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Speaker 1: Buggle up, hold on tight, we got it for you. Subject.

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Speaker 1: What's going on? Hello, Steve Shirley. My wife and I

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Speaker 1: married two years ago, both of us bringing children into

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Speaker 1: the marriage. I have one and she has three. But

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Speaker 1: to me, just because I am in the picture doesn't

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Speaker 1: exempt the biological father from from their responsibilities. My wife

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Speaker 1: constantly says these are my, meaning her kids. She refuses

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Speaker 1: to go obtain child support for them. She allowed their

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Speaker 1: father to file them on his taxes in the first

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Speaker 1: year of our marriage, but it was us who took

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Speaker 1: care of them that year. She allows him to pay

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Speaker 1: two hundred dollars when he can for two kids, and

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Speaker 1: I'm paying out more than that for one. I have

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Speaker 1: my child every day and every weekend. She wants me

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Speaker 1: to get a second job. Told me if I don't

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Speaker 1: get a second job, we don't have a marriage. Told

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Speaker 1: me that her told me that her getting child support

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Speaker 1: or not was not of my business or how much

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Speaker 1: or how off. And I'm tired of this. I've gotten

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Speaker 1: the kids up for school, gotten them together every morning,

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Speaker 1: and pick them up from school every day, leaving my

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Speaker 1: place of business at the busiest time of day. Nothing

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't do except take time for my own child

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Speaker 1: to get a second job. Further, take care care of

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Speaker 1: another man's responsibility when she could get child support to

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Speaker 1: balance things out. I even took care of her family

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Speaker 1: member's baby, darn near solo for six months, pamper's milk,

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Speaker 1: and personal child care of an infant, the whole nine

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Speaker 1: And uh, she how can she say? I haven't been

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Speaker 1: cutting it? This girl was my best friend for twenty

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Speaker 1: years and now that she is my wife, as she

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Speaker 1: always claimed she wanted to be, Steve, what's going on? Okay?

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Speaker 1: You know, dear my brother. In order for a relationship

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Speaker 1: or marriage, any time of any type of team situation, coupling,

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Speaker 1: anything like that to work, everyone has to do their part.

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Speaker 1: Everyone has to do their part in order to make

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Speaker 1: that whole work. And if they don't, if they don't,

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Speaker 1: as in this case with your with your wife and

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Speaker 1: with her ex, the burden falls on you. Uh. You're

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Speaker 1: the head of household. When you married this woman, you

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Speaker 1: knew she had children, and you just can't base your life,

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Speaker 1: you know, with your wife and your children on what

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Speaker 1: someone else is or is not doing. You know that

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Speaker 1: is is it fair? Absolutely not? Should he be paying

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Speaker 1: child support? Yes, he should be paying child support. Uh

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Speaker 1: should she require him to pay child support? Yes, she should,

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Speaker 1: But you are her husband. You knew she had kids

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Speaker 1: when you got in this particular relationship. So I think

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Speaker 1: you know this is unfortunate, it's sad, it could be

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Speaker 1: a double standard, it could be all that. But this

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Speaker 1: falls on you. This is your family now, and you

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Speaker 1: have to take care of your family, whatever that means. Steve, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I apologize, don't have to apologize. No apologize because I'm

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Speaker 1: going to disagree with you on this letter. Almost it

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Speaker 1: is his family. But let me share something with you

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Speaker 1: as I read this letter and I sit here, when

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Speaker 1: a man gets to the point of he's got to

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Speaker 1: write a letter, please understand, he's totally fed up. Now,

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Speaker 1: let me help you understand what's wrong here with this man.

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Speaker 1: One of the biggest things that a man has to

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Speaker 1: have has to have and there is no way around it. Ladies,

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Speaker 1: you ain't gonna you ain't gonna like this, But here

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Speaker 1: it is the truth. One of the biggest things that

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Speaker 1: a man has to have and there's nowhere around it

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Speaker 1: is appreciation. We have to feel appreciated the moment we

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Speaker 1: do not feel appreciated for our efforts. And trust me

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Speaker 1: when I tell you, according to this letter, you're looking

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Speaker 1: at a man that's putting out a maximum effort, not

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Speaker 1: only with your three children. In this letter, this woman

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Speaker 1: here is and a relatives baby. Now he's been cutting it. Now,

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Speaker 1: here's what the letter gets wrong with them, the trifling

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Speaker 1: X files the baby on the taxes. They let him

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Speaker 1: do that when it was them, this man and you

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Speaker 1: who took care of it. Surely you are correct, and

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Speaker 1: that it is his family now and he is the

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Speaker 1: head of the household, and he did know she had

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Speaker 1: three kids. But now listen to this right here. One

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Speaker 1: of the biggest things a man has to have, and

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Speaker 1: no where around it is appreciation. The moment you are

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Speaker 1: not appreciative of his efforts, especially when he maximm out,

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Speaker 1: you finn' have yourself a problem. Watch what I tell you.

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you the rest of it if you want

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Speaker 1: me to when I come back. Well, you know that

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Speaker 1: we do, all right. Steve will have part two of

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Speaker 1: today's Strawberry Letter coming up at twenty three after the hour.

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Speaker 1: Will be back back, of course, but first come on

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Speaker 1: Steve with your response to today's Strawberry letter Part two,

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Speaker 1: and then let me get right back to this letter,

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Speaker 1: because I want, I wanna say this in all sincerity,

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Speaker 1: especially to any woman out there that might be going

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Speaker 1: through the same thing right here. You're going to mess

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Speaker 1: around and lose a a good man here, because there's

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Speaker 1: nothing in this letter that does not say that this

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Speaker 1: is not a good man here. See when a man

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Speaker 1: writes these letters like this, and I'm telling you what

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Speaker 1: you've done this. Look, this woman wants this her husband

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Speaker 1: to get a second job. They both bought kids into

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Speaker 1: the marriage. She got three and he got one. They

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Speaker 1: all live under the same roof. Um. She refuses to

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Speaker 1: obtain child support for the kids, and the wife constantly

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Speaker 1: saying these are my kids, meaning her kids. She refuses.

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Speaker 1: She allowed the father to file him on the tax

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Speaker 1: of the first year marriage, but it was them, this

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Speaker 1: man and his wife who took care of him that year.

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Speaker 1: She allows him to pay two hundred dollars when he

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Speaker 1: can for two kids, and I'm paying out more than

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Speaker 1: that for one. I have my child every day and

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Speaker 1: every weekend. She wants me to get a second job.

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Speaker 1: Told me if I don't get a second job, we

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Speaker 1: don't have a marriage. Okay, whoa, whoa lady, lady are you?

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Speaker 1: Are you out of your mind here? I'm telling you something, ladies.

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Speaker 1: And the biggest thing for a man is appreciation. If

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Speaker 1: you do not appreciate your man, your man is not

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Speaker 1: sticking around for that. That is one of the biggest

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Speaker 1: secrets about us. If you do not know it, appreciation.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a whole chapter when I put this

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Speaker 1: book together on what this appreciation value is to him. Man.

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Speaker 1: Here's a woman who don't appreciate him at all. This

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Speaker 1: a man gets up, get the kids off to school,

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Speaker 1: get them together every morning, pick him up from school

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Speaker 1: every day, leave his place of business at the busiest

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Speaker 1: time of day. Nothing I wouldn't do except take time

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Speaker 1: from my own child to get a second job. See

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Speaker 1: if this man go get a second job, he and

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Speaker 1: the family picture no more provide leadership and love, which

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Speaker 1: is more important than the second job. And I will

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Speaker 1: say this about two jobs. If I've learned this a

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Speaker 1: long time ago, please understand this is the truth. If

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Speaker 1: one job. If you got one job and it ain't

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Speaker 1: cutting it, what makes you think two jobs. I've learned

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Speaker 1: that a long time. If you've got one job, and

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Speaker 1: it ain't cutting it. What makes you think two jobs

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Speaker 1: it's gonna cut it? Now? If you got a job

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Speaker 1: that's cutting it, and you add a second job, you're

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Speaker 1: doing something. But if your one job ain't cutting it,

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Speaker 1: what makes you think a second job, all you're gonna

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Speaker 1: do is miss time out the family. This, this man says,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to take out time for my own

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Speaker 1: child to get a second job. But here's the key, further,

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Speaker 1: take care of another man's responsibility. It is a man's

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Speaker 1: responsibility to take care of his children. All this man

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Speaker 1: is saying is, look, just make them do what they're

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Speaker 1: supposed to do by law. I got it from here.

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Speaker 1: I keep getting them up, getting them ready, picking them up,

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Speaker 1: taking them places, providing the conversations in the leadership. But man,

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Speaker 1: make him do something. But this woman right here is

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Speaker 1: talking about he ain't cutting it. Are you losing sight

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Speaker 1: of the fact that this man has taken on you

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Speaker 1: and all of yours. All he's asking you to do

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Speaker 1: is required what you did not do in the beginning.

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Speaker 1: This is an example of a lady who has no

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Speaker 1: require mins she gotta misplace. If you have requirements on

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Speaker 1: your man in the first place, the one that gave

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Speaker 1: you all these babies, and they're not the desert it

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Speaker 1: you and not paying you. You can at least make

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Speaker 1: him honor his obligation. It is a law that you

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Speaker 1: have to take care of your child. Let's forget the

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Speaker 1: moral issue. It is a law in every state. It

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Speaker 1: is a state law that you take care of your children.

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Speaker 1: This ain't forget the God's part of it. Forget the

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Speaker 1: rules of manhood. It's a state law, by law, he

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Speaker 1: has to take care of his children. All this man

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Speaker 1: in this letter saying to this woman is make him

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Speaker 1: do what he's supposed to do. I'm gonna sit here

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Speaker 1: and deal with the rest of them. See him sending money,

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Speaker 1: that's just a small portion of it. This man is

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Speaker 1: picking him up from school. This man is taking him

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Speaker 1: to the games. This man is giving out the advice.

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Speaker 1: This man is waking him up. This man is leaving

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Speaker 1: his job. All he's saying is make this other man

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Speaker 1: do what is required by law. I got a punk

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Speaker 1: ass man, he holding up his end, and a bogging

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Speaker 1: orly spiritually and none of that. I got that. But legally, though,

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Speaker 1: he's supposed to send this money for this woman to

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Speaker 1: tell her new husband. It ain't your business how much

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Speaker 1: I get from them and what I say did them.

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Speaker 1: Are you crazy? But you're expecting a man to go

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Speaker 1: out here and keep humping and hustling for you and yours,

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Speaker 1: And this the attitude you got, Ladies, you're gonna mess

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Speaker 1: around lose a real good man here. I can assure

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Speaker 1: you that by not being appreciative of what he's doing

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Speaker 1: or done, make your man, your ex man, be responsible

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Speaker 1: as a man and take care of his children. All right,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Steve, We gotta go. You can email us

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Speaker 1: or instagram a's your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter at

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Speaker 1: My Girls Shirley and don't forget. Tomorrow at one thirty

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Speaker 1: pm Eastern Time, join me for Strawberry Letter Live after

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Speaker 1: show on Facebook. You can find me at My Girls

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Speaker 1: Shirley or Shirley Strawberry on Facebook. Okay,