Speaker 1: We take one courageous act and then parlay that into another,
Speaker 1: and then into another into another, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: we're confident people. Welcome to the one you feed. Throughout time,
Speaker 1: great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
Speaker 1: Quotes like garbage in, garbage out, or you are what
Speaker 1: you think ring true. And yet for many of us,
Speaker 1: our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity,
Speaker 1: self pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't
Speaker 1: have instead of what we do. We think things that
Speaker 1: hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not
Speaker 1: just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent,
Speaker 1: and creative effort to make a life worth living. This
Speaker 1: podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in
Speaker 1: the right direction, how they feed their good wolf m
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this episode is
Speaker 1: Mark Shapiro, a former marketing director at Showtime Networks Incorporated.
Speaker 1: Mark left his six figure corporate job after twelve years
Speaker 1: and is on a mission to bring more of what
Speaker 1: is real and authentic to the world. He is the
Speaker 1: founder of are You Being Real dot com winning weeks
Speaker 1: the ideal workplace and the host of the One and
Speaker 1: Only podcasts. If you value the content we put out
Speaker 1: each week, then we need your help. As the show
Speaker 1: has grown, so have our expenses and time commitment. Go
Speaker 1: to one you feed dot net slash Support and make
Speaker 1: a monthly donation. Our goal is to get to five
Speaker 1: of our listeners supporting the show. Please be part of
Speaker 1: the five percent that make a contribution and allow us
Speaker 1: to keep putting out these interviews and ideas. We really
Speaker 1: need your help to make the show sustainable and long lasting. Again,
Speaker 1: that's one you Feed dot net slash Support. Thank you
Speaker 1: in advance for your help. And here's the interview with
Speaker 1: Mark Shapiro. Hi, Mark, welcome to the show. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Eric. It's an honor to be here. I'm
Speaker 1: happy to have you on. I appeared as a guest
Speaker 1: on your podcast. It's been a while now, but we
Speaker 1: had a great conversation then, so I'm excited to get
Speaker 1: you on and turn the tables on you. But before
Speaker 1: we do that, let's start like we always do, with
Speaker 1: the parable. There's a grandfather who's talking with his grandson.
Speaker 1: He says, in life, there are two wolves inside of
Speaker 1: us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf,
Speaker 1: which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and
Speaker 1: the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like
Speaker 1: greed and hatred and fear. And the grandson stops and
Speaker 1: he thinks about it for a second, and he looks
Speaker 1: up at his grandfather and he says, well, grandfather, which
Speaker 1: one wins? And the grandfather says, the one you feed.
Speaker 1: So I'd like to start off by asking you what
Speaker 1: that parable means to you in your life and in
Speaker 1: the work that you do. It's a great parable and
Speaker 1: I absolutely love it because it really rings true for me.
Speaker 1: I'm someone who's very tough on myself, and for a
Speaker 1: lot of my life I would constantly be feeding the
Speaker 1: bad wolf and would neglect the good wolf. So it's
Speaker 1: something that I've definitely been present too. And even on
Speaker 1: a good day, I find that my bad wolf still
Speaker 1: shows up from time to time. And with the light
Speaker 1: comes the darkness. So when I'm feeding my good wolf Eric,
Speaker 1: I feel free. I'm in service and in contribution to
Speaker 1: others I'm giving. I'm fun, actually care free and sometimes bold,
Speaker 1: and you know, operating from my heart. And the bad
Speaker 1: wolf is definitely the side of myself that I don't
Speaker 1: love to see the light of day, like I don't
Speaker 1: love for other people to see the bad Wolf. But
Speaker 1: the bad Wolf is kind of a loner and angry
Speaker 1: and feels like an outsider. And I'm on a appreciative
Speaker 1: and I'm a taker and operating from a place of
Speaker 1: fear and jealousy and as I mentioned before, hypercritical of myself.
Speaker 1: So big, big, you know, like big difference between the
Speaker 1: good wolf and the bad wolf. When you notice that,
Speaker 1: do you have any ways in which you if you
Speaker 1: notice you're in that bad wolf, do you have any
Speaker 1: ways that work for you to flip it around? Or
Speaker 1: is it sometimes just a mood and you you roll
Speaker 1: with it? Or what do you do? Sure, I'll start
Speaker 1: out with what I used to do, and I would
Speaker 1: just continue to feed the bad Wolf and just continue
Speaker 1: to get lost in that spiral of stories that didn't
Speaker 1: serve me. So now, when the bad Wolf starts speaking
Speaker 1: to me, which it does on a daily basis, sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll stop feeding it immediately. So that usually works, and
Speaker 1: it's easier said than done. But what I'll find is
Speaker 1: when I first hear that bad wolf speaking to me,
Speaker 1: I'll first acknowledge it and then kind of look at
Speaker 1: it from a thirty thousand foot view point of view,
Speaker 1: from the acro standpoint, and be like, is this really
Speaker 1: what's real for me? Right now? Let's look at the
Speaker 1: rest of the picture, because generally speaking, you know, the
Speaker 1: sun is still coming out on that day, There's still
Speaker 1: so much to be grateful for and to appreciate. So
Speaker 1: when I can catch that bad wolf early, I find
Speaker 1: that's the best way of circumventing going down you know,
Speaker 1: the rabbit hole. But I also find Derek that with
Speaker 1: that darkness, there's so much room for opportunity and for growth.
Speaker 1: So on days when I'm feeling like I'm working my
Speaker 1: butt off but it's not working the way that I
Speaker 1: wanted to work, and I'm feeling a sense of doubt
Speaker 1: or fear or anxiety, I'll take that opportunity to look
Speaker 1: within and be like, well, what can I do right now,
Speaker 1: What in this moment can I do to really aid
Speaker 1: that fear and that doubt, And oftentimes that will incentivize
Speaker 1: me to have an incredible brainstorming session with myself, or
Speaker 1: I'll write down the list of maybe ten things that
Speaker 1: I know that I could to that would support me
Speaker 1: that I just haven't done yet, and by getting the
Speaker 1: ball rolling and then starting to focus more on my
Speaker 1: vision versus my fear, I find that that really serves
Speaker 1: me excellent. Your podcast is called The One and Only,
Speaker 1: and you focus really on the idea of being authentic.
Speaker 1: That's kind of the heart of your work. So I
Speaker 1: guess I'll start off by, you know, asking you to
Speaker 1: tell me what does authenticity mean to you? Sure? So,
Speaker 1: I think, first of all, what I want to share
Speaker 1: here is that there's a difference between talking about what
Speaker 1: authenticity means and then actually being it. So I'll first
Speaker 1: start out with what authenticity means to me, and that's
Speaker 1: that's honoring one's feelings in the moment, which I refer
Speaker 1: to as the micro, and then secondly, living in sync
Speaker 1: with your core values and lifelong dreams, what you dream
Speaker 1: about most, and I deem that the macro, and then
Speaker 1: the third is the wild card in that authenticity is
Speaker 1: we're always growing and we ultimately have the opportunity to
Speaker 1: choose we want to be. So that to me is
Speaker 1: what the definition of authenticity is. But as I mentioned,
Speaker 1: there's a difference between talking about what it means and
Speaker 1: actually being authentic and being open and speaking our truths
Speaker 1: at oftentimes that requires us to be really courageous and
Speaker 1: get vulnerable. So in terms of interpersonal communications, it's saying
Speaker 1: that scary thing that you just kind of don't want
Speaker 1: to say too, maybe a lover or to a friend
Speaker 1: when you're giving them feedback, but it's something that really
Speaker 1: feels true for you, and it's really empowering to to
Speaker 1: speak our truths. And then in terms of maybe major
Speaker 1: life decisions, being authentic is if we're working a job
Speaker 1: that we don't like, like I did when I worked
Speaker 1: at showtime for twelve years, I started feeling like this
Speaker 1: just wasn't my calling anymore. So I had the courage
Speaker 1: to make an authentic move, which was to leave that
Speaker 1: world behind to pursue my authentic d Nevers, which was
Speaker 1: the podcast. Why is authenticity important? Like? What are the
Speaker 1: reasons for us to make this something that we focus on?
Speaker 1: Because there's so many different things that we're all trying
Speaker 1: to be and sometimes I think that's probably part of
Speaker 1: the problem. But why authenticity? Yeah, Well, I'd say that
Speaker 1: in order to live truly fulfilling life, you know, we've
Speaker 1: got to be ourselves. There are seven billion people in
Speaker 1: this world, and there's only one of each of us.
Speaker 1: And what's going to be the most fulfilling and rewarding
Speaker 1: is when we're really trusting ourselves and living our lives
Speaker 1: our way. So when we have the courage to be authentic,
Speaker 1: it's super duper liberating and it's what makes us uniquely ourselves,
Speaker 1: and it's just so satisfying when we have the courage
Speaker 1: to really speak and own our truth. In my personal experience,
Speaker 1: Eric that when I have the courage to be authentic,
Speaker 1: it really builds a lot of confidence and it empowers
Speaker 1: me and creates some really positive momentum, which usually has
Speaker 1: a ripple effect. So I'd say that's probably the first reason.
Speaker 1: The second reason why it's extremely valuable to live authentically
Speaker 1: is that if we're choosing to live authentically in each
Speaker 1: given moment and we're living our core values, uh that
Speaker 1: over time that's going to generate exactly the results that
Speaker 1: we want in our vision, as long as we're really
Speaker 1: being true to ourselves. The third is that we create
Speaker 1: really immense value for others when we're being ourselves, because
Speaker 1: no one else sees the world like we do. No
Speaker 1: one else has experienced all the same experiences in life
Speaker 1: as each one of us has, and our perspective is
Speaker 1: really valuable and it matters, and we can actually be
Speaker 1: doing a huge disservice to others when we don't speak
Speaker 1: our truths. And then the fourth is that we all
Speaker 1: want to fit in and belong and that's something that
Speaker 1: I know we can all relate to at some point
Speaker 1: in our lives. And when we try to fit in
Speaker 1: and we try to conform, we're not being ourselves, and
Speaker 1: usually that doesn't work. It definitely hasn't worked from my
Speaker 1: perspective whenever I try to fit in. But what I
Speaker 1: found really does work is when we're ourselves, we don't
Speaker 1: have to try to fit in. We naturally belong and
Speaker 1: burn A Brown has said that and I completely agree
Speaker 1: with that. And when I look at people in my
Speaker 1: life that I think are just incredibly charismatic and attractive,
Speaker 1: they're usually pretty authentic people. They let themselves be seen,
Speaker 1: they don't care too much what other people think about them,
Speaker 1: and that makes them incredibly attractive and that's also super liberating.
Speaker 1: So I'd say those are probably my top four reasons
Speaker 1: why it's important and valuable to be authentic, and then
Speaker 1: on the flip side, it's it's hard not to be
Speaker 1: authentic and just trying to keep up with the jones
Speaker 1: is and when we're not speaking our truth, that really
Speaker 1: opens up the door to be disconnected from other people
Speaker 1: in our lives and feeling misunderstood. And uh, it's just
Speaker 1: it's a great way not to feel good about ourselves
Speaker 1: and to kill our dreams when we're not honoring them.
Speaker 1: I agree completely. I think I have. I've said this
Speaker 1: on the show many times that the more of myself
Speaker 1: I started to bring to situations, whatever those situations are,
Speaker 1: the more than I kind of brought all of me
Speaker 1: instead of the parts of me I thought belonged in
Speaker 1: that particular circumstance. Everything got better in all those areas.
Speaker 1: I had years where I think I thought, like, this
Speaker 1: is the way you behave in like a work situation,
Speaker 1: and so I brought this part of me. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a lie, it wasn't a falsity. It was just only
Speaker 1: part of me. And you know what I found was
Speaker 1: when I started bringing all of me and taking more
Speaker 1: chances in those situations, that I got much better at
Speaker 1: what I did for sure, and I could totally relate.
Speaker 1: I worked in corporate America for twelve years and I
Speaker 1: wanted to excel and you know, really be successful in
Speaker 1: that space. And I kind of did everything that I
Speaker 1: perceived was the right thing to do, the right thing
Speaker 1: to say, the right way to show up, so to
Speaker 1: be super duper professional and eloquent, and to only talk
Speaker 1: about the job at hand. And while that worked, I
Speaker 1: think there was more that I could bring to the table,
Speaker 1: especially in order to empower my staff and to create
Speaker 1: connection with others that I think I laughed below the
Speaker 1: table because I didn't have the courage to bring all
Speaker 1: of myself to work. Yeah. I think so much of
Speaker 1: being successful in a professional environment is about relationship. And
Speaker 1: I think that when I only brought so much of myself,
Speaker 1: then I built relationships that were only so deep or
Speaker 1: so strong. And then when I brought more of myself,
Speaker 1: like all of me, the relationships I built, I think
Speaker 1: we're stronger and better and I think that helps contribute
Speaker 1: to success. It. So, you mentioned something a minute ago
Speaker 1: and I wanted to touch based on a real quick
Speaker 1: and you talked about, you know, people who are not
Speaker 1: afraid to be themselves, and that's a wonderful place to be,
Speaker 1: but for a lot of people that seems to be
Speaker 1: an incredibly difficult place to get to. So if you're
Speaker 1: one of those people who you know you don't want
Speaker 1: to but you do, you do care what people think,
Speaker 1: and I think we all do to some extent. Right,
Speaker 1: it's it's how how strong is that drive or how
Speaker 1: strong is this worry about what people think of us?
Speaker 1: But what are ways we can move towards caring less
Speaker 1: about what people think of us and in the negative
Speaker 1: way that we think of that term. Yeah, I would
Speaker 1: say I, first, I totally agree with you that I
Speaker 1: don't think there's anyone on this planet that doesn't care
Speaker 1: what other people think of them or human beings. And
Speaker 1: you know, we want to be loved, and we want
Speaker 1: to be in community, and we want to be respected.
Speaker 1: I mean, look at our president right now, and it's
Speaker 1: always talking about his crowd sizes. So he's definitely trying
Speaker 1: to trying two people please and you know, trying trying
Speaker 1: to be liked. Um, whether he's effective at that or not, Uh,
Speaker 1: that's you. I'll let you guys decide decide that. But
Speaker 1: I think that that is inevitable. So I think one
Speaker 1: way of circumventing that, or really grounding yourself and staying
Speaker 1: in your power is doing the best job at being yourself.
Speaker 1: So that's living your moral code and standing for what
Speaker 1: you believe in, and really shooting for the stars in
Speaker 1: terms of pursuing what you want, doing what you're passionate about.
Speaker 1: All those things, in my opinion, UH really have supported
Speaker 1: me personally, and I know support a lot of my
Speaker 1: clients and people in my coaching programs that when they're
Speaker 1: living their life and they're on their track and they're
Speaker 1: focused on their vision, they're gonna be a lot less
Speaker 1: skewed by all the other variables and specifically other people
Speaker 1: in their lives and those people's opinions, because if we're
Speaker 1: constantly seeking permission from everybody else around us, we're never
Speaker 1: going to take any action. It reminds me a little
Speaker 1: bit of the idea of confidence, right and confidences doesn't
Speaker 1: seem to me to be one of those things that
Speaker 1: you can manufacture. I think it's something that comes as
Speaker 1: a result of actions of a particular type or doing
Speaker 1: certain things, you know, I think increases our confidence. It's
Speaker 1: very difficult to think your way into being confident at
Speaker 1: least I found, and I think it's very difficult to
Speaker 1: think your way into not carrying what other people think.
Speaker 1: And some of that stuff I think just happens with age,
Speaker 1: or or maybe ages the wrong word, with maturity. As
Speaker 1: I've grown own up, all those things have happened more
Speaker 1: naturally for me in a way that I'm not convinced
Speaker 1: that I could have done when I was twenty one
Speaker 1: years old. Maybe I could have I don't know, but
Speaker 1: you know, I wonder how much of this has to
Speaker 1: do with this maturing process. Not that I'm saying when
Speaker 1: you're twenty one you don't have lots of wonderful skills.
Speaker 1: But I think one of the things for me that
Speaker 1: defined that age was um that sort of caring more
Speaker 1: about what people think, trying to figure out what my
Speaker 1: path was, feeling more uncertain about where I was going. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that makes a lot of sense to me. And to me,
Speaker 1: what I'm hearing here is just clarity and vision. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of youths and a lot of people
Speaker 1: in their twenties, they're just trying on all sorts of
Speaker 1: different hats and jobs and you know, ways of life.
Speaker 1: You know they're partying or not partying at all and
Speaker 1: uh and you know, and with that doesn't give as
Speaker 1: much opportunity to really sharpen a skill or sharpen behavioral
Speaker 1: trade like like confidence. So with that clear vision, I
Speaker 1: think allows us to get or reps in, you know,
Speaker 1: in this kind of figurative Jim, and to get more
Speaker 1: effective at being who we are or at least who
Speaker 1: are telling ourselves we are, or at the job at hand.
Speaker 1: But as it comes to like confidence and even authenticity
Speaker 1: or vulnerability, these things are muscles. I don't think they
Speaker 1: can be easily manufactured, but they come with practice, and
Speaker 1: they come with putting ourselves out of our comfort zone
Speaker 1: and being courageous. And you know, we take one courageous
Speaker 1: act and then parlay that into another, and then into
Speaker 1: another into another, and all of a sudden we're confident people.
Speaker 1: And I can definitely say that I've had that experience
Speaker 1: in my life. As I mentioned before, I worked at
Speaker 1: Showtime Networks and sales and marketing for twelve years and
Speaker 1: it was a really good six figure job, and uh,
Speaker 1: I was happy there. I was certainly living a good
Speaker 1: enough life, but I always thought that I was capable
Speaker 1: of something greater. But I'd worked at Showtime my entire
Speaker 1: professional career, and if I were to leave, I'd have
Speaker 1: no idea what I would do. I've always wanted to
Speaker 1: be an entrepreneur and have my own thing. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that was a product or a service, but
Speaker 1: when I was working at Showtime, I just couldn't even
Speaker 1: comprehend what that product or service would be. So I
Speaker 1: had zero confidence in myself professionally outside of the role
Speaker 1: that I was in at Showtime, And I guess fortunately
Speaker 1: for me, I was doing some things on the side.
Speaker 1: I was doing a lot of emotional intelligence work and
Speaker 1: personal training and created my first authenticity workshop and then
Speaker 1: I realized with that workshop, like, hey, I actually had something.
Speaker 1: I can create something outside of a Showtime marketing campaign
Speaker 1: co branded with direct TV, and then started, you know,
Speaker 1: walking down that path and turn the workshop into a podcast,
Speaker 1: and turn the podcast into a Mastermind program, and you know,
Speaker 1: it's one step at a time and flexing my muscles
Speaker 1: and getting stronger and stronger and daring greatly every single day.
Speaker 1: And with that said, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Speaker 1: And there's gonna be so many challenges that come and
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna be scared shitless, but yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put my best foot forward and be courageous and remember
Speaker 1: what has worked, trying to not take things too seriously,
Speaker 1: and we'll see what happens. Yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 1: I do think that those things are a muscle that
Speaker 1: you can work regardless of what age you are, and
Speaker 1: those things add a lot of value. I think one
Speaker 1: of the things that might have helped me when I
Speaker 1: was younger was really understanding and accepting that it's okay
Speaker 1: that I don't know yet. I think there's so much
Speaker 1: pressure to be like I gotta know, I gotta know,
Speaker 1: and sometimes we're not there. And so I think in general,
Speaker 1: anywhere we are in life, if we can relax into
Speaker 1: it a little bit, you know, it's one of the
Speaker 1: central dilemmas. I think that dilemma is the wrong word.
Speaker 1: One of the central paradoxes that I think this show
Speaker 1: circles all the time is this, you know, how do
Speaker 1: I be ambitious or how do I want to change
Speaker 1: or become a better person or do all that? And
Speaker 1: how can I be where I met content in the
Speaker 1: life I have present in the moment. You know, how
Speaker 1: do those two things? How do you balance those two things,
Speaker 1: and I think that's kind of what we're talking about here. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, enjoying,
Speaker 1: enjoying the journey, and also creating time to explore. We're
Speaker 1: either growing or we're dying. And uh, I think on
Speaker 1: the flip side of what you were saying earlier, in
Speaker 1: terms of people maturing and you know, potentially building confidence,
Speaker 1: you see a lot of people and they're you know,
Speaker 1: forties to sixties being incredibly successful in their careers because
Speaker 1: they've been putting in the time for so long. And
Speaker 1: then I think on the flip side within some of
Speaker 1: those situations is when we get too stubborn as to
Speaker 1: how we define ourselves, we close ourselves off to possibility
Speaker 1: and two additional vehicles of growth. And I think an
Speaker 1: extreme example of it is my grandparents never learned how
Speaker 1: to use smartphones and now they're not really able to
Speaker 1: drive anymore. Or my grant that's still driving but he
Speaker 1: shouldn't be, but he doesn't have a smartphone, so he
Speaker 1: can't use uber, right. So I think it really is
Speaker 1: that testament, you know, to all of us that you know,
Speaker 1: it's okay to feel like we know who we are,
Speaker 1: but to keep the door open for growth and for learning,
Speaker 1: because who knows what could present itself if we have
Speaker 1: that opened mindset versus having a fixed mindset, which in
Speaker 1: my experience, when I had a fixed mindset when I
Speaker 1: was working at Showtime, I felt my box was slowly shrinking.
Speaker 1: And now that I've kind of opened things up, I
Speaker 1: feel like anything is possible. Now anything I think anything
Speaker 1: is possible. And with that said, I can create what
Speaker 1: I want, but it's probably gonna take an incredible amount
Speaker 1: of personal growth and there's probably gonna be so many
Speaker 1: obstacles along the way that I'll get the great pleasure
Speaker 1: of navigating through. And here's the rest of the interview
Speaker 1: with Mark Shapiro. I always wonder, like, when is the
Speaker 1: technology going to come along that stops me? And maybe
Speaker 1: it never will, maybe you know, but I just always look,
Speaker 1: and it's just funny to think, like sometime in the future,
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be way behind the times. I
Speaker 1: probably am in certain ways already, but it's just fascinating
Speaker 1: to me how quickly things change. And I've been thinking
Speaker 1: about that, like what what causes people to sort of
Speaker 1: harden into a very set beliefs and values and experiences
Speaker 1: and stay very small as they age. What is that
Speaker 1: process and how can I circumvent that? Like, what are
Speaker 1: the ways to remain flexible and malleable and open to
Speaker 1: new experiences as we get older? Because there's definitely some
Speaker 1: court you know, I guess age seems to be the
Speaker 1: thing on my mind tonight. Uh, some correlation there that
Speaker 1: you know, more people as they age harden into those things.
Speaker 1: It seems to be something that comes with age. I
Speaker 1: don't think it's inevitable, but it does seem to be
Speaker 1: one of the risks. Yeah, what I'd say is that
Speaker 1: why would anyone want to be uncomfortable? So we have
Speaker 1: a really low tolerance for pretty much anything because we've
Speaker 1: gotten so good at playing it's safe and we've gotten
Speaker 1: so good at avoiding discomfort that why would we do
Speaker 1: anything differently? So I think it's important to remind ourselves
Speaker 1: the times where we have been courageous or taking a
Speaker 1: smart risk. You know, maybe it was like going on
Speaker 1: a rope's course, or maybe it was asking someone out,
Speaker 1: or or you know, leaving one job for another job.
Speaker 1: But remembering how rewarding risk taking can be when we're
Speaker 1: taking smart risks, not when we're you know, operating from
Speaker 1: place of pressure. But it's incredibly rewarding when we do
Speaker 1: take smart risks and open up the doors for something
Speaker 1: new and something different. And uh, unless we give it
Speaker 1: a try, we'll we'll truly never know. So I think
Speaker 1: that curiosity is just so important as well as being
Speaker 1: open and taking smart risks and being courageous. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that's so much of it. And just I find
Speaker 1: myself having to push myself, you know. I'll think like
Speaker 1: that sounds like something would be fun to do, and
Speaker 1: then when it comes I just don't feel like it
Speaker 1: in that moment, and I really am like, no, I'll
Speaker 1: be very happy if I do that. I'll be very
Speaker 1: happy if I do it, So, you know, kind of
Speaker 1: pushing myself because the comfort zone is definitely there and
Speaker 1: I have to consciously work against it. Yeah, totally. And
Speaker 1: I've heard you talk about goals a lot on your
Speaker 1: show in the past, and that's what comes alive for
Speaker 1: me when we're talking about this, because I find that
Speaker 1: when I'm setting goals and declaring them. I have an
Speaker 1: eight week Mastermind program called Winning Weeks where we set
Speaker 1: goals every single week, and I've set all these goals
Speaker 1: and things that make me feel really uncomfortable, and if
Speaker 1: I'm being held accountable to other people, I want to
Speaker 1: be able to accomplish the goal, and that usually evokes
Speaker 1: me into action and generally exactly by the time that
Speaker 1: I declare, I'm gonna accomplish it by But sometimes I
Speaker 1: won't accomplish that goal for like two to three weeks.
Speaker 1: But the reality is, by declaring that goal and being
Speaker 1: held accountable, I'm still accomplishing that goal, or I'm still
Speaker 1: moving forward, maybe reaching out to someone I want to
Speaker 1: have on my podcast, or taking some kind of big risk,
Speaker 1: or scheduling a workshop, putting myself out there in some
Speaker 1: kind of way, and even doing it in three weeks
Speaker 1: even though I set the goal for one week, it's
Speaker 1: still happening, versus just being like, oh, you know, someday
Speaker 1: I want to get that person on my show, or
Speaker 1: someday I want to do the workshop, and it maybe
Speaker 1: happens in six months or never. I agree. I mean,
Speaker 1: sometimes we don't. The time schedule isn't exactly the way
Speaker 1: we planned it, but being conscious about it, being focused
Speaker 1: on it, and having people hold us accountable does accelerate
Speaker 1: those processes a great deal. Absolutely, absolutely, in that whole
Speaker 1: eating the frog analogy, I definitely find to work as
Speaker 1: well when I've got a lot on my plate to
Speaker 1: go right at the thing that intimidates me and scares
Speaker 1: me the most. Knocking that out first and having the
Speaker 1: pleasure of doing that first usually just opens up the
Speaker 1: rest of my day to feed my good wolf and
Speaker 1: to accomplish everything else that is on my agenda. So
Speaker 1: you have said that there are questions we can ask
Speaker 1: ourselves to see if we are being authentic. What are
Speaker 1: What are some of the questions that we can ask
Speaker 1: ourselves if we want to check in in this area. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So my signature question is are you being real? So
Speaker 1: I have a website called are you being Real dot
Speaker 1: com and that's a question that you can just ask
Speaker 1: in general, or are you being real? And people are
Speaker 1: usually very quick to answer yes on that question, which
Speaker 1: is essentially the same question is are you being authentic?
Speaker 1: Or are you authentic? And what I find is that
Speaker 1: people typically say, oh, yes, I I'm super authentic, and
Speaker 1: sometimes it gets me in trouble, and then other people say, oh,
Speaker 1: like I do my best. You know, it's one of
Speaker 1: my core values to to be authentic and to speak
Speaker 1: and live my truth. And then there's other people that
Speaker 1: like they're not even in the conversation at all, And
Speaker 1: that's okay too. But what I found is that it's
Speaker 1: really not a black and white question, like either you're
Speaker 1: being authentic or you're not being authentic, because in this world,
Speaker 1: we are faced with a million things and events and
Speaker 1: decisions every day that challenge and test are authenticity. So
Speaker 1: to me, it's definitely not a black and white thing.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of why I came up with this
Speaker 1: are you being a real question? Because it can be
Speaker 1: asked about anything. So are you being real? So? Are
Speaker 1: you living a life that's really authentic to you? Or
Speaker 1: are you being real and what you say? So when
Speaker 1: you feel passionately about something, maybe something that's bothering you
Speaker 1: in one of your romantic relationships, that you speak up
Speaker 1: about it. How many do you have? Do you say,
Speaker 1: you said one of your romantic relationships? How many do
Speaker 1: we have? That's funny that that that references a past
Speaker 1: time in my life, not a current one little slip
Speaker 1: right there. Um, but um yeah, So are you being
Speaker 1: real with what you say? Are you being real about
Speaker 1: your career? Are you being real about your finances and
Speaker 1: aren't looking the other way from your finances, pretending like
Speaker 1: they don't exist and that you know you'll just win
Speaker 1: the lottery tomorrow. Or are you being real about what's
Speaker 1: fact and what's fantasy? Or are you being real about
Speaker 1: your health? Are you being real about the way you
Speaker 1: spend your time in that the way you spend your
Speaker 1: time actually aligns with what's most important to you versus
Speaker 1: just spending your time on whatever feels good in the moment.
Speaker 1: Oftentimes we avoid what's real by distracting ourselves with our
Speaker 1: phones and social media and food and sex. So that's
Speaker 1: really my my signature question that I encourage people to
Speaker 1: ask themselves about anything and everything because I find that
Speaker 1: it's a great check in. But in regards to additional questions,
Speaker 1: you know, what, what do you want more than anything else?
Speaker 1: And why? And the why is is an important question
Speaker 1: because sometimes the reason why we go after things we
Speaker 1: want the why is just you know, is kind of
Speaker 1: made up and actually really wouldn't be fulfilling for us.
Speaker 1: So I'll give you an example you know of of
Speaker 1: one why for me? Is um. A couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: I put up a post post on Facebook asking people
Speaker 1: about video cameras because I want to get more into video.
Speaker 1: We're living in the digital age, and uh, I'm looking
Speaker 1: to grow my business and my brand and figured if
Speaker 1: I make more video content then you know, that would
Speaker 1: attract in more people. And then at the same time,
Speaker 1: like video cameras are are very expensive. I think the
Speaker 1: one that people recommended to me was well over five
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. And I asked myself, you know, why why
Speaker 1: do I want to do this? And the reason why
Speaker 1: I want to do it is because I want to
Speaker 1: make a greater impact. But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: do I really need to spend five dollars on a
Speaker 1: on a video camera? Can I use my my iPhone
Speaker 1: and the interim? Can I use my webcam in the interim?
Speaker 1: You know, is it about the camera or is it
Speaker 1: about the quality of the content. So by really getting
Speaker 1: into the really just that thicket of the question allowed
Speaker 1: me to come to my answer, which is I do
Speaker 1: want to buy a camera, just not right now. And
Speaker 1: it would be great to grow my podcast, my brand,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to put myself out there as I
Speaker 1: have been doing with creating more video content, but at
Speaker 1: the same time really adding value for my current audience,
Speaker 1: both on the podcast and adding value for my Mastermind
Speaker 1: program winning weeks. Those things are higher priorities for me
Speaker 1: than having the highest quality video content, which basically may
Speaker 1: help me make the decision not to buy the camera. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love that idea of asking ourselves if we're being
Speaker 1: real in all these different areas. That's such a good
Speaker 1: way to think about it, because I think it's very
Speaker 1: possible to be real in certain areas and completely not
Speaker 1: being real in other areas. And as you went through
Speaker 1: those various different areas, I had a couple of those like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, it's challenging to uh, to have authenticity in
Speaker 1: all those different areas sometimes. Sure, I mean we have
Speaker 1: limited bad with There's only so many things that we
Speaker 1: can focus on at all times, so that that's why
Speaker 1: I think it's important to take inventory on things. But
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, Eric, what is one area of your
Speaker 1: life where you could feel like you could be more
Speaker 1: real with yourself or real with somebody else. Probably finances,
Speaker 1: although I mean I pay attention to them, but maybe
Speaker 1: not as much as I should. Sometimes it's just an
Speaker 1: area I don't devote much time too, which I think
Speaker 1: has its pros and its cons, But that was the
Speaker 1: first one that came to mind. And then health was
Speaker 1: another one that I I have felt lately like I've
Speaker 1: been kind of on the edge of eating well and
Speaker 1: not eating well, and it's just been something I just
Speaker 1: haven't really given the focus to that I've kind of
Speaker 1: wanted to, and so it's one of those things that
Speaker 1: I just kind of keep letting slide by. So those
Speaker 1: are the two that came to mind for me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I can definitely admit that the food that
Speaker 1: I put in my body oftentimes I choose ignorance versus
Speaker 1: thinking about where the food came from before I ate it,
Speaker 1: and I won't even take a moment to honor where
Speaker 1: the food came from before I put it in my body.
Speaker 1: So to me, that's definitely not being real about it.
Speaker 1: That's choosing ignorance or the fact that I eat that
Speaker 1: I eat out most meals. So those are definitely opportunities
Speaker 1: that I can focus on that can you help me
Speaker 1: really align with, you know, being real with myself and
Speaker 1: being truly grateful for all the abundance that really is
Speaker 1: out there. And I think that's a great way to
Speaker 1: feed our good wolves. Gratitude is definitely a good way
Speaker 1: to do that question for you about gratitude, because gratitude
Speaker 1: is one of those things that's you know, everybody talks
Speaker 1: about it these days. And I've been very focused on
Speaker 1: doing a daily gratitude practice, and one of the things
Speaker 1: that I run into is just days where i just
Speaker 1: don't feel very grateful for anything, or I'm kind of
Speaker 1: rehashing the same ground, or I'm going through the motions
Speaker 1: I'm writing it out, but I'm I'm not necessarily that
Speaker 1: in touch with it. And I'm just curious if you
Speaker 1: have that sort of thing and how you what you
Speaker 1: try and do to snap out of it, if if
Speaker 1: that is happening, or if maybe that's just the nature
Speaker 1: of when you do something every day. There's there's days
Speaker 1: where you're more into it in other days and that
Speaker 1: you're not in The important thing is to do it.
Speaker 1: Both really resonate with me with what you said. Some
Speaker 1: days I am focusing on everything I'm grateful for, you know,
Speaker 1: the roof above my head and all these incredible relationships
Speaker 1: in my life, and the fact that my commute in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles is from my bed upstairs downstairs, like I'm
Speaker 1: I have it so good, and so some days I
Speaker 1: can really you know, feel that and get in touch
Speaker 1: with that. In other days, like even today, I woke
Speaker 1: up with a little anxiety. I had a lot on
Speaker 1: my plate today. I was a little nervous about coming
Speaker 1: on this show. I've been really excited about this day
Speaker 1: for a long time. I felt some anxiety about six months. Now.
Speaker 1: It's really it's beautiful I was supposed to happen today.
Speaker 1: But there are some days as well, Eric, Like, because
Speaker 1: you allude to ur, I find myself in my head
Speaker 1: intellectualizing my gratitude versus really feeling it in my heart.
Speaker 1: So I usually call myself out if I notice that
Speaker 1: I'm kind of coming from that place where it's just
Speaker 1: another item on my to do list for the day. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's part of my morning ritual. You know. I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for that beautiful tree outside my bed. I'm grateful, you know,
Speaker 1: for my family, and you know, the most of them
Speaker 1: live in l A. But I'm like, wait a minute here,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying this to myself. I'm not actually feeling it.
Speaker 1: So that usually gives me the opportunity to really drop
Speaker 1: into my heart. So I find that that works. Not
Speaker 1: every time though, to be honest, Yeah, there are times
Speaker 1: for me. I've been thinking lately about the concept of
Speaker 1: moods versus emotion, and it just sometimes seems like, at
Speaker 1: least for me, like I've got a mood system, and
Speaker 1: there's just certain moods that I get in that I
Speaker 1: don't know that they're tied to anything very deep emotionally.
Speaker 1: I don't know that there's I don't know there's a
Speaker 1: lot to be done with them sometimes. I mean, I
Speaker 1: know the main things for me is, you know, to
Speaker 1: be moving into exercise and to eat well and to meditate.
Speaker 1: That all those things helped manage my mood. But I've
Speaker 1: been just kind of kind of recognizing sometimes like well,
Speaker 1: I'm in a down mood or a slow mood or
Speaker 1: you know. A big part of me is just learning
Speaker 1: to relax with that a little bit and think of
Speaker 1: it kind of like the weather. Like the weather comes,
Speaker 1: it goes, it changes. It doesn't mean a whole lot um. Again,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about anything that's pathological or you know,
Speaker 1: because I've suffered from deep depression before. But it's more
Speaker 1: just sort of rolling with those things a little bit
Speaker 1: more and and less feeling like I'm failing. If I'm
Speaker 1: not always in a happy you know, he'll go get
Speaker 1: a mood and and so you know, I just it's
Speaker 1: something has been on my mind lately. For sure. I
Speaker 1: know exactly where you're coming from. I had a few
Speaker 1: weeks in early January where I was I hit an
Speaker 1: episode a hundred of the one only and I made
Speaker 1: more money in ten days than I had ever made
Speaker 1: in a month in my corporate job as showtime. So
Speaker 1: that was really like a huge feat for me, having
Speaker 1: left the six figure job to kind of start from
Speaker 1: scratch and make zero dollars most of that first year.
Speaker 1: Yet at the same time, I was just scared and
Speaker 1: unfulfilled and felt all this pressure with this kind of
Speaker 1: new normal that I was stepping into, and I found
Speaker 1: myself feeling a lot of anxiety and heaviness, and then
Speaker 1: was judging myself for it. And what I found is
Speaker 1: that I just needed some time to adjust. Yes, I
Speaker 1: created everything I wanted, but it was a little overwhelming
Speaker 1: at first. So once I was able to kind of
Speaker 1: turn down that volume and adjust to this new normal
Speaker 1: and realize that, you know, I'm doing my st and
Speaker 1: that it's life, and that it's a blessing that I
Speaker 1: get to support people and accomplishing what's most important to
Speaker 1: them and giving them the space to create authentic, open
Speaker 1: relationships with other people in the community and in their lives.
Speaker 1: And I realized, wow, I get to have fun with this.
Speaker 1: And the second that I allowed myself to see that
Speaker 1: and field that, everything shifted. And during those dark windows,
Speaker 1: like I'll meditate and oftentimes I'll still have action items
Speaker 1: on my to do list, but there's dark days. Like
Speaker 1: dark days are absolutely inevitable. Everybody feels them. And you
Speaker 1: know what I've learned, similar to your analogy with with
Speaker 1: the weather, that they come and go and consistently over time.
Speaker 1: I tend to spend I tend to have more sunny
Speaker 1: days than dark days, and I tend to find the
Speaker 1: gold and the dark and turn it into light and
Speaker 1: you know, create the momentum that I seek. And something
Speaker 1: that that I love to share is we're human beings.
Speaker 1: We we struggle. That's a part of life. A lot
Speaker 1: of it is self imposed. But as long as we're
Speaker 1: going to feel that anxiety and stress in our lives,
Speaker 1: we might as well feel that and accomplish our goals.
Speaker 1: And we've live the life we want to live, versus
Speaker 1: just feel that anxiety and that stress and live a
Speaker 1: life that is just good enough. Because it's pretty easy
Speaker 1: to settle for a life that's good enough and to
Speaker 1: call it a day and be like that was awesome.
Speaker 1: But we're only on this planet once. We have limited time.
Speaker 1: So I always encourage everybody now, don't settle for good enough.
Speaker 1: If there's an opportunity to chase a dream, then go
Speaker 1: for it. And that doesn't have to mean to quit
Speaker 1: your job, but to incorporate some passion into your life
Speaker 1: and to be in contribution to others, because I think
Speaker 1: that at the end of the day, we want to
Speaker 1: feel like we're here for a reason. We want to
Speaker 1: be seen. We want to feel like we made a
Speaker 1: difference and that we mattered, and the way to really
Speaker 1: matter is to make a positive impact in the lives
Speaker 1: of others. Well, I think that is a great place
Speaker 1: to wrap up a wonderful closing statement there from you
Speaker 1: about how to approach life. I thought there's a lot
Speaker 1: of wisdom in that, so, um, you know. I referenced
Speaker 1: a couple of times in this show jokingly about how
Speaker 1: long this took for you and I to do this,
Speaker 1: you know, the listeners. Like we had an appointments. I
Speaker 1: had to cancel several times, just things that came up
Speaker 1: at the last minute. I think you had to reschedule
Speaker 1: at one point. We finally got on the phone at
Speaker 1: one point and Skype did not cooperate at all, And
Speaker 1: so we've been trying to get this done for for
Speaker 1: a long time. So I'm glad we finally did. I
Speaker 1: really enjoyed talking with you, Mark, so thanks for coming on. Likewise,
Speaker 1: Eric and I think there's you know, wisdom in that that.
Speaker 1: You know, even though we both wanted to have the conversation,
Speaker 1: you know, they were clearly was some kind of higher
Speaker 1: power out there that said no, not right now. And uh,
Speaker 1: like I said before, you know, I love your show.
Speaker 1: I've been listening to it for a really long time
Speaker 1: and see this as a big opportunity for me and
Speaker 1: really appreciate you giving you know, me this opportunity to
Speaker 1: come and share with your listeners on the show. So
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. And you know, throughout the whole process,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this conversation is going to happen when it's
Speaker 1: supposed to happen, and Honestly, I feel like I've grown
Speaker 1: so much since that initial date that we had on
Speaker 1: the calendar that you know. Frankly, uh, I'm grateful that
Speaker 1: had happened today and not then, because I hope that
Speaker 1: I've shared more wisdom and more of myself with everyone
Speaker 1: who's listening, and hopefully you've gotten more out of it
Speaker 1: in a way that will support you and bringing more
Speaker 1: of what's real and authentic into your relationships and across
Speaker 1: your life. Excellent. Well, yep, it did happen when it happened,
Speaker 1: and and that's the way it is sometimes. So again,
Speaker 1: thanks so much, Mark, and we'll talk to you later.
Speaker 1: Sounds good. Thank you so much. I have a beautiful back.
Speaker 1: Oye you what you just heard was helpful to you.
Speaker 1: Please consider making a donation to the One you Feed podcast.
Speaker 1: Head over to one you Feed dot net slash support