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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that came up with a cool

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Speaker 1: life hack for parents. If you ever run out of

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Speaker 1: baby powder, just use leftover cheeto dust on your kid's bottom.

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Speaker 2: You'll be good to go. Bark would never.

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Speaker 3: Wastechod you money, Little orange bottom cutie.

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Speaker 1: It's an extra salty edition of Laser Stories. The segmentary

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Speaker 1: read weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone

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Speaker 1: else does, except we have a laser. There's other diaper

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Speaker 1: dingoes just don't. This first laser story is out of Portland.

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Speaker 1: Thirty year old Jeffrey z Olenski broke into a parking

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Speaker 1: structure the other day found himself in the driver's seat

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Speaker 1: of an eighty thousand dollars forklift.

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Speaker 2: I didn't see that going.

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Speaker 3: I would have gone with a tesla or something, but

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Speaker 3: okay man.

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Speaker 2: He then thought I should turn it on.

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Speaker 1: Oh and next thing you know, he drove it straight

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Speaker 1: through the fencing and a steel chain enclosure to make

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Speaker 1: his get away right through downtown Nobody.

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Speaker 2: It's just downtown Portland a forkliff.

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Speaker 3: And nobody notices. Is that what's happening?

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Speaker 4: Now?

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Speaker 3: They're like, oh, this is normal?

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Speaker 2: Wouldness to say it? First?

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Speaker 1: They thought he was just there to do construction till

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Speaker 1: they saw the Forkliff drive off a curb and begin

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Speaker 1: chasing pedestrians while Jeffrey was laughing maniacally. At one point,

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Speaker 1: people heard Jeffrey yell I literally stole this okay buddy,

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Speaker 1: over and over and over while smiling ear to ear.

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Speaker 2: Man.

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Speaker 3: I don't know it should make me happy.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's pretty funny. It's a great visual.

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Speaker 1: Police were able to quickly catch up to the large

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Speaker 1: orange forkliff and stopped him as he turned onto a

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Speaker 1: one way street. He then gave the officer an expired

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Speaker 1: driver's license and casually mentioned there might be a federal

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Speaker 1: warrant for his arrest, not even in a local warrants.

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Speaker 1: By the way, you know, before he's get too shocked

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Speaker 1: that he was charged with burglary, theft, reckless driving, and

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Speaker 1: criminal mischief.

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Speaker 2: A lot of fun.

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Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of Las Vegas. I

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Speaker 1: know all you vapors are sneaking into airport bathrooms to

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Speaker 1: take a puff, but this is a little more egregious

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Speaker 1: because a guy got arrested at the Las Vegas airport

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Speaker 1: the other night for smoking meth inside one of the terminals.

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Speaker 4: Okay, buddy, I mean that's gonna be quite a flight.

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Speaker 1: Well right, Even worse, it wasn't in a concealed area.

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Speaker 1: He pulled out a pipe in the food court and

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Speaker 1: started going to town. Families all around couldn't believe what

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Speaker 1: was happening, someone thankfully reported. It turns out the guy's

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Speaker 1: name is Stephen Laster, and he was also wanted for

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Speaker 1: violating his probation from a battery charge he picked up.

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Speaker 2: Last year close to a vacation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, he resisted when cops tried to cuff him,

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Speaker 1: but they eventually got him in custody, and according to

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Speaker 1: a food court employee, he'd been hanging out at the

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Speaker 1: airport since at least the previous day.

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Speaker 2: What oh, he's just.

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Speaker 3: Been living at the airport okays.

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Speaker 1: Not clear if he was a passenger or snuck into

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Speaker 1: the terminal somehow, but it begs the question did he

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Speaker 1: turn to meth because he had twenty four hours of

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Speaker 1: airport food?

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Speaker 2: Is that the gateway drug?

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna say, I've been stuck at the airport for

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Speaker 4: a long time, and you do some pretty crazy things.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 2: Let's go to your next Lazer story. Out of food news.

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Speaker 1: Y see, pop Tarts wants to make you feel all

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Speaker 1: warm and fuzzy with both its brand new flavor and

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Speaker 1: some actual merch to match.

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Speaker 2: Oh give it to me interesting.

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Speaker 1: I say that because just the other day, Pop Tarts

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Speaker 1: announced its latest flavor, frosted Banana Bread pop Tarts.

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Speaker 2: Tasty Are You Serious.

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Speaker 1: Which its website describes as a quote great balance of

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Speaker 1: banana flavor and spices to mimic the flavor of banana bread.

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Speaker 4: You think that they could maybe just throw some real

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Speaker 4: bananas in there, I don't know, like smush them up.

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Speaker 1: Zero actual bananas anywhere near it, just like.

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Speaker 2: All their fillings.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, reminds me of like the banana laffy taffy tastes.

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Speaker 1: Like that, and the new flavors expected to hit stores

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Speaker 1: later this month and will be available nationwide. But honestly,

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Speaker 1: that's not the most exciting part of the announcement.

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Speaker 3: What's that?

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Speaker 1: That belongs to its limited edition pop tartigan sweater?

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Speaker 3: God.

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Speaker 1: It's amaz created by a famous crochet artisan, and the

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Speaker 1: pattern was inspired by pop tarts well known rectangular shape

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Speaker 1: and those crispy brown colors it's beloved for post toast.

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Speaker 2: It looks like if you said you can't see.

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Speaker 1: The sweater looks like basically sixty pop tarts all sewn together.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like a patchwork of crocheted pop tarts, and

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Speaker 4: some of them have sprinkles or pink iced or the

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Speaker 4: blue iced with the or the purple iced with the

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Speaker 4: blue streak.

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Speaker 1: Each sweater will also come with a box of the

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Speaker 1: frosted banana bread pop tart.

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Speaker 2: There's a little treat.

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Speaker 3: Banana Bread's kind of Grandma style. The cars crochete.

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Speaker 1: Of course, the website shows super hot models wearing the

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Speaker 1: pop Tarts sweaters and eating banana bread pop.

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Speaker 2: Tarts, and it's like ugly. It's so ugly, it's cute,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why they have to get super hot people

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Speaker 3: to wear it.

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Speaker 2: That happens in real life. Hot models eating pop tarts.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they lick them. I think.

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Speaker 1: This next slaze of stories out of the lifestyles of

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Speaker 1: the rich and famous. Some people love to show off

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Speaker 1: their wealth, but others are more subtle about it. And

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Speaker 1: I say that because there's a thread online where people

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Speaker 1: are talking about the non obvious signs that someone.

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Speaker 2: Is secretly super rich. Here's the top five ways.

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Speaker 1: Number five wearing very nice clothing without any brand identification.

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Speaker 2: You don't have like Gucci.

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Speaker 3: Spell, I know it's screaming brand it is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if you got your Gucci sunglasses with your Gucci

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Speaker 1: hat and your Gucci he slides on full display, it's

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Speaker 1: a hint you're not.

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Speaker 3: Very good rich or are you just pretending to be?

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Speaker 1: Number four casually having expensive hobbies?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, is that is it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Literally, if you know someone who's always golfing or sailing

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Speaker 1: or skiing, you know, like.

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Speaker 3: Or an English style, yes, equestrian.

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Speaker 4: I was talking to the owner of our company at

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Speaker 4: one point and she casually mentioned when she was in

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Speaker 4: flight school.

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Speaker 3: And she did the acrobatic classes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know.

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Speaker 3: Someone applies for fun and she played teeth all growing up.

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Speaker 1: Number three way you can tell if someone's secretly rich

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Speaker 1: is when they're being very selective in those that they

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Speaker 1: choose to be friends with for quote various legal reasons.

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Speaker 4: People in the inner circle was like, everyone should be Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm way too friendly, apparently.

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Speaker 2: Number two is teeth.

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Speaker 1: You can tell when someone's gone to the dentist or

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Speaker 1: orthodonists multiple times a year for their entire life, and

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Speaker 1: that is really expensive.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they either that or a news anchor, you know.

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Speaker 1: And finally, the number one way you can tell if

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Speaker 1: someone is rich on the DL is their couch.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: What I didn't see that coming.

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Speaker 1: Expensive couches cost a lot of money. And the extra

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Speaker 1: bonus to see if they're rich is that the couch

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Speaker 1: doesn't touch the wall.

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Speaker 4: The couches, well, they have enough space to do that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I didn't even mention.

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Speaker 1: Many secret rich people have huge shoe collections too.

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Speaker 3: This is a good way.

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Speaker 1: And this guy doesn't like to brag, but he's all

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Speaker 1: about eight figures.

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Speaker 2: Did I say figures, I meant fingers. He uses eight fingers.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I thought you were going to go size eight shoes.

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Speaker 2: That's how you know. Laser Stories has come to an

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Speaker 2: end for the day. We'll do it again, same time

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Speaker 2: on Monday.