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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls Podcasts, a

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Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information,

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Speaker 1: visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com.

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Speaker 1: And while I hope you love listening to and learning

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Speaker 1: from the podcast, it is not meant to be a

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Speaker 1: substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all,

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Speaker 1: thanks so much for joining me for session eighty four

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Speaker 1: of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcasts. In the past

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Speaker 1: week or so, I've seen a couple of videos, memes,

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Speaker 1: and discussions that have truly just gotten on my nerves.

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Speaker 1: I'm really tired of so many different people trying to

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Speaker 1: tell sisters what we need to do to get a partner,

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Speaker 1: how we should be in a partnership, and all of

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Speaker 1: the things that we're doing wrong and that's why we

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Speaker 1: can't find a partner. I'm trying to make this therapeutic

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Speaker 1: for y'all, but truthfully, this may be a little bit

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Speaker 1: more like a rant, because not only am I bothered

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Speaker 1: by seeing people push these kinds of narratives on us.

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Speaker 1: I'm really saddened when I see sisters buying into and

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Speaker 1: internalizing some of these messages. So I just want to

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Speaker 1: offer you seven things to consider so that you can

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Speaker 1: make your own decisions about relationships. Number one, you are

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Speaker 1: not responsible for raising or rehabbing your partner. Will there

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Speaker 1: be some things that both of you struggle with and

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Speaker 1: can help each other with during the course of your relationship.

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Speaker 1: Of course, it's very likely and totally fine to do that.

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Speaker 1: But choosing or staying with a partner who doesn't treat

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Speaker 1: you the way that you want to be treated, puts

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Speaker 1: their needs before yours always and generally is not reciprocal

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Speaker 1: in the relationship is not a requirement. Number two, partnerships

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Speaker 1: typically work best when both parties are thinking about how

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Speaker 1: to be the best they can in the relationship, So

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Speaker 1: be careful of any advice that only talks about what

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Speaker 1: you need to do and offers no ideas about how

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Speaker 1: your partner can be better in the relationship or what

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Speaker 1: they need to do. Number three, think carefully about whether

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Speaker 1: it's praised when your partner commends you for putting up

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Speaker 1: with their stuff. Is this a case of loyalty gone

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Speaker 1: too far? And is this something you're really proud of?

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Speaker 1: How much did you actually lose in the process of

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Speaker 1: supporting them. Number four, What worked for one person in

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Speaker 1: finding a partner may not be the same thing that

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Speaker 1: works for you, and that's okay. Likewise, what works for

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Speaker 1: one person's partnership may be very different than what works

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Speaker 1: for you. Hashtag relationship goals are best set between you

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Speaker 1: and your partner, not by what's trending on Instagram. Number five.

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Speaker 1: Be careful about accepting unsolicited advice from people who don't

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Speaker 1: have all the story and whose motives may be just

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Speaker 1: a little bit questionable. A lot of times, the advice

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Speaker 1: given may be what's best for them, but not what's

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Speaker 1: best for you. Number six, work hard at choosing yourself

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Speaker 1: so that a partnerships feels complementary and not necessary. Develop hobbies,

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Speaker 1: develop strong friendships with your girls, and develop a real

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Speaker 1: sense of who you are before partnering a Number seven,

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Speaker 1: you are lovable, worthy, and totally amazing, regardless of your

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Speaker 1: relationship status. Having a healthy partnership if that's what you choose,

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Speaker 1: can be great, but it doesn't define you. Or make

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Speaker 1: you more worthy, even though that's what society would have

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Speaker 1: us to believe. So, like I said, these are just

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Speaker 1: a few things to consider, but I'm curious to hear

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Speaker 1: what else you would add to the list. Share them

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Speaker 1: with me on social media using the hashtag tv G

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Speaker 1: in session. And y'all know, it's a holiday week, so

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Speaker 1: we have plenty of time to have a really lively

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Speaker 1: conversation about all of this. Don't forget that this is

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Speaker 1: the last week for you to grab the early bird

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Speaker 1: pricing to join us in the Yellow Couch Collective. The

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Speaker 1: price will go up on Tuesday of next week. So

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Speaker 1: if you want to take some of the topics that

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Speaker 1: we discuss here on the podcast to the next level

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Speaker 1: and develop some really supportive relationships with other sisters, this

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Speaker 1: is your chance to do that. You can join us

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C.

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Speaker 1: If you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit

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Speaker 1: our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com

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Speaker 1: slash directory. We just hit a thousand therapists in the directory,

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Speaker 1: so I'm very excited about that and really excited that

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Speaker 1: we're always adding new therapist. So if you've lived before.

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Speaker 1: You didn't see someone in your area, it may be

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Speaker 1: a good idea to revisit now, and don't forget to

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Speaker 1: grab some swag like a T shirt or a mug

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Speaker 1: or a sweatshirt from our TBG merchandise store. You can

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Speaker 1: do your shopping at Therapy for Black Girls dot com

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Speaker 1: slash shop. I hope that y'all have a great holiday

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Speaker 1: week doing exactly what you want to be doing with

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Speaker 1: your time. Thank y'all so much for joining me again

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Speaker 1: this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with

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Speaker 1: you all real soon. Take you care. Actor a oftor

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Speaker 1: p ator