1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:04,960 Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have a young son that's 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: gonna come a point in their life when they think 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: they can beat you. For me, that time has come. 4 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 2: It was about to be dead ass somewhere y'all in 5 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,160 Speaker 2: this house. But baby, I could have used a warning 6 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,400 Speaker 2: because as a mom to boys who's never been a 7 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 2: boy or a man, that caught me all the way 8 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 2: off guard. 9 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 3: And I'm not gonna lie. I was a little scared. 10 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 4: Dead ass. 11 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadan and I'm Devo and we're the Ellis's. 12 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,840 Speaker 4: You may know us from posting funny videos with our. 13 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a. 14 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 3: Form of therpy. 15 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 4: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow. 16 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married. 17 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 4: Yes, sir, we are. 18 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of 19 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: li's most taboo topics. 20 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 3: Most folks don't want to talk about. 21 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass 22 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,119 Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when 23 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred 24 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 25 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 4: Were about to take philotof to our whole new. 26 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 3: Level dead ass starts right now. 27 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 4: Story time. So take you out back to a couple 28 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 4: of weeks ago. 29 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 1: Me and Kay go to a basketball game and Jackson 30 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: is not playing like his normal self. He seems a 31 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: little bit like timid. Right, little did we know that 32 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: he was suffering from the hip injury. He didn't tell us, 33 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 1: But he's playing a little timid. So I had seen 34 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: some things during his play, even engaging with him and 35 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: the kids afterwards. 36 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 4: I didn't like. 37 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: So I go to talk to him about it in 38 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: the car and then he's being quiet, He's gonna say nothing. 39 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: We come home later on that day and he avoids 40 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,520 Speaker 1: me the whole four hours. So don't I don't like that? Like, 41 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 1: I just don't like that if we have an issue. 42 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: As a man, you have to learn how to face 43 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: your issues. You can't run from confrontation. So the kids 44 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: had went to bed, and remember Jackson had went to bed, 45 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: and I said, did he go to bed without saying 46 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: good night to me? I'm like, so he really trying 47 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 1: to avoid me that much? So I called him on 48 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:25,919 Speaker 1: his phone. I said, that's the type of time you want. 49 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,919 Speaker 1: He said, what I said, You You're gonna go to 50 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:29,359 Speaker 1: sleep and not say good night to me. We say 51 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: good night every night. You can go to sleep without 52 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: saying good night. 53 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 4: Cool. 54 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: Since you want to be like that, you stay on 55 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: your side of the house. I stay on my side. 56 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: Don't ask me for nothing, don't tell me nothing. I 57 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: don't care. You do whatever it is you want to 58 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: do since we can't talk. 59 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 4: Right. So then he says cool, So now I'm even 60 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:46,840 Speaker 4: more mad. 61 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 3: Right, Oh, he's his mother's child. 62 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: So I call him back and I said, cool. So 63 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: you just gonna be a little bit right, Cool, that's 64 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 1: you cool with that? You're just not gonna face Well, 65 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: he said, what you want to I don't know what 66 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: to say. I'm not gonna just stand in your face 67 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: like a poop. But so I said, all right, you 68 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: better have something to say when I come upstairs. 69 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:08,119 Speaker 4: I just got done working out. I'm pissed, right, So 70 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 4: I go upstairs. 71 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: To talk to him like a normal person does, but 72 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: I'm mad. Go up the stairs, go up the first 73 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 1: flight of stairs from the man cave. I get to 74 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: the second flight to get us upstairs, and he's staying 75 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: at the top of the stairs. And then when I 76 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: get like midway through the stairs, he comes down and 77 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: he stops me. He's like, what you mean, Like, watch 78 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 1: when I come upstairs? What you're supposed to mean? So 79 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: at first I'm like, Jackson, get up my face, and 80 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 1: I push him up the stairs and he like gets 81 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: to the top of the stairs. And then when I 82 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: get there, he like pushes me back. So I'm like, 83 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh word, I'm like, this is what we're 84 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 1: doing now. So you're trying, okay, good. So I'm like, fine, 85 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 1: you want to fight, put your hands up. So then 86 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: he put his hands up and I'm like, oh, he really, 87 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: he really well, he's really trying to go toe to 88 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: toe right now. So he put his hands up. The 89 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 1: first thing I do is sweep them, right, I sweep them. 90 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: After I sweep them, he falls. 91 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 4: On the floor. But no, no, no, that's all of 92 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 4: the that's all you heard. The ain't in it. 93 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 1: Right after he falls on the floors to get up 94 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: since you know so much, right, So I got look 95 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: in his eyes and he just jumps right back up. 96 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: So now I push him in his room, right. I 97 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 1: push him in his room, and he got his hands 98 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 1: up right, So I throw a little jab right, a 99 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: little quick jab right. He weaves it weaves it throws 100 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,839 Speaker 1: a jab back at me. I said, oh, you're really 101 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: trying to throw bros at me right now? So then 102 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 1: I grab him right and we tussling with each other. Right, 103 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: So I throw him on the floor and I got 104 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 1: my elbow in his chest right, and I'm. 105 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 4: Like, you think you could beat me? You really think 106 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 4: you could beat me? Right? Then I hear don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, 107 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 4: don't don't me. 108 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 1: Me and Kay run upstairs, right, So I got my 109 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,599 Speaker 1: elbow on Jack's right, and I'm like, yo, go back downstairs. 110 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,479 Speaker 4: Were good, we're good. And then Kadeen is like, y'all 111 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 4: don't look good. 112 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: Just don't look good to me. And I'm like, we're good, 113 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: go back downstairs. So then I let Jackson up and 114 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 1: Kate looks at Jack. Jacks goes, yeah, mom, we just 115 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: slapbox and we fine. So Kate looks at me, don't 116 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: say nothing. Then she looks at Jack, don't say nothing, 117 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: Me and him breathing mad heavy. 118 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:54,719 Speaker 3: You forgot me me? 119 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: Oh no, I didn't forget me and me I didn't 120 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: get to me me yet. So then I go go ahead, 121 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: go back downstairs. I go to close the door, me 122 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: me busting the door booth. No, dudes, I'm not letting 123 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: you do this. 124 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 4: I'm like, let me do what. I'm like, me me. 125 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,280 Speaker 1: Now I'm getting real upset and I'm screaming me, me 126 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: go back downstairs, like this is between me and my son? 127 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 4: Is my house? Go back downstairs? I see me me 128 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 4: she thought. She she's throwing her hands. 129 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 3: I like what, okay? 130 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 1: Me, Me goes downstairs. I go to close the door. 131 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,799 Speaker 1: Kate push the door open again. Now I'm getting upset. 132 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 1: I'm not even upset at Jackson. No more, I'm upsetting 133 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: them too. I'm screaming, Kate, go downstairs, leave me with 134 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 1: my son. She's like, no, I'm not leaving. Like there, 135 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,280 Speaker 1: y'all don't seem okay. I said, we're fine, right, So 136 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: I closed the door. After I close the door, I 137 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 1: turn around, Jackson is still standing there with his hands up. 138 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,360 Speaker 1: So I said, what's up? So you want some what's up? 139 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 4: So? 140 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: Now I go form tackle him. He grabs me right, 141 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,479 Speaker 1: he gives me two like quick rib shots. Huh huh. 142 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: So I punch him in the stomach. 143 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:57,039 Speaker 4: Boom. 144 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: He buckles over. He gets up, We grabbing each other. 145 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 1: He gets me in a headlock. At this moment gets 146 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: me in a headlock. I said, this is a moment 147 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 1: where I can either end my son's confidence and I 148 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,919 Speaker 1: can body slam him through the floor and probably be 149 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:15,359 Speaker 1: downstairs with y'all, or I could tap out. I chose 150 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: to tap out, and I'm going to explain after we 151 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: come back from a commercial break, everything that was going 152 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,040 Speaker 1: on that day. 153 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:29,480 Speaker 2: You guys, perspective of what I saw. Karaoke time karaoke. 154 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 4: So being is on from Brooklyn. 155 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,920 Speaker 1: It's only right that I sing the song that relates 156 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 1: to what was going on in the house. What's beef 157 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 1: Beef is when you need to cast to go to sleep. 158 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: Beef is with your mom means stay up in the streets. 159 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,840 Speaker 1: Beef is when I see you, guaranteed you be yet 160 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 1: I see you one more time. 161 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 4: What's beef. 162 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: Beef is when Mimi come upstairs trying to sleep, not 163 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 1: your mad busting in the door. 164 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 4: We got heat. 165 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,119 Speaker 1: Beef is when I see Mimi telling me to stop 166 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: hitting their kids. 167 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:09,359 Speaker 2: Night so much been and you know me, me and 168 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 2: I are allergic to. 169 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 3: The cow, so we wasn't having it. We wasn't having it. 170 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 4: All right, We're going to discuss it. 171 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, boo boo. 172 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 2: Let's go pay some bills to come back so we 173 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 2: can unravel this fight night at the Yellen's house. 174 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:25,679 Speaker 3: All right, So we're back. 175 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 2: I'll give you guys his perspective on story time, and 176 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 2: you know, from his point of view everything that was happening. 177 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 2: So I'll let you guys know when I take it 178 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 2: back to the basketball game. For those that don't know, 179 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 2: there's it's been a while since DeVos actually attended a 180 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 2: basketball game that Jackson has played in main reason being 181 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 2: Jackson was on all these different teams and had so 182 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 2: many different games, and aside from just not being able 183 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 2: to make every single game, there was a level of 184 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 2: anxiety that Jackson felt, I think when he would see 185 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 2: you in the audience, because there's the pressure of wanting 186 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 2: to make Dad proud and wanting to deliver and everything 187 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 2: that they talk about it and they practice. Devau wants 188 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 2: to see it in the game, and if he doesn't 189 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 2: see it in the game, Jackson knows it's going to 190 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 2: be a long car ride home with debriefing and unhashing 191 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 2: what happened. So Devall hadn't been to a game for 192 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 2: a long time, so at this particular game, devall felt 193 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 2: like man Jackson was playing kind of Timody wasn't doing 194 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 2: this thing. So you had, you know, conversations with him 195 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 2: after the game and then in the car ride home 196 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 2: and you know there's that long about to get home, 197 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 2: fifty minute drive. Yeah, you know, talking about all the 198 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 2: things that should have, could have, would have done. And 199 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 2: so I already knew that there was going to be 200 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 2: some kind of contention, but I'm like, it's normal, that's 201 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 2: what happens after game. 202 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 3: All good, until fast forward to that evening. 203 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 2: I see that Jackson was kind of staying away from 204 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,520 Speaker 2: Deval throughout the day. But I'm like, you know what 205 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 2: that was. That was previous, kadid that was Kadian behavior. 206 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 2: Like I would be Deval, and I previously would be 207 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 2: in you know a little kerfuffle, and then I would 208 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 2: just try to just stay away cleaning everything. 209 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 4: Why do you clean in the vacuum, Kadi? Who you 210 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 4: ever seen somebody clean the vacuum. 211 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 2: I do clean my vacuum regularly, sir, thank you. But yeah, 212 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 2: it's just like I just don't want that kind of heat. 213 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 2: I don't want that energy. Let things cool down for 214 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 2: a bit. So Jackson was definitely just on his side 215 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,319 Speaker 2: of the house, Devol on this side. So it's towards 216 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 2: the end of the night, the boys are in bed 217 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 2: for the most part. Jackson is still up getting ready 218 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 2: for bed, and I see Devao just worked out. So 219 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 2: now imagine he's leaving the gym downstairs. He's hot, he's sweaty, 220 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 2: he's breathing heavy. He's just like going upstairs. I'm thinking 221 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 2: to the shower. I was in that moment and got 222 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 2: turned all the way off real quick, in a matter 223 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 2: of like three minutes. 224 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 4: Sorry. 225 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 2: So I see him coming up all sweaty or whatever, 226 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 2: like Okay, I'm gonna take a shower. 227 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 3: So I'm like, okay, cool. 228 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 2: So I went downstairs, checked to make sure all the 229 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 2: doors would locked, put the alarm on and whatnot, and 230 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 2: then I. 231 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 3: Hear like like like fumbling, you know, like fumbling upstairs. 232 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 3: So I was like, what is that? 233 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 2: So for a split second, I was just like, I 234 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,439 Speaker 2: did not The last thing I thought was it was 235 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 2: jacksone Devou. I'm thinking somebody either fell devout, caught an 236 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 2: intruder in the house. Like There's all these things going 237 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 2: through my mind, but never that Val and Jackson are fighting. 238 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,560 Speaker 2: So I'm at the bottom of the stairs as I 239 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 2: come upstairs, and I look up and I see the 240 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 2: two of them in the balcony area, like literally going 241 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:09,560 Speaker 2: back and forth. 242 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 3: They're tussling. 243 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 2: So I'm standing there for a second confused because I'm like, 244 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 2: are they slap boxing or are they really fighting? But 245 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,559 Speaker 2: I saw the type of energy Develle left the gym with, 246 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 2: so I'm like, is he really like fighting Jackson now? 247 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 2: And I see Jackson fighting back, And as I'm standing 248 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 2: there in my mind all of these things kind of playing, 249 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 2: I see my mom come around the corner because now 250 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 2: she hears the altercation going on, and then she looks 251 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 2: at me, and she. 252 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 3: Looks up and she looks back at me, and she's like, 253 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 3: you're just gonna stand there. You're just gonna stand there. 254 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'm trying to figure out what's happening, 255 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 2: That's what I say to her. So she's like bolting 256 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 2: up the stairs at this point, and I'm running behind 257 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 2: her because I also know my husband, and I also 258 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,559 Speaker 2: know that he's probably not gonna take kindly to her 259 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 2: interjecting with whatever they have going on, whether it's a 260 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 2: fight or not, and I was just like, Ugh, this 261 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 2: is probably gonna go bad. So I go upstairs and 262 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 2: at this point, my heart is pounding because I'm like, oh, 263 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 2: they're legitimately fighting. And I've never seen this in our house, 264 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,319 Speaker 2: Like Deval's never lifted a hand to me or the boys. 265 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 3: We don't spank our kids. Like this is just. 266 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 2: Completely out of left field in my opinion. So we 267 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 2: go upstairs and, like Deval says, him and Jackson are tussling. 268 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 2: I open the door and I'm like, it's everything okay, 269 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 2: Like what's going on? And he's like, we're fine. In 270 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 2: my eyes still from my vantage point, they don't look fine. 271 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,080 Speaker 2: Deval looks like he's seeing red. Jackson is over there 272 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 2: with his hands up, he's sweating. I'm like, what's happening. 273 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 2: Then Mom is just like I'm not gonna let you 274 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,679 Speaker 2: do this because Mom in her mind is like, oh 275 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 2: my god, they're actually fighting. We've never in our household fall. 276 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 2: We don't come from a house of fighting. We don't 277 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 2: come from a family of fighting. That's one thing Deval 278 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 2: said he used to do with his brother and stuff 279 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 2: when they were in the streets to Brooklyn. I was 280 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 2: not like raised that way. 281 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: We saw it all the time, like that was me 282 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: and my brother fought in the house, yep, and we 283 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: fought outside with each other against people like it didn't matter. 284 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 4: Me and my brother could be like not talking that odd. 285 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,160 Speaker 1: Somebody says something to my brother and this beef is 286 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,440 Speaker 1: on right and it's me and my brother against everybody. 287 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 4: Everybody always, but. 288 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:04,839 Speaker 2: They used to we're not accustomed to that because we've 289 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 2: never had to do that. However, there were moments when 290 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 2: Deval had to jump in and help my brother or 291 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 2: whatever if my brother like one tid my brother had 292 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,679 Speaker 2: gotten his chain snatch or something like way back in 293 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 2: the days and was developed. 294 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 4: Got in my car and I'm going in the type 295 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 4: of time. That's what it is. 296 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 3: Moral of the story. Don't ever roll up on de Val, y'all. 297 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,320 Speaker 4: No, okay, so let me let me finished finish. Yeah. 298 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 2: So in that moment, we were just very like shocked 299 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 2: because we didn't know what was happening. Devalo died and say, 300 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 2: you're about to go upstairs the slap box, Jackson, because 301 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 2: I've seen them slat box before. 302 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 3: The kids all know how to fight. 303 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,360 Speaker 2: Deval has been training them, like it's what they do 304 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 2: but in that moment, given all of the prior, you know, 305 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 2: things that happened throughout the day, I just didn't know 306 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,839 Speaker 2: what was happening in this moment, and it came to 307 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 2: a head and to me in the worst way. And 308 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,199 Speaker 2: I never wanted to see you and Jackson having any 309 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,240 Speaker 2: kind of physical altercation, nor my mom. But then you 310 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 2: explained to me afterward was what happened, and I understood. Then, 311 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 2: well we can take it from there. 312 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 1: There are many nuances to nuances to everything. The biggest 313 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 1: thing is Jackson is a very polite, kind kid, right, 314 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: and he's also a very privileged kid because of who 315 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,440 Speaker 1: his parents are. Because of that and because of what 316 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: he wants to do in his life, Jay and I 317 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,559 Speaker 1: put him in environments and in surroundings where everybody's not privileged, 318 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,959 Speaker 1: because that's not the world. So I'm not gonna have 319 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: Jackson only play basketball or play sports in our neighborhood. 320 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 4: No, we are going to the places where I grew up. 321 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 4: He goes to the park to play. 322 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 1: Ball in Brooklyn, when we go to Ta Cobb County 323 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: out here, when we in Georgia to play ball, like 324 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 1: we go everywhere he goes to ote, he plays ball. 325 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 1: But what he has to understand is that there are 326 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: people who are watching you who automatically assume, because you're privileged, 327 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: that you're gonna be soft. And there are gonna be 328 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: people who are gonna see the things you have and 329 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,719 Speaker 1: they're going to take or try to take from you 330 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: because they feel like, one, you don't have the mental 331 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: fort two to fight back, or streets marts, or they're 332 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 1: gonna feel like he don't really need it anyway, so 333 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: if I take it, he won't care. And I'm trying 334 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: to empower my kids to realize that, like, yo, you 335 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: don't have to take that from people. My dad told 336 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: me when we moved to Kanarsi. We moved to Narciti 337 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,959 Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety three, the third black family to move 338 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: to Kanarsi when it was mainly Jewish and Italian and 339 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: we were considered privilege. 340 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 4: Growing up in Brooklyn, we were considered house kids. 341 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: So when we would go to the park in Bayview 342 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: or Brookline, people used to fuck with us, and me 343 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 1: and my brother used to have to fight because they're like, oh, 344 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 1: this goes to house kids. So I got used to 345 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: having to stand my ground and also put hands on 346 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: people in that type of energy. So especially when you 347 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: live in Kannarsi, but you go to school in Flatbush. 348 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: My brother goes to school in Marine Park. Sheep said, Bay, 349 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You get on the bus 350 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: at eleven, you may come across somebody who may try you. 351 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: So I've always trying to teach my sons to always 352 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: be confident enough to not have to fight, but show 353 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 1: people confidence that they don't try you. But if you 354 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: need to fight, you could put somebody down. That's always 355 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: been the less So on this day, I just didn't 356 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: like Jackson's demeanor because I felt like other kids were. 357 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 1: Of course, he's also we have him playing up, so 358 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 1: he's the only twelve turn and thirteen year old who's 359 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 1: playing with fourteen. 360 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 3: Fifteen year olds who hasn't like scratched the surfaces. 361 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 4: He's no puberty yet. 362 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 1: So I see them little brother in him a little 363 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,520 Speaker 1: bit right, and I see that he's in that position where, well, 364 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,160 Speaker 1: these are guys I look up to because they're also 365 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: really good in basketball, so I am the little brother 366 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, you're not the fucking little brother. 367 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: Those are your contemporaries who you have to learn not 368 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 1: to view them as an older brother, and that's the 369 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 1: people you're competing for for the same jobs and scholarships. 370 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 1: So that was my mentality and my thought processes was 371 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: if he is afraid of me and he doesn't want 372 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: to talk to me because we have a difference of opinion, 373 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: he's going to then roll over to other people who 374 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 1: have difference of opinions because he's used to just avoiding confrontations. 375 00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 3: Agree. 376 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 2: And Jackson is just naturally nice and kind kid. He's 377 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 2: every school he's been in, every teacher he's had, every 378 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 2: teammate that he's played with, their parents have been like, 379 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 2: we just love Jackson. 380 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 1: Because we teach him not to bully people. We teach 381 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 1: him to have awareness and emotional maturity if you see 382 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: other kids are going through stuff, like be there to 383 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 1: be in support of your teammates and friends. So because 384 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: he was taught that, sometimes he doesn't know when to 385 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 1: use discernment like this kid don't need that. This kid 386 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: needs to be told get the fuck out my face 387 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: because it's gonna be a problem. 388 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,960 Speaker 4: And I'm trying to teach Jackson the difference. So when 389 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 4: I came. 390 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 1: Home that day, Yeah, when I came home that day. 391 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: I wanted him to challenge me, like that, what did 392 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: I do wrong? I don't understand, But rather than challenge me, 393 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 1: he hit, which showed me more of him being the 394 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 1: propensity to be bullied if he's hiding, because in those environments, 395 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: when people see that you're a hider, that's who they 396 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 1: go to show other people that they tough. I'm going 397 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 1: to chase the kid just hiding, and I'm like, Jackson, 398 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: You're not that kid. So when I was coming upstairs, 399 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,640 Speaker 1: I was coming says to have a very intense conversation. 400 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: And then when I came upstairs, he met me at 401 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,199 Speaker 1: the stairs and he was like, what you mean, Like 402 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about it. So at first I was like, 403 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,640 Speaker 1: first of all, don't impede my progress in my house. 404 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 1: I went to Dad more like I'm walking up the stairs, 405 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 1: don't stop me. So I'm like jack to get out 406 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 1: my face. So I pushed him back, and then when 407 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:27,119 Speaker 1: he resisted and pushed me, immediately I got excited because 408 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 1: I'm the first thing that came to my mind was 409 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 1: like this, my son is not a punk, like my 410 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 1: son is not Solt. 411 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 4: That's the first thing. 412 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,640 Speaker 1: So then I pushed him back, and I'm like, let's 413 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,520 Speaker 1: see how he's gonna respond. When he responded, he got 414 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: up and put his hands up. My first thing is, okay, 415 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: this is the moment that every dad talks about. There's 416 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: going to be a moment where your son is not 417 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: going to just say yes dad and listen. And I said, okay, 418 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: this is the moment. Let's see how far Jackson goes. 419 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: So I put my hands up, and I thought he 420 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,119 Speaker 1: was gonna be like, okay, okay. So then when I 421 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 1: put my hands up, he put his hands up. I'm like, 422 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 1: I can't punch my son. So I swept him in 423 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:58,880 Speaker 1: the front of his. 424 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 3: Foot, swep a bottle ye soaked. 425 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 4: He put his hands up. I sweeped in the front of 426 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:05,439 Speaker 4: his foot. 427 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 1: When he falls, I expect him to fall, and then 428 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: it's like, okay, did I get it? But then he 429 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,760 Speaker 1: got up, so I said, okay, he really not afraid. 430 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,920 Speaker 1: So now I'm like, okay, let's go through this. Let's 431 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,360 Speaker 1: see how far he's willing to go. So I throw 432 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,600 Speaker 1: out a little slap box play jab. He dips it 433 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 1: and swings at me. So I'm like, yo, he really 434 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 1: is like, I'm not going to back down. I immediately 435 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,159 Speaker 1: became very proud of the fact that my son is 436 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,239 Speaker 1: not backing down, because if he's if he's willing to 437 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 1: challenge me, that means in the street, he's not going 438 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: to be afraid by some fourteen fifteen year old kid. 439 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 4: He's going to fight back. So now we get to tussling. 440 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 1: And I've been through this with my dad, I've been 441 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,159 Speaker 1: through this with my Sinsey when I've had to fight. 442 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,240 Speaker 1: I was a black belt in taekwondo. I trained under 443 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,360 Speaker 1: Donna Commander, Anthony Commander, and Professor Duncan, who's a tenth 444 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 1: degree black belt. He trained Wesley Snipes and a whole 445 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: bunch of other people. But I remember when I tried 446 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: to challenge him and he swept my ass and was 447 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: pinning me down to the ground, and I kept getting 448 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: up in tears. Is coming out because I'm trying to 449 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,760 Speaker 1: figure out. I was thirteen at the time. I'm trying 450 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: to figure out how to sweep this grand master and 451 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,680 Speaker 1: I'm getting flipped all over the place. 452 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 4: But I also said to myself, I'm not going to 453 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 4: quit till I get him. One time. 454 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,159 Speaker 1: Never got him, but I ended up ripping his gee 455 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,199 Speaker 1: because I was battling that much. And he came to 456 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,159 Speaker 1: me afterwards and he said, you know, I appreciate that 457 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: you never gave up and you never quit. With everybody 458 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 1: watching here and after a while people started to giggle 459 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,199 Speaker 1: because they knew that I couldn't do it. 460 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,639 Speaker 4: I never stopped. And he said, that is what's going 461 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 4: to make you great in life. 462 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 1: In that moment, I said, this is Jackson's moment to 463 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 1: realize that he didn't give up. 464 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,480 Speaker 3: See, I needed to be prefaced with all. 465 00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:39,119 Speaker 4: Of it, but for this, but to be honest, I 466 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,880 Speaker 4: didn't know what was going to happen like that. 467 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 2: And also you were upset with me and mom after 468 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 2: the fact, absolutely, because from Davao's perspective, he's like, how 469 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,879 Speaker 2: dare you guys think that I was legitimately going to 470 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 2: hurt Jackson? Like do you not trust me absolutely as 471 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 2: a father and as a man to know like I've 472 00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,200 Speaker 2: never raised my hand at anybody. 473 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 3: So he was pissed. He came in. 474 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 2: Now, So now that's where I went turned on to 475 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,920 Speaker 2: turn off because now you're mad at me, You pissed. 476 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 3: Off, just like what the heck is going on? 477 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 2: You're supposed to know better than to know that I 478 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,919 Speaker 2: would never do something to harm our child, right, And 479 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,880 Speaker 2: I'm like, that wasn't even the thing on my mind. 480 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,600 Speaker 3: It was just like it was a scared a scared 481 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 3: feeling that Mom and I had. 482 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 2: We had a feeling of like, oh my God, like 483 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 2: Devalot has completely lost it. At this point, we don't 484 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 2: know how to help the situation. 485 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,880 Speaker 4: I understand where you were coming from. 486 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: The thing that bothered me the most is that if 487 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: I'm the one tasked to protect his family, right. For example, 488 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: your mom often says, you'll call your brother talking about Tristan. 489 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,200 Speaker 4: He needs so I'll call him. 490 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: It's like, if I'm the one that you tasked to 491 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,919 Speaker 1: be responsible for all of these people, when Tristan has 492 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 1: an issue, they call me. When my brother has issue, 493 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,959 Speaker 1: everyone calls me. You gotta trust that I know what 494 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: I'm doing. So when I'm telling you guys, yo, I 495 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,440 Speaker 1: got it, leave and now you're refusing to leave, what 496 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,440 Speaker 1: you're doing now is ultimately undermining what I'm trying to 497 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,159 Speaker 1: teach Jackson, because what I alwayso want Jackson to know 498 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,960 Speaker 1: is that in this world, no one is. 499 00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:58,920 Speaker 4: Going to save you. 500 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:00,159 Speaker 3: Yeah, I get it. 501 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 1: No one, But now here I am going through with 502 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,439 Speaker 1: you and your mother and your grandmother is literally trying 503 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 1: to come save you. That's not the message I want 504 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,160 Speaker 1: because I didn't want him, you know, once I pinned 505 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 1: him down to be like okay, dad, Mom, help mom. 506 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 4: No, he didn't do that. 507 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: When I pinned him down, he hit my wrists, he 508 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,159 Speaker 1: elbowed it, he got his hits from underneath, and he 509 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: got on his feet and he was afraid. He was 510 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: legitimately afraid, but he never stopped. And as a man, 511 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,960 Speaker 1: that's what you want from your son, you know, when 512 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,120 Speaker 1: he's fearful, how is he going to respond? I then 513 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 1: went in lunch, because, like I said, I'm never going 514 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,320 Speaker 1: to hit my kids. I lunged at him to tackle 515 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: him in the ground, and rather than him conceding, you 516 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,560 Speaker 1: know what he did. He pushed my head down, got 517 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 1: me in the choke hold. And of course he's lighted 518 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 1: to me. He's one hundred pounds, I'm two hundred pounds. 519 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 1: I could have easily picked Jackson up and slammed him, 520 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 1: but no, when he got me in a choke hold, 521 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 1: I'm thinking like if I'm a fourteen year old one 522 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 1: hundred and ten pound kid, and that this kid got 523 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,080 Speaker 1: me in a choke hold. I'm probably gonna tap, So 524 00:21:59,119 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 1: I tapped. 525 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 3: And yeah, you know what I'm saying, they are strong. 526 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: I tapped. And then as soon as I tapped, he's 527 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 1: looking at me. He's breathing, and I was just like, 528 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:09,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, are you okay? Are you good now? 529 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:12,000 Speaker 4: No? 530 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 1: It's literally it's the same thing you if you ever 531 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 1: watched Lion right with his cubs, and the cubs like 532 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,159 Speaker 1: nibble on his tail and he goes oh, and he 533 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,359 Speaker 1: fakes like it hurt. The reason why he does that 534 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,399 Speaker 1: is to give those lions confidence that their bite has power. 535 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 1: I give you that's that's part of it. And a 536 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,160 Speaker 1: lot of women don't know. When you have sons, there's 537 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 1: going to be that moment where the dad and the 538 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:39,480 Speaker 1: son go at it. 539 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 4: The best thing you can do is get out the 540 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 4: fucking way. 541 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,159 Speaker 1: If you if you if you use discernment right, if 542 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: you use discernment, and you pick the right type of 543 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: man that you say, I want my sons to grow 544 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 1: up like him. 545 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 4: I want my sons to be like my husband. You say, okay, and. 546 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 2: I have you know what I'm saying, most confidence in 547 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,000 Speaker 2: who I selected to be our sons. 548 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,080 Speaker 4: I appreciate that who I should. 549 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 2: Procreate with, because that's one thing I can always say 550 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:06,880 Speaker 2: I've done right you. 551 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 3: As a father. 552 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 4: I mean, I appreciate that. 553 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 2: I think it's clear to see everybody knows. Everybody sees it, 554 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,399 Speaker 2: but me seeing it firsthand and seeing the things that 555 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 2: people don't see and the things that are not captured, 556 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:18,840 Speaker 2: is invaluable. 557 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 3: And I do completely trust you. 558 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 2: So I'm sorry that you felt like in that moment 559 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,120 Speaker 2: I was trying to undermine you and mom when I were, 560 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 2: but we were just we were just oblivious to what 561 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,159 Speaker 2: is happening. In my mind, I've seen you coming out 562 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,960 Speaker 2: the gym high and sweaty. I was like, oh, it's 563 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,679 Speaker 2: that type of time. I was getting ready to get ready. 564 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,520 Speaker 2: And then that completely dampened the entire proof. But now 565 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,040 Speaker 2: we know what it is, all right. Some facts and stats. 566 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,399 Speaker 2: Dot's jump into it after telling the story about Jackson 567 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 2: and Deval. According to research, forty percent of kids who 568 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 2: lack secure bonds with their parents may avoid or resist 569 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 2: their parents when they're upset if they cause them more distress. 570 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,359 Speaker 2: Studies suggest that this can make kids more prone to 571 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 2: serious behavior problems. 572 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: So think about my time prototype. You know how many 573 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,400 Speaker 1: of those kids I had to wrestle and fight in 574 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,160 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because most of my kids, 575 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,120 Speaker 1: seventy five percent of them didn't have dads. So now 576 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,440 Speaker 1: you're coming into a facility where we have rules and standards, 577 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 1: and regardless of who you are, how good you are 578 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: playing a sport, who your mom was. Coach Deval and 579 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,800 Speaker 1: Coach Brian and Coach Dolo, we're not having it. You're 580 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,760 Speaker 1: two minutes late. That means everybody has to do burpees. 581 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,600 Speaker 1: Oh you want to talk back, everybody else has to 582 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,159 Speaker 1: do burpees. Oh you want to make a scene. I 583 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: will physically remove you from the gym. Coach Deval, You're 584 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: not gonna touch me. How much you want to bet? 585 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,160 Speaker 1: And then we get into it, and then they start 586 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:43,280 Speaker 1: to realize, like the way you're acting now, it's literally 587 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 1: the same way a young man acts against the police 588 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 1: and either gets locked up or gets his life taken 589 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 1: because you don't understand authority figures. And when you see men, 590 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,960 Speaker 1: your first thing is to buck up to prove that 591 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,640 Speaker 1: you're a man. But you're a child, and I could 592 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 1: literally end you. But I'm trying to teach you how 593 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 1: to control your emotions and get your point across without 594 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:04,240 Speaker 1: being physical. 595 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 2: See, that's the value in having males around, strong males, 596 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,400 Speaker 2: not any male, but strong males around your boys, especially 597 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:13,879 Speaker 2: for the moms like you said that we had in 598 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,960 Speaker 2: prototypes who had the lack of male presence in the 599 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,119 Speaker 2: life but entrusted you. Yes, and Brian and Dolo and 600 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 2: Rick with their sons because they knew they were going 601 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 2: to receive that level of discipline. Or if you boys 602 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:26,920 Speaker 2: tried to buck up and step out of line, they're 603 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 2: not going to buck up to their mom. 604 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 3: And even if they did try to. 605 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 1: And the couple tried to mom and got hemmed up, 606 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 1: absolutely and I was like, who you talking to your mom? 607 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: Like like how absolutely? Okay, wait till you come to. 608 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,400 Speaker 2: Accountability system was like something that was so so valuable 609 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 2: to have, you know, in this program that we had 610 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,159 Speaker 2: within Brooklyn, because we knew what it was to be 611 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 2: a black boy or a black young man walking through 612 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:48,879 Speaker 2: the streets of Brooklyn. 613 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,359 Speaker 3: At any moment, stop and frisks, you get thrown up 614 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,000 Speaker 3: against the wall. 615 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,879 Speaker 2: You don't know what's going to happen if you do 616 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,800 Speaker 2: not conduct yourself in a certain kind of way. 617 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 3: So and I get it. 618 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,679 Speaker 1: I just want to say this, It's not to comply. 619 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,439 Speaker 1: People say all the time, how come that person didn't comply. 620 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 1: It's not just about complying, it's complying with compassion because 621 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,840 Speaker 1: also understand that police officers have a job to do, 622 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,920 Speaker 1: but also explaining that I know my rights and I'm 623 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,199 Speaker 1: not going to be railroaded in a way that's going 624 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,160 Speaker 1: to be deemed unacceptable by me as a person. 625 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 3: And emotions enough knowing how to community, how. 626 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 4: To communicate that. 627 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,720 Speaker 1: So I'm going to comply with compassion, but I'm going 628 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 1: to communicate to you that I will not be disrespected 629 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 1: in a way where you and I can both understand, like, hey, 630 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 1: I'm not bucking up against the power, but this is 631 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: exactly what it is. And I've had to do that 632 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 1: so many times in Brooklyn. I've had to do that. 633 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,080 Speaker 1: So my my uncle was his retired detective. He taught 634 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 1: me everything about how to deal with cops. Small things 635 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,679 Speaker 1: like they come down to the window, roll all the 636 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,720 Speaker 1: windows down, hand them your ID with your PBA card 637 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,639 Speaker 1: and say just giving your heads up. My uncle is 638 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 1: on the force, looking them in the eye. 639 00:26:59,000 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 4: How you're doing officable? 640 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,439 Speaker 1: Makes get him feel safe by rolling out on the 641 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,359 Speaker 1: windows and lets them know that you have somebody on 642 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 1: the force. But also, I understand you have a tough 643 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 1: job to do, but I'm letting you know I know 644 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 1: somebody on a horse, which means I know my rights, 645 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 1: and I'm looking you in the eye, which means I'm 646 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,919 Speaker 1: not scared, I'm not intimidated, and I'm not gonna be 647 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: treated less than. Those things taught me how to get 648 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: through those instances with police, but not only just police, 649 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,400 Speaker 1: with principles who you know, sometimes you have a male 650 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 1: principle or even a female principle who wants to exude 651 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,199 Speaker 1: or exert their power on you as a child, and 652 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:32,959 Speaker 1: sometimes you got to learn, like, you know what, in 653 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,840 Speaker 1: this moment, that person has more power. I'm gonna control 654 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 1: my emotions. I'm gonna get out of this situation. I'm 655 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 1: gonna call my parents, you know what I'm saying. And 656 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: if it's a male principle, my dad gonna deal with you, 657 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 1: and if it's a female, my mom is coming to 658 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 1: deal with you. 659 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:48,960 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. 660 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,640 Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to teach Jackson. Don't you don't 661 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,120 Speaker 1: got to back down. You don't have to back down, 662 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:58,159 Speaker 1: but you can compose yourself. And in that moment he 663 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,640 Speaker 1: showed me like he's like yo. He I could tell 664 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,040 Speaker 1: he wanted to cry, but he didn't. He did not 665 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 1: want to fight me back, but he was not going 666 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,640 Speaker 1: to be pushed down and held down. And I also 667 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,640 Speaker 1: could tell when he was pulling a little bit, because 668 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 1: nobody really wants to hit they pops. When you respect 669 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 1: your pops, you know what I'm saying, he wanted. And 670 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,200 Speaker 1: I asked him, I said, how did that feel? He said, 671 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,719 Speaker 1: I just wanted to get you to stop. And I said, well, 672 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 1: how do you feel now? He said, I feel in control. 673 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,600 Speaker 1: I controlled that, Like it could have gotten worse, but 674 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I controlled it. Then I took Jackson 675 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: in the room with Cairo and Kaz and Dakota and 676 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,879 Speaker 1: we all had a conversation about being a man and 677 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,520 Speaker 1: standing in your ground and learning how to control your 678 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: emotions but also knowing how to protect yourself and fight 679 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: and know one when to listen. And I had the 680 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: conversation with all four of them because I know Kyrol's coming. 681 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:49,240 Speaker 4: Next and the. 682 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,160 Speaker 3: Next door. And then he came downstairs like I'm just 683 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 3: so scared. 684 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 4: He said, Dad, you scared me like you scared me. 685 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: So I had to explain to Cairo, like what you 686 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: and this good thing for Ky to see that too, 687 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 1: because young boys often don't get to see their fathers 688 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 1: in the controlled rage of protection to know how harmful 689 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 1: their father could be to someone else. 690 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, because you talk about it 691 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 2: a lot of times, you tell the stories, you talk 692 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,160 Speaker 2: about your upbringing all the time, but they've never actually 693 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,600 Speaker 2: seen you in action, noting to be physical with some. 694 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 1: Right, They've never seen And until a boy sees their 695 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 1: father do that, it's hard for them to even imagine 696 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: that my father can go there, but. 697 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 2: Or that people can go there, especially if you haven't 698 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 2: been in a fight ever or had some kind of 699 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,560 Speaker 2: like altercation physical. Well, you can prepare for it, but 700 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 2: until it actually happens. 701 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: Boys also need to understand how different it is for 702 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,200 Speaker 1: a young boy and a man and strength, because Jay, 703 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,640 Speaker 1: you know Jasim, like y'all heard you got into with 704 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 1: your pops and he was just like, yeah, you know, 705 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 1: I was able to stop him, but he's like yo, 706 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 1: he's mad strong. But that gives him a level of 707 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 1: respect to know when you're dealing with grown men. Sometimes 708 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,360 Speaker 1: maybe you might want watch your mouth because as much 709 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: as you think you know, he's wild strong, and if 710 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: he has that level of superior strength over me, I 711 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: have to respect that in this moment. I'm gonna get 712 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 1: out of this moment. Then I'm gonna tell about Pops. 713 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: But you understand what I'm saying. It teaches young men 714 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: how to know, like, yeah, you fourteen, you got a 715 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: little hair on your balls, your chest is a little wider, 716 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 1: and now you think you can talk to your mom. 717 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 4: And I've watched it through prototype. 718 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,160 Speaker 1: I had one kid tell his mom to shut up 719 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,520 Speaker 1: in my office in front of you, in front of me, 720 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 1: and not for nothing. His mom was being extremely abusive. 721 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 1: Oh you ain't no, no, no, no no, And he said, man, 722 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:44,440 Speaker 1: why don't you just shut up? Sometimes I watched her 723 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 1: go to like and I was like, like you cause 724 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,120 Speaker 1: she and then I was like, can you just leave 725 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: for a second? And I asked her to leave for 726 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: a second and I say, dude, like what is that about? 727 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,640 Speaker 1: And he was just like, yo, I'm I'm scared. And 728 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 1: I was like scared of what? And he was like, yo, 729 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 1: like my mom be hitting me all the time, and 730 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,120 Speaker 1: it starts with the screaming and the yelling, and then 731 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,800 Speaker 1: like people be hitting me in school, like I don't. 732 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,240 Speaker 1: And then it really made me realize all of his 733 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 1: responses came from fear getting bullied in school, getting picked 734 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 1: on in school, his mom not realizing she's picking on 735 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,120 Speaker 1: him at home and right. So then I said, Yo, 736 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,480 Speaker 1: all right, can you step up let me talk to 737 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 1: your mom? And I say, oh, like, what's the deal? 738 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 1: You know what she said, I'm scared. I was like 739 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: scared of what she was like, Yo, he's bigger than 740 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:38,960 Speaker 1: me now, Like at any moment, he can decide that 741 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,240 Speaker 1: he wants to do what he wants to do and 742 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,040 Speaker 1: I can't stop him. He lifts weights with you, he's 743 00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:45,360 Speaker 1: sixty one two hundred and fifteen pounds, Like what am 744 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,320 Speaker 1: I supposed to do as a woman. She also said, 745 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:49,440 Speaker 1: I'm scared that when he goes to school that he's 746 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 1: going to get picked on. He acts so soft, so 747 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 1: trying to say her way, and I'm realizing, like, wow, 748 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: you're both afraid, and because you're both afraid, you don't 749 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 1: know how to control your motion. 750 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:01,800 Speaker 3: Communicate that to each other. 751 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 1: And what do you think that's sixth first layer. What 752 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 1: do you think that's six foot one, two hundred and 753 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 1: fifteen pound kid gonna do if he's really scared and 754 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,440 Speaker 1: he's in school, He's gonna hurt somebody. 755 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 2: Or probably just make a super move. You see what 756 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,160 Speaker 2: I'm saying, and not even think about it. 757 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,239 Speaker 1: And seeing so many different iterations of that type of 758 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 1: fear with our young men and their moms and not 759 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: having their dads. I just wanted to be able to 760 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,320 Speaker 1: instill the type of confidence in our boys to where 761 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:29,320 Speaker 1: it's like, bro, it's okay to walk away because you 762 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,000 Speaker 1: know you tougher than that kid. You know you bigger 763 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:35,520 Speaker 1: than that kid, laugh it off, or have the level 764 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,840 Speaker 1: of toughness to say, oh he bigger than you, Yeah, 765 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,680 Speaker 1: but he ain't that as. He ain't as big as 766 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,760 Speaker 1: my pops. So I'm not taking his shit, and if 767 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 1: i have to, I'll put his ass down. I want 768 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: my sons to have that level of confidence so they 769 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,640 Speaker 1: can walk around and make better decisions, because most decisions 770 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 1: that are made that are like poor decisions are made 771 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,600 Speaker 1: out of any emotion that they don't know how to control, 772 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 1: anger or anger, fear. You know what I'm saying, I'm 773 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 1: just trying to teach my boys how to do that, 774 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,560 Speaker 1: and sometimes it's better for them to get physical at home, 775 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 1: Like you'll realize this, and I'm gonna say this, And 776 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:11,360 Speaker 1: one thing is I'm not asking for anybody to validate 777 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: what I'm saying or agree. I don't give a fuck. 778 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna raise my kids the way I want to 779 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 1: raise my kids. I've seen too many different other ways. 780 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: I've lost kids to gun violence. I've lost kids to jail. 781 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 1: I've almost lost kids to prison. I've lost parents because 782 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 1: of issues with sons and daughters and then other parents 783 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 1: got involved. I've seen too many things in real life 784 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 1: to give a shit what social media says about how 785 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,960 Speaker 1: my parent. I don't want my sons to ever walk 786 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 1: around the world afraid. And if that means that we 787 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 1: have a kerfuffle in the house or him and his 788 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,560 Speaker 1: brothers are fighting, and rather than me jump in and 789 00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,880 Speaker 1: saying stop and saying okay, no, y'all gonna fight, go 790 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 1: ahead and fight. 791 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 4: That's the way I'm gonna do things. 792 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,480 Speaker 1: Cause it's gonna come a point where Kyro's gonna test 793 00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,720 Speaker 1: Jackson and I'm gonna have to teach Jackson how to 794 00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,720 Speaker 1: be as compassionate with his little brother as I was 795 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,400 Speaker 1: when him and say he gonna try you buck, all right, 796 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,040 Speaker 1: show him, show him your strength, but don't hurt them. 797 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,200 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. And that's just the way 798 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 4: I'm raising my kids. 799 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:12,399 Speaker 1: I don't People can argue, I don't care whatever sound 800 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,400 Speaker 1: bites they want to take or videos and say this, 801 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,600 Speaker 1: he's beat his kids. Do you think whatever you want care? 802 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,040 Speaker 1: My son's not gonna be no bullies. They're not gonna 803 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 1: get bullied. My sons ain't gonna be a product of 804 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 1: the system. No, no cop is gonna ever take my 805 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,840 Speaker 1: son and say he didn't comply, he was being aggressive. 806 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,759 Speaker 1: If that happens, I know you did something to my son. 807 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,440 Speaker 1: And I can guarantee you this, If that ever happens, 808 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 1: you won't hear you won't hear me up there with 809 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,000 Speaker 1: no hashtags and de val coming. 810 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 4: I'm making that very very player. 811 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,480 Speaker 1: On your real talk though, like I'm not. I'm not 812 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 1: doing that serious. Like I'm raising my sons to be compassionate, strong, 813 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,719 Speaker 1: empathetic young men, and if something happens to one of them, 814 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,160 Speaker 1: I know that whoever did it did it. 815 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:55,680 Speaker 3: You know, and we know we're. 816 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 2: Doing the right thing, because it's going to be unfortunate 817 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,799 Speaker 2: that they're going to have to engage with people in 818 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 2: their life as we do every day who are not 819 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,200 Speaker 2: going to have the same kind of emotional intelligence or 820 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,080 Speaker 2: just that kind of mindset. But I would hope and 821 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:11,319 Speaker 2: implore all parents raising children to really invest time and 822 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:15,320 Speaker 2: energy into that because it'll probably help our children generation 823 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,799 Speaker 2: to be less getting into these kerfruffles. 824 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,719 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, K if only you knew some 825 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,400 Speaker 1: of the stuff. And it's not just the boys the 826 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:29,400 Speaker 1: girls getting into fights because they're afraid, them being afraid, 827 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:31,760 Speaker 1: the bullying, or them being afraid. 828 00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,240 Speaker 4: So what they do is tell one of their brothers 829 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:35,280 Speaker 4: or cousins. 830 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:39,720 Speaker 1: And now you have a raging bull who's afraid running 831 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,799 Speaker 1: to another raging bull who's afraid, and one takes out 832 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,520 Speaker 1: a gun, and now kids are gone. 833 00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:46,879 Speaker 4: I've lost kids that way too. 834 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:51,919 Speaker 1: He was going to defend who over what, So y'all 835 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:57,840 Speaker 1: are fighting and he's getting arrested over Instagram comments And 836 00:35:58,600 --> 00:35:58,880 Speaker 1: when I. 837 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,959 Speaker 4: Speaking to the kids, something like, there's always this what happened? 838 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: I didn't know I was afraid because he said, or 839 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,000 Speaker 1: you were scared because you were scared. 840 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 4: Now you got to show everybody you're not scared. 841 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 3: But you are. 842 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, but in order to prove you not scared, you 843 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,680 Speaker 1: can pick up a weapon, or you go get ten 844 00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 1: people and you run up on this guy and now 845 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,120 Speaker 1: y'all jump him or you kill him, or you slice him, 846 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:21,720 Speaker 1: or to prove a point that you're not scared. 847 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:22,759 Speaker 4: And you know what that kid does. 848 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,960 Speaker 1: He goes back and he gets a weapon, well his 849 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,080 Speaker 1: twenty people, and it's anover ending cycle when all it 850 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:31,520 Speaker 1: would have took was one person to be like, you 851 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,120 Speaker 1: know what, you got it, you got it. 852 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 4: That comment wasn't that important. 853 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,840 Speaker 2: You got it, and you're not that important, right and 854 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:39,919 Speaker 2: all you saw okay, okay. 855 00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:46,560 Speaker 1: To me, I walked away from so many fights. No, 856 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 1: I walked away from so many fights in high school. 857 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,480 Speaker 1: Middle school I got into more fights because middle school 858 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:54,799 Speaker 1: was where I learned how to manage myself. But high 859 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 1: school I walked away from so many fights because when 860 00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:00,640 Speaker 1: you compete competitively and you really hit people and you 861 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 1: hurt people, or you punch somebody and you see their 862 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,280 Speaker 1: eyes go in the back of their head, it becomes 863 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,280 Speaker 1: real to you that if I hit someone who doesn't 864 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,480 Speaker 1: know how to fight who doesn't have on head gear 865 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,640 Speaker 1: because my brother and I fought and Joyce centerl same 866 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:15,439 Speaker 1: thing as Tristan Joyce Sanna Marina tournaments, Oyama tournaments where 867 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,239 Speaker 1: it was full contact but with head gear. 868 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,279 Speaker 4: And when you're thirteen and you kick someone boom. 869 00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:21,960 Speaker 1: In the head and you watch their head eyes go 870 00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:23,880 Speaker 1: back and you're like, dang, if they didn't have head gear, 871 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,480 Speaker 1: or when they they could be a problem. When I 872 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,600 Speaker 1: get in the street now with fourteen fifteen and oh 873 00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:31,839 Speaker 1: you solved other and it's like, no, what, because what's 874 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,080 Speaker 1: gonna happen? We get into a fight and I roundhouse 875 00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,439 Speaker 1: kick you with no head gear and you hit your 876 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:37,160 Speaker 1: your head on the. 877 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:38,120 Speaker 4: Seamen and you die. 878 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,440 Speaker 1: Now I'm getting locked up, and now I got to 879 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,200 Speaker 1: deal with someone's death on my hands or my girlfriend 880 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,520 Speaker 1: the foul someone so said this to me? So why 881 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,759 Speaker 1: why do they feel comfortable saying that to you? How about 882 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 1: you stay over here where I am and it won't 883 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,919 Speaker 1: be no problems. You're not gonna go say nothing to them. No, 884 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 1: I don't know them, man, I don't know what started it. 885 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,480 Speaker 1: Oh you pussy, Okay, I'm pussy that. So if I'm 886 00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: pussy in. You don't fuck with me or I'm gonna 887 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,439 Speaker 1: bring your My brother had to fuck you up because 888 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:02,400 Speaker 1: you ain't defending my honor. 889 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,520 Speaker 4: Do it. Then the brother comes and get in your 890 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,080 Speaker 4: face and you're just looking at them like, I'm not 891 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,680 Speaker 4: scared of you neither, but I'm not fighting for your sister. 892 00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 4: So what you're gonna do? 893 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,560 Speaker 1: And then you have a certain level of calm that 894 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,920 Speaker 1: people realize they can't get. 895 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,640 Speaker 4: He probably calm for a reason. And I don't want 896 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 4: that smoke. 897 00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 3: You've seen it. 898 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,240 Speaker 4: Think about it. Think about it Sari's twenty first birthday. 899 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:25,960 Speaker 3: Yes, I remember that. 900 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:26,920 Speaker 4: All them dudes. 901 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,120 Speaker 1: Long story short, A dude disrespected Sakari because she had 902 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 1: a VIP. One dude was standing in the VIP. She 903 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,239 Speaker 1: asked if the dude could leave the VIP. Dude said, 904 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,040 Speaker 1: fuck you, I'm not done it. No, No, I've seen 905 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,440 Speaker 1: Sakari jump back. So now I'm like, i gotta stand up. 906 00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,440 Speaker 1: I go over to the dude. Dude is obviously inebriated. 907 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 1: I said, Yo, it's my sister's thin He I ain't 908 00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,400 Speaker 1: getting all, you know, and we're in the club. 909 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,520 Speaker 4: There's only one exit in the club that we're in is. 910 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:51,480 Speaker 4: This wasn't tracks. 911 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:54,160 Speaker 3: This was years ago, years ago. 912 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,480 Speaker 1: So we're all the way in the back. A whole 913 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,319 Speaker 1: bunch of dudes come around because they see me talking 914 00:38:58,360 --> 00:38:59,880 Speaker 1: to their homeboy. It's like ten dudes. 915 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,600 Speaker 4: They roll up. Yo, yo, you're talking to my man's 916 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,080 Speaker 4: So he put his hand out to me. First. 917 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,200 Speaker 1: I pulled his hand and pulled him up on the 918 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,600 Speaker 1: VIP did that in first to show him on purpose, 919 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,560 Speaker 1: to show him I ain't some weak dude, And I said, 920 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:14,319 Speaker 1: what's up, my guy? 921 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,279 Speaker 4: He was just like, yo, my man, you my man 922 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:17,960 Speaker 4: doing a lot of talking. He looked upset if he 923 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,320 Speaker 4: got a problem. I got a problem. 924 00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 1: I looked him in the eye. I said, look, I'm 925 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,800 Speaker 1: here with my sister. She's twenty one. There's seven women 926 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:29,239 Speaker 1: in here. It's me and one other dude. What do 927 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:30,960 Speaker 1: I look like fighting with y'all with all of these 928 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,839 Speaker 1: women in here. He looked at me in the face 929 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: and he said, you know what, You're right. I said, 930 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,080 Speaker 1: this is kind of corny, Like I'm not spending my 931 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,960 Speaker 1: time fighting young. He went and talked to his man. 932 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,160 Speaker 1: They got into a little argument or whatever. I guess 933 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,760 Speaker 1: this man wanted him to do whatever. But In that moment, 934 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:54,080 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not gonna get killed on Tuesday 935 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 1: at track because I want to be the tough guy 936 00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,960 Speaker 1: in tracks on a Tuesday day, like I'm not. I 937 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,000 Speaker 1: showed him that I'm not scared. I pulled him up 938 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,520 Speaker 1: on the thing. I spoke to a man, the man 939 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:06,719 Speaker 1: in his eye, and you know what he did. He 940 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,759 Speaker 1: respected it. A lot of young men need that same 941 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,680 Speaker 1: type of tutelage. It's okay to be a man and 942 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,880 Speaker 1: show you're not scared, but let's be honest. Look at 943 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,520 Speaker 1: all these women. What we're doing. 944 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:17,640 Speaker 3: What are we doing here? 945 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,400 Speaker 1: But if I was scared and I see all I'm 946 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,279 Speaker 1: coming and the first thing I do is punch your dude, 947 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,439 Speaker 1: and now we fighting, Now, now it's a big thing. 948 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,640 Speaker 1: Or if I threaten him like y'all better leave me 949 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,439 Speaker 1: out here, you know who? I know that's corny too. 950 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:30,560 Speaker 3: There's always the people that want to leave the club 951 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:31,480 Speaker 3: and come back and all that. 952 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:35,000 Speaker 2: It's just all. 953 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,680 Speaker 3: To be like wow, in the pissing contest, I won, y'all. 954 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:40,440 Speaker 1: And as a man, that's my biggest fear of my sons. 955 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:43,640 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Getting into a pissing contest, 956 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:46,520 Speaker 1: with someone that has nothing to lose, and then my 957 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:47,680 Speaker 1: son is no longer here. 958 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:49,320 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. 959 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:52,120 Speaker 1: You can avoid over that by being the peace and 960 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:53,280 Speaker 1: the ease in the situation. 961 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, A little this this, I'm 962 00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 4: gonna show you something too. 963 00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,279 Speaker 1: If I'm ever not here and people pay attention in this, 964 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:02,840 Speaker 1: it's so easy to calm a man down as a 965 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,160 Speaker 1: dude when you could squeeze his hand firm like this, 966 00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,840 Speaker 1: look him in the iron like my g like. But 967 00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:12,160 Speaker 1: but they feel in your strength. He not weak, he 968 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:14,920 Speaker 1: not a pushover. And if once you pull him up 969 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,520 Speaker 1: on the stage and you tell him and they realize, like, okay, 970 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,200 Speaker 1: he did kind of pull me out. Weai over two 971 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,319 Speaker 1: hundred pounds, he probably got something to him. Let's not 972 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:26,600 Speaker 1: do this. Most people, especially you, probably don't notice too 973 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 1: Most people who get shot, right, they only get shot 974 00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:33,560 Speaker 1: because one person had a gun places where they know 975 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:37,359 Speaker 1: everyone's carrying. How can we never hear about shootouts. There's 976 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,319 Speaker 1: a certain level of respect when you know someone else 977 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,800 Speaker 1: is armed. That doesn't always mean armed with guns, armed 978 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,719 Speaker 1: with intelligence, you know, armed with that physicality to put 979 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:51,160 Speaker 1: somebody else down. When people know that they be calm. 980 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 1: It's always the one sucker who were going to a party. 981 00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:56,200 Speaker 3: We've always seen that, We've seen that guy. 982 00:41:56,640 --> 00:42:01,560 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying this, Absolutely, they always looking 983 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,759 Speaker 1: at the call as a risk because they have an insecurity. 984 00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,759 Speaker 1: But when there's one is a metal detector and there's 985 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,880 Speaker 1: only one person with a gun, that person is always 986 00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:12,800 Speaker 1: the toughest. But then there's no metal detective because everybody's armed. 987 00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:14,839 Speaker 1: Everybody chilling because it's like. 988 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:15,840 Speaker 4: Oh, he could shoot too. 989 00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,120 Speaker 3: Nobody wants to pop off, not popping off. Yeah, you 990 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:19,200 Speaker 3: see what I'm saying, to pop off. 991 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,680 Speaker 2: See, y'all, I'm over here learning something new every day. 992 00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,080 Speaker 2: I'm listening to out unpack this even more because we 993 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,399 Speaker 2: kind of had a conversation about this after we did 994 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,800 Speaker 2: have a conversation about this after everything happened. 995 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:31,360 Speaker 3: But you know, I'm learning now. 996 00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:34,400 Speaker 2: As a boy mom the things that I didn't know 997 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 2: because I was raised completely differently, completely differently, even my 998 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,319 Speaker 2: brother was. My mother and father were the type that 999 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,959 Speaker 2: was just like, stay out of trouble, stay out the way, 1000 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,080 Speaker 2: stay in the background, don't be that person, don't bring 1001 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,000 Speaker 2: it un necessary attention to yourself. Like that's like we 1002 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,279 Speaker 2: were more so on the offensive side of things, like 1003 00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,160 Speaker 2: just be the ones to sit back. But we just 1004 00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,360 Speaker 2: have to understand now and not to say that the 1005 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,279 Speaker 2: world is so different now than when we were raised, 1006 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,399 Speaker 2: because there's always going to be nonsense. It's just knowing 1007 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,239 Speaker 2: that now I'm in the parents sy and I see 1008 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,399 Speaker 2: what's required of young men nowadays in order to carry 1009 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,600 Speaker 2: themselves in a certain way, that they have the confidence 1010 00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:10,640 Speaker 2: to be able to take care of themselves. 1011 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,120 Speaker 3: And that's ultimately what we want. 1012 00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:13,320 Speaker 4: That's it just confidence. 1013 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,800 Speaker 1: Just have confidence to walk through I mean small things, 1014 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:19,319 Speaker 1: like one thing I have to shout out. 1015 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:21,879 Speaker 4: My uncle Kevin, and my Pops and my uncle Dan. 1016 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,080 Speaker 1: Growing up in Brooklyn, they all taught me, like, yo, 1017 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,840 Speaker 1: when you walk in through Brooklyn, make sure that people 1018 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:28,600 Speaker 1: know who you are. 1019 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,480 Speaker 4: Make eye contact with everybody. 1020 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,520 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if it's a bum on the street 1021 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,759 Speaker 1: or a local gang member or it was good my 1022 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:39,560 Speaker 1: g look them in the eye, shake hands. Because all 1023 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,279 Speaker 1: people want to feel is respected. And a lot of 1024 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,400 Speaker 1: issues that happened in the world happened because someone felt disrespected. 1025 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,400 Speaker 4: Disrespect comes from small things. You and Brooklyn. 1026 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,000 Speaker 1: You walk by somebody, you look at them and look 1027 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,560 Speaker 1: away sometimes like the fuck you looking at or it's 1028 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:53,600 Speaker 1: like what you're grilling me for? 1029 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,640 Speaker 4: It is, but you could ease that like this and 1030 00:43:57,800 --> 00:43:58,680 Speaker 4: you see me do this. 1031 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,160 Speaker 1: Kadeen and I will be walking down Saint Mark's to 1032 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,080 Speaker 1: go somewhere or from unpacking our car, and it be 1033 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:06,120 Speaker 1: a bunch of young dudes that look like they're gonna 1034 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,839 Speaker 1: cause trouble, which looks like my prototype kids. I was like, Yo, 1035 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,160 Speaker 1: we're walking right through this group and I'm gonna just 1036 00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:15,319 Speaker 1: watch this. We walk through evening gentlemen and what do 1037 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:16,200 Speaker 1: they always do? 1038 00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:16,319 Speaker 3: They? 1039 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,040 Speaker 4: What's up? No issues? 1040 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,640 Speaker 1: K used to be when he's twenty something years old 1041 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,040 Speaker 1: walking the dog going to the car never had an 1042 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,560 Speaker 1: issue in our neighborhood. Ever with all of them young 1043 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,200 Speaker 1: men that be hanging on the corner, the only thing 1044 00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,080 Speaker 1: they would ever say is like your dog man will 1045 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:35,960 Speaker 1: watch your car for you. Make sure nobody leaning on 1046 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,040 Speaker 1: your car. And it didn't take me having to go 1047 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:40,040 Speaker 1: out there to punch nobody. Nah, I just show them 1048 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,879 Speaker 1: respect and reverence that like, Yo, I know that y'all 1049 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:43,439 Speaker 1: are here too. 1050 00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,080 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. We shared a community. I 1051 00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:48,400 Speaker 4: know y'all here. You know what I'm saying, it ain't nothing, 1052 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,719 Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. When stuff were going on, 1053 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,600 Speaker 4: I run out the window and you'll like, Yo, the 1054 00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,160 Speaker 4: Jakes is coming down the block. You might need to disperse. 1055 00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:57,840 Speaker 1: Because we used living on the fourth floor and I 1056 00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,080 Speaker 1: could see down New York Avenue. 1057 00:44:59,120 --> 00:44:59,839 Speaker 4: It's a one way street. 1058 00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:01,959 Speaker 1: So whenever I've seen the cops coming down because someone 1059 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,000 Speaker 1: had called because the young men to be at the corner, 1060 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,320 Speaker 1: I yell out the window. 1061 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,759 Speaker 4: Nothing. You know what I'm saying. 1062 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,239 Speaker 1: But it's stuff like that in your hood. Last thing 1063 00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,319 Speaker 1: before because we do got to take a break. We 1064 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,880 Speaker 1: coached over five hundred young black men and women in 1065 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:23,080 Speaker 1: Brooklyn from Bedstar, Crown Heights, Brownsville, East, New York, Kanarsi Flatbush. 1066 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,120 Speaker 4: Over twelve years of tutelage. 1067 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:30,320 Speaker 1: We never had one fight, one gang incident, one shooting, 1068 00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,200 Speaker 1: one arrest in our building. 1069 00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:33,080 Speaker 4: You know why. 1070 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,160 Speaker 1: We had a certain level of respects and respect and 1071 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,200 Speaker 1: we demanded it from every child that came in there. 1072 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:43,520 Speaker 4: And part of that respect was we will physically put. 1073 00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,160 Speaker 1: Your ass out of this gym if you come in 1074 00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,920 Speaker 1: here under the long and I'm running my house the 1075 00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,560 Speaker 1: same way. You know, we're in the world now where 1076 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,040 Speaker 1: everybody's super sensitive. Don't say this, don't do that, don't 1077 00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,040 Speaker 1: do this. I was that coach. I'm not lying. My 1078 00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,960 Speaker 1: brother too, would tell a man in a heartbeat, keep 1079 00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:01,799 Speaker 1: fuck with me. I will slap the shit out of you. 1080 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,120 Speaker 2: I will talk because how you've moved on since then, 1081 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,560 Speaker 2: Because these kids nowadays, you couldn't be like that with them. 1082 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,840 Speaker 3: Well some, depending on what the parents allow. Because we 1083 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:12,680 Speaker 3: did what. 1084 00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:16,440 Speaker 1: We always did was we had full conversations with the parents. 1085 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,680 Speaker 1: Remember it was, hey, if you're going to join this 1086 00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:22,360 Speaker 1: mentorship program, understand that the level of discipline we're going 1087 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 1: to instill in your kids starts with us. We want 1088 00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,640 Speaker 1: to make sure they get home safely. We had relationships 1089 00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,359 Speaker 1: with the sixty ninth percent. I made sure that every 1090 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,680 Speaker 1: cop that patrolled that area knew my prototype kids. They 1091 00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:36,920 Speaker 1: all have my cards, so the parents knew that we 1092 00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,000 Speaker 1: were coming from a place of love. But if a 1093 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,960 Speaker 1: young man ever got disrespectful, we let the parents know 1094 00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,399 Speaker 1: we will put hands on your kids and let them 1095 00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,360 Speaker 1: know what it is, because I don't want a cop 1096 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,040 Speaker 1: to ever have to do that to our sons. I 1097 00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:52,200 Speaker 1: always with love, always led with love, and I mean 1098 00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:55,360 Speaker 1: to be honest. You're raising football players who are lifting weights. 1099 00:46:55,680 --> 00:47:02,120 Speaker 1: Our sixteen year olds are five eleven six three five 1100 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:04,040 Speaker 1: to two hundred and forty pounds. 1101 00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,520 Speaker 4: Them cops be afraid too, because they don't look like kids. 1102 00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:08,040 Speaker 3: They don't. 1103 00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,080 Speaker 2: You're right, A lot of them after I can believe it. 1104 00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,040 Speaker 2: You know, it a matter of a couple of years. 1105 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,279 Speaker 2: It's like from babies to men. 1106 00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:17,719 Speaker 1: Think about Think about Kamora from Grand Street, six four, 1107 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,319 Speaker 1: two hundred and seventy pounds. 1108 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:21,160 Speaker 4: Jamaican mom. 1109 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:23,400 Speaker 1: Mom is a nurse, you know, and she you know, 1110 00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:25,920 Speaker 1: Coach Brian, coach Duvau help my son Da Da Da. 1111 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,640 Speaker 1: He big as hell, but didn't know anything about the streets. 1112 00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:31,799 Speaker 1: A kid like that starts to get picked on and 1113 00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,000 Speaker 1: feels so afraid he can really hurt somebody. 1114 00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,719 Speaker 4: Never happened. Gave him confidence. 1115 00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,160 Speaker 1: And on the Rutgers, I think he played a couple 1116 00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:40,600 Speaker 1: of years in the legal or he may be trying 1117 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:40,839 Speaker 1: to play. 1118 00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,680 Speaker 4: Went on the Rutgers, got a free education. Shout out so. 1119 00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,760 Speaker 2: Many, so many men, not just saying now that boy 1120 00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:50,279 Speaker 2: to them, but there are men doing amazing things, and 1121 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,279 Speaker 2: our boys will not be any different. All right, y'all, 1122 00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:54,880 Speaker 2: let's take a quick break, and we're going to come 1123 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:56,880 Speaker 2: back and get into some list of letters after we 1124 00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:57,640 Speaker 2: pay some bills. 1125 00:47:57,719 --> 00:48:07,640 Speaker 3: All right, we'll be back. All right, let's dive right in. 1126 00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,880 Speaker 2: Since you did a lot of the talking today, baby, 1127 00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,759 Speaker 2: with your expertise filling us in on what it's like 1128 00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:16,600 Speaker 2: to be a boy becoming a man. It's easy all 1129 00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:18,760 Speaker 2: I'm gonna dive into these listening letters for you. Okay, 1130 00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:21,319 Speaker 2: all right, what's up y'all? First off, you two are 1131 00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:23,480 Speaker 2: an inspiration to me and my family. I'm a father 1132 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:25,560 Speaker 2: of two and eleven year old son and a four 1133 00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:27,960 Speaker 2: year old daughter. Me and my girl both love the 1134 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,359 Speaker 2: work that you all do to spread your message. Thank 1135 00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:33,000 Speaker 2: you so much. The world needs to see so much 1136 00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:34,879 Speaker 2: more of what you guys put out, and we thank 1137 00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:35,319 Speaker 2: you for that. 1138 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:36,279 Speaker 3: So check it. 1139 00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:38,319 Speaker 2: I heard in the previousness in the letter that one 1140 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,520 Speaker 2: of Jackson's punishments was thirty sprints on the treadmill, and 1141 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:45,799 Speaker 2: I wanted more details of those work. Ok okay, for 1142 00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:48,959 Speaker 2: my own workout routine, and I keep in my bag 1143 00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:50,840 Speaker 2: in case, oh, for my own workout routine is to 1144 00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:52,600 Speaker 2: keep in my bag in case my kids want to 1145 00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,600 Speaker 2: test me. That's all I wanted peace and love to 1146 00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:57,000 Speaker 2: you both in your beautiful family. 1147 00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:58,200 Speaker 4: We appreciate you. 1148 00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:01,279 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I answer the questions simple, thirty sprints on 1149 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:01,760 Speaker 1: the treadmill. 1150 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,040 Speaker 4: Typically I do high incline sprints with the kids. 1151 00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:07,040 Speaker 1: But when it's punishment, it's not high incline sprints because 1152 00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:08,360 Speaker 1: high incline is for performance. 1153 00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:09,680 Speaker 3: What wasment for it? 1154 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,080 Speaker 1: This was a while ago. This is a while ago, 1155 00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,480 Speaker 1: but it was punished for something he didn't do. But 1156 00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:19,720 Speaker 1: I know the thirty sprints. It's typically everything is within 1157 00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:22,520 Speaker 1: a minute. So for example, if he's doing sprints, I'll 1158 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:24,439 Speaker 1: tell him, look, you have a twenty second sprint, which 1159 00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:26,759 Speaker 1: means you get forty seconds rest. And if you have 1160 00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,799 Speaker 1: thirty of them, that means you have to be on 1161 00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,000 Speaker 1: this treadmill for thirty minutes. 1162 00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:31,440 Speaker 4: So it's a thirty minute exercise. 1163 00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:35,600 Speaker 1: Twenty seconds off, forty seconds, twenty seconds on, forty seconds off. 1164 00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,560 Speaker 1: It's a flat ground right for him at his age, 1165 00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:39,560 Speaker 1: I think he was like eleven. 1166 00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:43,000 Speaker 4: He only ran at like seven. You know what I'm saying. 1167 00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,239 Speaker 1: But for you, as a workout, if you're a grown up, 1168 00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:47,560 Speaker 1: like I do the same workout thirty minutes sprints, I'll 1169 00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:49,960 Speaker 1: do twenty seconds on forty seconds off. I'll put the 1170 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:51,920 Speaker 1: incline to like six, and I may run it like 1171 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,839 Speaker 1: ten because it's a good cardio vascular workout. But it's 1172 00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,040 Speaker 1: not like just running on the treadmill. You sprint for 1173 00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:00,839 Speaker 1: twenty seconds, you rest for forty, you won't be able 1174 00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:04,040 Speaker 1: to do thirty off the bat Start with maybe ten 1175 00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:05,759 Speaker 1: to twelve, and then build your way up. 1176 00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:07,720 Speaker 4: Like even Jackson. I didn't start him with thirty. 1177 00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:11,479 Speaker 1: Jackson started with eight, and then after eighty two, every 1178 00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,479 Speaker 1: two weeks we added four, so we went from eight 1179 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,880 Speaker 1: to twelve to sixteen, and ultimately he ended up at thirty. 1180 00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,759 Speaker 2: Oh okay, cool, I spread to y'all, Yeah you do. 1181 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,000 Speaker 2: Once I get rid of this plant, our fasciaties that 1182 00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,680 Speaker 2: I have, you know, you turn forty and all everything 1183 00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:25,760 Speaker 2: starts to get tight and it starts to hurt and whatnot. 1184 00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:30,160 Speaker 2: So I'm wearing birkenstocks and Hokah sneakers and everything. That's like, 1185 00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,680 Speaker 2: my level of drip lately has been at an all 1186 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,120 Speaker 2: time low because I'm trying to get back at your body. 1187 00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:36,600 Speaker 2: But my body it has been on. 1188 00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:38,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's been drippy. 1189 00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:44,879 Speaker 1: There's so many ways splash. 1190 00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,719 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, all right, what's number two? 1191 00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:48,359 Speaker 1: Hi? 1192 00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:51,240 Speaker 2: I hope this message gets to you. I'm in desperate 1193 00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,600 Speaker 2: need of advice. My daughter, who turned eighteen in May, 1194 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,800 Speaker 2: was invited to her boyfriend's family for a birthday party 1195 00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,080 Speaker 2: at Great Wolf Lodge, where she would have to stay 1196 00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:02,160 Speaker 2: overnight and come back the following day, meaning she will 1197 00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:05,560 Speaker 2: stay with the family at the hotel. Ooh, we've never 1198 00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,719 Speaker 2: allowed her to stay overnight anywhere, let alone with the 1199 00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,880 Speaker 2: boyfriend's family. I text the boyfriend's mother and thanked her 1200 00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:15,080 Speaker 2: for the invitation. However, we'll pass this time and maybe 1201 00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:18,040 Speaker 2: next time we can all go together. I sat with 1202 00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,279 Speaker 2: my daughter and explained to her I didn't just say 1203 00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:23,000 Speaker 2: you're not going because I said so. So I explained 1204 00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:25,359 Speaker 2: to her that that it's not that I don't trust her, 1205 00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,600 Speaker 2: but I think my comfort level for her to sleep 1206 00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:30,040 Speaker 2: away with a family I've known for so little time. 1207 00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:33,799 Speaker 2: They've only been dating for a year now. Also, we 1208 00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,480 Speaker 2: don't have those values. When I told her, she got upset. 1209 00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,520 Speaker 2: Of course, she did said she will go. It sounds 1210 00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,360 Speaker 2: like me said that she will go to which I replied, no, 1211 00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:45,000 Speaker 2: you're not, and she said I am and walked away 1212 00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:47,040 Speaker 2: just to give you some context. 1213 00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:47,839 Speaker 3: She's a great kid. 1214 00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:51,120 Speaker 2: She has been very respectful until now graduated high school, 1215 00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:54,040 Speaker 2: will start college in August. We have never allowed her 1216 00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:57,000 Speaker 2: to have sleepovers as a Latina mom, that's just not 1217 00:51:57,120 --> 00:52:01,920 Speaker 2: even a thing understood. Mom drained, a super drained, a 1218 00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,360 Speaker 2: teen mom of three? What would you have done in 1219 00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:06,719 Speaker 2: this situation? How can we keep the trust that we 1220 00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:09,919 Speaker 2: have for her when she's in college. It's two fold 1221 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,439 Speaker 2: for me, baby, at this point, I completely understand where 1222 00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:15,040 Speaker 2: you're coming from. 1223 00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:16,720 Speaker 3: We don't do sleepovers either. 1224 00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:20,840 Speaker 2: I think Jackson has slept over at two people's homes 1225 00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,319 Speaker 2: and those are people who we trust heeartedly, and we've 1226 00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,799 Speaker 2: known and we know that without a doubt everything. Yes, 1227 00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:29,839 Speaker 2: we know these people, you know. And other than that, 1228 00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:33,160 Speaker 2: it's just going to be a grandparents inles, that's it. 1229 00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,960 Speaker 2: So I completely understand where you're coming from, because things 1230 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:42,000 Speaker 2: are crazy this day and age. However, However, Mama, where 1231 00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,160 Speaker 2: there's a will, there's a way, And the fact that 1232 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,080 Speaker 2: they spoke to you about it and let you know 1233 00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:48,759 Speaker 2: what was happening and she still said she was going 1234 00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:50,360 Speaker 2: to do what she wanted to do regardless. 1235 00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:51,960 Speaker 3: That sounds like Kadeen. 1236 00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:55,480 Speaker 2: At eighteen, because Kadeen at eighteen met Deval, and Kadeen 1237 00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:58,439 Speaker 2: at eighteen was so in love with him and knew 1238 00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,440 Speaker 2: that he came from an amazing family and had a 1239 00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,640 Speaker 2: mom who was not interested in even getting to know 1240 00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:05,879 Speaker 2: these people. But Kadeen wanted to do what Kadeen wanted 1241 00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,080 Speaker 2: to do. So what did Kadean do what she wanted 1242 00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:08,279 Speaker 2: to do? 1243 00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:08,640 Speaker 3: Anyway? 1244 00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:11,120 Speaker 2: And then I ended up lying about the situation and 1245 00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:12,879 Speaker 2: saying that I was staying on campus for the night 1246 00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:13,520 Speaker 2: when I wasn't. 1247 00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:15,680 Speaker 3: I was up in the Poconos with the Valan his family. 1248 00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:18,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, so saying as the. 1249 00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:21,400 Speaker 2: Same mom, the fact that they're being honest and opening 1250 00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,160 Speaker 2: upfront about it, as much as I understand how uncomfortable 1251 00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:27,399 Speaker 2: it may make you feel at eighteen, I know she's 1252 00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:29,720 Speaker 2: probably going to say to you, technically, I'm an adult. 1253 00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:32,520 Speaker 2: I hit eighteen, I'm an adult. The fact that she 1254 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:34,440 Speaker 2: can be open and honest, and then the family can 1255 00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,360 Speaker 2: be open and honest and say here's what's going to happen. 1256 00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,319 Speaker 2: I get you not feeling comfortable, but the next level 1257 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,560 Speaker 2: of conversation, if she's still going to go anyway, it's like, 1258 00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:44,400 Speaker 2: what are the sleeping arrangements. Where will she be staying, Like, 1259 00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:46,719 Speaker 2: how is the setup going to be? Yeah, because they're 1260 00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:48,399 Speaker 2: going to find a way to do what they want 1261 00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:49,200 Speaker 2: to do anyway. 1262 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,080 Speaker 3: But Mom, I understand. I'm giving you a hug right 1263 00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,719 Speaker 3: now because I get it. I get on a cultural 1264 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,680 Speaker 3: level and on a parent level. 1265 00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,799 Speaker 2: But I'm also not far removed from eighteen to nineteen 1266 00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:02,280 Speaker 2: year Okadeen, who did the very same thing with Deval 1267 00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,440 Speaker 2: and told my mom I was gonna go anyway. 1268 00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,319 Speaker 1: This is what I think parents need to realize. First 1269 00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:08,680 Speaker 1: of all, I think she did everything the right way. 1270 00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,400 Speaker 1: I would have done everything the same way. But you 1271 00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:13,040 Speaker 1: also have to realize that you say she leaves to 1272 00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:15,160 Speaker 1: go to college, so she'll be having the biggest sleepover 1273 00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:16,200 Speaker 1: for the next four years. 1274 00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:16,480 Speaker 4: Yep. 1275 00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:19,879 Speaker 1: So whatever you think, you haven't taught her up until 1276 00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:23,400 Speaker 1: she leaves in August. Like it's a rap, now, you 1277 00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:26,480 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like this not her not going 1278 00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:28,400 Speaker 1: on this trip is not going to teach her anything 1279 00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,399 Speaker 1: more for when she goes away. And to be honest, 1280 00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,239 Speaker 1: what I think might happen is you say this and 1281 00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,920 Speaker 1: then it becomes a moment of contention the minute she 1282 00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:39,120 Speaker 1: leaves to go to school. Then it's gonna be I'm 1283 00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:40,799 Speaker 1: gonna show my mom. I'm gonna do what I want 1284 00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:42,960 Speaker 1: and you don't want that. I would agree with Kay 1285 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:46,520 Speaker 1: on this when they say, listen, you're eighteen, you're an adult. 1286 00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,480 Speaker 1: You can vote, you can smoke, you can't drink yet, 1287 00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:50,960 Speaker 1: but you're going away to college. If this is something 1288 00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,359 Speaker 1: you think that is that you're comfortable with or you 1289 00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:57,759 Speaker 1: feel is okay, I'm not in support of it as 1290 00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,839 Speaker 1: your mom, but I also can not stop you. 1291 00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:04,000 Speaker 4: So you do what you think is right. 1292 00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:06,880 Speaker 1: I don't think it's right, and then try to guide 1293 00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,000 Speaker 1: her through the decision process. 1294 00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,000 Speaker 4: When you tell an eighteen year. 1295 00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,200 Speaker 1: Old no when they know they're going to be leaving, 1296 00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:15,719 Speaker 1: they like, I don't really have to listen to you. 1297 00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:18,359 Speaker 1: My mother and father told me no a lot, And 1298 00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:20,479 Speaker 1: the minute I turned eighteen, I did everything I wanted 1299 00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:22,120 Speaker 1: to do. I got a tattoo, I got both my 1300 00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,399 Speaker 1: ears peers, I was drinking out. 1301 00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:26,440 Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Like I did those things 1302 00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:28,040 Speaker 4: just to say. 1303 00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,120 Speaker 2: That I did it, because it becomes a countdown or 1304 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:31,840 Speaker 2: how much longer I'm going to be in this household 1305 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:33,799 Speaker 2: with you, and then it's just like I'm never going 1306 00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:35,799 Speaker 2: to come back after this, And that's what I said too. 1307 00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,799 Speaker 2: Whatever you've instilled in her, those morals, those values, that 1308 00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:42,040 Speaker 2: moral compass over the past eighteen years, at some point, Mom, 1309 00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,360 Speaker 2: you're going to have to rely on that and just 1310 00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:47,120 Speaker 2: know that she's going to make decisions. Some are probably 1311 00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:49,080 Speaker 2: going to be in her best interests and some won't. 1312 00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:52,000 Speaker 2: But you have to have that kind of conversation and 1313 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:55,120 Speaker 2: that confidence in what you've done with her up till now, 1314 00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,399 Speaker 2: and just hope that she will in those moments lean 1315 00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,400 Speaker 2: on that voice in her head, which is to be 1316 00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:02,919 Speaker 2: her gut or it's going to be God for her, 1317 00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:04,839 Speaker 2: and then it's going to be what mom has also 1318 00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:08,080 Speaker 2: taught me and instilled in me over the years. And 1319 00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:10,400 Speaker 2: I promise she'll make the right decisions, or at least what. 1320 00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:12,480 Speaker 4: If moms tried to do this. 1321 00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:16,279 Speaker 1: You know what, I don't agree with this, but I 1322 00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,040 Speaker 1: trust that you will make right decisions if you decide 1323 00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:22,319 Speaker 1: to go, and then make it a collaborative effort with 1324 00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,839 Speaker 1: her and her daughter as opposed to me versus you. 1325 00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,759 Speaker 1: I know you really want to go. Okay, So since 1326 00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,319 Speaker 1: you really want to go, let's see how we can 1327 00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,960 Speaker 1: make this work where you can feel comfortable and I 1328 00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:33,800 Speaker 1: can feel comfortable. 1329 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:34,799 Speaker 4: What does that look like for you? 1330 00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:37,520 Speaker 1: And if they're collaborative, then she'll be more inclined to 1331 00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,480 Speaker 1: be like, oh, my mom said I can go, but 1332 00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:40,120 Speaker 1: I have to. 1333 00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:42,359 Speaker 2: Do these things the things, And then she may say 1334 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,759 Speaker 2: to herself, because mom is now entrusting me to do 1335 00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,440 Speaker 2: something even though she really wasn't signed up for it, 1336 00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:50,919 Speaker 2: I'm going to go out of my way to make 1337 00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:54,000 Speaker 2: sure that I don't make my mom regrets absolutely the 1338 00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:57,960 Speaker 2: decision that she's made absolutely by allowing me to collaborate 1339 00:56:58,120 --> 00:57:00,880 Speaker 2: with her on going on this trip. I'm saying, so, 1340 00:57:01,120 --> 00:57:03,880 Speaker 2: I think that's fair. I think that's a That's probably 1341 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,319 Speaker 2: how you and I would have handled something and come 1342 00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:09,320 Speaker 2: up once our boys become older and you know, Jackson 1343 00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:12,200 Speaker 2: or Cairo pass. Yeah, moments like that. I just always 1344 00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:13,839 Speaker 2: want to be in the loop. It's like you, says 1345 00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,200 Speaker 2: a parent. You just never want to be out of 1346 00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:16,880 Speaker 2: the loop of what's happening. You want them to feel 1347 00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,040 Speaker 2: comfortable and confident coming to you with anything. 1348 00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:22,160 Speaker 1: We did that with Jackson recently. I didn't want him 1349 00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:23,880 Speaker 1: to go in that sleep away then he went to 1350 00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:25,760 Speaker 1: I didn't. Yeah, it was, but I asked him and 1351 00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:26,840 Speaker 1: I said, Yo, do you want to go? 1352 00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:28,680 Speaker 4: Yeah? And he was just like, yeah, I want to go. 1353 00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:31,240 Speaker 1: Everybody's going. I said, all right, well this is how 1354 00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,040 Speaker 1: it's going to be, you know what I'm saying. And 1355 00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:36,760 Speaker 1: then the first, the very first thing that happened right 1356 00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:38,600 Speaker 1: because I told Jackson, yo, you got to text me 1357 00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:40,600 Speaker 1: every night and every morning. Then I don't hear of 1358 00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:42,280 Speaker 1: him for three days, and I said, oh, shoot, they 1359 00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,840 Speaker 1: probably took their phones. The minute he got his phone, 1360 00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,120 Speaker 1: you know, he did, hey Dad, they took my phone 1361 00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,240 Speaker 1: or sorry. But then it let me know that he 1362 00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:52,240 Speaker 1: was still thinking yes about us. And even though I 1363 00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:54,760 Speaker 1: didn't want him to go, he went and behaved himself 1364 00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:57,560 Speaker 1: the way he was supposed to, nothing but glowing reviews 1365 00:57:57,560 --> 00:57:59,000 Speaker 1: of how he behaved himself. 1366 00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,520 Speaker 4: So I said, you see, if I was. 1367 00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,800 Speaker 1: Being an overbearing dad at thirteen, it was like, no, 1368 00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:04,960 Speaker 1: you're not going, he wouldn't have learned that lesson. 1369 00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:08,360 Speaker 3: That lesson exactly. Good luck, mom. I know it's hard. 1370 00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:10,360 Speaker 3: I know it's hard your mom, like you said, your 1371 00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,120 Speaker 3: drained teen mom of three. I get it. 1372 00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,960 Speaker 2: I get it, but yeah, you're gonna have to work 1373 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,280 Speaker 2: on trusting her when she gets to college and just 1374 00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:19,240 Speaker 2: relying on everything that you taught her so far. So 1375 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,680 Speaker 2: good luck to you, and I'll probably be leaning back 1376 00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:25,200 Speaker 2: on y'all child when we reached that face like play back, 1377 00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:27,400 Speaker 2: the episode could even play it back, clear back. 1378 00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:29,320 Speaker 4: Because even when she was reading, when he was reading, 1379 00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:30,200 Speaker 4: I was like, Oh, I've been here. 1380 00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,320 Speaker 2: Been here before on both sides of it, you know 1381 00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,880 Speaker 2: what I'm saying, understanding the parent perspective and then the 1382 00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,720 Speaker 2: child perspective. And my mama warned me about it, he said, 1383 00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:39,280 Speaker 2: wait till you have your own kids, you're going to 1384 00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:40,240 Speaker 2: really understand that. 1385 00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:42,280 Speaker 3: And here we are, all right, y'all. 1386 00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:43,480 Speaker 2: If you want to be featured as one of our 1387 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,360 Speaker 2: listener letters, email us at ted ass Advice at gmail 1388 00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:47,080 Speaker 2: dot com. 1389 00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,320 Speaker 1: That's d E A D A S S A d 1390 00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:52,760 Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. 1391 00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:56,880 Speaker 3: All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about Jackson 1392 00:58:56,880 --> 00:58:58,520 Speaker 3: and Deval's first little. 1393 00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:03,840 Speaker 2: Skuffle here, full scuffle here at home and what we're 1394 00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:05,479 Speaker 2: taking away from that whole thing. 1395 00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:07,320 Speaker 3: Do you have a moment of truth, babe? 1396 00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:09,240 Speaker 1: I do have a moment of truth. That's a couple 1397 00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:10,920 Speaker 1: of them. The first thing is that I'm proud of 1398 00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:13,600 Speaker 1: my son. Proud of my son for standing up to 1399 00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:17,040 Speaker 1: his dad. Proud of him for, even though being afraid, 1400 00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:21,480 Speaker 1: being able to compose himself to defend himself, but then 1401 00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:26,080 Speaker 1: also speak intelligently when I ask questions after when it 1402 00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:28,920 Speaker 1: comes to you and your mom, I understand. You know 1403 00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,760 Speaker 1: you're getting in defense mode of your children. I just 1404 00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:36,120 Speaker 1: need y'all to know that if you chose me, then 1405 00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:38,280 Speaker 1: trust me. You know one thing you said to me, 1406 00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,240 Speaker 1: One thing you said to me during that time where 1407 00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,320 Speaker 1: I was like that makes no sense. You said to 1408 00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:45,160 Speaker 1: me you said, I've never seen you like that. I 1409 00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,400 Speaker 1: didn't know how to trust you. And I said, you've 1410 00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:49,360 Speaker 1: never been in a bank robbery. But if we're in 1411 00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:51,520 Speaker 1: a bank and they started to get robbed and I say, Kadeen, run, 1412 00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:53,880 Speaker 1: you can't defy me and say, well, I've never been 1413 00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:55,760 Speaker 1: in a bank robbery. I'm not running because you said, 1414 00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:57,040 Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying, I need you to 1415 00:59:57,080 --> 00:59:57,440 Speaker 1: trust that. 1416 00:59:57,520 --> 01:00:00,840 Speaker 4: I got it. And with me me it was. 1417 01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:05,280 Speaker 1: Telling her like, listen, you are doing everything you're supposed 1418 01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:08,520 Speaker 1: to do as a grandma, but just don't overstep because 1419 01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:11,560 Speaker 1: this is still like a dean in my house. And 1420 01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:14,560 Speaker 1: we don't do everything the way y'all did you know, 1421 01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:18,000 Speaker 1: we're doing things a bit differently. And although we appreciate 1422 01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,640 Speaker 1: everything you're doing to help us raise these kids, because 1423 01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:23,760 Speaker 1: we're not raising them by ourselves, still also give me 1424 01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,080 Speaker 1: some grace and understanding that this is still my house 1425 01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:28,800 Speaker 1: and trust that you know you gave your daughter to 1426 01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:31,520 Speaker 1: me when you said I trust you with my daughter, 1427 01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:34,200 Speaker 1: you trusted her with me, So now trust your daughter 1428 01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:36,919 Speaker 1: and your grandkids. So that that's my moments of truth. 1429 01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:39,040 Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it's funny because my moment in truth is 1430 01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:43,640 Speaker 2: going to be trust and fully illheartedly believe in the 1431 01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:46,040 Speaker 2: person who you chose to have children with. You know 1432 01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:48,600 Speaker 2: that they're never going to bring harm to them. And 1433 01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:52,480 Speaker 2: it's also me relying on you as my son's father, 1434 01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:53,959 Speaker 2: Like all the time, I'm. 1435 01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:58,200 Speaker 3: Like, four boys, Lord, what are you trying to teach 1436 01:00:58,240 --> 01:00:58,760 Speaker 3: me or show me? 1437 01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:02,800 Speaker 2: But I think that the world is going to be 1438 01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:05,200 Speaker 2: that much better with our four voice because of you 1439 01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:07,720 Speaker 2: being their dad and you teaching them the lessons. And 1440 01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:11,040 Speaker 2: I know that so for so long, you spend so 1441 01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:14,000 Speaker 2: much time thinking about just your childhood and your upbringing 1442 01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:16,080 Speaker 2: and the things that you've had to endure and the 1443 01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:18,400 Speaker 2: things that you want to prepare your sons for, but 1444 01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:21,720 Speaker 2: also too or our sons for, but also making sure 1445 01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:24,560 Speaker 2: that you kind of remove them from that environment. But 1446 01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:26,760 Speaker 2: in the end that they are in that kind of environment, 1447 01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:28,880 Speaker 2: how they can handle themselves, and wanted them to be 1448 01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:32,280 Speaker 2: equipped with the confidence and the tools to handle themselves 1449 01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:34,560 Speaker 2: if they God for better ever in situations like this. 1450 01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:37,520 Speaker 2: So you know, I love that for them, and I 1451 01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,800 Speaker 2: love that you are the person that they come to 1452 01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:44,560 Speaker 2: and that is guiding them through life and manhood. 1453 01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:46,960 Speaker 3: My boys in manhood. You know, it's a beautiful thing 1454 01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:47,520 Speaker 3: to watch. 1455 01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:49,200 Speaker 4: Gotcha. 1456 01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:52,520 Speaker 2: I love you all right, y'all. Before we're getting any 1457 01:01:52,520 --> 01:01:56,680 Speaker 2: more mushy over here. Find us on Patreon if you 1458 01:01:56,760 --> 01:02:00,000 Speaker 2: have not been subscribed yet, we have lots of really 1459 01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:03,439 Speaker 2: really dope content there. The after show is always a riot. Yes, 1460 01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:06,080 Speaker 2: you have full dead Ass podcast video content as well 1461 01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:08,840 Speaker 2: as family content, and you can find us on social 1462 01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,200 Speaker 2: media at dead Ass the podcast. 1463 01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:11,720 Speaker 3: I'm Kadina, I am and I am Devo. 1464 01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:14,200 Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, 1465 01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:18,120 Speaker 1: review and subscribe. And while you're subscribing, make sure you 1466 01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:20,320 Speaker 1: get that copy of We over Meet The counter Intuitive 1467 01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:23,560 Speaker 1: approach to getting everything you want out of your relationships. 1468 01:02:24,400 --> 01:02:26,680 Speaker 3: To get the drip, y'all, grab your merch. 1469 01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,640 Speaker 2: We got that on sale as well too, So see 1470 01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:33,080 Speaker 2: you guys soon, See you next time for the next episode, 1471 01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:36,720 Speaker 2: and until then, keep it dead Ass, Baby, dead Ass. 1472 01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:44,600 Speaker 1: Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, 1473 01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:47,840 Speaker 1: and it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple. Follow the 1474 01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:50,640 Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and 1475 01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:51,640 Speaker 1: never miss a Thing.