WEBVTT - Diary: My Body

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to The Laverne Cox Show, a production of Shondaland

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<v Speaker 1>Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Hello, my name is Laverne Cox,

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<v Speaker 1>and welcome to Laverne Cox Show. Okay, this is I

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<v Speaker 1>This is going to be weird and hard to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about today, but I think it's important. And I've been

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<v Speaker 1>thinking a lot about how I want to approach these

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<v Speaker 1>diary entries, and I want it to be vulnerable, and

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<v Speaker 1>vulnerability is still really hard for me. Rene Brown defines

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<v Speaker 1>vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. And I want

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<v Speaker 1>to challenge myself to talk about things that I don't

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<v Speaker 1>talk about publicly a lot. As much as I've shared,

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<v Speaker 1>I think there's some things that should be private, particularly

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<v Speaker 1>as a trans woman, because my humanity as a trans

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<v Speaker 1>woman and the humanity of my trans siblings is always

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<v Speaker 1>sort of called into question, and so I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>I have to be really careful as a public figure

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<v Speaker 1>who's trans to not overshare and to not put things

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<v Speaker 1>into public discourse that I don't want a public discourse

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<v Speaker 1>and that I think will undermine my humanity and the

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<v Speaker 1>humanity of my community. With all of that in mind,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to attempt to talk about my body. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>there's so many reasons why I want to do this,

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<v Speaker 1>But earlier I was working out.

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<v Speaker 2>Working out is like so fraught for me. I hate

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<v Speaker 2>working out.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a fitness room in my building here in New York,

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<v Speaker 1>and during the pandemic, the fitness room was closed because

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<v Speaker 1>you know, pandemic, and so I started working out in

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<v Speaker 1>my apartment. I got some free weights, and I started

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<v Speaker 1>working out at home and I have continued that and

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<v Speaker 1>at this point, working out for me, as a fifty

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<v Speaker 1>one year old woman, is really about mobility, mental health.

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<v Speaker 1>I found to have more energy when I work out,

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<v Speaker 1>So working out is like about overall health, wellbeing and

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<v Speaker 1>endorphin release, all that good stuff. So I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 1>work out more consistently, but it's you know, I'm doing

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<v Speaker 1>it imperfectly. And I've had personal trainers before, mostly a disaster.

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<v Speaker 1>I will say, it's kind of better for me to

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<v Speaker 1>just do it on my own. So anyway, after my workout,

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<v Speaker 1>after my workout, I was standing in my underwear in

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<v Speaker 1>the bathroom moisturizing, and I looked at my body and

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, nice.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like nice. I was like I like my body.

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<v Speaker 1>It was interesting because I've gone through phases in my life.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, there are different milestones in my medical transition.

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<v Speaker 1>And when I say medical transition, I started taking hormone

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<v Speaker 1>replacement therapy in nineteen ninety eight, so that would be

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<v Speaker 1>twenty five years ago. And so over the years there

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<v Speaker 1>have been different sort of milestones in my medical transition

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<v Speaker 1>where I've been living for myself and I've you know,

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<v Speaker 1>gone out and been half naked and just frolicking around

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<v Speaker 1>on the streets of New York, and like right now,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I really genuinely like my body. I was

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<v Speaker 1>looking at it and I was like, I really like this.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's not like I'm not like in this place

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<v Speaker 1>of like I'm living and I want to like get

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<v Speaker 1>on the gram and like show off. It's more of

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<v Speaker 1>a relief. It's more of like there's so many different

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<v Speaker 1>lenses that it is a relief to look at my

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<v Speaker 1>body and be happy. There is a lens of being

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<v Speaker 1>a woman, and the gender journey that I've been on

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<v Speaker 1>integrated in terms of my gender, like my body matching

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<v Speaker 1>my gender identity, So that's one piece part of It's like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>when I was younger, I just picked myself apart and

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't see the beauty and things. But there were

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<v Speaker 1>places I wanted to get in terms of like my

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<v Speaker 1>feminizing journey that I feel like I'm there now in

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<v Speaker 1>terms of my own standards. Right, Like I was on

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram and I was scrolling and like I did post

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<v Speaker 1>a Pekuini video on the Gram and the comments on

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<v Speaker 1>my page were overwhelmingly positive. And I've cultivated a community

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<v Speaker 1>on my own social media channels that's so affirming and

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<v Speaker 1>so positive and so beautiful, where people were telling me

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<v Speaker 1>how beautiful I was, how beautiful my body looked, and

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<v Speaker 1>that was that's lovely.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I've learned to like try to take that in, but

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<v Speaker 1>not like allow my sense of self worth or self

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<v Speaker 1>esteem to be overdetermined by how other people see my body,

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<v Speaker 1>because for years people were telling me I was beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>and I couldn't see it or feel it. So it's

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<v Speaker 1>really about how I feel about myself. So the video

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<v Speaker 1>was posted on this blog, this very urban blog, a

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<v Speaker 1>black blog, and the comment section was transphobic af I

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<v Speaker 1>read a few of the comments and people were sort

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<v Speaker 1>of saying how masculine I looked looking more masculine as

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<v Speaker 1>I get older. And then I stopped reading the comments,

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<v Speaker 1>and I mean, this is not new. This is not

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<v Speaker 1>new as a trans woman, this is not new for me.

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<v Speaker 1>But I thought I've obviously thought about it. This was

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<v Speaker 1>probably five days ago or so, and I'm still thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about it. So it's like, Okay, when I read things

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<v Speaker 1>like that, I have to remind myself that trans is beautiful.

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<v Speaker 1>When I say trans is beautiful. I started the hashtag

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<v Speaker 1>trans beautiful in twenty fifteen. Oh my god, it's been

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<v Speaker 1>eight years since we started trans is beautiful. And I

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<v Speaker 1>started that hashtag as a way to remind me and

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<v Speaker 1>other trans people that were not beautiful despite the things

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<v Speaker 1>that make us noticeably trans, but that were beautiful because

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<v Speaker 1>of those things. I could look at other trans people

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<v Speaker 1>who were visibly trans and see their beauty, and I

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<v Speaker 1>can see it in myself. And so in these moments

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<v Speaker 1>when people are saying how masculine I look online, I'm like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>trans it's beautiful, Like I think, what does happen for

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<v Speaker 1>me when I see comments like that. It doesn't affect

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<v Speaker 1>how I think about myself, but it affects how I

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<v Speaker 1>think about myself in the marketplace, the beauty marketplace, because

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<v Speaker 1>we live in a culture, you know, where beauty is capital.

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<v Speaker 1>We talked about that on the first season at The

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<v Speaker 1>Liver and Cock Show with the brilliant Kimberly Foster. So

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<v Speaker 1>even though I'm like kind of living for myself right

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<v Speaker 1>now in a very sort of relieved way, it's not

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<v Speaker 1>like a boasting way. It's just like a relief that

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<v Speaker 1>I like my body right now. But then I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>in the marketplace, like there are people who think I

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<v Speaker 1>look masculine, So maybe like I'm not getting a job

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<v Speaker 1>or an opportunity because I look too masculine. And there's

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<v Speaker 1>like so many younger trans women out there who maybe

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<v Speaker 1>were able to like not go through a puberty that

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<v Speaker 1>would masculinize them like I did. So those thoughts come

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<v Speaker 1>into my brain. Then I have to check myself and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, well, that's scarcity thinking, and there's room for everyone.

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<v Speaker 1>And you're doing just fine, Laverne. You're very busy, you're working,

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<v Speaker 1>and so the different lenses. As I was thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>liking my body, right I was thinking about it through

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<v Speaker 1>the lens of gender identity. I'm like, I like my

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<v Speaker 1>body and relationship to my transition and the feminizing that

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<v Speaker 1>has happened to my body over the past twenty five years.

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<v Speaker 1>I like my body in relationship to my weight. When

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<v Speaker 1>you're a public figure and you talk about your weight

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<v Speaker 1>or losing weight or gaining weight, that gets clicks right.

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<v Speaker 1>People are like obsessed. And the last season of my

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<v Speaker 1>podcast that had a great conversation with Burguetbar about fat

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<v Speaker 1>phobia and the thing that's stuck with me in that

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<v Speaker 1>book and that she wrote, you have the right to

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<v Speaker 1>remain fat. It is that we live in a culture

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<v Speaker 1>where we exist in one of two categories. Either we

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<v Speaker 1>live with the bigotry of a fat phobic culture because

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<v Speaker 1>we're fat, or we live in a fear of the

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<v Speaker 1>bigotry that comes with a fat phobic culture. And for me,

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<v Speaker 1>what I will say about my weight is that as

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<v Speaker 1>I got older it became an issue. When I was

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<v Speaker 1>before I turned thirty nine forty, I was basically skinny

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<v Speaker 1>and could eat whatever I wanted and didn't have to

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<v Speaker 1>think about my weight. And then as I got older,

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<v Speaker 1>I gained weight. And this is not unusual. So like

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<v Speaker 1>weight gain for me is like tied to like getting older,

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<v Speaker 1>and so like there's my internalized fat phobia. There's my

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<v Speaker 1>internalized agism that collide when it comes to my weight.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's interesting, like, you know, when I lost weight,

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<v Speaker 1>like a few years ago, I wasn't actually the healthiest,

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<v Speaker 1>some things going on with my health that caused me

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<v Speaker 1>to lose weight, And it was really interesting watching the

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<v Speaker 1>world kind of validate this smaller body that was actually

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<v Speaker 1>not healthy and that was deep to me, and it

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<v Speaker 1>continues to be deep to me. But you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't have my breakout moment until I was over forty.

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<v Speaker 1>So I've like had this weight fluctuation thing since I've

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<v Speaker 1>been in the public eye. And I think about the

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<v Speaker 1>eleven Honorary Fashion show that I walked in, what was

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<v Speaker 1>it twenty twenty nineteen and it was Fall twenty nineteen

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<v Speaker 1>for New York Fashion Week. Eleven Honorey is a company

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<v Speaker 1>that caters to the plus size market, right, and I

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<v Speaker 1>closed the show and at the time, I would think

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<v Speaker 1>of it as a size ten. I've been anywhere from

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<v Speaker 1>like I fluctuated probably from a size eight to like

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<v Speaker 1>twelve fourteen. I think there was a period when I

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<v Speaker 1>was like opposed to a fourteen. And so as my

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<v Speaker 1>weight is fluctuated. I've had to really work to look

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<v Speaker 1>in the mirror and embrace and be happy. But it's

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<v Speaker 1>so much harder for me to look in the mirror

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<v Speaker 1>when I'm heavier and love what I see than it

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<v Speaker 1>is when I'm a little lighter, and to love what

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<v Speaker 1>I see like I am. Now, that's my internalized fat phobia.

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<v Speaker 1>That's my scarcity thinking around aging. It's this fear around desirability,

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<v Speaker 1>being marketable. That's also linked internalized misogyny, internalized sexism, all

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<v Speaker 1>this stuff, right, and then there's the lens of white

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<v Speaker 1>supremacy and anti blackness.

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<v Speaker 2>Right. So I'm a trans.

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<v Speaker 1>Woman, I'm a woman over fifty, and I'm a black woman,

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<v Speaker 1>and we live in a culture that is that I

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<v Speaker 1>contend is anti black, that a lot of folks would

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<v Speaker 1>agree as anti black and as white supremacist, and that

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<v Speaker 1>colorism is real, and the closer to whiteness one appears,

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<v Speaker 1>the more cultural currency they have, the more beautiful one

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<v Speaker 1>is often considered.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it's something I'm.

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<v Speaker 1>Critical of, but it's so tricky for me with my

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like sitting here in my blonde wig right now,

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<v Speaker 1>and Bill Hooks was so critical of me and my

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<v Speaker 1>blonde hair and very critical of like black women with

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<v Speaker 1>blonde hair. Anyway, when I went blonde for the first

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<v Speaker 1>time in the nineties, me being blonde was tied to

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<v Speaker 1>like what I thought was a softening of my features

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<v Speaker 1>in terms of femininity. I'm I'm a trans woman who

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<v Speaker 1>has not had facial surgery, because there is a connection between, Like, historically,

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<v Speaker 1>the femininity of black women is something that's been disavowed

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<v Speaker 1>and detegrated. So I'm like, is that, you know, internalized misogyny, noir,

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<v Speaker 1>white supremacy, or is it just like I think blonde

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<v Speaker 1>hair softens my features as a trans woman because and

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<v Speaker 1>I still think that lighter hair kind of raids better

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<v Speaker 1>on camera in terms of how it picks up the light.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know, but I do think that, like,

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<v Speaker 1>I just like being blonde, And is that I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>And I can unpack that, and I could be like,

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<v Speaker 1>is there an anti blackness thing there that I've internalized

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<v Speaker 1>or is it just aesthetically I think I look better

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<v Speaker 1>even though I'm a black woman. So that's an interesting question.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm sure people listening to this have lots of

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<v Speaker 1>thoughts when we think about colorism and anti blackness. And

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<v Speaker 1>white supremacy. Folks have a lot of opinions online about

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<v Speaker 1>all of that. This is a good time to take

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<v Speaker 1>a little break. We'll be right back though, Okay, we're back.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's more of a relief to be this age

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<v Speaker 1>and to look at my body half naked and like

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<v Speaker 1>it through the lens of my transness, through the lens

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<v Speaker 1>of my blackness, through the lens of my internalized like

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<v Speaker 1>fat phobia and agism, to look at my body and

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<v Speaker 1>just be like cool, awesome, great, And some of it

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<v Speaker 1>is about how my transition has gone. Healthcare has been

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<v Speaker 1>life saving for me, so that there is a relationship

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<v Speaker 1>between access to gender firming care that like has me

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<v Speaker 1>at this stage of my life loving my body. And

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<v Speaker 1>then in terms of like my blackness, that's just been

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<v Speaker 1>about acceptance. All of these too, honestly have also been

0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:42.720
<v Speaker 1>about acceptance. It's interesting, estrogen is really wonderful, estrogen is cool,

0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:45.840
<v Speaker 1>and testosterone is evil.

0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:47.440
<v Speaker 2>For me anyway, evil in my body.

0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:50.440
<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, you know, I love what estrogen has

0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:53.160
<v Speaker 1>done to my body, and like, even though I have

0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.680
<v Speaker 1>the same features looking at my face over the years,

0:13:56.720 --> 0:13:59.400
<v Speaker 1>I was looking at old pictures of me with my

0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:01.920
<v Speaker 1>makeup artist Asia, and it was just like, it's the

0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.559
<v Speaker 1>same face, but things are just kind of softer now.

0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:08.000
<v Speaker 1>It's interesting and it's fascinating. And there was a point

0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:10.199
<v Speaker 1>in my life when I wanted to have a full

0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:14.120
<v Speaker 1>facial feminization situation. So and again, like even talking about

0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:18.320
<v Speaker 1>surgery in this way, I'm skeptical of and I've been

0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:22.120
<v Speaker 1>very consistent since I've had a public platform that talking

0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:26.280
<v Speaker 1>about surgery and transition for trans people publicly, our stories

0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:29.320
<v Speaker 1>are often reduced to that, and that is dehumanizing because

0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.760
<v Speaker 1>it objectifies us. A lot of times people just assume

0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.800
<v Speaker 1>that being trans is all about surgery. I tend to

0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:39.360
<v Speaker 1>talk about surgeries I haven't had. You know, in the

0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:42.760
<v Speaker 1>trans community knows all the different surgeries that like encompass

0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:44.400
<v Speaker 1>a full facial feminization.

0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:46.000
<v Speaker 2>I wanted all of them.

0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:49.600
<v Speaker 1>Because I was, you know, walking down the street and

0:14:49.640 --> 0:14:52.400
<v Speaker 1>still being read as trans, and that was frustrating for me.

0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.280
<v Speaker 1>And I thought like, if I got facial feminization, I'd

0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:59.040
<v Speaker 1>be able to like move through the world with less harassment.

0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.840
<v Speaker 1>I mean, that's really what that was about for me.

0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.120
<v Speaker 1>Part of it may have been chasing some sort of

0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:09.520
<v Speaker 1>sense of perfectionism or being accepted more in my womanhood.

0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.360
<v Speaker 1>Luckily I didn't have the money at the time for

0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:17.560
<v Speaker 1>facial feminization. And then something shifted in terms of my

0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:21.960
<v Speaker 1>transition process and the feminizing process of estrogen. Over the years,

0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:27.720
<v Speaker 1>something shifted around me feeling good about myself and honestly

0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:31.960
<v Speaker 1>being affirmed. When Rat's New Black happened, there was a

0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:37.280
<v Speaker 1>level of affirmation that I was getting from the public

0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:43.360
<v Speaker 1>that shifted things for me because of my job and

0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.040
<v Speaker 1>the platform I have that there is a level of

0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.880
<v Speaker 1>affirmation that I get as a black trans woman that

0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.600
<v Speaker 1>most black trans women do not get, and that has

0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:56.400
<v Speaker 1>been transformative for me. So it's beautiful to be affirmed,

0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 1>but at the end of the day, it's not. It's

0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.280
<v Speaker 1>still not enough to lie feel good about yourself to

0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:04.920
<v Speaker 1>have other people tell you that you're beautiful, because I've

0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:08.080
<v Speaker 1>always found things about myself that I don't like. I

0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:14.440
<v Speaker 1>could pick myself apart like nobody's business. So everything I've

0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:18.480
<v Speaker 1>done in terms of affirming my gender medically, I felt

0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:22.520
<v Speaker 1>has been necessary. Nothing has been cosmetic for me. It's

0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:26.800
<v Speaker 1>all been necessary. But I am more than my body,

0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:30.080
<v Speaker 1>and trans people are more than our bodies. Another thing

0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:32.840
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to say, and I was talking to my friend,

0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:36.080
<v Speaker 1>our lady J about this. Oh you know, I used

0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.320
<v Speaker 1>to have this belief and still part of me still.

0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:38.640
<v Speaker 2>Does, you know.

0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:42.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I'm old school that like early transition, trans

0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:45.680
<v Speaker 1>people should not be on TV or in the public eye,

0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.120
<v Speaker 1>and the Internet has just changed all that, you know.

0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:50.440
<v Speaker 1>I just think about me and early transition, I just

0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:54.920
<v Speaker 1>was a mess and that's okay. We have a right

0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.000
<v Speaker 1>to be messy in our lives, to figure ourselves out.

0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:01.920
<v Speaker 1>But like so often, likes people are sort of made

0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:04.359
<v Speaker 1>to speak for the entire community, or like we are

0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:07.040
<v Speaker 1>held up. It's like when we're public figures to sort

0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.919
<v Speaker 1>of represent the whole community, and that's not fair. But

0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:11.960
<v Speaker 1>we should have a space to be able to be

0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:14.080
<v Speaker 1>messy and to be imperfect.

0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:16.200
<v Speaker 2>But the stakes just get really.

0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:19.199
<v Speaker 1>High in a really anti trans world, and it's like

0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:24.360
<v Speaker 1>deeply anti trans right now. So that's part of why

0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:26.280
<v Speaker 1>I think, you know, have thought that, but then that

0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:28.560
<v Speaker 1>ship is sailed. There are lots of trans folks who

0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:31.960
<v Speaker 1>document their transitions online, and I think that's a wonderful

0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:35.760
<v Speaker 1>resource for other trans people. If you're not trans, it's

0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:38.320
<v Speaker 1>like kind of weird, you know. I think it is

0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:40.720
<v Speaker 1>what it is, though some trans people just want to

0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:44.359
<v Speaker 1>publicly document that and that should be okay. We just

0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:46.760
<v Speaker 1>have like we just live in a really transphobic world

0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.679
<v Speaker 1>that like wants to dehumanize us. So it's like the

0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:54.119
<v Speaker 1>piece around having a conversation about my body today is

0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:55.639
<v Speaker 1>like how do I do it in a way? And

0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:57.840
<v Speaker 1>I hope that I've been able to have a conversation

0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:01.960
<v Speaker 1>about my body that doesn't dehueize me and other trans people.

0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:06.560
<v Speaker 1>Our bodies matter paraphrasing JUDEH. Butler and that iconic book

0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:08.960
<v Speaker 1>from the nineties, And like when I say my body,

0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:11.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about my nervous system, I'm talking.

0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:14.000
<v Speaker 2>About my skin, my nails, my.

0:18:14.560 --> 0:18:22.680
<v Speaker 1>Secondary sexual characteristics, my energy levels, my cortisoli release, my adrenaline.

0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:24.200
<v Speaker 2>My thoughts are part of my body.

0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:28.960
<v Speaker 1>All those things matter, and access to healthcare to take

0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:30.400
<v Speaker 1>care of these bodies.

0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:31.920
<v Speaker 2>As you get older. It's I've gotten older.

0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:35.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh my god, it's so important to like

0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:38.440
<v Speaker 1>take care of this body, you know, if I want

0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:39.760
<v Speaker 1>to be around for a while.

0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:41.479
<v Speaker 2>So this body matters.

0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:46.600
<v Speaker 1>But it's not the sum total of everything that I am. Yeah,

0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:52.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm grateful that I'm digging my body today, I just

0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:54.760
<v Speaker 1>wonder about if I were white with my relationship to

0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:57.360
<v Speaker 1>my body, and like my whiteness would be would I'd

0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:00.320
<v Speaker 1>be able to look at like the privileges that at

0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.880
<v Speaker 1>being white in culture would afford me, would be able

0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:05.720
<v Speaker 1>to look at that? And then I also think about

0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:09.480
<v Speaker 1>aging and like being black and how wonderful, how wonderful

0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:11.960
<v Speaker 1>it is aging as an African American, Like I think

0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:13.639
<v Speaker 1>that's it's been really dope for me.

0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:17.359
<v Speaker 2>I love being black and fifty.

0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:26.040
<v Speaker 1>And like, you know, thank you Melanin, And I like

0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:30.240
<v Speaker 1>to end every podcast with the question what else is true?

0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:31.919
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh?

0:19:31.920 --> 0:19:35.880
<v Speaker 1>And for me today, what else is true? The thing

0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:41.560
<v Speaker 1>that gets me through the resource that I have? I

0:19:41.640 --> 0:19:47.240
<v Speaker 1>have idan Terry Muglaire arriving today that I'm excited about.

0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:50.520
<v Speaker 1>I have a weekend planned with my boyfriend that I'm

0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:55.359
<v Speaker 1>really excited about. I'm excited about life outside of work,

0:19:55.920 --> 0:20:01.000
<v Speaker 1>outside of you know, accomplishments, and define myself a lot

0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:05.640
<v Speaker 1>historically about like outside markers of success. And what else

0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:08.119
<v Speaker 1>is true for me today is that, like I'm just

0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:13.320
<v Speaker 1>really excited to like play dress up for myself and

0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:16.439
<v Speaker 1>to see my boyfriend.

0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:18.800
<v Speaker 2>And spend quality time with him, and to.

0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:25.560
<v Speaker 1>Have a life outside of work and.

0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:27.160
<v Speaker 2>Not be overly defined by like my job.

0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:35.439
<v Speaker 1>I hope I've been able to have this conversation about

0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:39.280
<v Speaker 1>my body, the various lenses that I see my body

0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:42.159
<v Speaker 1>through that the world sees my body through in a

0:20:42.200 --> 0:20:50.440
<v Speaker 1>way that is humanizing. And so yeah, LaVerne's diary entry,

0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:52.120
<v Speaker 1>Laverne just thoughts.

0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Thoughts about my body.

0:20:55.320 --> 0:21:00.720
<v Speaker 1>And I hope that this conversation inspires everyone out there

0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:03.880
<v Speaker 1>to think about their relationship to their bodies and relationship

0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:09.040
<v Speaker 1>to fat phobia, racism, anti blackness, colorism. You know, are

0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:11.360
<v Speaker 1>there ways for us to talk about our bodies, particularly

0:21:11.359 --> 0:21:14.240
<v Speaker 1>as trans people. And I think it's really about the lens, right,

0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:17.240
<v Speaker 1>I can do this on this podcast and frame it

0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:19.400
<v Speaker 1>in a certain way, because you know, I'm not being

0:21:19.440 --> 0:21:24.480
<v Speaker 1>filtered through some other cystender gaze or patriarchal gaze or

0:21:24.840 --> 0:21:29.840
<v Speaker 1>white supremacist gaze. I'm hopefully decentering those ways of looking.

0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:32.120
<v Speaker 1>And I think that's really what it's about, disentering those

0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:36.199
<v Speaker 1>ways of seeing ourselves and each other, and then we

0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:40.240
<v Speaker 1>can have conversations that think about our bodies. So yeah,

0:21:40.440 --> 0:21:45.199
<v Speaker 1>something to think about seeing ourselves through non colonized eyes,

0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:49.240
<v Speaker 1>or you know, as much as we can, right, as

0:21:49.320 --> 0:21:53.280
<v Speaker 1>much as I can, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:56.639
<v Speaker 1>That's what it's about, I think. And then hopefully we

0:21:56.680 --> 0:21:59.520
<v Speaker 1>can look in the mirror and all see the beauty

0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:04.000
<v Speaker 1>that we possess in all of our bodies, because our

0:22:04.000 --> 0:22:07.280
<v Speaker 1>bodies are not an apology in our bodies manner, and

0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:08.960
<v Speaker 1>they are beautiful.

0:22:09.840 --> 0:22:10.600
<v Speaker 2>They're beautiful.

0:22:15.800 --> 0:22:19.159
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for listening to The Laverne Cox Show. Please like,

0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:24.439
<v Speaker 1>subscribe and tell everybody you know about this podcast. You

0:22:24.520 --> 0:22:29.800
<v Speaker 1>can find me on Instagram, TikTok and Twitter at Laverne

0:22:29.840 --> 0:22:34.119
<v Speaker 1>Cox and on Facebook at Laverne Cox for Real. Until

0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:41.680
<v Speaker 1>next time, stay in the loud. The Laverne Cox Show

0:22:41.720 --> 0:22:45.359
<v Speaker 1>is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio.

0:22:45.800 --> 0:22:49.639
<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

0:22:49.920 --> 0:22:53.240
<v Speaker 1>Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.