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Speaker 1: Welcome, Welcome, Welcome back to the Bob Left Sets podcast.

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Speaker 1: My guest today is the one and only why Noona Judd,

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Speaker 1: which thanks the first question. I always thought it was Winona?

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Speaker 1: Is it Winona or why Nona? Seriously, it's what okay?

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Speaker 1: I I heard that the inspiration was the song Rude

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Speaker 1: sixty six. Is that true? It is true that it's

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Speaker 1: the Root sixties six. I was named after Whynny Harris Um,

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Speaker 1: a black blues man, and Ray Benson gave me my

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Speaker 1: name back when I was twelve or thirteen. Okay, how

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Speaker 1: did you encounter Ray Benson of Asleep at the Wheel

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Speaker 1: at aged twelve or thirteen? Interesting story. I ended up

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Speaker 1: in Austin, Texas with my mother and she was dating

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Speaker 1: one of the band members, and we would go every

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Speaker 1: night and sit and watch Asleep at the Wheel and

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Speaker 1: the fabulous Thunderbirds. And I grew to love Ray Um

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Speaker 1: as an elder, and he just took me under his wing,

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Speaker 1: and he loved me, and he had no idea I

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Speaker 1: sang by the way. I was very shy, and I

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Speaker 1: think he was just such a loving person that he

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Speaker 1: took me under his wing. And he and my mom

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Speaker 1: both decided that I wanted to change my name anyway

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Speaker 1: because Christina was just a little too boring. Okay, you

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Speaker 1: know there are a lot of famous musicians like Elton

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Speaker 1: John although we legally changed his name Roles Cooper, and

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Speaker 1: their regular life they go with their given name, in

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Speaker 1: his case Red or Vince. Do your friends call you

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Speaker 1: why no? No? Or do they call you Christina? They

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Speaker 1: call me why um? Christina? Uh is long past. That

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Speaker 1: was my go to school years high school. I think

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Speaker 1: I ended in tenth grade Christina and became Winona and

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Speaker 1: officially when I got my first check, Bob, I um

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Speaker 1: changed it legally to Winona. And when I got my

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Speaker 1: first check for twenty dollars singing here in Nashville, and

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Speaker 1: so I decided, okay, it's time here we go. Okay,

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Speaker 1: if we looked at your passport, what is the last name,

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Speaker 1: uh Judd? At this point, you know what, that's an

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Speaker 1: interesting question. I'm gonna have to go back. Is my

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Speaker 1: passport Christina Claire Simonela? No, it's why Nona Ellen Judd

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Speaker 1: because I changed it legally. That's right. I am a Gemini.

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Speaker 1: So I have two names for two people. Here. Are

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Speaker 1: you into astrology? I mean I I believe God created everything.

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Speaker 1: So hey, I'm I can go where you lead me.

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Speaker 1: I can go where you leave me. I'm not quite

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Speaker 1: sure where I'm going, but you're going when you better.

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Speaker 1: You're going to Mexico to the Girls Just Wanna Concert.

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Speaker 1: How did you get involved in that? That's a great question.

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Speaker 1: While I have a huge following and people just love music,

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Speaker 1: and Brandy Carlyle and I are joined forever. She's very,

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Speaker 1: very dear to me. When Mom died, I went on

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Speaker 1: tour and Brandy became my right hand and uh literally

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Speaker 1: my left lung. She became so immersed in the tour,

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Speaker 1: knew every song, knew every breath, knew everything, and I

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Speaker 1: just we got really close and I just love her,

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Speaker 1: and she invited me because she knows I'm really fun.

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Speaker 1: And I've pretty much done it all at this point, Bob,

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Speaker 1: at least at least twice. You know, I've done cruises,

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Speaker 1: I've done Hell's Angels, rallies, I've done the presidential six times,

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Speaker 1: president singing to and this is going to look good

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Speaker 1: on the resume because I'm going down to Mexico and

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Speaker 1: sing my Alma. She's crazy instead of Mama. He's crazy.

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Speaker 1: So here we go. Okay, so there a couple of questions.

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Speaker 1: How did you literally meet Brandy Carlisle. Oh, I met her.

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Speaker 1: Let's see, when was the first time. I'm trying to think, huh, Brandy,

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Speaker 1: When I met Brandy? What year? I think it was

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Speaker 1: two years ago. I met Brandy and all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to explain it other than two

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Speaker 1: spirits collide and she's the closest thing to a sister

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Speaker 1: I've ever had. Okay, occasionally you talk to another person.

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Speaker 1: This is audio only, just for the people playing the

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Speaker 1: home game. Who are you talking to? I'm talking to

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Speaker 1: my right hand Lindsay. Because I don't do well with dates.

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Speaker 1: I could tell you what you were wearing, and I

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Speaker 1: could tell you what we were doing, eating and playing

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Speaker 1: what game. But I have a hard time remembering because

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Speaker 1: of my history or my my history. I have so

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Speaker 1: much that happened so fast, and so my brain has

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Speaker 1: a hard time remembering specific scheduled dates. So let's stay

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Speaker 1: with Randy for a second. How did you literally get

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Speaker 1: connected with her? Well? Through music and I she came

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Speaker 1: to Nashville. Um, I met her with Tanya Tucker as well,

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Speaker 1: and we just became fast friends. And when Mom died,

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Speaker 1: she literally stopped what she was doing and flew in

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Speaker 1: to sing at the memorial, and um, you always remember

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Speaker 1: who your people are there at moments like that, your

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Speaker 1: wedding or a funeral. Um. And Brandy became literally the

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Speaker 1: person that I sat in the um dressing room and

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Speaker 1: just wept openly because she and I trust her. I

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Speaker 1: trust her with my life really professionally and personally. She's

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Speaker 1: been to the farm, We've been on a side by

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Speaker 1: side together talking about Joni Mitchell and just loving music

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Speaker 1: and UM, I want I'm working on a song with

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Speaker 1: her right now. You say you're fun. Can you expand that? Well?

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Speaker 1: I think I have a little bit of a reputation

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Speaker 1: for being really serious, and I think it comes from

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Speaker 1: being stuck on a bus with my mom for ten years. Um,

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Speaker 1: and I I will say I lost a little bit

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Speaker 1: of my joy because everything was really strict and specific.

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Speaker 1: And I was raised She's a tough sum bitch and

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Speaker 1: I was raised with her, you know, being the boss lady.

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Speaker 1: And when I became solo, I went out and got

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Speaker 1: a tattoo and Bota Harley if that tells you anything.

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Speaker 1: And since then I've been trying to get away with

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Speaker 1: as much as I can legally, and I just really try,

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Speaker 1: I try really hard to not take all this so

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Speaker 1: stinking seriously because it gets really old, really fast. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so by time this year's because the event and the

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Speaker 1: plia is literally just a couple of days away. Are

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Speaker 1: you going to be the type person who's hanging in

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Speaker 1: your hotel room? Are you gonna be available? You're gonna

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Speaker 1: be drinking, You're gonna be smoking, and what's why? No,

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Speaker 1: They're gonna be like down in Mexico. You tell me,

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Speaker 1: I'm so ready to I bought a wig for eighties night.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna wear Spandex because you know it's

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Speaker 1: coming back, and I'm gonna they want me to do

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Speaker 1: stuff like show up and do bingo and shoot, I'm available.

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Speaker 1: Let's put it that way. Brand If Brandy were to

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Speaker 1: call me up and say we're doing um, you know,

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Speaker 1: a congo line, I would run down and do it

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Speaker 1: because I'm I think it's really important in this day

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Speaker 1: and age to connect with people and more intimately, especially

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Speaker 1: because I think the business is so wacky that I'm

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Speaker 1: looking to literally meet the girl who says I have

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Speaker 1: no idea who you are. She's probably twenty something thirty something,

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Speaker 1: and she has no idea. And the only reason she

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Speaker 1: knows me is because of Brandy. That's the person I'm

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Speaker 1: seeking out. So if she calls me and says, hey,

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Speaker 1: come to the bar, bring it okay. So where do

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Speaker 1: you live right now? I don't want the address, but

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Speaker 1: you know, generally you can go on YouTube and find it. Um.

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Speaker 1: So I live on a farm. I bought land in

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Speaker 1: ninet for dollars an acre, and I live on a

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Speaker 1: five acre farm that's next to my mom's farm, and

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Speaker 1: we have a compound. Ashley lives on the land. I

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Speaker 1: gave her a house and she lives on the property,

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Speaker 1: and my mom's right next door her house. I talk

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Speaker 1: about her still like she's here, which is interesting. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then I live on the other side. It's sort

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Speaker 1: of like a v if you were to make a triangle.

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Speaker 1: That's the strongest force in the universe. And we live

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Speaker 1: in a triangle and we have a lake that separates us.

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Speaker 1: And how far is this from so called civilization? Let's

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Speaker 1: see here. I think the smallest town is about three

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Speaker 1: or four miles away, and it's tiny. No stoplight, people

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Speaker 1: walk right, horses, and it's just it's like genteel. It's

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Speaker 1: just a really cool little town. It's like what Aspen

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Speaker 1: probably doably was when it first started. And then you

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Speaker 1: go into town, probably ten miles into Franklin, and that's

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Speaker 1: our big city. And for those who were not tennessee, uh, connoisseurs,

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Speaker 1: Franklin is how far from Nashville. Let's see, I would

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Speaker 1: say Franklin is about forty five minutes to an hour

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Speaker 1: from downtown Nashville and then music Row. I would say

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Speaker 1: I could make it there in about forty two minutes.

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Speaker 1: Sure not it's forty three. But okay. You talk about

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Speaker 1: having a very strict mother, one would think you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: live on the same piece of property. Well, there's a fence.

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Speaker 1: There's a really good fence. Um. You know, that's an

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Speaker 1: interesting thing because the more I see the story from

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Speaker 1: where I'm at right now, now that she's gone, as

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Speaker 1: much as I did to get away from the strict um,

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Speaker 1: she was really all I had. You know, some people

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Speaker 1: would say, you know, Stockholm syndrome, you're gonna go crazy

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Speaker 1: there for a minute. And then some people would say, well,

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Speaker 1: they just didn't know any better. I think I think

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Speaker 1: it was the way it was in my life. She

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Speaker 1: was so centerpiece. In other words, I worked for her. Um.

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Speaker 1: Everything was about yes ma'am and no ma'am. Okay, you're

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Speaker 1: on the farm. How social are you, whether seeing people

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Speaker 1: in person, staying in contact with eye, message or however

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Speaker 1: you might or you more of a home body doing

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Speaker 1: your own thing. I'm an I'm an omnivert, which is

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Speaker 1: both omnivert. Uh. It depends on the day. It depends

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Speaker 1: on whether or not I have on makeup. I'm a loner.

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Speaker 1: I walk in the wilderness. I have eleven dogs and

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Speaker 1: close to forty animals, and so I have my farm life.

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Speaker 1: We grow a garden. We are home bodies. Yet I'm very,

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Speaker 1: very used to going into town and how having a

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Speaker 1: burger at the local diner there and people know me

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Speaker 1: first name. You know, how's it going? When? When does

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Speaker 1: your tour start? Would you like a hot dog or

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Speaker 1: a hamburger? And here's a coke? And it's just small town.

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Speaker 1: It's awesome because people don't really care because a lot

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Speaker 1: of us live out there. Just so you know, Bob,

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Speaker 1: we live in It's sort of an area where next

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Speaker 1: to me, is Carrie Underwood down the streets Riba. There's

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Speaker 1: a bunch of people out there that have decided they

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Speaker 1: want to live out on the land and not be

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Speaker 1: you know, downtown Nashville. And you see you have a farm.

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Speaker 1: We talk about a garden. Uh. You know, are you

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Speaker 1: a gentle person farmer? Do you have horses? You go

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Speaker 1: out on your a t V? Or you just have

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Speaker 1: enough land so you don't have to be right up

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Speaker 1: next to the HOI POI I'm in it to win it.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm in the mud. Um. The garden is my life.

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Speaker 1: When it's planted. I completely cook. I put in a

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Speaker 1: pro kitchen. I cooked for forty over Thanksgiving, and um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can come to my house and I'll cook for you.

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Speaker 1: I'm known as why Hop. I make a mean breakfast

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Speaker 1: a brunch. If you will be uh at the table

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Speaker 1: that seats twelve, and we will sit there and we

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Speaker 1: will talk about life um on the farm. And then

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Speaker 1: I'll turn around and put on my sparkles and my

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Speaker 1: undergarments and go out. And I'm, you know, the queen

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Speaker 1: of the night. Uh. It's an interesting life. I love

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Speaker 1: the farm. I love to get dirty. I lived two lives.

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Speaker 1: In other words, who are the forty people who came

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Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving? People that I really like. I decided to

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Speaker 1: go with people that I really like this time. It

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Speaker 1: was really, really fair and wonderful. These people were as

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Speaker 1: close to normal as I've ever had in my life.

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Speaker 1: Normal is just in our family, a cycle on the

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Speaker 1: washing machine. So I ordered, um, let's see a eat tenderloins,

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Speaker 1: and I suvied, and I cooked everything from scratch, including

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Speaker 1: the cornbread for the dressing. And I invited my son

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Speaker 1: and his wife. My son has been with his girlfriend

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Speaker 1: since they were fifteen years old. Elijah is my assault

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Speaker 1: of the earth, and um, he's been married now for

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Speaker 1: a couple of years. And I invited his whole family,

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Speaker 1: her whole family. So that was like fifteen right there.

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Speaker 1: So I I literally ordered enough food for the people

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Speaker 1: that are the closest to me. We're hillbillies, I'll be

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Speaker 1: honest with you. We don't do fancy. We do paper plates,

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Speaker 1: and um, we just hang out, you know. We do

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Speaker 1: a bonfire and we sit around and some drink whiskey

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Speaker 1: and some drink you know, kool aid, and the kids

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Speaker 1: come and the dogs bark, and we're we're dysfunctional, okay,

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Speaker 1: and it works. Would you cook suvied the tenderloin? It

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Speaker 1: was to another method. That's a really good question. I

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Speaker 1: think I did it because I wanted to try something fancy.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be like, you know, the chef of

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Speaker 1: the of the deal. And Thanksgiving for me this year

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Speaker 1: was really painful. Um My mama has a cookbook, and

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Speaker 1: I went and got some of the recipes from the cookbook,

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Speaker 1: and my grandmother and my nana she cooked for about

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Speaker 1: forty people on a riverboat every night. So we're known

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Speaker 1: for our Southern cooking. And I just wanted it to

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Speaker 1: be a little fancier. And I didn't want to do

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Speaker 1: it Turkey necessarily because we had it on an alternative day.

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Speaker 1: I'm the alternative parent, just so you know, I'm the

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Speaker 1: one that says, Okay, Christmas is gonna come on the

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Speaker 1: twenty one this year, because everybody's got divorced parents, you

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Speaker 1: know how it is. Families are um split in a

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Speaker 1: lot of ways, and Thanksgiving as stressful. So I did

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Speaker 1: it on a day where people just wanted to come

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Speaker 1: over and hang out, and it was beautiful because it

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Speaker 1: was an alternative to the stress and the pressure of commercialization.

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Speaker 1: So how did you learn how to cook suvied which

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Speaker 1: is cook in water for those who don't know. It's French. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I learned it from I had a chef for ten

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Speaker 1: years and she taught me an awful lot about different things,

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Speaker 1: and I just thought, you know, it's something that I

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Speaker 1: want to do because you can put it in the bath,

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Speaker 1: the hot bath, the water bath, and you can leave

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Speaker 1: it for four hours in the tech and the tenderloin

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Speaker 1: stays at the same temperature for all that time, and

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Speaker 1: then you take it out. It's a reverse seer, and

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Speaker 1: you take it out and you see her the crap

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Speaker 1: out of it on your cast iron skillet. I don't

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Speaker 1: do much without a cast iron skillet, by the way.

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Speaker 1: And then you just are like, wow, this is exciting.

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Speaker 1: I can taste it right now. I love good tenderloind

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Speaker 1: You know you've gone on in your history about your

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Speaker 1: relationship with food and body image. Where are you at

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Speaker 1: on that now? Well, I'll be fifty nine in May.

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Speaker 1: Where am I with body image? That's a really good question.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to answer that. I will tell

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Speaker 1: you I work really hard at acceptance. There's so much

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Speaker 1: I would change change, And without going into too much detail,

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Speaker 1: I will tell you this, I don't weigh and I

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Speaker 1: don't worry as much as I used to. I used

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Speaker 1: to worry so much about it. I used to fret

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Speaker 1: and just stay on myself, and I just don't do

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Speaker 1: that anymore. I have a husband who loves me, who's

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Speaker 1: been in my life since I was twenty six, and um,

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Speaker 1: I think I'm okay today, Ask me tomorrow. It may

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Speaker 1: be different. Okay. And in terms of health and exercise,

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Speaker 1: you're just doing what feels good or do you have

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Speaker 1: a regiment or a trainer? Yes, it depends on the tour,

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Speaker 1: depends on I'm getting ready to go on tour and

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Speaker 1: do three back to back shows a week, twenty six

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Speaker 1: songs a night, so I've got to, you know, increase

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Speaker 1: my cardio. I kind of do it as I need to. Um.

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Speaker 1: As you know, as you grow older, you lose muscle.

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Speaker 1: So I'm having to work with a trainer on the

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Speaker 1: waits part because I'm not really that savvy when it

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Speaker 1: comes to working out in a gym. So I do

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Speaker 1: have a trainer and I have somebody who helps me

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Speaker 1: with that. And then I walk out on the farm,

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Speaker 1: I do what's called meditative walking. You know, when you

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Speaker 1: walk out in the wilderness, you whether you cry or

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Speaker 1: cuss or pray, it's a time to just be in

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Speaker 1: the woods. And that's my favorite. That's actually my favorite

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Speaker 1: because I don't realize that I'm exercising. I walk because

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Speaker 1: it just feels good and I'm going somewhere where I

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Speaker 1: love the farm. And is the ground relatively flat or hilly?

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Speaker 1: It's both. It depends on where you go on the farm. Um,

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Speaker 1: when you get to the lake, it goes up the

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Speaker 1: hill and it's an amazing piece of land. I can

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Speaker 1: honestly say that it's in the heart of one of

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Speaker 1: the most beautiful pieces of land in Tennessee, and so

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Speaker 1: many people want to live there. It's again like very

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Speaker 1: much like Aspen. It started out. It's a small town

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Speaker 1: that turned into an incredible, incredibly popular and everybody wants

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Speaker 1: to be there. You know, the busses are coming with

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Speaker 1: the or addresses of all. Yeah, the tourists are coming,

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Speaker 1: the buses are coming, and people are wanting to come

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Speaker 1: out there and be a part of our society because

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Speaker 1: it's just so different. The sun goes down, then what

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Speaker 1: do you do. Gosh, it depends. Um, I'm making supper tonight.

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Speaker 1: I make supper pretty much every night. I cook for

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Speaker 1: my husband. I have a thing about that, and I

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Speaker 1: think being married to your manager husband, drummer, band member,

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Speaker 1: we're together all the time, and I try to pick

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Speaker 1: things to do for him during the daytime that don't

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Speaker 1: involve business. So we turn off our phones, we sit down,

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Speaker 1: we have dinner. We've been watching you know, Yellowstone and

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Speaker 1: all the shows that are on Netflix. I don't watch

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Speaker 1: a lot of TV unless it's something, and of course

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Speaker 1: I always say it I tape it because I come

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Speaker 1: from cassettes. But we record stuff and we watch it. Um,

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Speaker 1: if it's nice outside, we go sit outside and we

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Speaker 1: do a lot of fire. I'm a fire maniac. I

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Speaker 1: love fire. Can't have enough fire places. I do would

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Speaker 1: fires as many times as I can per week. So

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Speaker 1: it's it's outside. We live outside as much as we can.

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Speaker 1: And where does the wood come from the farm? Do

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Speaker 1: you cut it yourself? And your husband cuts it yourself.

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Speaker 1: We have a farm manager that cuts it and we

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Speaker 1: do log on the farm. That's what kept me going

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Speaker 1: during the pandemic was logging, and we cut down very

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Speaker 1: few trees, and because we've had tornadoes. We live where

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Speaker 1: the tornadoes hit us, and so we had three thousand

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Speaker 1: trees that we took down out of the farm that

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Speaker 1: we're blown down by the tornadoes. We're a hearty bunch

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Speaker 1: and we get it done okay. And when you're off,

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Speaker 1: when you're not on the road and forgetting, as you

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Speaker 1: put it, the pandemic. Do you travel for sport, whether

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Speaker 1: it be in America, Europe, whatever, or if you're not

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Speaker 1: working your home. Absolutely again, I'm a loner. I like

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Speaker 1: to be on myself. Um. I love to be with

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Speaker 1: the animals. We have miniature donkeys and pigs and chickens,

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Speaker 1: and I love to cook and be around people that

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Speaker 1: I love. My son and his wife are still living

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Speaker 1: with us until next week when they close on their house,

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Speaker 1: their very first house, and I like to be at home.

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Speaker 1: I've designed the house to where I don't have to

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Speaker 1: leave if I don't want to. We have the studio

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Speaker 1: there on the property, so Robert Ware came out to

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Speaker 1: the farm and walked into the studio right there right

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Speaker 1: behind our house. I have a golf cart and I

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Speaker 1: go back and forth and we live on the farm.

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Speaker 1: We live and work on the farm. I had to

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Speaker 1: come into town today because our WIFEI is out, so

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Speaker 1: we still live in the country where we have to

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Speaker 1: deal with the realities. Okay, if you're a loner, how

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Speaker 1: does that work in relationships? Mm hmm, that's a really

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Speaker 1: great question. I have what I call the dream team

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Speaker 1: of people around me, and I'm not really very social.

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Speaker 1: I don't go out to parties and I don't really

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Speaker 1: go to events anymore. I used to back when I

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Speaker 1: was in my twenties. And you know, I think it's

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Speaker 1: because I'm working on a record right now. I'll talk seasonally.

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Speaker 1: We're working on a record right now, we're working on

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Speaker 1: the tour. I'm working on writing a book and doing

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Speaker 1: a cookbook, and I'm always working on projects. Like you

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Speaker 1: you know, we're always working. We're always doing something. So

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Speaker 1: I like to spend time doing that, and then when

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing that, I like to get away with

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Speaker 1: us with doing as little as possible because my life

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Speaker 1: is so um. I just met with my doctor yesterday

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Speaker 1: and she said, you know, let's talk about your adrenal

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Speaker 1: glands started laughing and I said, I don't know how

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Speaker 1: I do it because I have so much energy. Um,

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Speaker 1: I'm just always doing stuff, man, I'm always looking for

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Speaker 1: something to do. Okay, So let's just say it's you

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Speaker 1: and your husband in the house. Does he know to

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Speaker 1: leave you alone at certain times? You're in your own head,

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Speaker 1: you're doing your own thing. He's a cowboy, he's a maverick.

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Speaker 1: He's my king. He's always doing something. And I have

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Speaker 1: to actually either text him down at the studio and

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Speaker 1: say supper is ready, or I have to walk where

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Speaker 1: he is and say, hey, let's go take a walk

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Speaker 1: or do something. And he Tomorrow night is date night,

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Speaker 1: so we have date night. And he's really good about

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Speaker 1: He's very maternal. Yet he is a cowboy and so

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00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 1: he's always eas either riding horses, working on a song,

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Speaker 1: smoking a cigar and drinking his whiskey, or shooting his gun.

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Speaker 1: So he's a pretty busy guy. And so we get

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Speaker 1: together usually after six thirty seven o'clock at night. We

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Speaker 1: sort of have a date every night for supper. And

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Speaker 1: he tragically lost his leg, uh in a motorcycle accident.

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Speaker 1: But you showed me a picture before we started of

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Speaker 1: him skiing, So how have he and you coped with

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00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:04,400
Speaker 1: the loss of his leg? Well, if you know cactus

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00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 1: mosure um, it's really hard to tell that he doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a leg. He is the most honestly. I heard

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Speaker 1: him complain one time when he lost the leg back

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Speaker 1: three months after we got married, and he said, honey,

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Speaker 1: I'm different, and I said, I know that, and I

399
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: took care of him and that We have a documentary

400
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Speaker 1: called The Road Back, and we talked about the entire experience,

401
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 1: which was tragic because he's a drummer, and he's one

402
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: of the great drummers um in our industry. How do

403
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Speaker 1: we deal with it? He he deals with it like

404
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 1: it didn't happen. Almost, It's like it's the it's the craziest,

405
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Speaker 1: most wonderful thing, because he just doesn't talk about it.

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00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 1: And the only time I notice it is when he

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Speaker 1: comes rolling in the kitchen for breakfast without his leg.

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Speaker 1: Otherwise he puts on that leg and it's like, let's go,

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Speaker 1: let's kick some ass. And he just doesn't let it

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Speaker 1: get him down. He just doesn't. And you know, he'll

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Speaker 1: cuss if it gets you know, if it moves the

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00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 1: wrong way or something every now and then. But I've

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Speaker 1: never known anybody as positive and as joy filled his

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Speaker 1: Cactus Mosure. He's um the love of my life. I've

415
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,959
Speaker 1: I've loved him since I was twenty six years old,

416
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Speaker 1: when I met him on tour with Highway one oh

417
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Speaker 1: one opening for the juds. And where does this leave you?

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Speaker 1: On motorcycles, I haven't sitting in my driveway. I mean

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Speaker 1: in my driveway in the the garage. I haven't sold

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Speaker 1: it yet. I haven't ridden since the accident, and I

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Speaker 1: probably never will. We're sticking to horses. Okay, so you

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00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: met Cactus when you were twenty six, but you were

423
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 1: married before, you had relationships before. What you learn about

424
00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: relationships now, I'm not really good at them. Um. I'm

425
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: such a an emotional, impath kind of girl that I

426
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: didn't have any boundaries and I didn't have any way of,

427
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: um saying no. And I'm such a chronic people pleaser

428
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: that I had a really rough time. That's why I

429
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 1: didn't date very much. I think I had one boyfriend

430
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,120
Speaker 1: at eighteen, and then I got really really famous, which

431
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 1: is kind of hard to get a date when your

432
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 1: mom's standing right there. And uh, I just didn't date

433
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 1: very often, and when I did, it was usually I

434
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 1: just took a date to the Award show of somebody

435
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: that I knew, like Dwight Yoakum. You know, I was

436
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,239
Speaker 1: always hanging out with the guys, and yet I was

437
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 1: so very very shy, very painfully shy. And what happened

438
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: to me when I wrote about it in my book,

439
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 1: I just didn't trust men, and I didn't hang out

440
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 1: with them romantically. I hung out with them as my

441
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: brothers on the road. The crew is always my my brothers.

442
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 1: Those were the people that I grew up with the most.

443
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,719
Speaker 1: Those are my memories of having the crew, being with

444
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: the crew and there my family. So um. I didn't

445
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend at the time I met Cactus, and

446
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: when I did meet him, I was so in love

447
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: and my mom knew it, and she and I fought

448
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 1: a lot because she was like, no, hell no, you're

449
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: not going to date a musician. Of course, I would say,

450
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: he's not a musician, he's a drummer, and then we

451
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 1: would fight until dawn. Okay, you met him at twenty six.

452
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 1: She didn't marry him for a number of years. So

453
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:30,360
Speaker 1: you fought with your mother. Then what happened? Then? Then

454
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,640
Speaker 1: I met a guy and I had two children and

455
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 1: I got married The second time, because I got pregnant

456
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 1: without being married, and back then it was like, oh,

457
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 1: that doesn't work. And so I got married and then

458
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: I got divorced and spent three years walking in the

459
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: wilderness by myself, raising two kids. And then I met

460
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: my then husband, who was my bodyguard at the time,

461
00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 1: and then uh, yeah, that went to hell. So here

462
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,679
Speaker 1: I am. Was it a matter of meeting Cactus? He

463
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 1: was the one your mother wouldn't let you be with him,

464
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 1: and you had to go on this circuitous route to

465
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: get back to him. Yes, my mom got sick, just

466
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 1: so you know. We were on tour together for a

467
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 1: year and he kissed me and that was it. I

468
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: would have married him, you know then. But Mom got

469
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 1: really sick and she went to the Mayo clinic and

470
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: I went with her, and Cactus called me up and

471
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 1: said I'll go with you, and I said, no, I

472
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: need to take care of my mom. And so her

473
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 1: illness sort of became, you know, front and center. And

474
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: then we went on tour and everything got really chaotic

475
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: and crazy, crazy crazy. So he went on to l

476
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 1: A became one of the great session players out there,

477
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 1: and met his wife and got married and they had

478
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 1: three kids, and so I have two and so together

479
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 1: we have five. So how do you reconnect well as

480
00:27:56,560 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: life would have it? Um, I walked into a bar, uh,

481
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 1: sort of one of those speakeasies here in our little

482
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 1: town of Franklin, and he was playing drums and I

483
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 1: saw him and it was like, oh my god. And

484
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 1: it was thirty years after you know, we went on

485
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 1: tour together and my mom was right over there with

486
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: me and I told Rus, said, don't you even my fingers?

487
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 1: And we reconnected? He said, um, call me and I

488
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 1: called his cell and he had separated from his wife

489
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: and I had separated from my husband, and we went

490
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 1: on a date. And that was it, like thank you

491
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: very much. Wow. And then you know, it's very difficult

492
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 1: to raise kids when you're a famous working person. M hm.

493
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: And how was that for you? You know, I I

494
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 1: have to say that this is interesting you're asking me

495
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 1: this because I haven't talked to out this a lot.

496
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a mom ever since I was

497
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: a teenager, and I knew. I even said I will

498
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: have a baby at thirty and I did. Elijah Jed

499
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 1: saved my life and I wrote a book called titled

500
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 1: Coming Home to myself, because when I got pregnant and

501
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: I was this you know, super duper working girl out

502
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: there on the road and headlining and the pressures of

503
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 1: being yeah and the public eye and touring and all

504
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: the stuff that comes with it. When I got pregnant,

505
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: it took everything and put it aside because being pregnant

506
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: was all I cared about. I traveled with a doppler,

507
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: I listened to the heartbeat every day, and I was

508
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: in love. And I think it's the first time in

509
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: my life, Bob, that I just felt like I was

510
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: with myself and I was not just a working person

511
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: that I really, you know, had something to look forward

512
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: to that was my own that I didn't have to

513
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: you know, necessarily put out like product and get you know,

514
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 1: judged for it if you will. Having a baby is

515
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 1: such an intimate process that I became infatuated with the

516
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: whole process. And I took a year off. I went

517
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: and paid everybody for the year. I had a hundred

518
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 1: date tour and um, I paid everybody and went home

519
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 1: for a year and just had a baby and sat

520
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 1: home and made homemade baby food and sat by the

521
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 1: fire and just had a baby. And it was one

522
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: of the most glorious experiences of my life. So you

523
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 1: talked about Elijah has this storybook relationship with a girl

524
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: that he met at a young age. To what degree

525
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: is he independent? Now? To what degree is he on

526
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: the payroll? Oh, he's not in the payroll. As a

527
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: matter of fact. He won't let me pay for stuff.

528
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: He's very, very independent as a matter of fact. Um,

529
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: we argue sometimes about, you know what, let me do it.

530
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 1: Because he's a canine officer, he's a first responder, so

531
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 1: he has three job abs. He met his girlfriend at

532
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: a football game when they were fifteen. They're now married.

533
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: They just bought their first house. They closed next week,

534
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 1: and I offered to help him with something and he said, nope, Mom,

535
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it myself and he'll come out on

536
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: the road with me and I'll have him work a

537
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: few dates as security and I'll pay him through Wine

538
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 1: on It Incorporated. But he will not let me pay

539
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 1: for stuff. And he's adamant about it. Wow, that's a rare.

540
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 1: It's very rare, and I know it, and yet I

541
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: continue to try to push and give and give and give,

542
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: and he's just like, Mom, you know what, last year, Bob,

543
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: I gave him some land on the farm, and that

544
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: to him is everything, and that's enough, and he won't

545
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 1: let me do more. So that's sort of like the

546
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: creme de la creme. That's pretty amazing. Um, let's talk

547
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 1: about your mother. You know, not only did your mother die,

548
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 1: she took her own life. My best friend of the

549
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 1: same thing. It's a very strange experience of mental health

550
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: issues once again, but it's a very public thing for you.

551
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 1: And she's your mother. My mother died two years ago

552
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 1: like that a Rolling Stone song, and my mother certainly

553
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 1: was not famous. I have mixed emotions, and there's a

554
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 1: famous book out right now someone wrote about that they're

555
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: glad their mother died. So you know, what's it like

556
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 1: coping with all this. Well, I just wrote a line

557
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: in a song with my husband that said, I'm somewhere

558
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: between hell and Hallelujah. Yeah, I I thought of it

559
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 1: just because of my experience. Um, the pain has stopped, hallelujah.

560
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 1: The pain has stopped. The hell is going over to

561
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: her house and seeing all her stuff and she's gone,

562
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 1: And that's just not something you can talk about without crying.

563
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 1: Or I have three people that I call um that

564
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,959
Speaker 1: I literally did work this morning on why is it

565
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 1: that I'm still so angry? Why can't I seem to

566
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 1: get past the anger piece? And it's because grieving is

567
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:27,240
Speaker 1: a crazy mother trucker. There's no way you can say, well,

568
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 1: in five months, I'll do this and tomorrow I'll do that. Um.

569
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 1: My mother struggled and I knew it, and I always

570
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 1: kept I felt like I was keeping a secret. So

571
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that the secret is no longer because secrets

572
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: keep you sick. And we all know about that one

573
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 1: who we've had experiences with, and my mother took her

574
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 1: own life is devastating because that's not how the story

575
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: is supposed to end. And so I'm really really frustrated

576
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: with the whole thing of having to talk about it

577
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 1: in interviews and explain it to people where I'm at,

578
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: because I know people are curious and I understand that,

579
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: and as we all know, online lots of buttholes and opinions,

580
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: and um, I just try to live as honestly as

581
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: I can. I struggle a lot at night. That's when

582
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: the noise is really really really loud, and so I

583
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 1: walk the halls and I pray, and sometimes I cry

584
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 1: and sometimes I write, and UM, I have a granddaughter

585
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: who gives me an incredible amount of hope. You know,

586
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: both of my parents are dead at this point, which

587
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: is kind of weird to say, but as I say,

588
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: it's very sad when they passed. But there's also a

589
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 1: certain freedom involved. Remember when my father died, and died

590
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: at a relatively young age by today's standards, at seventy

591
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: of cancer, and my mother had a car accident. If

592
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,600
Speaker 1: you had a dent in the car with my father,

593
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: he would go berserk, and she realized, well, she could

594
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 1: just take the car and get it fit. It wasn't

595
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: like the biggest crisis. And my mother was both my

596
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: inspiration and my nemesis. So has there been any relief

597
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 1: amongst the tragedy? That is a really interesting word. I

598
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:23,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't say relief. I think I feel a sense of

599
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: a new season starting of independence. So I don't know

600
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: if the word relief fits me. I know that I feel. Um,

601
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example of a story, because I

602
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: love telling stories, because I think that's how people learn

603
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: the best. Um. I was on stage. I was at

604
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: sound check and they were playing the video behind me

605
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:47,760
Speaker 1: of mom and I don't know, it just it caught

606
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 1: me really out of nowhere. It just caught me, and

607
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: I turned right around and looked at the at the

608
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: screen and I said, um, I've lost ten pounds mom,

609
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 1: and ever I started laughing, and I just kind of

610
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: caught myself, like I'm still doing it. You know. I

611
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: still feel the the tug of war sometimes with her,

612
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 1: the love and the not so much, and I still

613
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: feel it. I still feel so mad at her because

614
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,480
Speaker 1: I wanted to come back so I can argue with her.

615
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 1: And the last fight we ever had, I told her

616
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: that if she didn't stop talking that I was going

617
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 1: to pull her wig off and hit her with it.

618
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: And she looked at me, like, you are crazy, And

619
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 1: I started laughing because I have to. You know, it's

620
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 1: just sometimes too intense. But I don't know if the

621
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: word is relief. I think I just feel a little

622
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: bit more independent because you're right, we were or orphans.

623
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 1: We don't have our parents here anymore. We're not defined

624
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 1: or we're not waiting for approval or a comment. It's

625
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 1: just us. So there is that independence to you and me, God,

626
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,760
Speaker 1: and that's kind of where I'm at. And what about

627
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: your father. I never knew my father. It's a matter

628
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: of fact. I found out about him in a tabloid. Um,

629
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: And by the time I got it together to go

630
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: meet him, he died very tragically and suddenly, and um,

631
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: I never got to know him. And I just met

632
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 1: my brother two years ago. So that's been a whole

633
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 1: chapter of Wow. That's all I can say about it.

634
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 1: It's just wow. It's like, oh my god, all these

635
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,399
Speaker 1: years since finding out in the tablet a tabloid, why

636
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 1: did you just meet him? And was there an instinct connection?

637
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: How did you ultimately meet No? I didn't. I didn't

638
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 1: meet him, That's what I was saying. Two weeks I

639
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:39,720
Speaker 1: had planned to go meet him in two weeks before

640
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: the date that I had chosen, he died. So I

641
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 1: never did. I meant, I meant you you met my brother. Um.

642
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 1: He drove down to the farm, he walked in the door,

643
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,879
Speaker 1: and it's as if and I'm not exaggerating because I'm

644
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 1: not that way, God forbid. Um, he and I picked

645
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: up right where we we're supposed to. I guess it

646
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 1: was like, Oh my god, we're so alike. He's just

647
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,879
Speaker 1: like Elijah, and Elijah is just like him, and we're

648
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 1: just so connected. It's crazy, it's crazy good, and it's

649
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 1: the most delightful piece of information I have to give personally,

650
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 1: is that I finally, finally now know more about who

651
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: I am because I never knew my father, and there's

652
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,800
Speaker 1: a question mark there for anybody who doesn't know their parents.

653
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 1: So your mother was a babe, living a babe life

654
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 1: seemingly always. What was that like as a little kid

655
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 1: with her being your mother? Horrible men would follow her home.

656
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 1: She was quite the baby, right. If you look at pictures,

657
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: it's like, to me, she's as gorgeous as any any

658
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 1: Hollywood actress I've ever seen. And it was a problem.

659
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: It was a real problem. And some of my trauma

660
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 1: comes from all of the experiences that I witnessed of

661
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 1: her living in Holly Weird, her being such a gypsy

662
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 1: spirit and having so many different boyfriends, and yeah, she

663
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:18,720
Speaker 1: was quite quite the babe. You're right, so you're growing up.

664
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 1: She's your mother. To what degree is she hands on

665
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 1: or to what we you're a free range child, boy,

666
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: that's a well. I walked to school by myself. I

667
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 1: was a latchkey kid, so it was very lonely and

668
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 1: we always lived for the most part besides Hollyward. We

669
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 1: lived in the country, so I was always by myself.

670
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 1: And that's why I became so infatuated and enamored by animals,

671
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: because they were my neighbors and my friends. And I

672
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: wasn't popular in school. I was the moody musician, dreamer,

673
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,240
Speaker 1: you know, that just didn't fit in anywhere. But people

674
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 1: liked me because I was polite and I was a

675
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 1: good kid. I didn't get into trouble, and I was

676
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: always um wanting love and affection, and um my mom

677
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 1: was always working. So I kind of raised Ashley. We

678
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: kind of raised each other really, and we still talk

679
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: about that because mom was always gone working And what

680
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: do you say when you talk about that, how painful

681
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: it was. Um, I did not have a hands on parent,

682
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 1: and I parented myself as well as Ashley, and and

683
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 1: we grew up together. We were four years apart, so

684
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 1: I was the ten year old making dinner and I

685
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 1: was driving on the road at twelve thirteen. I was

686
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 1: driving on the road at thirteen, and my mom let

687
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: me because I guess she was always you know, working

688
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: as a nurse, and I I did all the chores

689
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 1: and so I was the kid who was responsible for

690
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,720
Speaker 1: just about everything. I never remember doing a spring break.

691
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 1: I never remember going anywhere and having fun with friends,

692
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 1: not really. So it was a weird. It was a

693
00:40:54,440 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 1: weird life, I have to say. And where did music

694
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 1: come in? Oh, thank you Lord. It came in around

695
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: eight years of age. I discovered the piano, and I

696
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 1: discovered my voice before that, but I discovered an instrument

697
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 1: with my voice, and I just thought that was the

698
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: greatest thing in my life. And um it was third

699
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 1: grade and Joni Mitchell was it because there was a

700
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: woman in my life, a young woman who just worshiped

701
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: Joni Mitchell and played me every song Joanie ever recorded.

702
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: And I learned every nuance of every song and still

703
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: to this day, I can do the best harmony in

704
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: the world besides Brandy Um. And I learned Joni mitchell

705
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: songs and I became Joni Mitchell's absolute, you know, backup singer.

706
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: I could have gone on the road with her at

707
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 1: any given time, and it saved my life. Honestly, if

708
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: it hadn't been for Joanie, I probably would have tried

709
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:58,240
Speaker 1: suicide before I did at eighteen. But the music kept

710
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: me alive early. Okay, you dropped that I gotta go

711
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 1: there attempting suicide at eight team, I sure did. I

712
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 1: got kicked out of the house and I went to

713
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 1: live with Ashley's biological father, and he was going to

714
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 1: send me to college and I was going to get

715
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,919
Speaker 1: a job, and he cut off all my hair and

716
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: I was no longer who I was supposed to be

717
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 1: in my book, So why stick around? Because I was

718
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,840
Speaker 1: no longer going to do music and be able to

719
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 1: be you know, Winona, which I had big plans, by

720
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: the way, big plans, and I was going to go

721
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 1: to college, and I just I couldn't take it. I

722
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: was just it was like somebody cut my wings off

723
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 1: and I attempted suicide at eighteen, and then what six

724
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:47,760
Speaker 1: months later, I got a record deal. Okay, let's go back.

725
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: So the interest in music was yours independently, not your mother's.

726
00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: It seems your mother was a driven woman men, and

727
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 1: if you look from outside, she needed more. She needed

728
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 1: to make it. Was it music or it just needed

729
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: to be something. Yes, I think she really was born

730
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 1: to be. My grandmother said to me when I was little,

731
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 1: your mother should have been a soap opera star. Now.

732
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,959
Speaker 1: I don't know what that tells anybody else, but to me,

733
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 1: that tells me everything. And my mother has always been

734
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: the parade waiver. I mean, she's she's the Barbie doll,

735
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 1: She's all the cliches, you know. She was always up

736
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 1: for a good time. And I was so shy and

737
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:49,399
Speaker 1: so backwards that I felt like Nell in the movie. Um.

738
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:53,240
Speaker 1: I felt like this little hillbilly girl that I literally

739
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 1: wore overalls and hiking boots to to school. Bob. I mean,

740
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: it's it's weird. It's like, who are We live in

741
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 1: apple Hia. We go to a third world country pretty much,

742
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 1: and we live on this little acre of land, and

743
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:12,359
Speaker 1: I'm by myself and I discovered Joni Mitchell, and all

744
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I'm learning all the open tunings and

745
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 1: I'm playing all the songs, and I'm ready to just

746
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:24,839
Speaker 1: evolved into the greatest um poet singer. You know, I

747
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 1: was ready, and my mom saw it. And I think

748
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: my mom saw that I was so immersed in music

749
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,760
Speaker 1: and such a dreamer that I think she just naturally

750
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this is it, and she started harmonizing

751
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,359
Speaker 1: with me. And I didn't like it at first. At all,

752
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: And for a summer we learned a couple of songs

753
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 1: together and the next thing I know, we're singing to

754
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: people and here we are. Who wah, let's start. Let's

755
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 1: start from the reading. You talked about open tunings. How

756
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 1: did you learn? I don't know. I don't know. To

757
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,839
Speaker 1: this day, I have one person in my life who

758
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:08,359
Speaker 1: was teaching me E, A and D. And the next

759
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: thing I know, I'm just doing it note by note

760
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,279
Speaker 1: and I'm figuring it out. And nobody really taught me.

761
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 1: My self taught, And to this day I think about it.

762
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 1: Sonia bird Yancy was a woman in my life who

763
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: played guitar and I would sit and listen to her

764
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 1: play and just try to figure it out. And I

765
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:30,719
Speaker 1: spent my life learning every Joni song. Where did the

766
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:33,799
Speaker 1: guitar come from? Someone gave it to my mom when

767
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 1: we moved from California back to Kentucky. Someone gave her

768
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: a guitar. And it's one of those stories that it

769
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 1: was not a good guitar and I learned to play

770
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 1: on it and it was my very first guitar, which, yeah,

771
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 1: I think about that. If someone hadn't given my mom

772
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 1: that guitar I don't know where i'd be today. Okay,

773
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: you're you know, you're independent. You're playing the guitar. Your

774
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 1: mother starts to harmonize. Then how does it turn into

775
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:11,200
Speaker 1: a gig? That's a really good question. We just started

776
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: playing for all the things we could play for, Like, um,

777
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 1: what is it when you like get some kind of

778
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:21,760
Speaker 1: an award for civil you know, like those those places

779
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: where people gather together and you win the award for

780
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 1: the community, were like the Rotary Club exactly exactly. We

781
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: started doing stuff like that, and next thing I know,

782
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 1: we're doing this little show here in Nashville, Tennessee. The

783
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:41,240
Speaker 1: Ralph Emory Show comes on at like three four o'clock

784
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 1: in the morning and they have the farm Report and

785
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 1: they do commercials and there's a guy on there that

786
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:53,280
Speaker 1: sings with the band. And somehow Mom and I showed

787
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: up there and sang on that show so that I

788
00:46:56,160 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 1: could sing and then go to school. Pretty wild. Actually, okay,

789
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: what how was it presented to you? Let's go back

790
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:10,839
Speaker 1: to Kentucky. You know, you're really good at this. I'm

791
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 1: gonna try to make it something more. You come home

792
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 1: from school one day and your mother says, oh, we're

793
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 1: playing at the Rotary Club. That's kind of how it was.

794
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: I can tell you right now. I had no ambition.

795
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 1: I was not the one to say, Hey, I'm gonna

796
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:26,879
Speaker 1: go down and join a band and I'm gonna start

797
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: doing gigs. That was not how it happened. As a

798
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: matter of fact, it's the opposite. I was, if anything,

799
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 1: I was too shy to do it. And it was

800
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 1: Mom who said we are going to do this. And

801
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 1: that's the way it is. Man. It's like she had

802
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 1: all the ambition and I had all the you know,

803
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: the talent in terms of guitar and vocal, and she

804
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:50,760
Speaker 1: was the harmony singer, and together it was this magical,

805
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 1: little weird thing like are they mother and daughter or sisters?

806
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: You know? And just everywhere we went we got more

807
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 1: and more attention, and next thing I know, we're here

808
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 1: in Nashville, Tennessee. Are you kidding me? So she was determined, Bob,

809
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 1: she was on her She was on a mission to

810
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:12,399
Speaker 1: make it. Okay, needless to say, you became uber successful.

811
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 1: Do you think she was ever fulfilled or she was

812
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 1: still looking for more. I think she was so fulfilled

813
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 1: being the queen of the parade. I think she was

814
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:24,840
Speaker 1: more fulfilled than she could ever be. I mean, come on,

815
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 1: we did the Super Bowl, for God's sake, you know,

816
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 1: we got to go to the White House. We uh.

817
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:34,720
Speaker 1: We have a street named after us in Ashland, Kentucky. Uh.

818
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:38,760
Speaker 1: And we were the parade waivers of all times. Just bizarre.

819
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 1: It's it's such a weird story still to me today,

820
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 1: and when I tell it, I'm just like, how in

821
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,919
Speaker 1: the world are these two Kentucky girls managed to make

822
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 1: it in country music? I still I can't quite wrap

823
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 1: my head around it because I was so backwards in

824
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,319
Speaker 1: so many ways, and yet I would go out on stage.

825
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: If you look at the videos, I seem so sure

826
00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 1: of myself and I just can't even believe it. When

827
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 1: I look at it, I'm like, that's me. And then

828
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: there's my mom, who's, you know, shimmying and swaying, and

829
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 1: she's doing the harmony, and she's the beautiful mother who

830
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 1: looks young enough to be my sister. I mean, come on,

831
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: I don't think it gets any better than that. So

832
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 1: how hard for her was it when she became ill

833
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: and couldn't do it. I think that's where the end began,

834
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 1: I really do. I think it. I think the depression

835
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: was so debilitating. I think it was. I think it's

836
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,479
Speaker 1: where it started. I think that the end was when

837
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: she had to give up the road because I took

838
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,480
Speaker 1: her home on the bus. I helped her get all

839
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: her stuff off the bus, and she stood on the

840
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: porch waving to me as I pulled the bus out

841
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 1: of the driveway, and I remember thinking, this is it.

842
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: You know, it's like separating Siamese twins. I just, uh,

843
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know any other way to

844
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,439
Speaker 1: say it. She fell into a deep depression and from there,

845
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:58,840
Speaker 1: you know, it started. And she's written a lot of

846
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 1: books and done a lot of speak engagements around it.

847
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: But I think it. I think it cut off her life. Supply,

848
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: her lifeline was absolutely you know that was it. Well,

849
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 1: let's go back before she had to retire. My friend

850
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 1: who ended his life took his own life in retrospect,

851
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: he was bipolar. I mean, it really hits every note

852
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 1: on the scale prior to retiring. I hate to use

853
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 1: this word, but I will anyway. Would you call your

854
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 1: mother normal or was there evidence of other mental health

855
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 1: issues in retrospect? Wow, that's quite a packed question. I

856
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 1: don't know the answer to that question. But I can

857
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 1: tell you what I know, which is my mother was

858
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: incredibly charismatic, incredibly determined, one of the most determined. She

859
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 1: was as determined to die as she was determined to live.

860
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 1: That's my mother. That's one of the quotes that I

861
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 1: have used a couple of times when I'm not sure

862
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 1: quite what to say. Uh, my mother was incredibly um willful,

863
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: and you did not argue with her. I was not

864
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 1: allowed to really have a voice. Ironically, I'm the lead singer,

865
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 1: but I did not have a voice. I still think

866
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 1: about having to share a bus with her, and I

867
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 1: look back on that and I go, God, if I

868
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: had known then what I know now, I would have

869
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,279
Speaker 1: gotten my own bus. What the heck? You know? Why

870
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 1: did I have to share a hotel room with her?

871
00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: Why did I have to share a dressing room with her?

872
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 1: I'm the lead singer. Why couldn't I have my own stuff?

873
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 1: And there's part of me that thinks it was God's

874
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:40,560
Speaker 1: way of saying, you're going to be accountable to something

875
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 1: bigger than yourself. Well, it was her, and I think

876
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 1: she took full advantage of it. Many times. Um, we

877
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:49,879
Speaker 1: would be in Vegas and we would be sold out

878
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,399
Speaker 1: and she would come down to my room and tell me,

879
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 1: you know, if you're late tonight, I'm going to tell

880
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:00,080
Speaker 1: everybody you know in front of you and embarrass me.

881
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 1: She was tough, and um I think she was incredibly

882
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 1: driven to the point of it separated us an awful lot. Emotionally,

883
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:21,320
Speaker 1: it separated us an awful lot. I think that's pretty clear.

884
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 1: But in retrospect, would you say that was just her

885
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: personality or was she really crazy on some level? I

886
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,319
Speaker 1: don't know the word crazy. I know, well, I do

887
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 1: know the word crazy. That's not true. I don't know

888
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:38,520
Speaker 1: crazy like some people have their identity there, you know,

889
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 1: understanding of what crazy is. I think my mother was

890
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 1: so colorful, and this is the only way I know

891
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 1: to describe it, because I don't know enough about the

892
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 1: mental health part. I just know that she was colorful.

893
00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 1: She taught my children. One of the first things she's

894
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 1: proud of doing as a grandmother was teaching my kids

895
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 1: how to poop in the woods. Okay, that's crazy, that's

896
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:04,400
Speaker 1: not normal. That's crazy. But you live on a farm

897
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:08,399
Speaker 1: and it seems really practical, doesn't it. So you tell me,

898
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 1: is it practical or is it crazy? Well, I guess

899
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: you know. I'll leave it at this. Um, what you

900
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 1: know was this? You know? Was her tragic death preordained

901
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 1: because of certain organic elements or was it based on

902
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:28,439
Speaker 1: events like leaving the road. But let's forget all that.

903
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 1: So your mother is driven, she's booking you these gigs.

904
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 1: Are you all in from the beginning or do you

905
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:39,440
Speaker 1: ever at times say hey, well tell me how you felt. Nope.

906
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 1: The very first thing I ever said to her before

907
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: we went out in front of ten thousand people was

908
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 1: the first time I was ever on stage. I looked

909
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 1: at her and I said, I want to go home,

910
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 1: and she looked at me. She was a snapper. That

911
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:57,600
Speaker 1: sound right there will send me into an absolute tantrum. Um,

912
00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:02,320
Speaker 1: it's I could feel it. It's just one of those things.

913
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 1: My mother was a snapper, and she would snap at

914
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 1: me and say do it girl, you know. And I

915
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:11,239
Speaker 1: looked at her and I was like, uh, next thing

916
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 1: I know, we're in front of ten thousand people and

917
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 1: we have a hit song and we're running awards and

918
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 1: the rest is history. I was so mortified at being

919
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,880
Speaker 1: with my mother on so many levels. It just didn't

920
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 1: make sense to me, why would somebody do this to me?

921
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 1: Why would somebody put me on a bus at eighteen

922
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 1: years of age? Why would they do that to me?

923
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 1: And by the way, and I talked about this a lot,

924
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 1: but I can't get over it. I did her hair,

925
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 1: for God's sake. Oh, I did her hair like I

926
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 1: literally was responsible for zipping up the back of her

927
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 1: dress and doing her hair. And that's just those you know,

928
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 1: people say you didn't really pay your dues and by

929
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 1: playing clubs. I'm like, okay, you share a bus with

930
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: your mother for ten years and we'll talk because it

931
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: was the strictest, most unbelievable thing that I did in

932
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,839
Speaker 1: my life. And I don't know else to say other

933
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 1: than why why would somebody do that? Because we were

934
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 1: so freaking famous, she did all the talking. By the way,

935
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:09,759
Speaker 1: they had to send me to media school, Bob. They

936
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 1: had to sit me down and say, okay, so when

937
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,080
Speaker 1: your mom tells that story and you're really not happy

938
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 1: with her and you roll your eyes, you look like

939
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 1: a little brat. And they had to walk me through

940
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 1: how to do interviews because I was so not interested

941
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,440
Speaker 1: in all the fame stuff. She loved every minute of

942
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:34,240
Speaker 1: it okay, breaking a few things down. Do you think

943
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:39,759
Speaker 1: she was so strict because she didn't want her success

944
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 1: fucked up or because she didn't want you to follow

945
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 1: in her footsteps? What was driving this strictness. I am

946
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:52,239
Speaker 1: known that there's three of us, Ashley, Mom and me,

947
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: and if you put us in a room, the two

948
00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:57,319
Speaker 1: of them are so alike in so many ways. I

949
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 1: was always the odd ball, odd man out, whatever you

950
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: want to call it, and I'm so free in spirit.

951
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 1: I drove my mother in saying I think that I

952
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,920
Speaker 1: was single handedly one of the most challenging parts of

953
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 1: her success because I was so you know, I think

954
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:16,200
Speaker 1: I'll go and get a Harley. No, you won't. And

955
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: she wouldn't talk to me for two weeks after I

956
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 1: got the tattoo and I was on my own. I

957
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 1: was like selling records and stuff and she wouldn't speak

958
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: to me. So I had to get one of them

959
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:27,800
Speaker 1: raised because it had Mom on it. It was traumatic.

960
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: So my mom was pretty darn instrumental in making sure

961
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 1: that everything was a certain way, and I would just

962
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:38,719
Speaker 1: come into the fold and sing and get the heck

963
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 1: out of Dodge. So it wasn't like, oh, everything is great.

964
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,080
Speaker 1: We didn't fight a lot, but it was just very

965
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 1: like business because she ran it. It should have been

966
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 1: Naomi Judd and her daughter Winona, because it was definitely

967
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 1: she ran things. Her and the manager ran things. I

968
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:01,160
Speaker 1: was just the chick singer and I would get a

969
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:04,399
Speaker 1: memo member back when we facted. I would. I would

970
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 1: get a memo and it would say, Monday, you're doing this. Tuesday,

971
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:09,200
Speaker 1: you're doing this. And I didn't have a say so

972
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:10,719
Speaker 1: we would go down to our c A and do

973
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:13,879
Speaker 1: two days worth of interviews because everybody wanted to talk

974
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:16,400
Speaker 1: to us. I didn't have a say so about all that.

975
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:25,000
Speaker 1: Zero was she as strict with Ashley? No, because Ashley

976
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:28,919
Speaker 1: behaved well, or she just wasn't. Ashley got the good

977
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 1: end of the deal an awful lot. Ashley didn't get

978
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 1: what I got because I was the oldest. I think

979
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,880
Speaker 1: my mom really was nervous that I would get pregnant

980
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:39,840
Speaker 1: and meet a boy and go get married and then

981
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:43,520
Speaker 1: it would be ruined. You know, I still do this day. Um.

982
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 1: Ashley was the one that finally told me about my

983
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 1: real father. Mom never did, and I always always really

984
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,840
Speaker 1: angry about that because it was almost like maybe she

985
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 1: thought maybe I would go running off into the wild

986
00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 1: blue yonder and not get on the bus and go

987
00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 1: do shows. I was just really convinced that she had

988
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: to keep everything going um, and I think she felt

989
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: responsible for me, keeping me in line because I had

990
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 1: so much talent, that I was so free willed that

991
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 1: it terrified her. Literally, like I would go, hey, Mom,

992
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna go build a house, and she'd go,

993
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 1: what No. And then I ended up getting a condo

994
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 1: near her because you know, I just can't be near

995
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: her enough. Ah, bless my heart. So you too go

996
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:36,920
Speaker 1: on the road. What happens to Ashley? She gets left behind?

997
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,440
Speaker 1: So how does she go from being left behind becoming

998
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 1: a movie star? Good question. She went out to Hollywood

999
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:51,040
Speaker 1: and the only job I ever remember her having out

1000
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,520
Speaker 1: there was she worked as a hostess at the Ivy

1001
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 1: on Robertson. And next thing, she's in an independent movie

1002
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 1: called be in Paradise and the rest is history, a

1003
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:07,000
Speaker 1: great movie, and she's great in it. She's awesome. She's awesome.

1004
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:09,919
Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite movies she's ever done. And

1005
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:13,280
Speaker 1: I remember literally walking three ft behind her because she

1006
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 1: was quite the star. And I thought, well, she's arrived,

1007
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 1: here we go. So did she had that seem driven

1008
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:26,120
Speaker 1: element in her that your mother had? Yes, very much.

1009
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 1: So do you think she just learned it from your

1010
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,000
Speaker 1: mother or she was left behind so much that she

1011
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:34,440
Speaker 1: wanted to do Hey, I gotta find my own way

1012
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:37,520
Speaker 1: to my own thing. I believe with everything in me

1013
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 1: that it's nature and nurture. I think there's a nature there.

1014
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 1: And I think because she was nurtured to be so

1015
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:47,400
Speaker 1: independent and make it on her own that she literally

1016
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,760
Speaker 1: packed up an U haul it trailer to her car

1017
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:54,920
Speaker 1: in Tennessee and drove out to l A by herself.

1018
00:59:56,640 --> 01:00:01,439
Speaker 1: That's actually okay. Going back to the beginning of the story,

1019
01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 1: before you're on stage with ten thousand people blocking, before

1020
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 1: you hit the stage along the way, were you always

1021
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 1: in or something? Were you saying I don't want to

1022
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 1: show up or I want to have a normal life

1023
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:17,240
Speaker 1: for Were you saying, wow, this is great, Wow, this

1024
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 1: is great. I would do anything to be in a band.

1025
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,440
Speaker 1: I have a band now, why not in the big noise?

1026
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 1: And everything is about the big noise. I don't want

1027
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 1: to be by myself. I love love, love love team.

1028
01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 1: I do better with team. I don't want to be

1029
01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 1: a solo artist anymore, and uh so I absolutely would

1030
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 1: do anything to jam with my guys. That was when

1031
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 1: my magical time began. When I hit the stage, not

1032
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 1: because of performance, but because of art. Did I love

1033
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:49,480
Speaker 1: every single minute. Robert Ware and I have talked about

1034
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 1: this an awful lot, because for me, it's about the

1035
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:55,720
Speaker 1: musical experience of running. What is it when they go

1036
01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:57,520
Speaker 1: to the edge of the stage and you jump off.

1037
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 1: That's me stage diving. Yes, I just I mean not literally,

1038
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:03,680
Speaker 1: but I would go to the edge of the stage

1039
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: and want to just free fall into the fans because

1040
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 1: I love music that much that I would. I mean,

1041
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 1: I've I've flown to Australia just to do one show

1042
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:14,959
Speaker 1: because that's how determined I am to have the live

1043
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:19,440
Speaker 1: musical experience with the fans. Um So, yeah, I walk

1044
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:23,840
Speaker 1: into the stage. You got let me add it. I'll

1045
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,680
Speaker 1: do anything and I'll wait, you know, twenty hours if

1046
01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 1: I have to. I was very patient because all I

1047
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 1: ever wanted to do was being a band. That's it.

1048
01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:36,680
Speaker 1: That's what drove me. Okay, you talk about Rob Weir,

1049
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 1: who is Bob We're of the Grateful Dead. How do

1050
01:01:40,480 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 1: you meet Bob Weir. That's a really good question. UM.

1051
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 1: More importantly, UM, when I met him, I did not

1052
01:01:52,600 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 1: know a lot about Robert were and I called him

1053
01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:58,680
Speaker 1: Robert because I could not bring myself to call him Bobby.

1054
01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:00,840
Speaker 1: I just thought, that's like call and your teacher by

1055
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 1: her first name. And I fell in love with this character.

1056
01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 1: He's like the Civil War general, you know, He's just

1057
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:14,960
Speaker 1: such a character. And when I met him, I thought, well,

1058
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,680
Speaker 1: I have nothing in common with this person. And next

1059
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:21,360
Speaker 1: thing I know, we're sitting in the studio. He came

1060
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:25,439
Speaker 1: to the farm, he drove to the farm, got out

1061
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 1: of the car, walked into the studio and we did

1062
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 1: Ramble on Rose. And we have been so connected ever since.

1063
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 1: He came and performed at my mother's memorial. That's pretty crazy, right,

1064
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:43,320
Speaker 1: And so he's been there for me, both personally and professionally.

1065
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 1: We played of course, we've played the film more and

1066
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:46,800
Speaker 1: there's all the good stuff, you know, and the fans

1067
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:50,920
Speaker 1: love it and Deadhead judd Head were mingling. Everybody's getting along.

1068
01:02:52,200 --> 01:02:54,600
Speaker 1: But it's just one of those wacky stories where you go,

1069
01:02:54,720 --> 01:02:56,920
Speaker 1: how in the world did I end up being friends

1070
01:02:57,000 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 1: with him and his wife? What's the what's the connection.

1071
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 1: How did you meet him? That's you know what the

1072
01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:07,040
Speaker 1: connection is the music. I was invited to do stuff,

1073
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:11,160
Speaker 1: and it's like he did one of my songs and

1074
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 1: I did one of his songs. Kind of thing at

1075
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:16,640
Speaker 1: the film More. That was actually after we my husband,

1076
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 1: thank you, my husband, Cactus Moser said I want you

1077
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 1: to learn some grateful Dead songs and I said, why

1078
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: why would I do that? I don't understand the history

1079
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:29,000
Speaker 1: of all the you know stuff that you know. And

1080
01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:32,480
Speaker 1: I ended up calling him. I think I got his

1081
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 1: number from Dwight Yoakum or somebody. I'm trying to remember

1082
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:39,120
Speaker 1: the details, and I just called him and next thing

1083
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 1: I know, he's at the farm. I think it was

1084
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:44,160
Speaker 1: just us connecting on the level of, Hey, it's nice

1085
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:47,160
Speaker 1: to meet you. Hey, nice to meet you too. But

1086
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:48,840
Speaker 1: I called him on the phone and I said, I

1087
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:53,439
Speaker 1: really want you to come and be on my record. Okay,

1088
01:03:53,520 --> 01:03:57,520
Speaker 1: going back to the original origin of the story, Um,

1089
01:03:57,640 --> 01:04:03,680
Speaker 1: you make a deal with Curb Record. Mike Curb, Republican

1090
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,080
Speaker 1: who had made it in the music business then was

1091
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 1: Lieutenant governor of California, ultimately had a lot of success

1092
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:16,120
Speaker 1: in Nashville. UM his company and relationships been fraught with

1093
01:04:16,320 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 1: the negative history. People signed a deal and they can't

1094
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 1: get out of it, and what was your experience? Well,

1095
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:29,680
Speaker 1: I know more now than I did, and I didn't

1096
01:04:29,720 --> 01:04:34,920
Speaker 1: know all that crap, and nobody ever really sat me

1097
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:40,600
Speaker 1: down and said, hey, by the way, this is this

1098
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:42,520
Speaker 1: or this is that, and what do you want to

1099
01:04:42,520 --> 01:04:45,560
Speaker 1: do about it? And it wasn't until I had a

1100
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 1: few experiences with managers who said this is nuts, we

1101
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:52,200
Speaker 1: gotta do this, we gotta make this move. I really

1102
01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 1: didn't understand and I was so trusting. I'm one of

1103
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 1: those stories honestly that you go, oh, bless her heart,

1104
01:04:59,400 --> 01:05:01,800
Speaker 1: she just doesn't know any better because I was too

1105
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:04,840
Speaker 1: busy working, too busy doing, and too busy recording and

1106
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:09,200
Speaker 1: traveling and doing tours. And it wasn't until probably the

1107
01:05:09,320 --> 01:05:13,320
Speaker 1: last I would say, five to seven years, do I

1108
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:16,680
Speaker 1: really know what the heck is going on. And that's

1109
01:05:16,680 --> 01:05:18,600
Speaker 1: not something I'm proud of. It's just sort of the

1110
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 1: way it worked out for me because I'm so trusting

1111
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:25,120
Speaker 1: and I tend to not micromanage, and I think it's

1112
01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:27,600
Speaker 1: gotten me in a lot of trouble. But I still

1113
01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:30,480
Speaker 1: get a Christmas present from him every year, and I

1114
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:34,680
Speaker 1: haven't seen him in years. And how about the money,

1115
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:43,280
Speaker 1: good question, I'll let you know. So you're still working

1116
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:47,439
Speaker 1: on the money. Yep. It's one of those things where

1117
01:05:47,960 --> 01:05:53,240
Speaker 1: maybe when I'm sixty, it's not that far away. One

1118
01:05:53,280 --> 01:06:08,040
Speaker 1: can dream. Okay, you did not write the songs you're saying,

1119
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:13,200
Speaker 1: which in many cases are the generator of profits. So

1120
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:17,919
Speaker 1: how are you doing financially? I'm land rich in cash poor.

1121
01:06:19,320 --> 01:06:21,400
Speaker 1: I owe some of the greatest land in the history

1122
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:24,480
Speaker 1: of mankind. And uh, you know, of course, a lot

1123
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:27,400
Speaker 1: of people take out loans to do business. That's kind

1124
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:30,360
Speaker 1: of the way it works in America, right, And so, um,

1125
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:34,600
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good, I'm settled, I have what I need.

1126
01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:38,000
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what's really exciting about me and my

1127
01:06:38,120 --> 01:06:40,880
Speaker 1: husband is during the pandemic, we were able to keep

1128
01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:46,680
Speaker 1: payroll because of logging. So thank you for that opportunity

1129
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:50,080
Speaker 1: because it kept everybody afloat. And I'm grateful for that

1130
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 1: because it was a devastating blow to the music industry

1131
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:57,280
Speaker 1: and a lot of my guys in the band, you know,

1132
01:06:57,320 --> 01:07:01,280
Speaker 1: went on unemployment. So I'm really grateful that the land

1133
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:05,680
Speaker 1: provided and that's why we have land. Um, it's been

1134
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 1: a blessing. Did you get any loans from the government?

1135
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:16,000
Speaker 1: Let me think here, I did, I did? Okay, you

1136
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 1: bought the land for fifteen hundred dollars an acre in

1137
01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:23,560
Speaker 1: what year? How much land? And what did your mother

1138
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:26,320
Speaker 1: say about that? Oh? She thought it was awesome as

1139
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:27,960
Speaker 1: one of the things we agreed on because I was

1140
01:07:28,040 --> 01:07:30,600
Speaker 1: right next to her. Together we had a thousand acres,

1141
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:34,120
Speaker 1: so it was like a compound. Um, I bought it

1142
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:38,280
Speaker 1: in acre it goes for two d thousand an acre, now,

1143
01:07:40,120 --> 01:07:44,600
Speaker 1: so that was a really good investment. Oh yeah, my

1144
01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:47,200
Speaker 1: father would be proud of you. Yes, and that's my

1145
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:49,680
Speaker 1: great my great great grandfather would be too. That was

1146
01:07:49,720 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 1: what it was all about, Ogden Judd was all about

1147
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:55,000
Speaker 1: buying land. My family. I come from a family of farmers,

1148
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:57,480
Speaker 1: so they would all be very proud. Like the song

1149
01:07:57,480 --> 01:08:02,000
Speaker 1: Guardian Angels, Um, they're so proud of me. Fanny and

1150
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:06,080
Speaker 1: Elijah and all my ancestors are looking down going. You

1151
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:11,880
Speaker 1: know what you go, girl? The logging kept you alive.

1152
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:15,120
Speaker 1: Going more detail. You hire a company that cuts up

1153
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:18,240
Speaker 1: the trees. How do you generate the money? We hired

1154
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:22,720
Speaker 1: two guys, best friends. One's a preacher, one is a

1155
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:25,040
Speaker 1: good old boy who wears overalls and no t shirt

1156
01:08:25,080 --> 01:08:30,679
Speaker 1: even if it's winter. It's awesome actually, And they come

1157
01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 1: and it's just the two of them because I don't

1158
01:08:32,240 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 1: want them to mess up the land. And they did

1159
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:37,719
Speaker 1: it old fashioned and uh, I mean compared to what's

1160
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:41,080
Speaker 1: done today. And we only did trees that were down,

1161
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:46,280
Speaker 1: and we had when you have five acres, you know

1162
01:08:46,280 --> 01:08:49,200
Speaker 1: how it works. And they just went where the trees

1163
01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:52,559
Speaker 1: were down and it worked, and I'm so grateful to them.

1164
01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:56,439
Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, it saved us. Actually, So

1165
01:08:56,479 --> 01:09:01,800
Speaker 1: how many people are on the payroll personally or professionally?

1166
01:09:02,439 --> 01:09:06,639
Speaker 1: Professionally well, personally too, well the last the last tour

1167
01:09:06,760 --> 01:09:09,559
Speaker 1: we did, it was what how many people on the

1168
01:09:09,640 --> 01:09:13,479
Speaker 1: road last tour? I don't know, eight nine something like that.

1169
01:09:13,560 --> 01:09:19,000
Speaker 1: And then I'd say personally five. Okay. When you say

1170
01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:23,160
Speaker 1: the logging kept your who were the people you were paying?

1171
01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:26,920
Speaker 1: What do you mean people I was paying? No? No, no,

1172
01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:30,200
Speaker 1: you said the general the money from the logging allowed

1173
01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:33,320
Speaker 1: you to pay your people. How many people was that?

1174
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:39,439
Speaker 1: I would say about five people, five to seven? Okay.

1175
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:42,639
Speaker 1: So going back to the story, you go on on stage,

1176
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:46,880
Speaker 1: you have ten thousand people, and once you're pushed. I

1177
01:09:46,960 --> 01:09:50,080
Speaker 1: assumed you actually loved performing, because you say you love

1178
01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:56,640
Speaker 1: performing now. And what was it like suddenly becoming the

1179
01:09:56,640 --> 01:10:01,360
Speaker 1: biggest star in country music? What was it like? Oh

1180
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:04,960
Speaker 1: my gosh, that's a really good question. I think I

1181
01:10:04,960 --> 01:10:07,639
Speaker 1: looked like a deer in the headlights, an awful lot

1182
01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:15,240
Speaker 1: because I was still so so young, and Mom did

1183
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:17,640
Speaker 1: all the talking, so I would sit there and kind

1184
01:10:17,680 --> 01:10:21,200
Speaker 1: of look around, like when are we going to be

1185
01:10:21,240 --> 01:10:24,360
Speaker 1: done so I can go hang out with my friends.

1186
01:10:24,439 --> 01:10:28,840
Speaker 1: So but I also loved, loved, love the the love

1187
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:31,040
Speaker 1: from the fans. I still have fans that were there

1188
01:10:31,080 --> 01:10:36,000
Speaker 1: the very first concert in night march Um concert that

1189
01:10:36,080 --> 01:10:39,479
Speaker 1: we did, and they're still there and there they're still

1190
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:41,960
Speaker 1: around and it's like they remember me and I remember

1191
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:45,320
Speaker 1: them and we grew up together. So I love the

1192
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:47,439
Speaker 1: one on one. I'm not really good at the fame

1193
01:10:47,479 --> 01:10:50,080
Speaker 1: stuff unless it's a good seat in a restaurant. I

1194
01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:54,599
Speaker 1: don't really thrive on that actually, And um, I mean

1195
01:10:54,600 --> 01:10:56,240
Speaker 1: if you kind of look at me, I don't. I

1196
01:10:56,240 --> 01:10:58,400
Speaker 1: don't do the whole makeup and hair thing all the time.

1197
01:10:58,439 --> 01:11:01,840
Speaker 1: I'm not a TikTok sensation at I don't really care

1198
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:04,400
Speaker 1: about all that. I care about the human experience. I

1199
01:11:04,439 --> 01:11:07,000
Speaker 1: care about the music. I care about going out on

1200
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:09,599
Speaker 1: stage and making a connection with somebody who has no

1201
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:13,559
Speaker 1: idea what they've gotten themselves into. And that is what

1202
01:11:13,680 --> 01:11:17,679
Speaker 1: grews me more than anything in this world. Well, you're

1203
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:23,479
Speaker 1: a very recognizable person, so uh, you know, it's one

1204
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:25,559
Speaker 1: thing if you're sitting at home. I would think almost

1205
01:11:25,640 --> 01:11:28,800
Speaker 1: anywhere you go, people immediately know who you are. Yes,

1206
01:11:28,800 --> 01:11:31,880
Speaker 1: they do. I've become a little bit more and more

1207
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 1: like Dolly in terms of the hair and the you know,

1208
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:40,599
Speaker 1: the the tada I call it the tada um. Brandy

1209
01:11:40,680 --> 01:11:43,120
Speaker 1: Carlile said, I'm a queer icon and I said, can

1210
01:11:43,160 --> 01:11:45,200
Speaker 1: you explain to me what that means? She said, it's

1211
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:51,280
Speaker 1: really really good and I said okay. I said, okay, awesome.

1212
01:11:52,479 --> 01:11:56,280
Speaker 1: I love people. I love love love people. A person

1213
01:11:56,320 --> 01:11:58,559
Speaker 1: walks up to me and says, I'm an atheist, and

1214
01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,960
Speaker 1: I said, okay, I mean that's the way I am.

1215
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:05,400
Speaker 1: I just um, I'm a judge, not a judge. I

1216
01:12:05,400 --> 01:12:07,800
Speaker 1: mean that's my absolute go to. When people come up

1217
01:12:07,800 --> 01:12:10,000
Speaker 1: to me and say, well, you need to lose weight,

1218
01:12:10,080 --> 01:12:12,400
Speaker 1: and I go, yeah, and you need to get a haircut,

1219
01:12:13,320 --> 01:12:17,000
Speaker 1: and uh, I I just you know what I'm I'm

1220
01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:19,839
Speaker 1: I'm real because I grew up in such a weird world,

1221
01:12:20,840 --> 01:12:24,000
Speaker 1: you know, being eighteen and being on the cover of

1222
01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:27,400
Speaker 1: all the magazines and doing Johnny Carson, I'm dating myself

1223
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:32,439
Speaker 1: and opening for all the greats of country music, Merle Haggard,

1224
01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:35,000
Speaker 1: George Jones. I mean, I've worked with a highwayman. I

1225
01:12:35,080 --> 01:12:38,639
Speaker 1: knew Johnny Cash. He was a mentor. When you grow

1226
01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:40,840
Speaker 1: up with all these people in your life and Tammy

1227
01:12:40,840 --> 01:12:43,320
Speaker 1: Wynette takes you on her bus to cook breakfast for you,

1228
01:12:44,320 --> 01:12:48,439
Speaker 1: that's just not normal, that's you know. And so I

1229
01:12:48,479 --> 01:12:51,439
Speaker 1: grew up with all these characters around me in my movie,

1230
01:12:52,240 --> 01:12:54,519
Speaker 1: and I went over to George Jones's house at Christmas

1231
01:12:54,560 --> 01:12:57,680
Speaker 1: time and played his kids, played his grandkids, played with

1232
01:12:57,720 --> 01:13:02,040
Speaker 1: my kids. And it's just so crazy, but yet it

1233
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:07,240
Speaker 1: was my life and I'm still living it, and it's

1234
01:13:07,400 --> 01:13:10,760
Speaker 1: so bizarre at times. But I can't get away from

1235
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:13,080
Speaker 1: the music part of it. I just can't. As broken

1236
01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:16,400
Speaker 1: hearted as my heart is an awful lot, I can't

1237
01:13:16,439 --> 01:13:19,960
Speaker 1: stop myself from being on stage having that moment with

1238
01:13:20,000 --> 01:13:22,160
Speaker 1: the fan when they sing into the microphone the words

1239
01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:25,200
Speaker 1: to my song. There's just something about that that just

1240
01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:31,840
Speaker 1: heals me every single day. Because I almost gave up

1241
01:13:31,880 --> 01:13:34,840
Speaker 1: on doing the tour. You know, when mom died. I said, Okay,

1242
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:36,479
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can I don't know if

1243
01:13:36,479 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 1: I can do this. I really don't physically know if

1244
01:13:38,600 --> 01:13:42,000
Speaker 1: I can do this. And the people spoke and they said,

1245
01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:44,759
Speaker 1: yes you can, and I showed up. How much live

1246
01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:48,080
Speaker 1: is the music and how much is the adoration and

1247
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:50,920
Speaker 1: love from the fans. I do not sing, and I

1248
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:52,880
Speaker 1: will not sing. The only time I've ever lip SYNCD

1249
01:13:53,960 --> 01:13:57,960
Speaker 1: is at the super Bowl. I'm adamant about that. Um,

1250
01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:01,800
Speaker 1: there are no tracks. There's one loop that Cactus hits

1251
01:14:02,439 --> 01:14:05,920
Speaker 1: for a loop on a rhythm thing. But everything is live.

1252
01:14:06,120 --> 01:14:08,240
Speaker 1: I'm adamant about that. If there's one thing that I

1253
01:14:08,280 --> 01:14:11,120
Speaker 1: will say that, I'm gonna be like you. I'm sure

1254
01:14:11,120 --> 01:14:15,799
Speaker 1: you have your opinion about things I can imagine. Um,

1255
01:14:15,840 --> 01:14:18,240
Speaker 1: it will be live and it will be imperfect or

1256
01:14:18,280 --> 01:14:20,639
Speaker 1: it won't be real and I just have to have

1257
01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:24,679
Speaker 1: that or else the rest of his bs. So everything

1258
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:27,200
Speaker 1: is live to the point where I can do a

1259
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:30,960
Speaker 1: song on a dime. You watch me, okay, so you're

1260
01:14:31,760 --> 01:14:36,880
Speaker 1: you're alive, But how much of the satisfaction is the

1261
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:42,080
Speaker 1: love from the audience? It's so live? What do you mean?

1262
01:14:42,120 --> 01:14:44,719
Speaker 1: Can you explain a little bit better what I'm trying

1263
01:14:44,800 --> 01:14:47,600
Speaker 1: to I'll give you a different example. A friend of

1264
01:14:47,600 --> 01:14:50,679
Speaker 1: mine used to book Oprah open played arenas for a while,

1265
01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:55,360
Speaker 1: and the obvious question here is why does Oprah need

1266
01:14:55,439 --> 01:14:58,479
Speaker 1: to play arenas? She's got all the money in the

1267
01:14:58,520 --> 01:15:02,679
Speaker 1: world whereas is David Letterman said, you know, she literally

1268
01:15:02,680 --> 01:15:06,479
Speaker 1: has all the money, but he said, where else is

1269
01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:10,640
Speaker 1: she going to get that? Yes? Yes, the adrenaline is

1270
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:14,840
Speaker 1: part of my my fix every single night when I

1271
01:15:14,920 --> 01:15:17,360
Speaker 1: go and I get off the bus and I'm walking

1272
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:19,400
Speaker 1: to the stage and I hear the roar of the crowd,

1273
01:15:20,040 --> 01:15:23,599
Speaker 1: my energy gets up and I get the adrenaline and

1274
01:15:23,640 --> 01:15:26,280
Speaker 1: it's like the quarterback of the Super Bowl. I get very,

1275
01:15:26,400 --> 01:15:31,759
Speaker 1: very activated. And that is better than any drug in life.

1276
01:15:32,479 --> 01:15:35,080
Speaker 1: And that's probably why so many people do drugs, because

1277
01:15:35,120 --> 01:15:39,240
Speaker 1: it is the greatest It is the greatest thing on

1278
01:15:39,360 --> 01:15:42,479
Speaker 1: this light, in this life, on this planet. To stand

1279
01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:45,920
Speaker 1: there and watch fourteen thousand people with their phones and

1280
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:48,479
Speaker 1: their lights on. We don't do the big lighter anymore.

1281
01:15:49,640 --> 01:15:52,040
Speaker 1: Saying love is alive back to me. It is the

1282
01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:56,200
Speaker 1: greatest thing. I feel suspended. I'm writing a song with

1283
01:15:56,240 --> 01:15:59,360
Speaker 1: Brandy Carlile right now called from Here to Heaven, and

1284
01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:03,920
Speaker 1: that's where I am. I'm literally suspended off the ground

1285
01:16:04,080 --> 01:16:07,640
Speaker 1: and I can feel myself levitate. It is the greatest

1286
01:16:10,760 --> 01:16:15,679
Speaker 1: drip of love, life and support and healing that there

1287
01:16:15,840 --> 01:16:22,559
Speaker 1: is in this life. Wow, did you do drugs and

1288
01:16:22,680 --> 01:16:26,400
Speaker 1: drink or what was your experience with substances? No, my

1289
01:16:26,479 --> 01:16:29,160
Speaker 1: mom did. She was the party or I was the

1290
01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:33,240
Speaker 1: stay in the room. And wonder if she's coming back. Um,

1291
01:16:33,280 --> 01:16:36,240
Speaker 1: she's talked about it. When she got to be seventies something.

1292
01:16:36,320 --> 01:16:39,040
Speaker 1: She just let it go and said, yeah, I smoked

1293
01:16:39,040 --> 01:16:40,800
Speaker 1: weed on the day we did our live audition at

1294
01:16:40,880 --> 01:16:44,680
Speaker 1: r c A. And I'm like, wow, okay, here we go.

1295
01:16:45,640 --> 01:16:48,840
Speaker 1: Uh No, I wasn't and I didn't. I didn't have

1296
01:16:49,000 --> 01:16:51,960
Speaker 1: my my trip with alcohol until I was twenty seven

1297
01:16:52,040 --> 01:16:54,560
Speaker 1: to twenty nine, and then I got pregnant at thirty

1298
01:16:54,720 --> 01:16:57,320
Speaker 1: and that changed my entire world. So I had my

1299
01:16:57,400 --> 01:16:59,880
Speaker 1: experience with alcohol and that's it. I never did drugs.

1300
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:02,160
Speaker 1: Tried it when I was little. A couple of times

1301
01:17:02,200 --> 01:17:05,679
Speaker 1: I'd try my mom's blunt. Is that the word blunt? Yeah,

1302
01:17:05,720 --> 01:17:07,560
Speaker 1: that's one of them. Is that one of them? Okay?

1303
01:17:09,040 --> 01:17:11,639
Speaker 1: And I tried her blunt and I was like thirteen

1304
01:17:11,720 --> 01:17:13,640
Speaker 1: years old, and I don't know how anybody does it.

1305
01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:15,760
Speaker 1: I didn't didn't work for me because it made me

1306
01:17:15,800 --> 01:17:19,240
Speaker 1: even more dreamy and not want to go get a job.

1307
01:17:19,320 --> 01:17:23,320
Speaker 1: And that's not probably the best idea for me. So

1308
01:17:23,479 --> 01:17:27,640
Speaker 1: your mother becomes ill, she retires from the road, she

1309
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:34,719
Speaker 1: becomes depressed. What's going through your mind? What the hell?

1310
01:17:35,800 --> 01:17:39,240
Speaker 1: I don't understand it. It's the mystery of life for me.

1311
01:17:39,760 --> 01:17:42,120
Speaker 1: I'm doing a lot of trauma work right now around

1312
01:17:42,120 --> 01:17:45,840
Speaker 1: that because I don't have any answers, and I don't

1313
01:17:45,920 --> 01:17:49,439
Speaker 1: understand because she had so much. She's the kind of

1314
01:17:49,479 --> 01:17:52,040
Speaker 1: person that would literally get out of the car, go

1315
01:17:52,120 --> 01:17:57,599
Speaker 1: into Walgreens, speak to every single person in there, call

1316
01:17:57,680 --> 01:18:01,360
Speaker 1: somebody's mother on the phone, and literally walk out of there,

1317
01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:02,760
Speaker 1: getting the car, and go home and lay on the

1318
01:18:02,800 --> 01:18:11,120
Speaker 1: couch for the next That's why it's so so hard

1319
01:18:11,200 --> 01:18:14,160
Speaker 1: to understand. And I'm still in the moment of what

1320
01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:18,280
Speaker 1: the hell am I supposed to do with this information.

1321
01:18:19,360 --> 01:18:21,760
Speaker 1: I'm trying to file it away neatly, but it's not

1322
01:18:21,840 --> 01:18:24,479
Speaker 1: that simple, and it's going to take a lifetime for

1323
01:18:24,520 --> 01:18:27,840
Speaker 1: me to get there. But she was the most charismatic,

1324
01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:31,200
Speaker 1: colorful character out in public. And then she would go

1325
01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:33,240
Speaker 1: lay on the couch for weeks at a time and

1326
01:18:33,280 --> 01:18:36,400
Speaker 1: I would call her and she would cry, and I

1327
01:18:36,439 --> 01:18:39,240
Speaker 1: would think, Wow, this is not the way it's supposed

1328
01:18:39,240 --> 01:18:45,400
Speaker 1: to be. And was she getting professional Hell? Yes. I

1329
01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:47,679
Speaker 1: will be honest with you, and I've never spoken about

1330
01:18:47,720 --> 01:18:49,599
Speaker 1: this before. I will tell you that I feel like

1331
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:54,280
Speaker 1: the mental health community let her down because, um, there

1332
01:18:54,360 --> 01:18:57,120
Speaker 1: was a lot of medication and I don't know that.

1333
01:18:57,600 --> 01:18:59,519
Speaker 1: I just don't think she got the help she needed.

1334
01:19:00,640 --> 01:19:03,800
Speaker 1: I really don't. And that's my two cents worth. Um,

1335
01:19:03,840 --> 01:19:07,479
Speaker 1: Ashley certainly has hers and I'll let her speak for herself.

1336
01:19:07,680 --> 01:19:11,600
Speaker 1: For me, watching mom um, you know she's an r N.

1337
01:19:11,960 --> 01:19:15,320
Speaker 1: She tended to look at doctors and other people as peers,

1338
01:19:15,479 --> 01:19:18,479
Speaker 1: and I wish someone had gone in and said no, Naomi, no,

1339
01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:24,160
Speaker 1: So what's your relationship with Ashley these days? We are

1340
01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:28,000
Speaker 1: so different, and yet I have such a tenderness for

1341
01:19:28,040 --> 01:19:32,639
Speaker 1: her from raising her that I feel very motherly towards her.

1342
01:19:32,720 --> 01:19:35,880
Speaker 1: She calls me sister, mommy, and we're working more on

1343
01:19:35,920 --> 01:19:39,960
Speaker 1: the sister part, which is very painful because we were

1344
01:19:40,160 --> 01:19:43,519
Speaker 1: apart so much of the time. We were geographically in

1345
01:19:43,600 --> 01:19:46,840
Speaker 1: different worlds, and Um, I missed her prom and I

1346
01:19:46,880 --> 01:19:50,439
Speaker 1: missed her first experience with a boy, and there's just

1347
01:19:50,520 --> 01:19:53,800
Speaker 1: so much loss there that we're still trying to mend.

1348
01:19:53,800 --> 01:19:55,080
Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, I was supposed to call

1349
01:19:55,080 --> 01:19:58,240
Speaker 1: her after this interview, and UM, she wants me to

1350
01:19:58,240 --> 01:20:01,040
Speaker 1: come over to the house. We're are both just so

1351
01:20:01,520 --> 01:20:04,840
Speaker 1: in different worlds, and yet we're trying to figure out

1352
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:09,920
Speaker 1: a language that we can both speak well. How much

1353
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:12,960
Speaker 1: contact do you have with her? A lot more than

1354
01:20:13,479 --> 01:20:15,880
Speaker 1: since mother died, A lot more, as a matter of fact,

1355
01:20:15,920 --> 01:20:18,920
Speaker 1: almost on a daily basis. We text, we face time

1356
01:20:18,960 --> 01:20:21,800
Speaker 1: a lot, and I've been going over to her house. Um,

1357
01:20:21,880 --> 01:20:25,639
Speaker 1: last time I went over, ear candled her ears because

1358
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:29,360
Speaker 1: she had a cold, and I just I try to

1359
01:20:29,400 --> 01:20:31,040
Speaker 1: go over and I take her soup. I'm the I'm

1360
01:20:31,080 --> 01:20:33,160
Speaker 1: the big sister. You know. That's kind of the way

1361
01:20:33,160 --> 01:20:34,840
Speaker 1: it's always gonna be. She's always going to be my

1362
01:20:34,840 --> 01:20:37,479
Speaker 1: little sister. I don't care how smart she is or

1363
01:20:37,479 --> 01:20:41,519
Speaker 1: how fabulous she looks in her Valentino dress. Um, I'm

1364
01:20:41,560 --> 01:20:43,600
Speaker 1: still her sister, and I do things to her that

1365
01:20:43,640 --> 01:20:47,840
Speaker 1: make her really uncomfortable. And that's my job. Give me

1366
01:20:47,960 --> 01:20:51,679
Speaker 1: an example of one thing. Well, I like to say

1367
01:20:51,680 --> 01:20:55,400
Speaker 1: things that are inappropriate because she's so good with words,

1368
01:20:55,479 --> 01:20:57,040
Speaker 1: and she'll say a word and I don't know what

1369
01:20:57,080 --> 01:20:58,479
Speaker 1: the word is, and I'm like, what the hell does

1370
01:20:58,520 --> 01:21:00,960
Speaker 1: that word mean? I don't understand a word? Oh is

1371
01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:02,840
Speaker 1: that like? And then I'll use a word that's really

1372
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:06,160
Speaker 1: not okay with her because she's such an activist. Sometimes

1373
01:21:06,200 --> 01:21:09,160
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, Ashley, snap out of it. You know,

1374
01:21:09,160 --> 01:21:12,080
Speaker 1: I'm your sister. I'm not I'm not here to challenge

1375
01:21:12,080 --> 01:21:14,120
Speaker 1: you in any capacity other than the fact that I'm

1376
01:21:14,120 --> 01:21:15,800
Speaker 1: bigger than you and I can sit on you until

1377
01:21:15,880 --> 01:21:18,479
Speaker 1: you p So you're just gonna have to deal with

1378
01:21:18,520 --> 01:21:21,920
Speaker 1: the fact that I'm here. And sometimes I apologize. Sometimes

1379
01:21:21,960 --> 01:21:24,960
Speaker 1: I don't, but I do it just keep her alive

1380
01:21:26,040 --> 01:21:29,640
Speaker 1: in the conversation because she's so smart, that she's so

1381
01:21:29,720 --> 01:21:32,840
Speaker 1: intellectual that sometimes I just have to say, let's not

1382
01:21:32,880 --> 01:21:37,280
Speaker 1: be so individually over here, separately smart. Let's be together

1383
01:21:37,320 --> 01:21:40,880
Speaker 1: and be silly and dumb, and let's try to find

1384
01:21:40,920 --> 01:21:45,720
Speaker 1: a place that we can maneuver naturally and authentically. If

1385
01:21:45,760 --> 01:21:49,280
Speaker 1: that makes any sense. Yeah, sure it does. When your

1386
01:21:49,280 --> 01:21:54,559
Speaker 1: mother gets hepatitis C and retires from the road. So

1387
01:21:54,600 --> 01:21:58,920
Speaker 1: this is decades back. What do you think about going

1388
01:21:59,040 --> 01:22:04,960
Speaker 1: forward in your career? Ye, I'm both um devastated and

1389
01:22:05,240 --> 01:22:09,360
Speaker 1: inspired to see what's next. I think I'm always looking

1390
01:22:09,439 --> 01:22:12,120
Speaker 1: forward to I've always been that way, and I think

1391
01:22:12,120 --> 01:22:15,439
Speaker 1: that's a thing that you're born with. Um, I try

1392
01:22:15,479 --> 01:22:17,320
Speaker 1: not to. Mom was a lot more of the rear

1393
01:22:17,439 --> 01:22:20,560
Speaker 1: view mirror, and I'm more of the looking out the windshield.

1394
01:22:21,360 --> 01:22:24,519
Speaker 1: I could not wait until I saw a cactus mosure

1395
01:22:24,560 --> 01:22:27,599
Speaker 1: that night with Mom behind me and looking at her, like,

1396
01:22:28,200 --> 01:22:30,519
Speaker 1: see that guy right there, I'm going to marry him,

1397
01:22:30,600 --> 01:22:33,160
Speaker 1: and we're going to, you know, right off into the

1398
01:22:33,200 --> 01:22:35,760
Speaker 1: sunset together. And that's what we're doing right now with

1399
01:22:35,800 --> 01:22:39,040
Speaker 1: the band. We're making a record, we're writing most of it,

1400
01:22:39,680 --> 01:22:42,599
Speaker 1: and we are determined to go to the next chapter.

1401
01:22:43,280 --> 01:22:47,200
Speaker 1: I'm on a label which I love the name Anti Records,

1402
01:22:47,320 --> 01:22:49,760
Speaker 1: but there's just something about that that just thrills me.

1403
01:22:50,439 --> 01:22:53,360
Speaker 1: Um Andy is interested in the musical experience as well.

1404
01:22:53,400 --> 01:22:56,240
Speaker 1: So I found finally a home where I feel like

1405
01:22:56,280 --> 01:22:59,559
Speaker 1: I can be as authentic and strange as I want

1406
01:22:59,560 --> 01:23:04,680
Speaker 1: to be without feeling the tug towards being popular, um,

1407
01:23:04,680 --> 01:23:06,400
Speaker 1: which we all want to be to a certain degree,

1408
01:23:06,439 --> 01:23:08,559
Speaker 1: but I also want the music to speak for itself.

1409
01:23:09,240 --> 01:23:12,280
Speaker 1: So Cactus and I are always talking about what's next,

1410
01:23:13,040 --> 01:23:14,840
Speaker 1: if that makes any sense, Like I'm already on the

1411
01:23:14,920 --> 01:23:19,160
Speaker 1: Judge tour talking about what we're gonna do after that.

1412
01:23:20,080 --> 01:23:23,439
Speaker 1: If that makes sense. Yeah, I'd end up on Anti

1413
01:23:23,520 --> 01:23:27,559
Speaker 1: Records because Andy gets me, and it's a it's a

1414
01:23:27,600 --> 01:23:31,960
Speaker 1: record label where you've got Um May have his Staples.

1415
01:23:33,080 --> 01:23:36,080
Speaker 1: You've got these characters that are just at the in

1416
01:23:36,160 --> 01:23:38,360
Speaker 1: the in the twilight, some of them and then others.

1417
01:23:38,560 --> 01:23:41,360
Speaker 1: You know, there's just this you know, Tom Waite. You

1418
01:23:41,400 --> 01:23:43,479
Speaker 1: have people that are on there that are able to

1419
01:23:43,560 --> 01:23:47,519
Speaker 1: be themselves and there's no pressure to try to be

1420
01:23:47,720 --> 01:23:50,519
Speaker 1: younger and faster and fit in with all the you know,

1421
01:23:50,600 --> 01:23:54,400
Speaker 1: Tik Talker's. It's just this great place to belong where

1422
01:23:54,439 --> 01:23:57,639
Speaker 1: you feel like you can just be yourself and yeah,

1423
01:23:57,680 --> 01:23:59,640
Speaker 1: if you get paid for it, that's really cool. And

1424
01:23:59,720 --> 01:24:01,599
Speaker 1: yet I did a show with May of the Staples

1425
01:24:01,600 --> 01:24:03,880
Speaker 1: here at the Rhyman Auditorium and I just looked around like,

1426
01:24:04,960 --> 01:24:07,880
Speaker 1: is this really happening, like this is really my life.

1427
01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:10,479
Speaker 1: I don't know how I got here, but boy am

1428
01:24:10,520 --> 01:24:14,200
Speaker 1: I really grateful that I don't have to worry about Well,

1429
01:24:14,280 --> 01:24:18,799
Speaker 1: let's try to be the comeback kid, you know, Okay,

1430
01:24:18,840 --> 01:24:22,400
Speaker 1: staying there, you have this unbelievable run with your mother,

1431
01:24:22,560 --> 01:24:26,240
Speaker 1: then you have a run solo and the number one

1432
01:24:26,360 --> 01:24:35,000
Speaker 1: hit stopped coming. What's that like? Emotionally? Mm hmm. I

1433
01:24:35,040 --> 01:24:37,760
Speaker 1: loved the songs so much and it's gonna sound really

1434
01:24:37,760 --> 01:24:39,680
Speaker 1: corny and maybe even a little cliche, but they're like

1435
01:24:39,760 --> 01:24:43,000
Speaker 1: my children. I love them so much. I just was

1436
01:24:43,600 --> 01:24:47,639
Speaker 1: sad that other people didn't respond to them. And the label,

1437
01:24:47,880 --> 01:24:51,400
Speaker 1: of course, certainly has their responsibility part of it. I

1438
01:24:51,560 --> 01:24:55,760
Speaker 1: love the song so much I continued, like every night

1439
01:24:55,840 --> 01:24:58,160
Speaker 1: to sing them regardless of whether they were number ten

1440
01:24:58,240 --> 01:25:01,360
Speaker 1: or number one. D I didn't care about that part

1441
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:04,360
Speaker 1: of it. The emotional part came because I wanted the

1442
01:25:04,400 --> 01:25:08,000
Speaker 1: fans to hear the music, and that was the frustration

1443
01:25:08,040 --> 01:25:11,479
Speaker 1: part for me, was the numbers um more so than anything,

1444
01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:14,519
Speaker 1: because I wanted people to hear only Love, which I

1445
01:25:14,560 --> 01:25:17,680
Speaker 1: still sing to this day as if it's you know,

1446
01:25:17,720 --> 01:25:21,000
Speaker 1: the most important, top five important songs of my career

1447
01:25:21,840 --> 01:25:25,040
Speaker 1: and my life because my music, to me is more

1448
01:25:25,080 --> 01:25:27,400
Speaker 1: than just a career. Now, I've been doing it almost

1449
01:25:27,400 --> 01:25:32,200
Speaker 1: forty years and it's just so part of me. Um.

1450
01:25:32,240 --> 01:25:34,519
Speaker 1: It was difficult because I want to I really want

1451
01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:37,080
Speaker 1: to please my producer. When I go in the studio.

1452
01:25:37,600 --> 01:25:40,280
Speaker 1: I'm known for singing it twenty times, even though we

1453
01:25:40,320 --> 01:25:42,679
Speaker 1: can fly vocals in, because I want it to be different,

1454
01:25:43,200 --> 01:25:45,839
Speaker 1: each verse to be different. If you listen to my records,

1455
01:25:45,880 --> 01:25:48,719
Speaker 1: I'm really proud of the fact that we didn't fix

1456
01:25:48,760 --> 01:25:51,040
Speaker 1: a lot of vocals because I wanted people to love

1457
01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:54,160
Speaker 1: me live. I wanted to be able to copy it live.

1458
01:25:54,600 --> 01:25:57,080
Speaker 1: And I come from the era of when you have

1459
01:25:57,280 --> 01:26:00,720
Speaker 1: singers like Ann Wilson singing the way she does live,

1460
01:26:00,800 --> 01:26:03,479
Speaker 1: You're like, well, hell yeah, that's the way it's supposed

1461
01:26:03,479 --> 01:26:05,200
Speaker 1: to be. You know, it's supposed to sound like the record,

1462
01:26:05,439 --> 01:26:09,599
Speaker 1: but it's also supposed to sound real. So I had

1463
01:26:09,640 --> 01:26:12,120
Speaker 1: my moments of being feeling tearful because I wanted the

1464
01:26:12,160 --> 01:26:16,880
Speaker 1: producer to be successful and be successful myself. Absolutely, but

1465
01:26:16,960 --> 01:26:19,240
Speaker 1: I'm still tied to the music today that I was

1466
01:26:19,400 --> 01:26:28,720
Speaker 1: even back in the eighties and nineties, talking about the

1467
01:26:28,880 --> 01:26:32,200
Speaker 1: number and not the music. Itself. You talk about being

1468
01:26:32,200 --> 01:26:37,400
Speaker 1: on Johnny Carson, being on the super Bowl, those opportunities

1469
01:26:37,439 --> 01:26:39,880
Speaker 1: are not as frequent. Not to mention the fact other

1470
01:26:39,880 --> 01:26:41,880
Speaker 1: than the super Bowl, does none of those things mean

1471
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:46,320
Speaker 1: what they once did? Um, but are you looking out

1472
01:26:46,320 --> 01:26:49,200
Speaker 1: of the front window enough to say, well, I did that,

1473
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:52,599
Speaker 1: then other peaks will commode. Is it bother you a

1474
01:26:52,640 --> 01:26:55,599
Speaker 1: little bit that the opportunities or peaks are not as

1475
01:26:55,680 --> 01:26:59,000
Speaker 1: plentiful as they once were. It depends on if I

1476
01:26:59,040 --> 01:27:01,240
Speaker 1: go on social media. If and when I go on

1477
01:27:01,280 --> 01:27:03,880
Speaker 1: social media and I see what's going on out there,

1478
01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:07,479
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm missing prom. You know, I don't

1479
01:27:07,479 --> 01:27:10,680
Speaker 1: have a date for the prom. Oh and then if

1480
01:27:10,720 --> 01:27:12,920
Speaker 1: you take that away from me, which I try to

1481
01:27:12,920 --> 01:27:16,200
Speaker 1: stay away from it as much as possible in terms

1482
01:27:16,200 --> 01:27:18,960
Speaker 1: of just staying in the music, staying authentic, staying authentic.

1483
01:27:19,000 --> 01:27:21,720
Speaker 1: I think about Susan Tadeshi and I think about all

1484
01:27:21,760 --> 01:27:25,280
Speaker 1: these great musicians, and um, you know, she and Derek

1485
01:27:25,280 --> 01:27:27,360
Speaker 1: Trucks are important to me. They're very important to me.

1486
01:27:27,439 --> 01:27:29,559
Speaker 1: They're on my record, and I'm like, yes, this is

1487
01:27:29,600 --> 01:27:32,040
Speaker 1: what I want to do for a living. Um, I'm

1488
01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:34,679
Speaker 1: getting ready to a show. Uh that I'm really proud

1489
01:27:34,720 --> 01:27:38,000
Speaker 1: of that. I just feel like the music matters more

1490
01:27:38,040 --> 01:27:43,880
Speaker 1: than the TikTok numbers. So it depends on the day. Um,

1491
01:27:43,920 --> 01:27:46,080
Speaker 1: there are days when I'm not worried about it at

1492
01:27:46,080 --> 01:27:48,200
Speaker 1: all because i have such a great fan base, Bob.

1493
01:27:48,280 --> 01:27:52,960
Speaker 1: I have such tremendously loyal fans that come to every

1494
01:27:53,000 --> 01:27:56,640
Speaker 1: stinking show, whether it's Green Hall or it's Bridgestone here

1495
01:27:56,640 --> 01:27:59,519
Speaker 1: in Nashville, Tennessee. I literally have those fans, and I've

1496
01:27:59,520 --> 01:28:04,320
Speaker 1: earned them. I've worked really hard gaining their loyalty. And

1497
01:28:04,360 --> 01:28:06,519
Speaker 1: then there are other days when I realize I'm getting

1498
01:28:06,520 --> 01:28:09,559
Speaker 1: ready to sing with Kelsey Ballerini and she's the next,

1499
01:28:09,760 --> 01:28:13,400
Speaker 1: you know, big thing, and I'm passing the torch to her. Well,

1500
01:28:13,439 --> 01:28:15,200
Speaker 1: that's what I'm supposed to do, because that's what Lauretta

1501
01:28:15,280 --> 01:28:18,519
Speaker 1: ll ended to me for me, and that's what women

1502
01:28:18,520 --> 01:28:21,599
Speaker 1: in country music do for one another. Ashley McBride really

1503
01:28:21,600 --> 01:28:25,000
Speaker 1: good example of the next generation of greatness. She comes

1504
01:28:25,040 --> 01:28:27,000
Speaker 1: on stage and sings rock Bottom, and I look at

1505
01:28:27,000 --> 01:28:29,840
Speaker 1: her like, well, you go on with your bad self,

1506
01:28:29,880 --> 01:28:32,840
Speaker 1: because I'm fifty eight years old and I can still

1507
01:28:32,840 --> 01:28:34,360
Speaker 1: get it if I have to, But you know what,

1508
01:28:34,439 --> 01:28:37,519
Speaker 1: you go on ahead, girl, and They get it. They

1509
01:28:37,560 --> 01:28:40,479
Speaker 1: know that I mean well, but yeah, I have my

1510
01:28:40,560 --> 01:28:43,400
Speaker 1: moments of looking on and seeing what everybody else is doing,

1511
01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:46,960
Speaker 1: and that's just not good for any of us. Do

1512
01:28:47,040 --> 01:28:52,320
Speaker 1: you feel confident in your talent and success or were

1513
01:28:52,360 --> 01:28:59,479
Speaker 1: you in the past, even now haunted by impostor syndrome? Oh?

1514
01:28:59,760 --> 01:29:03,519
Speaker 1: I I told Oprah this. I did her show by

1515
01:29:03,560 --> 01:29:06,600
Speaker 1: the Way, eighteen times more than anybody else because I

1516
01:29:06,640 --> 01:29:09,599
Speaker 1: was telling my story and giving my testimony. I told

1517
01:29:09,600 --> 01:29:11,920
Speaker 1: her that it took me years to feel like I

1518
01:29:11,960 --> 01:29:16,680
Speaker 1: earned my success because I felt like I won the

1519
01:29:16,800 --> 01:29:19,439
Speaker 1: freaking lottery in nineteen eight four when I got a

1520
01:29:19,479 --> 01:29:23,200
Speaker 1: record deal. Next thing I know, we're on tour, and

1521
01:29:23,439 --> 01:29:26,240
Speaker 1: I felt like I hadn't played bars, I hadn't gone

1522
01:29:26,240 --> 01:29:28,760
Speaker 1: through the stuff that we hear about with all the

1523
01:29:28,840 --> 01:29:33,519
Speaker 1: other legendary performers and artists so that I have struggled

1524
01:29:33,560 --> 01:29:36,760
Speaker 1: with in the past. Now I don't at all. I

1525
01:29:36,840 --> 01:29:39,960
Speaker 1: just don't. I just don't think that way. I think

1526
01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:42,879
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm missing out on things like when the Grammys

1527
01:29:42,920 --> 01:29:45,240
Speaker 1: come and go. I think, oh man, I should have

1528
01:29:45,320 --> 01:29:48,479
Speaker 1: gone to the Grammys this year. But I'm okay because

1529
01:29:48,520 --> 01:29:51,000
Speaker 1: I live on the farm. I sing when I need to,

1530
01:29:51,120 --> 01:29:54,439
Speaker 1: and I go home when I can. And what about

1531
01:29:54,479 --> 01:29:56,840
Speaker 1: therapy for you? If you had therapy? I do it

1532
01:29:56,880 --> 01:30:00,320
Speaker 1: every day almost I've been in recovery and out for

1533
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:05,000
Speaker 1: since two thousand and three. Healing and recovery my middle name,

1534
01:30:05,040 --> 01:30:07,200
Speaker 1: and I'm known for it. But I don't flaunt it

1535
01:30:07,240 --> 01:30:09,040
Speaker 1: and I don't talk about it a lot because it's

1536
01:30:09,080 --> 01:30:12,479
Speaker 1: not nobody's business. I just think it's important to continue

1537
01:30:12,479 --> 01:30:14,360
Speaker 1: to tell people I'm in a process. I was in

1538
01:30:14,400 --> 01:30:18,040
Speaker 1: one today, yesterday and two days before, because I think

1539
01:30:18,120 --> 01:30:21,400
Speaker 1: if you don't reach out, that's the problem. I think

1540
01:30:21,400 --> 01:30:23,800
Speaker 1: too many people like me think they have the answers,

1541
01:30:23,840 --> 01:30:26,920
Speaker 1: and I know better. So this morning, when I called

1542
01:30:27,000 --> 01:30:30,400
Speaker 1: my life coach, who has walked through a lot of

1543
01:30:30,400 --> 01:30:32,280
Speaker 1: crap in my life, he was the one that called

1544
01:30:32,320 --> 01:30:34,760
Speaker 1: me and said come to your mom's right away. He

1545
01:30:34,800 --> 01:30:37,800
Speaker 1: was there when it happened. Ted was there and he's

1546
01:30:37,840 --> 01:30:40,160
Speaker 1: our life coach since two thousand three, so we're all

1547
01:30:40,280 --> 01:30:43,960
Speaker 1: very connected. And yet I'm in a process all the time.

1548
01:30:44,000 --> 01:30:47,680
Speaker 1: I'm working with David Kessler, a wonderful grief counselor, who

1549
01:30:47,800 --> 01:30:50,680
Speaker 1: is helping me understand that suicide is a mystery and

1550
01:30:50,720 --> 01:30:53,639
Speaker 1: there's no way to neatly wrap it up, so you're

1551
01:30:53,640 --> 01:30:55,640
Speaker 1: gonna have to just walk through it, not around it.

1552
01:30:56,280 --> 01:31:01,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, heck yeah, I'm part yeah. And going back

1553
01:31:01,120 --> 01:31:04,920
Speaker 1: to the music, where do you get the songs from? Well,

1554
01:31:05,040 --> 01:31:08,040
Speaker 1: right now, Cactus Mosier and I are writing them because

1555
01:31:08,040 --> 01:31:10,439
Speaker 1: when I say I'm somewhere between hell and the Halloween,

1556
01:31:10,479 --> 01:31:13,960
Speaker 1: it's so intimate and so personal. A lot of hit

1557
01:31:14,040 --> 01:31:17,559
Speaker 1: makers hit me up for Hey, let's check out this song.

1558
01:31:17,720 --> 01:31:19,559
Speaker 1: Check out this song like only Love came to me

1559
01:31:19,640 --> 01:31:21,880
Speaker 1: directly from the writer who had just finished writing it.

1560
01:31:22,200 --> 01:31:25,360
Speaker 1: I recorded it that very same day that he brought

1561
01:31:25,360 --> 01:31:27,280
Speaker 1: it to the studio. He knew I was recording, and

1562
01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:29,240
Speaker 1: he brought it to the studio. And that's that cheeseus

1563
01:31:29,320 --> 01:31:32,679
Speaker 1: only need same thing. Songwriter shows up at the studio,

1564
01:31:32,720 --> 01:31:34,880
Speaker 1: says I want to play this for Wynona, sings it

1565
01:31:34,920 --> 01:31:37,320
Speaker 1: to me live and re recorded within the next twenty

1566
01:31:37,400 --> 01:31:41,200
Speaker 1: four hours. Right now, it's coming from my guts. I

1567
01:31:41,280 --> 01:31:46,680
Speaker 1: just finished the song I'm Broken and Blessed in this um,

1568
01:31:46,720 --> 01:31:50,160
Speaker 1: I can attest that I'm at the end of my rope,

1569
01:31:50,400 --> 01:31:54,280
Speaker 1: but I keep hold and all this is me. I'm

1570
01:31:54,320 --> 01:31:59,840
Speaker 1: broken and blessed and this um it's coming from the gut.

1571
01:32:00,240 --> 01:32:02,760
Speaker 1: It's coming from the deepest part of my being. So

1572
01:32:03,120 --> 01:32:06,840
Speaker 1: look forward to sharing that. Well, this is a transition,

1573
01:32:06,920 --> 01:32:09,960
Speaker 1: because certainly in the Judge you're known for cover songs.

1574
01:32:10,720 --> 01:32:14,400
Speaker 1: How did you make the transition to writing yourself. I

1575
01:32:14,439 --> 01:32:17,240
Speaker 1: started to trust myself more. I think after you have

1576
01:32:17,360 --> 01:32:21,240
Speaker 1: grown children and you've had as much failure as I've had.

1577
01:32:22,040 --> 01:32:24,840
Speaker 1: I thought, literally, when I started songwriting, what is the

1578
01:32:24,920 --> 01:32:29,280
Speaker 1: absolute worst that can happen? They can suck and I

1579
01:32:29,280 --> 01:32:33,360
Speaker 1: can just keep on trying um And I trust other songwriters,

1580
01:32:33,400 --> 01:32:35,920
Speaker 1: Brandy other people who have talked to me, Robert were

1581
01:32:35,920 --> 01:32:37,559
Speaker 1: and I talked an awful lot about being in a

1582
01:32:38,200 --> 01:32:40,679
Speaker 1: band at a very young age and not knowing any better.

1583
01:32:41,680 --> 01:32:44,920
Speaker 1: And I just listened to people. You know, I meet

1584
01:32:44,960 --> 01:32:48,320
Speaker 1: all these young cats that come through and I just

1585
01:32:48,439 --> 01:32:50,800
Speaker 1: trust them because they're doing it. And I'm like, you

1586
01:32:50,840 --> 01:32:53,760
Speaker 1: know what, if Taylor Swift can do it. You know,

1587
01:32:53,920 --> 01:32:55,760
Speaker 1: she was such a young girl when I met her,

1588
01:32:55,840 --> 01:32:58,599
Speaker 1: and I thought I had no idea that she would

1589
01:32:58,600 --> 01:33:01,920
Speaker 1: become you know this since station, and I just think

1590
01:33:01,960 --> 01:33:04,439
Speaker 1: I trust myself now because I'm like, you know what,

1591
01:33:05,120 --> 01:33:07,240
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to these people in the front

1592
01:33:07,320 --> 01:33:09,640
Speaker 1: row like they're my next door neighbor. And that's what

1593
01:33:09,680 --> 01:33:13,360
Speaker 1: we do in country music especially, we tell stories. And

1594
01:33:13,400 --> 01:33:16,760
Speaker 1: I can tell a story just like anybody else. Um.

1595
01:33:16,800 --> 01:33:18,519
Speaker 1: I want to write a song about sisters, and I

1596
01:33:18,560 --> 01:33:20,479
Speaker 1: want to write a song about my mother. I'm working

1597
01:33:20,520 --> 01:33:23,920
Speaker 1: on that, and I'm writing a song about my granddaughter

1598
01:33:23,960 --> 01:33:26,360
Speaker 1: because she's eight months old. In her name is Khalia,

1599
01:33:26,479 --> 01:33:30,040
Speaker 1: and she's the light of my life. You mentioned you

1600
01:33:30,120 --> 01:33:36,160
Speaker 1: had a lot of failures. Which failures are you talking about? Well, relationships, UM,

1601
01:33:36,439 --> 01:33:41,080
Speaker 1: songs that have not worked obviously, UM, tours, you name it.

1602
01:33:41,120 --> 01:33:43,840
Speaker 1: I've had good days and not great days, and the

1603
01:33:44,520 --> 01:33:46,559
Speaker 1: ones that were the toughest are the ones that taught

1604
01:33:46,560 --> 01:33:50,240
Speaker 1: me the most. UM. When my biological father died, I

1605
01:33:50,320 --> 01:33:52,880
Speaker 1: felt devastated and I felt like a part of my

1606
01:33:52,960 --> 01:33:56,280
Speaker 1: life I would never get back. Stuff like that, you know,

1607
01:33:56,320 --> 01:34:00,000
Speaker 1: where you just make really bad decisions financially the wrong people.

1608
01:34:00,640 --> 01:34:03,280
Speaker 1: I've been so severely to portrayed. Anytime you have that

1609
01:34:03,320 --> 01:34:05,200
Speaker 1: many people in your life, you're going to have issues

1610
01:34:05,240 --> 01:34:08,599
Speaker 1: with that. And I've just learned from every single person

1611
01:34:08,600 --> 01:34:11,400
Speaker 1: I've ever met. It's been a gift, not exactly what

1612
01:34:11,439 --> 01:34:15,200
Speaker 1: I would want, but it was necessary for me to

1613
01:34:15,400 --> 01:34:19,479
Speaker 1: finally say no, I'm going to listen to my gut more,

1614
01:34:20,439 --> 01:34:24,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to say that doesn't work for me. By

1615
01:34:24,120 --> 01:34:26,160
Speaker 1: the way, it's changed my business model to say that

1616
01:34:26,200 --> 01:34:29,280
Speaker 1: doesn't work for me. Be a little more specific, how

1617
01:34:29,280 --> 01:34:32,479
Speaker 1: did it change your business model? Well, I'm I'm a

1618
01:34:32,520 --> 01:34:35,080
Speaker 1: people pleaser, and I tend to come to meetings wanting

1619
01:34:35,120 --> 01:34:38,720
Speaker 1: to be clever, cute, and adorable and want people to

1620
01:34:38,760 --> 01:34:41,439
Speaker 1: work with me. And I had to learn to say

1621
01:34:41,479 --> 01:34:43,960
Speaker 1: no in a way that people would say, well, tell

1622
01:34:43,960 --> 01:34:46,640
Speaker 1: me more about that. And I learned that when you

1623
01:34:46,680 --> 01:34:50,400
Speaker 1: walk into a situation, whether it's you know, with a

1624
01:34:50,400 --> 01:34:53,160
Speaker 1: friend or someone in the White House, you have to say,

1625
01:34:53,600 --> 01:34:55,360
Speaker 1: you know what, I would love to do that and

1626
01:34:55,400 --> 01:34:58,400
Speaker 1: I can't, and they would say, well, what can you do?

1627
01:34:59,240 --> 01:35:01,240
Speaker 1: It's that way they're is a relationship there. It's not

1628
01:35:01,280 --> 01:35:05,160
Speaker 1: a dictatorship. It's a democracy. So that doesn't work for me.

1629
01:35:05,240 --> 01:35:08,559
Speaker 1: Helps me with democracy because I'm definitely a team player.

1630
01:35:08,760 --> 01:35:11,080
Speaker 1: I'm not one of these it's why not it incorporated,

1631
01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:13,880
Speaker 1: But there's a lot incorporated into me and a lot

1632
01:35:13,880 --> 01:35:16,960
Speaker 1: of people running it. So when I say that doesn't

1633
01:35:17,000 --> 01:35:19,799
Speaker 1: work for me, Bob, that doesn't work for me talking

1634
01:35:19,840 --> 01:35:22,599
Speaker 1: about that or so far, I've been willing to talk

1635
01:35:22,640 --> 01:35:25,000
Speaker 1: about everything we've talked about. But there are times when

1636
01:35:25,000 --> 01:35:27,760
Speaker 1: an interviews, for instance, I'll say, well, you know what,

1637
01:35:27,840 --> 01:35:29,639
Speaker 1: that doesn't really work for me to talk about that,

1638
01:35:29,920 --> 01:35:31,680
Speaker 1: and then they'll say, well, let's talk about this, and

1639
01:35:31,680 --> 01:35:36,559
Speaker 1: then we'll move on. Well, I think that's pretty clear.

1640
01:35:37,120 --> 01:35:39,400
Speaker 1: How much do you listen to music at home? And

1641
01:35:39,439 --> 01:35:42,439
Speaker 1: what music do you listen to all the time. My

1642
01:35:42,600 --> 01:35:45,920
Speaker 1: husband is one of those characters you would love him.

1643
01:35:45,920 --> 01:35:47,840
Speaker 1: By the way, is next time we talk, I want

1644
01:35:47,920 --> 01:35:50,679
Speaker 1: him to be a part because he is. He goes

1645
01:35:50,720 --> 01:35:53,479
Speaker 1: back to the sixties. He's got a record collection unlike

1646
01:35:53,479 --> 01:35:58,320
Speaker 1: anyone I know, and he loves every single thing. And

1647
01:35:58,360 --> 01:36:01,519
Speaker 1: he knows more about music from the Easty Boys to

1648
01:36:01,640 --> 01:36:06,040
Speaker 1: the Birds. I mean, he is all in and he'll

1649
01:36:06,040 --> 01:36:07,800
Speaker 1: play something for me and I'll be like, oh my god,

1650
01:36:07,840 --> 01:36:11,160
Speaker 1: I had no idea. He played Blackbird for me and

1651
01:36:11,160 --> 01:36:15,640
Speaker 1: I went, huh, what the heck. He's a rock and

1652
01:36:15,760 --> 01:36:20,160
Speaker 1: roll genius when it comes to history, and he is

1653
01:36:20,240 --> 01:36:23,000
Speaker 1: a maverick when it comes to music. So he's always

1654
01:36:23,000 --> 01:36:25,120
Speaker 1: playing stuff in the car and I'm always going who

1655
01:36:25,240 --> 01:36:26,880
Speaker 1: is that? Who is that? Who is that? And he

1656
01:36:26,960 --> 01:36:29,640
Speaker 1: lets me know that who's the character on Yellowstone that

1657
01:36:29,640 --> 01:36:35,519
Speaker 1: we just discovered the young the young kid who's playing

1658
01:36:35,600 --> 01:36:41,559
Speaker 1: and selling out everywhere. Zach Zach. Yeah he turned me on. Yeah,

1659
01:36:41,600 --> 01:36:44,240
Speaker 1: he just turned me on to Zach Brian. So he's

1660
01:36:44,320 --> 01:36:47,880
Speaker 1: always at the forefront and he's always bringing me behind

1661
01:36:48,240 --> 01:36:50,600
Speaker 1: him with grabbing my hands saying, here, we're gonna go

1662
01:36:50,640 --> 01:36:53,080
Speaker 1: see this person. We're gonna go see this person. It

1663
01:36:53,160 --> 01:36:55,000
Speaker 1: was his idea of too for me to meet Robert

1664
01:36:55,040 --> 01:36:59,280
Speaker 1: were so here we are, you know, and now we're besties. Um.

1665
01:36:59,320 --> 01:37:01,960
Speaker 1: And he the way he texted me back within ten minutes,

1666
01:37:02,000 --> 01:37:06,960
Speaker 1: he most most people don't do that. Um. So I'm

1667
01:37:07,000 --> 01:37:09,600
Speaker 1: I listen to music so much. I'm more immersed in

1668
01:37:09,640 --> 01:37:11,599
Speaker 1: it than I've ever been. I will tell you straight up.

1669
01:37:12,080 --> 01:37:16,120
Speaker 1: I am an artist, not a celebrity. Some people are

1670
01:37:16,160 --> 01:37:18,559
Speaker 1: famous for being famous. I am not. I am in

1671
01:37:18,640 --> 01:37:21,479
Speaker 1: it because I want to play these small We're playing

1672
01:37:21,560 --> 01:37:24,639
Speaker 1: small places as well as the big places this year.

1673
01:37:25,120 --> 01:37:26,840
Speaker 1: I'm not just one of those that I won't play

1674
01:37:26,840 --> 01:37:29,519
Speaker 1: it if it doesn't have three thousand seats. I will

1675
01:37:29,560 --> 01:37:36,560
Speaker 1: play green Hall every single time they invite me. In Austin, Texas. Okay,

1676
01:37:36,560 --> 01:37:40,360
Speaker 1: other than your property, are there any other luxuries, whether

1677
01:37:40,360 --> 01:37:45,679
Speaker 1: it be cars, flying, private clothes, jewelry, any other way?

1678
01:37:45,720 --> 01:37:47,400
Speaker 1: You say, Yeah, I got money, I'd like to do

1679
01:37:47,439 --> 01:37:50,360
Speaker 1: it this way. You are so funny. You know what.

1680
01:37:50,439 --> 01:37:53,960
Speaker 1: I like to buy tractors. I'm working on a deal

1681
01:37:54,000 --> 01:37:56,680
Speaker 1: with t SC. So let me just tell you straight up.

1682
01:37:56,760 --> 01:38:00,759
Speaker 1: I don't do I don't fly privately and less it's

1683
01:38:00,800 --> 01:38:04,759
Speaker 1: offered to me or I go in with somebody. Um.

1684
01:38:04,800 --> 01:38:06,679
Speaker 1: I don't buy a lot of cars. I haven't driven

1685
01:38:06,680 --> 01:38:08,920
Speaker 1: in a while because of the pandemic. I now am

1686
01:38:09,000 --> 01:38:11,720
Speaker 1: driven because I don't know. I just like to sit

1687
01:38:11,720 --> 01:38:13,799
Speaker 1: in the back and call people and talk on the phone.

1688
01:38:14,600 --> 01:38:18,760
Speaker 1: Um luxuries. No, I don't wear jewelry because I'm a

1689
01:38:18,760 --> 01:38:21,080
Speaker 1: guitar player. I've been playing since I was eight years old,

1690
01:38:21,080 --> 01:38:24,120
Speaker 1: so that's fifty years. I've been playing guitar and getting

1691
01:38:24,120 --> 01:38:26,800
Speaker 1: away with it. And I don't really buy a lot

1692
01:38:26,800 --> 01:38:28,719
Speaker 1: of clothes. If you look at most of my videos,

1693
01:38:28,720 --> 01:38:30,479
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, she's wearing the same thing over and

1694
01:38:30,520 --> 01:38:33,519
Speaker 1: over and over and over and over. I won't say

1695
01:38:33,520 --> 01:38:35,839
Speaker 1: that I don't care, but I think I probably should

1696
01:38:36,920 --> 01:38:40,400
Speaker 1: more now when it comes to hair, I think if

1697
01:38:40,400 --> 01:38:43,680
Speaker 1: I spend anything, I spend lots of money on extensions

1698
01:38:43,720 --> 01:38:48,479
Speaker 1: and sparkles. That's the first time. It's the first time

1699
01:38:48,479 --> 01:38:51,880
Speaker 1: I've ever said the word extensions. I'm gonna let that

1700
01:38:52,000 --> 01:38:58,080
Speaker 1: lie good for you. Tell me about two tingle moments

1701
01:38:58,720 --> 01:39:05,000
Speaker 1: meeting people. Oh my gosh. Well, the first one was

1702
01:39:05,040 --> 01:39:07,719
Speaker 1: for me President Reagan, because he was my very first

1703
01:39:07,720 --> 01:39:11,760
Speaker 1: president that I met, and I was like, oh my god,

1704
01:39:11,800 --> 01:39:14,040
Speaker 1: this is like a movie. And I was just enamored

1705
01:39:14,080 --> 01:39:17,040
Speaker 1: with the whole way that things were done back then.

1706
01:39:17,240 --> 01:39:20,720
Speaker 1: You know, everything was such a big deal, and the

1707
01:39:20,800 --> 01:39:24,680
Speaker 1: Secret Service and performing for him and going through the

1708
01:39:24,680 --> 01:39:27,320
Speaker 1: the whole thing that I had to go through to perform.

1709
01:39:27,360 --> 01:39:31,479
Speaker 1: That was number one, uh President's stuff. And then Super

1710
01:39:31,520 --> 01:39:33,960
Speaker 1: Bowl when they whisk you out and you have thirty

1711
01:39:34,000 --> 01:39:37,800
Speaker 1: seconds to get out there, do your thing and get

1712
01:39:37,800 --> 01:39:41,160
Speaker 1: the heck out of dodge. That's pretty tingly, you know,

1713
01:39:41,240 --> 01:39:43,040
Speaker 1: because you have only a certain amount of time to

1714
01:39:43,080 --> 01:39:48,000
Speaker 1: get your stuff done. Um, let's see, I bungee jumped.

1715
01:39:48,320 --> 01:39:53,599
Speaker 1: That was exciting about that. Well, when I went solo,

1716
01:39:53,920 --> 01:39:57,000
Speaker 1: I took my whole band and we've bungee jumped at

1717
01:39:57,000 --> 01:40:00,559
Speaker 1: one of those what do you call those things sa Flags.

1718
01:40:00,680 --> 01:40:02,960
Speaker 1: I think it was at a six Flags. We had

1719
01:40:03,000 --> 01:40:05,680
Speaker 1: just done a show and I was like, we're in

1720
01:40:05,760 --> 01:40:08,000
Speaker 1: between Remember when we used to do two shows a night.

1721
01:40:08,120 --> 01:40:11,640
Speaker 1: By the way, hello, we were doing two shows that

1722
01:40:11,800 --> 01:40:14,040
Speaker 1: night and I had time in between shows, and so

1723
01:40:14,080 --> 01:40:16,920
Speaker 1: I took everybody and said, whoever will bungee jump gets

1724
01:40:16,960 --> 01:40:20,479
Speaker 1: a hundred bucks, and I just I just remember that

1725
01:40:20,520 --> 01:40:23,240
Speaker 1: being a real moment for me because it was listen,

1726
01:40:23,320 --> 01:40:27,840
Speaker 1: I was single, I was rich, I was young, and

1727
01:40:27,920 --> 01:40:30,720
Speaker 1: I was in control, or so I thought, ha ha ha,

1728
01:40:30,960 --> 01:40:35,280
Speaker 1: big joke. But I remember thinking I am free, and

1729
01:40:35,320 --> 01:40:38,200
Speaker 1: so bungee jumping represented being free to me. It was

1730
01:40:38,240 --> 01:40:40,200
Speaker 1: one of the most terrifying things I've ever done, and

1731
01:40:40,240 --> 01:40:43,400
Speaker 1: I'll never do it again. But are you that much

1732
01:40:43,439 --> 01:40:46,800
Speaker 1: of a risk taker? Definitely? So I think that's why

1733
01:40:46,800 --> 01:40:49,760
Speaker 1: I drove mother so crazy. Give me a couple of

1734
01:40:49,800 --> 01:40:55,320
Speaker 1: other examples. Oh, you know, buying houses with cash, um,

1735
01:40:55,360 --> 01:41:01,679
Speaker 1: picking the wrong guy to marry and ending up almost broke. Um. Oh,

1736
01:41:01,800 --> 01:41:03,640
Speaker 1: you name it. I think I've done it, dude. I

1737
01:41:03,680 --> 01:41:06,720
Speaker 1: think I've done some really stupid stuff and live to

1738
01:41:06,760 --> 01:41:09,519
Speaker 1: write about it. It's in my book. I talk about

1739
01:41:09,560 --> 01:41:12,160
Speaker 1: it very openly because I know that in our failures,

1740
01:41:12,160 --> 01:41:15,200
Speaker 1: that's how we learn to set boundaries. And I have

1741
01:41:15,320 --> 01:41:19,040
Speaker 1: really good boundaries now, better than I did anyway. But

1742
01:41:19,120 --> 01:41:24,400
Speaker 1: generally speaking, are you impulsive? Yes, I'm so impulsive that

1743
01:41:24,479 --> 01:41:28,200
Speaker 1: my assistant locks the doors because she knows I'll jump

1744
01:41:28,240 --> 01:41:30,360
Speaker 1: out and run up and and knock on somebody's door.

1745
01:41:30,360 --> 01:41:33,960
Speaker 1: And you think I'm kidding, I will do it. I

1746
01:41:34,000 --> 01:41:38,280
Speaker 1: think that's because everybody's so freaking serious. I'm so tired

1747
01:41:38,320 --> 01:41:41,360
Speaker 1: of everybody being so unhappy. I just want people to

1748
01:41:41,400 --> 01:41:43,200
Speaker 1: have some joy, you know, And if I can bring

1749
01:41:43,280 --> 01:41:46,960
Speaker 1: joy to somebody, I will, I will walk over to somebody.

1750
01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:49,200
Speaker 1: I did this the other day. Somebody was singing karaoke

1751
01:41:49,280 --> 01:41:51,080
Speaker 1: in a bar and somebody called me and said, they're

1752
01:41:51,080 --> 01:41:53,639
Speaker 1: doing your song and they really suck. And I said,

1753
01:41:53,640 --> 01:41:56,479
Speaker 1: give me give her the phone and I face timed

1754
01:41:56,479 --> 01:41:59,719
Speaker 1: her and she looked at me like I was an alien.

1755
01:42:01,800 --> 01:42:04,320
Speaker 1: And I loved it so much. I was like, let's

1756
01:42:04,360 --> 01:42:07,120
Speaker 1: do that again. Now. I love doing stuff like that.

1757
01:42:09,000 --> 01:42:11,960
Speaker 1: And you obviously have this new record on the anti

1758
01:42:12,080 --> 01:42:16,559
Speaker 1: you're working on, but anything looking out the front window

1759
01:42:16,720 --> 01:42:20,840
Speaker 1: of the of life that you would like to accomplish

1760
01:42:20,840 --> 01:42:25,960
Speaker 1: in the time you have left. I want to, like

1761
01:42:26,080 --> 01:42:28,960
Speaker 1: John Lennon said, I just want to be remembered for

1762
01:42:29,240 --> 01:42:31,960
Speaker 1: being a good person, because I think this business is

1763
01:42:32,120 --> 01:42:35,800
Speaker 1: really hard and sometimes it takes the joy out of us.

1764
01:42:36,000 --> 01:42:37,680
Speaker 1: And you know what I want to do. I want

1765
01:42:37,680 --> 01:42:40,479
Speaker 1: to be self sufficient on the farm. I love, love,

1766
01:42:40,560 --> 01:42:43,519
Speaker 1: love the idea of growing my own food, and who

1767
01:42:43,520 --> 01:42:45,720
Speaker 1: knows what will come of it. I'd like to have

1768
01:42:46,280 --> 01:42:48,639
Speaker 1: concerts on the farm. I'd love to invite the fans

1769
01:42:48,640 --> 01:42:50,879
Speaker 1: out for a fish fry and do their own fishing.

1770
01:42:51,600 --> 01:42:55,160
Speaker 1: I would like to get back down to re reel.

1771
01:42:55,560 --> 01:42:58,080
Speaker 1: I want real more than anything in this life. I

1772
01:42:58,120 --> 01:43:01,800
Speaker 1: want real. I think the business is incredibly fake sometimes

1773
01:43:01,840 --> 01:43:05,800
Speaker 1: with all the filters and the eyebrows are perfect and

1774
01:43:05,800 --> 01:43:08,840
Speaker 1: everything's in place, it's hard to believe anymore what's real.

1775
01:43:09,960 --> 01:43:11,840
Speaker 1: So whatever I can do to be real. If I

1776
01:43:11,840 --> 01:43:14,360
Speaker 1: can start opening up the farm and doing concerts around

1777
01:43:14,400 --> 01:43:17,800
Speaker 1: the lake, come on, let's do it. I might even

1778
01:43:17,800 --> 01:43:24,080
Speaker 1: invite you. Well, it certainly sounds great. Shy of that,

1779
01:43:24,120 --> 01:43:27,080
Speaker 1: as we're in the middle of winter. Anything we didn't

1780
01:43:27,080 --> 01:43:30,360
Speaker 1: talk about that, you feel your fans need to know

1781
01:43:30,520 --> 01:43:32,439
Speaker 1: where you want to get off your chest or want

1782
01:43:32,439 --> 01:43:38,280
Speaker 1: to illuminate m hmm. Interesting timing that question is very interesting.

1783
01:43:38,720 --> 01:43:41,840
Speaker 1: I had to cancel um a performance the other night

1784
01:43:41,880 --> 01:43:45,439
Speaker 1: because my body just said, you know what, no is

1785
01:43:45,479 --> 01:43:48,240
Speaker 1: a complete sentence. And of course, you know, things go

1786
01:43:48,360 --> 01:43:51,480
Speaker 1: viral and people talk and they wonder and they worry,

1787
01:43:51,600 --> 01:43:54,240
Speaker 1: and people are saying, oh, she just doesn't look well

1788
01:43:54,280 --> 01:43:58,120
Speaker 1: and is she okay? And I will tell you straight up,

1789
01:43:58,200 --> 01:44:02,120
Speaker 1: not only am I okay, I'm doing better than I

1790
01:44:02,200 --> 01:44:04,479
Speaker 1: actually thought I would be doing at this point in

1791
01:44:04,520 --> 01:44:11,360
Speaker 1: this process. I've got an incredibly strong will and an

1792
01:44:11,439 --> 01:44:14,680
Speaker 1: incredible faith. Now I get hopeless, and I do have

1793
01:44:14,760 --> 01:44:17,280
Speaker 1: days where I just feel like, oh my god, I

1794
01:44:17,320 --> 01:44:19,479
Speaker 1: don't have the answer, and that's just part of it.

1795
01:44:20,040 --> 01:44:22,760
Speaker 1: But I would tell my fans that I'm in a process,

1796
01:44:23,960 --> 01:44:26,800
Speaker 1: and that process can be trusted, whether it's a doctor

1797
01:44:27,640 --> 01:44:32,680
Speaker 1: or a lawyer. Uh send lawyer, guns and money. UM.

1798
01:44:32,720 --> 01:44:36,240
Speaker 1: I want to be honest with fans and tell them

1799
01:44:36,280 --> 01:44:41,120
Speaker 1: that I struggle some days with feeling like it's too much.

1800
01:44:41,800 --> 01:44:44,760
Speaker 1: You know, this tour is a big tour, and I

1801
01:44:44,800 --> 01:44:46,320
Speaker 1: have to show up and kind of act like I

1802
01:44:46,360 --> 01:44:48,679
Speaker 1: know what I'm doing. By the way, and I'm also

1803
01:44:48,720 --> 01:44:51,880
Speaker 1: the hostess for Ashley McBride and Brandy and Little Big

1804
01:44:51,920 --> 01:44:55,559
Speaker 1: Town and it's gonna be a lot. But I'm telling

1805
01:44:55,600 --> 01:44:58,240
Speaker 1: the fans everywhere I go, don't worry about me. You

1806
01:44:58,280 --> 01:45:02,400
Speaker 1: can pray for me. Um oh, you can see yourself

1807
01:45:02,439 --> 01:45:06,799
Speaker 1: and me. I'm struggling at times, I'm broken and I'm blessed.

1808
01:45:09,200 --> 01:45:11,720
Speaker 1: On that note, I think we've come to the end

1809
01:45:11,760 --> 01:45:15,160
Speaker 1: of the feeling. We've known, we've covered it. Why I

1810
01:45:15,200 --> 01:45:17,599
Speaker 1: want to thank you so much for taking the time

1811
01:45:18,280 --> 01:45:22,800
Speaker 1: and being so honest and open and real. As you said, well,

1812
01:45:23,000 --> 01:45:27,240
Speaker 1: my life depends on it, so you're welcome until next time.

1813
01:45:27,520 --> 01:45:44,920
Speaker 1: This is Bob left sets h