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Speaker 1: Holiday hangover? Do you have a holiday hangover? Not from cocktails,

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Speaker 1: not from substances, not from a food coma, but from

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Speaker 1: responsibilities and obligations and different people's ideas of what a

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Speaker 1: holiday should be and where you have to go and

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Speaker 1: holiday travel and small talk and I want to bring

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Speaker 1: up again obligations. The holidays are such a time for

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Speaker 1: sacrifice and compromise and conflict. It's amazing that the holidays

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Speaker 1: are filled with joy and the holiday spirit and glitter

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Speaker 1: and ornaments and bright lights and Christmas spectaculars. But the

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Speaker 1: holidays are really challenging because we battle and struggle between

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Speaker 1: what holidays were for us as a kid, good or bad.

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Speaker 1: Are we trying to recreate that? Are we trying to

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Speaker 1: recreate the joy you had as a child as an

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Speaker 1: adult when you had none of the responsibility and only

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Speaker 1: the magic, or not recreate the past, like create something new,

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Speaker 1: make a new magic with your kids or your own family.

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Speaker 1: And are you trying to have your own identity in

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Speaker 1: the holidays, but you're dragged into other people's ideas of

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Speaker 1: what the holidays are, like your in law's idea of

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Speaker 1: the holidays, or your mother or a sister or an

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Speaker 1: obligation or somewhere you have to go, someone else's recipes,

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Speaker 1: someone else's idea of cooking. Is it catering? Is it homemade?

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Speaker 1: Is it pot luck? Is it fancy china? Is it?

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Speaker 1: Is it like you know, eat on paper plates and

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Speaker 1: throw it out? Is it lasagna instead of turkey? Is

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Speaker 1: it tofurky? Like? What? How do you create a holiday

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Speaker 1: that is meaningful to you when you have so many

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Speaker 1: other voices in your head and so many other obligations,

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Speaker 1: and then layer in travel and having to go places,

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Speaker 1: Or you have a boyfriend and you have to go there,

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Speaker 1: but next year they have to go with you, but

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Speaker 1: that means you're separating from the rest of your family.

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Speaker 1: It's riddled with guilt and conflict. And my advice is

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Speaker 1: to find a way to make the holidays what you

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Speaker 1: need them to be in order to not melt down

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Speaker 1: and to get emotionally overloaded, emotionally triggered. Did you lose

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Speaker 1: a family member? Are they not there this year? Are

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Speaker 1: you not with your kids because of a custody schedule?

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Speaker 1: How do you navigate this all? My way has always

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Speaker 1: been to be proactive about it and understand what's going

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Speaker 1: to happen. So let's say you're going somewhere and it's

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Speaker 1: all catered and it's super fancy and it's very stuffy,

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Speaker 1: and it's not your idea of Thanksgiving. Put guardrails around that.

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Speaker 1: How many hours are you going to do that? Maybe

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Speaker 1: you'll agree to do that, but you'll only agree. You'll

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Speaker 1: only agree to do that for a certain period of time,

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Speaker 1: and the rest of the time for you, or for

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Speaker 1: your family, or for your kids, or just for your

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Speaker 1: own emotional wellbeing needs to be a homemade Thanksgiving or

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Speaker 1: a pot lock dessert or something like that. Let's say

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Speaker 1: it's Christmas. You're not gonna be with your kids on

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Speaker 1: Christmas Day because of some schedule. That seemed like a

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Speaker 1: good idea in a custody agreement, but now in reality

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Speaker 1: is breaking your heart. Do you do a fake Christmas

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Speaker 1: Christmas two days before two days after and then make

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Speaker 1: it meaningful by taking advantage of all the sales? Do

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Speaker 1: you make New Year's Eve not mean that much? Or

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Speaker 1: come up with some new ritual? I have rituals with Brin.

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Speaker 1: Every year we go to see the Tree. Every year

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Speaker 1: we go to see the Christmas Show, and it can

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Speaker 1: be tiring, but we never miss it because it's a

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Speaker 1: memory that we always have. There have been times that

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Speaker 1: I haven't been able to be with Brynn on Christmas

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Speaker 1: Day or New Year's Eve, and I've managed to recreate it.

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Speaker 1: There have been times we couldn't be together on Thanksgiving. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving is a Tuesday before, or the weekend before we're

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Speaker 1: going to cook at our or the weekend after. Just

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Speaker 1: don't let the game start to move too fast and

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Speaker 1: you just resent what the holiday isn't for you, but

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Speaker 1: aren't doing anything to change that. Meaning it will not

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Speaker 1: be the Norman Rockwell Christmas card or painting that you

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Speaker 1: envisioned as a child, or remember as a child, or

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Speaker 1: want now. Because there are so many different aspects tainting

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Speaker 1: and affecting this time of year, make it what you

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Speaker 1: need it to be that you can control. So find

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Speaker 1: your own identity in this holiday. No matter where you

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Speaker 1: have to go, no matter what you have to do.

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Speaker 1: You will do things for other people, but there are

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Speaker 1: lines that will be drawn so you don't give away

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Speaker 1: who you are in the holidays. And if that means

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Speaker 1: being alone on a day by yourself, that may be

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Speaker 1: very healing. That doesn't mean you're lonely that doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: you're alone because on some calendar day the world said

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Speaker 1: you had to have a group of people around you.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it means meditat and reflection. Whatever it means to you,

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Speaker 1: just be proactive and thinking about it, because it will

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Speaker 1: come really quickly. And the same thing goes for the presence,

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Speaker 1: the pressure of the presents, the pressure of giving your

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Speaker 1: kids everything, sending out gifts. What are you doing with

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Speaker 1: Secret Santa for work? Can you afford the holidays? And

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Speaker 1: here's the thing, be proactive. If someone gave me a

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Speaker 1: jar that had like layered chocolate chip cookie ingredients in it,

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Speaker 1: but with some flare or personal twist. Does it have

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Speaker 1: a caramel crunch or does it have peanut butter chips

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Speaker 1: in there, or white chocolate chips and cranberry, and put

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Speaker 1: a ribbon around it and made a homemade card. That

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Speaker 1: would be so meaningful. If someone made a homemade Italian

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Speaker 1: sauce for me, or like a meal kit, like a

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Speaker 1: lasagna kit, or something that would be meaningful to me.

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Speaker 1: If you have a simple bottle wine you're regifting, just

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Speaker 1: elevate it, put it in a really nice furry wine bag,

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Speaker 1: or add wine charms to it. Like you can make

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Speaker 1: something inexpensive seem personal by really thought, by using your

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Speaker 1: mind and your brain, not just your money. And if

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Speaker 1: you do want to spend, get creative about where you're

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Speaker 1: going to spend, because there are certain retailers that really

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Speaker 1: lean into Christmas. You could buy the least expensive thing

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Speaker 1: at Tiffany and get the Tiffany bag and the Tiffany

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Speaker 1: bow and the Tiffany box. They're doing that for their branding.

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Speaker 1: If you know a Tiffany stationary, I bet you they have.

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Speaker 1: If you want to go into Baccara, they have an

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Speaker 1: eighty or ninety dollars crystal ornament, but they wrap it

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Speaker 1: like it's two thousand dollars, like try to find your

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Speaker 1: way in. Sophora has inexpensive creative gift sets and you

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Speaker 1: know ways. They have a perfume combo at Sophora that

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Speaker 1: if you you can buy the whole perfume with all

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Speaker 1: the different samples, and then you can go take that

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Speaker 1: box back in and get one of the full sizes

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Speaker 1: of the small one and the value of the full

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Speaker 1: size that they're going to give you is the same

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Speaker 1: as the price for six samp So just you know,

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Speaker 1: a small candle is great. But what if you add

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Speaker 1: a candle snuffer? What if you add little cute matches,

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Speaker 1: like be creative. People appreciate the thought. The thought is

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Speaker 1: really amazing. You have a bottle of wine, get two

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Speaker 1: cute wineglasses, tie them together with a bow, put them

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Speaker 1: in bubble wrap, and you've done a little wine set. Like,

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Speaker 1: really think about how things speak to each other when

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Speaker 1: it comes to gifts. A beautiful personal ornament. I got

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Speaker 1: someone in an a wintour ornament because they're very into fashion.

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Speaker 1: I got someone it's French fries. They love French fries, guacamole.

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Speaker 1: Someone's a photographer, it's a camera, someone's a hairstylist, it's

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Speaker 1: a blowdryer. Like, just get creative and put it in

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Speaker 1: a nice little box and it's They'll go on their

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Speaker 1: tree and they'll remember it forever. You do not need

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Speaker 1: to have the pressure of the money with the holiday