1 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to another new episode of UNI Therapy. 2 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,080 Speaker 1: My name is Kat and we are going to have 3 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: some fun today. So today's episode is all about imposter syndrome, 4 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,319 Speaker 1: and I could talk about the episode for a whole 5 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: episode before queue in the conversation I had with our 6 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:31,479 Speaker 1: guests today, because man, did this thing hit me hard? 7 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: And to be honest, I've had a lot of people 8 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: asked me to do an episode on this, but I 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: never knew really how I would make a whole episode 10 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: out of it, because I don't consider myself an expert 11 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,640 Speaker 1: in this thing, which, like what that is imposter syndrome 12 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,519 Speaker 1: and its most pure form of me not thinking that 13 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: I can do something that I'm fully capable of doing, 14 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: which is just so funny to me. But then I 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,320 Speaker 1: got connected with our guests because she is somebody who 16 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: has been publicly talking about this topic on some of 17 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: the platforms where she speaks. And our guest's name is 18 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: Tanya rad She is the co host of On Air 19 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 1: with Ryan Seacrest and she is the host of her 20 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: own podcast that she does with her best friend Becca Tilly. 21 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,960 Speaker 1: That podcast is called Scrubbing In, and she has been 22 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: talking about the experience of imposter syndrome on those platforms 23 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: for some time now, and somebody thought it would be 24 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: a good idea to connect us and have this conversation, 25 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,320 Speaker 1: and it was a great idea, And you're here in 26 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: the beginning of this that I was having my own 27 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: impostor syndrome moment about having a conversation about impostor syndrome 28 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 1: with Tanya, And it's just so funny how this stuff can. Really, 29 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,960 Speaker 1: it can affect anybody, and it's not something that you see, 30 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,679 Speaker 1: it's something that we individually feel. And one thing I 31 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 1: want to do before I queue in the conversation that 32 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 1: I have with Tanya is I want to talk a 33 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: little bit about what impostor syndrome is from a blank slate, 34 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: because I mean a lot of you might know what 35 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: it is. I think it's nice to have an even 36 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: playing field, so just get some some information to jump 37 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:05,480 Speaker 1: in on. So what is imposter syndrome. It is doubting 38 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: your abilities and feeling like a fraud, basically, and it 39 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: affects high achieving people way more. And what it does 40 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 1: is it creates the story that makes us question whether 41 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 1: or not we are deserving of accolades. What happens is 42 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: the people that are struggling with this will actually attribute 43 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,799 Speaker 1: their accomplishments to external or transient causes like luck or 44 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: good timing or effort that they can't explain. So I 45 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: did an Instagram poll on um my instagram at cat 46 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: dot de fata if you want to follow me, and 47 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: nine of the people that answered the question said that 48 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: at some point they have struggled with this. And while 49 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 1: I am very aware that my Instagram is not a 50 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 1: valid research measure, I did look up valid recent research 51 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,639 Speaker 1: and two things, one that affects women more than men, 52 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: and over six of women will at some point struggle 53 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: with this in their life, with which I think is 54 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: a lot that's for half. So then I asked you 55 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,799 Speaker 1: guys to tell me what your impostor voice says to you, 56 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: because I think it's nice to be able to hear 57 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: what other people's impostor says so we can say, oh, 58 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: I experience that as well. I'm not alone in this. 59 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 1: These are some of the answers that I got. You're 60 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 1: a bad at your job, You're not qualified, You're going 61 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: to fail. People tell me I'm good at my job 62 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,799 Speaker 1: or pretty because they feel sorry for me. You got 63 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: where you are because of luck. You haven't done enough. 64 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 1: This comes naturally for everyone except you. You're only good 65 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,119 Speaker 1: at the things you're good at because they're easy. How 66 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: can you help others when you were so messed up? 67 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: You are less than everyone, so you have to work 68 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 1: harder than everyone. Everyone else knows something that you don't, 69 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 1: and you don't deserve this not very nice things that 70 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: this voice says. And then this voice that says these 71 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 1: things ends up looking like this in life, so it 72 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 1: can look like anxiety of failing, feeling like you have 73 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: to be your best d percent of the time, which 74 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: is so crazy to think that you can be going 75 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 1: a dent of the time. Nobody can do that. I 76 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: just want to let you know, generally, feeling like you're 77 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 1: not good enough, comparing this looks like a lot of comparing, 78 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: and like we've said, feeling like you don't deserve the 79 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,359 Speaker 1: things you have, over preparing or procrastinating, and just a 80 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: general fear of being found out. And I do have 81 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: a spoiler, I don't necessarily have a solution for this. 82 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:25,480 Speaker 1: That's not what this conversation in this episode is about. 83 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: But what I wanted to do today is just have 84 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: a simple conversation to normalize the feelings and reduce the 85 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: shame that feeds those feelings. Because I've said this before, 86 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 1: I'll say it again, and I'll continue over and over 87 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,280 Speaker 1: and over and over to say, this shame feeds off 88 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: of us not talking about our shame. So now that 89 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm saying this, I actually think maybe I do have 90 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,919 Speaker 1: a solution, and it's what we're doing right now. The 91 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 1: solution is to talk about it so we can stop 92 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 1: feeding the shame that this idea lives off of. With that, 93 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: I also think things that help this experience to be 94 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 1: minimized is when we stay focused on measuring our own 95 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: achievements by our own achievements and move away from this 96 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 1: place of comparison, which I know is so hard to 97 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,599 Speaker 1: actually do. It's a it's a great idea when it 98 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: comes down to it, it's hard to just stop yourself 99 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 1: from comparing. But I want to encourage you to be 100 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: aware when you start to do that, and then ask 101 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 1: yourself to pull back a little bit, validate yourself versus 102 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: looking at other people to see if you are worthy 103 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 1: of being validated. So hopefully the conversation that I am 104 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 1: about to share with you build some connection and hopefully 105 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: that connection built can help alleviate some of the shame 106 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: that we breed when it comes to this. By the way, 107 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 1: I do want to say this, and I think it's 108 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 1: kind of funny because you know the topic. I forgot 109 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: to hit record on my individual recording device when we 110 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 1: were doing this episode until like five minutes in, so 111 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: you'll notice in the beginning the audio, my audio is 112 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: kind of like weird, and then it changes and it 113 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: gets very clear all of a sudden, and that's because 114 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,039 Speaker 1: of that mistake I made. And I could tell myself 115 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,480 Speaker 1: the story about me being an impostor and how I 116 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 1: am not good at what I do and how can 117 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: I forget that? And also it happens. It happens. So 118 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 1: just if you're wondering why the sound is a little weird, 119 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: that's why. And uh, I hope you enjoyed this conversation. 120 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:24,360 Speaker 1: So here's my conversation with Tanya. Al Right, guys, we 121 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 1: are back and I have my new friend Tanya here, 122 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: ready to talk about something that we have not addressed yet, 123 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 1: which is impostor syndrome. And I need to start with this. 124 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: I need to tell you this because I was thinking 125 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: when Elizabeth sent the email and connected us. My first 126 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 1: thought because when you responded, I think you said I'm 127 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: not an expert in this, but I love talking about it, 128 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: right something like, And in my head, I go, well, 129 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 1: I'm not an expert in this either, so maybe I 130 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: shouldn't be talking about it either, And then I was like, no, cat, 131 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: that's okay at the point of the conversation. And then 132 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: last night I was doing dishes and I was just 133 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: cleaning my house for myself, and I've literally had the 134 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 1: thought to myself, how am I going to do this tomorrow? 135 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 1: It was really more of like, who am I to 136 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: think that I can have an interview with somebody who 137 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: literally speaks on the radio and does interviews for a living, Like, 138 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 1: why would I? Why am I doing that? I can't 139 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: do that. That's exactly the problem. Yes, Yeah, I had 140 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: that moment. I had that thought, and then I was like, 141 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: oh my god, this is this is imposter syndrome in 142 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: its biggest best form. Yeah. I think a lot of 143 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 1: people struggle with it on a daily basis in so 144 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: many ways in their work world and their home life 145 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: and their friendship circles, and they can't quite pinpoint it 146 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: like they have that feeling, but they don't really know 147 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 1: exactly how to pinpoint it. So the more I've been 148 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 1: talking about it and sharing it and calling it impostor syndromes, 149 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 1: so many people have reached out and been like, that's 150 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: exactly how I feel. That is to me to a t, 151 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 1: And I think that it's like you, we all have 152 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: these feelings deep down, but we can't quite pinpoint what 153 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: it is. Right For me, it was a feeling of 154 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: like I'm not enough or like I'm a fraud. Maybe 155 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 1: that came up. So tell me about like you started 156 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: us talking about this, You had a feeling that you 157 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: started talking about it, So what did that look like 158 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: or what does that look like? For me? It started 159 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:25,640 Speaker 1: out because of the way that I got my career started, essentially, 160 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: So when you start in radio, the way that you 161 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 1: do it, and I said, I can't see me obviously 162 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: because it's a podcast, but I'm doing the air quotes. 163 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: The way you get started in radio is you go 164 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 1: to a small town and you have like a midday 165 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,200 Speaker 1: show or like a night show or something. You know, 166 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,000 Speaker 1: like you have those late night hours and you're just 167 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 1: in a small city and you work your way up 168 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: to l A. And I never really sought out to 169 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 1: be an on air personality. I was a producer, and 170 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,319 Speaker 1: I loved producing. I loved being I always knew I 171 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 1: wanted to be in the music business. I didn't know 172 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: if it was a label, if it was in radio, 173 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,679 Speaker 1: you know, like I just I didn't really know, And 174 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: so I was producing at the time. And it's kind 175 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: of it was a wild story. The way that I 176 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: got my position to be an on air talent is 177 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: just very unconventional and very not the way you're supposed 178 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 1: to do it, and so I was made to feel 179 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: like I didn't really earn my spot, or that I 180 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 1: wasn't good enough, or that I didn't do it the 181 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: way I was supposed to do So I don't know 182 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: what I was doing, and I'm not capable and all 183 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,719 Speaker 1: of those things really early on, and I think I 184 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: didn't realize how jarring that was until I started getting 185 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: more responsibility and other people started seeing value in me 186 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:44,960 Speaker 1: and trusting me with bigger things. And I struggled a lot. 187 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 1: When I started getting TV stuff. I was prepping hours 188 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: hours days days because I felt like I was an impostor. 189 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 1: I shouldn't be there. I don't deserve to be interviewing 190 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: these people on television on a carpet. I didn't do 191 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: it the right way. I didn't go you know what 192 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: I mean? Like I always that was how I was 193 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: ingrained in me, and I still suffered with it to 194 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 1: this day. Like it's something that I think can get 195 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 1: so ingrained in you that it really affects you and 196 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: has a bigger impact than you realize, and you really 197 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: have to like work through it. Like I actually, genuinely 198 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: before any time I'm doing something new, I have to 199 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 1: like have a pep talk with myself and say, like 200 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,839 Speaker 1: you are capable, you are good, like you're here for 201 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 1: a reason. I have to say those things out loud 202 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 1: because I still have it really bad. Yeah, So in 203 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: your head, for you, since you didn't go the traditional 204 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: route or it wasn't the traditional way or the way 205 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 1: you're supposed to do it, what was a reasoning for 206 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: you to getting where you were? What did you tell yourself? 207 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: That's a really good question. I think that it was 208 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:48,599 Speaker 1: I was just authentically who I am. So I was 209 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: a producer for Ryan and we just had a really 210 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,319 Speaker 1: good rapport. You know, he would talk to me I 211 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: would talk back, and I didn't have an agenda. I 212 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 1: would just kind of speak how I would normally speak. 213 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 1: And so it was clearly to me it was me 214 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 1: being my authentic self, me just being who I am, 215 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: thought me this position, and so I almost how to 216 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 1: do things in reverse, you know what I mean, Like 217 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: I didn't know how to read news, and I didn't 218 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 1: know how to do commercials and like all those things 219 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: that I then started to really kind of practice and 220 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: work on and things like that, I just had to 221 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: do everything in reverse. So for me, it was like, 222 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,960 Speaker 1: I need to stay true to what feels good in 223 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 1: my gut, what feels good and like is authentic to me, 224 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 1: because that's ultimately why I'm here. But hearing you say that, 225 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: in my head, I'm like, that's the coolest way to 226 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: get where you are, that you were literally yourself and 227 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: people were like, I like her, No, totally. It's it's 228 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 1: so it's it's sad to me in a weird way 229 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: because I'm like, I should be so proud of myself 230 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,199 Speaker 1: and like that is so cool and so special, and 231 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 1: I'm not sitting here like being a cry baby, and 232 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: I'm not like I'm not sad every day or anything 233 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: like that. But like, I'm really proud of what I've 234 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 1: done and what I've accomplished, and it is really really 235 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 1: freaking cool. But it's weird because you always have that 236 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 1: like little birdie in your head that is that doubt 237 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:08,520 Speaker 1: or is that like you don't deserve it, You're not 238 00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: good enough, and that can be really overpowering at times. 239 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: I'm just thinking here, like processing your story and how 240 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: and I have my own story of how it shows 241 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: up for me, not just in interviewing people, but in 242 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 1: my actual job. I feel sad hearing that, like me 243 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 1: being who I am, just me being myself. People like 244 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 1: that and gravitated towards it because that is so cool 245 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: that they wanted you to be a part of the 246 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,439 Speaker 1: show because you showed up as just a human being 247 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,719 Speaker 1: and to me, that is it Like I don't want 248 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 1: to sound cheesy, but like that's inspiring to me, and 249 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: I think that's the way that I want the world 250 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 1: to be moving, is we're bringing real people into spaces 251 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 1: to talk and have a voice. Yeah, And you know 252 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:57,920 Speaker 1: what's really interesting is because I was told certain things 253 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: about my personality in terms of like you are a 254 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: strong personality, people can only handle you in small doses 255 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:10,320 Speaker 1: where that you're in your life. Yeah, and my job, 256 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 1: like your your cartoon, your cartoon character, it's it's a lot. 257 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: And so that does something to you, right, And so 258 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,960 Speaker 1: I then got this podcast with my best friend and 259 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: that is all me, you know, like it is her 260 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: fifty percent me, and it's our personalities, it's our lives, 261 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: it is that is me in my truest form. And 262 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,280 Speaker 1: that was really hard for me because I was just like, 263 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 1: people don't like me in in a large amount, and 264 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 1: this is really scary and I don't know if I'm 265 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,199 Speaker 1: ready for the critique of it all, you know. And 266 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,560 Speaker 1: so when our podcast got nominated for a People's Choice Award, 267 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 1: it just goes to show that our listeners are that 268 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 1: passionate about us and who we are and our stories 269 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 1: and what we're doing, and then when we want it, 270 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 1: I was just like, this is so a wild, Like 271 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 1: it literally is. I don't want to use the term validation, 272 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, you really have 273 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 1: to validate yourself, but it was more of like the 274 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 1: confirmation of doing you, being authentic, living your life out 275 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 1: loud and doing what feels right is working for you, 276 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: so like it's like just shut everything else out, shut 277 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: out things you've been told, and just stick to your gut. Well, 278 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 1: and I think it's okay to use the word validation 279 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: because the reason that you had those like icky thoughts 280 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: about I have to like almost only be myself a 281 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: little bit of the time, or any of those thoughts. 282 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: You've got the reason you got this because somebody said 283 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: that you didn't make it up, which is a lot 284 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 1: of the icky negative stories we have in our lives. 285 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 1: We don't just make them up. We have an experience, 286 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: and then that's how we make sense of that experience. 287 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 1: But you know what's funny, and I think that for 288 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 1: most people, it's triggered by one person or one thing 289 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: or one common and it's like it kind of goes 290 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,360 Speaker 1: back to again with like social media. You know, you 291 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: can see one negative thing and here a hundred other 292 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: amazing things about yourself, and you stick to that negative 293 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: comment and it's almost like I think that's where imposter 294 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: syndrome comes from. It's like one person can have an 295 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 1: opinion about you, but that's okay. You know, we're like 296 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,880 Speaker 1: all these other people have a different opinion, and yet 297 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: you just fixate on that one person that thinks this 298 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: way of you, and it's like, it's actually really sad. 299 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: In my head, it goes to well that one person 300 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: found out, like that one person figured it out, that 301 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: one person knows because a lot of the people that 302 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 1: are struggling with this, and even me, it feels like 303 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 1: sometimes we're like tricking people and it's like, oh no, 304 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: that they actually know the truth. What do you do 305 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: with that? When you do see the one negative? Or 306 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: lets you won this award? But then I'm sure there's 307 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,360 Speaker 1: people that say things about whether it's your podcast or 308 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: you on the radio or social media. Sure, sure there 309 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: is occasional comment of like Tanya's annoying or she's you know, 310 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 1: she's this, but those are so far and few between 311 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: that it's almost like, I do know I can be annoying, 312 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: Like I know myself, I can be annoying, like and 313 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 1: I apologize to my friends sometimes because I'm like, I'm 314 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: needy and I need their attention, and I think we 315 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 1: all can be annoying at some time, you know what 316 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: I mean. So I kind of just try to focus 317 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: on bigger picture things. And it's interesting because I think 318 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 1: a lot of people are. What I've realized is a 319 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 1: lot that a lot of people, a lot of women 320 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 1: that reach out to me, they suffer from it. When 321 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: they have to go in and ask for a raise 322 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: or if they want to promotion at work, they don't 323 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: feel like they deserve it or they've earned it. And 324 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: I think that a lot of the time, when you're 325 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: working in a corporate space, you don't know, you know, 326 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: like sometimes there's budgets and there's things and they need 327 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,880 Speaker 1: to keep you out of certain pay or salary or 328 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: you know, you don't know what's going on behind the scenes. 329 00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: It's not that you don't deserve it, even if you 330 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 1: ask and they say they can't do it, at least 331 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 1: you asked, you know. But like for some reason people 332 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 1: can't are too scared to ask because they feel like 333 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,640 Speaker 1: they don't deserve it. And it's like, really like check yourself, 334 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 1: you know, like look like are you working hard? Are 335 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,199 Speaker 1: you are you delivering what you should be delivering, Like 336 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 1: are you moving the needle forward? And if you are, 337 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 1: then like you have every right to ask for a 338 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 1: promotion or whatever you want. But also at the end 339 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 1: of the day, if they can't give it to you 340 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 1: in that moment, or they can maybe change your title, 341 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 1: but they can't give you more money. At least you 342 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,439 Speaker 1: stood up for yourself and you spoke up. And I 343 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 1: think what's sad is when you when you feel like 344 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,640 Speaker 1: you can't ask that because you don't deserve it. Yeah, 345 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: and you know what else I just thought of with that, 346 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 1: I think imposter syndrome can be like a self protective 347 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: measure in those areas, because let's say I have a 348 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,880 Speaker 1: fear that I might not deserve it, or that I'm 349 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: going to get rejected or whatever. This can be any aspect. 350 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,199 Speaker 1: It doesn't just have to have to be raises. It 351 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: can be test you're taking at school, It can be 352 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: asking somebody out on a date. It can be anything. 353 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 1: But if I just go ahead and tell myself not 354 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 1: to ask for the raise, then I don't have to 355 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,359 Speaker 1: deal with the possible rejection of not getting it and 356 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,120 Speaker 1: then it meaning something, then I can blame Oh, I don't, 357 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 1: I don't. I didn't get the promotion because I didn't 358 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 1: put myself in the running, rather than I didn't get 359 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,479 Speaker 1: the promotion because they gave it to somebody else. And 360 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 1: like that can be with like school stuff. I know, 361 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,439 Speaker 1: I know for me, I went to a school that 362 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: I for grad school that I didn't think that I 363 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,199 Speaker 1: should have gotten into, even though I got in, and 364 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 1: so in my head every class, I'm like everybody else 365 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 1: knows exactly what's going on. I don't really understand what's happening. 366 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 1: I'm not going to ask a question because people are 367 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: gonna then know that I'm the dumb one. And then 368 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 1: also I'm not going to go get extra help because 369 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 1: then my teachers are going to be like, oh, we 370 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: shouldn't have let her in, which is so I mean, 371 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 1: I wish I could go back to my younger self 372 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: and be like, that is so wrong. But it did 373 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 1: help me because in one area, because then I didn't 374 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 1: have to deal with that like well what if people 375 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 1: thought that. But at the same time, it hurt me 376 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: because then I didn't learn the things that I could 377 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 1: have learned, Like I just didn't straight up didn't learn 378 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,680 Speaker 1: things because I was like, I don't it's too much, 379 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 1: and I would just learn what I needed to learn 380 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 1: to pass the test, maybe not very well, but I 381 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: passed it, and I could have dug into so much 382 00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:21,159 Speaker 1: more stuff at that school, but I was afraid of 383 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,359 Speaker 1: people thinking I was dumb, and because of that, what 384 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: ended up happening is I didn't learn as much as 385 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: I could have. Yeah, And I think what happens a 386 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 1: lot too is like sometimes people will feel that they get, 387 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: you know, a new manager type role over you know, 388 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 1: where they're managing other people, and they're just like, what 389 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,400 Speaker 1: am I doing? I don't even know how to manage myself? 390 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,359 Speaker 1: And you try to like look at other people and 391 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 1: how they are doing it in their roles, when in reality, 392 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: like I think what's really cool is that we all 393 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,560 Speaker 1: get to create our own story just because you're in 394 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: a certain Like so I'm like, you know, whatever, my 395 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,240 Speaker 1: boxes like host or you know, like personality. It doesn't 396 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,639 Speaker 1: mean I need to be like every their host on 397 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: the carpet or every other personality on the radio. Like 398 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 1: I'm unique and I'm different and I bring a different thing. 399 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: And so it's like if you're a teacher, you don't 400 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 1: have to necessarily go in line with all, you know 401 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you can reinvent the wheel, you 402 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 1: can do different things. Like I heard about this this woman. 403 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,400 Speaker 1: She she'd just gotten this like managerial role. I don't 404 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,200 Speaker 1: know if that's how you say it, but she got 405 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 1: that promotion, and she wanted to do like a boot 406 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 1: camp for the people that she was managing, and she 407 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: did it with like, um, I don't know if you've 408 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,479 Speaker 1: seen the show ted Lasso. I saw one episode, so 409 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,040 Speaker 1: if the Jason Sudeikis show, and it's really it's really 410 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,879 Speaker 1: encouraging and it's all about just like the power of 411 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 1: positivity and like teamwork and camaraderie. And so she basically 412 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,240 Speaker 1: used this example of the TV show to put her, 413 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: you know, the people that were reporting to her in 414 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 1: this like kind of ted Lasso boot camp. And I 415 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,680 Speaker 1: was like, that is so creative and so cool and 416 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: so outside the box, you know. And I think I 417 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 1: think where we can kind of get tied up and 418 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,639 Speaker 1: we can really put limits on ourselves because we're like, oh, 419 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,399 Speaker 1: I'll just do it like that person or you know, 420 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,360 Speaker 1: like they've been doing this for so long and this 421 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: is how they do it, so that's how I should 422 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,440 Speaker 1: do it, when in reality, you should just do everything 423 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 1: the way that you want to do it and feels 424 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,119 Speaker 1: good to you. Well, yeah, because what you're saying is 425 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,160 Speaker 1: just because it doesn't look like what other people are 426 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,920 Speaker 1: doing doesn't mean it's wrong, correct, and that is so simple, 427 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,359 Speaker 1: Like that's the most simple thing, but I don't know 428 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: why that it gets so is so tough, and and 429 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,679 Speaker 1: what I what I don't have is like want a 430 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 1: solution to this and to a reason of why anybody. 431 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 1: I think there's so many reasons that this can come 432 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,159 Speaker 1: up and this can be a thing. But that is 433 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,640 Speaker 1: the simplest thing ever, so hard to believe, just like 434 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: we can accept one piece of negative feedback, but it's 435 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: so hard to accept positive sometimes. Yeah, I mean, and 436 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,719 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, like, I still you know, I'm very 437 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,719 Speaker 1: confident in the person that I am today and what 438 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 1: I'm doing, and I feel like I have a purpose 439 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:58,240 Speaker 1: and a passion and a mission. But what's interesting is 440 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 1: I still have these feelings Like the other day, I 441 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: and I did this interview with Pink and I got 442 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 1: emotional in it and I kind of teared up, and 443 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: after the interview was over, I was beating myself up 444 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 1: over it. I was like, damn, like I should be 445 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,199 Speaker 1: more authoritative and I should be more professional and that 446 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 1: was more fan girly, and I was super in my 447 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 1: head about it. And when I saw the reaction that 448 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: was the interview that everybody was connecting with and I 449 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:29,680 Speaker 1: was feeling so like moved by and having positive reactions 450 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 1: about that conversation and how I, you know, my style 451 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 1: of interviewing versus you know, whatever other somebody else's and 452 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,680 Speaker 1: it was positive. And it's so crazy because I was 453 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,320 Speaker 1: so in my head about it. It checked me again 454 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,159 Speaker 1: to just kind of Okay, go with your gut, go 455 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:50,399 Speaker 1: with your gut. Stop second guessing yourself. It's crazy, which 456 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,119 Speaker 1: because people were probably connecting to that, because that was 457 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: you being yourself, That was you being you, that was 458 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: that was they were watching something real versus I don't 459 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,080 Speaker 1: know much about like that field of work, but versus 460 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 1: just watching an exchange of questions and answers right right. 461 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 1: That makes me think too, I don't know your experience, 462 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 1: and I'm open to hearing about it, but your experience 463 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: with therapy and mental health and what that should look like. 464 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: But me, as a therapist, I had this idea that 465 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 1: one I needed to have the answer and know how 466 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,040 Speaker 1: to like fix everybody that walked in my office, which 467 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:29,200 Speaker 1: is ridiculous, but to that, a therapist looks a certain way, 468 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: and a therapist talks a certain way, and a therapist 469 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,879 Speaker 1: has certain boundaries and a therapist doesn't. And I struggled 470 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:41,359 Speaker 1: so much with that, especially starting a podcast because I 471 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 1: talked about my life on here and I have clients 472 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: that follow my Instagram account, which doesn't really put anything 473 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 1: personal on it. But in my head a lot of 474 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 1: times I would doubt for a while in the beginning, 475 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,679 Speaker 1: especially which I think it's normal, but I would doubt 476 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,119 Speaker 1: if what I was doing was right because of what 477 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,639 Speaker 1: I had made up in my head about what a 478 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,919 Speaker 1: therapist is. And what I also know is the number 479 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,600 Speaker 1: one healing agent to anything is a relationship, and so 480 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 1: how I work as I am very relational in my 481 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: client to therapist relationships, like very much so, where we 482 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 1: first really work on creating an attachment before anything else happens. 483 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,399 Speaker 1: But I'm not Like in my head, I was like, 484 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 1: I need to be like the old sweet woman, which 485 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,120 Speaker 1: I can't just get old, that sits in a chair 486 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,199 Speaker 1: and nazr head in this kind and infirming and leads 487 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,640 Speaker 1: this and that way and leads that that way, and 488 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: I can be a freaking hot mess in a session. Yeah. 489 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 1: I think it's interesting because it's like, yeah, you probably 490 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,120 Speaker 1: have this perception of the fact that like you need 491 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: to wear shirts that cover your boobs and like pants 492 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 1: and like whatever. I don't know whatever. The therapists like 493 00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: professional work where like in a pardigan. But it's like 494 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,119 Speaker 1: if you want to start around in a crop top 495 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,680 Speaker 1: in a session, like you can do that. And I'm 496 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 1: sure that there's people that want that in a therapist, 497 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,399 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, I don't know. I 498 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,399 Speaker 1: think it's so it is it's so interesting because we 499 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,719 Speaker 1: do we put these these images of what things are 500 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 1: supposed to look like, and in reality, like somebody might 501 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 1: want that in a therapist, somebody that can relate to them, 502 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,919 Speaker 1: that can, you know what I mean? Yes, well, and 503 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:24,640 Speaker 1: I think that's I mean, half the time I'm wearing 504 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,640 Speaker 1: workout clothes at work, right, And I think that you're 505 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,119 Speaker 1: there are some people that would hate me as a 506 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:35,040 Speaker 1: therapist totally. That's okay, right, like there and there's people 507 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,399 Speaker 1: that I don't work well with, that is okay. But 508 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 1: I think like even with you talking about that interview, 509 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,439 Speaker 1: there might be somebody that's like, oh, that was that 510 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 1: was too much. She shouldn't have cried. But the fact 511 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: that so many people connected to you doing that, and 512 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,119 Speaker 1: there's so many people that can connect to me. The 513 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,440 Speaker 1: way I work, it's an all or nothing thing. I 514 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: think comes up like we have to have everybody like 515 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,199 Speaker 1: us or everybody hate us, or we have to know 516 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 1: everything or we know nothing. It's very all or nothing 517 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,120 Speaker 1: when like, what if we just lived in this middle ground? Yeah, 518 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,360 Speaker 1: I don't know. That isn't arting, I do, I think. 519 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,920 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure a lot of people deal with 520 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 1: like I feel like the majority of humans are people 521 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 1: pleasers and we don't like people not liking us. I 522 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 1: just think it's human nature and it's something i've so 523 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 1: I've never been to therapy until the pandemic, honestly, um 524 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: because I just I think the lockdown the beginning of 525 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,080 Speaker 1: the pandemic really messed with my head because I'm a 526 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: people person, and I would go from job to job 527 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 1: to job, and I would see like a hundred people 528 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,639 Speaker 1: a day, and then I would just come home and 529 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 1: eat dinner and crash and I would do it all 530 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: over again with a smile on my face. I was 531 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,800 Speaker 1: going a hundred miles an hour and I was loving 532 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 1: every minute of it, and then it all just stopped, 533 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 1: and I was doing every all my work from from 534 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 1: my apartment not leaving the house, like not even stepping outside, 535 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,600 Speaker 1: and I didn't have a balance, and I really really 536 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,400 Speaker 1: went arc for a while to the point where like 537 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 1: my podcast, our listeners would reach out and like, is 538 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 1: Tanya okay? Is she doing okay? And it kind of 539 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: checked me and I was like, I'm not doing okay, 540 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 1: I'm not doing not doing good. And so I looked 541 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 1: into therapy and I started sending boundaries for more myself, 542 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,879 Speaker 1: like because I was just jam packing everything now. And 543 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,119 Speaker 1: then I started having more of a schedule where I 544 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 1: would say, Okay, if I'm going to do you know, 545 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 1: the morning show, then I need a two hour gap 546 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,640 Speaker 1: to like go walk outside or go on a sun 547 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,679 Speaker 1: run and then I can do X, Y Z or 548 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,200 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like kind of setting those 549 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:38,720 Speaker 1: types of boundaries for my mental health that really changed 550 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,360 Speaker 1: the game for me. I actually appreciate you sharing that 551 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:48,120 Speaker 1: because I think that therapy it's becoming less stigmatized in general. 552 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: But the pandemic put us an overdrive where I do 553 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 1: think that a lot of people had this moment of 554 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 1: like I can't avoid this any longer. What I like 555 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,520 Speaker 1: about therapy in my relationship with my therapy is the 556 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:05,159 Speaker 1: opposite of you, because I feel like I am that friend. 557 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,520 Speaker 1: I'm that person that everybody in my life can come 558 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: to and I listened to all their problems and I 559 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: help and I give my advice, And for my whole 560 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 1: life I could handle that. I could handle it. I 561 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,720 Speaker 1: was that. I was that go to girlfriend, and then 562 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,280 Speaker 1: once the pandemic it, I couldn't. I was having my 563 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: own issues. I couldn't take on everybody else's. So when 564 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,879 Speaker 1: I had my therapy. When I would have therapy, I 565 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 1: didn't have to ask her anything. It sounds so selfish, 566 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 1: but it's like I didn't haven't anything about her. I 567 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,240 Speaker 1: could just spew it all and she just listens. I 568 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 1: don't have to say how are you doing? And I 569 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 1: know it sounds so silly, but just having that hour 570 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 1: once a week to kind of just be able to 571 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 1: like verbal it, just whatever, and not have to say 572 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: how are you doing? How can I help you? It 573 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:56,520 Speaker 1: was wildly game changing. Yeah. I love that because I 574 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 1: think that so many people I see that. I see 575 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,640 Speaker 1: that so often. I've I have one client that will 576 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 1: sometimes be like, oh my gosh, I forgot to ask 577 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,800 Speaker 1: you how you're doing, and I'm like, you don't have 578 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: to do that, Like you can, but you don't have 579 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: to feel bad if you didn't, because that's not what 580 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 1: this is about. Like, if I don't know, I obviously 581 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 1: ask her, Like she helps me manage different things that 582 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 1: are going on and like work relationships and romantic relationships 583 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. And I have no 584 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: idea if she is married single, if she had, like 585 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:30,400 Speaker 1: I know nothing about her, and for me it works. Yeah, No, 586 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,680 Speaker 1: but I like that. That's the Really I'm so glad 587 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: you even said that now, because that's the essence of 588 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: what I'm saying is like, that doesn't make your therapist 589 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: better than me, and it doesn't make me better than her. 590 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,560 Speaker 1: That just shows us that different people need different things, 591 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:49,640 Speaker 1: and that is okay, Yeah, because I think I you know, 592 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 1: I I would go to my friends for advice on 593 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: things like that, but I'm like, well, they don't really 594 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: know because they don't have a you know, a significant 595 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 1: other that is divorced, you know, so they I don't 596 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 1: really trust their opinion or you know, I'll talk to 597 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 1: my parents and I'm like, well, they don't really get it. 598 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 1: They don't understand the entertainment industry. So with her I 599 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: just I know, I know nothing. She is like a 600 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:14,200 Speaker 1: blank canvas and she's helped me work through so many 601 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 1: things by me not knowing anything in a super unbiased way. Yeah, 602 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 1: and I think that that is something that I have 603 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 1: to pay attention to of, like this person doesn't need 604 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,440 Speaker 1: to know this about me because that would interfere with this. 605 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 1: But again, some people might want a relationship with their 606 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,959 Speaker 1: therapist because I think, especially because of pandemic, a lot 607 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 1: of people felt very isolated alone, So they might want 608 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:41,719 Speaker 1: that relationship with you. Yeah, you're right. That's just like 609 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: a good reminder though for me even to sit in 610 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 1: the in in that both of like, that is good. 611 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 1: This is good and it doesn't have to mean anything 612 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 1: other than that. Okay, So I was going to ask you, 613 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: and I think this is what you were talking about. 614 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,160 Speaker 1: You was at the billboard? Was it the billboard? The 615 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,440 Speaker 1: words carpet that I just did? Was that? Yeah? Yeah? 616 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,800 Speaker 1: Was that? That? Was that? The pink interview? Yeah? Okay, 617 00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: Well I was gonna because I was wondering because I 618 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: saw that and that seemed like was that a And 619 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,640 Speaker 1: I asked this, just not really knowing much about that industry? 620 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 1: Was that like a big, um, like career marker being 621 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: able to do that or have you done that before? 622 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 1: That role that I did for E. Yeah, yeah, no, 623 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 1: that was huge, um, because I know it's interesting because 624 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 1: when you're not really in it, it all kind of 625 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: like looks the same. So yeah, I do a lot 626 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 1: of work with E, like on the side, so they'll 627 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 1: hire me to do different shows for Awards season. I'm 628 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:39,960 Speaker 1: usually a part of the panel and I'm discussing things, 629 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:44,760 Speaker 1: which is very different than interviewing. And so I've never 630 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 1: interviewed people one on one like that back to back 631 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:52,720 Speaker 1: or a big carpet on TV ever. So one congratulations, 632 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 1: thank you, welcome, thank you. But I was gonna ask 633 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 1: with the imposter stuff coming up, and you kind of 634 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: answered this already, but I was gonna ask, like, what 635 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 1: did the prep look for that, because we can go 636 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 1: and overstrive for sure, because well, the last time I 637 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 1: had done it, um, I did it with another E 638 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 1: personality that has been doing it for years, and it 639 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,760 Speaker 1: was Jason Kennedy. And he's a pro. He knows what 640 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,480 Speaker 1: he's doing, he's been, you know, doing it forever, and 641 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 1: so I felt very calm knowing that I had him 642 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,120 Speaker 1: to kind of guide me and listen. It's very hard 643 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 1: for me to listen to somebody in my ear and 644 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,800 Speaker 1: have a conversation with somebody. It's like I can't multitask. 645 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 1: I'm just not great at it. You have people talking 646 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,720 Speaker 1: to you in your ear while you're yeah, yeah, yeah. 647 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: They'll say like one minute or like thirty seconds, wrap 648 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,440 Speaker 1: it up, tossed a break, tossed to the pantel. You know, 649 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,240 Speaker 1: like there's a different direction that they're giving you in 650 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 1: your ear. But I get so focused on the conversation 651 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 1: that I'm having that I it's hard for me to 652 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: take direction like that. So I was very nervous and 653 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: a lot of prep went into it. It's like it's 654 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,800 Speaker 1: almost like, and this is gonna sounds so embarrassing. I 655 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 1: treat it like the sporting event as if I were 656 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 1: an athlete, So usually, like the week leading up to 657 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 1: things like that, I don't drink. I try and go 658 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,400 Speaker 1: to bed really early, I eat super clean, I work 659 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,280 Speaker 1: out hard, and I prep every single day in small amounts. 660 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,000 Speaker 1: I don't like to just like I'm like taking a 661 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,680 Speaker 1: final in college, you know, I don't want it to 662 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,120 Speaker 1: be that overwhelming. But I kind of really set myself 663 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,120 Speaker 1: up and like it's like I call it game day 664 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 1: mode and I just eat super clean, drink tons of water, 665 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: just get everything right. And yeah, I just prep like 666 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 1: crazy over prep, way over prep. Well, you know what 667 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:35,920 Speaker 1: is it funny to me? And I don't know that 668 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,880 Speaker 1: it's funny when you do that stuff. When I watch 669 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 1: that stuff on TV or if I listen to the 670 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: radio anything like that, I do not think about all 671 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 1: of the stuff that really goes into one interview. I 672 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: don't think about that. I don't know that you have 673 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 1: somebody speaking in your ear telling you to wrap it up, 674 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:58,520 Speaker 1: like how I just got anxiety thinking about how do 675 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,360 Speaker 1: you and if you're in the middle of somebody's in 676 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,000 Speaker 1: the a sentence, how do you not cut them off? 677 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 1: And how like? And so it got me thinking too 678 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 1: of what we sometimes tell ourselves. And I don't know 679 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: if you sometimes tell yourself this, I do that it's 680 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 1: not that hard. We should just be able to do 681 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,359 Speaker 1: things because it's not that hard. We make up a 682 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,840 Speaker 1: story that just because it looks easy, that it should 683 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 1: be easy or it is easy, when in reality, how 684 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,759 Speaker 1: do this all the time when people are like, oh 685 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 1: my gosh, being a therapist must be so hard emotionally 686 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:30,919 Speaker 1: and also like how do you like, I just don't 687 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,839 Speaker 1: understand how you do. And in my head, I'm like, 688 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,719 Speaker 1: it's not that hard. It's it's not it shouldn't be hard. 689 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,120 Speaker 1: I just it is hard. It takes a lot of 690 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:39,600 Speaker 1: work to get to a place where you know what 691 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 1: you're doing. Yeah, or even like you take it, take 692 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,840 Speaker 1: it out of like a career setting for me, um, 693 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,960 Speaker 1: I always used to tell myself that I couldn't run. 694 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,000 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not a runner, I have run. 695 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,879 Speaker 1: Running is not for me, like you know, like it 696 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 1: was just not a thing. And I one day was 697 00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,799 Speaker 1: just decided I want to start running. I really want 698 00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,760 Speaker 1: to me a runner. And I started out really slow, 699 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:04,759 Speaker 1: like I would, I couldn't even run a mile. I 700 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,280 Speaker 1: would run half of a mile and then I would 701 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 1: stop and I would walk, and even untill to this day, 702 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 1: like I'm not I would. I I can run like 703 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,960 Speaker 1: ten miles sometimes, but I don't run the whole time, 704 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 1: and I slow down and I walk, and but I 705 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,920 Speaker 1: consider myself a runner now like I am a runner. 706 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:23,520 Speaker 1: And for so many years I always told myself I'm 707 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 1: not a runner. I can't do it and then I 708 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 1: just tried and I kept going, and every day I 709 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 1: just did a little more and did a little more, 710 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 1: and it's like, you really can. I think we also 711 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: put limits on ourselves because again we're scared or whatever 712 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:38,919 Speaker 1: it is. But it's like, the mind is a really 713 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,080 Speaker 1: powerful thing, and if you commit to something and you 714 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 1: really are determined to do something, you'd be surprised. What 715 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:49,480 Speaker 1: we tell ourselves usually is what happens. And you're talking 716 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,880 Speaker 1: about this idea of self fulfilling prophecies, and if I 717 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,239 Speaker 1: tell myself I'm not a runner, then I definitely won't 718 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,840 Speaker 1: be won't be. And that's what I think imposter syndrome 719 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 1: does too. If it tells us that we're not going 720 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,359 Speaker 1: to do something, then we don't do it, and then 721 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,359 Speaker 1: we're like, see, we were right. Or like people who 722 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,319 Speaker 1: have a like say that, Let's say they have a 723 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,160 Speaker 1: corporate job right now and their passion is like whatever, 724 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,320 Speaker 1: they want to start their own pizza company. That's always 725 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,799 Speaker 1: been their passion. They love pizza, they've been studying it. 726 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,480 Speaker 1: They like, that's that's their thing. But they're like, I'm 727 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:22,280 Speaker 1: not business savvy, I'm not a businesswoman. I can't start 728 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:25,360 Speaker 1: my own company. I'm just gonna keep doing this and 729 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:29,680 Speaker 1: days go by, weeks go by, months go by, years 730 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:33,319 Speaker 1: go by, and you never tried. What's the worst that 731 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:37,440 Speaker 1: can happen? You try, you fail, at least you tried. 732 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,319 Speaker 1: I think we think of failure in a messed up way, 733 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,320 Speaker 1: Like I really think that if let's say I started 734 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 1: my pizza company and it didn't work out, I don't 735 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,080 Speaker 1: see failure as like, Okay, you made that was the 736 00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:51,120 Speaker 1: wrong move. You shouldn't have done that to me when 737 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 1: things don't work out. It's more of like a redirection 738 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,560 Speaker 1: of like, now take that and then what might lead 739 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,680 Speaker 1: you somewhere else. But if you would have stayed in 740 00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 1: that corporate job and never done the pizza thing, that 741 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,799 Speaker 1: you never would have come over here. Like it, all 742 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 1: failure is is a step in the next direction that 743 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,320 Speaker 1: you need to go. If we looked at it failure 744 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,160 Speaker 1: that way, I don't even think that imposter syndrome would survive. 745 00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,360 Speaker 1: It wouldn't be a thing. But when you said that 746 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: about running, I teach indoor cycling at a studio in 747 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,520 Speaker 1: Nashville where I live, and I just did an episode 748 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,120 Speaker 1: on exercise and it was more on exercise addiction, but 749 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,759 Speaker 1: I talked about like just the benefits of it too 750 00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,480 Speaker 1: for our mental health. And then one of the reasons 751 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,640 Speaker 1: that we don't do things, and I talked about running, 752 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: but I talked about cycling too. Is I hear so 753 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,680 Speaker 1: often when I'm like, you should come try a class 754 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: or whatever. I can't do that. There's no way I 755 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 1: can do that, And I'm like, oh my gosh, you 756 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:48,759 Speaker 1: probably can, probably can. But also we have to look 757 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 1: at what is for you. When you said I can 758 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,080 Speaker 1: run ten miles. I don't run the whole time, but 759 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 1: I'm still a runner that goes in that back to 760 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,440 Speaker 1: that perfectionistic mode that I can only do something if 761 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:04,160 Speaker 1: I do it perfectly. And one of the most memorable 762 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,240 Speaker 1: things I've ever heard listening to any podcast was its 763 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,600 Speaker 1: a podcast called fun Therapy and it was with John A. Cuff. 764 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,759 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that's yes. It was with him, who's 765 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 1: a writer and he's a speaker, and I don't know 766 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,839 Speaker 1: what they're talking about. I really know nothing from this 767 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 1: episode except this thing that he said, and he said, 768 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:24,120 Speaker 1: as adults, we think that we have to do everything 769 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:29,919 Speaker 1: the first time we try. However, as kids, they don't care, 770 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:31,920 Speaker 1: like when you're four or five years old and you're 771 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,720 Speaker 1: like mom, sognh ap for soccer. You go play soccer 772 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:36,720 Speaker 1: and you don't know what you're doing and you're horrible, 773 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,080 Speaker 1: but it's okay. They don't care. They think they're doing great. 774 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 1: And then that is how you get good at something 775 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,280 Speaker 1: as you start it. But as adults were like, Nope, 776 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,680 Speaker 1: I can only start running if I already can run 777 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:49,880 Speaker 1: ten miles without stopping. Or I can only go to 778 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:53,120 Speaker 1: that cycling class if I can do everything perfectly even 779 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,279 Speaker 1: though I've never been there before, and how would I 780 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: know how to do that? Then you just sit, sit 781 00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:59,560 Speaker 1: half of the class, or sit seventy five or son 782 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,120 Speaker 1: of the class, get up a couple of times, and 783 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,160 Speaker 1: the next time, get up a couple more. And it's 784 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,040 Speaker 1: so it's true. It's like we feel like we have 785 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,640 Speaker 1: to do everything perfectly. And at the end of that 786 00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,360 Speaker 1: conversation they're having, he said, he asked, what would you do? 787 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,279 Speaker 1: And this is a question I want to ask you, 788 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,439 Speaker 1: just curious, what would you do if you only had 789 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,600 Speaker 1: to be good at it? What are the things that 790 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 1: you might try in your life. It's a big question. 791 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,200 Speaker 1: I know, I don't know because I'm kind of trying 792 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,520 Speaker 1: at all, you're doing it. Yeah, Like I wrote a 793 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:31,359 Speaker 1: book proposal last year and it went nowhere, and so 794 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,960 Speaker 1: I scrapped. I scrapped it, and I'm starting a new one. 795 00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:37,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just to me. No is like, um, 796 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:42,399 Speaker 1: what do they say? Rejection is just redirect protection or redirection? Yeah, 797 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,680 Speaker 1: I'm Christian, So I didn't I take it to the 798 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,279 Speaker 1: God route? But yeah, like it was like, okay, so 799 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,120 Speaker 1: that book wasn't wasn't the route I was supposed to take. 800 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,640 Speaker 1: That that story that I wanted to tell, wasn't it 801 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,759 Speaker 1: right now? But this one feels like the story that 802 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,239 Speaker 1: I meant to tell right now. So I'm gonna try 803 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,160 Speaker 1: this and give that a go. And that doesn't go anywhere, 804 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,000 Speaker 1: then I'll try something else, you know. And like, yeah, 805 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:08,200 Speaker 1: that crushed me again because the things that I'm doing there, 806 00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,000 Speaker 1: they're me. This is my story, these are my stories, 807 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,080 Speaker 1: this is the life that I lived, and so it's 808 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:17,399 Speaker 1: really heartbreaking when people tell, you know, we don't like it, 809 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,040 Speaker 1: or no, we can't sell it, or no, you know 810 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:22,440 Speaker 1: what I mean, whatever it is, it's very personal. But 811 00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 1: I also too, I'm like, okay, maybe this just isn't 812 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 1: the right time, and I'll try something else. And so 813 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:34,400 Speaker 1: I think rejection is really hard, and then, you know, 814 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 1: I cry a lot. But at the end of the day, 815 00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:41,520 Speaker 1: I know everybody deals with it, and not a lot 816 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:45,239 Speaker 1: of people see the rejection, you know, they see the highlights. 817 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:49,560 Speaker 1: They see I won this award and I'm you know, 818 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,480 Speaker 1: we're gonna go on a tour with our you know, 819 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:52,960 Speaker 1: we went on tour for a few days and we 820 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,160 Speaker 1: sold out tickets, and they see all these good things 821 00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: that are happening, which are great, and I'm grateful and happy, 822 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 1: but there's a lot of rejection behind the scenes. I 823 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,160 Speaker 1: filmed so many pilots that never went anywhere. I wasn't 824 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,080 Speaker 1: a big enough name to carry one of the shows, 825 00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,520 Speaker 1: you know, like X y Z. I've heard it, and 826 00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,480 Speaker 1: it's all really hard. But at the end of the 827 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,080 Speaker 1: day too, it's not going to stop me. Yeah, well, 828 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,320 Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that, because nobody sees the amount 829 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:21,040 Speaker 1: of rejection you face compared to what goes right, which 830 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: is all It's fine, like you don't need to post 831 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:25,600 Speaker 1: every time something doesn't work out, and you're allowed to 832 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:29,040 Speaker 1: celebrate your wins. But what we do is we compare 833 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,719 Speaker 1: our inside story to your outside story, and that's not 834 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 1: fair to any of us. I'm sure you do that 835 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,080 Speaker 1: with people too, So if I think that might even 836 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,440 Speaker 1: be like one of the solutions. I don't think we'll 837 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,080 Speaker 1: ever fully get rid of imposter syndrome, But one of 838 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,839 Speaker 1: the solutions to that is if we looked at things 839 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,200 Speaker 1: that way of if failing was okay, and if I 840 00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:52,439 Speaker 1: could only be six, if being sixty good at it 841 00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,279 Speaker 1: is okay, what I do it? Yeah, And I also 842 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:59,400 Speaker 1: think too, Yes, it's imposter syndrome can be debilitating in 843 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,080 Speaker 1: a certain way, but I also think it fuels you 844 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: in a way that to me has been beneficial. What 845 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,759 Speaker 1: I prep as hard as I do for things. If 846 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,640 Speaker 1: I didn't have that imposter syndrome, probably not would I 847 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,920 Speaker 1: make mistakes in a different way, probably because I wouldn't 848 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:16,520 Speaker 1: try as hard. So in a weird way, it does 849 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,239 Speaker 1: fuel you, and not in the way like for me atly, 850 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,520 Speaker 1: it's not like I'm going to prove this person wrong. 851 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,040 Speaker 1: And you know, it's not that type of fuel. It's 852 00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,640 Speaker 1: it's a different type of fuel. And I think having 853 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,880 Speaker 1: a little bit of imposter syndrome can actually if you 854 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:33,240 Speaker 1: utilize it correctly can be a positive thing. I agree 855 00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:35,640 Speaker 1: with that, and I think that that's similar to how 856 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:39,239 Speaker 1: having stress can be helpful to depending on what it 857 00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,960 Speaker 1: looks like and how you use it. And I think 858 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,760 Speaker 1: if you're one of the people who which you also, 859 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,759 Speaker 1: it can go either way sometimes for you, but if 860 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 1: your imposter syndrome does motivate you to try harder, that 861 00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,520 Speaker 1: can be really helpful. I know in my past my 862 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:56,440 Speaker 1: imposter syndrome made me procrastinate, so it wasn't as helpful. 863 00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,360 Speaker 1: But I also think there is space for us to 864 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,640 Speaker 1: think we are good enough and prep and try and 865 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,800 Speaker 1: do all the things. There's a little there's a balance 866 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,680 Speaker 1: of it. Can we take the good part and match 867 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,319 Speaker 1: it with like which I think it sounds like you 868 00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,800 Speaker 1: are doing that, match it with like I am capable 869 00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:17,520 Speaker 1: of doing this. It's funny because I always I always 870 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 1: gave imposter syndrome this negative connotation, like when I spoke 871 00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:23,760 Speaker 1: about it and stuff, and it actually was my boyfriend 872 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,400 Speaker 1: that made me realize that a little bit of it 873 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,080 Speaker 1: is a good fuel for me. And he's like, I 874 00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:30,799 Speaker 1: think a lot of people deal with it, and I 875 00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:34,040 Speaker 1: think it makes you grind a little harder and more 876 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,920 Speaker 1: a little more grateful for things, and it's not necessarily 877 00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,960 Speaker 1: a terrible thing. And I was like, you know what, Wow, 878 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,799 Speaker 1: you're right and it keeps you humble, Like could you 879 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,040 Speaker 1: imagine if I was just like I'm so great and 880 00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,879 Speaker 1: la la la la, like, then you probably wouldn't be successful. 881 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,400 Speaker 1: Oh and I'd be kind of a dick to work with. 882 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,279 Speaker 1: People probably wouldn't want to work with me, you know 883 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,319 Speaker 1: what I mean. So it's like, I think it it's 884 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:58,280 Speaker 1: good because I think the imposter syndrome is very tied 885 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,760 Speaker 1: to an inner critic voice. And I did an episode 886 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,799 Speaker 1: back in October with one of my friends about befriending 887 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 1: your inner critic and how your inner critic really is 888 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:10,640 Speaker 1: like a hurt version of you that is really trying 889 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,239 Speaker 1: to protect you. And that's what I think the impostor is. 890 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,719 Speaker 1: It's like, we don't we know you're capable. We deep 891 00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,080 Speaker 1: down no, you're capable. We don't want you to mess up, 892 00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,200 Speaker 1: so we need you to prep really hard for this thing. Yeah, 893 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,799 Speaker 1: So I do like that spin. We're gonna end with 894 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,640 Speaker 1: a nice little spin on how we can use it 895 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:28,319 Speaker 1: in a good way. At the end, you let it 896 00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,560 Speaker 1: fuel you and and and let it keep you humble 897 00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,120 Speaker 1: because nobody wants to work with and know it all 898 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,880 Speaker 1: a narcissist. Nobody wants that. No, no, not all know 899 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:41,560 Speaker 1: even though sometimes we have to just don't date one 900 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:46,000 Speaker 1: you know that. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, don't date a narcissist. 901 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,360 Speaker 1: That's another episode. Okay, So thank you for having this conversation. 902 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,239 Speaker 1: I love this. This was helpful to me, and yeah, 903 00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:56,080 Speaker 1: I think people are gonna love it. Can you shout 904 00:44:56,120 --> 00:45:00,440 Speaker 1: out where people can find you? And also your podcast? Yes, um, 905 00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,480 Speaker 1: they can find me at um Instagram and Twitter is 906 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:07,080 Speaker 1: just my name at Tanya Rad and our podcast is 907 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,880 Speaker 1: called Scrubbing In with Tillian Tanya Rad and it's just 908 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:15,280 Speaker 1: all pretty much Gray's Anatomy and girl talk. Oh that's amazing. 909 00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:18,040 Speaker 1: I mean we're just two best friends, so it's like 910 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,600 Speaker 1: friendship things that we go through as friends, love life. 911 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,520 Speaker 1: Here I talk about periods a lot. Good. We need 912 00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,440 Speaker 1: more of that. We really did need more of that.