1 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show, 5 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 1: or welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, 6 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:33,480 Speaker 1: wherever you are in the world, it is so great 7 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: to have you here. Back for another episode. As we, 8 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,240 Speaker 1: of course break down the Psychology of our twenties today, 9 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to cut straight to it. Let's talk about 10 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: self doubt. Let's talk about the negative beliefs that we 11 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,200 Speaker 1: all kind of have about ourselves that we carry through life, 12 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:53,240 Speaker 1: whether we are aware of it or not. Doubts about 13 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,279 Speaker 1: our worth, doubts about our talent, how deserving we are, 14 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: our intelligence, just a couple just to name a few, 15 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,319 Speaker 1: all of which end up really restricting our potential, and 16 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 1: they manifest in indecisiveness, in procrastination, self sabotage, and disappointment. 17 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,960 Speaker 1: I think it's a really rude awakening when you realize 18 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: that so often the person who secretly is holding us 19 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: back from so many of our visions and our dreams 20 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 1: about the future and about our lives is us. The 21 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: person who is saying no is us, the person rejecting 22 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:31,840 Speaker 1: us without ever giving us a chance. Is you guessed 23 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:36,040 Speaker 1: it ourselves. It's not always conscious, nor is it our fault. 24 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,960 Speaker 1: From a very early age, we get implanted with these 25 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: false ideas of what makes us worthy and what we deserve, 26 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: whether it's from our families, our childhood environment, outpeers myths 27 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: that society tells us about who gets to be successful 28 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:56,280 Speaker 1: and praised versus who doesn't. Even some of the setbacks 29 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: and failures that we experience pretty early on that really 30 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: stay with us, and these experiences become those false beliefs 31 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 1: within us that in turn create a core part of 32 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 1: our self concept and our self worth. And it kind 33 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: of sets up this weird cycle where in order to 34 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 1: disperse those beliefs, we have to try harder, push ourselves 35 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 1: harder be something that we're not, and that inevitably most 36 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: of the time doesn't end up working. If we are 37 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: never made aware of that, it can really end up 38 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 1: putting a ceiling on our potential and kind of disrupting 39 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: our compass, disrupting the trust that we have in ourselves. 40 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 1: I know this from my own experience as a teenager 41 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 1: and very much into my early twenties. I was so 42 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: uncomfortable with who I was. I doubted about nearly every 43 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: single thing that I did, from my academics to my 44 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: romantic life, to my creativity to my friendships, and so 45 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: I really stopped myself from ever putting myself out there. 46 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 1: Before it even begun, I was already telling myself that 47 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: I was going to fail. And it went right to 48 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 1: the top in terms of big decisions like not applying 49 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: for jobs that I may have gotten, not applying for 50 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: scholarships that I may have gotten, not taking risks, but 51 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 1: also small decisions like what would I wear to class? 52 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: Who would I speak to? And I look back at 53 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 1: that chapter with so much I think sadness, but also 54 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: empathy for that version of me who was just crippled 55 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,959 Speaker 1: by self doubt and spoke so negatively about themselves, was 56 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: so obsessed with being perfect, never believed that she would be. 57 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:34,519 Speaker 1: But in the last decade, I don't want to say 58 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 1: that I've been on a journey because that sounds so 59 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: mystical and religious, But in many ways I have this 60 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 1: journey of realizing that life is short, the world is 61 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: so big, people are so swept up in themselves, that 62 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: no one is making the rules, no one is saying 63 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: you can't more than you. And when you realize that, 64 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: when you realize that you're in your own way, is 65 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: when you really get the chance to reinvent yourself and 66 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: reinvent your life life and actually do things that take 67 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: courage that you're genuinely proud of, and actually listen to 68 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: your intuition. So that is exactly what I want to 69 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,840 Speaker 1: talk about today, when I want to hopefully teach you 70 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: today how to silence your self doubt. We're going to 71 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 1: discuss the origins of those negative false beliefs, how it 72 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: shows up in very invisible ways, why it can create 73 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: a self fulfilling prophecy, but above all else, how we 74 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: can leverage the psychology, the science, our knowledge about how 75 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: we motivate ourselves versus how we handicap ourselves to really 76 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: push beyond our limiting beliefs. We have so much to 77 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: discuss today. This episode has been on my mind for 78 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: a long time, so I'm excited to share it and 79 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: hopefully show you what has helped me help you learn 80 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,920 Speaker 1: from this as well. So, without further ado, let's get 81 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: into the psychology behind why we doubt ourselves and how 82 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 1: to silence those false. When we say that we are 83 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: struggling with self doubt, that could mean a few things. 84 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: Perhaps it's that you feel really unqualified at. 85 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 2: Your job or at school. You doubt the position you're in. 86 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,839 Speaker 2: Maybe you're in a leadership role, maybe you're not. You 87 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,120 Speaker 2: feel insecure about your appearance. You doubt whether anyone will 88 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 2: ever find you attractive. You doubt yourself when you speak up, 89 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 2: when you contribute, when you interact with others. Maybe you 90 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 2: compensate for that by seeking constant reassurance. When it comes 91 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,239 Speaker 2: to making a decision about your future or even small 92 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 2: everyday decisions, you might procrastinate, not because you're lazy, not 93 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 2: because you're indecisive, because you aren't confident in your ability 94 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 2: to choose correctly. This list could go on. Basically, it's 95 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 2: not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy enough, hesitating to 96 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 2: start something new because you might not be perfect from 97 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,720 Speaker 2: the get go, imposter syndrome. We're going to get to 98 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 2: that later. These individual experiences are what make up what 99 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 2: we would call self doubt. What it all boils down 100 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 2: to is a lack or a loss of trust in 101 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 2: yourself and your own abilities. Each of us has this 102 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 2: internal compass that not only guides us, but is guided 103 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: by our deeply rooted beliefs about our value. And that 104 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 2: value is what gives us confidence to forge ahead, confidence 105 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,840 Speaker 2: to believe in what we're doing, confidence to hold ourselves highly. 106 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 2: When we experience overwhelming self doubt, it indicates that that 107 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 2: compass is broken. It's starting between north and south. And 108 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 2: that's what doubt is at the end of the day, indecision. 109 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 2: You know, one moment I'm worthy, the next moment, no, 110 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm talented, No I'm not. I should choose 111 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 2: a path or maybe I should choose path A, No, 112 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 2: path B. I'm not sure. And this compass doesn't get 113 00:06:56,200 --> 00:07:00,160 Speaker 2: broken on its own. No one is born doubting themselves. 114 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 2: If you are around children, you will see as soon 115 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 2: as they can start crawling, how they dart forward or 116 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 2: they climb any surface, and they never realize that they 117 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 2: can fall, And they have this uncontrollable desire to be 118 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 2: curious and to explore and to experiment. They never once 119 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 2: question their instincts. As we gain greater self awareness, though 120 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 2: obviously sometimes our doubts are for our own good, but 121 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 2: also external forces begin to intrude, and they begin to 122 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 2: cause us to question ourselves, starting with what always tends 123 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: to be our main culprit, which is our parents and 124 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 2: our childhood environment. I know it sounds really really obvious 125 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 2: to say, but our early childhood years are so formative. 126 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 2: Our brain is like this big sponge, this big canvas 127 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 2: that is taking in everything that is thrown at it, 128 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 2: whether that is positive or not. And there are, of 129 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 2: course some experiences that are more significant, especially when they 130 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 2: relate to the bond that we share with our primary caregiver, 131 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 2: because we are, you know, biologically and naturally attuned to 132 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 2: pay closer attention to those in which we have a 133 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 2: secure or maybe insecure attachment to. So excessive parental criticism, 134 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 2: for one, can cause us to really doubt ourselves from 135 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 2: quite an early age. If you have a parent, if 136 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 2: you still have a parent who is overly critical of you, 137 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 2: nothing is good enough. You disappoint them, you annoy them, 138 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 2: you don't live up to their expectations, and they let 139 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 2: you know that beyond just kind guidance through scolding, never 140 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 2: giving you praise, you know, even when you try your 141 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 2: hardest to do what they want, you end up thinking, 142 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 2: you know if this person doesn't love me for what 143 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 2: I'm trying to do? Am I even worthy of love? 144 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 2: Can I even trust myself? I want to please them 145 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 2: so much, but I don't know how even when I try. 146 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 2: This causes us to really second guess everything because we 147 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 2: become afraid of misstepping and we begin to internalize the 148 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 2: lack of support or the words that they say, and 149 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,439 Speaker 2: the seeds of self doubt are really kind of sown 150 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 2: at that moment. This can also emerge when we are 151 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 2: compared to siblings, for example, and we again internalize a 152 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 2: belief that compared to them, compared to this rivalry that 153 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,679 Speaker 2: is set up between us, we will never measure up. 154 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,680 Speaker 2: We will never be good enough for our parents. They 155 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 2: will always have a favorite, and that favorite will never 156 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 2: be us, and that again creates self doubt. The final 157 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 2: example I'll give of this which kind of underlines all 158 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 2: of the previous examples, but it's basically, when there are 159 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 2: these high expectations that we can never meet, and it's 160 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 2: not that when we don't meet them we're still met 161 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 2: with love. When we don't meet them, we are perhaps 162 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 2: met with criticism, neglect, punishment, some kind of I don't 163 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 2: know behavior or discipline that actually undermines who we are, 164 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 2: and our sense of value does begin to weaken in 165 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 2: response to that. In fact, according to research by the 166 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 2: University of Nevada, a big factor that actually contributes to 167 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 2: imposter syndrome later in life is hypocritical parents. Hypocritical parents 168 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 2: who no matter what you did, the accolades, the achievements, fawning, 169 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 2: trying so hard to please them, it was never good enough, 170 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:28,320 Speaker 2: and so once again your compass loses direction. That is 171 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 2: one set of experiences that contributes to a very innate 172 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 2: lack of belief in ourselves. But it's not just our parents. 173 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 2: It's our peers that obviously also make up a big 174 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 2: part of that early environment. And you know what, I 175 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 2: don't think our peers get enough credit for some of 176 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 2: the pain that they cause, if we can even call 177 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 2: it credit. Next to our parents, our peers are like 178 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 2: the biggest influence, and their influence is sometimes a not 179 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 2: positive but b just tends to increase the older we 180 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 2: get when we get into our teenage is the people 181 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 2: that we are mainly concerned with impressing are our friends. 182 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 2: The way that I could go on about the impact 183 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 2: of childhood bullying on adult self esteem. This episode would 184 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,560 Speaker 2: be hours long because it's not spoken about. We often 185 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,560 Speaker 2: tend to think of, you know, once we leave that environment, 186 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,959 Speaker 2: once we leave school behind, once we leave our bullies behind, 187 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, we can kind of wash our hands 188 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 2: of this. We're done, we can move forward. All of 189 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 2: those negative emotional reactions disappear. But if you went through 190 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 2: that ten fifteen years ago, during that really really vulnerable 191 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 2: period that we all go through, you know, during that 192 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 2: really formative period, it's not like those experiences of being bullied, 193 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:52,559 Speaker 2: of being excluded, of being you know, socially, physically, verbally. 194 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 2: I don't like the term abuse, but yeah, bullied, those 195 00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:01,719 Speaker 2: experiences don't necessarily go away. And you know, fifteen years old, 196 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 2: you might still hear those voices in your head when 197 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 2: you're trying something new, or when you're going for a 198 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 2: promotion at work, when you're trying to push beyond your 199 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 2: own limits and extend yourself, because those voices were just 200 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,599 Speaker 2: so loud during a time when your self concept was 201 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,439 Speaker 2: being formed. You know, being bullied, whether that is physical 202 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 2: or verbal or social or you know, exclusion, that has 203 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 2: been shown to quite literally change the brain due to 204 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 2: an increased exposure to the stress hormone cortisol during that 205 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 2: period during our adolescence, where our neurons are wiring and 206 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 2: rewiring quite rapidly. What that basically means is that the 207 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 2: brain of someone who was bullied versus the brain of 208 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 2: someone who wasn't are going to look very different, specifically 209 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:54,319 Speaker 2: in the regions that process danger in our environment, specifically 210 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 2: in our emotional brain circuits like the amygdala that processes fear, 211 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,319 Speaker 2: and the areas of our brain that process a specific 212 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 2: kind of pain called social pain, the pain that follows 213 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 2: experiences of rejection, of loss, of ostracism. When they looked 214 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 2: at the long term consequences of this, people bullied as 215 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 2: children showed heightened levels of social anxiety, heightened levels of perfectionism, 216 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 2: and of course self doubt during that time. I think 217 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 2: we can all kind of remember this. We really really 218 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,560 Speaker 2: care about what others think about us. We really care 219 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:34,400 Speaker 2: about whether we have enough friends, We really care about 220 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 2: what the cool girl a cool guy like, whether they 221 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 2: think that we're also cool like. It's just this constant 222 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 2: social anxiety that is buzzing below the surface, and when 223 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,320 Speaker 2: people around you drill away at your confidence, whether that 224 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 2: is teasing, whether that is you know, criticizing you, whether 225 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 2: that is slight comments about your grades, your clothes. You 226 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 2: lose that innate trust you have in yourself, and you 227 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 2: lose that kind of innate trust you have in your value, 228 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,079 Speaker 2: and you withdraw. You shelter yourself away from potentially being 229 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:11,080 Speaker 2: hurt again or being bruised again by these same people, 230 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 2: are these same experiences. And the way that you shelter 231 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 2: yourself is by no longer showing up, by no longer 232 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 2: putting yourself out there. Because what this has taught you 233 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 2: is that when you do that, you open yourself up 234 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 2: to the potential to be hurt, to the potential to 235 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 2: be excluded or isolated or criticized, and you don't You 236 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 2: don't want to endure that. It's painful. So the easiest 237 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 2: way to not endure that is to not ever put 238 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 2: yourself out there. This is because I think one aspect 239 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 2: of self doubt we haven't spoken on yet is that 240 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 2: it really is a form of self protection. It is 241 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 2: a psychological defense mechanism because it shields us from potentially 242 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 2: negative outcomes or emotional pain by being extremely cautious, by 243 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 2: asking us to double check, by asking us to play 244 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 2: it safe and to keep oursel in a place of 245 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 2: comfort rather than discomfort. You know, kids are so cruel 246 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 2: and it's quite sad to think that, despite all of 247 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 2: us being so young at the time, we were capable 248 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 2: of doing this, you know, send me long term damage 249 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 2: to how we see ourselves and the world because of 250 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 2: that childhood cruelty and the impact that this has on 251 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,720 Speaker 2: our selves. Doubt is definitely heightened when you already have 252 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 2: innate personality traits like perfectionism, or you're a sensitive soul, 253 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 2: or you have a high baseline level for anxiety. You know, 254 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 2: if you are a sensitive kid, I'll go back to 255 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 2: that example like I was, like, I'm sure many of 256 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 2: us weren't. These things can be incredibly hard to forget. 257 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 2: And also our memory is often more attuned to negative experiences. 258 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 2: We have a negativity bias. So if you're still feeling 259 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 2: like you're reliving the trauma from a childhood bully or 260 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 2: a teenage bully, I honestly think that that is quite 261 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 2: a valid thing for you to be experiencing. I think 262 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 2: that those experiences don't disappear as fast is most people 263 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,480 Speaker 2: would lead us to believe. Another thing that really causes 264 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 2: us to get buried in self doubt, especially the older 265 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 2: we get, especially when we are in our late teenage 266 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 2: years early twenties, are toxic or chaotic relationships when it 267 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 2: comes to love. I know it sounds so obvious, but 268 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 2: you know that is where we are most vulnerable. And 269 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 2: so when we trust somebody or when we really want 270 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 2: them to return our attention and our affection, and that 271 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 2: turns around and becomes insults or they reject us, so 272 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 2: they treat us like we're too much, that we're second best. 273 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 2: That does some real emotional damage. And we talked about 274 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 2: this on last week's episode on Red Flags. There was 275 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 2: a twenty nineteen study that we referenced that showed how 276 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 2: negative romantic experiences play a role in the development of 277 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,400 Speaker 2: our sense of self esteem, and our self esteem is 278 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 2: a primary contributing factor to our sense of self doubt. 279 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 2: This makes a lot of sense for anyone who has 280 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 2: unfortunately had an ex experience with someone you cared about 281 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 2: or who you liked has been the same person to 282 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 2: break down your confidence. You really end up losing trust 283 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,439 Speaker 2: in yourself because you feel like, how could I have 284 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 2: been so wrong about someone? Even though it's not your fault. 285 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,639 Speaker 2: It all comes back to this was a choice for me. 286 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 2: I chose someone who was going to maybe treat me 287 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,360 Speaker 2: like this, or what if what they're saying is true. 288 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 2: If I really like them, there must be something good 289 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 2: about them. They must know something about me that I don't. 290 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:35,960 Speaker 2: So it's those early romantic relationships, even our recent romantic relationships, 291 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,760 Speaker 2: that can once again really furrow into our brain and 292 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,000 Speaker 2: make us doubt almost everything that we choose to do. 293 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 2: Beyond that, we also have experiences of failure and of setbacks, 294 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 2: and you know, our twenties are right for them because 295 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 2: it is definitely one of the first times. It is 296 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 2: the first time that we are truly independent, and we 297 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,719 Speaker 2: don't have the safety net of our parents, or our 298 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 2: teachers or of school to catch us. So our moves, 299 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 2: our behaviors, they're all our own, and sometimes it just 300 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 2: doesn't go our way, and that causes us to retreat 301 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 2: and doubt the compass. There will be times in which 302 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 2: we did our best, we did what we thought was right, 303 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 2: and it did not go according to plan. We all 304 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 2: have them. I remember a few instances like this. One 305 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 2: was when I went for this scholarship at my University, 306 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,200 Speaker 2: thought I did great, didn't get it, got knocked back, 307 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,919 Speaker 2: and that was something that I ended up being really 308 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 2: grateful for. But that's a story for another time. And 309 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 2: another example I was thinking of was when I worked 310 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,719 Speaker 2: really hard on this assignment and it was like one 311 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 2: of my first assignments at UNI and I got a 312 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 2: fifty five percent. That is a small setback in the 313 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,679 Speaker 2: scheme of things. I could not tell you what the 314 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 2: paper was about. I could not tell you the opening sentence. 315 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,959 Speaker 2: I could not tell you like anything to do with 316 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 2: that paper. But I remember that I got that grade, 317 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 2: and that grade made me question everything about who I 318 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 2: thought I was. I thought that I was smart. I 319 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 2: thought that you know that I was ambitious. I thought 320 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 2: that I was adaptable. In this kind of proved me otherwise, 321 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 2: and how could I trust my judgment now? It really 322 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,439 Speaker 2: didn't help that I was in this competitive atmosphere. Everyone 323 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 2: seemed to be doing so well, everyone was succeeding. It 324 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 2: was just me who couldn't couldn't keep up, and I 325 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,120 Speaker 2: wanted to kind of prove that I deserve to be there. 326 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,359 Speaker 2: And obviously, in my mind, when I got that fifty 327 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,920 Speaker 2: five percent, I proved the opposite, I proved to myself 328 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 2: that I did not deserve to be there. In the 329 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 2: months after that, I remember actually this really specific instance 330 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,919 Speaker 2: of writing this other essay and going back and forth 331 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,240 Speaker 2: and back and forth on the opening line, almost feeling 332 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 2: like I was going to cry, feeling paralyzed by this paper, 333 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 2: like is this good? I think it is. I think 334 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 2: this is good, But how can I tell? Because I 335 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:49,199 Speaker 2: thought that my last paper was good and I was wrong. 336 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,080 Speaker 2: And this leads back to imposter syndrome. You want to 337 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 2: know something really ironic but also quite quite funny. I 338 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 2: find it funny at least my very first episode of 339 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 2: this podcast on imposter syndrome. That was over three years ago, 340 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 2: and I don't think I have gotten any better at 341 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 2: dealing with it despite all the years of work that 342 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 2: I've done. Impostera syndrome is rooted in a lot of 343 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,440 Speaker 2: that doubt that comes from a lot of those really 344 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 2: core memories, in core experiences. And no matter how much 345 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,680 Speaker 2: you prove to yourself that you deserve your successes, your achievements, 346 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,920 Speaker 2: no matter how far you push yourself, how much you do, 347 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,919 Speaker 2: how much you achieve, you are constantly followed by this 348 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 2: fear that one day, the people around you or the 349 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 2: people that matter, are going to realize that you are 350 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,119 Speaker 2: a fraud. You are waiting for this other shoe to drop, 351 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,679 Speaker 2: despite the fact that you are probably really accomplished and 352 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:51,120 Speaker 2: really deserving. But because you don't trust your own assessments. 353 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 2: You can have all the evidence in the world, all 354 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 2: the praise, all the promotions, everything, and you will still 355 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,199 Speaker 2: feel like you tricked somebody. You will still feel like 356 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,679 Speaker 2: somebody made a mistake or you just got lucky. The 357 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 2: problem with imposta syndrome is that the experience of doing 358 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 2: well at something does not change your beliefs. That thought 359 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 2: still nags in the back of your head. You know 360 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 2: what gives me the right to be here. The more 361 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 2: you accomplished, the you know, the more you actually feel 362 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 2: like a fraud, the more you feel like you've tricked 363 00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:26,880 Speaker 2: even more people. It's as though you can't internalize your 364 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 2: experience of success. At the end of the day, it's 365 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 2: self doubt. It's never feeling good enough, it's never feeling 366 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,400 Speaker 2: like you have the right to be where you are. 367 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 2: That imposter syndrome can push us to one end of 368 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 2: the spectrum where we are so focused on overachieving and 369 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,680 Speaker 2: pushing ourselves harder and harder that we end up burning out. 370 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 2: We end up not being able to achieve anything that 371 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,719 Speaker 2: we want to because we are so exhausted. And on 372 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 2: the other hand, it can also push us to the 373 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 2: other end of the spectrum, where we self sabotage or 374 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 2: we self handicap. There is this quote that perfectly summarizes 375 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 2: this for me. People never rise above the opinions of themselves. 376 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,479 Speaker 2: That is so harsh, but it is so true, and 377 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,399 Speaker 2: it is exactly what I mean by self handicapping and 378 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:18,440 Speaker 2: self sabotaging. If your opinion is that you are undeserving, 379 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,439 Speaker 2: that you don't know what you're doing, that you are 380 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 2: out of place, people know you're a fraud, you're not 381 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,359 Speaker 2: good enough. The list goes on. When the chance comes 382 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 2: for you to prove otherwise and to step into a 383 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,919 Speaker 2: version of you that shows yourself that those beliefs are wrong, 384 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 2: it is so uncomfortable and it contradicts so many of 385 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 2: your beliefs that you self handicap. Self handicapping is a 386 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,479 Speaker 2: behavioral response to feeling uncertain about our abilities, where we 387 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 2: unconsciously find an outside source to blame for our behaviors 388 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,440 Speaker 2: that protect us from feeling inadequate. You know, if you're 389 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:59,119 Speaker 2: already going to fail, why not fail on your own terms? 390 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,400 Speaker 2: To avoid the imp habarrassment of putting yourself out there? 391 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,679 Speaker 2: Why apply for that job you are objectively a perfect for. 392 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 2: If you believe you're going to be rejected, why post 393 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,159 Speaker 2: that photo or put yourself out there online? If you 394 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 2: know people are already going to laugh at it? Why 395 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 2: ask that person on a date when you know they'll 396 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:21,720 Speaker 2: say no. Why not just save yourself the awkwardness? You 397 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,199 Speaker 2: know it shows up in so many ways. Hopefully you 398 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 2: get what I'm what I'm getting at. Self doubt, when uncontained, 399 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 2: causes us to unconsciously limit ourselves and limit our by 400 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 2: our potential by letting sometimes life changing opportunities pass us 401 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,199 Speaker 2: by and not acting because we can't possibly think that 402 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 2: they'd be for somebody like us. The other way that 403 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 2: this manifests is in indecisiveness, which some people would actually 404 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 2: argue is a form of self sabotage or a form 405 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 2: of self handicapping, an unconscious form of that. You know, 406 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 2: indecisiveness involves very much overthinking and over analyzing our decisions 407 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,919 Speaker 2: before we make them. Perhaps to the point that we 408 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,200 Speaker 2: never do. Obviously, it's a good thing to think through 409 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 2: your decisions. It's good to have some healthy level of 410 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 2: skepticism and humility, otherwise we do via too far into 411 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 2: the path of arrogance. But if we are actually just 412 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 2: scared to fail, or if we are actually just scared 413 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 2: of making the wrong decision because we don't trust our 414 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 2: ability to meet the demands of this new chapter, of 415 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 2: this new opportunity, we are actually self abandoning before we 416 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,199 Speaker 2: even gave ourselves a chance. And it's devastating that we 417 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 2: are the ones who said no throughout indecisiveness before anybody 418 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 2: else could. We were our kind of biggest enemies in 419 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:50,680 Speaker 2: those moments, without perhaps even realizing it, because in our 420 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,720 Speaker 2: mind we were just trying to make the right decision. 421 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 2: We were just trying to really weigh up all the 422 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,640 Speaker 2: pros and cons. But actually that analysis per hour analysis 423 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 2: is a way of making sure that we never have 424 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 2: to push past the discomfort of proving our self doubts wrong. 425 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 2: It's interesting because people might call these kinds of individuals lazy, 426 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:17,160 Speaker 2: or we might, you know, call them procrastinators, because at 427 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,800 Speaker 2: face value, maybe that's what it looks like, but underneath 428 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:24,919 Speaker 2: it all is this belief system that has become rotten 429 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 2: by insecurity that is invisible to everyone around us, and 430 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 2: is you know, the voice of that is our inner critic. 431 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 2: The voice of that is this very loud, nagging sound 432 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,920 Speaker 2: at our head, of like, you can't do that, you're 433 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,679 Speaker 2: not good at You're not good enough. Imagine everything that 434 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 2: could go wrong. Imagine when somebody, somebody important, is going 435 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,280 Speaker 2: to realize that you've lied, that you're a fraud, that 436 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:51,360 Speaker 2: you can't perform. Knowing what this may be costing us, 437 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 2: you know, our dream life, a rich life, love, friendship, money, opportunities, 438 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 2: what do we do about it? How do we silence 439 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 2: that voice that in a critic, that self doubt. I 440 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:07,120 Speaker 2: have so many tips for you, so many tips coming up, 441 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 2: including the power of a persona, the power of an 442 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:14,879 Speaker 2: alter ego, why we need exposure to failure, and why 443 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 2: we should be doubting our self doubts, all of that 444 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 2: and more after this short break. Knowing that we have 445 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 2: negative doubts about ourselves is one thing. I think, addressing 446 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 2: them is a whole other beast, because we are essentially 447 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,760 Speaker 2: now tasked with undoing a whole belief system, one which 448 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,119 Speaker 2: the evidence would tell us has been around for many, 449 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:46,360 Speaker 2: many years, probably longer than we have been aware of it. 450 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 2: So let's break down how we can kind of regain 451 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:54,080 Speaker 2: control over your self doubt. Firstly, really go behind your 452 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 2: negative thoughts and your negative self beliefs and ask what 453 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,639 Speaker 2: are you actually afraid of? What are your doubts supposedly 454 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,040 Speaker 2: warning you of? What are they protecting you from? What 455 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 2: is this fear trying to tell you? Like we said before, 456 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 2: you know, self doubt is a form of self protection. 457 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:17,200 Speaker 2: It's saying, you know, failure in this circumstance is scary. 458 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 2: Judgment is scary, and we don't want to be exposed 459 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,960 Speaker 2: to that. So let's play it safe. And what I 460 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,920 Speaker 2: want you to do is almost like a pro con 461 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 2: analysis of what it would mean to listen to those 462 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,280 Speaker 2: self doubts and live with the fear, or to live 463 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,800 Speaker 2: in spite of it. Let me give you an example. 464 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 2: Say you're thinking of moving it to a new city, 465 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 2: but you've been going back and forth on it for 466 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,800 Speaker 2: the last six months. You're doubting yourself. You know, can 467 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:43,879 Speaker 2: I do this alone? Am I the kind of person 468 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,919 Speaker 2: who does these things? Will I have to return in 469 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,760 Speaker 2: six months and admit that I failed, that I couldn't 470 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,000 Speaker 2: find a job, that I couldn't adapt, that I couldn't 471 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 2: make new friends. What are people going to think of me? 472 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 2: Some days you think you can do it, and other 473 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,960 Speaker 2: days you don't think you can. You experience that really 474 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 2: awful drop in self confidence, and so you hold off 475 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 2: making the decision. But you feel like you're doing something 476 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:13,679 Speaker 2: because you're constantly analyzing and trying to essentially determine do 477 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 2: I believe in myself enough to do this? What you 478 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 2: might actually be afraid of? What might be fueling this 479 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,679 Speaker 2: self doubt? Is actually more complex. You're not just scared 480 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 2: of failing, but you are scared of what others think. 481 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,600 Speaker 2: You're scared of proving to yourself that you're not capable. 482 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 2: You're scared of loneliness. You're scared of your ability to 483 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:37,040 Speaker 2: tolerate change and uncertainty. But what is the worst thing 484 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 2: that uncertainty or loneliness or change or transition can really 485 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 2: do to you? Truly? You'll feel uncomfortable, yes, but you 486 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 2: also won't grow. It might be hard, it will take courage, 487 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 2: but any years time you'll look back and think, I'm 488 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 2: so glad that I did this now, and those memories 489 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,440 Speaker 2: are going to last for a long time. When you 490 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 2: actually go behind yourself doubt, behind why you question your 491 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 2: ability to do something, and you look at what fears 492 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 2: are holding up that belief, you realize that what your 493 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,480 Speaker 2: self doubt is trying to protect you from is not 494 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:15,160 Speaker 2: as scary as what it is protecting you from not doing, 495 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,760 Speaker 2: If that makes sense. The same goes for things that 496 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 2: work or uni professionally in your career. What are you 497 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,520 Speaker 2: actually afraid of? What are your self doubts trying to 498 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 2: protect you from by not going for that promotion, by 499 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:30,240 Speaker 2: not applying for that job, by not you know, starting 500 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 2: your own business or creating something you are putting yourself 501 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 2: out there. Is it embarrassment? Is it being seen and 502 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,920 Speaker 2: perceived by others? Is it failure? Is it proving to 503 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 2: yourself what you always thought that you don't deserve it? Anyways? Again, firstly, 504 00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,840 Speaker 2: those fears are probably ninety nine percent of the time 505 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 2: not going to happen. You're not going to embarrass yourself, 506 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 2: You're not going to be perceived by others in a 507 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 2: negative way that it's going to harm you. But if 508 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,120 Speaker 2: they do, is it worse than never trying at all 509 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 2: is the fear of the possibility of something bad happening 510 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:07,479 Speaker 2: worth the opportunity of something really good happening. That can 511 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,920 Speaker 2: be hard to put into practice, by the way, I 512 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:13,400 Speaker 2: absolutely understand. But one of the ways that I do 513 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 2: it is by personifying my self doubt and speaking directly 514 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,680 Speaker 2: to it with compassion and gratitude. I know this sounds 515 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 2: really silly, but just try it. Say to yourself doubt, like, Hey, 516 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 2: I really appreciate you looking out for me. That is 517 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 2: so nice of you. Thank you so much for anticipating 518 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 2: those things. I really appreciate all the extra work that 519 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,680 Speaker 2: you're doing. But I've got it from here. I'm gonna 520 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,840 Speaker 2: do it anyways, and we can revisit later on. We'll 521 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 2: circle back. The thing to remember is that you are 522 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 2: your self doubts. You own them. They come from you, 523 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 2: and so you can say no to them as well. 524 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 2: You can say, yeah, no, I actually don't believe that. Sorry, 525 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 2: actually no, Like that's probably not going to happen, So 526 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 2: thank you for that thought. You're wrong. Moving on, the 527 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 2: other thing that really helps me with this and helps 528 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 2: me put things into perspective is to remind myself that 529 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,440 Speaker 2: other people, people that I admire pretty much have the 530 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 2: same internal self skepticism and doubts as me. It's very 531 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,120 Speaker 2: easy to compare ourselves to the people around us, these 532 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 2: incredibly successful people, and kind of believe that the only 533 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 2: reason they have what we dream of is because they 534 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 2: were always confident in their ability to do so, or 535 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,400 Speaker 2: that everything has worked out for them, that they have 536 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,720 Speaker 2: none of these self doubts, when actually so many of 537 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,120 Speaker 2: the greats, so many of the people we really admire, 538 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,239 Speaker 2: have had setbacks, They have had crippling doubts that they 539 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,280 Speaker 2: have had to overcome to be who they are now. 540 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,200 Speaker 2: The person I always think of when it comes to 541 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 2: this is Simone Biles. The Olympics are coming up. She's 542 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 2: a great example. She is the most decorated gymnast, the 543 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,960 Speaker 2: most one of the most accomplished Olympians in history, and 544 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,520 Speaker 2: a few years back she gave this interview saying that 545 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 2: there had been so many times when she didn't think 546 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:05,280 Speaker 2: that she was good enough, when she was so hypercritical 547 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,680 Speaker 2: of her performance, that, in her words, she couldn't remember 548 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 2: a day where she didn't cry. We each come to 549 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 2: our dreams and our desires and our plans with doubts. 550 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,959 Speaker 2: Even those who you would never believe would falter or 551 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,200 Speaker 2: for one second think that they weren't great because they 552 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 2: are the best, imposter syndrome still strikes them down. It's 553 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 2: like the natural equalizer. And when you realize that even 554 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:33,040 Speaker 2: these incredible athletes, incredible people, have these feelings, you also 555 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,880 Speaker 2: begin to realize that maybe the only difference between them 556 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 2: and maybe the people who aren't on that podium, maybe us, 557 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 2: is that they didn't let that fear at the root 558 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,640 Speaker 2: of their self doubt overwhelm them. Here's the other reason 559 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 2: why I think having these kinds of realistic idols and 560 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 2: seeing these examples and hearing them speak about it is 561 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 2: so helpful for soothing our self doubts. It really helps 562 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:02,120 Speaker 2: us ask the question, you know, why not me, Why 563 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,000 Speaker 2: can't I have that? Why can't I be her? Why 564 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 2: can't I dream big or take the chances that they have? 565 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,520 Speaker 2: Because we have the same self doubts. They've just found 566 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,080 Speaker 2: a place for them. They've set the example, they have 567 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 2: proven that it's possible, and now it's kind of your turn. 568 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 2: Maybe you don't want to be an Olympic gymnast, but 569 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,080 Speaker 2: you know, whatever it is, that you are striving towards. 570 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,880 Speaker 2: There is an example of somebody in that professional in 571 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:28,160 Speaker 2: your career who has experienced the most crippling form of 572 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:32,360 Speaker 2: self doubt and pushed beyond it. And I want us 573 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,880 Speaker 2: to just sit for a second and really ponder that question. 574 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,400 Speaker 2: Whatever it is that your self doubt is keeping you 575 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 2: back from why not you? And I want you to 576 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 2: give me at least three reasons. Chances are you can't 577 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,600 Speaker 2: because your fear and your self doubt is not actually rational. 578 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 2: It's just kind of betting on you listening to it 579 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 2: blindly and obeying what it's telling you to do, being indecisive. 580 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 2: It's betting on you not taking risks. It's betting on 581 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 2: you playing it safe when actually, when you really drill 582 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:09,600 Speaker 2: down into it, the reasons to not do something are 583 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,440 Speaker 2: often a lot less persuasive than the reasons to do something. 584 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,840 Speaker 2: Here's how we counteract that. Make a persona for yourself. 585 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,319 Speaker 2: Create a version of you. Visualize a character that would 586 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,720 Speaker 2: do all the things that you believe that you can't. 587 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,919 Speaker 2: Base that persona off of the people you admire who 588 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,440 Speaker 2: did what you dream to do, even if they're fictional. 589 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 2: Base that persona off of your ideal vision of your 590 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 2: future self, or your idols or your wildest dreams, and 591 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,440 Speaker 2: give them a name. And then the question is between 592 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 2: doubting yourself and doing the thing, whatever it is. Ask yourself, Okay, 593 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,759 Speaker 2: what would my persona do? What would this version of me, 594 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,359 Speaker 2: who is everything I want to be, who is all 595 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 2: the great parts of everybody else that I love and 596 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,680 Speaker 2: I admire? What would they take the risks? You know, 597 00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 2: they wouldn't think twice. Would they put themselves out there? 598 00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:00,800 Speaker 2: Of course they would. Would they wear this weird outfit? 599 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,359 Speaker 2: Of course they would? And there you go. They are 600 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 2: the justification for doing all the things that you maybe 601 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 2: wouldn't do otherwise. Be like, you know, well, I wasn't 602 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,640 Speaker 2: going to take that solo trip, but Patricia, my alter ego, 603 00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:13,319 Speaker 2: made me. She wanted me to go, so I guess 604 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,400 Speaker 2: I have to go. I wasn't going to apply for 605 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,120 Speaker 2: that promotion or ask that person out, but you know, 606 00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:21,480 Speaker 2: Ronaldo would do it, and I've got to, you know, 607 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:22,960 Speaker 2: do it for Ronaldo. I've got to do it for 608 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 2: this alter ego. I've got to be this version and 609 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 2: vision of me that I believe in and that is 610 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:33,360 Speaker 2: possible become that persona, become this alter ego, you know, 611 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,480 Speaker 2: make them responsible for the things that you were scared 612 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,840 Speaker 2: to do. The benefits of this are amazing. Greater performance, 613 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 2: greater confidence, more will power, quicker decision making. In psychology, 614 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 2: it's called the Batman effect, and the reason it works 615 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,359 Speaker 2: is because it allows us to separate ourselves from all 616 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:57,000 Speaker 2: the negative beliefs, our past, our memories, whatever is holding 617 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,480 Speaker 2: us back, and it projects only the best parts of 618 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:03,080 Speaker 2: ourselves onto this. You know, I don't want to say false, 619 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 2: this fantasy version of us. It kind of rains in 620 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 2: the undesirable feelings that are holding us back. Through this 621 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:15,800 Speaker 2: very effective form of self distancing. When I want to 622 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 2: stop getting in my own way, I think about what 623 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 2: Gemma with a G would do. She wouldn't think about 624 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,560 Speaker 2: other's opinions before her own. Gemma with the G is 625 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:29,120 Speaker 2: totally confident, totally self aware. She wouldn't doubt herself before 626 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,720 Speaker 2: she expressed what she was feeling. She wouldn't stop herself 627 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 2: saying yes to cool things or going places where she 628 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,680 Speaker 2: knew no one. That's what Gemma with a G would do, 629 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,880 Speaker 2: and I want to do right by her. So try 630 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:44,440 Speaker 2: this persona alter ego tip for just a week, apply 631 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 2: it where necessary, and see if it changes anything. It's 632 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 2: almost like thinking from a place of your ideal self 633 00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:55,480 Speaker 2: rather than your scared self, rather than your doubting self. 634 00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:01,880 Speaker 2: If your self doubt is especially linked to fascination and indecisiveness, 635 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,680 Speaker 2: I would also say train yourself to not do things 636 00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:09,239 Speaker 2: perfectly every time. Treat failure like an assignment almost and 637 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,120 Speaker 2: just do go to the gym. Even if you don't 638 00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,520 Speaker 2: end up working out right. You still went. You still 639 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,239 Speaker 2: made a decision to go wear an outfit, even if 640 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:18,880 Speaker 2: you know it doesn't look great, just for like a 641 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,719 Speaker 2: couple of hours. Put your hand up to host that event, 642 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,200 Speaker 2: or to go to that wrong club, or anything that 643 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,399 Speaker 2: means you will show up, even if you don't show 644 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 2: up perfectly, Because what matters most is just being decisive 645 00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,920 Speaker 2: and doing that is what we are trying to train 646 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,319 Speaker 2: ourselves into. You are allowed to make mistakes, you don't 647 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:39,400 Speaker 2: have to do it perfectly. That's okay, and you build 648 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 2: up this tolerance for failure. And failure is often the 649 00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:44,879 Speaker 2: thing that our self doubt is most scared of. It's 650 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,720 Speaker 2: like when you do cold water plunges right, it feels 651 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,120 Speaker 2: so terrible at the beginning, but soon you begin to 652 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:54,320 Speaker 2: relax into it and realize that this actually isn't that scary, 653 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,880 Speaker 2: This actually isn't dangerous. My brain is just trying to 654 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:01,480 Speaker 2: convince me that it is to protect me. This also 655 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,160 Speaker 2: doesn't give us time to get stuck in the analysis 656 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 2: loop of do I do it? Do I not? Am 657 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:09,480 Speaker 2: I deserving? Am I not? Because our assignment is to 658 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,520 Speaker 2: disregard those things and just do that. It's that simple, 659 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 2: Make it that simple, Just do it. Oh my god, 660 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,960 Speaker 2: hopefully I don't get sued by Nike for using their 661 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:22,920 Speaker 2: phrase that was completely accidental. But again, ask the question, 662 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,080 Speaker 2: what are you truly afraid of? Get behind those fears 663 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,879 Speaker 2: and is there a chance that your doubts are incorrect? 664 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,080 Speaker 2: That is the final part of this My final tip 665 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:37,359 Speaker 2: for this episode. Question what your brain is trying to 666 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 2: convince you is fact, and remember that if your doubts 667 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,759 Speaker 2: came from you, there is a possibility that they might 668 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:48,600 Speaker 2: be biased or maybe wrong. A lot of the time 669 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,000 Speaker 2: they are based on this incorrect or faulty evidence. You know, 670 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:56,279 Speaker 2: this faulty evidence from our past experiences that incorrectly made 671 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,839 Speaker 2: us assume that we weren't worthy. We weren't valuable, we 672 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:02,919 Speaker 2: weren't talented, we weren't intelligent, And because those doubts are 673 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,719 Speaker 2: actually originating from inside of you, they are have an 674 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,719 Speaker 2: internal origin. Once again, you can choose to say, yeah, 675 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,520 Speaker 2: you know, I don't think that's right. I'm just going 676 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,120 Speaker 2: to choose to not believe this today. I'm going to 677 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,960 Speaker 2: choose to not believe that I don't deserve this. I'm 678 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,000 Speaker 2: going to believe that there wasn't a mistake, that I 679 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,280 Speaker 2: didn't just get lucky, that I'm here for a reason, 680 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:28,320 Speaker 2: because that belief and my self doubt are both coming 681 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,760 Speaker 2: from me, and they both have the capacity to be true. 682 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,520 Speaker 2: So I'm going to do it anyways. I'm going to 683 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 2: be myself anyways. I'm going to show up anyways some 684 00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,520 Speaker 2: final reminders, because you know, I love to close my 685 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,080 Speaker 2: episodes out with a little pep talk to hype you 686 00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,960 Speaker 2: guys up, to get you to apply what I'm hoping 687 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,520 Speaker 2: you've learned. Please remember that most of us don't just 688 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,840 Speaker 2: explode right out the gate. Most of us do spend 689 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:57,719 Speaker 2: some time doubting our own abilities in some capacity. The 690 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,400 Speaker 2: difference is whether you let that define your reality or 691 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,840 Speaker 2: you let it just be a thought. It can be 692 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,560 Speaker 2: hard when your in a critic is loud, but once again, 693 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,080 Speaker 2: your inner critic is your own voice. You and your 694 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,879 Speaker 2: inner critic are one and the same, so you are 695 00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,840 Speaker 2: actually able to replace those beliefs with a better and 696 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,479 Speaker 2: more real understanding of who you are, which is someone 697 00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,920 Speaker 2: who is competent, confident, a risk taker, willing to bet 698 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 2: on themselves, someone who learns from setbacks, and who, if 699 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,799 Speaker 2: you've made it this far, is obviously deeply committed to 700 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,960 Speaker 2: becoming your best self. So don't let yourself be to 701 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,560 Speaker 2: blame for I guess holding you back. Don't you get 702 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,800 Speaker 2: to the end of your life and realize that nobody 703 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:42,800 Speaker 2: ever actually said no or turned you away or turned 704 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 2: you down. You did it before they even had the chance, 705 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:49,680 Speaker 2: so you never really put yourself in the running. I 706 00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:52,840 Speaker 2: don't want that to be your reality. So I'm giving 707 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,960 Speaker 2: you a big hug through the microphone and a big 708 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:59,080 Speaker 2: you can fucking do it, because you can. You absolutely can. 709 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,760 Speaker 2: Your self doubt do not control you. And as always, 710 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,879 Speaker 2: I just really hope that you enjoyed this episode. At 711 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 2: the least, I hope that you learned something new about yourself, 712 00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:13,839 Speaker 2: about your life, or about your psychology. As always, if 713 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:15,920 Speaker 2: you feel like there is somebody in your life who 714 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,960 Speaker 2: could benefit from this, please feel free to share with them. 715 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,960 Speaker 2: Make sure that you are following along for new episodes. 716 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:25,840 Speaker 2: I just got to say, we've got some amazing ones 717 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:30,920 Speaker 2: coming out soon. I am so excited for next week's episode, 718 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,160 Speaker 2: in particular, maybe it's already out by the time you're 719 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:36,000 Speaker 2: listening to this, but listen to that one next if 720 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,319 Speaker 2: that is the case. And if you could give us 721 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,279 Speaker 2: a five star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, that 722 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,759 Speaker 2: also really helps the show to go and reach a 723 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,799 Speaker 2: new audience. If you enjoyed this episode, if you have feedback, 724 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,640 Speaker 2: and more importantly, if you have a topic suggestion something 725 00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,799 Speaker 2: about the psychology of your twenties that we have not 726 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,440 Speaker 2: yet covered, I would love to hear from you. Make 727 00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 2: sure that you are following along at that psychology podcast 728 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,880 Speaker 2: or you can follow me at Gemma Spake. And until 729 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,640 Speaker 2: next time, be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself, 730 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,040 Speaker 2: and we will talk soon.