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Speaker 1: This is Cowboy Sam and this is eh John. And

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Speaker 1: we've last showed in some amazing stories for y'all the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcasts. But before that we got a wrangle,

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Speaker 1: a quick little two minute outbreak from those bucking sponsors.

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Speaker 1: We bucking love so much they're paid us the bucks

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Speaker 1: to help this show stay alive.

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Speaker 2: My sister tried to steal my trust fund because she

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Speaker 2: thinks she deserved it more.

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Speaker 1: Well, you gotta trust that you didn't.

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Speaker 2: My three D eight female family is a little messed up.

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Speaker 2: I essentially have or had five parents and three different

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Speaker 2: groups of siblings.

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Speaker 1: It's a bit much five parents and three sibling circles.

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Speaker 2: That's new to me. By the way. This comes from

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Speaker 2: reasonable Cat fifty seven. And if you want to spit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 2: Time subreddits.

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Speaker 1: I'm Riley, I'm Dakota.

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Speaker 2: And I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully.

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Speaker 1: But guess what what, Riley.

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Speaker 2: We don't have all the answers. None, But if you

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Speaker 2: have some answers, what should you do?

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Speaker 3: Sofia, you should go to sleep Okay Story's time to reddit.

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Speaker 1: No, just comment you should go to sleep. Ah, sleep sleep,

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Speaker 1: go to slate.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I want you to comment anyways, Opie says, as

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Speaker 2: a child, I was living in the US with my

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Speaker 2: adopted parents and a lot of things went down that

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Speaker 2: weren't great, so I moved back to the UK when

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Speaker 2: I was nine. I had a lot of trauma and

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Speaker 2: the beginnings of rather a serious substance problem. So my

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Speaker 2: US dad set up a trust for me before he passed,

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Speaker 2: so that anything mental health related was paid for and

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Speaker 2: I didn't have to stress about being able to sort

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Speaker 2: it out myself as I got older. Dude, they's huge.

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Speaker 1: I bet you. I know why your sister doesn't think

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Speaker 1: you deserve the trust fund. Oh said, but I was

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Speaker 1: a good baby. I was a good little girl. I

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Speaker 1: was a good little girl, and I deserve all of

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Speaker 1: the money.

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Speaker 2: I catched all the candy out of I knows.

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Speaker 1: All the clams out of my sinuses.

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Speaker 2: It's been rather handy over the last thirty years, paying

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Speaker 2: for a home when I was a teenager, therapy, rehab,

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Speaker 2: basically anything needed to help me not pass away. At

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Speaker 2: some point in my teenage years, I made contact with

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Speaker 2: my biological parents and they're other kids and was welcomed

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Speaker 2: back into the fault. Okay, some of my full siblings

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Speaker 2: had issues with this, fair enough. It was a big

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Speaker 2: change to everyone's lives. My little sister, now in her

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Speaker 2: early thirties apparently found it particularly hard, and so we

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Speaker 2: never got along and have been no contact for almost

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Speaker 2: a decade. She hates to see a successful family. Is

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Speaker 2: that what it is?

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Speaker 1: It could be so many different things. It's complicated. When

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Speaker 1: it's like you've gotten you've got a lot of help

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Speaker 1: from somebody, You've got a very complicated family dynamic. You've

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Speaker 1: got three different circles of siblings, you've got five different parents. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's you've you've got a lot of moving pieces. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I think who was it? I think

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Speaker 1: it was awesome. Ashley commented something along the lines earlier

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Speaker 1: of like she just wants the money. Does it have

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Speaker 1: to be any deeper than that? And like, no, honestly

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Speaker 1: that that could be it.

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Speaker 2: But it's like, so you're sniffing money, So fiar you

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Speaker 2: sniffing this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sniffing what you're smelling.

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Speaker 2: I thought it was like like the lack of opportunity

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Speaker 2: is what I'm seeing. It's like, oh, pe your biological parents,

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Speaker 2: won't you, and then want you back into the fold.

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Speaker 2: Mine don't because I don't think they have the sister

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Speaker 2: has the same Yeah parents in that way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just saying it's like it's it's this, it's

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Speaker 1: like another layer of that, like what's okay, you know,

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Speaker 1: what's what's gonna drive this like wedge where it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm taking your money because you don't deserve

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Speaker 1: it the way I deserve it.

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Speaker 2: This became particularly apparent in recent weeks after she contacted

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Speaker 2: these solicitors who were in control of the trust, pretending

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Speaker 2: to be from a rehab facility in the US. She

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Speaker 2: sent them an invoice for a three months stay, requesting

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Speaker 2: payment to the bank account of a friend of hers

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Speaker 2: in the US.

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Speaker 1: Oh, so she's doing wirefraud. That's great, that'll put her

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Speaker 1: in jail.

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Speaker 2: We haven't seen this one before, Sophia, have we I

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Speaker 2: don't think so this first wirefraud mentioned?

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Speaker 1: All right, someone get the bill.

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Speaker 2: First I heard about this was on a phone call

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Speaker 2: from said solicitors, offering their commiseration that I was due

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Speaker 2: to enter the facility, wishing me luck and double checking

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Speaker 2: the details. I am livid. This is tens of thousands

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Speaker 2: of pounds that she tried to steal from me.

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Speaker 3: That is a lot of money.

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Speaker 1: We have to be expensive.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, the money that she has absolutely no

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Speaker 2: rights to. She never met my adoptive parents. She's not

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Speaker 2: owed any money from them. She's lived a perfectly normal

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Speaker 2: life with both of her parents, her other siblings, holidays,

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Speaker 2: university paid for, no big dramas. And she thinks she

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Speaker 2: can just take from me because she wants to buy

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Speaker 2: a house and thinks I should help her out because

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Speaker 2: I ruined her childhood?

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Speaker 1: What did you do that? I posit the question of

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Speaker 1: how did you do that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like Opie, you were going through some stuff.

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Speaker 3: Not it seems like you perhaps were a child.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly in her child Dooo.

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Speaker 1: Well then see, and this all goes back to like

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Speaker 1: the you had problems and then your bioparents, like maybe

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Speaker 1: you know, she thinks that her situation or her dynamic

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Speaker 1: with them is a byproduct of their dynamic with you,

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Speaker 1: And now you have this, you know, the adoptive parents

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Speaker 1: thing she might be jealous of, like, well, how come

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Speaker 1: you guys to just leave and then end up being,

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Speaker 1: you know, taken care of for everything when you were

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Speaker 1: the one who made all the mistakes. YadA, YadA, YadA.

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Speaker 2: Except she can't even just ask, she has to try

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Speaker 2: and still it. I have no idea what to do

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Speaker 2: about this, because if I got the police, it will

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Speaker 2: create even more drama in the family that I could

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Speaker 2: do without. And I feel like that's exactly what she wants.

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Speaker 1: No, she just wants the money. Dog. She doesn't want

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Speaker 1: the drama. She just wants your money.

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Speaker 2: Our parents will side with her, and she knows it.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to give her the satisfaction, but I'm

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Speaker 2: just so mad that she chooses this specific way to

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Speaker 2: try and take what's not hers. Feels like such a

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Speaker 2: low blow. Obviously she's getting a sweet butt load to nothing,

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Speaker 2: but WTF And we got a little edit to add poll.

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Speaker 2: Can we get a police or not?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I would hellow police, I would say

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Speaker 1: nah what, just because it's like my own personal piece,

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Speaker 1: you know, so I because then I'm gonna have to

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Speaker 1: deal with it, and then it's probably gonna go to court.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you're in the States right now,

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Speaker 1: if you're back in England. Still, yeah, you can and

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Speaker 1: it's like, well, are you gonna have to go to

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Speaker 1: court in a different country like where it's like all

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Speaker 1: of it is like so much where it's just like

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Speaker 1: of course, and she got nothing. If she had successfully

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Speaker 1: stolen you know, that money from you, that's another story.

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Speaker 2: But she got nothing, say Na, Sophia, Ah.

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Speaker 3: I think if you could prove it, I'm going would

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Speaker 3: have hurt to go to the points.

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Speaker 2: So you're you're saying police, if you got receipts, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I think just getting a pay patrol started.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think like get that like maybe like I

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Speaker 3: don't know, you don't necessarily have to go through the

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Speaker 3: whole process of like suing or something, but I.

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Speaker 1: Think you kind of do have a paper trail through

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Speaker 1: the through the lawyers that have already done stuff, so

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Speaker 1: there is some kind of record that it happened.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what if it went through though.

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Speaker 1: Again, if if the money was stolen, then it's like

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Speaker 1: all right, we're doing the whole shebang here. But if

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Speaker 1: it just comes to like if I can choose my

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Speaker 1: own piece over like you're choosing your piece, I don't

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Speaker 1: even want to deal with this because it's just gonna

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Speaker 1: make my life be peaceful. You're already not in my

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Speaker 1: life basically, so I don't bring you back. I'd send

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Speaker 1: her a card like one hundred bucks in it and

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Speaker 1: be like, next time, just ask to.

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Speaker 2: Add because a few people have asked. My father had

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Speaker 2: to bel me out of a crappy situation a couple

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Speaker 2: of years ago, which included getting a flight to another

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Speaker 2: country to come and get me. Obviously, I insisted he

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Speaker 2: accept reimbursement for his flights despite him not needing the money,

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Speaker 2: so he would have had the details of my solicitors

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Speaker 2: and the fund from that time. My sister often visits

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Speaker 2: my parents, so I suspect she would have seen the

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Speaker 2: information in my dad's office at some point. I've certainly

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Speaker 2: never mentioned the fund to any of my siblings. We

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Speaker 2: have an update. So she did some slew thing that

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Speaker 2: was kind of my question, like how did she know

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Speaker 2: she knew about it, but she know the bank. How

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Speaker 2: did she get in contact with.

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Speaker 1: The called cheeky little thief in the shadows?

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Speaker 2: Oh, the sister's gonna double down and get more money.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if she keeps trying, then it's like, all right,

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Speaker 1: what are we doing? You know? But at this point

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, that was so dumb. Don't do that again.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, what do you think?

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Speaker 3: So via, So the parents are like an issue as well.

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Speaker 2: Yep, yep, they seem to whatever she says is right.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. Maybe it's just like, you know, no

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Speaker 3: contact with these people, everyone, no contact anyone who's supporting her.

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Speaker 1: If you would have just asked, it could have been

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Speaker 1: completely different.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But now if it's like, uh oh, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: the parents come back and they're like, well you should

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Speaker 1: help her, it's like she's your sister. It's like, so

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Speaker 1: we want to reinforce that it's okay to try to steal.

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Speaker 1: You should try to steal, because what will happen is

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Speaker 1: that they'll have to end They'll they'll just end up

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Speaker 1: giving you the money anyway, even when you fail. So like,

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Speaker 1: why are we going to reinforce that as good as

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Speaker 1: a behavior that works?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? So update, This got pretty overwhelming pretty quick. I'm

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Speaker 2: balancing getting things done and tied up with not losing

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Speaker 2: my mind, which is always fun. Join the club. Solicitors

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Speaker 2: are reporting everything for me, as they are indeed required

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Speaker 2: to do. Turns out I misunderstood and thought I had

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Speaker 2: to get involved. But no, it's all on them. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 2: so she doesn't have to worry about that.

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Speaker 1: There, that's that's very nice.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to just let what happens happen. I'll be

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Speaker 2: setting up a meeting at some point to go through

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Speaker 2: all of the transactions made over the last twenty years

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Speaker 2: or so, just to make sure nothing else seems nefarious.

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Speaker 1: Ooh yeah, wait, that's kind of yeah. Just if she

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Speaker 1: was doing the slow drip for a long time, maybe

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Speaker 1: she maybe sometimes getting through the cracks, and then she

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Speaker 1: tried this big one, yeah, and it didn't work out.

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Speaker 1: That is entirely possible.

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Speaker 2: She tried to cut open the golden goose.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which is everyone knows. You don't do that. You

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Speaker 1: just wait for the egg. You got one golden goose

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Speaker 1: that lays of Bajillian golden eggs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I want more now.

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Speaker 1: Gotta wait for that egg. Baby.

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Speaker 2: Thanks to everyone for the reassurance that I'm not doing

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Speaker 2: something wrong by wanting this sorted. But I appreciate a

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Speaker 2: little less speculation on my life and on the role

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Speaker 2: my parents playing it, if you can manage that. We

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Speaker 2: have some comments. Trice are flop a fundp.

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Speaker 1: Tricer fund tricer flops.

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Speaker 2: I like trycer flops better, though, tri serratops and Fundip says,

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Speaker 2: you really should go to the police. She had the

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Speaker 2: audacity to do this. There is no stopping her from

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Speaker 2: escalating even more. If your parents side with her, that

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Speaker 2: is also useful information. You cannot trust them and you

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Speaker 2: should be very careful around them. If not, just cut

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Speaker 2: them off. Do not let these people treat you like this.

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Speaker 2: Family or not, you deserve respects.

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Speaker 1: Bing Bob Boom. I agree, family or not, you deserve respect.

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Speaker 2: R ees pct Lucky therapy already one says, what try

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Speaker 2: sorrow tips and fun Tip said? Did I get that right?

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Speaker 1: Try sorrow tips my favorite cut of barbecue. Try sorrow

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Speaker 1: tips all right?

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Speaker 2: What the person before me said above? Also, this is

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Speaker 2: not probably the first time she tried fraud scam and

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Speaker 2: identity theft. Other family members have also probably suffered from it.

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Speaker 1: Ooh.

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Speaker 2: These scammers often try with family first because it gets

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Speaker 2: easier to get family information to set up duplicate accounts.

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Speaker 2: Might want to run a credit check on yourself as well. Wow,

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Speaker 2: we should all take the time and drink some water

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Speaker 2: and check if we've been scammed within the last twenty years.

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Speaker 1: All right, drink water, check for fraud. Drink water. Let's

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Speaker 1: go check for scam drink water.

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Speaker 2: Candid Plum says, when you run the credit check on yourself,

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Speaker 2: freeze your credit. That will give you an added measure

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Speaker 2: of security against scammers and cheat trying to open accounts

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Speaker 2: or obtain credit for loans in your name. La la

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Speaker 2: la la la la la la la la says. Wire

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Speaker 2: bank fraud is a felony.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, if only we knew that. If only we

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Speaker 1: had known, we would have never done this if we

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Speaker 1: knew it was illegal.

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Speaker 2: Guess what you get when you get three felonies?

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Speaker 1: Three felonies?

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Speaker 2: Rent for free?

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Speaker 1: Oh free, rent for life? Yep, wall, they still have

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Speaker 1: the three strike rule. They get rid of that. I

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Speaker 1: think they got rid of that.

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Speaker 2: Is that a thing still, Sophie?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, as I thought, it still exists. Oh wow, notably

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Speaker 3: in California.

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Speaker 2: Oh nice, Let your solicitor be the bad guy and

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Speaker 2: go after her. Meanwhile, do whatever is necessary to lock

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Speaker 2: down your personal information for is your credit, change all

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Speaker 2: of your passwords, add an extra level of protection to

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Speaker 2: your trust. And we got an update ten months later.

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Speaker 1: Ten month update I anticipate a lot of legal things

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Speaker 1: have happened.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, mister legal, though, what kind of legal.

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Speaker 1: I imagine an OWL as a lawyer.

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Speaker 2: See, the good thing about an OWL lawyer is someone

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Speaker 2: says something behind them.

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Speaker 1: You just yeah, they can turn their head all the

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Speaker 1: way around.

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Speaker 2: I could do that.

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Speaker 1: It's a power plan to move. They're pretty smart too, owls, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think they are. They're very quiet. Hopefully they fly silently. Exactly.

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Speaker 2: You're a natural update. I don't lie to leave a

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Speaker 2: story unfinished, thank you. So even if no one is interested,

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna leave this year a final update about

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Speaker 2: my sister feeling like she's entitled to my money and

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Speaker 2: attempting to steal it from me. So, after months of

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Speaker 2: pretty much just waiting, it turns out absolutely nothing is

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Speaker 2: going to happen.

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Speaker 1: Oh, nothing legal is happening at all.

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Speaker 2: No legal stuff, no charges, no consequences, no official acknowledgment

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Speaker 2: beyond a few we understand your frustrations emails.

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Speaker 1: Well, again, you know, she didn't. She tried to do

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Speaker 1: the thing and she failed. And I think that they're

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Speaker 1: in different countries, so that's a really hard thing to prosecute.

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Speaker 2: So you're saying we sent an invoice to some people

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Speaker 2: in different countries we could maybe get money and we

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Speaker 2: would have been charged.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I really don't know. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if op's in the States or not, but I know

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Speaker 1: that the sister was trying to send the money to

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Speaker 1: the States or like that was the where the bank

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Speaker 1: account was based. Oh so it wasn't her bank account. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so then it's like, well, are we prosecuting your sister

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Speaker 1: or is this like could this maybe then be prosecuted

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Speaker 1: as like, oh it was this person in the States,

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Speaker 1: it was you and my sister. Because the sister could

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Speaker 1: just go, oh, I have no idea what any of

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Speaker 1: this is, and this account was being used to not

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Speaker 1: in my you know, was it me?

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Speaker 2: The friend whose bank account my sister tried to fund

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Speaker 2: the money into has been fully cleared. It would seem

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Speaker 2: that they had no idea what was going on. The

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Speaker 2: police spoke to them early on, and it apparently became

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Speaker 2: obvious quickly that they weren't actually involved. The US police

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Speaker 2: won't take it any further because no actual funds were transferred,

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Speaker 2: so there was no financial loss, and because my sister

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Speaker 2: is in the UK, UK police have closed their side

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Speaker 2: of things as well because the US cops aren't interested.

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Speaker 2: So she just gets away with being a butt once again.

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Speaker 2: I guess dang.

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Speaker 1: So so it does, unfortunately seem like that's exactly what

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Speaker 1: it was, honestly, because it's in two different jurisdictions and

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Speaker 1: there was no successful fraud achieved. It's like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what that crime attempted.

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Speaker 2: Fraud cowbody is. God says if you try to unlive someone,

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Speaker 2: but Phil you can still catch a charge.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but what if it's in a different country, So

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Speaker 1: this would be like maybe like a conspiracy to commit

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Speaker 1: wire fraud. Yeah, because that's what you would get if

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Speaker 1: you'd be conspiracy to commit the red rum Mingling says.

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Speaker 2: They won't say we understand your rage because frustration is

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Speaker 2: an understatement.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you understand you're ceaseless rage that learns with the

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Speaker 1: power of five thousand suns.

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Speaker 2: So we got a little bit left here. So that's

341
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Speaker 2: not nine months of paperwork in stressful meetings with solicitors

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Speaker 2: and one minor mental health breakdown, only to be told

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Speaker 2: it's essentially gone nowhere, which is pretty anger inducing but

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Speaker 2: also kind of expected. Somehow that woman gets away with

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Speaker 2: bloody everything. We haven't spoken and we won't. I'm not

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Speaker 2: sure what my parents' involvement with her these days are,

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Speaker 2: but I know they won't be expecting us to be

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Speaker 2: in the same room as one another again, So I

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Speaker 2: guess that's some level of support. No contact prevails, woo. Honestly,

350
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Speaker 2: who would have been okay without an update? Sadly?

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, and where did we end up? I

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Speaker 1: don't mean to be like, hey, guess who, Yeah, that

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Speaker 1: was your piece. Your piece was just being like letting

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Speaker 1: that go, being like nothing happened, and you know what,

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00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,960
Speaker 1: that's the justice in and of itself. And you know,

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Speaker 1: at least you didn't do like a whole bunch of

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Speaker 1: like work on it. You just basically let the solicitors

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Speaker 1: handle it. But I'm sure that wasn't free. Yeah, so

359
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 1: that you know, you've drained financial resources on that. So

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Speaker 1: in a way she kind of did steal your money

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Speaker 1: because you to pay these solicitors. Maybe, I'm not sure.

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Speaker 2: One comment here, lap steal Guitar says time for a

363
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 2: new bank, that one that she doesn't know about. Oh.

364
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 2: He says, solicitors have closed everything down and made it

365
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,880
Speaker 2: effectively inaccessible for anyone but myself and my husband, so

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00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 2: we should be good on that front. Yay, I need

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Speaker 2: a solicitor in my life.

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Speaker 1: Nah, give me your solicitor would be good. I want

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Speaker 1: a solicitor, I do. I just want to live somewhere

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Speaker 1: where I can go to the freaking doctor and it

371
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 1: doesn't cost so much money all the time.

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Speaker 2: Or please you. I want dandelions and you do the

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Speaker 2: holistic trail and you don't have to go to the doctor.

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Speaker 1: Dandelions.

375
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Speaker 2: Yeah, just make a lion tea dandelions. No, no, no, you

376
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:57,360
Speaker 2: make it into a tea.

377
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Speaker 3: But I've got the next story ready, all.

378
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Speaker 2: Right, nights.

379
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Speaker 1: I refused to let my husband have my daughter after

380
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Speaker 1: I passed because he cheated. She's mine for avera Trey

381
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 1: warning for terminal cancer. I fifty female, am passing away

382
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 1: from esophageal cancer. I likely will be entering hospice sometime

383
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty four. I just want a final holiday

384
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Speaker 1: at home. My husband, James, and I have been married

385
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:27,040
Speaker 1: three years, but have been in a romantic relationship for

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Speaker 1: a total of five years. By the way, this comes

387
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 1: from user throwaway am Be And if you want to

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Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime,

389
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 1: subbreed it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and we

390
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 1: are here to give you good advice goofully, but we

391
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We're working on it, but

392
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,639
Speaker 1: until then, just let us know what you would do

393
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 1: in the comments, because we only know what we would do.

394
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 1: And Op says, besides my ten year old daughter, Amy,

395
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Speaker 1: my husband has three kids of his own. My daughter

396
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 1: is actually biologically my niece, but I adopted her when

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Speaker 1: she was one because her biological dad passed away from

398
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 1: an od and my sister had done something horrible for

399
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,760
Speaker 1: which she is still sitting in prison today. A lot

400
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,639
Speaker 1: of moving pieces, none of them are great. No Amy

401
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 1: will be well into adulthood before she gets a shot

402
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,159
Speaker 1: at parole. But in my eyes, and I like to

403
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:24,440
Speaker 1: think in everyone else's, Amy is my daughter. For a while,

404
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,360
Speaker 1: I thought James would be yet another example of biology

405
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,120
Speaker 1: not making a parent. I thought we were a family

406
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: and that he was completely devoted to me into Amy,

407
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,440
Speaker 1: just as I was to his kids. We spoke of adoption,

408
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 1: and the first time was about two years ago. Then

409
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,480
Speaker 1: I began getting sick and this fell by the wayside.

410
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: Two months ago, I found out that James had a

411
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 1: one night stand with a coworker four years ago. We

412
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: were having a rough patch and hadn't been sleeping together, true,

413
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 1: but he blamed it on being wasted.

414
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,159
Speaker 3: Does not matter, doesn't excuse, it.

415
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,119
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter at all. But Beta, I know people who

416
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 1: would get wasted and would tackle someone to the ground

417
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: before they would cheat on their partner. Yeah, she later

418
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,679
Speaker 1: quit without notice. She decided to find me online and

419
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 1: expose him after they wouldn't take her back at the restaurant.

420
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,199
Speaker 1: I had a feeling James was hiding something after he

421
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:20,439
Speaker 1: stormed off from our fights. Now I'm passing away and

422
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: stuck in therapy dealing with this. He claims he hasn't

423
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: cheated since, and I do not have that suspicion after

424
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,440
Speaker 1: that period, but I don't know what to think anymore.

425
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 1: He begged me not to divorce, if only so he

426
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:35,359
Speaker 1: could take care of me and for his health insurance.

427
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: But now all he's been doing is agonizing about adopting amy.

428
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 1: All I'm thinking about is that he had this one

429
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 1: night's stand, but there must have been flirting beforehand. He

430
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 1: was the taken one, so he should have had the

431
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: impulse control and respect for his partner. I don't like

432
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: what that says about his character and feel he isn't

433
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: as sorry as he ought to have been. During our conversation,

434
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 1: he said he loves Amy and admitted that he cheated,

435
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: so he's a cheater, but he argued that the mistake

436
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 1: doesn't take away his care for Amy and her welfare.

437
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: He said he deserves any punishments regarding our marriage, but

438
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 1: punishing him would also punish Amy because the state would

439
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,159
Speaker 1: step in the moment I pass away. I know that

440
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 1: if I were healthy, I would have either divorced him

441
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: or put my energy into therapy. I've spoken with a

442
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 1: lawyer and am considering divorcing him because I cannot stand

443
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 1: in fidelity. The fact that he did this makes me

444
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 1: worried about whether he'd again let his impulses cloud his

445
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,880
Speaker 1: better judgment, whether that could extend to letting an unsuitable

446
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 1: partner in because he sees Spicy sleep at nothing else.

447
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 1: James is upset and says that my parents are gone

448
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,679
Speaker 1: and the only relative I have is on welfare with

449
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: five kids. But I want to rescind my offer because

450
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: I don't trust him.

451
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 2: Anymore?

452
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: Am I the ahole? He keeps saying, do this for Amy?

453
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 1: And there are some comments, boy, oh boy, that's hard.

454
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're not the a l at all. And if

455
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,160
Speaker 3: you don't want this person to parent your child because

456
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:08,159
Speaker 3: you don't trust them because they've betrayed you, that's incredibly reasonable.

457
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 3: But I guess it's just like, what is the other option?

458
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 3: Is the other option which might be you know, she

459
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 3: goes into like the foster care system better.

460
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 1: Ming Ming in the comment says this that he could

461
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: be after the insurance payout if there is one. You know,

462
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: that's something to consider. I mean, is your daughter just

463
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 1: going to get that money when she becomes an adult? Like?

464
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 3: How old is the daughter again?

465
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 2: Ten?

466
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 3: And I think it's also considering what she wants to

467
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,199
Speaker 3: because she is ten. I mean, obviously she's not old

468
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 3: enough to make all the decisions, but yeah, old enough

469
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 3: to kind of have thoughts.

470
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,439
Speaker 1: I think you've got a lot of stuff moving and

471
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 1: there's a lot to process, and you know, some of

472
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 1: what he's saying may be true, but how can you

473
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 1: now trust that? Yeah, because you know he had already

474
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 1: been lying to you for four years by not coming

475
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: clean with that. I really think.

476
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 3: It's just like, do you do you dis trust him

477
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,120
Speaker 3: more than you fear like putting her in the foster

478
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,159
Speaker 3: care system because you might. That might be true, But

479
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 3: the other option is the foster care system because you

480
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 3: have no other family members to take her in, which

481
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 3: is also very bad. So yeah, you can opt to

482
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 3: weigh both bad options.

483
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's tough situation. Comments comment number one. Have you

484
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: spoken to Amy about this? It is going to be

485
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: a horrible discussion to have. But he has played a

486
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,400
Speaker 1: father role in Amy's life, and tearing her away from

487
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 1: him and her step siblings after she's just lost her

488
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 1: mother could worsen the trauma, which is true. You need

489
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 1: to consider Amy first. She is nearly of the age

490
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: where her wishes would help swagh a court decision in

491
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,439
Speaker 1: a custody dispute here in the UK. Being with her

492
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 1: stepfather and step siblings might be something she would prefer.

493
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: It's also possible that it is the last place she

494
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:55,120
Speaker 1: would want to be unless you were with her. OPI downvoted.

495
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: That is the age of twelve, and it pains me

496
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: to say I won't live until she's ag I've known

497
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 1: state child welfare workers and they are overburdened, but they

498
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 1: care the state would be making a decision anyway. Reply says,

499
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,679
Speaker 1: if this isn't rage bait, op is petty to the

500
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 1: point of sociopathy. Imagine just throwing your child to the

501
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: wolves as an FU to your ex. That's not really

502
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 1: a f you to your ex's she's like.

503
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,640
Speaker 3: To take care of my child anymore. But I think,

504
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 3: like I mean, that commentary is wrong, But it is

505
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 3: a question. Is he a bad partner and a bad

506
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,719
Speaker 3: father or is he just a bad partner?

507
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,159
Speaker 1: Comment to it's a crappy position to be in, but

508
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: from the sounds of things, his bad behavior four years

509
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 1: ago has nothing to do with his competency and obvious

510
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,239
Speaker 1: desire to adopt your child, who he's been fathering for

511
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,120
Speaker 1: five years. You're hurt and under a lot of stress.

512
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,919
Speaker 1: I think anybody would understand your hesitation and concern. But

513
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,239
Speaker 1: you have to do the difficult thing and put your

514
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: own feelings aside to decide what's best for amy, and

515
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 1: judging by everything you've said, I think you probably know

516
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: that allowing him to adopt her is what's best for her. Reply.

517
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 1: I worked in the foster care system for about three

518
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 1: to four years. And it is truly upsetting to see

519
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 1: kids sit there for years or be shuffled around from

520
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 1: place to place because of whatever reason, the family can't

521
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 1: or won't keep them until they age out. The likelihood

522
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 1: that Amy would find a permanent home, especially at her age,

523
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 1: is pretty slim.

524
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 3: That's a good point.

525
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: Op's upset and hurt should not be the reason Amy

526
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 1: ends up in the system.

527
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I fully agree with that.

528
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, I completely understand that she has every right for

529
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 1: her pain, but in the end, the only person she

530
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,680
Speaker 1: will truly be hurting is Amy, Opie. If you choose

531
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: to put your pain in punishing of your husband over

532
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: Amy's well being, you are the a hole. If you

533
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: love her as you say you do, you will put

534
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 1: aside your anger to ensure she has a stable and

535
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 1: loving home and family. While your husband was wrong for

536
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: his one night stand, you would be cruel to let

537
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: it influence Amy's future and well being. And there is

538
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: an update.

539
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, I completely agree. I think the foster system is

540
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 3: just so bad. To take a look at both of

541
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 3: those options, and yeah, pick I.

542
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 1: Agree, and the lesser I would say, maybe structure the

543
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: life insurance if there is an insurance.

544
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, make sure that any money that she would inherit

545
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:20,640
Speaker 3: wouldn't go to him.

546
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, that that needs to be structured in a way

547
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 1: where he can't influence that money whatsoever, that she would

548
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 1: be the sole beneficiary of that that money and there

549
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: is an update. Hey it's Sam Where to get back

550
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 1: to these stories?

551
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

552
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: I have read a large majority of your comments. Some

553
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: of you have been very compassionate, but I am astounded

554
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: by how many people think that my last act as

555
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 1: a good woman is to turn the other cheek and

556
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: laud a cheating husband. A lot of comments dismiss me

557
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: simply because I'm passing away, which I think reflects the

558
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:57,120
Speaker 1: commenter's lack of emotional fortitude. I hope they treat their

559
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: own ailing relatives with more introspection. I am not here

560
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: to complain, just to give an update. It's been less

561
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 1: than a day, so nothing is definite yet, but here

562
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: it goes. Regarding my relationship with my husband, I've decided

563
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 1: that passing away or not, I have to stick to

564
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: my original stance. If I were healthy, we would likely

565
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 1: already be halfway through a divorce. Because I cannot stand

566
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: in fidelity. I don't know if my previous post made

567
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 1: it clear, but I've been speaking to a lawyer about divorce.

568
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: As I said in one comment, we probably have around

569
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 1: fifty to one hundred dollars before payday. Sometimes our checking

570
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 1: account is as low as thirteen dollars. I do thank

571
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,680
Speaker 1: my husband for allowing me access to our checking account

572
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 1: even when seeking legal counsel. I also know our state

573
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,959
Speaker 1: has many self help, legal and legal aid resources. I

574
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 1: intend to file for divorce. There are hospice facilities that

575
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: offer care for people who cannot afford hospice, divorced or

576
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: not that would still probably include me if things get

577
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 1: bad enough. I'm fine with not burdening others and just

578
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 1: going to the er and letting them take it from there.

579
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 1: I defended the foster slash adoption system because I am

580
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: an adoptive parent, but I also value family, so I

581
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: reached out to my cousin, who makes an income not

582
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 1: necessarily a bad one, actually only three thousand less than

583
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: what my husband makes depending on tips. She just gets

584
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 1: assistants because she has five kids. I don't I don't

585
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: like I don't like it either, and I think I

586
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: think this is a case of like where doing the

587
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: right thing isn't always doing the good thing? Yeah, Like

588
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: is it righteous and correct for you to be like,

589
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 1: my husband cheated on me four years ago, and I

590
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: don't tolerate infidelity, so I am divorcing him. It's like, yeah,

591
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 1: that is the good thing to do. But like, you're

592
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: also sick and he has your the insurance. Yeah, and

593
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: he's been raising your daughter.

594
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 3: I can never know what she's going through, so I

595
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 3: don't want to. You know, she's not doing any of

596
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 3: these things lightly and is going through an immense amount

597
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 3: of like pain and just a very hard time her.

598
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 3: I don't love the line about well, I don't need

599
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 3: anyone to help me. I just go to the YR

600
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 3: until the point of your passing. You are the parent

601
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 3: to your child. What happens to her in the.

602
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 1: Meantime, Yeah, I don't know.

603
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 3: And also just to even say like, oh, well, I

604
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 3: support the foster care and adoption because I'm an adopted parent.

605
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: You were an adopted parent too, Yeah, it's your niece, Yeah,

606
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 1: her niece. I just don't think it's gonna be a

607
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: best for her to take her out of what she

608
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: knows and put her in with five other kids.

609
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I also that point.

610
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: That's what I was thinking.

611
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 3: Five other kids.

612
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 1: That doesn't know really or I don't know. I'm not sure,

613
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: but five kids is a lot to integrate into.

614
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 3: None of this really seems like the best option for

615
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 3: your child.

616
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, Kat says a wrong thing for the right reason. Yeah.

617
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 1: She said that if she needs to take in a

618
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: blood relative, she knows the resources to care for my child.

619
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: She recognizes this is sudden and a lot to ask,

620
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 1: but she feels it is her duty to do her

621
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: best on my behalf. There is a little bit more

622
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 1: story left here, let's finish it off.

623
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

624
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: She said she cannot promise anything beyond a bare bones life,

625
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,479
Speaker 1: or that she won't struggle greatly in the beginning, but

626
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: she will do her best. If the thought of my

627
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: daughter being with her stepdad up sets me that much,

628
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: I trust my cousin to manage it responsibly. What. I

629
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: don't think it's fair to stay with my husband after

630
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: denying him this, and I know he resents me. He

631
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 1: claims our state favors biological relatives and that he'll fight regardless.

632
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that, but not with his assumption that

633
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: my cousin would melt down and give my daughter up

634
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 1: for adoption. That is not who she is. I am

635
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: no longer asking for judgment, but hope that my intention

636
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 1: to give my daughter to a blood relative instead of

637
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 1: the foster system gives some of you peace, as it

638
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 1: does for me. Our state strongly favors biological relatives. So

639
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: hopefully my daughter will be in a stable situation before

640
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 1: I pass. And that is the end to as story.

641
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 3: She's never going to be in a stable situation if

642
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 3: you do this. Yeah, your cousin said, I cannot give

643
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 3: her anything but the bare bones. She said, I will

644
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 3: find resources to help her. Your cousin can't afford your child,

645
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 3: She just can't. She's admitted that she might love her,

646
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 3: she can't probably give her the attention that she deserves

647
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 3: with five kids, especially if she doesn't have the money

648
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 3: to afford five kids.

649
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 4: Already, I got here mid story, and op's using her

650
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 4: daughter as a weapon.

651
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, well she has a term.

652
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 1: I don't even think. Yeah, it's not a w I

653
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: don't think she's trying to use your daughter's weapon. I

654
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 1: think this is like a Game of Thrones Ned Stark situation,

655
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: where it's like her sense of honor, Yes, her sense

656
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: of justice is blinding her from just like what you

657
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: could actually be the best path forward.

658
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 3: There was a line that she said earlier, Kean, I

659
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 3: don't know if you yeah where she said, I was

660
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 3: thinking about what I do if I weren't, you know,

661
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 3: if I didn't have a terminal illness. You can't think

662
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 3: that way, which is you do you do.

663
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 1: Have a terminal on us? It is different than that.

664
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: It's not the same situation.

665
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 4: That daughter's ten years old, right, the.

666
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 3: Daughter's ten years old. Oh, he got rid of her

667
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: health insurance, is pursuing divorce, is probably spending the little

668
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 3: money that she has and can give to her daughter

669
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 3: on this devorce, like honestly, and I get it.

670
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 4: It's trying to bring I guess, justice and honor to

671
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 4: you know, being cheated on. Yeah, but but like you

672
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 4: can't use that through your daughter.

673
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 2: That's abody her.

674
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 3: I don't think he's a bad dad.

675
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: I think if he was, you wouldn't have been with

676
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 1: him for five years.

677
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 3: I'm never excuse me cheating, but this man cheated once

678
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 3: five or four years ago. It doesn't seem like he's

679
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 3: been a bad dad or anything. So I just don't

680
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 3: know if he's done anything to deserve being cast out

681
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 3: of Amy's life. Yeah, your cousin doesn't have money, you

682
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 3: are using the remnants of your money.

683
00:33:59,040 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

684
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 3: I think that you are subjecting your daughter to very

685
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 3: hard life.

686
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 4: When it's already as hard as it is right now.

687
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 4: She's already losing.

688
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 3: Your mother, she's already losing your mother, and now she's

689
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 3: going to be losing her father figure.

690
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:11,439
Speaker 1: Yeah.

691
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,760
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, oh, he's thinking irrationally here.

692
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also subjecting your cousin to a harder life too,

693
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 3: because now she has five kids that she has to

694
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 3: look after.

695
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 2: Yeah.

696
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 3: But there's another story, folks, we're gonna get into it.

697
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,880
Speaker 3: My husband's family turned against me, and now I'm afraid

698
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 3: to face them.

699
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 1: Well you got to face them. There them right in

700
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:32,760
Speaker 1: their face.

701
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 3: Some background and sorry for how long this is? I

702
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 3: thirty two female, have been with my husband thirty five

703
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 3: male for seventeen years, married for ten who we have

704
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 3: two kids. He has a big family, four siblings, each married,

705
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 3: each with kids. We generally get along pretty well. By

706
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:54,959
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from brilliant Harry thirty six thirty seven.

707
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 3: And if you want to spend your own stories, go

708
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 3: to the arslash, Okay, storytime, separate it.

709
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're.

710
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 3: Here to give good advice goofully, but we don't have

711
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we'd do, So

712
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:08,320
Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments

713
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 3: and Op says. The cousins are all really close in age.

714
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 3: We live fairly spread out, so seeing each other is

715
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 3: less frequent, but we always tried. I'm usually the kind

716
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 3: that will talk it out, have the fight, and address

717
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 3: the elephant in the room. I've always been the spokesperson

718
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 3: for my husband. Silence is not a path I have

719
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 3: ever chosen. Eighteen months ago, the girls of the family

720
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 3: all got together for a girl's weekend. It was lovely.

721
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 3: We all got quite wasted, and I overshared some stuff

722
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 3: about my marriage. I won't go into detail, but involved

723
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 3: bringing someone into the bedroom once to try swinging. They

724
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 3: were shocked but didn't say much, and the conversation very

725
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 3: quickly moved on. Twelve months ago, we had another girl's weekend,

726
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 3: minus one sister. Something felt off about this one. I

727
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 3: couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt like

728
00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,840
Speaker 3: the three of them were stand offish towards me to

729
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,879
Speaker 3: sister in law and mother in law. We all got

730
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 3: wasted again and played games the usual stuff. Later in

731
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 3: the evening, others trickled to bed and it was just

732
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 3: me and two sister in law. They started asking about

733
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 3: the event of my marriage I previously brought up and

734
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 3: wanted more details. I said, I don't want to talk

735
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 3: about it. Then they started commenting about my marriage and saying,

736
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 3: why aren't you happy in your marriage? Why do you

737
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 3: need someone else there? I tried to explain that this

738
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 3: was an adult decision between my husband and me and

739
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,359
Speaker 3: I didn't want to go into details. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

740
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 3: I just have to pause for a second. Did you

741
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 3: tell your husband's siblings and mother about this? Is that

742
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 3: what you're telling me not a.

743
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 1: Very good tactical release of information?

744
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:43,800
Speaker 3: Why?

745
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: Ah, There was just a lull in the conversation.

746
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 4: Was it a slip of the tongue?

747
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 3: Why would you do that?

748
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 1: And there was an awkward silence. I didn't know what

749
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 1: to say. I accidentally said we tried swinging and.

750
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 2: It was weird.

751
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 4: My bad could have just farted.

752
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,839
Speaker 3: That's crazy. They responded with comments about it. He's too

753
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 3: good for you. You don't put out enough, no wonder

754
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 3: he wanted more, and then flipped the story to you're

755
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 3: too good for him, You should be enough, you need

756
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,399
Speaker 3: marriage counseling. I told him we had in fact gone

757
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,240
Speaker 3: through a rough patch the previous year and sought marriage

758
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 3: counseling and graduated. The counselor gave us some good advice

759
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 3: and we felt better, and he said there was nothing

760
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 3: else he could offer as we were in a good spot.

761
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,280
Speaker 3: My sister in law laughed and said, well, I wouldn't

762
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 3: have graduated you. Your marriage is clearly ft.

763
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: Well thanks, Okay, you did this to yourself.

764
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:33,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

765
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 3: I was about to say, are they being a holes?

766
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: Yeah?

767
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,240
Speaker 3: Why would you ever bring that up to his sibling?

768
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 4: You gave him like a bazuka la.

769
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 3: Why would you ever bring that up to his family members.

770
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 4: Like they if you want to, Hey, you guys want

771
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,320
Speaker 4: to use something against me, here you go. Here's a missile.

772
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: Hey, John Ogi host. Here, we're gonna get back to

773
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 1: this episode, but a quick three minute break of ads

774
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.

775
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 3: They moved to a different topic, this time it was

776
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 3: our finances. They comment about how I was complaining about

777
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: the price of daycare ten thousand dollars a year per child. Geez,

778
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 3: yet we just bought a camper van. I tried to

779
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 3: explain how we manage our savings and work overtime to

780
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 3: pay for holidays and toys, and they snapped at me, saying, well,

781
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 3: stop complaining when you have your own home at a

782
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 3: camper and go h year, stop doing that and you'll

783
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 3: be fine. Granted, it was probably a sore spot for

784
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 3: them because we are in a better financial situation, but

785
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 3: we worked hard to get here. I tried explaining to

786
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 3: them what overtime looks like in our jobs nurses eighteen

787
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 3: plus hourships, night shifts, no sleep, and that started the

788
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 3: next topic for them, my career. They started on about

789
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 3: how I complained about money, but earlier in the night

790
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,760
Speaker 3: I had said I wanted to go back to UNI

791
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,720
Speaker 3: and either get a PhD or nurse practitioner. They asked,

792
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 3: why would you bother spending all that money when you

793
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 3: say you have none and you're tired and burnt out

794
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:57,479
Speaker 3: so that she can make more.

795
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I spend money to make money, share tires baby.

796
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 3: I tried explaining why it was an interest, and they

797
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 3: cut you off, saying your tzaudefanthev. We're giving you fellusians

798
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 3: and you aren't hearing them. God, I should have been

799
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 3: your therapist and your accountant. I would have solved your

800
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 3: life in an hour. I just started crying at this

801
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 3: point and stopped responding. Finally, they said the thing that

802
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 3: hurt the most, I bet you're one of those nurses

803
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 3: who treats their patients like crap and as a part

804
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,279
Speaker 3: of a production line.

805
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: God.

806
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 3: I got up and went to bed after that. I

807
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 3: went home the next day, said very short goodbyes and

808
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,280
Speaker 3: left pretty early. I called my husband and just burst

809
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 3: into tears telling him about the conversation. Meanwhile, the family

810
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 3: group chat is talking about how great it was, let's

811
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 3: do it again, etc. I didn't reply or say anything.

812
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 3: Three days later, mother in law calls my husband and

813
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 3: says she needs to talk to him about my behavior

814
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 3: that night. She said I was rude, condescending and trash

815
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 3: talked my husband about not putting the bins out. She

816
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 3: said something to the tune of she thanks, you're a

817
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:03,359
Speaker 3: delinquent and doesn't speak very nicely about you behind your back.

818
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 3: My husband laughed and said, you don't think I know

819
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 3: about the bins. That's our joke. If she has something

820
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 3: serious to say, she says it to me and only me.

821
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 3: Stop making mountains out of molehills.

822
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, the things that y'all said were so much worse.

823
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 3: Mother in law continued to say my behavior was poor,

824
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 3: and husband asked for examples. She finally gave one, and

825
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 3: it was a comment I made on the night pick

826
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 3: a card b during a game. She told husband I

827
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 3: needed to apologize, and all the girls agreed I had

828
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 3: poor behavior and didn't appreciate the silent treatment I was

829
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 3: giving them after the weekend by not talking in the

830
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 3: group chat. Husband then told mother in law that two

831
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 3: of those girls made awful commentary about our lives that

832
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 3: we didn't appreciate, and we're taking a step back and

833
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 3: we'll talk about it when we want to. I called

834
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 3: mother in law after this to apologize for my comments

835
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 3: toward her. She spoke a bit about how she thought

836
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,760
Speaker 3: we had a good relationship, and I can tell her anything,

837
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:03,719
Speaker 3: including what was said, because the other girls have no

838
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,240
Speaker 3: idea what happened. I don't trust her, man.

839
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 1: I don't trust I don't trust her. She just don't

840
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 1: trust that.

841
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 4: She said she's looking for her. Yeah, she's like more

842
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 4: ammunition please, we're running low.

843
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't trust this girl. You gotta be wary.

844
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 3: I told her I didn't want to and left it

845
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 3: at that. Shortly after the phone call, sister in law

846
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 3: texted and asked if I wanted to talk. I replied no,

847
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,279
Speaker 3: thank you. She responded with I thought we were having

848
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 3: an adult conversation. If you felt it was different, that's

849
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 3: on you. I didn't reply. I suspect mother in law

850
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 3: went straight to sister in law after our call to gossip.

851
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:40,479
Speaker 3: I don't appreciate that. Over the next few weeks, other

852
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:44,359
Speaker 3: family members started making comments about so I ope going

853
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 3: to comment on this family plan. Ope, he's being very quiet.

854
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 3: Maybe we should have a family meeting for everyone to

855
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,720
Speaker 3: share their opinions. On the night in question, I deleted

856
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 3: the messenger app so I wouldn't get notifications, but didn't

857
00:41:56,000 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 3: leave the group. Husband remains silent. Finally, four family members

858
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 3: left the group chat without saying anything. We suspect they

859
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 3: started another chat without us. They also deleted us off

860
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:13,360
Speaker 3: of social media. After two weeks, things got very heated

861
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 3: when mother in law called husband and told him this

862
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 3: was getting ridiculous. The girls need to talk it out

863
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 3: and get over it. Husband said no, we were sick

864
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 3: of the rudeness and hurtful comments. He told his mom

865
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: how hurt we were and it just didn't seem to

866
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 3: register with mother in law. They went back and forth

867
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 3: for a bit and husband eventually said we would be

868
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 3: taking time away from the family. Mother in law got

869
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:42,319
Speaker 3: very upset and accused us of withholding her grandchildren and

870
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 3: depriving them of their cousins. She also said something about

871
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:49,439
Speaker 3: choosing sides and that this was his family. Husband said

872
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,959
Speaker 3: his kids and his wife are his priority. Husband said

873
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 3: we would not be going to any gatherings where we

874
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 3: feel like outsiders. For six months we didn't hear from them.

875
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 3: I still reminded husband to text family for their birthdays,

876
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 3: Mother's Day, etc. Mother in law called husband and said

877
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 3: she wanted to meet up with just husband because they

878
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 3: wanted out your thoughts without ope telling you what to say. Ironically,

879
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 3: I hadn't told him what to say. Once they met up,

880
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 3: husband cried at his mom and told her how hurt

881
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 3: we were by the brutal comments and that while we

882
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 3: will come to Christmas, we will not be going out

883
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 3: of our way for anything else. Mother in law essentially

884
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 3: told him it was time to get over it. Husband said, no,

885
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:36,399
Speaker 3: this is a pattern behavior by certain family members, and

886
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 3: he's had enough. It's now been twelve months since we've

887
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 3: seen or spoken to most of the family, and I

888
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,760
Speaker 3: feel like it's my fault. If I had just ignored

889
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 3: the initial comments, this wouldn't have spiraled so badly.

890
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 4: It would have continued.

891
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 3: My only critique on anything that you've done is the oversharing.

892
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,879
Speaker 3: Originally didn't need to tell him that, but I think

893
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 3: that they would. They seem like the type of people

894
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 3: that would have found something to complain.

895
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, they would. They would scavenge for anything. And unfortunately

896
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 4: you gave him an AMMO. You never really give AMMO

897
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:10,720
Speaker 4: to your in laws.

898
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta keep some stuff close to the vest.

899
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 4: I know you were a little crunky, but yeah, I

900
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 4: think it's just like you don't need to overshare with

901
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:20,320
Speaker 4: specific people.

902
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, agreed.

903
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, these aren't the type of people like even if

904
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 4: you held your tongue, they would have gotten something eventually.

905
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 3: And even when we said to mother in law we

906
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 3: were hurting, it was nasty comments. Mother in law didn't

907
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 3: seem to care or understand how bad it was. Thanks

908
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 3: for reading this far, and there is an update.

909
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 1: Any thoughts now you know not to unload. You got

910
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 1: to too loaded and you unloaded.

911
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, just can't. You gotta be careful, girl, Gotta be careful.

912
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

913
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 4: But good on your husband.

914
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm glad he's standing up. Glad he's hopefully continues

915
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 3: to deb and you just limit contact with these people.

916
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 3: Update three days later, which is much sooner than I thought.

917
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 3: Mother in law spent some time with our kids last week.

918
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 3: I didn't add it to the post because it didn't

919
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 3: feel significant, but now it does. It was fine, kids

920
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 3: had a good time. She made some small comments about parenting,

921
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 3: but nothing that I couldn't handle. I read everyone's replies

922
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 3: and husband found the threat. He agreed with most of

923
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 3: the comments, appreciated alternate points of view, and loved being

924
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 3: called gigachad. After this, I realized I wanted more boundaries

925
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 3: with Christmas, mostly participating in the family games. Husband asked

926
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 3: his sister, who is organizing and has been very Switzerland

927
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 3: throughout this, about boundaries and she was very happy to accommodate.

928
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 3: No issues there. I got a call from mother in

929
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 3: law today out of the blue, I answered without hesitating,

930
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:48,359
Speaker 3: because I thought she was hurt or forgot to tell

931
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:51,400
Speaker 3: me something when she saw the kids. I said, he's everything. Okay,

932
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 3: She said, now we need to have this talk. I

933
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 3: told her I was at work and it was a

934
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,959
Speaker 3: bad time. Can I call her back in an hour.

935
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 3: She wasn't happy, but said okay. I got a bad vibe.

936
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 3: Started to go into panic mode, but pulled myself together

937
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 3: because I was in public. I messaged husband and asked

938
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:11,320
Speaker 3: him to call and get aheads up on the topic

939
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:15,360
Speaker 3: so I could prepare responses and gray rock techniques. She

940
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 3: told husband she was going to ask me to talk

941
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 3: it out with sister in laws before Christmas. I thought

942
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 3: our responses mostly I don't wish to discuss this. I

943
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 3: won't be criticized again. I feel this is an ambush.

944
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 3: I'm walking away. I also said to husband that I

945
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 3: think it's time to write an email and share exactly

946
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 3: what was said, how we felt, and what was said

947
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 3: after Husband still doesn't like this idea. I got home

948
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 3: and we called mother in law together. I held his hand,

949
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:48,800
Speaker 3: counted to ten before responding and used my prepared blanket statements.

950
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 3: Mother in law told me that if you don't apologize

951
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 3: and talk this out before Christmas, the boys brother in

952
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 3: law will get involved and it'll get ugly.

953
00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 4: Was that even mean?

954
00:46:58,640 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 3: No, that was weird.

955
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 2: The boys will get.

956
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 4: You threatening mother nat.

957
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 3: I said, I won't be discussing this with people who

958
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 3: disrespect me. Mother in law told me it's unfair for

959
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 3: the other girls to now understand what happened, why I

960
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,439
Speaker 3: am upset, and that I hurt them too.

961
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,359
Speaker 1: I don't care, don't make them.

962
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 3: She also said I need to apologize for trash talking

963
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 3: them all over social media. I shared memes and some

964
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 3: lyrics to my stories for some time, and only once

965
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 3: did I say something about fake family. I don't know

966
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:34,320
Speaker 3: if we need.

967
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 1: To do that.

968
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, we've said it. These are the

969
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 4: type of people who will get anything you sneeze in

970
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 4: their direction. They'll be like, all right, she sees our direction.

971
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: She hates us personally.

972
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 3: I would not have brought this on to social media.

973
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 3: I think, Ope, you have a history of oversharing your information.

974
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 3: Ironic that they saw this when they all deleted me

975
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 3: but mother in law, but they never gossiped about me. Right,

976
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 3: I got quite heightened. My tone got shaky, and I

977
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 3: tried to reiterate I don't feel safe, I don't trust them,

978
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 3: and I don't want to do this. Mother in law

979
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 3: asked if I wanted to be part of the family,

980
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 3: I needed to do this, and then said, so you

981
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 3: don't want to be part of this family. I said,

982
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 3: I don't want to be around people who disrespect me.

983
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 3: She twisted my words again and said, well, then you're

984
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 3: saying you don't want to be part of this family

985
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,239
Speaker 3: because we are people who will disrespect.

986
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 1: You have to get used to that. Yeah, you're just

987
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 1: gonna have to tolerate that disrespect.

988
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 4: That's what this family does. That's a family man is

989
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 4: disrespect each other.

990
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 3: She kept cutting me off when I started a sentence,

991
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 3: and at this point I cried, said to my husband,

992
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 3: I can't continue this conversation and walked out. Husband stayed

993
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 3: on the phone. I heard him saying, no, I'm not

994
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 3: choosing sides. Actually I am, and it's my family, her,

995
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 3: the kids, and me, not you and my extended family.

996
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 3: But then I heard him say it's okay, mom, I'll

997
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 3: talk to her. I love you too, And that felt

998
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 3: a little undermining. Choose a side, dude, you keep flip flopping.

999
00:48:56,840 --> 00:49:00,760
Speaker 3: There is a little bit left to this story fedal thoughts.

1000
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 1: What a hot mess.

1001
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 3: Oh, it keeps getting worse and worse. I think you

1002
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 3: just need to not post anything on social media. Yeah,

1003
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 3: I tell your husband to handle it. Say, I don't

1004
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 3: really want to see them right now. Maybe we can

1005
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:13,919
Speaker 3: work it out later.

1006
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 1: I don't think we need to pour any gasoline on

1007
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 1: the fire.

1008
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, no more gasoline on there. It's already too hot.

1009
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,280
Speaker 4: Stop giving them ammunition.

1010
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,840
Speaker 1: You're just an AMMO and gasoline ammunition factor. You're a

1011
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: one stop shop mad Max economy.

1012
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 3: So true. Yeah, I think your husband should handle all

1013
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:33,240
Speaker 3: conversations with his family from this point.

1014
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:33,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1015
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 4: It ain't going well, and there's gonna take every time

1016
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 4: there's you gonna take it personally, and they're gonna flip

1017
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 4: it around you. So you know what they're gonna do.

1018
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 3: Stop giving them anything.

1019
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 1: You're giving them ammo. You're throwing gas and you've got

1020
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 1: water works coming out the eyes because you'll be crying. Yeah,

1021
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:49,120
Speaker 1: do you get this mad Max economy out of my face?

1022
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 2: Get out of here.

1023
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 3: I don't want to see you around these parts ever again.

1024
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:54,800
Speaker 3: But there is a little bit left. I went into

1025
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 3: panic attack mode. After this, started writing an email which

1026
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 3: was mostly this thread but with names and added more

1027
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 3: details who said, what, how we felt, and when and

1028
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 3: why we stepped back. It was a little dramatic. I

1029
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 3: also wrote some pretty snarky I'm sorry I was a

1030
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 3: doormat for seventeen years. I'm sorry I'm not good enough

1031
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 3: for the perfect family. And thank you for helping me

1032
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 3: see what you truly think of me, and thank you

1033
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 3: for showing me what kind of people you are. Don't

1034
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 3: send that.

1035
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 4: More. Stop what they're going to read it and not

1036
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 4: give a damn.

1037
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 3: I sent the email to the husband. I also told

1038
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:35,320
Speaker 3: him that, in my pit of anxiety, I'm considering divorce

1039
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:39,319
Speaker 3: because at least it'll finally end what rash decision won't

1040
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 3: actually do it. I love him, I'll never do better

1041
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 3: than him, but I can't keep being the wedge. This

1042
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 3: isn't the first time he's been asked to choose between us.

1043
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 3: I can't keep feeling this way. I've never asked him

1044
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 3: to choose me. I just want him happy.

1045
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:56,359
Speaker 1: Then, don't ever threatened divorce. I divorce you for that.

1046
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 1: I hate that so much.

1047
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 3: He's desperately texting, saying please I'll find a solution.

1048
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: Just hang on. Yeah, he's desperately testing you because you

1049
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 1: said you were thinking about divorcing him over his family.

1050
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:10,640
Speaker 4: Also, from the most part of the story that we've gotten,

1051
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 4: he is stood by you and he's defended you. I

1052
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 4: think he's again trying to be neutral because it is

1053
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,760
Speaker 4: his family, but he stood up to them countless times.

1054
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 4: I don't why would you even put that, even if

1055
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 4: it's a joke. They don't even say that to your partner, like, ah, divorce,

1056
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 4: because now it's gonna be in his brain and oh man.

1057
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 3: So my next question is am I overreacting? I feel

1058
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 3: like she threatened me, and this feeling of anxiety and

1059
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 3: panic is just so dark. I think you need to

1060
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,360
Speaker 3: go to a therapist right now, because I think that

1061
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 3: you are in this little anxiety pit and I think

1062
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 3: you are overthinking things. And I think you're right to

1063
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 3: be heard about what they're saying about you. But I

1064
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 3: think we've been over sharing. I think we've been overthinking,

1065
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,359
Speaker 3: and I think we just need to cool down. Take

1066
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 3: him in and think, talk to your husband, work out

1067
00:51:56,280 --> 00:52:00,440
Speaker 3: a game plan, stop talking to his family, use the

1068
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 3: go between, and go from there.

1069
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, come on, come on, what are we doing?

1070
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story and the

1071
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,839
Speaker 3: end of this episode. So if you love us, make

1072
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:11,719
Speaker 3: sure to subscribe.

1073
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,359
Speaker 1: We love you and see them aro