WEBVTT - Ep. 25; The Real Love Alchemist & Kate Talks Two Broken Off Engagements 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:15.040 Personally with. 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:22.240 Felsman. Happy Monday, everybody, It's a big fun episode. This week. 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:25.000 I have on expert Lindsay Tran, who is known as 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:28.479 the Real Love Alchemist on social media. She helps people 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:32.240 go from bad relationships to real love with some subconscious work. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.000 Then I'm bringing on my friend Kate, who we have 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:38.559 a little difference in age and life experiences. Of course, 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:41.839 she will share her experiences in breaking off to engagements 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:43.800 and her desire to have a kid of her own. 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:47.920 But the pressure of the biological clock is of course looming, 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:58.760 So here we go. Friends. Lindsay Tran is with us today. 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:02.520 She's a certified energy healer and coach, also known as 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:06.600 the Real Love Alchemist on social media. Lindsay, how are 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:06.959 you doing. 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:10.120 I'm really good, super excited to be here. Thank you 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:10.760 for having me. 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:13.480 Yeah, of course I would love to know where the 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:17.160 Real Love Alchemist's name came from, because the only other 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:18.800 other time I think I've heard that word us is 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:19.800 in a Taylor Swift song. 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.319 Yeah. Well, actually I didn't get it from Taylor Swift, 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:27.200 but I so. I'm an energy healer and my clients 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:29.440 used to say to me, wow, like this stuff. It 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:32.280 just feels like magic. I was like, oh, I should 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:34.480 do something with that, and so yeah, I came up 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:37.120 with the Real Love Alchemist because I'm just I'm helping 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.760 my clients find real love, healthy love, and they like 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:41.280 to call it that too, So I said, all right, 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:43.880 let me let me make this work with putting those 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.680 two things together. Yeah. 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.200 Yeah, well I love the name. I think it's awesome. 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:50.880 And that's obviously why you're here to talk about real love. 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.800 And I want to kind of kick this off by 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:58.320 talking about dating today, because dating today is a very 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:02.440 interesting culture and I want to get into it. So 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:06.480 trying to find dating with commitment, how does one ensure 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:10.680 they are dating to do that or being that. 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:13.880 Oh that's such a good question, and yeah, I mean 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:18.920 dating today it's tough. I would say a lot changed 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:21.480 over the last couple of years, especially since the pandemic. 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:23.959 Like when I started doing this work, it was around 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:27.480 twenty twenty, it was before that stuff went down, So 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.920 I have seen a lot changed since then. But there 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:32.960 are just some basic things that you can do, no 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:35.880 matter no matter what's going on in the world to 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:38.320 find commitment. And I think the most important thing is 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:41.799 to just know what you want, and if you really 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:45.200 want commitment, then you don't have to settle for people 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:47.640 who aren't looking for that, because sometimes we say to 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.040 ourselves like, yeah, you know, it'd be nice to have 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:53.440 a committed relationship, but we don't lead with that, and 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:56.600 we get ourselves involved in situationships and just things that 0:02:56.639 --> 0:02:59.080 aren't going anywhere. So I would say the first thing 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:01.880 is just no knowing what you want and then owning it, 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:05.400 claiming it and say yes, I want a committed relationship, 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:08.480 and then when you go out there, you talk about it. 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:10.720 So it doesn't mean like as soon as you meet someone, 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.600 you're like, all right, what are you looking for? But 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:16.400 as you start to get to know them, you do 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.200 put it out there. And you can even start by 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.440 just asking the other person that you're dating, like, hey, 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:22.639 what are you looking for out of this? And they 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:25.919 can share what they're looking for, and then you share too, 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:29.079 and you say, yeah, you know, I'm looking for something serious, 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:33.120 something committed. And here's the hardest part. If there's a mismatch, 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:36.560 even if you really like them, even if they're checking 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:39.520 all of your boxes, you've got to walk away, which 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:42.960 is so much easier said than done. But that's one 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.120 of the biggest things to do as far as if 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:46.240 you're looking for commitment. 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:50.320 Yeah, and you know, I have found in my dating 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:52.800 I call them adventures now because at this point that's 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:55.720 kind of what they are. But I have found that. 0:03:56.400 --> 0:04:01.080 I think everybody would love to have it connection and 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:05.880 everybody is hoping to find someone. But I think there's 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:10.720 a difference in wanting a connection and being ready for it. 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:15.520 How can you like help people determine this. Person may 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:18.039 say they want this, but I don't think that's actually 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:18.840 what's happening here. 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:21.039 Oh I love that, because that was gonna be the 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.000 next thing that I would say. Yeah. So because somebody 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:26.680 can say yes, I want a relationship, some people will 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:28.919 be very upfront with you and they will say yeah, no, 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.039 like I'm not looking for something serious. I just want 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:33.400 to have something fun. Or they could even say I'm 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:37.359 open to something serious. I would say, no, they're not 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.320 looking for something serious if they're saying that. But if 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:43.320 they're saying they're looking for something serious, then the next 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.800 step is you've got to keep your eyes open and 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:49.720 make sure that their actions are matching that. So what 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:53.640 does that look like? So, I mean emotional availability is 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:56.080 something that we talk about a lot, but really that 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:59.640 means like, are they showing up like a person who 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:02.960 would want a serious relationship would show up. So if 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:05.919 they're saying I want something serious, but then they don't 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:08.440 talk to you very much, like they don't ask you well, 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:11.120 they don't set dates, or maybe you only hear from 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.560 them like once a week or maybe even once every 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:16.320 couple weeks, and I would say, no, that person probably 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:20.400 is not actually ready for a serious relationship. So really 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:24.440 it's like watching behavior and making sure their actions match 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:28.360 their words. And also emotional availability. That's a huge thing, 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:31.480 like can they show up in a way where they 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:33.960 are present to you, They're not still hung up on 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:37.120 their ex, They've worked through a lot of the major 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:39.880 things in their life where they can actually show up 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:42.160 as a person who's ready for something serious. 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:45.880 It's funny you mentioned emotional availability because that was my 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:50.080 next thing to get into because I've had my fair share. Listen, 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:54.440 I am someone who is stable, consistent, I'm healthy, I 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:58.520 know what I'm looking for, But somehow I keep running 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:03.080 into people who really really think they're emotionally ready, and 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:06.320 then they meet me and they're like, never mind, im 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:09.159 not I am not ready for what you're bringing to 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:11.680 the table. And that's fine, at least I'm learning that 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:15.560 early on. But how do we know if somebody genuinely 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:18.360 is emotionally available? Are there signs that you can pick 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:21.760 up on in the beginning, maybe without even asking them, 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:25.240 because as we have learned, words don't always match actions. 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:29.000 Oh yeah, no, and there totally are. And like here's 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:31.480 here's kind of like my key for this, Like, if 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:35.800 you're asking this question yourself, like, am am I emotionally available? Well, 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:37.880 I would say, take a look back at your recent 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:42.599 relationship history, and if all of your partners were emotionally unavailable, 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:46.520 then that probably means that there's some degree of unavailability 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:48.880 that you've got going on, which, like I hate to 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:51.400 say that, and I say that as someone who was 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:54.920 there too, like, yeah, I was emotionally unavailable in the past, 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.360 and it can sometimes be hard to see, but it's 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.839 also super powerful because if we're in this place where 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:03.479 we're like I don't understand why I keep attracting these 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:06.280 emotionally unavailable partners, then we can't shift it. But if 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.560 we can own that, Okay, yes I probably have some 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:13.080 of that going on. If that's my only experience with dating, 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:17.520 but yeah, emotional unavailability. It's so there's so many things 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:21.280 that make up our ability to be available. But it 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:25.360 really does start with being able to understand first what 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:29.600 we're actually feeling. So some of us that's very easy 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.280 to do, and for some of us that's actually quite hard. 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:35.720 Like sometimes I think we're wired more emotionally. I know, 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:37.880 like I've been on both sides of this. I have 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:39.920 struggled in the past with really being able to figure 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:42.200 out what the heck am I feeling in this moment, 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:43.600 And then I've gotten really good at it, and now 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.920 I can tell you in one second, like here's what 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:49.920 I think. But you know, it does sometimes take some 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:52.520 practice and maybe even some therapy and doing some personal 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:55.680 work energy healing to just clear some of the stuff 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:59.160 that's going on so that you know what you're feeling 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.280 in every any given moment. So I would say it 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.400 starts with that. It starts with being able to know 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:08.200 what you're feeling, and then being able to express it 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.280 when need be, and expressing it in a healthy way, 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:15.720 not shouting, not yelling at people, not blaming, not criticizing, 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:18.920 but saying like, hey, I'm feeling kind of anxious right now, 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:22.400 like can we talk about this? So that's a big 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:26.119 part of it. And then also being comfortable with having 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:30.440 emotional conversations. So, like to answer your question about early dating, 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:32.440 like if you're getting hints that when you start to 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:35.760 bring up something that's maybe like a little bit more serious. 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:38.120 It doesn't have to be like super intense, but if 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:41.680 you're bringing up stuff it's maybe a little bit more heavy, 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:46.120 we could say, and they are shutting that down, they 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.040 are like trying to talk about anything but that I 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:50.840 would say that might be a sign that this person 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:54.240 is not super ready for the availability that you're looking for. 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:59.000 And also the ability to set boundaries is huge too. 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:01.640 So like so the other degree, if you're with somebody 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:04.840 and they're just like cool with every single thing that 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.760 you do and they never bring up their preferences, they 0:09:07.800 --> 0:09:10.640 never bring up when something might be bothering them, they 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:13.240 might not be emotionally available either. There's a lot that 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.800 goes into it. I mean we could talk like hours. 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:19.560 Yeah, no, And again this is baseline because and there's 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.679 a few different directions here. I want to go and 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:25.679 I'm gonnat remind me. I would like to talk about 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:28.920 how to tell a healthy partner from an unhealthy one. 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.800 That is something I want to address totally. But you 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:36.040 reminded me of something. And it's funny because I am now. 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:39.480 I have had unhealthy relationships. I've had healthier ones as 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:41.679 I've gotten older and I've learned a lot about things. 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:44.439 But even in dating, as you're in these very early 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:48.520 early stages of you know, date one to date seven, 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:50.720 let's give that the date range, when you're learning all 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:53.840 about a person, I just in the last few months 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:57.480 have dated the guy who would drop everything and do 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:00.679 everything for me, and I was like, Okay, I need 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.240 you to have some different boundaries because this is too much. 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:09.040 And I've dated the guy who loved to show he 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:11.600 was like really wanted it, and then pulled back, Oh 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:13.320 I really want to. Oh I'm gonna pull back again, 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.720 and even to the point of saying why can't why 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:18.640 can't we just have fun? And I was like, whoa, 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:20.960 let me pump the brakes here, because this is not 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:23.920 what you said when we first started talking to each other. 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:28.560 So I have seen the spectrum of people, and this 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:33.240 gets me to the point of knowing an unhealthy situation. 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:37.400 So once you have been in an unhealthy situation is 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:42.079 sometimes hard to recognize healthy. So can you kind of 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:46.199 paint a picture of a healthy partner maybe beyond those 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:48.440 first kind of steps of dating as you really start 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:52.360 to progress someone, because I think we're learning and we're 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:55.640 all growing, but it's sometimes hard to identify a healthy 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:59.040 love and a healthy partner. 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:01.640 And this is my journey too. Yeah, like I became 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.200 the real of alchemists because I had bad relationships and 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:05.560 I was like, I got to I got to figure 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:07.960 this out, Like I don't want this to keep happening. 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:09.839 And you know, so you have. 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:12.360 Because you did just get married, so very exciting like that. 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:15.079 Yeah, hopefully I hope that I figured it out. Yeah, No, 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:18.520 I'm very happy now. It's it's like a completely different 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:21.120 relationship from the ones I've had in the past. But no, 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:24.600 you're right, it can be so hard to figure out 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.679 what actually healthy love is when you've never had it, 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:29.800 when you haven't had that experience of it. And that 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:31.760 was a big struggle for me too, and that's why 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:34.960 I like, I dove in and I figured it out. 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:37.559 But I feel like I'm still in that process. And 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.000 I would say, you know, speaking of emotional availability is 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:43.839 something that I thought to share that sometimes doesn't come 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.280 up in like if you just google like how to 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:48.640 tell if you're emotionally available. But something that I've realized 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:51.319 on my own journey is that when we're going from 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:55.439 bad relationships to a more healthier relationship, sometimes we can 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:59.280 swing to the opposite extreme and we find faults in 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:02.040 every single person and we're trying to find this like 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:06.760 perfect healed person and the reality is that that doesn't exist, 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:08.600 Like we're not going to find that. We can find 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:12.079 somebody who's relatively healthy, but everyone's going to have something 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:15.000 going on. So I think the degree to which you 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:18.800 can be a little bit forgiving of certain things, and 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:20.560 I'll tell you when that when that's good to do, 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:24.160 actually speaks to how emotionally available you are. Because people 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.840 who are emotionally available and who have had good, healthy 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.320 relationships their whole life, they know that someone's not going 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:31.760 to be perfect, they know that there's going to be challenges, 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:33.360 they know that there's going to be things to work on, 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:35.960 so they give you a little grace they can work 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:37.960 with you. And I think sometimes that can be the 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:41.200 hardest thing when we're going from unhealthy relationships, because we 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:43.199 don't want to have that happen again. And so we've 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:45.600 got like egalized out right. 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.959 For anything, the pendulum is totally on the other side 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:50.079 and it's not coming back for. 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:53.400 A while completely, and like give yourself some grace if 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:55.440 you're there too, Like that is part of the process. 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.480 But I would say part of the process is coming 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.680 back into balance eventually and realize saying that, Yeah, like 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:03.120 somebody doesn't have to be perfect. But one of the 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:06.000 things that I think does consider does make you a 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.959 healthy partner is if you are open to personal growth. 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:11.560 So if you're open to healing, this is what I 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:13.440 was looking for. I knew. I knew at some point 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:14.760 I was like, I'm not I'm not gonna find this 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:18.160 perfect person. Like I've got my stuff, so I can't. 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:22.200 I can't expect somebody else to have this blank slate 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.920 and have nothing going on. So I was just looking 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:29.000 for does this person have some self awareness, Like can 0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:31.840 they own the stuff that they've got going on? Can 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:35.400 they take feedback from me when I say like, hey, 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:37.640 this thing freaked me out or like this thing hurt me, 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.960 can they hear me? And can they then work to 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:44.280 accommodate me within reason? Like, I'm assuming that I'm being 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.640 reasonable here in my request. So honestly, I think that's 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:50.600 some of the most important things to look for, the 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:53.880 potential that a person has to actually grow and change 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:57.640 with you in a relationship. So that was, honestly, that 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.559 was my number one thing that I was like that, 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.880 I've got it, Like my partner. My partner is a therapist, 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.640 so he's like, yeah, he gets it. And somebody who's 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:11.240 also willing to apologize, because again, we're going to mess up. 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:13.560 We are not perfect people here. We're going to say 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:15.679 things that we don't mean. We're going to hurt our 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:18.360 partner even if we're not meaning to. And so somebody 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:20.360 that can own that and say, yeah, like I apologize, 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.880 I'm going to try to do better next time. And 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:27.440 someone who you really just feel safe with, will you 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.960 feel like your nervous system can just kind of go ah, 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.960 like maybe it doesn't they don't have the the super 0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:39.680 exciting fireworks that maybe past relationships had they were more unhealthy. 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:42.840 Of course, attraction is important, you have to be attracted, 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:46.080 but someone who you feel like you can exhale with, 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:49.840 who it just feels like this person is home to you, 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:52.480 and I say that with like a little astro. It's 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:54.080 like not home in the sense of like if you 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:56.920 had an unhealthy upbringing where it feels like, oh this 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.400 is super familiar, but no, where you feel like you 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.760 have this the sense of a team with this person, 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:06.440 like they're showing up for you, they're emotionally available, they're consistent, 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:09.680 and they want to be with you. So that's just 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.480 like a little bit of what you can look for 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:15.320 as far as transitioning into a healthy relationship. 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:19.040 Yeah, and you mentioned consistent there, and I this is 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:22.800 my phrase, consistency is sexy. That is like my go 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:23.920 to phrase. 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:26.160 I love it. I love it because you never. 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.920 Until I got probably late twenties and now to where 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:34.520 I'm at my life, I never realized how important consistency 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:39.440 was for me. I like, I think, especially having unhealthy 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:43.440 or toxic relationships or however they look, you feel that chaos, 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:46.280 and that chaos drives you to the opposite of what 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:49.560 you're saying of like calmness, No, chaos don't bring me anything. 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.960 But that middle ground is consistency, Like who you are 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:57.960 is consistent. And I have often said that's my number 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:00.560 one thing I'm looking for. The communication is so important, 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:02.800 And of course there's I have a laundry list of 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:06.320 things I'm looking for, but the first thing I'm paying 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:08.720 attention is how you're interacting with the world and how 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:12.920 consistent you're being within those regions of different things. Would 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:15.640 you agree that that's like a really important factor as well. 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:17.920 Oh, one hundred percent. Yeah, And I would say that 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.480 like that kind of goes with integrity too, Like I 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:22.560 had that eye on my list as well, like somebody 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:26.360 who could be consistent and who had integrity, which kind 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:28.440 of speaks to like, yes, they would do what they 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:31.360 said they would do. It feels like this person is 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:34.440 not hiding things from me, they're just being real with me. 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:37.520 And yes, they are consistent. They show up, they're not 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:40.200 running away when the conversations get tough or when there's 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:43.880 a conflict. So yeah, completely, I would recommend looking for 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:44.240 that too. 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:46.640 Oh yeah, okay, good listen. 0:16:48.000 --> 0:16:48.280 Yeah. 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:50.720 I like the confirmation that we're headed in the right direction. 0:16:51.760 --> 0:16:55.320 So I also want to talk to I think there's 0:16:55.440 --> 0:17:00.240 also we're mentioning some toxic and not as calm relationship, 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:05.320 and you mention that firework feeling and often that people 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:08.200 refer to as butterflies and I saw when you're posts 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:09.840 on social media talking about this, and I thought it 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:13.639 was so interesting because I've experienced many different kinds of 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:18.480 butterflies in my dating, good, bad, everywhere in between. What 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:21.520 your thoughts on this, like, what are butterflies and what's 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:23.960 the situation with them? Should we be avoiding them, happy 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:26.760 that they're around? What's going on? Oh? 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:30.080 Yeah, yeah? Butterflies? Man, they could be super confusing because, 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:32.760 like you said, you can feel all kinds of different 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:35.320 sensations down there and they can mean a lot of 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:38.639 different things. So you know, my stance on it is 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:42.480 that I would not go by butterflies to tell you anything, 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:46.600 because typically their thought of is just like sensations in 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:49.359 the stomach, and you can have those kinds of sensations 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.920 when you're excited, when you're turned on well, but also 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:56.919 when you're feeling unsafe, when you're feeling anxious. So like, 0:17:57.000 --> 0:18:00.119 if that's that's the deal with butterflies, then I I 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:03.280 just tell my clients like, don't don't go by them, 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:04.960 Like it's nice to notice when they're there, and you 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.280 can you can say, oh, I feel butterflies. Maybe I 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:09.320 want to investigate that a little bit more like what 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:11.840 is that actually telling me what am I feeling here? 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:15.399 Sometimes they can even be present when we feel love, 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.439 So it's it's super confusing. And I just say, like, 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.840 throw the butterfly thing away, like it really is not 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.960 a reliable indicator for whether someone's right for you or 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:27.560 wrong for you, because it could be present in so 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:30.159 many different situations. Such a good question, thank you. 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:33.760 Oh yeah, but and it's so hard, right because I 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:36.480 have grown up on Disney movies and I've been taught 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:39.160 that butterflies are what you're looking for, like you should 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:42.520 be swept off your feet. Heck, even Princess Diaries taught 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:44.640 me that I should be foot popping when I'm kissing 0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:46.400 you know what I mean. Like, there's so many levels 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:49.080 of this, So I love that you said it has 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:52.000 multiple levels and maybe just like use it as your 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:54.439 body's reacting to something and nothing more than that. 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.480 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Like don't if you're asking for just 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:01.080 straight up advice, don't go by butterflies. Yeah, like can 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:02.200 mean so many different things. 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:04.880 Yeah, Oh that's good. Okay, but I'm glad we made 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:08.520 sure to squash that little bug, if you will. I 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:11.600 also want to talk about I think there's this kind 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:17.160 of this perception around people who jump from relationship to relationship, 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:19.240 good and bad. Right, There's some people who are like, oh, 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:21.679 good for them. There's other people like, holy crap, what 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:26.200 are they doing? What is this situation with people who 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:29.800 jump to relationship to relationship that you've seen? Is this 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:33.680 more normal or is it something that we shouldn't be doing? 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:36.119 How do we know we're healing? Like this kind of 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:39.560 baseline of just jumping from a relationship to relationship. 0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:43.280 Yeah, I like to talk about that because I was 0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:47.119 that person in my past, Like I pretty much jumped 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:52.760 from a ten year marriage into another relationship, and yeah, 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:54.880 it really was just a matter of a couple of months, 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:57.480 So I could totally relate to being in that place. 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:00.960 And you know, I would say if I put myself 0:20:00.960 --> 0:20:03.080 in my head at that time, there were a number 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:05.280 of different reasons why I was doing that, and a 0:20:05.280 --> 0:20:07.000 lot of them are unconscious. That's why I'm a big 0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:10.760 on subconscious work. But some of the reasons were I 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:13.080 didn't want to be alone because I had been in 0:20:13.119 --> 0:20:16.960 this relationship for so long and the thought of starting 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:21.439 over again completely and being single for a while just 0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:25.080 completely filled me with dread. I just felt like, oh, 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:27.040 it's so daunting, I don't want to do it now. 0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:30.119 This was not completely conscious, but that was going on 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.520 in the back of my mind. And the other reason 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:35.920 was I had told myself which was not actually true, 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:39.359 but I had told myself that I had done a 0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:41.760 lot of the grieving while in the relationship because it 0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:43.760 was a long time coming. Like I didn't just pop 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:46.520 out of there. I had done a lot of work 0:20:46.560 --> 0:20:49.000 to get to that point, and I thought I was 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:52.600 over it at that point, which was not completely not true, 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:55.679 but that's what I was thinking at the time. And 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:59.199 also I was trying to avoid the deep pain, the 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:03.119 deep grieving that I really actually needed to do before 0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:06.280 getting into a relationship. So I thought, well, I'll just 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:08.560 pop in here and like I'll just feel better and 0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:12.520 that'll be it. I'll just be good. So I think 0:21:12.600 --> 0:21:14.880 a lot of those reasons are why people jump from 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:17.920 relationship to relationship. Now I can't speak for everyone here, 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:20.520 but that's usually what I see, like some variation of 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:22.359 those or even all of them going on at once. 0:21:23.160 --> 0:21:25.320 And I would say, like, no judgment, if you want 0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:27.560 to do that, cool, but I would say if you're 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:31.040 if you're looking to break the cycle of these painful relationships, 0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:36.280 you probably do want to pause because it's very different 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:41.440 actually being single after a relationship and taking that time 0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:44.720 to figure out who am I now, how did I 0:21:44.800 --> 0:21:47.200 get to this point and what do I actually want 0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:51.000 moving forward? Because I from my experience, you can't get 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:54.400 that kind of perspective while you're in the relationship with somebody, 0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:56.639 Even if you think you've done all the processing, like 0:21:56.680 --> 0:21:59.919 you've done all the work, it's different when you're single. 0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:03.320 It's different when you're out of that relationship. So I mean, 0:22:03.400 --> 0:22:05.639 unfortunately I do see it a lot. But again, if 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:08.080 you're trying to break the cycle of painful relationships, I 0:22:08.080 --> 0:22:10.439 would not recommend relationship hopping. 0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:14.679 And do you feel like as long as you've really 0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:18.600 gone through that grieving process, there's not really this timeline 0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:21.120 for that, because I also know that people have kind 0:22:21.119 --> 0:22:24.919 of different experiences with how quickly they bounce back, some longer, 0:22:25.040 --> 0:22:27.680 some shorter. So do you feel like as long as 0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:31.040 you've in that single time frame, like while you've truly 0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:34.720 been alone, like grieved that relationship, that can kind of 0:22:34.760 --> 0:22:35.720 timeline look different. 0:22:36.560 --> 0:22:39.360 Well, yeah, yeah, it can could be completely different. Now 0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:41.359 if you've done a lot of that grieving while in 0:22:41.440 --> 0:22:44.520 the previous relationship, then yeah, maybe it wouldn't take that 0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:47.359 long for you, but for some people it can take 0:22:47.440 --> 0:22:50.600 quite a long time. And that's okay. There's no judgment 0:22:50.640 --> 0:22:52.960 on this. There's no like you have to be done 0:22:53.040 --> 0:22:55.080 by this amount of time. No, you take as much 0:22:55.119 --> 0:22:57.640 time as you need. And I would also say, while 0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:00.440 you're taking that time, it's super important to make sure 0:23:00.440 --> 0:23:03.919 that you're doing like a almost like an autopsy on 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:07.480 your past relationship and just really understanding what went wrong, 0:23:07.720 --> 0:23:10.359 which you want to be different, and what you want 0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:13.200 moving forward, because it's pretty easy if you're trying to 0:23:13.240 --> 0:23:15.439 jump quickly into the next relationship to go, well, I 0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:18.000 know what I don't want, But then you might just 0:23:18.080 --> 0:23:20.119 pop back into the same thing if you don't realize 0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:24.280 what you're actually looking for. That's different. So yeah, there's 0:23:24.280 --> 0:23:26.440 no timeline on this, not at all. 0:23:27.119 --> 0:23:29.840 No, that's super important. And you did also mention in 0:23:29.920 --> 0:23:33.520 talking about the subconscious work that you do. I would 0:23:33.600 --> 0:23:38.560 love to hear some more about this. Is there particular 0:23:38.720 --> 0:23:42.280 subconscious work. So take me as your example, throw me 0:23:42.359 --> 0:23:45.119 to the fire, because that's what I'm here for. I 0:23:45.920 --> 0:23:48.360 feel like a really healthy person. I've done a lot 0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:51.040 of work, I continue to grow. That's always going to 0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:53.080 be something that's part of my life, and I'm available 0:23:53.080 --> 0:23:55.840 and I'm consistent. I feel like I am the example 0:23:55.880 --> 0:23:58.639 of someone who I feel like I'm ready when that 0:23:58.720 --> 0:24:02.679 time comes. But is there something I can still be doing? 0:24:02.720 --> 0:24:05.720 Because I'm a big believer in that you're always evolving, 0:24:06.480 --> 0:24:10.080 So is there something I can be doing? Or even 0:24:10.119 --> 0:24:12.639 somebody who's on the polar opposite spectrum of me becau's 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:16.520 not at already or wants to be ready? What subconscious 0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:19.600 work do we need to be doing to find our 0:24:19.840 --> 0:24:23.680 kind of perfect relationship perfect in star quotes, because nothing 0:24:23.760 --> 0:24:24.920 is perfect. You know what I mean? 0:24:25.920 --> 0:24:28.560 I do know what you mean. Yes, yes, And I 0:24:28.640 --> 0:24:31.439 love talking about this. So yeah, Like in your case, 0:24:31.640 --> 0:24:34.639 I would say you might be good. But if you 0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:37.439 start to notice that you're talking to someone and you're 0:24:37.480 --> 0:24:39.920 getting a little triggered, and maybe some thoughts are running 0:24:39.920 --> 0:24:42.359 through your head like oh am I good enough? Or 0:24:42.400 --> 0:24:45.679 maybe I'm feeling some shame about this, or I'm feeling 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:48.639 like some anxiety around this situation, that might be your 0:24:48.680 --> 0:24:51.320 clue that there's something deeper going on, and you can 0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:54.800 do some subconscious work. And also, like if you're just 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:58.359 feeling any kind of suffering, if you are walking around 0:24:58.560 --> 0:25:01.400 feeling not enough in some way, or like even very 0:25:01.440 --> 0:25:04.439 pessimistic about dating. If you feel like, oh, there's just 0:25:04.480 --> 0:25:06.200 no good men out there or I'm never going to 0:25:06.240 --> 0:25:08.880 find somebody, then that's a pretty big clue. But there's 0:25:08.920 --> 0:25:12.360 something subconscious going on. So as far as the kind 0:25:12.359 --> 0:25:15.760 of work you can do, I mean, anything that addresses 0:25:15.760 --> 0:25:18.280 the subconscious is helpful. My favorite way is energy healing. 0:25:18.280 --> 0:25:20.400 That's what I do. But it's really just a matter 0:25:20.440 --> 0:25:23.720 of getting in there and moving through what's being held 0:25:23.760 --> 0:25:26.600 in your system. So that could be emotions from the past, 0:25:26.600 --> 0:25:28.640 there could even be negative beliefs that are being held 0:25:28.640 --> 0:25:31.960 in there. And doing whatever modality that you feel drawn 0:25:32.000 --> 0:25:35.080 to to clear the energies, clear the emotions, process them. 0:25:35.119 --> 0:25:37.760 It's another way of saying that and rewire some of 0:25:37.760 --> 0:25:40.480 those negative beliefs that might be in there. It's a 0:25:40.480 --> 0:25:43.240 game changer when it comes to relationships. 0:25:43.880 --> 0:25:46.679 Can you break down the energy healing part from me? 0:25:46.760 --> 0:25:52.040 Because I have worked with somebody here locally who she 0:25:52.080 --> 0:25:54.119 doesn't go by that. She's also a massage therapist, but 0:25:54.200 --> 0:25:59.080 she has energy healing techniques and they've benefited me greatly. 0:25:59.119 --> 0:26:01.040 And I told people about it and everybody thought I 0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:02.960 was absolutely wild, and I was like, no, no, no, 0:26:03.280 --> 0:26:05.080 you got to wait until your body feels this. It's 0:26:05.119 --> 0:26:07.399 so crazy. So can you break down kind of what 0:26:07.440 --> 0:26:09.840 that looks like for you, the energy healing side of things. 0:26:10.280 --> 0:26:12.720 Oh yeah, yeah, And everybody does it a little bit differently. 0:26:12.960 --> 0:26:15.560 But how I do it is I'm using intuition and 0:26:15.560 --> 0:26:19.320 then also muscle testing to get information from your subconscious. 0:26:19.480 --> 0:26:22.399 So let's say you're coming to me and you're saying, hey, Lindsay, 0:26:22.560 --> 0:26:25.119 I'm doing pretty well, but I'm noticing that I'm getting 0:26:25.119 --> 0:26:27.160 a little bit triggered lately and I'm starting to feel 0:26:27.200 --> 0:26:29.719 like I'm not good enough in certain ways. So what 0:26:29.760 --> 0:26:31.760 I would do is I would just tune in again 0:26:31.800 --> 0:26:36.200 through intuition to your subconscious and ask you're subconscious very directly, 0:26:36.320 --> 0:26:38.359 what's going on here? What do we need to clear 0:26:38.440 --> 0:26:41.639 for you? And so sometimes there's like what I call 0:26:41.760 --> 0:26:46.160 trapped emotion, suppressed emotional energies, and sometimes there's negative beliefs. 0:26:46.200 --> 0:26:48.119 Sometimes there's a whole bunch of other stuff that comes up. 0:26:48.160 --> 0:26:50.280 But really what I do is I clear it through intention, 0:26:50.680 --> 0:26:52.439 So that means I put my hand on my heart 0:26:52.800 --> 0:26:56.120 and I hold the intention for that energy to be released. 0:26:56.720 --> 0:26:59.360 And the crazy thing is that's what releases it. It 0:26:59.400 --> 0:27:02.879 blows my mind every time. But intention is so powerful. 0:27:03.200 --> 0:27:05.919 So whether you're like sitting next to me in this 0:27:06.000 --> 0:27:08.880 room here or you're across the world, I can still 0:27:08.880 --> 0:27:11.440 connect to your energy and do work on that level. 0:27:11.600 --> 0:27:13.000 It's it's pretty incredible. 0:27:13.720 --> 0:27:15.960 Yeah wow, Okay, so this is so similar to what 0:27:16.000 --> 0:27:18.080 I did. I love what you do and I think 0:27:18.160 --> 0:27:20.920 the work is really important, even for all the people 0:27:20.920 --> 0:27:22.439 who are like I don't believe it, Just give it 0:27:22.440 --> 0:27:26.040 a try. You never know. Like everything I say, one 0:27:26.080 --> 0:27:28.320 thing I strongly believe is we're always evolving in one 0:27:28.480 --> 0:27:31.440 is that you never know something works until you try 0:27:31.480 --> 0:27:34.040 it for yourself. So that's the only way you can tell. 0:27:34.920 --> 0:27:37.240 And it's so funny you say this because one of 0:27:37.280 --> 0:27:39.520 the things she did this whole kind of process on 0:27:39.560 --> 0:27:42.959 me as well, but similar in that she also is like, 0:27:43.040 --> 0:27:45.840 you have some strings here that are tied to certain 0:27:45.920 --> 0:27:49.000 people and things, and I'm just gonna we're gonna clear 0:27:49.000 --> 0:27:51.000 it all out. It's like kind of like cobwebs, Like 0:27:51.040 --> 0:27:54.240 girlfriend they're just all gonna be gone. And I'm like, okay, 0:27:54.240 --> 0:27:56.280 clear it just, you know what, give me a base 0:27:56.320 --> 0:28:00.359 starting point of something new. And it did feel like 0:28:00.400 --> 0:28:03.800 this just strained sensation, and I wish I could explain 0:28:03.840 --> 0:28:06.280 it so much better, but I just felt like there 0:28:06.359 --> 0:28:08.640 was just a weight lifted in a way where there 0:28:08.680 --> 0:28:11.879 just wasn't this connection anymore that I was waiting or 0:28:11.880 --> 0:28:15.000 hoping or praying for, however you want to go about it. 0:28:15.720 --> 0:28:18.919 And I say all this to say so ironically like 0:28:20.320 --> 0:28:23.320 I have an animal. I've pets. I have a dog 0:28:23.359 --> 0:28:26.640 and a cat, but my dog and I are seriously 0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:28.240 bonded and I do so much for her, more than 0:28:28.280 --> 0:28:31.520 I probably do for myself. And what's so crazy is 0:28:31.520 --> 0:28:34.879 I've never considered this for myself. But when I was 0:28:34.960 --> 0:28:38.080 training my dog to become a therapy animal, one of 0:28:38.120 --> 0:28:42.040 the things the trainers, like dog trainers, told me was 0:28:42.320 --> 0:28:45.160 if you are having a bad day and you hold 0:28:45.200 --> 0:28:49.120 that leash, your dog will have a bad day. And 0:28:49.160 --> 0:28:51.960 they're like, it's all about the energy transference from you 0:28:52.080 --> 0:28:55.720 through that lead to your dog. And until the energy 0:28:55.760 --> 0:28:58.560 massage happened, and that piece of information that happened four 0:28:58.640 --> 0:29:01.760 or five years apart, right, all came together and I 0:29:01.800 --> 0:29:04.080 was just sitting there on my couch like what has 0:29:04.160 --> 0:29:06.600 happened to me? I didn't know any of this existed 0:29:06.640 --> 0:29:09.800 in what's going on, So all of that and all 0:29:09.800 --> 0:29:12.480 those stories to say, like, cannot believe more in what 0:29:12.520 --> 0:29:16.000 you're doing. And also just for someone who is like 0:29:16.240 --> 0:29:20.160 a little I guess unsure that it would help or 0:29:20.200 --> 0:29:24.320 do something like this does help. This benefits people so widely. 0:29:25.160 --> 0:29:27.960 Oh, I'm so glad you shared that. Thank you, because yeah, 0:29:28.000 --> 0:29:30.880 you're a testament to it. And I, like, I was 0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:34.080 a super skeptical person before entering this world, so like 0:29:34.400 --> 0:29:36.320 I get it. It really is kind of out there, 0:29:36.360 --> 0:29:38.719 but it is the kind of thing where you just 0:29:38.760 --> 0:29:41.400 have to try it and see for yourself. And like, 0:29:41.440 --> 0:29:44.360 I'll be real, it's not for everyone. Not every modality 0:29:44.440 --> 0:29:46.360 is not for everyone, but for a lot of people, 0:29:46.440 --> 0:29:50.720 including myself, it's been life changing. And yeah, we can 0:29:50.720 --> 0:29:53.520 actually do work on animals too. That's the crazy part 0:29:53.520 --> 0:29:56.040 in all this that yeah they can hold stuff too, 0:29:56.560 --> 0:29:59.320 and they're very much affected by our energy. So I 0:29:59.640 --> 0:30:02.160 love that trainers are telling me that it's so true. 0:30:02.680 --> 0:30:04.760 It is well, And like I said, it was like 0:30:05.200 --> 0:30:08.040 all the pieces started to just kind of collide together, 0:30:08.160 --> 0:30:10.560 and I'm like, Okay, of course I did this for 0:30:10.600 --> 0:30:13.000 her five years ago, but I never once seemed to 0:30:13.040 --> 0:30:15.040 think that this could be the same with me and 0:30:15.080 --> 0:30:18.800 other people existing in my world or objects or whatever 0:30:18.840 --> 0:30:21.400 it may be. And it was just that kind of 0:30:21.560 --> 0:30:23.520 light bulb finally went off, like it was there and 0:30:23.560 --> 0:30:25.840 it needed to be like turned on in a way. 0:30:26.440 --> 0:30:28.840 So I just I think it's really awesome. And I'm 0:30:28.880 --> 0:30:30.760 probably sure that you do have a lot of people 0:30:30.800 --> 0:30:33.200 that can be set skeptical. So I want to be 0:30:33.240 --> 0:30:35.080 someone that tells you I love the work you're doing, 0:30:35.080 --> 0:30:38.840 and I think it's important. I do want to also. 0:30:39.200 --> 0:30:42.720 And this is totally different, different sub level here, but 0:30:42.800 --> 0:30:46.680 we were talking about relationships and something I would love 0:30:46.800 --> 0:30:49.240 to ask because this is a hot topic on social 0:30:49.280 --> 0:30:53.600 media and I have my own personal opinion about it, 0:30:53.800 --> 0:30:57.480 but is it ever okay to go back to an 0:30:57.720 --> 0:30:59.320 X or somebody you once dated? 0:31:00.120 --> 0:31:00.320 Yeah? 0:31:00.360 --> 0:31:05.080 I know, hot topic, So yeah, somebody once stated for 0:31:05.120 --> 0:31:07.320 a little bit a full blown X that you were 0:31:07.360 --> 0:31:11.200 in a relationship, any of the spectrum speaking generally here, 0:31:11.280 --> 0:31:12.040 is it ever okay? 0:31:13.200 --> 0:31:16.400 Yeah? Great question, and I would say yes, in some 0:31:16.480 --> 0:31:18.719 cases it is. I mean, I'm never going to tell 0:31:18.760 --> 0:31:21.080 you like black and whites except for saying that like, 0:31:21.880 --> 0:31:25.880 but no, I think there are some situations. For sure, 0:31:26.040 --> 0:31:27.560 you can go back to an ex, but I would 0:31:27.600 --> 0:31:32.040 say some specific qualifications have to be met, so I 0:31:32.080 --> 0:31:35.880 would not go back to an ex if nothing has changed, 0:31:36.320 --> 0:31:39.480 Like there's a reason why that relationship didn't work out, 0:31:39.960 --> 0:31:43.120 So you would have to make sure that you were 0:31:43.200 --> 0:31:45.840 a different person, they were a different person. You guys 0:31:45.880 --> 0:31:49.760 have talked about what happened, what went wrong, what you're 0:31:49.800 --> 0:31:53.120 now doing differently in order to make that relationship work. 0:31:53.160 --> 0:31:55.640 And I've seen this. I've seen this with a client sometimes, 0:31:55.720 --> 0:31:58.240 you know, we work on relationships. People do get back 0:31:58.240 --> 0:32:01.960 together and they're happy and it works. So sometimes it 0:32:02.000 --> 0:32:05.240 doesn't though, And it really it all comes down to 0:32:05.560 --> 0:32:09.240 have both of you done the work from that previous 0:32:09.360 --> 0:32:12.120 relationship and are you now different people where it can 0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:16.640 work out. So yeah, it's a controversial topic, but no, 0:32:16.720 --> 0:32:18.880 I have seen it work out, so I can say, yes, 0:32:18.920 --> 0:32:22.440 there are situations where it can, but things have to 0:32:22.480 --> 0:32:25.000 be different because it's not the same relationship as it 0:32:25.080 --> 0:32:27.760 was before. If it is probably not going to work out. 0:32:28.520 --> 0:32:32.160 Yeah, and that is my very controversial opinion on it. 0:32:32.200 --> 0:32:34.800 If it it, I think it's different when you just 0:32:34.880 --> 0:32:36.720 maybe dated a little bit, there was a few dates 0:32:36.720 --> 0:32:39.239 and the timing didn't work out, you know, whatever it 0:32:39.240 --> 0:32:41.880 may be, and you're just not grown enough to do 0:32:42.160 --> 0:32:44.560 what you needed to do for that relationship. But when 0:32:44.600 --> 0:32:49.520 I see specifically x'es, I'm like they I firmly stand 0:32:49.560 --> 0:32:52.720 by that they are an ex for a reason. Mostly 0:32:53.080 --> 0:32:58.040 most of the time. Unfortunately, there's a reason why that happened. 0:32:58.320 --> 0:33:00.720 So I do have that controversial opinion, But I love 0:33:01.040 --> 0:33:03.640 what you said, which is, you know, if you are 0:33:03.720 --> 0:33:05.760 gonna do this and you're gonna wait in those waters, 0:33:06.200 --> 0:33:09.520 make sure things have changed for both of you. 0:33:12.600 --> 0:33:14.880 That person has tried to go back into the ex 0:33:14.920 --> 0:33:16.960 and like, what am I doing if like I'm banging 0:33:17.000 --> 0:33:19.480 my head against the wall, it's just the same thing. 0:33:20.320 --> 0:33:22.360 But yes, I do, like I said, I've seen it 0:33:22.400 --> 0:33:24.680 where people have really committed to doing the work and 0:33:24.960 --> 0:33:26.920 they are different and they show up different and then 0:33:26.960 --> 0:33:29.400 you have a different relationship and it can work out. 0:33:29.680 --> 0:33:32.200 But I completely agree with you, like, there's a lot 0:33:32.200 --> 0:33:36.080 of reasons why ex'es are exes, and often people don't 0:33:36.160 --> 0:33:38.920 change and that's okay, but that just means there's something 0:33:38.920 --> 0:33:39.960 different for us out there. 0:33:40.600 --> 0:33:43.240 M hmm. Well, please end us with a piece of 0:33:43.280 --> 0:33:45.760 advice because I do I've also had those experiences and 0:33:45.800 --> 0:33:47.480 I can I can proudly say that now because I 0:33:47.520 --> 0:33:50.719 have done that, I have gone back what I should have. 0:33:51.320 --> 0:33:54.400 So you know, you live and you learn. But I 0:33:54.440 --> 0:33:57.080 do want you to give us a little piece of 0:33:57.200 --> 0:34:00.840 hope to end this on, because I, as much as 0:34:00.920 --> 0:34:05.920 I wish to be a skeptic and pessimistic, despite everything 0:34:06.000 --> 0:34:08.600 I have been through, I still firmly believe in love 0:34:08.760 --> 0:34:11.600 and I think it's a beautiful thing that all of 0:34:11.680 --> 0:34:14.279 us do deeply want, no matter how hard it is 0:34:14.320 --> 0:34:17.759 to find and accomplish. So please give us a little 0:34:17.800 --> 0:34:20.120 bit of hope if you will, like a hopeful piece 0:34:20.160 --> 0:34:20.600 of advice. 0:34:21.360 --> 0:34:24.160 Yeah, no, I'd be happy too. And I will preface 0:34:24.200 --> 0:34:26.520 this by saying, like I have been a person who 0:34:26.600 --> 0:34:31.160 has completely lost hope in in finding healthy love. And 0:34:31.200 --> 0:34:33.879 what I would say to my past self and I'll 0:34:33.880 --> 0:34:36.760 say to anyone else out there, is if you believe 0:34:36.760 --> 0:34:39.960 it's possible, even like the slightest, tiniest like what do 0:34:39.960 --> 0:34:42.319 they say, like a mustard seed of faith. If you 0:34:42.960 --> 0:34:46.360 have a little bit of faith that love is possible 0:34:46.400 --> 0:34:50.680 for you, then it can happen. And so I would say, 0:34:50.920 --> 0:34:53.279 do whatever work you can do to get to the 0:34:53.280 --> 0:34:56.680 place where you have that little bit of faith, because 0:34:56.719 --> 0:34:59.799 that will lead you to the love that you're looking for. 0:35:00.040 --> 0:35:02.359 It is absolutely possible for you. I've seen it in 0:35:02.400 --> 0:35:06.120 all ages, all circumstances. If you do believe it's possible, 0:35:06.600 --> 0:35:09.320 then it can happen for you. And yeah, it's happened 0:35:09.360 --> 0:35:11.160 for me too, and it's happened for a lot of 0:35:11.160 --> 0:35:15.080 people I've worked with. So, yeah, there is so much 0:35:15.160 --> 0:35:17.719 love out there. We just have to open up to it. 0:35:17.800 --> 0:35:19.520 I can leave you with that too. A lot of 0:35:19.560 --> 0:35:21.480 times we have so many blocks to it that we 0:35:21.560 --> 0:35:23.840 actually can't see it. But if we can do the 0:35:23.880 --> 0:35:26.319 work to open up to it, yeah it's there, and 0:35:26.400 --> 0:35:28.439 it might not look like what you thought it would 0:35:28.480 --> 0:35:30.239 look like, but it's one hundred percent there for you. 0:35:31.200 --> 0:35:33.840 Oh I love that. Well, lindsay, thank you so much. 0:35:34.040 --> 0:35:37.600 You are the alchemists, the real love alchemist. I hope 0:35:37.600 --> 0:35:39.960 people have learned some things and taken some things from this, 0:35:40.040 --> 0:35:41.080 but thank you for joining me. 0:35:41.920 --> 0:35:43.759 Oh it's my pleasure. Thank you for having me. 0:35:49.840 --> 0:35:52.680 Friends. I am joined by another one of my friends. 0:35:52.920 --> 0:35:56.160 Welcome Kate to the podcast. Hello, how does it feel 0:35:56.160 --> 0:35:56.719 to be in here? 0:35:57.200 --> 0:35:58.760 It's exciting. I'm really excited. 0:35:58.960 --> 0:36:00.879 I'm so glad you said that. Everybody comes in here 0:36:00.880 --> 0:36:02.680 and they're like, I'm a little nervous. I'm like, why 0:36:02.760 --> 0:36:03.840 we're literally friends. 0:36:04.280 --> 0:36:06.439 Yeah, it's not going to be anything we haven't talked 0:36:06.440 --> 0:36:07.839 about before, so I know. 0:36:07.920 --> 0:36:09.520 I I text you, I was like, can we have 0:36:09.640 --> 0:36:12.319 that like same conversation that we basically had at a bar, 0:36:12.400 --> 0:36:15.560 but on the podcast. Sure, So that's what we're doing. 0:36:15.760 --> 0:36:16.040 Yes. 0:36:16.160 --> 0:36:18.880 I brought you on here because you can give some 0:36:18.920 --> 0:36:22.720 more insights. So we are different in age. I'm thirty one. 0:36:22.800 --> 0:36:24.320 I'm about to be thirty nine. 0:36:24.600 --> 0:36:27.839 Yes, so we have like some you have more life 0:36:27.960 --> 0:36:31.080 experience than I do in some situations. 0:36:30.440 --> 0:36:31.239 Yet a little bit. 0:36:31.600 --> 0:36:34.960 And you've been previously engaged. 0:36:34.520 --> 0:36:36.280 Twice, yes, twice. 0:36:36.480 --> 0:36:38.839 So you've had just a lot of experiences in the 0:36:38.880 --> 0:36:42.760 realm of relationships dating someone now just so many things. 0:36:42.840 --> 0:36:45.839 So I wanted to bring you on to provide even 0:36:45.920 --> 0:36:48.200 further insight as someone who's a little bit older and 0:36:48.239 --> 0:36:50.640 who's been going through so much of the same things. 0:36:50.680 --> 0:36:54.880 As me, just on a different scale. So give us 0:36:54.920 --> 0:36:57.840 a little like dating history backdrop. 0:36:58.360 --> 0:37:03.320 Uh So, like you had said, I've been engaged twice. 0:37:03.480 --> 0:37:06.440 So the whole reason I live in the South now 0:37:08.440 --> 0:37:11.399 is because of a boy. I was dating a guy. 0:37:11.680 --> 0:37:13.920 We were in San Diego. He was getting out of 0:37:13.920 --> 0:37:16.400 the Marine Corps. He's from Alabama, and he's like, oh, 0:37:16.480 --> 0:37:20.200 let's go. Just graduated university, and I thought, why not? 0:37:20.480 --> 0:37:24.200 This is a life experience, and uh so I moved 0:37:24.200 --> 0:37:29.879 to Alabama. And ironically, the day he proposed, I had 0:37:29.920 --> 0:37:31.880 called my girlfriend that morning and I was like, I 0:37:31.880 --> 0:37:34.080 think I'm gonna break up with him, Like I'm miserable, 0:37:34.320 --> 0:37:38.480 I hate this relationship. I'm ready to move on. And 0:37:38.600 --> 0:37:42.160 she was like no, no, no, no, like it's fine, everything's fine. 0:37:42.560 --> 0:37:46.360 And yeah. Then he proposed that night, and it was horrible. 0:37:46.800 --> 0:37:49.600 He grabbed the wrong hand. I didn't even say yes. 0:37:49.760 --> 0:37:51.600 I think I might have said no, but there was 0:37:51.640 --> 0:37:54.720 like so much commotion that like nobody knew what was happening. 0:37:55.440 --> 0:37:58.520 Uh So, Yeah, So we were engaged for a little while, 0:38:00.040 --> 0:38:03.080 didn't work out. Then I ended up meeting another guy. 0:38:03.120 --> 0:38:07.920 We broke up, obviously, met another guy. Moved from Mobile 0:38:08.040 --> 0:38:11.400 to Tuscaloosa with this guy, and we dated for like 0:38:11.680 --> 0:38:16.160 seven or eight years before we finally got engaged. That 0:38:16.239 --> 0:38:21.680 engagement was also I actually said yes that time, let's prefacize. 0:38:21.680 --> 0:38:25.000 I said, yes that time engaged, Yes, yeah, you know, 0:38:26.960 --> 0:38:30.440 but it kind of went downhill, like there were just 0:38:30.880 --> 0:38:35.440 issues within our relationship that he couldn't get over, I 0:38:35.480 --> 0:38:38.560 couldn't get over. We did couple's therapy, we did all 0:38:38.600 --> 0:38:42.239 this stuff, and we couldn't make it work. So I 0:38:42.280 --> 0:38:45.240 actually got a phone call from somebody here in Nashville 0:38:46.000 --> 0:38:48.239 and they were like, Hey, could you interview somebody for 0:38:48.400 --> 0:38:51.000 us for this job? And I was like sure, or 0:38:51.000 --> 0:38:53.279 you could just give it to me, I'll do it, 0:38:53.360 --> 0:38:55.080 and they were like really, and I said yes, and 0:38:55.239 --> 0:38:58.279 I moved to Nashville. So the first time I moved 0:38:58.280 --> 0:39:02.040 to a city was not for a boy. Was very 0:39:02.080 --> 0:39:05.480 your own career, yes, and then uh, yeah that it 0:39:05.560 --> 0:39:08.160 was just dating during COVID and like dating in a 0:39:08.200 --> 0:39:12.560 new city where I didn't know anybody. And it's been, uh, 0:39:12.880 --> 0:39:14.440 it's been a journey. 0:39:14.600 --> 0:39:16.919 It's been a very large journey, which is what we've 0:39:16.960 --> 0:39:20.359 talked about a whole lot, just some of the similar experiences. 0:39:20.520 --> 0:39:23.200 I want to go to these engagements a little bit 0:39:23.239 --> 0:39:28.400 because you have such like who you are is so joyful, 0:39:28.480 --> 0:39:31.600 but still like you're still optimistic, but there's also pain 0:39:31.680 --> 0:39:35.359 and there's also hard emotions that have come with all 0:39:35.400 --> 0:39:37.879 of that. So you're not you're not void of any 0:39:37.920 --> 0:39:40.680 of that, but you've for someone who has gone through 0:39:40.680 --> 0:39:43.960 two broken off engagements, like you're still optimistic and you're 0:39:43.960 --> 0:39:48.080 still hopeful. Yeah, so when you broke off those engagements, 0:39:48.080 --> 0:39:49.719 like what was that like for you? 0:39:49.800 --> 0:39:50.479 Were you just. 0:39:50.520 --> 0:39:53.840 Like like kind of walk me through your feelings and 0:39:53.840 --> 0:39:56.600 your experiences that you were having, and they're probably different 0:39:56.640 --> 0:39:59.359 for each one, so walk me through each one. 0:40:00.080 --> 0:40:05.680 The first one was just like literally I was sitting 0:40:05.800 --> 0:40:09.719 I think I was in a Walmart parking lot and 0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:11.640 it was raining outside, and I was on the phone 0:40:11.680 --> 0:40:15.560 with my mom crying and she's like, are these happy tears? 0:40:15.600 --> 0:40:17.520 And I'm like, no, these are not happy tears, Like 0:40:17.560 --> 0:40:19.640 I don't want to marry this guy. I don't like 0:40:19.719 --> 0:40:23.160 him anymore. All we do is fight, like I'm miserable, 0:40:23.400 --> 0:40:26.480 and she's like, then don't marry him, Like what is 0:40:26.520 --> 0:40:30.799 the point. So it was just this sense of relief 0:40:31.080 --> 0:40:35.400 almost like I was I because like I said I 0:40:35.440 --> 0:40:37.480 was going to break up with him that morning, and 0:40:37.520 --> 0:40:39.920 then we got engaged that evening. So it was this 0:40:40.040 --> 0:40:43.640 sense of relief because I felt trapped when he proposed. 0:40:43.680 --> 0:40:44.920 I was like, oh my god, I'm trapped. 0:40:44.920 --> 0:40:48.839 Now. Did you also feel like he was just on 0:40:48.880 --> 0:40:51.239 a completely different page, Like how did he think? 0:40:51.920 --> 0:40:56.360 He told my dad? Because both guys actually asked my 0:40:56.480 --> 0:40:58.399 dad called and asked my dad like, Hey, I want 0:40:58.440 --> 0:41:00.520 to marry Kate, like is it okay? Do I have 0:41:00.560 --> 0:41:05.799 your blessing? And my Dad's response to both of them 0:41:05.880 --> 0:41:09.680 is basically, you can ask her, but if she says no, 0:41:09.800 --> 0:41:13.040 I can't help you. Like she's gonna say what she 0:41:13.080 --> 0:41:14.759 wants to say. She's gonna do what she wants to do. 0:41:14.840 --> 0:41:17.880 Nobody can tell her otherwise, so you can ask. I 0:41:17.960 --> 0:41:20.720 don't care. But he had The first guy had told 0:41:20.719 --> 0:41:23.879 my Dad I feel like this is just the next thing. 0:41:24.000 --> 0:41:27.480 This is just what you do. And when I found 0:41:27.480 --> 0:41:31.799 that out later, like that really solidified for me that like, Okay, 0:41:31.800 --> 0:41:34.040 you made the right choice, because I don't want to 0:41:34.160 --> 0:41:37.279 marry somebody that's like, oh, that's just what you do. 0:41:37.600 --> 0:41:39.840 Like this is the next phase because it has to 0:41:39.880 --> 0:41:41.759 be yeah versus like, I really want to do this. 0:41:41.800 --> 0:41:44.920 I'm in love with your daughter exactly exactly, So I was. 0:41:45.040 --> 0:41:49.640 I was very relieved after that one. The second one 0:41:49.960 --> 0:41:53.399 was a lot harder to get over because we were 0:41:53.400 --> 0:41:58.520 together for so long and we had you know, we 0:41:58.560 --> 0:42:01.480 had a home together, we were making all these plans together. 0:42:02.600 --> 0:42:05.799 We had like a wall in our living room that 0:42:05.880 --> 0:42:09.560 literally said like our last name or what are my 0:42:09.640 --> 0:42:12.280 last name would have been? And it was pictures of 0:42:12.360 --> 0:42:14.160 us and our families and this It was like a 0:42:14.160 --> 0:42:17.799 big family tree thing. And so that one was a 0:42:17.800 --> 0:42:20.759 little bit harder. There was a lot of sadness, and 0:42:21.760 --> 0:42:24.320 part of it goes back to and you can relate, 0:42:24.440 --> 0:42:26.120 like when you're in high school, you're like, oh my god. 0:42:26.160 --> 0:42:28.320 By the time I'm twenty five, I'm gonna be married 0:42:28.520 --> 0:42:31.120 and I'm gonna have two kids. And I'm sitting there 0:42:31.640 --> 0:42:35.720 in my early thirties and I'm like, oh god, another 0:42:35.800 --> 0:42:38.480 one is failing. What am I doing wrong? What did 0:42:38.520 --> 0:42:39.360 I do wrong? 0:42:39.760 --> 0:42:39.880 Like? 0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:43.320 And it kind of got to a place where I thought, 0:42:43.680 --> 0:42:45.560 am I the problem is? It? Is it me? 0:42:45.880 --> 0:42:46.000 Like? 0:42:46.040 --> 0:42:51.279 Am I not lovable? You know? What is it here? 0:42:51.719 --> 0:42:55.319 And it took a long time for me to realize that, 0:42:55.440 --> 0:42:58.840 like when they say, you know, one door closes and 0:42:58.880 --> 0:43:02.120 another one opens. It was one of those like that 0:43:02.280 --> 0:43:06.040 was not meant for me. I would be so miserable 0:43:06.120 --> 0:43:09.360 right now. I would probably be divorced by now. Like 0:43:10.840 --> 0:43:14.319 everything that was kind of promised to me by this 0:43:14.400 --> 0:43:19.279 person was being broken even before we like got to 0:43:19.360 --> 0:43:22.959 certain stages. So it was like it was the first 0:43:23.080 --> 0:43:24.000 was looking out for you. 0:43:24.160 --> 0:43:26.440 It just was hard to feel and hard to experience, 0:43:26.520 --> 0:43:27.920 especially when it was the second time. 0:43:28.239 --> 0:43:32.160 Yeah, because it's hard, you know. And then at the 0:43:32.200 --> 0:43:35.800 same time, like everybody goes through breakups, but like I 0:43:35.840 --> 0:43:37.480 don't know a lot of other people that have gone 0:43:37.480 --> 0:43:44.600 through two failed engagements one maybe, but two, Like who 0:43:44.680 --> 0:43:47.000 do you talk to? Like how do you relate that 0:43:47.480 --> 0:43:50.719 to somebody? How are they going to understand that? So 0:43:51.280 --> 0:43:56.880 it was it was interesting, very sad, lots of tears, 0:43:59.800 --> 0:44:02.560 and I thought I was over it. I thought like 0:44:02.719 --> 0:44:05.480 after I moved away to a completely new city, I 0:44:05.480 --> 0:44:08.480 thought everything was great. And then that's when I called 0:44:08.480 --> 0:44:11.320 you a couple weeks back and I was like, Okay, 0:44:11.320 --> 0:44:13.920 we got go, we gotta go have a drink. Things 0:44:13.920 --> 0:44:19.400 are happening because my ex ended up coming to Nashville 0:44:19.760 --> 0:44:22.960 getting drunk and texting me like I come here all 0:44:23.000 --> 0:44:25.200 the time and think of you, and I'm like, what 0:44:25.280 --> 0:44:26.880 the hell You're. 0:44:26.800 --> 0:44:29.480 Like, don't put me back on this freaking roll acape, 0:44:29.800 --> 0:44:31.240 please please don't. 0:44:31.800 --> 0:44:34.960 And they're just it flooded all these emotions back that, 0:44:35.080 --> 0:44:38.759 like what if you just would have stayed, What if 0:44:38.760 --> 0:44:40.719 you just would have stayed, What if you just would 0:44:40.760 --> 0:44:43.319 have tried, You'd be married by now, you'd probably have 0:44:43.360 --> 0:44:46.000 a kid by now, you'd have all these things in 0:44:46.040 --> 0:44:49.200 your life that you don't have now. And now you're 0:44:49.239 --> 0:44:51.719 one step closer to forty and you don't have any 0:44:51.800 --> 0:44:54.920 of those things. And it really just like I mean, 0:44:54.960 --> 0:44:57.440 you saw me, like it broke me because I was 0:44:57.520 --> 0:45:04.360 like what am I doing? And it was hard. It 0:45:04.440 --> 0:45:08.759 was hard, but I think going through that made me 0:45:08.800 --> 0:45:12.520 realize like, Okay, there's so many other things that I 0:45:12.560 --> 0:45:15.960 was meant to do, Like there's still time for me 0:45:16.040 --> 0:45:18.440 to get married. Okay, Like I get married at forty 0:45:18.600 --> 0:45:22.239 so wet. People are having babies at forty five, so wet. 0:45:23.040 --> 0:45:26.840 So it's it's hard to get out of that mindset 0:45:26.840 --> 0:45:29.120 of like, well, by this time, I want to do this, 0:45:29.560 --> 0:45:32.719 but I'm starting to realize that I don't have to 0:45:32.760 --> 0:45:35.600 have a timeline necessarily. I want to get married. I 0:45:35.600 --> 0:45:37.360 don't need to put a timeline on it. Maybe I 0:45:37.400 --> 0:45:40.879 get married when I'm seventy. Who knows, Like I want 0:45:40.920 --> 0:45:43.000 to do it, I don't have to do it tomorrow. 0:45:46.320 --> 0:45:49.400 Do you feel like and there's just so many different, 0:45:49.640 --> 0:45:51.560 like you know, directions I want to go with this, 0:45:51.680 --> 0:45:56.520 but particularly right now, do you feel like though having 0:45:56.760 --> 0:46:00.239 broken off both of those engagements, do you feel like 0:46:00.239 --> 0:46:03.040 it at least helped you? See, I want to get married, 0:46:03.120 --> 0:46:05.200 but I don't want to be in the wrong marriage. 0:46:05.920 --> 0:46:10.000 Yes, yeah, I want to get married, but I don't 0:46:10.040 --> 0:46:13.800 want it to be to the wrong person. Because with 0:46:14.040 --> 0:46:19.000 the with the second engagement, I actually had already gotten 0:46:19.040 --> 0:46:24.200 my dress, and that dress was not cheap, so we 0:46:24.320 --> 0:46:27.160 had spent I think it was close to almost six 0:46:27.280 --> 0:46:31.759 grand on this wedding dress. And you want to talk 0:46:31.760 --> 0:46:36.160 about a sign from above. It came in, it didn't fit, 0:46:37.280 --> 0:46:41.960 it was cut incorrectly. I couldn't like zip it up. 0:46:42.320 --> 0:46:45.759 There was parts of the lace on the bottom of 0:46:45.800 --> 0:46:52.120 it that were missing, just straight up missing, and it 0:46:52.160 --> 0:46:54.600 was just it was horrific. So I had to fly 0:46:54.760 --> 0:46:57.799 my mom from San Diego to Tuscaloosa. Then we had 0:46:57.800 --> 0:47:00.880 a drive from Tuscaloosa to it Lasta to go to 0:47:00.920 --> 0:47:06.080 the dress shop, and the bridal people were like, we'll 0:47:06.120 --> 0:47:09.279 just refund you if you want, and I was so 0:47:10.440 --> 0:47:13.359 I was devastated, but we had already started having these 0:47:13.400 --> 0:47:15.359 problems that I was like, all right, it signed from above. 0:47:15.400 --> 0:47:17.680 I'm I'm gonna get six grand back now. Thank you 0:47:17.719 --> 0:47:18.120 so much. 0:47:18.840 --> 0:47:20.000 So didn't get it refunded. 0:47:20.160 --> 0:47:22.600 I got it refunded. I got you know, I didn't 0:47:22.719 --> 0:47:26.360 have to look at that dress anymore. Although I was 0:47:26.400 --> 0:47:28.320 scrolling through photos on my phone the other day and 0:47:28.360 --> 0:47:32.719 I was like, ooh, God, delete those. But yeah, So 0:47:32.800 --> 0:47:35.160 it was like, like you said, it was a sign 0:47:35.200 --> 0:47:37.480 from the universe. Everything was telling me like, hey, don't 0:47:37.520 --> 0:47:40.799 do this, like something else is going to come for you. 0:47:41.000 --> 0:47:41.520 Don't do this. 0:47:41.719 --> 0:47:44.160 But are you do you allow yourself like especially in 0:47:44.200 --> 0:47:46.200 those moments like when you did call me and you 0:47:46.280 --> 0:47:48.560 and he had kind of reached back out and was 0:47:48.680 --> 0:47:51.319 kind of inserting him back into your life, did you 0:47:52.120 --> 0:47:54.719 remind yourself of that? Like was that helpful for you 0:47:54.760 --> 0:47:57.040 to be like? No, there there was this reason, like 0:47:57.160 --> 0:48:00.160 I don't want a bad marriage, like yes, I like, 0:48:00.960 --> 0:48:02.680 there's something that you feel in your heart you so 0:48:02.880 --> 0:48:05.880 desperately want. You desperately want to be married. 0:48:05.719 --> 0:48:06.080 Just like me. 0:48:06.480 --> 0:48:08.960 Yeah, you desperately hope to have a kid of your 0:48:09.000 --> 0:48:14.160 own like also same, but there's also this like boundary 0:48:14.200 --> 0:48:17.160 now that you won't cross to get it. Like before, 0:48:17.200 --> 0:48:19.800 I felt, especially in my early twenties, like so desperate 0:48:19.840 --> 0:48:21.440 to have it, you know what I mean, Like I 0:48:21.440 --> 0:48:24.600 would do anything. I'd put up with anything. There wasn't 0:48:25.200 --> 0:48:28.040 a try a way, I wouldn't try something just in 0:48:28.080 --> 0:48:28.839 the hopes. 0:48:28.560 --> 0:48:29.399 That it would work out. 0:48:29.560 --> 0:48:33.319 Yeah, But then once I had enough bad experiences, it 0:48:33.400 --> 0:48:37.239 was like, Okay, I'm not that desperate like I want it, Yeah, 0:48:37.520 --> 0:48:40.080 but the desperation of wanting that is gone. Did you 0:48:40.080 --> 0:48:41.080 feel like that happened for you? 0:48:41.440 --> 0:48:44.360 Yeah, it's it's that you feel like you can change 0:48:44.360 --> 0:48:46.359 them kind of thing. You're like, I'm stick around because 0:48:46.360 --> 0:48:49.960 I can change them. That as I've gotten older, has 0:48:50.000 --> 0:48:55.200 gotten shorter, I'm like, I'm really learning like quickly into 0:48:55.239 --> 0:48:59.239 things that hey, if you're not doing this, okay the 0:48:59.280 --> 0:49:04.279 same for me, you know, and putting you know, a 0:49:04.320 --> 0:49:07.319 limit on it, like hey, like with my not my 0:49:07.400 --> 0:49:09.840 last fiance, but the last guy was dating. We had 0:49:09.920 --> 0:49:13.160 dated for a couple of years, and before we broke up, 0:49:13.160 --> 0:49:16.160 about three months before, I had said, hey, I am 0:49:16.239 --> 0:49:19.360 unhappy we you know, we don't go out and do anything. 0:49:19.360 --> 0:49:22.040 We barely spend any time together. We live together, and 0:49:22.080 --> 0:49:25.440 we barely spend time together. So like, this has to 0:49:25.560 --> 0:49:28.440 change or we're going to be done. And he did 0:49:28.480 --> 0:49:31.799 not take me seriously. And about three months later, because 0:49:31.840 --> 0:49:33.839 I said, I'm giving you until the end of the year, 0:49:34.760 --> 0:49:38.040 three months later we broke up and I was like, 0:49:38.320 --> 0:49:40.160 I told you I was unhappy. I told you this 0:49:40.280 --> 0:49:42.520 was going to happen if we didn't change. We didn't change, 0:49:42.560 --> 0:49:46.359 and we're done because I just you can't. As you 0:49:46.360 --> 0:49:51.400 get older, you realize you don't have the time, you know, 0:49:51.640 --> 0:49:54.319 like aside from like your biological clock, all these other 0:49:54.360 --> 0:49:57.719 things like I just mentally don't have the time, like 0:49:58.160 --> 0:50:01.440 fining energy, yeah, stuff like that, And I don't want 0:50:01.440 --> 0:50:03.800 to put the energy I do have into those people, 0:50:03.840 --> 0:50:06.600 Like I'd rather put that energy into something that I 0:50:06.640 --> 0:50:09.120 want to do, something that's fun, something that makes me 0:50:09.200 --> 0:50:09.759 feel good. 0:50:10.719 --> 0:50:12.600 And I do want to also have you talk about 0:50:12.640 --> 0:50:15.960 because you talked about how like there wasn't a lot 0:50:15.960 --> 0:50:18.640 of people for you to talk to about hopefully like 0:50:18.680 --> 0:50:21.120 these two broken off engagements. And that's another reason why 0:50:21.160 --> 0:50:24.279 I wanted to have you one, because hopefully one for you, 0:50:24.360 --> 0:50:26.600 there are other people out there that maybe can relate 0:50:26.640 --> 0:50:30.879 to you, and those conversations can start to happen for people, 0:50:30.960 --> 0:50:33.120 because it's the whole purpose of this right is to 0:50:33.200 --> 0:50:34.880 feel less alone in what you're going through. 0:50:35.040 --> 0:50:42.319 Yeah, it's it's a really weird. There are clubs, like 0:50:42.400 --> 0:50:45.400 I will call them clubs that you're a member of 0:50:46.280 --> 0:50:48.279 and you feel like you're the only member of that 0:50:48.360 --> 0:50:51.160 club until you say it out loud and people start going, 0:50:51.200 --> 0:50:54.839 oh my gosh, I'm in that club. So like I'm 0:50:54.840 --> 0:50:57.319 a lot more comfortable with it now, so like and 0:50:58.120 --> 0:51:01.120 I'll just forget, like it's not an normal thing. So sometimes, 0:51:01.120 --> 0:51:02.799 like when I'm in a group of people and we're 0:51:02.800 --> 0:51:05.279 talking and it's people that don't really know me, I'm like, oh, yeah, 0:51:05.320 --> 0:51:07.560 and that failed engagement, well two of them and they're 0:51:07.600 --> 0:51:09.600 like wait what, And they'll be like, wait, I had 0:51:09.640 --> 0:51:12.919 a failed engagement. And so I think if you can 0:51:13.080 --> 0:51:15.960 talk about it, you'll find that there's more people that 0:51:16.000 --> 0:51:19.640 have done the same thing. They've gone through the same thing, 0:51:20.480 --> 0:51:23.480 but everybody looks at it like, oh, you failed at 0:51:23.520 --> 0:51:26.960 getting married, so like something's wrong with you. No, nothing's 0:51:26.960 --> 0:51:30.080 wrong with me, nothing's wrong. Like everything's okay. We're just 0:51:30.080 --> 0:51:32.120 gonna talk about it some more and figured. 0:51:31.880 --> 0:51:33.840 Out how the wrong people to have in your circle too, right, 0:51:33.920 --> 0:51:36.719 that's how part learned. Yeah, okay, you're not meant to 0:51:36.760 --> 0:51:39.640 be a part of my life. Yeah, if you feel 0:51:39.680 --> 0:51:41.960 that way, because I never once, any time you have 0:51:42.120 --> 0:51:43.879 ever talked to me about any of that, been like, oh, 0:51:43.920 --> 0:51:45.240 well you know this is her fault. 0:51:45.400 --> 0:51:46.880 Yeah she has issues. 0:51:47.239 --> 0:51:50.799 Every time I was like okay, well there was a reason. Yeah, 0:51:50.800 --> 0:51:52.840 you know, and like I felt very strongly about that, 0:51:52.920 --> 0:51:56.200 like there's something better out there for you, and that's 0:51:56.200 --> 0:51:58.839 how it should be. So if anybody does out there 0:51:58.880 --> 0:52:00.799 also have something in their circle, was like making them 0:52:00.800 --> 0:52:04.600 feel the shame of that, Yeah, please like leave whatever 0:52:04.680 --> 0:52:07.000 that is or don't talk to them about it if 0:52:07.040 --> 0:52:09.040 it's blood related and you don't have a choice and 0:52:09.360 --> 0:52:12.439 they're part of your family. But I you know, that's 0:52:12.480 --> 0:52:14.360 one thing I also hope too, is people just stop 0:52:14.400 --> 0:52:17.200 feeling shame for having life experiences. 0:52:17.400 --> 0:52:22.799 Yeah, like there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with it, like 0:52:23.960 --> 0:52:29.560 I I would rather have that experience than not. And 0:52:29.600 --> 0:52:34.000 I actually was talking to somebody that I'm now dating, 0:52:34.200 --> 0:52:36.160 and when we first started dating, we were talking and 0:52:36.200 --> 0:52:38.120 I was like, oh, yeah, well, just like to put 0:52:38.160 --> 0:52:40.839 it all out there, like I've had to failed engagements 0:52:40.880 --> 0:52:42.960 and they were like, well, that's all right, I'm divorced. 0:52:43.000 --> 0:52:44.960 I have a failed marriage. He's like, at least you 0:52:45.000 --> 0:52:46.799 didn't get to where I got, like, and we were 0:52:46.840 --> 0:52:49.360 making a joke about it, but it's like, you know, 0:52:50.239 --> 0:52:54.280 that's just an experience, Like that's something that has shaped 0:52:54.320 --> 0:52:56.279 me to be who I am. It's maybe made me 0:52:56.320 --> 0:52:59.840 a little softer places where I wouldn't have been soft before. 0:53:00.120 --> 0:53:03.759 And it allows me to see people in a light 0:53:03.800 --> 0:53:06.560 that maybe I didn't see him before because we're all 0:53:06.560 --> 0:53:11.080 going through stuff. We're all dealing with something, so we 0:53:11.200 --> 0:53:13.160 have to have that little bit of grace with everybody 0:53:13.200 --> 0:53:15.239 as we're dealing through throughout the day. 0:53:15.719 --> 0:53:18.480 Yeah, and you know, it's it's become a thing, especially 0:53:18.520 --> 0:53:21.640 in just the dating culture of talking about dating, where 0:53:21.840 --> 0:53:24.640 everybody's like, well, once you hit thirty, if you're single, 0:53:24.640 --> 0:53:26.319 like I want nothing to do with that. There's a 0:53:26.360 --> 0:53:28.759 reason you are, and it goes both ways. Girls say 0:53:28.760 --> 0:53:31.520 about women, or girls say about men and men say 0:53:31.560 --> 0:53:35.160 about women. It goes both ways. And I've just never 0:53:35.239 --> 0:53:39.720 been a huge cheerleader of that because I don't think 0:53:39.880 --> 0:53:45.000 because your age has anything to do with what you 0:53:45.080 --> 0:53:47.560 bring to the table, like just because you're at a 0:53:47.560 --> 0:53:52.240 certain point. And I think things are so much different now, 0:53:52.360 --> 0:53:54.560 Like when our parents were growing up, it was so 0:53:54.719 --> 0:53:58.279 popular to get married right away. Yeah, you were heck 0:53:58.360 --> 0:54:00.640 barely out of your teens and you were married. My 0:54:00.719 --> 0:54:03.719 mom was married at twenty one. Yeah, and you had 0:54:03.760 --> 0:54:07.520 all these experiences like that so young. And now it's 0:54:07.520 --> 0:54:10.840 so much more popular to wait. And I'm so so 0:54:11.040 --> 0:54:14.160 glad that we're in that era because genuinely, I was 0:54:14.160 --> 0:54:16.520 talking to somebody about this the other day where it 0:54:16.600 --> 0:54:20.879 was like, I love you know, I just got back 0:54:20.880 --> 0:54:24.680 from an amazing Europe trip where I had the time 0:54:24.719 --> 0:54:27.359 of my life and I was so free and I 0:54:27.440 --> 0:54:31.120 met so many boys and I had fun experiences. Yeah, 0:54:31.840 --> 0:54:34.280 And had I been married at this point in my life, 0:54:34.320 --> 0:54:36.839 I would never have those stories. I would never have 0:54:36.920 --> 0:54:40.840 those experiences to remember. I would have taken that trip 0:54:40.840 --> 0:54:43.400 with a partner and it would be vastly different. Amazing 0:54:43.560 --> 0:54:47.759 and a different experience. But I'm so thankful, Like I'm 0:54:47.760 --> 0:54:51.080 the person who is literally living up every version of 0:54:51.120 --> 0:54:54.040 the single thing. So when I do get married, it's 0:54:54.080 --> 0:54:57.680 not me talking to the single people being like, hey, 0:54:58.440 --> 0:55:00.719 I wish I was single again, please live it up 0:55:00.719 --> 0:55:02.120 for me. I'd be like, no, no, no, I did all that. 0:55:02.160 --> 0:55:03.680 I'm good. Like I lived my days. 0:55:03.760 --> 0:55:06.400 Yeah, I did my experiences. I've done I've done my 0:55:06.480 --> 0:55:11.440 time as a single part. Yeah, it's it's fun to 0:55:11.520 --> 0:55:13.719 do those things. I know that I had. Also, I 0:55:13.760 --> 0:55:16.440 saw on your page like during the holidays talking about 0:55:16.440 --> 0:55:18.920 like it's Christmas and you want to be coupled up. 0:55:19.480 --> 0:55:23.320 This was my first Christmas alone in like ten years. 0:55:23.680 --> 0:55:24.640 How did that feel for you? 0:55:25.000 --> 0:55:31.279 It I was. I was actually fine with it up 0:55:31.360 --> 0:55:33.480 until I was talking to my best friend and I 0:55:33.520 --> 0:55:35.040 was like, I was like, yeah, no, I'm gonna wake 0:55:35.120 --> 0:55:37.680 up alone on Christmas and like I said it like 0:55:37.719 --> 0:55:41.040 that because it's just what it is. And she started crying. 0:55:41.840 --> 0:55:44.000 No, you aren't even the one cry I wasn't even 0:55:44.000 --> 0:55:45.520 the one crying. I'm like, why are you crying? 0:55:45.520 --> 0:55:47.840 And she's like, you're gonna be alone on Christmas? And 0:55:47.880 --> 0:55:50.120 I'm like Okay, Well, now I'm crying because I'm gonna 0:55:50.120 --> 0:55:51.960 be alone on Christmas. And I was like, why am 0:55:52.000 --> 0:55:55.360 I crying? I'm gonna get up. I'm gonna make a 0:55:55.400 --> 0:55:56.960 cup of coffee. I'm gonna sit in front of my 0:55:57.000 --> 0:56:00.840 pretty Christmas tree with my dogs. I'm gonna make myself 0:56:00.880 --> 0:56:04.399 whatever breakfast I want to eat, like I'm gonna have 0:56:04.680 --> 0:56:07.719 a great day, you know, like I don't have to 0:56:07.760 --> 0:56:09.600 wait for somebody else to get up so we can 0:56:09.640 --> 0:56:11.799 open presents and what do you want to eat? What 0:56:11.800 --> 0:56:13.080 do you want to want? Like, no, I got to 0:56:13.120 --> 0:56:17.160 do whatever I wanted to do. So leading up to it, 0:56:17.520 --> 0:56:19.759 I would say about two or three days before, I 0:56:19.800 --> 0:56:23.040 started to get a little sad because I was just like, oh, okay, 0:56:23.120 --> 0:56:27.279 like no one opened presents with or whatever. But my 0:56:27.320 --> 0:56:29.239 best friend and I had gotten each other presence, so 0:56:29.239 --> 0:56:31.720 we facetimed each other. On Christmas morning, we open presents 0:56:31.719 --> 0:56:34.880 with each other and like chatted and it was it 0:56:34.960 --> 0:56:35.760 was great. 0:56:36.520 --> 0:56:39.120 See, And I think it's all about a perspective shift 0:56:39.239 --> 0:56:43.520 right where there's moments in it and it's always that same, 0:56:43.680 --> 0:56:46.279 like the two things can be true thing where like 0:56:46.560 --> 0:56:48.680 it's gonna be true that I'm gonna be sad, yeah, 0:56:48.680 --> 0:56:50.400 and it's gonna be true that I would like to 0:56:50.440 --> 0:56:53.799 share this with somebody. It's also true that I just 0:56:53.840 --> 0:56:56.040 had like the best time ever, and you just had 0:56:56.040 --> 0:56:58.720 a Christmas that you're gonna remember that you got yourself 0:56:58.760 --> 0:57:03.319 through without all of anybody else, And those things and 0:57:03.360 --> 0:57:06.920 those experiences can never be replaced. Nobody can ever take 0:57:06.960 --> 0:57:11.400 those away from us. Whereas like you have other experiences, 0:57:11.400 --> 0:57:14.840 and if you had shared it with your ex boyfriend 0:57:15.040 --> 0:57:17.840 again another Christmas with him, it would have been then 0:57:17.880 --> 0:57:22.080 again tainted, instead of you having this new experience. Even 0:57:22.120 --> 0:57:24.040 though it was hard, even though it looked differently than 0:57:24.080 --> 0:57:26.680 what you want it to look like, it was still 0:57:26.720 --> 0:57:32.000 this like very empowering at the same time moment. And 0:57:32.080 --> 0:57:34.920 I think it's really cool that we're getting to experience 0:57:34.960 --> 0:57:37.360 that because I just that that did not used to 0:57:37.400 --> 0:57:40.200 be a thing. Yeah, you know, it's very uncommon, and 0:57:40.240 --> 0:57:42.600 that's why you have so much of the older generations 0:57:42.640 --> 0:57:44.080 are like when are you getting married? When are you 0:57:44.160 --> 0:57:47.280 having kids? Because that's what people did to them, Whereas 0:57:47.320 --> 0:57:49.080 now we're like, no, no, no, okay, I've learned a 0:57:49.120 --> 0:57:53.040 lot of things and I'm good. I'm gonna wait for 0:57:53.120 --> 0:57:55.240 the right situation. If it never comes, then I'm gonna 0:57:55.280 --> 0:57:58.280 be okay. But it's just a lot of learning, it's 0:57:58.280 --> 0:57:59.960 a lot of mixed emotions constant. 0:58:01.840 --> 0:58:07.120 The mixed emotions part is what gets me. And actually, 0:58:08.120 --> 0:58:10.720 this is one of my favorite things that I've kind 0:58:10.720 --> 0:58:13.800 of learned along the way, and I learned it from 0:58:13.800 --> 0:58:18.240 my dad when I was going through the first breakup. 0:58:19.080 --> 0:58:23.080 I ended up. We got engaged, and then we broke up, 0:58:23.080 --> 0:58:26.560 and I moved from Alabama back to California, and then 0:58:26.560 --> 0:58:29.560 we eventually we ended up reconciling, and then we broke 0:58:29.640 --> 0:58:33.400 up for good. But when I was driving back from 0:58:33.800 --> 0:58:37.840 Alabama to San Diego, my dad had flown out to 0:58:37.920 --> 0:58:40.560 drive with me. We were driving back and we were 0:58:40.600 --> 0:58:45.720 in New Mexico. We had stopped for the night, and 0:58:45.760 --> 0:58:47.880 we were in the hotel room and I just out 0:58:47.880 --> 0:58:53.120 of nowhere, started like hysterically crying, and he's like, what's wrong, 0:58:53.520 --> 0:58:58.440 And I'm like, I failed, Like I failed? How did 0:58:58.480 --> 0:59:02.880 I get here? I failed? And he was like, look, 0:59:03.880 --> 0:59:06.320 you can be sad about it. You can be upset 0:59:06.320 --> 0:59:09.840 about it, he said, cry about it. But tomorrow morning, 0:59:09.920 --> 0:59:11.920 when we get up and we start driving back to 0:59:11.960 --> 0:59:15.040 San Diego. There's no more crying for tomorrow at least, 0:59:15.600 --> 0:59:18.960 Like you can cry and you can be sad, but 0:59:19.040 --> 0:59:22.400 it can't ruin your entire day. You can't let it 0:59:22.440 --> 0:59:25.560 take over everything. And I think that that's important because 0:59:25.560 --> 0:59:28.920 a lot of people try to, you know, hide or 0:59:29.120 --> 0:59:33.920 mask these feelings that they have because they're ashamed or whatever. 0:59:35.200 --> 0:59:37.600 But it's okay to feel that way. So like at 0:59:37.640 --> 0:59:39.439 Christmas time when I got sat I cried a little 0:59:39.440 --> 0:59:41.160 bit about it, you know, and then I was like, well, 0:59:41.160 --> 0:59:42.560 it's not going to ruin my entire day, Like I'm 0:59:42.600 --> 0:59:44.959 still going to have a good Christmas, Like I'm still 0:59:44.960 --> 0:59:47.360 going to do the things I want to do, you know. 0:59:48.360 --> 0:59:51.880 So I think that that's an important reminder, and I 0:59:51.960 --> 0:59:54.120 love that my dad was the person that pointed that out, 0:59:54.160 --> 0:59:56.720 Like you can cry about it, you can have a 0:59:56.760 --> 0:59:59.040 bad day about it, but it does not get to 0:59:59.280 --> 1:00:02.520 ruin your entire day. It does not get to take 1:00:02.640 --> 1:00:06.600 up your entire day because you got other's stuff you 1:00:06.600 --> 1:00:07.040 gotta do. 1:00:07.400 --> 1:00:10.360 So yeah, it reminds me also of this saying I 1:00:10.720 --> 1:00:12.919 love I love your dad, and I also just love 1:00:13.000 --> 1:00:15.760 that he was like, yes, cry, but also like let's 1:00:15.760 --> 1:00:17.560 move on it was it was both. He was trying 1:00:17.560 --> 1:00:20.880 to have you have both. Yeah, And it reminds me 1:00:20.960 --> 1:00:22.720 of this, and I always try and do it, and 1:00:22.800 --> 1:00:25.400 I do it often, like in my daily life, especially 1:00:25.400 --> 1:00:28.080 when I have just frustrations or things are happening and 1:00:28.120 --> 1:00:28.800 it's like this. 1:00:28.840 --> 1:00:30.240 And I'm totally going to butcher it. 1:00:30.320 --> 1:00:33.600 But it's if if you if it's not going to 1:00:33.720 --> 1:00:36.920 matter in five days, don't spend more than five minutes 1:00:37.000 --> 1:00:39.840 thinking about it. If it's not gonna matter in five months, 1:00:39.840 --> 1:00:42.960 don't spend more than five days thinking about it. Like 1:00:43.000 --> 1:00:46.120 it's just it's this five like quantity, and it's like 1:00:46.560 --> 1:00:51.040 every time I think about that, nothing, nothing is ever 1:00:51.120 --> 1:00:54.280 going to matter in five months, unless it's like something 1:00:54.960 --> 1:00:59.760 incredibly traumatic, like most of the time what I'm crying about, Yeah, 1:01:00.000 --> 1:01:03.880 it don't matter, yeah five days, let alone five months. Yeah, 1:01:04.080 --> 1:01:07.000 especially like this stupid boy who you know, takes me 1:01:07.080 --> 1:01:10.440 off somewhere along the line. So I also try and 1:01:10.480 --> 1:01:12.800 operate that. I think it's a similar theory to that. 1:01:13.040 --> 1:01:17.120 Yeah, it's okay to let it bother you, it's okay 1:01:17.160 --> 1:01:21.640 to get emotional about it, but yeah, it doesn't get 1:01:21.680 --> 1:01:23.560 to take up the entire space and it doesn't get 1:01:23.600 --> 1:01:26.200 to ruin what you're going to do down the road. 1:01:27.040 --> 1:01:31.200 You also are a great person to talk about our 1:01:31.240 --> 1:01:34.880 biological clock, which is so lovely as women that we 1:01:34.960 --> 1:01:37.480 get to have that. Yes, I love this, but this 1:01:37.640 --> 1:01:40.600 is one of your hardest parts of this whole journey. 1:01:40.600 --> 1:01:42.800 I feel like for you because something that you really want, 1:01:42.880 --> 1:01:45.440 probably more than anything else, is to have a kid 1:01:45.480 --> 1:01:47.280 of your own. That's something that you really want. 1:01:47.480 --> 1:01:49.760 I do. I do really want a kid, and I 1:01:49.840 --> 1:01:53.760 know that, like, as you get older, it gets harder. 1:01:53.960 --> 1:01:56.320 I know with some of the women in my family 1:01:56.400 --> 1:02:01.480 who have had babies at forty, you know, thirty eight, 1:02:01.600 --> 1:02:05.400 thirty nine, that it is very difficult. I also have 1:02:07.000 --> 1:02:09.720 some things that will make it more difficult for me 1:02:09.880 --> 1:02:14.000 to get pregnant naturally, Like my uterus tilts backwards, so 1:02:14.160 --> 1:02:16.280 it's gonna have a hard time doing that. I have 1:02:16.320 --> 1:02:19.800 a fibroid that's massive that kind of sits right on 1:02:19.840 --> 1:02:22.720 top of everything. So like there's all these things, and 1:02:22.720 --> 1:02:27.640 then it plays into like, Okay, am I getting older 1:02:27.640 --> 1:02:29.280 and not having a kid. Am I not meant to 1:02:29.320 --> 1:02:30.240 have kids? Am I? 1:02:30.840 --> 1:02:31.480 This? Like? 1:02:32.360 --> 1:02:34.160 And let me tell you, as you get older and 1:02:34.200 --> 1:02:37.800 you start dating older guys that either have kids or whatever. 1:02:38.240 --> 1:02:40.919 It's hard to find somebody that's like, oh, hey, yeah, 1:02:40.960 --> 1:02:43.040 I want to. I'm forty two and I want to 1:02:43.080 --> 1:02:46.800 I want another kid, you know, my current one's fourteen. Whatever. 1:02:47.600 --> 1:02:51.920 So it's a lot, and I keep having to remind 1:02:51.960 --> 1:02:56.920 myself that if it's meant for me, it's gonna happen. Like, 1:02:57.000 --> 1:02:59.520 do I want a kid, Yes, I would love to 1:02:59.560 --> 1:03:01.440 have my own kid. I'd love to have my own 1:03:01.520 --> 1:03:04.280 kid with a partner that I'm gonna stay with, though, 1:03:04.920 --> 1:03:07.840 because obviously there were opportunities for me to have a 1:03:07.920 --> 1:03:10.600 kid with somebody, but I wouldn't be with them, and 1:03:11.040 --> 1:03:17.080 my ideal would be to be with that person. But yeah, 1:03:17.120 --> 1:03:18.880 if it's meant for me, it's gonna happen. 1:03:19.520 --> 1:03:21.720 Do you feel like when we were talking at the 1:03:21.760 --> 1:03:26.040 bar that day, what I said helped you at all? 1:03:26.080 --> 1:03:29.360 Where I was like, if this is something that you 1:03:29.440 --> 1:03:32.440 feel so strongly about, like it's the Universe's way of 1:03:32.480 --> 1:03:34.960 saying like you already have it. A future version of 1:03:34.960 --> 1:03:37.560 you already has this because you feel it so deeply. 1:03:38.520 --> 1:03:40.480 It just may not look in the way that you 1:03:40.560 --> 1:03:42.920 plan for it to look. Did that help or was 1:03:42.920 --> 1:03:45.240 it that more like, Okay, I know that, but I'm 1:03:45.280 --> 1:03:46.160 just not sure. 1:03:46.480 --> 1:03:51.360 It did because you actually were the second person to 1:03:51.560 --> 1:03:54.760 tell me that. And you know, when you're going through it, 1:03:54.800 --> 1:03:59.120 like you don't really see it from a wider perspective. 1:03:59.760 --> 1:04:04.840 So it's like, Okay, maybe motherhood for me isn't going 1:04:04.920 --> 1:04:08.040 to look like I'm gonna get pregnant and carry the 1:04:08.120 --> 1:04:10.120 kid for nine months and then burthen them up. Maybe 1:04:10.120 --> 1:04:12.280 that's not what motherhood looks like for me, Like, maybe 1:04:12.320 --> 1:04:15.640 it looks like something else. Maybe I meet somebody that 1:04:15.680 --> 1:04:18.400 already has a kid, and that could kind of adopts 1:04:18.400 --> 1:04:22.240 into like I could be that you know, stepmom version. 1:04:23.720 --> 1:04:27.960 So it is helpful, but it's like, again, it goes 1:04:28.000 --> 1:04:30.960 back to that high school version. You know, when you're 1:04:30.960 --> 1:04:33.280 thinking you're in high school and you're like, oh, yeah, no, 1:04:33.320 --> 1:04:35.240 I'm going to have my kid and it's going to 1:04:35.280 --> 1:04:37.680 be this way and this is how my life is 1:04:37.720 --> 1:04:41.640 supposed to be. That you get stuck in that and 1:04:41.680 --> 1:04:43.680 it's hard to get out of it. 1:04:44.320 --> 1:04:46.919 Yeah, and it's hard to remind yourself that, like there's 1:04:46.960 --> 1:04:49.480 a there's a reason it all happened. And when you 1:04:49.520 --> 1:04:52.120 sit down and you reflect, you're like, oh, this is why, 1:04:52.160 --> 1:04:54.520 and this is why I am where I am And 1:04:54.560 --> 1:04:57.120 I didn't have kids with X, Y and Z because 1:04:57.160 --> 1:05:00.280 it wouldn't have looked as great as I I wanted 1:05:00.320 --> 1:05:02.720 it to look. Even though I would have had the 1:05:02.800 --> 1:05:04.560 kid that I wanted, it just wouldn't have been the 1:05:04.600 --> 1:05:08.320 situation you wanted. So it's easy in those situations to 1:05:08.400 --> 1:05:11.240 look back and see it. But that's a hard reminder 1:05:11.320 --> 1:05:15.400 because it's also this young version of you that still 1:05:15.440 --> 1:05:18.200 wants something to happen in the way that you dreamt 1:05:18.200 --> 1:05:18.880 it would happen. 1:05:19.120 --> 1:05:22.400 Yeah, it's hard. And I've never been one of those 1:05:22.640 --> 1:05:27.560 girls that like wants that like fairy tale thing, but 1:05:27.720 --> 1:05:29.920 there are certain things that I'm just like, yeah, I 1:05:30.000 --> 1:05:33.000 wanted the you know, I wanted to be married and 1:05:33.080 --> 1:05:35.840 have a husband and have a kid and like have 1:05:35.960 --> 1:05:38.280 it just be like the three of us. And you know, 1:05:38.480 --> 1:05:41.040 I've always been very like set on, I just want 1:05:41.080 --> 1:05:43.479 one kid, and I want it to be the three 1:05:43.480 --> 1:05:46.600 of us, like running around on these little family adventures 1:05:46.600 --> 1:05:49.280 and this and this, and then to be at a 1:05:49.320 --> 1:05:53.880 place where it's not happened yet. I am not a 1:05:53.920 --> 1:05:57.920 patient person. That is not my strong suit, and so 1:05:58.280 --> 1:06:01.920 I've really like especially in just like these last six 1:06:02.040 --> 1:06:05.959 months have really had to learn that, like, girl, calm down, 1:06:06.880 --> 1:06:10.960 be patient because and I have been being so patient 1:06:11.040 --> 1:06:15.360 with just different things, and I know that people are 1:06:15.360 --> 1:06:18.640 probably gonna be like, Okay, whatever, the universe is hearing 1:06:18.680 --> 1:06:22.240 me being patient, and it's faan off. Like it's paying 1:06:22.240 --> 1:06:27.480 off for me in so many different ways that when 1:06:27.520 --> 1:06:29.920 I look back, if I was just the old me 1:06:30.080 --> 1:06:33.440 where maybe I just was like oh whatever, and like 1:06:34.320 --> 1:06:36.720 it wouldn't be paying off. Like I'm in such a 1:06:36.760 --> 1:06:41.800 great place now that I've learned to be patient and 1:06:41.840 --> 1:06:44.080 I've learned to just kind of all right, we're gonna 1:06:44.120 --> 1:06:46.560 go with this. Where's the universe taking me? What is 1:06:46.600 --> 1:06:50.880 it wanting me to have? Like it's it's a great 1:06:50.880 --> 1:06:53.280 time when you start to open up to that. It's 1:06:53.320 --> 1:06:56.480 also really difficult to find your way there. It is 1:06:56.840 --> 1:06:59.240 because just like you're saying, like, patience is really hard 1:06:59.240 --> 1:07:01.760 for you, I think patience is hard for anybody when 1:07:01.800 --> 1:07:05.120 they really want something because you want it, especially when 1:07:05.160 --> 1:07:08.040 you're seeing other people get it and have it in people. 1:07:07.760 --> 1:07:10.240 Your age or and where they're at. And then it 1:07:10.240 --> 1:07:12.120 starts to go back to the timelines and then all 1:07:12.160 --> 1:07:13.880 the things you're focusing on and you're like, okay, well, 1:07:13.920 --> 1:07:16.280 what's the different about what's the problem with me? 1:07:16.840 --> 1:07:19.000 But you have to not you have to think though 1:07:19.480 --> 1:07:25.200 all those people you're seeing that are getting what you want. 1:07:26.160 --> 1:07:30.200 I guarantee you it's not all sunshine rainbows, and we 1:07:30.320 --> 1:07:32.080 love to make it look we love to make it 1:07:32.080 --> 1:07:33.840 look like that, but I guarantee you that it's not. 1:07:34.080 --> 1:07:37.480 And so like it might look like that because yay 1:07:37.600 --> 1:07:39.960 social media, it's gonna look like, oh my god, look 1:07:39.960 --> 1:07:44.040 at this fancy ring, like eh, picture perfect. There's something 1:07:44.120 --> 1:07:47.800 happening behind the scenes that's probably not super great. And 1:07:49.720 --> 1:07:52.320 you could be in that situation, And do you want 1:07:52.320 --> 1:07:56.080 to be in that situation where you're like, outwardly to 1:07:56.160 --> 1:07:59.840 the world everything looks sunshine's and rainbows, but inside your 1:07:59.880 --> 1:08:02.520 lie like god, I hate it here because that was 1:08:02.560 --> 1:08:03.240 me twice. 1:08:03.720 --> 1:08:06.240 Yeah, and to probably everybody else was like, oh, she's 1:08:06.240 --> 1:08:08.280 so happy she's engaged. 1:08:07.800 --> 1:08:11.480 And yeah, because there were a story thank you Facebook 1:08:11.520 --> 1:08:15.400 for reminding me of my engagement a couple of weeks back, 1:08:15.400 --> 1:08:17.559 because it happened in December, so of course it was 1:08:17.560 --> 1:08:19.400 like course, loop back at your memories. I'm like, I 1:08:19.439 --> 1:08:24.479 don't want to, but like, you know, I looked at 1:08:24.520 --> 1:08:26.720 them and I laughed because I was like, God, I 1:08:27.000 --> 1:08:32.200 was faking it so hard online that I was happy 1:08:32.320 --> 1:08:34.880 and this and that, and then I was going home 1:08:35.040 --> 1:08:38.280 to a house that was full of tension and turmoil 1:08:38.720 --> 1:08:41.240 and yelling and this, and it was just not a 1:08:41.280 --> 1:08:44.040 happy home. But everybody thought we were happy, because like 1:08:44.120 --> 1:08:48.439 when me and my second fiance broke up, it was 1:08:48.520 --> 1:08:52.720 a literal shock to his entire family. They were like, 1:08:52.960 --> 1:08:54.920 you guys were literally just at the house two weeks 1:08:54.920 --> 1:08:56.840 ago and everything was fine, like you were kissy, lovey 1:08:56.840 --> 1:08:59.840 dev I'm like, yeah, we put on a great show 1:08:59.880 --> 1:09:01.160 for everybody, but when. 1:09:01.000 --> 1:09:03.719 We're there, but closed doors is a different story. 1:09:03.880 --> 1:09:06.120 We're not even sleeping in the same bed at home. 1:09:06.280 --> 1:09:12.400 So yeah, it it's fun to romanticize it, but you 1:09:12.439 --> 1:09:15.559 have to remember, like, might not all be sunshiness and rainbows, 1:09:15.600 --> 1:09:18.360 So where you're ats not that bad. 1:09:18.800 --> 1:09:21.160 This is so true. It's a great reminder. I also 1:09:21.200 --> 1:09:24.679 wanted to ask you to did you ever look into 1:09:24.880 --> 1:09:26.960 because I know this is just a really big topic, 1:09:27.120 --> 1:09:30.479 especially going into my thirties, and it's become much more 1:09:30.520 --> 1:09:33.480 of a frequent talk, even at dinner with the girls, 1:09:33.800 --> 1:09:36.760 did you ever think about freezing your eggs? Were you 1:09:36.800 --> 1:09:40.200 ever like questioning that process becoming a single mom on 1:09:40.240 --> 1:09:40.639 your own? 1:09:40.760 --> 1:09:44.800 Was that ever conversation for you? If my mother had 1:09:44.840 --> 1:09:47.080 it her way, I would be a single mom right now. 1:09:48.120 --> 1:09:52.519 She she always likes to bring that up, and I'm 1:09:52.560 --> 1:09:59.000 not opposed to it. I don't know if I'm there yet, 1:09:59.080 --> 1:10:01.760 because again, for me, the hang up is like, in 1:10:01.840 --> 1:10:06.760 my picture perfect world, it's me, the guy and the kid, 1:10:06.800 --> 1:10:08.920 and the kid is a mix of the two of us. 1:10:09.160 --> 1:10:13.640 And so like I struggle with, you know, if I 1:10:13.760 --> 1:10:18.000 go and become a single mom and it's me and 1:10:18.080 --> 1:10:21.000 some guy over there, and then I meet my person, 1:10:21.160 --> 1:10:23.600 what happens? Because remember I only want one kid, so 1:10:23.760 --> 1:10:26.439 is my person going? Like so I struggle with that. 1:10:26.680 --> 1:10:30.840 I have thought about freezing my eggs and going in 1:10:30.880 --> 1:10:35.200 and looking at it. It's actually one of the things 1:10:35.240 --> 1:10:37.360 that I have put down as a goal for this 1:10:37.479 --> 1:10:39.840 year to do is to go and see what that 1:10:39.920 --> 1:10:43.120 looks like for me. I had talked about doing it 1:10:43.200 --> 1:10:46.400 last year, and I kept chickening out because it's another 1:10:46.400 --> 1:10:49.040 one of those harsh realities that, like, what happens if 1:10:49.040 --> 1:10:51.439 I go and they say, like yep, not for you, 1:10:51.560 --> 1:10:55.080 not in the cards. Like I didn't want to face 1:10:55.160 --> 1:11:00.280 that last year, and it's like, Okay, if I don't 1:11:00.280 --> 1:11:02.920 face it, though, I'm going to just continue on thinking 1:11:02.960 --> 1:11:08.160 everything's great and then be disappointed later. So why not 1:11:08.160 --> 1:11:12.240 figure it out now and then figure out where to 1:11:12.280 --> 1:11:12.760 go from there. 1:11:13.240 --> 1:11:16.200 Yeah, that's a really hard decision to make too, because 1:11:16.400 --> 1:11:19.439 you're right, it is this internal conflict of like, yes, 1:11:19.479 --> 1:11:23.080 I want the answer, but do I want the answer? Yeah, 1:11:23.200 --> 1:11:26.040 because you are going to be faced with whatever reality 1:11:26.040 --> 1:11:29.000 comes with those results. But I do think there's power 1:11:29.040 --> 1:11:32.080 and knowledge. I think there's more power and knowledge than unknowing, 1:11:32.960 --> 1:11:35.839 and I think you can do more with that knowledge 1:11:35.960 --> 1:11:39.800 versus having nothing to go off of. But that being said, 1:11:39.840 --> 1:11:42.280 I do This is why it's such a hot topic 1:11:42.360 --> 1:11:45.920 at so many girl dinners is it's such an individual 1:11:46.000 --> 1:11:49.720 experience and everybody has a different idea of what that's 1:11:49.720 --> 1:11:53.040 going to look like. So I just wanted people to 1:11:53.120 --> 1:11:56.560 hear yours in case it can be related for them. 1:11:56.840 --> 1:11:59.599 I'm not there yet. I'm sure that could be a 1:11:59.680 --> 1:12:01.719 topic of conversation for me in a couple of years. 1:12:02.320 --> 1:12:07.519 And it's also a thing for me that I think 1:12:07.600 --> 1:12:11.120 I've kind of turned myself off of ever having kids 1:12:11.160 --> 1:12:16.000 because there is a very high likelihood that I have intometriosis. 1:12:16.160 --> 1:12:19.080 And I haven't even walked down that road because I 1:12:19.120 --> 1:12:21.760 haven't even had a partner to even start thinking in 1:12:21.800 --> 1:12:26.200 that direction. Because there isn't much different than you. I 1:12:26.240 --> 1:12:28.640 don't have such a strong desire that if I am 1:12:28.720 --> 1:12:31.679 by myself, I don't care to have them by myself, 1:12:32.320 --> 1:12:34.760 I'll just adopt like five thousand animals and also be 1:12:34.840 --> 1:12:37.920 might find that works for me. But like, I do 1:12:38.040 --> 1:12:40.799 want them if I am to find the right partner 1:12:40.880 --> 1:12:43.920 or the right situation. So, but there is a part 1:12:43.960 --> 1:12:45.880 of me for a long time where I've always been like, 1:12:46.000 --> 1:12:48.080 I don't think I want kids, And I think this 1:12:48.240 --> 1:12:51.840 is this like subconscious Morgan deep down being like, I 1:12:51.840 --> 1:12:54.760 don't know that I can have kids. So if I 1:12:54.880 --> 1:12:58.400 just start convincing myself I don't want them, then maybe 1:12:58.400 --> 1:13:00.519 it won't be so bad when I find out that news. 1:13:00.800 --> 1:13:07.000 Yeah, it it's scary. It's definitely a hard thing to tackle, 1:13:07.080 --> 1:13:10.120 and then convincing yourself that you don't want something is 1:13:10.160 --> 1:13:13.800 a lot easier than telling yourself you want it and 1:13:13.840 --> 1:13:18.160 then figuring out how to get it because Okay, how 1:13:18.200 --> 1:13:20.120 to get a candy bar is a lot easier than 1:13:20.120 --> 1:13:21.960 finger out how do I get a kid? Like especially 1:13:22.000 --> 1:13:24.880 because it's like, okay, kid by yourself, kid with somebody else, 1:13:24.960 --> 1:13:29.880 kid with it, you know. But yeah, I didn't know 1:13:30.800 --> 1:13:36.040 that actually Prounca Toapra froze her eggs. That's how her 1:13:36.280 --> 1:13:40.160 and her Jonas brother got their babies or baby. I 1:13:40.200 --> 1:13:44.240 think it's just one too, yeah, maybe two now I 1:13:44.320 --> 1:13:46.120 thought it was too. I don't know. I'm not up 1:13:46.160 --> 1:13:50.200 on the gossip, but yeah, I didn't realize that she 1:13:50.280 --> 1:13:53.760 did that at thirty. She did at thirty. She's in 1:13:53.880 --> 1:13:57.120 her mid to late thirties now, so she did that 1:13:57.280 --> 1:14:00.400 early on and didn't tell anybody. And I I've got 1:14:00.439 --> 1:14:02.120 a friend of mine that I went to high school 1:14:02.160 --> 1:14:07.320 with who's doing fertility right now, and she started an 1:14:07.479 --> 1:14:11.200 entire Instagram page that's just dedicated to her fertility journey, 1:14:11.520 --> 1:14:16.880 which is insane watching her go through this. So there's 1:14:16.920 --> 1:14:20.360 a lot on social media. So maybe you know you're 1:14:20.400 --> 1:14:21.880 like me where you're a little bit older than your 1:14:21.880 --> 1:14:24.040 friends and so what you're going through is not what 1:14:24.040 --> 1:14:26.880 they're going through. There are ways to find on social media. 1:14:27.080 --> 1:14:30.439 Those people going through what you're going through, so you 1:14:30.520 --> 1:14:34.200 don't feel so alone, so you have somebody to look 1:14:34.240 --> 1:14:36.720 at and talk to in this and that. But I 1:14:36.760 --> 1:14:41.080 think you know, if you go and freeze your eggs, right, 1:14:42.400 --> 1:14:45.960 what's it hurting If you decide you don't want kids anymore? Okay, 1:14:46.479 --> 1:14:48.400 you don't want kids, but if you decide that you 1:14:48.479 --> 1:14:51.760 do and you frozen when you were thirty, you might 1:14:51.800 --> 1:14:54.439 have a more successful chance at having that kid at forty. 1:14:54.800 --> 1:14:57.800 Yeah. So see, and this is why, like it's it's 1:14:57.960 --> 1:15:01.280 cool to talk to your friends because like, and I know, 1:15:01.520 --> 1:15:03.480 I just know guys don't have these conversations. 1:15:03.520 --> 1:15:06.080 Oh my god, they're not having these conversations where you're like, 1:15:06.160 --> 1:15:08.160 do you praise your eggs? What are you going to do? 1:15:08.200 --> 1:15:11.040 And they're like, uh, did you catch that team last night? 1:15:11.120 --> 1:15:11.320 Right? 1:15:11.560 --> 1:15:12.439 Did you see that football? 1:15:12.479 --> 1:15:12.639 Cat? 1:15:13.320 --> 1:15:19.439 Very drastically different conversations. But it is interesting that there 1:15:19.479 --> 1:15:23.920 it's just as you mature and you get older that 1:15:23.960 --> 1:15:27.160 these are now the topic of conversation. So thank you 1:15:27.240 --> 1:15:30.200 for sharing and like being vulnerable about all of it, 1:15:30.320 --> 1:15:34.439 not just the egg freezing in the conversation with that, 1:15:34.520 --> 1:15:37.800 but talking about the potential of having kids in the 1:15:37.800 --> 1:15:40.760 broken engagements and stuff, because those are hard conversations, but 1:15:40.840 --> 1:15:42.679 I thought they were really important. So I'm really glad 1:15:42.760 --> 1:15:43.160 you came on. 1:15:43.760 --> 1:15:46.160 Thanks for having me. It feels good to it feels 1:15:46.200 --> 1:15:49.200 good to talk about it. And like if anybody's listening 1:15:49.280 --> 1:15:54.160 and they've been through that, like you're not alone. It happens, 1:15:54.200 --> 1:15:56.639 and it's not you're you didn't do anything wrong, it's 1:15:56.640 --> 1:15:58.680 not your fault, and it just means that there is 1:15:58.760 --> 1:16:02.400 something better that's going to come along for you. Because 1:16:02.400 --> 1:16:04.280 I know there's something better coming along for me. I'm 1:16:04.280 --> 1:16:04.960 ready for it. 1:16:05.120 --> 1:16:08.839 There absolutely is. I know that there's a beautiful life, 1:16:09.000 --> 1:16:12.120 even more beautiful than the one that you dreamt up 1:16:12.600 --> 1:16:15.800 in high school, and it's waiting for you somewhere, and 1:16:15.840 --> 1:16:17.640 it's only a matter of time. I know that. I 1:16:17.760 --> 1:16:20.160 know that in my heart, gut, soul, whichever one you 1:16:20.200 --> 1:16:21.679 want to hear from, I. 1:16:21.640 --> 1:16:22.559 Know that perfect. 1:16:23.439 --> 1:16:24.320 Thanks again, Kate. 1:16:24.400 --> 1:16:24.719 Thanks. 1:16:24.920 --> 1:16:27.200 We went through a series of highs and lows in 1:16:27.240 --> 1:16:30.120 this episode, all in the space of relationships and finding 1:16:30.120 --> 1:16:32.920 that forever person. So whether you're single or with someone, 1:16:32.920 --> 1:16:35.240 I hope this episode found you in the space that 1:16:35.280 --> 1:16:38.160 you needed it. Thanks for being here and more to come. 1:16:38.280 --> 1:16:40.880 Next week. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and 1:16:41.040 --> 1:16:43.920 follow on Instagram at Take This Personally. Let me know 1:16:44.000 --> 1:16:45.599 if there's anyone you want me to bring on as 1:16:45.600 --> 1:16:48.120 a guest, whether it's an expert or a real person, 1:16:48.320 --> 1:16:49.639 just hit me up in the DMS.