Speaker 1: I won't let my body out out way everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made do, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning to love who I am again. I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know who every part of me.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful and then will always out way if you
Speaker 1: feel it with your hands in there, she's some love
Speaker 1: to the food there. Let's say good day and did
Speaker 1: you and die out? Happy Saturday. Outweigh fam Amy here
Speaker 1: and I'm sitting with Samantha Skelly. She was actually a
Speaker 1: guest on my Four Things podcast a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and while we were talking, I learned that she has
Speaker 1: had her own journey to healing with body image and
Speaker 1: food issues. So I thought, well, let's connect and let's
Speaker 1: have you on Outweigh because I'm all about hearing other
Speaker 1: people's journeys and journey to recovery and reminding people that
Speaker 1: whatever season they're in in their eating disorder, journey. Why
Speaker 1: can't I think of a better word than journey right now?
Speaker 1: I think I've said journey five times in three seconds.
Speaker 1: But they're not alone, and that's that's why we do outweighs.
Speaker 1: So thank you Samantha for for sharing some of your
Speaker 1: story with us. Yeah, I'm so excited for this. I
Speaker 1: think sharing stories honestly helped me get out of it.
Speaker 1: And so the fact that you have this podcast just
Speaker 1: sharing stories of some of the darkest days is going
Speaker 1: to create so much liberation. So thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just go ahead and read a little. Samantha
Speaker 1: scaly Bio. She has spent the last decade of her
Speaker 1: career revolutionizing the personal and spiritual development industries. She has
Speaker 1: appeared on networks and in publications worldwide. She shared her
Speaker 1: message on over four hundred stages. I mean, I could
Speaker 1: go on and on and on. But you work with
Speaker 1: powerful people, you work with regular, everyday people. You're very
Speaker 1: into breathwork. You have your own breathwork app. You've written
Speaker 1: a book called Hungry for how Venus? So where does
Speaker 1: you're eating to sort of fit into this? And what
Speaker 1: what was that story? And then what was recovery like
Speaker 1: for you? I grew as a dancer from such a
Speaker 1: young age. I always knew I wanted to dance an
Speaker 1: express and to this day I still that's my favorite
Speaker 1: thing in the whole world, is dancing. And so I
Speaker 1: went all the way to like professional with dancing, and
Speaker 1: in that there was a lot of ballet that needed
Speaker 1: to take place. I hated ballet, but I needed to
Speaker 1: take it in order to have the technique to do contemporary,
Speaker 1: which was the style that I that I loved most.
Speaker 1: And the pressure of being a ballerina and the pressure
Speaker 1: of being a dancer and being a child actress manifested
Speaker 1: into an eating disorder when I was eighteen. The interesting
Speaker 1: thing was is I had really like aggressive body to
Speaker 1: s'more feel like crazy up until eighteen, but it was
Speaker 1: eighteen when it turned into disordered eating. I remember I
Speaker 1: was living in Australia at the time, and I was
Speaker 1: on the beach and I was thinking to myself, I'm
Speaker 1: not dancing as much as I was. I need to
Speaker 1: go on and die it. And it was like the
Speaker 1: first diet I went on and it was the cabbage
Speaker 1: soup diet. Did you ever do that one? Of course? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course. So I went to I went to the
Speaker 1: store and I just bought craploads of cabbage and I
Speaker 1: just ate cabbage suit for days and days and days
Speaker 1: on end. And during that time period I was on
Speaker 1: over fifty diets in less than four years. I had
Speaker 1: no idea how to just eat normal. I had no
Speaker 1: idea what intuitive eating was. I would wake up and
Speaker 1: it was interesting. I would wake up in the morning
Speaker 1: and the first thought on my mind was I cannot
Speaker 1: I literally can't wait to go to bed tonight. And
Speaker 1: I wasn't so excided, like I didn't want to die,
Speaker 1: but I didn't want to live with the thoughts and
Speaker 1: the body image issues and the how uncomfortable I was.
Speaker 1: And so I really was living in this state of
Speaker 1: just extreme anxiety, just overwhelmed numbness. I felt like a
Speaker 1: prisoner in my own body, like I always wanted to
Speaker 1: just like escape my body. And it was It's very
Speaker 1: interesting psychologically because I was actually the that same size
Speaker 1: I am and I am now, and now I'm at
Speaker 1: a place where I'm like, I really love my body
Speaker 1: so much and nothing physically has changed, which is so
Speaker 1: wild to me, Like it's just goes to show the
Speaker 1: power of the mind. And so I got to this
Speaker 1: place where I'm like, I can't live like this. This
Speaker 1: is really this is so unhealthy, Like I need I
Speaker 1: need to get help. And so that's when I started
Speaker 1: to read a lot of books and listen to a
Speaker 1: lot of stories of other women getting through it, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, what I know to be true is
Speaker 1: it's possible for me to live a life where I
Speaker 1: am not so bogged down by food and body. I
Speaker 1: know that's possible because I've seen so many women do
Speaker 1: it and I've heard so many stories of it. Now,
Speaker 1: what is my way of getting there? Like? How do
Speaker 1: how do I get there? And I think when we're
Speaker 1: going through this, like I woke up every single day
Speaker 1: and I created a vision for myself of what it
Speaker 1: would be like when I no longer struggle with this,
Speaker 1: like how how I would laugh and how I would
Speaker 1: dress and how I would drive my car, and like
Speaker 1: I created the whole other reality of what does Sam
Speaker 1: Scali's life look like when she doesn't struggle with disordered eating?
Speaker 1: And I woke up and acted as if that was
Speaker 1: already done. Like I was like, it's already done. We're
Speaker 1: already over this. And I I conditioned myself and I
Speaker 1: told my body and I changed my mindset, and I
Speaker 1: was living this other life like it was so interesting,
Speaker 1: of like this is who I am and this doesn't
Speaker 1: exist anymore, and and I was making a lot of
Speaker 1: progress and then I went to BALI. I was reading
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Gilbert's You Pray Love like I shared on the
Speaker 1: last podcast, and I found breath work. And breath work
Speaker 1: was that final tool that helped me get into my
Speaker 1: body discern the difference between an emotional hunger que and
Speaker 1: a physical hunger que. It helped me actually know that
Speaker 1: I had an intuition, like people would say, just listen
Speaker 1: to your intuition, and I'm like, I am so numb
Speaker 1: in my body, Like I don't even know what that is.
Speaker 1: Like as soon as I would feel any sort of
Speaker 1: sensation in my body, I would either over eat or
Speaker 1: restrict or over exercise or do something destructive in order
Speaker 1: to get back into a place of numbness. And so
Speaker 1: there was no chance I would be able to feel
Speaker 1: my intuition. When I found breathwork and I begin to
Speaker 1: really be an advent breather every single day and really
Speaker 1: using this practice. It helped to liberate something that I
Speaker 1: couldn't get to either with talk therapy or journaling or meditating,
Speaker 1: or there was something there was another layer of depth
Speaker 1: that I couldn't get to without breath work, and so yeah,
Speaker 1: that was the journey and it's really interesting because now,
Speaker 1: like I built a whole business on this, and I
Speaker 1: wrote a book on this, and my podcast used to
Speaker 1: be called hungry for having this podcast, like it's all
Speaker 1: I used to talk about. But it's interesting now because
Speaker 1: it almost feels like a different life. I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: I used to say no to plans because I didn't
Speaker 1: like how I looked. I feel the contrast so much now,
Speaker 1: of of it's the same life. I'm still Samantha Skelly.
Speaker 1: But there was a time in my life where it
Speaker 1: was so dark and so deep that I had no
Speaker 1: life like I had. I squeezed the life out of myself.
Speaker 1: And now my life looks and feels completely different, and
Speaker 1: it's been an interesting, beautiful ride. And you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm just like you're speaking, and all that I'm thinking
Speaker 1: is like, this is offering so much hope. This is
Speaker 1: a story of hope. And for people that feel hopeless,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you can agree. If you've experienced an eveny
Speaker 1: sort or whatever it is that you're using to numb out,
Speaker 1: you almost have days where like, Okay, well this is
Speaker 1: just how I am, and this is how I'm going
Speaker 1: to be the rest of my life, and that is
Speaker 1: very hopeless. And so to hear you share the contrast
Speaker 1: and how you were once there and now how drastically
Speaker 1: different your life is, it's like, wow, this is yet
Speaker 1: another story of hope. And of course you had to
Speaker 1: put in the work to get there. It didn't just
Speaker 1: like happen overnight, just like you kept taking the right
Speaker 1: next step towards that. And then as if we've heard
Speaker 1: that from I would say multiple people that have come
Speaker 1: on in recovery, like that's been a common theme of
Speaker 1: like even when you're in it, like you were just
Speaker 1: in the early stages, but I still have to use
Speaker 1: as if and I've been in recovery for two years,
Speaker 1: because sometimes a thought will creep back in and I'll
Speaker 1: be like, I shouldn't get the pizza because blah la
Speaker 1: la whatever, And then I'm like, nope, I'm gonna go ahead,
Speaker 1: and as if that this is my this is normal,
Speaker 1: and as if like this is what I would do
Speaker 1: if my brain didn't just say that, and I order
Speaker 1: the freaking pizza totally totally, And what we're actually doing
Speaker 1: is we're in training the body by doing that. You know,
Speaker 1: it's so powerful, It's not just a quick little mindset thing.
Speaker 1: We're literally putting new information in our body when we
Speaker 1: choose that, and it really is a choice because sometimes
Speaker 1: when the voices in your head, it's so loud and
Speaker 1: powerful and it feels like truth, and it feels like
Speaker 1: the only way. But if we can observe the voice
Speaker 1: rather than identify with the voice, we create liberation, We
Speaker 1: create spaciousness from it. And so that was my whole journey,
Speaker 1: is how can I observe all of the emotionality and
Speaker 1: all of the thought in my mind and know that
Speaker 1: I am not those thoughts and I am not those identities.
Speaker 1: Like for the longest time, my identity was I am anxious.
Speaker 1: I am anxious. I am an anxious person, and I
Speaker 1: wore that identity every single day, and I would make
Speaker 1: excuses to not do things because I am anxious, until
Speaker 1: I realized that, no, I'm actually not an anxious person.
Speaker 1: I experienced the sensation of anxiety at times, but I'm
Speaker 1: not anxious. And when I allowed myself to be liberated
Speaker 1: from that identity, that's when things really begin to shift.
Speaker 1: And not only can we liberate from stagnant old identities,
Speaker 1: but we can actually choose the identities and the beliefs
Speaker 1: that we want to step into. I am somebody who
Speaker 1: uses food for fuel and and hunger. I am somebody
Speaker 1: who loves their body. I am somebody who feels so
Speaker 1: vibrant in the world. And I am somebody who feels
Speaker 1: so good no matter what she wears, like it doesn't
Speaker 1: even matter. But getting ourselves into the vibration, into the
Speaker 1: belief of these new identities from that future self that
Speaker 1: we're stepping into. Right, who are you when it's not done?
Speaker 1: Who are you when you no longer struggle? And what
Speaker 1: are you gonna do with all the spaciousness that your
Speaker 1: mind was was, you know, clogging up with with the
Speaker 1: disordered eating, Like, there's so much spaciousness to create and
Speaker 1: to be and to play and have fun and do
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do in life. It's a beautiful
Speaker 1: healing process. And it's really hard. Like I'm not going
Speaker 1: to sugarcoat that, no bunont done it. I'm not right.
Speaker 1: It's really challenging to show up every single day and
Speaker 1: to shift those thoughts and choose ourselves and take those
Speaker 1: breaks to breathe and to feel and to cry when
Speaker 1: we need to and to release, Like that is the
Speaker 1: ultimate game of self love, Like how can I really
Speaker 1: treat my body with so much compassion and care and
Speaker 1: kindness and when it's hard to admit that it's hard
Speaker 1: and know that this is this is a marathon, it's
Speaker 1: not a sprint, And so from that angle, it's just
Speaker 1: like there's a lot of healing that gets to happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even say I'm totally on the other side yet,
Speaker 1: because I still feel like two years in, I'm still
Speaker 1: I'm infancy in my recovery or like at least coming
Speaker 1: up on a toddler or something. But I still have
Speaker 1: to work, but I already get to see this whole
Speaker 1: other world that I never knew existed. And I get
Speaker 1: to experience food as joy too. I know you mentioned,
Speaker 1: you know, as fuel and and as to fulfill hunger
Speaker 1: and and it is that but for me for so long,
Speaker 1: because food was a big part of my family and
Speaker 1: it was a love language and we gathered around the
Speaker 1: table and my dad loved to cook. And some of
Speaker 1: my listeners, if you're new, you don't know this story,
Speaker 1: but some of my listeners know, like I missed out
Speaker 1: on so many family meals because I either just like
Speaker 1: didn't eat, or I didn't go or I brought my
Speaker 1: own food, which was like completely causing the one way
Speaker 1: my dad was trying to connect caused disconnection. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't think he was like super offended and never
Speaker 1: he never held it against me, Thank goodness. He was
Speaker 1: very kind about it and didn't if any thing. I
Speaker 1: was the one I was bringing all this toxic energy
Speaker 1: into the meal because I'm like, I can't believe you're
Speaker 1: going to eat that, you know, sort of attitude and vibe.
Speaker 1: And then it's just crazy how food can be joy
Speaker 1: And now I can gather around the table with family friends.
Speaker 1: I mean even in our theme song for this podcast,
Speaker 1: which I recorded with Britney Spencer, who I just absolutely
Speaker 1: adore up and coming country artists. That's just so amazing.
Speaker 1: I encourage you to check her out. But one of
Speaker 1: the lines is gathering basically for family meals around the table,
Speaker 1: eating what grandma cooked. Because now I'm able like a whoa,
Speaker 1: I just got goose bumps. And that line was important
Speaker 1: for us to put in because she experienced missing out
Speaker 1: on certain things too all because what we're trying to
Speaker 1: conform to this or something, there's different narratives for everything.
Speaker 1: There's different reasons why we're doing it. But a lot
Speaker 1: of times it's like, oh, well, I can't have that
Speaker 1: because I D says this, this, this. But then there's
Speaker 1: there's a lot of reasons why we do what we
Speaker 1: do are we are very complex human beings. But the
Speaker 1: beautiful thing is something as simple as is not the
Speaker 1: whole part of the healing package. But for you, breathwork
Speaker 1: was imperative to your healing. And I just want to
Speaker 1: encourage others to go check out our chat that we
Speaker 1: did on my four Things podcast a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and also to check out Pause breathwork dot com, which
Speaker 1: is where they can find out more info about breathing.
Speaker 1: And then on Instagram you're at Samantha Skelly s k
Speaker 1: E l l Y and people can check out the
Speaker 1: pause app and even start the breathing because maybe if
Speaker 1: they're just like they don't even know where to start.
Speaker 1: And I feel like if they're listening to this podcast,
Speaker 1: they're either curious about what's going on with them, or
Speaker 1: they're in the thick of it, or maybe they're also
Speaker 1: in recovery and they need extra tools to just keep
Speaker 1: on that track. Wherever you are in your journey, you
Speaker 1: can probably find thirty seconds to three minutes to five
Speaker 1: minutes a day to just start in corporate that breathing
Speaker 1: which will help calm you. And Samantha can give a
Speaker 1: quick rundown of like how that can just help reset you,
Speaker 1: especially if you're on the verge of like a binge,
Speaker 1: or you've been restricting, or you're about to go to
Speaker 1: the gym and you know, purge through a three hour workout,
Speaker 1: maybe stop and try breathing first. Yeah, you know, it's interesting.
Speaker 1: It's like when we have those behaviors, right, whether it's
Speaker 1: been drinking or binge eating or restricting or over exercising,
Speaker 1: what we need to acknowledge that there's a really pure
Speaker 1: need underneath the distructive behavior. Right, So the destructive behavior
Speaker 1: is all of our survival strategy, right, It's like that
Speaker 1: fear mind ego, like I'm going to die if I
Speaker 1: don't do this type of thing. But when we get
Speaker 1: into a relationship with our survival strategy, just ask your body,
Speaker 1: ask yourself, what do I actually need right now? Is
Speaker 1: it to go to the gym and bust out a
Speaker 1: three hour workout? Like what is the pure need, and
Speaker 1: when we strip it down, the needs are so simple.
Speaker 1: It's like I need presence, I I need love, I
Speaker 1: need connection, I need validation, I need warmth, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: And so then we get to ask ourselves, how can
Speaker 1: I meet these needs in a really healthy and sustainable way? Right?
Speaker 1: How can I actually feel self love? Because it's like,
Speaker 1: why do we go to the gym and work out?
Speaker 1: I'll just create like one narrative, right, we go to
Speaker 1: the gym and workout because we want to be skinny. Right, Well,
Speaker 1: why do we want to be skinny because we want
Speaker 1: to look at? Okay, well, why do we want to
Speaker 1: look at because we think that will be more loved? Right,
Speaker 1: that's just an example. Okay, Well, the true need is
Speaker 1: I want to be loved. I want to feel loved.
Speaker 1: So how can we meet that in a really healthy,
Speaker 1: sustainable way without doing the thing that's destructive for for ourselves.
Speaker 1: This is where we can really like untangle and unwind
Speaker 1: the path of healing. And this is where we get
Speaker 1: to bring in a lot of compassion for our destructive behaviors, right,
Speaker 1: because at the at the core of it, there's a
Speaker 1: really pure need. It's just being manifested in a destructive
Speaker 1: behavior which is driving us crazy. I love that you
Speaker 1: said compassion too, because please be patient with yourself and
Speaker 1: just because you're not where I am, or where Samantha is,
Speaker 1: or where your friend is, your coworker, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: how whatever brought you here to listen to outweigh wherever
Speaker 1: you are, I'm gonna say the word journey, which is
Speaker 1: what's ironic is I'm literally wearing a journey when you
Speaker 1: said so good, so um. I started off by saying
Speaker 1: journey a bunch, and I'm going to end by saying
Speaker 1: journey a bunch, and then I'll give a song pun
Speaker 1: and be like, don't stop believing yourself. You have the power,
Speaker 1: and I know it can seem overwhelming and daunting, but
Speaker 1: proceed with compassion and with grace for yourself, and be
Speaker 1: gentle with yourself because this isn't something that happens overnight.
Speaker 1: And you're not alone. Yeah, so not alone. So thank
Speaker 1: you Samantha for sharing some of your story with us
Speaker 1: and some of your wisdom and insight. Definitely appreciate it. Again,
Speaker 1: y'all can finder. I'm sure the best thing. Samantha Scully
Speaker 1: dot com s k E l L Y and all
Speaker 1: of your links and everything are there, so I just
Speaker 1: I I appreciate you. Thanks for coming on four things
Speaker 1: and then again doing outweigh and breathwork looks like that's
Speaker 1: that's it's like the writing thing, and it's like get
Speaker 1: an get in on it, get in on it all right.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Samantha. Of course, my pleasure