440
Speaker 1: he wanted me to be there, and he waited so

1333
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:05,520
Speaker 1: that we could do we could do it together and

1334
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:16,960
Speaker 1: we could be together. And it's it's a tough thing,

1335
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:23,160
Speaker 1: you know, like having to, you know, witness someone die

1336
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:30,320
Speaker 1: is not fun, especially him, you know, for me, he

1337
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:37,600
Speaker 1: was he was everything to me. And just based off

1338
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 1: of that experience that I have with him, I know

1339
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:43,120
Speaker 1: so many people probably have felt that way, have been

1340
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 1: in a similar situation, and I know it's it's really

1341
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:56,000
Speaker 1: hard going through that. So I'm grateful for the way

1342
01:07:56,040 --> 01:08:00,920
Speaker 1: that everything happened with me with Tate. It's so crazy.

1343
01:08:00,960 --> 01:08:07,120
Speaker 1: They know, like they know these spiritual beings. I think

1344
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:10,240
Speaker 1: animals they are more spiritual than us. They have so

1345
01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:13,160
Speaker 1: much more. They have different types of consciousness, I think

1346
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:17,400
Speaker 1: than people do. He knew what I needed and he

1347
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:21,559
Speaker 1: knew how I needed him to go, and he really

1348
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:27,320
Speaker 1: did that for me. And it was really even though

1349
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:30,400
Speaker 1: it was really tough, it was really also beautiful at

1350
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:32,600
Speaker 1: the same time to be able to hold him in

1351
01:08:32,600 --> 01:08:34,680
Speaker 1: his last moments and he was there for me for

1352
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:37,040
Speaker 1: every single moment, and I got to be there for

1353
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:39,920
Speaker 1: him in this moment. He didn't feel fear, he didn't

1354
01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:44,759
Speaker 1: feel pain, he was I held him in my arms

1355
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:46,960
Speaker 1: and I was you know, we were just I got

1356
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:50,320
Speaker 1: to hold him, so he was very I know, he

1357
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:54,000
Speaker 1: was comfortable, and I felt that with him, and that's

1358
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:55,920
Speaker 1: why I wanted to be there, so I just could

1359
01:08:55,960 --> 01:09:01,000
Speaker 1: make sure that he felt nothing but comfort and no

1360
01:09:01,200 --> 01:09:05,000
Speaker 1: pain and just happiness and love like you can feel

1361
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:12,080
Speaker 1: my love. So that's sort of you know, the story

1362
01:09:12,080 --> 01:09:15,000
Speaker 1: of Tate and his illness and his cancer and what

1363
01:09:15,040 --> 01:09:18,040
Speaker 1: you know, sort of what we went through. And you know,

1364
01:09:19,600 --> 01:09:23,320
Speaker 1: treating cancer is so expensive, even with insurance, and you know,

1365
01:09:23,439 --> 01:09:27,320
Speaker 1: part of why the Buddy Fund is something that we're

1366
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:30,639
Speaker 1: so passionate about and why I feel like I want

1367
01:09:30,680 --> 01:09:34,400
Speaker 1: Tate and Taylor as a brand to be really cause

1368
01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:37,800
Speaker 1: driven and have an initiative and have a purpose and

1369
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:41,240
Speaker 1: have a reason behind it is because of, you know,

1370
01:09:41,280 --> 01:09:43,320
Speaker 1: what I went through with Tate. I started building Tate

1371
01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:45,960
Speaker 1: and Taylor with him, not knowing that any of this

1372
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:49,839
Speaker 1: would happen, and then before we even got to launch

1373
01:09:50,320 --> 01:09:53,720
Speaker 1: and start the company publicly, I lost him, and it

1374
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:56,439
Speaker 1: shifted sort of a lot of the drive and some

1375
01:09:56,560 --> 01:10:02,559
Speaker 1: of the purpose that we have and having to decide

1376
01:10:02,600 --> 01:10:08,200
Speaker 1: between having a financial burden and being in a place

1377
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:10,080
Speaker 1: where you may or may not be able to financially

1378
01:10:10,080 --> 01:10:13,160
Speaker 1: care for your pet and those last precious moments, the

1379
01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:15,200
Speaker 1: ones that even I know I got to have a Tait.

1380
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:20,679
Speaker 1: Those last few weeks with him were the best weeks

1381
01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:23,679
Speaker 1: ever in my memory of my life with him, because

1382
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:26,200
Speaker 1: he got to come to my wedding. He was back

1383
01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:28,599
Speaker 1: to himself for a little bit. These like special little

1384
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,240
Speaker 1: things and times that we shared together. They were so

1385
01:10:32,080 --> 01:10:34,920
Speaker 1: important in how I was able to heal going forward

1386
01:10:34,960 --> 01:10:37,920
Speaker 1: once I did lose him. So I think being able

1387
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:40,240
Speaker 1: to help support people who are going through this with

1388
01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:45,320
Speaker 1: their pets and go through cancer and that journey and

1389
01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:48,320
Speaker 1: that path and what that looks like is something I

1390
01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:52,400
Speaker 1: really I have such a passion for and something I

1391
01:10:52,439 --> 01:10:55,120
Speaker 1: really want to be able to help because I went

1392
01:10:55,160 --> 01:10:56,680
Speaker 1: through all of this with him, and I know what

1393
01:10:56,720 --> 01:10:59,160
Speaker 1: that feels like, and I know what that pain is

1394
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:02,519
Speaker 1: and how out what that weight feels like, and what

1395
01:11:02,520 --> 01:11:06,200
Speaker 1: the grief feels like. How can I be there for

1396
01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:08,439
Speaker 1: other people and how can I help other people who

1397
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:10,320
Speaker 1: are going through this so they never have to think

1398
01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:13,800
Speaker 1: about that? And that's why we picked the Buddy Fund,

1399
01:11:13,920 --> 01:11:16,000
Speaker 1: just because of the experience that I had with Tate

1400
01:11:16,080 --> 01:11:18,800
Speaker 1: at AMC and so many people I know so many

1401
01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:23,040
Speaker 1: people who've who've had that experience, and you know, I

1402
01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:27,880
Speaker 1: spoke with Tate's on collegist, doctor Rachel Lordhal, and you know,

1403
01:11:27,920 --> 01:11:29,720
Speaker 1: we posted it on the Tate and Taylor Instagram and

1404
01:11:29,760 --> 01:11:31,160
Speaker 1: I got a couple of comments that were, like, I

1405
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:34,000
Speaker 1: love doctor Rachel. She was there for me with with

1406
01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:37,679
Speaker 1: my with my dog, and you know, she's amazing, and

1407
01:11:37,800 --> 01:11:41,759
Speaker 1: so people feel people feel it from them from that place,

1408
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:47,400
Speaker 1: and that fund is so impactful because when you're going

1409
01:11:47,400 --> 01:11:50,200
Speaker 1: through something like that, to have to worry about whether

1410
01:11:50,280 --> 01:11:52,400
Speaker 1: or not you can afford care and whether or not

1411
01:11:52,479 --> 01:11:56,080
Speaker 1: you can even get those extra that extra time and

1412
01:11:56,160 --> 01:11:58,639
Speaker 1: just see how they're even going to respond to treatment.

1413
01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:01,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't even I don't even want to.

1414
01:12:02,080 --> 01:12:04,200
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to have to go there and make that decision.

1415
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:07,519
Speaker 1: So I got so much support when I lost Tate,

1416
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:08,960
Speaker 1: and I just want to do everything I can to

1417
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:11,840
Speaker 1: support others because I know other people go through this

1418
01:12:11,880 --> 01:12:14,240
Speaker 1: and there are people in that position, and it breaks

1419
01:12:14,280 --> 01:12:16,640
Speaker 1: my heart to even think that somebody would have to

1420
01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:23,280
Speaker 1: go through Yeah, I just I can't. It's hard to

1421
01:12:23,439 --> 01:12:25,840
Speaker 1: verbalize that pain, and I because I can, I can

1422
01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:29,120
Speaker 1: so clearly visualize what that feeling could be and having

1423
01:12:29,160 --> 01:12:32,439
Speaker 1: to make that decision, and I got to make it

1424
01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:35,600
Speaker 1: when I did with Tate, and I'm I'm I'm so

1425
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:38,559
Speaker 1: grateful that I was able to do that. And I

1426
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:40,920
Speaker 1: just want to be able to share to like give

1427
01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:43,240
Speaker 1: that back, give that time, give it to others, Like

1428
01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:49,280
Speaker 1: how can I help give people more time with their soulmates?

1429
01:12:49,560 --> 01:12:51,360
Speaker 3: I guess Taylor.

1430
01:12:51,439 --> 01:12:55,439
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for opening up so intimately about

1431
01:12:55,479 --> 01:13:01,759
Speaker 2: that journey. And I remember seeing the beautiful and amazing

1432
01:13:01,760 --> 01:13:05,440
Speaker 2: pictures and memories you shared with Tay on social media,

1433
01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:10,360
Speaker 2: but to hear the actual journey behind it. Just thank

1434
01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:12,720
Speaker 2: you so much for being so open and giving. And

1435
01:13:13,240 --> 01:13:21,040
Speaker 2: I'm very confident that. I mean, I haven't lost a

1436
01:13:21,080 --> 01:13:22,720
Speaker 2: pet or a dog, and I don't know what that

1437
01:13:22,760 --> 01:13:25,240
Speaker 2: feels like. But even just sitting here listening to you,

1438
01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:28,519
Speaker 2: I know that anyone who has, or anyone who may

1439
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:31,519
Speaker 2: do so in the future, will have this to turn

1440
01:13:31,560 --> 01:13:35,200
Speaker 2: to as a way of connecting with and to humanize

1441
01:13:35,240 --> 01:13:39,559
Speaker 2: their experience and also validate their experience of how deeply

1442
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:42,519
Speaker 2: they love this friend in their life. And I wanted

1443
01:13:42,560 --> 01:13:45,839
Speaker 2: to ask you what would you two questions?

1444
01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:46,439
Speaker 3: What would you.

1445
01:13:49,040 --> 01:13:53,280
Speaker 2: For anyone who is grieving the loss of a pet, friend,

1446
01:13:53,320 --> 01:13:55,880
Speaker 2: a dog, like, what would you want them to know

1447
01:13:56,240 --> 01:14:00,320
Speaker 2: about the grieving process? And the second question is if

1448
01:14:00,320 --> 01:14:03,240
Speaker 2: someone has a friend or family member that's going through it,

1449
01:14:03,600 --> 01:14:06,280
Speaker 2: what would you like them to know in order to

1450
01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:08,080
Speaker 2: offer help or support to that person.

1451
01:14:08,280 --> 01:14:11,280
Speaker 1: I would say, if you're going through if you're going

1452
01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:14,720
Speaker 1: through this loss and you're you know, coping with this

1453
01:14:14,920 --> 01:14:22,040
Speaker 1: type of grief, I think patience, Just be patient with yourself.

1454
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:26,839
Speaker 1: Feel it. You know, grief is like an ocean. Sometimes

1455
01:14:26,840 --> 01:14:29,880
Speaker 1: it's relentless, Sometimes it's calm. Sometimes the waves are huge

1456
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:33,639
Speaker 1: and crashing. Sometimes it's completely still and beautiful and peaceful,

1457
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:37,879
Speaker 1: and you know you're able to just float. So wherever

1458
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:42,760
Speaker 1: you're at, where whatever your ocean is doing, just feel it,

1459
01:14:42,840 --> 01:14:47,880
Speaker 1: because one moment it'll feel really calm and you'll feel

1460
01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:50,920
Speaker 1: a sense of perspective, maybe a sense of peace, and

1461
01:14:50,960 --> 01:14:52,960
Speaker 1: then there'll be a memory, or you'll be in a

1462
01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,560
Speaker 1: situation where it brings something back up and then the

1463
01:14:55,600 --> 01:14:58,840
Speaker 1: waves come crashing in and you know that's okay. Sometimes

1464
01:14:59,479 --> 01:15:03,560
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm almost a year till to the

1465
01:15:03,640 --> 01:15:07,800
Speaker 1: day that I lost Hat and I'm not fully healed yet,

1466
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:09,960
Speaker 1: and I think that's going to take maybe a couple

1467
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:12,200
Speaker 1: more years to even feel like I can say I'm

1468
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:16,640
Speaker 1: healed from that. I don't think I can ever. I

1469
01:15:16,640 --> 01:15:19,599
Speaker 1: don't think anyone ever necessarily moves on. And I think

1470
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:23,559
Speaker 1: if they hear the words move on, don't take that,

1471
01:15:24,800 --> 01:15:27,639
Speaker 1: let that roll right off you, because that's not what

1472
01:15:27,760 --> 01:15:30,760
Speaker 1: maybe they mean to move on you. You may never

1473
01:15:30,840 --> 01:15:34,680
Speaker 1: move on. But to heal is different. You know, to

1474
01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:38,599
Speaker 1: heal a wound that so it no longer opens is

1475
01:15:38,720 --> 01:15:41,080
Speaker 1: a different thing. And I would say to make sure

1476
01:15:41,080 --> 01:15:43,479
Speaker 1: that you're doing the steps and taking care of yourself

1477
01:15:43,479 --> 01:15:46,160
Speaker 1: and the way you need to to heal, because it

1478
01:15:46,240 --> 01:15:48,799
Speaker 1: is a wound. You know, how would you go about

1479
01:15:49,400 --> 01:15:51,920
Speaker 1: if you broke your arm? You know, you would go

1480
01:15:52,000 --> 01:15:54,760
Speaker 1: to the doctor. You would you know, set it in

1481
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:56,479
Speaker 1: a cast. You would do all these steps to make

1482
01:15:56,479 --> 01:15:59,519
Speaker 1: sure your arm could work again. So I think that

1483
01:15:59,640 --> 01:16:04,080
Speaker 1: losing someone is sort of it's it's a wound, it's

1484
01:16:04,160 --> 01:16:07,080
Speaker 1: in it's an internal wounds, it's a part, it's it

1485
01:16:07,240 --> 01:16:10,320
Speaker 1: breaks something in our spirit. So it's not something you

1486
01:16:10,360 --> 01:16:13,000
Speaker 1: can see, but it's something that needs addressing. It's something

1487
01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:16,920
Speaker 1: that needs help. It needs time. You know, however, you

1488
01:16:17,120 --> 01:16:19,600
Speaker 1: need to do that and whatever your process looks like

1489
01:16:19,720 --> 01:16:25,320
Speaker 1: to deal with healing just and if you don't know

1490
01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:27,920
Speaker 1: how to do that, I think talking to someone, I

1491
01:16:27,960 --> 01:16:32,640
Speaker 1: think anyone. It doesn't even have to be a therapist,

1492
01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:34,160
Speaker 1: you know, because I know a lot of people like

1493
01:16:34,160 --> 01:16:35,960
Speaker 1: to say go to therapy people. Some people don't have

1494
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:39,840
Speaker 1: access to therapy yet, and that's okay, but talking about it,

1495
01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:41,880
Speaker 1: you know, if there's someone you can relate to, if

1496
01:16:41,920 --> 01:16:44,160
Speaker 1: you can find anyone in your life who will listen

1497
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:48,519
Speaker 1: and help help you grieve, and you know, talk talk

1498
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:52,040
Speaker 1: through it with you, writing about it, talking to yourself

1499
01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:54,920
Speaker 1: about it, if you if you prefer writing or journaling,

1500
01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:57,200
Speaker 1: or I think there's a couple of different ways to

1501
01:16:57,240 --> 01:17:00,000
Speaker 1: get started in terms of well, I don't even know

1502
01:17:00,080 --> 01:17:01,880
Speaker 1: how to heal? What does that mean? Taylor? Where do

1503
01:17:01,920 --> 01:17:05,000
Speaker 1: I start? What's the process? Look like? It's different for everyone?

1504
01:17:05,080 --> 01:17:09,360
Speaker 1: But I think you know, knowledge is power and learning,

1505
01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:11,200
Speaker 1: and if you don't know where to start, you can

1506
01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:13,959
Speaker 1: talk to someone and maybe ask a couple of questions,

1507
01:17:14,080 --> 01:17:18,080
Speaker 1: or ask yourself questions, or write things out and start

1508
01:17:18,120 --> 01:17:20,640
Speaker 1: really small and start there and then hopefully, you know,

1509
01:17:20,720 --> 01:17:24,920
Speaker 1: you can start growing on that and expanding on Okay, well,

1510
01:17:25,080 --> 01:17:27,320
Speaker 1: I this is what it means to heal, this is

1511
01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:29,280
Speaker 1: this is my process, this is how I'm going to

1512
01:17:29,360 --> 01:17:31,960
Speaker 1: do this, and you know, find the tools that work

1513
01:17:32,000 --> 01:17:34,720
Speaker 1: for you and or create the tools that work for you.

1514
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:38,439
Speaker 1: Who knows, it's different for everybody. It's different for everybody.

1515
01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:41,200
Speaker 1: So however that looks like to you, whatever that feels

1516
01:17:41,200 --> 01:17:44,760
Speaker 1: like to you, as long as you're you're doing what

1517
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:47,600
Speaker 1: you need to do to ultimately heal from it, I

1518
01:17:47,640 --> 01:17:50,599
Speaker 1: think that's a really a really great place to start,

1519
01:17:50,800 --> 01:17:54,920
Speaker 1: is just to start thinking about it from there. Don't

1520
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:58,559
Speaker 1: worry about moving on or getting over it, or if

1521
01:17:58,600 --> 01:18:01,320
Speaker 1: the emotions are stronger sometimes in others, if they can

1522
01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:03,760
Speaker 1: be really unexpected, you know it can it hits you

1523
01:18:03,840 --> 01:18:07,000
Speaker 1: like a wave some days, and that's okay, feel it,

1524
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:10,000
Speaker 1: sit there, right about it, think about it. I mean,

1525
01:18:10,040 --> 01:18:11,360
Speaker 1: if you want to ignore it for a little bit,

1526
01:18:11,400 --> 01:18:13,160
Speaker 1: you can, but you know, make sure you're always coming

1527
01:18:13,200 --> 01:18:15,680
Speaker 1: back to it and acknowledging it and addressing it, and

1528
01:18:15,720 --> 01:18:18,920
Speaker 1: then you can sort of like let it go and

1529
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:20,559
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, I see you, I hear you, I

1530
01:18:20,560 --> 01:18:24,479
Speaker 1: feel you. We're gonna acknowledge that emotion and then we

1531
01:18:24,520 --> 01:18:26,519
Speaker 1: can let it go, and then I think that's like,

1532
01:18:26,600 --> 01:18:30,080
Speaker 1: those are really good ways to kind of start healing.

1533
01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:31,880
Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing that.

1534
01:18:32,200 --> 01:18:35,520
Speaker 2: And I loved what you were saying about people discovering

1535
01:18:35,560 --> 01:18:39,280
Speaker 2: their own tools, discovering their own way, not feeling like

1536
01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:43,040
Speaker 2: there has to be a set formula, and even listening

1537
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:46,080
Speaker 2: to this conversation. And I do think I've been encouraging

1538
01:18:46,120 --> 01:18:47,400
Speaker 2: a lot of my friends to reach out to other

1539
01:18:47,400 --> 01:18:50,800
Speaker 2: people who've gone through similar experiences, because not that your

1540
01:18:50,840 --> 01:18:57,080
Speaker 2: healing will look the same, but that it feels necessary

1541
01:18:57,200 --> 01:19:01,040
Speaker 2: to sit with other people who you feel see you here,

1542
01:19:01,160 --> 01:19:05,240
Speaker 2: you understand you. And my friend told me something beautiful

1543
01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:08,200
Speaker 2: about grief that I don't think i'll ever forget. They

1544
01:19:08,240 --> 01:19:12,080
Speaker 2: said to me that grief is like a stone, and

1545
01:19:12,720 --> 01:19:16,519
Speaker 2: you carry it in your pocket and you'll always notice it,

1546
01:19:16,640 --> 01:19:21,120
Speaker 2: you'll feel it, you know it's there. But as time

1547
01:19:21,200 --> 01:19:25,160
Speaker 2: goes on, you get stronger, and so as you get stronger,

1548
01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:27,320
Speaker 2: it's not that the stone goes away. It's just that

1549
01:19:27,360 --> 01:19:30,680
Speaker 2: it gets lighter, and so it's lighter to carry. But

1550
01:19:30,760 --> 01:19:33,000
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean it's going away. You didn't move on,

1551
01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:36,040
Speaker 2: you didn't have to get over it. It doesn't disappear

1552
01:19:36,120 --> 01:19:38,680
Speaker 2: or it doesn't get smaller, it stays the same. You

1553
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:42,280
Speaker 2: just get stronger, so the stone gets lighter. And I

1554
01:19:42,360 --> 01:19:48,080
Speaker 2: really appreciated that idea around grief because it sat true

1555
01:19:48,080 --> 01:19:50,240
Speaker 2: with me that it didn't have to go away.

1556
01:19:50,880 --> 01:19:52,200
Speaker 3: I didn't have to let go of it.

1557
01:19:52,479 --> 01:19:55,080
Speaker 2: I didn't have to forget about it, and that it

1558
01:19:55,120 --> 01:19:57,680
Speaker 2: would always be there. But just as I grow and

1559
01:19:57,680 --> 01:20:00,439
Speaker 2: as I strengthen and as I become more resilient, it

1560
01:20:00,479 --> 01:20:04,120
Speaker 2: becomes lighter and doesn't weigh on me in the same

1561
01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:07,320
Speaker 2: way as the heavy feeling of grief can in the beginning. Yeah,

1562
01:20:07,960 --> 01:20:10,280
Speaker 2: and so yeah.

1563
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:10,280
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1564
01:20:10,600 --> 01:20:14,960
Speaker 2: I mean it sounds like you know, you shared with

1565
01:20:15,040 --> 01:20:18,280
Speaker 2: me before that there was something you wanted to share

1566
01:20:18,320 --> 01:20:22,679
Speaker 2: with our community here that you hadn't shared before. And

1567
01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:27,760
Speaker 2: when you mentioned it to me, there's something beautiful, you said,

1568
01:20:27,800 --> 01:20:30,240
Speaker 2: and it was this idea of how Tate has actually

1569
01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:33,000
Speaker 2: been with you through.

1570
01:20:35,160 --> 01:20:36,920
Speaker 3: Another loss in your life.

1571
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:41,519
Speaker 2: And that's a journey that you haven't shared before. Could

1572
01:20:41,520 --> 01:20:45,360
Speaker 2: you walk us through how Tate was your best friend through.

1573
01:20:45,200 --> 01:20:45,920
Speaker 3: That journey too.

1574
01:20:46,800 --> 01:20:53,240
Speaker 1: So about three years ago, I had a miscarriage and

1575
01:20:55,400 --> 01:21:03,200
Speaker 1: I've I've never spoken about it before except for obviously

1576
01:21:03,200 --> 01:21:07,559
Speaker 1: two people in my life. And you know, my family

1577
01:21:07,600 --> 01:21:12,519
Speaker 1: knows and my close friends know, and I've shared it

1578
01:21:12,560 --> 01:21:15,600
Speaker 1: with you know, some people, and I do think, you know,

1579
01:21:15,720 --> 01:21:18,479
Speaker 1: talking about it is an important thing, but you know,

1580
01:21:18,479 --> 01:21:20,760
Speaker 1: I've never publicly spoken about it or said that I

1581
01:21:20,800 --> 01:21:25,080
Speaker 1: went through that. And you know, I kind of made

1582
01:21:25,120 --> 01:21:29,080
Speaker 1: the decision that I since I'm you know, talking about Tate,

1583
01:21:29,120 --> 01:21:32,880
Speaker 1: and I'm you know, starting this business based off of

1584
01:21:33,840 --> 01:21:36,360
Speaker 1: the love that we have for each other and how

1585
01:21:36,360 --> 01:21:38,880
Speaker 1: I want to be there for people. He was there

1586
01:21:38,920 --> 01:21:41,640
Speaker 1: for me in so many ways, and how can I,

1587
01:21:41,680 --> 01:21:44,880
Speaker 1: you know, share that without sharing something that I went

1588
01:21:44,920 --> 01:21:47,320
Speaker 1: through that he was there for me for and in

1589
01:21:47,560 --> 01:21:52,519
Speaker 1: grieving his loss, I'm grieving the shared experiences we've had

1590
01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:56,679
Speaker 1: and learning how to cope cope with something without him

1591
01:21:56,800 --> 01:21:59,600
Speaker 1: when he was there for me through that time in

1592
01:21:59,640 --> 01:22:05,440
Speaker 1: my life. I had. It was a really strange circumstance

1593
01:22:05,520 --> 01:22:11,120
Speaker 1: under which I had my miscarriage. I had an IUD.

1594
01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:14,160
Speaker 1: I had it for about three years, so I obviously,

1595
01:22:14,240 --> 01:22:16,960
Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant. I

1596
01:22:17,000 --> 01:22:19,200
Speaker 1: didn't want to get pregnant at all. I was you know,

1597
01:22:19,280 --> 01:22:25,160
Speaker 1: engaged to my husband, and you know, we were not

1598
01:22:25,320 --> 01:22:27,880
Speaker 1: planning on starting a family probably for you know, for

1599
01:22:27,920 --> 01:22:30,599
Speaker 1: a while. So I wasn't in the headspace at all

1600
01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:36,280
Speaker 1: to to be pregnant. And you know, I'm not really

1601
01:22:36,280 --> 01:22:40,000
Speaker 1: sure how it happens, because I don't I don't know

1602
01:22:40,000 --> 01:22:42,760
Speaker 1: how that works. I'm not a doctor, and I I

1603
01:22:42,760 --> 01:22:45,479
Speaker 1: didn't understand it, and sometimes I still don't under understand it,

1604
01:22:45,960 --> 01:22:49,439
Speaker 1: because you know, I'm pretty sure I could be wrong

1605
01:22:49,439 --> 01:22:51,400
Speaker 1: on this. I probably should have looked it up before

1606
01:22:51,560 --> 01:22:54,000
Speaker 1: I came in here so I could say exactly. But

1607
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:58,479
Speaker 1: it's a really small percentage, like a small chance of

1608
01:22:58,680 --> 01:23:01,080
Speaker 1: getting pregnant on an IUD. It's like less than one

1609
01:23:01,120 --> 01:23:03,280
Speaker 1: percent or something like that, which is still you know,

1610
01:23:03,439 --> 01:23:05,439
Speaker 1: still a chance, like it can still happen, of course,

1611
01:23:05,520 --> 01:23:09,000
Speaker 1: but you it's some crazy things happened to someone in there.

1612
01:23:09,160 --> 01:23:12,640
Speaker 1: It's like that'll never happen to me. It happened to me.

1613
01:23:12,720 --> 01:23:17,639
Speaker 1: I got pregnant on an IUD, and I was shocked

1614
01:23:18,240 --> 01:23:21,120
Speaker 1: and I was sad. I didn't want to be pregnant.

1615
01:23:21,160 --> 01:23:24,040
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready to be pregnant. I didn't understand what

1616
01:23:24,120 --> 01:23:26,519
Speaker 1: it meant to be pregnant with an IUD. I didn't

1617
01:23:26,520 --> 01:23:29,280
Speaker 1: know what that meant. I didn't know what my journey

1618
01:23:29,280 --> 01:23:31,479
Speaker 1: with this pregnancy would look like. I was so scared.

1619
01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:38,160
Speaker 1: I was terrified. And also it was still during COVID,

1620
01:23:38,360 --> 01:23:41,960
Speaker 1: so my husband was in he wasn't able to be

1621
01:23:42,000 --> 01:23:45,200
Speaker 1: with me. He was in London and he was you know,

1622
01:23:45,280 --> 01:23:47,519
Speaker 1: kind of not allowed to travel into the US. So

1623
01:23:48,280 --> 01:23:51,439
Speaker 1: I I've found he was with me in the beginning

1624
01:23:51,479 --> 01:23:54,640
Speaker 1: of COVID, in the pandemic, but because he's British, you know,

1625
01:23:54,840 --> 01:23:58,360
Speaker 1: he was on an ESTA and they were getting people

1626
01:23:58,960 --> 01:24:01,920
Speaker 1: out on tourists visas, so his exception to fly out

1627
01:24:02,040 --> 01:24:04,720
Speaker 1: was so he didn't overstay his ESTA, because that's the

1628
01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:06,680
Speaker 1: last thing we wanted. We were, you know, planning on

1629
01:24:06,680 --> 01:24:09,920
Speaker 1: getting married, like we can't get marks on, you know,

1630
01:24:09,960 --> 01:24:13,000
Speaker 1: all that stuff. So he left the country because he

1631
01:24:13,080 --> 01:24:17,040
Speaker 1: had to, and so then we were separated and we

1632
01:24:17,040 --> 01:24:19,519
Speaker 1: were no longer able to be together. Probably I don't

1633
01:24:19,560 --> 01:24:22,559
Speaker 1: think I saw him for maybe another couple of months

1634
01:24:22,560 --> 01:24:27,800
Speaker 1: after that. So he he wasn't with me when I

1635
01:24:27,840 --> 01:24:31,559
Speaker 1: found out I was pregnant, and that was really hard

1636
01:24:31,560 --> 01:24:34,200
Speaker 1: for both of us because all you want to do

1637
01:24:34,800 --> 01:24:38,439
Speaker 1: when you're going through something like that, as shocking and

1638
01:24:38,560 --> 01:24:40,479
Speaker 1: unexpected as it was for the both of us, is

1639
01:24:40,520 --> 01:24:42,600
Speaker 1: to be there with each other. You know, I know

1640
01:24:42,680 --> 01:24:46,080
Speaker 1: he wanted more than anything in the world to hold

1641
01:24:46,120 --> 01:24:47,840
Speaker 1: my hand, like tell me it's going to be okay,

1642
01:24:48,040 --> 01:24:51,160
Speaker 1: Like hold me, and you know that's all I wanted

1643
01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:55,960
Speaker 1: to and I couldn't be with him. And Tate was

1644
01:24:55,960 --> 01:24:58,880
Speaker 1: with me though, you know he was. We were together,

1645
01:24:59,000 --> 01:25:02,479
Speaker 1: and I'm so great that I had him physically to

1646
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:05,439
Speaker 1: be there with me physically. You know, my husband was

1647
01:25:05,439 --> 01:25:08,600
Speaker 1: there for me in every way that he possibly could be,

1648
01:25:09,080 --> 01:25:14,560
Speaker 1: but I had the physical connection that that holding, that comforting,

1649
01:25:14,600 --> 01:25:16,240
Speaker 1: you know, that's something that you need in that space.

1650
01:25:16,280 --> 01:25:19,000
Speaker 1: I it was breaking both of our hearts that we

1651
01:25:19,040 --> 01:25:21,519
Speaker 1: didn't have that you know, couldn't do that, and I

1652
01:25:21,560 --> 01:25:24,680
Speaker 1: think it both gave us like comfort knowing that I

1653
01:25:24,680 --> 01:25:27,559
Speaker 1: had take with me for that. You know, I had

1654
01:25:27,560 --> 01:25:30,840
Speaker 1: to go to my doctor's appointments alone. I you know,

1655
01:25:31,520 --> 01:25:34,120
Speaker 1: went in to make sure that I didn't have and

1656
01:25:34,200 --> 01:25:38,639
Speaker 1: what's called an ectopic pregnancy, which is when the embryo

1657
01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:43,200
Speaker 1: attaches itself in the fillipian tube. My pregnancy was in

1658
01:25:43,240 --> 01:25:46,160
Speaker 1: my uterus, so it was viable, it was technically healthy,

1659
01:25:46,320 --> 01:25:50,360
Speaker 1: but the circumstances in the environment on which I got

1660
01:25:50,680 --> 01:25:55,040
Speaker 1: which I conceived was a bit of a turbulent environment.

1661
01:25:55,320 --> 01:25:57,760
Speaker 1: So you know, my doctor said, we don't really know

1662
01:25:57,800 --> 01:25:59,680
Speaker 1: what's going to happen here, because you know, you can

1663
01:25:59,720 --> 01:26:03,160
Speaker 1: see in an environment where your body is telling you

1664
01:26:03,160 --> 01:26:05,760
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be pregnant because of the IUD, because of

1665
01:26:05,800 --> 01:26:09,439
Speaker 1: the hormones the idea is putting into your body. And

1666
01:26:10,040 --> 01:26:13,839
Speaker 1: also if we remove it, then you know we're changing

1667
01:26:13,880 --> 01:26:17,080
Speaker 1: again the environment on which you conceived. So you know,

1668
01:26:17,640 --> 01:26:21,920
Speaker 1: it's we don't know fifty to fifty of whether or

1669
01:26:21,960 --> 01:26:28,600
Speaker 1: not you're gonna you know, carry this out. So it

1670
01:26:28,680 --> 01:26:30,519
Speaker 1: was really just a waiting game to see if it

1671
01:26:30,560 --> 01:26:34,120
Speaker 1: would stick or not. And I was given a couple

1672
01:26:34,120 --> 01:26:38,280
Speaker 1: of markers of you know, come back at about six

1673
01:26:38,320 --> 01:26:42,120
Speaker 1: and a half weeks and we can do internal ultrasound

1674
01:26:42,200 --> 01:26:44,920
Speaker 1: and you know, check everything out and see how it's going.

1675
01:26:45,439 --> 01:26:47,800
Speaker 1: So you know, I'm I'm waiting another week or so.

1676
01:26:47,840 --> 01:26:51,200
Speaker 1: I go back in they do the internal ultrasound or

1677
01:26:51,680 --> 01:26:56,760
Speaker 1: able to like hear a heartbeat, and you know, at

1678
01:26:56,760 --> 01:26:59,640
Speaker 1: this point, I'm like, oh my gosh, like what is

1679
01:26:59,640 --> 01:27:01,800
Speaker 1: happening to me? This is so crazy. I'm going through

1680
01:27:01,800 --> 01:27:05,439
Speaker 1: all these things. I have a photo, I have the

1681
01:27:06,000 --> 01:27:08,760
Speaker 1: picture you know of the ultrasound, like that's so great.

1682
01:27:08,880 --> 01:27:10,599
Speaker 1: It was like this big you know what I mean.

1683
01:27:11,160 --> 01:27:16,240
Speaker 1: And so I'm at a place in my life where okay,

1684
01:27:16,240 --> 01:27:18,559
Speaker 1: maybe I wasn't planning to get pregnant, and I wasn't

1685
01:27:19,240 --> 01:27:22,360
Speaker 1: I wasn't ultimately excited about it. At first. I was scared,

1686
01:27:22,520 --> 01:27:27,320
Speaker 1: not excited. I was shocked, I was confused, I was

1687
01:27:27,400 --> 01:27:31,800
Speaker 1: feeling fear. I wasn't feeling joy. But at the same time,

1688
01:27:31,880 --> 01:27:34,120
Speaker 1: I'm going to marry this person. I'm in love with

1689
01:27:34,160 --> 01:27:36,519
Speaker 1: this person. I want to have a family with this person.

1690
01:27:37,120 --> 01:27:43,639
Speaker 1: I'm twenty was I twenty five or was I twenty four?

1691
01:27:43,760 --> 01:27:46,599
Speaker 1: I think I was twenty five. I'm twenty five. That's

1692
01:27:46,640 --> 01:27:50,240
Speaker 1: still young. But you know it's I feel somewhat ready

1693
01:27:50,280 --> 01:27:52,680
Speaker 1: if I was to have a child. Okay, So I'm

1694
01:27:52,680 --> 01:27:54,640
Speaker 1: going to start getting in the headspace now of I

1695
01:27:54,640 --> 01:27:57,719
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna if this pregnancy sticks around, like I'm

1696
01:27:57,920 --> 01:28:01,160
Speaker 1: gonna have a child, Okay, Oh gosh. So it's like

1697
01:28:01,160 --> 01:28:04,400
Speaker 1: I'm coming to so many different so many terms of

1698
01:28:04,479 --> 01:28:07,800
Speaker 1: acceptance here where I'm just like, okay, but I can't

1699
01:28:07,800 --> 01:28:09,840
Speaker 1: get too excited because we don't know what's going to happen.

1700
01:28:09,880 --> 01:28:12,000
Speaker 1: I have to pass all of these milestones to make

1701
01:28:12,040 --> 01:28:13,719
Speaker 1: sure if this is going to be a healthy pregnancy

1702
01:28:13,800 --> 01:28:18,439
Speaker 1: or not. So I get to about roughly nine weeks,

1703
01:28:18,600 --> 01:28:21,639
Speaker 1: and you know, she's like, okay, well we're getting closer.

1704
01:28:22,080 --> 01:28:25,040
Speaker 1: You know, she's optimistic that this could be happening. You know,

1705
01:28:25,240 --> 01:28:29,080
Speaker 1: usually it's about twelve to fourteen weeks when you start

1706
01:28:29,120 --> 01:28:34,040
Speaker 1: telling people. So I'm like, oh my god, it's getting closer,

1707
01:28:34,120 --> 01:28:38,559
Speaker 1: like maybe this is going to happen. And I'm starting

1708
01:28:38,600 --> 01:28:42,559
Speaker 1: to accept that this is going to happen. It's still

1709
01:28:42,600 --> 01:28:45,200
Speaker 1: really early though, so of course not too excited. I'm

1710
01:28:45,240 --> 01:28:50,160
Speaker 1: not at that that check mark yet. And then I

1711
01:28:50,320 --> 01:28:56,920
Speaker 1: start spotting, but it was it was like it wasn't

1712
01:28:56,920 --> 01:28:59,240
Speaker 1: bright red, it wasn't blood yet. And so then the

1713
01:28:59,240 --> 01:29:01,360
Speaker 1: doctor was like, well that it's normal. Sometimes that happens,

1714
01:29:01,360 --> 01:29:04,240
Speaker 1: you know, there's spotting with pregnancy. It's just your body adjusting.

1715
01:29:04,320 --> 01:29:07,840
Speaker 1: So oh, we'll just keep an eye on it. In

1716
01:29:07,920 --> 01:29:11,840
Speaker 1: about a week goes by, and and then I start

1717
01:29:11,880 --> 01:29:16,559
Speaker 1: seeing what looks like fresh blood and that's this, you know,

1718
01:29:16,600 --> 01:29:18,200
Speaker 1: that's what she told me to look out for. And

1719
01:29:18,240 --> 01:29:21,760
Speaker 1: that's like kind of the early signs and of what

1720
01:29:22,040 --> 01:29:25,960
Speaker 1: ultimately will be a miscarriage, so that starts happening, and

1721
01:29:26,000 --> 01:29:31,200
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm alone in my house, and you know,

1722
01:29:31,439 --> 01:29:34,519
Speaker 1: at least I have tate with me, and I call

1723
01:29:34,600 --> 01:29:38,160
Speaker 1: my husband and you know, I'm just devastated because I

1724
01:29:38,200 --> 01:29:40,000
Speaker 1: know that this is about to happen to me. And

1725
01:29:40,080 --> 01:29:43,640
Speaker 1: we're both crying and he's I could just tell he

1726
01:29:43,920 --> 01:29:52,360
Speaker 1: was so heartbroken that he couldn't be there. I think

1727
01:29:52,400 --> 01:29:55,400
Speaker 1: that was really painful for him too, you know, for

1728
01:29:55,479 --> 01:29:59,000
Speaker 1: both of us. And I've never spoken about it either,

1729
01:29:59,120 --> 01:30:02,120
Speaker 1: so like to the sixth done, so I I have

1730
01:30:02,280 --> 01:30:05,240
Speaker 1: with my family. So this is also new for me

1731
01:30:05,320 --> 01:30:12,759
Speaker 1: to do this. It's like reprocessing again. I'm going through

1732
01:30:14,080 --> 01:30:19,840
Speaker 1: the physical reaction of having the miscarriage. And it takes

1733
01:30:19,840 --> 01:30:21,960
Speaker 1: some time, like you know, what's happening. While it's happening,

1734
01:30:21,960 --> 01:30:23,760
Speaker 1: it doesn't just like happen and then it's done like

1735
01:30:23,760 --> 01:30:27,080
Speaker 1: it's It takes a long time. It can be painful.

1736
01:30:27,760 --> 01:30:31,759
Speaker 1: It feels like a period cramps, but like your worst

1737
01:30:31,800 --> 01:30:36,919
Speaker 1: period cramps you've ever had, and you know, ultimately it passes.

1738
01:30:36,960 --> 01:30:39,640
Speaker 1: And I have to make all these doctors, doctor's appointments.

1739
01:30:39,720 --> 01:30:44,200
Speaker 1: I I have to, you know, make sure everything's Okay,

1740
01:30:44,280 --> 01:30:48,000
Speaker 1: make sure I'm healthy and all that. So, you know,

1741
01:30:48,200 --> 01:30:50,920
Speaker 1: right after dealing with with this loss, you have to

1742
01:30:50,960 --> 01:30:54,360
Speaker 1: click into this motive I have to do all these things,

1743
01:30:54,400 --> 01:30:56,040
Speaker 1: and I have to make sure I do this, and

1744
01:30:56,160 --> 01:30:58,559
Speaker 1: I do that, and logistics of getting to the doctor

1745
01:30:58,640 --> 01:31:02,160
Speaker 1: and like making sure and checking and making sure it

1746
01:31:02,200 --> 01:31:06,600
Speaker 1: was clean and everything that needed to pass past. So

1747
01:31:08,240 --> 01:31:11,040
Speaker 1: you know, I kind of went into take care of

1748
01:31:11,040 --> 01:31:19,799
Speaker 1: it mode, and I just remember feeling so confused because

1749
01:31:22,160 --> 01:31:24,880
Speaker 1: it was really just like a rollercoaster of emotion of

1750
01:31:26,160 --> 01:31:29,360
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't even know. I didn't even want this.

1751
01:31:29,760 --> 01:31:34,599
Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't planning on having a child.

1752
01:31:34,680 --> 01:31:38,200
Speaker 1: I was doing to the best of my ability. You know,

1753
01:31:38,240 --> 01:31:40,559
Speaker 1: the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control,

1754
01:31:40,600 --> 01:31:44,000
Speaker 1: one of the most efficient forms of birth control, and

1755
01:31:44,520 --> 01:31:49,880
Speaker 1: you know, I I was very confused. I was like,

1756
01:31:49,920 --> 01:31:53,519
Speaker 1: why is this happening? This is so wild. I can't believe.

1757
01:31:54,200 --> 01:31:59,040
Speaker 1: I can't believe this. I didn't I didn't want to

1758
01:31:59,680 --> 01:32:05,280
Speaker 1: miss be pregnant. And then okay, I make past a

1759
01:32:05,280 --> 01:32:07,600
Speaker 1: couple of checkpoints and I'm starting to feel a little like,

1760
01:32:07,640 --> 01:32:09,519
Speaker 1: oh gosh, it's going to happen. I'm starting to process

1761
01:32:09,560 --> 01:32:14,120
Speaker 1: emotions of coming to terms with this, like you do

1762
01:32:14,160 --> 01:32:17,280
Speaker 1: get excited. I wasn't allowing myself to get fully excited

1763
01:32:17,400 --> 01:32:19,559
Speaker 1: or to like be too optimistic about it. I tried

1764
01:32:19,560 --> 01:32:21,639
Speaker 1: to stay as neutral as I possibly could, but it's

1765
01:32:21,960 --> 01:32:25,040
Speaker 1: it's difficult. You know, you can't you can't control some

1766
01:32:25,120 --> 01:32:27,080
Speaker 1: of these things. I mean, this is what I'm feeling.

1767
01:32:27,160 --> 01:32:30,599
Speaker 1: So you know, I was like, Okay, well, oh my gosh,

1768
01:32:30,680 --> 01:32:33,400
Speaker 1: like is this happening? Like whoa? So then there's a

1769
01:32:33,439 --> 01:32:36,679
Speaker 1: little bit of excitement, and then you know, some joy

1770
01:32:36,720 --> 01:32:42,400
Speaker 1: because like I want a family, I'm excited to have children,

1771
01:32:42,120 --> 01:32:45,360
Speaker 1: and then I lose the pregnancy. You know, it was

1772
01:32:45,400 --> 01:32:50,000
Speaker 1: early still like when I lost it, so I wasn't

1773
01:32:50,080 --> 01:32:54,040
Speaker 1: luckily fully in the headspace of, oh my god, this

1774
01:32:54,120 --> 01:32:58,160
Speaker 1: is one hundred percent happening. So in terms of the timeline,

1775
01:32:58,200 --> 01:33:00,800
Speaker 1: I am really grateful that I hadn't come to terms

1776
01:33:00,800 --> 01:33:03,719
Speaker 1: with it yet. But I was still really confused because

1777
01:33:03,760 --> 01:33:07,160
Speaker 1: I was like whoa, processing this emotion of feeling like

1778
01:33:08,040 --> 01:33:10,360
Speaker 1: I don't even want this to maybe this is happening,

1779
01:33:10,400 --> 01:33:14,679
Speaker 1: and feeling some excitement and maybe some joy and then lost.

1780
01:33:14,760 --> 01:33:18,719
Speaker 1: It was so strange and it was just all the things.

1781
01:33:18,920 --> 01:33:21,680
Speaker 1: You know, It was really just two things can be

1782
01:33:21,720 --> 01:33:24,960
Speaker 1: true at once. Kind of a thing where you feel

1783
01:33:24,960 --> 01:33:31,960
Speaker 1: these emotions that are one is honestly even with some

1784
01:33:32,080 --> 01:33:37,160
Speaker 1: time and some space now and some perspective relief. Wow,

1785
01:33:37,200 --> 01:33:40,240
Speaker 1: the timing wasn't right. You know, everything happens for a reason.

1786
01:33:40,520 --> 01:33:43,400
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready to be a mother, I wasn't ready

1787
01:33:43,400 --> 01:33:48,800
Speaker 1: to have a child. I'm absolutely devastated. I'm not a

1788
01:33:48,840 --> 01:33:51,400
Speaker 1: mother and I don't have a child. Well, that makes

1789
01:33:51,439 --> 01:33:53,280
Speaker 1: no sense. How can you feel both of those things?

1790
01:33:53,360 --> 01:33:55,720
Speaker 1: I don't know. They both sit once it's on this

1791
01:33:55,800 --> 01:33:57,320
Speaker 1: set of my brain and once it's on this side

1792
01:33:57,320 --> 01:33:59,400
Speaker 1: of the brain, and they fight with each other. And

1793
01:33:59,439 --> 01:34:02,040
Speaker 1: I don't And it took me a really long time

1794
01:34:02,080 --> 01:34:05,840
Speaker 1: to understand how to deal with that. I don't know

1795
01:34:05,960 --> 01:34:08,720
Speaker 1: how to talk about this. How do I make this

1796
01:34:08,800 --> 01:34:15,200
Speaker 1: make sense? And I think in terms of you know, miscarriages,

1797
01:34:15,240 --> 01:34:18,160
Speaker 1: sometimes they don't make sense, not it doesn't make any sense.

1798
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:20,439
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of women go through that.

1799
01:34:20,520 --> 01:34:24,000
Speaker 1: I think it's something like one in three women experience miscarriage,

1800
01:34:24,320 --> 01:34:30,040
Speaker 1: so and some women multiple and some women who've never

1801
01:34:30,360 --> 01:34:33,479
Speaker 1: had one, like myself. You know, when I first got pregnant.

1802
01:34:33,479 --> 01:34:37,200
Speaker 1: It's like this, you have this sort of you don't

1803
01:34:37,240 --> 01:34:40,200
Speaker 1: know that that's a possibility, right, So it's it's like, oh,

1804
01:34:40,520 --> 01:34:42,519
Speaker 1: it can be really exciting. And I think a lot

1805
01:34:42,520 --> 01:34:44,320
Speaker 1: of women when they get pregnant for the first time

1806
01:34:44,439 --> 01:34:48,960
Speaker 1: feel excited and optimistic and hopeful and oh my god,

1807
01:34:48,960 --> 01:34:50,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to have a child right away. So the

1808
01:34:50,920 --> 01:34:55,719
Speaker 1: blow of a miscarriage is so devastating. Wait a minute,

1809
01:34:55,720 --> 01:34:59,679
Speaker 1: what I didn't what happened? I thought I was having

1810
01:34:59,680 --> 01:35:03,080
Speaker 1: a try Everyone has a baby. How do people have babies?

1811
01:35:03,200 --> 01:35:07,280
Speaker 1: Like this is crazy? How is this happening? To be

1812
01:35:07,400 --> 01:35:10,519
Speaker 1: pregnant is such a complicated thing. It's so wild, the

1813
01:35:10,520 --> 01:35:13,720
Speaker 1: fact that we can even get pregnant, you know. And

1814
01:35:14,200 --> 01:35:19,240
Speaker 1: I think it really helped me feel less alone, knowing

1815
01:35:19,280 --> 01:35:22,040
Speaker 1: that it was something that was quite common and that

1816
01:35:22,120 --> 01:35:27,040
Speaker 1: a lot of women do go through it, and it

1817
01:35:27,200 --> 01:35:32,679
Speaker 1: just it. But then you know something that I felt

1818
01:35:33,200 --> 01:35:35,280
Speaker 1: that was difficult to hear in the very beginning that

1819
01:35:35,400 --> 01:35:39,200
Speaker 1: being said, when I did very first lose my pregnancy,

1820
01:35:39,240 --> 01:35:42,120
Speaker 1: it was like, well, you know, don't worry, this happens

1821
01:35:42,160 --> 01:35:44,160
Speaker 1: to a lot of people. You're not alone. It was like,

1822
01:35:45,040 --> 01:35:47,000
Speaker 1: I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to hear.

1823
01:35:47,120 --> 01:35:50,080
Speaker 1: This happens all the time, like you know, I was

1824
01:35:50,439 --> 01:35:53,200
Speaker 1: so upset. I was like, what do you mean? So

1825
01:35:53,520 --> 01:35:55,960
Speaker 1: I shouldn't feel upset that this happened to me, because

1826
01:35:56,000 --> 01:36:01,360
Speaker 1: it happens to a lot of people. So I'm trying. Sorry,

1827
01:36:01,360 --> 01:36:04,200
Speaker 1: I'm trying to articulate, and it's a very difficult thing

1828
01:36:04,320 --> 01:36:07,799
Speaker 1: to articulate, specifically because I think it is very intricate

1829
01:36:07,800 --> 01:36:11,800
Speaker 1: and it can be very difficult and complicated to speak

1830
01:36:11,840 --> 01:36:16,839
Speaker 1: about something like that. So because there's so many powerful,

1831
01:36:16,920 --> 01:36:20,320
Speaker 1: really you know, strong emotions that are happening in your

1832
01:36:20,320 --> 01:36:25,200
Speaker 1: physical body and in your emotional self as well. So

1833
01:36:25,439 --> 01:36:28,000
Speaker 1: I was always torn with they're trying to help me

1834
01:36:28,080 --> 01:36:30,559
Speaker 1: by saying this, but it didn't help me to hear that.

1835
01:36:31,160 --> 01:36:33,640
Speaker 1: So if I'm saying that now three years later, I

1836
01:36:33,680 --> 01:36:36,800
Speaker 1: do have perspective and it did eventually become helpful to

1837
01:36:36,840 --> 01:36:41,240
Speaker 1: hear I'm not alone. One in three women have miscarriages.

1838
01:36:41,280 --> 01:36:44,840
Speaker 1: This happens to people. It's going to be okay. If

1839
01:36:44,880 --> 01:36:49,240
Speaker 1: someone's listening and they're not ready to hear that, I

1840
01:36:49,360 --> 01:36:54,320
Speaker 1: feel that I've been there, like, no, this sucks. It

1841
01:36:54,560 --> 01:36:56,880
Speaker 1: sucks that one in three women go through it. It

1842
01:36:57,080 --> 01:36:58,760
Speaker 1: sucks that it's something that we have to deal with.

1843
01:36:58,800 --> 01:37:01,680
Speaker 1: Sometimes you need to hear that, you know. So I've

1844
01:37:02,120 --> 01:37:04,000
Speaker 1: been in a place and I've been in positions where

1845
01:37:04,040 --> 01:37:07,520
Speaker 1: I needed to feel both like I'm mad, I'm confused,

1846
01:37:07,560 --> 01:37:09,559
Speaker 1: why is this happening to me? Why is my body

1847
01:37:09,600 --> 01:37:14,120
Speaker 1: doing this? I felt a sense of failure. I felt

1848
01:37:14,120 --> 01:37:17,760
Speaker 1: a sense of betrayal of my own body, of my

1849
01:37:17,800 --> 01:37:21,200
Speaker 1: own self. I felt like and I wanted to feel

1850
01:37:21,240 --> 01:37:23,200
Speaker 1: those things. I didn't want to hear, Well, it happens

1851
01:37:23,240 --> 01:37:27,080
Speaker 1: to one in three women. I'm like, I'm mad at myself.

1852
01:37:27,280 --> 01:37:29,240
Speaker 1: Like it's okay, It's okay to be mad at yourself.

1853
01:37:29,240 --> 01:37:32,000
Speaker 1: You don't have to get over it right away and

1854
01:37:32,200 --> 01:37:34,439
Speaker 1: accept that it happens to one in three women. So

1855
01:37:36,200 --> 01:37:39,479
Speaker 1: wherever you're at in you know your journey of dealing

1856
01:37:39,479 --> 01:37:45,599
Speaker 1: with these emotions and processing. You know, I've felt those things.

1857
01:37:45,600 --> 01:37:49,720
Speaker 1: I've been angry, I've felt confused, I felt relief, I

1858
01:37:49,840 --> 01:37:54,000
Speaker 1: felt pain, and none of it made any sense. I

1859
01:37:54,040 --> 01:37:57,120
Speaker 1: was like, what how do I how do I deal

1860
01:37:57,160 --> 01:38:00,519
Speaker 1: with this? And again, you know, it's it goes back

1861
01:38:00,560 --> 01:38:02,800
Speaker 1: to sort of something similar and when I lost Tate,

1862
01:38:02,880 --> 01:38:06,559
Speaker 1: I just sort of started talking to people. I spoke

1863
01:38:06,600 --> 01:38:08,439
Speaker 1: to one of my best friends in the whole world,

1864
01:38:08,479 --> 01:38:13,240
Speaker 1: and I with the day it happened, I just sobbed

1865
01:38:13,320 --> 01:38:19,280
Speaker 1: to her and she held me, you know, and you

1866
01:38:19,320 --> 01:38:22,559
Speaker 1: know she experienced this loss as well, not shortly after me.

1867
01:38:23,439 --> 01:38:28,960
Speaker 1: And I think that when I knew she was going

1868
01:38:28,960 --> 01:38:32,519
Speaker 1: through what I had been through, and she held me

1869
01:38:32,600 --> 01:38:35,240
Speaker 1: and I held her and we were talking about it

1870
01:38:35,280 --> 01:38:37,720
Speaker 1: with each other. I think that's when I got to

1871
01:38:37,760 --> 01:38:41,360
Speaker 1: a place when I was starting ready to hear this

1872
01:38:41,439 --> 01:38:43,920
Speaker 1: happens to one in three women, and then I wanted

1873
01:38:43,920 --> 01:38:46,839
Speaker 1: to learn about it more and understand the technical reasons

1874
01:38:46,880 --> 01:38:49,839
Speaker 1: why this happens. And you know, it's not my fault.

1875
01:38:50,680 --> 01:38:53,960
Speaker 1: My body didn't fail me. You know, it wasn't a

1876
01:38:54,000 --> 01:38:57,880
Speaker 1: viable pregnancy, it wasn't healthy, it wasn't meant to happen.

1877
01:38:58,360 --> 01:39:02,320
Speaker 1: I don't I'll never really know why it happened. It

1878
01:39:02,360 --> 01:39:05,000
Speaker 1: could be a multitude of things. I got priden on

1879
01:39:05,040 --> 01:39:08,599
Speaker 1: an iud you know, that's probably number one reason why

1880
01:39:08,600 --> 01:39:12,040
Speaker 1: I didn't come come to fruition. So you know, I

1881
01:39:12,120 --> 01:39:15,280
Speaker 1: did have some things to ground me in my grief

1882
01:39:15,320 --> 01:39:18,240
Speaker 1: of Okay, well, this happened because of this reason. Some

1883
01:39:18,360 --> 01:39:21,679
Speaker 1: women don't get that answer, and they don't know why,

1884
01:39:21,800 --> 01:39:24,800
Speaker 1: and maybe it happens them a lot later in their pregnancies.

1885
01:39:24,840 --> 01:39:27,680
Speaker 1: And there's so many different levels and variations of what

1886
01:39:27,720 --> 01:39:30,160
Speaker 1: it means to have a miscarriage, and so many different

1887
01:39:30,280 --> 01:39:33,559
Speaker 1: variables and versions of what a miscarriage looks like and

1888
01:39:33,640 --> 01:39:37,559
Speaker 1: what a miscarriage feels like. To those people, all I

1889
01:39:37,600 --> 01:39:41,960
Speaker 1: can say is my own personal experience and all the

1890
01:39:42,000 --> 01:39:44,920
Speaker 1: things I was feeling during that time, and know that,

1891
01:39:46,160 --> 01:39:51,920
Speaker 1: you know, three years later, I have so much more perspective,

1892
01:39:51,960 --> 01:39:56,720
Speaker 1: and I've given myself so much time to heal from that,

1893
01:39:57,520 --> 01:40:02,559
Speaker 1: and it no longer feels like an open, gaping wound.

1894
01:40:03,160 --> 01:40:08,559
Speaker 1: It feels like a scar. It's definitely still with me.

1895
01:40:08,760 --> 01:40:11,840
Speaker 1: There's a mark there. It happened to me. It's more

1896
01:40:11,840 --> 01:40:14,479
Speaker 1: of a you know, another mark on my spirit maybe,

1897
01:40:14,479 --> 01:40:21,680
Speaker 1: But I have perspective from it, I have healing from it.

1898
01:40:21,760 --> 01:40:24,080
Speaker 1: I really feel like I gave myself a lot of

1899
01:40:24,120 --> 01:40:28,960
Speaker 1: time to feel everything I know I needed to feel

1900
01:40:29,000 --> 01:40:32,719
Speaker 1: for myself. And I think it's important for other women

1901
01:40:32,760 --> 01:40:37,880
Speaker 1: to hear from others that it's something that we go through.

1902
01:40:39,160 --> 01:40:43,639
Speaker 1: And I didn't know if I would ever publicly talk

1903
01:40:43,680 --> 01:40:46,479
Speaker 1: about it. But you know, I lost Tate and I'm

1904
01:40:46,520 --> 01:40:48,920
Speaker 1: talking about grief and he was such a huge part

1905
01:40:49,040 --> 01:40:51,559
Speaker 1: of my journey and my life and he helped me

1906
01:40:51,600 --> 01:40:54,120
Speaker 1: deal with grief and he's been a huge part of

1907
01:40:54,160 --> 01:40:56,920
Speaker 1: you know, my mental health and being there for me.

1908
01:40:57,000 --> 01:40:59,639
Speaker 1: And I think there's something there with you know, having

1909
01:40:59,640 --> 01:41:02,840
Speaker 1: that can to an animal and mental health and what

1910
01:41:02,880 --> 01:41:05,479
Speaker 1: they can do for our mental health. I mean, there's

1911
01:41:05,880 --> 01:41:09,320
Speaker 1: therapy dogs for a reason and horse therapy, and there's

1912
01:41:09,320 --> 01:41:11,760
Speaker 1: a reason why people connect to animals so strongly, and

1913
01:41:11,800 --> 01:41:13,880
Speaker 1: there's something there and there's something that's healing and being

1914
01:41:13,920 --> 01:41:17,800
Speaker 1: around them, you know, and he was such a huge

1915
01:41:17,800 --> 01:41:20,920
Speaker 1: part of that healing, and in losing him, it did

1916
01:41:21,120 --> 01:41:24,719
Speaker 1: it did hurt me in that area that previous injury

1917
01:41:25,280 --> 01:41:28,080
Speaker 1: in my spirit that I had from the miscarriage. It

1918
01:41:28,200 --> 01:41:32,640
Speaker 1: was someone that was with me so closely and so

1919
01:41:32,720 --> 01:41:36,800
Speaker 1: deeply for something so difficult is no longer here. I

1920
01:41:36,800 --> 01:41:40,400
Speaker 1: can no longer hold him, and you know, feel comforted

1921
01:41:40,400 --> 01:41:43,600
Speaker 1: from the wave of emotions that maybe come back from

1922
01:41:44,360 --> 01:41:48,880
Speaker 1: having this, having the miscarriage, So you know, it's it's

1923
01:41:48,920 --> 01:41:53,080
Speaker 1: all connected, and you know, sometimes it can be painful

1924
01:41:53,200 --> 01:41:56,680
Speaker 1: and it can be hurtful and even though it's a

1925
01:41:57,439 --> 01:41:59,840
Speaker 1: it is a scar on me now and it's what

1926
01:42:00,080 --> 01:42:03,519
Speaker 1: I feel healed and I feel optimistic and I've I've

1927
01:42:03,560 --> 01:42:06,880
Speaker 1: grown a lot from it, and you know, do you

1928
01:42:06,920 --> 01:42:08,960
Speaker 1: feel like I've kind of come out on the other

1929
01:42:09,040 --> 01:42:12,599
Speaker 1: side of going through that. It's still a tender spot,

1930
01:42:12,600 --> 01:42:14,240
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like if it's poked,

1931
01:42:14,280 --> 01:42:17,120
Speaker 1: it kind of hurts. It's like, oh, that was that's

1932
01:42:17,200 --> 01:42:19,439
Speaker 1: from that, you know, you know, I can only I

1933
01:42:19,680 --> 01:42:21,599
Speaker 1: have never I've never broken a bone, crazy enough as

1934
01:42:21,640 --> 01:42:23,840
Speaker 1: it is, so I can imagine it's maybe similar to

1935
01:42:23,840 --> 01:42:25,759
Speaker 1: if you break a bone in your body, it's still

1936
01:42:26,160 --> 01:42:29,400
Speaker 1: hurts maybe later in life, and you feel aches and

1937
01:42:29,400 --> 01:42:31,760
Speaker 1: pains and all of these things. So it's it's an

1938
01:42:31,800 --> 01:42:34,800
Speaker 1: injury that I've feel like my spirit's endured and it's

1939
01:42:34,800 --> 01:42:38,639
Speaker 1: still there, but I've really worked through it and worked

1940
01:42:38,680 --> 01:42:41,920
Speaker 1: through healing, and I think there's a light at the

1941
01:42:42,040 --> 01:42:45,920
Speaker 1: end of the tunnel in terms of if you're going

1942
01:42:46,000 --> 01:42:50,719
Speaker 1: through through that. It takes time, and who knows. Maybe

1943
01:42:50,760 --> 01:42:53,000
Speaker 1: now I maybe I think I'm heeled, and I'm maybe

1944
01:42:53,040 --> 01:42:57,480
Speaker 1: fully not. I don't know. I feel confident and comfortable

1945
01:42:57,600 --> 01:42:59,960
Speaker 1: enough to speak about it, so maybe that's a layer

1946
01:43:00,160 --> 01:43:03,160
Speaker 1: and a step towards, like towards healing. Maybe we're never

1947
01:43:03,200 --> 01:43:07,280
Speaker 1: fully done healing and growing from things. I mean, we're

1948
01:43:07,360 --> 01:43:09,800
Speaker 1: never done growing. We grow forever, never and never until

1949
01:43:09,840 --> 01:43:12,720
Speaker 1: the day we die. So it might evolve and it

1950
01:43:12,760 --> 01:43:16,840
Speaker 1: might change going forward, and you know, it might continue

1951
01:43:16,880 --> 01:43:19,519
Speaker 1: and shift, and I can maybe look back on where

1952
01:43:19,520 --> 01:43:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm at today and think I still had some work

1953
01:43:22,160 --> 01:43:23,640
Speaker 1: to do and I wasn't aware of it yet. So

1954
01:43:24,520 --> 01:43:26,679
Speaker 1: you know, we'll kind of we'll see where it goes.

1955
01:43:26,720 --> 01:43:28,240
Speaker 1: But you know, kind of where I'm at now is

1956
01:43:28,360 --> 01:43:33,560
Speaker 1: this is the headspace that I'm in. I feel comfortable

1957
01:43:33,640 --> 01:43:36,679
Speaker 1: and you know, confident enough to sort of talk about

1958
01:43:36,720 --> 01:43:39,759
Speaker 1: it and talk about you know, what happened and share

1959
01:43:39,800 --> 01:43:43,920
Speaker 1: it and hope that others can maybe connect with it

1960
01:43:44,040 --> 01:43:49,760
Speaker 1: and feel not alone. I know it's it can feel isolating,

1961
01:43:49,840 --> 01:43:51,680
Speaker 1: especially if there's no one in your life that's been

1962
01:43:51,720 --> 01:43:53,280
Speaker 1: through it and you don't feel like you have somebody

1963
01:43:53,280 --> 01:43:57,040
Speaker 1: to connect to. So hopefully it just helps. And I

1964
01:43:57,040 --> 01:43:58,880
Speaker 1: feel like that's kind of why I wanted to share

1965
01:43:58,920 --> 01:44:01,960
Speaker 1: that was just because you know, the many layers of

1966
01:44:02,000 --> 01:44:05,720
Speaker 1: grief and in my loss, I've felt lost before, and

1967
01:44:05,760 --> 01:44:09,639
Speaker 1: I lost someone that went through me, through that loss

1968
01:44:09,680 --> 01:44:12,920
Speaker 1: with me, So I kind of just wanted to touch

1969
01:44:12,920 --> 01:44:15,080
Speaker 1: on both of those things just because I know they

1970
01:44:15,080 --> 01:44:17,679
Speaker 1: can be It's something that a lot of people go through,

1971
01:44:17,680 --> 01:44:20,320
Speaker 1: losing a pet, losing a loved one, and then obviously,

1972
01:44:20,680 --> 01:44:24,360
Speaker 1: you know, losing a pregnancy and going through a miscarriage.

1973
01:44:24,400 --> 01:44:28,800
Speaker 2: And so thank you for the courage and bravery to

1974
01:44:28,840 --> 01:44:31,439
Speaker 2: share that with us here today for the first time

1975
01:44:31,479 --> 01:44:36,479
Speaker 2: publicly beyond friends and family. And when I was listening

1976
01:44:36,520 --> 01:44:40,360
Speaker 2: to Taylor, I was just thinking, like, I appreciate just

1977
01:44:40,640 --> 01:44:44,559
Speaker 2: the level of complexity and layers that you're willing to

1978
01:44:44,960 --> 01:44:48,080
Speaker 2: kind of look at this from, whether it's personally, others, everyone.

1979
01:44:48,160 --> 01:44:50,240
Speaker 2: I mean, I was saying to you that I've had

1980
01:44:51,000 --> 01:44:55,040
Speaker 2: multiple friends in the last two to three years who've

1981
01:44:55,080 --> 01:45:00,840
Speaker 2: all experienced a miscarriage, and I to them and I'll

1982
01:45:00,840 --> 01:45:07,400
Speaker 2: hear from them, and I see so much just stress,

1983
01:45:07,439 --> 01:45:15,479
Speaker 2: overwhelmed pressure, self degradation, like you know, just negative self

1984
01:45:15,520 --> 01:45:17,960
Speaker 2: talk like there's it's it's it's one of the hardest

1985
01:45:18,000 --> 01:45:20,120
Speaker 2: things to go through. Even if everyone goes through as

1986
01:45:20,160 --> 01:45:23,160
Speaker 2: you say, not everyone, but so many people go through it,

1987
01:45:23,160 --> 01:45:26,080
Speaker 2: it doesn't make it any easier. And often actually, like

1988
01:45:26,120 --> 01:45:27,920
Speaker 2: you said, it makes you so lonely that you don't

1989
01:45:27,920 --> 01:45:31,479
Speaker 2: want to talk to anyone about it, and it's it's

1990
01:45:31,520 --> 01:45:34,080
Speaker 2: not comforting to know other people have gone through it.

1991
01:45:34,160 --> 01:45:37,200
Speaker 2: And I wonder, in that lonely phase, like what was

1992
01:45:37,280 --> 01:45:40,240
Speaker 2: it that did help you? And even when your friend

1993
01:45:40,280 --> 01:45:42,760
Speaker 2: went through it, what allowed you to be there for

1994
01:45:42,840 --> 01:45:45,559
Speaker 2: each other in a way that was comforting and helpful

1995
01:45:45,720 --> 01:45:49,920
Speaker 2: rather than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy.

1996
01:45:51,120 --> 01:45:55,320
Speaker 1: I needed to be alone. I need to like, I

1997
01:45:55,360 --> 01:46:00,680
Speaker 1: needed to feel it, I needed to in it. I

1998
01:46:00,680 --> 01:46:05,840
Speaker 1: didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want

1999
01:46:06,600 --> 01:46:09,599
Speaker 1: people want to be there for you. And that's really

2000
01:46:09,680 --> 01:46:12,360
Speaker 1: special and that's really helpful, but I didn't want people

2001
01:46:12,400 --> 01:46:16,120
Speaker 1: to be there for me yet. I wasn't ready for

2002
01:46:16,160 --> 01:46:18,439
Speaker 1: people to be like, oh, I'm so sorry, or you know,

2003
01:46:19,439 --> 01:46:21,519
Speaker 1: because people don't know what to say sometimes when it

2004
01:46:21,560 --> 01:46:25,200
Speaker 1: comes to grief or loss. Sometimes I don't know what

2005
01:46:25,240 --> 01:46:29,439
Speaker 1: to say either. I have no idea on how to

2006
01:46:29,479 --> 01:46:35,400
Speaker 1: react to some things, still having experienced my own version

2007
01:46:35,400 --> 01:46:42,240
Speaker 1: of grief. How do you be there for somebody? It's

2008
01:46:42,800 --> 01:46:45,960
Speaker 1: a difficult thing. I mean, I didn't know how I

2009
01:46:46,080 --> 01:46:49,479
Speaker 1: needed well, I didn't know what I needed from people.

2010
01:46:52,080 --> 01:46:55,000
Speaker 1: I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to

2011
01:46:55,000 --> 01:46:57,200
Speaker 1: be alone. I didn't want anyone to know because I

2012
01:46:57,240 --> 01:46:59,760
Speaker 1: didn't want people to talk to me about it or

2013
01:46:59,760 --> 01:47:01,760
Speaker 1: say things to me, because I just wasn't ready to

2014
01:47:01,800 --> 01:47:08,240
Speaker 1: hear it yet. And the way that I think I

2015
01:47:08,320 --> 01:47:12,160
Speaker 1: told people that were really really close to me. Really

2016
01:47:12,439 --> 01:47:15,920
Speaker 1: my husband obviously knew because it happened to him too,

2017
01:47:17,040 --> 01:47:21,640
Speaker 1: and my two best friends knew. And the way that

2018
01:47:21,720 --> 01:47:24,400
Speaker 1: I feel like they were there for me because they

2019
01:47:24,439 --> 01:47:29,559
Speaker 1: didn't know what to say. They didn't say anything. They

2020
01:47:29,560 --> 01:47:33,840
Speaker 1: were there for me physically. They held me, they let

2021
01:47:33,880 --> 01:47:37,720
Speaker 1: me cry. I just sat there and I cried and

2022
01:47:37,760 --> 01:47:41,040
Speaker 1: said nothing and they just held my hand and were

2023
01:47:41,080 --> 01:47:43,880
Speaker 1: like just sat there with me and like let me cry.

2024
01:47:44,400 --> 01:47:46,920
Speaker 1: They didn't ask me questions. They didn't ask me how

2025
01:47:46,960 --> 01:47:52,680
Speaker 1: I felt. They didn't ask they didn't say anything to me, like,

2026
01:47:53,760 --> 01:47:56,679
Speaker 1: they didn't say everything happens for a reason, don't worry,

2027
01:47:56,760 --> 01:47:59,040
Speaker 1: like you'll feel one day, da da da. They didn't

2028
01:47:59,080 --> 01:48:02,160
Speaker 1: go into that because they know me so well, they

2029
01:48:02,200 --> 01:48:05,639
Speaker 1: probably knew that I didn't want to hear that yet.

2030
01:48:05,960 --> 01:48:09,680
Speaker 1: They just were there and they listened when I was

2031
01:48:09,720 --> 01:48:13,200
Speaker 1: ready to talk. And then because I wasn't ready. They

2032
01:48:13,320 --> 01:48:16,880
Speaker 1: just let me emote and they just let me cry

2033
01:48:17,600 --> 01:48:23,240
Speaker 1: and they cried, and I could tell because I was hurt.

2034
01:48:23,400 --> 01:48:27,760
Speaker 1: They were hurt. You know. When I finally got to

2035
01:48:27,840 --> 01:48:30,880
Speaker 1: my husband and we were together, he just held me.

2036
01:48:31,479 --> 01:48:34,000
Speaker 1: We both cried and he just held me, and you know,

2037
01:48:34,120 --> 01:48:36,320
Speaker 1: I held him too, because I think that's another thing,

2038
01:48:36,439 --> 01:48:40,120
Speaker 1: is another layer on top of it is even though

2039
01:48:40,120 --> 01:48:43,479
Speaker 1: it physically happened to me and emotionally it was something

2040
01:48:43,479 --> 01:48:48,639
Speaker 1: that I experienced, it was it was an individual experience

2041
01:48:48,680 --> 01:48:51,519
Speaker 1: to myself. Emotionally, it's something that it's a loss that

2042
01:48:51,760 --> 01:48:54,880
Speaker 1: happened to him as well. He also thought potentially he

2043
01:48:54,880 --> 01:48:58,519
Speaker 1: would be having a child, So we were both grieving something.

2044
01:48:58,560 --> 01:49:02,000
Speaker 1: We were both grieving the loss of this. We were

2045
01:49:02,040 --> 01:49:05,639
Speaker 1: both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same

2046
01:49:05,680 --> 01:49:08,720
Speaker 1: time and then immediately guilty because we felt relief, and

2047
01:49:08,760 --> 01:49:13,280
Speaker 1: then immediately anger because we felt guilt. And you know

2048
01:49:13,280 --> 01:49:16,519
Speaker 1: what I mean, It's just it's relentless, these emotions. When

2049
01:49:16,520 --> 01:49:19,160
Speaker 1: it's fresh, you know, you feel literally every single one

2050
01:49:19,160 --> 01:49:21,760
Speaker 1: that's on the rainbow. Of all the colors we felt,

2051
01:49:21,960 --> 01:49:26,439
Speaker 1: we felt all of them. And I think when it

2052
01:49:26,520 --> 01:49:28,439
Speaker 1: was the very beginning I think for me, it was

2053
01:49:28,520 --> 01:49:33,080
Speaker 1: just holding the people holding me, you know, being in

2054
01:49:33,320 --> 01:49:35,880
Speaker 1: just being in the space with me. They didn't have

2055
01:49:35,920 --> 01:49:38,679
Speaker 1: to say anything if they didn't know what to say,

2056
01:49:38,880 --> 01:49:46,719
Speaker 1: you know, and when we did sort of start talking

2057
01:49:46,720 --> 01:49:52,920
Speaker 1: about it, we first started saying, this sucks. I can't

2058
01:49:52,920 --> 01:49:54,519
Speaker 1: believe this is happening.

2059
01:49:56,080 --> 01:49:56,320
Speaker 2: You know.

2060
01:49:56,400 --> 01:50:00,760
Speaker 1: It was if I was feeling angry, then they would

2061
01:50:00,800 --> 01:50:04,799
Speaker 1: be angry with me. If I was if I was sad,

2062
01:50:04,840 --> 01:50:08,799
Speaker 1: then they were sad with me. So it was amazing.

2063
01:50:08,840 --> 01:50:11,719
Speaker 1: They were amazing at being there for me in those ways.

2064
01:50:12,720 --> 01:50:16,280
Speaker 1: And you know, I think it is difficult to know

2065
01:50:16,840 --> 01:50:18,679
Speaker 1: what to say and how to be there for someone,

2066
01:50:18,800 --> 01:50:23,080
Speaker 1: but I think following them and how they're reacting is

2067
01:50:23,120 --> 01:50:26,120
Speaker 1: also really good. Like taking the cue from how they're

2068
01:50:26,200 --> 01:50:29,160
Speaker 1: responding is a good way to respond back to someone.

2069
01:50:30,320 --> 01:50:33,200
Speaker 1: And you know, checking in, you know, my friends that

2070
01:50:33,280 --> 01:50:36,479
Speaker 1: knew checked in with me, how are you feeling today?

2071
01:50:37,160 --> 01:50:38,439
Speaker 1: You know, And then if I didn't want to talk

2072
01:50:38,479 --> 01:50:40,200
Speaker 1: about they were like, okay, let me know when you

2073
01:50:40,240 --> 01:50:45,439
Speaker 1: are ready, you know, so just you know, they were

2074
01:50:45,520 --> 01:50:48,280
Speaker 1: checking in, you know, making sure. And then you know,

2075
01:50:49,400 --> 01:50:53,960
Speaker 1: my best friend, she who she experienced us as well.

2076
01:50:54,080 --> 01:50:57,840
Speaker 1: She continues to check in with me. You know, this

2077
01:50:57,920 --> 01:51:00,400
Speaker 1: is three years later and we still talk about it.

2078
01:51:00,400 --> 01:51:02,800
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Like, can you believe it? You would

2079
01:51:02,800 --> 01:51:05,800
Speaker 1: have a three year old. I'm like, I know, And

2080
01:51:05,840 --> 01:51:08,000
Speaker 1: it's just we we get to have these moments together

2081
01:51:08,080 --> 01:51:12,519
Speaker 1: of we would both have a three year old right now.

2082
01:51:12,640 --> 01:51:15,519
Speaker 1: That's and we think about that and we deal with

2083
01:51:15,520 --> 01:51:17,320
Speaker 1: that and we grieve them. We grieve the loss of

2084
01:51:17,360 --> 01:51:21,479
Speaker 1: that potential and that direction and life, you know, that

2085
01:51:21,960 --> 01:51:27,839
Speaker 1: thread that didn't happen in this path. So female friendships

2086
01:51:27,880 --> 01:51:31,679
Speaker 1: are incredible and they're beautiful, and I think it's really

2087
01:51:31,680 --> 01:51:35,640
Speaker 1: important for women to have women in their life that

2088
01:51:35,720 --> 01:51:37,280
Speaker 1: they can they can go to and they can talk

2089
01:51:37,320 --> 01:51:39,280
Speaker 1: to you about these things because we can relate to

2090
01:51:39,320 --> 01:51:42,200
Speaker 1: each other in other ways that I think, you know,

2091
01:51:42,280 --> 01:51:46,800
Speaker 1: I couldn't get from my husband, and being able to

2092
01:51:46,840 --> 01:51:50,519
Speaker 1: go to her was so special and really helpful. So

2093
01:51:51,960 --> 01:51:55,960
Speaker 1: I just I think also have patience with yourself, and

2094
01:51:56,800 --> 01:52:00,000
Speaker 1: if you know someone who's going through that, have patience

2095
01:52:00,439 --> 01:52:06,160
Speaker 1: with them because it's a rollercoaster. And you know, she

2096
01:52:06,360 --> 01:52:09,160
Speaker 1: was my friend, she was going through this too, and

2097
01:52:09,360 --> 01:52:13,719
Speaker 1: I was feeling emotions and I was feeling heartbroken because

2098
01:52:13,720 --> 01:52:17,320
Speaker 1: I know because she was heartbroken, so I was feeling

2099
01:52:17,400 --> 01:52:19,759
Speaker 1: emotions as well, and I just have to be patient

2100
01:52:19,840 --> 01:52:25,120
Speaker 1: because it's happening to her so at her pace, at

2101
01:52:25,160 --> 01:52:28,080
Speaker 1: her time, when she's ready, when she wants to hear,

2102
01:52:28,560 --> 01:52:32,040
Speaker 1: when she wants to talk about it, we can. And

2103
01:52:32,080 --> 01:52:36,720
Speaker 1: we both kind of just we both shared that understanding

2104
01:52:36,760 --> 01:52:37,280
Speaker 1: with each other.

2105
01:52:37,920 --> 01:52:42,040
Speaker 2: Something powerful, really powerful that you said was I wasn't

2106
01:52:42,080 --> 01:52:45,360
Speaker 2: ready for someone to be there for me yet. And

2107
01:52:45,439 --> 01:52:49,640
Speaker 2: I think that's such a really remarkable insight. As I

2108
01:52:49,640 --> 01:52:53,200
Speaker 2: was listening to I was thinking, often when we see

2109
01:52:53,240 --> 01:52:59,200
Speaker 2: people who are struggling, because their struggle causes us discomfort,

2110
01:52:59,520 --> 01:53:02,320
Speaker 2: we want to it for them. And so if I'm

2111
01:53:02,320 --> 01:53:03,920
Speaker 2: speaking to a friend who is like, oh, you know,

2112
01:53:04,080 --> 01:53:06,720
Speaker 2: my friend's going through this, and my partner's going through this,

2113
01:53:06,800 --> 01:53:11,360
Speaker 2: and they're spiraling, and we're so uncomfortable with their discomfort

2114
01:53:11,520 --> 01:53:14,240
Speaker 2: that we want to fix it to relieve our own discomfort,

2115
01:53:14,960 --> 01:53:18,559
Speaker 2: not realizing that that person may need to feel and

2116
01:53:18,720 --> 01:53:21,599
Speaker 2: experience all of it and to let it all out

2117
01:53:21,600 --> 01:53:24,920
Speaker 2: in their own way. And I love what you just

2118
01:53:24,960 --> 01:53:29,160
Speaker 2: said of I just wasn't ready for someone to be

2119
01:53:29,280 --> 01:53:33,519
Speaker 2: there for me yet, And I think that's a great

2120
01:53:33,560 --> 01:53:35,880
Speaker 2: note for all of us to ask ourselves, like am

2121
01:53:35,920 --> 01:53:37,840
Speaker 2: I ready for someone to be there for me yet?

2122
01:53:38,200 --> 01:53:40,280
Speaker 2: And if I'm trying to help someone, are they truly

2123
01:53:40,320 --> 01:53:44,960
Speaker 2: ready for me to be there for them? And one

2124
01:53:44,960 --> 01:53:47,640
Speaker 2: of the things that I've seen and you mentioned as

2125
01:53:47,640 --> 01:53:51,080
Speaker 2: well when we were talking, this idea about how there's

2126
01:53:51,080 --> 01:53:54,639
Speaker 2: so much pressure also on the couple. So there's you're

2127
01:53:54,680 --> 01:54:00,600
Speaker 2: both individually dealing with loss and grief. There's like a

2128
01:54:00,680 --> 01:54:05,400
Speaker 2: dynamic that you go through with each other because you're

2129
01:54:05,400 --> 01:54:08,760
Speaker 2: both at different spaces of healing, You're both at different timelines,

2130
01:54:08,840 --> 01:54:12,240
Speaker 2: the waves come differently. It's affected both of you, but

2131
01:54:12,320 --> 01:54:14,000
Speaker 2: then you're both trying to be there for each other.

2132
01:54:14,040 --> 01:54:19,280
Speaker 2: Like it's quite a unique relations it's quite a unique situation.

2133
01:54:20,720 --> 01:54:24,160
Speaker 2: Walk us through how you navigated that overwhelming pressure and

2134
01:54:24,200 --> 01:54:27,920
Speaker 2: feeling together as well, and what did it take to reconnect?

2135
01:54:27,960 --> 01:54:31,880
Speaker 2: And I mean, I don't even think it's finding normalcy.

2136
01:54:32,000 --> 01:54:34,800
Speaker 2: It's like evolving. But what does that look like?

2137
01:54:35,440 --> 01:54:40,520
Speaker 1: I mean, my husband is so kind, he's so he's

2138
01:54:40,640 --> 01:54:47,480
Speaker 1: very he's very gentle, he's very he's very understanding. He

2139
01:54:48,160 --> 01:54:51,320
Speaker 1: knows I'm an emotional person. He knows I feel things deeply,

2140
01:54:53,160 --> 01:55:01,320
Speaker 1: like heavily, and he knows that I was distraught. You know,

2141
01:55:01,520 --> 01:55:06,680
Speaker 1: he could see that I was. I'm even I'm even

2142
01:55:07,120 --> 01:55:11,720
Speaker 1: feeling it now, you know, just all these different things

2143
01:55:11,760 --> 01:55:17,440
Speaker 1: all at the same time, and he's a supportive partner

2144
01:55:17,560 --> 01:55:23,600
Speaker 1: to me. And I think what was really helpful for

2145
01:55:23,760 --> 01:55:27,680
Speaker 1: us was, you know, I think he had a really

2146
01:55:27,720 --> 01:55:36,560
Speaker 1: great understanding and he's he was so wonderful during those

2147
01:55:36,640 --> 01:55:42,160
Speaker 1: times for me. He I think for him, he understood, Okay,

2148
01:55:42,320 --> 01:55:46,120
Speaker 1: this is something that he's like, Okay, I'm I'm feeling.

2149
01:55:47,080 --> 01:55:49,880
Speaker 1: I also can't speak for him obviously, because this these

2150
01:55:49,960 --> 01:55:52,840
Speaker 1: this this is his. These are his feelings and his

2151
01:55:52,920 --> 01:55:56,280
Speaker 1: journey as well. So I'm as I'm saying this, it's

2152
01:55:56,320 --> 01:56:00,920
Speaker 1: more just like collectively what you know, we both went through.

2153
01:56:01,160 --> 01:56:05,720
Speaker 1: It was the shared experience that I'm touching on and

2154
01:56:05,800 --> 01:56:09,400
Speaker 1: things that he did say and express to me. So

2155
01:56:10,280 --> 01:56:12,240
Speaker 1: you know, I felt that he had a really great

2156
01:56:12,320 --> 01:56:17,720
Speaker 1: understanding of, you know, the equal amount of heartbreak of loss.

2157
01:56:17,760 --> 01:56:19,480
Speaker 1: You know, he was feeling that too, and we got

2158
01:56:19,480 --> 01:56:22,320
Speaker 1: we had a shared experience in that, and I think

2159
01:56:22,360 --> 01:56:26,760
Speaker 1: he also a really great understanding of this is physically

2160
01:56:26,840 --> 01:56:31,879
Speaker 1: happening to her as well as it is emotionally happening.

2161
01:56:31,880 --> 01:56:36,200
Speaker 1: To her, he knew it would take me longer to

2162
01:56:37,840 --> 01:56:42,320
Speaker 1: gain perspective, to start my healing process, to you know,

2163
01:56:43,160 --> 01:56:47,800
Speaker 1: be able to adjust or you know, process my emotions,

2164
01:56:47,880 --> 01:56:50,520
Speaker 1: just because I think, you know, he said to me,

2165
01:56:50,600 --> 01:56:52,760
Speaker 1: you know, whatever I feel like i'm feeling, I know

2166
01:56:52,880 --> 01:56:56,800
Speaker 1: you're feeling a tenfolds. I know what you are going

2167
01:56:56,840 --> 01:57:01,760
Speaker 1: through is a physical reaction in your body of change,

2168
01:57:01,880 --> 01:57:06,440
Speaker 1: and then the change of becoming pregnant, the change of

2169
01:57:07,320 --> 01:57:12,120
Speaker 1: losing that pregnancy, the emotional change from all of those things.

2170
01:57:13,000 --> 01:57:15,760
Speaker 1: So for us, it was really helpful that he was

2171
01:57:15,800 --> 01:57:23,040
Speaker 1: super understanding, and you know, he's really great at navigating

2172
01:57:23,040 --> 01:57:29,760
Speaker 1: emotion as well. And I think it was helpful for

2173
01:57:29,920 --> 01:57:33,920
Speaker 1: me when he talked about it with me, when he

2174
01:57:33,960 --> 01:57:38,720
Speaker 1: would say things like today is the day it happened,

2175
01:57:38,920 --> 01:57:42,200
Speaker 1: and he's reminding me and he's the one talking about it.

2176
01:57:42,200 --> 01:57:44,600
Speaker 1: It makes me feel less alone that he still remembers it,

2177
01:57:44,640 --> 01:57:48,080
Speaker 1: that he still carries it with him, because sometimes, you know,

2178
01:57:50,680 --> 01:57:54,360
Speaker 1: just because it's we've had some time and we've had

2179
01:57:54,400 --> 01:57:57,839
Speaker 1: some distance, I know I carry this with me forever.

2180
01:57:58,080 --> 01:58:00,960
Speaker 1: You know, I know I will, because this happened to

2181
01:58:01,040 --> 01:58:05,040
Speaker 1: me in more ways than one, and I worry sometimes

2182
01:58:05,120 --> 01:58:08,160
Speaker 1: you know or I did that, Well, maybe he won't

2183
01:58:08,560 --> 01:58:10,480
Speaker 1: feel that way, like maybe he'll move on fast, or

2184
01:58:10,480 --> 01:58:13,120
Speaker 1: maybe he'll forget about it, maybe all these things and

2185
01:58:13,120 --> 01:58:18,040
Speaker 1: and then you feel sad and you know, different emotions

2186
01:58:18,080 --> 01:58:19,760
Speaker 1: around that, and like, I know that that can be

2187
01:58:19,840 --> 01:58:23,160
Speaker 1: really complicated in a dynamic of loss of their moving on.

2188
01:58:23,400 --> 01:58:26,160
Speaker 1: Oh they're forgetting about this, they're not talking about this anymore.

2189
01:58:26,720 --> 01:58:29,160
Speaker 1: So for me, what was really helpful is because I

2190
01:58:29,240 --> 01:58:32,120
Speaker 1: know that he went through this too. I love that

2191
01:58:32,160 --> 01:58:34,480
Speaker 1: he checks in with me. I love that he talks

2192
01:58:34,480 --> 01:58:36,840
Speaker 1: about it with me. I love that he also says

2193
01:58:36,880 --> 01:58:40,120
Speaker 1: things like can you believe we would maybe have had

2194
01:58:40,120 --> 01:58:43,160
Speaker 1: a three year old? Oh? My god, do you think

2195
01:58:43,160 --> 01:58:49,920
Speaker 1: about that too? It made me feel so seen, like

2196
01:58:50,040 --> 01:58:54,200
Speaker 1: so heard, and that he sees me all the time.

2197
01:58:54,440 --> 01:58:59,440
Speaker 1: You know, he sees when people We've been married for

2198
01:58:59,440 --> 01:59:03,000
Speaker 1: almost a year now, so he sees when people make

2199
01:59:03,040 --> 01:59:05,120
Speaker 1: comments like, oh, when you guys gonna have kids? Or

2200
01:59:05,360 --> 01:59:07,960
Speaker 1: are you thinking about having kids? And people ask you know,

2201
01:59:08,400 --> 01:59:11,320
Speaker 1: it's a harmless question, and I understand why people ask it,

2202
01:59:11,320 --> 01:59:14,720
Speaker 1: and it's it's I'm not angry that people ask that question.

2203
01:59:14,760 --> 01:59:17,200
Speaker 1: I think it's part of society. You know, people want

2204
01:59:17,200 --> 01:59:19,240
Speaker 1: to talk about it. You know, people are excited about

2205
01:59:19,240 --> 01:59:21,800
Speaker 1: having starting families. If we want to start a family,

2206
01:59:21,840 --> 01:59:24,160
Speaker 1: which we do, and we've spoken with our friends that

2207
01:59:24,200 --> 01:59:25,640
Speaker 1: we would want to have a family one day. So

2208
01:59:25,680 --> 01:59:28,280
Speaker 1: I understand why they're asking us those questions. But not

2209
01:59:28,360 --> 01:59:32,560
Speaker 1: everybody knows that I went through this, and at that time,

2210
01:59:32,600 --> 01:59:34,720
Speaker 1: I mean, now maybe everybody everybody will know I went

2211
01:59:34,720 --> 01:59:37,280
Speaker 1: through this way. I wasn't ready for everybody to know

2212
01:59:37,320 --> 01:59:39,360
Speaker 1: that I was going through this, and I had to

2213
01:59:39,440 --> 01:59:46,560
Speaker 1: deal with those questions internally, and it was painful to

2214
01:59:46,600 --> 01:59:49,600
Speaker 1: hear those questions. You know, people would make comments because

2215
01:59:49,600 --> 01:59:51,800
Speaker 1: a lot of my friends had babies during COVID, and

2216
01:59:51,880 --> 01:59:55,800
Speaker 1: everyone was like, oh, you know, everyone had all these babies,

2217
01:59:55,880 --> 01:59:59,240
Speaker 1: you know, during COVID, and everyone was getting pregnant and

2218
01:59:59,320 --> 02:00:02,480
Speaker 1: I did and I was pregnant and I didn't have

2219
02:00:02,560 --> 02:00:04,800
Speaker 1: a baby. So I would hear comments like that. I

2220
02:00:04,840 --> 02:00:07,640
Speaker 1: would hear things like that. Oh. Also people assume that

2221
02:00:07,680 --> 02:00:09,280
Speaker 1: maybe I have had a kid and they just don't

2222
02:00:09,320 --> 02:00:11,480
Speaker 1: know yet. Oh did you have a kid? Were you

2223
02:00:11,520 --> 02:00:14,200
Speaker 1: one of those girls during COVID that had a kid.

2224
02:00:14,240 --> 02:00:17,440
Speaker 1: And I'm like, god, I know what you mean. When

2225
02:00:17,440 --> 02:00:21,120
Speaker 1: you're saying that, but you have no idea. No, I'm not.

2226
02:00:21,200 --> 02:00:25,840
Speaker 1: I guess I'm not. So he would sort of see

2227
02:00:25,880 --> 02:00:28,560
Speaker 1: me and like see that I was dealing with that

2228
02:00:28,680 --> 02:00:34,200
Speaker 1: internally and trying to process socializing and you know, navigating

2229
02:00:34,240 --> 02:00:40,080
Speaker 1: these comments because it's nobody's fault that they're asking it,

2230
02:00:40,160 --> 02:00:43,640
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's just normal, it's just life, right,

2231
02:00:43,720 --> 02:00:47,200
Speaker 1: So I have to I do have to grow from this.

2232
02:00:47,320 --> 02:00:49,200
Speaker 1: I have to be able to handle this. I have

2233
02:00:49,240 --> 02:00:50,680
Speaker 1: to be able to talk about this again. I do

2234
02:00:50,760 --> 02:00:54,720
Speaker 1: have to be able to be okay. And I wasn't

2235
02:00:54,760 --> 02:00:57,160
Speaker 1: always okay. And I think he saw that I wasn't

2236
02:00:57,160 --> 02:00:59,800
Speaker 1: always okay, and I could tell that he was hurt

2237
02:00:59,800 --> 02:01:01,960
Speaker 1: when I was hurt. I could tell that he he

2238
02:01:02,120 --> 02:01:05,280
Speaker 1: was feeling what I was feeling, you know. And I

2239
02:01:05,280 --> 02:01:07,640
Speaker 1: also shared it with him too, because people can't read

2240
02:01:07,680 --> 02:01:10,240
Speaker 1: your mind. You know. This is my partner, this is

2241
02:01:10,240 --> 02:01:14,879
Speaker 1: my life partner. This is the person that I decided

2242
02:01:14,920 --> 02:01:17,520
Speaker 1: that I want to spend life with and do life with.

2243
02:01:17,600 --> 02:01:20,360
Speaker 1: So I have to do life with them, right, So

2244
02:01:20,400 --> 02:01:23,680
Speaker 1: I have to make a point to share Today I'm

2245
02:01:23,720 --> 02:01:29,480
Speaker 1: feeling extra bad because it's the week of my miscarriage.

2246
02:01:29,480 --> 02:01:31,840
Speaker 1: It's the anniversary week. I'm not going to feel good

2247
02:01:31,840 --> 02:01:34,840
Speaker 1: this week. You know, I say that, I expressed that

2248
02:01:34,960 --> 02:01:37,280
Speaker 1: he cannot read my mind. He has no idea what

2249
02:01:37,280 --> 02:01:41,040
Speaker 1: I'm feeling unless I'm saying it. So, you know, I

2250
02:01:41,440 --> 02:01:45,400
Speaker 1: it's a two way street that I share with him

2251
02:01:45,640 --> 02:01:48,360
Speaker 1: and that he sees me and he understands me. So

2252
02:01:48,720 --> 02:01:53,360
Speaker 1: and he does. He's really great at understanding how I emote.

2253
02:01:53,480 --> 02:01:57,440
Speaker 1: You know, my tells my you know, physical things that

2254
02:01:57,480 --> 02:01:59,920
Speaker 1: maybe I do, or he's like, she's nervous, she's up

2255
02:02:00,120 --> 02:02:02,560
Speaker 1: that I could tell she's holding back tears right now.

2256
02:02:03,600 --> 02:02:06,720
Speaker 1: He helps remove me from the said situation, you know,

2257
02:02:07,040 --> 02:02:10,800
Speaker 1: So learning each other and sharing with each other, and

2258
02:02:10,880 --> 02:02:13,720
Speaker 1: he knows those things and he's been able to learn

2259
02:02:13,760 --> 02:02:15,440
Speaker 1: those things because I've shared them with him and I've

2260
02:02:15,440 --> 02:02:18,320
Speaker 1: shown him and told him, and vice versa. He's shared

2261
02:02:18,320 --> 02:02:21,160
Speaker 1: with me and told me and shown me how I

2262
02:02:21,200 --> 02:02:23,600
Speaker 1: can care and love and be there for him. So

2263
02:02:24,880 --> 02:02:31,560
Speaker 1: I think just for a couple in this scenario, however,

2264
02:02:31,800 --> 02:02:34,960
Speaker 1: you're dealing with the loss of a pregnancy or a child,

2265
02:02:34,960 --> 02:02:36,920
Speaker 1: because I know people can see in many different ways

2266
02:02:37,440 --> 02:02:40,000
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of stress in starting a family

2267
02:02:40,040 --> 02:02:43,480
Speaker 1: on multiple different types of relationships and partners and spouses

2268
02:02:43,480 --> 02:02:45,240
Speaker 1: and how you're going about it and how you're dealing

2269
02:02:45,240 --> 02:02:48,040
Speaker 1: with and what you're going through and you know what

2270
02:02:48,080 --> 02:02:51,920
Speaker 1: you're doing with each other and how you're your journey

2271
02:02:51,920 --> 02:02:56,720
Speaker 1: with with that is is unique to you, to your

2272
02:02:56,960 --> 02:03:00,000
Speaker 1: both of your situations, and the way that you guys

2273
02:03:00,680 --> 02:03:04,600
Speaker 1: communicate with each other is important. And learning each other

2274
02:03:04,640 --> 02:03:09,200
Speaker 1: and asking for something is there's no there's nothing wrong

2275
02:03:09,240 --> 02:03:11,760
Speaker 1: with asking for something and then they're able to adjust

2276
02:03:11,800 --> 02:03:14,800
Speaker 1: and do that for you. So I feel like that's

2277
02:03:14,920 --> 02:03:18,480
Speaker 1: something that I've learned as well, is being open and

2278
02:03:18,520 --> 02:03:22,040
Speaker 1: making sure I'm sharing. And you know, he's really great

2279
02:03:22,040 --> 02:03:25,400
Speaker 1: at just innately because we've known each other and we're

2280
02:03:25,960 --> 02:03:29,160
Speaker 1: we're we love each other's he's good at, you know,

2281
02:03:29,160 --> 02:03:31,160
Speaker 1: knowing and figuring out those little things that I do

2282
02:03:31,240 --> 02:03:35,160
Speaker 1: for himself and just seeing me. But also I've shared

2283
02:03:35,200 --> 02:03:37,800
Speaker 1: a lot with him, and he listens and he adapts

2284
02:03:37,840 --> 02:03:40,160
Speaker 1: and he changes for those things for me and does

2285
02:03:40,200 --> 02:03:45,360
Speaker 1: those things for me. So I think that communication is

2286
02:03:45,760 --> 02:03:50,120
Speaker 1: probably the number one most important thing and also the

2287
02:03:50,120 --> 02:03:53,200
Speaker 1: most difficult thing. I know. Communicating is so difficult. How

2288
02:03:53,280 --> 02:03:55,280
Speaker 1: do you be vulnerable? How do you share these things?

2289
02:03:55,680 --> 02:03:57,360
Speaker 1: Am I ready to talk about this. I want to

2290
02:03:57,360 --> 02:04:00,280
Speaker 1: say this, and you know, I don't know. I think,

2291
02:04:00,360 --> 02:04:04,600
Speaker 1: just say it and ask for it and communicate it,

2292
02:04:04,640 --> 02:04:08,720
Speaker 1: because again, you know, they may have no idea that

2293
02:04:08,720 --> 02:04:10,160
Speaker 1: that's even going on in your head and they have

2294
02:04:10,200 --> 02:04:12,240
Speaker 1: something completely different going on in their head.

2295
02:04:13,560 --> 02:04:13,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

2296
02:04:13,880 --> 02:04:17,400
Speaker 2: No, it's so true, and I appreciate you sharing that

2297
02:04:17,480 --> 02:04:21,200
Speaker 2: because I think a lot of people are both dealing

2298
02:04:21,240 --> 02:04:22,800
Speaker 2: with the grief and then they're dealing with the loss

2299
02:04:22,800 --> 02:04:25,360
Speaker 2: of the relationship they had and the one they thought

2300
02:04:25,360 --> 02:04:27,600
Speaker 2: they were going to have when they had a child

2301
02:04:27,640 --> 02:04:31,040
Speaker 2: together as well, and so communications at the core and

2302
02:04:31,080 --> 02:04:33,320
Speaker 2: the heart of all of that, because it's so multi

2303
02:04:33,400 --> 02:04:37,040
Speaker 2: layed and so complex, Taylor, as I was listening to you,

2304
02:04:37,080 --> 02:04:39,160
Speaker 2: and I asked this question very sensitively, and I ask

2305
02:04:39,280 --> 02:04:43,800
Speaker 2: it in order to hopefully help people who are listening.

2306
02:04:43,520 --> 02:04:44,800
Speaker 3: As well, like where.

2307
02:04:46,440 --> 02:04:50,240
Speaker 2: How do you rEFInd the confidence to want to think

2308
02:04:50,280 --> 02:04:52,440
Speaker 2: about a family again and try again? Because and I

2309
02:04:52,480 --> 02:04:56,480
Speaker 2: ask it very sincerely and sensitively thinking about people listening

2310
02:04:56,480 --> 02:04:59,000
Speaker 2: who are like I don't think I can ever Tryga,

2311
02:04:59,080 --> 02:05:02,080
Speaker 2: because it was so pain and that's generally a human

2312
02:05:02,120 --> 02:05:04,320
Speaker 2: reaction to pain. If it was so painful, I can't

2313
02:05:04,360 --> 02:05:07,120
Speaker 2: go there again, Yet I have this desire to have

2314
02:05:07,160 --> 02:05:10,320
Speaker 2: a family, Like, how for you do you know when

2315
02:05:10,360 --> 02:05:12,840
Speaker 2: you're ready to think about it again even or open

2316
02:05:12,920 --> 02:05:13,680
Speaker 2: up to the idea.

2317
02:05:14,600 --> 02:05:18,960
Speaker 1: I know I want one. I don't think i've I

2318
02:05:18,960 --> 02:05:21,480
Speaker 1: don't think i'm very I haven't. I don't know actually

2319
02:05:21,520 --> 02:05:25,920
Speaker 1: if I've confronted that for myself. You know, I don't

2320
02:05:25,960 --> 02:05:30,360
Speaker 1: think i've I've gone there where. One day I'm going

2321
02:05:30,440 --> 02:05:34,080
Speaker 1: to be trying to have a family and you know,

2322
02:05:34,240 --> 02:05:36,480
Speaker 1: maybe that stick is going to say pregnant. Is it

2323
02:05:36,520 --> 02:05:38,800
Speaker 1: going to bring back all these emotions? And how am

2324
02:05:38,800 --> 02:05:42,040
Speaker 1: I going to deal with that again? Oh gosh, I

2325
02:05:42,080 --> 02:05:43,920
Speaker 1: have no idea because you know, I'm not there yet.

2326
02:05:43,960 --> 02:05:47,880
Speaker 1: I'm still not ready for a child and and I'm

2327
02:05:47,880 --> 02:05:49,840
Speaker 1: not ready to think about it, and I'm not ready

2328
02:05:49,880 --> 02:05:51,880
Speaker 1: to start having a family, and I don't know when

2329
02:05:51,920 --> 02:05:54,840
Speaker 1: that is. And you know a lot of people who've

2330
02:05:54,840 --> 02:05:57,280
Speaker 1: had children are like, you'll never know. The timing's never

2331
02:05:57,360 --> 02:06:01,920
Speaker 1: right all this stuff and everyone's journey is different, and

2332
02:06:02,320 --> 02:06:07,320
Speaker 1: that I have no plan. I have no timeline of

2333
02:06:07,360 --> 02:06:10,600
Speaker 1: when I'm going to start a family, when I'm going

2334
02:06:10,680 --> 02:06:12,040
Speaker 1: to do that, how I'm going to do it? I

2335
02:06:12,680 --> 02:06:15,320
Speaker 1: don't know and I also have no idea what I'm

2336
02:06:15,320 --> 02:06:17,840
Speaker 1: about to confront when I start trying again. You know,

2337
02:06:18,440 --> 02:06:20,280
Speaker 1: is it going to be really easy? Am I going?

2338
02:06:20,600 --> 02:06:23,520
Speaker 1: Is it going to be fine? Did this scenario happen

2339
02:06:23,600 --> 02:06:26,800
Speaker 1: to me simply because of the IUD? Or well I

2340
02:06:26,880 --> 02:06:30,760
Speaker 1: experience this again because you know, a pregnancy is a

2341
02:06:30,800 --> 02:06:34,000
Speaker 1: new organism in your body. It's like a technically I

2342
02:06:34,040 --> 02:06:36,040
Speaker 1: don't know it's I could only I think of it

2343
02:06:36,080 --> 02:06:39,120
Speaker 1: maybe as almost like a bacteria. That's like it's introducing

2344
02:06:39,160 --> 02:06:42,560
Speaker 1: like a new thing inside of your body. And a

2345
02:06:42,600 --> 02:06:44,920
Speaker 1: miscarriage is a rejection of that, your body being like

2346
02:06:44,960 --> 02:06:47,160
Speaker 1: that shouldn't be here, what is this? This is new?

2347
02:06:47,280 --> 02:06:50,680
Speaker 1: And sometimes it takes time to a job. Your body

2348
02:06:50,720 --> 02:06:52,640
Speaker 1: has to be like, oh, that's what that is. So

2349
02:06:52,680 --> 02:06:54,720
Speaker 1: maybe it takes a couple of tries, and you know

2350
02:06:54,880 --> 02:06:58,000
Speaker 1: that's why your body is doing that. I don't know

2351
02:06:58,040 --> 02:07:01,120
Speaker 1: why my body did that. Probably the most likely, if

2352
02:07:01,240 --> 02:07:03,480
Speaker 1: doctors are listening, they'll probably be like, oh, it's the IUD.

2353
02:07:03,720 --> 02:07:06,360
Speaker 1: That's why I was like, Okay, okay, fine, that's why.

2354
02:07:06,400 --> 02:07:10,920
Speaker 1: But I guess I'll sort of I maybe I'll be

2355
02:07:10,960 --> 02:07:13,240
Speaker 1: able to speak on that more when I'm in the

2356
02:07:13,480 --> 02:07:17,120
Speaker 1: headspace of actively trying or if and when I do

2357
02:07:17,200 --> 02:07:18,920
Speaker 1: have a child, like to be able to touch on

2358
02:07:19,000 --> 02:07:22,120
Speaker 1: that again. But I think I'm nervous, you know, I

2359
02:07:22,560 --> 02:07:26,800
Speaker 1: do have fears about getting to that stage in my life,

2360
02:07:26,840 --> 02:07:29,160
Speaker 1: and I'm worried about what I'm going to start feeling

2361
02:07:29,240 --> 02:07:33,520
Speaker 1: when I am pregnant again. I want to enjoy the process.

2362
02:07:33,600 --> 02:07:36,280
Speaker 1: I want to be you know, excited, I want to

2363
02:07:36,320 --> 02:07:38,920
Speaker 1: feel all of those things. But unfortunately, because of what

2364
02:07:38,960 --> 02:07:40,680
Speaker 1: I've I went through, I know that in the beginning

2365
02:07:40,680 --> 02:07:43,200
Speaker 1: I won't. I'll feel fear. I'm going to be afraid.

2366
02:07:43,720 --> 02:07:45,800
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to be scared. I know I'm

2367
02:07:45,800 --> 02:07:50,320
Speaker 1: going to have like anxiety about it until who knows when,

2368
02:07:50,320 --> 02:07:54,600
Speaker 1: maybe the entire pregnancy. I don't know, But I know

2369
02:07:54,680 --> 02:07:58,360
Speaker 1: I've been through this before. I I know I can

2370
02:07:58,960 --> 02:08:02,160
Speaker 1: handle this. I'm stronger because of this. If it happens

2371
02:08:02,200 --> 02:08:06,960
Speaker 1: to me again, I'm going to be okay. You know,

2372
02:08:07,280 --> 02:08:10,800
Speaker 1: look at how far I've come, look at what I

2373
02:08:11,040 --> 02:08:14,560
Speaker 1: how I handled this, like what we went through like.

2374
02:08:15,440 --> 02:08:19,240
Speaker 1: I have confidence in that at least, But I also

2375
02:08:19,880 --> 02:08:22,320
Speaker 1: I have no idea what that is going to look

2376
02:08:22,400 --> 02:08:24,760
Speaker 1: like for me until I start doing that, or until

2377
02:08:24,760 --> 02:08:29,360
Speaker 1: it happens. So you know, I would I would say

2378
02:08:29,400 --> 02:08:34,040
Speaker 1: for me, how I can rationalize it is I'm stronger

2379
02:08:34,040 --> 02:08:38,160
Speaker 1: because of this I've handled I've been through this this thing,

2380
02:08:38,240 --> 02:08:42,960
Speaker 1: and I've I've dealt with something that was really difficult

2381
02:08:43,400 --> 02:08:47,400
Speaker 1: for me personally to go through and I came out

2382
02:08:47,840 --> 02:08:51,320
Speaker 1: the other side. Whether or not I'm fully done yet,

2383
02:08:51,400 --> 02:08:53,720
Speaker 1: we don't know. We'll we'll figure it out when we

2384
02:08:53,800 --> 02:08:56,320
Speaker 1: get there. But right now, all I can say is

2385
02:08:57,560 --> 02:09:01,560
Speaker 1: I feel confident that I'm I know I'm gonna be okay.

2386
02:09:01,560 --> 02:09:03,280
Speaker 1: No matter what, I'm going to be okay. I can

2387
02:09:03,320 --> 02:09:06,000
Speaker 1: get through anything. I can do this. Like I have

2388
02:09:06,040 --> 02:09:09,400
Speaker 1: a great support in my husband and my family and

2389
02:09:09,480 --> 02:09:12,160
Speaker 1: my friends. They were all there for me. They showed

2390
02:09:12,200 --> 02:09:15,000
Speaker 1: their love and support. I was there for me. I

2391
02:09:15,040 --> 02:09:17,640
Speaker 1: was there for myself. I showed up, you know. So

2392
02:09:17,960 --> 02:09:19,680
Speaker 1: I know I can show up for myself. I know

2393
02:09:19,760 --> 02:09:22,080
Speaker 1: I can be there. I know I can pick myself

2394
02:09:22,080 --> 02:09:25,360
Speaker 1: back up again and start walking and make it, you know,

2395
02:09:25,640 --> 02:09:30,640
Speaker 1: make those steps towards healing again. So we're resilient as people,

2396
02:09:30,720 --> 02:09:34,200
Speaker 1: as humans, and having faith in our resilience and in

2397
02:09:34,240 --> 02:09:38,920
Speaker 1: our strength and in our ability to find healing and

2398
02:09:39,000 --> 02:09:42,360
Speaker 1: find growth. I think we forget and we doubt ourselves

2399
02:09:42,400 --> 02:09:45,120
Speaker 1: sometimes that we can do that, we can do, we

2400
02:09:45,160 --> 02:09:45,960
Speaker 1: can get through that.

2401
02:09:47,160 --> 02:09:48,600
Speaker 3: Thank you for such an honest answer.

2402
02:09:48,640 --> 02:09:50,760
Speaker 2: I feel like I feel like a lot of people

2403
02:09:51,080 --> 02:09:52,880
Speaker 2: will be able to resonate and connect with that, this

2404
02:09:52,960 --> 02:09:55,720
Speaker 2: idea of I don't know, let's see when I get

2405
02:09:55,720 --> 02:09:57,600
Speaker 2: that done, even if I'm ready to answer that question.

2406
02:09:57,640 --> 02:09:59,960
Speaker 2: And I think I think people listening to that will

2407
02:10:00,200 --> 02:10:03,360
Speaker 2: a sense of relief because I think that naterally, again,

2408
02:10:03,440 --> 02:10:05,040
Speaker 2: like you said, when you go through it, you have

2409
02:10:05,040 --> 02:10:07,040
Speaker 2: to get into tactical mode of how do we make

2410
02:10:07,080 --> 02:10:09,440
Speaker 2: sure it's done and clean and everything's okay? And then

2411
02:10:09,440 --> 02:10:11,360
Speaker 2: we get into okay, how do I start? And it's

2412
02:10:11,720 --> 02:10:14,720
Speaker 2: you almost don't give yourself that space. So thank you

2413
02:10:14,760 --> 02:10:18,640
Speaker 2: so much for giving everyone space by even having that answer.

2414
02:10:18,680 --> 02:10:20,560
Speaker 2: It's really beautiful and powerful to hear.

2415
02:10:21,080 --> 02:10:21,360
Speaker 3: Taylor.

2416
02:10:21,400 --> 02:10:24,560
Speaker 2: You've been so gracious and kind with your time today,

2417
02:10:24,560 --> 02:10:27,520
Speaker 2: with your energy, with your soul, like I really feel

2418
02:10:27,560 --> 02:10:29,800
Speaker 2: like you've led us in which is so kind. I

2419
02:10:29,840 --> 02:10:34,240
Speaker 2: really hope you feel we've honored Tait and given a

2420
02:10:34,320 --> 02:10:36,480
Speaker 2: chance for you to express your love for Tate and

2421
02:10:36,560 --> 02:10:39,360
Speaker 2: also honored your experiences.

2422
02:10:39,600 --> 02:10:45,680
Speaker 3: And you know, I feel like with your whole career

2423
02:10:45,720 --> 02:10:46,160
Speaker 3: and everything.

2424
02:10:46,160 --> 02:10:48,360
Speaker 2: It's almost like I find that, you know, when you've

2425
02:10:48,360 --> 02:10:50,360
Speaker 2: been modeling from such a young age and you've been

2426
02:10:50,360 --> 02:10:53,000
Speaker 2: in the public eye, like so much of your career

2427
02:10:53,040 --> 02:10:57,720
Speaker 2: becomes about your looks, your age, your you know, those

2428
02:10:57,760 --> 02:11:02,040
Speaker 2: things become big and as you transform and evolve as

2429
02:11:02,040 --> 02:11:05,360
Speaker 2: a human too, as you're starting you know, Titan Taylor,

2430
02:11:05,480 --> 02:11:08,720
Speaker 2: and you're starting a company, or you started a company

2431
02:11:08,760 --> 02:11:11,880
Speaker 2: that's doing all this incredible purposeful work and you built

2432
02:11:11,880 --> 02:11:14,760
Speaker 2: a content platform and a platform where people can find

2433
02:11:14,800 --> 02:11:19,280
Speaker 2: amazing products, amazing services, amazing partnerships for their pets and

2434
02:11:19,320 --> 02:11:20,520
Speaker 2: their dogs and everything else.

2435
02:11:20,640 --> 02:11:22,760
Speaker 3: Like, walk us through.

2436
02:11:22,720 --> 02:11:26,240
Speaker 2: How you see that evolution for yourself of coming from

2437
02:11:26,280 --> 02:11:28,560
Speaker 2: an indust in a space that is defined by these

2438
02:11:28,560 --> 02:11:31,160
Speaker 2: external things of looks and age and fitness and everything,

2439
02:11:31,200 --> 02:11:33,280
Speaker 2: and then finding your path through that.

2440
02:11:33,440 --> 02:11:37,200
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, I think, you know, they really play such

2441
02:11:37,200 --> 02:11:39,720
Speaker 1: a big role with each other. I think why I

2442
02:11:39,960 --> 02:11:42,120
Speaker 1: even wanted to start Tate and Taylor and start a

2443
02:11:42,160 --> 02:11:45,400
Speaker 1: business and be in the pet space. Obviously, I have

2444
02:11:45,440 --> 02:11:47,520
Speaker 1: a huge passion for animals and dogs, Like this is

2445
02:11:47,560 --> 02:11:49,880
Speaker 1: so much more to me than just a company. I'm

2446
02:11:50,200 --> 02:11:52,520
Speaker 1: doing this because this is absolutely, one hundred percent. Like

2447
02:11:52,600 --> 02:11:54,480
Speaker 1: the thing I love most in the world is my

2448
02:11:54,640 --> 02:11:57,720
Speaker 1: dog Tait and my dog Salem. I have now too,

2449
02:11:57,880 --> 02:12:03,200
Speaker 1: and they're just so incredible and amazing and they change.

2450
02:12:03,680 --> 02:12:06,320
Speaker 1: They've changed my life in so many ways. And even

2451
02:12:06,400 --> 02:12:09,200
Speaker 1: Salem now has impack in my life and so many

2452
02:12:09,200 --> 02:12:11,280
Speaker 1: different ways than Tate did. And I'm so excited about

2453
02:12:11,320 --> 02:12:13,080
Speaker 1: the journey and the life that I'm going to live

2454
02:12:13,120 --> 02:12:15,160
Speaker 1: with him and the things he's about to teach me

2455
02:12:15,640 --> 02:12:18,960
Speaker 1: and show me. And I don't think I would even

2456
02:12:19,000 --> 02:12:23,080
Speaker 1: be able to know how to do that and build

2457
02:12:23,080 --> 02:12:25,880
Speaker 1: something with intention and purpose if I hadn't had my

2458
02:12:26,000 --> 02:12:31,640
Speaker 1: career before. You know, I started modeling when I was fourteen.

2459
02:12:32,000 --> 02:12:36,120
Speaker 1: I don't have a traditional education in that sense, but

2460
02:12:36,640 --> 02:12:41,480
Speaker 1: I've learned so much from my job and from working

2461
02:12:41,560 --> 02:12:43,760
Speaker 1: at a young age and traveling the world and having

2462
02:12:43,760 --> 02:12:47,160
Speaker 1: so many experiences. I feel like I learned by doing,

2463
02:12:47,800 --> 02:12:51,400
Speaker 1: and you know, by being able to see how things work,

2464
02:12:51,480 --> 02:12:56,120
Speaker 1: and you know, people producing fashion collections and watching them

2465
02:12:56,160 --> 02:12:58,600
Speaker 1: make the clothes on me to walking in the fashion

2466
02:12:58,600 --> 02:13:02,000
Speaker 1: show and seeing how things are done is really interesting.

2467
02:13:02,040 --> 02:13:04,960
Speaker 1: And being a part of a photo shoot and all

2468
02:13:05,000 --> 02:13:07,200
Speaker 1: the different areas and everyone has a different job and

2469
02:13:07,200 --> 02:13:09,680
Speaker 1: seeing how it all comes together and how everybody works

2470
02:13:09,680 --> 02:13:12,760
Speaker 1: and all the puzzle pieces kind of like you know,

2471
02:13:13,240 --> 02:13:15,360
Speaker 1: as I'm sure you know, it's just like it's interesting

2472
02:13:15,360 --> 02:13:18,520
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of different layers to what goes

2473
02:13:18,840 --> 02:13:21,560
Speaker 1: into something like a photo shoot or you know, a

2474
02:13:21,640 --> 02:13:24,760
Speaker 1: campaign or a video or a movie or you know,

2475
02:13:25,480 --> 02:13:28,480
Speaker 1: a fashion show. And it was really fun and exciting

2476
02:13:28,480 --> 02:13:30,680
Speaker 1: for me to witness and see those things and do

2477
02:13:30,800 --> 02:13:35,920
Speaker 1: those things. And you know, I think modeling has been

2478
02:13:36,400 --> 02:13:39,160
Speaker 1: it is a lot about It is about physically what

2479
02:13:39,240 --> 02:13:41,560
Speaker 1: I look like. One hundred percent, like I'm a model

2480
02:13:41,600 --> 02:13:44,400
Speaker 1: because of how I look. I know that. So it's

2481
02:13:44,440 --> 02:13:47,640
Speaker 1: an interesting thing to go from. You know, I'm here

2482
02:13:47,680 --> 02:13:49,720
Speaker 1: because of how I look, but also I feel like,

2483
02:13:49,920 --> 02:13:53,160
Speaker 1: after a certain extent, I'm still here because of who

2484
02:13:53,240 --> 02:13:59,200
Speaker 1: I am, and I'm still hearing people continue hopefully to

2485
02:13:59,280 --> 02:14:01,520
Speaker 1: work with me because we have fun together and we

2486
02:14:01,560 --> 02:14:03,840
Speaker 1: build relationships and they get to know me, and it

2487
02:14:03,880 --> 02:14:07,320
Speaker 1: becomes more than just this you know, surface transaction of

2488
02:14:07,600 --> 02:14:10,240
Speaker 1: she looks a certain way, she fits the bill physically

2489
02:14:10,280 --> 02:14:12,600
Speaker 1: of what we're looking for, so we're going to book her.

2490
02:14:12,640 --> 02:14:16,680
Speaker 1: I think after fourteen years, you know, you start knowing

2491
02:14:16,720 --> 02:14:20,720
Speaker 1: people and establishing relationships and becoming friends with people in

2492
02:14:20,720 --> 02:14:22,520
Speaker 1: the industry, and then people want to work with you

2493
02:14:22,600 --> 02:14:24,680
Speaker 1: because they like you, they like hanging out with you.

2494
02:14:25,400 --> 02:14:27,280
Speaker 1: It's like a lot of industries, you know what I mean.

2495
02:14:27,320 --> 02:14:29,000
Speaker 1: The more you are in it, the more you do it,

2496
02:14:29,000 --> 02:14:32,040
Speaker 1: the more friends you make, the more connections you feel

2497
02:14:32,080 --> 02:14:34,800
Speaker 1: like you have with people, and the less it becomes

2498
02:14:34,880 --> 02:14:37,560
Speaker 1: about how you look, and it becomes a lot about

2499
02:14:37,560 --> 02:14:41,800
Speaker 1: who you are actually. Like the my interpretation of my

2500
02:14:41,880 --> 02:14:44,680
Speaker 1: career in modeling, I feel like it's been with people

2501
02:14:44,720 --> 02:14:46,640
Speaker 1: that I enjoy working with, and I get to work

2502
02:14:46,640 --> 02:14:48,520
Speaker 1: with them again and again and again, and I love that.

2503
02:14:48,960 --> 02:14:51,440
Speaker 1: I love that I now know so many people in

2504
02:14:51,480 --> 02:14:53,240
Speaker 1: the industry. And every time I get a call sheet,

2505
02:14:53,400 --> 02:14:55,760
Speaker 1: not every time, but I get these call sheets and

2506
02:14:55,760 --> 02:14:57,080
Speaker 1: I see who's going to be on set and I'm like,

2507
02:14:57,120 --> 02:14:59,760
Speaker 1: oh my god, I haven't seen this person and you know,

2508
02:15:00,040 --> 02:15:02,080
Speaker 1: however many years, and I'm so excited to work with

2509
02:15:02,120 --> 02:15:05,800
Speaker 1: them again and do that. So to me, it's maybe

2510
02:15:05,800 --> 02:15:09,280
Speaker 1: it starts off that way, and modeling is about the

2511
02:15:09,320 --> 02:15:12,600
Speaker 1: way that I look and how I physically am, But

2512
02:15:12,640 --> 02:15:15,240
Speaker 1: then I think it becomes a lot deeper than that. So,

2513
02:15:16,120 --> 02:15:19,360
Speaker 1: you know, people establishing those connections with me as like

2514
02:15:20,200 --> 02:15:23,720
Speaker 1: taught me how to to grow and you know, and

2515
02:15:24,000 --> 02:15:27,880
Speaker 1: change and just they've taught me so much about life

2516
02:15:27,920 --> 02:15:30,840
Speaker 1: and different different backgrounds and different people and different things.

2517
02:15:30,840 --> 02:15:33,840
Speaker 1: So you know, I learned so much from it and

2518
02:15:33,880 --> 02:15:37,720
Speaker 1: I've grown so much from it, and you know, wanting

2519
02:15:37,760 --> 02:15:40,400
Speaker 1: to start my own business. I feel like I'm able

2520
02:15:40,440 --> 02:15:43,280
Speaker 1: to do that because of everything that I've done in

2521
02:15:43,840 --> 02:15:47,040
Speaker 1: my modeling career and I really just I see them

2522
02:15:47,160 --> 02:15:51,000
Speaker 1: so much a part of each other, and I want

2523
02:15:51,040 --> 02:15:53,440
Speaker 1: to be in the pet space and have this this

2524
02:15:53,560 --> 02:15:56,400
Speaker 1: business because it's something that I also love to do,

2525
02:15:56,560 --> 02:15:59,120
Speaker 1: Like I love my job, I love modeling, and I

2526
02:15:59,160 --> 02:16:01,760
Speaker 1: really believe in pursuing things that you love to do.

2527
02:16:02,400 --> 02:16:05,960
Speaker 1: And you know, maybe I won't be a model forever.

2528
02:16:06,080 --> 02:16:09,640
Speaker 1: I have no idea because it's it's not a very

2529
02:16:09,680 --> 02:16:12,840
Speaker 1: consistent lifestyle. As much as I love it, I'm you

2530
02:16:12,920 --> 02:16:15,160
Speaker 1: never know. I you know, I just got a text

2531
02:16:15,160 --> 02:16:18,720
Speaker 1: message today that I'm going to Paris on Thursday. So

2532
02:16:19,240 --> 02:16:21,800
Speaker 1: you know, maybe if when I do start trying to

2533
02:16:21,800 --> 02:16:23,800
Speaker 1: have a family, and if I have a family and

2534
02:16:23,840 --> 02:16:27,680
Speaker 1: my family is growing and growing and growing, or you know,

2535
02:16:27,760 --> 02:16:30,640
Speaker 1: I have all these hopes and dreams, have a big family,

2536
02:16:31,320 --> 02:16:34,160
Speaker 1: it'll be more difficult to do my modeling career to

2537
02:16:34,200 --> 02:16:37,520
Speaker 1: the extent that I'm doing it now. And I also

2538
02:16:37,640 --> 02:16:40,320
Speaker 1: love dogs, and I love my dog, and I love,

2539
02:16:41,200 --> 02:16:44,680
Speaker 1: you know, animals, and I love that people love their animals.

2540
02:16:44,760 --> 02:16:48,880
Speaker 1: And I wanted to create something that I wish existed

2541
02:16:49,240 --> 02:16:52,240
Speaker 1: with my life and my journey and path with Tate.

2542
02:16:52,840 --> 02:16:57,160
Speaker 1: And I'm creating something that I really want and need

2543
02:16:57,200 --> 02:17:01,119
Speaker 1: with Salem, my my new dog now that I rescued,

2544
02:17:01,160 --> 02:17:03,640
Speaker 1: and because we're going through so many different things and

2545
02:17:03,680 --> 02:17:07,200
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to, you know, have be able to

2546
02:17:07,200 --> 02:17:09,720
Speaker 1: build on the experience I've had from modeling and apply

2547
02:17:09,800 --> 02:17:13,360
Speaker 1: it to what I'm doing now with Titan Taylor and

2548
02:17:13,400 --> 02:17:16,720
Speaker 1: build something with purpose, build something with you know, meaning

2549
02:17:17,000 --> 02:17:19,760
Speaker 1: something that I'm passionate about doing, something that I love.

2550
02:17:20,000 --> 02:17:25,119
Speaker 1: It's it's my lifestyle. It's you know, I'm that crazy

2551
02:17:25,160 --> 02:17:26,840
Speaker 1: dog lady that every time I see a dog on

2552
02:17:26,840 --> 02:17:29,360
Speaker 1: the street, I'm like, hello, how are you nice to

2553
02:17:29,400 --> 02:17:31,720
Speaker 1: meet you? What's your name? I just I love dogs

2554
02:17:31,760 --> 02:17:35,240
Speaker 1: and I love animals in general too, So I really

2555
02:17:35,240 --> 02:17:38,600
Speaker 1: think that dogs are connectors. And I've met a lot

2556
02:17:38,600 --> 02:17:41,840
Speaker 1: of people and had so many amazing interesting conversations because

2557
02:17:41,879 --> 02:17:44,680
Speaker 1: of our dogs. If you're out walking your dog and

2558
02:17:44,680 --> 02:17:46,400
Speaker 1: people stop you, Oh my god, what kind of dog

2559
02:17:46,440 --> 02:17:48,400
Speaker 1: is that? Oh my god, you're so beautiful? Is you know,

2560
02:17:48,440 --> 02:17:50,120
Speaker 1: are they a boy or are they a girl? What's

2561
02:17:50,160 --> 02:17:52,720
Speaker 1: their name? And and the next thing you know, you're

2562
02:17:52,720 --> 02:17:55,960
Speaker 1: having a full blown conversation with a complete and total stranger.

2563
02:17:56,440 --> 02:17:58,760
Speaker 1: But I feel like I'm in a safe space. You know.

2564
02:17:58,959 --> 02:18:03,120
Speaker 1: It's it's really interesting. And I as a shy I

2565
02:18:03,160 --> 02:18:06,160
Speaker 1: started out really shy and kind of an introverted person.

2566
02:18:06,680 --> 02:18:09,440
Speaker 1: Having Tate, everybody loved him. People were like, oh my god,

2567
02:18:09,440 --> 02:18:12,400
Speaker 1: that's the cutest dog I've ever seen. And I had

2568
02:18:12,440 --> 02:18:14,680
Speaker 1: to open up. I had to have conversations with people,

2569
02:18:14,720 --> 02:18:16,480
Speaker 1: and he helped me do that, and he helped me

2570
02:18:16,520 --> 02:18:21,320
Speaker 1: connect with people. And you know, someone that works with

2571
02:18:21,360 --> 02:18:23,680
Speaker 1: me on Tate and Taylor. I met through Tate in

2572
02:18:23,720 --> 02:18:27,000
Speaker 1: my building, you know, because we had like a doggy

2573
02:18:27,080 --> 02:18:29,640
Speaker 1: play date group chat in the building and she invited

2574
02:18:29,720 --> 02:18:32,080
Speaker 1: us and you know, our dogs were playing and we

2575
02:18:32,120 --> 02:18:36,320
Speaker 1: connected and now she's helping me, you know, build Bill

2576
02:18:36,360 --> 02:18:38,600
Speaker 1: Tate and Taylor. So I love dogs. I think that

2577
02:18:38,760 --> 02:18:42,360
Speaker 1: there's there are just amazing and and they're connectors, and

2578
02:18:42,840 --> 02:18:45,440
Speaker 1: it's something that I love so much and find so

2579
02:18:45,520 --> 02:18:48,560
Speaker 1: much joy in. And I hope that people, you know,

2580
02:18:48,879 --> 02:18:52,320
Speaker 1: receive that and see that and are excited about it,

2581
02:18:52,360 --> 02:18:55,760
Speaker 1: because you know, I'm really passionate about how I take

2582
02:18:55,800 --> 02:18:58,520
Speaker 1: care of my dog and the love I want to

2583
02:18:58,560 --> 02:19:00,320
Speaker 1: give him. I want to give give him the best

2584
02:19:00,320 --> 02:19:02,880
Speaker 1: life possible. Because they're not with us forever is you know,

2585
02:19:03,280 --> 02:19:06,280
Speaker 1: I know very well, and I want to cherish every

2586
02:19:06,320 --> 02:19:08,880
Speaker 1: single second I possibly can with them. And I know

2587
02:19:08,920 --> 02:19:11,760
Speaker 1: so many pet pet people and people who have pets

2588
02:19:11,800 --> 02:19:15,120
Speaker 1: want that as well. And you know, there's definitely a

2589
02:19:15,200 --> 02:19:20,480
Speaker 1: lack of community. I think in the pet industry there

2590
02:19:20,600 --> 02:19:23,240
Speaker 1: is community, but there's not like a place. I feel

2591
02:19:23,240 --> 02:19:26,560
Speaker 1: like there wasn't a place to go for information to

2592
02:19:26,600 --> 02:19:28,840
Speaker 1: connect to other people. And I really hope to build

2593
02:19:28,879 --> 02:19:31,680
Speaker 1: that and grotate and tailor into something where people feel

2594
02:19:31,680 --> 02:19:33,879
Speaker 1: like this is happening to me and I don't know

2595
02:19:33,879 --> 02:19:36,440
Speaker 1: what to do. Maybe we can help you figure that out.

2596
02:19:36,760 --> 02:19:39,000
Speaker 1: So that's sort of the intention in doing what we're doing.

2597
02:19:39,080 --> 02:19:44,039
Speaker 1: You know, we have the online store, We're like curating products,

2598
02:19:44,040 --> 02:19:47,520
Speaker 1: We're looking for amazing founders and brands and people who

2599
02:19:47,560 --> 02:19:50,520
Speaker 1: are doing innovative things in the pet space with whether

2600
02:19:50,560 --> 02:19:53,680
Speaker 1: that's treats that are with really great quality, we have

2601
02:19:53,760 --> 02:19:56,600
Speaker 1: women owned businesses. I love the idea of supporting women

2602
02:19:56,680 --> 02:20:00,879
Speaker 1: and you know, young cool entrepreneurs or is doing really

2603
02:20:00,879 --> 02:20:04,320
Speaker 1: interesting things and maybe helping do that together and giving

2604
02:20:04,360 --> 02:20:06,720
Speaker 1: them a space and a platform to showcase and talk

2605
02:20:06,760 --> 02:20:09,400
Speaker 1: about their product and why it's great and and why

2606
02:20:09,440 --> 02:20:13,560
Speaker 1: it's different, and you know, help them sort of just

2607
02:20:13,600 --> 02:20:16,360
Speaker 1: like share what they're doing with the world. Because there's

2608
02:20:16,400 --> 02:20:19,600
Speaker 1: so many passionate, you know entrepreneurs out there who are

2609
02:20:19,640 --> 02:20:23,160
Speaker 1: starting these companies in the pet space and they're so

2610
02:20:23,400 --> 02:20:26,360
Speaker 1: dedicated and they have just as much passion and love

2611
02:20:26,400 --> 02:20:28,640
Speaker 1: as I do for their dogs, and and they've gone

2612
02:20:28,680 --> 02:20:30,959
Speaker 1: through something it's completely different than maybe I've gone through

2613
02:20:30,959 --> 02:20:34,080
Speaker 1: with Tate, you know. So it's really interesting people to

2614
02:20:34,120 --> 02:20:37,760
Speaker 1: speak with businesses and speak with you know, founders about

2615
02:20:38,120 --> 02:20:40,959
Speaker 1: why they started their company, what their goal, and what

2616
02:20:41,000 --> 02:20:43,080
Speaker 1: their mission and their drive is, why they're doing what

2617
02:20:43,080 --> 02:20:46,320
Speaker 1: they're doing, you know, challenges they've faced as women in

2618
02:20:46,320 --> 02:20:51,080
Speaker 1: the industry, as you know, just an entrepreneur, being an

2619
02:20:51,240 --> 02:20:54,160
Speaker 1: entrepreneur in general, there's there's so many things that you

2620
02:20:54,240 --> 02:20:56,800
Speaker 1: know we would we want to touch on in in

2621
02:20:56,840 --> 02:21:00,360
Speaker 1: that space that I think there's just I felt it

2622
02:21:00,400 --> 02:21:02,320
Speaker 1: wasn't there when I was going through that with Tait,

2623
02:21:02,440 --> 02:21:04,520
Speaker 1: you know, and I really want to create that for

2624
02:21:04,640 --> 02:21:08,320
Speaker 1: people and bring people together and have it be fun

2625
02:21:08,520 --> 02:21:12,200
Speaker 1: and you know, really easy and exciting, you know, to

2626
02:21:12,320 --> 02:21:15,039
Speaker 1: care and like find cool products and great and things

2627
02:21:15,040 --> 02:21:17,720
Speaker 1: at work that you know we like for our pets.

2628
02:21:17,720 --> 02:21:22,680
Speaker 2: So yeah, that's a really powerful stop. No, it's a

2629
02:21:22,760 --> 02:21:26,480
Speaker 2: really powerful intention and powerful mission. And it's it's so

2630
02:21:26,640 --> 02:21:28,959
Speaker 2: clear and evident, and I feel like you're going to

2631
02:21:29,000 --> 02:21:33,039
Speaker 2: revolutionize the pet space. It's it's it's obvious that your

2632
02:21:33,360 --> 02:21:35,920
Speaker 2: driving passion is true. And a couple of lessons I

2633
02:21:35,959 --> 02:21:37,920
Speaker 2: took away just listening to you. One was this idea.

2634
02:21:37,959 --> 02:21:40,280
Speaker 2: I think we live in a world where when we

2635
02:21:40,360 --> 02:21:43,760
Speaker 2: discover something we're passionate about, we like to discount our

2636
02:21:43,800 --> 02:21:46,039
Speaker 2: past experience and make it seem like, oh.

2637
02:21:45,959 --> 02:21:47,039
Speaker 3: Now I've found it.

2638
02:21:47,600 --> 02:21:50,040
Speaker 2: Whatever I did before was kind of like it was there,

2639
02:21:50,080 --> 02:21:50,680
Speaker 2: but now.

2640
02:21:50,520 --> 02:21:51,039
Speaker 3: I found it.

2641
02:21:51,040 --> 02:21:53,800
Speaker 2: And what I love hearing about from you, and I

2642
02:21:53,959 --> 02:21:57,560
Speaker 2: definitely resonate with what you said, it's like, actually every

2643
02:21:57,600 --> 02:22:03,279
Speaker 2: stage of your career unlocks the opportunity, the ability, the ideas,

2644
02:22:03,320 --> 02:22:06,160
Speaker 2: the resources, the connectivity to do the next thing. And

2645
02:22:06,240 --> 02:22:08,039
Speaker 2: I think if anyone out there is right now you're listening,

2646
02:22:08,080 --> 02:22:09,680
Speaker 2: and you're going to hate my job, I hate where

2647
02:22:09,680 --> 02:22:09,959
Speaker 2: I am.

2648
02:22:10,160 --> 02:22:11,280
Speaker 3: I don't like what I'm doing.

2649
02:22:11,640 --> 02:22:13,959
Speaker 2: I promise you there's some skill or some lesson or

2650
02:22:14,000 --> 02:22:16,560
Speaker 2: some person or some contact that you met through that

2651
02:22:16,560 --> 02:22:19,280
Speaker 2: that could help you build the next part of yourself

2652
02:22:19,600 --> 02:22:22,759
Speaker 2: and overall your business.

2653
02:22:22,360 --> 02:22:23,119
Speaker 3: And your venture.

2654
02:22:23,160 --> 02:22:27,080
Speaker 2: In this direction you've gone in is truly a journey

2655
02:22:27,120 --> 02:22:31,840
Speaker 2: of pain to purpose, of passion to purpose, of using

2656
02:22:31,840 --> 02:22:34,920
Speaker 2: your platform for a purpose. And I think that it's

2657
02:22:34,959 --> 02:22:38,120
Speaker 2: such a beautiful example that so many of us, no

2658
02:22:38,160 --> 02:22:40,360
Speaker 2: matter what our pains are, what our stresses are, what

2659
02:22:40,400 --> 02:22:43,800
Speaker 2: our challenges are, that we can transform them into an

2660
02:22:43,840 --> 02:22:45,800
Speaker 2: offering to help other people who are going through the

2661
02:22:45,800 --> 02:22:46,400
Speaker 2: same time.

2662
02:22:47,160 --> 02:22:51,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, building a brand with intention, I think, and with

2663
02:22:52,040 --> 02:22:55,039
Speaker 1: a purpose to give back and help, I think is

2664
02:22:55,080 --> 02:22:57,640
Speaker 1: really important and something that especially in the PET space,

2665
02:22:57,680 --> 02:23:01,240
Speaker 1: I felt was lacking because there's so many areas I

2666
02:23:01,240 --> 02:23:04,040
Speaker 1: would love to tap into out, you know, just beyond

2667
02:23:04,120 --> 02:23:10,280
Speaker 1: the cancer funding and maybe even cancer research and getting

2668
02:23:10,280 --> 02:23:13,400
Speaker 1: into that and understanding why and how and you know,

2669
02:23:13,840 --> 02:23:16,720
Speaker 1: and as well as rescue. You know, we work with

2670
02:23:16,840 --> 02:23:21,320
Speaker 1: rescue organizations and my Salem, my dog, Salem, is a

2671
02:23:21,360 --> 02:23:24,720
Speaker 1: rescue and and that's an experience that he's been teaching

2672
02:23:24,760 --> 02:23:28,000
Speaker 1: me about and something that I want. I want to

2673
02:23:28,959 --> 02:23:32,480
Speaker 1: make a change and make an impact in. I think

2674
02:23:32,520 --> 02:23:35,120
Speaker 1: for me with Titan Taylor, the most important thing about

2675
02:23:35,400 --> 02:23:38,879
Speaker 1: this business is using it to make make an impact

2676
02:23:39,040 --> 02:23:42,400
Speaker 1: and do good things with it, and and use it

2677
02:23:42,440 --> 02:23:45,920
Speaker 1: to help people and help others and help dogs, you know,

2678
02:23:46,120 --> 02:23:49,600
Speaker 1: help people who have dogs or you know, hopefully animals

2679
02:23:49,640 --> 02:23:52,600
Speaker 1: pets in general. We'll get there one day. Well, if

2680
02:23:52,680 --> 02:23:54,360
Speaker 1: you have an iguana, great, maybe we will be able

2681
02:23:54,400 --> 02:23:56,200
Speaker 1: to help you with that. I don't know, who knows

2682
02:23:56,200 --> 02:23:57,920
Speaker 1: where it's going to go. That's what's so exciting. It's

2683
02:23:57,920 --> 02:24:00,560
Speaker 1: so new and it's so fresh, and right now we're

2684
02:24:00,600 --> 02:24:04,640
Speaker 1: dogs right now. So I'm obviously talking about dogs because

2685
02:24:05,280 --> 02:24:08,959
Speaker 1: that's what we are doing currently. I do have the

2686
02:24:09,040 --> 02:24:11,800
Speaker 1: hope and the optimism and the intention to want to

2687
02:24:11,840 --> 02:24:15,640
Speaker 1: do as much as I possibly can. But you know,

2688
02:24:16,520 --> 02:24:18,840
Speaker 1: I'm going to focus on one thing and then we

2689
02:24:18,920 --> 02:24:21,280
Speaker 1: can start growing from there and building on top of that.

2690
02:24:21,480 --> 02:24:25,959
Speaker 1: So in the pet space, there's just so much that

2691
02:24:26,040 --> 02:24:28,840
Speaker 1: I want to do and so much I want to accomplish,

2692
02:24:28,840 --> 02:24:31,600
Speaker 1: and I want to be able to build something that

2693
02:24:32,480 --> 02:24:36,119
Speaker 1: helps most importantly and that does give back, and that

2694
02:24:36,240 --> 02:24:39,039
Speaker 1: does have a drive and does have a cause, because

2695
02:24:39,600 --> 02:24:41,080
Speaker 1: there is a drive and there is a cause, and

2696
02:24:41,080 --> 02:24:42,920
Speaker 1: there is a reason behind everything that I'm doing, and

2697
02:24:42,959 --> 02:24:47,000
Speaker 1: its Tait. It's dedicated to him. It's dedicated to everything

2698
02:24:47,040 --> 02:24:49,320
Speaker 1: he taught me, the love I know he has for me,

2699
02:24:49,720 --> 02:24:52,840
Speaker 1: the love I have for him, and it's for everyone

2700
02:24:52,879 --> 02:24:55,000
Speaker 1: who's ever felt that way about a dog or a

2701
02:24:55,000 --> 02:24:57,400
Speaker 1: pet in their life. It's a dedication to that. It's

2702
02:24:57,440 --> 02:25:00,840
Speaker 1: a dedication to that feeling and knowing you want to

2703
02:25:00,840 --> 02:25:03,600
Speaker 1: take care of something, you love something so deeply. So

2704
02:25:03,680 --> 02:25:06,440
Speaker 1: do we We know that feeling, We understand that, and

2705
02:25:06,560 --> 02:25:08,680
Speaker 1: we want to make something and build something with you

2706
02:25:08,800 --> 02:25:13,880
Speaker 1: that is impactful and meaningful and helpful and connective and

2707
02:25:14,320 --> 02:25:17,880
Speaker 1: hopefully we can you know, build a great community and

2708
02:25:18,680 --> 02:25:22,120
Speaker 1: have incredible resources for people. So you know, we're this

2709
02:25:22,200 --> 02:25:24,720
Speaker 1: is just the beginning of our of our journey with it,

2710
02:25:24,760 --> 02:25:27,000
Speaker 1: and I'm really really excited about it.

2711
02:25:27,080 --> 02:25:28,920
Speaker 3: So well, congratulations Taylor.

2712
02:25:29,000 --> 02:25:32,080
Speaker 2: And we end every episode of On Purpose with a

2713
02:25:32,200 --> 02:25:34,360
Speaker 2: fast five, which you have to be answered in one

2714
02:25:34,400 --> 02:25:36,480
Speaker 2: word to one sentence maximum.

2715
02:25:36,760 --> 02:25:39,600
Speaker 1: I talk a lot before. We might have noticed from that.

2716
02:25:40,000 --> 02:25:44,640
Speaker 2: Yes, So, Taylor Hill, these are your final five. Question

2717
02:25:44,680 --> 02:25:47,000
Speaker 2: one is what is the best advice you've ever heard

2718
02:25:47,120 --> 02:25:47,680
Speaker 2: or received?

2719
02:25:48,080 --> 02:25:50,760
Speaker 1: Best advice is do what you love and the rest

2720
02:25:50,800 --> 02:25:52,400
Speaker 1: will come. My dad told me that.

2721
02:25:53,520 --> 02:25:54,400
Speaker 3: Great answer, all right.

2722
02:25:54,480 --> 02:25:57,080
Speaker 2: Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever

2723
02:25:57,120 --> 02:25:57,960
Speaker 2: heard or received?

2724
02:25:58,440 --> 02:26:03,200
Speaker 1: Maybe if you ignore it, it'll go away or something. Yeah,

2725
02:26:03,240 --> 02:26:04,720
Speaker 1: that's absolutely not true.

2726
02:26:05,840 --> 02:26:06,400
Speaker 3: Good answer.

2727
02:26:06,720 --> 02:26:10,879
Speaker 2: Question number three, what's the first thing you do every

2728
02:26:10,920 --> 02:26:12,800
Speaker 2: morning and the last thing you do every night?

2729
02:26:13,200 --> 02:26:15,800
Speaker 1: Well, I'm really not a morning person. So first thing

2730
02:26:15,800 --> 02:26:18,560
Speaker 1: in the morning, I'm like, why am I awake? What's

2731
02:26:18,600 --> 02:26:22,240
Speaker 1: that alarm? Why what's happening? I'm very disoriented first thing

2732
02:26:22,280 --> 02:26:27,880
Speaker 1: in the morning, and I think I drink coffee. I

2733
02:26:27,920 --> 02:26:30,040
Speaker 1: need I need to have a cup of coffee. I'm

2734
02:26:30,080 --> 02:26:33,680
Speaker 1: not a morning person. And then at night, I love

2735
02:26:34,520 --> 02:26:38,640
Speaker 1: snuggling with my dog, kissing Salem and in the past,

2736
02:26:38,959 --> 02:26:42,880
Speaker 1: you know, kissing Tate, having our good night cuddles. You know,

2737
02:26:43,200 --> 02:26:45,560
Speaker 1: if I'm at home with my husband, this is more

2738
02:26:45,600 --> 02:26:49,040
Speaker 1: than one sentence. I've already failed, you know, saying good

2739
02:26:49,120 --> 02:26:52,240
Speaker 1: night and you know, having time, like you know, our

2740
02:26:52,360 --> 02:26:55,199
Speaker 1: connection with him.

2741
02:26:55,959 --> 02:27:02,280
Speaker 2: Question number four, what's something you learned lately? Something a

2742
02:27:02,360 --> 02:27:04,959
Speaker 2: skill that you picked up, a lesson that you learned recently.

2743
02:27:05,640 --> 02:27:08,240
Speaker 1: Not that recent, but lately I've been learning how to

2744
02:27:08,280 --> 02:27:12,480
Speaker 1: cook and doing it better, cooking more and being better

2745
02:27:12,520 --> 02:27:13,840
Speaker 1: at it. But that's taken time.

2746
02:27:14,680 --> 02:27:15,640
Speaker 3: Nice it does.

2747
02:27:16,959 --> 02:27:19,360
Speaker 2: Fifth and final question, If you could create one law

2748
02:27:19,840 --> 02:27:22,400
Speaker 2: that everyone in the world had to follow, what would

2749
02:27:22,400 --> 02:27:22,680
Speaker 2: it be?

2750
02:27:23,400 --> 02:27:28,840
Speaker 1: Always grow, you know, always change, like be willing to

2751
02:27:28,879 --> 02:27:31,520
Speaker 1: grow and change. I don't know how to apply that

2752
02:27:31,560 --> 02:27:34,560
Speaker 1: as a law, but I think growth is so important,

2753
02:27:34,600 --> 02:27:39,240
Speaker 1: and you know, acknowledging past mistakes and growing and changing

2754
02:27:39,280 --> 02:27:41,440
Speaker 1: from them is really important. Something I'm still learning and

2755
02:27:41,480 --> 02:27:43,400
Speaker 1: trying to do. But I think if we can all

2756
02:27:44,400 --> 02:27:46,240
Speaker 1: work on that and do that, maybe the world could

2757
02:27:46,240 --> 02:27:47,000
Speaker 1: be a better place.

2758
02:27:47,280 --> 02:27:48,959
Speaker 3: Absolutely well, sir Taylor.

2759
02:27:49,040 --> 02:27:51,480
Speaker 2: Hell everyone, Taylor, thank you so much for sharing your heart,

2760
02:27:51,520 --> 02:27:56,640
Speaker 2: your soul, your beautiful experiences. Thank you for being so

2761
02:27:56,720 --> 02:27:59,000
Speaker 2: open and honest with our community, and everyone's been listening

2762
02:27:59,080 --> 02:28:01,959
Speaker 2: and watching. I know that this would have affected you.

2763
02:28:02,000 --> 02:28:03,840
Speaker 2: I know you are friends and family who've been through

2764
02:28:03,840 --> 02:28:06,560
Speaker 2: some of these experiences that Taylor shared with us. Please

2765
02:28:06,600 --> 02:28:09,640
Speaker 2: pass this episode onto them, maybe even sit and listen

2766
02:28:09,640 --> 02:28:12,039
Speaker 2: to it with them and hold them through it. I

2767
02:28:12,040 --> 02:28:13,920
Speaker 2: would love you to use this episode as a way

2768
02:28:14,000 --> 02:28:17,720
Speaker 2: of having some of those uncomfortable, difficult conversations. And of

2769
02:28:17,760 --> 02:28:20,039
Speaker 2: course check out Tate and Taylor. Can't wait for you

2770
02:28:20,120 --> 02:28:23,000
Speaker 2: to give your dogs all the love that they deserve.

2771
02:28:23,240 --> 02:28:25,000
Speaker 2: And I want to say a big thank you again

2772
02:28:25,040 --> 02:28:27,320
Speaker 2: to Taylor for her presence, love and energies.

2773
02:28:27,360 --> 02:28:29,880
Speaker 1: Thank you very much, happy to have been here. Thank you.

2774
02:28:30,640 --> 02:28:33,440
Speaker 2: If you love this episode, you will also love my

2775
02:28:33,600 --> 02:28:38,000
Speaker 2: interview with Kendall Jenna on setting boundaries to increase happiness

2776
02:28:38,280 --> 02:28:40,360
Speaker 2: and healing. You're in a child You.

2777
02:28:40,320 --> 02:28:42,520
Speaker 4: Could be reading something that someone is saying about you

2778
02:28:42,560 --> 02:28:44,520
Speaker 4: and being like, that is so unfair because that's not

2779
02:28:44,560 --> 02:28:47,439
Speaker 4: who I am and that really gets to me sometimes.

2780
02:28:47,440 --> 02:28:49,240
Speaker 4: But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like,

2781
02:28:49,280 --> 02:28:51,760
Speaker 4: but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter?