Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.
Speaker 2: You have to first know that it's not bad luck
Speaker 2: that you're in the position you're in. The world is
Speaker 2: not against you. Matter of fact, the world is for you.
Speaker 2: The universe has got your back. Once you can do that,
Speaker 2: then all the practices open up.
Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,
Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments
Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a
Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,
Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe
Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our
Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.
Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting
Speaker 3: women like you where you're goss yes, Doctor Dominique Broussard,
Speaker 3: a college professor and psychologist.
Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a
Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please
Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from
Speaker 1: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where
Speaker 1: black women can just.
Speaker 3: Be Hey, lady's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her
Speaker 3: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state
Speaker 3: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,
Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.
Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I N I q
Speaker 3: U E b r O U ss ar D dot
Speaker 3: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look
Speaker 3: forward to hearing from you.
Speaker 1: All Right, lady, Today we have a very special guest
Speaker 1: in Cultivating her Space. This guest shines right like a diamond,
Speaker 1: and she can teach us a lot about finding our
Speaker 1: value when we're all alone, which is very valuable for
Speaker 1: all of us. Right. Ronda Ross is a personal power expert.
Speaker 1: She's determined to shine her unique light even in an
Speaker 1: already bright sky. An already bright sky is the term
Speaker 1: Ronda uses to describe a world where those around us
Speaker 1: are thriving, sometimes making us feel overlooked or left behind.
Speaker 1: It's also a world where those around us seem to
Speaker 1: be asking us to either dim our light or focus
Speaker 1: it on them. Ronda was born in an already bright sky.
Speaker 1: Her mother is music and fashion icon Diana Ross and
Speaker 1: her father is Motown founder Barry Gordie. But Ronda has
Speaker 1: found the power to not get law and her family shimmer. Instead,
Speaker 1: she has carved out an authentic and shining life for herself,
Speaker 1: full of integrity, love, fortitude, and joy. Ronda is now
Speaker 1: an international singer, songwriter, Emmy nominated actress, and an inspirational
Speaker 1: speaker who teaches us to love ourselves unconditionally, take responsibility
Speaker 1: for our lives, and shine our unique lights even in
Speaker 1: an already bright sky. Oh what a beautiful bio. Ronda,
Speaker 1: Welcome to cultivating her Space. Thank you.
Speaker 4: I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, You're so welcome.
Speaker 3: Yes, we are so excited to have you here. And
Speaker 3: so we are going to get started with our quote
Speaker 3: of the day now, Rhonda. Our quote will or this
Speaker 3: quote will sound incredibly familiar to you because these are
Speaker 3: your words. So our quote of the day. We have
Speaker 3: everything we need inside of us, every single thing for
Speaker 3: every single challenge. Now I'm gonna say that one more
Speaker 3: time for the people in the back, because I need
Speaker 3: them to pause and write this down. We have everything
Speaker 3: we need inside of us, every single thing for every
Speaker 3: single challenge. RNDA, Who I mean that quote of the
Speaker 3: day is just like, it's only a small sample of
Speaker 3: all of the inspirational words that you have been sharing
Speaker 3: with folks. And so with this particular quote, what was
Speaker 3: the inspiration? What came up for you? What comes up
Speaker 3: for you now when you hear it?
Speaker 2: That quote came out of these last two years of
Speaker 2: the pandemic, because I think many of us have been
Speaker 2: hit with things that we never expected. Not just physical
Speaker 2: things like being locked down or we were never locked
Speaker 2: down before, or having our children school from home that
Speaker 2: we'd never done before online, et cetera, et cetera, but emotionally,
Speaker 2: the fear, the anxiety, the loss, the grief, all of that.
Speaker 2: I think we have found ourselves in positions we've never
Speaker 2: been in before. And what I believe I knew before
Speaker 2: the pandemic, but I really saw in the last two years,
Speaker 2: is that inside of us, we each have.
Speaker 4: A well of spirit of energy.
Speaker 2: I call it the force within that will give us
Speaker 2: everything we need, just like that quote will guide us
Speaker 2: and heal us and soothe our hearts and calm our minds.
Speaker 2: And our job is to recognize it, to harness it,
Speaker 2: and to allow it to do its work because it's
Speaker 2: there for us and it's in every single one of us,
Speaker 2: every single one of us.
Speaker 1: That is so beautiful, and I want to get into
Speaker 1: how you found that internal light within yourself. So can
Speaker 1: you talk to us a little bit about your origin
Speaker 1: story and what was the journey to becoming the Rehnda
Speaker 1: Ross that we see today.
Speaker 2: Yes, my origin story, I love that so much. As
Speaker 2: you mentioned in the introduction, I was born in a
Speaker 2: very bright sky. So my family and extended family and
Speaker 2: friends of family, my mother being the biggest of them, were.
Speaker 4: Superstars in a very bright universe.
Speaker 2: And when you were born into that, it can be
Speaker 2: a challenge to figure out where is my light?
Speaker 4: And what do I do with my light? And does
Speaker 4: anybody care about my light? And what's the purpose of
Speaker 4: my light?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: Luckily, I was raised by a mother who constantly constantly
Speaker 2: told me and my four siblings, you do have your
Speaker 2: unique light. It matters, and it's yours to do with
Speaker 2: what you want to. You do not have to live
Speaker 2: off of my light. So luckily I was raised with
Speaker 2: that understanding, but still finding it was still a journey.
Speaker 2: So I had found that pretty much three things can
Speaker 2: happen when you're born into such a bright sky.
Speaker 4: And I did all three. I bumped into all three
Speaker 4: of them.
Speaker 2: One of them is that you can abandon your power
Speaker 2: by being embarrassed, an embarrassment of riches, right, being embarrassed
Speaker 2: by all the light that's coming at you, all the
Speaker 2: light that's around you, all the light that you were
Speaker 2: born with.
Speaker 1: You know what's that saying?
Speaker 2: You know, he was born on third, but he thought
Speaker 2: he hit a you know, he had thought he hit
Speaker 2: a triple. You know, well, I was very clear that
Speaker 2: I didn't hit a triple. I was very clear that
Speaker 2: I was born on third, and there was something difficult
Speaker 2: for me to accept that. And what happens is you
Speaker 2: make these limiting beliefs. You come up with these limiting
Speaker 2: beliefs that says no, no, no, no no, I don't
Speaker 2: want any more, no no, no, no, no, no success
Speaker 2: for me, please, no no no, no, no no, no
Speaker 2: no love for me, please, because because you've gotten so
Speaker 2: much already and you were born on third. So that's
Speaker 2: one thing that can happen when you're in a very
Speaker 2: bright sky. Another is that you can not know the value,
Speaker 2: as I just said, not know the value of your
Speaker 2: light or not know exactly where it is, where is
Speaker 2: your lane, what is your thing? And it's really tempting
Speaker 2: to fall in to doing other what the exterior people
Speaker 2: expect you to do and expect you to be, instead
Speaker 2: of finding what is truly your north star, what is
Speaker 2: truly your calling. It's really easy to fall into that,
Speaker 2: and I was challenged with that to some extent as well.
Speaker 2: And then thirdly, when you are surrounded by superstars and
Speaker 2: thriving people and people you love on top of it,
Speaker 2: it's very simple to feel that your light should be
Speaker 2: used in service of their light instead of for yourself.
Speaker 1: It's easy to.
Speaker 2: Fall into that too. So what I found for many
Speaker 2: years is that I was struggling with this already bright
Speaker 2: sky scenario. And it was when I was late twenties.
Speaker 2: I was at my lowest. My light was dimmed, close
Speaker 2: to going out. I was tired, I was discouraged. I
Speaker 2: wasn't showing up as my brightest self. I wasn't showing
Speaker 2: up as my best self, not in any area of
Speaker 2: my life, not my work, not in my art, not
Speaker 2: even in my marriage. We were struggling to conceive, we
Speaker 2: were dealing with infertility for five and six years, I
Speaker 2: felt like everything was stagnant and everything was dark. And
Speaker 2: that's when I started to realize that I had to
Speaker 2: illuminate myself. I had to reach inside and harness my
Speaker 2: personal power, that power to shine and that power to
Speaker 2: light up a room, and that power to know that
Speaker 2: I have a specific and an important and unique light.
Speaker 2: And I started crawling myself back from that time, reading
Speaker 2: everything I can read about power, about personal power and
Speaker 2: looking at all the everyday ways that we abandon it
Speaker 2: and give it away without even noticing we've given of
Speaker 2: the way, and all the everyday ways that we can
Speaker 2: reclaim it. And that's where I am.
Speaker 3: Now. Wow, I just need to take a moment and
Speaker 3: soak that in because yeah, like oooh, that is such
Speaker 3: a powerful story. And I know, like I have like
Speaker 3: like a ton of questions that are coming up from
Speaker 3: each different part that that you shared, and but I
Speaker 3: want to focus on that personal power right and you
Speaker 3: started you you defined personal power and what that means
Speaker 3: to you. But for someone who's listening and they're in
Speaker 3: that dark place right where you were in your in
Speaker 3: your late twenties, what exactly can how can they tap
Speaker 3: into their personal power to come out of that dark place, like,
Speaker 3: what does that look like?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the first thing that I think has to happen
Speaker 2: is that you have to realize how you have to
Speaker 2: be responsible for your own life. Is what I was
Speaker 2: going to say, your own predicament, your own situation doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you're at fault. Fault and responsibility are two different things.
Speaker 2: Fault is who did it. Responsibility is who can get
Speaker 2: you out of it, whatever predicament you find yourself in.
Speaker 4: So that's the first thing.
Speaker 2: When I was in that dark place, I did not
Speaker 2: know at first that I had the ability to pull
Speaker 2: myself out of it.
Speaker 4: I was blaming everyone else.
Speaker 2: I was blaming everyone in my life, my agent, the
Speaker 2: casting agency, you know, nobody was giving me a job,
Speaker 2: and my husband was doing this and you know, blaming
Speaker 2: it everybody. But the first thing is you have to
Speaker 2: realize that the buck stops with you. I wrote a
Speaker 2: song called Nobody's Business, and chorus goes, ain't nobody's job
Speaker 2: to make you happy, nobody's job to pull you through.
Speaker 2: Ain't nobody going to give you sunshine that light's inside
Speaker 2: of you. Ain't nobody going to seek your freedom? Your
Speaker 2: heart will lead you through. You're the one to choose
Speaker 2: how you're feeling. Ain't nobody's business. If you do, it
Speaker 2: is really our job and our ability, our ability to
Speaker 2: pull ourselves out.
Speaker 1: So that's number one.
Speaker 2: Once you admit that to yourself and accept that, really
Speaker 2: accept the responsibility for your life, then there's a myriad
Speaker 2: of practices.
Speaker 4: Then you get better at self care.
Speaker 2: Then you can get better at boundaries, right, Then you
Speaker 2: get better at communicating your needs. Then you can better
Speaker 2: at really investigating your own feelings and thoughts and untangling them.
Speaker 2: Then you can do all the work, but you have
Speaker 2: to first know that it's not bad luck that you're
Speaker 2: in the position you're in. The world is not against you.
Speaker 2: Matter of fact, the world is for you. The universe
Speaker 2: has got your back. Once you can do that, then
Speaker 2: all the practices open up, all the practices open them.
Speaker 1: That is just amazing. I got emotional you were singing.
Speaker 1: The lyrics of your song are so powerful, and I
Speaker 1: just appreciate all the gems of wisdom that you've already
Speaker 1: dropped around. I love how you made the distinction between
Speaker 1: faults and responsibility. Who you can put a whole sermon
Speaker 1: on that, because I think it's so important for us
Speaker 1: to realize that even though we didn't cause this situation,
Speaker 1: like we are, we can be the hero of our
Speaker 1: own stories.
Speaker 4: And so I love to touched on that we have
Speaker 4: to be We are the only ones who can be
Speaker 4: the year of our own story.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just so powerful. And thinking about self boundary,
Speaker 1: you talked about communicating your needs. One thing that really
Speaker 1: stood out to me. And I know we're going to
Speaker 1: touch on other topics here, but I think about pressure, right,
Speaker 1: I think about expectations from family, from friends, and I
Speaker 1: think that many of us have faced that in our lives.
Speaker 1: But you definitely seem to be the expert on this
Speaker 1: because of just how bright the stars were and your
Speaker 1: sky and thinking about how you navigated that. Can you
Speaker 1: talk a bit about the comparison game and any insight
Speaker 1: or wisdom that you can share with us around comparing
Speaker 1: ourselves because our efforts and success it's all subjective, right,
Speaker 1: But when you have folks that are thriving, that are superstars,
Speaker 1: like around the globe, they're well known. You're trying to
Speaker 1: find your space in the world. How did you battle
Speaker 1: or how did you face comparison in that journey?
Speaker 2: That was a challenge for me because my mother specifically,
Speaker 2: you know, is so loved, just so loved around the world,
Speaker 2: and so many of her fans would love a second coming.
Speaker 2: They would love Ronda Ross to be Dina Ross junior.
Speaker 2: And it's something that I have tried to both fight
Speaker 2: against but also found myself falling into. Sometimes there's really
Speaker 2: a mix, you know, but mostly in terms of the
Speaker 2: comparison game. I realized there is only one Dinor Ross,
Speaker 2: and anyone trying to copy that woman is going to
Speaker 2: get their feelings hurt. So I knew that I can't
Speaker 2: be Dina Ross. But I also it took me some time,
Speaker 2: but I also discovered there's only one render Ross, and
Speaker 2: I can be her really well.
Speaker 1: I get that woman.
Speaker 2: I know how to do that, and so the goal
Speaker 2: for me was recognizing the value in that and not
Speaker 2: feeling like I had to be a certain way to
Speaker 2: be loved or be accepted. So I really, I really
Speaker 2: had to find my truth. I think everyone has to
Speaker 2: do that. I don't think you need to have Diana
Speaker 2: Ross and Barry Gordy as your parents to recognize the
Speaker 2: challenge the value in find in finding your own north
Speaker 2: Star and finding out who you are and what makes
Speaker 2: you tick and what makes you want to wake up
Speaker 2: in the morning, and and and finding your lane. That
Speaker 2: was really a thing for me, finding my own look
Speaker 2: on the stage, you know, as a singer, I really
Speaker 2: felt for a long time people wanted to see me
Speaker 2: a certain way. And in my case, I love my mother,
Speaker 2: I love what she has created in her life.
Speaker 4: I love my father. I think Motown is an incredible achievement.
Speaker 4: I mean all of that.
Speaker 2: So I didn't want to push against the way that
Speaker 2: a lot of children of might want.
Speaker 1: To fight back.
Speaker 4: I you know, I'm not that Well, that was not
Speaker 4: my thing either.
Speaker 2: Right, I'm I'm thrilled and honored and blessed to be
Speaker 2: from that from this bright sky. The only question is
Speaker 2: how do I still shine? So yeah, So that was
Speaker 2: definitely a challenge for me to find that, and still
Speaker 2: is a challenge. I'm always kind of looking forward. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm a grown woman with a career and all kinds
Speaker 2: of stuff, and I still get calls, you know, either
Speaker 2: for my mother, you know, oh hey, you know, can
Speaker 2: you ask your mother to do such and such? No,
Speaker 2: you can call her manager or asking me to do
Speaker 2: things that are clearly based in just the fact that
Speaker 2: I'm her daughter. I mean, it's still it's a constant
Speaker 2: it's a constant work, you know, it's a constant work.
Speaker 2: And again not and not to fall into it, you know,
Speaker 2: not to you know, just to constantly remind myself of
Speaker 2: my own value and and what I have to say
Speaker 2: and what my message is.
Speaker 3: Well of your message, your latest venture is amazing. A lady,
Speaker 3: if you are listening and you have not subscribed, I
Speaker 3: need you to go on ahead right now and subscribe
Speaker 3: to the Force within. Oh so, Rond, but can you
Speaker 3: tell us more for those ladies who haven't subscribed yet?
Speaker 3: What is the force within? So?
Speaker 2: The Force Within is a column a series of articles
Speaker 2: that I've been writing, and they're findable on my website.
Speaker 2: My website is Theerhonduross dot com t h E r
Speaker 2: h O n d A r O s s dot com.
Speaker 2: And it's a series of articles about personal power, how
Speaker 2: to harness it, what is it, how to recognize it,
Speaker 2: how to trust it? And I use my personal life
Speaker 2: and my personal stories as launch pads for the lessons
Speaker 2: that I've learned. And I'm thrilled about writing this article
Speaker 2: of these articles because this is.
Speaker 1: What I love.
Speaker 4: This is what I talk about with my friends and
Speaker 4: my family, and this is what I do.
Speaker 2: And you can't have a conversation with me without me
Speaker 2: trying to help you recognize your power. So I'm thrilled
Speaker 2: to be able to be putting pen to paper and
Speaker 2: doing that. You know, I'm also writing a book right now,
Speaker 2: So then the book is about all of this that
Speaker 2: we're talking about, you know, finding your power in an
Speaker 2: already bright sky, and so that's what I love.
Speaker 1: We need this more than ever right now. So this
Speaker 1: is so timely. We're so grateful for the work that
Speaker 1: you're doing. And if you could tell us a bit
Speaker 1: about one of the topics that's been most challenging for you,
Speaker 1: if you've been like diving in and writing about it,
Speaker 1: what topic would that be?
Speaker 4: Oh, there's a lot of them.
Speaker 2: Which no, really, this has been I mean these two years,
Speaker 2: and if I were to be frank, I even feel
Speaker 2: like the second year was harder for me than the first.
Speaker 4: Somehow, this past year was challenging.
Speaker 2: So what I think the thing I've been writing the
Speaker 2: most about that I would say has been my biggest thing.
Speaker 2: The reason why twenty twenty one was so challenging for
Speaker 2: me is because I dealt with anxiety for the first time.
Speaker 2: I don't remember dealing with anxiety in my life before.
Speaker 2: And there was just something about what went down, you know,
Speaker 2: between all the mandates and all the stuff, all the
Speaker 2: competing news stories, and I'm not even a big news watcher,
Speaker 2: but it just made me feel It made me feel powerless,
Speaker 2: and I felt like I really had to do my
Speaker 2: work daily, daily, daily, to get myself back in my power,
Speaker 2: to calm myself, to untangle my fears, to soothe myself,
Speaker 2: all the self care things that we know, journaling and
Speaker 2: meditating and walking and eating well and sleeping.
Speaker 4: I'm really not a television watcher, and I'm especially not
Speaker 4: a news watcher. I get my news. I try to
Speaker 4: get I try to get the actual news and then
Speaker 4: leave all the talking heads somewhere else.
Speaker 1: Like I don't exactly I don't deal with that.
Speaker 2: But something about two thousand and one, even more so
Speaker 2: than twenty twenty. Strangely enough, twenty twenty was scary. Of course,
Speaker 2: we didn't know anything about the virus, and we had
Speaker 2: these lockdowns and all of that.
Speaker 4: That was scary.
Speaker 2: But for some reason, my anxiety really spiked in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty one and that was my first time. So I
Speaker 2: really I've been writing a lot about that. If you
Speaker 2: go through the articles, you'll see there's a whole bunch
Speaker 2: about anxiety and fear and getting your head around that,
Speaker 2: and getting your heart around that, and protecting your heart
Speaker 2: and head and protecting your mental health. You know, I
Speaker 2: really feel that. I think many of us were more
Speaker 2: damaged than we realize of all ages. And I still
Speaker 2: think we have a lot of healing to do around
Speaker 2: what we went through and to some extent what we're
Speaker 2: still going through, both with COVID and now with Ukraine,
Speaker 2: And it's just a lot coming at us at all times.
Speaker 2: You want to be of help, you want to be
Speaker 2: of service, you want to be protected, you want to
Speaker 2: make sure you got what you need if things go down.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's a lot of stuff. So I write
Speaker 2: about that a lot. It's been a lot about anxiety.
Speaker 3: It's so timely, and like you said, there's so many
Speaker 3: people that are definitely able to relate to that because
Speaker 3: in my practice, I know I've heard so many people
Speaker 3: develop that anxiety or recognize that they're having a different
Speaker 3: they're experiencing anxiety in a different way. Because of the
Speaker 3: world that we're living in now, and so I am
Speaker 3: so appreciative of your work and what you're doing. And
Speaker 3: so what is one topic that you are excited about?
Speaker 3: So we talk about the challenges, but it's equally important
Speaker 3: to focus on the joy. So what is one thing
Speaker 3: that you are excited about writing?
Speaker 2: See the smile on my face. That smile is for
Speaker 2: my son. I have a twelve year old boy who
Speaker 2: he's just my best friend. This is it's getting ridiculous,
Speaker 2: Like we're just you know, I heard somebody say once,
Speaker 2: I heard the mother say once, I love my daughter,
Speaker 2: but I'm in love with my son, and I can
Speaker 2: relate to that.
Speaker 4: I love that boy. Like it is ridiculous. So we
Speaker 4: are like bus and buddies.
Speaker 2: We just anyway, what's been wonderful about this time is
Speaker 2: he and I have gotten more time together and he's
Speaker 2: you know, he's twelve, so he's always had a big,
Speaker 2: bright personality, but it just feels like he's kind of
Speaker 2: really finding his own swagger, in his own rhythm in
Speaker 2: a way that that's new and fun. And just today
Speaker 2: we went on a forty five minute bike ride together
Speaker 2: and I just bought him a bike the other day.
Speaker 2: I mean, he had no let me rephrase, he has
Speaker 2: a bike. I didn't have a bike. So I bought
Speaker 2: him another bike. And now I'm using his first bike.
Speaker 2: But I just got it for him the other day,
Speaker 2: and so we are. We went on this ride today
Speaker 2: forty five minutes, and as we were riding, I said,
Speaker 2: there's so much that I miss about when he was younger,
Speaker 2: and you know, we were.
Speaker 4: Cuddling and he had this little body.
Speaker 2: Now he's taller than me, so he just like, there's
Speaker 2: so many things that I miss about his four year
Speaker 2: old self and his seven year old self.
Speaker 4: Here we are riding our bikes.
Speaker 2: He's twelve, and we just get to be friends, you know,
Speaker 2: and get to to be together and hang out. And
Speaker 2: I don't know, we're real similar in our in our
Speaker 2: likes and dislikes and our humor and all of that stuff.
Speaker 2: So anyway, I write about him sometimes, not that often,
Speaker 2: but that is definitely a space that I love writing
Speaker 2: about and I love thinking about.
Speaker 1: That is so precious. We can totally feel the energy
Speaker 1: as you talked about your son, And you must be
Speaker 1: a pretty cool mom to have a preteen that's still
Speaker 1: into you like this, Like that who you mom? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so good.
Speaker 4: I'm holding on for us gold on, man, I'm not
Speaker 4: very impressive.
Speaker 2: I'm pulling off as long as I can. We really
Speaker 2: we do get along, really really well. I'm hoping and
Speaker 2: believing that we will continue to. I mean, I get
Speaker 2: it that he needs his space, you know, I get boundaries,
Speaker 2: and I get that he needs to be independent and
Speaker 2: do his thing and individuate from me and all that
Speaker 2: good stuff.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: I don't like it, but I get it, and so
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do my best to be healthy around that
Speaker 2: and allow that to happen. But I'm hoping and believing
Speaker 2: that we will always get along. I'm really hoping and believing.
Speaker 1: That that's so precious.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it OVERHANDA Before we shift up the energy
Speaker 1: of this conversation, we have one last question, one last
Speaker 1: formal question for you, and that question is what's one
Speaker 1: question or topic that you wish people asked you about
Speaker 1: more often?
Speaker 2: I think I wish people asked me about my parenting
Speaker 2: more often. I take my parenting very seriously. Like I said,
Speaker 2: we tried for.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do the math. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Hold on.
Speaker 2: Fourteen years. I don't know, something really long. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: I was young. I was in my twenties, and the
Speaker 2: doctors couldn't figure out what was the matter. And so
Speaker 2: here I was in my twenties, newly married and not
Speaker 2: getting pregnant, not getting pregnant for many years, let's say, okay,
Speaker 2: for about ten years I wasn't getting pregnant. Then after
Speaker 2: that I did get pregnant, had three miscarriages, and so
Speaker 2: there was another few years added on there, and then
Speaker 2: we finally had this boy.
Speaker 3: So I just.
Speaker 2: Like, he is my everything right, and I parent very
Speaker 2: very consciously. I don't think there's any choice I've made
Speaker 2: for him that I just made, you know, or just said, oh,
Speaker 2: well that's the way I was raised, so I'm doing
Speaker 2: it that way, or you know, I didn't think about it.
Speaker 2: There's not one choice I made, and my husband made
Speaker 2: every choice very deliberately. And he speaks four languages. He's fluent, yes,
Speaker 2: he's fluent in my.
Speaker 4: Knees.
Speaker 2: And we have been homeschooling him now since first grade,
Speaker 2: so that's about seven. We're in finishing our seventh year
Speaker 2: of homeschooling.
Speaker 4: He was a very early reader.
Speaker 2: He was reading words before he could crawl like crazy,
Speaker 2: like crazy stuff, and so I wish you ask me
Speaker 2: more about that.
Speaker 4: I love to talk about that.
Speaker 3: I mean, since we're here, let's take a minute, and
Speaker 3: if you could share with us, what are your maybe
Speaker 3: top three conscious parenting tips.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, those are great. That's a great question.
Speaker 2: Number One is this too shall pass? And that is
Speaker 2: both for the things that you don't like and also
Speaker 2: for the things that you do, like time moves and
Speaker 2: you don't get a second shot, and when it's gone,
Speaker 2: it's gone. So that's why I say, as much as
Speaker 2: I love his twelve year old self and I do,
Speaker 2: I miss his six year old self and his three
Speaker 2: year old self and all of that. And I am
Speaker 2: happy to say I believe I was present when I
Speaker 2: was going through those selves of who he is. So
Speaker 2: I would say, this too shall pass. So be present,
Speaker 2: be as present as you can. It's really easy to think, oh,
Speaker 2: I have an emails to write, oh I have whatever,
Speaker 2: and you pull your focus and these moments pass. So
Speaker 2: I would say number one, be present. Number two, accept
Speaker 2: who your child is. Listen to them, watch them, allow
Speaker 2: them to be themselves. That's not easy, and I don't
Speaker 2: know that I was always good at that.
Speaker 4: It's hard.
Speaker 2: You know, you feel like your child is a reflection
Speaker 2: of you, and if they're not doing what you think
Speaker 2: they need to be doing at four years old or
Speaker 2: eight years old or twelve years old, you kind of
Speaker 2: want to get them in line. But the truth is
Speaker 2: I think I think a child knowing that they are
Speaker 2: accepted for the light that they shine is an invaluable gift.
Speaker 2: And thirdly, I would say, put no limits on the
Speaker 2: potential of your child.
Speaker 4: You have no idea who they're going to be or
Speaker 4: how great they can be.
Speaker 2: And when he was younger and we were teaching him
Speaker 2: all these languages and he was learning to read so early,
Speaker 2: it was freaking people out. I kept saying, People kept
Speaker 2: saying to me, oh, he's a prodigy, Oh he's a prodigy.
Speaker 2: And I kept saying, I think every child is this.
Speaker 2: I think every child is this, And I think we
Speaker 2: we cap it. We don't expect it, we don't look
Speaker 2: for it, and we don't welcome it because it really
Speaker 2: wasn't It's not even something you have to do about
Speaker 2: it except for allow it to be. Children are geniuses?
Speaker 2: Are they are geniuses? They come here not in my
Speaker 2: opinion as blank slates, but as as lights.
Speaker 4: And it's our job to get out the way, get
Speaker 4: out the way I think out the way.
Speaker 1: That is amazing. We have to do it. We may
Speaker 1: have to have a whole other parenting segment. And because
Speaker 1: that is so that is so helpful, and I think
Speaker 1: a lot of parents could use that now, especially with
Speaker 1: the pandemic and how things have been going where there
Speaker 1: are now more they're home more with the children, so
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, you were at daycare at school before.
Speaker 2: So yeah, And in terms of the pandemic, it's been
Speaker 2: hard on us as adults, but it's been hard on them, yes,
Speaker 2: And we need to be gentle. Just be gentle and
Speaker 2: be listening and be a safe space. They don't even
Speaker 2: have the language. We don't have the language for what
Speaker 2: we've been through, you know. And every child, you know,
Speaker 2: some are you know, toddlers when this happened, and it
Speaker 2: had one effect on them, and the elementary schoolers, it
Speaker 2: had one effect on them, and the middle schoolers, the
Speaker 2: high schoolers. Kids who play sports and couldn't play sports
Speaker 2: or we're moving, missed their senior years or missed their
Speaker 2: freshman years, or at college or just like all, everyone
Speaker 2: had a different experience and we just need to be
Speaker 2: gentle around this. Yeah, at this time and for some
Speaker 2: time to come, I think we need to really be gentle.
Speaker 1: That is so spot on, so spot on, Rondas You've
Speaker 1: provided so many gems, so much insight, and at this
Speaker 1: point in our conversation, we want to shift up the energy.
Speaker 1: I will warn you this is a grown folk podcast,
Speaker 1: So get ready, get ready, get ready for what's about
Speaker 1: to have. Okay, So, Ronda, because.
Speaker 4: I have a song called grown Folk Party, I do sure.
Speaker 1: It was a full, full circle moment right now. So
Speaker 1: because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multifaceted woman, and
Speaker 1: we believe that it's okay to be bougie, classy and ratchet,
Speaker 1: you can still be elegant and dance to strip club
Speaker 1: music if you so choose. Okay, Ronda, we want to
Speaker 1: invite you to the oh you blatchet segment? So do
Speaker 1: you take on the challenge?
Speaker 4: I take it, but I'm scared.
Speaker 1: We got it, We got it, we got her.
Speaker 3: You are going to enjoy this. You like a grown
Speaker 3: folks party. You are going to enjoy this.
Speaker 1: So now that you've agreed, we'll tell you what to expect.
Speaker 1: So we have three questions for you. We have three
Speaker 1: sentence completions, and then at the end, we want you
Speaker 1: to choose a number between one and three. We have
Speaker 1: some photos pulled up from your Instagram, and we want
Speaker 1: you to tell us more context about the photo that
Speaker 1: you choose, something that we wouldn't know by looking at
Speaker 1: the photo. Okay, So I'm going to pass on over
Speaker 1: to doctor dom and we'll dive on in.
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, So the first question, what's the best piece
Speaker 3: of wisdom or advice you've ever received.
Speaker 2: I've received some really great wisdom, soul. It's hard, but
Speaker 2: I feel like I want to choose. My mother would
Speaker 2: always tell us do what you love, follow your bliss,
Speaker 2: follow what lights you up, and the.
Speaker 4: Money and the career and all those things will follow.
Speaker 4: And that's what she did.
Speaker 2: She wanted to be a mother. She's a mother of five,
Speaker 2: and that was always her priority. She never ever made
Speaker 2: us feel like we were in the way of her career,
Speaker 2: or somehow her career came first, or her career.
Speaker 4: Needed to be focused on, or none of that.
Speaker 3: None of that.
Speaker 4: We were always her priority.
Speaker 2: And and even you know when she in the nineteen
Speaker 2: seventy when she was leaving the Supremes and and starting
Speaker 2: off on her own and found herself pregnant with me.
Speaker 2: I was her priority, and being a mother was her priority.
Speaker 2: And look at the career that came, you know, look
Speaker 2: at what look at all that that came. So I
Speaker 2: think that that's the piece of advice. That's what I
Speaker 2: live by. I don't do anything just for money. I
Speaker 2: don't do anything just for career or or likes or
Speaker 2: or some kind of uplift of of you know, any
Speaker 2: of that. I everything is about where my heart is.
Speaker 4: Where my heart is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so powerful such wise we're supposed them to live by.
Speaker 1: Now I'm going to switch it up a little bit, so, Ronda,
Speaker 1: I have four words for you. Okay, to work or
Speaker 1: two step? Which one are you going to do?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: That depends, sis, Okay, okay, it depends. I mean I
Speaker 2: could you know, I enjoy a good two step. But
Speaker 2: you know I might work a little I might come on, Yeah,
Speaker 2: she might work something.
Speaker 3: Something something, Okay, So you're ready to twirk a little something? Yes,
Speaker 3: what is the sexiest item you own? I don't own
Speaker 3: sexy items.
Speaker 4: I've been married too long. I don't own sexy items.
Speaker 4: What is the sexiest item my own? My naked body?
Speaker 1: There you go, there you go.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't I don't have any of.
Speaker 1: That other stuff. I love that we've never gotten that
Speaker 1: answer because you answer, I support that. Okay, my naked body.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: So now we're gonna move on to the three sentence completions.
Speaker 1: So the first sentence completion is something that many people
Speaker 1: don't know about me?
Speaker 2: Is something that many people don't know about me is
Speaker 2: I'm a big Billy Crystal fan. I say that because
Speaker 2: every time I talk about his movies, my sister Tracy
Speaker 2: says to me, it is really.
Speaker 4: Bizarre that you like Billy Crystal so much. I bet
Speaker 4: you nobody knows that about you.
Speaker 1: So there you go, a big Billy christ There we go,
Speaker 1: Thank you. Okay, there we go. All right.
Speaker 2: I don't know that it's important or interesting in any way,
Speaker 2: but it is definitely something people don't know about me.
Speaker 3: There we go, and that's what matters. It's something. Now
Speaker 3: we're learning something new, that's right. So what is the
Speaker 3: most embarrassing thing ay you have ever done?
Speaker 2: I so quickly reframe everything that's part of my personal
Speaker 2: power practice that whenever something happens to me, I sort
Speaker 2: of make it into something that's beneficial. But the thing
Speaker 2: that the story that's coming up for me is I
Speaker 2: was doing a performance in New York. I had three
Speaker 2: backup singers. One of them was brand new, she'd never
Speaker 2: worked with me before, and we were at our sound
Speaker 2: check and I was checking my mic, but I kept
Speaker 2: pulling the mic away from my mouth as I was
Speaker 2: singing the as I was singing, and she came up
Speaker 2: to me. I'll never forget this because again I didn't
Speaker 2: know her, and she didn't know how I was going
Speaker 2: to react.
Speaker 1: But she came up to me.
Speaker 4: She said, why are you pulling the mic away from
Speaker 4: your mouth? And I said, I'm pulling the mic away
Speaker 4: from my mouth if you want the honest.
Speaker 2: Truth, because I'm not sure I'm hearing really well and
Speaker 2: I'm afraid I'm going to hit some bad notes. And
Speaker 2: she said, well, we and the audience and everyone has come.
Speaker 4: Here to hear you.
Speaker 2: You give us you sing into the mic, And something
Speaker 2: about her words in that moment really resonated, and I said,
Speaker 2: you know, I hide.
Speaker 4: I hide.
Speaker 2: I want to be on the stage. Clearly I'm on
Speaker 2: the stage, but I'm not really giving everyone. I'm not
Speaker 2: really showing up as my brightest self, right. So I
Speaker 2: decided to do it, to just kind of bite the
Speaker 2: bullet and do it. So for the rest of the
Speaker 2: sound check I did, but also for the concert, for
Speaker 2: the actual show, I put that mic right up to
Speaker 2: my mouth and I sang with my everything, and I
Speaker 2: hit some really bad notes, like really bad. But two
Speaker 2: things happened. One I noticed that I hit them, but
Speaker 2: because I hit them in the mic, I could hear them,
Speaker 2: and when I could hear them, I.
Speaker 4: Could fix them.
Speaker 2: And so I was going to say two things happened.
Speaker 2: The first thing was I was very embarrassed. That was
Speaker 2: an embarrassing moment for me. Here I am at a
Speaker 2: sold out club in New York, and these people have
Speaker 2: paid to come see me sing, and here I am
Speaker 2: singing and not not being happy with what's coming out,
Speaker 2: and not just you know, because I'm a jazz vocalist,
Speaker 2: so everything is improved, and so it's not just like
Speaker 2: there's one melody that I needed to sing.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm out, I'm I'm I'm improving and not.
Speaker 1: Well in that case.
Speaker 2: But what happened was I could fix it immediately. So
Speaker 2: I learned in that moment we run, we run from
Speaker 2: looking at ourselves, or in that case, we run from
Speaker 2: listening to ourselves. But if you stop, you turn to
Speaker 2: face that thing you're afraid of and sing into the
Speaker 2: mic and let it be loud for everyone to hear.
Speaker 2: You get to hear it too, and you can fix it.
Speaker 2: That's the only time you can fix it. If she
Speaker 2: hadn't given me that advice, and if I hadn't taken
Speaker 2: her advice, I would still be pulling that mic away
Speaker 2: and still be hitting those bad notes.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So that's that's my long winded answer to it was embarrassing.
Speaker 2: It was embarrassing, but it fortified me and it gave
Speaker 2: me power.
Speaker 4: It empowered me.
Speaker 1: What an incredible story. You are an amazing storyteller. I
Speaker 1: could visualize that entire story as you told in and
Speaker 1: it makes me think about that's just a powerful life lesson.
Speaker 1: If it isn't examined, it can't be improved. You have
Speaker 1: to be able to itself reflection.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to, and we're scared.
Speaker 2: We don't want to look at it. We don't want
Speaker 2: exactly we think that what we see will say something.
Speaker 4: About who we are, about our value or our lack
Speaker 4: of value, and we're scared. But the truth is, you
Speaker 4: look at it. First of all, it's rarely as bad
Speaker 4: as you think.
Speaker 2: And second of all, whatever parts are not up to
Speaker 2: your standard, you now have the ability to fix them
Speaker 2: and improve upon them.
Speaker 1: So many mic drop moments. Okay, so our last sentence
Speaker 1: completion here around it is What I love most about
Speaker 1: myself is.
Speaker 2: What I love most about myself is my ability to
Speaker 2: pick myself up when I'm down, my ability to soothe myself,
Speaker 2: to calm myself, to recognize my fears and face them.
Speaker 2: What I love most about myself is my personal power,
Speaker 2: my force within.
Speaker 1: Yeah. All right, So now we are at the point
Speaker 1: where we want you to choose a number between one
Speaker 1: and three, and we're going to share that particular photo
Speaker 1: on screen for you. You can describe for folks what
Speaker 1: the photo is for the folks that are only tuning
Speaker 1: into audio, and then give us some secrets or some
Speaker 1: context about the photo that we wouldn't know. So, what
Speaker 1: is your number between one and three?
Speaker 4: I'm going to go with three.
Speaker 1: Three amazing. Okay, we have this picture pulled up. So
Speaker 1: if you can describe the photo for folks that are
Speaker 1: not listening, and then let us know, here we go,
Speaker 1: what's something we wouldn't know about this picture? This is
Speaker 1: number three. That's so great.
Speaker 2: Okay, So that picture is from the Atlanta Jazz Festival.
Speaker 2: I have a story around that. I was there with
Speaker 2: my family.
Speaker 4: So my husband's on this was on this gig.
Speaker 2: My husband's an incredible jazz pianist by the name of
Speaker 2: Rodney Kendrick, and he was playing piano, and.
Speaker 4: We had a band, and my son was there.
Speaker 2: And I have cousins in Atlanta, so they were in
Speaker 2: the audience, but they had also been There was no
Speaker 2: backstage because this is Atlanta Jazz Festival. It's outdoors, and
Speaker 2: they had trailers for us to change in. So I
Speaker 2: had my family there and I had no help. I
Speaker 2: had no assistant or no makeup, hair, wardrobe, nobody, and
Speaker 2: I couldn't get my corset on. This corset it zips
Speaker 2: in the front, but it ties in the back, and
Speaker 2: I couldn't. I couldn't get it on, and I thought,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I didn't think through my wardrobe at all,
Speaker 2: and I'm here in this trailer by myself and my.
Speaker 4: Cousin in law.
Speaker 2: My cousin's wife named Gina, came into the trailer and
Speaker 2: she was tying me up backstage and just in time,
Speaker 2: literally just in time for me to get out onto
Speaker 2: that stage and do my things.
Speaker 4: So that's the story behind that outfit. And that is
Speaker 4: the Atlanta Jazz Festival.
Speaker 1: Amazing. That is a bomb outfit. I saw the entire
Speaker 1: video and you look so fly. Thank you well, Ronda.
Speaker 3: This has been an amazing, amazing conversation. You at moments
Speaker 3: made us laugh, brought tears to our eyes and a
Speaker 3: couple of other moments and truly empowered us. And so
Speaker 3: for our ladies who are listening, and we want them
Speaker 3: to subscribe, we want them to file follow you. Where
Speaker 3: can they follow you?
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: I am the Ronda Ross everywhere, so on all social
Speaker 2: media though render Ross. That's Instagram and Facebook and Twitter.
Speaker 2: And my website is Thoughorondurross dot com. And I invite
Speaker 2: everyone to come to my website and join my database
Speaker 2: my newsletter because not only do I talk about the
Speaker 2: force within the articles, but I also send a newsletter
Speaker 2: out that just talks about all of these things, all
Speaker 2: of these practices, but also some fun anecdotes with me
Speaker 2: and my family, my son, all kinds of things, and
Speaker 2: so I highly recommend people to come and join my
Speaker 2: mailing list, join the tribe, join the family.
Speaker 1: Awesome. Thank you so much, Fonda. This was an absolute pleasure.
Speaker 1: We appreciate you and thank you.
Speaker 3: This was wonderful.
Speaker 4: Thank you both for having me really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Hey, all right, ladies, that's it. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: Melinda for helping us organize everything. Melinda's hanging out there
Speaker 1: on the side, Randa. We will reach out to Melinda
Speaker 1: and let her know about when the episode will air
Speaker 1: so that you all can share if you so choose,
Speaker 1: and we send you we do choose.
Speaker 3: We yay.
Speaker 1: We love that you choose.
Speaker 4: Choose.
Speaker 1: It's in social media, graphics and all that good stuff.
Speaker 1: This was an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: sharing your light with us in the world.
Speaker 4: I wanted to take a picture. Can we take a picture. Yes,
Speaker 4: let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's do it. Okay, there we go. Yay, Thank you, Rhonda.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you also, I talk to you soon. Okay.
Speaker 3: Bye.
Speaker 2: Byee.
Speaker 1: Hey lady, It's Terry here from the Cultivating Her space podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to
Speaker 1: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how
Speaker 1: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit
Speaker 1: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I
Speaker 1: hope to see you there.
Speaker 3: Thanks joining us today. Please note that our show may
Speaker 3: contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health,
Speaker 3: but is by no means meant to be a substitute
Speaker 3: for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider.
Speaker 3: If you are someone you know is in need of
Speaker 3: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls
Speaker 3: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at cultivatinghirspace dot com
Speaker 1: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get
Speaker 1: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show.
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me, what's meant
Speaker 1: for me? Will never miss me? I don't have to
Speaker 1: chase