Speaker 1: We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
Speaker 1: is how Men thick and I heard radio podcast What
Speaker 1: is Up? Everybody? I am so pumped to be filling
Speaker 1: in here as a as a guest on How Men Think.
Speaker 1: I've been on this podcast in the past and to
Speaker 1: be able to host it now this time is gonna
Speaker 1: be a lot of fun. So let me tell you
Speaker 1: a little bit about myself. You know, I'm Eric Winter.
Speaker 1: You might know me from a current TV show on
Speaker 1: one right now called The Rookie on ABC. I was
Speaker 1: on something called Which Is of East End before they
Speaker 1: had a big cult following in a movie The Ugly Truth.
Speaker 1: Those are just a few of the things Nilga. Truth
Speaker 1: actually bodes very well with a podcast like How Men Think?
Speaker 1: To be quite honest. Um. I also have a podcast
Speaker 1: with my wife Roslyn Sanchez called he said a yadjo
Speaker 1: that if you haven't checked out, you need to do so. Um.
Speaker 1: And other than that, I'm gonna try and answer some
Speaker 1: of your questions and uh, but before we do that,
Speaker 1: let's go ahead and start with eleven questions. Uh for me, Okay,
Speaker 1: what are you known for? Tell us about yourself? Well,
Speaker 1: I guess I am known for being an actor. Um,
Speaker 1: I once was a model many years ago. Um, but
Speaker 1: now I guess you could say I'm known for being
Speaker 1: an actor. Who am I in my personal life and
Speaker 1: my personal life, I am definitely not an actor. I
Speaker 1: am a father and I am a husband, and uh,
Speaker 1: those are my two greatest priorities. And I'm a son,
Speaker 1: um so those. Uh. My family is the most important
Speaker 1: thing to me, so I try to put that first
Speaker 1: with everything I do. Um, let's see three shows that
Speaker 1: I am binge watching right now. I'm watching Winning Time,
Speaker 1: the Lakers, Showtime Era, uh, series that just started up
Speaker 1: on HBO Max. I just finished binging um Yellow Jackets
Speaker 1: on Showtime, which I loved. I was way into very
Speaker 1: cool show. Um, let's see you Gosh before that, I
Speaker 1: don't know one other show. I know my wife wants
Speaker 1: me to start The Crown, but I'm way way late
Speaker 1: on that and I get a lot of anxiety watching
Speaker 1: five seasons of any show at this point, so that
Speaker 1: probably won't happen. My favorite food uh, Mexican food. I
Speaker 1: think that's usually my go to tacos. I mean I
Speaker 1: love tacos. About my career, well, I talked about it
Speaker 1: a little bit at the top of this, uh segment.
Speaker 1: But you know I wanted to be a doctor. I
Speaker 1: was a premid student at U c l A. I
Speaker 1: fell into the acting world after taking a drama class
Speaker 1: in college and which actually you know, led me down
Speaker 1: the road of modeling and commercials and studying acting and
Speaker 1: uh my career. I got very fortunate became an actual profession.
Speaker 1: I should say acting is a is a tricky business.
Speaker 1: It's not always a profession. It's sometimes something you're just
Speaker 1: plugging away at a challenge. My biggest fear, I don't
Speaker 1: really know that I have a biggest fear in my life. Um,
Speaker 1: probably just the health and safety of my family, I guess.
Speaker 1: Um biggest pet peeve? Wow, my biggest pet peeve is
Speaker 1: probably when people complain a lot and never try to
Speaker 1: do anything about it. That pretty much drives me crazy. Um,
Speaker 1: something that we talked about on he said ADIHO a
Speaker 1: lot my other podcast, because I like to fix things.
Speaker 1: I don't like to sit and just complain. Um. What
Speaker 1: makes me the most happy? I'm gonna go back to
Speaker 1: the answer I said before, but my family. My family
Speaker 1: makes me the most happy. And my ideal Saturday is
Speaker 1: pretty much getting that family time in because when I'm
Speaker 1: working during the week, I don't get to see the
Speaker 1: kids as much. And also I love watching my daughter
Speaker 1: play tennis, so a good Saturday morning tennis match is
Speaker 1: at the top of my list. Although it stresses me
Speaker 1: out and I go crazy while I'm watching it, I
Speaker 1: do enjoy it and I'm definitely more Uh. To answer
Speaker 1: a question ten here, I'm definitely more of an athlete
Speaker 1: than an armchair quarterback. Um. I yeah, And what keeps
Speaker 1: me motivated, I think, plain and simple is probably the
Speaker 1: drive to be the best I can be for my kids. UM,
Speaker 1: to try and set a good example for them moving
Speaker 1: forward in this world. And although I fail quite often,
Speaker 1: I try to pick myself back up and be the
Speaker 1: example for them. So that would answer my eleven questions. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: before we get into some listener questions, I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do some Q and a UM that listeners have
Speaker 1: wrote in about. UM. Let's see, is it hard to
Speaker 1: surprise your wife with romantic gestures? What do you suggest
Speaker 1: for couples who have been together for a while. Well,
Speaker 1: you know what, it does get more challenging. I would
Speaker 1: say the longer you've been with somebody to surprise an
Speaker 1: individual because they they they've figured you out in a
Speaker 1: lot of ways, so it's it's tough to spring one
Speaker 1: on them. Um. But I do try really hard to
Speaker 1: always be creative and to dig deep in the vault
Speaker 1: and try to come up with something fun. Um And
Speaker 1: that's you know, my advice us again would be for
Speaker 1: couples to all do the same. I mean, you've got
Speaker 1: to try to keep it interesting. But you know, surprises
Speaker 1: aren't always the most important part. Just the romantic gesture itself,
Speaker 1: uh speaks volumes. So I think that is is what
Speaker 1: is the most important in that situation, is just make
Speaker 1: the effort. Um. Do I agree with the motto that
Speaker 1: marriage comes first before the kids? And you know, I
Speaker 1: would say yes. I would say marriage definitely is something
Speaker 1: that you should put at the front of a family
Speaker 1: because you're a you're setting this sort of tone in
Speaker 1: the household. The kids are always an a priority in
Speaker 1: the situation. But if the marriage is not intact and
Speaker 1: you're not putting that first, then I think the kids
Speaker 1: suffer as a result of that. So I think if
Speaker 1: you can put the marriage first, it all will fall
Speaker 1: back on the family in the most positive way possible.
Speaker 1: Let's see, Um, do ros And and and I talk about
Speaker 1: our love languages. Yes, we definitely have talked about our
Speaker 1: love languages on our podcast quite a bit. We definitely
Speaker 1: do not agree on the same types of love languages.
Speaker 1: But I think, you know, I love the idea of
Speaker 1: love languages. I think that the they they hit the
Speaker 1: nail on the head. You know. I think if you
Speaker 1: can understand what makes your partner tick, I think that
Speaker 1: is the most important part in a relationship because everybody,
Speaker 1: everybody is motivated by something different in a relationship and
Speaker 1: what really makes them happy. So I think it's important
Speaker 1: to acknowledge it and figure it out. Um, let's see,
Speaker 1: is it too forward or aggressive for a woman to
Speaker 1: ask a guy on a date? Absolutely not. I think
Speaker 1: a woman knowing what she wants and being confident and
Speaker 1: and going after what she wants is super attractive. So
Speaker 1: I don't think a woman should sit back. But I
Speaker 1: also completely believe in chivalrie, and I believe that a
Speaker 1: man should also step up and be an incredible um pursuer.
Speaker 1: You know, I think pull out all the stops, make it,
Speaker 1: make it known you are attracted to the person of interest.
Speaker 1: And go for it. But but women don't hold back.
Speaker 1: Don't hold back at all. Um. Let's see, before my
Speaker 1: new boyfriend meets my parents, should I tell him about
Speaker 1: my family's issues? What? Well? I you know, Wow, I
Speaker 1: guess it depends on what your family's issues are. UM.
Speaker 1: If they are too intense, I would probably hold back,
Speaker 1: UM at first, sort of make the intro. Let the
Speaker 1: boyfriend experience it for himself, don't you know, because you
Speaker 1: might put something out there that's too much and and
Speaker 1: maybe it wasn't that bad when he meets the parents
Speaker 1: for the first time. But if they're hardcore, yeah, if
Speaker 1: if if your parents are impossible, then you might want
Speaker 1: to give them heads up just to not take it
Speaker 1: to a too serious. UM. Let's see, how soon do
Speaker 1: you talk about past relationships with your partner? You know,
Speaker 1: I don't really think it's good to talk about past
Speaker 1: relationships at all, unless my partner were to bring it up. Um.
Speaker 1: That's not something I'm big on. I never go into
Speaker 1: a new relationship talking about my past relationships by any means. UM.
Speaker 1: But if my partner were to ask any questions, I
Speaker 1: would be honest. I would I would share. UM, definitely
Speaker 1: talk about what I've learned from them, but I would
Speaker 1: not indulge in them. I think that can be a
Speaker 1: Oh that's a bad situation. Looking for a problem, is
Speaker 1: what I would say. Diving into the past. Um, let's see,
Speaker 1: do you guys plan dates anymore? If I'm a guy
Speaker 1: and I'm interested If I if a guy I am
Speaker 1: interested in has not planned a date but has asked
Speaker 1: me to hang out, does this mean he is not
Speaker 1: interested in me? Seriously? Look, I definitely still planned dates
Speaker 1: from my wife. I have to put him together. But
Speaker 1: I and I think if a guy asked someone out
Speaker 1: but doesn't have something fully planned, it doesn't necessarily mean
Speaker 1: he's not interested. It just it might be a flag
Speaker 1: for you that if you look, if you like a
Speaker 1: guy who's putting the effort in and really wanting to
Speaker 1: show you that he's brought his a game, then that
Speaker 1: might be something you're paying attention to. But I don't
Speaker 1: don't know that it quite means he's not interested in you.
Speaker 1: He's just not prepared. He's not he's not a planner,
Speaker 1: which could be a problem for something. Uh, let's see
Speaker 1: maybe one more we can squeeze in. Um, when kids
Speaker 1: come into the picture, how important is it to have
Speaker 1: date nights. I think it's extremely important. It's easier said
Speaker 1: than done to figure it out. You know, Rosally and
Speaker 1: I are always trying to figure out ways to have
Speaker 1: date nights. And then, funny enough, every time we have
Speaker 1: a date night, all we do is talk about the
Speaker 1: kids and now things are going at home, and I
Speaker 1: hope they're behaving and um, but I think it's important
Speaker 1: to try to block out that special time for each
Speaker 1: other and have a proper date night because you've got
Speaker 1: to keep the romance in the relationship strong in order
Speaker 1: to keep the marriage strong, and then in turn, like
Speaker 1: I said before, it all snowballs down onto the kids
Speaker 1: as a as a good example for marriage. So that'sh
Speaker 1: I think I might have answered them all. All right,
Speaker 1: Now we are going to take some live calls and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do my best to answer your questions as
Speaker 1: honestly as I can. Hey, Madison, Hi, how are you.
Speaker 1: I'm doing great? How are you? I'm good? I'm good.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for having me. For sure, I'm
Speaker 1: excited to hear what you have to say. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm hoping you have an answer for me. Um, Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: for for the record, I am twenty eight um, and
Speaker 1: I this is gonna sound crazy, but I've been with
Speaker 1: my boyfriend for seven years. Seven years. Wow. OK, I
Speaker 1: know it's a long time, but you know, for myive years,
Speaker 1: I guess. But when I when I talk to people
Speaker 1: that are like in their thirties and forties, they're always
Speaker 1: surprised that I in a long term relationship like that,
Speaker 1: And they seem to always mention that their twenties were
Speaker 1: like create there their most wild fun times of their youth.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, as I'm getting closer to thirty,
Speaker 1: I'm just questioning if I sort of missed out on
Speaker 1: fun in my twenties because I've been in this long
Speaker 1: term relationship for seven years. So I'm just I don't know,
Speaker 1: am I thinking too much about it? Or like, am
Speaker 1: I thinking too much about you know, missing out? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't think you should ever think about what you're
Speaker 1: missing out on. If what you're in is truly bringing
Speaker 1: you a lot of happiness, that's that's where I start.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're if you've been really happy for
Speaker 1: the past seven years, and you have, I mean everybody
Speaker 1: has ups and downs, and seven years is a solid,
Speaker 1: solid relationship. UM, I would never gauge on what you've
Speaker 1: missed out if if, if everything has been sitting right
Speaker 1: in front of you has been great. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean, every everybody sure people have what I was
Speaker 1: married when I first when I was twenty five, I
Speaker 1: got married for the first time. I was divorced by
Speaker 1: twenty eight. I was in a long term relationship when
Speaker 1: I we started dating when I was let's see, we
Speaker 1: started dating when I was twenty two. Uh yeah, twenty two,
Speaker 1: I think. And uh, so you could say most of
Speaker 1: my twenties were taken up by that first marriage, and
Speaker 1: then I met my current wife when I was in
Speaker 1: my late twenties. Now, I had wild, like high school
Speaker 1: years even in my twenties, um, and I had a
Speaker 1: couple of years of being single in between where I
Speaker 1: had I had my you know, my kicks. I guess
Speaker 1: you'd say or whatever, just being a being a twenty
Speaker 1: year old. Um. But again, you know, I didn't go
Speaker 1: through my twenties just partying all straight through. I was
Speaker 1: in a long term relationship for most of that time. UM.
Speaker 1: And so I again, I people that say those things,
Speaker 1: they aren't living the reality that you were living, right,
Speaker 1: So they're living a different sort of happiness, and a
Speaker 1: lot of it is I hate to say it because
Speaker 1: I've been but I've been through It's it's more of
Speaker 1: a shallow right, like if I'm party and I'm just
Speaker 1: living up these moments, which they're great. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: they're not, but they're not invested in any sort of
Speaker 1: love right, They're not. They're in the moment, and which
Speaker 1: is also a beautiful thing for for many people at
Speaker 1: that time. UM, let me ask you, I mean it's
Speaker 1: seven years are you Are you wanting to get married?
Speaker 1: Are you hoping to sustain a long term relationship as
Speaker 1: a partner? Um? Is he the he? Or she the
Speaker 1: one for you? I mean, I definitely want to get
Speaker 1: married one day, and after seven years, I do think
Speaker 1: that we're both ready. I mean I've of course, we've
Speaker 1: had ups and downs like any relationship, but I've definitely
Speaker 1: been happy. I am happy. I love him. Do you
Speaker 1: think he's the one? I do? I do? I definitely
Speaker 1: I do. Yeah that sounds cheesy, but I do. I
Speaker 1: really do. Then that's that's all that matters. And then
Speaker 1: you didn't really miss out on anything because at the
Speaker 1: end of the day you would have your twenties. Otherwise
Speaker 1: would have been party, party, date, break up, maybe hook up,
Speaker 1: be unfulfilled for for a long time, maybe be happy
Speaker 1: for a little bit. You know, it's a it's a
Speaker 1: big when you're single in your twenties. It's just a
Speaker 1: big roller coaster. It's up and down of highs on
Speaker 1: those I remember being single after my first my first divorce,
Speaker 1: and being so like just going wild, having to blast
Speaker 1: and dating, dating, dating, and then I would just have
Speaker 1: these lonely, lonely nights where I constantly was like, when
Speaker 1: am I going to get back in a serious relationship
Speaker 1: and find my person? Because I always knew I was
Speaker 1: going to be someone that would be in relationships. I
Speaker 1: would be a monogamous person and be committed, and um,
Speaker 1: I was always looking for that love. Even in those
Speaker 1: moments of just being single and silly, I still was
Speaker 1: always looking for something deeper. So I was fulfilled in
Speaker 1: the moment, but I wasn't fulfilled long term, so I
Speaker 1: was always searching still. Um yeah, so again, I mean
Speaker 1: it sounds fine. I just I don't not wonder what
Speaker 1: I want. Yeah, you can't gauge your happiness on other
Speaker 1: people experiences or their happiness or what they say is right.
Speaker 1: You know, you clearly have something good going on, and
Speaker 1: I think you should be thankful for that that you
Speaker 1: found it early. Thank you. Yeah. No, I I think
Speaker 1: I just needed help sort of rationalizing it, or not
Speaker 1: even rationalizing it, like a different perspective on it, I guess.
Speaker 1: And here's the truth. You will never know. You're being
Speaker 1: single in your twenties may have been the worst experience
Speaker 1: of your life. It may have been great, it may
Speaker 1: have been horrible. You will never know. It's not always
Speaker 1: you know, peaches and cream. It's just not I don't
Speaker 1: care what anybody says. It's like, it's like living the
Speaker 1: Instagram life. People's Instagram is not their reality. You know.
Speaker 1: Someone said, oh, my twenties was so amazing that I
Speaker 1: was single and living it up, And I guarantee you
Speaker 1: that moments of loneliness and boredom and sadness and um
Speaker 1: feeling that they were missing out on someone who found love.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, yeah, I mean, I don't envy my
Speaker 1: friends that are still single and trying to find someone,
Speaker 1: because they all are. I'm sure most of them don't
Speaker 1: want to end up single. The rest of their lives.
Speaker 1: Do most of them? I think some of them probably
Speaker 1: will only because they can. I don't know, it's a
Speaker 1: different story. I'll call back in. Well. I hope that
Speaker 1: helps a little bit. But it sounds like you have
Speaker 1: a good thing going on. Don't compare to your friends.
Speaker 1: Just live in your live your moment. This helped so much.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, seriously, you really help. Okay, good,
Speaker 1: I have a good one. Oh my gosh, thank you
Speaker 1: you too. Thank you so much. Laura. Hi are you yeah?
Speaker 1: Eric Winter here? Hi? I'm good. How are you? I'm
Speaker 1: doing great? So what do you have for me? I'm
Speaker 1: curious what question you have? Okay, So I think this
Speaker 1: is probably the most important question you're going to get today.
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm in my mid thirties, right, Um, I
Speaker 1: am single, and I am looking for a long term partner.
Speaker 1: So a lot of my friends they've found some guys
Speaker 1: who are divorced. Uh. Some of those guys have kids,
Speaker 1: some of them don't. But anyways, my friends always tell
Speaker 1: me to find a divorced man because he knows how
Speaker 1: to commit, you know. So what's how what it takes
Speaker 1: to make a marriage work? Um? And I'm not sure
Speaker 1: how I feel about it, and I wanted to ask you,
Speaker 1: do you believe in that notion that you need to
Speaker 1: find a divorced man because of the agent, Yes, at
Speaker 1: which you are and you're single. Yes, I completely disagree
Speaker 1: that you have to find that. I think you just
Speaker 1: got to find the right person. Um, I think you
Speaker 1: have to find the right person. I don't care if
Speaker 1: they were divorced or you know, if they've ever been married.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think as you're meeting people, if you
Speaker 1: if you find someone that's like, you know, he's never
Speaker 1: been in a long term relationship before, that might be
Speaker 1: something that you're like, Okay, that's interesting. You know. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I would red flag it immediately, but the
Speaker 1: fact that they've never been able to sustain a relationship
Speaker 1: could be something that I wouldn't waste time on. But
Speaker 1: if they're great, you maybe you're that one. Maybe you're
Speaker 1: that person that they're gonna build their first long term
Speaker 1: relationship with. UM. But I would never gauge it just
Speaker 1: on the fact that you're in your thirties and your
Speaker 1: you need the people that are divorced and I'm I
Speaker 1: was divorced, you know, once before I got married a
Speaker 1: second time. I would never say that a person that
Speaker 1: has been divorced knows how to commit, because they'd so
Speaker 1: who's to say that they don't want to commit again?
Speaker 1: You know, someone who has a clean slate might be
Speaker 1: the right person that's never been married that is looking
Speaker 1: to commit for the first time long term. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: I just think one thing that happens is the older
Speaker 1: you get, no matter what. And I say this in
Speaker 1: the in the in the the most honest but polite
Speaker 1: way to anybody, is that, yeah, the older people get
Speaker 1: yourself or anybody else, the more bad I say baggage
Speaker 1: in the nicest way, But the more things that accumulate
Speaker 1: in a person's past, right, so I I feel like
Speaker 1: holding them to certain standards or certain like looking for
Speaker 1: that golden egg all the time and saying I'm going
Speaker 1: to find the perfect match. The later you get in life,
Speaker 1: it's harder because everybody comes with a history, and the
Speaker 1: older they are, the bigger that history is. Whether um,
Speaker 1: that might be past divorces or it might be you know,
Speaker 1: meeting somebody who has kids and they're that's never considered
Speaker 1: you know, baggage in my mind. But it's something you
Speaker 1: have to consider. You have to take on Do I
Speaker 1: want to be a step parent? Do I not want
Speaker 1: to be a stepparent? You know? Those are those are
Speaker 1: real things to consider. So the older I think you get,
Speaker 1: you always have to just not lower your standards by
Speaker 1: any means, but just be more accepting of what people
Speaker 1: bring to the table, because it's different than in your twenties,
Speaker 1: when it's everybody's kind of experiencing things for the first
Speaker 1: time or fresh out of high school early college. Everybody's
Speaker 1: just being Yeah, you're the young and dumb, you know,
Speaker 1: and just having fun, and there's very little things other
Speaker 1: than just figuring themselves out. Yes, this makes sense. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad you said that because that's kind of how
Speaker 1: I feel about it too. But they've been insisting that
Speaker 1: I have to find somebody, So I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: them that. Eric Winter says that just find the right person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. They've been and you and I truly
Speaker 1: think how do they What makes them think that person
Speaker 1: is ready to commit? If they just got out of
Speaker 1: a marriage, they might be the farthest thing from somebody
Speaker 1: that wants to commit. Yeah that makes sense. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: you you're gonna You're gonna find the right one. Just
Speaker 1: keep keep your standards, you know where you want them.
Speaker 1: Don't settle, but just be accepting of people and the
Speaker 1: right the right match. What will happen. Don't force it. Yeah, okay, great,
Speaker 1: thank you for sure. So what you got from Michelle?
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been together like ten years
Speaker 1: and we have two little kids. Um, our daughter is
Speaker 1: nine and our son is seven, and I guess I
Speaker 1: need advice on dealing with our son. Um, he's just
Speaker 1: at that age where he is super defiant and which
Speaker 1: I say that, and I'm like, well, all kids are,
Speaker 1: but he's he's definitely into his technology. So we've been
Speaker 1: kind of using that too as an incentive for good behavior.
Speaker 1: But it's just not working. Like he's said, shut up
Speaker 1: to us. He's just we're just not used to this energy.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's boy energy or what, but
Speaker 1: it's you know, causing a lot of attention in our home.
Speaker 1: Like we all kind of feel held hostage by his behavior.
Speaker 1: So I'm just seeking advice, like how how we can
Speaker 1: do better with him and with each other all of it. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I hear you mean, first of all, look, congrats and
Speaker 1: being married ten years, having two kids, those are all
Speaker 1: wonderful things. Um. You know, I can relate in a
Speaker 1: lot of way. Listen, I have my my firstborn is
Speaker 1: a is a very very strong little girl, um, and
Speaker 1: is at that sort of pre pubescent age where you
Speaker 1: know she's fighting back. Everything's a no, everything's talking back. Um.
Speaker 1: She hasn't said shut up that I would lose my
Speaker 1: mind if she said that to me. But she's getting
Speaker 1: to the point where she is she's testing the boundaries, right,
Speaker 1: She's pushing, pushing, pushing, So I can fully relate. I
Speaker 1: think you said he's seven old. Yeah, so I mean
Speaker 1: it's gonna I would Listen, I'm not want to ever
Speaker 1: tell anyone how to parent because I feel like every
Speaker 1: kid is so different and I and I definitely don't
Speaker 1: have it mastered myself by any means. Um. But people
Speaker 1: have said to me before, like, if that behavior doesn't
Speaker 1: get sort of nipped in the bud early enough, it's
Speaker 1: just going to continue to get worse and worse and worse,
Speaker 1: and then you get into the teen years and it's
Speaker 1: gonna be out of control, which I'm already afraid of
Speaker 1: for my daughter. Um, as well. But I think using
Speaker 1: you know, finding the things that are the most important
Speaker 1: to him, which we've been trying to do with My
Speaker 1: daughter too, is super super strong, right I I take
Speaker 1: away the television, I take away technology, I take away
Speaker 1: the things that she really loves. I remember when my
Speaker 1: daughter was and I'll tell you a funny story, when
Speaker 1: she was maybe seven, maybe a little even younger than seven,
Speaker 1: and she's so strong, and she'd be in trouble and say,
Speaker 1: that's it, we're taking away your toys and she's like crying.
Speaker 1: She's like, fine, let me help you pack them up
Speaker 1: as she's crying. So she didn't really care that I
Speaker 1: was taking him away, but she was upset that I
Speaker 1: was mad at her, but she was still helping me
Speaker 1: get rid of the toys. So it was it was
Speaker 1: again showing her defiance, right. Um, with him, have you
Speaker 1: noticed that he gets a react? You get a reaction
Speaker 1: out of him? Um, when you take away technology? Does
Speaker 1: he actually listen for that moment? Times? But I kind
Speaker 1: of feel like you said that, it was kind of
Speaker 1: a light bulb where I feel like he's reacting more
Speaker 1: to us, like losing our minds, like being at our limit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he wants to get the rise out of you. We
Speaker 1: don't really do it. Until you just said that, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh man, he actually knows the expectation. Maybe
Speaker 1: we just kind of react. I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: he doesn't. He definitely feels the pain. But I feel like,
Speaker 1: is that he finally react notary the technology because he
Speaker 1: knows he's going to go. He knows he's gonna what.
Speaker 1: He knows he's going to get it back eventually. So
Speaker 1: but maybe he won't. Maybe he won't get it better.
Speaker 1: That's gotta be That's gotta be your line, right, if
Speaker 1: that's the one strength that you know you have in
Speaker 1: a situation. Look, you know, I grew up. I grew
Speaker 1: up at a time where I just got spanked and
Speaker 1: I got smacked and I was like, hey, you don't
Speaker 1: do this, and I got a spanking and I never
Speaker 1: talked back. Now, I know times you're different now, right,
Speaker 1: But there mean, and that's why I like that shut
Speaker 1: up is so upsetting because it's like where do we
Speaker 1: go from here? Because we don't smack our kids and
Speaker 1: we won't smack our kids and that kind of like
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, Like what now he's like going out
Speaker 1: to the world and being this horrible person. Exactly. No,
Speaker 1: And I'm sure outside of the house he probably acts
Speaker 1: much better than he does at home. At least that's
Speaker 1: the case with a lot of my daughter and kids.
Speaker 1: And I was told once by somebody, then you know
Speaker 1: you're doing the right thing because at least your child
Speaker 1: is respectful to adults outside of the home. Their job
Speaker 1: is to challenge you, their job is to push you.
Speaker 1: And um and and like you you know, I we
Speaker 1: have never spanked our kids. I have not gone down
Speaker 1: that path, even though that's how I was sort of
Speaker 1: brought up. And I think a child having that sort
Speaker 1: of hint of fear I would call it, or respect
Speaker 1: more importantly, for their parents is the most important factor.
Speaker 1: Like you know, we're not here to be their best friends,
Speaker 1: even though we want to be. They need to respect
Speaker 1: us first, and we're here to teach them and be
Speaker 1: their parents. If technology is the one thing I think
Speaker 1: that you know you're going to have a handle on
Speaker 1: over him that I think, don't engage in the fights
Speaker 1: anymore or the arguments. I think take away that take
Speaker 1: away his vice. Take away whatever it is is TV
Speaker 1: is the technology, whatever the case may be. His sister
Speaker 1: is obviously gonna still get what she gets, and he's
Speaker 1: going to have to live without that for a long
Speaker 1: period of time. And until you see the behavior turn,
Speaker 1: let him know he is never getting it back. I
Speaker 1: remember when I first started driving, I got a ticket
Speaker 1: when I was sixteen. Right, key's got taken away. Didn't
Speaker 1: get the ticket, he didn't get the keys back for
Speaker 1: a long time. I learned my lesson. So take it away.
Speaker 1: He he might think he's getting a back. Nope, it's
Speaker 1: gonna go locked away, put in a cupboard, whatever. It
Speaker 1: might be a month before he sees it again, unless
Speaker 1: he needs it for school. Then he uses it for
Speaker 1: those things, but he's not getting it for anything else.
Speaker 1: As long as it takes until it sets in that
Speaker 1: you that you two are in control, not him. That's
Speaker 1: the biggest factor, right He he thinks that he's in control,
Speaker 1: and he's pushing that pecking order against your husband, against you.
Speaker 1: He's trying to make sure he's the alpha, and he's
Speaker 1: got to understand that you're not the alpha. We're the
Speaker 1: alpha's and we're on the same page. And whatever you say,
Speaker 1: your husband has to agree with. Whatever he says. You
Speaker 1: have to agree with. And you guys have to be
Speaker 1: a united front in front of him so that he
Speaker 1: never sees that he can play you against each other
Speaker 1: and whatever it is, take it away and he does
Speaker 1: not get it, and just keep taking things away. If
Speaker 1: I remember I got grounded as a kid, I didn't
Speaker 1: see my friends for two weeks. I couldn't play with
Speaker 1: the name my myst friend who was my neighbor. You know,
Speaker 1: I couldn't come out. I'd be in my room. Go
Speaker 1: back to old school where you just make them write
Speaker 1: down on a piece of paper a hundred times. I
Speaker 1: will not say shut up to my parents again a
Speaker 1: hundred times. Make him write those sentences. Just do things
Speaker 1: like that. And if he says no, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do that, and say, well okay, then I guess
Speaker 1: you are never getting your PlayStation or you're never getting
Speaker 1: your computer back. I guess you just won't get it.
Speaker 1: That's it. I mean, you have to find what your
Speaker 1: leverage is. Just have to hold the line. I got.
Speaker 1: You have to hold the line. You have to he
Speaker 1: has to understand that you two are in control no
Speaker 1: matter what. I really appreciate you taking the time and
Speaker 1: the validation, just being able to talk to another parent
Speaker 1: about it is so helpful too. I'm happy to try
Speaker 1: to help however I could. I it's not easy. Being
Speaker 1: a parent is the most rewarding, the most challenging thing
Speaker 1: in the world. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much, no problem, all the best you guys.
Speaker 1: I hope it works out. Thank you. I appreciate it. Okay,
Speaker 1: take care. Bye. Hi, this is a how are you
Speaker 1: and how are you doing good? Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here. I can't wait to hear
Speaker 1: what you what you have to ask? Yeah, okay. So
Speaker 1: I was seeing this guy a few years ago and
Speaker 1: we ended things because he didn't want to commit like
Speaker 1: so many other men. Um and we've now reconnected actually
Speaker 1: um lo and behold on Instagram. Uh. We went out
Speaker 1: and we had a great time, and he's fully pursuing
Speaker 1: me again, saying that he wants a relationship with me,
Speaker 1: and you know, he thinks that it can be different
Speaker 1: this time. And we were so good last time, and
Speaker 1: now look how great it is now, all of that stuff.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm a little bit hesitant because of
Speaker 1: what had ended up happening before. Like I wanted to
Speaker 1: take it Further, I wanted long term commitment and he
Speaker 1: just couldn't. So I'm torn because you know, I think
Speaker 1: timing is everything, and maybe it just wasn't the right
Speaker 1: timing a couple of years ago, and now the timing
Speaker 1: is right. But at the same time, I'm cautious. So
Speaker 1: I'm wondering, you know, do you believe in second chances?
Speaker 1: I think in a situation like this, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: you guys didn't break up for any other reason other
Speaker 1: than he was honest about I'm not ready to fully
Speaker 1: like commit long term. Right. There was no cheating, There
Speaker 1: was no other like major issue, right. It was just that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, that's right. No, No, not no other issues.
Speaker 1: It was just, you know, I had to be serious
Speaker 1: with myself and I had to be truthful and know
Speaker 1: what I wanted and he didn't want that serious. And
Speaker 1: how long ago was that? It was about three years ago? Okay,
Speaker 1: I mean this is what I would I would say,
Speaker 1: and I don't obviously I don't know him, um, and
Speaker 1: you're going to have to trust your judge of character,
Speaker 1: but I think anybody's I first of all, I respect
Speaker 1: his honesty three years ago to be able to tell
Speaker 1: you I'm not I'm not at the same place you are,
Speaker 1: and I'm not ready to commit. You have to respect that,
Speaker 1: because it would have been way worse had he faked it,
Speaker 1: went down the path of, like, you know, trying to
Speaker 1: force a long term serious relationship having cheated or having
Speaker 1: just broken your heart even later down the road, because
Speaker 1: you were all in and he wasn't all in, whatever
Speaker 1: the case may be, right, So you gotta respect his
Speaker 1: honesty upfront. And I think you, assuming he's a good guy,
Speaker 1: and I trust that you're a good judge of character,
Speaker 1: you have to I think give him the benefit of
Speaker 1: the doubt that for three years is a good period
Speaker 1: of growth for somebody to realize maybe the grass wasn't greener.
Speaker 1: I you know, I did whatever I needed to do.
Speaker 1: This is someone I really did enjoy and I let
Speaker 1: it go. And you've been cool enough now to give
Speaker 1: him a second chance. I totally think cautious is a
Speaker 1: good word in a good place for you to be
Speaker 1: at in the start of it. But I think if
Speaker 1: he's proving himself to you as being sort of a
Speaker 1: different person now, someone who's ready to commit and take
Speaker 1: those next steps, I don't see anything wrong with giving
Speaker 1: him that opportunity because he he did right by you before.
Speaker 1: He was honest. He was honest, and there are a
Speaker 1: lot of people that wouldn't be No, it would be
Speaker 1: so much easier to string you along or just to
Speaker 1: fool around and then fool around on the side or
Speaker 1: what you know, it's to be honest is really tough
Speaker 1: in a situation like that, because he he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to hurt your feelings, but he respected you enough to
Speaker 1: tell you the truth. And you know you clearly had
Speaker 1: something good because why would you have even given him
Speaker 1: an opportunity to get back into your life via via Instagram?
Speaker 1: So clearly you enjoyed your time with him and he
Speaker 1: sounds like he's a good guy, or you have fun
Speaker 1: with him at least, so you've let him back in.
Speaker 1: You gotta if you don't have to do anything. But
Speaker 1: if you've let him back in and you're having fun
Speaker 1: and you think there could be something cool again, you
Speaker 1: know to to dig deeper on why why hold him
Speaker 1: accountable for something he did right by you in the past.
Speaker 1: He didn't do anything wrong. He just said he wasn't ready.
Speaker 1: That's true, So I I I'll go for it. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And but cautious is good. How long have you been
Speaker 1: dating now for the second time around? Oh recent, It's
Speaker 1: only been a little bit, yea, So so cautious is good.
Speaker 1: Be cautious, you know what I mean. Give him, give
Speaker 1: him the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, your guard is up.
Speaker 1: That's understandable. There's nothing wrong with you having that position.
Speaker 1: I think, I think, have your guard up, but don't
Speaker 1: make it a brick wall, you know, make it a
Speaker 1: wooden wall that you can slowly take down a little
Speaker 1: easier if you want to. You know, I just I
Speaker 1: don't think he uh, he should be punished for being
Speaker 1: honest three years ago. That is a very valid point.
Speaker 1: I appreciate your insight that that is helpful. I And
Speaker 1: you're right, you know, I need to give him that credit.
Speaker 1: And that is very I needed to look at it
Speaker 1: that way. So I appreciate that. And here's the cool thing.
Speaker 1: You're You're in the driver's seat now. Yeah, he's pursuing you.
Speaker 1: He's told you he wants to you know, he wants
Speaker 1: something more. He's telling you. I wasn't ready before, but
Speaker 1: now I am. The great part about all this is
Speaker 1: you're in the driver's seat, So you get to dictate
Speaker 1: the terms. You get to pace it, you get to
Speaker 1: decide when is too much, too fast? How you get
Speaker 1: to control it all. If he's in it for the
Speaker 1: long haul, you know, make him work a little bit,
Speaker 1: he'll prove himself. I love it. Well, thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. I really appreciate it for sure. Glad
Speaker 1: I could hop all right by Hi, Eric, Hello, how
Speaker 1: are you? Thanks to you. I'm doing good. I'm doing
Speaker 1: all right. What fun? What fun question do you have
Speaker 1: for me? Okay? So I am a Mexican American UM
Speaker 1: and my boyfriend he's Asian American, and um, well, I'm
Speaker 1: nervous because I already told them about him. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like the one of the first boyfriends that I
Speaker 1: talked about. But your family you're talking about. You've told
Speaker 1: your family, yeah, and it's going pretty well. But my
Speaker 1: family's kind of very traditional and about our culture, you know,
Speaker 1: and so they always wanted me to date like another Latino. UM.
Speaker 1: So I want some advice on like a cross cultural
Speaker 1: you know, like relationships. How to handle it with my
Speaker 1: parents when they have like different expectations about who should
Speaker 1: I date in regards of who. This is a tough
Speaker 1: one only because I don't obviously know how set your
Speaker 1: parents are in their ways. Um all you know, I
Speaker 1: would say I call it old school parenting right where
Speaker 1: the parents have this expectation of what their what their child,
Speaker 1: who their child needs to date, how it needs to be.
Speaker 1: Staying within the same race or culture, UM is tough.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm assuming that your parents want what is best
Speaker 1: for you. They want you to be happy first and foremost,
Speaker 1: above and beyond cultural differences. So if if I'm right
Speaker 1: in saying that, then I think expressing the happiness that
Speaker 1: this other person brings you is would be the first
Speaker 1: step in what I would approach how I approach my
Speaker 1: my family right that that's more important than anything else.
Speaker 1: And then the only other thing that matters the most
Speaker 1: of me. And obviously I'm in a you know, my
Speaker 1: cultural relationship right my um my wife is Puerto Rican.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a white guy, but I did grow up
Speaker 1: in La Planta. I grew up in a very Mexican
Speaker 1: neighborhood where I dated a lot of Latina's. My whole
Speaker 1: most my whole life, I did Latina. Um one thing
Speaker 1: I always had and hopefully the you're dating has this
Speaker 1: you know in him, and you do for him his
Speaker 1: culture as well. As I love um my wife's culture,
Speaker 1: I embraced her culture. I wanted to know more about it.
Speaker 1: You know, when I first went to Puerto Rico, I
Speaker 1: was the one that wanted to go sight see and
Speaker 1: learn about the island and learn about her culture. So
Speaker 1: if he has that for your culture and you have
Speaker 1: that for his culture, that I think that's another amazing
Speaker 1: point to bring up to your family that not only
Speaker 1: does he make you happy, but he loves your Mexican American,
Speaker 1: you know, heritage. He wants to know more about it,
Speaker 1: he wants to embrace it. He wants um to be
Speaker 1: a part of your family in that way. And if
Speaker 1: he if you also have that for his family, because
Speaker 1: he may have traditional parents as well, then that's a
Speaker 1: lion you have to navigate to. I think you both
Speaker 1: have to embrace each other's um cultural differences and and
Speaker 1: shine a light on them in the most positive way.
Speaker 1: And if you can do that, then I think, then
Speaker 1: what's the Then that to me, there's no big deal,
Speaker 1: there's no problem. The only time I'd ever have an
Speaker 1: issue if my daughter being half Puerto Rican and you know,
Speaker 1: was to date a guy that was let's say, just
Speaker 1: a you know, a whit, a white guy, and he
Speaker 1: never wanted to embrace her Puerto Rican heritage. Um, I'd
Speaker 1: have a huge problem with that. If he didn't just
Speaker 1: accept it or embrace it or want to um celebrate it,
Speaker 1: then I'd have a problem. But if that's not the
Speaker 1: guy you have, and he's interested in you and who
Speaker 1: you are and where you come from, then I think
Speaker 1: you should use that with your family, you know, because
Speaker 1: that celebrates that, that celebrates your heritage. So at the
Speaker 1: same time, yes, you didn't, you didn't end up with
Speaker 1: a Mexican American, but you ended up with somebody who
Speaker 1: appreciate your culture, um, your heritage and also makes you happy,
Speaker 1: which I'm like I said, I'm hoping is what matters
Speaker 1: the most in your family is they want you to
Speaker 1: be happy. Yeah. I think so, because it'd be worse
Speaker 1: if you were dating a guy that was Mexican American
Speaker 1: but you were unhappy. That would be way worse in
Speaker 1: my opinion. Yeah, totally. No, he's a very nice guy,
Speaker 1: and yeah, he totally wants to know more so that
Speaker 1: that That's how I feel like I had approached my
Speaker 1: family in that situation and try to warm them up
Speaker 1: to it, and then, uh, you know, he'll have some
Speaker 1: pressure on him when he goes to meet them for
Speaker 1: the first time, and or maybe he's already has he
Speaker 1: met them. Uh no, he just threw a FaceTime my mom. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean you and your mom was cool. He was nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So then they're then they're already warming up to the fact.
Speaker 1: If they were just like, no, we don't care, he's
Speaker 1: not Mexican American, then I'd see you have a much
Speaker 1: bigger battle ahead of you. But he's just gotta win
Speaker 1: over mom. He hasn't put in a little extra work,
Speaker 1: which is okay, yeah, okay, okay, okay, thank you so much. Sure,
Speaker 1: I hope that helps a little bit. Okay, take care,
Speaker 1: bye bye. All right, Well, thank you to all of
Speaker 1: the callers and everybody who wrote in. This was a
Speaker 1: lot of fun um hosting how men think. I hope
Speaker 1: I helped answer some difficult questions and uh you know,
Speaker 1: I even learned a little something. Listening to everyone's questions
Speaker 1: for me made me think deep. So thank you for
Speaker 1: having me, and uh, please check out the rookie on
Speaker 1: ABC and make sure you are listening to our podcast,
Speaker 1: he said, a yado. We talk a lot about relationships,
Speaker 1: all right, take care everybody. This is how men think.
Speaker 1: An I Heart Radio London audio production. Listen each Thursday
Speaker 1: on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.