Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have a young son that's
Speaker 1: gonna come a point in their life when they think
Speaker 1: they can beat you. For me, that time has come.
Speaker 2: It was about to be dead ass somewhere y'all in
Speaker 2: this house. But baby, I could have used a warning
Speaker 2: because as a mom to boys who's never been a
Speaker 2: boy or a man, that caught me all the way
Speaker 2: off guard.
Speaker 3: And I'm not gonna lie. I was a little scared.
Speaker 4: Dead ass.
Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadan and I'm Devo and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 4: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a.
Speaker 3: Form of therpy.
Speaker 4: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 4: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 4: Were about to take philotof to our whole new.
Speaker 3: Level dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 4: Story time. So take you out back to a couple
Speaker 4: of weeks ago.
Speaker 1: Me and Kay go to a basketball game and Jackson
Speaker 1: is not playing like his normal self. He seems a
Speaker 1: little bit like timid. Right, little did we know that
Speaker 1: he was suffering from the hip injury. He didn't tell us,
Speaker 1: But he's playing a little timid. So I had seen
Speaker 1: some things during his play, even engaging with him and
Speaker 1: the kids afterwards.
Speaker 4: I didn't like.
Speaker 1: So I go to talk to him about it in
Speaker 1: the car and then he's being quiet, He's gonna say nothing.
Speaker 1: We come home later on that day and he avoids
Speaker 1: me the whole four hours. So don't I don't like that? Like,
Speaker 1: I just don't like that if we have an issue.
Speaker 1: As a man, you have to learn how to face
Speaker 1: your issues. You can't run from confrontation. So the kids
Speaker 1: had went to bed, and remember Jackson had went to bed,
Speaker 1: and I said, did he go to bed without saying
Speaker 1: good night to me? I'm like, so he really trying
Speaker 1: to avoid me that much? So I called him on
Speaker 1: his phone. I said, that's the type of time you want.
Speaker 1: He said, what I said, You You're gonna go to
Speaker 1: sleep and not say good night to me. We say
Speaker 1: good night every night. You can go to sleep without
Speaker 1: saying good night.
Speaker 4: Cool.
Speaker 1: Since you want to be like that, you stay on
Speaker 1: your side of the house. I stay on my side.
Speaker 1: Don't ask me for nothing, don't tell me nothing. I
Speaker 1: don't care. You do whatever it is you want to
Speaker 1: do since we can't talk.
Speaker 4: Right. So then he says cool, So now I'm even
Speaker 4: more mad.
Speaker 3: Right, Oh, he's his mother's child.
Speaker 1: So I call him back and I said, cool. So
Speaker 1: you just gonna be a little bit right, Cool, that's
Speaker 1: you cool with that? You're just not gonna face Well,
Speaker 1: he said, what you want to I don't know what
Speaker 1: to say. I'm not gonna just stand in your face
Speaker 1: like a poop. But so I said, all right, you
Speaker 1: better have something to say when I come upstairs.
Speaker 4: I just got done working out. I'm pissed, right, So
Speaker 4: I go upstairs.
Speaker 1: To talk to him like a normal person does, but
Speaker 1: I'm mad. Go up the stairs, go up the first
Speaker 1: flight of stairs from the man cave. I get to
Speaker 1: the second flight to get us upstairs, and he's staying
Speaker 1: at the top of the stairs. And then when I
Speaker 1: get like midway through the stairs, he comes down and
Speaker 1: he stops me. He's like, what you mean, Like, watch
Speaker 1: when I come upstairs? What you're supposed to mean? So
Speaker 1: at first I'm like, Jackson, get up my face, and
Speaker 1: I push him up the stairs and he like gets
Speaker 1: to the top of the stairs. And then when I
Speaker 1: get there, he like pushes me back. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh word, I'm like, this is what we're
Speaker 1: doing now. So you're trying, okay, good. So I'm like, fine,
Speaker 1: you want to fight, put your hands up. So then
Speaker 1: he put his hands up and I'm like, oh, he really,
Speaker 1: he really well, he's really trying to go toe to
Speaker 1: toe right now. So he put his hands up. The
Speaker 1: first thing I do is sweep them, right, I sweep them.
Speaker 1: After I sweep them, he falls.
Speaker 4: On the floor. But no, no, no, that's all of
Speaker 4: the that's all you heard. The ain't in it.
Speaker 1: Right after he falls on the floors to get up
Speaker 1: since you know so much, right, So I got look
Speaker 1: in his eyes and he just jumps right back up.
Speaker 1: So now I push him in his room, right. I
Speaker 1: push him in his room, and he got his hands
Speaker 1: up right, So I throw a little jab right, a
Speaker 1: little quick jab right. He weaves it weaves it throws
Speaker 1: a jab back at me. I said, oh, you're really
Speaker 1: trying to throw bros at me right now? So then
Speaker 1: I grab him right and we tussling with each other. Right,
Speaker 1: So I throw him on the floor and I got
Speaker 1: my elbow in his chest right, and I'm.
Speaker 4: Like, you think you could beat me? You really think
Speaker 4: you could beat me? Right? Then I hear don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,
Speaker 4: don't don't me.
Speaker 1: Me and Kay run upstairs, right, So I got my
Speaker 1: elbow on Jack's right, and I'm like, yo, go back downstairs.
Speaker 4: Were good, we're good. And then Kadeen is like, y'all
Speaker 4: don't look good.
Speaker 1: Just don't look good to me. And I'm like, we're good,
Speaker 1: go back downstairs. So then I let Jackson up and
Speaker 1: Kate looks at Jack. Jacks goes, yeah, mom, we just
Speaker 1: slapbox and we fine. So Kate looks at me, don't
Speaker 1: say nothing. Then she looks at Jack, don't say nothing,
Speaker 1: Me and him breathing mad heavy.
Speaker 3: You forgot me me?
Speaker 1: Oh no, I didn't forget me and me I didn't
Speaker 1: get to me me yet. So then I go go ahead,
Speaker 1: go back downstairs. I go to close the door, me
Speaker 1: me busting the door booth. No, dudes, I'm not letting
Speaker 1: you do this.
Speaker 4: I'm like, let me do what. I'm like, me me.
Speaker 1: Now I'm getting real upset and I'm screaming me, me
Speaker 1: go back downstairs, like this is between me and my son?
Speaker 4: Is my house? Go back downstairs? I see me me
Speaker 4: she thought. She she's throwing her hands.
Speaker 3: I like what, okay?
Speaker 1: Me, Me goes downstairs. I go to close the door.
Speaker 1: Kate push the door open again. Now I'm getting upset.
Speaker 1: I'm not even upset at Jackson. No more, I'm upsetting
Speaker 1: them too. I'm screaming, Kate, go downstairs, leave me with
Speaker 1: my son. She's like, no, I'm not leaving. Like there,
Speaker 1: y'all don't seem okay. I said, we're fine, right, So
Speaker 1: I closed the door. After I close the door, I
Speaker 1: turn around, Jackson is still standing there with his hands up.
Speaker 1: So I said, what's up? So you want some what's up?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: Now I go form tackle him. He grabs me right,
Speaker 1: he gives me two like quick rib shots. Huh huh.
Speaker 1: So I punch him in the stomach.
Speaker 4: Boom.
Speaker 1: He buckles over. He gets up, We grabbing each other.
Speaker 1: He gets me in a headlock. At this moment gets
Speaker 1: me in a headlock. I said, this is a moment
Speaker 1: where I can either end my son's confidence and I
Speaker 1: can body slam him through the floor and probably be
Speaker 1: downstairs with y'all, or I could tap out. I chose
Speaker 1: to tap out, and I'm going to explain after we
Speaker 1: come back from a commercial break, everything that was going
Speaker 1: on that day.
Speaker 2: You guys, perspective of what I saw. Karaoke time karaoke.
Speaker 4: So being is on from Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: It's only right that I sing the song that relates
Speaker 1: to what was going on in the house. What's beef
Speaker 1: Beef is when you need to cast to go to sleep.
Speaker 1: Beef is with your mom means stay up in the streets.
Speaker 1: Beef is when I see you, guaranteed you be yet
Speaker 1: I see you one more time.
Speaker 4: What's beef.
Speaker 1: Beef is when Mimi come upstairs trying to sleep, not
Speaker 1: your mad busting in the door.
Speaker 4: We got heat.
Speaker 1: Beef is when I see Mimi telling me to stop
Speaker 1: hitting their kids.
Speaker 2: Night so much been and you know me, me and
Speaker 2: I are allergic to.
Speaker 3: The cow, so we wasn't having it. We wasn't having it.
Speaker 4: All right, We're going to discuss it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, boo boo.
Speaker 2: Let's go pay some bills to come back so we
Speaker 2: can unravel this fight night at the Yellen's house.
Speaker 3: All right, So we're back.
Speaker 2: I'll give you guys his perspective on story time, and
Speaker 2: you know, from his point of view everything that was happening.
Speaker 2: So I'll let you guys know when I take it
Speaker 2: back to the basketball game. For those that don't know,
Speaker 2: there's it's been a while since DeVos actually attended a
Speaker 2: basketball game that Jackson has played in main reason being
Speaker 2: Jackson was on all these different teams and had so
Speaker 2: many different games, and aside from just not being able
Speaker 2: to make every single game, there was a level of
Speaker 2: anxiety that Jackson felt, I think when he would see
Speaker 2: you in the audience, because there's the pressure of wanting
Speaker 2: to make Dad proud and wanting to deliver and everything
Speaker 2: that they talk about it and they practice. Devau wants
Speaker 2: to see it in the game, and if he doesn't
Speaker 2: see it in the game, Jackson knows it's going to
Speaker 2: be a long car ride home with debriefing and unhashing
Speaker 2: what happened. So Devall hadn't been to a game for
Speaker 2: a long time, so at this particular game, devall felt
Speaker 2: like man Jackson was playing kind of Timody wasn't doing
Speaker 2: this thing. So you had, you know, conversations with him
Speaker 2: after the game and then in the car ride home
Speaker 2: and you know there's that long about to get home,
Speaker 2: fifty minute drive. Yeah, you know, talking about all the
Speaker 2: things that should have, could have, would have done. And
Speaker 2: so I already knew that there was going to be
Speaker 2: some kind of contention, but I'm like, it's normal, that's
Speaker 2: what happens after game.
Speaker 3: All good, until fast forward to that evening.
Speaker 2: I see that Jackson was kind of staying away from
Speaker 2: Deval throughout the day. But I'm like, you know what
Speaker 2: that was. That was previous, kadid that was Kadian behavior.
Speaker 2: Like I would be Deval, and I previously would be
Speaker 2: in you know a little kerfuffle, and then I would
Speaker 2: just try to just stay away cleaning everything.
Speaker 4: Why do you clean in the vacuum, Kadi? Who you
Speaker 4: ever seen somebody clean the vacuum.
Speaker 2: I do clean my vacuum regularly, sir, thank you. But yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just like I just don't want that kind of heat.
Speaker 2: I don't want that energy. Let things cool down for
Speaker 2: a bit. So Jackson was definitely just on his side
Speaker 2: of the house, Devol on this side. So it's towards
Speaker 2: the end of the night, the boys are in bed
Speaker 2: for the most part. Jackson is still up getting ready
Speaker 2: for bed, and I see Devao just worked out. So
Speaker 2: now imagine he's leaving the gym downstairs. He's hot, he's sweaty,
Speaker 2: he's breathing heavy. He's just like going upstairs. I'm thinking
Speaker 2: to the shower. I was in that moment and got
Speaker 2: turned all the way off real quick, in a matter
Speaker 2: of like three minutes.
Speaker 4: Sorry.
Speaker 2: So I see him coming up all sweaty or whatever,
Speaker 2: like Okay, I'm gonna take a shower.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker 2: So I went downstairs, checked to make sure all the
Speaker 2: doors would locked, put the alarm on and whatnot, and
Speaker 2: then I.
Speaker 3: Hear like like like fumbling, you know, like fumbling upstairs.
Speaker 3: So I was like, what is that?
Speaker 2: So for a split second, I was just like, I
Speaker 2: did not The last thing I thought was it was
Speaker 2: jacksone Devou. I'm thinking somebody either fell devout, caught an
Speaker 2: intruder in the house. Like There's all these things going
Speaker 2: through my mind, but never that Val and Jackson are fighting.
Speaker 2: So I'm at the bottom of the stairs as I
Speaker 2: come upstairs, and I look up and I see the
Speaker 2: two of them in the balcony area, like literally going
Speaker 2: back and forth.
Speaker 3: They're tussling.
Speaker 2: So I'm standing there for a second confused because I'm like,
Speaker 2: are they slap boxing or are they really fighting? But
Speaker 2: I saw the type of energy Develle left the gym with,
Speaker 2: so I'm like, is he really like fighting Jackson now?
Speaker 2: And I see Jackson fighting back, And as I'm standing
Speaker 2: there in my mind all of these things kind of playing,
Speaker 2: I see my mom come around the corner because now
Speaker 2: she hears the altercation going on, and then she looks
Speaker 2: at me, and she.
Speaker 3: Looks up and she looks back at me, and she's like,
Speaker 3: you're just gonna stand there. You're just gonna stand there.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'm trying to figure out what's happening,
Speaker 2: That's what I say to her. So she's like bolting
Speaker 2: up the stairs at this point, and I'm running behind
Speaker 2: her because I also know my husband, and I also
Speaker 2: know that he's probably not gonna take kindly to her
Speaker 2: interjecting with whatever they have going on, whether it's a
Speaker 2: fight or not, and I was just like, Ugh, this
Speaker 2: is probably gonna go bad. So I go upstairs and
Speaker 2: at this point, my heart is pounding because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: they're legitimately fighting. And I've never seen this in our house,
Speaker 2: Like Deval's never lifted a hand to me or the boys.
Speaker 3: We don't spank our kids. Like this is just.
Speaker 2: Completely out of left field in my opinion. So we
Speaker 2: go upstairs and, like Deval says, him and Jackson are tussling.
Speaker 2: I open the door and I'm like, it's everything okay,
Speaker 2: Like what's going on? And he's like, we're fine. In
Speaker 2: my eyes still from my vantage point, they don't look fine.
Speaker 2: Deval looks like he's seeing red. Jackson is over there
Speaker 2: with his hands up, he's sweating. I'm like, what's happening.
Speaker 2: Then Mom is just like I'm not gonna let you
Speaker 2: do this because Mom in her mind is like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, they're actually fighting. We've never in our household fall.
Speaker 2: We don't come from a house of fighting. We don't
Speaker 2: come from a family of fighting. That's one thing Deval
Speaker 2: said he used to do with his brother and stuff
Speaker 2: when they were in the streets to Brooklyn. I was
Speaker 2: not like raised that way.
Speaker 1: We saw it all the time, like that was me
Speaker 1: and my brother fought in the house, yep, and we
Speaker 1: fought outside with each other against people like it didn't matter.
Speaker 4: Me and my brother could be like not talking that odd.
Speaker 1: Somebody says something to my brother and this beef is
Speaker 1: on right and it's me and my brother against everybody.
Speaker 4: Everybody always, but.
Speaker 2: They used to we're not accustomed to that because we've
Speaker 2: never had to do that. However, there were moments when
Speaker 2: Deval had to jump in and help my brother or
Speaker 2: whatever if my brother like one tid my brother had
Speaker 2: gotten his chain snatch or something like way back in
Speaker 2: the days and was developed.
Speaker 4: Got in my car and I'm going in the type
Speaker 4: of time. That's what it is.
Speaker 3: Moral of the story. Don't ever roll up on de Val, y'all.
Speaker 4: No, okay, so let me let me finished finish. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So in that moment, we were just very like shocked
Speaker 2: because we didn't know what was happening. Devalo died and say,
Speaker 2: you're about to go upstairs the slap box, Jackson, because
Speaker 2: I've seen them slat box before.
Speaker 3: The kids all know how to fight.
Speaker 2: Deval has been training them, like it's what they do
Speaker 2: but in that moment, given all of the prior, you know,
Speaker 2: things that happened throughout the day, I just didn't know
Speaker 2: what was happening in this moment, and it came to
Speaker 2: a head and to me in the worst way. And
Speaker 2: I never wanted to see you and Jackson having any
Speaker 2: kind of physical altercation, nor my mom. But then you
Speaker 2: explained to me afterward was what happened, and I understood. Then,
Speaker 2: well we can take it from there.
Speaker 1: There are many nuances to nuances to everything. The biggest
Speaker 1: thing is Jackson is a very polite, kind kid, right,
Speaker 1: and he's also a very privileged kid because of who
Speaker 1: his parents are. Because of that and because of what
Speaker 1: he wants to do in his life, Jay and I
Speaker 1: put him in environments and in surroundings where everybody's not privileged,
Speaker 1: because that's not the world. So I'm not gonna have
Speaker 1: Jackson only play basketball or play sports in our neighborhood.
Speaker 4: No, we are going to the places where I grew up.
Speaker 4: He goes to the park to play.
Speaker 1: Ball in Brooklyn, when we go to Ta Cobb County
Speaker 1: out here, when we in Georgia to play ball, like
Speaker 1: we go everywhere he goes to ote, he plays ball.
Speaker 1: But what he has to understand is that there are
Speaker 1: people who are watching you who automatically assume, because you're privileged,
Speaker 1: that you're gonna be soft. And there are gonna be
Speaker 1: people who are gonna see the things you have and
Speaker 1: they're going to take or try to take from you
Speaker 1: because they feel like, one, you don't have the mental
Speaker 1: fort two to fight back, or streets marts, or they're
Speaker 1: gonna feel like he don't really need it anyway, so
Speaker 1: if I take it, he won't care. And I'm trying
Speaker 1: to empower my kids to realize that, like, yo, you
Speaker 1: don't have to take that from people. My dad told
Speaker 1: me when we moved to Kanarsi. We moved to Narciti
Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety three, the third black family to move
Speaker 1: to Kanarsi when it was mainly Jewish and Italian and
Speaker 1: we were considered privilege.
Speaker 4: Growing up in Brooklyn, we were considered house kids.
Speaker 1: So when we would go to the park in Bayview
Speaker 1: or Brookline, people used to fuck with us, and me
Speaker 1: and my brother used to have to fight because they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this goes to house kids. So I got used to
Speaker 1: having to stand my ground and also put hands on
Speaker 1: people in that type of energy. So especially when you
Speaker 1: live in Kannarsi, but you go to school in Flatbush.
Speaker 1: My brother goes to school in Marine Park. Sheep said, Bay,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You get on the bus
Speaker 1: at eleven, you may come across somebody who may try you.
Speaker 1: So I've always trying to teach my sons to always
Speaker 1: be confident enough to not have to fight, but show
Speaker 1: people confidence that they don't try you. But if you
Speaker 1: need to fight, you could put somebody down. That's always
Speaker 1: been the less So on this day, I just didn't
Speaker 1: like Jackson's demeanor because I felt like other kids were.
Speaker 1: Of course, he's also we have him playing up, so
Speaker 1: he's the only twelve turn and thirteen year old who's
Speaker 1: playing with fourteen.
Speaker 3: Fifteen year olds who hasn't like scratched the surfaces.
Speaker 4: He's no puberty yet.
Speaker 1: So I see them little brother in him a little
Speaker 1: bit right, and I see that he's in that position where, well,
Speaker 1: these are guys I look up to because they're also
Speaker 1: really good in basketball, so I am the little brother
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, you're not the fucking little brother.
Speaker 1: Those are your contemporaries who you have to learn not
Speaker 1: to view them as an older brother, and that's the
Speaker 1: people you're competing for for the same jobs and scholarships.
Speaker 1: So that was my mentality and my thought processes was
Speaker 1: if he is afraid of me and he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to talk to me because we have a difference of opinion,
Speaker 1: he's going to then roll over to other people who
Speaker 1: have difference of opinions because he's used to just avoiding confrontations.
Speaker 3: Agree.
Speaker 2: And Jackson is just naturally nice and kind kid. He's
Speaker 2: every school he's been in, every teacher he's had, every
Speaker 2: teammate that he's played with, their parents have been like,
Speaker 2: we just love Jackson.
Speaker 1: Because we teach him not to bully people. We teach
Speaker 1: him to have awareness and emotional maturity if you see
Speaker 1: other kids are going through stuff, like be there to
Speaker 1: be in support of your teammates and friends. So because
Speaker 1: he was taught that, sometimes he doesn't know when to
Speaker 1: use discernment like this kid don't need that. This kid
Speaker 1: needs to be told get the fuck out my face
Speaker 1: because it's gonna be a problem.
Speaker 4: And I'm trying to teach Jackson the difference. So when
Speaker 4: I came.
Speaker 1: Home that day, Yeah, when I came home that day.
Speaker 1: I wanted him to challenge me, like that, what did
Speaker 1: I do wrong? I don't understand, But rather than challenge me,
Speaker 1: he hit, which showed me more of him being the
Speaker 1: propensity to be bullied if he's hiding, because in those environments,
Speaker 1: when people see that you're a hider, that's who they
Speaker 1: go to show other people that they tough. I'm going
Speaker 1: to chase the kid just hiding, and I'm like, Jackson,
Speaker 1: You're not that kid. So when I was coming upstairs,
Speaker 1: I was coming says to have a very intense conversation.
Speaker 1: And then when I came upstairs, he met me at
Speaker 1: the stairs and he was like, what you mean, Like
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about it. So at first I was like,
Speaker 1: first of all, don't impede my progress in my house.
Speaker 1: I went to Dad more like I'm walking up the stairs,
Speaker 1: don't stop me. So I'm like jack to get out
Speaker 1: my face. So I pushed him back, and then when
Speaker 1: he resisted and pushed me, immediately I got excited because
Speaker 1: I'm the first thing that came to my mind was
Speaker 1: like this, my son is not a punk, like my
Speaker 1: son is not Solt.
Speaker 4: That's the first thing.
Speaker 1: So then I pushed him back, and I'm like, let's
Speaker 1: see how he's gonna respond. When he responded, he got
Speaker 1: up and put his hands up. My first thing is, okay,
Speaker 1: this is the moment that every dad talks about. There's
Speaker 1: going to be a moment where your son is not
Speaker 1: going to just say yes dad and listen. And I said, okay,
Speaker 1: this is the moment. Let's see how far Jackson goes.
Speaker 1: So I put my hands up, and I thought he
Speaker 1: was gonna be like, okay, okay. So then when I
Speaker 1: put my hands up, he put his hands up. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't punch my son. So I swept him in
Speaker 1: the front of his.
Speaker 3: Foot, swep a bottle ye soaked.
Speaker 4: He put his hands up. I sweeped in the front of
Speaker 4: his foot.
Speaker 1: When he falls, I expect him to fall, and then
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, did I get it? But then he
Speaker 1: got up, so I said, okay, he really not afraid.
Speaker 1: So now I'm like, okay, let's go through this. Let's
Speaker 1: see how far he's willing to go. So I throw
Speaker 1: out a little slap box play jab. He dips it
Speaker 1: and swings at me. So I'm like, yo, he really
Speaker 1: is like, I'm not going to back down. I immediately
Speaker 1: became very proud of the fact that my son is
Speaker 1: not backing down, because if he's if he's willing to
Speaker 1: challenge me, that means in the street, he's not going
Speaker 1: to be afraid by some fourteen fifteen year old kid.
Speaker 4: He's going to fight back. So now we get to tussling.
Speaker 1: And I've been through this with my dad, I've been
Speaker 1: through this with my Sinsey when I've had to fight.
Speaker 1: I was a black belt in taekwondo. I trained under
Speaker 1: Donna Commander, Anthony Commander, and Professor Duncan, who's a tenth
Speaker 1: degree black belt. He trained Wesley Snipes and a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of other people. But I remember when I tried
Speaker 1: to challenge him and he swept my ass and was
Speaker 1: pinning me down to the ground, and I kept getting
Speaker 1: up in tears. Is coming out because I'm trying to
Speaker 1: figure out. I was thirteen at the time. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to figure out how to sweep this grand master and
Speaker 1: I'm getting flipped all over the place.
Speaker 4: But I also said to myself, I'm not going to
Speaker 4: quit till I get him. One time.
Speaker 1: Never got him, but I ended up ripping his gee
Speaker 1: because I was battling that much. And he came to
Speaker 1: me afterwards and he said, you know, I appreciate that
Speaker 1: you never gave up and you never quit. With everybody
Speaker 1: watching here and after a while people started to giggle
Speaker 1: because they knew that I couldn't do it.
Speaker 4: I never stopped. And he said, that is what's going
Speaker 4: to make you great in life.
Speaker 1: In that moment, I said, this is Jackson's moment to
Speaker 1: realize that he didn't give up.
Speaker 3: See, I needed to be prefaced with all.
Speaker 4: Of it, but for this, but to be honest, I
Speaker 4: didn't know what was going to happen like that.
Speaker 2: And also you were upset with me and mom after
Speaker 2: the fact, absolutely, because from Davao's perspective, he's like, how
Speaker 2: dare you guys think that I was legitimately going to
Speaker 2: hurt Jackson? Like do you not trust me absolutely as
Speaker 2: a father and as a man to know like I've
Speaker 2: never raised my hand at anybody.
Speaker 3: So he was pissed. He came in.
Speaker 2: Now, So now that's where I went turned on to
Speaker 2: turn off because now you're mad at me, You pissed.
Speaker 3: Off, just like what the heck is going on?
Speaker 2: You're supposed to know better than to know that I
Speaker 2: would never do something to harm our child, right, And
Speaker 2: I'm like, that wasn't even the thing on my mind.
Speaker 3: It was just like it was a scared a scared
Speaker 3: feeling that Mom and I had.
Speaker 2: We had a feeling of like, oh my God, like
Speaker 2: Devalot has completely lost it. At this point, we don't
Speaker 2: know how to help the situation.
Speaker 4: I understand where you were coming from.
Speaker 1: The thing that bothered me the most is that if
Speaker 1: I'm the one tasked to protect his family, right. For example,
Speaker 1: your mom often says, you'll call your brother talking about Tristan.
Speaker 4: He needs so I'll call him.
Speaker 1: It's like, if I'm the one that you tasked to
Speaker 1: be responsible for all of these people, when Tristan has
Speaker 1: an issue, they call me. When my brother has issue,
Speaker 1: everyone calls me. You gotta trust that I know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing. So when I'm telling you guys, yo, I
Speaker 1: got it, leave and now you're refusing to leave, what
Speaker 1: you're doing now is ultimately undermining what I'm trying to
Speaker 1: teach Jackson, because what I alwayso want Jackson to know
Speaker 1: is that in this world, no one is.
Speaker 4: Going to save you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 1: No one, But now here I am going through with
Speaker 1: you and your mother and your grandmother is literally trying
Speaker 1: to come save you. That's not the message I want
Speaker 1: because I didn't want him, you know, once I pinned
Speaker 1: him down to be like okay, dad, Mom, help mom.
Speaker 4: No, he didn't do that.
Speaker 1: When I pinned him down, he hit my wrists, he
Speaker 1: elbowed it, he got his hits from underneath, and he
Speaker 1: got on his feet and he was afraid. He was
Speaker 1: legitimately afraid, but he never stopped. And as a man,
Speaker 1: that's what you want from your son, you know, when
Speaker 1: he's fearful, how is he going to respond? I then
Speaker 1: went in lunch, because, like I said, I'm never going
Speaker 1: to hit my kids. I lunged at him to tackle
Speaker 1: him in the ground, and rather than him conceding, you
Speaker 1: know what he did. He pushed my head down, got
Speaker 1: me in the choke hold. And of course he's lighted
Speaker 1: to me. He's one hundred pounds, I'm two hundred pounds.
Speaker 1: I could have easily picked Jackson up and slammed him,
Speaker 1: but no, when he got me in a choke hold,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking like if I'm a fourteen year old one
Speaker 1: hundred and ten pound kid, and that this kid got
Speaker 1: me in a choke hold. I'm probably gonna tap, So
Speaker 1: I tapped.
Speaker 3: And yeah, you know what I'm saying, they are strong.
Speaker 1: I tapped. And then as soon as I tapped, he's
Speaker 1: looking at me. He's breathing, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you okay? Are you good now?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: It's literally it's the same thing you if you ever
Speaker 1: watched Lion right with his cubs, and the cubs like
Speaker 1: nibble on his tail and he goes oh, and he
Speaker 1: fakes like it hurt. The reason why he does that
Speaker 1: is to give those lions confidence that their bite has power.
Speaker 1: I give you that's that's part of it. And a
Speaker 1: lot of women don't know. When you have sons, there's
Speaker 1: going to be that moment where the dad and the
Speaker 1: son go at it.
Speaker 4: The best thing you can do is get out the
Speaker 4: fucking way.
Speaker 1: If you if you if you use discernment right, if
Speaker 1: you use discernment, and you pick the right type of
Speaker 1: man that you say, I want my sons to grow
Speaker 1: up like him.
Speaker 4: I want my sons to be like my husband. You say, okay, and.
Speaker 2: I have you know what I'm saying, most confidence in
Speaker 2: who I selected to be our sons.
Speaker 4: I appreciate that who I should.
Speaker 2: Procreate with, because that's one thing I can always say
Speaker 2: I've done right you.
Speaker 3: As a father.
Speaker 4: I mean, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2: I think it's clear to see everybody knows. Everybody sees it,
Speaker 2: but me seeing it firsthand and seeing the things that
Speaker 2: people don't see and the things that are not captured,
Speaker 2: is invaluable.
Speaker 3: And I do completely trust you.
Speaker 2: So I'm sorry that you felt like in that moment
Speaker 2: I was trying to undermine you and mom when I were,
Speaker 2: but we were just we were just oblivious to what
Speaker 2: is happening. In my mind, I've seen you coming out
Speaker 2: the gym high and sweaty. I was like, oh, it's
Speaker 2: that type of time. I was getting ready to get ready.
Speaker 2: And then that completely dampened the entire proof. But now
Speaker 2: we know what it is, all right. Some facts and stats.
Speaker 2: Dot's jump into it after telling the story about Jackson
Speaker 2: and Deval. According to research, forty percent of kids who
Speaker 2: lack secure bonds with their parents may avoid or resist
Speaker 2: their parents when they're upset if they cause them more distress.
Speaker 2: Studies suggest that this can make kids more prone to
Speaker 2: serious behavior problems.
Speaker 1: So think about my time prototype. You know how many
Speaker 1: of those kids I had to wrestle and fight in
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because most of my kids,
Speaker 1: seventy five percent of them didn't have dads. So now
Speaker 1: you're coming into a facility where we have rules and standards,
Speaker 1: and regardless of who you are, how good you are
Speaker 1: playing a sport, who your mom was. Coach Deval and
Speaker 1: Coach Brian and Coach Dolo, we're not having it. You're
Speaker 1: two minutes late. That means everybody has to do burpees.
Speaker 1: Oh you want to talk back, everybody else has to
Speaker 1: do burpees. Oh you want to make a scene. I
Speaker 1: will physically remove you from the gym. Coach Deval, You're
Speaker 1: not gonna touch me. How much you want to bet?
Speaker 1: And then we get into it, and then they start
Speaker 1: to realize, like the way you're acting now, it's literally
Speaker 1: the same way a young man acts against the police
Speaker 1: and either gets locked up or gets his life taken
Speaker 1: because you don't understand authority figures. And when you see men,
Speaker 1: your first thing is to buck up to prove that
Speaker 1: you're a man. But you're a child, and I could
Speaker 1: literally end you. But I'm trying to teach you how
Speaker 1: to control your emotions and get your point across without
Speaker 1: being physical.
Speaker 2: See, that's the value in having males around, strong males,
Speaker 2: not any male, but strong males around your boys, especially
Speaker 2: for the moms like you said that we had in
Speaker 2: prototypes who had the lack of male presence in the
Speaker 2: life but entrusted you. Yes, and Brian and Dolo and
Speaker 2: Rick with their sons because they knew they were going
Speaker 2: to receive that level of discipline. Or if you boys
Speaker 2: tried to buck up and step out of line, they're
Speaker 2: not going to buck up to their mom.
Speaker 3: And even if they did try to.
Speaker 1: And the couple tried to mom and got hemmed up,
Speaker 1: absolutely and I was like, who you talking to your mom?
Speaker 1: Like like how absolutely? Okay, wait till you come to.
Speaker 2: Accountability system was like something that was so so valuable
Speaker 2: to have, you know, in this program that we had
Speaker 2: within Brooklyn, because we knew what it was to be
Speaker 2: a black boy or a black young man walking through
Speaker 2: the streets of Brooklyn.
Speaker 3: At any moment, stop and frisks, you get thrown up
Speaker 3: against the wall.
Speaker 2: You don't know what's going to happen if you do
Speaker 2: not conduct yourself in a certain kind of way.
Speaker 3: So and I get it.
Speaker 1: I just want to say this, It's not to comply.
Speaker 1: People say all the time, how come that person didn't comply.
Speaker 1: It's not just about complying, it's complying with compassion because
Speaker 1: also understand that police officers have a job to do,
Speaker 1: but also explaining that I know my rights and I'm
Speaker 1: not going to be railroaded in a way that's going
Speaker 1: to be deemed unacceptable by me as a person.
Speaker 3: And emotions enough knowing how to community, how.
Speaker 4: To communicate that.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to comply with compassion, but I'm going
Speaker 1: to communicate to you that I will not be disrespected
Speaker 1: in a way where you and I can both understand, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm not bucking up against the power, but this is
Speaker 1: exactly what it is. And I've had to do that
Speaker 1: so many times in Brooklyn. I've had to do that.
Speaker 1: So my my uncle was his retired detective. He taught
Speaker 1: me everything about how to deal with cops. Small things
Speaker 1: like they come down to the window, roll all the
Speaker 1: windows down, hand them your ID with your PBA card
Speaker 1: and say just giving your heads up. My uncle is
Speaker 1: on the force, looking them in the eye.
Speaker 4: How you're doing officable?
Speaker 1: Makes get him feel safe by rolling out on the
Speaker 1: windows and lets them know that you have somebody on
Speaker 1: the force. But also, I understand you have a tough
Speaker 1: job to do, but I'm letting you know I know
Speaker 1: somebody on a horse, which means I know my rights,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking you in the eye, which means I'm
Speaker 1: not scared, I'm not intimidated, and I'm not gonna be
Speaker 1: treated less than. Those things taught me how to get
Speaker 1: through those instances with police, but not only just police,
Speaker 1: with principles who you know, sometimes you have a male
Speaker 1: principle or even a female principle who wants to exude
Speaker 1: or exert their power on you as a child, and
Speaker 1: sometimes you got to learn, like, you know what, in
Speaker 1: this moment, that person has more power. I'm gonna control
Speaker 1: my emotions. I'm gonna get out of this situation. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna call my parents, you know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 1: if it's a male principle, my dad gonna deal with you,
Speaker 1: and if it's a female, my mom is coming to
Speaker 1: deal with you.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to teach Jackson. Don't you don't
Speaker 1: got to back down. You don't have to back down,
Speaker 1: but you can compose yourself. And in that moment he
Speaker 1: showed me like he's like yo. He I could tell
Speaker 1: he wanted to cry, but he didn't. He did not
Speaker 1: want to fight me back, but he was not going
Speaker 1: to be pushed down and held down. And I also
Speaker 1: could tell when he was pulling a little bit, because
Speaker 1: nobody really wants to hit they pops. When you respect
Speaker 1: your pops, you know what I'm saying, he wanted. And
Speaker 1: I asked him, I said, how did that feel? He said,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to get you to stop. And I said, well,
Speaker 1: how do you feel now? He said, I feel in control.
Speaker 1: I controlled that, Like it could have gotten worse, but
Speaker 1: I feel like I controlled it. Then I took Jackson
Speaker 1: in the room with Cairo and Kaz and Dakota and
Speaker 1: we all had a conversation about being a man and
Speaker 1: standing in your ground and learning how to control your
Speaker 1: emotions but also knowing how to protect yourself and fight
Speaker 1: and know one when to listen. And I had the
Speaker 1: conversation with all four of them because I know Kyrol's coming.
Speaker 4: Next and the.
Speaker 3: Next door. And then he came downstairs like I'm just
Speaker 3: so scared.
Speaker 4: He said, Dad, you scared me like you scared me.
Speaker 1: So I had to explain to Cairo, like what you
Speaker 1: and this good thing for Ky to see that too,
Speaker 1: because young boys often don't get to see their fathers
Speaker 1: in the controlled rage of protection to know how harmful
Speaker 1: their father could be to someone else.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, because you talk about it
Speaker 2: a lot of times, you tell the stories, you talk
Speaker 2: about your upbringing all the time, but they've never actually
Speaker 2: seen you in action, noting to be physical with some.
Speaker 1: Right, They've never seen And until a boy sees their
Speaker 1: father do that, it's hard for them to even imagine
Speaker 1: that my father can go there, but.
Speaker 2: Or that people can go there, especially if you haven't
Speaker 2: been in a fight ever or had some kind of
Speaker 2: like altercation physical. Well, you can prepare for it, but
Speaker 2: until it actually happens.
Speaker 1: Boys also need to understand how different it is for
Speaker 1: a young boy and a man and strength, because Jay,
Speaker 1: you know Jasim, like y'all heard you got into with
Speaker 1: your pops and he was just like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I was able to stop him, but he's like yo,
Speaker 1: he's mad strong. But that gives him a level of
Speaker 1: respect to know when you're dealing with grown men. Sometimes
Speaker 1: maybe you might want watch your mouth because as much
Speaker 1: as you think you know, he's wild strong, and if
Speaker 1: he has that level of superior strength over me, I
Speaker 1: have to respect that in this moment. I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: out of this moment. Then I'm gonna tell about Pops.
Speaker 1: But you understand what I'm saying. It teaches young men
Speaker 1: how to know, like, yeah, you fourteen, you got a
Speaker 1: little hair on your balls, your chest is a little wider,
Speaker 1: and now you think you can talk to your mom.
Speaker 4: And I've watched it through prototype.
Speaker 1: I had one kid tell his mom to shut up
Speaker 1: in my office in front of you, in front of me,
Speaker 1: and not for nothing. His mom was being extremely abusive.
Speaker 1: Oh you ain't no, no, no, no no, And he said, man,
Speaker 1: why don't you just shut up? Sometimes I watched her
Speaker 1: go to like and I was like, like you cause
Speaker 1: she and then I was like, can you just leave
Speaker 1: for a second? And I asked her to leave for
Speaker 1: a second and I say, dude, like what is that about?
Speaker 1: And he was just like, yo, I'm I'm scared. And
Speaker 1: I was like scared of what? And he was like, yo,
Speaker 1: like my mom be hitting me all the time, and
Speaker 1: it starts with the screaming and the yelling, and then
Speaker 1: like people be hitting me in school, like I don't.
Speaker 1: And then it really made me realize all of his
Speaker 1: responses came from fear getting bullied in school, getting picked
Speaker 1: on in school, his mom not realizing she's picking on
Speaker 1: him at home and right. So then I said, Yo,
Speaker 1: all right, can you step up let me talk to
Speaker 1: your mom? And I say, oh, like, what's the deal?
Speaker 1: You know what she said, I'm scared. I was like
Speaker 1: scared of what she was like, Yo, he's bigger than
Speaker 1: me now, Like at any moment, he can decide that
Speaker 1: he wants to do what he wants to do and
Speaker 1: I can't stop him. He lifts weights with you, he's
Speaker 1: sixty one two hundred and fifteen pounds, Like what am
Speaker 1: I supposed to do as a woman. She also said,
Speaker 1: I'm scared that when he goes to school that he's
Speaker 1: going to get picked on. He acts so soft, so
Speaker 1: trying to say her way, and I'm realizing, like, wow,
Speaker 1: you're both afraid, and because you're both afraid, you don't
Speaker 1: know how to control your motion.
Speaker 3: Communicate that to each other.
Speaker 1: And what do you think that's sixth first layer. What
Speaker 1: do you think that's six foot one, two hundred and
Speaker 1: fifteen pound kid gonna do if he's really scared and
Speaker 1: he's in school, He's gonna hurt somebody.
Speaker 2: Or probably just make a super move. You see what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, and not even think about it.
Speaker 1: And seeing so many different iterations of that type of
Speaker 1: fear with our young men and their moms and not
Speaker 1: having their dads. I just wanted to be able to
Speaker 1: instill the type of confidence in our boys to where
Speaker 1: it's like, bro, it's okay to walk away because you
Speaker 1: know you tougher than that kid. You know you bigger
Speaker 1: than that kid, laugh it off, or have the level
Speaker 1: of toughness to say, oh he bigger than you, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but he ain't that as. He ain't as big as
Speaker 1: my pops. So I'm not taking his shit, and if
Speaker 1: i have to, I'll put his ass down. I want
Speaker 1: my sons to have that level of confidence so they
Speaker 1: can walk around and make better decisions, because most decisions
Speaker 1: that are made that are like poor decisions are made
Speaker 1: out of any emotion that they don't know how to control,
Speaker 1: anger or anger, fear. You know what I'm saying, I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to teach my boys how to do that,
Speaker 1: and sometimes it's better for them to get physical at home,
Speaker 1: Like you'll realize this, and I'm gonna say this, And
Speaker 1: one thing is I'm not asking for anybody to validate
Speaker 1: what I'm saying or agree. I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna raise my kids the way I want to
Speaker 1: raise my kids. I've seen too many different other ways.
Speaker 1: I've lost kids to gun violence. I've lost kids to jail.
Speaker 1: I've almost lost kids to prison. I've lost parents because
Speaker 1: of issues with sons and daughters and then other parents
Speaker 1: got involved. I've seen too many things in real life
Speaker 1: to give a shit what social media says about how
Speaker 1: my parent. I don't want my sons to ever walk
Speaker 1: around the world afraid. And if that means that we
Speaker 1: have a kerfuffle in the house or him and his
Speaker 1: brothers are fighting, and rather than me jump in and
Speaker 1: saying stop and saying okay, no, y'all gonna fight, go
Speaker 1: ahead and fight.
Speaker 4: That's the way I'm gonna do things.
Speaker 1: Cause it's gonna come a point where Kyro's gonna test
Speaker 1: Jackson and I'm gonna have to teach Jackson how to
Speaker 1: be as compassionate with his little brother as I was
Speaker 1: when him and say he gonna try you buck, all right,
Speaker 1: show him, show him your strength, but don't hurt them.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. And that's just the way
Speaker 4: I'm raising my kids.
Speaker 1: I don't People can argue, I don't care whatever sound
Speaker 1: bites they want to take or videos and say this,
Speaker 1: he's beat his kids. Do you think whatever you want care?
Speaker 1: My son's not gonna be no bullies. They're not gonna
Speaker 1: get bullied. My sons ain't gonna be a product of
Speaker 1: the system. No, no cop is gonna ever take my
Speaker 1: son and say he didn't comply, he was being aggressive.
Speaker 1: If that happens, I know you did something to my son.
Speaker 1: And I can guarantee you this, If that ever happens,
Speaker 1: you won't hear you won't hear me up there with
Speaker 1: no hashtags and de val coming.
Speaker 4: I'm making that very very player.
Speaker 1: On your real talk though, like I'm not. I'm not
Speaker 1: doing that serious. Like I'm raising my sons to be compassionate, strong,
Speaker 1: empathetic young men, and if something happens to one of them,
Speaker 1: I know that whoever did it did it.
Speaker 3: You know, and we know we're.
Speaker 2: Doing the right thing, because it's going to be unfortunate
Speaker 2: that they're going to have to engage with people in
Speaker 2: their life as we do every day who are not
Speaker 2: going to have the same kind of emotional intelligence or
Speaker 2: just that kind of mindset. But I would hope and
Speaker 2: implore all parents raising children to really invest time and
Speaker 2: energy into that because it'll probably help our children generation
Speaker 2: to be less getting into these kerfruffles.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, K if only you knew some
Speaker 1: of the stuff. And it's not just the boys the
Speaker 1: girls getting into fights because they're afraid, them being afraid,
Speaker 1: the bullying, or them being afraid.
Speaker 4: So what they do is tell one of their brothers
Speaker 4: or cousins.
Speaker 1: And now you have a raging bull who's afraid running
Speaker 1: to another raging bull who's afraid, and one takes out
Speaker 1: a gun, and now kids are gone.
Speaker 4: I've lost kids that way too.
Speaker 1: He was going to defend who over what, So y'all
Speaker 1: are fighting and he's getting arrested over Instagram comments And
Speaker 1: when I.
Speaker 4: Speaking to the kids, something like, there's always this what happened?
Speaker 1: I didn't know I was afraid because he said, or
Speaker 1: you were scared because you were scared.
Speaker 4: Now you got to show everybody you're not scared.
Speaker 3: But you are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but in order to prove you not scared, you
Speaker 1: can pick up a weapon, or you go get ten
Speaker 1: people and you run up on this guy and now
Speaker 1: y'all jump him or you kill him, or you slice him,
Speaker 1: or to prove a point that you're not scared.
Speaker 4: And you know what that kid does.
Speaker 1: He goes back and he gets a weapon, well his
Speaker 1: twenty people, and it's anover ending cycle when all it
Speaker 1: would have took was one person to be like, you
Speaker 1: know what, you got it, you got it.
Speaker 4: That comment wasn't that important.
Speaker 2: You got it, and you're not that important, right and
Speaker 2: all you saw okay, okay.
Speaker 1: To me, I walked away from so many fights. No,
Speaker 1: I walked away from so many fights in high school.
Speaker 1: Middle school I got into more fights because middle school
Speaker 1: was where I learned how to manage myself. But high
Speaker 1: school I walked away from so many fights because when
Speaker 1: you compete competitively and you really hit people and you
Speaker 1: hurt people, or you punch somebody and you see their
Speaker 1: eyes go in the back of their head, it becomes
Speaker 1: real to you that if I hit someone who doesn't
Speaker 1: know how to fight who doesn't have on head gear
Speaker 1: because my brother and I fought and Joyce centerl same
Speaker 1: thing as Tristan Joyce Sanna Marina tournaments, Oyama tournaments where
Speaker 1: it was full contact but with head gear.
Speaker 4: And when you're thirteen and you kick someone boom.
Speaker 1: In the head and you watch their head eyes go
Speaker 1: back and you're like, dang, if they didn't have head gear,
Speaker 1: or when they they could be a problem. When I
Speaker 1: get in the street now with fourteen fifteen and oh
Speaker 1: you solved other and it's like, no, what, because what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen? We get into a fight and I roundhouse
Speaker 1: kick you with no head gear and you hit your
Speaker 1: your head on the.
Speaker 4: Seamen and you die.
Speaker 1: Now I'm getting locked up, and now I got to
Speaker 1: deal with someone's death on my hands or my girlfriend
Speaker 1: the foul someone so said this to me? So why
Speaker 1: why do they feel comfortable saying that to you? How about
Speaker 1: you stay over here where I am and it won't
Speaker 1: be no problems. You're not gonna go say nothing to them. No,
Speaker 1: I don't know them, man, I don't know what started it.
Speaker 1: Oh you pussy, Okay, I'm pussy that. So if I'm
Speaker 1: pussy in. You don't fuck with me or I'm gonna
Speaker 1: bring your My brother had to fuck you up because
Speaker 1: you ain't defending my honor.
Speaker 4: Do it. Then the brother comes and get in your
Speaker 4: face and you're just looking at them like, I'm not
Speaker 4: scared of you neither, but I'm not fighting for your sister.
Speaker 4: So what you're gonna do?
Speaker 1: And then you have a certain level of calm that
Speaker 1: people realize they can't get.
Speaker 4: He probably calm for a reason. And I don't want
Speaker 4: that smoke.
Speaker 3: You've seen it.
Speaker 4: Think about it. Think about it Sari's twenty first birthday.
Speaker 3: Yes, I remember that.
Speaker 4: All them dudes.
Speaker 1: Long story short, A dude disrespected Sakari because she had
Speaker 1: a VIP. One dude was standing in the VIP. She
Speaker 1: asked if the dude could leave the VIP. Dude said,
Speaker 1: fuck you, I'm not done it. No, No, I've seen
Speaker 1: Sakari jump back. So now I'm like, i gotta stand up.
Speaker 1: I go over to the dude. Dude is obviously inebriated.
Speaker 1: I said, Yo, it's my sister's thin He I ain't
Speaker 1: getting all, you know, and we're in the club.
Speaker 4: There's only one exit in the club that we're in is.
Speaker 4: This wasn't tracks.
Speaker 3: This was years ago, years ago.
Speaker 1: So we're all the way in the back. A whole
Speaker 1: bunch of dudes come around because they see me talking
Speaker 1: to their homeboy. It's like ten dudes.
Speaker 4: They roll up. Yo, yo, you're talking to my man's
Speaker 4: So he put his hand out to me. First.
Speaker 1: I pulled his hand and pulled him up on the
Speaker 1: VIP did that in first to show him on purpose,
Speaker 1: to show him I ain't some weak dude, And I said,
Speaker 1: what's up, my guy?
Speaker 4: He was just like, yo, my man, you my man
Speaker 4: doing a lot of talking. He looked upset if he
Speaker 4: got a problem. I got a problem.
Speaker 1: I looked him in the eye. I said, look, I'm
Speaker 1: here with my sister. She's twenty one. There's seven women
Speaker 1: in here. It's me and one other dude. What do
Speaker 1: I look like fighting with y'all with all of these
Speaker 1: women in here. He looked at me in the face
Speaker 1: and he said, you know what, You're right. I said,
Speaker 1: this is kind of corny, Like I'm not spending my
Speaker 1: time fighting young. He went and talked to his man.
Speaker 1: They got into a little argument or whatever. I guess
Speaker 1: this man wanted him to do whatever. But In that moment,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not gonna get killed on Tuesday
Speaker 1: at track because I want to be the tough guy
Speaker 1: in tracks on a Tuesday day, like I'm not. I
Speaker 1: showed him that I'm not scared. I pulled him up
Speaker 1: on the thing. I spoke to a man, the man
Speaker 1: in his eye, and you know what he did. He
Speaker 1: respected it. A lot of young men need that same
Speaker 1: type of tutelage. It's okay to be a man and
Speaker 1: show you're not scared, but let's be honest. Look at
Speaker 1: all these women. What we're doing.
Speaker 3: What are we doing here?
Speaker 1: But if I was scared and I see all I'm
Speaker 1: coming and the first thing I do is punch your dude,
Speaker 1: and now we fighting, Now, now it's a big thing.
Speaker 1: Or if I threaten him like y'all better leave me
Speaker 1: out here, you know who? I know that's corny too.
Speaker 3: There's always the people that want to leave the club
Speaker 3: and come back and all that.
Speaker 2: It's just all.
Speaker 3: To be like wow, in the pissing contest, I won, y'all.
Speaker 1: And as a man, that's my biggest fear of my sons.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Getting into a pissing contest,
Speaker 1: with someone that has nothing to lose, and then my
Speaker 1: son is no longer here.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You can avoid over that by being the peace and
Speaker 1: the ease in the situation.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, A little this this, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna show you something too.
Speaker 1: If I'm ever not here and people pay attention in this,
Speaker 1: it's so easy to calm a man down as a
Speaker 1: dude when you could squeeze his hand firm like this,
Speaker 1: look him in the iron like my g like. But
Speaker 1: but they feel in your strength. He not weak, he
Speaker 1: not a pushover. And if once you pull him up
Speaker 1: on the stage and you tell him and they realize, like, okay,
Speaker 1: he did kind of pull me out. Weai over two
Speaker 1: hundred pounds, he probably got something to him. Let's not
Speaker 1: do this. Most people, especially you, probably don't notice too
Speaker 1: Most people who get shot, right, they only get shot
Speaker 1: because one person had a gun places where they know
Speaker 1: everyone's carrying. How can we never hear about shootouts. There's
Speaker 1: a certain level of respect when you know someone else
Speaker 1: is armed. That doesn't always mean armed with guns, armed
Speaker 1: with intelligence, you know, armed with that physicality to put
Speaker 1: somebody else down. When people know that they be calm.
Speaker 1: It's always the one sucker who were going to a party.
Speaker 3: We've always seen that, We've seen that guy.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying this, Absolutely, they always looking
Speaker 1: at the call as a risk because they have an insecurity.
Speaker 1: But when there's one is a metal detector and there's
Speaker 1: only one person with a gun, that person is always
Speaker 1: the toughest. But then there's no metal detective because everybody's armed.
Speaker 1: Everybody chilling because it's like.
Speaker 4: Oh, he could shoot too.
Speaker 3: Nobody wants to pop off, not popping off. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: see what I'm saying, to pop off.
Speaker 2: See, y'all, I'm over here learning something new every day.
Speaker 2: I'm listening to out unpack this even more because we
Speaker 2: kind of had a conversation about this after we did
Speaker 2: have a conversation about this after everything happened.
Speaker 3: But you know, I'm learning now.
Speaker 2: As a boy mom the things that I didn't know
Speaker 2: because I was raised completely differently, completely differently, even my
Speaker 2: brother was. My mother and father were the type that
Speaker 2: was just like, stay out of trouble, stay out the way,
Speaker 2: stay in the background, don't be that person, don't bring
Speaker 2: it un necessary attention to yourself. Like that's like we
Speaker 2: were more so on the offensive side of things, like
Speaker 2: just be the ones to sit back. But we just
Speaker 2: have to understand now and not to say that the
Speaker 2: world is so different now than when we were raised,
Speaker 2: because there's always going to be nonsense. It's just knowing
Speaker 2: that now I'm in the parents sy and I see
Speaker 2: what's required of young men nowadays in order to carry
Speaker 2: themselves in a certain way, that they have the confidence
Speaker 2: to be able to take care of themselves.
Speaker 3: And that's ultimately what we want.
Speaker 4: That's it just confidence.
Speaker 1: Just have confidence to walk through I mean small things,
Speaker 1: like one thing I have to shout out.
Speaker 4: My uncle Kevin, and my Pops and my uncle Dan.
Speaker 1: Growing up in Brooklyn, they all taught me, like, yo,
Speaker 1: when you walk in through Brooklyn, make sure that people
Speaker 1: know who you are.
Speaker 4: Make eye contact with everybody.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if it's a bum on the street
Speaker 1: or a local gang member or it was good my
Speaker 1: g look them in the eye, shake hands. Because all
Speaker 1: people want to feel is respected. And a lot of
Speaker 1: issues that happened in the world happened because someone felt disrespected.
Speaker 4: Disrespect comes from small things. You and Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: You walk by somebody, you look at them and look
Speaker 1: away sometimes like the fuck you looking at or it's
Speaker 1: like what you're grilling me for?
Speaker 4: It is, but you could ease that like this and
Speaker 4: you see me do this.
Speaker 1: Kadeen and I will be walking down Saint Mark's to
Speaker 1: go somewhere or from unpacking our car, and it be
Speaker 1: a bunch of young dudes that look like they're gonna
Speaker 1: cause trouble, which looks like my prototype kids. I was like, Yo,
Speaker 1: we're walking right through this group and I'm gonna just
Speaker 1: watch this. We walk through evening gentlemen and what do
Speaker 1: they always do?
Speaker 3: They?
Speaker 4: What's up? No issues?
Speaker 1: K used to be when he's twenty something years old
Speaker 1: walking the dog going to the car never had an
Speaker 1: issue in our neighborhood. Ever with all of them young
Speaker 1: men that be hanging on the corner, the only thing
Speaker 1: they would ever say is like your dog man will
Speaker 1: watch your car for you. Make sure nobody leaning on
Speaker 1: your car. And it didn't take me having to go
Speaker 1: out there to punch nobody. Nah, I just show them
Speaker 1: respect and reverence that like, Yo, I know that y'all
Speaker 1: are here too.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. We shared a community. I
Speaker 4: know y'all here. You know what I'm saying, it ain't nothing,
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. When stuff were going on,
Speaker 4: I run out the window and you'll like, Yo, the
Speaker 4: Jakes is coming down the block. You might need to disperse.
Speaker 1: Because we used living on the fourth floor and I
Speaker 1: could see down New York Avenue.
Speaker 4: It's a one way street.
Speaker 1: So whenever I've seen the cops coming down because someone
Speaker 1: had called because the young men to be at the corner,
Speaker 1: I yell out the window.
Speaker 4: Nothing. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But it's stuff like that in your hood. Last thing
Speaker 1: before because we do got to take a break. We
Speaker 1: coached over five hundred young black men and women in
Speaker 1: Brooklyn from Bedstar, Crown Heights, Brownsville, East, New York, Kanarsi Flatbush.
Speaker 4: Over twelve years of tutelage.
Speaker 1: We never had one fight, one gang incident, one shooting,
Speaker 1: one arrest in our building.
Speaker 4: You know why.
Speaker 1: We had a certain level of respects and respect and
Speaker 1: we demanded it from every child that came in there.
Speaker 4: And part of that respect was we will physically put.
Speaker 1: Your ass out of this gym if you come in
Speaker 1: here under the long and I'm running my house the
Speaker 1: same way. You know, we're in the world now where
Speaker 1: everybody's super sensitive. Don't say this, don't do that, don't
Speaker 1: do this. I was that coach. I'm not lying. My
Speaker 1: brother too, would tell a man in a heartbeat, keep
Speaker 1: fuck with me. I will slap the shit out of you.
Speaker 2: I will talk because how you've moved on since then,
Speaker 2: Because these kids nowadays, you couldn't be like that with them.
Speaker 3: Well some, depending on what the parents allow. Because we
Speaker 3: did what.
Speaker 1: We always did was we had full conversations with the parents.
Speaker 1: Remember it was, hey, if you're going to join this
Speaker 1: mentorship program, understand that the level of discipline we're going
Speaker 1: to instill in your kids starts with us. We want
Speaker 1: to make sure they get home safely. We had relationships
Speaker 1: with the sixty ninth percent. I made sure that every
Speaker 1: cop that patrolled that area knew my prototype kids. They
Speaker 1: all have my cards, so the parents knew that we
Speaker 1: were coming from a place of love. But if a
Speaker 1: young man ever got disrespectful, we let the parents know
Speaker 1: we will put hands on your kids and let them
Speaker 1: know what it is, because I don't want a cop
Speaker 1: to ever have to do that to our sons. I
Speaker 1: always with love, always led with love, and I mean
Speaker 1: to be honest. You're raising football players who are lifting weights.
Speaker 1: Our sixteen year olds are five eleven six three five
Speaker 1: to two hundred and forty pounds.
Speaker 4: Them cops be afraid too, because they don't look like kids.
Speaker 3: They don't.
Speaker 2: You're right, A lot of them after I can believe it.
Speaker 2: You know, it a matter of a couple of years.
Speaker 2: It's like from babies to men.
Speaker 1: Think about Think about Kamora from Grand Street, six four,
Speaker 1: two hundred and seventy pounds.
Speaker 4: Jamaican mom.
Speaker 1: Mom is a nurse, you know, and she you know,
Speaker 1: Coach Brian, coach Duvau help my son Da Da Da.
Speaker 1: He big as hell, but didn't know anything about the streets.
Speaker 1: A kid like that starts to get picked on and
Speaker 1: feels so afraid he can really hurt somebody.
Speaker 4: Never happened. Gave him confidence.
Speaker 1: And on the Rutgers, I think he played a couple
Speaker 1: of years in the legal or he may be trying
Speaker 1: to play.
Speaker 4: Went on the Rutgers, got a free education. Shout out so.
Speaker 2: Many, so many men, not just saying now that boy
Speaker 2: to them, but there are men doing amazing things, and
Speaker 2: our boys will not be any different. All right, y'all,
Speaker 2: let's take a quick break, and we're going to come
Speaker 2: back and get into some list of letters after we
Speaker 2: pay some bills.
Speaker 3: All right, we'll be back. All right, let's dive right in.
Speaker 2: Since you did a lot of the talking today, baby,
Speaker 2: with your expertise filling us in on what it's like
Speaker 2: to be a boy becoming a man. It's easy all
Speaker 2: I'm gonna dive into these listening letters for you. Okay,
Speaker 2: all right, what's up y'all? First off, you two are
Speaker 2: an inspiration to me and my family. I'm a father
Speaker 2: of two and eleven year old son and a four
Speaker 2: year old daughter. Me and my girl both love the
Speaker 2: work that you all do to spread your message. Thank
Speaker 2: you so much. The world needs to see so much
Speaker 2: more of what you guys put out, and we thank
Speaker 2: you for that.
Speaker 3: So check it.
Speaker 2: I heard in the previousness in the letter that one
Speaker 2: of Jackson's punishments was thirty sprints on the treadmill, and
Speaker 2: I wanted more details of those work. Ok okay, for
Speaker 2: my own workout routine, and I keep in my bag
Speaker 2: in case, oh, for my own workout routine is to
Speaker 2: keep in my bag in case my kids want to
Speaker 2: test me. That's all I wanted peace and love to
Speaker 2: you both in your beautiful family.
Speaker 4: We appreciate you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I answer the questions simple, thirty sprints on
Speaker 1: the treadmill.
Speaker 4: Typically I do high incline sprints with the kids.
Speaker 1: But when it's punishment, it's not high incline sprints because
Speaker 1: high incline is for performance.
Speaker 3: What wasment for it?
Speaker 1: This was a while ago. This is a while ago,
Speaker 1: but it was punished for something he didn't do. But
Speaker 1: I know the thirty sprints. It's typically everything is within
Speaker 1: a minute. So for example, if he's doing sprints, I'll
Speaker 1: tell him, look, you have a twenty second sprint, which
Speaker 1: means you get forty seconds rest. And if you have
Speaker 1: thirty of them, that means you have to be on
Speaker 1: this treadmill for thirty minutes.
Speaker 4: So it's a thirty minute exercise.
Speaker 1: Twenty seconds off, forty seconds, twenty seconds on, forty seconds off.
Speaker 1: It's a flat ground right for him at his age,
Speaker 1: I think he was like eleven.
Speaker 4: He only ran at like seven. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But for you, as a workout, if you're a grown up,
Speaker 1: like I do the same workout thirty minutes sprints, I'll
Speaker 1: do twenty seconds on forty seconds off. I'll put the
Speaker 1: incline to like six, and I may run it like
Speaker 1: ten because it's a good cardio vascular workout. But it's
Speaker 1: not like just running on the treadmill. You sprint for
Speaker 1: twenty seconds, you rest for forty, you won't be able
Speaker 1: to do thirty off the bat Start with maybe ten
Speaker 1: to twelve, and then build your way up.
Speaker 4: Like even Jackson. I didn't start him with thirty.
Speaker 1: Jackson started with eight, and then after eighty two, every
Speaker 1: two weeks we added four, so we went from eight
Speaker 1: to twelve to sixteen, and ultimately he ended up at thirty.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, cool, I spread to y'all, Yeah you do.
Speaker 2: Once I get rid of this plant, our fasciaties that
Speaker 2: I have, you know, you turn forty and all everything
Speaker 2: starts to get tight and it starts to hurt and whatnot.
Speaker 2: So I'm wearing birkenstocks and Hokah sneakers and everything. That's like,
Speaker 2: my level of drip lately has been at an all
Speaker 2: time low because I'm trying to get back at your body.
Speaker 2: But my body it has been on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's been drippy.
Speaker 1: There's so many ways splash.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, all right, what's number two?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 2: I hope this message gets to you. I'm in desperate
Speaker 2: need of advice. My daughter, who turned eighteen in May,
Speaker 2: was invited to her boyfriend's family for a birthday party
Speaker 2: at Great Wolf Lodge, where she would have to stay
Speaker 2: overnight and come back the following day, meaning she will
Speaker 2: stay with the family at the hotel. Ooh, we've never
Speaker 2: allowed her to stay overnight anywhere, let alone with the
Speaker 2: boyfriend's family. I text the boyfriend's mother and thanked her
Speaker 2: for the invitation. However, we'll pass this time and maybe
Speaker 2: next time we can all go together. I sat with
Speaker 2: my daughter and explained to her I didn't just say
Speaker 2: you're not going because I said so. So I explained
Speaker 2: to her that that it's not that I don't trust her,
Speaker 2: but I think my comfort level for her to sleep
Speaker 2: away with a family I've known for so little time.
Speaker 2: They've only been dating for a year now. Also, we
Speaker 2: don't have those values. When I told her, she got upset.
Speaker 2: Of course, she did said she will go. It sounds
Speaker 2: like me said that she will go to which I replied, no,
Speaker 2: you're not, and she said I am and walked away
Speaker 2: just to give you some context.
Speaker 3: She's a great kid.
Speaker 2: She has been very respectful until now graduated high school,
Speaker 2: will start college in August. We have never allowed her
Speaker 2: to have sleepovers as a Latina mom, that's just not
Speaker 2: even a thing understood. Mom drained, a super drained, a
Speaker 2: teen mom of three? What would you have done in
Speaker 2: this situation? How can we keep the trust that we
Speaker 2: have for her when she's in college. It's two fold
Speaker 2: for me, baby, at this point, I completely understand where
Speaker 2: you're coming from.
Speaker 3: We don't do sleepovers either.
Speaker 2: I think Jackson has slept over at two people's homes
Speaker 2: and those are people who we trust heeartedly, and we've
Speaker 2: known and we know that without a doubt everything. Yes,
Speaker 2: we know these people, you know. And other than that,
Speaker 2: it's just going to be a grandparents inles, that's it.
Speaker 2: So I completely understand where you're coming from, because things
Speaker 2: are crazy this day and age. However, However, Mama, where
Speaker 2: there's a will, there's a way, And the fact that
Speaker 2: they spoke to you about it and let you know
Speaker 2: what was happening and she still said she was going
Speaker 2: to do what she wanted to do regardless.
Speaker 3: That sounds like Kadeen.
Speaker 2: At eighteen, because Kadeen at eighteen met Deval, and Kadeen
Speaker 2: at eighteen was so in love with him and knew
Speaker 2: that he came from an amazing family and had a
Speaker 2: mom who was not interested in even getting to know
Speaker 2: these people. But Kadeen wanted to do what Kadeen wanted
Speaker 2: to do. So what did Kadean do what she wanted
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 3: Anyway?
Speaker 2: And then I ended up lying about the situation and
Speaker 2: saying that I was staying on campus for the night
Speaker 2: when I wasn't.
Speaker 3: I was up in the Poconos with the Valan his family.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so saying as the.
Speaker 2: Same mom, the fact that they're being honest and opening
Speaker 2: upfront about it, as much as I understand how uncomfortable
Speaker 2: it may make you feel at eighteen, I know she's
Speaker 2: probably going to say to you, technically, I'm an adult.
Speaker 2: I hit eighteen, I'm an adult. The fact that she
Speaker 2: can be open and honest, and then the family can
Speaker 2: be open and honest and say here's what's going to happen.
Speaker 2: I get you not feeling comfortable, but the next level
Speaker 2: of conversation, if she's still going to go anyway, it's like,
Speaker 2: what are the sleeping arrangements. Where will she be staying, Like,
Speaker 2: how is the setup going to be? Yeah, because they're
Speaker 2: going to find a way to do what they want
Speaker 2: to do anyway.
Speaker 3: But Mom, I understand. I'm giving you a hug right
Speaker 3: now because I get it. I get on a cultural
Speaker 3: level and on a parent level.
Speaker 2: But I'm also not far removed from eighteen to nineteen
Speaker 2: year Okadeen, who did the very same thing with Deval
Speaker 2: and told my mom I was gonna go anyway.
Speaker 1: This is what I think parents need to realize. First
Speaker 1: of all, I think she did everything the right way.
Speaker 1: I would have done everything the same way. But you
Speaker 1: also have to realize that you say she leaves to
Speaker 1: go to college, so she'll be having the biggest sleepover
Speaker 1: for the next four years.
Speaker 4: Yep.
Speaker 1: So whatever you think, you haven't taught her up until
Speaker 1: she leaves in August. Like it's a rap, now, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like this not her not going
Speaker 1: on this trip is not going to teach her anything
Speaker 1: more for when she goes away. And to be honest,
Speaker 1: what I think might happen is you say this and
Speaker 1: then it becomes a moment of contention the minute she
Speaker 1: leaves to go to school. Then it's gonna be I'm
Speaker 1: gonna show my mom. I'm gonna do what I want
Speaker 1: and you don't want that. I would agree with Kay
Speaker 1: on this when they say, listen, you're eighteen, you're an adult.
Speaker 1: You can vote, you can smoke, you can't drink yet,
Speaker 1: but you're going away to college. If this is something
Speaker 1: you think that is that you're comfortable with or you
Speaker 1: feel is okay, I'm not in support of it as
Speaker 1: your mom, but I also can not stop you.
Speaker 4: So you do what you think is right.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's right, and then try to guide
Speaker 1: her through the decision process.
Speaker 4: When you tell an eighteen year.
Speaker 1: Old no when they know they're going to be leaving,
Speaker 1: they like, I don't really have to listen to you.
Speaker 1: My mother and father told me no a lot, And
Speaker 1: the minute I turned eighteen, I did everything I wanted
Speaker 1: to do. I got a tattoo, I got both my
Speaker 1: ears peers, I was drinking out.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Like I did those things
Speaker 4: just to say.
Speaker 2: That I did it, because it becomes a countdown or
Speaker 2: how much longer I'm going to be in this household
Speaker 2: with you, and then it's just like I'm never going
Speaker 2: to come back after this, And that's what I said too.
Speaker 2: Whatever you've instilled in her, those morals, those values, that
Speaker 2: moral compass over the past eighteen years, at some point, Mom,
Speaker 2: you're going to have to rely on that and just
Speaker 2: know that she's going to make decisions. Some are probably
Speaker 2: going to be in her best interests and some won't.
Speaker 2: But you have to have that kind of conversation and
Speaker 2: that confidence in what you've done with her up till now,
Speaker 2: and just hope that she will in those moments lean
Speaker 2: on that voice in her head, which is to be
Speaker 2: her gut or it's going to be God for her,
Speaker 2: and then it's going to be what mom has also
Speaker 2: taught me and instilled in me over the years. And
Speaker 2: I promise she'll make the right decisions, or at least what.
Speaker 4: If moms tried to do this.
Speaker 1: You know what, I don't agree with this, but I
Speaker 1: trust that you will make right decisions if you decide
Speaker 1: to go, and then make it a collaborative effort with
Speaker 1: her and her daughter as opposed to me versus you.
Speaker 1: I know you really want to go. Okay, So since
Speaker 1: you really want to go, let's see how we can
Speaker 1: make this work where you can feel comfortable and I
Speaker 1: can feel comfortable.
Speaker 4: What does that look like for you?
Speaker 1: And if they're collaborative, then she'll be more inclined to
Speaker 1: be like, oh, my mom said I can go, but
Speaker 1: I have to.
Speaker 2: Do these things the things, And then she may say
Speaker 2: to herself, because mom is now entrusting me to do
Speaker 2: something even though she really wasn't signed up for it,
Speaker 2: I'm going to go out of my way to make
Speaker 2: sure that I don't make my mom regrets absolutely the
Speaker 2: decision that she's made absolutely by allowing me to collaborate
Speaker 2: with her on going on this trip. I'm saying, so,
Speaker 2: I think that's fair. I think that's a That's probably
Speaker 2: how you and I would have handled something and come
Speaker 2: up once our boys become older and you know, Jackson
Speaker 2: or Cairo pass. Yeah, moments like that. I just always
Speaker 2: want to be in the loop. It's like you, says
Speaker 2: a parent. You just never want to be out of
Speaker 2: the loop of what's happening. You want them to feel
Speaker 2: comfortable and confident coming to you with anything.
Speaker 1: We did that with Jackson recently. I didn't want him
Speaker 1: to go in that sleep away then he went to
Speaker 1: I didn't. Yeah, it was, but I asked him and
Speaker 1: I said, Yo, do you want to go?
Speaker 4: Yeah? And he was just like, yeah, I want to go.
Speaker 1: Everybody's going. I said, all right, well this is how
Speaker 1: it's going to be, you know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 1: then the first, the very first thing that happened right
Speaker 1: because I told Jackson, yo, you got to text me
Speaker 1: every night and every morning. Then I don't hear of
Speaker 1: him for three days, and I said, oh, shoot, they
Speaker 1: probably took their phones. The minute he got his phone,
Speaker 1: you know, he did, hey Dad, they took my phone
Speaker 1: or sorry. But then it let me know that he
Speaker 1: was still thinking yes about us. And even though I
Speaker 1: didn't want him to go, he went and behaved himself
Speaker 1: the way he was supposed to, nothing but glowing reviews
Speaker 1: of how he behaved himself.
Speaker 4: So I said, you see, if I was.
Speaker 1: Being an overbearing dad at thirteen, it was like, no,
Speaker 1: you're not going, he wouldn't have learned that lesson.
Speaker 3: That lesson exactly. Good luck, mom. I know it's hard.
Speaker 3: I know it's hard your mom, like you said, your
Speaker 3: drained teen mom of three. I get it.
Speaker 2: I get it, but yeah, you're gonna have to work
Speaker 2: on trusting her when she gets to college and just
Speaker 2: relying on everything that you taught her so far. So
Speaker 2: good luck to you, and I'll probably be leaning back
Speaker 2: on y'all child when we reached that face like play back,
Speaker 2: the episode could even play it back, clear back.
Speaker 4: Because even when she was reading, when he was reading,
Speaker 4: I was like, Oh, I've been here.
Speaker 2: Been here before on both sides of it, you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, understanding the parent perspective and then the
Speaker 2: child perspective. And my mama warned me about it, he said,
Speaker 2: wait till you have your own kids, you're going to
Speaker 2: really understand that.
Speaker 3: And here we are, all right, y'all.
Speaker 2: If you want to be featured as one of our
Speaker 2: listener letters, email us at ted ass Advice at gmail
Speaker 2: dot com.
Speaker 1: That's d E A D A S S A d
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about Jackson
Speaker 3: and Deval's first little.
Speaker 2: Skuffle here, full scuffle here at home and what we're
Speaker 2: taking away from that whole thing.
Speaker 3: Do you have a moment of truth, babe?
Speaker 1: I do have a moment of truth. That's a couple
Speaker 1: of them. The first thing is that I'm proud of
Speaker 1: my son. Proud of my son for standing up to
Speaker 1: his dad. Proud of him for, even though being afraid,
Speaker 1: being able to compose himself to defend himself, but then
Speaker 1: also speak intelligently when I ask questions after when it
Speaker 1: comes to you and your mom, I understand. You know
Speaker 1: you're getting in defense mode of your children. I just
Speaker 1: need y'all to know that if you chose me, then
Speaker 1: trust me. You know one thing you said to me,
Speaker 1: One thing you said to me during that time where
Speaker 1: I was like that makes no sense. You said to
Speaker 1: me you said, I've never seen you like that. I
Speaker 1: didn't know how to trust you. And I said, you've
Speaker 1: never been in a bank robbery. But if we're in
Speaker 1: a bank and they started to get robbed and I say, Kadeen, run,
Speaker 1: you can't defy me and say, well, I've never been
Speaker 1: in a bank robbery. I'm not running because you said,
Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying, I need you to
Speaker 1: trust that.
Speaker 4: I got it. And with me me it was.
Speaker 1: Telling her like, listen, you are doing everything you're supposed
Speaker 1: to do as a grandma, but just don't overstep because
Speaker 1: this is still like a dean in my house. And
Speaker 1: we don't do everything the way y'all did you know,
Speaker 1: we're doing things a bit differently. And although we appreciate
Speaker 1: everything you're doing to help us raise these kids, because
Speaker 1: we're not raising them by ourselves, still also give me
Speaker 1: some grace and understanding that this is still my house
Speaker 1: and trust that you know you gave your daughter to
Speaker 1: me when you said I trust you with my daughter,
Speaker 1: you trusted her with me, So now trust your daughter
Speaker 1: and your grandkids. So that that's my moments of truth.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it's funny because my moment in truth is
Speaker 2: going to be trust and fully illheartedly believe in the
Speaker 2: person who you chose to have children with. You know
Speaker 2: that they're never going to bring harm to them. And
Speaker 2: it's also me relying on you as my son's father,
Speaker 2: Like all the time, I'm.
Speaker 3: Like, four boys, Lord, what are you trying to teach
Speaker 3: me or show me?
Speaker 2: But I think that the world is going to be
Speaker 2: that much better with our four voice because of you
Speaker 2: being their dad and you teaching them the lessons. And
Speaker 2: I know that so for so long, you spend so
Speaker 2: much time thinking about just your childhood and your upbringing
Speaker 2: and the things that you've had to endure and the
Speaker 2: things that you want to prepare your sons for, but
Speaker 2: also too or our sons for, but also making sure
Speaker 2: that you kind of remove them from that environment. But
Speaker 2: in the end that they are in that kind of environment,
Speaker 2: how they can handle themselves, and wanted them to be
Speaker 2: equipped with the confidence and the tools to handle themselves
Speaker 2: if they God for better ever in situations like this.
Speaker 2: So you know, I love that for them, and I
Speaker 2: love that you are the person that they come to
Speaker 2: and that is guiding them through life and manhood.
Speaker 3: My boys in manhood. You know, it's a beautiful thing
Speaker 3: to watch.
Speaker 4: Gotcha.
Speaker 2: I love you all right, y'all. Before we're getting any
Speaker 2: more mushy over here. Find us on Patreon if you
Speaker 2: have not been subscribed yet, we have lots of really
Speaker 2: really dope content there. The after show is always a riot. Yes,
Speaker 2: you have full dead Ass podcast video content as well
Speaker 2: as family content, and you can find us on social
Speaker 2: media at dead Ass the podcast.
Speaker 3: I'm Kadina, I am and I am Devo.
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Speaker 2: We got that on sale as well too, So see
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Speaker 2: and until then, keep it dead Ass, Baby, dead Ass.
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