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Speaker 1: Make sure that you are prepared to receive what you

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Speaker 1: asked God for.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that is a very good one.

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Speaker 3: And when I saw the title of the show, don't

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Speaker 3: arrive before you get there, it made me think of

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Speaker 3: this Jamaican term my mother would always say, don't be

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Speaker 3: too previous, dead ass, dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and

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Speaker 3: I'm devoued and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 4: You may know us from posting funny videos with.

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Speaker 3: Our voice and reading each other publicly as.

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Speaker 2: A form of therapy.

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Speaker 4: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.

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Speaker 5: Sir, we are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: Li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We about to take Phillo talk to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 4: Story time.

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Speaker 1: So this was season two of Sisters and we were

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Speaker 1: dealing with quarantine and there was a young man who

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Speaker 1: had booked a guest star on the show. Right, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to say which character he played, but

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Speaker 1: he booked.

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Speaker 4: A guest star on the show.

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Speaker 1: Long story short, he was a little overzealous because it's

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Speaker 1: first time booking a guest star and we were in

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Speaker 1: quarantine and he wanted to rehearse, and at the time,

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Speaker 1: I had several scenes before his so I wasn't prepared

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Speaker 1: to give him any time because I had to do

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Speaker 1: those scenes first in the day.

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Speaker 4: He wasn't used to our shooting schedule.

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Speaker 1: Granted, he really wasn't used to the shooting schedule, so

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Speaker 1: sch no, this is brand new, like this was this

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Speaker 1: was twenty twenty, and he was getting upset because I

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Speaker 1: hadn't alloted any time for us to work together. So

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Speaker 1: he went to the producers, he went to the studio

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Speaker 1: heads and was complaining and complaining had so I finally

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Speaker 1: I made time. Once I made time, I tried to

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Speaker 1: explain to him how the shooting schedule was, and he

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Speaker 1: got upset because he thought I was trying to haze him.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, dude, like I'm trying to give

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Speaker 1: you you know what I'm saying. He's like, oh, if

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Speaker 1: you're not prepared. Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm like, bro,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to explain to you where I'm at in

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Speaker 1: this process. Dude slams the door, and before he slams

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Speaker 1: the door, he goes see you on set, buddy.

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Speaker 2: Yikes.

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Speaker 4: So I'm like, all right, now, I'm a professional. Oh soo.

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Speaker 1: This is a very stressful time. So I ain't had

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Speaker 1: no time to even care or consider how upset he was.

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Speaker 4: I didn't care. I just I had work to do.

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Speaker 4: Two days go by, I do my scenes.

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Speaker 1: Finally, one of the producers called me and said, Devill,

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Speaker 1: I apologize for that. You know, he's not aware of

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Speaker 1: the shootings here, said, don't worry about it.

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Speaker 4: I got time.

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Speaker 1: Now let's let's go rehearse. Me and him finally get

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Speaker 1: a chance to break bread. I explained the process that

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Speaker 1: we rehearse for about forty minutes.

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Speaker 4: Now it's time to actually shoot the scene.

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Speaker 1: When we get there, Tyler's sitting there, Deuce is there,

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Speaker 1: everybody's ready.

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Speaker 4: He calls action. We only get one take. We call action.

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Speaker 4: He forgets every word that he was supposed to.

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Speaker 2: Says, and it was your fault because.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't my fault. I rehearsed with him the day

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Speaker 1: before we sat down for thirty minutes. Now, the scene

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Speaker 1: was only two pages. I was about to no, it

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Speaker 1: was not a hefty scene.

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Speaker 4: He was a guest star. He only had this two

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Speaker 4: paid scene.

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Speaker 1: I think he had seven lines seven lines in the

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Speaker 1: two pages. But he was the one directing where the

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Speaker 1: scene was going. So I couldn't even add lip to

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Speaker 1: help him because there was something particular he was supposed

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Speaker 1: to do in the scene, and he kept getting to

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Speaker 1: that part and forgetting, forgetting, and ultimately he was replaced.

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Speaker 3: I was about to say, because people about to be

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Speaker 3: connecting thats over there.

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Speaker 2: Y'all know you'll like to connect that.

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Speaker 1: Y'all know people love to connect thats well, that's why

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Speaker 1: I ain't saying what really all right? Right, because this

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Speaker 1: has happened to multiple people on multiple seasons. But in

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Speaker 1: any event, he was replaced. And when we get some

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Speaker 1: time to come back, I'm going to break down why

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Speaker 1: this story is so important to what we were talking about,

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Speaker 1: especially towards the end of the year, because I want

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Speaker 1: you guys to go into the top of twenty twenty

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Speaker 1: four with a new insight of how you want to

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Speaker 1: approach life.

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Speaker 2: Love that. We'll be back all right.

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Speaker 6: Karaoke time, karaoke time in the spirit of the time

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Speaker 6: a year, my favorite.

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Speaker 1: This is your favorite time time a year. So y'all

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Speaker 1: do know that we pre record these shows. There's no

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Speaker 1: secret there. But if you're watching right now, the reason

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Speaker 1: why you don't see any Christmas stuff is because it's

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Speaker 1: not Christmas time yet. But trust me, by the time

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Speaker 1: this comes out, there will be Christmas trees everywhere around

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Speaker 1: his house here.

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Speaker 2: I cannot wait.

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Speaker 3: Actually, in this moment, once I get through this recording

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Speaker 3: session and we're like, you know, in a good space

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Speaker 3: with all our family stuff, I am going to go

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Speaker 3: off off.

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Speaker 1: You gotta make the the house look like Christmas everywhere we.

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Speaker 6: Go, where, every room, it's the most wonderful baby of

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Speaker 6: the years.

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Speaker 4: Sing your favorite? What's your favorite?

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Speaker 2: Let us know?

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Speaker 5: Go ahead, let it no, let it no, but the

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Speaker 5: fire is please so baaby, let snoo.

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Speaker 1: I just remixed you miss no. No, you know I

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Speaker 1: don't miss no. Now, let me not say that I

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Speaker 1: missed the light. Powdery snow was about easy to remove

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Speaker 1: from your walkway with that frozen, dirty, nasty slushy snow

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Speaker 1: that in New York after the third day of the blizzard.

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Speaker 3: Do you miss digging out a parking spot, doing all

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Speaker 3: the work to dig it out, get out the spot,

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Speaker 3: to leave the spot, to have somebody else pulling that bitch?

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Speaker 4: I don't miss that, bro at all. I don't miss

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Speaker 4: it at all.

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Speaker 3: All right, let's go pay some bills and we will

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Speaker 3: be back and we'll get into the meat of the show.

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Speaker 3: All right, we're back today. We're talking about not arriving

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Speaker 3: before you get there. How do we avoid that? As

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Speaker 3: I said in my SoundBite, nont a boy to act

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Speaker 3: too previous previous meaning like, listen, slow down, You ain't

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Speaker 3: there yet.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. You got some work to do.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So, going back to your story about Homeboy, you think

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Speaker 3: it was more so just in the moment. He probably

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Speaker 3: just like cut nerves. Maybe he was prepared, but maybe

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Speaker 3: got stage fright in that moment.

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Speaker 1: No, this, I to be honest. I know he got

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Speaker 1: stage fright. I know that happened. But that's also the point,

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Speaker 1: right when I say don't arrive before you get there,

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Speaker 1: or be prepared for what you've asked God for, it's

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Speaker 1: to not skip the process of preparing yourself so that

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Speaker 1: once you finally get the opportunity, you can deliver.

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Speaker 4: You know, so many.

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Speaker 1: People are excited about the end goal, right, they like

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Speaker 1: they see something, they set goals, which setting goals is

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Speaker 1: part of the process. But you can't ignore the process,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. For example, this book that

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Speaker 1: I've been reading, it's called Atomic Habits, and it talks

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Speaker 1: about how you have to get better one percent every day.

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Speaker 1: Trying to achieve getting better one percent every day is

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Speaker 1: way more sustainable than saying my goal is to get here,

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Speaker 1: and once I get here, then I'm good. Because what

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Speaker 1: happens is when you create habits. That's why it's called

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Speaker 1: atomic habits. If you create habits that get you one

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Speaker 1: percent better every day, once you reach your goal, it's

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Speaker 1: easier to sustain because you've created a habit that you

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Speaker 1: can live through. Right, It's like making a lifestyle change

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Speaker 1: as opposed to doing a fad.

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Speaker 2: Diet preparation because it's sustainable.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like the young man at that time

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Speaker 1: was taking a fad diet approach to how he was

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Speaker 1: going to reach his goal. It's like, I want to

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Speaker 1: get here, and I want to do my best performance.

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Speaker 1: So it's like, dude, you didn't even read the room.

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Speaker 4: See what the process is? And that's nothing I want

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Speaker 4: to talk to people about.

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Speaker 1: Is is also how you decide what you are going

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Speaker 1: to do and take action.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: There's a book I read a long time ago which

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Speaker 1: I started to re listen to again.

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Speaker 4: It's called.

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Speaker 1: Thinking like a Spy, right, Thinking like a Spy, and

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Speaker 1: it has a breakdown of how you approach problems right.

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Speaker 1: And it's the Dada method, right, which means you collect data,

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Speaker 1: you then analyze the data, You then make a decision,

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Speaker 1: and then you act.

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Speaker 4: Dada right. So it's data analysis, decision action.

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Speaker 1: But what happens is people don't realize that you can

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Speaker 1: only apply this to a certain relationship. Relationships matter, right,

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Speaker 1: And there are three types of relationships.

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Speaker 4: Right. You have a zero some relationship.

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Speaker 1: You have a positive some relationship in a negative some relationship,

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Speaker 1: A zero some relationship is like this, there's one job opportunity.

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Speaker 1: There's two people going for the one job opportunity. Somebody's

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Speaker 1: gonna get it, somebody's not gonna get it. Our relationship

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Speaker 1: here is zero sum, Like we can't gain anything from

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Speaker 1: each other. Only one of us is going to gain

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Speaker 1: access to you. That's one type of relationship. Then you

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Speaker 1: have a positive some relationship, like what we have a marriage.

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Speaker 1: We both have something to gain, so it's a positive

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Speaker 1: some relationship. I give to you, you give to me.

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Speaker 1: We hope no matter in marriage, yes. And then you

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Speaker 1: have negative some relationships where ultimately you just hope you

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Speaker 1: get the greater of the least thing. For example, war right,

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Speaker 1: War is a negative some.

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Speaker 4: Relationship, right, both sides really winning right.

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Speaker 1: And what happens is once you realize you're losing more

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Speaker 1: than someone else.

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Speaker 4: That's what someone concedes.

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Speaker 1: The first thing I want people to do is realize

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Speaker 1: in relationships, what type of relationship is this.

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Speaker 3: It's funny you mentioned that, because yeah, to just branch

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Speaker 3: off onto relationships real quick, just something that I've learned

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Speaker 3: because at this point I'm forty.

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Speaker 2: My birthday is past.

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Speaker 3: And one thing I was very deliberate about doing as

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Speaker 3: I approach forty, because I think there's something about like

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Speaker 3: milestone birthdays or like feeling like there's a new beginning

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Speaker 3: a new decade that you want to do. Is it's

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Speaker 3: almost like a cleansing that happens. It's an assessment of

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Speaker 3: where you've been and what you've been doing, things that

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Speaker 3: you've accomplished, things that you haven't. How you're going to

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Speaker 3: now implement changes in your life and in your lifestyle

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Speaker 3: to then achieve things that you want to achieve moving forward.

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Speaker 3: And one thing I did with relationships is leave people

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Speaker 3: where they are because I was very much the person

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Speaker 3: that wanted to try to fix certain things and solve

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Speaker 3: things and felt like if I said my piece then

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Speaker 3: it would evoke change, and you know, trying to get

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Speaker 3: people to see things from my lens.

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Speaker 2: And I've realized that that wasn't working.

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Speaker 3: And people don't owe me anything, right, I can say

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Speaker 3: my piece, but no one owes me anything per se,

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Speaker 3: regardless of the relationship. So I then decided I was

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Speaker 3: just going to compartmentalize, you know, people, friends, family, people

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Speaker 3: who I have to interact with, and just know that

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Speaker 3: if I set up certain boundaries and parameters for understanding

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Speaker 3: this is how this person is and I won't take

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Speaker 3: offense to how they are, I can then move accordingly

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Speaker 3: after my expectations are lower.

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Speaker 4: So let me ask a question.

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Speaker 1: Most of the relationships we have in our life are

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Speaker 1: zero sum or positive some relationship right.

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Speaker 4: Most of them?

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Speaker 1: Of them, we would already rarely have a negative some relationship.

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Speaker 1: Typically a negative some relationship would be like an enemy

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Speaker 1: that you have, like if you have a neighbor that

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Speaker 1: you hate, right, so most of my our relationships on

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Speaker 1: that do you feel like you're putting people in categories

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Speaker 1: of positive sum or zero s? And it's like, if

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Speaker 1: you're in a zero some relationship, what value do you

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Speaker 1: have to me to continue to maintain this relationship? You

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Speaker 1: see what I'm saying. When you look at a relationship,

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Speaker 1: it's like is this been mutually beneficial for both of us?

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Speaker 1: So how do you decide whether you put people in

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Speaker 1: a zero sum or a positive sum mark in your book?

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Speaker 2: You know when I really think about.

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Speaker 4: It every time, every time.

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Speaker 3: My nigga, I only left my notification because my chip,

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Speaker 3: my mother is flying with my child.

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Speaker 1: Because vibrate, because vibrate doesn't work right, because vibrate does vibrate.

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Speaker 2: I can't find my vibrator. Do you know where it is?

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Speaker 4: Why would I know where your vibrate is? Why would

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Speaker 4: I eat?

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Speaker 3: I thought it was in my side draw and I

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Speaker 3: don't don't know where it is now?

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Speaker 4: But no, can we can we unpack why I would

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Speaker 4: know where it is, though, I.

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Speaker 2: Don't know if it's like in the sheet somewhere mixed up.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, no, But I did find chocolate in

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Speaker 1: the sheets this morning.

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Speaker 2: You sure did.

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Speaker 3: I thought, let me see another story, right, let me

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Speaker 3: tell another story.

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Speaker 1: Yo yo yo, real talk right. Kay likes to eat

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Speaker 1: chocolate after she smokes a little bit. So last night

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Speaker 1: I was smoking my weed like I typically do, and

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Speaker 1: k goes, baby, can you shotgun me?

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Speaker 4: So I shotgunning? Right.

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Speaker 1: Shotgunning is when you smoke the smoke into her mouth,

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Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to pull from the bomb, So

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Speaker 1: I shotgun her right. Within about thirty seconds.

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Speaker 4: Kadeen is laid back on the couch.

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Speaker 1: Super low right now, mind you, she's been on her

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Speaker 1: I gotta get to forty five tip. So she's sitting

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Speaker 1: there while we watched Succession, and then slowly she gets up.

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Speaker 4: I say, Kay, where you going? She just says, I

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Speaker 4: didn't know where she's going. Right.

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Speaker 1: I hear rummaging in the pantry, like we have one

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Speaker 1: hundred and forty pound mouse in the pantry. Then she

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Speaker 1: comes out, right, She comes out with a bulge under

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Speaker 1: her robe and a little bit of chocolate by her lip. Right,

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Speaker 1: mind you, I don't make it hot because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: first of all, I'm watching succession. Then I'm like, not

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Speaker 1: gonna argue her about her eating chocolate at two in

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Speaker 1: the morning. So I'm watching succession in like every like

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Speaker 1: six minutes, all I hear is.

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Speaker 4: And then I see her slide it in the side

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Speaker 4: of her mouth.

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Speaker 1: Like the thing is, she's right handed, but she was

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Speaker 1: sitting on my left side. She was so high she

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Speaker 1: didn't realize that she was using her right hand and

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Speaker 1: had her face away from me, but putting it in

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Speaker 1: the left side of her mouth, like I couldn't see it,

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Speaker 1: Like I couldn't see it. Still didn't say nothing. Right,

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Speaker 1: we go in the bedroom. Right, we go in the bedroom.

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Speaker 1: Now when she get high, she turned to a different

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Speaker 1: type of demon. Right, we had we had a great

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00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,560
Speaker 1: time last night. We had a great time. That's like,

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Speaker 1: mind you, I was high too, okay, so the great

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Speaker 1: time was was like it was felt. But then when

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Speaker 1: you have those times, in those moments that you don't

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Speaker 1: necessarily remember going.

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Speaker 4: To sleep, like you do you know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember going to sleep, but I remember waking

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Speaker 1: up and I remember getting out of the bed and

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Speaker 1: when I look back into bed, it was just brown streaks,

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Speaker 1: brown streaks like in the ball, all on my side.

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Speaker 1: How that happened? So, so here's the crazy part. At first,

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Speaker 1: I panicked. So I go down to the sheet and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't remember falling to sleep. Did I

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Speaker 1: not remember going to the bathroom? So I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: go to smell the sheets. It's chocolate.

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Speaker 3: Yo, it's chocolate like through the She's all over the sheets.

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Speaker 2: My gee, so ridiculous right now, y'all so ridiculous.

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Speaker 4: And then she wake up. She I said, hey, look

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Speaker 4: at this, right she wake up. She looked at me,

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Speaker 4: she goes, what's that? I said, what do you think

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00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,000
Speaker 4: it is? So then I pick up one of the

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Speaker 4: little chocolate balls that's there, because she'd be having the time.

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Speaker 4: So then I said, look, I put in her face

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Speaker 4: and go, man, I thought you already. Yeah, how did

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Speaker 4: we get here? I don't know how we got here,

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Speaker 4: but I will tell you.

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Speaker 3: This the perfect example of a positive some relationships.

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Speaker 4: Them sheets is messed up.

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Speaker 2: They are, Yeah, she's messed up, but we're done here.

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00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,600
Speaker 4: You got to stop getting chocolates in the minute of

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Speaker 4: the night. I just need to.

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00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 3: Stop buying them so they're not even in the house

337
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,680
Speaker 3: because that's one of the things I'm allergic to.

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Speaker 4: Y'all have messed up with chocolate.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, any sheets. She's at like ten this time around, all.

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Speaker 4: On my back. Pause. Man, I'm sliding in chocolate and night.

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00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,880
Speaker 4: I don't even realize. Man, let me get back to

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00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 4: what was what was you talking about?

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Speaker 3: I don't even know where this falls in the episode

344
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Speaker 3: or this could be a whole outtaker.

345
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,000
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I just had to tell you

346
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Speaker 1: this story because she was wild this morning.

347
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,880
Speaker 2: But yes, So back to the relationship.

348
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Speaker 3: So, when I really think about breaking down relationships to me,

349
00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 3: a positive some relationship our relationship ships that I chose

350
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,359
Speaker 3: to engage in because I feel like they're beneficial for

351
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,160
Speaker 3: both parties.

352
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:06,760
Speaker 4: I e.

353
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Speaker 2: Friendships. Okay, so like my close.

354
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:14,280
Speaker 3: Knit circle of friends who are all of maybe five people.

355
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Speaker 2: Those are positive.

356
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Speaker 3: Some of course, my husband goes without saying my children

357
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:19,960
Speaker 3: go without saying.

358
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Speaker 2: Zero.

359
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,200
Speaker 4: Su was the other one, Yes, zero zero.

360
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,880
Speaker 2: Some relationships I feel like can potentially be.

361
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Speaker 4: Family absolutely absolutely.

362
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,400
Speaker 3: Like just because we family don't mean that we got

363
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,480
Speaker 3: to a get along hang out like that I may

364
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,280
Speaker 3: not fuck with you like that, I may not agree

365
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,320
Speaker 3: with the things you do or say, but it's like

366
00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:39,840
Speaker 3: we have some sort of relationship by blood.

367
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,359
Speaker 1: Because we have to be in the same space to

368
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:42,919
Speaker 1: be So the reason why I'm glad you said that

369
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,200
Speaker 1: is because when I look at zero some relationships, for me,

370
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:51,480
Speaker 1: I look at family, and I look at employers, employees, coworkers.

371
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 4: Yes, right, if.

372
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,080
Speaker 1: We're not friends and you're just an employer or an

373
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:59,680
Speaker 1: employee or an associate, then we have a zero sum relationship, right,

374
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,439
Speaker 1: zero some relationship. And the reason why that's important is

375
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,359
Speaker 1: because of what we are talking about, Right, don't arrive

376
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 1: before you get here.

377
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:10,359
Speaker 4: Also understanding when the moment is gonna come.

378
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 1: It's also understanding who in your relationship group is going

379
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,720
Speaker 1: to help you with said goal. So a lot of

380
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 1: times we put pressure on someone who has a zero

381
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:24,680
Speaker 1: sum relationship. Right, this is an associate, Right, this is

382
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,320
Speaker 1: a family member. We don't talk too often, but we

383
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,240
Speaker 1: know that that family member can get us to a

384
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 1: certain place.

385
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 4: It's not mutually beneficial, but I.

386
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: Want something, So you know what we often do We

387
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,440
Speaker 1: pressure that person to put us in a position where

388
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,200
Speaker 1: we can be successful or call on him.

389
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,400
Speaker 4: But here's the crazy part.

390
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 1: Since it's a zero sum relationship, that person gains nothing

391
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,360
Speaker 1: from telling you you're not prepared.

392
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 4: That person a lot of times will.

393
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,120
Speaker 1: Say, go ahead, take the opportunity, and you know what happens,

394
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:56,359
Speaker 1: You fuck it up because you lost yourself and trying

395
00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 1: to get to the goal and not understand that there

396
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 1: is a process to prepare yourself, or they.

397
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 3: Don't want to put you on because you might fuck

398
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,359
Speaker 3: They name up in the process and they're just like,

399
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 3: you know what, No, you can't do X y Z.

400
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 3: So this is what has to happen, which is what

401
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,359
Speaker 3: I think happened a couple of times. I think to

402
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 3: both you and I where people expected for us? I mean, granted,

403
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 3: Deval and I feel like we're still doing the work,

404
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 3: Like even though we have gotten to this point in life,

405
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,719
Speaker 3: we're still not where we want to be ultimately. However,

406
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 3: from the outside looking in or for people who are

407
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 3: just starting, they feel like, man, y'all are like where

408
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 3: I want to be, So how did you get there?

409
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 3: So they expect a sense of entitlement, particularly people who

410
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 3: you know could be family. They expect for you to

411
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,880
Speaker 3: just place them in the positions. Absolutely where you are

412
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 3: absolutely just because you're there already without having done the work,

413
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 3: without having put in the hours, you know, without having

414
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,280
Speaker 3: done the research. What was it? DA DA DA.

415
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 1: DA is data analysis, decision action. I'm going to get

416
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 1: to that because when people get to when people get

417
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,400
Speaker 1: to the DADA and they really break it down to like, oh,

418
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,880
Speaker 1: I see why I have the issue of my life.

419
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 3: People out here dadding just dad. They don't want an

420
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,639
Speaker 3: action part. They just want to They made some of

421
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,959
Speaker 3: the data, they made it the analysis, they decide what

422
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,240
Speaker 3: they want, but then they don't want to put the

423
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 3: action to Can I.

424
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:11,360
Speaker 4: Tell you why?

425
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why. Let me let me finish

426
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 1: out that thought. But I'm gonna tell you why. He'll

427
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 1: tell you why. What I realized the young man did

428
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 1: in that moment right arriving before he got there, he

429
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 1: didn't realize that he and I relationship is a zero

430
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 1: sum relationship. I gained nothing from you, I asked nothing

431
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: from you. I need nothing from you, but you want

432
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 1: something from me. Right, I'm trying my best. He didn't

433
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 1: do any data or analysis before he decided to make

434
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: a decision and act. He immediately went to the producers,

435
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 1: not doing any data, not doing any analysis to see

436
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,880
Speaker 1: what the room was like. M never read the room,

437
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 1: and he put himself in a situation where Okay, you

438
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 1: wanted this so bad, now you got it, and the

439
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 1: person that could have helped you navigate that you pretty

440
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 1: much shit on me.

441
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,440
Speaker 4: You slammed my door, says you on set, buddy, and.

442
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:02,959
Speaker 1: A lot of And the reason why I use that

443
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 1: as an example is because Bro, you arrived. Before you

444
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,360
Speaker 1: got there, you didn't do any of the necessary research.

445
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna get to dada and why the last

446
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: a is never done?

447
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:13,639
Speaker 4: Right?

448
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:19,080
Speaker 1: Data to get data is to do what watch? Does

449
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: it cost you anything to get data most of the time?

450
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 4: No?

451
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 2: No, it does take time, though.

452
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 4: It takes time.

453
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,199
Speaker 1: But does it cost you anything tangibly no analysis to

454
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: look at the data that you've already accrued? Right, Does

455
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 1: it cost you anything to do that?

456
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 3: No?

457
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,240
Speaker 1: Now you have to make a decision. I got all

458
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,679
Speaker 1: my data, I got my analysis. I have to make

459
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: a decision based on the first two. This is what

460
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,159
Speaker 1: I'm going to do. Does it cost you anything to

461
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 1: make a decision? No, But now you have to act

462
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 1: on the decision you made, and you know what costs money. Action,

463
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 1: Action costs money. Whenever you decide that you have to

464
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: do something for your career, there is going to be

465
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 1: a cost associated with action. Most times people get to

466
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,639
Speaker 1: the action and they do nothing. You know why because

467
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 1: a lot of times they've arrived before they got there.

468
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,959
Speaker 1: You don't even have in place the ability to spend

469
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,359
Speaker 1: the money. And when I say money, i'm talking figuratively.

470
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 1: You don't have the necessary tools to act on the

471
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:22,239
Speaker 1: decision you're about to make. And that's what happens when

472
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: you arrive before you get there.

473
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 4: If you sit down and you do the necessary data

474
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 4: and you analyze.

475
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: Once you make a decision, you have to first ask yourself,

476
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 1: can I provide myself with the necessary steps to be

477
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: successful in this action after the decision I made?

478
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 4: And if the answer is no, that's not the.

479
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 1: Decision for you. But a lot of times people don't

480
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 1: do that. They move off of emotion, they make a decision,

481
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,920
Speaker 1: and now they're trying to perform an action without having

482
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: the necessary tools to be successful in action, and they

483
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: kill themselves figuratively speaking.

484
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 2: I think to take it a step further, some people

485
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 2: don't even do the DA part. They just desire.

486
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 4: They just decide.

487
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,640
Speaker 3: They wake up and they just decide doing the due

488
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 3: diligence and doing the work like pulling data and research

489
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 3: and analysis sounds good, and some people may do that,

490
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 3: but I think, especially now in this generation of and

491
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 3: this this world of like instant gratification and microwave relationships

492
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,679
Speaker 3: and all that, people just decide like I want to

493
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 3: do this, and they don't even do the data and

494
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 3: analysis part, and then the action is questionable because they

495
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,199
Speaker 3: may put it into action without having a plan or

496
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 3: the follow through isn't there, so they're not really actionable.

497
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 4: So we're just.

498
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: Moving moving no progress. We're just moving with no progress.

499
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 2: Sorry, why you're smiling, You.

500
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 1: Know I'm smiling because you're absolutely right. Remember the two

501
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 1: books I talked about. Atomic habits is really how you

502
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 1: can start creating that that foundation to always go da

503
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 1: da atomic.

504
00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 4: You see what I'm saying.

505
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:00,040
Speaker 2: So I see how you're.

506
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 3: By doing the habits and doing that little bit getting

507
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 3: better every single day. You're training yourself to be in

508
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 3: the position to then yes d A d.

509
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 1: A yes Like da da can't be something you do

510
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 1: once you get the opportunity, because since it's not a habit,

511
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 1: you can't you can't really formulate an idea or a

512
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 1: plan because you haven't practiced doing da da all.

513
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 2: The time, and the consistency won't be there absolutely.

514
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: And one thing I've learned about being successful is that

515
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 1: if you lead with your moral compass, right, if you

516
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,640
Speaker 1: have ideals in place, and you let your ideals drive

517
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 1: you towards your dream, when your dream or your opportunity comes,

518
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 1: they're rooted in your ideals. But if you're constantly chasing

519
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 1: your dreams or your goals without ideals in place, when

520
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 1: you get an opportunity, you have no moral.

521
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,920
Speaker 4: No moral compass, or foundation to fall back on.

522
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: So whatever that person wants you to do, you're willing

523
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,160
Speaker 1: to do it, and a lot of times that leads

524
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: you down a wrong path.

525
00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 4: Let's let's use people.

526
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: I like to use Hollywood for example, but let's use

527
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: Hollywood Sports and Fortune five hundred companies.

528
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 5: Right.

529
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 1: If you're in Hollywood, are you willing to take that

530
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: role that you know doesn't coincide with with your lifestyle?

531
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 4: But this is the only opportunity to have you arrived.

532
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 1: Before you got there, you haven't made a decision about

533
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: who you are personally, But Now you have an opportunity,

534
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 1: are you willing to just forfeit everything you believe to

535
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 1: take that role?

536
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 4: Now you're in a sport, right, You're in a sport.

537
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 1: You have an opportunity here, But the only way you

538
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: get this opportunity is to undercut someone else.

539
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 4: On the team.

540
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: Right, Oh, I can make this block or I cannot

541
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: make this block and this person get hurt, and then

542
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 1: I can get that opportunity. You see this all the

543
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 1: time in sports. I played at the highest level and

544
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: there was a point in camp where people stopped becoming

545
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,159
Speaker 1: friends and comrades to help each other win, and was

546
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: only concerned about getting the spot.

547
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 4: You see what I'm saying. And they were doing things.

548
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 1: To sabotage other people in sport. So yeah, so that

549
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 1: they can get jobs. It happens all the time people.

550
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 1: You have upperclassmen in college, or you have veterans in

551
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 1: the NFL who know the playbook, who are supposed to

552
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: be mentoring you through the process. Because iron sharpens iron.

553
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 1: If I mentor you to be better, but it helps

554
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 1: me become better, the cream will always rise to the top.

555
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: That's the thought process. That's what coaches say. You know,

556
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: you bring in as many guys you can to compete

557
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 1: for one spot, and the crews will ride to the

558
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 1: cream will rise to the top because they'll help each other, right,

559
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 1: it'll make the team better.

560
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 4: But a lot of times that don't happen.

561
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: People get an opportunity and now it's like, freak, I

562
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: haven't prepared myself to be the cream to rise to

563
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: the top, So let me sabotage fortune five hundred companies,

564
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: same thing. What are you willing to do to get

565
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: that job? Who are you willing to sleep with? Who

566
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: are you willing to backstab?

567
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 4: Right?

568
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: And when you see the opportunity is right in front

569
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 1: of you, if you haven't done the work, if you

570
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: haven't created the habits, now you're a little nervous when

571
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: you get that opportunity. So you know what you're willing

572
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 1: to do, sabotage anything around you to maintain what you

573
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: think the goal is. But you know what happens when

574
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 1: you reach the goal. Even if you sabotage some when

575
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,199
Speaker 1: they reach the goal, that moment is fleeting because now

576
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 1: you got the goal, but now you got what you

577
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: lost yourself, no substenance. And that's the whole point, the

578
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 1: whole purpose of creating atomic habits or thinking quote unquote

579
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: like a spy doing the data analysis.

580
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 4: Decision and action is to.

581
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 1: Put yourself in a position that when you make this

582
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 1: decision to get to where you want to get to,

583
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: you know what's rooted in substance, is rooted in who

584
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: you want to be when you get there, and you

585
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: can maintain it when you get there if you don't

586
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 1: do those things and you arrive before you get there.

587
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,360
Speaker 1: That's how that fifteen minutes of fame becomes an actual thing.

588
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: How many people who we've seen become great at something

589
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: but then they disappear the one hit wonders, They make

590
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: a mistake, they get in trouble with the law, they

591
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 1: hit their wife, they steal something, and it's like this

592
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: person had everything and now they have nothing.

593
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 3: It's crazy because this is something that you're reading in

594
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 3: a book right Clearly, it's to help us adults as

595
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,640
Speaker 3: we try to learn to fix, to grow, to be better.

596
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 3: And you said something interesting this morning, having children and

597
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 3: being parents. Yes, this then reiterates to us kind of

598
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 3: what we already know and we're doing with our boys,

599
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 3: and it's just creating habits at home day to day lifestyle.

600
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 4: See it, do it?

601
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 3: Like what they live is what they learn and what

602
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 3: we hope that they'll implement as they grow into adults,

603
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 3: because it's so much harder to correct things and to

604
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 3: instill habits as an adults, because we as adults try to,

605
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 3: Like I know, I talk myself out of shit all

606
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 3: the time all the time.

607
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 2: But it really gave me a different perspective.

608
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,719
Speaker 3: When we were talking about it this morning in the bathroom,

609
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 3: you were like, this makes me understand why it's so

610
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 3: important for us to have habits with the boys.

611
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 2: You know, something as simple as making their bed.

612
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 4: Yes, like every morning.

613
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 3: You know Jackson, some mornings, if he's running late or

614
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 3: if he's a little tired, I'll go up to this

615
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 3: I'm like, did you make your bed? And what he

616
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 3: hates to do is be at the door about to

617
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 3: go through the door to school, and I'd be like,

618
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 3: did you make your bed? No, all right, go back

619
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 3: up stairs and make your bed. If you late, that's

620
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 3: your problem, because you knew you were supposed to make

621
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 3: your bed.

622
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 2: I forgot. I saw a meme or something.

623
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: That says there's another book that I'm about to read.

624
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: The name of the book is called make your bed

625
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 1: the things that can change your life and maybe the world.

626
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: So it's funny you use that analogy because it's small

627
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 1: things like that, yes, that people don't realize it. It

628
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: becomes a habit.

629
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 2: It's so simple.

630
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: It's simple, and those small habits you can create will

631
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: help you not to arrive before you get there, because

632
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 1: if you think about that, don't arrive before you get there.

633
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 4: Arriving is a mental space. I've arrived, but.

634
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 3: You have.

635
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 4: Exactly no, seriously, seriously, something is Oh.

636
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: My gosh, I forgot the name of the philosopher who

637
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 1: said it. But most people have an idea of who

638
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 1: they want to be. They have an idea of who

639
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: they want to be, and in their mind, most people

640
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: have created that idea of who they are, and they

641
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: feel like they are that person. But most people don't

642
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: put in the work to be the person that they

643
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: think they are. And you know what happens to those people.

644
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: They get disappointed because they expect everyone else to see

645
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 1: them as the person they think they are, but they

646
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 1: still haven't put in the work to become that person.

647
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 2: Fraud. Yes, people can see through that. They totally can

648
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 2: see through that.

649
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 3: So it's funny that you mentioned habits and all that,

650
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 3: because I saw this the other day and I sent

651
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 3: it to Jackson's like a screenshot, And of course I'm

652
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: sure when he received the text message, he probably rolled

653
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 3: his eyes, like, okay, mom, but listen, we're trying to

654
00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 3: raise good, rounded humans, it says. Studies said is making

655
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 3: your bed makes you two hundred and six percent more

656
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 3: likely to become a millionaire.

657
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 2: Socio Economist.

658
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: Randall Bell studied the habits of highly successful successful people

659
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 3: and discovered that making your bed each morning can increase

660
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 3: your chances of becoming a millionaire. He explains that habits

661
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 3: formed right our lives and it's what makes everything up.

662
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 3: Also found that rich people tend to read thirty minutes

663
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 3: a day and wake up three hours before their workday

664
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 3: officially begins. He states that making your bed quote unquote

665
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 3: puts your mind into a productive state of mind first

666
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 3: thing in the morning, making it a positive habit to attain.

667
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,959
Speaker 1: That's why Jackson roll his ours. Yeah, but you're absolutely right.

668
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 1: But you're right, and I'm just like, it's just creating

669
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 1: a habit.

670
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 2: It's a habit to make it, get out of the bed,

671
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 2: make it. Used to make my bus.

672
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 4: It's funny you say that, what do I do first

673
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 4: thing when I get out of bed? Go work out? After? Yeah,

674
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 4: you do, You're right, I'll go work out.

675
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 1: That's that's becomes your habit.

676
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 4: That's my habit.

677
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 1: Like I've adopted that over the past four months when

678
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: we decided to get in better shape. Yes, and I've

679
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: noticed I don't even have to work out as long

680
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 1: as I used to. I work out thirty five to

681
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: forty minutes, sometimes a little bit longer. But my body

682
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 1: looks way better than it did a couple of years

683
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: ago because that thirty five to forty minutes every single

684
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 1: day has become my habit. And in the toping Habits,

685
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 1: they explain that even a molecule, when you attach to

686
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 1: another molecule, it just starts to grow. Like atoms, they

687
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: grow exponentially. It's just like the days, right, one percent

688
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 1: better every day, that one percent over time. Wow, over

689
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: the course of a year, you've gotten three hundred and

690
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: sixty five percent better than what you were when you

691
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 1: started in the year.

692
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 4: That's a lot of accomplishment that you don't see daily.

693
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 3: And when you fall off track, what do you feel

694
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 3: you feel lost? Yes, you feel like, damn, I'm you know,

695
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 3: not myself. I don't feel right, you know. These past

696
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 3: couple of days, I've been dealing with a lot, just

697
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 3: family wise, and I feel like that already has thrown me.

698
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 2: It threw me off.

699
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 3: My mental state has been in shambles, and I'm like, damn,

700
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 3: I just I can't get my footing again. And I

701
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 3: realized too in that too, I haven't worked out for

702
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 3: like the past three days, you know. So between that

703
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 3: and not working out, I'm like, I'm off of a

704
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 3: routine that I had set and I've had in place

705
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 3: all summer. And that's why I probably feel like shit. Absolutely,

706
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 3: I've fallen off the bandwagon a little bit. But I'm

707
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 3: getting back on now, getting it toge, I'm getting it together.

708
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 3: By the time you listen to this, I'm gonna be

709
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 3: holly jolly and promise you that.

710
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: Trouble, Yes, put in some you know, trouble always comes

711
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: with the facts and stats. She sure does, But she

712
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 1: put in a fixed in growth mindset. Already have my

713
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 1: moment of truth too, So okay. But the idea of

714
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: and growth mindsets was developed by psychologists Carol Dweck. People

715
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 1: with a fixed mindset believe that their intelligence, creativity, and

716
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: moral character are static and cannot be changed. They believe

717
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: that whatever success they have is due to their inherent

718
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: intelligence or ability. People with a fixed mindset will have

719
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 1: avoid failure at all costs to look good in front

720
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 1: of others.

721
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 4: Remember when I talked.

722
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: About some of those athletes who, to avoid failure, will

723
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 1: sabotage other people in order to look good in front

724
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,319
Speaker 1: of others. But that doesn't help you become successful. That's

725
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,320
Speaker 1: a perfect example. People with a growth mindset believe that

726
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: they can change and grow. They see failure as an

727
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: opportunity to learn and try something new. If you listen

728
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 1: to Kobe Bryant, right, God rest his soul. He's been

729
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,879
Speaker 1: saying for a long time, and no one's really been listening.

730
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: They didn't really start to pay attention until he passed away.

731
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: Was that there was like, Kobe, do you love winning

732
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 1: more than you hate losing? And he said, I don't

733
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: think about winning and losing. And they were like, what

734
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 1: do you mean. You're a five time champion. You cared

735
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,359
Speaker 1: a lot about winning? He said, no, I cared about

736
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 1: the process of getting better. If I continue to get better,

737
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,760
Speaker 1: I will win but if I only focus on winning

738
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 1: and then I lose, then what does that mean? Does

739
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 1: that mean all of the work that I put in

740
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: counted for nothing? No, if I lost, there's a lesson

741
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 1: in that. So I look at the losses and say

742
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,439
Speaker 1: why did I lose? That's an opportunity to get better.

743
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: So he never goes into any game thinking what if

744
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: I win or what if I lose? Because if you

745
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 1: think about it as well, if you go into a

746
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: game thinking about winning and losing, it creates an anxiety

747
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 1: sure that if you lost, you failed, as opposed to saying, well,

748
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 1: if I lost, I can learn something from this loss.

749
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: So now the game isn't as big to you because

750
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,240
Speaker 1: there's not as much a stake because you're not worried

751
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 1: about the wins and the losses.

752
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 4: You're worried about what you can learn regardless.

753
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 2: Of whether you win or lose soroduct.

754
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 4: Yes, but that's a growth mindset, right.

755
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: That mindset is not stuck in the static idea that

756
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 1: you either win and you're a champion or you lose

757
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 1: and you suck.

758
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 4: No, it's what can I learn from either one? That's

759
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 4: a growth mindset.

760
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 1: Someone who's always thinking about growing is not thinking so linearly.

761
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 1: You know, they're thinking like, well, well there's a way

762
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: I can learn, or there's a way I can adapt,

763
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 1: you know, and also knowing that this isn't the end

764
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:57,320
Speaker 1: and a loss.

765
00:35:57,719 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 3: It's interesting when I look at the fixed mindset, because

766
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:05,320
Speaker 3: it's some people believe in their inherent people tell intelligence

767
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 3: and ability. There's some people, and I'll use you as

768
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 3: an example because you're the closest to me, but you're

769
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 3: also someone who I've never witnessed having the kind of

770
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 3: work ethic and ambition and drive just naturally that you have.

771
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,840
Speaker 3: And that's where I struggle sometimes too. So where I

772
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 3: may have the intelligence or the ability, I struggle with

773
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 3: the consistency and the work ethic part of it.

774
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:33,479
Speaker 2: So what do you think is something that people lack?

775
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,439
Speaker 2: Is it just something innate that people lack?

776
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 3: Because you say sometimes you can't understand why, for example,

777
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 3: someone sees a goal, want something and won't put the

778
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 3: steps in action to do it, or won't put the

779
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 3: work in action in you know what I'm I trying

780
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 3: to say, won't put the work in to achieve this goal.

781
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 3: What do you think is missing between someone like you

782
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 3: and someone like me?

783
00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 4: Wow, that's a that's a deep question. This is what

784
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 4: I will say. I will mindsets are completely different.

785
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 1: Right. You have in innate ability to be present in

786
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 1: the moment all the time, and you can realize when

787
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 1: it's like we should enjoy this moment. That's a positive.

788
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 1: A lot of times I miss moments because I'm always

789
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: thinking ahead. Let me ask you a questions to riddle

790
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 1: what's always about to come?

791
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 4: But never arrives?

792
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 2: What's always about to come? It never arrives. My mind

793
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 2: went dirty real quick.

794
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 4: No, I don't know what tomorrow. It's always about to

795
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,360
Speaker 4: come and never arrives to me. And this is my mindset.

796
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 1: Success is tomorrow, right, I'm always working towards it, but

797
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,840
Speaker 1: it never gets here, which means I'll never arrive before

798
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: I get there because in my mind, I've never gotten there.

799
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: I'm always working to get there. And the way I

800
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 1: view it is that there's no level of success that

801
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 1: I can achieve. It's going to make me settle, you know,

802
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: like there's no there's no. I don't care if I

803
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: win an Oscar. I don't care if I win a

804
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: Super Bowl. I don't care if I am which is yes,

805
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 1: because just just as in life, success tomorrow never really

806
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 1: ever comes. It's just always tomorrow, so you always have

807
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 1: something to work towards. And a lot of times it

808
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: does leave me feeling like, so my life is going

809
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 1: to just be compiled of work. But that's why I

810
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 1: have a partner who can say, slow down, taking this

811
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: moment right now, Just taking this moment right now. You know,

812
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: there has to be a balance. This one thing we're

813
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 1: talking about is only one aspect of life. It is

814
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,359
Speaker 1: not the be all and end all that comes to life.

815
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 1: This is one aspect and I'm just talking about reaching

816
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,320
Speaker 1: a level of success you can be proud of. But

817
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 1: there's also something said about having the balance to sit

818
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 1: in that and be aware of where you are and

819
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 1: be grateful, you know what I'm saying. And every mindset

820
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 1: doesn't come Every mindset comes with a pro in the

821
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: con right that I would say that to My con

822
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 1: is that I never feel satisfied, so I never rejoice

823
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 1: in a success.

824
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 4: I'm always worried about when what tomorrow is going to bring.

825
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 4: But you help me, you know see that?

826
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, So with that mindset comes a lot You look

827
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 1: at like Kobe, They say Kobe was restless, right, Kobe's wrestling.

828
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,799
Speaker 1: He's always working on something, and then he was done

829
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 1: with basketball. He was trying to win the Oscar and

830
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: ended up winning an Oscar, right, And it's just like, well,

831
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 1: I'm not just a basketball player, I'm a creator.

832
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 3: Right, you know, Like, yeah, you're right that that actually

833
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 3: is so you and I guess that's why we work

834
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 3: well together too in that circumstance, right absolutely, because I'm

835
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 3: always I'm literally just like, y'all feel good right now?

836
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: Let me sit in this for the moment, enjoy this.

837
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 3: I mean, when you booked your your role and sisters

838
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 3: and then you got your spin off, it was almost

839
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 3: like a all right, well what's next? Like okay, so

840
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 3: how do I get you know, my own film and

841
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,800
Speaker 3: how do I? And I was like, do you understand

842
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 3: that you're on two shows number one shows on bt

843
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 3: BRO And.

844
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 4: I appreciate you for pointing that out.

845
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 3: I do, I do, But I say, You're also like Kadeen,

846
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,319
Speaker 3: you say you want to do this, yeah, but are

847
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 3: you putting in the action in place to do that?

848
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,280
Speaker 3: Are you getting in the gym? Are you making calls?

849
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 3: Are you doing the content? And then it's like okay,

850
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 3: accountability partner.

851
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:20,959
Speaker 4: You see.

852
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're my accountability partner to make sure that I

853
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:29,480
Speaker 1: settle and stay aware in these moments and celebrate them,

854
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 1: but also be thankful. Be thankful to God, be thankful

855
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 1: to the universe, be thankful to all the people around

856
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 1: me who have helped me, because you can't do any

857
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 1: of this by yourself. And a lot of times and

858
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,919
Speaker 1: you have that mindset that you don't want to arrive

859
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: before you get there, you're always working.

860
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 4: You forget to thank the people that helped you get there. Yeah,

861
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 4: and that's not fair.

862
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: And people working at thankless jobs after a while, they're

863
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 1: not going to want to work there because it goes

864
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:53,800
Speaker 1: back to what we talked about. If this is a

865
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 1: zero sum relationship with all he wants to do is

866
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: gain access to more things and doesn't nurture the relationships

867
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 1: that exist in helping him gain those things, he's going

868
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 1: to lose those relationships. And when he loses those relationships,

869
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: he'll lose access to gaining those things.

870
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 4: So there's a balance. There's always a balance, all right.

871
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 3: I love that, all right, y'all. So we are about

872
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 3: to get into some ads. Take a quick break, pull

873
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:22,319
Speaker 3: up some listener letters. See what y'all talk about this week?

874
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 3: All right, we'll be back.

875
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 2: All right, we're back. Let's dive right into the first

876
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 2: listener letter. Hey Gnatinian Devell.

877
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 3: I've been following and listening since I stumble on your

878
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 3: YouTube page almost four years ago.

879
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 2: I'm a big gage.

880
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:43,279
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you.

881
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 3: This time i'm writing in Oh this is my first

882
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 3: time writing in because I really don't know how to

883
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 3: handle this current situation. I've found myself in My husband

884
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 3: and I have been married for almost four years now.

885
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 3: We had our first baby two years ago. We're helping

886
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:59,720
Speaker 3: raise my godchild. It was a lot of change, very fast.

887
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 3: Ever since we met five years ago, we've both struggled

888
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 3: with figuring out our career paths. I was a chef,

889
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 3: but I knew it couldn't work in the kitchen and

890
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 3: have a family the way I wanted. I struggled with

891
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 3: completing my master's degree because life be life in But

892
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 3: by the grace of God, I have finally found my

893
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 3: career path. I'm a culinary teacher. For my husband, it

894
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 3: has also been a struggle. Like de Val, his dream

895
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,439
Speaker 3: was football, but unfortunately it didn't work out. Since leaving

896
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 3: his hometown and relocating for our relationship. He hasn't been

897
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,759
Speaker 3: able to find the right career for him. We would

898
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 3: both love for him to have a career where he

899
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 3: can have a healthy work life balance so we can

900
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,879
Speaker 3: grow our family, and where he doesn't always dread going

901
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 3: to work. So my question is mostly for Kadeen. How

902
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 3: did you support, motivate, influence de Val when he was

903
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,839
Speaker 3: on the road to discovering his career. I always knew

904
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 3: whatever I ended up doing for my career would be

905
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,919
Speaker 3: related to cooking, But for him, it's not so clear.

906
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,359
Speaker 3: I don't know how to help. Thanks for reading. Much

907
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 3: love from Texas. It's funny, she says questions for me,

908
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 3: but I think it's also for you because you've been

909
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 3: in that position. The good thing about Deval, which is

910
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 3: almost spiraling right from what we spoke about, was Deval

911
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 3: has literally always been self motivated, ambitious, work ethic like

912
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,280
Speaker 3: on other relentless, unyielding. Whatever it is that he wants

913
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 3: to do, he puts his mind to it, he puts

914
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 3: in the action. He does the Dada process pretty much

915
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 3: topped with atomic habits and all that.

916
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

917
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 3: So it's been good to watch that but anything that

918
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 3: he's done, no matter how outlandish. In the moment that

919
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 3: idea was, I'm like, babe's whatever you want to do,

920
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 3: how we're going to do it?

921
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 2: What do you need me for?

922
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 3: So I think just being enthusiastic about his spirit of

923
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 3: wanting to do something with something that helps both of

924
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,760
Speaker 3: us because it helped you feel supported in those moments,

925
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 3: and it was like your dream became my dream the

926
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 3: same way my dreams became yours. The difference I think

927
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 3: here with your husband in Deval is that Devao's livelihood

928
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 3: was not wrapped up in football, football some means to

929
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 3: an end.

930
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 1: That was.

931
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:08,760
Speaker 4: Difference.

932
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, so Deval always wanted to be an actor.

933
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:12,879
Speaker 3: Remember if you read the book or if you heard

934
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 3: the story, we were on the bed first date, what

935
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 3: do you want to do?

936
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: I want to do that?

937
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 3: What's that Martin's on TV? I want to be an actor.

938
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,320
Speaker 3: So he knew that that's what he wanted to do.

939
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 3: So football once it was over, it was almost like,

940
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 3: all right, finally I'm done. I got my little nest egg.

941
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 3: Now I can really just put the pedal to the

942
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 3: metal to become an actor. So for me to answer

943
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 3: your question, it was just relentless, unyielding support of whatever

944
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 3: it was that he wanted to do, and really giving

945
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 3: him the space and the grace to do that and

946
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,399
Speaker 3: to learn, because I do. We're building businesses. Some thing's worked,

947
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 3: something's failed. But one thing you never did was squander

948
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 3: away money or make me feel like like everything was

949
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 3: in vain, Like everything had a purpose.

950
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 2: It was deliberate.

951
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 3: You did the data, you do the analysis, you decided,

952
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,840
Speaker 3: and then the action, like literally the walking talking.

953
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:04,600
Speaker 4: That was it. Dad, Yes, I'm your daddy. He always.

954
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 2: Chime in.

955
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 1: I'll say this though, him creating habits for me, creating

956
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 1: habits and doing things a certain way allowed me the

957
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 1: space to be creative because once a movement or an

958
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 1: action becomes a habit, you don't have to think about

959
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:26,919
Speaker 1: it anymore. And once you create positive habits that create

960
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,360
Speaker 1: positive influences in your life, you no longer have to

961
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: think about doing those things, which frees your mind. Right,

962
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wake up, I'm gonna workout, I'm gonna make

963
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: my bed, I'm gonna eat probably, I'm going to be

964
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 1: on time for meetings. I'm like simple small habits that

965
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: just become second nature. Now it's like well, I've done

966
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:45,720
Speaker 1: all of that. I have some freedom to think about

967
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 1: how I want to curate my life. This is the

968
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 1: hardest part, I think for a lot of men. The

969
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 1: reason why I'm saying men is because she's asking. As

970
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 1: a wife, a lot of times we feel put in

971
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: a box. Right, I want to live a certain way,

972
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 1: but I also want to be able to be a

973
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 1: spouse to my wife and also be a great dad

974
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: to my kids, and a lot of times be like dang,

975
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 1: I can't do all of it.

976
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 4: One has to suffer. No, you can curate the life

977
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 4: you want.

978
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 1: This idea that even even with her saying I knew

979
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,320
Speaker 1: I couldn't be a chef in the kitchen and be

980
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 1: the mom I wanted to be, Why couldn't you? Like?

981
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 1: What really is telling us that we can't? That's all

982
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,959
Speaker 1: social conditioning us saying to ourselves we can't.

983
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 4: Every day.

984
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 1: If you sell yourself I can't, I can't, I can't,

985
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:28,360
Speaker 1: You're gonna start.

986
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 4: Believing that you can't. Confucius said it. Those who say

987
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 4: they can and those who say they can't are both

988
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 4: usually right.

989
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:35,399
Speaker 3: Right.

990
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: So if you tell yourself every day, that becomes an

991
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 1: atomic habit. I can't be in a kitchen and do this.

992
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 1: I can't be in the kitchen and do that. You

993
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: believe it, then that becomes your reality. I say, do

994
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 1: the opposite, Tell him I can do this.

995
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 4: You can do this. We can do it together, and

996
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 4: work every day relentlessly until you can.

997
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:55,719
Speaker 1: Kadeen and I, when I retired from the NFL and

998
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 1: she started working at MAC, were relentless about being able

999
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 1: to work from home. Yes, so that we can be parents,

1000
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,479
Speaker 1: but also love on each other and make the type

1001
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:06,439
Speaker 1: of money that we can live freely in the world.

1002
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:07,760
Speaker 2: Autonomy over time.

1003
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: Thank you, babe. Autonomy over time. So what we did

1004
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 1: was we created a life that works for both of us. Now,

1005
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 1: certain parts of that life required certain sacrifices.

1006
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 2: Say the sacrifice is nice that you can't skip that step.

1007
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 4: You can't.

1008
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 1: The start was me sacrificing my body and my time

1009
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: to play football. I made a large amount of money

1010
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 1: in a short time so that I could stay at

1011
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 1: home while Kadeen started to build her business. Once I retired,

1012
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: Kadean started to work in Matt Cosmetics. She had to

1013
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,839
Speaker 1: devote eighteen months of her life to being an employee

1014
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,840
Speaker 1: and working in retail, and that was a sacrifice she

1015
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 1: made for eighteen months. I at the time was a

1016
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 1: stay at home dad who took multiple jobs throughout the

1017
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 1: day in order to help supplement whatever bills needed to

1018
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 1: be paid. After eighteen months, Kadeen was able to chill

1019
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 1: because now I had a full time job and I

1020
00:47:58,080 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 1: was a SAG member so we had insurance.

1021
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 4: So now it was my turn to work full time

1022
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 4: job doing Cadeen was stay.

1023
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 1: At home, and we balanced that back and forth until

1024
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 1: we reached where we are now.

1025
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:13,919
Speaker 4: But that was a twelve year process. Yeah, with eight

1026
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 4: years of planning before that in college.

1027
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 2: Uh huh.

1028
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 1: So the fact of the matter is is the life

1029
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 1: that you want to create, you can create. But expecting

1030
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 1: it to happen in two months or two years, it's wild.

1031
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 1: It's crazy. Give yourself a ten year plan. Say I

1032
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 1: want to be here in fifteen years, say in twenty

1033
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 1: years out, this is where I want to be, and

1034
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: work every day relentlessly to get there.

1035
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 4: That's it.

1036
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 2: You can't cheat the process.

1037
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 3: You can't and even devour with the unyielding work ethic

1038
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 3: and everything that I've said you had when it comes

1039
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 3: to the acting industry, even yeah, he's just like man

1040
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:50,760
Speaker 3: there's some things that I just feel like I should

1041
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,439
Speaker 3: be doing now that I'm not doing. I'm like, babe,

1042
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 3: because it's not in your control, I said, because it's

1043
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,360
Speaker 3: also not a part of the process.

1044
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 4: Yep.

1045
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 3: No one just like wakes up the next day after

1046
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 3: doing a couple of show and they just are going

1047
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 3: to be the Denzel Washington's of the world.

1048
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,640
Speaker 2: You know, here's a process.

1049
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 3: You know. One thing that we stray away from adulthood

1050
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 3: that worked as children and that we crave as children,

1051
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 3: that if we implement as adults and continue to have,

1052
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 3: we can probably be more successful with habits is structure. Yeah,

1053
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 3: structure and discipline. You always say children work better when

1054
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 3: they have structure and discipline. Structure and discipline, they have

1055
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 3: a schedule, they and usually want to be betern eighteen.

1056
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,240
Speaker 3: You go to college and then you just have some freedom.

1057
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 3: You just kind of just because the structure for for

1058
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 3: you or no one's there to implement it. Just go

1059
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,399
Speaker 3: back to the days of structure, you know what I'm saying.

1060
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 3: I agree, implement them on your own. So good luck

1061
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 3: to you and your husband. Keep fighting the good fights.

1062
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 3: Love that for y'all.

1063
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:43,439
Speaker 4: Number two, Hey, y'all, My name is Alexis. I love y'all.

1064
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 1: Let me start with that we love you too. I

1065
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:47,719
Speaker 1: had a couple questions for you guys for Jacks. How

1066
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:49,920
Speaker 1: do you guys teach him about his money? And do

1067
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,560
Speaker 1: you guys implement certain things for him as far as

1068
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 1: for how he spends his money? I asked because he

1069
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:56,800
Speaker 1: is the oldest, so I assume you guys can explain

1070
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 1: and teach him a little more at the age in Cairo,

1071
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 1: Kazen Koda fourteen and eleven year old. So I'm curious

1072
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:05,760
Speaker 1: to know some things you all think can be useful

1073
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 1: when helping and show them about spending money and be

1074
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 1: financially independent responsible.

1075
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:10,720
Speaker 4: This is easy.

1076
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,280
Speaker 1: This is something that we've done. I think we started

1077
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,920
Speaker 1: two years ago when we first moved here. Jackson was ten.

1078
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: I got him a bank account, got him a bank account,

1079
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 1: and I told him that he is no longer going

1080
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 1: to just ask me and Kadeem for money. I told him, Jackson,

1081
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 1: you can get whatever you want in life as long

1082
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: as you can afford it, because that's how life works.

1083
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 1: But you have to earn income, right, So how we

1084
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,359
Speaker 1: decided how he was going to earn income was by

1085
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 1: doing things that will earn him income as an adult. So,

1086
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:43,280
Speaker 1: for example, I don't believe in paying for chores. Okay,

1087
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 1: you make up your bed, You're not gonna get paid.

1088
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:46,160
Speaker 4: For that as an adult.

1089
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 1: You clean your room, you clean up the kitchen, you're

1090
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 1: not gonna get paid for that as an adult. Those

1091
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 1: are things that you have to learn how to do

1092
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 1: to be a fully functioning adult. But you go to

1093
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 1: basketball practice, you go to coding class, you take a

1094
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 1: chess class, you have tutoring with Roger. These are things

1095
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 1: that can help you to be a more productive human

1096
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,800
Speaker 1: in society. So the more things you do to be

1097
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 1: more productive, I'll pay you for. The more successful you

1098
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:12,919
Speaker 1: get you become at these things, I'll pay you more money.

1099
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: So the way Kadeen, I mean, the way Jackson and

1100
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 1: I started was he gets one hundred dollars a month.

1101
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:19,839
Speaker 4: One hundred dollars a month.

1102
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 1: It INDs in allowance because he does basketball, coding, football,

1103
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 1: Roger and I think at the time it was debate.

1104
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:30,280
Speaker 1: So what I told him is he gets twenty dollars

1105
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 1: per activity. Right, he has incentives if he does well

1106
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,760
Speaker 1: at those activities. For example, he wins a debate competition,

1107
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 1: wins a football game, has over one hundred yards, does

1108
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:44,439
Speaker 1: well in math because he's practicing with Roger, I will

1109
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 1: up his money from Okay, rather than getting twenty dollars

1110
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: a month for this, now you get forty dollars a

1111
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: month because you're being successful.

1112
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 2: Bonus. And I taking five dollars from him every time

1113
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 2: he leaves his shoes in the mudroom.

1114
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 1: So just like you get rewarded, there are also consequences

1115
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 1: for not doing things. So what's happened is he learned

1116
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 1: the value of money because now he doesn't ask me

1117
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 1: for anything. We just get packages to the house. That's

1118
00:52:07,239 --> 00:52:10,399
Speaker 1: say Jackson Ellis and I'm just like, yo, well how'd

1119
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:11,879
Speaker 1: you buy this? And he's like, I saved my money.

1120
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 3: And it's so sweet. He gets stuff for his brothers. Yes,

1121
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 3: it's the sweetest thing. He got Cairo paraclets.

1122
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1123
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 3: They put a little posted on it before he went

1124
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 3: to bed and he was just like to Cairo from

1125
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 3: Bro And it's just super cute. And anytime they leave

1126
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:26,839
Speaker 3: each other little love notes, I keep them in having

1127
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:28,799
Speaker 3: memory boxes for all of them, so I've just been

1128
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 3: putting little stuff in there so they can look back

1129
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 3: on it when they're older.

1130
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 1: But it's ultimately just giving them the leeway and the

1131
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: financial responsibility can waiver depending on how much money you make.

1132
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:40,839
Speaker 1: But for me, it was just a way for him

1133
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 1: to start to understand how money works, the value of it,

1134
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 1: how you earn it, how you can lose it, how

1135
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 1: it should be spent. And he also has a saving component.

1136
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 1: So what he doesn't realize is in is we have

1137
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 1: the Chase. I think it's the Chase First app or

1138
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 1: the it's like a student, I'm gonna tell you right

1139
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 1: now exactly what it is. I'm pulling up on my

1140
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 1: phone so that, yeah, I can tell you exactly what

1141
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 1: it is. But ultimately, in this this app, it's the

1142
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 1: first first Banking, Chase First Banking. But in the Chase

1143
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:14,839
Speaker 1: First Banking, he also has an Auto saved components, right,

1144
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 1: And in the Auto Saved components, a certain amount of

1145
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 1: money he makes every month goes to his auto save.

1146
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 1: So what I tell him is we have to do

1147
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 1: that as adults, because I have to make sure that

1148
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,800
Speaker 1: we take care of our wealth management. If something happens

1149
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: to Dad or Mom, I have to make sure you

1150
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 1: guys are okay. So even though I may make one

1151
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 1: hundred dollars a month. I don't put one hundred dollars

1152
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 1: a month in my checking account. I put fifty dollars

1153
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,839
Speaker 1: into my savings automatically, and the other fifty goes into

1154
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 1: my account to decide what I'm going to do. So

1155
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 1: Jackson's like, oh, so in this chase, first app he

1156
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,840
Speaker 1: sees his available balance, but then he also sees how

1157
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 1: much money he has, and he's like, then there's a difference.

1158
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 4: I said, have you checked your savings department? And he's

1159
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:54,879
Speaker 4: just like, oh, I see.

1160
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 1: So it's pretty much teaching him these things from young,

1161
00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 1: creating the habits to go to his account every day,

1162
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,239
Speaker 1: see if there's any fraud on your account, see if

1163
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,919
Speaker 1: you don't recognize any charges, and it's become a habit

1164
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 1: for him. Everyday morning he wakes up, checks his account,

1165
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 1: and if the first comes and he doesn't get his

1166
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 1: pay from Dad, I'll get a text. He be like, yo, Dad,

1167
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:15,320
Speaker 1: you didn't pay me today. So it's teaching him and

1168
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:19,840
Speaker 1: reminding him that money does matter. Living in a capitalist society,

1169
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 1: you know, so you can't just ignore it and say

1170
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 1: things like money won't bring you happiness, No it won't,

1171
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 1: but money will make you live.

1172
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 4: It'll give you a type of lifestyle.

1173
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's also a bargain shopper. Shout out to mom

1174
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:32,280
Speaker 3: for making sure that he's out there looking for sales,

1175
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:34,800
Speaker 3: looking for deals. I've seen him be on the phone,

1176
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 3: were like this that. Yeah, gain't that there, or oh

1177
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 3: I could try to science. See they have it cheaper. So,

1178
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 3: you know, just little things, little things that you teach

1179
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 3: him from now so they understand the value of money, because.

1180
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 2: It sure as hell don't grow own trees. No, it

1181
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 2: does not show is hell don't grow on trees.

1182
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, If you want to be featured as

1183
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 3: a listener letter, email us at deadass Advice at gmail

1184
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 3: dot com.

1185
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:55,520
Speaker 2: Keep them rolling in.

1186
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:57,800
Speaker 3: I know it's the end of the year, baby, but listen,

1187
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 3: a new year's approaching. We're gonna have new episode that

1188
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,879
Speaker 3: we're filming soon. Yes, so we want to hear from y'all.

1189
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 3: Be sure to write in to We're babe.

1190
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:07,400
Speaker 4: D E A D A S S A D V

1191
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 4: I C E at gmail dot com.

1192
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:13,959
Speaker 3: All right, moment of truth time today, we're talking. Don't

1193
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 3: arrive before you get there. Nobody be too previous. Yeah,

1194
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:21,439
Speaker 3: feel the work, honoring the process of growth. You said

1195
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 3: you had your moment moment out, Okay, go for it.

1196
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: And it kind of you kind of stumbled into it

1197
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 1: when you ask me that last question. But remember this

1198
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:31,920
Speaker 1: right what is always nearby.

1199
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 4: But never arrives tomorrow tomorrow.

1200
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:40,320
Speaker 1: If you treat your success like that, you will always

1201
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,480
Speaker 1: be prepared and you will never arrive before you get there.

1202
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,560
Speaker 2: You'll always be doing the work, always doing.

1203
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 1: Just always be in love with the process so that

1204
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:52,399
Speaker 1: when you get the opportunity, you don't choke it away.

1205
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:56,759
Speaker 4: Seriously, That's that's really what my message is. It's the

1206
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 4: end of the year.

1207
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:00,439
Speaker 1: I want people to go into twenty twenty four or saying,

1208
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 1: you know what, I have three hundred and sixty five

1209
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 1: days next year.

1210
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 4: They get one percent better every day, and I'm not

1211
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 4: going to squander it. Not.

1212
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 3: I love that I actually have an actionable moment of truth.

1213
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,560
Speaker 3: I want to implore everyone because I'm probably gonna do

1214
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 3: the same thing too. Think of a habit that you

1215
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:25,960
Speaker 3: can start, something that you can do every day. It

1216
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:29,080
Speaker 3: can be health related, it can be you know, come

1217
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:32,760
Speaker 3: in fitness routine. It could be something towards a business idea,

1218
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 3: towards your career, towards your investment and education. Just think

1219
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 3: of something that you can do that you can dedicate.

1220
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:41,879
Speaker 3: Was it eighteen minutes a day to twenty minutes? Round

1221
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 3: it to twenty twenty minutes a day. Get on the

1222
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 3: treadmill and walk for twenty minutes a day. Go outside

1223
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 3: and walk for twenty minutes a day. Read for twenty

1224
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 3: minutes a day. What is it that you're going to

1225
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 3: do at the top of the year. And it's not

1226
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 3: a resolution per se, but just something that you can

1227
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 3: do that you think will help you create and habit

1228
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:03,320
Speaker 3: to get better at something. Think about what that is.

1229
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 3: If you post it on Instagram, tag me Kadine this

1230
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:08,399
Speaker 3: is my habit, let me know what it is. I'm

1231
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 3: gonna think on it, I'm a marinate on it, and

1232
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 3: I'm probably gonna like put out maybe a question or

1233
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 3: something a question box on Instagram to see what everyone's

1234
00:57:15,040 --> 00:57:15,879
Speaker 3: doing as a habit.

1235
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you why. I'd be laughing because

1236
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 1: this is the second time. The first time you said

1237
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 1: about making it bad. This is how much in sync

1238
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 1: we are, right, you also said create a daily habit

1239
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: twenty minutes.

1240
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 4: Look at how look at the rate for my goal

1241
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:30,360
Speaker 4: every day.

1242
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: Oh wow, yep, twenty minutes to listen to something enlightening.

1243
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 1: Twenty minutes every single day. This was something I said

1244
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 1: I was going to start, and I've been focusing on it.

1245
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 3: It's crazy because you were listening to yours this morning

1246
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 3: and I was like, what the hell is he listening to?

1247
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 3: I was I was half asleep, And I mean, I

1248
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 3: appreciate that too, because I'm soaking things into and not

1249
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:49,760
Speaker 3: even realizing it.

1250
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my That was my habit that I said

1251
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 1: I was going to start. Yeah, towards the end of

1252
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 1: the year, and I've been on it and it's actually

1253
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 1: been helping me a lot.

1254
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 4: I wake up.

1255
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,720
Speaker 1: The first thing I do and I wake up check

1256
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:05,880
Speaker 1: my counts. Right before it used to be workout. Now

1257
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:09,440
Speaker 1: it's check my accounts. I meditate, and I put on

1258
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 1: my twenty minutes and listen to something that I feel

1259
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 1: is going to carry me throughout the day, something positive,

1260
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: something that's self helped, something that's to enlighten me. And

1261
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 1: then after I get done with that, I go work

1262
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:21,120
Speaker 1: out and that's.

1263
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 2: Become my Yeah, I noticed that in the mornings.

1264
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 4: But check this out.

1265
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 1: Look at how your body changed from last November to

1266
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 1: now everybody is like, at one point there was like

1267
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 1: could he even get a BBL?

1268
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 4: They could even do this?

1269
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 2: And I'm just like, if I did, I would have

1270
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 2: got I would have got my hips fixed to y'u.

1271
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 4: There's nothing wrong with your hips, bro.

1272
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:42,520
Speaker 2: If I go, you gotta hit.

1273
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,760
Speaker 1: So you you a Jamaican evincension woman, like a woman

1274
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:49,520
Speaker 1: like that's you build like a try to start you streamline.

1275
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:51,480
Speaker 4: You got a big bubble and you can run fast.

1276
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:52,960
Speaker 4: That's that's what you are.

1277
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:55,120
Speaker 2: That is true. But I know you're right. Consistency.

1278
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 1: It's been consistency every day twenty thirty minutes. And now everybody, Wow, Wow,

1279
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 1: what happened? This was a year in the making for

1280
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 1: you to get to this point. It wasn't something you

1281
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 1: did in sixty days, that is true. So it was

1282
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 1: a year in the making. And imagine how much better

1283
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:12,280
Speaker 1: you can be next year. Oh my gosh, if you

1284
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 1: continue the same thing for another year, like come on.

1285
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:16,840
Speaker 3: Nothing beats to the results, y'all once you finally put

1286
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 3: the action into place. All right, y'all, be sure to

1287
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:22,840
Speaker 3: follow us on Patreon. We have all the things going

1288
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 3: on still going into this new year too. You're going

1289
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,439
Speaker 3: to find so much more from us. Our live show

1290
00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:32,280
Speaker 3: is coming up. I am so excited about it. I

1291
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:34,440
Speaker 3: think it's amazing having it towards the top of the year,

1292
00:59:34,440 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 3: in that first quarter, because it really just gets like

1293
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:39,640
Speaker 3: the energy going, it's the excitement of the new year

1294
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 3: is different.

1295
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:41,000
Speaker 2: It's just different.

1296
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:41,800
Speaker 4: It's a different show.

1297
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: The team Trouble Josh Matt we sat down, we put

1298
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 1: together something completely different. So if you've been to a show,

1299
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:51,640
Speaker 1: you're going to come to this show and be like,

1300
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 1: that wasn't what I expected it to be. It was

1301
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: completely different. But we've been inspired all year.

1302
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 2: Talking about growth mindset.

1303
00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 4: Right about growth mindset. We went to watch be on tour.

1304
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:02,680
Speaker 4: We watch five times.

1305
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 1: We saw Ll on tour, we saw Drake on tour,

1306
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 1: and we've we've just been trying to consume as much

1307
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:10,560
Speaker 1: content to see how we can make our show better.

1308
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 1: And we guarantee y'all when y'all come to this show,

1309
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:15,720
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, I've never seen a live podcast

1310
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 1: like that.

1311
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,439
Speaker 2: Get Yo tickets now for Love Against the World.

1312
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, you still have a little bit of time because

1313
01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:22,920
Speaker 6: at this point, I don't know how many seeds a left,

1314
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 6: so don't wait because we always get the Oh my god,

1315
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 6: I love get my.

1316
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:28,200
Speaker 2: Tickets, so oh no, I don't want to hear it.

1317
01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 4: We tell you, We told you now.

1318
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:30,760
Speaker 2: Find us on Patreon.

1319
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,680
Speaker 3: Also, we're gonna have exclusive dead Ass podcast video content

1320
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:37,800
Speaker 3: as well as family content. Found us on social media

1321
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:40,240
Speaker 3: dead Ass the podcast page on Instagram, and you can

1322
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:41,680
Speaker 3: find me at Kadena I am.

1323
01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 4: And I Am Devout.

1324
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,880
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,

1325
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:48,400
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. And last, but most importantly not least,

1326
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 1: get your copy of We Over Me, The Counterintuitive Approach

1327
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:54,960
Speaker 1: to Getting Everything you want out of your relationship, available

1328
01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:58,640
Speaker 1: now where books are sold and also in the audio version.

1329
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, dead Ass y'all.

1330
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:04,919
Speaker 4: Hey, Happy holidays, We love y'alldays. Dead Ass.

1331
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1332
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 1: is produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast

1333
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:16,600
Speaker 1: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

1334
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:17,160
Speaker 1: miss a Thing