WEBVTT - Sex Ed Part 1 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.360 This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.639 de Graf and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:10.800 episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like, 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:15.440 and I will give co host honors. Amy didn't say 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:16.680 I could do this, but I can do whatever I 0:00:16.680 --> 0:00:20.000 want on this show. I'm giving co host honors to 0:00:20.480 --> 0:00:24.760 Dmitri and Rick today. What's up to meet you? How 0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:26.560 you doing? Does that mean more money or any money 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:29.600 or comes with the co host titles? So far, I've 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:32.919 received no money, so you should have gotten a check 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:36.880 for two Wow. That's yeah, I found that my coach. 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:45.479 Did you not get that yet? Dryer Catcher? But I 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:48.559 we don't have Gavin today, so gave Buddy. I miss you. 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:51.760 He's usually my co host pilot. Ryan's not here today. 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:55.200 He's co hosted one. So now I want to bestow 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:59.120 this honor on you, gentlemen, to be gracious co host 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:01.640 for the first time, and we were very honored. Thanks, 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:03.520 thank you. Yeah, I'm sorry. I should have come in 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:05.400 prepared with like a badge when you could pin on 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.520 you guys like last manager. So it feels a little 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.479 thrown together, but that's okay. It's perfect day for them 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:15.480 to co host because of the topic, they're somewhat of experts. 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:20.520 Oh they're Amy, Well said, so the topic of today's podcast. 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.959 We teased it last week. The topic of today's podcast 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:28.119 is sex. We are going to dive into all things sex. 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:33.280 We've got so many questions, comments, thoughts, stories from the 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:36.800 listeners about sex and we're going to dive into all 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:39.880 of it. And Amy, I guess, looks at you. You 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:42.040 didn't say I was anything of an ex Apparently we're 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:47.160 sex experts. I mean sex. I don't know how congratulation laid. 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:50.520 But Jesus Christ, I mean, I want to talk about diet. 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:53.000 I've gotten a compliment here and there over the years, 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:54.640 but I don't know that makes me an expert. But sure, 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.240 you're a humble guy, Dmitri. You are. You are a 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:00.120 humble guy. Amy's like just chomping at the bit to 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.560 get into this one. I just don't want my parents listening. 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.160 It would just feel weird because I will reveal things 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:09.040 that are inappropriate. Okay, Amy's an open book. We always 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:13.079 appreciate that. Okay, So the very first topic, the first thing, 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:15.040 and by the way, this is a we're gonna have 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:17.360 some fun today. But this is also a very serious conversation. 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:19.880 This is um. This is a part of life, a 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:24.600 part of relationships, a part of individuality, all of this, 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:26.800 and this is a part it really excuse me, a 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:30.600 truthfully a part of happiness. And so it's somewhat been 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:33.240 a taboo or hush hush topic and that's the point 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:36.760 of this shows we want to dive into um areas 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:40.080 that maybe people are scared of going or opening up 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:42.520 about our being vulnerable. So we are going to go 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:44.760 at this in a playful and fun way, but also 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:48.280 in a very thoughtful and hopefully serving way to the 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:52.320 community where you guys can draw some value from this um. 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:54.519 We have three males and one female. We also have 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:57.200 producer Tor and producer Danielle in studio, so we can 0:02:57.240 --> 0:02:58.880 maybe have them way in as well, so we can 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:01.720 have some plarity between men and women and the conversation 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:04.360 and the age we need Tori's younger opinion. And then 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:09.639 we do have a couple of experts, real experts. Was 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:12.480 coming at something. It's sort of like the last minute 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:17.760 co hosting just were we were as sexperts for like 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:24.960 two minutes, which sounds about right. That's two minutes more Okay, 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:28.280 let's go. Let's go right into it. Okay. Uh. The 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:30.920 topic that we received the most from our listeners, The 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:33.480 thing that you guys want to hear the most about 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:37.600 or have the most issue with in your relationships is 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:42.400 initiating sex. So the very first thing we want to talk. 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:45.480 We have some bullet points that you guys have sent in. Um, 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:50.160 A very common issue is one partner wants sex more 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:54.000 than the other. So one partner has a greater sign 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:56.720 that in your marriages, all three of you, Yeah, I'd 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:58.680 say so. Um. And in fact, let me make a 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:00.200 blake in statement here. A lot of this will be 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.080 about my marriage, but some of this will also be 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:04.880 from other relationships I've had. So I don't want anybody 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:06.720 listening to think, oh, this is obviously his wife. So 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:09.080 but yeah, I think I think more. I always assumed 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:10.800 it was more time than not a lot of time. 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:15.040 The guy wants it more. Disagree? Really, yeah, I know 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:18.280 that from our listeners, and for myself, women, I think 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:21.720 the issue is somebody always wants it more. I think 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:25.359 the biggest fallback is that nobody that you don't communicate 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:27.520 it to each other. And so I have a feeling 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:29.360 in my relationship that I want to have sex more, 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:32.200 but it could be totally the opposite, but we're just 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:35.360 not communicating about it. That's a great point. I mean probably, 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:37.800 especially if if I'm saying I think it's guys and 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:40.039 Amy saying it's probably, then maybe it's just high noon 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:42.719 and no one's talking. It's just the other day. I 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:45.159 was playing the holdout game and it just lasting a 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:47.920 lot of time, and finally I got a text and 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:50.320 it was like sex tonight, question Mark, question Mark, question 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:55.640 Mark with the praying hands, and I was like, hell, yeah, okay, 0:04:56.320 --> 0:05:02.120 just it's just a mind game. Okay, let's unpack this. 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:06.599 Years and you're playing mind games for sex. Is that 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:11.359 because you want her to initiate it? Yes, because it 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:14.920 makes you feel desired to interesting. Okay. So that's one 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:17.240 of the mine that leads into one of our next 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:22.320 things that that's very common, Um people feel when they initiate. 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:25.039 This is a response from the listeners when they initiate 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:29.320 and get turned down, Um, they feel sad and and 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:33.880 so that actually scares them about initiating sex. I'll say 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:36.800 this personally from guys, but from my point of view, 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:39.000 it's not that I get scared but it is an 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:42.320 awkward feeling, like remember when you were younger and maybe 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:43.839 your credit wasn't that good, you didn't have any money 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:45.120 and you had a credit card and you go to 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:46.560 pay for things and you're like, oh god, this could 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:49.279 be the client and you get awkward, like almost flop 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:51.240 sweat and you're like, oh my god, how's this gonna go? 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:52.880 And it gets accepted, you're like, oh thank god. And 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:55.880 if it gets the cline, you're like, everyone's now, everyone knows. 0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:01.800 Now everyone knows I don't have three bucks and tell him. 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:06.160 You're like, I'm gonna get room service now. But exactly so, 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:08.560 it is. It is. I think it does suck to 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:13.120 be turned down, so for what the reason could be legitimate, 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:15.920 but to be turned down is a blow to your 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:19.000 ego and be like, so here's here's a the other 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.000 side to that isn't really a blow to the ego, 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:24.360 because there has to have been times when your wife 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:28.360 is in the mood and you're like, I'm just like exhausted, 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:30.960 like I just can't right now. I just all I 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:32.359 want to do is go to sleep. You guys have 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:36.400 four kids, Like, would you not look at both sides 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:38.839 of the coin. Like I do that. When I think 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:40.839 of like my wife, I think of like, yeah, sometimes 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:43.719 there's times where she's just had a super stressful day, 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:45.920 and there's times where I've had a day or I'm 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:48.360 super exhausted or something. I'm just all I really want 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:50.320 to do is go to sleep. That doesn't mean that 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:52.920 you don't love the person. No, No, it doesn't mean 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:54.279 that you don't love him. When I say a blow 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:56.800 to the ego, it's like, no, you you you may 0:06:56.839 --> 0:06:59.000 want something and when you don't get it doesn't mean 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:00.640 if you feel like you're a you're in this person 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:02.880 doesn't like you, but it's like you kind of wanted something. 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:04.880 You want that person and wanted to YEA. So if 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:06.400 you're in the mood and the other person is like not, 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:09.280 you're like, oh, well it's not. It's not like all 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.760 of a sudden your self esteem is shot. But it sucks. Yeah, 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.440 I see, like I it's happened to me obviously, But 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:16.880 I see how you can take it like the person 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:19.920 is not attracted to you. That it could be interpreted 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:24.320 if it's someone I'm in a relationship with. Ever, I 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:27.240 don't know that I ever. Ever, No, I've never turned 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.280 it down, you know. I mean, I think it's more like, 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:32.720 hold all an of you have never turned it down 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:40.680 last night. I've never That's what I'm saying, Producer Danielle. 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.840 So I agree with not that I can remember, because 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:46.720 it's it's like maybe it wasn't like my my best performance, 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:48.360 but I was never like you know what, not tonight. 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:51.240 And I'm just I also think you can mess around. 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:54.360 I'm not saying like the full thing, but I've never 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.920 turned it down, like at least sort of fooling around 0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:01.080 ever if I'm in a relationship with the person. Okay, 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:03.840 I kind of agree with producer Danielle. Here, do you 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.680 want to chime in on this? This is Danielle. Maybe 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:08.440 let's hold off on that. You guys are liar apart 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:13.200 and just say your opinion. Well, I just there's so 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:15.120 many days when you're when you come home and you're 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:17.400 just tired and all you want to do is just 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:21.080 go to sleep. And that's happened to me before, where 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:24.040 my husband's like, you know, trying to have sex, and 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:26.880 I'm like I can't right now. I the only thing 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:29.600 on my brain is going to sleep. Let's do this tomorrow, 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:31.920 you know. But that's from a moment like I've been 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:34.040 turned down for that same reason, But I don't know 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.599 that I've ever I've never had like my wife or 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:38.440 a girlfriend when I was in a relationship be like 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:40.440 I want to have sex to me, but not tonight. 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:48.600 Your husband turned you down. You're a liar. I know 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:53.320 did it. I just literally got contradicted it and I 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:56.439 so you you could say that you've turned it down. 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:58.160 I'm trying to think if I've ever turned it down. 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:01.960 I think I can't clearly say for sure that I have, 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:04.600 But I can't clearly say that I haven't. I bet 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:07.680 I would bet that I probably have in my life, 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:11.280 in my relationship with my wife, have turned down um 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:14.960 sex at some point. And like, I think you guys 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:17.000 are all. I honestly think you guys are all lying 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:21.079 to you guys. Perhaps we're misremembering, but I really don't remember. 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:23.000 In fact is you're saying, you're calling us a liar, 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:25.040 but you can't remember when you did it. You're saying, 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.600 probably I must have. Yeah. I think I think, going 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:29.439 back to the relationship side of it is there may 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:34.320 be subtle things that she's promoting to promote sex that's 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:36.000 not like you're in the bed at the same time 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:38.280 and you're reaching over and you're grabbing each other. It's 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:40.000 could have been throughout the day or when you got 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:41.880 home from work it's like, hey, how's it going, and 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:46.880 you know that I'm not even picking up on that. Yeah, 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:50.200 where I'm like, hey, let's get physical or whatever. Then 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:53.200 and then she's like, oh, I'm so tired tonight. You know, 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:56.400 I'm you know, blah blah blah. But like that's a 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:59.240 good point. So maybe there's maybe there's subtle inquiries into 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:01.560 it that that we didn't pick up on and then 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:04.440 and then she stopped. But I've never flat out known 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:07.160 it was. It could happen, and Okay, so here's a 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:09.719 here's a question for you guys. So for people out 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:11.959 there that are struggling with that are listening to this, 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:15.360 that are struggling with initiating sex, what's something that they 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:17.920 can do to get over the fear of rejection if 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.679 they partner possibly says no, they're not in the mood. 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.560 What can we do to help our listeners initiate more 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:28.000 romance and sex in their relationship. I think it goes 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:29.920 to what Rick said, is that you've got to be 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:32.040 a little more open about it. I mean, I wouldn't 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:34.280 play the mind games or the hold out game there 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:35.680 because but I think you have to be a little 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:37.720 more open about it because sometimes you don't realize that 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:40.560 that's what the person is putting out there. Um. And 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.160 then I think what we said before, just because you 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:45.160 get rejected does not mean that person doesn't love you, 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:47.360 doesn't mean they're not attracted to you. You should just 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:50.760 be Do you think that if there's sort of rejection 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:54.720 going on, Maybe not one time, but often there's something 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:59.719 wrong in the relationship so after sorry, no, yeah, like 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:04.360 often yes, like if you're talking like very commonplace. Yes, 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:07.360 I believe so. I believe that there's an energetic thing 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:09.880 that's off there. I don't think that it's that they're 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.160 not compatible. I don't think that it's that they're not 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:14.679 attracted to each other. I just think that there's an 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:21.600 energetic um misalignment at that moment that needs a rewiring 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.040 or recalibration to now be drawn to each other again 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:29.319 versus almost repulsed. Yes, that actually is In the books, 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:32.040 I read that there can be such a turn off 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:36.160 for some reason that it's repulsive. And I don't mean 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:38.640 that like, the person is the idea of the set, 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:40.640 and that's why I think it's an energetic thing. When 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:42.600 we moved out here after college, my buddies and I 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:45.079 my buddy was in a relationship um with this girl 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:47.640 and after a while they've been dating for years, and 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:48.960 after a while he was just like, oh, she's just 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:51.560 not interested in sex anymore. And my other buddy now 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:54.080 we're like, I think she's probably just not interesting sex 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:57.360 with you anymore, because I mean we were in our 0:11:57.360 --> 0:11:59.280 twenties and when and for him to be like, she 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:01.679 just doesn't want to do it there, to me, there 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:03.720 was some there was some disconnect there, because there's no 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:05.640 way this girl in or twenties just hanging it up 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:07.959 for sex. So clearly there was a problem with the 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:12.200 relationship and was there. So I have a friend who 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.439 I will not name, has sex with her husband every day. Now. 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:19.920 I don't know if full on or just like mouth 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:25.640 stuff quote unquote. Here she said her thought on it too, 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:28.360 is like for some reason, she's not totally in the mood. 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:31.640 She literally said to me, it takes ten minutes. So 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:35.960 there are times when she does it simply because he 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:41.760 wants it, and she loves him. Oh not from Danielle. Oh, yeah, 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.079 for sure. I totally agree with that. There's sometimes where 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:46.160 I'm like, I'm not in the mood, but I'm going 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:48.160 to do it, and then say with him vice versa. 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:51.320 He's like, let's do it, you know, and not Sometimes 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.040 I don't come home and I'm like, oh my god, 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:55.040 I can't wait to have sex, you know. But if 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:56.679 he's in the mood, I'm like, all right, I'll give 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.520 in and chime in on that. So I'll say on 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.080 that issue, I think that if your partners not into it, 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:05.599 I think you go over and above and beyond to 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.520 get them into it. Oh that's a good point, Like that, 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:12.320 says I was gonna ask Llo, But like, like, when 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:14.600 you're kind of just doing it even though you're not 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:15.920 in the mood at the end of it, do you 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:18.960 did you enjoy it? For sure? Yeah? For sure. Then 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:23.480 I'm like cake, you know, but you know, getting across 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.760 back to Brooks's point of like, hey, when you're getting 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:29.960 turned down, then maybe go over and above. Yeah, let 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.800 me see what I can do to let me see 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.480 what I can do to engage you in this and 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:39.560 and get you excited and turned on and but then 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:41.880 run around the house naked. So it's super interesting. I'm 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:43.880 just gonna give two facts. I read a bunch of 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:46.760 books to prepare for this episode. Massage is the number 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:50.040 one thing to get people into it and number two 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:56.760 the thing that people want the most, mouth stuff. What's 0:13:56.800 --> 0:14:00.480 mouth stuff? You don't know? Can he borrow that book? 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:04.640 A mouth stuff? Mouth stuff is being e J B 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:11.640 J four J or I just want on mouth on 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.000 the lady. Got it. He's just trying to get you. Yeah, 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.360 he's putting you right in a trap here. Ay um, 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:21.160 so okay, what are those two things again? A Massawsage 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:23.680 is the number one form of four play that is 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:27.320 effective and people desire. So let's let's unpack that for 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:31.520 a second, because that's like a a sensual touch. So 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.560 that's that's actually like an energetic almost connection, like hey, 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.360 let me not just grab parts of you and take 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.480 control like I don't maybe I don't want that. Correct 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:42.240 The book said, really linger and take a lot of 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:46.080 time before you touch those parts. Yeah. So, and this 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.040 is not just for a female. This is for a 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.520 male to like if a man is not in the mood, 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:54.720 um like rubbing your your hands on his back or 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:56.960 just like light touching on his skin is a very 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:59.880 sensual thing and it's one of the erotic blueprints right 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:04.560 from Jaya that we did um essential this episode with 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:10.600 thirty five year old men and they want to give 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:15.160 the massage. They also enjoy that as for play, not 0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:18.280 just receiving the massage but giving it. Yeah, that's that's 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.560 one of my favorite things, actually giving a massage. I 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:24.080 find it. A massage to me is probably too relaxing, 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:25.920 Like I would rather give it than get it because 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:28.240 I feel like I would probably get really rested. Getting 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:32.920 a massage probably does off a sleep. I love giving it. 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:35.440 I think. Yeah, for me, it's like an aphrodisia. It's 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:38.720 I'm super I get super turned on giving a massage. 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:40.480 Can I Okay, so this is getting super turned on 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:43.200 talking about giving us. Have any of you and please 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:47.560 try to admit it. Ever had the massage? Wink wink 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:51.800 where they had in a parlor? You mean a full 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:56.920 body massage? Yeah, in in a parlor like a paid 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:00.960 for one. Yes, No, I don't think it's a real thing. 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.400 There's no doubt it's a real thing. No, I have not. 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:08.040 Robert Kraft, Right, Robert Kraft I know this is commonplace 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:12.240 and people do not consider it cheating. Yeah, I have friends, 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.200 several friends, and I do travel around the world for 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:16.880 work in business, and I do have friends that have 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.440 gone to those places, and they have told me stories 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:23.680 about it, and it's basically it's part of the culture, 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:27.000 you know. It's it's something that men, particular in those 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:30.960 particularly countries, do, and it's a it's a it's like 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:33.680 a relaxation. It's like a woman going to a spa. Right. 0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:35.840 So they've told me that you go in there and 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:38.800 you get a full body massage, and then afterwards there's 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:43.720 a separate other room full body, full body, every single 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:48.040 part of your body. And afterwards you basically go into 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:51.360 like a whole another room that's like a man cave 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.920 sort of, and it's fifty lazy boy chairs and everyone's 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:59.360 sitting there. There's TVs everywhere, like whether it's sports or 0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:02.320 news or whatever, and you lay down and you can 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:05.000 take a nap. I sound like I actually know, like 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:06.679 I sound like I'm talking like I've been to one. 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.560 And they come by and they, you know, he told me, 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.240 they give you like warm towels and you lay down 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.600 and they come by and give you foot massages and 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:18.639 then if you want to coke or a beer or 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:23.119 a cigarette or food or fruit. It's just like so 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.960 it's very similar to Women's Day at the spot. There's 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:32.280 just a tiny bit more cleaning of the pipe. Yeah, 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:35.800 it's a full body massage. Man. To me, that's totally 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:38.720 fine to me. That's that's cheating to me. Interesting, that's 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:41.520 how I just I would never have my boyfriend did that. 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:45.879 I don't care what I do, not it might make 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:49.639 him last longer. Yeah, that doesn't bother me. To me, 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:51.840 that seems just like if I cared that he doesn't 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:57.040 do it. No, because I don't want strangers touching me. 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:59.840 I only want that's the only reason you wouldn't do it. 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:03.160 Or would you not do it because you would feel 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:06.840 like you are being unfaithful a stranger giving you a 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:09.040 full body massage. An I don't get massages. I don't 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:11.000 like him. I don't like strangers touching. We're talking to 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:14.440 our listeners. They'd have to decide for themselves. For me, 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:17.120 I wouldn't do it because I don't like a massage. 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.720 Or I'm only into someone touching me that I'm attracted to. 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:22.880 So it's my I'm in a relationship with so I'm 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:24.560 I actually side with Brooks on this one. But I 0:18:24.600 --> 0:18:27.679 have a friend and he when he first got together 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:30.280 with his now wife, they were, you know, they were 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.320 we were out talking and she's and he's like, yeah, 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:35.560 she doesn't like to give what do you want to say? 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:37.879 Mouth stuff? And so she's He's like, she doesn't care 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:39.240 if I get it somewhere else. She doesn't want to 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:40.520 have sex somewhere, but she doesn't care if I get 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:42.600 that somewhere else. And she was there and she said, yeah, 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:43.800 I don't want to do it, but I don't want 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.080 to deprive it. So I draw the line on mouth stuff. 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:49.159 I don't want my boyfriend going to a spot in 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:52.960 another country and getting mouth stuff. But a massage and 0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:56.000 hand totally fine. I seems the same to me as 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:59.440 if he's doing it himself watching some dirty movie on TV. 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:02.159 That's bother me either. Okay. I would love to hear 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:05.000 what our listeners think about this, So please send us 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:07.560 an email men at iHeart radio dot com, because I'm 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:10.560 we should do is Maybe we should go on a 0:19:10.600 --> 0:19:14.840 trip and just try it. I know Gavin's probably gonna 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:17.879 be Brooks. Maybe this is the episode Brooks isn't part of. 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:19.919 While they're at it, can they also let us know 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.760 if they think porn is cheating because I don't, but 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:26.120 some people do. And after in a minute, let's talk 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:29.679 about that too, watching it or making it? Watching it? 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:41.160 Back from break, this is how men think. My name 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:44.000 is Brooks like and this is the sex episode. We're 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:47.040 diving into all the fun stuff and we want to 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:50.680 piggyback that the porn part here. We just had a 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:53.960 little interesting conversation over this break and we're getting into 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:57.920 the porn question for you guys. Dmitri, I'm looking at you, Rick, 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:01.919 I'm looking at you. Is why watching porn cheating in 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:06.719 your definition? No? No, okay, elaborate a little more. I mean, 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:09.960 you're you're watching something. What's what's the difference of watching Okay, 0:20:10.000 --> 0:20:13.080 fifty Shades of Gray had was a very graphic movie, right, 0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:16.080 what's the difference between just watching something? If you're not 0:20:16.119 --> 0:20:18.199 involved in something and you're watching it. I mean, what 0:20:18.280 --> 0:20:20.960 if you're watching it and then taking pleasure on yourself 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:24.800 with yourself? I don't I don't see why that would 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:28.040 be cheating. Now I don't either, I think cheating you 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:31.119 need to sort of const we're talking about porn, but 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:33.360 like cheating is more of a physical one on one. 0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:37.480 If you're actually touching somebody, kissing somebody having that, that's 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:39.719 that on the side of your partner, right or your 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:42.200 wife or or whatever. Whereas I don't feel like porn. 0:20:42.200 --> 0:20:45.760 You're watching something. And to Dmitri's point, you know there's 0:20:45.960 --> 0:20:48.960 soft porn, there's fifty shades of gray. There's things that 0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:52.920