1
00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:04,440
Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,160
Speaker 2: When you show up for yourself and see yourself on

3
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,840
Speaker 2: yourself and know yourself first, everything that you give is

4
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,880
Speaker 2: a gift to everyone. You'll give people the gift of

5
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:14,960
Speaker 2: going second. But if you're not doing this, what you're

6
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,079
Speaker 2: going to find is your emotions are going to be

7
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,000
Speaker 2: thrown around like a rag doll. Because you're placing the

8
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:26,599
Speaker 2: power in other people's hands. You're essentially becoming a victim

9
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:31,159
Speaker 2: to other people's opinions and really their projections. Because if

10
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,919
Speaker 2: you're empty, you're just going to take in whatever it

11
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,800
Speaker 2: is that people projecting's into you. That's what's going to

12
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:37,440
Speaker 2: fill you up.

13
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,840
Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

14
00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:47,040
Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

15
00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,960
Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

16
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,880
Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

17
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,320
Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

18
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,120
Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

19
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,720
Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

20
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:13,840
Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

21
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 3: women like you we're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a

22
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,200
Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist.

23
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,840
Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

24
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:29,839
Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

25
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:34,720
Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

26
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,040
Speaker 1: fibroids to faith friends and create a safe space where

27
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,280
Speaker 1: black women can just be.

28
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,000
Speaker 4: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

29
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:51,040
Speaker 4: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

30
00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:56,520
Speaker 4: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

31
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,520
Speaker 4: please reach out to me at doctor domine Brusard dot com.

32
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:06,840
Speaker 4: That's d R D O M I N I q

33
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:13,400
Speaker 4: U E b R O U ssar D dot com

34
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,840
Speaker 4: to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look forward

35
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,400
Speaker 4: to hearing from you.

36
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,560
Speaker 1: All right, lady, Today we have a special guest who's

37
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:28,760
Speaker 1: given love, light and blatchetness. Okay, if you follow him

38
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:30,720
Speaker 1: on social media, you might just laugh a little bit.

39
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,280
Speaker 1: You might just cuire a little bit as you read

40
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,240
Speaker 1: his deeply vulnerable posts about his life and also the

41
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:39,959
Speaker 1: amazing results that he and his clients achieve. Since Scott

42
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,080
Speaker 1: is the creator of the cure coaching framework, which is

43
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,480
Speaker 1: the process he uses to help women achieve their best breakthroughs.

44
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:55,440
Speaker 1: His company, Your Best Breakthrough, empowers women to break through physically, emotionally, spiritually,

45
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,880
Speaker 1: and financially. Having spent eight years as a language analyst

46
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:04,400
Speaker 1: working in counter intelligence, Sid uses a tactical yet spiritual

47
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,560
Speaker 1: approach to guiding women through the work to have them

48
00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:11,280
Speaker 1: boldly step into the woman who wants to create all

49
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:16,600
Speaker 1: the outcomes she desires. Sid has gone through physical, spiritual, emotional,

50
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:20,680
Speaker 1: and financial breakthroughs with the support of the incredible black

51
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,920
Speaker 1: women in his life, and so he aims to pour

52
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:29,120
Speaker 1: into who has poured into him. Sid. Welcome to cultivating

53
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:29,920
Speaker 1: her space.

54
00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,920
Speaker 5: Yay, thank you so much. Excited to be here.

55
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,760
Speaker 1: We're excited to have you.

56
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,800
Speaker 6: Yes, we are really looking forward to this conversation. And

57
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,320
Speaker 6: so we are going to start off with our quote

58
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 6: of the day, which Sid will sound really familiar to

59
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,080
Speaker 6: you because these are your words. You know, we stopped

60
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,320
Speaker 6: your social media, you know, we were all up in

61
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,760
Speaker 6: there looking for the inspiration.

62
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:56,760
Speaker 5: Wow.

63
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:03,600
Speaker 6: And the quote of the day is change is harder

64
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,120
Speaker 6: when change is not inspired from a place of self love.

65
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,200
Speaker 6: And I'm gonna say that one more time for the

66
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:16,760
Speaker 6: people in the back. Make sure you're hearing this. Change

67
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:22,720
Speaker 6: is harder when change is not inspired from a place

68
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:29,680
Speaker 6: of self love. See those are your words, Those are

69
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:36,359
Speaker 6: some amazing words when you wrote this. What was coming

70
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:36,880
Speaker 6: up for you?

71
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, what was coming up for me is really I

72
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,160
Speaker 2: think I'm working with clients all the time thinking about

73
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,039
Speaker 2: why is changed easier for some clients than it is

74
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,560
Speaker 2: for others? Why are there changes in my life that

75
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,760
Speaker 2: have been easier for me to make versus other times?

76
00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:56,520
Speaker 2: And what I really have come to realize is when

77
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,000
Speaker 2: the change is motivated from a place of like, I

78
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,560
Speaker 2: love you so much much, This is how I want

79
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,240
Speaker 2: to see you show up, This is how I wish

80
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,000
Speaker 2: for you to feel, This is the experience that I

81
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,159
Speaker 2: want you to have, and like, this is who you

82
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,520
Speaker 2: get to become, so that that can happen. It's a

83
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,840
Speaker 2: totally different place versus I want to change because I'm

84
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,680
Speaker 2: judging myself, because I'm being hard of myself, because there's

85
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,520
Speaker 2: these things that I hate about myself, that I don't

86
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:23,279
Speaker 2: like about myself. It's a totally different energy. And when

87
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,360
Speaker 2: you can look yourself in the mirror and love yourself

88
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,599
Speaker 2: so much and recognize that's why you're showing up a

89
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,839
Speaker 2: certain way today. It makes it so much easier versus

90
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,000
Speaker 2: like this, this negative approach of you know what, I

91
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,560
Speaker 2: really I just really don't like this about myself, and

92
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:43,000
Speaker 2: we just continue to throw these stones and beat ourselves

93
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,240
Speaker 2: up and we just get worn down.

94
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:46,839
Speaker 5: So that's where that comes from.

95
00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:50,719
Speaker 1: For me, that is so powerful. I love that that

96
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,560
Speaker 1: question of like who do I get to become because

97
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,960
Speaker 1: of the change? That is so powerful. So say, let's

98
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:59,440
Speaker 1: just start from the beginning. What is your origin story

99
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,880
Speaker 1: and what we your journey to becoming a breakthrough coach

100
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,040
Speaker 1: for women, because I'm sure it doesn't seem like this

101
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,360
Speaker 1: is a career path that many men are on these days, right,

102
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,920
Speaker 1: So like, what is tells your story?

103
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 5: My stories?

104
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,800
Speaker 2: It's interesting because I'll tell you I originally when I

105
00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:18,400
Speaker 2: became a coach, I originally wanted to become a coach

106
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:26,000
Speaker 2: for men. And I created this entire project, this entire system, framework, methodology,

107
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,599
Speaker 2: you name it, but it was called the Secure Man project.

108
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,880
Speaker 2: And it was almost like a download that I had

109
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,160
Speaker 2: just received when I sat there and asked myself, Okay,

110
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,440
Speaker 2: I'm a coach, Now, who do I want to help?

111
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,040
Speaker 2: What do I want to do in the world, What

112
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,400
Speaker 2: difference do I want to make. I'd really received a

113
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,159
Speaker 2: lot of training at this point. It's just like, okay,

114
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,440
Speaker 2: you know, what am I going to do with this?

115
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,159
Speaker 5: And it just flowed and I just created like that.

116
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,159
Speaker 2: It was like a twenty page PDF, just building out

117
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,520
Speaker 2: these are the different phases. And in phase five, this

118
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,000
Speaker 2: is when you become the secure man. And I went

119
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,479
Speaker 2: to you know, I hired a business coach and I

120
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,799
Speaker 2: went to start marketing this program. And what I quickly

121
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,080
Speaker 2: realized is I had not become him yet.

122
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,000
Speaker 5: And that was really eye.

123
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,760
Speaker 2: Opening for me because I'm like, here, I am this

124
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,520
Speaker 2: confident man who's achieved a lot of success in a

125
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,720
Speaker 2: lot of different areas, you know, but I was.

126
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,320
Speaker 5: I was twenty three, twenty four at the time.

127
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:21,600
Speaker 2: So I'm like, you know, I've got a lot of

128
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,560
Speaker 2: stuff figured out for myself, you know, and I can

129
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,560
Speaker 2: help men. I've changed, I've transformed my life in a

130
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:30,960
Speaker 2: lot of ways. And what I realized inside of learning

131
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,400
Speaker 2: to market, putting myself out there, creating content, running ads,

132
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,640
Speaker 2: all this stuff, getting haters, getting trolls, getting no shows

133
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,080
Speaker 2: on my calls, all these different things. I was like, WHOA,

134
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,560
Speaker 2: I am not as secure as I thought I was.

135
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:49,000
Speaker 2: I am actually very very, very shakable, And so I

136
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,840
Speaker 2: didn't understand what had happened because I had been so

137
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,680
Speaker 2: confident I had, you know, at this point in my life,

138
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,600
Speaker 2: I had had an already very successful military career, I

139
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,360
Speaker 2: drove the car of my dreams, I had a very

140
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,000
Speaker 2: nice condo, vaulted ceilings, top floor, you know, as a kid,

141
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,320
Speaker 2: and you know, I had success with women. You know,

142
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:10,120
Speaker 2: this is I'd come a long way. And so for

143
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,720
Speaker 2: me to be so shook, I was like, something's very

144
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,480
Speaker 2: wrong here, something there's something that I'm not understanding about

145
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:21,080
Speaker 2: this person that I'm saying I am. There's a big disconnect.

146
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,360
Speaker 2: And so I set out to really figure that out.

147
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:29,640
Speaker 2: And what I came to realize is my confidence had

148
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:33,160
Speaker 2: been grounded in all the things that I'd done, all

149
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,280
Speaker 2: the things that I achieved, all these things that were

150
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:40,199
Speaker 2: outside of me. It wasn't based on anything inside of myself.

151
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,480
Speaker 2: And so that's the first part.

152
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:44,480
Speaker 5: So I had to go on a.

153
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,640
Speaker 2: Journey to really figure that out, and I was ended

154
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:50,000
Speaker 2: up coaching myself for over a year before I would

155
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,640
Speaker 2: even attempt to begin coaching anyone else again.

156
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,600
Speaker 5: Okay, so there's that. But how I actually got into

157
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,960
Speaker 5: the idea of coaching as a whole is there was

158
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:05,280
Speaker 5: this woman who had taken an interest to me and

159
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,559
Speaker 5: she's she's like an angel.

160
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,120
Speaker 2: She's one of my best friends, one of my greatest mentors,

161
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:14,880
Speaker 2: one of my best support systems. And one day she

162
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,880
Speaker 2: was like, you know, Sid, I'm going to this training.

163
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,040
Speaker 2: I think you would enjoy it. I'm like, well, what

164
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,920
Speaker 2: is it? And she's like, well, you know how we

165
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:28,880
Speaker 2: have these conversations where you know, afterwards, you have clarity,

166
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,840
Speaker 2: you feel lighter, you know what to do next. And

167
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,920
Speaker 2: I'm like yeah, she's like, well, that's called coaching. I

168
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,720
Speaker 2: was like, you've been coaching me and she was like,

169
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:43,160
Speaker 2: well you know, and so I was like, okay. I

170
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,000
Speaker 2: trusted her at this point, so I whipped out my

171
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,800
Speaker 2: credit card and off we went to this in person

172
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:53,240
Speaker 2: you know, life coaching certification, and when I was inside

173
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:59,600
Speaker 2: of that process, I was like, whoa, this is a

174
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,440
Speaker 2: feeling I haven't felt inside of anything that I've done

175
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,559
Speaker 2: in my life before, and this is a feeling that

176
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:11,199
Speaker 2: I have been looking for, this feeling of like I belong,

177
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,160
Speaker 2: this feeling like I'm doing the thing that's meant for me,

178
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:20,520
Speaker 2: this feeling of joy, happiness, like there's no existence of time.

179
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,679
Speaker 2: I've been looking for this, and the reason I was

180
00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:26,160
Speaker 2: looking for this is because those external things that I

181
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,280
Speaker 2: achieved before did not fulfill me in the ways that

182
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,960
Speaker 2: I thought that they were okay, And in fact, I

183
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,600
Speaker 2: fell into depression and experienced a lot of chronic pain

184
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:37,040
Speaker 2: in my body. And then said woman who was there

185
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,640
Speaker 2: to kind of catch me inside of that later on

186
00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,640
Speaker 2: would lead me to this thing called coaching, which is

187
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:48,000
Speaker 2: just so divine and it's just really awesome. So that's

188
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,520
Speaker 2: how I got into coaching. And then when I eventually

189
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,360
Speaker 2: created a program, I was like, we'll need to go

190
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,760
Speaker 2: through more coaching myself.

191
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,000
Speaker 5: And then how I got to being a coach for women.

192
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,679
Speaker 2: I started creating content again, and my whole philosophy was

193
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,240
Speaker 2: I'm going to help people achieve a body transformation because

194
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,160
Speaker 2: that's something that I feel very confident in. That's something

195
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,000
Speaker 2: that I know will move the needle in a lot

196
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,400
Speaker 2: of ways in people's lives. Once you can control your habits,

197
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,000
Speaker 2: once you can get a sense of your body, you

198
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,480
Speaker 2: feel like you know that really impacts a lot of

199
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:24,400
Speaker 2: other areas of your life, and so that's.

200
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:24,960
Speaker 5: What I set out to do.

201
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,360
Speaker 2: So I started creating content around that with this idea

202
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,439
Speaker 2: of you don't need another diet, you don't need another trainer.

203
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,320
Speaker 2: You need to figure out what's going on in your

204
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,559
Speaker 2: emotional body. You need to figure out what you eat

205
00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:36,360
Speaker 2: when you're bored. You need to figure out why you

206
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,560
Speaker 2: can work out for four days and then stop working

207
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,040
Speaker 2: out for seven. You need to figure out, like, why

208
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,800
Speaker 2: is it that you're not doing the thing that you

209
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,000
Speaker 2: say you want to do over and over and over again.

210
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:50,600
Speaker 2: And to my surprise, men were not responding to that

211
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:55,400
Speaker 2: content at all, but women were like crazy, and women

212
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,440
Speaker 2: were asking me like, yo, do you work with women?

213
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:02,600
Speaker 2: And I'm like, why is this happenings? I didn't, I

214
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,840
Speaker 2: didn't get it, And so I was I was sitting

215
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,120
Speaker 2: there with my ex wife at the time, really trying

216
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,880
Speaker 2: to figure this out, and she's like, why don't you

217
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:14,080
Speaker 2: just work with women? And that idea, to me seems

218
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,240
Speaker 2: so ridiculous. And the first thing that came to my

219
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,640
Speaker 2: mind is like, who am I to just say I

220
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:22,240
Speaker 2: work with women? And she was like, well, who are

221
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:26,199
Speaker 2: you to not do that? And there's so many women

222
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,520
Speaker 2: that could benefit from like a black man showing.

223
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:29,880
Speaker 5: Up for them.

224
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,600
Speaker 2: And I was like, I mean, that's how you really feel.

225
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,280
Speaker 2: Let me figure out how to resolve that in my mind.

226
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,400
Speaker 2: So I looked over my journey. I looked for the

227
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,640
Speaker 2: evidence of like, Okay, where's the evidence for me to

228
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,360
Speaker 2: do this? How could she say something like that, she

229
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,040
Speaker 2: must understand something that I don't understand, and I want

230
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,520
Speaker 2: to understand it because I trust her, And so let's

231
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,960
Speaker 2: figure this out. And what I found looking at my

232
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,560
Speaker 2: evolution and how I got to this present moment of

233
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,679
Speaker 2: my ex wife telling me to work with women and

234
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,480
Speaker 2: just say that I work with women, I was like,

235
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:11,640
Speaker 2: oh okay, every important pivotal life changing moment involved a

236
00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:15,680
Speaker 2: black woman showing up for me and me figuring out

237
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,520
Speaker 2: and like me trying all this time to figure out

238
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:23,880
Speaker 2: who this is for, I'm like, oh, okay, I've gotten

239
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,240
Speaker 2: here because of them.

240
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,600
Speaker 5: That's who this is for. I connected those dots and

241
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,520
Speaker 5: I was like wow.

242
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,320
Speaker 2: And then once I came out and I'm like, Okay,

243
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,839
Speaker 2: I'm creating a transformation program that centers black women.

244
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,800
Speaker 5: I mean, it made sense.

245
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,680
Speaker 2: It worked, and now working with women through that process,

246
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,080
Speaker 2: what I came to learn a lot of different things.

247
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,440
Speaker 2: You know, I'm studying marketing at the same time I'm

248
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,040
Speaker 2: studying social media.

249
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,280
Speaker 5: All these things. I'm learning a lot.

250
00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:54,600
Speaker 2: And what I came to find inside of that process is, yes,

251
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,240
Speaker 2: there's a lot of women that want to invest in themselves.

252
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:58,480
Speaker 5: In that way.

253
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,920
Speaker 2: However, a lot of the women that I was having

254
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:05,000
Speaker 2: conversations with would rather figure out how to make more

255
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,400
Speaker 2: money first before they took care of their health, and

256
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,600
Speaker 2: rather than try to fight that battle all day every day,

257
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,040
Speaker 2: it's time blue in the face. I was like, well,

258
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,240
Speaker 2: how can I position this in a way where you

259
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,480
Speaker 2: understand that taking care of yourself is going to make

260
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 2: you more money and it's also going you know, the

261
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,360
Speaker 2: weight loss or the healthy habits if you're not trying

262
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 2: to lose weight, but if you just want to feel

263
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,320
Speaker 2: healthier and more secure in your body, that's going to

264
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,840
Speaker 2: be a byproduct of taking care of yourself. And looking

265
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,600
Speaker 2: at again, why is it that you're not having the

266
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,840
Speaker 2: experience that you want to have. Why is it that

267
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,440
Speaker 2: you're not doing the things that you say you want

268
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,560
Speaker 2: to do. Why is it that you've been holding yourself

269
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,600
Speaker 2: back time and time again. And when you get to

270
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,520
Speaker 2: the bottom of that and you start to resolve those things,

271
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,000
Speaker 2: everything else just starts to fall in place. More money,

272
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,400
Speaker 2: more love, more everything that you've been wanting. Because you're

273
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,200
Speaker 2: meant to have those things, you just get in a

274
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 2: way of it.

275
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,239
Speaker 5: Sometimes.

276
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,800
Speaker 7: Wow, lady, you know this is a grown woman podcast, okay,

277
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,840
Speaker 7: And chances are if you're an avid listener, you know

278
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,240
Speaker 7: we get a little blatchet over here. We get bougie, classy,

279
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,200
Speaker 7: and we give ratchet. So today's sponsors should not come

280
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:17,400
Speaker 7: as a surprise. Uber Lube is a luxurious, high grade

281
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:22,000
Speaker 7: silicone lubricant made from clean, body friendly ingredients. It's just

282
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 7: silicone with a little bit of vitamin E. The vitamin

283
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,400
Speaker 7: E leaves a velvety finish that actually moisturizes the skin.

284
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,400
Speaker 7: Lube is the key to maximizing pleasure, whether alone or

285
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,280
Speaker 7: with a partner. And if you're gonna lubricate, you want

286
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,600
Speaker 7: to make sure it's done with the highest quality, body

287
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:41,120
Speaker 7: safe ingredients, and nothing beats uber lub. Y'all, I didn't

288
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,520
Speaker 7: test this out myself, and let me tell you it's

289
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:47,480
Speaker 7: a one Okay. It's great for all kinds of play, Vaginal, oral,

290
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,360
Speaker 7: or anal. There's no flavor or a scent. It's latex compatible,

291
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,840
Speaker 7: so it's safe and effective to use with condoms. And

292
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,400
Speaker 7: uber lube even works underwater, making it great for fun

293
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:01,400
Speaker 7: and pulls hot tubs to all that good stuff. Okay,

294
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,680
Speaker 7: right now, uber lub is offering cultivating her Space listeners

295
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,200
Speaker 7: a special offer ten percent off and free shipping when

296
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,720
Speaker 7: you use our code her space at uberlube dot com.

297
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:16,080
Speaker 7: That's ten percent off and free shipping. Just use code

298
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:23,880
Speaker 7: her Space at U b e r l ube dot com.

299
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,560
Speaker 6: You have given us a lot and I love it.

300
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 6: I love it. So you are a coach for women

301
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:41,240
Speaker 6: and you got to this position that you're in now

302
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 6: because of women, specifically black women. Let me just be clear.

303
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,920
Speaker 5: Black yes, please, yes, let's speak clear.

304
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,440
Speaker 6: Let's let's put some respect on my name black women. Okay,

305
00:16:54,960 --> 00:17:00,760
Speaker 6: how has your relationship with black women evolved over time?

306
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:02,560
Speaker 1: Yeah?

307
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:07,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'll be honest, and when you hear me

308
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,040
Speaker 2: say what I'm about to say, please just keep an

309
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 2: open heart, in an open mind and continue to listen

310
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:13,639
Speaker 2: to this episode.

311
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,120
Speaker 5: Please, that's my ask.

312
00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,520
Speaker 2: There was a point in time where I would proudly

313
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 2: say that I do not date or mess with black

314
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:28,520
Speaker 2: women at all. And inside of that, I would also

315
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,119
Speaker 2: say that I am not black.

316
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 5: Now Here's the thing.

317
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:39,280
Speaker 2: It wasn't okay for me to own my blackness. And

318
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,960
Speaker 2: a lot of the spaces that I grew up in

319
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,000
Speaker 2: as a kid, I grew up in a predominantly white space.

320
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:47,960
Speaker 5: And so if that being.

321
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,680
Speaker 2: Said, I had learned almost out of survival, almost out

322
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,359
Speaker 2: of like trying to fit in and you know, be accepted.

323
00:17:55,119 --> 00:18:00,400
Speaker 2: I learned that like, okay, blackness is not quite welcome here.

324
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,399
Speaker 2: It makes people uncomfortable, it makes people look at me

325
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,160
Speaker 2: a certain way.

326
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:07,560
Speaker 5: And so.

327
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,520
Speaker 2: Well, I have a choice here. My mom is white,

328
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,479
Speaker 2: my dad is black. I can just say I'm white.

329
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,240
Speaker 2: That's a choice. It made sense to me at the time.

330
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,080
Speaker 2: And I had people around me that were like, they

331
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 2: look at my complexion and they're like, you're not really

332
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 2: black anyways, You're not really black. And you know, when

333
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,920
Speaker 2: I would be around, you know, certain some black people,

334
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,359
Speaker 2: they'd be like, why do you speak the way that

335
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 2: you speak. You're you're a nerd, you're corny, you know,

336
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,520
Speaker 2: you're you're spoiled, you're all of these things. So I

337
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 2: wasn't really accepted by black people when I was younger,

338
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,639
Speaker 2: the ones that I would find myself around, you know,

339
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,639
Speaker 2: and I didn't quite fit with white people, even though

340
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 2: I would try my best, they would they could still tell,

341
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:55,120
Speaker 2: you know, like, you're not us, right, You're not us.

342
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 2: And so I'm like, I went through this essentially where

343
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,440
Speaker 2: I found myself as a place where I just didn't

344
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 2: accept myself. I just didn't love myself because I didn't

345
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,199
Speaker 2: have anyone really validating my experience. All I had was

346
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 2: people essentially invalidating my experience. You're you're not white, you know,

347
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 2: so don't say that you are, which obviously right, but

348
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:20,159
Speaker 2: when you're when you're kids, when you're eleven, twelve, thirteen, like,

349
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:24,040
Speaker 2: these are things that are kind of difficult to process.

350
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,919
Speaker 5: And then on the flip side of that, showing up

351
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 5: presenting the.

352
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 2: Way that I do around some black people is like, well,

353
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 2: you know you you light skin, you soft, you corny,

354
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 2: you you know all these things. You've got all this

355
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:41,119
Speaker 2: privilege and all of this. So it's like, well, okay,

356
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,119
Speaker 2: you know, you come to really hate yourself after a

357
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 2: while when when no one can validate your experience and

358
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 2: you just feel like you don't belong anywhere. And so

359
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,600
Speaker 2: that was the majority of my experience growing up up

360
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 2: until I went into the military, where I was really

361
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 2: seeking to belong to something, to be a part of something,

362
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,920
Speaker 2: to feel like I to feel like I mattered, to

363
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 2: feel like I I have a support system that accepts

364
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 2: me as I am. But I brought all this baggage

365
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,160
Speaker 2: and all these old experiences with me, you know. And

366
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,879
Speaker 2: when so fast forward, one of the women that I

367
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,400
Speaker 2: was serving with that I met, who I'd become really

368
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 2: close to, we were just having a conversation.

369
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,160
Speaker 5: One day, and you know, we got in.

370
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 2: The conversation of like my history with women and like

371
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 2: dating and whatever, and I just kind of blatantly, casually,

372
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,120
Speaker 2: without thinking to her, said yeah, I don't really date

373
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 2: black women.

374
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,359
Speaker 5: When she asked me, and she and she literally like looked.

375
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 2: She was driving, she looked over at me, and I

376
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,640
Speaker 2: thought she was about to stop the car, and she's

377
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 2: like excuse me, Like like what but like in that moment,

378
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,439
Speaker 2: she called me out in such a way that I

379
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,120
Speaker 2: had never experienced.

380
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,640
Speaker 5: And she was like, you know, what do you mean.

381
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 5: She's like you're black, you know that, right?

382
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you know, uncomfortable because I don't really

383
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 2: know how to answer that at that point in time, Like,

384
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,879
Speaker 2: I mean sort of like maybe depending on the situation,

385
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 2: Like depending on if I'm playing basketball, I'm I'm black.

386
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 2: They see that when I if I'm dancing, I'm black,

387
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,959
Speaker 2: you know, But you know, when I'm writing a paper,

388
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 2: I'm white. You know. I don't really, I don't know.

389
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 2: I never knew how to answer the question. And she

390
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 2: was like, nah, nigga, you black. You are one of us.

391
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,680
Speaker 2: I was like really, and she was like of course,

392
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,880
Speaker 2: She's like when you get pulled over by the police,

393
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 2: what are what are they going to think? What are

394
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 2: they going to see when you open your mouth? How

395
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 2: are people you know like you? You are black? Through

396
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 2: and through?

397
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,879
Speaker 5: There's no question in my mind. I see you in

398
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:40,359
Speaker 5: front of me.

399
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 2: And I was like, huh, And what the gift that

400
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 2: she gave me. For the first time, I had never

401
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,280
Speaker 2: experienced this. For the first time, I was able to

402
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,480
Speaker 2: accept that confusion. I was able to accept all parts

403
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 2: of me. I was able to explore why I was

404
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 2: having these feelings, why I've been having this experience without judgment,

405
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,199
Speaker 2: because yes, she called me out, but she wasn't judging me.

406
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 5: It was empathy.

407
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,360
Speaker 2: Of like, yo, I get that this has been your experience,

408
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,439
Speaker 2: but like, there's something that you need to understand and

409
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 2: you need to understand it now. And she was willing

410
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,159
Speaker 2: to explore that with me without judging me. And that

411
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 2: was the first time that I felt safe to just

412
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,119
Speaker 2: be all of me, to own all parts of me

413
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 2: and whether it's whether there's parts of me that are

414
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 2: kind of messed up, you know that say some things

415
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 2: that are kind of messed up, right, or whatever it was.

416
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 5: I'd never experienced that anywhere before.

417
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 2: And I'm I'm so grateful and she's one of my

418
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 2: best friends to this day where I just truly felt safe.

419
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 2: You know, I don't have to justify anything about myself.

420
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 2: I don't have to prove anything. I don't have to like, no,

421
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 2: this is who I am, and it's okay, and it's

422
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 2: actually more than okay. It's accepted, it's loved, it's appreciated

423
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 2: because she cared about me and loved me and saw

424
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 2: me as a man and as a friend before we

425
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 2: had that conversation, and that didn't change when we had

426
00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 2: that conversation.

427
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,200
Speaker 5: But if anything, we became close.

428
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 2: And that wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for

429
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 2: her being so confident in sure in herself and her

430
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 2: blackness and who she was, you know, to have that

431
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 2: conversation with me.

432
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 5: And I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful for that.

433
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:18,199
Speaker 2: So then once I became okay with that, that that

434
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 2: started to actually become reflected back to me. And this

435
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,199
Speaker 2: is something that's really important around how we might have

436
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 2: certain wounds or certain blind spots in our identity that

437
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 2: perpetuate patterns and things that we don't like. So I,

438
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 2: you know, I had been leaving an experience up until

439
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 2: that point where I'm like, black women don't mess with me.

440
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 2: I don't mess with them. This is a mutual thing.

441
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 2: But once I resolved that wound of like not being

442
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 2: black enough or not being accepted, what I came to

443
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 2: found after that.

444
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 5: Came to find after.

445
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 2: That is there's a whole lot of black people that

446
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 2: are waiting to accept me.

447
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 5: And I wasn't you know, I wasn't aware of it.

448
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,120
Speaker 5: So once I owned it, once I.

449
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 2: Had permission to own it, it's almost like it opened

450
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 2: up this whole new world for me and I got

451
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 2: to explore this side of myself and I was in

452
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 2: a new area. I wasn't in a predominantly white space anymore.

453
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 2: I was on the East Coast, I was living in

454
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 2: the DMV. So I started going out in the world

455
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 2: and figuring things out, and I was like, oh wow, okay.

456
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 2: And then it got to the point where one of

457
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 2: the first gyms that I was at, I had a

458
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 2: black woman approach me and she like wanted to hang

459
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 2: out and get my number and everything. I'm like, what's

460
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,159
Speaker 2: happening here? And so I would go on to have

461
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 2: an experience with that black woman and I never went

462
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 2: back after that. And I never went back after that, you.

463
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 1: Know what they started? Come on, now, let me just

464
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,920
Speaker 1: say I just want to thank you first for sharing,

465
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 1: because damn, damn, damn. Okay, Like I can only imagine

466
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 1: all the complexities that you weren't even able to dive into,

467
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,919
Speaker 1: you know, when you were sharing your story. But damn,

468
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 1: just thank you for sharing that, you know, and I'm

469
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 1: grateful that you were able to make it to this

470
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 1: side of the experience. And your transparency here and on

471
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 1: social media is so sobering, and I would love to

472
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 1: know what does it mean and how does it look

473
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 1: to live from the inside out while healing and regulating emotionally.

474
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,400
Speaker 1: What does that even to look like? I know that's

475
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,879
Speaker 1: content that you teach in your program, So can you

476
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 1: talk more about that?

477
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 5: Yeah?

478
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:25,479
Speaker 2: So what I really love inside of myself and just

479
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 2: as a concept, is like the gift of going second.

480
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,479
Speaker 2: If you can give the gift of going second to people, like,

481
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 2: that's one of the greatest gifts that you can give them.

482
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: And so if you feel comfortable doing that, then by

483
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 2: all means do it. And what I've learned about myself

484
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 2: is I am I'm pretty confident I might as well

485
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 2: be the one to go there first because I know

486
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 2: that I'm not alone in any of the things that

487
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 2: I'm going through. But if I have the confidence and

488
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 2: safety inside of myself to go there first, I know

489
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 2: that it's going to open the door for someone else

490
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 2: to be able to have that experience. Right, Just like

491
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 2: when I had Camilla say what she said to me

492
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 2: in terms of like like no, you're black, I see you,

493
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 2: I get you, I hear you. But no, you're wrong.

494
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 2: Here's why you're wrong. Here's what you need to understand.

495
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, I get it right. So me being

496
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 2: able to share how I navigate that process with you know,

497
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 2: publicly allows other people to see themselves and now they

498
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 2: get to go through that.

499
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 5: So it's the gift of giving.

500
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 2: Second, That's how I see it, And I'm just why

501
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 2: be selfish inside of that? You know, like, like why

502
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 2: there's a lot of us are hurting and we're all

503
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 2: in this together, so so why hold back inside of

504
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 2: that process?

505
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 6: Now?

506
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 2: The other the other thing inside of this is in

507
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,439
Speaker 2: living from the inside out, is just understanding that like

508
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 2: living from the outside end is a quick way to

509
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 2: feel empty. It's a quick way to get off track.

510
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: It's a quick way to end up broke, miserable, lonely,

511
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,120
Speaker 2: et cetera. If you're living from the outside end, where

512
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: at where what I mean is you know your sense

513
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 2: of validation, you know your sense of worthiness. Everything is

514
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 2: predicated I'm like, what's happening outside of it and what

515
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 2: people are saying or what they're not saying or whatever.

516
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 2: You have to flip it right. You have to be

517
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 2: the ones to validate yourself first. You have to be

518
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 2: the ones to approve of yourself first. You have to

519
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 2: be the one to see yourself first. And when you

520
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:19,679
Speaker 2: show up from that place, everything that you're sharing is

521
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 2: just it's it's overflow, it's it's it's a gift truly,

522
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,400
Speaker 2: and because of that, it doesn't matter how anyone receives it.

523
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,879
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what anyone has to say about it,

524
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter what anyone.

525
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 5: Thinks about it.

526
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 2: You're pouring from a full cup, right, so no one,

527
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 2: no one can take anything from you in that place.

528
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 2: But what happens with a lot of people who try

529
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 2: to be vulnerable or put themselves out there is they're

530
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 2: not seeing themselves first. They're not really working on themselves truly.

531
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 2: They're being vulnerable for the sake of trying to get

532
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 2: something because they're empty, because their cup is empty. And

533
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 2: then when they don't get it or they get something else,

534
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 2: it just further sends them down that cycle. But on

535
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 2: the flip side, if they do happen to get a response,

536
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 2: and it's like, oh okay, I matter right when I mean,

537
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 2: that's just a totally wrong way to go about it.

538
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 5: And you'll see this.

539
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 2: You see this all the time. So this is what

540
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 2: it really means to me, is when you show up

541
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 2: for yourself and see yourself on yourself and know yourself first,

542
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 2: everything that you give is a gift.

543
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 5: To everyone. You'll give people the gift of going second.

544
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: But if you're not doing this, what you're gonna find

545
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 2: is your emotions are going to be thrown around like

546
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 2: a rag doll. Because you're placing the power in other

547
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 2: people's hands, You're essentially becoming a victim to other people's

548
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 2: opinions and really their projections. Because if you're empty, you're

549
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 2: just going to take in whatever it is that people

550
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 2: projecting's into you. It's that's what's going to fill you up.

551
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 6: Ooh, I love that. I love what you said about

552
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 6: pouring from When you're pouring from an empty cup with

553
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 6: that looks like how that really shows up, how that

554
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 6: really impacts you. And I love this idea of putting yourself,

555
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 6: truly putting yourself first. And I know that as black women,

556
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 6: we have been socialized to do the exact opposite. Right,

557
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 6: As black women, we have been socialized to put the

558
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 6: needs of everyone else ahead of our own right. And

559
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 6: what I notice a lot of times is that that

560
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 6: is the thing that holds us back right. But the

561
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 6: reality is that when we are taken care of, when

562
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 6: our cup is full or overflowing, we do so much

563
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 6: more for all of those around us just by the

564
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 6: nature of who we are. And so sid in your

565
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 6: work with black women, what has been the biggest mindset

566
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 6: block that's holding us back.

567
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 2: It's hard for me to pinpoint, like what's the biggest,

568
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 2: Like what's the one. What I will say is there's

569
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 2: there's a couple, there's a few that I see and

570
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 2: they kind of come like holding hands. They all show

571
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 2: up to the party together. And the first one is

572
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: is like this this fear, this sphere of judgment.

573
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 5: What are what are other people going to think?

574
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 2: And of course there's going to be a fear of judgment,

575
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 2: and other people are going to think because you're always

576
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 2: taking care of other people, You're always taking care of

577
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 2: their feelings, their needs, et cetera.

578
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 5: So you are not free to just do you and

579
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 5: be you. You're going to be afraid of what they think.

580
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 2: And then the second one is like this this lack

581
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 2: of approval, lack of support or a fear of disapproval

582
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 2: like the other side of that coin. And what what

583
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 2: I find there is is almost like a fixation on lack.

584
00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 5: I'm like, what's not there?

585
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 2: And that's easy to become fixated on when you're not

586
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 2: seeing yourself and you're not taking care of yourself, because

587
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 2: when you put yourself on the back burner, you can

588
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 2: almost expect that everyone is going to put you on

589
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 2: the back burner. I mean, you get what you give

590
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 2: in that way. A lot of people think, well, I'm giving, giving, given,

591
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 2: give me giving. But you're not giving, given, give and

592
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 2: given giving, you're trading. You're trading. If you're giving with

593
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 2: the expectation that someone's going to give something back to you,

594
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 2: that's not giving, that's trading. And so a lot of

595
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 2: black women will find themselves at a deficit, always trying

596
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 2: to show up and take care of everyone else. Okay,

597
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 2: and then that this which brings me to the last one,

598
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 2: which is like, like you've mentioned, is this this lack

599
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 2: of self care. This is the biggest you know, these

600
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 2: are the biggest things that I've found with the women

601
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 2: that I've worked with that are holding them back. It's

602
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 2: this idea of I have to put myself last. I

603
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 2: have to put my wants on the back burner. I

604
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 2: have to put my desires on the back burner. I

605
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 2: have to put like my basic needs on the back burner.

606
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 2: I have to be strong. It's not safe for me

607
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 2: to emote anywhere because I have to be strong and

608
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 2: take care of everyone and everything, you know, and if

609
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 2: I do, like, what are they gonna think? Are they

610
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 2: gonna see me as weak? Are they gonna see me

611
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 2: as messy?

612
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 5: Right?

613
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 2: And then you know, and so these these are the

614
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 2: things that I've seen time and time again, especially when

615
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: I first started with the fitness program. You know, why

616
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 2: is it that you always have to resort to like

617
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 2: the most unhealthy food option, you know? Is it due

618
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 2: to a lack of time? Is it due to a

619
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:44,520
Speaker 2: lack of you know, energy, Like, what's what's happening?

620
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 5: And what I what I would see over.

621
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 2: And over and over again is like, oh, you know,

622
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: I got to take care of my husband and the

623
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 2: kids first thing in the morning, so I don't have time. Well,

624
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 2: you know, I got to take care of all these

625
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 2: things before I go to work.

626
00:32:58,320 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 5: You know, I don't have time.

627
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,479
Speaker 2: Well, when I get off work, so and so needs this.

628
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,719
Speaker 2: So and so needs that, they need this, they need this,

629
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 2: They're expecting that they're waiting on this, right say, And

630
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 2: the same thing with business owners, right like you all,

631
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 2: I gotta make money, I gotta make money. I got

632
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 2: to take care of this and that you know, I

633
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 2: don't have time to take care of me. And I

634
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 2: loved I loved this, like switch this, this understanding when

635
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 2: I would be able to convince them, like, let's just

636
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 2: take fifteen minutes, and I have a routine that every

637
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 2: single client had to go through that was just took

638
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 2: fifteen minutes, and very quickly, within a matter of a's

639
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 2: they would begin to see the power of like, no,

640
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 2: once I'm good, everyone around me is good, if not better.

641
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 2: That's a difficult place to get to when you've been

642
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 2: in survival mode, when you've been focused and fixated on

643
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 2: how there's a lack of time, how there's a lack

644
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 2: of support and if I don't show up this way,

645
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 2: my needs aren't gonna get me and no one else's

646
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 2: needs are going to get met. But it's really a

647
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 2: faulty way of thinking, and it's a maladaptive response to,

648
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,800
Speaker 2: you know, getting your needs met and taking care of people.

649
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,760
Speaker 2: And once you've got the space creative, you've got someone

650
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 2: like me who's in your corner, really getting your mind

651
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 2: right around, Like no, like you deserve this, this is necessary.

652
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 2: Take this fifteen minutes. Here's why you're going to take

653
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 2: these fifteen minutes and really breaking it down to like

654
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 2: a sweet science that anyone can understand and do and accomplish.

655
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,919
Speaker 5: It's like, okay, then you can create that domino effect.

656
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: That is super helpful, so powerful. I want to notice

657
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 1: it for the woman that is listening, and she's like,

658
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: I resonate with all this, Like this is me said,

659
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,439
Speaker 1: I need to work with you. And the other women

660
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:49,280
Speaker 1: are listening, What are like three mindset shifts or three

661
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: tips that that woman can take today that can assist

662
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 1: with you know what you talked about around the fear

663
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 1: of judgment, the lack of approval, things of that nature.

664
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 1: What are those tips or strategies that they can take.

665
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 2: So the first tip or strategy that I could give

666
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 2: is this idea that we talked about earlier of living

667
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 2: from the inside out. So look at your life, look

668
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 2: at how you show up, and really think about, Okay,

669
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 2: how can I live from the inside out? How can

670
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 2: I cultivate something inside of myself before I show up

671
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 2: in the world. What does that look like? If I

672
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 2: felt worthy today, how would I show up? If I

673
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 2: felt nourished today? How would I show up if I

674
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 2: felt like I'm the priority today? How would I show up,

675
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 2: what would I do?

676
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 5: Right?

677
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 2: So that's the first thing. Living from the inside out

678
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 2: would change the game. The second thing is this fear

679
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,879
Speaker 2: of judgment is first of all, First of all, first

680
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 2: of all, just understand whatever you're afraid of when you

681
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 2: are on this journey of taking care of yourself, you

682
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 2: are on this journey of getting everything that you want.

683
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 5: Understand that we only have two.

684
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 2: Fears as humans, the fear of falling and the fear

685
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,439
Speaker 2: of loud noises. So if you're experiencing fear in any

686
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 2: other way, just understand that you are not living in

687
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,280
Speaker 2: reality anymore. You are living in some sort of distortion.

688
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,720
Speaker 2: And if you're experiencing fears, it's because you don't understand something.

689
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 2: Maybe you had a certain lived experience that gave you

690
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 2: an understanding that gave you evidence, but the evidence is faulty.

691
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 5: Okay, it's not real.

692
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 2: So the second tip that I have is understanding that

693
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 2: if you have a fear of judgment or fear of

694
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,359
Speaker 2: anything else, understand that it's not real and look for

695
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 2: the understanding. What do I not understand in this moment

696
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 2: about this fear?

697
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:24,799
Speaker 5: Right?

698
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 2: Because there's there's something there, and once you understand it,

699
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 2: the fear will dissolve. And so the easiest way to

700
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 2: think about this is look for the upside. Whatever it

701
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 2: is that you're afraid of, look for the upside inside

702
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 2: of it. Right, So whatever you're afraid of in terms

703
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 2: of like, well, what is so and so going to

704
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 2: think if I tell if I have to say no

705
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,959
Speaker 2: instead of boundary, I'm afraid of that, right? Or what's

706
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,359
Speaker 2: going to happen to my bottom line if I give

707
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 2: myself an extra two hours a day to meditate, to drink,

708
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 2: you know, to drink water, to journal, to go hire

709
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,760
Speaker 2: a trainer, Like what's going to happen with my finances?

710
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 2: They're like all those fears, Just look for the upside

711
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 2: because anything that you've been afraid of that you ended

712
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 2: up doing at some point is because you became aware

713
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 2: of the upside and the upside outweigh the perceived negatives.

714
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:15,760
Speaker 5: So then you're able to move forward.

715
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 2: You can get yourself to that place very quickly if

716
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 2: you just sit down for five to ten minutes to

717
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 2: really look at the fear. And then the last thing

718
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 2: that I would say is get some sort of support

719
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 2: system in your environment. Now it could be therapy, it

720
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 2: could be coaching. It could be podcasts, it could be books,

721
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:38,400
Speaker 2: it could be going somewhere where you see a community

722
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 2: of people who are having an experience that you want

723
00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 2: to have and just going there.

724
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: Right.

725
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 2: If you want to be healthier, find a community of

726
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 2: people that are working towards being healthier and do that.

727
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 2: If you want to make more money, find a community

728
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 2: of people that are making money and go spend time

729
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 2: with them. Allow yourself to be supported, but actually insert

730
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 2: yourself into those spaces to be supported, and that's going

731
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 2: to create we ate a new experience for you. It's

732
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 2: confirming experiences around can I actually be supported? Put yourself

733
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 2: out there to experience it, and you'll find out. One

734
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 2: of the things that I love saying is if you

735
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 2: want to experience support, whether it be from God or

736
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 2: anything else, put yourself in position to receive it. Put

737
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 2: yourself in position to actually experience it. So many people

738
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 2: going back to number two, will let the fear stop

739
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,359
Speaker 2: them from putting themselves in the position, and they won't

740
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 2: experience it.

741
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 5: Deal with the fear.

742
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 2: Put yourself in the position, and you'll start to have

743
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 2: a new experience very quickly. So those are like three

744
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 2: tips I feel like I could really do this all day,

745
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:35,879
Speaker 2: like I have so much.

746
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 5: We know you could.

747
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: We know you could.

748
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 6: And since we know you could, and we know that

749
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,279
Speaker 6: the ladies who are listening have heard this and have

750
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 6: heard your other responses so far, and they're like, sign

751
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 6: me up, let me sign me up right now. So, Sid,

752
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:58,839
Speaker 6: can you tell us more specifically about your work and

753
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 6: how you help women achieve their goals?

754
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 5: Yeah? Okay, cool. So what I've created is the Cure

755
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 5: coaching framework.

756
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 2: And through studying through my own lived experiences, through my

757
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 2: own mentors that I've worked with, I spent over one

758
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 2: hundred thousand on my own personal healing and development in

759
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 2: the last three years. I created a framework called Cure.

760
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 2: The first part is see, which is the connection between

761
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 2: mind and body. The reason that this is first is

762
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 2: because a lot of black women, in particular, this is

763
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 2: what we're focusing on, have an extreme disconnection between their

764
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: mind and their body. This happens as a result of

765
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 2: putting themselves on the back burner. This happens as a

766
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 2: result of not getting their needs met. This happens as

767
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 2: a result of not having support. There's an extreme disconnect

768
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,840
Speaker 2: between the mind and body, and what we have to

769
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 2: understand inside of our nervous systems is eighty percent of

770
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 2: the communication that goes on inside of our bodies is

771
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 2: from the body to the brain. So when we understand

772
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 2: that and we understand like wow, if I'm going to

773
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:57,839
Speaker 2: create any type of experience, if I'm going to make

774
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 2: any sort of change, I have to get my body

775
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 2: on board. And if I'm not able to change, if

776
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 2: I'm stuck, if I'm stagnant, if I'm triggered all the time,

777
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 2: that's coming from the body. There's information in my body

778
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 2: that I'm not accessing. There's information in my body that

779
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,760
Speaker 2: I understand. So we have to restore the connection between

780
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 2: the mind and the body. That's so so so important.

781
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 2: We have to get our body on board. Okay, Now

782
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 2: with that being said, once you understand that, once you

783
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 2: understand how important the body is and all the things

784
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 2: that your body has been trying to communicate to you,

785
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,959
Speaker 2: look at understanding this is the you and the cure.

786
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 2: Understanding our core emotions and needs. It's really difficult to

787
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 2: intellectually think about what are my needs if you're disconnected

788
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 2: from your body, right, So you have to understand that.

789
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 2: You also have to understand that if all the communication

790
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:53,760
Speaker 2: is going from the body to the brain.

791
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 5: Well, everything that we.

792
00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 2: Do or don't do is so we can feel something

793
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 2: or avoid feeling something. Okay, So if we understand what

794
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 2: are the things that we've been avoiding feeling, once we

795
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 2: restore connection in our mind and body, we can understand

796
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,359
Speaker 2: clearly so much why we've been stuck, why we haven't

797
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 2: been able to stick to the diet, why we've been

798
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 2: afraid to launch the program, why why we've been, you know,

799
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 2: afraid to leave the relationship. We can, we can get

800
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 2: all of it right, So we figure that out. Understand that.

801
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,920
Speaker 2: Now here's the thing. If you've been disconnected from your

802
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 2: mind and your body, if you don't understand your core

803
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 2: needs and what you're trying to get met, what you're

804
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 2: what's going to happen is you're going to have maladaptive

805
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 2: ways of getting those core needs meant that are literally

806
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 2: ruining your life, that are causing disease. So once we

807
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,439
Speaker 2: have some sort of understanding, we go to our which

808
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:54,919
Speaker 2: is resolving the emotions and past experiences that informed how

809
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 2: we've been getting our needs met. Okay, So that's a

810
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 2: process that we go through, and then the last part

811
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 2: of the framework is elevating your emotional state, okay, because

812
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 2: when you feel better, you do better.

813
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 5: That's just how it works.

814
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 2: And a lot of people will think I can't feel

815
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: better until I'll feel better when and that's just wrong.

816
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 2: So what are the what are the ways that are

817
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 2: specific to you that we can rely on to consistently

818
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 2: elevate your emotional state. And when you do that, you're

819
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 2: more likely to create and experience the things that you

820
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,160
Speaker 2: want to experience, whether it is more health, whether it

821
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,360
Speaker 2: is more money, whatever it is that you want.

822
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:40,720
Speaker 5: Okay.

823
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 2: So that's the framework. That's that's how we go about

824
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 2: this week. We we get inside of the body. We

825
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 2: look at where where are the wounds, where are the

826
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:53,279
Speaker 2: limiting beliefs, Where where's the faulty thinking? Where are the

827
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 2: patterns what informed them? And we can't understand them if

828
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 2: we're if we're not inside of our bodies. Then we

829
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 2: tailor something specific, like what are the consistent congruent actions

830
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:07,920
Speaker 2: that are aligned with the new beliefs that you need

831
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 2: to have with the new lifestyle that you're trying to create,

832
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 2: The actions that are actually going to begin the undoing

833
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 2: and the unlearning of who you've been right, and also

834
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:19,280
Speaker 2: creating a system where you do take care of yourself,

835
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 2: you show for yourself, you do elevate your emotional state first,

836
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 2: take care of you before you do anything else.

837
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,240
Speaker 5: And you know this is how we change lives.

838
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 1: That is incredible. You were doing that deep, deep work.

839
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 1: This is awesome, super incredible. Well, I think it's about

840
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 1: time for us to I don't know. I think it's

841
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 1: about time for us to shift up the energy what

842
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: you're thinking, don I'm with it. I always did, So

843
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 1: it's time for us to shift up the energy of

844
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 1: this conversation. I think you'll enjoy this. So because we recognize, appreciate,

845
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: and celebrate the multifaceted woman, and we believe that it's

846
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: okay to be bougie, classy and ratchet. We believe that

847
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 1: you can still be elegant and dance to strip club music.

848
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 1: So we want to invite you too the oh you

849
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 1: blatchet segments. So do you take on the challenge?

850
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:07,320
Speaker 5: Yeah?

851
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: Absolutely, all right, that's all we like to hear.

852
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 5: Yeah.

853
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 1: Okay, So now that you've agreed, we're going to tell

854
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: you what to expect. So first we're going to ask

855
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 1: you three questions. We are going to share three sentence completions,

856
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,439
Speaker 1: and then we are going to ask you to choose

857
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: a number between one and three. And we have some

858
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:27,319
Speaker 1: pictures from your social media pulled up and we'll show

859
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:30,720
Speaker 1: you your facial expression. We'll show you one of those photos,

860
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,359
Speaker 1: and we want you to provide more context for the

861
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 1: photo that we share.

862
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 5: All right, Okay, let's go. That's right, All right, let's

863
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 5: do it.

864
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:42,879
Speaker 1: Let's do it. Don you want to take it off? Yes?

865
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 6: So, sid what is the best piece of wisdom or

866
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 6: advice that you've ever received?

867
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:53,280
Speaker 2: What's coming through for me now is when I initially

868
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 2: went on this journey of figuring out why am I here?

869
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 2: I came across a book that had and exercise in

870
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 2: it that was center around figure out your values, because

871
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 2: if you don't live in alignment with your values, your

872
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 2: life's going to be all messed up. And one of

873
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 2: the first values that I discovered inside of myself is

874
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 2: always consider how you want to be remembered and think

875
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 2: about how you don't want to be. What do you

876
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 2: want people to be saying in the room and you're

877
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 2: not there anymore? And so that's something that I consider

878
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 2: every single day. It's something I consider in every single interactions.

879
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 2: That's it's it's automatic. And I would say the greatest

880
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 2: piece of advice that's coming through for me right now

881
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 2: is to live a value aligned life. Figure out what

882
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 2: those values are for you.

883
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: I love it. All right, Well, we're definitely going to

884
00:45:55,480 --> 00:46:00,120
Speaker 1: shift up the energy after that powerful answer. And I

885
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 1: have four words for you. Okay, twork or two steps

886
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:05,959
Speaker 1: the context you said, the context for what that means,

887
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 1: but t work or two steps two step?

888
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, two step.

889
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,280
Speaker 6: I like how you thought about that for a second.

890
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: I'm not working, okay.

891
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 6: And so then what is the sexiest item you own?

892
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 5: Okay, the sexiest item I own?

893
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, okay, we're on a level here on this podcast. Well, okay,

894
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 2: so the sexiest item I own.

895
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 5: Y'all know that road situation.

896
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 1: I've seen the ads.

897
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 2: Okay, so get one first of all, that's where my

898
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: mind goes when you say the sexiest thing I own.

899
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 5: I won't get into why, but that's what comes to mind.

900
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 1: If you know you know, if you know you know,

901
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 1: there you go. Good answer, good answer. All right. Well,

902
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 1: we're going to move on to the sentence completion. So

903
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,800
Speaker 1: the first intan is completion for you, is one question

904
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 1: or topic I wish people ask me about more often, is.

905
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,479
Speaker 5: I wish people ask me more often around like what

906
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 5: is mindset?

907
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 6: Like?

908
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,239
Speaker 5: What is mindset even need?

909
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 2: And the reason that is is because there's just been

910
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 2: an over emphasis placed on the brain and on the

911
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 2: mind and understand why that is. We really need to

912
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 2: have that conversation though, because so many of us are

913
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 2: disempowered because of this idea that our mind and our

914
00:47:55,400 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 2: body are separate, right, this idea that mind over matter

915
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:02,800
Speaker 2: is an effective way of living life.

916
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 5: It's not. And I wish we talked about that more.

917
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:09,399
Speaker 2: I wish we talked you know, I wish people ask

918
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:12,239
Speaker 2: me more about what is really mindset?

919
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 6: A you know, at the end of the day, Well, see,

920
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 6: I think we're going to have to have you back

921
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:24,440
Speaker 6: for another episode where we do a deep dive into mindset.

922
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 6: But for right here, right now, in this moment, what

923
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 6: is the one thing you want us to know about mindset?

924
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,920
Speaker 2: The one thing that I want you to know about

925
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 2: mindset is mindset is actually your body, your nervous system,

926
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 2: and your emotions. It's so much more than what you're thinking.

927
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 2: It's a lot to do with what you're feeling.

928
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:52,880
Speaker 1: I love people do not talk about that often, so

929
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: that's really helpful to share. So yes, we'll have to

930
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,720
Speaker 1: have that deeper conversation. But the last since its completion

931
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: here said is what I love most about myself is what.

932
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 2: I love most about myself is that I'm still here.

933
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 2: I love that I'm here, and I and and I

934
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:16,959
Speaker 2: love the way that I'm here. You know, I've really

935
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 2: been through some things. I really have, especially the last

936
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 2: two years when I look at experiencing PTSD, depression, insomnia, anxiety,

937
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:32,880
Speaker 2: failed marriage, getting out of the military, you know, and

938
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 2: now I'm here kicking it with y'all to two dope

939
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 2: black women. I get to pour it to women, you know,

940
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,480
Speaker 2: for a living. There's there's so much abundance around me

941
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 2: that I just get to have these conversations and my

942
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 2: needs are met and and excess like I'm just like man.

943
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:50,839
Speaker 2: And I love that I'm here the way that I

944
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 2: am because that's a result of who I'm being and

945
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 2: who I'm being as a result of the incredible people

946
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 2: that have come into my life and the ways that

947
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:00,799
Speaker 2: I've been supported, and I just I just love that

948
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 2: I'm here.

949
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 1: That is so beautiful and that's a whole barn, and

950
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:06,439
Speaker 1: I love that I'm here, but I love the way

951
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 1: that I'm here right here. Yes, okay, I love that

952
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 1: for you. Okay, we love that for you, all right, godheads. Okay,

953
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: so now we have some pictures pulled up of you.

954
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: We have three, but we want you to choose a

955
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 1: number one, two, or three, and then we'll show you

956
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: the picture. There are going to be some folks that

957
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:29,839
Speaker 1: are tuning into the video. Some will only be catching

958
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: the audio. So once we show the picture, describe the

959
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 1: photo for those that don't see the picture, and then

960
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 1: give us some context that we wouldn't know just by

961
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: looking at the photos. So it is time for you

962
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:40,840
Speaker 1: to choose your number.

963
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:43,280
Speaker 5: Okay, the number is three.

964
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 1: Yes, I have three. Put up. I also have few choses. Okay,

965
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 1: here we go. Look at the picture. Describe the picture

966
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 1: and give us more context please.

967
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 5: Ah.

968
00:50:56,440 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 2: Okay, So this picture okay, So first of all, it's

969
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 2: a holiday party, and I am really in a season

970
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,399
Speaker 2: of embracing extra in this here.

971
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 5: Okay.

972
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 2: Now, I lived in it was just my best friend

973
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 2: and I another really dope black woman.

974
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 5: She had a five bedroom house and I rented out

975
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 5: a room.

976
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,320
Speaker 2: So I was just figuring some stuff out and we

977
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:26,279
Speaker 2: were really great friends. And her dad met me and

978
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 2: we hung out, we became friends whatever. And he was like,

979
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,280
Speaker 2: you so extra. I'm gonna just call you mister Extra.

980
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:35,360
Speaker 2: And I was like, you right, I am, And I

981
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:38,479
Speaker 2: really like that. And you know what, when I put

982
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 2: this suit on him, I look the fuck good in

983
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 2: this suit. And she was like, let's take some pictures.

984
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 2: I'm like, let's take some pictures, okay, And so here

985
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 2: we are. You know, I'm getting ready to go to

986
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 2: the holiday party. I'm sipping this is Virginia Black. And

987
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 2: if you don't know Virginia Black, I'm a Drake stan

988
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 2: I've said one of my biggest life goal is to

989
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 2: actually work with Drake. And it's gonna happen. I don't

990
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 2: know how I win, but like, it's gonna happen. It's

991
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,440
Speaker 2: just gonna happen. And I've already worked with one, you know,

992
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 2: very big Grammy nominated artist, so why not I'm gonna

993
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 2: work with Drake.

994
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:14,239
Speaker 3: It's gonna happen.

995
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 5: So I'm sipping that because I'm a huge Drake fan,

996
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 5: and that's all I was drinking at the time.

997
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 2: Okay, And I've got this Okay, I gotta tell you

998
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 2: what the picture is, so, y'all, I'm sitting next to

999
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 2: a fireplace with a glass in my hand, a very

1000
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 2: immaculately tailored dark red suit and a Santa hat.

1001
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 5: Okay, I've got my feet up on the couch, I've got.

1002
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:42,319
Speaker 2: My ankles out because you know that's the fashion, right

1003
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 2: that's the fashion. And there's just a look of you

1004
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 2: and I both know I look good and that's what

1005
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 2: we're celebrating right now.

1006
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:53,320
Speaker 5: Okay, so take the picture. That's what's happening.

1007
00:52:53,440 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 1: Come through, come through confidence. Yes, you did it. This

1008
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 1: is amazing. Thank you so much, sir. This was so awesome.

1009
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 1: This was so insightful, so fun inspiring. I cannot wait

1010
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:10,960
Speaker 1: to listen back to the episode once it airs.

1011
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 2: But thank you, yeah, thank you so much for having me.

1012
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:16,640
Speaker 2: And could I add one more thing about that picture?

1013
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 2: Does Okay, I'm just gonna add one more thing about

1014
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 2: that picture. Y'all got to understand I was incredibly overweight

1015
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 2: and self conscious and so much up until I was

1016
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 2: like nineteen ish, and there's not a lot of pictures

1017
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 2: of me, and so there's also that moment and then

1018
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 2: moving forward and I actually have my legitimate photoshoot or

1019
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 2: like moments of reclamation of like taking my power and

1020
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 2: like really owning myself and embracing myself. And so to

1021
00:53:46,719 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 2: some people, when you do post pictures and you do

1022
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 2: flaunt and you do stunt and everything, they're going to

1023
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 2: have their opinions and this and that and the other.

1024
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 5: But let them.

1025
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 2: Because it's for you, and savor and enjoy it and

1026
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,840
Speaker 2: look at you and clap for yourself, not for yourself,

1027
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 2: and love on yourself, and take all the pictures, take

1028
00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 2: them all, look out of love or post them or

1029
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 2: known whatever. But like that's what I got to say.

1030
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 2: And this has been so much fun. Thank y'all so

1031
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 2: much for having me so much.

1032
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 1: I just want to say really quick saying I appreciate

1033
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: you sharing that too, because people don't know your story, right,

1034
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 1: And I think that a lot of times when we

1035
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 1: post those pictures. I know, for me, when I used

1036
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:26,319
Speaker 1: to be very insecure, and you know, I wasn't very

1037
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 1: confident in who I am, I would be offended or

1038
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 1: I would judge a person if they had that confidence.

1039
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,279
Speaker 1: But now that I'm in this phase of my life,

1040
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. I'm like, guess you better talk about

1041
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 1: how good you look, because we're supposed to feel that

1042
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:39,880
Speaker 1: way about ourselves, and when we don't, it can be

1043
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,880
Speaker 1: triggering to see someone do that. Right, So I appreciate

1044
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,320
Speaker 1: you giving us the full story because that's that's important

1045
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 1: for us to know. So we appreciate you, ma'am.

1046
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,319
Speaker 6: And so, and we've said this so many times in

1047
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 6: this episode because it's true. We know that so many

1048
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,920
Speaker 6: of our ladies are gonna want to work with you.

1049
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:01,799
Speaker 6: So where can can they find you? Where can they

1050
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:03,200
Speaker 6: sign up to work with you?

1051
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:06,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, so a couple places. One you can go to

1052
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,360
Speaker 2: break through with SID dot com. That's s I D

1053
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:12,720
Speaker 2: and from there you can just learn a little bit more.

1054
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 2: And the other place that I would love for all

1055
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:17,279
Speaker 2: of the women who resonated with anything that I'm talking

1056
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:19,960
Speaker 2: about here is to follow me on Instagram and the

1057
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,080
Speaker 2: link in my bio you can join my free Facebook

1058
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:24,040
Speaker 2: community for one, where I have all sorts of free

1059
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:27,160
Speaker 2: trainings and content. And then the second thing is I

1060
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:31,479
Speaker 2: have a masterclass that you know, over one hundred women

1061
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:35,120
Speaker 2: have gone through, and that masterclass has a guarantee on

1062
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 2: it that no one has come back for. I said, listen,

1063
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:39,760
Speaker 2: if you feel like this hour of your time is wasted.

1064
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 2: Let me know how much you make an hour and

1065
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 2: I'll pay you for it. But I really want you

1066
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 2: to go through this program. Is this class, this masterclass

1067
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 2: that's all about breaking up with imposter syndrome, which is

1068
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 2: really breaking up with an idea of like what are

1069
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 2: they going to think? What if they find out? So

1070
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:59,279
Speaker 2: I would love for anyone listening to this to go

1071
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 2: to at I am said Scott. Hit the link of

1072
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 2: my bile. Go through that masterclass. Let me know how

1073
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 2: it is for you. Join the Facebook group tap in.

1074
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:09,400
Speaker 2: I want to support you. I want to bring you

1075
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,399
Speaker 2: around people who are ready to support you. And that's

1076
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 2: all I got.

1077
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,879
Speaker 1: You got it? There you go, lady, go take action.

1078
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:22,000
Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

1079
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:25,160
Speaker 1: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to

1080
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 1: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how

1081
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 1: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit

1082
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:35,799
Speaker 1: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I

1083
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:36,720
Speaker 1: hope to see you there.

1084
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:42,880
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1085
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 3: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment and

1086
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:52,000
Speaker 3: mental health, but it is by no means meant to

1087
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 3: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

1088
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:59,839
Speaker 3: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

1089
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:03,400
Speaker 3: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

1090
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:08,879
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

1091
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:09,840
Speaker 3: insurance provider.

1092
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1093
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at cultivatinghirspace dot com

1094
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,919
Speaker 1: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

1095
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:25,000
Speaker 1: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show

1096
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 1: and before we meet again, repeat after me, what's meant

1097
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 1: for me? Will never miss me?

1098
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:34,440
Speaker 5: I don't have to chase