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Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin

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Speaker 1: de Graf and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another

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Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like,

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Speaker 1: and I will give co host honors. Amy didn't say

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Speaker 1: I could do this, but I can do whatever I

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Speaker 1: want on this show. I'm giving co host honors to

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Speaker 1: Dmitri and Rick today. What's up to meet you? How

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Speaker 1: you doing? Does that mean more money or any money

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Speaker 1: or comes with the co host titles? So far, I've

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Speaker 1: received no money, so you should have gotten a check

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Speaker 1: for two Wow. That's yeah, I found that my coach.

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Speaker 1: Did you not get that yet? Dryer Catcher? But I

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Speaker 1: we don't have Gavin today, so gave Buddy. I miss you.

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Speaker 1: He's usually my co host pilot. Ryan's not here today.

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Speaker 1: He's co hosted one. So now I want to bestow

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Speaker 1: this honor on you, gentlemen, to be gracious co host

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Speaker 1: for the first time, and we were very honored. Thanks,

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Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah, I'm sorry. I should have come in

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Speaker 1: prepared with like a badge when you could pin on

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Speaker 1: you guys like last manager. So it feels a little

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Speaker 1: thrown together, but that's okay. It's perfect day for them

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Speaker 1: to co host because of the topic, they're somewhat of experts.

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Speaker 1: Oh they're Amy, Well said, so the topic of today's podcast.

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Speaker 1: We teased it last week. The topic of today's podcast

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Speaker 1: is sex. We are going to dive into all things sex.

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Speaker 1: We've got so many questions, comments, thoughts, stories from the

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Speaker 1: listeners about sex and we're going to dive into all

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Speaker 1: of it. And Amy, I guess, looks at you. You

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Speaker 1: didn't say I was anything of an ex Apparently we're

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Speaker 1: sex experts. I mean sex. I don't know how congratulation laid.

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Speaker 1: But Jesus Christ, I mean, I want to talk about diet.

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Speaker 1: I've gotten a compliment here and there over the years,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know that makes me an expert. But sure,

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Speaker 1: you're a humble guy, Dmitri. You are. You are a

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Speaker 1: humble guy. Amy's like just chomping at the bit to

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Speaker 1: get into this one. I just don't want my parents listening.

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Speaker 1: It would just feel weird because I will reveal things

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Speaker 1: that are inappropriate. Okay, Amy's an open book. We always

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Speaker 1: appreciate that. Okay, So the very first topic, the first thing,

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Speaker 1: and by the way, this is a we're gonna have

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Speaker 1: some fun today. But this is also a very serious conversation.

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Speaker 1: This is um. This is a part of life, a

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Speaker 1: part of relationships, a part of individuality, all of this,

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Speaker 1: and this is a part it really excuse me, a

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Speaker 1: truthfully a part of happiness. And so it's somewhat been

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Speaker 1: a taboo or hush hush topic and that's the point

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Speaker 1: of this shows we want to dive into um areas

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Speaker 1: that maybe people are scared of going or opening up

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Speaker 1: about our being vulnerable. So we are going to go

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Speaker 1: at this in a playful and fun way, but also

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Speaker 1: in a very thoughtful and hopefully serving way to the

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Speaker 1: community where you guys can draw some value from this um.

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Speaker 1: We have three males and one female. We also have

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Speaker 1: producer Tor and producer Danielle in studio, so we can

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Speaker 1: maybe have them way in as well, so we can

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Speaker 1: have some plarity between men and women and the conversation

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Speaker 1: and the age we need Tori's younger opinion. And then

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Speaker 1: we do have a couple of experts, real experts. Was

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Speaker 1: coming at something. It's sort of like the last minute

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Speaker 1: co hosting just were we were as sexperts for like

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Speaker 1: two minutes, which sounds about right. That's two minutes more Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's go. Let's go right into it. Okay. Uh. The

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Speaker 1: topic that we received the most from our listeners, The

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Speaker 1: thing that you guys want to hear the most about

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Speaker 1: or have the most issue with in your relationships is

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Speaker 1: initiating sex. So the very first thing we want to talk.

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Speaker 1: We have some bullet points that you guys have sent in. Um,

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Speaker 1: A very common issue is one partner wants sex more

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Speaker 1: than the other. So one partner has a greater sign

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Speaker 1: that in your marriages, all three of you, Yeah, I'd

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Speaker 1: say so. Um. And in fact, let me make a

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Speaker 1: blake in statement here. A lot of this will be

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Speaker 1: about my marriage, but some of this will also be

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Speaker 1: from other relationships I've had. So I don't want anybody

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Speaker 1: listening to think, oh, this is obviously his wife. So

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Speaker 1: but yeah, I think I think more. I always assumed

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Speaker 1: it was more time than not a lot of time.

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Speaker 1: The guy wants it more. Disagree? Really, yeah, I know

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Speaker 1: that from our listeners, and for myself, women, I think

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Speaker 1: the issue is somebody always wants it more. I think

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Speaker 1: the biggest fallback is that nobody that you don't communicate

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Speaker 1: it to each other. And so I have a feeling

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Speaker 1: in my relationship that I want to have sex more,

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Speaker 1: but it could be totally the opposite, but we're just

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Speaker 1: not communicating about it. That's a great point. I mean probably,

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Speaker 1: especially if if I'm saying I think it's guys and

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Speaker 1: Amy saying it's probably, then maybe it's just high noon

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Speaker 1: and no one's talking. It's just the other day. I

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Speaker 1: was playing the holdout game and it just lasting a

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Speaker 1: lot of time, and finally I got a text and

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Speaker 1: it was like sex tonight, question Mark, question Mark, question

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Speaker 1: Mark with the praying hands, and I was like, hell, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: just it's just a mind game. Okay, let's unpack this.

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Speaker 1: Years and you're playing mind games for sex. Is that

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Speaker 1: because you want her to initiate it? Yes, because it

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Speaker 1: makes you feel desired to interesting. Okay. So that's one

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Speaker 1: of the mine that leads into one of our next

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Speaker 1: things that that's very common, Um people feel when they initiate.

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Speaker 1: This is a response from the listeners when they initiate

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Speaker 1: and get turned down, Um, they feel sad and and

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Speaker 1: so that actually scares them about initiating sex. I'll say

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Speaker 1: this personally from guys, but from my point of view,

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Speaker 1: it's not that I get scared but it is an

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Speaker 1: awkward feeling, like remember when you were younger and maybe

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Speaker 1: your credit wasn't that good, you didn't have any money

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Speaker 1: and you had a credit card and you go to

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Speaker 1: pay for things and you're like, oh god, this could

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Speaker 1: be the client and you get awkward, like almost flop

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Speaker 1: sweat and you're like, oh my god, how's this gonna go?

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Speaker 1: And it gets accepted, you're like, oh thank god. And

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Speaker 1: if it gets the cline, you're like, everyone's now, everyone knows.

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Speaker 1: Now everyone knows I don't have three bucks and tell him.

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Speaker 1: You're like, I'm gonna get room service now. But exactly so,

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Speaker 1: it is. It is. I think it does suck to

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Speaker 1: be turned down, so for what the reason could be legitimate,

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Speaker 1: but to be turned down is a blow to your

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Speaker 1: ego and be like, so here's here's a the other

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Speaker 1: side to that isn't really a blow to the ego,

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Speaker 1: because there has to have been times when your wife

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Speaker 1: is in the mood and you're like, I'm just like exhausted,

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Speaker 1: like I just can't right now. I just all I

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Speaker 1: want to do is go to sleep. You guys have

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Speaker 1: four kids, Like, would you not look at both sides

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Speaker 1: of the coin. Like I do that. When I think

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Speaker 1: of like my wife, I think of like, yeah, sometimes

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Speaker 1: there's times where she's just had a super stressful day,

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Speaker 1: and there's times where I've had a day or I'm

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Speaker 1: super exhausted or something. I'm just all I really want

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Speaker 1: to do is go to sleep. That doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: you don't love the person. No, No, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that you don't love him. When I say a blow

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Speaker 1: to the ego, it's like, no, you you you may

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Speaker 1: want something and when you don't get it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: if you feel like you're a you're in this person

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Speaker 1: doesn't like you, but it's like you kind of wanted something.

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Speaker 1: You want that person and wanted to YEA. So if

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Speaker 1: you're in the mood and the other person is like not,

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh, well it's not. It's not like all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden your self esteem is shot. But it sucks. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I see, like I it's happened to me obviously, But

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Speaker 1: I see how you can take it like the person

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Speaker 1: is not attracted to you. That it could be interpreted

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Speaker 1: if it's someone I'm in a relationship with. Ever, I

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Speaker 1: don't know that I ever. Ever, No, I've never turned

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Speaker 1: it down, you know. I mean, I think it's more like,

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Speaker 1: hold all an of you have never turned it down

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Speaker 1: last night. I've never That's what I'm saying, Producer Danielle.

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Speaker 1: So I agree with not that I can remember, because

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Speaker 1: it's it's like maybe it wasn't like my my best performance,

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Speaker 1: but I was never like you know what, not tonight.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just I also think you can mess around.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying like the full thing, but I've never

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Speaker 1: turned it down, like at least sort of fooling around

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Speaker 1: ever if I'm in a relationship with the person. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I kind of agree with producer Danielle. Here, do you

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Speaker 1: want to chime in on this? This is Danielle. Maybe

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Speaker 1: let's hold off on that. You guys are liar apart

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Speaker 1: and just say your opinion. Well, I just there's so

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Speaker 1: many days when you're when you come home and you're

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Speaker 1: just tired and all you want to do is just

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Speaker 1: go to sleep. And that's happened to me before, where

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Speaker 1: my husband's like, you know, trying to have sex, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like I can't right now. I the only thing

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Speaker 1: on my brain is going to sleep. Let's do this tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: you know. But that's from a moment like I've been

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Speaker 1: turned down for that same reason, But I don't know

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Speaker 1: that I've ever I've never had like my wife or

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Speaker 1: a girlfriend when I was in a relationship be like

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Speaker 1: I want to have sex to me, but not tonight.

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Speaker 1: Your husband turned you down. You're a liar. I know

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Speaker 1: did it. I just literally got contradicted it and I

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Speaker 1: so you you could say that you've turned it down.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to think if I've ever turned it down.

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Speaker 1: I think I can't clearly say for sure that I have,

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Speaker 1: But I can't clearly say that I haven't. I bet

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Speaker 1: I would bet that I probably have in my life,

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Speaker 1: in my relationship with my wife, have turned down um

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Speaker 1: sex at some point. And like, I think you guys

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Speaker 1: are all. I honestly think you guys are all lying

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Speaker 1: to you guys. Perhaps we're misremembering, but I really don't remember.

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Speaker 1: In fact is you're saying, you're calling us a liar,

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Speaker 1: but you can't remember when you did it. You're saying,

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Speaker 1: probably I must have. Yeah. I think I think, going

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Speaker 1: back to the relationship side of it is there may

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Speaker 1: be subtle things that she's promoting to promote sex that's

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Speaker 1: not like you're in the bed at the same time

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Speaker 1: and you're reaching over and you're grabbing each other. It's

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Speaker 1: could have been throughout the day or when you got

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Speaker 1: home from work it's like, hey, how's it going, and

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Speaker 1: you know that I'm not even picking up on that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, hey, let's get physical or whatever. Then

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Speaker 1: and then she's like, oh, I'm so tired tonight. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm you know, blah blah blah. But like that's a

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Speaker 1: good point. So maybe there's maybe there's subtle inquiries into

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Speaker 1: it that that we didn't pick up on and then

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Speaker 1: and then she stopped. But I've never flat out known

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Speaker 1: it was. It could happen, and Okay, so here's a

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Speaker 1: here's a question for you guys. So for people out

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Speaker 1: there that are struggling with that are listening to this,

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Speaker 1: that are struggling with initiating sex, what's something that they

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Speaker 1: can do to get over the fear of rejection if

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Speaker 1: they partner possibly says no, they're not in the mood.

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Speaker 1: What can we do to help our listeners initiate more

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Speaker 1: romance and sex in their relationship. I think it goes

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Speaker 1: to what Rick said, is that you've got to be

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Speaker 1: a little more open about it. I mean, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: play the mind games or the hold out game there

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Speaker 1: because but I think you have to be a little

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Speaker 1: more open about it because sometimes you don't realize that

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Speaker 1: that's what the person is putting out there. Um. And

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Speaker 1: then I think what we said before, just because you

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Speaker 1: get rejected does not mean that person doesn't love you,

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean they're not attracted to you. You should just

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Speaker 1: be Do you think that if there's sort of rejection

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Speaker 1: going on, Maybe not one time, but often there's something

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Speaker 1: wrong in the relationship so after sorry, no, yeah, like

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Speaker 1: often yes, like if you're talking like very commonplace. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I believe so. I believe that there's an energetic thing

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Speaker 1: that's off there. I don't think that it's that they're

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Speaker 1: not compatible. I don't think that it's that they're not

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Speaker 1: attracted to each other. I just think that there's an

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Speaker 1: energetic um misalignment at that moment that needs a rewiring

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Speaker 1: or recalibration to now be drawn to each other again

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Speaker 1: versus almost repulsed. Yes, that actually is In the books,

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Speaker 1: I read that there can be such a turn off

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Speaker 1: for some reason that it's repulsive. And I don't mean

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Speaker 1: that like, the person is the idea of the set,

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Speaker 1: and that's why I think it's an energetic thing. When

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Speaker 1: we moved out here after college, my buddies and I

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Speaker 1: my buddy was in a relationship um with this girl

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Speaker 1: and after a while they've been dating for years, and

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Speaker 1: after a while he was just like, oh, she's just

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Speaker 1: not interested in sex anymore. And my other buddy now

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Speaker 1: we're like, I think she's probably just not interesting sex

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Speaker 1: with you anymore, because I mean we were in our

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Speaker 1: twenties and when and for him to be like, she

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Speaker 1: just doesn't want to do it there, to me, there

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Speaker 1: was some there was some disconnect there, because there's no

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Speaker 1: way this girl in or twenties just hanging it up

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Speaker 1: for sex. So clearly there was a problem with the

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Speaker 1: relationship and was there. So I have a friend who

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Speaker 1: I will not name, has sex with her husband every day. Now.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if full on or just like mouth

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Speaker 1: stuff quote unquote. Here she said her thought on it too,

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Speaker 1: is like for some reason, she's not totally in the mood.

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Speaker 1: She literally said to me, it takes ten minutes. So

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Speaker 1: there are times when she does it simply because he

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Speaker 1: wants it, and she loves him. Oh not from Danielle. Oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: for sure. I totally agree with that. There's sometimes where

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not in the mood, but I'm going

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Speaker 1: to do it, and then say with him vice versa.

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Speaker 1: He's like, let's do it, you know, and not Sometimes

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Speaker 1: I don't come home and I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to have sex, you know. But if

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Speaker 1: he's in the mood, I'm like, all right, I'll give

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Speaker 1: in and chime in on that. So I'll say on

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Speaker 1: that issue, I think that if your partners not into it,

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Speaker 1: I think you go over and above and beyond to

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Speaker 1: get them into it. Oh that's a good point, Like that,

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Speaker 1: says I was gonna ask Llo, But like, like, when

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Speaker 1: you're kind of just doing it even though you're not

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Speaker 1: in the mood at the end of it, do you

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Speaker 1: did you enjoy it? For sure? Yeah? For sure. Then

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Speaker 1: I'm like cake, you know, but you know, getting across

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Speaker 1: back to Brooks's point of like, hey, when you're getting

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Speaker 1: turned down, then maybe go over and above. Yeah, let

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Speaker 1: me see what I can do to let me see

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Speaker 1: what I can do to engage you in this and

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Speaker 1: and get you excited and turned on and but then

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Speaker 1: run around the house naked. So it's super interesting. I'm

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Speaker 1: just gonna give two facts. I read a bunch of

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Speaker 1: books to prepare for this episode. Massage is the number

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Speaker 1: one thing to get people into it and number two

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Speaker 1: the thing that people want the most, mouth stuff. What's

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Speaker 1: mouth stuff? You don't know? Can he borrow that book?

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Speaker 1: A mouth stuff? Mouth stuff is being e J B

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Speaker 1: J four J or I just want on mouth on

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Speaker 1: the lady. Got it. He's just trying to get you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's putting you right in a trap here. Ay um,

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Speaker 1: so okay, what are those two things again? A Massawsage

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Speaker 1: is the number one form of four play that is

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Speaker 1: effective and people desire. So let's let's unpack that for

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Speaker 1: a second, because that's like a a sensual touch. So

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Speaker 1: that's that's actually like an energetic almost connection, like hey,

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Speaker 1: let me not just grab parts of you and take

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Speaker 1: control like I don't maybe I don't want that. Correct

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Speaker 1: The book said, really linger and take a lot of

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Speaker 1: time before you touch those parts. Yeah. So, and this

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Speaker 1: is not just for a female. This is for a

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Speaker 1: male to like if a man is not in the mood,

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Speaker 1: um like rubbing your your hands on his back or

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Speaker 1: just like light touching on his skin is a very

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Speaker 1: sensual thing and it's one of the erotic blueprints right

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Speaker 1: from Jaya that we did um essential this episode with

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Speaker 1: thirty five year old men and they want to give

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Speaker 1: the massage. They also enjoy that as for play, not

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Speaker 1: just receiving the massage but giving it. Yeah, that's that's

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite things, actually giving a massage. I

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Speaker 1: find it. A massage to me is probably too relaxing,

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Speaker 1: Like I would rather give it than get it because

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Speaker 1: I feel like I would probably get really rested. Getting

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Speaker 1: a massage probably does off a sleep. I love giving it.

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Speaker 1: I think. Yeah, for me, it's like an aphrodisia. It's

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Speaker 1: I'm super I get super turned on giving a massage.

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Speaker 1: Can I Okay, so this is getting super turned on

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Speaker 1: talking about giving us. Have any of you and please

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Speaker 1: try to admit it. Ever had the massage? Wink wink

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Speaker 1: where they had in a parlor? You mean a full

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Speaker 1: body massage? Yeah, in in a parlor like a paid

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Speaker 1: for one. Yes, No, I don't think it's a real thing.

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Speaker 1: There's no doubt it's a real thing. No, I have not.

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Speaker 1: Robert Kraft, Right, Robert Kraft I know this is commonplace

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Speaker 1: and people do not consider it cheating. Yeah, I have friends,

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Speaker 1: several friends, and I do travel around the world for

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Speaker 1: work in business, and I do have friends that have

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Speaker 1: gone to those places, and they have told me stories

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Speaker 1: about it, and it's basically it's part of the culture,

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Speaker 1: you know. It's it's something that men, particular in those

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Speaker 1: particularly countries, do, and it's a it's a it's like

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Speaker 1: a relaxation. It's like a woman going to a spa. Right.

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Speaker 1: So they've told me that you go in there and

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Speaker 1: you get a full body massage, and then afterwards there's

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Speaker 1: a separate other room full body, full body, every single

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Speaker 1: part of your body. And afterwards you basically go into

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Speaker 1: like a whole another room that's like a man cave

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Speaker 1: sort of, and it's fifty lazy boy chairs and everyone's

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Speaker 1: sitting there. There's TVs everywhere, like whether it's sports or

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Speaker 1: news or whatever, and you lay down and you can

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Speaker 1: take a nap. I sound like I actually know, like

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Speaker 1: I sound like I'm talking like I've been to one.

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Speaker 1: And they come by and they, you know, he told me,

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Speaker 1: they give you like warm towels and you lay down

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Speaker 1: and they come by and give you foot massages and

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Speaker 1: then if you want to coke or a beer or

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Speaker 1: a cigarette or food or fruit. It's just like so

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Speaker 1: it's very similar to Women's Day at the spot. There's

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Speaker 1: just a tiny bit more cleaning of the pipe. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a full body massage. Man. To me, that's totally

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Speaker 1: fine to me. That's that's cheating to me. Interesting, that's

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Speaker 1: how I just I would never have my boyfriend did that.

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Speaker 1: I don't care what I do, not it might make

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Speaker 1: him last longer. Yeah, that doesn't bother me. To me,

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Speaker 1: that seems just like if I cared that he doesn't

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Speaker 1: do it. No, because I don't want strangers touching me.

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Speaker 1: I only want that's the only reason you wouldn't do it.

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Speaker 1: Or would you not do it because you would feel

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Speaker 1: like you are being unfaithful a stranger giving you a

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Speaker 1: full body massage. An I don't get massages. I don't

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Speaker 1: like him. I don't like strangers touching. We're talking to

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Speaker 1: our listeners. They'd have to decide for themselves. For me,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it because I don't like a massage.

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Speaker 1: Or I'm only into someone touching me that I'm attracted to.

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Speaker 1: So it's my I'm in a relationship with so I'm

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Speaker 1: I actually side with Brooks on this one. But I

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Speaker 1: have a friend and he when he first got together

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Speaker 1: with his now wife, they were, you know, they were

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Speaker 1: we were out talking and she's and he's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: she doesn't like to give what do you want to say?

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Speaker 1: Mouth stuff? And so she's He's like, she doesn't care

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Speaker 1: if I get it somewhere else. She doesn't want to

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Speaker 1: have sex somewhere, but she doesn't care if I get

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Speaker 1: that somewhere else. And she was there and she said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do it, but I don't want

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Speaker 1: to deprive it. So I draw the line on mouth stuff.

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Speaker 1: I don't want my boyfriend going to a spot in

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Speaker 1: another country and getting mouth stuff. But a massage and

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Speaker 1: hand totally fine. I seems the same to me as

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Speaker 1: if he's doing it himself watching some dirty movie on TV.

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Speaker 1: That's bother me either. Okay. I would love to hear

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Speaker 1: what our listeners think about this, So please send us

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Speaker 1: an email men at iHeart radio dot com, because I'm

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Speaker 1: we should do is Maybe we should go on a

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Speaker 1: trip and just try it. I know Gavin's probably gonna

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Speaker 1: be Brooks. Maybe this is the episode Brooks isn't part of.

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Speaker 1: While they're at it, can they also let us know

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Speaker 1: if they think porn is cheating because I don't, but

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Speaker 1: some people do. And after in a minute, let's talk

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Speaker 1: about that too, watching it or making it? Watching it?

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Speaker 1: Back from break, this is how men think. My name

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Speaker 1: is Brooks like and this is the sex episode. We're

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Speaker 1: diving into all the fun stuff and we want to

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Speaker 1: piggyback that the porn part here. We just had a

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Speaker 1: little interesting conversation over this break and we're getting into

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Speaker 1: the porn question for you guys. Dmitri, I'm looking at you, Rick,

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at you. Is why watching porn cheating in

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Speaker 1: your definition? No? No, okay, elaborate a little more. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you're you're watching something. What's what's the difference of watching Okay,

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Speaker 1: fifty Shades of Gray had was a very graphic movie, right,

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Speaker 1: what's the difference between just watching something? If you're not

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Speaker 1: involved in something and you're watching it. I mean, what

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Speaker 1: if you're watching it and then taking pleasure on yourself

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Speaker 1: with yourself? I don't I don't see why that would

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Speaker 1: be cheating. Now I don't either, I think cheating you

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Speaker 1: need to sort of const we're talking about porn, but

395
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Speaker 1: like cheating is more of a physical one on one.

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Speaker 1: If you're actually touching somebody, kissing somebody having that, that's

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Speaker 1: that on the side of your partner, right or your

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Speaker 1: wife or or whatever. Whereas I don't feel like porn.

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Speaker 1: You're watching something. And to Dmitri's point, you know there's

400
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Speaker 1: soft porn, there's fifty shades of gray. There's things that

401
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 1: actually stimulate somebody. And I think if you're going to

402
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Speaker 1: do something by yourself, then that's okay as long as

403
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Speaker 1: you're watching it. You're not having a physical interaction with something.

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Speaker 1: If you're going to a live show, yeah, then maybe

405
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Speaker 1: you're getting a little closer to that. But if you're

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Speaker 1: watching it, like I don't show so I want to

407
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Speaker 1: get to that third row, what was it like when

408
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Speaker 1: you did you sit down on the seat just be like,

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Speaker 1: I'm so gross white. So here's a question though, to

410
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Speaker 1: play Devil's advocate to that is that some people would

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Speaker 1: look at that like it's it's almost like intellectual cheating

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Speaker 1: that you are desiring somebody else, that that that that

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Speaker 1: it doesn't need to be a physical act for it

414
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Speaker 1: to be cheat. You got sorry ahead. I just know

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Speaker 1: that my guy watches porn but is thinking about me.

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Speaker 1: Are you sure he's thinking about you? I don't think

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Speaker 1: he might not be, so okay, So what if you

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Speaker 1: found out he wasn't he was watching porn thinking about

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Speaker 1: that woman. We don't care. But listen, everybody has imaginations, right,

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Speaker 1: You can find other things sexy or attractive. Just because

421
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Speaker 1: you settled down with in person, does that mean does

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Speaker 1: not mean that your tunnel vision from there. So for

423
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,679
Speaker 1: someone to watch something and think, like I know couples

424
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 1: that there are people out there, the couples that watch

425
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 1: porn to get aroused together, Yeah, we talked about that.

426
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: I might be open to that. It's it's the basis

427
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:20,639
Speaker 1: of your relationships. I think we should well and I

428
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 1: think I think we would be naive to think that

429
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 1: we are only attracted to that partner. Meaning there's everybody

430
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 1: wants a different thing, Like I like trucks, I like ferraris,

431
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 1: I like sports, you know whatever. You know. So it's like, yes,

432
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,680
Speaker 1: I love my wife, I love having sex with her.

433
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,360
Speaker 1: You know that whole thing is together. But I think

434
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,960
Speaker 1: it's also like you're thinking, like, oh, I'm also that's

435
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: attractive to you know, and every and as long as

436
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: you're not doing it in the way we're we're talking

437
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 1: about being physical with another person and you're you're watching

438
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: porn or that's okay, you're still going to go back

439
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,719
Speaker 1: and be with that person. You're I can I can

440
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 1: see you right now, and I can tell you. My

441
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 1: wife doesn't want to. You know, I'm not the only

442
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,639
Speaker 1: person in her eye and to some extent, right you know,

443
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 1: I mean like they're probably walking on she's like, oh,

444
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 1: that guy's hot, Like how many chicks think Brad Pitt's

445
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 1: cut millions? My wife has a picture of Brooks on

446
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: the desk. We know, we discussed the most searched, So

447
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 1: we did some research and porn hub has the most

448
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: searched porn by men and women. Did we reveal those yet?

449
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: Would you like me to reveal them to you and

450
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 1: then you can discuss it. So the most yeah, okay,

451
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 1: right here, I got it right here, So the most common. So,

452
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: by the way, this is this is just like finding

453
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 1: out what there are different boundaries in different relationships. So

454
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,600
Speaker 1: this was just opening a discussion for that. So do

455
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: that in your own relationship. If you're listening to this,

456
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 1: but the most common porn searches by men. This might

457
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 1: started started you guys, milf porn. Milf porn is the

458
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 1: number one sir by men. And I did some research

459
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: on number two because I it threw me number two

460
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 1: step mom. So I asked, what in the world does

461
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: that mean? And what I found out is it means

462
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: So let's say there's like, uh in the in the movie,

463
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,440
Speaker 1: there's a thirty year old dude, right, and the dad

464
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 1: is like sixty, and the step mom's the hot thirty

465
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: five year old gal, and so the gist of the

466
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: storyline is like the step mom's like, oh, you're so

467
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 1: much bigger than your dad and like stuff like that.

468
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, now I get it. Here's

469
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,920
Speaker 1: the thing I will say. I'm and I know you'll left.

470
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: I'm not a I'm not a personal I'm not a

471
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: porn guy. I prefer movies like whatever, but I'm not

472
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 1: a porn But I don't get what that means. You

473
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: prefer a movie top gun No, Well, I love top

474
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 1: but no, I mean, I'm not a vacation I don't

475
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 1: watch porn. But I'm saying I find movies with like seeing,

476
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,120
Speaker 1: like romantic scenes and stuff that goes in that better.

477
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: I'm not a porn guy because it's to me, it's laughable,

478
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 1: it's so cheesy. I have seen it, but I don't

479
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: search it out. But what I will say about that

480
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: is that the one in two searches, I get it

481
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: because when guys are younger, that's that's the fantasy guys

482
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 1: when they were like teenagers and coming into the whole

483
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: sexual time. You don't think of like your peers that way.

484
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 1: It's the whole. I mean, think of American Pie Stiffler's mom,

485
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: Mrs Robinson's such a cultural something like that. So that

486
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 1: doesn't surprise me that those are the top. Then I

487
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: did a lot of research. Brooks reveal what women search,

488
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: and then I read multiple articles as to why, and

489
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 1: I can explain to you guys. Okay, so the most

490
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: common thing for women is they prefer girl on girl porn.

491
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: For many reasons that women prefer girl on girls, for

492
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: many straight women preferred. My thought, my my initial thought

493
00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 1: is that women are always I think they're all is

494
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 1: more connected to other women than men. Don't have the

495
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: connection that women do with women. And I think my

496
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 1: guests would be that the guys in these movies are

497
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: pretty nasty, so they like to see the woman getting pleasured,

498
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: but not by someone that they think is nasty. So

499
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: you're closer on that, which there probably is some element

500
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 1: of that. What it's said in the articles I read

501
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: is that women on women porn is much more sensual, slower,

502
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: erotic as opposed to porn that men watch is very

503
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 1: can I just say the gross words thrusting and penetration

504
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:42,120
Speaker 1: and like like that, and women find that jarring and unappealing,

505
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: whereas the other type is much more like massaging, slow,

506
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: um and erotic. Yeah. Yeah, it goes back to the

507
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: energetic or the sexual blueprints, the erotic blueprints. Energetic sensual

508
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,440
Speaker 1: versus like sexual is what you think the men's porn

509
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 1: is like, let's let's let we're know that we're having sex.

510
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 1: That's the only thing that means. That's the word that

511
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 1: comes to my mind. The tone that you did. I

512
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: was thinking bingo, like b I N G, and I

513
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 1: was like, I don't be a how about this. I'll

514
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 1: go ahead real quick on the on the women on women.

515
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe the woman who's watching that is

516
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 1: perhaps thinking about their husband or their partner, whereas a

517
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: male might be watching porn and the b A n

518
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: G O UM is trying to I think you're right,

519
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: is thinking about the bang bang bang. I think you're right, right,

520
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: and I think you nailed it. So here's okay. Another

521
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:57,239
Speaker 1: porn question. Um. Does pornography in culture today give a

522
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: false sense of what sex really is? Yes, I I

523
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 1: think it's I think it depends on who you're talking about.

524
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 1: I think if younger people are watching and stuff, I

525
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: think it's I think it's pretty bad and I think

526
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 1: it can be pretty detrimental if young boys are watching

527
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 1: and thinking, oh, this is what it should be, this

528
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 1: is how women should behave And I think it's terrible.

529
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 1: If I'm a massive problem because it's so accessible for

530
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: young teens and college students that they have an absolute

531
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 1: crazy idea of what like relationships, intimacy is. No, you're

532
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: completely right, it's it's not. I think that type of

533
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 1: sex has been going on for centuries. I think it's

534
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: the accessibility that people can get to see that type

535
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: of sex being played out on a screen. More or less.

536
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: Little kids or you know, younger adults getting into that,

537
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: and I think that warps their brain warps. It's it's

538
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: a complete false sense of how life is. So do

539
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: you think that that can actually ruin a relationship or

540
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 1: lead to two improper relation ships? Thousand percent? Yeah. I

541
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 1: mean if you're new into the game, um, and don't

542
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 1: have as much experience, and you're not you weren't maybe

543
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: brought up well about education on how sex is, and

544
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: you are watching that and then you're with a woman

545
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: and you're all of a sudden like getting into a

546
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 1: situation that is like the porns being seen or shown

547
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: now and yeah, I mean, and that's when she's definitely

548
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: gonna say no or at least to another whole another

549
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 1: thing called young girls. Young women are doing things they

550
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 1: don't want to do because they've seen it and their

551
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: boyfriend has seen it on the internet and think like, oh, yeah,

552
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: we're supposed to do that, when it's not anything anyone does.

553
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: So I have something further to that that's I don't

554
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 1: think i've shared with you guys. Um. So I've been

555
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: looking into the like studying some sexuality that Jayat teaches

556
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: and reading more up on that, And there was something

557
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 1: that she mentioned that was really powerful and st up

558
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: with me. When as a kid, if your parents ever said, Okay,

559
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 1: go hug your grandma. Go go go kiss your your grandma,

560
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 1: or go touch your go hug your grandpa. It's telling

561
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: that kid that they need to go give physical contact

562
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: where maybe they're not comfortable doing. It's always like, oh yeah,

563
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: you're go give your uncle the hugg It's that type

564
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: of stuff. We always I always tell the kids you

565
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 1: don't have to do anything. You don't have to hug somebody.

566
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 1: If someone says, you know, give me a hug, whatever,

567
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: it's never something that they have to do. I agree

568
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: with that. And so then that could be laced into

569
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: somebody when they get older and start entering a physical relationship.

570
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: At the same time, how do you let kids know

571
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: that affection is okay, what do you want? If you

572
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 1: want to, you can go hug your ground. Just change

573
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 1: the language versus like here Amy, you need to go

574
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 1: like think you that you're five years old and your

575
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 1: grandpa smells weird, or you're like, oh, I have to

576
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 1: go do this, and I have to go do this,

577
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 1: and then my uncle and then you know, like you think,

578
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 1: so you change the languag just slightly, just so. And

579
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: it comes down to especially if they bring a gift

580
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, give him a hug, give me a kiss.

581
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: They gave you a gift. No, it's say thank you,

582
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: give him a high five, say thank you. But it's not.

583
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: You're never forced them to be like you have to

584
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,719
Speaker 1: hug them because they gave you something. To kiss them,

585
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: they gave you something exactly. Yeah, yeah, you let you

586
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: let them make the decision if they're comfortable with physical

587
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 1: contact or not. And then I think that is laced

588
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: into the fabric and DNA of that individual as they

589
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 1: get older and into situations that are like sexual situations.

590
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: But that that's what she had mentioned. I'm really and

591
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: it's changed the way, like I hope to parent one day.

592
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: You guys are both dads, but like I'll never reading that.

593
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: I'll never be like, Okay, go hug this person, go

594
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: hug that. Who am I to control their body? And

595
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 1: what they're right into talking about talking to your kids

596
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: about sex. Okay, let's get into that. We gotta take

597
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 1: quick break. Let's get into kids talking to your kids

598
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 1: about sex. Rick's looking at me like I got three

599
00:31:51,760 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: heads here. We gotta go. Okay, we'll be right back. Okay,

600
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 1: kids in sex. This is this I want to defer

601
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 1: to you guys. I I am really curious how you

602
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: guys handle talking to your kids about sex. Um, I know, Rick,

603
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: your kids are a little bit older, right, yes, so

604
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 1: are they entering? And can you give me the age

605
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: of your kids? And eleven? Thirteen eleven? And to meet you?

606
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: What's your oldest So you're you're not there yet, but

607
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: I mean you're thinking. They did have a situation. Not Thanksgiving,

608
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: we were watching a movie and, um, you know my

609
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: nieces and nephews with their stuff. We're watching Jumanji and

610
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 1: at one point there was a an erection joke. You know,

611
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 1: it's very subtle and you know, and they laugh because

612
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 1: they're older. And my one kid turning to me and goes,

613
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: what's that joke mean? And I was like, how did

614
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 1: you handle it? I was kind of like, it's just

615
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: there's it's a there's a joke about um, when someone's

616
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,479
Speaker 1: attracted to somebody and how it feels to them. So

617
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: it happen to be the character. I don't know if

618
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: you saw jaman is the character where the girl is

619
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 1: in a boy's body. So she didn't realize what that

620
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: was like it first, So I said, so it's about

621
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: how a guy feels when he when he finds someone attractive.

622
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: And I kind of looked it at that and I'm actually, yeah,

623
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 1: that was pretty good. Yeah, totally. I have my experiences.

624
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: You know, it's I'm in a it can be a

625
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: little challenging. I mean, I don't have all the answers

626
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 1: to be honest Brooks, you know, and I think there's

627
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 1: been situations where they come up and, um, you know,

628
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: like my son, for example, the other day, we were

629
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: getting ice cream after a basketball game and you know,

630
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 1: just kind of hanging out. It was evening, We're waiting

631
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: for an uber to go home, and he's like, how

632
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 1: many times have you had sex with mom? Your your

633
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: son just said that out of the and he's like, um,

634
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what flavor did you get? You know,

635
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 1: did you tell Hi about the hold out game? You know?

636
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: Then he asked, you know, I was like a follow

637
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: up question like did you only have sex when you

638
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: had you know, my sister? And I like twice, yeah,

639
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 1: So did you answer the first one or did he

640
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: go right to you kind of immediately win in the

641
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: second one? And then and then it was like do

642
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,839
Speaker 1: you And so I'm still kind of trying to figure

643
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 1: out how to answer this right. I mean, it's it's

644
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 1: like you're kind of put on the spot and there

645
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: you're trying to figure out also kind of the read

646
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 1: and where he's going with it, and you know, and

647
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 1: he's laughing and it's kind of funny and ball and

648
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 1: then it's afterwards. The third follow up question was basically

649
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 1: like have you had sex with mom since we were born?

650
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,840
Speaker 1: And so a lot of it was like, yes, definitely,

651
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: you know, you know, and then it's like giggling and

652
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 1: giggling and giggling, and it was what was he doing

653
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 1: while you were giggling? He was eating his ice cream?

654
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: But I don't know what my point is to be

655
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: honest with your books, but my but part of it

656
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 1: is they're reaching out to me us at that point

657
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: in time, you know, like Dmitri's example, and a lot

658
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 1: of times it's it's just allowing that you don't have

659
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,280
Speaker 1: to always come back with an answer or a solution

660
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: or the right you know result. It's it's more of

661
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: like the having that open dialogue, that conversation. You don't

662
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: have to have all the answers and you don't have

663
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 1: to do it the best way but don't shut that down.

664
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,959
Speaker 1: Don't shut that communication down because then they're gonna start

665
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: asking other people. So this was very fascinating. At jingle

666
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: ball the other night, we spoke to a fourteen year

667
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: old and talk. I asked for this show. I said,

668
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 1: what are you learning in school? And she said, Rick

669
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 1: was there? Oh, we learned the fourteen points to putting

670
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:39,240
Speaker 1: on a condom. And she went through all fourteen points

671
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: with me, which I do have in some notes, and

672
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: there were oh no, I think it was eleven points.

673
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: There were eleven points. Actually, it's very interesting. If you

674
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: guys keep talking, I'll pull it up. Daniel. I was

675
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: never taught to sound school. I learned about condoms in

676
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 1: school in seventh grade. But it's kind of like four.

677
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:57,360
Speaker 1: I mean that sounds like a lot. Is it like

678
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,360
Speaker 1: throw out? Throwout the Rappers? So it's not left on

679
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 1: the floor? Is that alright? So I took notes while

680
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,799
Speaker 1: she was saying it. It's eleven steps and this is

681
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: what the teacher taught them in school. Number one, check

682
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 1: the expiration date, to pinch the package to make sure

683
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 1: there's air. Number Three, softly take it out, not with

684
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 1: your teeth or scissors. Once you take it out, pinch

685
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,919
Speaker 1: the tip. We're talking about the condom just so, Yeah,

686
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 1: you slowly put it on and roll it down all

687
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 1: the way. Next, have your fun. Next, eject the penis.

688
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 1: Then carefully hold the condom so it doesn't come off.

689
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: And she said, the teacher said, because that would be

690
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 1: very disappointing, meaning like you did all this work and

691
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: then you failed. Next, separate your bodies, carefully, tie the

692
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 1: condom in a knot throw it away, do not flush it.

693
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know about this super detailed.

694
00:36:56,280 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 1: That was in school. So I've never in my life

695
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 1: and even in school, had any sex training or anything

696
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 1: to even do in that ballpark. I never had any

697
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: discussions about it. My parents never talked to me about it,

698
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 1: like and that's why at thirty six now I'm really

699
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 1: starting to dive into like sexuality and even discovering like

700
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 1: I do. I was never taught how to put a condom,

701
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 1: so I found that to be shocking. The one thing

702
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 1: that I do know they teach, and I'd love for

703
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 1: people to reach out to us what they think about

704
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 1: this consent. So they are now teaching in major ways

705
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 1: consent is sexy. Not only do you have to consent,

706
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 1: they said. The girl told me, you have to enthusiastically consent,

707
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:45,479
Speaker 1: so both parties should shout out I want this, this

708
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 1: is what I want. Enthusiastic yes, so that every party

709
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: agrees to it. I think you shout that out afterwards,

710
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 1: don't you? During? But I don't. I am loving this

711
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 1: when I think about this, just the fact that this

712
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 1: is in school. When I think about this, I think

713
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: about college, and I think about how amazing this is

714
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,240
Speaker 1: that there's some sort of education and training for kids

715
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,919
Speaker 1: right is they're entering this stage of life where they're

716
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: starting to explore sex, that they have some sort of framework,

717
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: idea or guidance, entering into a very vulnerable and and

718
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: can be life changing stage of life before they get

719
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,879
Speaker 1: to college, where now you're just turned loose. You don't

720
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 1: have parents around you, You're surrounded by influences of friends,

721
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 1: which can be good or bad or even worse. You're

722
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 1: in environments where you may be added in substance like

723
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,880
Speaker 1: alcohol or something else. And then you hear all the

724
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: time about these stories about campuses and what happens all

725
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: the time. I think it's I think it's it shows

726
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,439
Speaker 1: that the evolution of of us beings, like of how

727
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 1: we are and the education of that and how just

728
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: like you're saying, when you're like that, you brush your

729
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 1: kid up to go and give your uncle a hug.

730
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 1: You know, it's like you have to say it the

731
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 1: right way. And that goes on to like educating them

732
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 1: into another level. Whereas I think if the kids have

733
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 1: this type of education at that age, I think it's excellent.

734
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 1: I mean, is the eleventh step process does. It seemed

735
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 1: a little overbearing totally, but I think it's excellent. It

736
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 1: seemed a little overbearing in seven So in seventh grade

737
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 1: we were told about condoms, and I remember Mr Ed,

738
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 1: the health teacher, was like he talked about he had

739
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 1: a little speech thing, so he was like, if you're

740
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: gonna be with somebody sexually, you need to have and

741
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 1: he had a little speech thing, so he said condom.

742
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 1: But the way he said it sounded like condo. So

743
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: for like a week I thought you had to like

744
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 1: buy a condo before you had sex with people. I

745
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 1: was like, it seems really expensive. But I wasn't thinking

746
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 1: about sex and seventh grade anyway, But so they touched

747
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 1: on it back when we were young, when when Rick

748
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 1: and I were young, which was a long time ago.

749
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: But I think that's that list that sounds a little extensive.

750
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to complain about too much information.

751
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,320
Speaker 1: I don't want the kids doing it wrong and putting

752
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 1: their health or having pregnancy risks. It. Really wants to

753
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,320
Speaker 1: make sure they're doing it right. I don't never complain

754
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 1: about over educating. Yeah, that's that's what my next point is.

755
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 1: I would rather even for me, but if I had

756
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: a kid, have them have more information so that and like,

757
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 1: I doubt that both partners are going to say I

758
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,839
Speaker 1: want this and any other one I know, but they're

759
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 1: educating them to consent. Really that so they can figure

760
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 1: out how they wish to consent. But they've over educated

761
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:31,280
Speaker 1: and then I think, I think it's like that, listen,

762
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 1: shoot for this, shoot for yes, but we we are

763
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: yelling yes, just so you know in your mind you've

764
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 1: got to hear some version of that. I agree complete.

765
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:41,800
Speaker 1: Dr Coles is going to be here in a second

766
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 1: and she can explain this to us. But I think

767
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: it's no means no, and saying nothing means no. Like

768
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: the only thing that means yes is you have to

769
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: actually say yes, put your I think the other thing

770
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: if they get if they get it half or they

771
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: get the most important steps in those those eleven yes,

772
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 1: that's fine. It's like coaching, Like you're telling your kids

773
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 1: or your your teammate to go do five different things

774
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 1: if they get three of those, right, cool, we're in business. Yeah.

775
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 1: And you know, and by the way, I'm saying this

776
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 1: as a forty six year old guy, I'm saying it

777
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: sounds a bit much. But you know what, when you're

778
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 1: a kid and you don't know any of this, you

779
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 1: have no experience, and you're probably a little afraid to

780
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 1: ask questions. So I kind of take that back. It's

781
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 1: telling me the eleven steps to putting on the condom.

782
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 1: I said. They don't exactly encourage you in school not

783
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 1: to do it. It seems like they want you to

784
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 1: be safe. I don't think they're doing either. But I said,

785
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: I don't want you having sex till you're like twenty fourteen.

786
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: Seemed yeah, I don't. But I think people have learned

787
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,320
Speaker 1: that you can't just teach abstinence and expect kids to

788
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 1: go but because it doesn't happen, so you have to

789
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 1: educate them for if they are going to go ahead

790
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: and do it. Then I think they have to do

791
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: it the right way and be safe. I had a

792
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:59,240
Speaker 1: friend of a friend of a friend's son tell me that, Um,

793
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 1: they were eating dinner one night and basically everyone was

794
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: at the table and it was like two of his

795
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 1: buddies and the dad or something like that, and they

796
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: were talking about um, like sports and practice schedules and

797
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 1: what nights they had it and what that they what

798
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 1: nights they did not. And this guy was like, on

799
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: Friday nights. And I don't think anything he had to

800
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,760
Speaker 1: do with a Friday night, but he didn't have practice

801
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: on a Friday night. And at the that moment, he

802
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: was at the table and started like thrusting his hips

803
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: with the kid. The kid and was saying, I'm getting

804
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 1: some pub how old thirteen and a half. But to

805
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:40,760
Speaker 1: your point, you're showing, you're showing off to your friends,

806
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 1: You're showing, you know and totally inappropriate. But that's going

807
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: through these kids much about having being fourteen, about learning

808
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 1: how to put on a condom. They need to know

809
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 1: that now. And what did the dad say when the

810
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:59,319
Speaker 1: kid did that? Like that is inappropriate? I mean, come on,

811
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,439
Speaker 1: it's like you're at a restaurant or regardless. It's it's

812
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 1: back to the porn thing, regardless off you're in a

813
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 1: restaurant or not. That's not the way you should be.

814
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: A kid should be looking at what he's going to

815
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: have with a girl. I would not want to have teenagers.

816
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: By the way, can we just real quick. I love

817
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,839
Speaker 1: the the image of a fourteen year old saying this

818
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:19,439
Speaker 1: is the steps of putting on a condom, and Amy

819
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,320
Speaker 1: going hold on, let me write this stuf. I actually

820
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,439
Speaker 1: asked her if she could come today, which she might

821
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 1: she might later. Okay, back from break is Brooks again,

822
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: and this is the sex episode. We've covered many topics now,

823
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 1: but now those have just been our opinions. Now we

824
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 1: have an actual expert in studio with us. I want

825
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,240
Speaker 1: to welcome to the show her first podcast appearance. Dr

826
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:54,359
Speaker 1: Viviana Coles. You welcome to the show, and kudos to you.

827
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 1: Flew all the way from Houston to right. Of course,

828
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: this is super special. I've never done anything like it,

829
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 1: and you'll have some thing really cool going on, and

830
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a part of it. So the

831
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 1: whole conversation has been about sex today and I want

832
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 1: to give our listeners. A little background of you. So

833
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: you're a doctor of Marriage and Family therapy, certified sex therapist,

834
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,840
Speaker 1: and an expert on Married at First Sight on Lifetime.

835
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 1: So you TV but never been on podcasts. Right. So

836
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 1: when I'm when I'm not in l A doing things

837
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: like this, Um, I have a private practice as a

838
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: license marriage and family therapist, and so every day, all day,

839
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 1: I'm working with couples and individuals who are experiencing emotional

840
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 1: and physical intimacy issues. So this is like what I

841
00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 1: do since two thousand three, Like, this is what I

842
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,359
Speaker 1: do every day. I love it. Well, you have come

843
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: to the right spot. Yeah, I don't mean because must

844
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 1: because we're talking about it. So you are the president,

845
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:49,399
Speaker 1: president and lead psychotherapist at Houston Relationship Therapy. You're also

846
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 1: the president lead instructor at Texas Sex Therapy Institute, a

847
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 1: sex therapy certification program for mental health professionals. You hold

848
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,800
Speaker 1: a bachelor's degree in psychology and master's a doctoral degree

849
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,360
Speaker 1: in marriage and family therapy. Be Um, I could go

850
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: on and on. This resident act is just an embarrassing

851
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:06,919
Speaker 1: that we've been talking about everything and we have none

852
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: of that. Yes, I have my grade twelve public education. Well,

853
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 1: you have every own experiences and of course, like most

854
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 1: of the time, I'm talking about things from a professional standpoint,

855
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:18,279
Speaker 1: I learned so much from the work that I do

856
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 1: with my clients. I've also been married for over twelve

857
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 1: and a half years. We have two kids, they're eight

858
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: and eleven. So even that kind of creates experience that

859
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 1: we can share with others. Beautiful. So one, I just

860
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: want to say, I appreciate you coming and our listeners

861
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: are definitely going to appreciate what you have to say.

862
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 1: So the next topic that we want to get into

863
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 1: and we'd love to get your insight on, is stagnant

864
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:43,319
Speaker 1: sex slash keeping things spicy. Yes, So it's been a

865
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 1: massive topic of discussion amongst our community. We've got many

866
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: emails and people have reached that out to us about it. Um.

867
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: One of the biggest things that we've received from from

868
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 1: the women in our community is they say, is it

869
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 1: bad that I don't crave sex with my husband? Well,

870
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,359
Speaker 1: it depends ends are they craving it with someone else? Wow?

871
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 1: Great question, I would let's say no, let's just go

872
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 1: off the no they don't. Yeah, let's let's say so,

873
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:10,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to speak exactly for them, but based

874
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 1: off the information that I have right now, let's say

875
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 1: they do not crave it with somebody, but they're not

876
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 1: craving it with their husband. So craving sex for women

877
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 1: is not the same animal as how men crave sex.

878
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily some sort of disorder, but it does

879
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 1: mean that there's low sexual desire happening in general. Most

880
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 1: women aren't saying, Wow, you know, I haven't slept with

881
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,959
Speaker 1: my husband in a month, but I have masturbated thirty times,

882
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: Like that's not happening. Overall, women tend to prioritize sex

883
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: and sexuality less than men do. And so if we're

884
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,120
Speaker 1: talking about it in terms of I don't crave sex

885
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 1: with my husband, it's not that they don't love them.

886
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 1: It's not that they don't care about them, and it's

887
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: not even that they're oblivious to it. They just don't

888
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,240
Speaker 1: prioritize sexuality in general. And that is something that plagues

889
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 1: most women, especially women who are running households, who have kids,

890
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,480
Speaker 1: and they have to have everything checked off their list

891
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 1: before they even begin to think about the bedroom. Is

892
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 1: that bad? Should they make it higher up on the

893
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: list if they want to stay married in a satisfying

894
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 1: relationship with a husband. Yes, absolutely, so how would they

895
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 1: go about doing that? So the number one thing that

896
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: I asked my women to do is to begin thinking

897
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: about sexuality more often. I know it sounds super silly,

898
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 1: but women don't think about it. I don't think it

899
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: sounds silly at all. We just don't tend to think

900
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 1: about sex nearly as often or as in depth as

901
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 1: men do. And you know, I'm looking at all of

902
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 1: you guys, and I don't know if this is the

903
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,439
Speaker 1: case for you, But most of the time men will

904
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 1: entertain sexual thoughts. They won't just shoot them aside. She's

905
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 1: the best side, she's inside. I mean, sometimes they'll think

906
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 1: about their grandma or baseball just to get it out.

907
00:47:57,719 --> 00:48:00,959
Speaker 1: But but for the most time, for the most they're

908
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: they're really just so we're clear, that's a separate topic.

909
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 1: It's not sex with the grandma. So you want to

910
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 1: get the thoughts out of your head. You have strategies

911
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,320
Speaker 1: to do that because maybe it's inappropriate, or maybe you

912
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,440
Speaker 1: don't want to have like an interaction or something randomly.

913
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 1: But women will do that all the time, and they

914
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 1: have to have like gates up that they then have

915
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 1: to open in order to let those thoughts in, and

916
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,359
Speaker 1: all of that tends to just not happen on a

917
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 1: regular basis. So what I asked them to do is

918
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 1: start to fantasize, start to allow those thoughts to happen.

919
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 1: If they're wanting to initiate sex on a Friday, they

920
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,440
Speaker 1: need to be thinking about it starting Monday, which sounds

921
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: like a lot of work. It does. And there's a

922
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,800
Speaker 1: lot of physical stuff that happens to you know, most

923
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 1: of us want to be very clean. We want to

924
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: feel shaved, we want to have that tan, we want

925
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 1: to make sure our you know, our mouths are clean.

926
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 1: Men don't tend to care about that as much. I

927
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 1: mean they appreciate a good smell than Rick. Yeah, he's

928
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 1: very into smells. And but man, because of els testosterone

929
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,439
Speaker 1: levels that are so high in the morning, you would

930
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 1: forego brushing teeth if you really had to, if that's

931
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 1: what it meant to get sex to happen. So with women, no,

932
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 1: like most women will say I need to get out

933
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 1: of bed, I need to maybe even take a shower,

934
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:27,760
Speaker 1: like they don't feel comfortable. Um, it's actually I feel

935
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,839
Speaker 1: like that, Like I love that, and I don't think

936
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 1: it's just a general or a gender thing like I

937
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:35,920
Speaker 1: feel like that. Um. I love that you've mentioned the

938
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: word sexuality a couple of times versus just sex, and

939
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 1: we've been talking about it on this episode. Is that

940
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 1: in my life right now, I'm sort of on a

941
00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 1: journey to study sex, what my sexuality is, and the

942
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,280
Speaker 1: sexuality of my wife, not just the act of sex.

943
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,240
Speaker 1: And before, like a month ago, I looked at sex

944
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: is just like a thing you just have sex, versus like,

945
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 1: sexuality is who I am as a as a sexual being.

946
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:05,839
Speaker 1: Creation is the is the birth of all life, like

947
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: sexual energy is the birth of all life. And it's

948
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 1: something that typically a lot of us don't consider the

949
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:17,359
Speaker 1: fact that sexuality happens outside of these sexual acts. How

950
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 1: you feel about someone, whether or not you're picking a

951
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,800
Speaker 1: fight that day, whether or not you're eating spaghetti for lunch,

952
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:25,560
Speaker 1: and you know you're going to have you know, acid

953
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: reflex that night, Like all those choices are part of

954
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:34,879
Speaker 1: sexuality and are a part of being open and receptive

955
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 1: to sexual experiences. Because everybody's talking about spontaneous sex like

956
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:42,279
Speaker 1: it is amazing, nobody has time for that, it does

957
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 1: matter how the weather is, how the stock market's going.

958
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:47,839
Speaker 1: I mean, all of that matter. How do you feel

959
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 1: about couples that schedule sex. I am a huge fan

960
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:55,240
Speaker 1: of scheduling sex. I love it. I think everyone should

961
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 1: do it because if that's the only way it's going

962
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: to happen, it's worth it that nobody says, gosh, I

963
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 1: wish we hadn't scheduled that after the fact. It's it's

964
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,439
Speaker 1: funny what you said. Yeah, it's funny what you said

965
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 1: about spontaneous sex, because I have we have some friends

966
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: and there are a couple and they they've mentioned that

967
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 1: sometimes they'll go to restaurants like outdoor cafe and stuff,

968
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: and they'll duck into the bathroom and do it. And

969
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:18,839
Speaker 1: I'm like and they're like, oh yeah, it's it was great,

970
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,520
Speaker 1: And I'm like, God, like a public restaurant, I'd be

971
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 1: thinking about tetnas shot like, there's no way, I don't know.

972
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 1: What about the car? Then? The car in my books

973
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,839
Speaker 1: I was reading it encourages you like to try it

974
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 1: out of the normal location to spice it up. So

975
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 1: what about the car? So I get to spice it up? Thing?

976
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 1: But but this what I'm saying is sometimes especially we

977
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 1: were talking earlier about porn or movies and stuff. These

978
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:45,479
Speaker 1: things seem so glamorous, but sometimes spontaneous sex maybe isn't,

979
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 1: like I mean, people that have done it in an

980
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:50,719
Speaker 1: airplane bathroom. To me, that's just I don't even want

981
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 1: to go. I just think that sometimes people think, oh,

982
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 1: if you know these exotic locations, it doesn't have to

983
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: be exotic. It can just the kitchen. It can be

984
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 1: the kitchen, it doesn't have to be something that is

985
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 1: I'm just not a huge fan of people having sex

986
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: under the possibility of getting arrested, Like that's kind of

987
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 1: not fun, you know, So I'm not going to encourage that.

988
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:19,839
Speaker 1: But if you have, you know, a backyard patio and

989
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: it's fens store, if you want to go into your

990
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 1: own restroom, like, all of that I think changes things up.

991
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:28,000
Speaker 1: And the truth is, if you're gonna be in a

992
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 1: long term, committed marriage and you want healthy sexuality, you're

993
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: gonna have to get kind of creative with it. And

994
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 1: that could mean before you go into the holiday party,

995
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 1: you make out in the car. You're not necessarily whipping

996
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: anything out a super hot like a dirty text, even

997
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 1: when you're in the same party like the text, even

998
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 1: if you're ten feet away from like, here's my boobs.

999
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:58,760
Speaker 1: You know that's my specialty. But I also think spontaneity

1000
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 1: doesn't have to just be local asia. It could be timing,

1001
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 1: it could be there's many other different things that can

1002
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 1: be spontaneous than just a location. Well, and for all

1003
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 1: of us, I think, whoever has ever made out with

1004
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 1: someone prior to engaging in sexual intercourse with that person,

1005
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: you know how hot that is? Like making out before

1006
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: you cross the line to sexual intercourse is so exciting

1007
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:25,799
Speaker 1: for so long, but nobody does it anymore. And then

1008
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 1: I ask women totally, they're not into it's a teenager.

1009
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:32,919
Speaker 1: They're skipping all the steps. It's we were talking about

1010
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 1: teaching your kids about sex, and for some reason, I

1011
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 1: find teens or even college kids are going from make

1012
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 1: out to sex. It's like what happened to all the

1013
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:44,959
Speaker 1: like laying down, kissing, touching privates Like I like some money,

1014
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: and I'm probably not gonna have sex with him for

1015
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 1: months because I want to drag it out, like I'll

1016
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 1: do all kinds of weird stuff, but not that. Well,

1017
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:58,400
Speaker 1: just the tip to you guys, just the tip, a tip,

1018
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 1: not just that there are so many pens in this room.

1019
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, my head is spinning. But this is the thing,

1020
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 1: just a tip for you guys, the makeout session. You

1021
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 1: have to do it and with no option to do

1022
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:17,480
Speaker 1: anything further. If you initiate a makeout session and you

1023
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 1: tell your wife, hey, we're not doing anything else because

1024
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:21,279
Speaker 1: I have to be out of it here, or I

1025
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 1: have to be in the office, or I have a meeting,

1026
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: or I have or whatever, and you mean it. That

1027
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 1: will get you so far. She will make out with

1028
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 1: you forever if that's the case. But it's it's when

1029
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 1: she thinks, and this is unfortunately what happens to a

1030
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 1: lot of couples. It's when she thinks that even just

1031
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 1: a nice little three second kiss is always going to

1032
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:43,080
Speaker 1: turn into the pressure of having intercourse that she's like, okay,

1033
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 1: well then I can't even do that, and he's only

1034
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 1: kissing me because he wants to have right, how about

1035
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:48,839
Speaker 1: this for you were talking about the party and stuff

1036
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 1: like this. This happened to a friend of mine. He

1037
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: was at a holiday party one time and he was

1038
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 1: there with his um, his girlfriend, and she went to

1039
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:56,759
Speaker 1: the restroom, I guess came out and she goes, can

1040
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 1: you hold this for me? And she just slipped something

1041
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: in his pocket and it was her panties. Oh, and

1042
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 1: so that was her message, like it's going to happen later.

1043
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 1: It was kind of like, I guess it was before

1044
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,919
Speaker 1: before they married. These a couple. There were a couple.

1045
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:09,800
Speaker 1: They were, they were a couple, but it was before

1046
00:55:09,840 --> 00:55:11,520
Speaker 1: I guess it was before the text. So it was

1047
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:13,239
Speaker 1: kind of the way of saying, hey, we're both here.

1048
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 1: I'm sending you a little message that this is a

1049
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 1: I really like that because as a guy, I'm thinking

1050
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 1: I want that now, and I'm in a room full

1051
00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:22,680
Speaker 1: of crowded people, and I need to figure out a

1052
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,880
Speaker 1: way to try and make that happen. Remember that scene

1053
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 1: in fifty Shades. There's sort of an erotic scene in

1054
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 1: fifty Shades of Gray where, if I'm remembering it right,

1055
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 1: he makes her like take her underwear off and handed

1056
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 1: to him under the dinner table or something that's right

1057
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 1: and the room and if you want to take it

1058
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 1: to the next level, you put them on. He went

1059
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,560
Speaker 1: back and then stuffed his boxer shorts in her purse.

1060
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 1: It's not not what he was supposed to do. I

1061
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to put him in my pocket because I

1062
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:55,360
Speaker 1: feel like my keys were dirty up the underwear you like?

1063
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 1: I understand what he's saying. Wait, what do you all like?

1064
00:55:58,520 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 1: Did you have a backup pair? What do you wear?

1065
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 1: I'd love for everyone in the room to chime in

1066
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 1: on this, including producer Tory and producer Danielle. What do

1067
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:12,759
Speaker 1: you think of sexting, sexting and FaceTime sex? Okay, so

1068
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:16,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say I think that sexting has to be something.

1069
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:21,799
Speaker 1: You can't send pictures these days. You cannot send pictures

1070
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: no face unless unless you don't mind someone else seeing it,

1071
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 1: and unless you don't mind a hundred people seeing it

1072
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:34,799
Speaker 1: and no facily your parents seeing it. Then you can't

1073
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 1: ideal now something you can do it in a tasteful way.

1074
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 1: You can do it in a hey, this is a

1075
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: little glimpse. But if you're just going to put it

1076
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:43,360
Speaker 1: all out there, as if you're like getting a plastic

1077
00:56:43,360 --> 00:56:46,759
Speaker 1: surgery console, it's it's probably not a good idea. So

1078
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 1: it's probably say that because of safety with it, not

1079
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 1: that it's not a good idea for like your relationship

1080
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 1: or arouse. What is also be subtle about it, which

1081
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:01,320
Speaker 1: actually goes back to Dmitri stories that causes more arousal.

1082
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 1: Put it there were it in there, like throw it

1083
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 1: out there a little bit. But what if it's somebody

1084
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 1: you're already sleeping with. Well, I'm not saying this is

1085
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 1: in the beginnings three second kiss. Yeah, it's it's the

1086
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 1: subtlety is for a man's brain, subtlety. It's it's kind

1087
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 1: of this idea of, oh, let me let my imagination

1088
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 1: take it further versus putting it all out there. You know,

1089
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 1: there's a that's why for some minute it's really gross

1090
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 1: to see full nude strippers versus someone who's maybe got

1091
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:37,400
Speaker 1: some lingerie on or something. There's I'm actually that's what

1092
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 1: I said before I said I don't like porn. I

1093
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 1: like movies with like, you know, scenes that kind of

1094
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 1: lead up to that, because it's the same reason. I

1095
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 1: think it's there's something to the imagination rather than just

1096
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:49,760
Speaker 1: seeing it. Yeah, there's something psychologics. What do we all

1097
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 1: think about sexting? Like no photos, I'm saying, but like

1098
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:57,120
Speaker 1: dirty texting like your boyfriends on a trip and you're like, absolutely,

1099
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,320
Speaker 1: I think it's super hot. I think that if it

1100
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 1: now the other thing is it can't just be something

1101
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 1: that you're like, you initiate it and then they don't

1102
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 1: respond and you're like, I'll never do it again. Like

1103
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 1: there has to be a kind of a a safe

1104
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,240
Speaker 1: place or also knowing maybe they're at work and they

1105
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 1: can't respond. But a lot of things, this is this

1106
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 1: is another thing women do. This is we've got some issues. Right.

1107
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 1: I love another thing that women do. We will take

1108
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 1: every little tidbit and then extrapolate it to forever. Oh

1109
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 1: he told me he didn't like that, so I never

1110
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,680
Speaker 1: did it with anyone ever again. And men do the

1111
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 1: same thing. Oh, well, she told me she didn't like that,

1112
00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 1: so I never brought up, you know, doing anything ever again.

1113
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 1: There is we're so sensitive when it comes to that.

1114
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 1: We're supposed to listen to each other's needs, were supposed

1115
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: to communicate openly, but we think. I literally have had

1116
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,440
Speaker 1: people say, oh, my partner told me he didn't like

1117
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 1: four play before, so twenty years later, we never do

1118
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 1: before play and I've been longing for it my whole life.

1119
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:05,560
Speaker 1: This happens. We were so sensitive to sexual stuff that

1120
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 1: we just want to do whatever, And and sometimes people

1121
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:10,000
Speaker 1: say something in the moment, and it's not like, oh

1122
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:12,000
Speaker 1: I don't like four play or whatever. But it doesn't

1123
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 1: mean that that's like a staple, like don't ever do

1124
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:18,240
Speaker 1: four play? It just means right now, So how do

1125
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 1: we break it down? So I'll be willing to give

1126
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 1: an example. So I like someone like a little he's

1127
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 1: totally listening a lotta and see us to bed like

1128
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: nine or ten. But I don't go to bed till

1129
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:35,960
Speaker 1: one or two, so he a lot. He'll say, okay,

1130
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 1: send me a picture as i'm you know, after I'm asleep,

1131
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:43,200
Speaker 1: so when I wake up in the morning, it's there.

1132
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 1: So it's like a little game, which I'm totally I'm

1133
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 1: totally good with it. One time he didn't text back.

1134
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 1: I cried and then I actually said to him, don't

1135
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 1: do that. Like so we communicated about it. So is

1136
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 1: that kind of the way to go? Of course, you

1137
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 1: should always communicate what it is that you're thinking. But

1138
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 1: at the same time, if I went down the rabbit hole,

1139
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 1: wasn't a bad picture? Does he hate it? Oh my god,

1140
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,040
Speaker 1: he doesn't like me. This is terrible, Oh god, which

1141
01:00:11,120 --> 01:00:12,920
Speaker 1: is not at all what he was thinking. By the way,

1142
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 1: there's maybe he liked it so much that he ran

1143
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:20,360
Speaker 1: into the shower or maybe show less, and then he'll

1144
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 1: come back and be like, hey, how about show me

1145
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 1: a little bit more? You are a picky you are

1146
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 1: He's he's the Simon Cowell of sex. I think he's

1147
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 1: more tap tapped into the sensual part of that is.

1148
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 1: So I will say that about we've done love languages

1149
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 1: and his erotic blueprint, and he's super sensual. Remember ms

1150
01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 1: Jaya said, Oh, Rick, I like how sentual you are?

1151
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 1: He like smells and I don't remember that. Of course

1152
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 1: I do. Sensuality is something that we don't tap into

1153
01:00:56,280 --> 01:00:58,760
Speaker 1: as much as we should, especially people who want to

1154
01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 1: be in long term relations and chips. We have to

1155
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 1: use every tool that we have, or else things get

1156
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:08,200
Speaker 1: stagnant and stale, and people either divorce or they betray

1157
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:10,280
Speaker 1: each other. And I think there's a big misconception that

1158
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 1: men aren't sensual. I think there's a huge misconception that

1159
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 1: men do not have or possess sensual energy. And for sure,

1160
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:22,480
Speaker 1: I think you're I think you're right, and like, think

1161
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 1: of it, you think of a guy, even the porn

1162
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 1: conversation we had, or do you think of like guys

1163
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:28,800
Speaker 1: just watch sexual porn like there needs to be in

1164
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:31,439
Speaker 1: a course, go at it right now. Not every man

1165
01:01:32,160 --> 01:01:34,640
Speaker 1: or woman thinks of sex that way. I know that

1166
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:39,240
Speaker 1: I'm actually a very sensual person. The lighting uh scent

1167
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 1: music order on Rick and Brooks is I don't know

1168
01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:50,040
Speaker 1: how to say systems rives because they it feels like

1169
01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 1: they have to put in a little extra work because

1170
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:55,480
Speaker 1: their husbands are so sensual. It's not as easy as

1171
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:57,000
Speaker 1: it is for me to just be like, here's my

1172
01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 1: boobs and he's in. But it's not. But it's not

1173
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:02,760
Speaker 1: all the time. It's it's Rick possessors and I possess

1174
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 1: sensual energy. But it doesn't mean that that's the only

1175
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,919
Speaker 1: way that. It doesn't mean that this is the only

1176
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 1: way we'll get to having sex. It's just that. And

1177
01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:13,160
Speaker 1: I believe Dmitri does too. I believe that you do, Aimy,

1178
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 1: even though you say you're more quote unquote sexual, like

1179
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 1: let's just get to it right now. I'm not like that.

1180
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:20,560
Speaker 1: But I will say, here's my boobs, like I love

1181
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:22,440
Speaker 1: I love the voices you do it. Here's my boobs.

1182
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,439
Speaker 1: I'm not sending them. I've only sent them to five

1183
01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:30,640
Speaker 1: people ever. Can tell I'm alarmed. I'm like, please, don't

1184
01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:33,080
Speaker 1: have the world. You don't want them to the worst

1185
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: part is she has her name tattoo renternate them, so

1186
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 1: even no face, you know who it is. There's no face.

1187
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,600
Speaker 1: And I've only sent them to five people. I'm forty five.

1188
01:02:39,640 --> 01:02:42,280
Speaker 1: That's not very many. I'm very careful with it and

1189
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:44,320
Speaker 1: I'm not on the cloud. I do think you should

1190
01:02:44,320 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 1: add an audiophile that just says here's my boobs. Okay, Um,

1191
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:51,880
Speaker 1: I have a question for you, Dr Viviana, Um, how

1192
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:53,520
Speaker 1: do you use this is from our listeners? How do

1193
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:55,600
Speaker 1: you say, because you just touched on a prior how

1194
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:57,880
Speaker 1: do you say you're not getting what you need without

1195
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:02,680
Speaker 1: hurting the man's pride and manhood. So you can't talk

1196
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 1: about things in terms of what you don't want, talk

1197
01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:08,800
Speaker 1: about things in terms of what you do want. Nobody

1198
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:12,440
Speaker 1: wants to hear complaints, but they will absolutely want to

1199
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:16,760
Speaker 1: hear additions. They want to hear enhancements, improvements. So depending

1200
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 1: on what it is, let's say it's a woman wants

1201
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 1: more massages just in general, like for her, that is amazing.

1202
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:26,000
Speaker 1: She's not gonna say and you let me know if

1203
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:29,120
Speaker 1: this is what it's like you never massage me so

1204
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:33,560
Speaker 1: and those husband always massage. I mean, like, how do

1205
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 1: you expect me to get in the mood you don't

1206
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:38,560
Speaker 1: you don't do that. That is not going to work.

1207
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:46,400
Speaker 1: I'm actually turned off right now. Something more along the

1208
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:50,040
Speaker 1: lines of, you know, it would be really hot if

1209
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 1: the next time you see me on the couch you

1210
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:55,280
Speaker 1: bring me a glass of wine and you offer to

1211
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:58,760
Speaker 1: rug my feet. That would be really great. And it's

1212
01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 1: all about tone, and it's all about the connection with

1213
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:06,840
Speaker 1: the eyes as you're saying it, and suggestions offer something

1214
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:08,560
Speaker 1: out of what they want or what you want, and

1215
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 1: actually specific, like I like that when my wife tells

1216
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:13,640
Speaker 1: me something specific that she likes, and then I love

1217
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:15,880
Speaker 1: how you said it in an affirm in an affirming

1218
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 1: way versus in a complaining way. Do you find more

1219
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:25,960
Speaker 1: confident the man, the more easily they accept sort of direction,

1220
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:28,640
Speaker 1: Like a man who's super confident and you're like, hey,

1221
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 1: touch me there, they are super down, but an insecure

1222
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:35,200
Speaker 1: guy gets more weirded out by it. Okay, So insecure

1223
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 1: versus secure or confident, Because if there's a confident of

1224
01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:42,840
Speaker 1: sexually confident man and you give him any direction, it's

1225
01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:46,880
Speaker 1: possible that he's going to say, you know what about

1226
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:51,400
Speaker 1: because I know I tend to be with people who

1227
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:56,680
Speaker 1: are pretty secure and they're super fine with anything instruction.

1228
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:00,160
Speaker 1: I think you can't go wrong if you do it

1229
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:07,040
Speaker 1: in an affirming, nice direct way, tactful, honest, kind and generous.

1230
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:10,000
Speaker 1: You can possibly go wrong if you come at it

1231
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:12,200
Speaker 1: from like a god. I just wish you would do this.

1232
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:14,720
Speaker 1: I would never. I would never. Yeah, I wish you

1233
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 1: would do this. And the other one that you said

1234
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:19,080
Speaker 1: before was um, so and So's husband always massig like

1235
01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:23,920
Speaker 1: that's that's yeah, that's what this person that asks And sorry, Brooks,

1236
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 1: you can jump in here. I don't enjoy oral sex,

1237
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:29,280
Speaker 1: but I know he does. How can we compromise? I

1238
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 1: hate that word. First off, I hate the word compromise.

1239
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:34,640
Speaker 1: Tell us more compromise. I had a friend tell me

1240
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:36,920
Speaker 1: this like this is like two weeks ago, and I

1241
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:44,200
Speaker 1: was like, that is so compromisest resentment. So compromises fifty

1242
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:48,200
Speaker 1: fifty resentment. I don't. I would want them to have

1243
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:51,480
Speaker 1: an understanding of Okay, I don't enjoy oral sex, but

1244
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,840
Speaker 1: he does. So how can how can he communicate in

1245
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:59,200
Speaker 1: a way to her that it means so much to

1246
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:01,600
Speaker 1: him and he enjoyed. Is it so much that she

1247
01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:04,960
Speaker 1: can find her own pleasure and her own sexuality in

1248
01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:09,480
Speaker 1: doing and participating in that act with him? I'm interestin

1249
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:13,640
Speaker 1: knowing how are y'all interpreting this question? Because are y'all

1250
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:17,000
Speaker 1: thinking that she doesn't want to do oral on him

1251
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:19,000
Speaker 1: or that she doesn't want him to do oral? I

1252
01:06:19,440 --> 01:06:22,360
Speaker 1: was interpreting it her doing oral on him. I could

1253
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,480
Speaker 1: be complete. I would interpret it that way to one

1254
01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:27,400
Speaker 1: because I would you assume that she would like that

1255
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:29,920
Speaker 1: more and too, he's probably and there are guys that

1256
01:06:30,000 --> 01:06:31,920
Speaker 1: really like that, but he's probably not going to do

1257
01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 1: it if she's not enjoying it. So I took it

1258
01:06:33,840 --> 01:06:36,760
Speaker 1: as her performing on him. As someone in private practice,

1259
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:38,920
Speaker 1: I can tell you it's usually the opposite. Can you

1260
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:41,120
Speaker 1: spell that out for me? I'm like confused. So most

1261
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:44,080
Speaker 1: women will say that they don't want oral sex performed

1262
01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:47,640
Speaker 1: on that's so weird. They say that way more often

1263
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:50,080
Speaker 1: than they don't want to perform oral sex. Is that

1264
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:52,520
Speaker 1: because of their own insecurities? Or is it because the

1265
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:55,080
Speaker 1: guy is just bad at it? Um Usually that it

1266
01:06:55,120 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 1: doesn't even get to that point. Worried about about that

1267
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:02,080
Speaker 1: all they heard about how they taste, how they feel,

1268
01:07:02,080 --> 01:07:06,120
Speaker 1: how they smell, how they look. Especially with so much pornography,

1269
01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:08,200
Speaker 1: everyone has like a template of what, you know, the

1270
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:10,480
Speaker 1: vola was supposed to look like so, and women are

1271
01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:14,760
Speaker 1: competing with that now. UM, So that's what I would

1272
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:16,600
Speaker 1: if we're going to talk about it in terms of

1273
01:07:16,640 --> 01:07:19,600
Speaker 1: her not wanting to perform on him, I would say

1274
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,720
Speaker 1: what is it about it? Because, and I promise I

1275
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:26,240
Speaker 1: won't get too graphic. But what most women will say

1276
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:30,120
Speaker 1: very consciously and directly that they don't want is that

1277
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:33,800
Speaker 1: they want to avoid any sort of ejaculation in their mouths,

1278
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:37,560
Speaker 1: but that they don't mind anything else about it. They

1279
01:07:37,560 --> 01:07:40,000
Speaker 1: actually really don't mind, but that they're concerned that if

1280
01:07:40,040 --> 01:07:43,120
Speaker 1: it's not from A to Z, that their partner won't

1281
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:46,120
Speaker 1: want them to do it, and that's often not the case.

1282
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,920
Speaker 1: This is a huge deal, And the next time you

1283
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 1: speak to someone who happens to say this, just say

1284
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 1: what is it specifically that you don't like? It's usually

1285
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:56,760
Speaker 1: one or two things. One is that the other one

1286
01:07:56,920 --> 01:08:00,840
Speaker 1: is I don't like that, Um, I feel like like

1287
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:03,360
Speaker 1: he feels like I owe it to him, or they

1288
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 1: feel inferior by being put in that position like it's

1289
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:11,000
Speaker 1: too vulnerable, and that's a relational issue. And about oral sex,

1290
01:08:11,080 --> 01:08:13,920
Speaker 1: one of the things that men said was they don't

1291
01:08:13,960 --> 01:08:16,559
Speaker 1: want the woman because it's such a one way thing.

1292
01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:19,960
Speaker 1: They don't want the woman to feel obligated or like

1293
01:08:20,040 --> 01:08:23,640
Speaker 1: she's only serving him. And my response to that was,

1294
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:26,439
Speaker 1: we want to do that, and not only that, we

1295
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:29,400
Speaker 1: want you to want us to do it. So this

1296
01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:33,160
Speaker 1: is this is just further into all of the erotic blueprints. Seriously,

1297
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:36,840
Speaker 1: this is everything that I'm reading that Jaya has put

1298
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:39,120
Speaker 1: out there, watching that she's put out there, is all

1299
01:08:39,120 --> 01:08:41,559
Speaker 1: of this stuff. And that's why it doesn't need to

1300
01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:43,880
Speaker 1: be a compromise the rest of their life. If these

1301
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:46,680
Speaker 1: two are married, she doesn't need to do something that

1302
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:50,839
Speaker 1: she doesn't enjoy the rest of her life. How crappy

1303
01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:54,200
Speaker 1: of a life is that. Instead, as you said, Dr Bribana,

1304
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:56,960
Speaker 1: is find a way. Let's talk about what you don't

1305
01:08:57,000 --> 01:08:59,599
Speaker 1: enjoy specifically in it, and then let's find a way

1306
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:01,840
Speaker 1: what you what do you enjoy in it? Or what

1307
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:05,240
Speaker 1: can I do to help you enjoy it? Like anything

1308
01:09:05,240 --> 01:09:07,400
Speaker 1: like that, so that actually, this is something that's part

1309
01:09:07,439 --> 01:09:09,000
Speaker 1: of our lives because you know what, if we want

1310
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:10,680
Speaker 1: to be together, I want to be happy too. I

1311
01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:14,640
Speaker 1: need to get sexually what I want for us to

1312
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:16,519
Speaker 1: be happy, for me to be happy, so that I

1313
01:09:16,520 --> 01:09:18,799
Speaker 1: can be happy with you and I want the same

1314
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:22,080
Speaker 1: for you. So it's reciprocated. And typically there is a

1315
01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:26,719
Speaker 1: way to make any of these activities work for two people.

1316
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:30,080
Speaker 1: There's there's so many different ways to do this. You

1317
01:09:30,160 --> 01:09:33,400
Speaker 1: can't just cut it all out, which is what happens.

1318
01:09:33,760 --> 01:09:36,080
Speaker 1: They'll just cut it all up. We don't do that.

1319
01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,600
Speaker 1: And in my office, I'm like, Okay, well we're going

1320
01:09:38,640 --> 01:09:41,040
Speaker 1: to figure out a way where you feel really good

1321
01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:43,280
Speaker 1: about the decision to not do it, or you feel

1322
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:45,559
Speaker 1: really great about the decision to try something different. Right,

1323
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:48,000
Speaker 1: it's not a menu that says no substitutions. It's like

1324
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:50,360
Speaker 1: you can get what you want, you can just tweak.

1325
01:09:50,760 --> 01:09:52,800
Speaker 1: And also it comes back to what we always talk

1326
01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:56,479
Speaker 1: about communication. You have to really be willing to talk

1327
01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:59,040
Speaker 1: about it, right, And if you don't know what you're

1328
01:09:59,080 --> 01:10:02,040
Speaker 1: talking about, sometimes you just don't have that experience. You've

1329
01:10:02,080 --> 01:10:06,840
Speaker 1: only heard things, you've only seen things. Um, then you

1330
01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:08,680
Speaker 1: can get help. So there's a big one that I'll

1331
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:10,240
Speaker 1: bring up. I'm just going to bring it up because

1332
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:12,840
Speaker 1: this is what we're doing. A lot of couples do

1333
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:19,599
Speaker 1: have a discussion and a difference of opinion on how

1334
01:10:19,640 --> 01:10:24,200
Speaker 1: do I say this? Just say tell me a a

1335
01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:28,120
Speaker 1: A word a word instead of mouth stuff the other

1336
01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:32,800
Speaker 1: end canal minus the c hold on a second, who

1337
01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:38,639
Speaker 1: has a pen anal sex? Yes, it seems like guys

1338
01:10:38,680 --> 01:10:43,680
Speaker 1: sometimes want that and the woman is like, no, how

1339
01:10:43,680 --> 01:10:46,920
Speaker 1: do you compromise on that? So again it's a why,

1340
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:49,680
Speaker 1: what are the concerns? What are the fears? What is

1341
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:54,080
Speaker 1: it that it means? What have you heard with anal sex?

1342
01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:57,360
Speaker 1: A lot of what helps couples to decide again one

1343
01:10:57,360 --> 01:11:01,800
Speaker 1: way or the other is educate Shan. There is there's

1344
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:05,200
Speaker 1: so many good educational videos um that will help you

1345
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:08,639
Speaker 1: to understand all the processes that it takes in order

1346
01:11:08,680 --> 01:11:11,519
Speaker 1: to make that happen in a comfortable and pleasurable way.

1347
01:11:12,120 --> 01:11:14,880
Speaker 1: You can do it and it won't feel good, or

1348
01:11:15,240 --> 01:11:18,439
Speaker 1: you can go through processes to help your body make

1349
01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:21,360
Speaker 1: it something more pleasurable. Not everybody is willing to do that,

1350
01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:23,519
Speaker 1: but most people don't even know what it takes to

1351
01:11:23,560 --> 01:11:26,280
Speaker 1: make that happen. Yeah, they just shut it down and

1352
01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:29,920
Speaker 1: said I you are amazing. There's so much more we'd

1353
01:11:29,920 --> 01:11:32,360
Speaker 1: love to talk with you about. Dr Viviano. I would

1354
01:11:32,439 --> 01:11:35,320
Speaker 1: love to have you join us again next week. Thank

1355
01:11:35,360 --> 01:11:35,840
Speaker 1: you for taking