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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. I am the host. My name is Kat,

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Speaker 1: and if you're new here, welcome, So glad you're here.

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Speaker 1: We've had so many new listeners and new subscribers the

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Speaker 1: past couple of weeks, and I'm so grateful for that.

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Speaker 1: I'm always eternally grateful for each single listener that comes

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Speaker 1: on here and presses play. I literally thought like ten

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Speaker 1: people would listen to this, and it's continuing to become

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Speaker 1: a thing, So I'm all for that. I am so excited.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I say that every single week. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I should think of some new like adjectives to describe

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Speaker 1: how we feel about the episodes, but I think that

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Speaker 1: means that I just really like all of the things

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Speaker 1: that we talk about here. But this week, I have

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Speaker 1: a friend on who isn't coming on here to give

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Speaker 1: us a psychology lesson so much, but she is coming

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Speaker 1: to tell part of her story, which is super cool.

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Speaker 1: And I learned a lot of this story in this conversation,

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Speaker 1: like we will be in real time learning it together.

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Speaker 1: And I've known her for ten years, so she's a

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Speaker 1: friend from college. She's awesome. Her name is Lauren Beasley

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Speaker 1: and look her up because she has started one of

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Speaker 1: the coolest things I have known somebody personally to start

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Speaker 1: and create. And it is a all inclusive dance studio

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Speaker 1: here in Nashville, And that means it is a dance

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Speaker 1: studio where everybody's welcome, regardless of your ability, your age,

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Speaker 1: your gender, your color, Like she welcomes every kind of

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Speaker 1: human in and I think that is so cool. And

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Speaker 1: in this conversation she tells us kind of how that

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Speaker 1: came to be, but all the things surrounding that that

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Speaker 1: created her who she is, which is why she can

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Speaker 1: do what she does. She's awesome. If you want to

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Speaker 1: follow Lauren, I'm gonna go ahead and throw out her

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Speaker 1: handle right now. You can follow her personal account Lauren

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Speaker 1: Underscore B's B E A S. And then you can

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Speaker 1: follow her dance studio at Move Inclusive Dance, and then

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Speaker 1: you can look at move on Instagram or you can

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Speaker 1: go to Move Inclusive Dance dot Com to learn more

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Speaker 1: about that. She's awesome. So in her Instagram page has

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Speaker 1: so much positive energy on it. So if you guys

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Speaker 1: just need something in your feed that's happy, go ahead

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Speaker 1: and follow that. Lauren. I'm so grateful for you coming

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Speaker 1: and having this conversation and thank you, thank you a

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Speaker 1: million times a million. And I hope you guys enjoyed

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Speaker 1: this conversation. I will see you guys on the other side. One.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing? I'm good? How are you? Is

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Speaker 1: your day off? It is my day off? Actually a

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Speaker 1: day off. Yes. So we have classes at the studio

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Speaker 1: Monday through Thursday and then on Saturdays. And I used

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Speaker 1: to use Fridays for like meetings and networking, and now

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Speaker 1: I've decided to reserve that as an Actually you don't

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Speaker 1: even have to do It's not open on Friday. It

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Speaker 1: is not open. Oh well that's nice. Yeah, okay, So

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Speaker 1: I want to know why you opened the studio. All

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Speaker 1: about it? People are like, what are you even talking about? Also, congratulations,

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Speaker 1: I just got your saved. I know, this is like

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Speaker 1: old newspaper, you saved the day. I put it up

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Speaker 1: on my fridge and I brought who was over the

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Speaker 1: other day. But they're like, this is such a cute

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Speaker 1: save the Day. Well, I designed it myself, so looks great. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So I want to know why you started the studio.

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Speaker 1: You've been a dancer since I've known you. You've majored

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Speaker 1: in dance. I majored in dance. I've taught you to

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Speaker 1: dance a few times. I feel like we're trying to

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Speaker 1: I tried to. Yeah, you did the dance that I

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Speaker 1: was so Lauren and I were in the same sorority.

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Speaker 1: Do you feel weird being like the sorority I was in? Yeah? Yes,

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Speaker 1: Like would I be in that again if I went

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Speaker 1: back into college now, probably I think we would. Yeah, probably,

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Speaker 1: I think we would. It was good for the time. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: the dance I was in and Rush got I'm dying

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Speaker 1: right now, just like thinking. But it was an instinct dance.

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Speaker 1: It I got put in it accidentally my junior because

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Speaker 1: somebody like decided they didn't want to do it, and

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Speaker 1: I was just there, so like Katherine, when you do this,

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Speaker 1: And I was like sure, if we only knew, like

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Speaker 1: what was I cannot move. It's weird that I can

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Speaker 1: ride a bike to the beat because I have no rhythm.

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Speaker 1: But the next year we did it. You guys cut

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Speaker 1: it out of the day before you because it did

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Speaker 1: it did make its way to the chopping book. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're like, these girls are not going to be friends

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Speaker 1: with us, but really, could be like, oh, I could

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Speaker 1: be that girl. I want to say it actually probably

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Speaker 1: could have reached forever people, you know, which even inclusivity. Okay, anyway,

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Speaker 1: so we met in college and we were in the

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Speaker 1: same sorority. You were a dance major, and I remember

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Speaker 1: going to your performances and being like, what is this?

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Speaker 1: Like it? No? It was cool though, so cool, And

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Speaker 1: then you moved to Nashville for some reasons that we'll

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Speaker 1: get into. So you're now doing a whole thing that's

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Speaker 1: super cool, and I want ever to hear about it.

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Speaker 1: But I want to know the whole story because I

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Speaker 1: think that, like you probably were on a path that

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Speaker 1: unfolded this. I'm assuming this wasn't a dream you had

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Speaker 1: when it actually was, but like kind of not at

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Speaker 1: the same time. So the first memory that I have

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Speaker 1: of just the idea of a place like move inclusive

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Speaker 1: dance existing, I was probably thirteen. And I have tried

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Speaker 1: so hard to pinpoint this because obviously I'm asked all

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Speaker 1: the time, like why did you start this um? And

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Speaker 1: usually for people I think that work with this community

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Speaker 1: of people that have disabilities, usually they have some kind

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Speaker 1: of personal connection that they have a sibling or a

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Speaker 1: cousin or an uncle that had some type of disability,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it just kind of really special to them,

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Speaker 1: where that wasn't the case for me. But I was thirteen.

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Speaker 1: I was on the way home from dance and I

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Speaker 1: was in the car with my mom, and for whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: I said to her, why isn't there a dance studio

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Speaker 1: for people with special needs? And she was like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, maybe you'll start one someday. And I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of people hear that and they think it

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Speaker 1: was probably like a very powerful like she saw this

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Speaker 1: vision of doing this thing, But it really was not

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Speaker 1: that at all. It was just like a passing moment.

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Speaker 1: It was a passing moment, and I just have a

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Speaker 1: really good memory, so I remember it. But I remember

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Speaker 1: saying to her like yeah, maybe, but thinking like no,

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Speaker 1: but okay, fast forward. I'm a dance major, right and

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Speaker 1: my senior year, for our capstone project, we were instructed

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Speaker 1: to pick something in the field of dance, do a

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Speaker 1: research project, and present it to our faculty and our peers,

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Speaker 1: and so everyone's picking different choreographers, famous companies. Yea, what

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Speaker 1: is another example of what you would do? Probably nothing,

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Speaker 1: You would be familiar with it, Like like you could

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Speaker 1: pick like the New York City Ballet or and just

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Speaker 1: like research them and just give like a research project

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Speaker 1: on how it started, and you know who is who

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Speaker 1: in the company, and you could really, I mean, you'd

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Speaker 1: really do whatever you wanted, right, And So I am

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Speaker 1: just the type of person that likes to think outside

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Speaker 1: of the box. I want to do something that is

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Speaker 1: going to kind of catch people off guard. And so

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Speaker 1: I was brainstorming and this idea resurfaced of a place

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Speaker 1: for people with disabilities to dance. So I just did

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Speaker 1: a little research. I'm like, you know, surely there's someone

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Speaker 1: doing that. And in two thousand and twelve, there really

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Speaker 1: wasn't a lot of that going on. I found one

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Speaker 1: company in the US that that was for people with

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Speaker 1: Down syndrome. There was no studios that I could find

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Speaker 1: in two thousand twelve. I'm sure that there were people

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Speaker 1: who had classes and stuff, but nothing that I found

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Speaker 1: to do a project on. No, And so I decided

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Speaker 1: to do the project on why I thought that that

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Speaker 1: should be a thing. So I gave the presentation. I

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Speaker 1: remember as I was wrapping up walking back to my seat,

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Speaker 1: one of my professors was like, first of all, why

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Speaker 1: have you never brought this idea up? Second of all,

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Speaker 1: you have to do that? And I was like, no, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know anyone with a disability. I dances my thing, yes,

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Speaker 1: but like I know nothing about people with special needs.

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Speaker 1: I don't know where to even begin something like that.

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Speaker 1: But thank you no. And so I end up after college,

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Speaker 1: I moved to New York and I forgot that in

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Speaker 1: New York. So I moved to Nashville. From New York,

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Speaker 1: I forgot that. Did you move to New York to dance?

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Speaker 1: I thought, so yes, okay, so okay, so well, before

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Speaker 1: I moved to New York, I actually moved home for

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Speaker 1: like a year and a half and while in Mobile, Alabama,

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Speaker 1: And while I was there, I started working for a

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Speaker 1: company called Pure Bar as a teacher. And then I

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Speaker 1: ended up managing a studio and teaching dance in the

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Speaker 1: dance studio that I grew up in, just kind of

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Speaker 1: on the side. And about a year into it, my

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Speaker 1: lifelong dance teacher who I was then working for, was like,

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Speaker 1: you have always said you were going to move to

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Speaker 1: New York, you were going to audition. What are you doing?

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Speaker 1: You know? And I was like, Okay, you're right. If

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Speaker 1: I don't do this now, it's never gonna happen. So

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Speaker 1: I moved to New York and I was able to

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Speaker 1: transfer to the pier Bar Studios there. So I didn't

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Speaker 1: realize when I took this job with Pierre Bar was

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Speaker 1: going to like set me up in all conso ways,

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Speaker 1: all conso ways. Oh this is so cool. It is

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Speaker 1: very full circle. So I move, I start working at

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Speaker 1: puer Bar Studios there. So wait a second. Also, you're

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Speaker 1: like acting like this was like, oh, it just happened.

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Speaker 1: I literally moved to New York City. Yes, with two suitcases,

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Speaker 1: lived on a couch. Did you know people? I knew

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Speaker 1: some people from college. Yeah, I moved in with my

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Speaker 1: roommate from college. Actually my question is, though, because a

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Speaker 1: lot of people talk about doing that, right, not a

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Speaker 1: lot of people do it. So what did it feel

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Speaker 1: like to be like, I'm going to do this. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if it's going to work out. My goal

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Speaker 1: is to dance, right, and this is really scary, and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go do it and people are gonna know

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Speaker 1: that I'm gonna go try to dance. Yes, it was crazy,

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Speaker 1: but it was also one of those moments where just

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Speaker 1: like this is what I've said I was going to

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Speaker 1: do my entire life, and the clock is ticking, and

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Speaker 1: you know, especially with dance, like you can't do it forever, right,

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean it was like a true New

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Speaker 1: York story. Like I said, I moved their suitcases and

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Speaker 1: my former roommate from college was living in New York

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Speaker 1: and she was like you can stay, yes, yes, and

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Speaker 1: she was like, you can stay with me in my

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Speaker 1: roommates and then we'll get an apartment together. Well it

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Speaker 1: ended up just taking way longer than we thought. So

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Speaker 1: I lived on their couch for like an entire summer.

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Speaker 1: But just like you know, making it, that's like the

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Speaker 1: New York dream. Yeah, you literally lived on a couch.

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Speaker 1: I lived on a couch and like, if anyone knows me,

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Speaker 1: like that's not my vibe at all, but I just

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Speaker 1: really really wanted it, I guess, so um, but I

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Speaker 1: get there and I'm working at Pure Bar and I

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Speaker 1: end up getting because I'm thinking of this life as

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Speaker 1: non dancer. Mind. Yeah, when you move to go pursue

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Speaker 1: this is it like if you were going to be

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Speaker 1: an actor, Like you just go to all these auditions

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Speaker 1: or do you join a company or you can't do

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Speaker 1: you can't just sign up, you would have to audition. Um.

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Speaker 1: So that yeah, that was kind of where my head

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Speaker 1: was at the time, that I would be taking classes,

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Speaker 1: professional classes and then paying for oh yeah, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: but then auditioning to be in a company of some sort.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm gonna keep asking these questions and then

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Speaker 1: being for a company. What does that mean versus like

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Speaker 1: being in the rockets or on a Broadway museum. What

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Speaker 1: were you wanting to do? There's a lot of differences,

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Speaker 1: but I was probably looking more into like modern dance,

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Speaker 1: what you would come the shows that you would come to,

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Speaker 1: the like funky voodoo stuff that you mentioned. That's kind

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Speaker 1: of what I would be looking into doing. And so

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Speaker 1: that's obviously like not the same crowd as like Broadway

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Speaker 1: or the guts that are. You know, everybody knows what

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Speaker 1: that is, right, So your pay would be less probably

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Speaker 1: depending upon what you got, um, if you get paid

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Speaker 1: at all. But it's just the experience and your resume

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Speaker 1: and all that. What does that mean though? Like why

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Speaker 1: would you need that on? At one point I thought

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Speaker 1: maybe I'll dance for However, many years and then I'll

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Speaker 1: go get my master's and so it would be you know,

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Speaker 1: great experience for me obviously, or if I wanted to

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Speaker 1: be a professor, it would hold a lot of weight

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Speaker 1: to say that I danced professionally in this company. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So that makes more sense because in my head, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: are you auditioning to be in a commercial? Yeah? I

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Speaker 1: mean to It just kind of depends, okay, But like

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Speaker 1: there's no point in talking about it because I didn't

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Speaker 1: do any of it. That's the point that I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to get. But if anyone interested, that's what you could do. So, um,

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Speaker 1: so I get there. I'm working for a pure bar.

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Speaker 1: I'm teaching classes in the morning. And then I ended

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Speaker 1: up getting an internship with a nonprofit dance studio in

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Speaker 1: East Harlem where they basically they exist to get girls

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Speaker 1: off the street of this neighborhood. They offer free services.

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Speaker 1: And it was the first place that I remember being

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Speaker 1: in like a dance setting where I'm like, oh wow,

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Speaker 1: like this is like just for the good of it,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it really is a powerful tool that

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Speaker 1: we can be using to like change the world. And

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Speaker 1: I believe in that, right and so I had the

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Speaker 1: opportunity to work under the executive director, and that was

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Speaker 1: the I guess third time that the idea again for

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Speaker 1: something like move inclusive dance to exist resurfaced in my brain.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, well, if I ever were to try this,

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Speaker 1: I might as well take advantage of the fact I

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Speaker 1: can figure out how to start a nonprofit. How do

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Speaker 1: you apply for grants, how do you make your own

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Speaker 1: salary off of donations? You know, like all of the

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Speaker 1: things that go into starting up a nonprofit. And so

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Speaker 1: I kind of like explored the idea of maybe trying

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Speaker 1: something out while I was there, but never never actually

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Speaker 1: made the jump. And then after two years I moved

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Speaker 1: to Nashville. You never auditioned, Oh yeah, yeah, so no,

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Speaker 1: I never. No. So I get there and I started

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Speaker 1: taking some classes professionally and quickly realized and because the

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Speaker 1: people that I did know in New York were all

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Speaker 1: in that circuit auditioning, trying to make it, and I

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Speaker 1: quickly realized I am not the person for this. I

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Speaker 1: don't have the self esteem, I don't have the confidence.

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Speaker 1: It will not be good for me. It would happen.

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Speaker 1: You just have to be ready to like hear no

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Speaker 1: all day long until it's it's just like acting or

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Speaker 1: modeling or whatever, like it comes down to what they

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Speaker 1: need on paper. And so a lot of times you're

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Speaker 1: going into these auditions and like they need a blond girl,

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Speaker 1: that's whatever, and no matter how good you are, you know,

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Speaker 1: and I'm and and that's why the people who make

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Speaker 1: it are built for that. But I'm not. So it

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Speaker 1: was the best thing that ever happened to me, because

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Speaker 1: if I wouldn't have moved there and realized that, I

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Speaker 1: would have lived my whole life wondering like, oh man,

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Speaker 1: should I have tried that even if it doesn't work out,

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Speaker 1: because I sit with people all the time that are like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm afraid it's not going to work out. And if

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Speaker 1: you don't know it's not going to work out, you're

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Speaker 1: going to be wondering what would happen exactly exactly. I

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Speaker 1: think that is an amazing way to look at that.

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Speaker 1: And then also I think there's an amount of confidence

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Speaker 1: you have to have in yourself to say I'm not

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Speaker 1: built for this, because I think some people wouldn't want

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Speaker 1: to admit that, yes, it would be a bad thing

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Speaker 1: of like, well, I don't have enough confidence to do that,

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Speaker 1: but it's like, no, that's just not my personality. True, true,

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Speaker 1: And it was definitely a weird moment for me to

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Speaker 1: be like, this is the thing, like I said that

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Speaker 1: I have told everyone forever that I was going to do,

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Speaker 1: So am I not that person amount it? Not this dancer? Like?

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Speaker 1: Am I not who I thought that I was? And

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Speaker 1: so it was really weird, kind of like shedding that

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Speaker 1: but also realizing that there was another reason that I

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Speaker 1: had this experience a dance that I did, and I

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Speaker 1: didn't know what it was at the time, but I

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Speaker 1: knew that it would always be in my life and

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Speaker 1: I knew that it was just all going to pan

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Speaker 1: out the way that it was supposed to. And it

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Speaker 1: did well, did it feel it did? But did it

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Speaker 1: feel like that back then? What did it feel like

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Speaker 1: in the moment? Did you know you were stepping away

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Speaker 1: or do you never even stepped forward? I don't know

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Speaker 1: that I really realized it in the moment. I remember

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Speaker 1: having this conversation with one of my best friends who

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Speaker 1: I met when I was in New York. We're still

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Speaker 1: best friends now, like the week that I was leaving,

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Speaker 1: and she's a former dancer to I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I should say a former dancer, but yeah, she's a

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Speaker 1: former dancer to current dancer. No, she's now pursuing music, okay,

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Speaker 1: because it's kind of like a self identity thing, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: And we had this conversation of like this is it's weird?

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Speaker 1: You know. So I moved to Nashville. There was an

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Speaker 1: opening for a manager for a new Pure bar studio here,

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Speaker 1: and again I was able to just kind of easily

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Speaker 1: transfer and I got here and I loved the job.

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Speaker 1: I loved the life that I was like building here.

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Speaker 1: But there's like a long story and a short story

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Speaker 1: probably to like how I actually got this thing going?

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Speaker 1: But what thing that move? Yeah, take us down the

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Speaker 1: long story, right, we're here, So the long story kind

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Speaker 1: of started. Okay, also it all started. And then I

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Speaker 1: interject too because a question that I when I asked it,

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Speaker 1: usually asked it in the beginning, had you ever been

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Speaker 1: to therapy pre No? Okay, because she needed to, But

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Speaker 1: never mind, because I'm thinking you're doing all of these

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Speaker 1: things and like we all needed therapy before we got it.

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Speaker 1: Probably it's how the world works. But you're not processing

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Speaker 1: all the stuff that's happening. That's why I'm like, when

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Speaker 1: you stopped doing this, like, what was it like you

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Speaker 1: probably I was not in that headspace. Okay, so you

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Speaker 1: started going to therapy, so my too early in the story. Well,

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Speaker 1: I had wanted to go to therapy as a teenager.

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Speaker 1: I knew, I have known for a long time that

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Speaker 1: I needed but you never did a therapist. I asked

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Speaker 1: to go to therapy and until me, like, therapy is

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Speaker 1: really just like not a thing in my family, say,

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Speaker 1: nobody in my not except when they went because of me.

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Speaker 1: Right yeah right, so um yeah, I asked when I

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Speaker 1: was probably fifteen, and it was like what, no, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I'm just remembering what the Batman boyfriend that was. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that's why I needed to go. That was when I

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Speaker 1: was fifteen, fourteen to seventeen, fourteen to seventeen, Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm just thinking about an ex boyfriend that I've heard

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Speaker 1: stories about that I'm like, if that was my daughter,

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Speaker 1: she would be in a therapist office from sun up

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Speaker 1: correct for a long time. Yeah yeah, so gosh, Okay,

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Speaker 1: so let's rewind not eighteen, let's go back to one.

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Speaker 1: So whenever I was around fourteen fifteen, fourteen to seventeen

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Speaker 1: were like the darkest years of my life. And this

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Speaker 1: will come to like no surprise to you, but like

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Speaker 1: I've lived my entire life being known as like a

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Speaker 1: very non emotional person as a child, as a teenager,

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Speaker 1: as a young adult. It would take a lot to

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Speaker 1: make me feel happy, or to make me feel sad,

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Speaker 1: or to make me feel anything. And I thought that

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Speaker 1: was normal too. So you aren't saying like I don't

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Speaker 1: cry a lot. You're saying I'm just very even correct

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Speaker 1: my whole life. Yes, yes, I have like a baseline

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Speaker 1: that I kind of just stayed out and that was

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Speaker 1: that was very normal to me. As I'm growing older

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Speaker 1: and wiser, I realized that there, you know, it's a

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Speaker 1: good characteristic to be able to say, oh I feel

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Speaker 1: sad and that's okay, or I feel angry and that's okay.

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Speaker 1: Or I feel ashamed and that's okay. But that was

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Speaker 1: like very foreign to me, especially in my teenage years.

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Speaker 1: So I have to like give everything to my experience

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Speaker 1: and dance because it was kind of funny my my

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Speaker 1: therapist and I've unpacked this a little bit. So around

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Speaker 1: that time four teen ish, I kind of became known

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Speaker 1: in my dance studio as the girl that was really

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Speaker 1: good at really sad dances, really sad dances, like the emotional, dramatic,

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Speaker 1: lyrical pieces. I was like the go to person for

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Speaker 1: those roles. And I didn't realize it at the time.

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Speaker 1: It was because I was really sad and I didn't

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Speaker 1: have a place to expose that or put that out there,

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Speaker 1: and and dance was the only place that I felt

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Speaker 1: safe to You were sad. No, No, I mean I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I think I did. Yeah, I definitely did,

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Speaker 1: but like I didn't really want to accept that. Maybe.

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Speaker 1: I mean I knew because I cried myself to sleep

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Speaker 1: every night, but you didn't have spaces to talk about it. No, no,

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Speaker 1: And that's when I asked to go to therapy and

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Speaker 1: and and wasn't granted that wish. But but think about too,

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Speaker 1: You've probably learned so much about this, and the people

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00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 1: that listen to the podcast have learned about this of

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Speaker 1: when we can't express ourselves or we don't have space

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Speaker 1: to express ourselves verbally, or it's not safe to like

399
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Speaker 1: our body is holding onto that stuff even if we're

400
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:32,320
Speaker 1: not saying it and we're not acknowledging it is no wonder.

401
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,159
Speaker 1: I don't think you meant to be like I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be the one that's good at the sad dance.

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Speaker 1: Not at all. But your body was like, oh I

404
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 1: can do this really well. Yes, and this is my

405
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 1: opportunity to like actually release some things. Yes. Yes, so

406
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,800
Speaker 1: dance was. Yeah, it was the one thing in my

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Speaker 1: life when I look back that it was my safe

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Speaker 1: space and I really don't know what I would have

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Speaker 1: done without it at that time. I don't know who

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Speaker 1: I would be today, and so it holds a lot

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Speaker 1: of weight in my life. So, but you asked to

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Speaker 1: go to therapy? Yes? Did you ask to go when

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Speaker 1: you started having issues in this relationship that you're in

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Speaker 1: or did you ask to go when you realize that

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00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 1: it's not normal that I'm crying so much? Maybe both,

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Speaker 1: maybe both, and probably more so the like I don't

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Speaker 1: feel right, this is this is not right, this is

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Speaker 1: not right. What was the response you got? No, we don't,

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Speaker 1: we don't. You don't need that, you don't need that,

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Speaker 1: And I still kind of every once in while, we'll

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00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 1: get those responses. Um, if I talk about this kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff with my family, not not my mom, but

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Speaker 1: like come on now, like we're we're stronger than that.

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Speaker 1: It's basically that's what that was. The like overarching tone

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Speaker 1: of our household is like, we don't cry. We're bigger

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00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,680
Speaker 1: than that. I think that's such one. You're growing up

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Speaker 1: in a geographical area that doesn't yes, look at therapy

428
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 1: ast and necessity and your generation. Our generation is different

429
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,680
Speaker 1: than our parents, and that people went to therapy when

430
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 1: they were like literally actually having psychotic breaks or this

431
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 1: clinical depression that leads to suicide kind of thing. People

432
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 1: weren't looking at depression and anxiety as something you crying

433
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,399
Speaker 1: yourself to sleep. Would be like, well, okay, don't be

434
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: so sad, Maybe you should do something that makes you happy,

435
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 1: happy music, like go hang out with your friends. And

436
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 1: that's not how it works. So I think it's a

437
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: shock to a lot of people. They don't understand it right.

438
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: And And that's like that's where my dad was. He

439
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 1: he loves me to death. He would never try to,

440
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 1: you know, do something that would be harmful to me.

441
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 1: That's not at all what his goal was. And I

442
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: know that it's really the way that he was brought up,

443
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,159
Speaker 1: you know, in the environment that he has lived in.

444
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 1: His entire life, and so you then learn a lesson

445
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:39,679
Speaker 1: from that. Yes, and I wouldn't change my story, Like

446
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 1: I am the type of person I would live without regrets, really,

447
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 1: and I am grateful for all of the like horrible,

448
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 1: horrible shit that I lived for a really long time

449
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,880
Speaker 1: because I know that it is the reason that I'm

450
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 1: living like my fullest life now and I'm doing this

451
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 1: amazing thing that like fills me up every single day.

452
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 1: I would not be doing that if I wouldn't have

453
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: had the journey that I have, you know, and and

454
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: finally making my way to therapy. Because if you would

455
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 1: have went to therapy at fourteen, who knows what you

456
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,679
Speaker 1: might have quit dance, who knows what would have happened.

457
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 1: So all in that to say is one when people

458
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 1: get shut down in spaces like that from therapy is

459
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 1: painful and hurts, and it's not great. I don't think

460
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 1: most of the time there's ill will involved, and I

461
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 1: don't think everything happens for a reason. But I think

462
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff happens for a reason. And it

463
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 1: sounds like this ended up leading you to something for

464
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,360
Speaker 1: sure that was more meaningful than it would have been. Yes,

465
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,119
Speaker 1: when you were fourteen fifteen, Yes, agreed. So after I

466
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 1: had been in Nashville for I guess maybe like a

467
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: year and a half, I had a nervous breakdown, if

468
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 1: you will. I knew that I had lived with depression

469
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 1: my entire life for as long as I could remember.

470
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,400
Speaker 1: I should say, did you know that because you just

471
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,199
Speaker 1: caught it that or had you been Uh? Yeah, I

472
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: just knew. Whenever I asked to go to therapy and

473
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,199
Speaker 1: I was told no, my mom ended up taking me

474
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: to a doctor and I did get prescribed an antidepressant

475
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 1: that had reverse effects on me, which then made me

476
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:12,200
Speaker 1: terrified of medicine. That's a whole mothering thing. Yeah, but yeah,

477
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 1: yeah I knew, and like it runs in my family.

478
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 1: It was Yeah, I knew that I had lived with

479
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 1: depression my entire life and that it would come in waves.

480
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: And but I didn't think I had anxiety, which is

481
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: I didn't know I had anxiety towls in grad school

482
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 1: and I was like, wait a second. Normal people don't

483
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: think like, oh yeah, now, like when I'll tell my therapist,

484
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: you know, stories from like five years old, and she's like,

485
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: and you didn't think you've ever had anxiety okay, because

486
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 1: we didn't know. You don't know, especially when it's not

487
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 1: talked about. It Again, anxieties looked at something. I don't

488
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 1: think people really understand what anxiety can be, all the

489
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 1: array of things that can be. However, I do want

490
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,400
Speaker 1: to point out I don't know that the people around

491
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: you would have known that you were depressed. No, because

492
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: from an outsider's perspective, you kind of looked like you

493
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,440
Speaker 1: had it all together, which is so often what a

494
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 1: looks like, which is why it's pretty dangerous. But you

495
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 1: had this cool job, You're living this cool city. I

496
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 1: don't know if this was before after you had bought

497
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: this condo, and I don't know if you were dating,

498
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: but you were dating this guy now getting married. But

499
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 1: like you had moved from New York, you had all

500
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: these life experiences from the outside, which is again this

501
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 1: goes into this like highlight real life that we live in.

502
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: Nobody that wasn't very close to you, and I don't

503
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 1: know if you told anybody, no one, No one knew

504
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 1: until shit hit the fan. And I remember calling my

505
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,399
Speaker 1: two best friends at different times and both of them

506
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 1: being like, what what is happening? What is your best

507
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: friends even no one knew. I didn't know. I didn't know.

508
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: I knew, like I said, I knew that I had

509
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: lived with like depression, but I did not know how

510
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 1: broken I was until one day. I and this is

511
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,919
Speaker 1: what I've been trying. Yeah. So I woke up to

512
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 1: get ready for work and I'm bar Yes, and I

513
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: felt very weird. That's the only way I can describe it.

514
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: I remember feeling like I was kind of in a dream,

515
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 1: but I knew that I wasn't in a dream. Everything

516
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: just like I felt very unsure, like am I doing

517
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 1: what I'm doing? Or it was just it was I

518
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: felt like I was almost having like an out of

519
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:23,479
Speaker 1: body experience. Yes, and I'd never ever experienced anything like this.

520
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 1: And I remember thinking, I must not have got good

521
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: sleep last night. I need to come home after work

522
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: and take a nap and then I'll feel better. It

523
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,120
Speaker 1: was very just bizarre. So I get in my car,

524
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: I start driving. All of a sudden, it felt like

525
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 1: literally someone just like beat on my chest and I

526
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 1: all of a sudden could not drive my car. I

527
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 1: could not breathe, my vision was going out. I immediately

528
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: obviously pulled the car over was hyperventilating. I'm about to

529
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: hyperventilate right now telling the story. I'm good, I'm good.

530
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 1: And I literally, Catherine, I literally thought, I'm having a

531
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,239
Speaker 1: heart attack right now and I'm about to die in

532
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: this car on the side of the road by myself,

533
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do. So I immediately

534
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 1: called Amber, who you know, and hold on, what does

535
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: it feel? What it doesn't feel like to tell the story? Now,

536
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 1: I've never heard this story, so I feel actually, I

537
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 1: feel okay right now. I mean, it's been a couple

538
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 1: of years at this point. Actually this was seventeen. I

539
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: was going to say, this seems really like, yeah, this

540
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 1: was so my timeline is off. Yeah, seen, so it's

541
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: been a few years. Looking back on the whole thing,

542
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,679
Speaker 1: it's crazy. I mean, I feel like a different person,

543
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 1: and I kind of, I mean I think I am

544
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 1: a different person, but yeah, I mean it gives me

545
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 1: a little bit of anxiety, of course, just because it's

546
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,119
Speaker 1: like weird kind of reliving it because it was so

547
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 1: feel like you or is it? No? No? So I

548
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: call Amber and she's the first person you think to call. Yeah,

549
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: and by the time and she picks up and she

550
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 1: was like asleep, and she's like, what's going on? And

551
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,439
Speaker 1: I'm truly hysterical and I'm starting to like lose the

552
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,040
Speaker 1: ability to speak at this point, and so I'm and

553
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: I just tell her you have to come get me,

554
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 1: and the wherewithal to say, like where you were? Yeah?

555
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: I told her where I was. And actually, as I

556
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 1: started talking to her for a second, I was like

557
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: maybe I'm okay, and I started driving again. Really stupid.

558
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 1: I drive myself too, I was. I was really close

559
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 1: to work at this point. So I get myself to

560
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: work and I said and meet me there and I

561
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 1: need you to take me to the hospital. And so

562
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: she's like okay, she has no idea what's going on.

563
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 1: So she gets in the car, drive straight to me.

564
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: In the meantime, you think you're having a heart attack.

565
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 1: I don't think you're having a panic. No no no, no, no,

566
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: no no no no no. Yes, I am dying. I'm dying.

567
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 1: I'm having a heart attack. Yes at what yeah? Twenty

568
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: yeah six. And then I'm like, who, I can't call

569
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: my mom because she's just going to freak out, you know. So, um,

570
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: I have a good friend that is a nurse here

571
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 1: at Vanderbilt and I'm like, I'm gonna call her and

572
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: like explained to her my symptoms and maybe she has

573
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 1: like something she can tell me to do until Amber

574
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 1: gets here to save my life. And so I call

575
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: her and she actually was at work and she's like,

576
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: you know, just like in shock and like what is

577
00:27:58,080 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: going And I explained to her and I'm like, I've

578
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: parked my car, I can't feel my legs. I think

579
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to get out and see if I can walk,

580
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: and she was like no, no, no, no, no, don't

581
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: do that. Do that and you fall and you hit

582
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 1: your head, like we may have a worse situation. I

583
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 1: was like, okay, okay, okay, you're right. So I'm just

584
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 1: talking it up more and more. I'm having a heart

585
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 1: attack about so like it is, that is what's happening

586
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:19,280
Speaker 1: to me in my head. Okay. Amber gets there. She

587
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: parks her car, thinking that I can like walk to

588
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: her car, and I'm just like looking at she had.

589
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,639
Speaker 1: I literally couldn't walk by the time I got into

590
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 1: her car. She got me into her car, I couldn't

591
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: speak at that point. Do you have any recollection what

592
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: Amber was like, Yeah, she's just moved here, and she

593
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 1: was like where's the hospital, Like she's the last the

594
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 1: last person that should have been like my person, first

595
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 1: person because she's your best friend when I think of

596
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: her and like knowing what to do, she would have

597
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 1: a panic. She was yes, and so she's like she

598
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 1: doesn't like she's bad at phones. She's like, I don't

599
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 1: know how to put it into my GPS, Like I mean,

600
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: it was like it was a nightmare. So she finally

601
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: figures out. She started driving. She calls my boss and

602
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, I'm driving Alaren to the hospital. I

603
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening. And my boss is like what,

604
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: Like because I was healthy, you know, it's just so weird.

605
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: So we get to the hospital. They bring a wheelchair

606
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: out to get me. At this point, I'm having full

607
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: body like convulsions and I have zero control of my body.

608
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: They take me in. They're like, we're gonna do an

609
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: e k G. You're gonna be fine. Breathe. They do

610
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 1: an e k G and I'm like they're about to

611
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: tell me, like my heart is defective. I don't know,

612
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: and the nurse looks at me, she's like, your e

613
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: KG is normal, And I was like, do it again,

614
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: Like no, this is not normal. Something is wrong. And

615
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: she's like, um, we're gonna run. We're gonna run some

616
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: more tests, just like stay calm. They take me to

617
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 1: a room. They end up doing you know, all kinds

618
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: of labs whatever. Doctor after doctor, nurse after nurse were

619
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: there all day. Mom doesn't know. Eventually, after we like

620
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: started realizing what was probably going on, I had to

621
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: Amber call my mom, but doctors nurses kept coming in saying,

622
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 1: you know, this came back normal. Um, we're gonna do

623
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: this now. And I'm like, what the hell is going on?

624
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: Like I know that something is something is wrong. And

625
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: after I don't know an hour or an hour and

626
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: a half, um, the like convulsions kind of start going down.

627
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 1: And at that point my body was the most fatigued

628
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 1: that it's ever been. I literally I was laying in

629
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: a bed. I couldn't turn my head to like look

630
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 1: at Amber to speak. I had zero energy. At one

631
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 1: point I needed to get They wanted me to go

632
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: to the restroom and I was like, okay, I can't

633
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 1: get there. I mean they had to like take yeah, yeah,

634
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: And now I know that that was just like the

635
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 1: fatigue from the like extreme stress that my body went

636
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 1: through for a couple of hours. And so yeah, at

637
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: the end of the day, the doctor, the final doctor

638
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: comes in and he's like, have you ever talked to

639
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: anyone about having anxiety? And I was like what, No,

640
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: I'm saying this is not funny. This is not a

641
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: funny story. What is funny is the fact that like

642
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 1: over your head, over my head. I was like you,

643
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 1: like you you still have it wrong. This is a

644
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 1: heart attack. Yes, yes, Katherine, So that was the doctor

645
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 1: is an idiot because I have anxiety. I left and

646
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: for weeks I was like, I actually have a brain

647
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 1: tumor and they just don't know it or you know,

648
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,719
Speaker 1: anything anything Like I was constantly So I had this

649
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: just like PTSD that I was living with actually for

650
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 1: like months. But it can't be that simple stress and

651
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 1: anxiety when I cause that is in your head but undiagnosed,

652
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: or anxiety that you're not aware of for twenty six

653
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: years of Yes they can, cause that's like when we

654
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: I talked about with clients all the time, trauma, when

655
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 1: people don't acknowledge their trauma, little ten, big t trauma.

656
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 1: It's like a beach ball that we're holding underwater and

657
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: it's fine, and it's fine, and then you get kind

658
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 1: of like tired, and when you let your hand off

659
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: the beach ball, it doesn't just come to the surface,

660
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: it shoots up through the air. And that's exactly. Remember

661
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 1: how I said I lived at a baseline. It took

662
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: a lot to make me feel anything that This is

663
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: exactly that went all coming to a head and my

664
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: body exploded because actually I was just a master of

665
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 1: suppressing every single thing that came my way to the

666
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 1: point that I had no idea these things were inside

667
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 1: of me and there was finally nowhere else for it

668
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: to go. It was literally like my body was cracked

669
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 1: open and it was like here we are, Like here's

670
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: all this ugly stuff that I have been hiding my

671
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 1: entire life. Twenty six years of trauma, stress, whatever it is,

672
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: just came to the surface that day. And still, you know,

673
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: of course, every once in a while, I'm like, maybe

674
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: maybe I actually do have some kind of Hell. Yeah,

675
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: when the doctor said that to you, he said, have

676
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: you ever had anxiety? And and You're like, I said no, no, no, no, no,

677
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: I said, I have had depression. I've never had anxiety.

678
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: I've never had a panic. Attack, which wrong actually I had.

679
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: I've had many. I didn't know their panic attacks. So yeah,

680
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: I left thinking that, yeah, the doctor's wrong. But but

681
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: I also was so um, just like not okay, you know,

682
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: I hadn't lived her too long. I didn't have like

683
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 1: a primary care physician. That was what they recommended, like,

684
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: you need to go to your primary care physician, tell

685
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 1: them what's going on. They can prescribe you something, or

686
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: they can refer you to someone who can. And I

687
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 1: was like, I don't have. All I had was a O,

688
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 1: B G U, I n here And so I left

689
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 1: just being like, what is going on? They didn't didn't anything, nothing, nothing? What? Yeah?

690
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:27,240
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think I remember them telling me

691
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 1: that they couldn't. But that seems kind of weird to me.

692
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: But maybe they actually can't give you like an X

693
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: or something. You would think that they could. But they

694
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: ended up giving me an ivy of fluids to liken

695
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: finalized me. But or even just a recommendation for a therapist.

696
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: Yeah no, I mean I probably who knows. I don't know.

697
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: I might have like maybe they gave it to you

698
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: and you just for like, yeah, maybe Amber would remember

699
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: more details than I do because it's it's kind of

700
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: a lot to remember. But so you went to your guy. Now, No, no,

701
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 1: I didn't do anything, do anything. So I like went

702
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 1: back to my normal life, and that whole week I

703
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: was like obviously a eck and like I said, at

704
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: any moment, just thinking like that it was going to

705
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: happen again, right, or that I actually did have this

706
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 1: crazy help thing that they didn't find. Like I don't know.

707
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: I remember texting my boss and saying, I googled like

708
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 1: my symptoms and brain fog came up, which I had

709
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 1: never heard of. Why did you google your symptoms? Why?

710
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: Why don't like that's the worst thing because it would

711
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,320
Speaker 1: have said that you can and then I know, but honestly,

712
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: honestly though, it was more like all signs were pointing

713
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 1: towards anxiety, So yeah, that was good. But yeah, so

714
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 1: I found this article about brain fog, which I've never

715
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 1: heard of, and I sent it to as I was like,

716
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: I know, you think I'm crazy right now, Like this

717
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: is the only thing I can find that like kind

718
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 1: of sounds like what I have going on, but I

719
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: don't know how to fix it. So she was like

720
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 1: aware of what was going on. Right. But because I'm me,

721
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 1: I was like, let's suit up, let's go to work,

722
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 1: like we gotta, you know, just keep going, right. So

723
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: the following week, so happened on Monday. The following Monday,

724
00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 1: I wake up and I'm like, wow, it's been a week.

725
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: Like this is where we all where it all started, right,

726
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 1: get in my car. It happens again in the exact

727
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 1: same moment and time and place again. All signs point

728
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 1: to anxiety. Obviously. I built it up in my head

729
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: like this is where it happened, It's going to happen again,

730
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 1: and it's happening, you know. So I get myself to work,

731
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: I call my boss and I'm like, I don't know

732
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 1: what to do. I don't know what to do. I

733
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: don't know what to do. She saved my life that day.

734
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: She was like, I'm coming to get you. She came

735
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,720
Speaker 1: to get me, ended up taking me back to her house.

736
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 1: And she had worked through some anxiety stuff in her past,

737
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 1: so this was like not a very you know, out

738
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 1: there concept for her because a lot of people it

739
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: is like all the people who have never experienced anxiety,

740
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:45,400
Speaker 1: like they really don't get it. And I didn't get it.

741
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 1: Scare them. Yeah. Yeah. So it was just by the

742
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 1: grace of God that she literally that she was able

743
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 1: to like kind of understand what was going on. And

744
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 1: I remember being in her car on the way to

745
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: house and I'm just freaking out, like I don't know

746
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,240
Speaker 1: why this keeps happening. And she was like, there's ana

747
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: and balance in your brain, but you know that it's

748
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 1: not right, and so it's going to be okay, We're

749
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 1: gonna fix it. So she takes me to her house.

750
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 1: She was like, you need to sleep, put me in bed.

751
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 1: When I woke up, she had made me an appointment

752
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: with a doctor and her therapist who is now my therapist.

753
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,919
Speaker 1: And the lady is an angel. She is an angel, yes,

754
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: And so I remember her being on the phone with

755
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 1: my therapist in the other room telling her what was

756
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: going on, and I could hear my therapists say, she

757
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 1: can't function like this. We have to get her some

758
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 1: medicine like today, you know, before she can get into

759
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 1: my office. This is and also just just like sneak

760
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:42,320
Speaker 1: in some science into this world. Your body is literally

761
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: acting in this fight or flight, Yes, and then you

762
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: go once you get all that over there, you go

763
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 1: into this free state because you have nothing left. So

764
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:53,280
Speaker 1: your body is acting as if some somebody or something

765
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 1: is attacking it. You don't know that. You just are like,

766
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: what the heck is going on? But your body is

767
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: literally like your nervous system is all essentially miss wired

768
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 1: at this point, because yeah, your nervous system is a

769
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,839
Speaker 1: good thing to have. We want to know when things

770
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: are not safe or scary or whatever. Your whole life,

771
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,719
Speaker 1: you have shut your nervous system down, right so you

772
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 1: and I didn't understand that until a doctor had to

773
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:22,439
Speaker 1: explain it to me. You froze your nervous system, which

774
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: throws off all of your chemicals in your brain, and

775
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 1: there isn't enough serotonin into like you're not balancing your mood,

776
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 1: you're numbing your mood. And so at this moment you

777
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: literally are in like a shock. You having that panic

778
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: attack is like the story we told about. And if

779
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 1: you don't know I'm talking about, go back and listen

780
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,280
Speaker 1: to the trauma your body and how they're connected episode.

781
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: What is happening is like the animals who experienced trauma

782
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: how they go And you've probably heard this story, So

783
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 1: when animals, this would be like the seventeenth time of

784
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 1: the story on this podcast. When animals get scared and

785
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: they experienced trauma a lot of times, like most species

786
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: will go somewhere hide and shake their bodies and expel

787
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: that energy inside of them, but humans, we tense up

788
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,879
Speaker 1: and we hold it in. And so you've had all

789
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: this stuff that you've ten s up and held in

790
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: and held in and held in, and you have been

791
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 1: essentially acting out of your parasympathetic nervous system, which is

792
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 1: the shutdown part of you, which is good, it's we

793
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,439
Speaker 1: have it for a reason, but ross to live there.

794
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,920
Speaker 1: And so your anxiety attack or your parentic attack was

795
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: your body shaking that out. And it's almost like it

796
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: was like I can just imagine like the little I

797
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 1: don't know why I think this, but I imagine like

798
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: little people living inside of our brain and like kind

799
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:43,359
Speaker 1: of like in that inside out pressing different buttons than

800
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 1: being like she's never gonna let us shake this out.

801
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: Let's just get it done right now. You are so right.

802
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 1: And I should also note that the both days that

803
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: I had these extreme episodes, nothing happened to trigger them.

804
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: There was no like crazy phone call that I got

805
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,760
Speaker 1: that morning. There was no, like break up that happened

806
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,720
Speaker 1: the week before. It just happened. It just happened because

807
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,879
Speaker 1: of what you just said. Like my body was like

808
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 1: we have to let this go right now, right now.

809
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 1: And so anyway, yeah, I heard Sarah talking to my

810
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 1: therapist and she was like, we've got to get her

811
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: some medicine. And so my boss comes back in and

812
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: she's like, do you have a doctor that we can call? Like,

813
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have an O, B, G Y N.

814
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 1: So we call them and I and I remember I

815
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 1: called them on speaker phone and she was sitting next

816
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: to me, and I felt like a crazy person. I

817
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 1: was like, hey, um, so like it's really weird. Thing

818
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: happened last week where I went to the hospital. I

819
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: thought I was having a hard attack and then they

820
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,280
Speaker 1: told me like, no, you're not having a heart attacking

821
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 1: pan attack. And then like all week I had anxiety

822
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 1: and then it happened again today, So like, could you

823
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: guys call me in like a xanax or something. How

824
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: it was like, let me call you back, and so

825
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:52,759
Speaker 1: I don't remember who ended up calling me back, but

826
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 1: I explained to them that, you know, I was going

827
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 1: to see a therapist the next day, but she recommended

828
00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:00,319
Speaker 1: that I get something in me like today, and so

829
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 1: they ended up calling in at a van for me,

830
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 1: which has changed my life. Changed my life. So then

831
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 1: I went to see the therapist for the first time,

832
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,879
Speaker 1: maybe the next day or the next within the next

833
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 1: two days. And I will never ever forget that day

834
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:22,399
Speaker 1: because I sat down on her little comfy couch and um,

835
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 1: I was neither. I had no feelings at this point

836
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 1: in the time. I was just like a walking robot,

837
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 1: like just trying to make it. And so I sit

838
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:33,919
Speaker 1: down and she's like, what's up, Like why are you here?

839
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't. I don't really know,

840
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: Like I'm going through some physical things. Doctors think that

841
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 1: I have anxiety, but I'm I'm convinced that it's something else. Um,

842
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,280
Speaker 1: and she's just like shaking her head and she goes okay,

843
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: and she goes, well, tell me what your life looks like.

844
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 1: I started talking, and within an instant she's like and

845
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: she's just like on her notepad, going crazy, you know,

846
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: And what felt like two minutes later, she goes, okay,

847
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: So it's been forty five minutes and I'm just gonna

848
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: go ahead and stop you there, there's a lot for

849
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: us to dive into. But I just want to say,

850
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 1: you just told me a lot, and you don't think

851
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:16,280
Speaker 1: any of that has anything to do with what's happening

852
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: to you right now. And I still fully did not

853
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 1: get it, and I was like no, no. That's when

854
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: she said something along the lines of like, you have

855
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:28,760
Speaker 1: become a master of suppressing emotion forever, your entire life,

856
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 1: and your body is finally just it's oozing out of you.

857
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,840
Speaker 1: There's nowhere else for it to go. You've built it

858
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 1: up so high, there's nowhere else where to go. It's

859
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 1: oozing out and you have to face it. You have

860
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 1: to face it. And I was like what, you know,

861
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 1: like what? But like I like respected her because it's like, okay, yeah.

862
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,840
Speaker 1: I went back the next week and that's when it

863
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: all started. I mean, we just started peeling back those

864
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 1: layers and there was so much there that I just,

865
00:41:56,440 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: like I said, I had no idea, no idea, And

866
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: now I'm going to interrupt you. Do you guys talk

867
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: about your attachment? You might and she might not say

868
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 1: she never used I don't think she's used the term attachment.

869
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 1: I don't know what I mean. That's a big question.

870
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:13,800
Speaker 1: But I have a whole episode on it. Okay, but

871
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:18,359
Speaker 1: your attachment, I I work through attachment focused lens, so

872
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 1: I'm always looking at at people's um what kind of

873
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 1: side of the scale they lean to. And there's two

874
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 1: main types, avoidant and anxious. You would think you might

875
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 1: be anxious because you have anxiety, but you are probably

876
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 1: one of the most was it picture perfect? Is that

877
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:40,320
Speaker 1: the word avoidant avoidantly attached humans and not even knowing

878
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 1: the depths of your childhood, just that one story of

879
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: them being like, you're fine, you don't need a therapist,

880
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:52,359
Speaker 1: knowing how crazy you might you must have felt because

881
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: of your experience with that relationship and the tears you

882
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: were having. What happens in people who have an avoidant

883
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: attachment is they learned that their needs are too much,

884
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: or don't have needs because you're going to get hurt.

885
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 1: It's somebody with an anxious attachment. They'll have hope and

886
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: then they get let down, and they have hope and

887
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,280
Speaker 1: they let down, so they go on this roller coaster.

888
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: So they're always trying to like hold onto hope and

889
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: avoidant people just don't have hope. Yes, that is me

890
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 1: at all. And so you have to learn that I

891
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 1: can have needs and there is hope for me. I

892
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: can't get disappointed in the world has like ups and downs,

893
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 1: but there's hope for me. But what you had done

894
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: is you've taken essentially I am very visual. Clearly I

895
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 1: have vision avoidant people wearing those onesie pajamas and then

896
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:36,759
Speaker 1: how there's a zipper from the foot all the way up.

897
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 1: It's like they have zipped up into like the like

898
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 1: footie pajamas and that's how they walk around the world.

899
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: Other people's emotions are annoying to them, Yes, and they

900
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 1: don't have any Yes. And like I've explained it. After

901
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 1: I've you know, started this therapy journey, I would tell

902
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 1: like my closest friends about the things that I was

903
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,760
Speaker 1: uncovering and learning, and um, they were like mind blown

904
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 1: the things that I had never brought up. But I

905
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 1: didn't bring them up. I wasn't trying to really hide it.

906
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: I really didn't how it was there. Yeah, And so

907
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 1: we've talked about this. My therapist. She uses like a

908
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 1: list of emotions Lauren's therapist, who's the same list that

909
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 1: I don't have in my office anymore since I moved

910
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 1: that I did have, and people were always like, where

911
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: are the rest of them? Yeah, this is the eight

912
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: we're using, or they're all bad and there's only one

913
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 1: good one yeah, which is not true. Well my thing

914
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,760
Speaker 1: is she so I would, you know, tell her something

915
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: and she'd say, okay, so how does that make you feel?

916
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 1: And I would literally Catherine like I wouldn't just be

917
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: saying like, oh, I don't know, like I really would

918
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 1: not know how to define an emotion. Was that frustrating

919
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 1: and annoying to you? Yes? Because I am like the

920
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 1: type of person like I like to get things right

921
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 1: and do things right, and it was, Yeah, it was

922
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,720
Speaker 1: frustrate because I like the Instagram. I have never done that.

923
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: I know, I'm like the one person that hasn't. I

924
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 1: know you do it. But she would give me the

925
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,360
Speaker 1: list and I would look and it would it was

926
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 1: like cool. I mean I would literally like maybe sad,

927
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: and she'd be like, um try, I'd be like, um

928
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 1: maybe shame. Like she would literally have to help me,

929
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 1: like you have to give me hints and now I'm

930
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: able to identify those things way more easily than I

931
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,279
Speaker 1: could three years ago. But I mean it was it

932
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 1: was really like a well, because emotions and your feelings

933
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 1: are clues to what you need. And if you have

934
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 1: been told that your needs are too much or they're wrong,

935
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, I'm not gonna have emotions because

936
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 1: they tell me what I need and I don't want

937
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: to have needs. So then you shut all of that off.

938
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 1: And so then you have to relearn, like something you

939
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 1: would learn as like a three year old, you're learning

940
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 1: as seven year old. Like imagine if you were learning

941
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,319
Speaker 1: a new language right now, it would be really hard

942
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:47,320
Speaker 1: and frustrating. And that's what people who have avoidant attachment

943
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 1: have to do in their adult life. That if that's

944
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 1: when they're going to therapy, So that like opens up

945
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 1: a whole life for your whole new life. And so

946
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I like referred to that time in my

947
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:00,400
Speaker 1: life was like it was like a spiritual awakening birth

948
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 1: truly truly. And Amber, the friend that I mentioned who

949
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 1: ended up taking me to the hospital that day, I mean,

950
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: she says it all the time. She's like, you're a

951
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 1: different person, Like you're you are a different person than

952
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: you were before that moment. And I feel that I

953
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 1: believe that, and I like, I don't know my eyes

954
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,479
Speaker 1: were just open to so many things. Like I said

955
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: that I didn't even know we're there, and it's crazy.

956
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,839
Speaker 1: It's really crazy to like talk through it and and

957
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 1: think back to it. Anyway. So in therapy, one day,

958
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 1: after we had really worked through like the really really

959
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 1: tough things that I had going on inside, I came

960
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: in one day and my therapist was like, where do

961
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 1: you see yourself in five years? And I'm a very

962
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 1: goal oriented person and so I was like, well, do

963
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,319
Speaker 1: you mean like career wise or you know, in my

964
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 1: personal life? And she was like, I don't know, Like

965
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 1: where do you see yourself? The first things that came

966
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: up for me were career things, and so I was like, well,

967
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 1: how all these ideas like I really want to flip houses.

968
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:59,799
Speaker 1: I have this idea for this like dance fitness thing.

969
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: It's not really happening here in Nashville yet, because you know,

970
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: I was in the fitness industry and I'd taken um

971
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: some dance fitness stuff in New York that I just

972
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 1: thought was so cool and you know, maybe I'll bring

973
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 1: that to Nashville. And then I was like I had

974
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: this other like really random idea um and it's like

975
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:18,760
Speaker 1: a dance program of some sort for people with special needs,

976
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: but like, I don't I don't know. I don't know

977
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,359
Speaker 1: anything about that, so I don't know. I'm really leaning

978
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 1: towards like the fitness thing. The flipping houses would take

979
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: like a lot of cash, which I don't have, so

980
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 1: I've learned that's not that fun. Yeah, yeah, you know.

981
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: So she's like, okay, let's just stop there. Um. She

982
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:37,960
Speaker 1: was like, I have to say that last idea that

983
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: you're really like just pushing to the side. I feel

984
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,359
Speaker 1: like there's something there. And I was like, I don't

985
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:46,240
Speaker 1: even know anyone with a disability. I don't know anything

986
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 1: about that world, Like how would I who am I

987
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 1: to do that? Right? And she was like, yeah, but

988
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 1: dance is so woven into who you are and like

989
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 1: your story, and I feel like that's kind of what

990
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 1: your destiny, Like your destiny is something with dance, and

991
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 1: like there's nothing like that really happening. You should think

992
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,319
Speaker 1: about it. And so I'm like, okay, I'm also a

993
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:09,800
Speaker 1: very like challenge oriented person. So we rescheduled my next appointment.

994
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,839
Speaker 1: It was like two weeks from that session, and so

995
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 1: I leave and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do some

996
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 1: homework on this so I can come back to my

997
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 1: next session and say, like, look at this, you know,

998
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:19,920
Speaker 1: whether I'm going to do it or not, like I'm

999
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:21,600
Speaker 1: gonna have something to say about it, because she kind

1000
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 1: of challenged me. And so I go home that day

1001
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 1: and I'm like, let me just go back to two

1002
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 1: thousand twelve, du little research, see what comes up. Maybe

1003
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,479
Speaker 1: there's some things that are happening. Maybe I can find

1004
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 1: somebody else is doing this that could help me, you know,

1005
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:38,719
Speaker 1: look into this a little more. So I just googled

1006
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 1: dance programs for people with special needs. There was definitely

1007
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: more happening than there was in two thousand twelve. And

1008
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: I did my project for school. But here, no, still

1009
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:49,879
Speaker 1: not a lot. I mean there was like a couple

1010
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: of things, but not anything specifically. What I envisioned a

1011
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:57,279
Speaker 1: completely inclusive environment where it's people with and without disabilities

1012
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: with the same goal in mind to just like experience

1013
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 1: the joy of day sing. Right. So, while I'm researching,

1014
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: I get a text from a friend just out of

1015
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:08,800
Speaker 1: the blue, who is really involved with a different organization

1016
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 1: that's four people with special needs here in Nashville, and

1017
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 1: she texted me something random. It was not about that,

1018
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,399
Speaker 1: but I was like, Oh, that's the person I need

1019
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: to ask is this a good idea? You know? So

1020
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: I text her back and I'm like, hey, by the way,

1021
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 1: have this random thing that I'm playing around with. Can

1022
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 1: we go to dinner? So I just like, pick your brain?

1023
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 1: So we go to dinner. I tell her and she's like,

1024
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 1: people would love to see something like that happening. Like

1025
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: I can speak on behalf of these parents. I know

1026
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:32,319
Speaker 1: that they would be interested. You just need to kind

1027
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 1: of figure out what it looks like and then I'll

1028
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 1: help you know, connect to you however I can. And

1029
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: so long story short, I was like, how do I

1030
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 1: try this thing without making a huge commitment and saying

1031
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna quit my job and like open this

1032
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,279
Speaker 1: dance studio. So I decided to do a week long

1033
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 1: summer camp and I'm like, I can take off work

1034
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 1: for a week. I can rent a space and see

1035
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 1: what happens. Right, That's what I thought. Move What what

1036
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 1: was it? Even it wasn't called it was called the

1037
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 1: project because it was literally just like a project that

1038
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 1: I was working on that was like essentially a test.

1039
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 1: It was like a pilot run. At the end of

1040
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: the week, parents are coming to pick their kids up

1041
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 1: and they're like, what's next. We want to sign up

1042
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 1: for the next event, and I'm like, oh, there isn't one,

1043
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 1: but okay, great. And my friend Megan, who I grew

1044
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 1: up in the same dance studio as she also has

1045
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 1: her degree and dance said she went on and got

1046
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 1: her Masters in special actually came up to teach the camp,

1047
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 1: right because I knew that I couldn't teach this first

1048
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 1: thing because I again knew nothing about it. So I mean,

1049
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: I I put the camp, I did the entire thing,

1050
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,760
Speaker 1: I fundraised, but she she taught the actual like lessons

1051
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 1: I would I would teach also, but she designed like

1052
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,319
Speaker 1: the curriculum for the week the first event that we did.

1053
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,919
Speaker 1: As I started talking to people, they were like, yeah,

1054
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: you should do this, but you should also probably pick

1055
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:48,839
Speaker 1: a lane because you don't know what you're doing, and

1056
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 1: people a down syndrome are probably going to be the

1057
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 1: easiest for you to like kind of dip your toes in, right,

1058
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 1: because they're typically very positive, loving people, right, And so

1059
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:00,800
Speaker 1: it was a camp for individual goals with down syndrome,

1060
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 1: and so so it was okay, I don't know. Yeah,

1061
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 1: for the first event. So Megan came up and was

1062
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: able to say, Okay, so like typically people with Down

1063
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 1: syndrome are going to respond, you know to this this

1064
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. So she was able to design the

1065
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:16,439
Speaker 1: actual like lessons that were happening every day and lead

1066
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,399
Speaker 1: them to the groups, um where I did everything else

1067
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 1: on the volunteers and just like hosted the camp well

1068
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 1: and just knowing because that makes more sense now, because

1069
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 1: I did always wonder that I, like different disabilities, you

1070
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,880
Speaker 1: have to be aware of different I would do my sister,

1071
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 1: That's what she does for a living too, she would,

1072
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 1: and I ask her questions about stuff all the time,

1073
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: but like just sensory issues that might come up, especially

1074
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 1: things would have no idea and all that. Yeah, And

1075
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 1: in a big part of it too was I mean

1076
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,360
Speaker 1: I was like every day getting coffee or lunch with

1077
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: someone who anyone who would talk to me, but someone

1078
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 1: who had experienced either working with people disabilities or a

1079
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 1: parent or anything, um, just getting as much information as

1080
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:00,840
Speaker 1: I could. And so anyway, in the week after it

1081
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 1: was clear that like, Okay, people are on board with

1082
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: this thing, right, I told Megan. She lived in in

1083
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:09,480
Speaker 1: Mississippi at the time, and she is married and they

1084
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:14,240
Speaker 1: were getting ready to plan their family and I told her, look,

1085
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,960
Speaker 1: I don't know what this is going to look like.

1086
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 1: I can't give you an exact timeline. I can't give

1087
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 1: you really many answers, but I know that I'm going

1088
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:26,439
Speaker 1: to make this thing happen in a year round way.

1089
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 1: It is going to be a space that I'm going

1090
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:31,240
Speaker 1: to open, you know, it's going to have its own studio.

1091
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 1: And I would love for you to to help me,

1092
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,400
Speaker 1: you know, with the programming. However you can't whatever that

1093
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 1: means for you. And I just remember her looking at

1094
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: me and she was like, yeah, like we're in and

1095
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, go talk to your husband, you know,

1096
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 1: like you don't live here, Like that's a lot. And

1097
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 1: so they yeah, they were. They really trusted me. And

1098
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 1: that's how it's been with everything with our down Yeah,

1099
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 1: she's our program director and so she moved here. Yeah,

1100
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 1: they moved here. Yeah, like the next summer. It's wild.

1101
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 1: It's wild, but that that's just how it's been. Like

1102
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:04,239
Speaker 1: you've seen like my fundraisers and everything, like people have

1103
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: just believed in this thing from day one. Tell the

1104
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 1: story about your funding. Okay, yes, So also I want

1105
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 1: to just say this, we're touching on seventy five different things. God,

1106
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 1: how are you going to going to title? This is

1107
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 1: really the question. But the other thing is so many people.

1108
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 1: I mean, I sit with friends and clients who a

1109
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 1: lot of them are not doing what they want to do.

1110
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,879
Speaker 1: Which that's fine. We don't always have to be doing

1111
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 1: what we want to do at every moment in our lives.

1112
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 1: But a lot of the reasons they're not doing that

1113
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 1: is because they're afraid, for whatever reason, of going after

1114
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: something that doesn't exist, or they aren't guaranteed to get,

1115
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: or it's not guaranteed to go right. So I want

1116
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 1: those people, if that hits you, to listen to this

1117
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 1: story that you're about to tell. Because you didn't have

1118
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 1: enough money to start a business, you don't come from

1119
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 1: like family families of millions and millions of dollars that

1120
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:00,239
Speaker 1: can just give you anything, you also would have to

1121
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 1: be people to um, I actually don't know your family's finances,

1122
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 1: but to be true, confirmed not so, and so she didn't.

1123
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 1: You did not have all of the things that you

1124
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:13,440
Speaker 1: needed to have, but what you had was what an

1125
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 1: idea yeah and yeah, yeah, yeah, and it was worth

1126
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: it what you said in the very beginning, like it

1127
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 1: was worth you trying, like I didn't know if it

1128
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 1: was going to work out, like you going to New York. Yeah, exactly,

1129
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:26,440
Speaker 1: it was kind of working. Just that type of person honestly,

1130
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 1: Like because people will ask me kind of like what

1131
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,239
Speaker 1: gives you the confidence to know these crazy things that

1132
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 1: people would be too scary? And I'm like, I don't.

1133
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 1: I really don't think of it like that. And I

1134
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 1: think that that's like a that is a personality type

1135
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 1: because I think I'm that way too, and like we're

1136
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 1: both pretty bold. Yes, yes, And I don't think I've

1137
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:47,719
Speaker 1: told this story on the podcast, But then I want

1138
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:51,439
Speaker 1: you to tell your story because people ask me, now

1139
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: I'm on this podcast network and they're like, how did

1140
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:57,840
Speaker 1: you get to know? Like how do you know Amy?

1141
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 1: Like who introduced you? How did you get on her

1142
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 1: Outweigh series? And I was like, I emailed her. I

1143
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 1: love it so much. I literally took a solo. It

1144
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 1: was supposed to be solo. Part of it was supposed

1145
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,360
Speaker 1: to be, but then I just was it wasn't. But

1146
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 1: I had like a couple of solo hours in a

1147
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 1: coffee shop and my friend Taylor, her mom was listening

1148
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 1: to I think either the Bodybones Show or Amy's podcast

1149
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 1: Four Things with Amy Brown, and she was talking about

1150
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 1: doing a series on eating disorders. She was like, Katherine,

1151
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 1: you need to email her and ask her if you

1152
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,040
Speaker 1: can be on it. I said, but she's never going

1153
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:30,520
Speaker 1: to read that email, let alone answer it. But then

1154
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 1: I was sitting there and thinking, in the three hours

1155
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 1: alone at this coffee shop, the worst thing that could

1156
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 1: happen is she doesn't respond to it. She's not going

1157
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 1: to email me and be like, no, you're dumb, Like

1158
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 1: she's not gonna say that, she won't to respond to it.

1159
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: I'll forget that even sent the email right And then

1160
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 1: I think it was like a couple of days later,

1161
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:47,799
Speaker 1: I sent the email and just said this is who

1162
00:55:47,840 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 1: I am. I'd love to be a part of this

1163
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 1: project that you're doing if nothing else to give you

1164
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 1: resources and she amiled me back and then are But

1165
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 1: it was just like why wouldn't I email her at

1166
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 1: that Moore? I had nothing better to do. You So

1167
00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 1: you have a we have a very very very similar store.

1168
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:06,400
Speaker 1: We should like go out on tour, like in aspiring

1169
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:10,920
Speaker 1: people to like send cold emails. So yeah, So I

1170
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 1: had to do some fundraising to to start this thing,

1171
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 1: and before the first camp, I did a crowdfunding campaign

1172
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:19,320
Speaker 1: that was literally just like a video of me, because

1173
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:23,920
Speaker 1: again I didn't have any like product or experience to

1174
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:25,719
Speaker 1: say like, hey, I'm the person that should do this.

1175
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:27,719
Speaker 1: It was literally a video of me just saying like

1176
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 1: I have this idea and like would this be great

1177
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 1: if this thing did exist? And I was like, Okay,

1178
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make the goal five thousand dollars. That feels doable.

1179
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 1: I'll give it thirty days, we'll see what happens. We

1180
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 1: raised five thousand on day one. That was the first

1181
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 1: go around, the first day of the first thing ever,

1182
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 1: so I'm like, okay, there's something here, right, And then

1183
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: over the course of third days we ended up raising

1184
00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 1: I think around twelve so like it was clear that

1185
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,479
Speaker 1: like people were on board, right. So fast forward after

1186
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 1: the first camp and I decide, okay, I'm gonna do

1187
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:56,680
Speaker 1: this thing. I'm gonna open a studio. Now I've got

1188
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,680
Speaker 1: to raise more money, right, So, which was a much

1189
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:01,879
Speaker 1: big goal, way bigger. So it was a hundred thousand

1190
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: dollars that was the goal. So I did another crowdfunding

1191
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:11,319
Speaker 1: campaign and I got to ride under fifty thous and

1192
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,240
Speaker 1: maybe like a month, I think. And I had always

1193
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: planned to stretch it out because I had the ability.

1194
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 1: It was through iPhone women, which great platform, but you

1195
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 1: have the ability to like stretch your timeline if you

1196
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:21,080
Speaker 1: need to. So I knew that I could do that.

1197
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 1: But at the end of the month, I'm like, Okay,

1198
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 1: we've kind of like plateaued. I gotta pull some things

1199
00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 1: out here, right. So I had this list of people

1200
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,720
Speaker 1: that I was constantly emailing throughout the entire thirty days

1201
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 1: already just saying like, hey, look you should check this

1202
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: out and maybe donate, which oh my god, it's horrible.

1203
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:40,760
Speaker 1: And then like you get to the point where like

1204
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: you're like, are people avoiding me? Like it sucks, but

1205
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:46,240
Speaker 1: like you do what you gotta do. And so I

1206
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 1: had this other list that was like people that I'm like,

1207
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 1: this won't happen, but like I should probably try, right,

1208
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 1: And at the top of that list was a woman

1209
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:58,920
Speaker 1: named Carrie Door, who founded Pure Bar, the company that

1210
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 1: I worked for leading up to this, right the only

1211
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:04,400
Speaker 1: career that I had had at that point, and it

1212
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,840
Speaker 1: had pure Bar. I mean, obviously I was able to

1213
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: move to these different cities right and easily have a

1214
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 1: job wherever I wanted to go, basically, but it also

1215
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 1: set me up with powerful, cool women across the country.

1216
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 1: So when I did that first campaign, like those were

1217
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 1: my donors, those are still the people that like how

1218
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 1: I have my board, like it's connections through pure Bar.

1219
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:24,640
Speaker 1: So it already had given me so many things that

1220
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 1: I never could have imagined. And so I'm like, woould

1221
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 1: be cool if the founder of pure Bar, who was

1222
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 1: no longer involved with the company, was like a donor, right,

1223
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: And so she at that time wasn't involved in the company. No,

1224
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 1: she was not involved with the company. She had been

1225
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 1: out for for several years at that point. But when

1226
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 1: I first went went to my very first training for

1227
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:45,840
Speaker 1: pure Bar in two thousand and twelve, I was in

1228
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:48,120
Speaker 1: the last wave of people that was able to meet

1229
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 1: her at their training, and she like didn't remember me.

1230
00:58:50,520 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 1: It was like me and you know, a bunch of

1231
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:54,360
Speaker 1: other people. But she told us her story of how

1232
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 1: she started pure Bar, and how she came from nothing

1233
00:58:56,880 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 1: and she built this thing that changed the world. And

1234
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 1: I remember sitting there thinking I don't know what I

1235
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 1: want to do with my life, but like, I want

1236
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 1: to be like her. I want to change the world

1237
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 1: and create something that just doesn't exist and that will

1238
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 1: just you know, make the world a better place. And

1239
00:59:12,560 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 1: she I was just so moved by her, and so

1240
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:17,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, I'm going to email her.

1241
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,120
Speaker 1: I don't have her email address. I had some connections

1242
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:22,480
Speaker 1: to her that I definitely could have worked to get

1243
00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 1: her email address or probably even her phone number, but

1244
00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 1: I wanted to get it myself without anyone's help. So

1245
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just gonna guess. So I guessed

1246
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:35,440
Speaker 1: like three different versions of what could be her email

1247
00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 1: as her name. Yeah, I send this email and I

1248
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 1: explain this story briefly that I just said, And I'm like,

1249
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 1: you don't remember me, but I remember you, and I

1250
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:46,640
Speaker 1: think you would be into what I'm doing. She has

1251
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:48,480
Speaker 1: a history with dance, she was a former dancer as well,

1252
00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 1: and like, I think you would be inspired by this.

1253
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 1: I would love to take a phone call with you

1254
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: just to tell you more about my vision for this company.

1255
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 1: And the next day I woke up to a response

1256
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 1: from her and she said, Lauren, thank you so much

1257
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:05,240
Speaker 1: for reaching out. I think this is incredible. The next day, yeah,

1258
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,280
Speaker 1: rather than a phone call, would you be willing to

1259
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:09,439
Speaker 1: come to Denver to meet me? I was like yeah,

1260
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 1: I yes. I was like, yeah, of course, Okay, see

1261
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:18,439
Speaker 1: you like next Tuesday, like whatever. So I fly out

1262
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 1: the next week literally like stayed like one of my

1263
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,919
Speaker 1: friends gave me her Southwest points for me to get there.

1264
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,280
Speaker 1: I stayed in like the crappiest Airbnb ever. Um, it

1265
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:29,200
Speaker 1: was literally just less than twenty four hours. I was

1266
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 1: there just for this meeting, and I had no idea

1267
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 1: what to expect. Like I talked to a mentor of

1268
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:36,320
Speaker 1: mine before I went, and I was like, what do

1269
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:38,720
Speaker 1: we really think it's going to come over this? And

1270
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 1: he was like, I mean I would think with her

1271
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:44,080
Speaker 1: asking you to fly out there like probably ten thousand,

1272
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like, but I don't want you to

1273
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 1: have a number in your head and then it'd be

1274
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,600
Speaker 1: less or like nothing. And I was like, yeah, I don't.

1275
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:50,959
Speaker 1: I don't even want to have a number my head either.

1276
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 1: So I really didn't put too much thought into it.

1277
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 1: So we meet, we sit down and we're nervous. I'm

1278
01:00:57,120 --> 01:00:58,840
Speaker 1: a god. Yeah, I was so nervous but like we're

1279
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 1: just talking. She was so cool. We're just talking and

1280
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 1: I'm telling her about, you know, what I want to do,

1281
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 1: and she's like, okay, so what is your long term goal?

1282
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I want this to be like what

1283
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 1: you did. I want this to become a nationwide program

1284
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:14,960
Speaker 1: that changes people's lives and just brings joy to the world.

1285
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: And she's like, so you're in this for the long

1286
01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 1: hall and I was like yeah, and she's like okay,

1287
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 1: and she's like, well, speaking of kids, I'm about to

1288
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 1: have to go pick my kids up. This was like

1289
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 1: after like an hour of us just chatting and hang out.

1290
01:01:23,960 --> 01:01:26,400
Speaker 1: She's like, but how how far are you from your goal?

1291
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, um, well, I'm about halfway there.

1292
01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:32,680
Speaker 1: Um have about fifty thousand or so to go, but

1293
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:35,240
Speaker 1: I have some things in the works, you know. I

1294
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 1: feel really confident that I'm going to hit the goal.

1295
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:38,800
Speaker 1: And she was like, when when does it end? And

1296
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:41,080
Speaker 1: I was like, well, technically it ends in two weeks,

1297
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:43,720
Speaker 1: but I'm you know, I'm not telling anyone, but I'm

1298
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 1: going to extend it, you know, and I'm going to

1299
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:47,640
Speaker 1: figure it out. And she was like okay, and she

1300
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 1: goes I'm gonna give you a check for fifty five dollars.

1301
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: And I, someone who doesn't cry, Catherine immediately tears. O god, don't.

1302
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 1: And I just at her and I was like, can

1303
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:03,760
Speaker 1: I hug you? I'm not a hugger either. I did

1304
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 1: not know. I literally didn't know what to do. I

1305
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:06,800
Speaker 1: was like, can I hug you? And she was like yes.

1306
01:02:07,160 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: We stood up, we hugged. I looked at her and

1307
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 1: I said, Carrie, I need you to know I meant

1308
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: everything I said in that email. I was so moved

1309
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 1: by you when I met you, and just so inspired

1310
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:20,800
Speaker 1: by you, and this is just the craziest thing that

1311
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 1: could ever happen. And I really did just want to

1312
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,040
Speaker 1: be like you and just like thank you for doing this.

1313
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: And she was like, well, it's your turn now, and

1314
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,520
Speaker 1: we hugged again, and I left and she mailed me

1315
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 1: a check for fifty five tho dollars and I opened

1316
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 1: the studio and here we are. I would start, it's crazy,

1317
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 1: Well I've heard that story, but I didn't I know.

1318
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:43,120
Speaker 1: I didn't hear that story. I knew what happened, and

1319
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:45,240
Speaker 1: she gave you the money, but I did not know

1320
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 1: that you went and met her and stay with her

1321
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:51,040
Speaker 1: and then like so nonchalantly, she's like, I believe in you.

1322
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 1: Here you go, now go to go forward. And now

1323
01:02:55,760 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 1: that was in ten. That was nineteen and spring to

1324
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 1: the student that is open and yeah, made it through,

1325
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:06,440
Speaker 1: COVID made it through. There's a whole an other we

1326
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 1: don't have time for that. I don't time to that.

1327
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:12,520
Speaker 1: But yeah, so cool. Uh okay, so we're you know,

1328
01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:14,760
Speaker 1: we're so over. It's been a little bit of time.

1329
01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 1: So I obviously there's more for you to say. And

1330
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:21,320
Speaker 1: and if anybody has questions about anything, send them because

1331
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,320
Speaker 1: she can also be on a Q and A episode.

1332
01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: How do people get involved in? What are you still

1333
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 1: taking donations? Like? How do you Yes, we're always taking

1334
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:32,960
Speaker 1: all the things. Um so social media moving, inclusive dance

1335
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 1: actually like for everything? Is it because we haven't Actually basically,

1336
01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:38,760
Speaker 1: it's a dance studio for people of all ages and

1337
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:41,360
Speaker 1: all ability levels. So some of our students, most of

1338
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 1: our students have some type of special need, but some

1339
01:03:43,840 --> 01:03:46,320
Speaker 1: do not. I have, um, some typical kids that their

1340
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:48,360
Speaker 1: moms just want them to be like in an inclusive

1341
01:03:48,520 --> 01:03:51,480
Speaker 1: environment where they're learning around people who are maybe not

1342
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:53,080
Speaker 1: just like them. And then I also have like a

1343
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:55,320
Speaker 1: forty six year old woman who takes my ballet classes.

1344
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 1: Like it's very across the board, just like a very

1345
01:03:58,320 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 1: wide range of people. But it's all about just like us,

1346
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:03,919
Speaker 1: like experiencing the joy of dance, and this transformative thing

1347
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:06,480
Speaker 1: that changed my life and was this outlet for me

1348
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:09,640
Speaker 1: is now an outlet for so many people who wouldn't

1349
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:12,120
Speaker 1: have that opportunity otherwise. Yeah, and I think the cool

1350
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 1: thing that I'm hearing is that it's a dance studio

1351
01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:19,360
Speaker 1: that me, Yeah, I could go, And it's not like

1352
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:21,280
Speaker 1: when I think of a dance studio, I think of

1353
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 1: and I have a skewed view because I don't know

1354
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:26,320
Speaker 1: anything about dance. I think you have to be like good,

1355
01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 1: whatever that means. It has to be something that you

1356
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:33,120
Speaker 1: get into or at my age, I can't start dancing now.

1357
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 1: But dance is one moving your body. That's why I

1358
01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:40,480
Speaker 1: call exercise and working out movement rather than exercise are

1359
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:42,520
Speaker 1: working out because I don't care so much about you

1360
01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:44,960
Speaker 1: getting your heart rate up, are you burning calories? It's

1361
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:47,720
Speaker 1: like moving your body is such a healing agent and

1362
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 1: it brings people together, and so you're doing both of

1363
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 1: those things. Anybody can go. It's outside of Nashville, so

1364
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 1: it's in Bellevue, which is West Nashville, Okay, and anybody

1365
01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:59,760
Speaker 1: can go. There's classes. I can find you online moving

1366
01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 1: clo of Dance dot Com. How do they don't? Yeah,

1367
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:05,960
Speaker 1: so you are a supporter of ours. UM. We have

1368
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,520
Speaker 1: a monthly donor program. It's called the Joy Squad. And

1369
01:05:08,560 --> 01:05:11,200
Speaker 1: so for students that can't afford the tuition rate to

1370
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:13,640
Speaker 1: take classes, we we don't want to turn anyone away, right,

1371
01:05:13,640 --> 01:05:15,720
Speaker 1: so we create scholarships for them. And we do that

1372
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:19,200
Speaker 1: by UM having people sign on to give any amount

1373
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,680
Speaker 1: that they want UM on a monthly basis. I have

1374
01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:23,680
Speaker 1: you know someone who gives a hundred bucks a month,

1375
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 1: to have people that give a lot of people to

1376
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:26,920
Speaker 1: give five bucks a month. It could be one dollar truly,

1377
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:29,040
Speaker 1: whatever you want to give UM, and you just do

1378
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,040
Speaker 1: that through the website. There's a tab that says support

1379
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:33,400
Speaker 1: and then you click the joy Squad and that's it

1380
01:05:33,440 --> 01:05:36,080
Speaker 1: and you're in. You're in cool? All right? Well, so

1381
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:39,560
Speaker 1: you heard that move inclusive dance dot dot com. Do

1382
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,000
Speaker 1: you want people to follow you on the follow us

1383
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:45,720
Speaker 1: follow move and then they can follow you? Sure? I

1384
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:48,680
Speaker 1: don't think I'm probably very exciting on social media personally,

1385
01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 1: but do you want to face with the voice? But

1386
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:55,959
Speaker 1: our Instagram and our Facebook for anything, it's move inclusive dance.

1387
01:05:57,120 --> 01:06:00,720
Speaker 1: All right, Well, thank you for taking us on that ride.

1388
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:03,080
Speaker 1: Of all the things, I'm gonna have to spend some

1389
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:07,000
Speaker 1: time thinking of, like what is you just didn't even

1390
01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 1: know what you're getting yourself into with this, which I

1391
01:06:09,280 --> 01:06:11,240
Speaker 1: told you it's the best, that's the best way to

1392
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:14,240
Speaker 1: do it. But yeah, thank you, and guys, go follow her,

1393
01:06:14,800 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 1: Go take a class if you live in Nashville. If

1394
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:19,000
Speaker 1: you don't live in Nashville, you can still be you

1395
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:22,000
Speaker 1: do online stuff. We do virtual classes, so anybody can

1396
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:24,200
Speaker 1: do class. Yes, we have people across the country doing

1397
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:26,720
Speaker 1: our zoom classes every week. Okay, wait a second, I'm

1398
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:29,160
Speaker 1: trying to wrap this up. But also I got the

1399
01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:33,960
Speaker 1: email of the BuzzFeed yes okay, that they reached out

1400
01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:36,480
Speaker 1: to you. Yes, yes, so you reached out to me

1401
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:39,000
Speaker 1: like it was late I think, and then of course

1402
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,240
Speaker 1: covid has found it. But yes, it finally came out

1403
01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:43,959
Speaker 1: and it's a series on well h yeah, it's about

1404
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:46,920
Speaker 1: young entrepreneurs. So every year they pick five young entrepreneurs

1405
01:06:46,960 --> 01:06:50,080
Speaker 1: like across the country that are yeah, doing social good

1406
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:52,720
Speaker 1: and so I was very honored that they reached out

1407
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:54,960
Speaker 1: to me. And yeah, there's a really cool video again

1408
01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:57,920
Speaker 1: on our website and any social media. You'll sit there,

1409
01:06:57,960 --> 01:06:59,680
Speaker 1: but go watch that because when I saw that, I

1410
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:01,360
Speaker 1: text to do you what. I was like, I'm eating

1411
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:06,120
Speaker 1: my avocado toast and I'm crying, um, but go check

1412
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:10,200
Speaker 1: her out. Thank you so much, thank you, and goodbye, goodbye.