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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I look up to

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Speaker 1: stuff I've never told your production of I Heart Radio,

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Speaker 1: and welcome to another happy hour. Welcome as always, I'm

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Speaker 1: saying that to you Andy as well. I'm welcoming to

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Speaker 1: you as well as I'm happy to be here. Also

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Speaker 1: paid to be here, but I am happy to see you.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to see you. And just as a reminder,

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Speaker 1: the drinks that we are drinking are not our sponsors.

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Speaker 1: Is just someone that we found that we thought are

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Speaker 1: delightful and have women involved, which should be so hard

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Speaker 1: but sometimes can be to find companies that have women

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Speaker 1: involved as part of the major production. I hope that

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Speaker 1: changes one day. Anyway, this is where we are. But

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Speaker 1: also if you are drinking, please drink responsibly whatever you

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Speaker 1: are drinking, whether it is an alcoholic beverage, a caffeinated beverage,

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Speaker 1: and or something that you enjoy way too much, like

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Speaker 1: if you're doing a milkshakey but you know you don't

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Speaker 1: like us. Intolerant not a great idea. I do it

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Speaker 1: all the time and I'm not necessarily intolerant, but it's

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Speaker 1: not great with my body. I've discovered too much. I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have tea. That's what I write. Got all weird,

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Speaker 1: intolerant with tea, so and anything with ninten it. Keep

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Speaker 1: that away, so a lot of things. Just be responsible.

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Speaker 1: And today we are sipping on some delicious beers from

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Speaker 1: Hyperion Brewing, which is located in Jacksonville, Florida, if you're interested,

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Speaker 1: and by the way, if you get a chance to

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Speaker 1: be in downtown Jacksonville and actually go to the brewery,

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Speaker 1: the bartenders are delightful. I had two lovely young ladies

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Speaker 1: who were so kind and so helpful and also very

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Speaker 1: weird at about all the questions I was asking rightly,

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Speaker 1: so I explained why. But you know, it's one of

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Speaker 1: those weird things where I'm like, I'm a podcaster and

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Speaker 1: You're like, there's millions of you essentially, and why do

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Speaker 1: I care? And I'm like, yeah, that's fair. I hope

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Speaker 1: they're listening. Hello. I don't think so. They one of

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Speaker 1: them said they kind of heard of us. I was

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Speaker 1: trying to explain. It's one of those moments where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to get free things, please know, I

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Speaker 1: just want you to know this is why I'm asking

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Speaker 1: all of these questions, because you're looking at me like

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Speaker 1: I'm a weirdo. Fair enough, but they were very kind

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Speaker 1: and so helpful and so informative, and they did help

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Speaker 1: me pick out these beers from hyperion as well. So

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Speaker 1: I'm going to go ahead and open mind to start

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Speaker 1: the drunk and I want to see if we can

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Speaker 1: do this without pouring this into my lap because I

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Speaker 1: did not have luck last time. That was my crowler

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Speaker 1: is a thirty two ouncer. And I am not going

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Speaker 1: to be drinking all of this about myself. I promise

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Speaker 1: I can't. And the ghozl I believe. I just poured

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Speaker 1: myself a six ounce poor. I used to be able

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Speaker 1: to do this. Oh you do you have experience in

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Speaker 1: that world, so I trust you. I am drinking a

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Speaker 1: Selene satrine, which is a blood orange blonde. Just why

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Speaker 1: any what are you drinking? I am drinking hot Daity,

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Speaker 1: which is a great name, which is an I P

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Speaker 1: A type of I P A yeah, which I haven't

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Speaker 1: sipped yet. I just told you that, but I trust

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Speaker 1: that is the truth. You're not trying to trick me.

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Speaker 1: I'm not trying to trict you today today um and

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Speaker 1: just kind of give you a background of hot Perion.

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Speaker 1: It was started by a businesswoman, Alexandremmy Cowen, who is

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Speaker 1: a twenty nine year old who had to desire to

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Speaker 1: be her own boss. Yeah, girl, do it and have

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Speaker 1: a startup, and after reconnecting with a high school friend

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Speaker 1: dabbling with some homebrewing, decided to go down the brewing avenue.

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Speaker 1: And she did have a little bit hard time trying

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Speaker 1: to get the started, especially in trying to get money

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Speaker 1: and loans. Eventually she was able to partner with a

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Speaker 1: couple from Michigan and open end up the brewery in

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Speaker 1: downtown Jacksonville. It is really lovely. It's called Springfield Little

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Speaker 1: Neighborhood just in f Y. There's a few breweries down

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Speaker 1: that way, and it was really delight and if you

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Speaker 1: do go into the space, it's such a large, cute

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Speaker 1: space because they have this whole like set up in

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Speaker 1: the front where you can play games and look at

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Speaker 1: all these fun artwork. And then if you go into

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Speaker 1: the bag they have a whole garden area and it's

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Speaker 1: massive and you can play little games out there. They

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Speaker 1: have plans like it is. They went all out, like

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Speaker 1: they have fire pits everywhere. It was nice and like

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Speaker 1: man I wish I lived here, just gonna have a

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Speaker 1: party in the back at the brewery. Specific at that brewery,

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Speaker 1: like it's a fun brewery. I was like, wow, this

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Speaker 1: is fantastic anyway, but it is a fun little company.

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Speaker 1: And yeah. I went to Jacksonville to visit my partner's

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Speaker 1: family and I was like, hey, Florida. We kind of

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Speaker 1: talked about a little bit. The distributing loss interstate is

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Speaker 1: really complicated, and you can't get things everywhere in Florida

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Speaker 1: and Georgia as much as you would think, don't have

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Speaker 1: a good connection, and so there's things down there that

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Speaker 1: we can't get in Georgia's I wanted to try a

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Speaker 1: couple of breweries and I didn't a couple of Hyperion

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Speaker 1: was one of them, and very glad to find it.

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Speaker 1: We all enjoyed it very much and found good beers.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I am drinking this a Selene Citrine blood

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Speaker 1: orange blonde, which if you know much about blonde, it

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Speaker 1: is a lighter, almost like a summary beer, kind of

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Speaker 1: along the ale ish, so not really hoppy, not really

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Speaker 1: tired or bitter in any way. It is very smooth

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Speaker 1: to me. It's multi ish. It does have a blood

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Speaker 1: orange like hey ish, and I say, hey ish, and

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Speaker 1: that it's very just soft and mellow in that level

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Speaker 1: that smell you get that's like refreshing, that is comforting

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Speaker 1: to me. Um, and that a little bit of citrus

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Speaker 1: is a really big delight. And I love, love the

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Speaker 1: taste of this. And I definitely understand that the first

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Speaker 1: thing you smell is the orange and it is a

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Speaker 1: lightful beer. And their description says it is a situacy,

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Speaker 1: crisp and pink, and it is a piquache color ish,

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Speaker 1: this blonde will leave you feeling like you're sipping bruise

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Speaker 1: in a beautiful orchard on a sunny day. Hey, right,

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Speaker 1: right right. I don't know, it's a popular beer descriptor.

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Speaker 1: I get what you're saying. That sounds lovely. I am

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Speaker 1: as I said, drinking the Hot Deity. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I said this in the last one too, But I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have said this was an I p A actually,

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Speaker 1: because to me, whether I'm wrong or right, based on

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Speaker 1: the I p A S I've had in my life,

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Speaker 1: it would be much more hoppy and bitter. And that's

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Speaker 1: definitely still there, definitely still there at the end, but

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Speaker 1: it's it's I also was gonna use mellow, and then

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Speaker 1: you used mellow. It's much mellower in the front, and

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Speaker 1: it's got kind of it's not malt, but it like lingers.

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Speaker 1: It's sort of a grassy, vegetal feeling going on, but

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Speaker 1: it's it's brighter than what I'm used to with a

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Speaker 1: lot of I p s. And I know I say

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Speaker 1: that knowing that I have had a lot of one

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Speaker 1: specific type of IPA in my life. Right, I know

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Speaker 1: that the world of I P A is bigger than

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Speaker 1: what my experiences, but just for me when I go

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Speaker 1: into something. So from their description, it is a balanced

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Speaker 1: I PA with four varieties of hops Magnum for bitterness,

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Speaker 1: centennial and Summit for notes of citrus, and mosaic to

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Speaker 1: provide a fruity aroma. Right, so this is not a

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Speaker 1: double I p A, which is typically a little more

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Speaker 1: bitter and over like a little sweeter, And it's not

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Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like a New England style either, which

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Speaker 1: has a little more bitterness. Typically I could be wrong.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna yell at me. Someone's gonna yell at me.

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Speaker 1: It's been a minute. I'm not drinking it now, But

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Speaker 1: when I had it, at the tasting, it didn't feel

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Speaker 1: that way mosaic, and I think I've said this before.

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Speaker 1: It is one of my favorite hops because it does

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Speaker 1: have that fruity a roma, so it almost takes like

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Speaker 1: the grassy or sometimes there's some beers that smells like

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Speaker 1: weed like. It is that level of aroma, and it

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Speaker 1: mellows it out with a little more fruitiness to it,

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Speaker 1: and I think it adds a greatness to it. This

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Speaker 1: is me of course, like people talk about with the

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Speaker 1: cosmos and all those things. Anyway, that's a whole different

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Speaker 1: other level. But this is a complex for sure, with

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Speaker 1: the fact that they have four varieties of hops, but

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Speaker 1: they balanced it nicely. My opinion from back then, that's

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Speaker 1: my nose trying to remember three weeks ago, so two

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Speaker 1: weeks ago, three weeks ago, how many weeks ago? So

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Speaker 1: many weeks ago, y'all, it could be any number of weeks.

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Speaker 1: There's so many weeks. One of the things that I

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Speaker 1: did love about Alexandra's story about the fact that she

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Speaker 1: got to reconnect with a high school friend because she

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Speaker 1: moved away came back. Apparently he worked with the company.

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Speaker 1: I think it's like to slay for South America or

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Speaker 1: something and came back and found a ruse and just

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Speaker 1: like kind of reconnected, and they started making me think

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Speaker 1: about high school, you know, like if I and I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna lie, I think there's a been a part

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Speaker 1: of me. So a couple of years ago, it was

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Speaker 1: my tenure reunion and I was petrified, there's no way

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Speaker 1: in hell I'm going to my tenure reunion. All right.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, A couple of years. Oh my god, I've

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Speaker 1: met my twenty year reunion. Holy I'm having a crisis.

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Speaker 1: I'm having a mode of crisis. Give me a minute.

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Speaker 1: A couple of weeks turned into a couple of years

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Speaker 1: for me. A decade is I'm a decade off? Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. I was like, Okay, listeners, I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: I just had an identity crisis, a midlife crisis as

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Speaker 1: we speak, because I just realized it was twenty year

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Speaker 1: reunion and not tenu reunion. We did have an excuse

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Speaker 1: of having in COVID, and I'm very grateful for that

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Speaker 1: because there's no way in hell I would go to it.

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Speaker 1: I would like to maintain that I feel like I

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Speaker 1: looked younger than most of the people from my generation

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Speaker 1: because of my brown, oily skin. But I have been

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Speaker 1: thinking about out all of the people that I've lost

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Speaker 1: contact with, and I honestly think I've only talked to

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Speaker 1: two or three people from my high school. And I

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Speaker 1: started thinking about, man, how much have we changed? And

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Speaker 1: also my adorable family member who has recently kind of

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Speaker 1: come away from that and has grown as an adult,

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Speaker 1: looking back on her and her having her own identity

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Speaker 1: crisis of like, I'm changing so much and become a

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Speaker 1: different person, what does this look like? And I want

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Speaker 1: to ask you when you were in high school, and

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Speaker 1: I think we've already talked about this before, but what

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Speaker 1: did you think? What were your plans when you were

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Speaker 1: like a senior year in high school, because that was

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Speaker 1: a pivotal year we were making all of these big plans.

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Speaker 1: What were your plans? Uh, honestly, they were pretty shallow

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Speaker 1: looking back, because I I was a real overachiever in school.

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Speaker 1: But for some reason, when I became a senior, I

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Speaker 1: got the worst case of senioritis. Like I would sit

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Speaker 1: in the parking lot and think I could just drive

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Speaker 1: away and no one would see me again. And it

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Speaker 1: was why, Like I can't really tell you. I guess

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Speaker 1: it was like maybe fear of change and just being tired,

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Speaker 1: but so I wanted it. I wanted a change I

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Speaker 1: wanted like I chose the school I went to. I

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Speaker 1: know I've said it before. I'm embarrassed by it, but

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Speaker 1: I chose it because I thought I have the best

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Speaker 1: chance at like partying and finding a man, which was

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Speaker 1: way off. I was so wrong, and ultimately I'm glad

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Speaker 1: I am, but I wanted like that. I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe I just needed a new scenery and

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Speaker 1: all be able to be like the cool person because

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Speaker 1: I wasn't uncooled, but I was definitely not cool. I

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Speaker 1: was like the well liked crowd. But I thought it

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Speaker 1: could build a new identity. I guess what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: I thought I could get I could date, and I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't feel so weird about dating somebody I've known since kindergarten.

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Speaker 1: I thought I could make a new kind of personality,

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Speaker 1: because it's hard to do that when you've known people

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Speaker 1: for so long. For me, it was. And then I

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Speaker 1: really wanted to travel, so that's why I chose that

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Speaker 1: agree I chose, which also feels very shallow and especially

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Speaker 1: now like looking back, as I said, I would have

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Speaker 1: been a terrible spy. But I also wanted to be

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Speaker 1: a diplomat, and I was thinking about like just traveling

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Speaker 1: being a diplomat. But so that's what I thought. I

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Speaker 1: thought I was going to go kind of reinvent myself,

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Speaker 1: as they say, and I did have in the back

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Speaker 1: of my head like I really want to write and

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Speaker 1: I really want to be an actor. But I also

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Speaker 1: I'm a very logical person, and I'm really prone to arguments,

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Speaker 1: like my parents were like, you know, we're not going

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Speaker 1: to pay for any like you need you need to

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Speaker 1: find a way to pay for college, and no one

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Speaker 1: can get jobs in essentially is what they told me,

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Speaker 1: which you know, right or wrong, that's what they said.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, you're right, that's very hard to

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Speaker 1: be able to succeed in. I'll do this other thing.

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Speaker 1: I did also follow one of my friends to Georgia Tech.

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Speaker 1: She wasn't the only reason I chose it, but she

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Speaker 1: was part of the reason. I'll say that, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: for myself, I dreamt of leaving La j Georgia. That

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Speaker 1: was my big goal, and but wanted to go somewhere

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Speaker 1: that I could be with friends. So I'd gone with

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Speaker 1: my high school best friend. We all got in. We

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Speaker 1: were so excited she and our roommates for a freshman year.

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Speaker 1: It didn't break us, surprisingly, the or a lot of screaming,

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Speaker 1: but I definitely was excited. I got accepted. I was

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Speaker 1: a first one to leave the home now to go

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Speaker 1: to school. Now, the others did leave the home, but

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Speaker 1: it was because a marriage, so well that was a

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Speaker 1: whole different conversation. But I was not about that obviously,

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Speaker 1: And I had this whole plan. I had this plan

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Speaker 1: that I was going to be a missionary, a doctor,

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Speaker 1: and I was going to travel the world and save

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Speaker 1: the world essentially. And then eventually, like I came back

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Speaker 1: and that didn't happen, and then I went back and

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Speaker 1: forth about like, well, maybe I don't want to do this,

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Speaker 1: maybe I want to be a social worker. And I

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Speaker 1: did decide early on to be a part of that world.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I had this dream. I was going to

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Speaker 1: go there, find my husband as well, We're going to

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Speaker 1: connect travel the world together. I had read too many

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Speaker 1: Christian books about couples who left on mission trip and

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Speaker 1: that was gonna be me having children. Maybe understanding that

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Speaker 1: there was a lot of trauma in the back of

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Speaker 1: my mind. But you know, I had already solved it

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Speaker 1: because Jesus right, which is not kind of sending for

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Speaker 1: those who believe in religion, but that was really like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is not going to be a fixed fall, but

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Speaker 1: I believed it to be at that point for me.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I think I thought the same thing about

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Speaker 1: like I'm gonna find myself. I'm gonna I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: the girl who finds a man and it's a perfect man,

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Speaker 1: and everybody's gonna be jealous of this man because in

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Speaker 1: school there I never dated. I didn't have boyfriends, like,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't a thing for me. I was the responsible one.

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Speaker 1: I was the mom of my friend group, and finally

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Speaker 1: I was going to go out and find myself. It

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Speaker 1: didn't happen that way. That's the whole like SpongeBob me,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I don't do. But yeah, and with that,

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Speaker 1: I've got to ask you, how did that experience actually

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Speaker 1: change when you left? Were your expectations rather, I think

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Speaker 1: my expectations changed really quickly because I had been used

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Speaker 1: to not having to study, like I had to put

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Speaker 1: in a lot of homework time, but I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to study, and then I almost failed my first semester

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Speaker 1: of college and so right after that because I was

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Speaker 1: an overachiever and that you know, oh my god, what

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Speaker 1: a eye opener that was. And I will say I

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Speaker 1: didn't reinvent myself in the way I thought I would,

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Speaker 1: and I almost hesitate to use that because I know

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Speaker 1: it's been made fun of so much. But I did.

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Speaker 1: I did go through a lot of growth, and I

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Speaker 1: did discover a lot about myself. A lot of it

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Speaker 1: makes me cringe looking back, but the thing that I

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Speaker 1: think I ultimately wanted, and I just didn't realize what

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Speaker 1: I the end goal of that was. Like I thought

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Speaker 1: it was me married with children, a different person, but

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Speaker 1: instead it was me who did get to go and travel,

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Speaker 1: even if it wasn't for like being a diplomat. But

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Speaker 1: I got to work in other countries through college, and

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Speaker 1: I made friends, and I did get to explore avenues

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Speaker 1: of myself that I hadn't yet and I got I

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Speaker 1: remember having so many and I know that's also a

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Speaker 1: joke too, is you go to like your liberal college

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00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,840
Speaker 1: and they could they ruin you. But I remember having

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Speaker 1: conversations with people where somebody said something to me once

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Speaker 1: that to me now is such a foundational thing, but

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Speaker 1: back then I never heard anybody talk about it. But

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Speaker 1: she was talking about like the right to human dignity,

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Speaker 1: and we got into a conversation about that because a

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Speaker 1: lot of there were a lot of things I felt

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Speaker 1: and believed, but I wasn't good at articulating my felter

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Speaker 1: believed to them. So I did get that too. I

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Speaker 1: got that in college. I feel like I learned a

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Speaker 1: good work ethic and arguing. So I guess what I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is I didn't I had I wasn't correct about

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Speaker 1: the ultimate idea or goal of the end point, but

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Speaker 1: I got all the stuff that I was really underlying

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Speaker 1: of what I wanted. Right, Yeah, I was with you

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Speaker 1: the first semester of college. The first year of college,

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Speaker 1: I almost I didn't fail, but I was definitely seize

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Speaker 1: and I lost Hope, which is the Hope Grant, which

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Speaker 1: is the scholarship for B and then so um. When

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Speaker 1: I started college, I think it was in the middle

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Speaker 1: of the not middle, but like towards the beginning middle

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Speaker 1: of the program, because now it's changed. The standards have changed,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know if I would qualify now because

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Speaker 1: they're so much more stringent, but like I think I

333
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,200
Speaker 1: definitely lost that because I got a few seas and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I can't do chemistry, fair, fair,

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00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,280
Speaker 1: I can't do calculus like this. Fair. I had an

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Speaker 1: Italian teacher like, you can't do it that way, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, wait, no, I'm about have it. Don't

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Speaker 1: do this to me. And so I had to reevaluate, oh,

339
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Speaker 1: maybe this is not my field. As well as the

340
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Speaker 1: fact though I actually went in a different direction. I

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00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:40,280
Speaker 1: became more conservative almost in college, which is kind of

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00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:44,200
Speaker 1: a lot of regret in that, like not necessarily my compassion,

343
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 1: but like in my ideas of keeping myself and making

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Speaker 1: sure I maintain myself, make sure I may be responsible decisions.

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Speaker 1: I'm not that crazy kid that does the crazy things

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Speaker 1: which I do. Kind of regret. I kind of wish

347
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Speaker 1: I'd been able to do a few of the crazy things.

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I saw the world and I

349
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Speaker 1: was plunked into the world and meaning like I started

350
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Speaker 1: with that job, I went outside of the Christian organizations

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Speaker 1: that I was a part of and realized, oh, the

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00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,200
Speaker 1: world is not as insulated and and I've just been

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Speaker 1: going through microaggression towards me accepting that because that's what

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00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,520
Speaker 1: I grew up with, not realizing these are wrong, but

355
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,480
Speaker 1: like in an idea like this is wrong because they

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00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 1: made me want to be white, and I feel guilty

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Speaker 1: that I'm not white, and I feel ashamed of myself

358
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Speaker 1: because I'm not white, because according to them, this is

359
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:34,360
Speaker 1: a superior race and micro aggression and the little digs

360
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 1: of being Asian which I have made Joseph myself, it's

361
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 1: not a good thing. Oh, this does hurt my self esteem.

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00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,400
Speaker 1: I'm not just being self deprecating and funny. I'm literally

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Speaker 1: hurting my self esteem. And so were they. But because

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00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 1: I've given them permission, they think it's funny. And because

365
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 1: I have become their entertainment and their jokes and their

366
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,520
Speaker 1: clown I have become entertainment and not and not realizing

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Speaker 1: this is what I had learned to acclimate. And in

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Speaker 1: college I fed into that way too long, um and

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Speaker 1: I had no one to tell me I was wrong. Instead,

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Speaker 1: I was encouraged to maintain that because I could not

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Speaker 1: see past the white communities. So for me, it's such

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Speaker 1: a weird thing. It's like I fed into it even

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Speaker 1: more to the fact that my conservative parents thought I

374
00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 1: was pompous. Yeah, yeah, that's that's us a lot, right,

375
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Speaker 1: And I was, And I was like, I would not

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Speaker 1: disagree with them whatsoever. I'm sure they're missing that now,

377
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,560
Speaker 1: but there's a lot to be said. I was like, oh, yeah,

378
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Speaker 1: I guess I have become a little different. And since then,

379
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,479
Speaker 1: like my big change didn't happen until I left. I

380
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:49,119
Speaker 1: really like feel like college was even more insular for

381
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Speaker 1: me readly enough. Ye, And I think that goes back

382
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 1: to this, what would you tell your high school self today?

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00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,040
Speaker 1: That's a good question. I feel like I feel like

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Speaker 1: this is a question I get asked like three times

385
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Speaker 1: a year, and somehow I can never remember what I

386
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:20,479
Speaker 1: always say because I think for me, a lot of

387
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:25,640
Speaker 1: it would be and I know this is an impossible thing.

388
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 1: I would have hated to hear it. I know a

389
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 1: lot of young people hate to hear it, but it

390
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,520
Speaker 1: would have been like it's okay because I was so insecure.

391
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: I was so insecure and I would not. I just

392
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 1: felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. And there's a

393
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 1: lot of reasons for that. But because of that, I

394
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 1: spent like I don't know, when I look back on

395
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 1: high school. I just it's almost a feeling I remember

396
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 1: more of just being like shrinking and like hoping no

397
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,679
Speaker 1: one noticed me, and feeling like I had to when

398
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: they did. I had to certain ways. Like I said,

399
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 1: I would really play up like being sexual, or people

400
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 1: would make fun of me for the drugs. Um they

401
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: thought I was on drugs and people make fun of

402
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 1: you for it, and I would play into it. And

403
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 1: really I was struggling and I needed help, and I

404
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 1: wish I could have confided in somebody that. But I

405
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 1: think that's the big thing. I know, it's annoying because

406
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 1: it's like cliche off, like it's going to get better.

407
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 1: I wish I I just wish I could have been like,

408
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,399
Speaker 1: it's okay, so you have friends. I was lucky. I

409
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 1: had friends. Yeah, it wasn't perfect, but I had friends

410
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 1: and we were weird, but it was okay, right, Yeah,

411
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 1: And as you said that, I don't. Actually I only

412
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: have a couple of friends that I talked to. But

413
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 1: I think it's because we all grew together, and those

414
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: who I didn't grow with I don't see as much

415
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: or talked to as much. There's a big separation between us,

416
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,879
Speaker 1: and that makes me sad, and obviously a lot of levels,

417
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 1: and a lot of that also has to do with

418
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 1: distance and where we are in life. You know, I

419
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 1: think you and I talked about this earlier about I've

420
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: gotten to the point that, you know, some people are

421
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 1: in their second marriage with more children, or they have

422
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: five children, three children, four children, like so many more

423
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: children that it's impossible to get together. And there's it's

424
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 1: almost this whole layer of being within your socioeconomic status.

425
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that not necessarily about finances,

426
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,960
Speaker 1: but it is about finances because when you have to

427
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,119
Speaker 1: two incomes, it was very different from my twenty nine

428
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,959
Speaker 1: thousand dollars a year income that I was getting at

429
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 1: one point in time, so very different. But for myself,

430
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: I really, like I said, I wish I had a

431
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,959
Speaker 1: person in my life that taught me what it is

432
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 1: to have my own identity, because there was a lot

433
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,120
Speaker 1: that I missed out on. There's a lot of I'm

434
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 1: fearful of today and even exploring and even saying, like

435
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: claiming myself as Korean seems bold because if I started

436
00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: getting asked questions, I started falling apart. Even to the

437
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 1: point that I have my white partner to go in

438
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: and to authentic Korean restaurants to pick up food for

439
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 1: us because I'm scared that I'm going to be talked

440
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 1: to judge for being fake and dismissed. And I've had that.

441
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 1: It's not it's not just a fear. It's happened to me,

442
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 1: and for many times that I've been a part of

443
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 1: that fear. Because of that, I shut down, and therefore

444
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 1: it's that worse reaction of I feed into that, So

445
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: therefore I can't come out that like they're trying to

446
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,440
Speaker 1: dig my whole out, and it's just the whole thing.

447
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,880
Speaker 1: And I really wish I could have found that part

448
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 1: in in college and finding that identity, because it's harder

449
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,120
Speaker 1: as an adult. It's harder trying to figure that out

450
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,360
Speaker 1: as an adult because and we're going to talk about

451
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 1: this eventually, trying to make friends as an adult, trying

452
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 1: to find connections like that as an adult, it's difficult.

453
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,879
Speaker 1: And I really wish I could have been able to

454
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 1: be like you want to take advantage of this, as

455
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:59,200
Speaker 1: many times I purposely distanced myself from that ethnicity, from

456
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 1: this culture, and I regret that so hard. Yeah, when

457
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: I look back, for me to for for a lot

458
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 1: of those that kind of related in a way of

459
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 1: that is like just I wish there was a way

460
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,199
Speaker 1: to recognize like sexism, what you're I don't know, like

461
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 1: these things that are hurting you when you don't realize

462
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 1: why you're hurting you and you're playing into it, which

463
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: is kind of what I was saying of like, yeah,

464
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 1: I wish I could have been okay being like this

465
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,199
Speaker 1: isn't healthy. I'm going to cut you out. Like the

466
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 1: importance of cutting out toxic friendships are being able to

467
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 1: know what you want, Like I still struggle with that

468
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 1: to this day. What do you want? And why can't

469
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 1: I just wise the simple question of what you want,

470
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 1: like leave me just hamstrong. But when you're in high school, especially,

471
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 1: I think when you're younger, that can be a really

472
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: dangerous proposition when you're like, well maybe I should want

473
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 1: this thing, right, yes, let us make it out or whatever,

474
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: And then I wish I wish I had known better

475
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,440
Speaker 1: to be able to say no and fiel like I

476
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 1: have enough self confidence to know what I want and

477
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: say no, and I believe that I was worth like

478
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 1: it wasn't worth some guy not having blue balls, versus

479
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: like my emotional state, it's not. Yeah, And you know,

480
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 1: I will say, as I was talking about my younger

481
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: family member trying to figure that out and getting there,

482
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 1: I'm glad to know that she's there now because she's

483
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 1: ten years ahead of me, you know what I mean.

484
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,880
Speaker 1: I'm jure you would say that for that younger generation,

485
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: and I'm glad that they're learning from our mistakes and

486
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: or they're willing to have that conversation. Yeah, me too.

487
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: And that's the positivity I think of social networking and

488
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,600
Speaker 1: social media, all of that is a different level when

489
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: you start realizing beyond the conforming ideas that we had,

490
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: and you and I have a tenure gap, So there's

491
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,919
Speaker 1: just this whole level of conversation in that. But I

492
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: find it interesting because yeah, as everyone heard my identity crisis,

493
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, it's been twenty years

494
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,400
Speaker 1: and I've been over to two years, over to over

495
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: y'all several years, over twenty years of being in high school.

496
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 1: That I'm like, what I forgot? The massive change that

497
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: I hope is for the better. That there are things

498
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 1: that I'm glad I didn't have to deal with social

499
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: media as a kid would have wrecked me, I think,

500
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,120
Speaker 1: because I are it wrext me. Today, when I see

501
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: anything that looks like criticism towards us, I'm like, oh

502
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 1: my god, they ain't me. But at the same time,

503
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: the ability to see beyond your own world it's nice.

504
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 1: It's it's it's finally there. And the being able to

505
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 1: connect because hearing stories of those who are going through

506
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 1: the same thing, it's heartening as as much as it

507
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: is it is sad, but it's this commoditative like, thank god,

508
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 1: I'm not the only one, you know. And yeah, I

509
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 1: feel like there's no other path I've could have gone

510
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 1: down that would have led me to hear and I'm

511
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 1: grateful for that. But there are moments that I'm like, man,

512
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 1: I really wish I had known back some of the

513
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 1: things I know today. Oh yeah, it's funny you say that,

514
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: because I remember we had a talent show in high school.

515
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: I did not compete, but this one kid, Spencer, he played.

516
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 1: I wish I had known what I do now when

517
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 1: I was younger, and I remember sitting there like bah,

518
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 1: and I'm like, so many years ago, Oh wow, we've

519
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: gone down a lot of memory lane trips. Yes, obviously

520
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 1: we could keep talking, but you know, another another happy hour,

521
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: more high school memories perhaps, but we would love to

522
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 1: hear high school memories from you listeners. If you would

523
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 1: like to email us about them, you can or email

524
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: Stuff in your Mom Stuff at ihart mea dot com.

525
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at most stuff Podcasts

526
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,880
Speaker 1: or Instagram and Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as

527
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 1: always to our superproducer Christina. You need to hear your memory, yes,

528
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never told You.

529
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: The production of I Hire Radio for More podcast on

530
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: my Heart Radio is the get her radio app, Apple

531
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: podcast or where you listening to your favorite shops