00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're I guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, and I said, no, guests, your presence is presents enough. 00:00:31 Speaker 2: I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me? 00:00:48 Speaker 3: Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineger. 00:00:52 Speaker 1: Ah. 00:00:53 Speaker 3: It's ten am. I'm dressed, I'm showered. I've brushed my teeth. I don't know why. Well, I'll tell you why. Something's afoot. We've got a guest today that's several hours ahead, and I'm just thrilled, beyond all thrills. Today we've got none other than Emma Thompson. Emma, welcome to. I said no gifts, Oh, thank you. I also have brushed my teeth, which has it turned out, was unwise because I'm drinking a martini. Oh, that's got to be an interesting combination of flavors. 00:01:25 Speaker 4: It's not good. It's not good. I can't recommend it. 00:01:28 Speaker 3: What time is it there? 00:01:30 Speaker 4: It is six o'clock. You're we are yep? 00:01:34 Speaker 3: Yeah, several hours in the future. 00:01:37 Speaker 4: Yes, Emma. 00:01:38 Speaker 3: Have they found a vaccine in your timeline? 00:01:41 Speaker 2: Oh? 00:01:41 Speaker 4: Obviously yes. 00:01:42 Speaker 3: Oh, thank God. Okay, beautiful, but only for sheep, only for shame. 00:01:46 Speaker 5: Okay perfect Unfortunately, Well, the sheep will go, will survive for all of us, will build a new society, and earth, yes. 00:01:57 Speaker 3: Will be theirs. Now, yeah, I have to say, up until we both got on the Zoom call with your daughter guy about five minutes ago, up until then, I was absolutely ninety nine percent sure that you were not going to appear, that I was going to learn that I had been scammed, that this was some sort of sophisticated scam that somehow had gotten. It would have been beyond all scams, because the way we got in touch was through email, and I of course was bowled over that you had been listening to the show, and I was excited, and you even provided a phone number for me to call, which I didn't because I didn't want to bother you. But as I was falling asleep last night, knowing we were going to do this today, I thought maybe I should have bothered her, because if we get on it's some teen that's scamming me. The rest of my twenty twenty is over for me. But here you are, here, here, here, I am with them. All I've washed my hair as well. Hey, we've both washed our hair. We looked, Yes, we look amazing. How long have you been in Scotland You've been kind. 00:03:12 Speaker 4: Of we've where we've So. I'm half Scottish and my childhood was largely spent in Scotland, and because my mum's Scottish and all that side of the family had an intense hold upon me when I was a child, and so Scotland for me is definitely my spiritual home. And we weirdly, I was going to take a sabbatical in Scotland this year and then turned up in March to take a sabbatical and found that everyone else was also taking a sabbatical, but not, you know, in not having chosen to do so. So it's been very weird. I've been here since March the third. 00:03:59 Speaker 3: Oh so you I mean, right before the world caught on fire, officially you had gotten to Scotland. 00:04:06 Speaker 4: So yeah, and weirdly, weirdly, I was this year, my sixty first year. I was indulging in making a dream come true, which was learning Italian, learning how to speak Italian. So I just finished with my husband a month of Italian intensive Italian in Venice and Venice was, of course in the north of Italy where the crisis suddenly sparked and spiked in Europe. So we came from a rather locked down Venice in March to Britain, which was more or less behaving as usual, of course, which, as it turned out, was not a good idea. 00:04:48 Speaker 3: It's not the move to make in the United States. I can tell you very much that it's not the move to make. But no, okay, so you had been learning. Where were you learning this Italian? Was it a class? Was it an app in school? Wow? 00:05:03 Speaker 4: In Venice? In a school in Venice, we were all sitting around a table, people with old people, well older people with little time and money on their hands, and really wonderful young Italian teachers working from nine until one every day, five days a week learning Italian, which, let me tell you, is a bit of a language to learn. It's really hard. 00:05:27 Speaker 3: What's so difficult about it? I feel like verbs are all well. 00:05:29 Speaker 4: The prepositions, the prepositions, the prepositions. 00:05:32 Speaker 1: Okay, but. 00:05:35 Speaker 3: I assume you knew a little Italian prior to that. You spent some time in Italy, right. 00:05:39 Speaker 4: I've worked a bit in Italy and I visited Venice for the first time with my extraordinarily wonderful gay Scottish uncle when I was sixteen, and I just arrived there and thought, one day, one day, I'll stay here for a long time and I'll be able to speak the language and I'll know it, because Venice is the most extraordinary place. And actually lockdown has been rather good for Venice. It well, I mean obviously the Venetians, well, the Venetians will say two things to you. First of all, that all the huge massive cruise boats cruise liners that turned up, of course don't do that anymore, right, they're extremely delicious to life there. Also that for once they're having to look at Venice again and say, well, we can't just have tourism, we can't just live on that, because these things happen. And now the streets are theirs again. I mean, it's that they have a very small residential population Venice now, but this is the most incredible place. Have you been. 00:06:52 Speaker 3: I have not spent any time there, and I don't speak any Italian, but obviously my boyfriend's half a town and so there's about a year yearly plea to go to Italy and at some point we'll go there, but who knows. Okay, but so you were there and. 00:07:10 Speaker 4: You'll be the next meeting. 00:07:11 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not a bad idea. And you can get you know, we did. 00:07:15 Speaker 4: We got caught there. 00:07:16 Speaker 3: And you've got a little sneak peek of what the rest of the world was about to fall into. Yeah, we did. It was very strange. And now how are things in Scotland? Are people still going about their business or are it seems like people are taking it seriously? 00:07:32 Speaker 4: Oh no, No, Scotland's sort of more in lockdown still because the first Minister of Scotland, Nicholas Durgeon, it takes a different view to the Johnson government, right, yeah, and so she is in charge and she's in charge of the lockdown easings here and she's taking it slower than they are. 00:07:55 Speaker 3: Now you've been much lower cooped up. Do you do cook? Do you cook? What are you doing with your days? What's a normal lockdown day for Emma Thompson? 00:08:04 Speaker 4: Like I get up at about half past seven or something, you know, not early, and then I do a bit of yoga, okay, because I'm getting old and if I don't do that, my body just isn't fit. For purpose. So and then I go and wake, or not wake, but kind of get my mom up because we are living in lockdown with my mum, who's eighty seven, oh lovely guys, granny, and she's got Parkinson's. So there's quite a lot of, you know, care stuff to do because she's quite lame. She can't do things for herself, quite a lot of things. So there's a lot of sock work and yeah, and so that goes on till about ten and then I'm liable to fling myself off upper hill where I will go and just sweat and stare at the sky. Sure, and then I come home and actually, no, actually I take guy a cup of hot water with lemon at ten o'clock. Oh, that's true. I wake my daughter up first, otherwise she'd sleep till three. So and actually Gia is doing all the cooking. Oh she is. I am never ever going to let her leave. She's such a good cook that whatever happens, I don't care if she gets a job, I don't care. I don't care. If you know, her whole life turns around and she meets a guy and they decide to move to Italy and be happy and open a restaurant. No, she's never leaving here. She's going to be here for the rest of her life, cooking for me, her father, and whoever happens to be turn because she's it's great. It's like living in a like a cross between a care home and a gastropark. 00:09:51 Speaker 3: Well, it's time to start laying the tracks to sabotage her, clip her wings, find a way to keep her at home. I think that that's the plan that you've got to do. Change, just change, change, Just locker into the kitchen. 00:10:03 Speaker 4: Look the old the old ways are the best. Yeah, you want to keep on a chain. 00:10:09 Speaker 3: Them, chain them in in the kitchen. Where did you learn to cook? Was from her parents? Or was this something she just figured out our own? 00:10:16 Speaker 4: God only knows. Look, we can cook a bit. We're not bad, but she's a step beyond cooking. To me, seems to be all about seasoning. 00:10:30 Speaker 3: Oh, if you underseason I don't understand the the choice to underseason anything. People who don't know their foods do this. What's the goal there? What are we afraid of? 00:10:43 Speaker 6: Taste? 00:10:44 Speaker 4: Taste? Taste. Absolutely, she's very good at that, really really good at that. So we are very very lucky, very very lucky. And then in the afternoon we well, what do we do. We indulge in a sport of like fencing. There's a lot of bonfires go on because we've got a bit of land, and upon the land grow the ubiquitous and indeed not endemic rhododendron that needs to be destroyed. It needs to be destroyed. I tell you, it needs to be destroyed. So you have to cut it all down and burn it. So there's a lot of bonfiring going on, which is good fun. I feel I'm actually basically an arsonist. 00:11:24 Speaker 3: I feel like a Scottish bonfire has something, some very witchy vibes about it. I feel like I'm saying some kind of dancing witch shadows around a bonfire, and. 00:11:34 Speaker 4: All bonfires have witchy vibes. They're very powerful things. Certainly, you know when you get a flare with a bonfire and this huge twenty foot sheet of flame goes up in the air, it does something for you. I gotta tell you, Bridge, And. 00:11:48 Speaker 3: How long does a bonfire go for? I mean that all. 00:11:52 Speaker 4: Yeah, it can be hours of burning and then it can stop, and then the next day you can go back and it's still hot, and you could cook a potato in it? 00:12:00 Speaker 3: Really, have you cooked a potato in one? 00:12:03 Speaker 5: No? 00:12:04 Speaker 3: Have you toastedt die? 00:12:05 Speaker 4: I don't need to cook a potato. I've got I've got my daughter chained to the cooker. 00:12:10 Speaker 3: Emma, have you ever toasted a marshmallow over a fire? 00:12:13 Speaker 4: I have? I have. It's jolly good. 00:12:18 Speaker 3: Quarantine. Why aren't you doing that now? 00:12:20 Speaker 4: Oh? Because if I eat sugar, I become the size of a shire horse within ten minutes. 00:12:24 Speaker 3: So well, then, what are you enjoying for a treat? What's what's a treat for you? This is a martini? Martini? Sure, that's it. 00:12:34 Speaker 4: That's it. That's my treat. 00:12:36 Speaker 3: Okay, that's treat enough. 00:12:37 Speaker 4: It is it? Jolly wait, it is? 00:12:40 Speaker 3: You've got nowhere to go? No one has anywhere to go, absolutely nowhere now. In emailing some of our initial emails, you mentioned there was a I think guy, or you may have mentioned the idea to send me a sheep skull, which you found. Where was the sheep skull found? 00:13:05 Speaker 4: Well, we we do. Suddenly it sounds like we live in some sort of coven. We live in No, No, there's the sheep. There's a wall, of flame the sheep skull. It's all sounding very odd. We keep sheep. We do have a tiny flock of rare breed sheep called Ronald's. Yes, now, Ronald's are small sheep and their foragers and they used to live, yeah, tiny, and they used to they were, as it were, the breed originated from the island of Ronaldsy and the island of Ronalty is very far north. And back in the day when rich people were incredibly mean to the poor. Oh no, wait, that's like today. Okay. Anyway, back in the day when rich people were behaving like they always have done, the lairhead to fron obviously built a big wall around the island and said that all the poor islanders with their sheep weren't allowed to graze their sheep on the island which belonged to him. So the poor islanders had to graze their sheep on the beach. So the sheep became foragers and extremely fond of seaweed. Yes, yes, but of course there weren't many of them, and they're one of the breeds on the British Isles that is rather rare. And we've got a friend up the glen who is an organic farmer, extraordinary woman who's run her farm for forty years single handedly. She said, you know what about we start a little flock of rare breed sheep and then we'll keep a breed alive. And it's a kind of contribution to well, the species extinction that we're all finding it so hard to bear, so our little sheep. Anyway, but you asked me about the skull, which doesn't sound so great. Guys making a sign at me, Well, say something. We found it. Well, we found it and we found it cycling. So in fact, there's not one of our sheeps, no, I know, because we've boiled down the sheep that we know who died have been boiled. Their skulls have been boiled, and in fact, my husband has made one of them into a lampshade. What is attempting to show you? 00:15:39 Speaker 3: Now, let's see here, I'm looking. I'm looking for the let's see. Is it towards Oh I see it. I see it towards the top there with the horns. 00:15:48 Speaker 4: That's it. That's the top. That is an old top that that died. And Greg boiled the skull to get all the kind of nastiness of and then put bulbs in it and turned it into a lamp. 00:16:03 Speaker 3: And are the bulbs in the ear? 00:16:04 Speaker 4: I'm fully expecting him to do that to me when I dropped. 00:16:08 Speaker 3: We should all be so lucky to have a lamp made our skulls. Every home should have at least one family member's skull is a gorgeous lamps a lamp. I want two light bulbs coming out of my eye sockets and just kind of a I mean, I think, if nothing else, this podcast has fully out of the Emma Thompson family as sorcerer and sorceress. As you're out there, you got the bond. Yeah, this is a very magical household. 00:16:39 Speaker 1: Emma. 00:16:40 Speaker 3: I don't want to derail the conversation. Of course we're both here, but there is something I need to talk to you about. I'm sitting here with my computer in right behind it. There is an enormous bag. Now, I think you know full well. When we became we came in touch over, I said no gifts at gmail dot com. The podcast is called I said no gifts. But then there was some fanangling with Jim and then it became my sister and your daughter Gaya. There was something happened and a gift was purchased for me. Yes, Emma, I said, no gifts, yet here we go. Do you want me to open this gift? 00:17:22 Speaker 4: I feel you what Okay, I think it's it's yeah, you have to. 00:17:26 Speaker 3: Here's the I mean. This bag is absolutely gigantic, has some little an elephant and a rabbit and a bear, and some sort of hot air balloon. 00:17:39 Speaker 4: In many ways, yes, we do. We call it. We call it a Helia balloon horse air balloon. 00:17:45 Speaker 3: Absolutely, And you've been in one? 00:17:47 Speaker 4: I have once. 00:17:47 Speaker 3: Actually, what was that experience? 00:17:50 Speaker 4: It was loud because there's a guest thing that just goes. 00:17:55 Speaker 3: You don't mind, So it doesn't sound relaxing at all. 00:18:00 Speaker 4: Well, look, I've only been in one once. And if you consider the fact that I probably could have chosen to go in on again, I believe you have your answer. 00:18:11 Speaker 3: Yes, it's a once in a lifetime thing. I like the idea of writing in a to be able to ride in a little basket sounds nice, But well, what got you in a hot air balloon? You just felt like doing it? 00:18:24 Speaker 4: It was oh blimey, it was such a long time ago. It was about thirty god, wait, no more, thirty five years ago. I was married to somebody else and we were in We were on a safari, oh anyone I've ever been on, actually, and one of the things that was done was we were taken off over them in Actually it was a Nassaimara in a hot air balloon, which was which was remarkable, but as far as I can recall, it was also quite cloudy. I think we entered a cloud, enjoyed it, exited the cloud and landed on the ground and had rather a nice breakfast. But so maybe that's why I've never gone in one again. Right, So you know it's just too risky. No, this is a big old deal, blowing up this damn thing. You get in it, you get up there, there's a cloud and it's over. Yeah, just do it in LA That's fine because there's always blue skies there. 00:19:30 Speaker 3: I would love to go over Los Angeles in a hot air balloon. 00:19:33 Speaker 4: I'm going to say that it would be great, definitely, with a large collection of cuddly toys. 00:19:38 Speaker 3: Yes, immediately run into some police helicopter and that's the end of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, I'm going to open this. It's very heavy and I'll say that when Jim was wrapping this last night he said something like, I don't know what's in this bag. He said, I think I over ordered, so I have no idea what's happening in this bag? Let's open it up? 00:20:01 Speaker 4: Aw cool? 00:20:04 Speaker 5: What? 00:20:04 Speaker 3: Okay? 00:20:04 Speaker 2: So? 00:20:05 Speaker 3: Okay? Yeah, called snow snowballs, snowballs. It looks like some sort of It's oh, how odd it's it's a marshmallow snack. We've already talked about marshmallows. I'm telling people I know I can, at least within twenty minutes tell the future. This is incredible. So this is some and I obviously there's more to come in this bag, but let's talk about snowballs first. What's happening here? 00:20:35 Speaker 4: Okay, So, as you know, I'm in Scotland, right Scotland. Scottish people consume more sugar per head than all of the people in Europe put together. And one of the ways in which they consume sugar, the means by which via which they consume this unspeakable amount of sugar is through the ton of snowball, which was my father's favorite snack, possibly contributing to his early death at the age of fifty two. So I'm not recommending it anyway, it is a large marshmallow, not a not a very dense marshmallow. It's mellow rather than without the marsh and around the mellow is a sort of coating of chocolate type style chocolate. 00:21:25 Speaker 3: Oh, I'm losing weight. 00:21:26 Speaker 4: And then yeah, and then they're so good. They're so good. A bit of toasted coconut flakes. Oh good, that's what it is. And it's it's heaven. And actually I'm literally celebrating as I'm describing it to you. 00:21:41 Speaker 3: Are are there any of these in your house right now? 00:21:45 Speaker 4: No, of course they're not. I told you about me and sugar. I literally I eat one of those and I'm just I can't get out of the door. 00:21:53 Speaker 3: Guy is indicating that possibly she may have some hidden in the house. This is good, she said. 00:21:59 Speaker 4: They're like crap cocaine for me. I just can't be allowed. 00:22:03 Speaker 3: This is this is literally, I mean, exactly up my alley. This is I mean, should I eat one on podcasts? Or should I? I feel like that's rude to eat on podcasts. It's not without president. I have eaten other snacks on this before, but I don't want to. I know people don't want to hear my mouth on a microphone chewing up a marshmallow. What do you think I should do? 00:22:21 Speaker 4: It's not much to them. I think you could risk it. 00:22:24 Speaker 1: I eat one. 00:22:24 Speaker 3: I mean, it's ten thirty in the morning. It seems like the perfect time to be doing mellow. Okay, here we go. I love that everyone else on this recording is going to sit here and watch while I eat a snowball. I'm going to try to. I'm gonna get away from the microphone. I don't think people need to hear my mouth chewing or uh, you know, oh my god. 00:22:46 Speaker 4: But as you can see, it's a soft thing. Yeah, don't yet, be careful exactly. Look it came apart in his hands. Listeners, Yes, he's his fingers and it's going down pretty well. I'd say this is come on. I mean, it's good, isn't it. I'm gonna processed sugar. 00:23:04 Speaker 7: This is the equivalent of mum watching pawn watching you consume a snows snowballs. 00:23:11 Speaker 3: I'm going to start charging people for this so they can watch me eat a marshmallow online. This is incredible. This is absolutely something that is not of the earth. This is this is exactly the sort of thing I need to eat just from another realm created purely of chemicals and sugar, and I love it. 00:23:31 Speaker 4: It's sot we well, you know, it's a very old Scottish firm, Tonics, and they make other things that you may find in your bag. They are equally delicious. Yeah, they are my If I need to eat something that I know is not the wisest thing, I will always always go for Tonics. No, and they do. They make trains, little baby trains with Tonics and. 00:23:59 Speaker 5: To say, yeah, you know, an actual train company, which would be great. 00:24:03 Speaker 4: I mean, Scottish people are pretty amazing like that. And I don't think that anyone who did inventor train or indeed electricity is all the Scottish did, ever went without Tomics. 00:24:14 Speaker 3: It reminds me one of my favorite candies is called a Scotch mallow. It sold at a candy store here in the US called seas Like. It's like a marshmallow and caramel in chocolate. Does that god, I mean, should that be called the Scotch Does that qualify Scotch Marlow? What do we think? Does that feel like a Scottish thing? 00:24:33 Speaker 4: It sounds like they've taken the Scotch egg, the principle of the Scotch egg is there's an egg inside a big thick thing right of pork. But they've done it the other way. So then so the caramel is like the egg, right, and the mallows like the pool. It's a Scotch like Scotch egg Scotch made that connection. I need to have one right now? Could you get is there anyway we can? 00:24:56 Speaker 3: I feel like you need to have it. 00:24:58 Speaker 4: Sounds sounds so I'll be in touch with jerky. 00:25:02 Speaker 3: You've got to try them. They're just absolutely fantastic. And an employee told me if you put it in the microwave for five seconds, it's even I mean, I I reveal a lot about my eating habits on this podcast that are not normal, and I need to rain it in a little bit. But I'm just going to keep telling people that I'm microwaving chocolates for my own enjoyment. Whatever. That's what you signed up for here. 00:25:22 Speaker 4: You have to understand that in Scotland, it's normal. In Scotland, they would take that thing and they would deep fry it. 00:25:28 Speaker 3: That's what I need. No, absolutely, I've got a little Scottish ancestry. I think that's it's coming through. 00:25:35 Speaker 4: You've got red hair bridge, you've got Scottish ancestry. 00:25:38 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that you have this marshmallow thing is coming through in a big way. The genetics. 00:25:43 Speaker 4: Actually, you've got Celtic gens. 00:25:45 Speaker 3: Right, and we all know the Celts loved a marshmallow. They had those bonfires. 00:25:51 Speaker 4: They were toasting the whole seventeenth century marshmallow wild Like, yeah, rightly. 00:25:57 Speaker 3: Now you I've celebrated a birthday recently within quarantine, Is that correct? 00:26:04 Speaker 4: Yeah? 00:26:04 Speaker 3: Did you for it? I feel like birthdays now. I mean, I'm getting a lot of questions through the email about like celebrating things in quarantine, and I haven't had any celebrations myself. But did you do anything? 00:26:17 Speaker 4: Yeah? Well, Guya cooked a beautiful meal. What do we have? I can't even what's My brain's gone and so's ear. Oh that's such a comfort. It's wonderful when the young can't remember things. It's such just struggle to remember something. It's fantastic. We just were here as we have been for all this time. I can't remember how much time it is. Now we're me, my mother and Guya and my husband. So there's what's interesting about it is there's three generations of women, right, so there's a twenty year old, a sixty one year old, and an eighty eight year old and. 00:26:56 Speaker 3: Then one d. 00:26:58 Speaker 4: Yeah, but he spends most time outside, yeah, shaving sheep and all that. So, yeah, that was interesting, wasn't it very interesting? I can't remember what we had to eat. 00:27:14 Speaker 7: You've got some very good presents. So in my head it looks like Waco. It's just these sort of barns and one of them, Dad has converted into a sort of home bar basically, and he got mum a huge. 00:27:48 Speaker 4: Fluorescent cocktails outside. 00:27:51 Speaker 3: What does the sign say. 00:27:53 Speaker 4: Well, you know one of the yes cocktails. One of the things that I do love, and I do think is a wonderful art form. The neon light. 00:28:01 Speaker 3: Oh I love a neon light and a puddle. 00:28:04 Speaker 4: Take me back to Oh my god, a neon light in a puddle. I'd rather look at that than a blooming clips. A neon light in a puddle is such an image, is it not. 00:28:19 Speaker 6: It's the most beautiful. Yes, we've got some sort of way. I have a cocktail sign. I've got a cocktail sign. It's pink, and it's in that classic kind of love and I got that for my birthday from my old man. 00:28:34 Speaker 3: Oh that's a terrific gift. 00:28:36 Speaker 4: Wow, is very good. 00:28:37 Speaker 3: You're still getting good gifts from your partner. 00:28:40 Speaker 4: That's good. It's not bad after twenty five years. 00:28:43 Speaker 3: Do you feel like you two do a good job of giving each other gifts? 00:28:47 Speaker 4: Actually, we're pretty good. He's just had a birthday as well, and I gave him a portable winch. 00:28:55 Speaker 3: Oh. Interesting. Oh and what is he doing with the winch pulling things out the mud dragging shoes? 00:29:01 Speaker 4: Yes, he's wenching things with it, left, right and center. We fully, all of us expect to be winched. The least opportunity is going to fling the bell end. It's called Seriously, these are Canadians that built this thing. They're sensible. They call it by the name that suits it. Because he's wenching large well logs. But I mean they're like trees, right. 00:29:30 Speaker 3: So is he pulling them out of the ground. 00:29:32 Speaker 4: Yeah, not out of the ground as it were, by the root, but they having been chopped down, they're out branches having been taken off. He then attaches a piece of rope and the winch, which is not much larger than my computer, is small. 00:29:51 Speaker 3: Oh clever, simple machine. 00:29:55 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a simple machine, but if you've got enough block and tackle, you can pull the most extraordinary, like half a ton of woods the river. Incredible and so he so he got that for his birthday and it's it's really now the only thing he's ever loved. 00:30:15 Speaker 7: I have four boxes of chocolate raisins spam. 00:30:20 Speaker 3: Spam. Spam is like a good quarantine food. 00:30:24 Speaker 4: Well, yes and no, depending on whether when you leave quarantine you wish to live or not. 00:30:30 Speaker 3: Right right, But if you combined it with chocolate raisins, I think you're fine. 00:30:34 Speaker 4: You'd be fine. 00:30:37 Speaker 3: Chocolate raisins. Yes, Okay, I'm diving back into the bag. We've got to see what else is in there. It's true five pound bag. And I will also say last night Jim left this bag out, and I thought, before I fell asleep, I should put that in the closet and close the door, because who knows it's in there? The dog may get it. We would have woken up to a dog having eaten probably seventy marshmallows. This would have been I'm gonna I'm gonna revoke the dog. Would let's face it, Yes, yeah, yes, she's been known to eat. But let's keep diving here. So we're just gonna I'm going to take out what's probably eighteen boxes of snowballs. So we'll just make a little wall out of these, and then here's some tissue. There. Three boxes of snowballs, four of snowballs, boxes of snow We've gone to the sixth the box. This is the good thing is did he not. 00:31:40 Speaker 4: Get any tea cakes? You get any tea cakes? 00:31:42 Speaker 3: Well, we have no idea. There's I mean, I'm counting. 00:31:45 Speaker 4: If it's all snowballs, you're you're losing. 00:31:48 Speaker 3: Out eight boxes of snowballs, nine boxes of snowballs. I'm not exaggerating this. 00:31:56 Speaker 4: He's just bought snowballs. He hasn't bought the Tonic's tea cake. 00:32:00 Speaker 3: Well, let's just wait and see what happened. Because two different boxes did arrive in the mail, and so I assume one of them had another Here we go, ah, very bot teacake. So he what he's done is he ordered a single box of these teacakes, and then I think at least ten boxes of chocolate covered marshals. I'm not kidding this is I don't had this online order even worked because this feels like this is a small box. This feels like something that should have been ten. 00:32:35 Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like what happened was Jim ordered that, and then the dog came in and he got distracted and he sat on the computer and accidentally ordered eighty five boxes of something else, which you are now saddled with. But the Tonic's Teacake, I'm going to it's a whole other thing. Tell me about the teacakes. Okay, the teacake is a different version of somewhat similar item. Right, So the Talic's Teacake features for your for your listeners, a little tiny Oreo sized, slight biscuit. It's a biscuit, but it's not it's not very crunchy. It's kind of a little bit soft. And on top of that, there is a marshmallow. All right, and then the entirety of those two items is en robed in chocolate. Oh well, I'm going to I think you probably have something like that in the States already. I feel like if you haven't, we have a. 00:33:40 Speaker 3: Lot of covered in chocolate here and. 00:33:43 Speaker 4: You have a lot of mallow based arrangement. 00:33:46 Speaker 3: I just love I'm gonna obviously has melted a little bit in the mail and again obviously and it's crushed. It's a little crush, but that's fine. I'm gonna, yeah, I apologize for eating in front of you. I mean, but again, this is my podcast, so not too much. 00:34:03 Speaker 4: So yeah, yeah, so do all. I'm going to take my goodness deeply. Miss you see the difference. It's a whole other thing. 00:34:13 Speaker 3: Biting into this. I'm gonna swallow here. We have something here called a pin wheel for listeners. We have which I've loved since childhood. I remember going to a cabin, my grandpa's cabin when I was about five, and I got to choose the snack. I chose a pin wheel. You have, really, I mean, this feels like some sort of bizarre inception style subconscious dive into my brain. You've found the marshmallows. You've sent the marshmallows. This is exactly my alley. It's crazy to me. 00:34:47 Speaker 4: That's very strange. So, I mean, and you're associating that with a childhood experience and a childhood experience in the countryside as well. 00:34:57 Speaker 3: Right, So it's taken me back in time into the mountain. I'm staring at the door deer. You've taken me on an absolute ride here. It's psychotic. My question, why is it called a tea cake. I don't feel like I would eat this with tea. 00:35:14 Speaker 4: We will eat anything with tea, as you know, the British, not so much the Scottish actually, although I think they like tea too. And you must remember that I am from both cultures, so I am half Keelt and half Anglo Saxon. It's been very different. We go back to heritage, the combination to heritage, Yes, because I think it is very interesting, very very interesting food country. You know, what creates us, what's in our what makes us our dna. You know, when you ask me about gifts and what to send, it's interesting that I should have chosen, you know, really what is essentially a sugary snack, but is in fact a deeply meaningful bit of family history and to do with sugar, right of course, which is a huge element in Scotland and a huge element in our history. I mean our slave trade, our slave trade or sugar. 00:36:22 Speaker 1: You know. 00:36:23 Speaker 4: So sugar is something that was never good for us in the first place, and certainly the way it came to us was horrific and horrendous and should never have happened. But sugar is so so powerful. You know, that little taste of sugar took you back to your granddad and the woods and the Tonic's tea cake and the snowball takes me back to my father. Wonder if those moments of intense pleasure to do with these things are what right us? You know, what created us? 00:37:00 Speaker 3: Yes? Absolutely. And then on the other end of sugar, I think, which is so interesting about human beings. I think it's such an animal thing because sugar is also essentially for us poison, and it feels very like to me. I'm like, oh, I'm very close to being a dog because I will absolutely fill my body with sugar, which I know is bad for me, but it tastes so wonderful in my mouth and I can't stop eating this poison. But it's because it's connected to all of these things. 00:37:26 Speaker 4: Yeah, yes it is. 00:37:28 Speaker 3: I've had, you know, two marshmallows. It's ten fifty in the morning and I'm high as a kite. 00:37:33 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, it is extraordinary. 00:37:38 Speaker 3: I feel like it's time now for the game portion of the podcast. Okay, I think I want to play with you a game called Gift or a curse. Yes, I need a number from you between one and ten. 00:37:54 Speaker 4: Three. 00:37:54 Speaker 3: Okay, I have to go calculate something from a random list of objects. For the next undetermined amount of time. You can promote something, you can recommend something, you can do whatever you want. This is now your podcast for who knows how long I'll be right back. 00:38:10 Speaker 4: Oh my god, people, what is he doing? I know what he's doing. He's going away and he's going to open all those snowballs and mesh them into one enormous snowball, and then he's going to sit in it. At least that's what I do. So people here, we all are in the middle of this strange time. And if you are feeling in a hole, plant something in it, into the darkness. Plant all the little seeds, and in a couple of years time, when we come out of this, which we will, because this has all happened before, it is unquestionable that it's all happened before, things will be different. So I think in your whole one of the seeds should be the question, how do I want it to be different? 00:39:09 Speaker 3: What a beautiful use of that time. I mean, you know I had had things calculated, but I was not going to cut that off. What a wonderful look, bit of time filling and so valuable for everybody. But Emma, unfortunately we're moving on because we're going to play this game and I need your concentration. Gift, I'm going to name three things. You have to tell me whether they're a gift or a curse and why? Okay, first thing, romance gift or a curse? 00:39:42 Speaker 4: Oh both? 00:39:44 Speaker 3: Why both? 00:39:46 Speaker 4: Because romance is so appealing, so beautiful, so irresistible, so invented by the French Jubidals in the fourteenth century, and so not useful because it creates false expectations. And then when it goes wrong, everyone doesn't understand why, and everyone says, well, why don't I have a happy ending? Why is this romantic story ending in this way? Because nobody's said at the same time, you are going to be disappointed no matter what, no matter what, even if you marry this person and it's marvelous and it all turns out the way you wanted it and you have children and a nice house, you will still be disappointed. So please, everyone get a grip. That's why. Wow, they're both, It's both. 00:40:39 Speaker 3: I love that answer. You've got my back against the wall here. I can't tell you if you're right or wrong. You're really riding the fence, which is unfair to me as a host. But I'm going I don't. 00:40:50 Speaker 4: Think I'm riding the fence. I think it's fair enough to say that it is both. 00:40:54 Speaker 3: Surely I'm going to give this to you, Emma, but only because it was. 00:40:58 Speaker 4: It was. 00:41:00 Speaker 3: I made some good points here. I can argue too much. Romance is both a gift and a curse. Expectations we'll get you in the end. So we're going to move on. We're going to say you're one for one, very well played. Let's see if you can handle number two. Vacuuming gift or a curse for me? 00:41:21 Speaker 4: God, I so want to say both again. I okay, it's a gift. As my daughter and husband will tell you, I have a slight obsession with vacuum cleaners. I have, I do. I have a lot of vacuum cleaners, and actually I'm literally looking at one now that that vacuums this floor and basically takes If you vacuumed yourself with it, it would just take your skin off. It's a powerful machine. 00:41:54 Speaker 3: This is a vacuum. 00:41:56 Speaker 4: I don't even know how the carpet survived. Is seriously, it's a great machine, and it's particular for this room. In my mother's place, I have something that is it's like a sort of it's the ballerina of a vacuum cleaner. It's like the it's like the Margo Front. It's just it's the Audrey Headburn of the vacuum. You lift it, you lift it gently, gently, ever so gently off. It's an electrical charger and it will vacuum a large space and then you have to immediately empty it out otherwise it has a fit and won't work on you. And I love that vacuum pletic. Then down down in my house, I have another vacuum cleaner which is like it's got a long kind of trunk thing and you can get in under beds. So vacuuming is something that I believe in passionately. And that lockdown and the amount of crumbs. 00:43:01 Speaker 3: The crumb you've got marshmallow. 00:43:04 Speaker 4: Cru crumbs, stuff that the creation of crumb in lockdown is so incessant, So so vacuuming to me here at the moment, is a boon and a blessing and I won't hear a word set against it. 00:43:22 Speaker 3: Do you hear me, Emma, I'm going to just tell you right off the bat, I thought the vacuuming was going to get you. I am fully on board with vacuuming being a gift. I love to vacuum. It's one of the easiest house to hold chores. You're kind a little machine. It's doing its job. Maybe you've got some music on, or you have the nice hum of the vacuum. You know you're making progress. The crumbs are getting sucked up, the hair is getting sucked up. 00:43:47 Speaker 4: It looks different when you finished, whereas if you change the bed it does a little different. 00:43:53 Speaker 3: No, with vacuuming, you're saying real progress as you move along. It's like mowing the lawn in the house. It's fantastic. 00:44:00 Speaker 4: Exactly, Yeah, totally. 00:44:02 Speaker 3: Two for two. This is insane. I'm going to tell you I came into this game thinking I'm going to just knock out him. She's just going to fail, fall on her face, humiliate herself. But so far, so good. Let's see if number three gift or a curse guitar solos? 00:44:19 Speaker 4: Oh well, Hendrix, one word, Hendrix. 00:44:29 Speaker 3: You're saying gift, well, a gift. 00:44:32 Speaker 4: A gift to the world forever in a day. 00:44:35 Speaker 3: I want to disagree. I think this is this is I said, no gifts, You've made history. I don't know that anyone's ever gotten three out of three here, and I was really hoping to just nail you. It didn't work out as planned. Guitar solos are a gift, even when they're bad. At least it's a little break from the song, adds a little texture, or or it shows you that you're listening to a bad artist playing an air guitar solo. Maybe a curse, but it's also fun to do. I love a guitar solo if you, I will say, an improvised guitar solo can get a little long. 00:45:11 Speaker 4: That said, it depends yes, yes, and it depends, of course, upon the. 00:45:17 Speaker 3: Right I mean. 00:45:19 Speaker 4: And as well, a drum solo can weigh you down. 00:45:22 Speaker 3: A drum solo, when executed well, is a wonderful surprise because you think I'm gonna be bored, but then you're You're thrilled, You're thrilled. I guess, I guess what we're talking about is people just need to be good at what they're doing. 00:45:36 Speaker 4: If you're gonna do what they're doing, it's a thrill. It's such a thrill to see anybody doing. 00:45:41 Speaker 3: And we're doing something well right, and we're taking a little break from the singing. We're taking a little break. We're gonna get the solo in there. Emma, congratulations on three out of three gift or a curse. I mean, I will say the first one you picked gift and curse. But it worked in such a way that I can't deny it. Wow, we've reached the final part of the podcast. I said no questions. People, of course, are writing into I Said No gifts at gmail dot com. The list of questions has gotten a little out of control because we recorded so many episodes in advance. We've got I mean, my apologies if I never get to some of these people's questions, but we're gonna do what we can. Would you mind helping me Patterson questions here? 00:46:23 Speaker 4: I'm so so happy too. 00:46:24 Speaker 3: All right, let me read the first one here, Heybridger and guest. My ex husband has a birthday coming up. I don't like him and am unmotivated to make an effort, but he is the father of my child and always gets me gifts from my birthday. This is very complicated. I have given him a plethora of gifts in the past. What would you do? Love the podcast? Courtney from Virginia, So we know she's a good egg. First of all, she's complimenting the podcast, so thank you for that, Emma. This situation feels why are these two people who don't like each other giving each other gifts? That's my first question. Yeah, I think that's the first question. 00:46:58 Speaker 4: But Colney from rich you're a jolly decent, decent person to even think about it. And what you do is you shamelessly use your children. You give the gift, you say, you help your child to make the gift, and the child says, and this is from mummy. And it could be anything. It could be literally could be a some tach, it. 00:47:25 Speaker 3: Could be any pole sticks taped together. 00:47:27 Speaker 4: It could be taped together, and you don't have to worry about it. And you say to it makes something for mummy to give to Daddy, and you know it's the ultimate go between. 00:47:37 Speaker 3: That's that's my advice. On some level of beautiful mind game. 00:47:41 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, and short results in plenty of therapy bills later. 00:47:44 Speaker 3: On, of course, but you know, we're all headed an investment in. 00:47:48 Speaker 4: The therapeutic industry, and I think that's. 00:47:49 Speaker 3: All makee I mean, my other suggestion, you give this person a gift card to a restaurant that he never wanted to go to in the first place. So then you're really sticking it to him. It's still a gift. You can't say no. He has to graciously accept. But now I feel like this is a good opportunity to get back at this terrible ex take. 00:48:11 Speaker 4: Yeah, so you train yeah, or you say to the child, here's some watercress seeds. Daddy would love it if you just sow the watercress seeds into his Chinese silk carpet and water them. He will love that because when that starts growing, you'll be able to stay to him. This is a gift from Mummy. 00:48:33 Speaker 3: You will never get rid of. He yeah again, And. 00:48:36 Speaker 4: Now your Chinese silk carpet is ruined because there's a lawn growing in it. 00:48:42 Speaker 3: That's what you get, Daniel. All right, let's move on. Let's do one more. You know, I have thirty pages of questions. The least I can do is answer one more question on this podcast with the Lovely Emma Thompson and your The advice so far has been excellent. This one is just says Heybridger, So my apology. They're not addressing you here, but that's fine. I have a friend who is getting married during the quarantine. They'll be filming the wedding and then the reception will be next year whenever this ends. I'm a bridesmaid, and since she hasn't had any wedding showers, I'd like to give them a nice gift before the wedding. Recommendations. That's from Hannah Walker. She says love who knows if she means it. So her friend's getting married now they're going to have a thing and the future things get very confusing. 00:49:28 Speaker 4: You know, it's got to be all gifts now need to be about promises, don't they And they need to be about experience, and they need to be the opposite of consumption. I love what I've found really really disturbing when everyone says we've got to get back to normal. Actually, there are certain forms of normal we really have to avoid, and one of those is over consumption. Yes, because it's become rapacious and grazy and it's ultimately unsustainable, so to Hannah, I would say, you know, make your gift like a voucher, personal voucher that says we're going to have an experience together that's going to be different and special, and you've got plenty of time to think about it, and it's not going to be about things, and it's never ever, ever going to be about things, right anymore, Let's not do that anymore. Let's make it about what we have in our minds and what we have in our memories, and everything that we can we can recycle in our own memories and go back to on our own memories and enjoy again in our own memories. There are such things as recyclable gifts, and they are memories absolutely. 00:50:50 Speaker 3: I mean, you are saying this to a man who's sitting in front of about fifty boxes of chocolate marshmallows. So it's true. 00:50:57 Speaker 4: Obviously it doesn't apply to me because I'm completely picusis all these. 00:51:01 Speaker 6: Things always by saying it's easy to say these things. 00:51:06 Speaker 4: Yeah, but you know, a box of a box of Top of Ton teacakes isn't going to last you very long. 00:51:13 Speaker 3: That's true. I'm going to be sick to my stomach, and. 00:51:16 Speaker 4: Then you can use them to light your first really big bonfire. 00:51:19 Speaker 3: I go out on the patio, catch the apartment building on fire. I think we've got something new to worry about. It takes your mind off of things for a minute. Oh absolutely no, But I do think I agree with this. Give them a little you know, like in any other situation pre quarantine, giving that somebody a coupon for a future thing always just feels like you didn't do anything. But right now it feels like a real thing. A year from now, we're going to do this. We're going to I don't know, we're gonna go to the beach and we're going to sit next to each other and we're going to just live our lives. I think an experience is wonderful. Don't give them something. Don't give them a plastic kitchen appliance. That's the last thing they're going to need. Emma. We're just going to answer those two questions. I feel like we've been more than generous with the advice. If people want more, they can come bang at my door. They can come bang at your rowing back. 00:52:14 Speaker 6: Right. 00:52:15 Speaker 3: It's been so lovely having you here. It's just wonderful to connect with somebody. Six six to eight hours in the future. It feels terrific. And thank you for coming on, I said, no gifts. 00:52:29 Speaker 4: Oh, thank you Bridgard for inviting me via my wonderful daughter, who's now got to go and make our dinner. And also thank you for you know, putting that wonderful positive energy out into the world. It's a great gift and I'm been very much appreciated by old and young alike. 00:52:50 Speaker 3: Oh, it makes me very happy, and I can't wait for the news to break that Emma Thompson has locked her daughter in a kitchen. The darkness, it's going to be total, but at least we got the scoop here. Stay safe, enjoy the sheep, enjoy the winch, and let's move. Yes, lovely, seeing. 00:53:10 Speaker 4: You, lovely, seeing me my bitter. 00:53:13 Speaker 3: By bye bye. I said, no gifts. Isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Man. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter. At I said no gifts, and if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple podcast, Stitcher or wherever you found me, And why not leave a review while you're at it? 00:53:45 Speaker 4: Wall? And did you hear. 00:53:49 Speaker 1: Fun? 00:53:49 Speaker 2: A man? 00:53:50 Speaker 1: Myself perfectly clear? But you're I guess to me? You gotta come to me? And I said, no, guest, your own presence is presents enough. 00:54:07 Speaker 2: I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?