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Speaker 1: Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the

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Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through

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Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and

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Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back

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Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is

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Speaker 1: so great to have you here, back for another episode

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Speaker 1: as we break down the Psychology of your twenties. Today,

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Speaker 1: we have a very special episode. It is our four

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Speaker 1: hundredth episode of the Psychology of Your Twenties for zero zero.

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Speaker 1: That is honestly kind of difficult to fathom at this stage.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Every year when we hit the next

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Speaker 1: one hundredth mark of episodes the next month, I always

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Speaker 1: get so emotional and like sappy about I don't know

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Speaker 1: just how far we've come, how amazing the community is.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like this podcast has such an amazing,

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Speaker 1: an amazing like origin story in that I started really

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Speaker 1: not thinking it was going to be anything. It was

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Speaker 1: just a personal project for me to document my twenties,

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Speaker 1: and it's just turned into such it's just turned into

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Speaker 1: the coolest community. And now having all of these opportunities

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Speaker 1: to obviously be on Netflix, like to go and tour

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Speaker 1: and meet so many of you guys, and like the

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Speaker 1: book that came out last year, Like it really is

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Speaker 1: the coolest freakin job ever, thanks to you guys. And

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Speaker 1: so when this comes around every year, when the birthday

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Speaker 1: rolls around, I always try and do Yeah, I guess

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Speaker 1: a special a special episode. And this is what we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about today today. I want to talk

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Speaker 1: about this list I've been working on for I think,

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Speaker 1: like over the past month or so, the list of

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Speaker 1: fifteen things I think everybody should do in their twenties,

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Speaker 1: The fifteen things that may not be the most widely

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Speaker 1: applauded achievements or milestones that society wants you to celebrate,

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Speaker 1: but which I think will help us make the most

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Speaker 1: of this decade and enter our thirties and enter the

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Speaker 1: rest of our lives feeling like we really did and

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Speaker 1: saw and directed our lives in like the best possible way.

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Speaker 1: I obviously think about my twenties our twenties a lot

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Speaker 1: as a concept and as like an important life chapter,

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Speaker 1: but I especially think about how to make the most

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Speaker 1: of them. This decade feels kind of like the last

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Speaker 1: time when we're truly able to experiment, take risks, make mistakes,

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Speaker 1: get away with things. Obviously, like life continues after our

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Speaker 1: twenties and we are able to reinvent ourselves until the

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Speaker 1: day we die, and able to take risks until the

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Speaker 1: day we die. But I do think there are some

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Speaker 1: experiences that are really crucial just to have during this decade,

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Speaker 1: if not for the first time, the only time, and

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Speaker 1: they leave a very, very sizable impact on us. I

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Speaker 1: also think again, like that list or milestone checklist that

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Speaker 1: society tends to feed us where we have to graduate,

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Speaker 1: find our dream job, find our life partner, get married,

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Speaker 1: buy a house, maybe have a baby, live happily ever after,

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Speaker 1: is also very outdated, and despite its best intentions, I

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Speaker 1: think those milestones miss the mark, and they actually miss

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Speaker 1: a lot of experiences that are just as important. So today,

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Speaker 1: for our four hundredth episode, I have rounded up the experiences, lessons,

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Speaker 1: bucket list items that I think are most essential to

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Speaker 1: do in our twenties or to have some kind of

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Speaker 1: contact with in our twenties. It's not going to be

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Speaker 1: the traditional checklist that you think of. It's definitely going

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Speaker 1: to be a bit more unconventional. So if you are

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Speaker 1: finding that you know your twenties aren't going according to plan.

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Speaker 1: If you're able to check some of these things off

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Speaker 1: this list, you're doing an incredible job and I think

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Speaker 1: it will help us and it has helped me. Making

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Speaker 1: this list no where to direct my attention to outside

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Speaker 1: of love, outside of my career, outside of financial goals,

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Speaker 1: which is very, very important for our development in this decade.

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Speaker 1: So without further ado, let's get into the fifteen best

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Speaker 1: things you need to do in your twenties. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: let's start with some of my more basic, run of

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Speaker 1: the mill items that I put on this list before

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Speaker 1: we get into some of the more controversial ones. The

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Speaker 1: first big one is just to live away from home.

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Speaker 1: And I don't mean home in terms of like your

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Speaker 1: childhood home or move out of your parents' house. That's

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Speaker 1: obviously an amazing start, and this will require you to

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Speaker 1: do that. I do mean more like live away from

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Speaker 1: the city, the region, the town that feels like your place.

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Speaker 1: Even if that place is New York City or Beijing

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Speaker 1: or London, or like one of the biggest cities in

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Speaker 1: the world, there are still opportunities a place like that

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Speaker 1: or any other place cannot offer you. If it is

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Speaker 1: the only place you remain, and not just career opportunities,

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Speaker 1: but development opportunities, cultural opportunities, friendship opportunities. I think this

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Speaker 1: will be one of the more privileged items on this list,

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Speaker 1: and some people, as we know, you know, don't have

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Speaker 1: the means, don't have the desire to do this. But

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Speaker 1: if there is even a sliver of you that is

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Speaker 1: unhappy where you are, and if there is even a

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Speaker 1: small part of you that is thinking about whether there

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Speaker 1: is more and whether you should do this, you absolutely should.

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Speaker 1: There is totally more out there for you, and the

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Speaker 1: fact that you are thinking about it shows that a

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Speaker 1: part of you is obviously calling that and is obviously

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Speaker 1: slightly dissatisfied. The reason this is my number one on

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Speaker 1: the list is because it is probably also one of

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Speaker 1: the biggest patent disruptors we can have in our twenties

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Speaker 1: that we get to opt into voluntarily. All the other

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Speaker 1: patent disruptors or big life changes are sometimes not as

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Speaker 1: kind to us. Sometimes there are things we don't choose

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Speaker 1: a patent disruptor like this, like moving out of your hometown,

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Speaker 1: moving overseas. It's something that just automatically is able to

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Speaker 1: pull us away from our habits, pull us away from

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Speaker 1: our regular way of being, our routine, pull us out

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Speaker 1: of our boredom. And it's like this instant shift onto

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Speaker 1: a new timeline. It's this instant shift into a new life.

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Speaker 1: It breaks the habit of being yourself, the habit of

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Speaker 1: being your old self, and it's truly incredible because of

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Speaker 1: how much it is going to ask from you, and

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Speaker 1: how much it is going to stretch you, and how

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Speaker 1: much the world opens up. That is the beauty of leaving,

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Speaker 1: of saying goodbye. I just think you owe it to

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Speaker 1: yourself if you're thinking about moving overseas, thinking about living

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Speaker 1: by yourself, thinking about moving out of your hometown, like

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Speaker 1: you truly do owe it to yourself to see what's

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Speaker 1: out there. You truly do owe it to yourself to

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Speaker 1: realize that. Like I don't know, it's just you've been

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Speaker 1: gifted this huge, wonderful world, and hopefully you do get

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Speaker 1: to see more of it than just the corner you

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Speaker 1: were born into, even if it's not permanent, even if

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Speaker 1: you just have like a decade defining adventure of traveling

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Speaker 1: for three months, of working in a foreign country, of

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Speaker 1: just like volunteering in the middle of nowhere. It will

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Speaker 1: just transform you as a person. And I do just

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Speaker 1: think it is essential to your development to put yourself

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Speaker 1: in the hot water of having to adjust to a

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Speaker 1: whole new way of being and a whole new life

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Speaker 1: and just of like kind of being on your own. Okay,

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Speaker 1: the second thing on the list understand how money works

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Speaker 1: and how it actually works like below the surface of

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Speaker 1: basic concepts. One of my biggest regrets of my early

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Speaker 1: twenties was that I just kind of assumed that the

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Speaker 1: basics I'd been taught about money were correct and were

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Speaker 1: all there was to know. And I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of us probably had a similar education where you were

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Speaker 1: taught about the importance of a savings account, a budget,

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Speaker 1: an emergency fund, and that was probably like where the

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Speaker 1: ball stopped, if it even got there. Basically, like I

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Speaker 1: remember being taught, your money is either spent or saved.

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Speaker 1: When you start to realize the possibility that money actually

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Speaker 1: holds and how so many financial concepts and systems are

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Speaker 1: being gate kept from you and keeping you dependent on

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Speaker 1: a fixed income and the nine to five like you

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Speaker 1: will be totally honestly shocked and just like yeah, gobsmacked.

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Speaker 1: I remember having this realization, especially in university, because that

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Speaker 1: was like the first time that I'd I met really

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Speaker 1: rich people, like really rich people for the first time

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Speaker 1: who talked about assets and investment properties and stocks, bonds, ETFs,

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Speaker 1: high yield savings account like all this linger that it

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Speaker 1: kind of like swelled around me, but I never really

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Speaker 1: thought to learn about. And now having really like made

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Speaker 1: sure I know and made sure I educated myself. That

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Speaker 1: is why this tip always makes any list I make

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Speaker 1: about things to do in your twenties or regrets about

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Speaker 1: my twenties. The best thing you can do for your

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Speaker 1: future self right now is just spend eight hours over

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Speaker 1: the next week, over the next month, learning how money

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Speaker 1: actually works, learning how investing works, learning how low the

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Speaker 1: barrier for entry really is when it comes to like

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Speaker 1: the stock market, or when it comes to bonds, or

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Speaker 1: when it comes to investing. Even just like open up

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Speaker 1: a trading account. You don't have to put any money

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Speaker 1: in it, open up like a high yield savings account.

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Speaker 1: Just take the first step to being a out of

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Speaker 1: the ecosystem, of being a part of the population who

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Speaker 1: understands money beyond just the buy and save kind of mindset.

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Speaker 1: And there's just so many amazing resources. Friends that invest

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Speaker 1: is one of my favorite online resources to learn. Even

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Speaker 1: just like going to your bank's web page and looking

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Speaker 1: up like how to invest, you'll know more than so

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Speaker 1: many people and it will definitely show okay. Next on

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Speaker 1: the list, learn how to send things back? More generally,

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Speaker 1: I really mean, like, learn how to stick up for yourself. Now,

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Speaker 1: when I say learn how to send things back, obviously,

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Speaker 1: I mean like, learn how to send things back at

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Speaker 1: the restaurant, like if they get your order wrong. Learn

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Speaker 1: how to be like that's not what I wanted in

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Speaker 1: a kind way. Learn how to be like that's not

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Speaker 1: what I ask for. Learn how to be like that's

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Speaker 1: not the behavior or you know, the thing that I deserve,

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Speaker 1: the attitude that I deserve. More generally, I really mean,

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Speaker 1: at some stage in your twenties, you need to learn

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Speaker 1: that being nice, being kind, being polite, and being respectful

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Speaker 1: are not all the same thing. There is a lot

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Speaker 1: of nuance to our good behavior, and there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of people who benefit from us believing that being a

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Speaker 1: kind person means we have to be passive, overly nice,

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Speaker 1: overly self effacing. It is really critical that during this

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Speaker 1: decade you start to unloaran that for the first half

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Speaker 1: of my twenties, I I think I just kind of

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Speaker 1: let people walk all over me. I would never send

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Speaker 1: anything back at a restaurant, I would never complain about anything,

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Speaker 1: I would never stand up for myself and I just

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Speaker 1: lost out on so much and I just wasted so

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Speaker 1: much money and time. And it only changed very recently. Actually,

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Speaker 1: when I was in Australia and I was living at

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Speaker 1: this house in Newtown, and it's kind of a funny story,

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Speaker 1: but there was just this one day where I had

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Speaker 1: this neighbor who didn't like me very much and who

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Speaker 1: I didn't get along with very well, who was kind

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Speaker 1: of this older woman. And one day it was like

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Speaker 1: three pm and we were like playing I don't know

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Speaker 1: Charlie XCX. It was a beautiful sunny day, and she

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Speaker 1: like came out and she she's like, let loose at

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Speaker 1: me and she was yelling at me. She was like

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Speaker 1: obviously had been very frustrated by me, and she was like,

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Speaker 1: why are you playing music? We were like, wells three pm. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: long story short, it was just this moment where I

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Speaker 1: was like being really really nice, being very apologetic, and

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Speaker 1: then I kind of just was like, I don't really

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Speaker 1: have to take this anymore. Like I'm not a little kid,

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Speaker 1: like I can't get in trouble, I'm not a child,

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Speaker 1: like I can just stick up for myself. And it

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Speaker 1: was so interesting, like seeing how her approach to me

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Speaker 1: just like shifted in that moment and seeing how she

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Speaker 1: I genuinely, this is gonna sound so weird, but I

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Speaker 1: felt like I became like an adult in that moment,

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Speaker 1: and I could see her in her eyes, how she

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Speaker 1: was viewing me as a child in the beginning, and

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Speaker 1: then the moment that I like switched and stop for myself,

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Speaker 1: she started treating me as an adult. And I just

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Speaker 1: think it's such an essential skill to just be like,

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Speaker 1: actually I don't deserve this, Actually I don't want this.

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Speaker 1: Actually I didn't order this. And I'm going to say

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Speaker 1: something because my time and my money and my wants

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Speaker 1: and my needs and desires are just as important as

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Speaker 1: anybody else. The fourth thing you should absolutely do in

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Speaker 1: your twenties quit something you really depended on, whether that

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Speaker 1: is nicotine, whether that is alcohol, whether that is a person,

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Speaker 1: a bad habit, whatever it is. This will be one

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Speaker 1: of the hardest things I think you do It will

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Speaker 1: also probably save your life in a very obvious way

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Speaker 1: for some things, in a very physical way, like with alcohol,

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Speaker 1: like with tobacco, but also in a mental and emotional

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Speaker 1: and psychological way as well. Quitting something you're dependent on

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Speaker 1: will prove to you that you are capable of being

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Speaker 1: in control of your own behavior. Otherwise you will always

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Speaker 1: be limited by the thing that controls you. When you decide.

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Speaker 1: When you make a conscious decision of like, actually I

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Speaker 1: don't have any control over this, and I want to

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Speaker 1: take back my control, you rebuild your ability to internally

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Speaker 1: regulate without being externally reliant on something. You rebuild your

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Speaker 1: sense of agency, You rebuild your ability to be in control. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: in psychology we call it like self efficacy, the ability

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Speaker 1: to master your reality and master your experiences and to

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Speaker 1: essentially say, I'm going to put my mind to something

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to do it, and I can trust

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Speaker 1: myself to do it. You really kind of realize that

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Speaker 1: when you quit something, whatever it is, this bad, addictive thing,

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Speaker 1: you are all you need, Like you are truly all

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Speaker 1: you need. You actually don't need this thing to survive.

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Speaker 1: And from that and having done that and conquered that,

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Speaker 1: the confidence and self assurance that you have in yourself,

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Speaker 1: that you are mentally strong, that you are resilient, that

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Speaker 1: you are capable of doing hard things. Is, and this

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Speaker 1: is going to sound so cliche, like more powerful than

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Speaker 1: any drug, more powerful than any substance. That self trust

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Speaker 1: that you gain from being like, I am actually in

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Speaker 1: control of my relationship with this thing, and if it

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Speaker 1: is not making me happy, we don't have to have

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Speaker 1: a relationship anymore. Is supremely powerful and like such a

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Speaker 1: big sign that you are maturing and you are growing

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Speaker 1: up and you are taking yourself and your life seriously.

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Speaker 1: Number five another cliche one. I'm sorry, but in your

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Speaker 1: twenties you need to fall in love with a hobby

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Speaker 1: or a practice that you do just for yourself. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna hold your hand and ask you this very seriously,

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Speaker 1: right now. Do you have a hobby. Do you have

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Speaker 1: a hobby that you regularly practice that you genuinely find

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Speaker 1: is a core part of who you are. Do you

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Speaker 1: have a hobby that has nothing to do with making money,

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with how other people see you, nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with being online, scrolling or consuming. Do you

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Speaker 1: have a purely self centered outlet? It's so easy in

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Speaker 1: our twentiesn't at any age in this current media landscape

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Speaker 1: to just be somebody who consumes and consumes and consumes.

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Speaker 1: And the thing I always say is like you are

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Speaker 1: what you eat. You are also the digital and external

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Speaker 1: environment that you create for yourself. And so if you

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Speaker 1: don't have anything beyond you that feels like a garden

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Speaker 1: that you can water, and if you don't have anything

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Speaker 1: beyond you that feels like something that you can pour

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Speaker 1: life and love into, and if it goes bad or

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Speaker 1: if it is bad, it really doesn't matter. It's just

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Speaker 1: for you. I do think that you will enter your

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Speaker 1: thirties and enter the rest of your life at a

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Speaker 1: bit of a crisis point because this big hallmark and

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Speaker 1: important part of your identity remains deeply unstable. The part

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Speaker 1: of your identity that is separate from anything external will

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Speaker 1: remain quite shaky. So this is the wake up call,

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Speaker 1: and it's a wake up call for me as well.

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Speaker 1: Really find something that you like doing and get good

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Speaker 1: at it or get good at enjoying it, independently whether

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Speaker 1: other people see worth in it or not. Get a hobby. Basically, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're going to take a short break but then we

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Speaker 1: will be right back with more of our list items.

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Speaker 1: I think we're up to number six. This is one

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Speaker 1: of the most important ones and practical ones that I

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Speaker 1: think I have on this list, which is find a

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Speaker 1: way to document your life that resonates with you. Whether

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Speaker 1: that is a podcast like this one, a private instagram,

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Speaker 1: a yearly scrap book, journaling, junk journaling, photo albums. This

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Speaker 1: is so deeply important. When I was in my early twenties,

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Speaker 1: I used to do this thing called One Second every Day.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have heard about this.

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Speaker 1: It's this app that had this major, huge moment maybe

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Speaker 1: in like twenty seventeen twenty eighteen, where you would record

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Speaker 1: one second every day and then at the end of

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Speaker 1: the year, like all of you and your friends would

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Speaker 1: like upload them to YouTube. Maybe this is just a

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Speaker 1: unique experience. And the reason why and the reason why

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Speaker 1: documenting life is so essential for our psychology and for

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Speaker 1: our mental health is because of the role it plays

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Speaker 1: in narrative psychology. I narrative psychology is such a buzzword

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Speaker 1: on this podcast. I think it's one of our most

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Speaker 1: used phrases and most related to concepts. But essentially, what

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Speaker 1: narrative psychology says, is that if you don't have a

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Speaker 1: story that is running through the center of your life,

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Speaker 1: if you don't have a story that you are telling

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Speaker 1: yourself about your life, if your experiences are not connected,

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Speaker 1: if you cannot remember them, you will really struggle to

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Speaker 1: know who you are, and you will really struggle to

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Speaker 1: get the lessons you need out of life, get the

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Speaker 1: joy you need out of life, because part of the

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Speaker 1: joy of life is really being appreciative of the journey,

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Speaker 1: and part of the joy of life is hindsight, is

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Speaker 1: the hindst of getting to look back at who you

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Speaker 1: were at twenty one and twenty three and twenty four,

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Speaker 1: see images, see like remnants of that life through scrap

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Speaker 1: books or through like junk journaling, and just kind of

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Speaker 1: see how far you've come. And especially in our twenties,

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Speaker 1: like this decade is like this rich oil field of

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Speaker 1: experiences and it's just like such fertile soil for learning

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Speaker 1: and discovering and for identity. And I think that if

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Speaker 1: you want to continue to learn from those experiences or

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Speaker 1: continue to have the lessons that you are learning, one

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Speaker 1: of the easiest ways to do that is to have

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Speaker 1: some kind of physical reminder of who you are during

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Speaker 1: this time for you to kind of like bring forward

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Speaker 1: with you into the next chapters of your life. So,

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Speaker 1: if you haven't started yet, start documenting your twenties now.

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Speaker 1: Number seven. Throw yourself deeply into love, even if the

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Speaker 1: possibility of heartbreak is absolutely terrifying. There's all these dating

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Speaker 1: narratives online that I think can honestly make love very

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Speaker 1: very confusing. You know, articles that go viral about like

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Speaker 1: it's having a boyfriend embarrassing? Why should you be dating

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Speaker 1: three people at once? Who pays the bill? What does

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Speaker 1: double texting say about me? How many months before I

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Speaker 1: soft launch? How many months before I hard launch? Like

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Speaker 1: all these attempts to create rules around love to make

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Speaker 1: it safer, and it just means that I think we

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Speaker 1: overthink it too much. Sometimes you just got to do

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Speaker 1: it the old fashioned way. Sometimes the best thing you

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Speaker 1: can do for your personal development and for your self

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Speaker 1: improvement is to just be like stupidly in love with

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Speaker 1: somebody and just to fall ridiculously hard even if you

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Speaker 1: get hurt. And you know what, I can already hear

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Speaker 1: a lot of naysayers on the other end of this,

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00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 1: being like that is terrible advice. That's how people get hurt.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what's wrong if this person isn't like

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Speaker 1: an abusive arsehole, Like, what's wrong with getting a little

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Speaker 1: bit hurt? What's wrong with getting your heart a little

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Speaker 1: bit broken and just really feeling like the profound lessons

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Speaker 1: and shocks of love? Genuinely, I would not be I

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Speaker 1: would have nothing without heartbreak. I look around at like

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Speaker 1: my life and my apartment in London, and my job,

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Speaker 1: and my dog and my friends and I don't know,

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Speaker 1: my book, like just all these things, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I would have none of this if those like and

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking of like a couple specific relationships, but like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: if a couple specific relationships hadn't worked out, and if

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Speaker 1: I'm being completely honest, one of those relationships, for sure,

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Speaker 1: I entered knowing I was going to get hurt. And

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Speaker 1: I think a part of me made peace with that

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Speaker 1: because I was like, but what comes after is going

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Speaker 1: to be freaking amazing. Like talk about fertile soil in

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Speaker 1: our twenties, like, breakups are the most fertile emotional soil

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Speaker 1: that you will come across. They will transform your life.

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Speaker 1: They are genuinely like steroids. For self development. So even

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Speaker 1: if the relationship doesn't work out, if you have the

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Speaker 1: opportunity to just like bet it all on love and

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Speaker 1: to just be like, I'm so down to just get

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Speaker 1: obliterated here, I think you should absolutely do it. And

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Speaker 1: if you don't agree with me, that's also okay. Feel

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Speaker 1: free to send me some feedback on that one. Number eight,

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Speaker 1: Quit the first job you have, even if it is

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Speaker 1: your dream job. Another controversial one, I quit my dream job.

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Speaker 1: I quit my dream job because a major part of

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Speaker 1: me and you that like being too comfortable gets me

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Speaker 1: pretty close to being stagnant. I just think again, you

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Speaker 1: have to let yourself see what else is out there

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00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: and see what else could come at you. You have

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00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: to increase like your target space for luck to hit you.

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Speaker 1: And if you just stay in the same space, if

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Speaker 1: you just stay in the same job, even if it

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Speaker 1: is really an amazing job and it is paying you

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Speaker 1: really well and you worked really hard for it, I

400
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Speaker 1: think you get left with a lot of what ifs.

401
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Speaker 1: And the thing is is that this is the time

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Speaker 1: in your life when you are and can be the

403
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: most resilient. So exiting or leaving the dream job means

404
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: that like during this time means that you're going to

405
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: have as many and the most years you'll probably ever

406
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,119
Speaker 1: have to come back to it if it does end

407
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: up being the thing that you love. But it's also

408
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: the time that you're going to have the most years

409
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Speaker 1: to just explore and to figure things out. This is

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Speaker 1: deeply anecdotal, right. I don't know if people who do

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00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: this are happier. I can't give you the promise, But anecdotally,

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Speaker 1: the people I hear from the well I see who

413
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: are kind of at like the precipice of turning forty

414
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 1: or turning thirty, who feel the most unsure about their

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00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,680
Speaker 1: careers are actually those who stayed or who seemingly have

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Speaker 1: the most stable careers because they've been in the same

417
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Speaker 1: job for a very long time, and it's very hard

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Speaker 1: to leave those environments. But I think you again just

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00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 1: owe it to yourself to just be like, what else

420
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 1: could hit me? What other things could happen to me

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00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 1: if I just like let my life in my weeks

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Speaker 1: and my months be open to them. Okay, number nine,

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Speaker 1: I need you to make a loose and aspirational plan

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Speaker 1: for your life. This is what I call the great

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00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 1: life plan. Very easily marketable name. This is not a

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Speaker 1: five year plan. I kind of hate those. It is

427
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: not a step by step master plan for your entire life.

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00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 1: It is just a delusionally optimistic vision for what you

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00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:55,160
Speaker 1: want your life to be in twenty years, fifty years,

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Speaker 1: fifteen years would if everything went a according to plan.

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Speaker 1: The goal of this is not for it to go

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00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,159
Speaker 1: according to plan. The goal of it is actually for

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00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 1: it not to all come true. Most of the time

434
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,400
Speaker 1: it won't. A lot of luck and fate and context

435
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: comes into play. The goal of this great life plan

436
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 1: is just to provide an aspirational structure, or like a

437
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: vision that you can work towards that inspires you. There

438
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 1: are a few reasons why I think we all need to, like,

439
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,400
Speaker 1: at some stage, sit down and articulate this and why

440
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: I think it's important. I think it's important because it

441
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 1: keeps you focused on what is meaningful to you and

442
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: what is not meaningful and therefore unnecessary. So much of

443
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 1: our twenties is sometimes focused on what seems outwardly impressive,

444
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: what others are doing that we feel like we have to,

445
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 1: the detours, the milestones we feel like we need to

446
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 1: check off. But if that doesn't actually align with your plan,

447
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 1: don't do it. And if you don't know what your

448
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: plan is, you will end up doing a lot of

449
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 1: things you actually never wanted to do in the first place.

450
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,679
Speaker 1: If your long term vision have happeniness isn't to live overseas,

451
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 1: don't go and live overseas if you know that's not

452
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 1: what you need to be happy. If your long term

453
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 1: vision is to have your own business, don't feel so

454
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 1: pressured by everyone's promotions on LinkedIn and believe that's what

455
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,880
Speaker 1: you need to be doing. It's not your dream, it's

456
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 1: not your plan. You have to be able to articulate

457
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,679
Speaker 1: what your vision is as long as that is what

458
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: you are working towards. It really helps you keep your

459
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: blinders up to everybody else and everything else that's going

460
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 1: on around you. It stops us from being as well

461
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 1: I think, passive by only thinking a few feet ahead

462
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: of ourselves as well, like it stops us from being

463
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 1: stuck in the moment of needing everything to be perfect

464
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 1: right now. Having a great life plan I think helps

465
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:50,119
Speaker 1: us realize that, you know, we're not working for life

466
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: to be great in five years right You're working for

467
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 1: life to be great all up. So this aspiration actually

468
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: makes decision making. I know it sounds kind of controversial

469
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 1: or not virtual book contradictory. It does make decision making

470
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: easier because it takes away a lot of the urgency

471
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: and the short term anxiety of the perfect choice right now,

472
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: and it just lets you see the long term perspective

473
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: for what you're working towards and the details that the

474
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: great life plan allows for. I think, without a vision, right,

475
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 1: all good options look equally good and look equally promising,

476
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: and therefore the choice becomes equally stressful. When you have vision,

477
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: the options become clearer because you can really identify what

478
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 1: matches my vision, what doesn't, what energizes me, what doesn't.

479
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,680
Speaker 1: You're no longer just choosing randomly. You're no longer obsessing

480
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,879
Speaker 1: over the perfect choice because the vision stands regardless of

481
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: the individual choices. You know, instead of asking like is

482
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,360
Speaker 1: this the perfect job, you're able to ask does this

483
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 1: move me further towards the life I want? Instead of

484
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 1: like what if I choose wrong? It's like, does this

485
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: choice allow me to build skills or knowledge that are

486
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: going to bring me value even if this doesn't work out?

487
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 1: There is all this research and psychology on goal setting

488
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: that shows having a meaningfully clear enough long term goal

489
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 1: having some kind of aspiration will help you filter short

490
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 1: term options even if that long term aspiration changes. You

491
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 1: stop asking you know what is perfect? You start asking

492
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 1: what thing is going to bring me closer? Which choice

493
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: is more aligned with what I want to do versus

494
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: the appearance or the expectations that others have from me.

495
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 1: I also think the final importance of this is that

496
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: it expands your possibility, like this is not the decade

497
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 1: to think small. If this episode has taught you anything

498
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: in your twenties, it is very easy to unconsciously shrink

499
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 1: your dreams to what feels realistic, and it's very easy

500
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: to whittle everything down, and it becomes harder to re

501
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 1: expand that later on because your brain feels even more

502
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 1: foolish for doing so, because it's all already closed off

503
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: those possibilities. Having this deliberately yeah delusional vision pushes back

504
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: against that natural cognitive narrowing that a lot of people

505
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: experience the order they get, and instead it says, I'm

506
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 1: gonna choose to be optimistic, I'm gonna choose to think big,

507
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: I'm going to choose not to be realistic and see

508
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 1: what happens, and that is strongly linked to long term success. Genuinely,

509
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 1: look at half the people that you admire. They would

510
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 1: not They are probably not the most talented. They are

511
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: probably not the most hard working. They probably are, but

512
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 1: they're definitely not always the most talented. A great deal

513
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: of their success comes down to delusion and the fact

514
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 1: that they had the guts and the courage and the

515
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,959
Speaker 1: belief to put themselves in luck's kind of range, if

516
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: that makes sense, Like they allowed them to be a

517
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: target for opportunities by increasing their presence and by increasing

518
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: their commitment to what they wanted to do and just

519
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: being like, I'm going to be in those spaces. This

520
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: is not my time to think small. I'm gonna risk everything.

521
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: That is our next thing, the next thing on this

522
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 1: list of like the things you should do in your twenties,

523
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: bet everything on a risk, because why not? Why not? Like, genuinely,

524
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:18,560
Speaker 1: can you give me a reason why not that you

525
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: wouldn't eventually realize there's an excuse? Or can you give

526
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 1: me a reason why not that wouldn't eventually be an

527
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:29,239
Speaker 1: amazing part of your origin story, wouldn't eventually be the

528
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 1: barrier that you overcome. Your twenties are we say this

529
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: all the time, uniquely designed for risk for a lot

530
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 1: of reasons, the first one being that the cost of

531
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: failure is just naturally lower. You usually have fewer dependents,

532
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 1: fewer financial obligations, fewer people relying on you. The margin

533
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: for error may be wider, but if something collapses you

534
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 1: can rebuild. At twenty five, a failed business is just

535
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: a story, and forty five it might involve savings, a mortgage,

536
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: school fees. You have more flexibility around risk. You have

537
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: more opportunities as well to just seem gutsy and for

538
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 1: people to celebrate that and think that that is amazing,

539
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: think that you're really cool for doing that. The second

540
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 1: reason I really think that you need to bet it

541
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 1: all on risk is that we know regret will hit

542
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: you harder than failure. Right. Studies on long term regrets

543
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: show that people regret in action more than action over time.

544
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 1: They are more likely to regret those moments of like

545
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: what if I tried over why didn't that work out?

546
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 1: Your twenties are the time when you have more waifs

547
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 1: available to test and more regret to avoid by just trying. Third,

548
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: I don't think you feel locked into one identity yet,

549
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: like you don't have the weight of a legacy weighing

550
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: you down. If you're start in your thirties, your forties,

551
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: your fifties, which of course you can seventies, eighties, nineties,

552
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: it's going to be a little bit harder because your

553
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: identity is already solidified around probably one thing. There's reputation,

554
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 1: there's history, like you are the lawyer, you are the accountant,

555
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 1: you are the mother, like you have found your role,

556
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: and so changing direction. The older you get and the

557
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: longer you wait, can feel like you are dismantling more.

558
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: But in your twenties, like that structure just isn't there.

559
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: The structure is a lot looser. You're allowed to contradict yourself,

560
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: like people almost expect it that you can be like

561
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: pre law one day a photographer the next. You can

562
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: move cities without it being called like a midlife crisis.

563
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: You can reinvent your style, your politics, your ambitions, like

564
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: your goals, and it's normalized. It's seen as exploration, not instability.

565
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: And it's not that you can't continue to do that

566
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: later in life. I know so many people who are

567
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 1: like I have somebody I know who's like in their fifties,

568
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 1: who is going back to like med school. You have

569
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: so many opportunities to be able to do that. It's

570
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 1: just that now your emotion tolerance and the flexibility of

571
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: your life to handle this and to handle things going

572
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: wrong is just more adaptable. And it's just yeah, more flexible.

573
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: There's just a little bit more give and take, I

574
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: guess to the risks you're taking into the fact that

575
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: they might not work out. So if you have a

576
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: risk in mind that you're like, ah, I don't know

577
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: if I can go that big. I don't know if

578
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: like that's really for me. I'm too scared that it

579
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: might not work out. Like, you have very little to

580
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 1: lose that is tangible, maybe some maybe money, maybe what reputation.

581
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: Maybe you do fail. I just think the story of

582
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: failure is just a much more enjoyable and entertaining one

583
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: than the story of not trying, because at least in

584
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: the story of failure, somebody did something. At least you

585
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: did something, at least you tried, So I think you

586
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 1: owe it to yourself. Okay, we're going to take one

587
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: more short break before we get into our final five.

588
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:13,760
Speaker 1: Stay with us okay, number eleven, Do a social audit.

589
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 1: What I mean by this is look around at your

590
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 1: close friends, look around at your relationships, and really analyze.

591
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: Is this person a reflection of who I want to be?

592
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: Is this person good for me? And am I good

593
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,080
Speaker 1: for them? Do I like being around these kinds of people?

594
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 1: Do I like who I am with these kinds of people?

595
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 1: You've probably heard of the rule of five, which is

596
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 1: that we are the five people we are closest to,

597
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: and so you have to choose carefully, like that's something

598
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,880
Speaker 1: that was very drilled into me when I was younger.

599
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: Psychology says that's not entirely accurate. It's more like fifteen

600
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: with a few core relationships like impacting us the most,

601
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 1: like a partner or a best friend. But it does.

602
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,800
Speaker 1: This rule of five does strike it a core human fact,

603
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 1: like you become who you surround yourself with. So if

604
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 1: your friends, I know what's going to sound harsh, But

605
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 1: if your friends do not inspire you, if your friends

606
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,399
Speaker 1: do not make you want to be better, if your

607
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: friends do not make a big deal about you, do

608
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 1: not make you feel great about yourself, do not push

609
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 1: you to be better? Like you are missing out on

610
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: one of the easiest ways to make your life better,

611
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:25,839
Speaker 1: which is to have great friends. And maybe that hesitation

612
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 1: and that doubt around your friendships is pushing you to

613
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 1: find some better people. There was this amazing study that

614
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: was published in twenty twenty four titled I Think Emotion

615
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:41,440
Speaker 1: contagion and like Psychological synchrony or something. And in the study,

616
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,760
Speaker 1: it looked at a number of friendship diads, so pairs

617
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 1: of friends, and what it found was that their emotional

618
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 1: states were literally contagious to their other friend compared to strangers.

619
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: So like in this room, they would have one of

620
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: the friends, one member of the friendship like watching a movie,

621
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,280
Speaker 1: a very sad movie, a very happy movie, very scary movie,

622
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 1: and they would have the other friend like watching them,

623
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: and they had them tied up to all this like

624
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 1: cool fancy equipment. And what they would find was that

625
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,920
Speaker 1: even though there were no words being spoken, even though

626
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 1: the friend was not watching the movie, just watching their

627
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 1: own friends, reaction impacted their emotional state, impacted how they

628
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 1: were responding in a completely separate environment. The emotions, the mood,

629
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:31,399
Speaker 1: the personalities, the attitude, the mindset of your friends is contagious.

630
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: It's called social osmosis. Well, that's kind of what I

631
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 1: like to call it social osmosis, which is that like

632
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 1: being around somebody will imbue parts of you with parts

633
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 1: of their character. That is like a deep responsibility of

634
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: our friends, a deep responsibility of our friends and in us.

635
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 1: Choosing our friends is to choose people whose influence on

636
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 1: us is going to be for good and whose character

637
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 1: life we can look at and say, I genuinely admire you,

638
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: and I admire what you're doing so much so that

639
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: like I want a piece of that, Like I want

640
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: that to influence me. You know, do a friendship order

641
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: at some point in your twenties, look around at your

642
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 1: friends and just not in a callous way, not in

643
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: a cruel way, but just really ask yourself, like are

644
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 1: we what's best for each other? And people have bad weeks,

645
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 1: people have bad months, people have bad years, Like I've

646
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,720
Speaker 1: definitely had a few bad years. So I'm not saying

647
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: cut out all your friends who are like downers, but

648
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 1: to really consider whether either of you, both of you,

649
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 1: are getting what you deserve out of friendship. And don't

650
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,320
Speaker 1: be afraid at some stage to be like, hey, you

651
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 1: like I want more for myself and I want more

652
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 1: out of the people who I choose to spend my

653
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,919
Speaker 1: time around, like I want. I want to prioritize people

654
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: who prioritize me. Number twelve. Do something physically and mentally

655
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 1: challenging in your twenties, just to prove you can. I

656
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 1: know we talked about like the quitting something you're dependent on.

657
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 1: This is like a physical challenge, whether it is a

658
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 1: like multi day hike, whether it is a marathon, whatever

659
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,360
Speaker 1: it is, whether it is a pilgrimage, A lot of

660
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: these are really like hiking related. At some stage in

661
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,359
Speaker 1: your twenties, choose like a physical thing and you know

662
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: you're going to have to push yourself hard to complete

663
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 1: and like really say to yourself, I'm going to do that.

664
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to complete this. This is going to be

665
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: my mission for the next however many months, however many years.

666
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: I know, I made this video the other day that

667
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,760
Speaker 1: was like I know I can do hard things. Now

668
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 1: I need to learn easy things. So this might sound

669
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 1: like kind of hypocritical, but I do think that you

670
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 1: can only grow as far as you can see yourself suffering,

671
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,360
Speaker 1: which sounds really awful. But what I mean by that is,

672
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: like's if you really believe like I can't do that

673
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 1: and it's all in your head, or if there are

674
00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 1: things that you genuinely are like I don't have what

675
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 1: it takes to try this thing, I don't have what

676
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 1: it takes to do this risk, I don't have what

677
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: it takes to like put myself out there doing a task,

678
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: doing a challenge like this that puts you in probably

679
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: a very similar mental state of suffering, of pain, of

680
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: just like frustration, and then showing yourself, step by step,

681
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,359
Speaker 1: moment by moment, that you are capable of taking that

682
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:24,760
Speaker 1: bad day, taking that bad mood, taking that leg cramp,

683
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:27,919
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and moving through it is so psychologically

684
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,840
Speaker 1: powerful for anything else you want to do in life,

685
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 1: is so psychologically powerful because it much like the quitting

686
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: the thing you're dependent on, much like I guess the

687
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 1: addiction part of this conversation, it just rewires your brain,

688
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: and it rewires yourself for self belief and for self trust,

689
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 1: and for knowing that you are capable of so much more.

690
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,280
Speaker 1: So add that to your bucket list, a physically challenging

691
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:58,479
Speaker 1: adventure that you're going to tick off by the time

692
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 1: you turn thirty. This one is also I think extra

693
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 1: special and extra important and also quite intangible. So I'm sorry,

694
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: but learn how to stop hating yourself. At some stage

695
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: you got to learn like hating yourself doesn't help with anything.

696
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 1: You might think that it helps with discipline. You might

697
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,280
Speaker 1: think that it helps you, I don't know, work harder,

698
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 1: do whatever. Like I remember thinking that, like, if I

699
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 1: hated myself enough, like I would finally have like the

700
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 1: motivation to do things, and I'd finally like be able

701
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:40,280
Speaker 1: to beat myself into submission when it came to my dreams.

702
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: It never worked, like self hatred is, yeah, an incredibly

703
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 1: powerful motivator, but it also is terrible for performance. So

704
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 1: if you do one thing in your twenties, if you've

705
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,399
Speaker 1: finished your twenties and you have done you've never gotten

706
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 1: a job, you've been in a relationship, you've never moved

707
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: out of home, whatever, you have not a dime to

708
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: your name. But you can genuinely say, like, but I

709
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 1: really love myself and I learned how to stop painting myself.

710
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: I still think that's a win. If you've done like

711
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 1: nothing else on this list, like you are further ahead

712
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: in life than ninety nine percent of people. What are

713
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 1: we up to? I think number fourteen. Spend a week alone,

714
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 1: whether that is like in the neighboring town solo, traveling

715
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 1: in your own city, not seeing your friends, walking around

716
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 1: doing your own thing. Spend a week alone by yourself.

717
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 1: You have no idea how much of our lives are

718
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 1: wired around others, for good and for bad. Right, we're

719
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: social animals, but their needs, their preferences, their opinions, their direction,

720
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 1: whether it's your boss, your partner, your friends, strangers, like

721
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 1: people that you know. Most of us structure our nervous

722
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 1: systems around other people. We regulate through venting and conversation,

723
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 1: or through distraction or validation. We get our sense of

724
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: identity from what other people think of us. We let

725
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 1: our lives be directed by their desires. When you leave that,

726
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 1: even temporarily, your brain is going to recalibrate to a

727
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 1: crazy extent, and it's painful at first. There was a

728
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 1: twenty fourteen study very famous that found that like amongst

729
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: these participants, the majority of people would rather mildly electrocute

730
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 1: themselves with an electric shock than spend fifteen minutes with

731
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 1: their thoughts. That is how uncomfortable solitude is for us.

732
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 1: But choosing to voluntarily step into solitude will literally change

733
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: your internal wiring so fast if you choose to do so,

734
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 1: it will give you such a power search, such an

735
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 1: identity boost on such a sped up timeline. In the

736
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 1: first like twenty four to forty eight hours, you're going

737
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: to feel really uncomfortable. There's going to be this deep

738
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 1: urge to reach out to somebody, to go get dinner,

739
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: to go on social media, to fill the silence. Then

740
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 1: your brain starts to like starts to basically realize that

741
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 1: that's not an option, and something starts to change. Something

742
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: interesting happens. Research by neuroscientists essentially show that your brain

743
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 1: starts to be like, oh, I'm actually very very interesting.

744
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 1: It starts to really like uncover new facets of what

745
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 1: you're doing. It's called constructive internal reflection. Essentially, like your

746
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 1: brain's default like mode network is activated. This is like

747
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 1: responsible for self referential thinking, for autobiographical memory. Suddenly these

748
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 1: different new but old parts of you, like you become

749
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 1: really awakened to it. People report leaving periods of solitude

750
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 1: or leaving voluntary time like spent by themselves with a

751
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:55,240
Speaker 1: whole new sense of themselves that feels almost like ancient

752
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 1: and authentic to them, like in such an emotionally socially

753
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 1: like stimulated world and environment where your phone can like

754
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 1: essentially give you any emotion that you want to feel.

755
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: When it's so much easier to like talk to people

756
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: or let other people regulate our emotions. For us, stepping

757
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 1: away from that and just allowing ourselves to just be

758
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: incredibly flexible and in our own world and on our

759
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: own timeline, even just for a week, is such a

760
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 1: spiritual experience, to be honest, especially if you like combine

761
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: it with travel. We've got a whole episode on like

762
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: the psychology of solo travel with all of the statistics

763
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: and the findings and the studies on the power of this.

764
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 1: But I think it's one of the best things that

765
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 1: you can do. My final thing on this list, the

766
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:46,720
Speaker 1: final thing I think you need to do in your twenties.

767
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 1: Change your mind about something, change your mind about a belief,

768
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:56,840
Speaker 1: about a person, about an opinion. This is something that

769
00:44:56,880 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 1: I've done in the past year that humbled me deeply

770
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 1: and then genuinely changed my life because a lot of

771
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: our I think our youth, I don't know our youth,

772
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: our younger years is like a whole part of growing

773
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,720
Speaker 1: up is that you is putting yourself at the center.

774
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: Right when you're a kid, you're at the center of

775
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 1: all your own stories, You're at the center of all

776
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:25,839
Speaker 1: your own experiences, same as when you're a teenager. When

777
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 1: you're in your twenties as well, Like, there is a real,

778
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 1: i don't know, like developmentalized incentive to be quite selfish

779
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 1: and self centered and to really think that you know

780
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 1: everything and to be right, because it's protecting your ego, right,

781
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 1: and it's protecting your identity, and it's trying to make

782
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 1: you feel good about yourself. I think one of the

783
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: biggest signs of maturity, and one of the biggest signs

784
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: that like you have really learned some solid lessons from

785
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,839
Speaker 1: your twenties is when you are able to say this

786
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 1: is something I once believed, and I do not believe

787
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:58,320
Speaker 1: it anymore, and I'm okay with the friction that causes

788
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 1: within myself. I'm requay with acknowledging that I was wrong

789
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 1: and that I am not a perfect person, and that

790
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 1: somebody else might know more than me, and that somebody

791
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 1: else's opinion might be more correct than mine. I just

792
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 1: think that that is so great for cognitive flexibility so

793
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: great for our relationships. The people who grow up to

794
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:24,479
Speaker 1: find love very hard, friendship very hard, marriage, very hard, work,

795
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: very hard. I think what I've often heard and seen

796
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 1: is it's the people who are never able to have

797
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: any empathy for how others operate because they are never

798
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 1: able to see themselves as being wrong. Their ego remains

799
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:40,840
Speaker 1: so rigid. So I think that's something that all of

800
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 1: us could really benefit from working on. That is all

801
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 1: for our four hundredth episode. Thank you so much if

802
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 1: you have listened this far. I think if you've done

803
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 1: even half of these things on this list, maybe you

804
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: are like sitting there being like, I've done them all.

805
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 1: I have done these all, I'm good to go. Well,

806
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:01,279
Speaker 1: then congratulations. Send it to a friend who you think

807
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: maybe struggling with some milestone anxiety. If you think this

808
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 1: less traditional list might be helpful for them, might be

809
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 1: helpful for like the comparison trap might be helpful for

810
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 1: a bit of anxiety they're having about their twenties and

811
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 1: have they done enough? And will they do enough? I

812
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:21,400
Speaker 1: hope it helps them as well. Remember that if you

813
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 1: are in Australia, the UK and New Zealand, or the US, Canada.

814
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: I can't even say all the places. Just if you think,

815
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 1: if you want to watch it, go see if it's

816
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 1: on Netflix. It just might be there in your country. Again,

817
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: I want to thank you if you have been here

818
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: since yesterday, I for you have been here since twenty

819
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:44,240
Speaker 1: twenty one, five years ago. Now, thank you for listening

820
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: to the podcast, Thank you for supporting it. Every single

821
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 1: thing is because of you, guys, and because of the

822
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 1: support that you have shown just by listening. So I'm

823
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 1: very deeply grateful on this day and all of the others.

824
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 1: But as we wrap up this episode, remember be safe,

825
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle with yourself, and thank you as

826
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 1: always for tuning in.