1
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600
Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this

2
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240
Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

3
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840
Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800
Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast

5
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280
Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs

6
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000
Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you

7
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400
Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

8
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440
Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

9
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040
Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

10
00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800
Speaker 1: fm to get started.

11
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,000
Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space.

12
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:42,800
Speaker 1: Just giving myself those affirmations constantly, like pouring positivity into

13
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:50,600
Speaker 1: myself is I think, a huge, huge way to combat

14
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,240
Speaker 1: a lot of the external negativity that can impact your

15
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,040
Speaker 1: body image.

16
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,840
Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

17
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:04,120
Speaker 2: or even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments,

18
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,400
Speaker 2: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, Lady, please

19
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,240
Speaker 2: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing

20
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,680
Speaker 2: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release

21
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,160
Speaker 2: episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes

22
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,760
Speaker 2: and visit her Space podcast dot com and enter your

23
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,480
Speaker 2: email address to get updates about our live events in

24
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,440
Speaker 2: all the new beginnings that we have for this year.

25
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,280
Speaker 2: Thank you.

26
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,720
Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

27
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:35,000
Speaker 1: like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college

28
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,240
Speaker 1: professor and psychologist.

29
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,080
Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker.

30
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:45,399
Speaker 3: In a world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood,

31
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:50,600
Speaker 3: please join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything

32
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:54,160
Speaker 3: from fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space

33
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,360
Speaker 3: where black women can just be.

34
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,560
Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor Dom here from the Herspace podcast.

35
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,160
Speaker 1: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get

36
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,840
Speaker 1: feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective on a

37
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:17,400
Speaker 1: situation you're facing? If so, visit herspacepodcast dot com and

38
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:22,200
Speaker 1: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday,

39
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:27,000
Speaker 1: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random. Okay,

40
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,040
Speaker 1: our quote of the day comes to us from Simone bios.

41
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,680
Speaker 1: I was built this way for a reason, so I'm

42
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:41,240
Speaker 1: going to use it. When I hear that quote, there's

43
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:45,200
Speaker 1: a few images that come up from me. So I

44
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:51,280
Speaker 1: think of Simone winning her multiple medals at the Olympics,

45
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:58,919
Speaker 1: and then I also think about Serena Williams and her

46
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:04,919
Speaker 1: numerous championships, and I think about how vastly different their

47
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:10,200
Speaker 1: bodies are, and then I also think about how powerful

48
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 1: their bodies are for their respective sports. And then I

49
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:23,000
Speaker 1: also think about a lot of the negativity that the

50
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:30,520
Speaker 1: media and certain members of society have pushed their way.

51
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,280
Speaker 1: And then that makes me think about and I know,

52
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm on like this, like this train, go ahead, we

53
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,920
Speaker 1: rite with you, but then it makes me think about

54
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:46,880
Speaker 1: black women in general and our bodies and how our

55
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:55,560
Speaker 1: bodies are policed and how we end up viewing ourselves

56
00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:01,960
Speaker 1: based on outside influences. So I know I said a lot,

57
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,840
Speaker 1: but see what about you when you hear that quote?

58
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,240
Speaker 1: What comes up for you?

59
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,119
Speaker 2: Oh girl, Oh goodness, No, you were on point, Dom.

60
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,400
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking about it, and I'm like, when I

61
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,080
Speaker 2: hear that quote, it actually makes me think about I

62
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,720
Speaker 2: know we're talking about body image, but it makes me

63
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,320
Speaker 2: think about the whole person, and on a personal level,

64
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,080
Speaker 2: makes me think about the way that I was built

65
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,840
Speaker 2: as an individual, so as far as like mental strengths, right,

66
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:32,760
Speaker 2: and just other aspects of self that have allowed me

67
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:37,640
Speaker 2: to persevere or things that are unique about myself that

68
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, I'm going to use it. This is

69
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,280
Speaker 2: how I was born, so I'm gonna use this right

70
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,160
Speaker 2: and leverage it. I love that quote. I think that's

71
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,560
Speaker 2: a beautiful quote that she shared.

72
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,400
Speaker 1: It's so on point, yeah, going off of that point

73
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:54,719
Speaker 1: of being able to use look at what you've been given,

74
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,600
Speaker 1: what you've been provided, and use it to your advantage.

75
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,640
Speaker 1: And I think that that speaks of like a high

76
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,279
Speaker 1: positive body image.

77
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,680
Speaker 4: And I think that a lot.

78
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:15,080
Speaker 1: Of us, particularly during our adolescent phase, right, because one

79
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,000
Speaker 1: of the things that I hear sometimes is people use

80
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,960
Speaker 1: that term like, oh, they went through that ugly adolescent phase.

81
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I always.

82
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:27,279
Speaker 1: Kind of cringe when I hear that, because that makes

83
00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:34,520
Speaker 1: me think about the level of distress and despair that

84
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,920
Speaker 1: our adolescens.

85
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,880
Speaker 4: Go through during that time in their.

86
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:48,280
Speaker 1: Life, and how particularly for young black girls, that is

87
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,920
Speaker 1: tied to their body image and the way that they

88
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,719
Speaker 1: look at their bodies is often again, like I was

89
00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:02,000
Speaker 1: saying earlier, based off of external facts and external factors

90
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,960
Speaker 1: that aren't positive. So as we dive into this, like

91
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,520
Speaker 1: one of the things, I guess we can kind of,

92
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,599
Speaker 1: you know, talk a little bit about what it was

93
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:15,000
Speaker 1: like for us and our adolescence and how our body

94
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,000
Speaker 1: image got shaped, Like, what are what were the external

95
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:25,279
Speaker 1: influences that kind of led us to developing the positive

96
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,200
Speaker 1: or negative body image that we had?

97
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,800
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, I think we can all ask ourselves that

98
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,200
Speaker 2: question right now, Doctor dom I am all ears. I'm

99
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,000
Speaker 2: ready to hear it. What did you hear growing up? Dr?

100
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,560
Speaker 3: Do? So?

101
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:44,000
Speaker 1: For me growing up, I was I want to say,

102
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:49,680
Speaker 1: I didn't hit a growth spurt until maybe right before

103
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:50,279
Speaker 1: high school.

104
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,520
Speaker 4: So I was what you would consider a late bloomer.

105
00:06:55,920 --> 00:07:02,080
Speaker 1: From a reproductive puberty physical development standpoint, And so what

106
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,320
Speaker 1: that meant for me was that like I was pretty

107
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:10,320
Speaker 1: short compared to how tall I am now. And I

108
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:14,240
Speaker 1: was short, and when I say short, I mean right

109
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:19,960
Speaker 1: now I'm five seven, So around thirteen fourteen, I might

110
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,920
Speaker 1: have been five two. I think I can't remember. I

111
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,840
Speaker 1: just remember I hit a growthz burg right before starting

112
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 1: high school. And then when I started high school, like

113
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:32,800
Speaker 1: I got taller. So that summer in between middle school

114
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,400
Speaker 1: and high school was like a transition for me physically.

115
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:44,240
Speaker 1: But I still was really skinny and skinny in terms

116
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,160
Speaker 1: of to the point that people would you know, how

117
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,360
Speaker 1: kids are like they like to tease one another. And

118
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,680
Speaker 1: one of the things that I would get teased for

119
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:58,000
Speaker 1: is just being really slim, and I didn't. I was

120
00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,640
Speaker 1: on that itty bitty titty committee.

121
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,240
Speaker 4: And to be perfectly honest, I didn't develop.

122
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:09,760
Speaker 1: My breasts did not develop until after high school and

123
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,520
Speaker 1: so and I wore glasses. So like, if I can

124
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,120
Speaker 1: paint the full picture, and you know, I might go

125
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:24,160
Speaker 1: dig in my archives and find a photo and share

126
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,520
Speaker 1: with you a all. So I so imagine, you know,

127
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:33,120
Speaker 1: this young girl who is all of a sudden shoots

128
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:38,720
Speaker 1: up to like five seven, but I'm like, no hips,

129
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:46,760
Speaker 1: no breasts, mostly just long thin legs and glasses. You know,

130
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,520
Speaker 1: people would tease me and call me a nerd, and

131
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,640
Speaker 1: back then that was when being called a nerd was

132
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,160
Speaker 1: like the one of the worst terms.

133
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:56,880
Speaker 4: Yeah.

134
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,440
Speaker 1: So I remember just really not having a lot of

135
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:07,439
Speaker 1: confidence in my looks and just not really liking my body.

136
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:12,200
Speaker 1: And on top of that, I also had a lot

137
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,959
Speaker 1: of body hair. So now I'm like, oh, y'all got

138
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:19,160
Speaker 1: me shared. So I had a lot of body hair

139
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:23,000
Speaker 1: as well, and I remember having arguments with my mom

140
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:28,079
Speaker 1: about me wanting to get rid of that because I

141
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:32,280
Speaker 1: was really self conscious about it, and we had these

142
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,960
Speaker 1: long conversations about when I would be able to like

143
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,680
Speaker 1: use nair or start shaving and what I would be

144
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:43,800
Speaker 1: allowed to shave. And then so you had that on

145
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:47,080
Speaker 1: top of I didn't. I didn't get my first period

146
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:51,079
Speaker 1: until that summer right before high school, and by that point,

147
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,880
Speaker 1: the majority of all my friends had started their first

148
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:59,560
Speaker 1: that had had their first period. And I remember prying

149
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,679
Speaker 1: to my mom about that, being really upset.

150
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:08,120
Speaker 4: Now as a grown adult, now I'm like, girl, rush that.

151
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,000
Speaker 2: Okay, you had it.

152
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,679
Speaker 1: But all of those things, the combination of all of

153
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:21,840
Speaker 1: those things did not help me feel good about how

154
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:29,440
Speaker 1: I looked at all. I know, right, I know, I

155
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,800
Speaker 1: just want to hug my my thirteenth year old self,

156
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,040
Speaker 1: right me too.

157
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,040
Speaker 2: I just had so much empathy and compassion for you, Domin.

158
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,280
Speaker 2: I was just thinking, like, oh, it's so sad, how

159
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,720
Speaker 2: kids are so mean, you know, and it's tough that

160
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 2: we all have to go through that period of time,

161
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,520
Speaker 2: you know, adolescence is such a tough time. But thank

162
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,560
Speaker 2: you for sharing, thank you for being so open.

163
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,839
Speaker 1: No problem, I mean, I think you know, my experience

164
00:10:54,720 --> 00:11:00,640
Speaker 1: is not that unique though. Unfortunately, Yeah, so t you

165
00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,720
Speaker 1: want to tell us about yours girl.

166
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,720
Speaker 2: To be honest, we are a lot of similarities.

167
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:04,960
Speaker 1: Dom.

168
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,240
Speaker 2: I was always a slim you know, slim gym as

169
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,560
Speaker 2: they called her, skinny Minnie, all the names you know

170
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,480
Speaker 2: heard mall. But yeah, I was always very I was

171
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,679
Speaker 2: very a late bloomer. I was always very small. And

172
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,240
Speaker 2: I remember, Dom, you ever remember those moments when you

173
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,880
Speaker 2: were very young? And I can't believe it, I actually

174
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,160
Speaker 2: remember this, but I remember vividly. I had to be

175
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,480
Speaker 2: like a toddler, Dom, which is so crazy. And I

176
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,880
Speaker 2: remember I was always very I was always a girly girl.

177
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,959
Speaker 2: I was always very much into my lip gloss and

178
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,520
Speaker 2: my chapsticking my purses and all that. Like I've always

179
00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,200
Speaker 2: carried little pocketbooks and all that. Me and my mom

180
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,560
Speaker 2: kind of taught me that girl. She she always my

181
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,199
Speaker 2: mom did a very good job of teaching us how

182
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,679
Speaker 2: to be ladies. She was always talking about crossing our

183
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,280
Speaker 2: legs and wearing stockings and wearing the slips and one

184
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,160
Speaker 2: sees your goodies. I mean all that. And so I

185
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,760
Speaker 2: remember when I was younger. I think I was like

186
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,000
Speaker 2: a little boy crazy, but it was more so internally

187
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:58,840
Speaker 2: because I didn't like share it out loud, but I

188
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,840
Speaker 2: was like, I just love me some little boys, and

189
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,120
Speaker 2: so I used to always want to get the attention

190
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,679
Speaker 2: of the little boys, and so I would always put

191
00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:06,839
Speaker 2: on my lip gloss and stuff before I would go,

192
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,400
Speaker 2: you know, to see a little boy in my class

193
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,400
Speaker 2: that I liked. And I remember, I can't remember what happened,

194
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,280
Speaker 2: but there was a moment for me, and there was

195
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,719
Speaker 2: a shift where I either saw something on TV or

196
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:20,080
Speaker 2: I heard a conversation. But I learned very quickly that

197
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,200
Speaker 2: it's not about my lip gloss and my face being cute.

198
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,040
Speaker 2: It's about my body. And so what I used to

199
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,440
Speaker 2: do don because I was so small and slim. This

200
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,000
Speaker 2: is probably middle school at this point, I would wear

201
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,320
Speaker 2: you remember those. It was not a turtle neck, but

202
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,160
Speaker 2: more like a sweatshirt you tied around your waist. I

203
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,400
Speaker 2: used to wear those and tied around my waist because

204
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,680
Speaker 2: I thought that it would make my like my butt

205
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,480
Speaker 2: look bigger, so give me some kind of shape because

206
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,480
Speaker 2: my parts were so my mom had us wearing these

207
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,080
Speaker 2: big loose pants. And I would also double up on

208
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,160
Speaker 2: my long Johns to make me look thicker. So girl,

209
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,240
Speaker 2: I just wanted to be thick because I was so

210
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,280
Speaker 2: skinny for the longest, I was like a double zero

211
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,880
Speaker 2: in high school, barely had any boobs me too, domb

212
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,240
Speaker 2: started my period late, so I just felt like so

213
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,280
Speaker 2: out of place, and I felt just like a little

214
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,760
Speaker 2: kid all the time. And even when I graduated from

215
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,160
Speaker 2: high school, I went to college and I began to

216
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,360
Speaker 2: do motivational speaking, I was still very much smaller than

217
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,520
Speaker 2: the kids I would speak to. So I would go

218
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,320
Speaker 2: into high schools and colleges to speak and the kids

219
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,720
Speaker 2: were a lot bigger than me even then. So I

220
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,920
Speaker 2: feel like I've always kind of had this up until

221
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,560
Speaker 2: maybe the last couple of years. I always had this

222
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,400
Speaker 2: complex of being so small, feeling like I didn't take

223
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:33,600
Speaker 2: up enough space, and not being very secure in my body,

224
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,840
Speaker 2: especially as I came into womanhood, because I felt like

225
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,719
Speaker 2: I always thought that womanhood meant that you'd have some hips, right,

226
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,280
Speaker 2: you'd have some thick guys, you have a big old booty,

227
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,800
Speaker 2: you have some full breasts, And I didn't ever really

228
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,880
Speaker 2: have any of that, and so it definitely impacted my

229
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,600
Speaker 2: body image and my self esteeming and there was a

230
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,400
Speaker 2: lot of work I had to do to be okay

231
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,000
Speaker 2: with myself, but ground with you, I mean, it's and

232
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,720
Speaker 2: I want to shout out our full figured, utiful sisters

233
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,640
Speaker 2: as well, because I know that there are different struggles

234
00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:04,760
Speaker 2: that they face, right when you go up on the

235
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,160
Speaker 2: opposite end of the spectrum. And so this is just

236
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,720
Speaker 2: you know, our experience. But I think it's a lot.

237
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,320
Speaker 2: You know, it's a lot when you get these messages

238
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,440
Speaker 2: about your body that you're not good enough, no matter

239
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:19,600
Speaker 2: if you're you know, bigger than average or smaller than average, right,

240
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,360
Speaker 2: or shoot, you could even be the average size, whatever

241
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,760
Speaker 2: average is, and there's always still some message out there

242
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 2: saying you're not good enough. Right.

243
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:32,280
Speaker 1: Speaking of average, so there's research that states that the

244
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:39,720
Speaker 1: average American woman is five foot four and weighs.

245
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,200
Speaker 4: One hundred and forty pounds.

246
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,760
Speaker 1: That's the average, right, And what we know when we

247
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,400
Speaker 1: hear average is that that's like, that's the mean, that's

248
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,680
Speaker 1: the middle, that is that means that there are.

249
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,920
Speaker 4: That's where the majority of us are.

250
00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:01,400
Speaker 1: That there are going to be those of us who

251
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:09,040
Speaker 1: may be much taller or much shorter, and there will

252
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,240
Speaker 1: be those of us that will weigh a lot less

253
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,880
Speaker 1: and those of us that weigh a lot more. But

254
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,680
Speaker 1: the average is five for one hundred and forty pounds.

255
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:25,000
Speaker 1: What research also shows is that the average American model,

256
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 1: just to give you a contrast, it's five eleven and

257
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:37,680
Speaker 1: weighs one hundred and seventeen pounds. Again, that's the model size.

258
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:43,400
Speaker 1: Five eleven, one hundred and seventeen pounds. The average American

259
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,680
Speaker 1: model clearly is not close to the size of the

260
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:52,720
Speaker 1: average American woman. And so if models are what is

261
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:57,200
Speaker 1: put out there as the standard, I can easily see

262
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:03,640
Speaker 1: how our body image would be completely thrown off. Like

263
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,640
Speaker 1: I see how one could engage in a lot of

264
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,040
Speaker 1: negative self comparison.

265
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,040
Speaker 2: You know what, dom really quick, do you think there's

266
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 2: a difference between different communities, because I feel like it's

267
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,360
Speaker 2: so funny. I was talking to one of my white

268
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:20,560
Speaker 2: girlfriends and she has very wide hips, and I actually,

269
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 2: you know, I had. I'm pretty narrow. When I was younger,

270
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,680
Speaker 2: they used to call me, come over here with a

271
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,480
Speaker 2: narrow behind, Like that's what I always heard because I'm narrow, right,

272
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,920
Speaker 2: So I'm still pretty narrow. I don't really have hips

273
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,280
Speaker 2: today and I'm five five. But my friend I was

274
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,520
Speaker 2: telling her like she was so insecure about her hips.

275
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,120
Speaker 2: I was telling her like, girl, you actually have a

276
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,440
Speaker 2: really nice shape, Like you don't realize that you have

277
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:39,960
Speaker 2: a nice shape. And she was telling me, well, in

278
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,480
Speaker 2: my community, it's this is not desirable, like I am

279
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 2: too big, and I'm like what She's like, yeah, like

280
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,760
Speaker 2: I feel like I take I take up too much space.

281
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,880
Speaker 2: And she was telling me about how awesome my size was,

282
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 2: and I was like, girl, but I've always wished that

283
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,800
Speaker 2: I had some hips like yours. And so it's so

284
00:16:55,920 --> 00:17:02,040
Speaker 2: interesting how across different communities and cultures, the standard or

285
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:07,080
Speaker 2: the desired look or body type is also different, right,

286
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,359
Speaker 2: because I don't ever remember being skinny being praised when

287
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,920
Speaker 2: I was younger, Like a lot of the white people

288
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 2: I knew, they would say, oh my gosh, you're so skinny,

289
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,679
Speaker 2: it's great. And then other people, like black people that

290
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,920
Speaker 2: I knew, would either think I was intorectick or they're

291
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,159
Speaker 2: like or you need to eat the sandwich or you

292
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 2: need to eat more whatever. Right, even though I ate everything,

293
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:23,439
Speaker 2: but I was still small.

294
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,240
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, So I'm so glad that you pointed that

295
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:32,359
Speaker 1: outs because there is that huge divide, and what a

296
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 1: lot of research has shown is that there are differences

297
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 1: particularly between white women and women of color, and black

298
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,760
Speaker 1: women tend to, like you said, have a similar experience

299
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:52,040
Speaker 1: to your own, where our ideal beauty standard is someone

300
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,080
Speaker 1: is a woman who's a bit more curvacious. Right. So

301
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,040
Speaker 1: if we think about the song, I think it's from

302
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:02,040
Speaker 1: the seventies, maybe the sixties, the Commodore's song brick House,

303
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,640
Speaker 1: and they talk about the woman's measurements, and her measurements

304
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:11,040
Speaker 1: are thirty six twenty four thirty six, right. That means

305
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,960
Speaker 1: that she's got nice size breast, she's got a small waist,

306
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:19,960
Speaker 1: but she's got the ratio of her waist to her hips.

307
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 1: She's got some what they call those child bearing hips. Right,

308
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 1: that's a curvacous woman. And that is the standard of

309
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 1: beauty that black women have generally been held to. And

310
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:40,439
Speaker 1: where that becomes so problematic is that again that goes

311
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 1: back to we are not a monolith, and so you

312
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 1: have those of you have those of us on all

313
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 1: ends of the spectrum. You have those of us that

314
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:57,200
Speaker 1: are on the end of the spectrum where our measurements

315
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:02,439
Speaker 1: are way more than that thirty four thirty six. So

316
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,840
Speaker 1: then we're made to feel like, oh, well, we're not

317
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 1: We're not worthy if we're.

318
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,679
Speaker 4: Not that small.

319
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 1: And then you have those of us on the other

320
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,200
Speaker 1: end of that spectrum who our measurements are a lot

321
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 1: smaller than that, and so we're looking at that and

322
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,080
Speaker 1: we're like, well, we're not good enough because we're not

323
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: that size either. And the reality is that the majority

324
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,879
Speaker 1: of us are not that size and never will be.

325
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 1: And then that just keeps playing in our subconscious right,

326
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:36,159
Speaker 1: And you know, I think also about how we were

327
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 1: talking about what it was like for us growing up,

328
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 1: and I think about how the context has changed a

329
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 1: bit for adolescents today. They have Instagram, they have all

330
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 1: various forms of social media that are showing them the

331
00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 1: quote unquote ideal images, right, and those ideal images of

332
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 1: black beauty are like that brick house. So like, things

333
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 1: don't really change, right, The method in which we get

334
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:15,879
Speaker 1: the message by change, but the message itself doesn't change exactly.

335
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 1: And so you have these You have young girls and

336
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:24,919
Speaker 1: young women striving for this beauty standard or this body

337
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:32,120
Speaker 1: standard that might be unrealistic. I don't know about ut,

338
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,360
Speaker 1: but I feel like that puts a lot of pressure

339
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 1: on young girls and women, and I think that sometimes

340
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 1: it's really really hard to combat that negative imaging.

341
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, Dom, I would agree with you. I think that

342
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 2: in my personal journey, I've realized I mean, I know

343
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 2: we're going to dive into some tips on how to

344
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 2: learn to love your body, but I think that a

345
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,199
Speaker 2: lot of this has to do with us going within.

346
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 2: I think that a lot of the unhealthy messages that

347
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 2: we get they come from without or outside of us.

348
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 2: And when you think about even when we were growing up,

349
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,159
Speaker 2: I never knew that I was I'm going to use

350
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 2: air quotes here too, skinny, or that you know. I

351
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 2: used to get teased because I had My eyes are big,

352
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 2: but they were bigger when I was little because I

353
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 2: guess I didn't fill into them. But those are things

354
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 2: that got teased about, as being skinny, my eyes being big,

355
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 2: and then having big feet cause I think I were

356
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 2: like an eight and a half nine, but I was

357
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 2: wearing the size since I was like in high school.

358
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,239
Speaker 2: So I had some big dogs or some boats as

359
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 2: they used to say. But I've had to learn to

360
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,879
Speaker 2: love all aspects. And I think that the more that

361
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 2: we go within and spend time with ourselves, the more

362
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,400
Speaker 2: that we can really cultivate that self love.

363
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 1: Right.

364
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 2: But if We're constantly being bombarded with all of the

365
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:54,400
Speaker 2: messages from outside of ourselves, whether it's a partner, right,

366
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 2: or the media or music or Instagram or other social

367
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 2: media out just like, are we monitoring what's coming into

368
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 2: our spirit and our psyche?

369
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: Right?

370
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 2: Because it's so important. We really have to be careful

371
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: because when you think about it, I personally think don

372
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:16,199
Speaker 2: that a lot of these messages are communicated because of

373
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,440
Speaker 2: the capitalistic society that we live in. It's all sort

374
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 2: of created to point out or create insecurities and then

375
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 2: have you purchase something to become better, right, or go

376
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 2: get a search or we to become better. You're spending

377
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 2: money to try to reach this unattainable standard of beauty.

378
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 2: And I actually did a project about this in college.

379
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 2: Donald it was like years ago. This had to be

380
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 2: what at least ten years ago. I did a project

381
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 2: about it in college, but I was talking about photoshop

382
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,880
Speaker 2: because back then photoshop thing. This is before Instagram and everything.

383
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 2: And the big thing that we were talking about then

384
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,919
Speaker 2: was like, you know, you have these women on magazines

385
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 2: and they don't have any pores and they're perfect, and

386
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 2: women are comparing themselves, but you're using photoshop, and now

387
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 2: we got photoshop on our phones, we got the Instagram,

388
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 2: we got the Instagram and snapchat filters, so it hasn't

389
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,920
Speaker 2: really been fixed. But it's like, what do we do, right,

390
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,719
Speaker 2: what do we do to take care of self and

391
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 2: love ourselves in a world that's constantly telling us that

392
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 2: we are not enough? Yes?

393
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 1: You know, I think that it does become really difficult

394
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: to combat all of that external shit.

395
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 4: Right, you're not enough, and.

396
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: Then if you are enough, if you do fit that standard,

397
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:37,160
Speaker 1: then now we're going to sexualize you, yes, which then

398
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: may make you feel worse still because yes, now you're

399
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: being sexualized. And so it just becomes this never ending cycle.

400
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 1: And so I think what would be helpful for us

401
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: to kind of dive into is as we dive into

402
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 1: these tips, to think about what it looks like at

403
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: different stages of our life, right, Because what comes up

404
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: for me in this conversation is I think about what

405
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:13,160
Speaker 1: my thirteen fourteen year old self needed, and that's different

406
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:18,160
Speaker 1: than what like my twenty five year old self needed,

407
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: Like I had different body image concerns then, right, and

408
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: then once I hit thirty, it was like, yeah, that's

409
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,920
Speaker 1: a whole nother ballgame too, like your body just does.

410
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 1: Like we're gonna have to have a whole conversation about,

411
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 1: seriously all the shit your body does once you hit thirty, right,

412
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: and then beyond that like forty and fifty, and how

413
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 1: we are no matter what our age is, we are

414
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: constantly having to address the external and internal factors related

415
00:24:55,080 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: to maintaining a healthy body, image and.

416
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 2: Don Before we dive in, got I ask you a

417
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 2: quick question. Yeah, have you ever looked back at a

418
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 2: picture of yourself and thought, damn, I was so cute

419
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 2: or so beautiful and I never even knew it. I

420
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 2: didn't even know it at that time. Have you ever

421
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 2: done that?

422
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 4: You know, something similar?

423
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 2: So something similar.

424
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a couple of photos from high school where

425
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 1: I look back and I'm like, oh girl, look how

426
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: look how beautiful you are, Look how cute you are?

427
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 1: And I see myself like striking a pose, because like

428
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: I always used to try, every time I took a picture,

429
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,439
Speaker 1: I always would strike a pose like a model. But

430
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 1: I know when I reflect back and look at those photos,

431
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 1: I know that even though I may have been posing

432
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: like I had all the confidence in the world, I

433
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 1: know that inside I didn't really believe what I was

434
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: portraying in the photo.

435
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 2: Mm hmm yep. I just think it's so deep because

436
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 2: I think that Tracy Ellis Ross had this beautiful quote.

437
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 2: I don't I remember at verbatim, but she says something like,

438
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 2: ten years from now, you're going to miss the body

439
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 2: that you're in right now because things are going to change.

440
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: Right.

441
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 2: So it's like you're talking about how you don't like this,

442
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 2: you don't like that, but this is what you have

443
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 2: in the moment right now, right this is yours, this

444
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 2: is you. So it's like, love that person. So I

445
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 2: think this would be a good time down for us

446
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 2: to dive into these amazing self love, positive body image tips.

447
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 2: They're so good. So get ready, lady, Yeah, should we

448
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 2: do it?

449
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 4: Yes? Go ahead, you can start us off.

450
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 2: Okay, So number one is have private parties with yourself often.

451
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 2: I know you're like, wait, private party, I said, no,

452
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 2: I listen.

453
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 1: There are multiple ways in which we can go with

454
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,120
Speaker 1: that conversation, but I know I will start off when

455
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 1: saying like, as soon as I hear that the song

456
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 1: from NDII read private Party comes up comes to mind,

457
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: and I remember during grad school because I want to

458
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 1: see yeah, I was in grad school.

459
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 4: I think when that song came.

460
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: Out, I think for me, if I like, as soon

461
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: as I hear that song, it takes me back to

462
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 1: that time, and I hear that song immediately I start

463
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 1: speaking positively into myself, speaking positivity into my soul.

464
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 2: I love it. I'm with you, don that song one

465
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 2: is so beautiful and I love the way that she

466
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 2: walks you through how to just have a private party

467
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 2: with you and you right. Sometimes it's important for us

468
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 2: to get away from our booth thang, get away from

469
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 2: the kids, get away from our friends, and just be

470
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 2: by ourselves. And for me, the way that my private

471
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 2: parties look today is me. Usually I'll take a shower.

472
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 2: I usually get out the shower and then I'll rub

473
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,920
Speaker 2: some I have some sweet almond oil that I rub

474
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,400
Speaker 2: on my body, and I will look in the mirror,

475
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 2: but ass naked, checking myself out and just looking at

476
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 2: my body, looking at the parts that makes me uncomfortable,

477
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 2: and I'll just say positive things to myself. So sometimes

478
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 2: I might, you know, look at something and I'm like, girl,

479
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 2: this thing right there, and then I'm like wait a minute,

480
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 2: and then we speak positivity and the reason I'm so

481
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 2: into that now, Dom, and I think it's so important

482
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,239
Speaker 2: for all of us to be in the mirror and

483
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,360
Speaker 2: be saying positive things to ourselves constantly throughout the day

484
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 2: because we are being programmed constantly from media, from social media,

485
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 2: from music, and if we're constantly being programmed, and typically

486
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 2: the programming that we're getting is not conducive to self love.

487
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 1: Right.

488
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 2: It's not saying, oh, Dom, you're perfect just the way

489
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 2: you are, right, it's saying, oh, Dom, you want to

490
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 2: go visit doctor Miami, or you see this new Instagram

491
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 2: model online, you know what I mean. It's just it's

492
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 2: telling you that there are other things that are better.

493
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,720
Speaker 2: And so I find that if we're being programmed in

494
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 2: this way, how are we countering that programming?

495
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 1: Right?

496
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 2: And if we're not doing anything, then it feels I

497
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 2: feel like that we're just going to be bombarded and

498
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 2: that's the message that's going to stick in our subconscious

499
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 2: and conscious mind. And so I really take those private

500
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 2: parties seriously. I try to do one at least once

501
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 2: a week while I'm really into myself and I'm sort

502
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 2: of ministering to my own spirit where I am just

503
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,719
Speaker 2: celebrating myself and even though I don't know, even though

504
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 2: I have imperfections, I celebrate them and I love them.

505
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 2: And I work on that constantly because by default, the

506
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 2: voice in my head, the critic, will come out and

507
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 2: I'll start to criticize. So if I don't program myself

508
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 2: in a positive way, all the negativity will really win.

509
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 4: I am with you on that. Like as soon as

510
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 4: you said that about like the.

511
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: Taking a shower and once you get out the shower,

512
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: like looking at yourself in the mirror, I was ready

513
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: to like just burst into laughter because I literally did

514
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:34,479
Speaker 1: that this morning. Right, Yes, I got up and I

515
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: worked out, and then I when I went to take

516
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 1: a shower, I stopped and was like, yeah, girl, look

517
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: at them abs.

518
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 4: Girl, look at you head.

519
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 1: You better keep working out and so and you know,

520
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: and then that also leads to our next tip, which

521
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: is to keep things in perspective. Right, So when I

522
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 1: was looking at myself and cheering myself on for like

523
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: my abs that are you know, I don't have a

524
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: six pack or anything, And that's how I keep it

525
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: in perspective, right, is like, yeah, I don't have a

526
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: six pack, but I like the abs that I see

527
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 1: right now, right, and then and that's the part of

528
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: my body that I focused on. Like, I didn't let

529
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: myself try and do like a full analysis because I

530
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: knew that if I was going to do a full analysis,

531
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 1: then I would end up finding something like you were saying,

532
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 1: like finding the flaws, right, and in that moment, in

533
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 1: that brief moment, and I promise you like that literally

534
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 1: lasted for maybe like thirty seconds. Right in that brief moment,

535
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 1: I know that I would have done like a full

536
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: on body scan, I would have been able to find

537
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 1: something that I don't.

538
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 4: Like and would have focused on that.

539
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: And would have completely negated that positive affirmation that I

540
00:30:55,880 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 1: was pouring into myself about my developing ABS, right, And

541
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: so I do think it is so important to keep

542
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: things in perspective.

543
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 2: Yep, I'm with you there, Dom. I would add that

544
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 2: one thing that my favorite motivational speaker, Lisa Nichols said

545
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 2: at a conference I attended where she was speaking, She said,

546
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 2: it's none of my business whether someone likes me or not,

547
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 2: because I like myself, right, And I know it's easier

548
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 2: said than done, But when you think about beauty, it

549
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 2: is subjective, and so you know, I'll go with my

550
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 2: eyes because it's something that I got teased about for

551
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 2: the longest, and it's crazy down because the older I

552
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 2: got then people started to say, oh, yeah, I are

553
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 2: so pretty, and I'm like, wait, they were big when

554
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 2: I was little. Now they're so pretty. You know how

555
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 2: they say back then, damn't want me?

556
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 4: Yeah I'm hot too, all over.

557
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 2: Me your mind. But people are so fickle. And when

558
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 2: you think about when we were younger and people would

559
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 2: tease us, they were teasing us because of the limiting

560
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 2: view that they had. Right, that's not objective. It's not

561
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 2: like like your laws are not bad. It just it

562
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 2: is what it is, right, It's an imperfection, and we're

563
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 2: perfectly imperfect. And so when I think about keeping things

564
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 2: in perspective, one thing I'm really leaning into these days

565
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 2: is like, whether someone else thinks that I'm attractive or unattractive,

566
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 2: that is none of my business. It literally isn't. And

567
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 2: people are going to think that you're ugly, some people

568
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 2: are going to think that you're beautiful, some people are

569
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 2: going to think that you're cute, and everything in between.

570
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: It literally is none of anyone's business, or it's none

571
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 2: of my business what someone else thinks of me. I

572
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 2: think the most important thing we need to remember is

573
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 2: how do we feel about ourselves? Right, because everyone is

574
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 2: working from their own experience, their own limitations, right, their

575
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 2: own messaging, And so just because someone says that this

576
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: is the ideal size, that doesn't mean that that's law dom.

577
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 2: Have you seen that image of how beauty has changed

578
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 2: over time? How like at one point in time the eyebrows,

579
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 2: the thick eyebrows were in then it was a little

580
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 2: penciled eyebrows where you like damn near shave them off

581
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 2: like I did when I was in high school. And

582
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: it's like, beauty changes over time. So this shit is

583
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 2: all subjective and where many of us are wrapped up

584
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 2: in this game of fluctuating and being fickle with the

585
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 2: trends right when it's like, NOBU love you for you

586
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 2: because you are perfect just the way.

587
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: That you are, right, And I think that that takes

588
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: us right into our next tip of compare yourself to

589
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: you and no one else. Right. I think that the

590
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: way you just sum that up like fits that tip perfectly.

591
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: That the only person that you need to be comparing

592
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: yourself to is you. That like you said, these the

593
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 1: beauty ideals, standards, and trends are just that trends. They

594
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 1: will continuously change, and if you spend your time and

595
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: energy focused on constantly keeping up with the trend, then

596
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: you end up doing yourself more harm than good. You

597
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: end up causing yourself anxiety that may also lead to

598
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 1: depression because you are constantly working to fit this ideal

599
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 1: that is not realistic for you. And I think that

600
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 1: when we step back and focus on what is healthy,

601
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 1: what is ideal for me, not anyone else but me,

602
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 1: then that helps us to also keep things in perspective, right,

603
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 1: that helps us to be able to make healthier, more

604
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: appropriate decisions on how to care for ourselves, because we're

605
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: looking at Okay, if I'm five to seven, I need

606
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 1: to figure out what is healthy for me at five seven,

607
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 1: not this person who is twenty years younger than me,

608
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 1: two inches taller.

609
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 4: Than me, has had five kids, and you know.

610
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 1: Like I can't compare. I can't compare apples and oranges,

611
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:06,720
Speaker 1: and now I can't compare Gala apples with Washington apples

612
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: or Fiji apples or Granny Smith apples, right, can't even

613
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 1: compare those. So I need to focus on comparing me

614
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 1: to me.

615
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,839
Speaker 2: Yes, I love it comparing ourselves to our best selves.

616
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 2: And I will say them, I think there is a

617
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,879
Speaker 2: world that exists where you can be content with where

618
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 2: you are but still have a hope for this new ideal.

619
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 2: And I say that because although I've done so much

620
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 2: work on my body or to love, you know, within myself,

621
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 2: to love my body, there is still an ideal body

622
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 2: goal that I have that's for myself. And so what

623
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 2: I've been doing over the years is I've worked to

624
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 2: love where I'm at as I build to get where

625
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,759
Speaker 2: I want to be. So I do still work out

626
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 2: and I you know, try to maintain my weight, but

627
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 2: I do have a number of minds and a certain

628
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 2: shape in mind that I do want to achieve. But

629
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 2: at the same time, I still love the body that

630
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 2: I'm in and I'm honoring that body and thinking this

631
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 2: body for allowing me to do the things that I

632
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 2: want to do. But I think it's okay to also

633
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 2: still have a goal in mind if you do want

634
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 2: to achieve something. But I think that we should always

635
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 2: be trying to strive to be healthy. And I jeopardize

636
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 2: our health or our self esteem right by doing something

637
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 2: that wouldn't serve our future self.

638
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 1: And that takes us to our next tip, which is

639
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 1: being healthy whatever that may mean for you. Right, And

640
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 1: so you were saying that you have your ideal like

641
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 1: size and mind, right, having that in mind and being

642
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: healthy with it. How did you get to that decision?

643
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 3: Like?

644
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: Did you work with a trainer? Did you work with

645
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: a doctor? Like how did you determine what was going

646
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:48,760
Speaker 1: to be your goal?

647
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a good question, Dom, So I do. I

648
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 2: did work with a trainer, and I shared my goal

649
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 2: with the trainer. That's something that we've we've like worked,

650
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,399
Speaker 2: we've been working toward. But I think for me, it's

651
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,879
Speaker 2: just a matter of and I don't know, Dom, let

652
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 2: me know if you feel the same way based on

653
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,319
Speaker 2: your experience has grown up. But for me, I've never

654
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 2: been more than Honestly, I don't think I've ever been

655
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 2: heavier than the weight that I am now. And so

656
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 2: part of me just wants to see what would I

657
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 2: look like at one forty right? Like I want to

658
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 2: see like what would my body look like?

659
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:20,400
Speaker 3: Here?

660
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,720
Speaker 2: Would this be comfortable for me? How would it feel?

661
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 2: How does it feel when I walk? And things like that?

662
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 2: How do I look at my clothing. And so I

663
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 2: think for me, it's just I've never had that before.

664
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 2: It's something that's always been in the back of my mind.

665
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 2: So how can I build to that point and do

666
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 2: it in a healthy way?

667
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 3: Right?

668
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 2: So, working out, I'm like lifting weights. I'll be lifting

669
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 2: these weights y'all. Okay, my muscle's on fleet right now.

670
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,280
Speaker 2: I got little guns, okay. And so just lifting weights

671
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,359
Speaker 2: and doing it in a healthy way. And so when

672
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 2: I say being healthy, for me, that means being able

673
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 2: to walk up a couple flights of stairs and not

674
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 2: be out of breath like I usually am, because I

675
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 2: still am to this day. But I aspire to get

676
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 2: to a place when I'm not out of breath when

677
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 2: I walk up the stairs, you know, or I just

678
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 2: look the way that I am visioned in my mind,

679
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 2: I guess. And so I think that I think that

680
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 2: answers the question dom.

681
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's about figuring out how to do that in like,

682
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 1: in a healthy way. And it sounds like you, you know,

683
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 1: through working with a trainer. I think that that is

684
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 1: that is healthy. And I think your my hope would

685
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 1: be that your trainer would check you if you were

686
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: putting something out an image out there that isn't healthy

687
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,919
Speaker 1: for you, right, Like if you said, oh, I want

688
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: to be like if you like you said, like you

689
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 1: gave us a number, you said one forty, if your

690
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 1: trainer didn't feel like that was healthy for you, my

691
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 1: hope would be that your trainer would let you know,

692
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 1: right mm hmm.

693
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:49,239
Speaker 2: I came in there with like a picture of Nicki

694
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 2: Minaj's like, all right, this is my body goal and

695
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:54,240
Speaker 2: it's like, girl, that your body is not naturally meant

696
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,719
Speaker 2: to be that size, Like I it's not going to

697
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,319
Speaker 2: be possible for me to get that, but yeah, I'm

698
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 2: with you. I would hope that a trainer will be like, Okay,

699
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 2: let's be a little more realistic here, you know, and

700
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 2: kind of set those expectations.

701
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: I think the other piece of that too, is that

702
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 1: as you're listening and when you think about your own

703
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 1: physical health situation, right, you may need to work with

704
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:21,240
Speaker 1: a medical professional to figure out what is a healthy

705
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:27,760
Speaker 1: size for you, right and what is going to keep

706
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 1: you in your best shape, and whether that means making

707
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 1: some diet changes, increasing or decreasing exercise. But again, that

708
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 1: goes back to one being healthy, keeping things in perspective,

709
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 1: and comparing yourself to yourself, so that your you know

710
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 1: your doctor, your trainer, your nutrition is, whoever the professionals

711
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 1: are that you're working with are aware of your unique

712
00:39:56,480 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: circumstances and can help you figure out what's going to

713
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 1: be most beneficial to you. Because and then also keeping

714
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 1: in mind that, as I was saying earlier, things change

715
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: for you over time, right, So what's healthy for you

716
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 1: now might not be healthy if you are just trying

717
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 1: to conceive, or if you've just given birth, or if

718
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: you're approaching menopause, if you've maybe experienced cancer or some

719
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 1: other health issue. So working with the professional to help

720
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 1: you figure out, based on your current life circumstances, what

721
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 1: is going to be ideal for you.

722
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 2: I love it, Tom, I'm so glad you brought those

723
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 2: points up. That is on point should we dive into.

724
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 2: I think we have two left and then, ladies, we're

725
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 2: going to cover them all so you can make sure

726
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 2: you get your self care, self love tactics and order.

727
00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 2: The next is one of my favorite affirmations. I've used

728
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 2: affirmations for the longest. I used to have them post

729
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 2: it around. I think we talked about this before down

730
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 2: I used to have them posted around my room and

731
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 2: nowadays my affirmations, I typically just say them when I

732
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 2: need them, so it's not a daily thing because I

733
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 2: feel like I've kind of built up this solid, you know,

734
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 2: self esteem and self confidence. But those days when it's

735
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 2: getting tough and I see that critic coming out, I

736
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 2: will definitely check myself and I like to look in

737
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,799
Speaker 2: the mirror and say them out loud so I can

738
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 2: really feel it. Even if I don't believe it at

739
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 2: the moment, or even if I don't feel it feel it,

740
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 2: I want to make sure I say it out loud

741
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 2: so I can just put that energy out into the universe.

742
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:36,279
Speaker 4: Yes, I think.

743
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 2: Yes.

744
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,800
Speaker 1: We have talked about like having affirmations, and like I

745
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: talked about having at one point having sticky notes on

746
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: my bathroom mirrors so that I could kind of like

747
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: marry Jane, so that I could constantly see them. And

748
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: I'm at a point too where I don't have to

749
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:59,839
Speaker 1: visually see them every day, but I will mentally like

750
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 1: review them and remind myself of them, and you know,

751
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: take different and have little small quick moments like the

752
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 1: moment I said I had this morning in front in

753
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:10,959
Speaker 1: the shower or right in front of the mirror.

754
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 4: You know.

755
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: Just giving myself those affirmations constantly, like pouring positivity into

756
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 1: myself is I think a huge, huge way to combat

757
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 1: a lot of the external negativity that can impact your

758
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:29,280
Speaker 1: body image.

759
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 2: M I would agree that this is such a good

760
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 2: topic down my flock. We should dive into this more

761
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 2: on Saturday, April twenty fifth, at eleven am Pacific standard

762
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 2: time when we go live on Instagram again because we

763
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 2: are going live again.

764
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 4: Yes it should hard.

765
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:47,839
Speaker 2: We should touch on this again, lady, so definitely meet

766
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: us live. We'll cover this and other topics lady on

767
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 2: April twenty fifth, eleven am Pacific standard time. Make sure

768
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 2: you check your time zone so you can tune in

769
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 2: with us at her Space podcast on Insta. And we're

770
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 2: going to leave you with our last tip here, which

771
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 2: is to give yourself the same compassion and admiration that

772
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 2: you would give a cute, cuddly baby or pet, or

773
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 2: your best friend or whoever you love anyone that you're

774
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 2: giving that compassion and love, to give yourself that same

775
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 2: love because you deserve it. And I feel like when

776
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 2: we see little you know, cute little babies or a cute,

777
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 2: cuddly pet, or even like our best friend or sibling

778
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 2: and they make a mistake or there's an imperfection that

779
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,319
Speaker 2: they have. We tend to be more compassionate, right, We

780
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 2: tend to be more accommodating, more open, and we're like, oh,

781
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 2: it's you're still so cute because you have even though

782
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 2: you have that thing. But it's like with ourselves, it's

783
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 2: like magnify or maybe I'm just talking talking about myself

784
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,879
Speaker 2: and my own business, but with me, I'll just talk

785
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 2: about own business. No it's not Yeah, we will magnify it.

786
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 2: And girl, I'll give you an example. I was shaving

787
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,320
Speaker 2: last year actually, and I wait.

788
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 1: Pas last year? Wait wait you say last year, like

789
00:43:58,920 --> 00:43:59,959
Speaker 1: that was the last time you shave?

790
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 2: But I know no, I literally just say this week.

791
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 2: But I was saying last year because what happened was

792
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 2: I cut myself on my leg and I grew up

793
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 2: hating having scars on my leg because I just grew

794
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 2: up and I was that message was communicated to me,

795
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,840
Speaker 2: like don't get stars on your leg, don't fall, And

796
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 2: I used to fall and bust up my knees all

797
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 2: the time, and so growing up I was just very

798
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 2: conscious of Okay, make sure I don't have scars on

799
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 2: my legs because that was just a thing that was

800
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 2: communicated to me. So, girl, I cut myself in the

801
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 2: cut it went up the back of my leg and

802
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 2: it's still there and it's a scar now and it's

803
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 2: like the only little scar on my leg. And it

804
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 2: has been a process. I know for some people, you're like, girl,

805
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 2: get over it. It's not that big of a deal.

806
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 2: But when when that's something that has been communicated to

807
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 2: you and it's there's value placed on having no scars

808
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 2: on your legs, it was a big deal for me.

809
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 2: Dom And so I've had to work with myself and

810
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 2: during my private parties, I would look at my scar

811
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 2: and I was like, it's okay, you know what I mean,

812
00:44:57,719 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 2: could you imagine that down? Like you've been community this

813
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 2: mess which has been communicated to you for so long

814
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 2: that you've now embraced that. And so I've had to

815
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 2: like reprogram my mind to know that, like it's okay

816
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 2: if you have a scar on your legs, Like it's good,

817
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:10,959
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

818
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:17,280
Speaker 1: Yes, I totally get that. Okay, No, no, I understand

819
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: what you're saying. It's like reprogramming and on a side note,

820
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: someone told me that if you like rub like vitamin

821
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 1: e and coconut oil and cocoa butter like.

822
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 2: Girl, I haven't rubbing all that on there. Okay, we've

823
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 2: been doing all that.

824
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, but girl, in the meantime, you loving your legs as.

825
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 2: They are exactly. That's right.

826
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 1: Yes, And so lady, just to quick review, so how

827
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: you can love on yourself, have a private party, keep

828
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: things in perspective, compare yourself to yourself, do.

829
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 4: It in a healthy way.

830
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: Pore affirmation, positive affirmations into yourself and self compassion, give

831
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:11,359
Speaker 1: yourself that same compassion that you so readily give to

832
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 1: other people.

833
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,839
Speaker 2: That's right, lady. And if you want a key key

834
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 2: with Dom and myself, please join us on Tomorrow, Saturday,

835
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 2: the twenty fifth of April, at eleven am Pacific Standard time.

836
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: We're gonna be live on Instagram. We want to see

837
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 2: your beautiful comments and faces, so please join us at

838
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 2: Heirspace podcast. Don It's gonna be a good time.

839
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 4: Right, yes, it will brunch time A.

840
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 2: We might have to get some wine out for the

841
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 2: Saturday event. Dom, we just might, all right, lady, We'll

842
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 2: see you soon. Thanks for tuning in, Hey, lady. It's

843
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 2: Terry here from the Herspace podcast and I have a

844
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 2: question for you. Do you want to start your own podcast?

845
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 2: Have you been thinking to yourself, you know what, I

846
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 2: want to start a podcast, but you just haven't taken leap.

847
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 2: If that's you, I got you. I'm hosting a free

848
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 2: podcasting masterclass where I'm gonna teach you how to create

849
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 2: your own podcast from start to finish. I'll teach you

850
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 2: how to format your show and pitch great guests. I'll

851
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 2: teach you how to stand out in the crowd of

852
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,959
Speaker 2: nearly one million podcasts. But I'm also going to teach

853
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 2: you how to get your mind right. Okay. We're going

854
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 2: to talk about how to overcome and posture syndrome and

855
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 2: how to deal with fear on your podcasting journey. So

856
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:32,720
Speaker 2: even if you're not tech savvy, it's okay. This masterclass

857
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 2: is just for you. So visit Terry Loomax dot com

858
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:37,239
Speaker 2: and click on the pink link in the middle of

859
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 2: your screen and register for my free podcasting masterclass. Again,

860
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 2: that's Terrylomax dot com. T E R R I L

861
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 2: O m a X dot com. I hope to see

862
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 2: you there.

863
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note

864
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

865
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

866
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

867
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are

868
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

869
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today

870
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider.

871
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

872
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

873
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 2: Twitter at her Space podcast, or check out our website

874
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:38,880
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

875
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:43,239
Speaker 2: after me, There's something inside of me that's bigger than

876
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 2: any obstacle.

877
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 4: We'll see you next week, Lady,