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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of My Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: What's up everybody? This is the lady Jill Scott. How

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Speaker 1: are you. I hope you are blessed fun you are

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Speaker 1: listening to Jay dot Ill. I'm here with my sister

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Speaker 1: friends Lies and Claire. Hello, I'm a lady to kind

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Speaker 1: of lady. She's a age of grader. Heler, heler, heler.

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Speaker 1: I hope everybody's doing all right. We are talking today

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Speaker 1: about the boxes that are pleased on us mad early

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Speaker 1: least early, and we end up carrying the ship. Get

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Speaker 1: up carrying a ship from from trying to break out

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Speaker 1: of those boxes. Girl, I've noted like some people seem

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Speaker 1: to fit in the box so perfectly that you have

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Speaker 1: to assume that that's who they are. Yeah, I mean, like, okay,

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Speaker 1: for instance, let's say some of our elitist are black elite,

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Speaker 1: you know, going to the schools, their parents have all

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Speaker 1: the money. They've got a car, not not just a car,

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Speaker 1: car car. At sixteen years old with no job, they're like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, some kind of stufford kids or something. Yes,

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Speaker 1: they're now married with a girl and up and the

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Speaker 1: fluffy dog. You know, all of the quote unquote good

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Speaker 1: stuff what America's dream is built on. I noticed that

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Speaker 1: part of that. It really looks like that could be amazing.

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Speaker 1: But when they hit the fan, when a ship I

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Speaker 1: always love that saying when the ship hits the fan,

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Speaker 1: because I always get a visual. It's a horrible visual.

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Speaker 1: You can just you can just hear it. Oh he

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Speaker 1: was gonna go there, jail. You just it's just because

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Speaker 1: in the quiet of it all the parents are not

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Speaker 1: exactly getting along, or the successful mom or successful dad

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Speaker 1: is busy dip dabbling secretary or the assist. Don't the

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Speaker 1: massups or something you know like that all comes crashing

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Speaker 1: into some terrible burn and me on his bike showing

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Speaker 1: me his private parts. I'm sorry, you really say, don't

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Speaker 1: you love when somebody put their little personal situation in

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Speaker 1: there that don't have nothing to do when that nobody

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Speaker 1: that does, because that is their nuclear set up. From

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Speaker 1: the outside, they look like the family he turns into

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Speaker 1: the flashy neighbor. Yeah, I mean, I mean sometimes it's real.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm just real. I know happy families, nuclear families,

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Speaker 1: I know, actually I know quite a bit of them

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Speaker 1: where they actually really love each other and they're good

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Speaker 1: to each other and look out for each other, and

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Speaker 1: patience with each other and help each other. You know,

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Speaker 1: it does exist. However, when when you fit so neatly

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Speaker 1: in that box. Okay, here we go. I have a

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Speaker 1: friend who is black and black blacked black black black.

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Speaker 1: Is that visually or thoughts wise? I thought wise. It's

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Speaker 1: kinty cloth on the book bags, it's kinty cloth on

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Speaker 1: the gym. Outfit on the car is wrapped in kinty.

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Speaker 1: That ball uniform all everything is always something. Had to

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Speaker 1: have it for the graduation, you know around the neck,

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Speaker 1: the whole tie thing, you know, like they're real like

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Speaker 1: blackety black, black, blackety black all day. All of the

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Speaker 1: sun's very white women, all of them. Is that an

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Speaker 1: the box in itself? So, Jill, that's interesting. I like

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Speaker 1: to hear it. But what do you think do you think?

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Speaker 1: Do you think that that is a rejection of the box? Yep?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Sometimes, you know what we're talking about

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Speaker 1: about tactically, shouldn't we be celebrating that though? I mean,

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, what they said is

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Speaker 1: I shall not be defined as you by united that

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Speaker 1: I will be defined. I mean, we may not we

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Speaker 1: may have our thoughts about what was done, but the

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Speaker 1: act of defiance is and depending on the whole tep

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Speaker 1: n he got a different reason. He's like, yes, I'm

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Speaker 1: muddy muddy in the waters, but I'm still for the

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Speaker 1: cost because many of them are muddy in the water.

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Speaker 1: It's like, wow, okay, but that is an interesting box

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Speaker 1: that you you chose, because yeah, they tend to go

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Speaker 1: either way. We all know that about hole teps see

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Speaker 1: it or it's called hole tep Now, back in the

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Speaker 1: nineties it was called the backpacker. Actually, Lady Williams Coin

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Speaker 1: did it was the Dirty backpack Crew. Oh I didn't

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Speaker 1: the Dirty backpack Crew leader. Like I was being I

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Speaker 1: had an old jam sport that I carried everywhere that

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Speaker 1: that was like the purse for me. I had a backpack.

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Speaker 1: I still carry backpack. I'm sorry me too. And y'all

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Speaker 1: don't realize that it's kind of regional because I was

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Speaker 1: literally talking to my boyfriend who's half St. Louis half Callie,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, yo, last night, I said, were

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Speaker 1: you were you a backpacker? Did you know backpackers? He

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Speaker 1: was like what is that? I was like, what are

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Speaker 1: you talking about? Like we went to the club with

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Speaker 1: our backpack. You know, we was kind of earthy sometimes

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Speaker 1: to dude, what Tommy, you know, they was always in

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Speaker 1: a siper wrapping. You know, book can't click. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying is the first album like a Onesie top.

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Speaker 1: What was that thing? We used to wear the body

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Speaker 1: suit with the baggy jeans and the thick cat you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: with the thick shoes for the backpack, dance all night

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Speaker 1: those listen. It just we all thought that we could

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Speaker 1: dance off of dance all though we all thought that

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Speaker 1: we were from the Caribbean thing. We all thought, I

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Speaker 1: don't I don't under I'm sorry, I mean even seriously

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Speaker 1: though it was beautiful at the time. But I will

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Speaker 1: say this for work for Jill and I she could

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Speaker 1: say if I'm wrong, I always speak for you boom.

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Speaker 1: But by the time that we got up into the

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Speaker 1: industry and it was like that was a hard image

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Speaker 1: to shake. It was like the earthy earth mother conscious

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Speaker 1: whatever that was, you know, incense and backpacks and all

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Speaker 1: of that stuff. It was. It was because really wants

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Speaker 1: to escape from not that not that we wanted to

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Speaker 1: at first, but eventually, but while y'all were trying to

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Speaker 1: It's funny because you think it was hard for you.

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Speaker 1: It was hard for me as a radio girl trying

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Speaker 1: to sell that. Y'all right, we're just like every other

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Speaker 1: fucking girl. Like you should have seen how hard it

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Speaker 1: was to say into a song video, are you sick?

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Speaker 1: I remember when Jill's song Getting in the Way came out. Right,

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Speaker 1: The content is one thing, but of course the visual

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Speaker 1: of Jill is another. Right, So you look at Jill

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Speaker 1: and I'm already with my ball shout out to Kobe.

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Speaker 1: She early, she did, she did, I said, but she

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Speaker 1: talking about fighting. I don't understand this is relatable. I

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Speaker 1: don't because of the way she looked, because she fully

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Speaker 1: she dressed. Because I don't came to fight. I don't like,

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Speaker 1: why are we fighting over this song? And thing? Right?

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry it took me to Yeah, it's just funny.

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Speaker 1: It's funny how imagery really does kind of shift things

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Speaker 1: people thinking. They don't even think logically more. They're just like, no,

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Speaker 1: it looks a certain way it has. It looks like

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Speaker 1: a duck, it sounds like a duck. It's a duck.

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Speaker 1: Can remember the first one? The first day discovered Erica

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Speaker 1: had a body, like when the first day Erica wore

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Speaker 1: an outfit and it was like, oh, you can look

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Speaker 1: at her like a woman, like I can hunger after Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you ain't gotta put her on. It's just the boxes.

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Speaker 1: Your boxes there. The boxes are super super unhealthy because okay,

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Speaker 1: let's say you're you know, I hate elitist um. Let's

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Speaker 1: just say we're going back to the elitist anyway where

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Speaker 1: you've got this super nuclear family and the children are

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Speaker 1: expected to be a certain way. I think most of

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Speaker 1: the time when I've experienced this around people, their kids

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Speaker 1: end up wilding out freshman year, come back, you know,

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Speaker 1: pregnice freshman year, come back you know, with with a

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Speaker 1: bevy of of it and bernies, you know, or failing

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Speaker 1: where the parents have going out of their way to

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Speaker 1: get their kids into that school. But that wasn't their jam.

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Speaker 1: It's not what they were really interested in. They wanted

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Speaker 1: to do something else. But see, I didn't even go

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Speaker 1: a lot of you like, I think that a lot

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Speaker 1: of that happens across the board outside of the elitist community.

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Speaker 1: Because you had a conversation with a friend recently who

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Speaker 1: was very much invested in the appearance of a certain

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Speaker 1: kind of like acceptance. So it was like, oh, my

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Speaker 1: kid has to go to this high school and it

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Speaker 1: got to do X, Y and Z. And if they don't,

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Speaker 1: if it doesn't appear that way, then people will think X,

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Speaker 1: Y and Z and the kids just miserable, you know,

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Speaker 1: failing in the whole none. And this is you know,

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Speaker 1: definitely not elite people, these regular working class folks. I think,

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Speaker 1: really for real, for real, when it gets down to

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Speaker 1: the boxes that get that you get put in as

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Speaker 1: a child, it really kind of boils down to what

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Speaker 1: the value of the parents is and what the value

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Speaker 1: of the household is, because a lot out of times

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Speaker 1: that kid's gonna be the savior of the family, So

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Speaker 1: it may not even be values or the value values value.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes parents have a shared value, so that's just one

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Speaker 1: and sometimes it's just one parents. Sometimes it's you know,

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Speaker 1: like I said, for example, like in in this situation

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Speaker 1: as a single mom, and I for some single mothers,

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Speaker 1: and I would say even for something. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't single, and I went through this too, Like if

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Speaker 1: I was outside with my kids and their clothes were dirty,

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Speaker 1: it would like bug me out, Like I would have

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Speaker 1: a hard time with that, because I'm like, I got

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Speaker 1: too many kids for anybody to be dirty, because people

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Speaker 1: are gonna think there's too many kids for me to handle.

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Speaker 1: Like that was my value system in my mind, you know.

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Speaker 1: So that's why I say, like, it's about what's going

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Speaker 1: on in the parents mind and what they think the

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Speaker 1: presentation of their child says about them and about their family.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, I think that happened across them. Okay,

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Speaker 1: That's my point is I think that could happen in

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Speaker 1: any situation, Like if great grandma losing or welfare and

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Speaker 1: Graham I was in welfare and my mom is on welfare,

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Speaker 1: what's wrong with welfare? Well, what happened to your grandma?

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Speaker 1: I'm just joking, but I'm just I'm just saying that

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Speaker 1: we come from Philly. Yeah, well, Asa, well, I guess

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Speaker 1: you see how Philly people do, Like they just think

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Speaker 1: everybody from Philly back, we claim everybody. I'll take it though.

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Speaker 1: For real, there are a lot of people from Philadelphia

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Speaker 1: my home home home, that have only been in South

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Speaker 1: Philly and never tried or wanted to go to West

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Speaker 1: Philly or any other part of the city for that matter,

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Speaker 1: you know, unless they had to but other than that,

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Speaker 1: the boxes are somewhat comfortable for them and they just

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Speaker 1: want to stay in a place of comfort. There are

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Speaker 1: so many categories of box is um. Doesn't it seem

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Speaker 1: like it because it's a what Asians said, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of like, so there's the parental box is um that

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Speaker 1: you were just born into. What you're talking about, Jill,

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Speaker 1: is your area because yes, that is are Yeah, that

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Speaker 1: whole North Philly. I'm not going to South Philly and

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Speaker 1: I damn you ain't going to DC or New York

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Speaker 1: as far you know. And then on the flip side

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Speaker 1: for us from being born and raised in DC, there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of that elitism and you need to go

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Speaker 1: to school, go do this, and go that, and then

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Speaker 1: you establish your own little box once you establish what

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Speaker 1: you think you are a kid going into you established

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Speaker 1: your own box. But I think also to like when

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Speaker 1: you become an adult and we start trying to like

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Speaker 1: define who you are as a person as an adult

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Speaker 1: in terms of like what you want out of life,

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Speaker 1: it's very easy to build your own little box around

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Speaker 1: yourself because it's your comfort space. You know, that place

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Speaker 1: where you feel like this doesn't challenge you to do

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Speaker 1: anything outside of your comfort zone, and you can create

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Speaker 1: a box for yourself. My grandma, she was really particular.

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Speaker 1: She was very brown, and she was really particular about

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Speaker 1: what kind of boys I brought home. And I brought

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Speaker 1: a beaututiful guy home one He was so smart and

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Speaker 1: he was so cool, and he was really really brown.

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Speaker 1: And I love the fact that he wore like lavender

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Speaker 1: and pink and yellow because it just made his skin pop.

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Speaker 1: I just thought he was really special, like the kind

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Speaker 1: of guy that brought roses in North Philly, like this

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Speaker 1: is this is He's a quality dude. We sit and

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Speaker 1: talk about books like this dude is all right. And

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Speaker 1: my grandmother was so disgusted. She did he can't come

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Speaker 1: around here anymore, I said, Grandma, ain't doing nothing but

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Speaker 1: sitting on the porch. She was like, I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I don't want him around here. He too dark. He's

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Speaker 1: too yeah, as dark as she was. He might have

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Speaker 1: been a shade a half a shade darker than she was.

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Speaker 1: But then there was a thing like, you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: supposed to I can't go offside without my hair post.

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Speaker 1: Stay away from that water plug, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like I appreciated having clean clothes, and I love the

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Speaker 1: fact that my mother would iron my clothes like my

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Speaker 1: thrift or close. That she would take really good care

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Speaker 1: of me. And I appreciated that, but it also caused

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Speaker 1: a lot of troubles because I thought I was better

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Speaker 1: than everybody else with a cold word on the streets,

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Speaker 1: which was like, I'm in North Philly too, y'all. Damn,

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Speaker 1: that's crazy too. I'm right here too. I cant in

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Speaker 1: line to get the cheese. What you're talking about. I

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Speaker 1: don't see that story. They just see when you get

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Speaker 1: to school. That's just that's good. Well, people when they

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Speaker 1: see love, love is a is a very beautiful thing.

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Speaker 1: You can't hide that. You see love. Love is bright,

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Speaker 1: love covers up out. I mean that's just you know,

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Speaker 1: jealousy around the love aspects, how you were loved and

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Speaker 1: cared for. But yeah, I had a grandmother who was

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Speaker 1: like that too. My grandmother wasn't into my dad, who

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Speaker 1: was very very dark skinned brother, and the same thing,

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Speaker 1: you're too dark. But my mom and my aunt they

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Speaker 1: always pushed back on that. But yeah, I mean, that's

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Speaker 1: just old school colorism. You know, black folks feeling like,

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Speaker 1: you know, and that they're just uncomfortable. But the root

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Speaker 1: of it is the fear and wanting people to be okay,

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Speaker 1: because the darker you are, the more vulnerable they think

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Speaker 1: you may be. The lighter you are, the safer you maybe,

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Speaker 1: or the more opportunities that you may get. And so

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Speaker 1: that's that's that's just the fear of just trying to

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Speaker 1: survive as black people, you know what I mean. But

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Speaker 1: that's a whole another box. That's another box racial box.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, black black box, black black black man. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, too, like to be radical

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Speaker 1: when the women was like skinned to them, Oh that's

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Speaker 1: a conversation that everybody can even have that one right there.

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Speaker 1: But then also to those and the argument, but the

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Speaker 1: argument would be that sometimes they felt they more felt

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Speaker 1: more free in that way because you were had more

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Speaker 1: certain freedoms than folks that were darker. I just got they.

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Speaker 1: I mean, they definitely did. It's not it's not they

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Speaker 1: diminished their real ends, but they definitely did have that access.

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Speaker 1: And the men who were the organizations that they were

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Speaker 1: a part of were definitely like led by some pretty

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Speaker 1: serious patriarchal values. Like of course, the men who were involved.

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Speaker 1: How about the beauty box. Okay, I have a girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: She's not this way anymore. But for many, many years,

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Speaker 1: her husband had never seen her without making ever, not

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Speaker 1: during the dating process, not once they got married, not

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Speaker 1: while they were married. He never saw her without her

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Speaker 1: makeup because she had to, you know, hold herself to

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Speaker 1: a certain aesthetic. Now, I guess that's you know, to

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Speaker 1: each his or her own skin, poor skin. First get

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Speaker 1: up mad early, just to make sure to make up.

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Speaker 1: Was right before he woke up. H wowser's bless her dedication.

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Speaker 1: That's you know, there is a certain appreciation for the

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Speaker 1: level of dedication. However alone that that box right there

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Speaker 1: is another one trying to hold onto whatever you know,

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Speaker 1: society or what you might believe is beautiful or attractive.

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Speaker 1: Like that's exhausted. The female box. The female box gotta

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Speaker 1: look a certain way, gotta non sell you like to

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Speaker 1: me this born and he was like, you know, we've

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Speaker 1: been together three years. It's the first time I didn't

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Speaker 1: know if he was truly black, this person. When I

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Speaker 1: saw you pull out a curling iron and it's the

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Speaker 1: second week I've seen you with a scar from your head,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, I just like to

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Speaker 1: present the best is, you know, myself to you. But

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Speaker 1: then even in that thought, as I was saying out

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Speaker 1: out of my mouth, I was like, damn, like that's

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Speaker 1: not that's not very feminist of you, you know, like

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Speaker 1: woman is, woman is. But we fight that, don't we?

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Speaker 1: We fight? Am I only one that has inner battles

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Speaker 1: with what it's supposed with. You think it's supposed to

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Speaker 1: be versus what you know? I mean, yeah, I definitely do.

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Speaker 1: I think we talked about this before, like, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: I have four girls, and I'm trying to raise my

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Speaker 1: girls to think outside of this box for themselves. And

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Speaker 1: it's all funning games till they walk out that front

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Speaker 1: door with a booty shorts on and you'd be like, oh, nah, ma'am, ma'am,

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Speaker 1: can I talk to you real quick? Um ma'am you know,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, uh, that that whole thing that they

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Speaker 1: want to push that back on you, Like, ma'am, you

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Speaker 1: told me that my clothes to not to find who

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Speaker 1: I was. You told me that this was not the

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Speaker 1: box that I needed to be in, and I'm pushing

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Speaker 1: back at it. But now you're telling me no, Like

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Speaker 1: what does that mean, what are you saying? What are

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Speaker 1: you really saying to me, ma'am? I mean, as a mom,

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Speaker 1: it gets thrown right back in my lap. So I'm

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Speaker 1: constantly pushed about my values and how I boxed in

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Speaker 1: my own kids, and I'm trying to release them at

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Speaker 1: the same time that I'm trying to come to terms

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Speaker 1: with how how trapped I am, because it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you can't you know, how can how can a prisoner

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Speaker 1: free someone else? Right? But all of these prisons that

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Speaker 1: we these prisoners are the boxes. I'm just saying, right,

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Speaker 1: I need to hear some kind of gospel. Amen. Uh,

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Speaker 1: I need some signifying in the background on that one,

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Speaker 1: because that is a whole work. I'm no saying that,

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Speaker 1: but my grandmama will go Amen, Amen, Amen, talking with

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Speaker 1: the elders. But yeah, I mean, that's it's a whole

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Speaker 1: it's a whole trip, because it's a whole trip trying

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Speaker 1: not to box your kids because they're individuals, high they

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00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: were born individuals. What you do is you attempt to

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Speaker 1: guide them and assist them so less harm will come

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Speaker 1: their way. That I think. I think that that's and

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Speaker 1: then more positive growth will come their way. I think

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Speaker 1: or what is positive? Everything? Ji? Yes, you have to.

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Speaker 1: You have to. You cannot be alive without questioning the

339
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 1: status quo? What is what is positive? Like my my

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Speaker 1: greatest fear as a parent is I do not want

341
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Speaker 1: to raise a poop putt. Come on, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to know. I don't want come on vocabulary. We don't

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Speaker 1: want to give us a definition what a po Yeah,

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00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 1: a pool put lives in the basement at fort and

345
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Speaker 1: needs to car. A poop putt has his baby mama

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Speaker 1: come over and visit and spend the night. A poop

347
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Speaker 1: putt has nice clothes but can't pay no people. You know,

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Speaker 1: A poop put has a baby mama and also has

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Speaker 1: another girlfriend that you know both of them. You as

350
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Speaker 1: a parent, you know both of them. I don't like it.

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Speaker 1: I never liked it. Yeah, I mean there's there's there's.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to Derek, I ain't trying to convince

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Speaker 1: you to do so, child Lord, I can't. I got

354
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: too many kids to have pop You are on the

355
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,640
Speaker 1: road there not having a poop because he out the house.

356
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Speaker 1: So maybe my son don't want no parts of this here,

357
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 1: he don't want no parts of this life. I have

358
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 1: this is a two thousand year old, you know, semi

359
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: detached Victorian. Okay, it was never meant to have X

360
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 1: amount of people and it, but it's a pretty large house.

361
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Speaker 1: But once everybody got big, it was clear, oh yeah,

362
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 1: he's trying to be out. But I do think that again,

363
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Speaker 1: the healthy sense of yourself and knowing who you are

364
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,920
Speaker 1: and breaking out of your own stuff tends to help.

365
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 1: Then your children see how to do that. Also, people

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Speaker 1: who raise poop puts a lot of times they are

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Speaker 1: very much a part of why that situation is the

368
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: way that it is. They are allowing certain things to happen.

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Speaker 1: They're not trusting that they've given their child what they need,

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Speaker 1: so they consistently part of making sure they have everything

371
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Speaker 1: rather than teaching them how to go get it for themselves.

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Speaker 1: And then and then had a nerve to be upset

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Speaker 1: about it. It's like, well, sis or brother or whomever,

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Speaker 1: It's like, you have been a part of this. You

375
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Speaker 1: know that this is why you set yourself Well, yeah,

376
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 1: but a lot of it has to do not dealing

377
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Speaker 1: with your own stuff, not dealing with your own stuff,

378
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: and so much is motivated by that. So much is

379
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Speaker 1: motivated by that. If you didn't have any food as

380
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Speaker 1: a kid. There it is. I was just you don

381
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Speaker 1: have any food as a kid. You might be that

382
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: person that's always overstock in the refrigerator, and for you,

383
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 1: you're responding to your own stuff. But what your kid sees,

384
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: there's always an abundance here. Sometimes abundance isn't always a

385
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,120
Speaker 1: good thing. Sometimes people don't know how to be creative.

386
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,120
Speaker 1: People don't know how to appreciate having a lot if

387
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: it's always plentiful. But then at the same time, to

388
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 1: us all how you teach them. If you teach a

389
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Speaker 1: child who has abundance how to use abundance, then they

390
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 1: won't take it for granted. You know what I'm saying.

391
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Speaker 1: But if you're always approaching it from the place of

392
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that I have more, I'm so grateful

393
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 1: that I have more, I'm afraid that I won't have more.

394
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,719
Speaker 1: All the time, it's always based in fear, it's always

395
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 1: based in you know, anxiety. Then all of that is

396
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: going to transfer to your kid. You have a kid

397
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 1: that's has failure to launch because they have a lot

398
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: of anxiety. They don't know what's out there in the world.

399
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Speaker 1: The safe haven his home. I may not may not

400
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: be able to find a comfortable place. I may not

401
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 1: do well if I get out there. So I don't

402
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 1: know just and that's the job. I think that that's

403
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 1: the job of the parents to prepare your child like

404
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 1: every other animal, every other man, or every other animal.

405
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: You you you prepare your kid to fly off the limb.

406
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,360
Speaker 1: There you go. Here's how you hunt, you know, there's

407
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 1: how you how's your bathe? This is how you swim,

408
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: this is how you fly. Now go, good luck, I'm

409
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: moving the nest. You probably won't find me. I mean,

410
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 1: it's a little easier said than done because in terms

411
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 1: of skills to make it out in the world. A

412
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: lot of times as parents, and I know from my generation,

413
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: we've done a lot of stuff for our kids. Our

414
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: kids had lessons, these lessons and this thing and that thing,

415
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,120
Speaker 1: and and we wanted this for them. And I never

416
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: had this opportunity. So I'm gonna make sure my kid

417
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: has it too, and um forget to get to know

418
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 1: the kids. You know, it's not always it's about opportunities.

419
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: Sometimes it is just about those really basic in a

420
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 1: personal skills about how do we talk to each other,

421
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 1: how do we get to know one another because you know,

422
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,959
Speaker 1: the boxes exist because we allow certain things to define

423
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: people and we don't who don't we're not interested in

424
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 1: getting to know who they really are. Yeah, we want.

425
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 1: It's very easy to go ahead and say, oh, you're

426
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,880
Speaker 1: the smart kid in the family perception and I'm gonna

427
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 1: differentna take my perception and amen and make it the reality.

428
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: And I'm comfortable with that. I don't have to ask

429
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 1: any hard questions. I don't have to deep dive into

430
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 1: my own bullshit. I remember when I came Nobody nowhere

431
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: is that simple. There's so many sides to people. To

432
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,360
Speaker 1: a person, there's so many sides like and I like them.

433
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: I like, I'm I'm for it. I am for being

434
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: all of yourself. I'm for it and figuring it out

435
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 1: as you go and finding out more about yourself, but

436
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: allowing yourself to be yourself. Some people may be able

437
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 1: to handle it, some people or may not. But everybody

438
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: ain't for you, and you ain't for everybody. Choosing who

439
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 1: you spend your time with, you know who people that

440
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: get you, or being okay with being alone, if if

441
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: you know, if it doesn't seem like anybody does you

442
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: know that's that's a part of breaking those boxes, uh

443
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: self acceptance, find out what it is that that gets

444
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 1: you run around. Might be the person that vacations on

445
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: your own, that that you know, kind of scary to

446
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 1: be on the other side of a planet by yourself,

447
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 1: but it's also invigorating and exciting and renewing and you

448
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: find out so much about yourself. That's a that's a

449
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: big one, you know, traveling on your own, whether you're

450
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: you're getting out of North Philly, you know and going

451
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 1: to the other side, just catching the long bus and

452
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,639
Speaker 1: figure out go because there there is always a tribe

453
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: for you. There's always always with different percentages of your box.

454
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: And you can be our member of multiple Yes, you

455
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 1: could be a member of multiple tribes too. That is

456
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: age of story. I'm a member of multiple tribes and

457
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 1: I enjoyed them all. I enjoyed them. They have brought

458
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: so much value to my life. But well, let me

459
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 1: be clear, ladies, this is why I because you know

460
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:30,640
Speaker 1: Layah in particular, you know she she shocks me most

461
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: of the time. You know, she shocks me most of

462
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 1: She'll hit you with something that is so like just

463
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: just thoughtful, like damn and then she'll say something so

464
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 1: off the wall and all you could do is giggle

465
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: and hold your pe. You know this is yeah. I

466
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 1: like because like you will question you hard on what

467
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: it is you said, but also be like but I mean, like,

468
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,440
Speaker 1: I respect you, but you you're gonna answer this. But

469
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: also I'm also questioning because I'm trying to understand and

470
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 1: be better as well. I don't know it all. You

471
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Who does it? It's curiosity, accountability,

472
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 1: and respect. You have a good you have a good

473
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 1: take on all three of those things. That's because we tried.

474
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: We all do you have to have it. If we

475
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 1: are to communicate, all three of us have those things?

476
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: Do we not? Amen, We'll be right back. I feel

477
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 1: like this last maybe fifteen years of my life, I

478
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: feel like I have destroyed what is left of my box.

479
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: It's still it's so sexy. I'm sorry, it's a little

480
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: bit of it left. It is a little tiny bit

481
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 1: of it left. But you know what's funny, Once you

482
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: start breaking that joker down, it's like the foundation is

483
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: messed up, and so it just really can't hold together

484
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 1: for too much Logger anyway, it's really that first major

485
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: like structural break. That's there's some fun aspects to your

486
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 1: boxing your boxes though, too, asia Like, is it all

487
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to shed all these boxes or is

488
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: it also to celebrate a little bit of it too,

489
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: because there are I mean, not for nothing, I am earthy,

490
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: but I also love the quarries and new kids on

491
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 1: the black. You know what I'm saying. Like, but yeah,

492
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: I am earthy, I did, I am so. I just

493
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: feel like it's just more of of it's just woven together.

494
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: I'd rather just a different visual for myself rather than

495
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: box box just does feel really closter claustrophobic. Yes, it doesn't.

496
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: There's nothing about that visual that feels like it's empowering.

497
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: I know. I guess I gotta find a name for it.

498
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: You right, Maybe put it in a tapestry if you will,

499
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: happy tax cannot cannot be a whole. Cannot be a whole. Quote?

500
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 1: You know, you can not be a quote. You know

501
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 1: of different kinds of trooks and yes, shapes and patterns.

502
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 1: I tell you, I tell you, I'm a woman. W

503
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 1: h O woman? Okay, listen, strong and weak? Hi, powerful

504
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 1: and come on at that? Come on? All of these

505
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: things sometimes the boxes. Okay, you know the boxes are

506
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 1: can be in our houses, but they can also be

507
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 1: put on you by you know, society. Back to getting

508
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 1: in a way, I remember saying live like listen just

509
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: because you know, I've earned some incense and and and

510
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: and know what, a couple of things about a couple

511
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: of things doesn't mean that I'm all peaceful and not

512
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 1: all the time, not all. But she's telling you you're

513
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: listening because she's telling you she's not. You know, we

514
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 1: got we got a shotgun in here, you know. You know,

515
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: music is such a particular kind of thing that can

516
00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 1: make you feel claustrophobic because people just they want more

517
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: of what you have always given them. More so in

518
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: our line of work, I feel like than any other

519
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 1: it's like whatever they get first, that's where you are forever. Like,

520
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: have a good time right in there because I don't

521
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: have Nah, don't do it. And it's okay because, like

522
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: I said, if a Tina and I we started out

523
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: really wanting to celebrate who we actually work, but we didn't.

524
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 1: We wanted to do music about our actual life. And

525
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: so in the beginning, yeah, I feel very happy with

526
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: that original kind of presentation, but what happens is that

527
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: people don't really like nuance. They don't like nuance outside

528
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: of music. They don't like nuance as a rule. I

529
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: was trying to think, who is who elected few to

530
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 1: actually get to evolve in this music thing, Like I'm

531
00:31:55,760 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: three thousand, he was allowed, but I don't know. You know,

532
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 1: it's not a big population of people that get do

533
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: a childish gambino. But he was always quirky, you know,

534
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 1: from the from the beginning. You know, he's an actor

535
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: and musician what's his name that plays the drums um? Well,

536
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,959
Speaker 1: that he still stays in It's still a stay. It's

537
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: still a stay in air. I would be curious if

538
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 1: you really went somewhere somewhere else, yet somewhere way way else,

539
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: with people be like, well, I mean Kanye te Kanye Tyler.

540
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 1: Yet he's gone way other places musically than he did.

541
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 1: I mean, he got critiqued. I was just about said,

542
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: we said no women because we don't get to do

543
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: stuff like that. I've tried, and from times it has

544
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: been to my detriment, But I try anyway, because I

545
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 1: just don't like the idea of Macy Grey actually shout

546
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 1: out to Macy. She was like, I thought you were perfect,

547
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 1: and I was inted that statement. What made you think

548
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 1: that that was a slightly shitty thing to say? I

549
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: made respect to her, but that was fancy. That's my girl.

550
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: But I just was like, well, what would make you

551
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: think that? I've never tried. My second album is called

552
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: Beautifully Human. I am a human being. Okay, so yep,

553
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 1: I posted me being drunk. I thought it was her hilarious.

554
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: I'm not a fan of being drunk. It's not my thing. However,

555
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: my friend FUFI put some other kind of brown liquor

556
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: in my grandma yea, my I can handle two drinks.

557
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 1: I know myself. I can handle to drinks. But the

558
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:50,479
Speaker 1: first one was grand monya. The second one he added

559
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: something else in there because he wanted me to stay

560
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: at the party. The next thing I know, my head

561
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 1: is women and I was like, uh, like that. I

562
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: thought it was huh hilarious that I was drunk. I

563
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: thought it was so funny. The world was like, say,

564
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 1: she's an alcoholic. I told and that was like, I

565
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:18,800
Speaker 1: for the first time somebody dragged me on the internet

566
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:25,879
Speaker 1: for cussing you're someone's mother? Was I cuss all these kids? Out,

567
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: all six of my cuss all these things, I mean,

568
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:35,359
Speaker 1: all these kids out, So I just I don't know, man,

569
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 1: I but I just feel free because it's like I

570
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: just can't. Don't it changed. I don't want to change.

571
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 1: If I feel goofy, then I'm goofy. If I feel

572
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 1: happy and excited, then I'm gonna go ahead and smile

573
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 1: on you all. I feel like you can't handle it,

574
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 1: you don't like it. I don't know what to tell you.

575
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,800
Speaker 1: If I feel like crying, I'm gonna go ahead and

576
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 1: do it. A why she crying? I remember being at

577
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: one of those Moors shows and Patti LaBelle was on stage,

578
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: and I think Stevie Wonders on stage, and they were

579
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 1: passing the microphone around and all I could do was cry.

580
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:17,800
Speaker 1: I could not stop crying. I was like, nobody is

581
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,760
Speaker 1: in here with me. That is like my favorite freeze

582
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:24,919
Speaker 1: that I'm normally inside myself, all by myself and nobody else.

583
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: Could you know? I could probably express it to someone

584
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 1: what what I'm feeling right now, But I'm from North Philly, baby, man,

585
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:43,720
Speaker 1: I want to cry. As a as a public person,

586
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:48,439
Speaker 1: I think people actually do connect with you more when

587
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: you reject the box when you're just like when you

588
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: just started acting like a normal person and not acting

589
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 1: like a normal person, but allowing people to see you

590
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,040
Speaker 1: know who you are. I just love that relationship of

591
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: folks so much better. And I've had people come up

592
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 1: to me and say, oh, you're You're so different than

593
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 1: I thought that you were. Blad. I'm like, says like,

594
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: it's so regular. I said this all the time, Like me,

595
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm regular to a fault. It's like, it's so regular,

596
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 1: it's so regular. Says yeah, maybe having you on the

597
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: where would I be if I didn't know you? Pedestal?

598
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 1: You think I just I ascend from the motherfucking ceiling

599
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: every morning. Honey, pregnant and well little wow, way to

600
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:39,359
Speaker 1: be pregnant and well lit? Where was I, um? Chapter

601
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 1: in your book? I was a good well? I was

602
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 1: a good will? U. Yeah, of course, dear um, I

603
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: I was a good will And try to make that

604
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 1: a regular trip. Because the quality of clothing, you know,

605
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 1: to me, I like fabrics. I like quality and the

606
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: stuff that's being sold. You know, they want to arm

607
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 1: in the leg for something that I'm gonna work. Specifically,

608
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 1: my kid is going to grow out of in new

609
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: time at all. So I find the stuff that I

610
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 1: like and I can add a patch to it, I

611
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: can put some pain on it. I can put it

612
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: in the washing machine and bleach it. He doesn't care

613
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:25,800
Speaker 1: right now, So why shouldn't I save money? So the

614
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: lady said, what are you doing in the good? Well?

615
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 1: I said, what are you doing in the good? The

616
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 1: same thing you're doing in the good work, the same

617
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 1: thing you're doing and will not stop. I don't care

618
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: what happens. I enjoy my time. I love thrift stores.

619
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:46,399
Speaker 1: That doesn't for me. Consignment shops, thrift stores, those things

620
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:50,320
Speaker 1: keep me together. That's one of my boxes because signment stores.

621
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 1: Oh day, thank you California. It's one of the pros

622
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: of living out in this bitch. Yeah that work. And

623
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: ps for all the people who do like that smissive

624
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 1: ship you know you do, go do a consignment thread route.

625
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: You can ensure nobody will be wearing your outfits. Hi. Hi, Okay,

626
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 1: So I would like for us to all talk about

627
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 1: like a couple of things that people that's in our

628
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: box that people don't know is in there. Okay from me,

629
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 1: it is. And if you have listening to this podcast,

630
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: you probably have already figured it out. I have an

631
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:31,919
Speaker 1: absolute party mouth. Oh alright, well I think it's a tie.

632
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 1: But all right too, Yeah, we all have pty mouth.

633
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:40,800
Speaker 1: I like all the words as a writer. I like

634
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 1: all of them, and if they fit, they fit. I

635
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: don't have you know, you make them all equally, Jill.

636
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,800
Speaker 1: I like them if they fit, Okay, Yeah, I like

637
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 1: three fo five six syllable words. If if they fit,

638
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: if it makes sense, I like fuck you. If it

639
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 1: makes sense, you know, if that's what it is is,

640
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 1: then that's what it is. My grandmother's favorite cussword was fucked,

641
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 1: and I used to think it wasn't mine. But I

642
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: feel as I've gotten older that that that one is going.

643
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:18,879
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, my mom was already a shit. I don't

644
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: recall ever hearing my mother or grandmother curse. My mother

645
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 1: will throw out of a nigga every now and then,

646
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: but it's a nigga when she's talking about a cuss word.

647
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 1: That's funny, isn't that. Yeah? Yeah, I mean my mother.

648
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: My mother didn't really cuss. But my mom wasn't really

649
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 1: a cussord, but when she was mad, I know, this

650
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: is not nothing compared to what would come out my mouth.

651
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 1: But my mother said damn or goddamn. It was like,

652
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 1: oh wait, somebody that really got her funked up because

653
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:58,919
Speaker 1: she was up. If she said god damn, I was like, wait, wait,

654
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 1: who dare as you put battling? Yes? Oh oh man,

655
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 1: my sister rockets. Honey, I'm trying to tell you my

656
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,879
Speaker 1: mother is the most docile, chilled person that raised two

657
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 1: rack its individuals like that always cracks me up. That

658
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: she was so chilled and me and my sister are

659
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: so wild. You loved her so much, this is this

660
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 1: is my psychological moment, psychological moment, come on board. Wait,

661
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 1: I had to let go of that voice. They get

662
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: stuck sometimes. Anyway, you loved your mother so much that

663
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 1: you felt like you had to protect her subconsciously, so

664
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:49,480
Speaker 1: you became strong and prepared to kick ass for her

665
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 1: benefit if necessary at any time, and for each other's

666
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:57,279
Speaker 1: benefit too. Hey man, that's the truth. This is absolute truth.

667
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: Was right you are of my actually write about this

668
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 1: in my book. I actually write about this in my

669
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: little in my in my book, I talked about that

670
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: that very exact thing nice, that my mother was very

671
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: much a kind person, and we definitely felt like she

672
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: needed protection. I think all kind people need protection. I

673
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: think that most of the time at that box of kindness,

674
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: people take you as as weak and they try to

675
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: to harm you, hurt you, so you won't be so nice.

676
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you right now, I prefer it.

677
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,919
Speaker 1: I prefer to be kind. I prefer to be nice.

678
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: It feels good. I'm selfish that way. It feels so

679
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 1: good to me to be good to other people. It

680
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 1: feels good. Yeah. I don't like being nasty. I don't

681
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 1: I don't like being sarcastic. I don't like having ugly

682
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: words go back and forth with another person because it

683
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good to me later late at the moment,

684
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: it might be all right, but later I'm like I

685
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 1: could handle that better. Uh. You know, I see where

686
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 1: ugliness went and it wasn't beneficial. It wasn't helpful. It

687
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 1: wasn't helpful. Yeah, I'm a serial apologizer. I generally like peace.

688
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: I like peace with people. But I will say that

689
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,359
Speaker 1: though I am very I'm generally a kind person. Most

690
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 1: people you know, I always say, take a survey. Look,

691
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 1: take a survey of the people who know me. You

692
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: already know what it is. I'm gonna let it ride.

693
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: Pick anything people who know me, but one thing that

694
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: those same time, But there must be a would say

695
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 1: to test for the knowing of Asia, because not everybody

696
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: that talks to you on a regular knows who Asia is.

697
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 1: The same tim people if they know me know me.

698
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: They're also gonna say that the kind part is always cool,

699
00:42:57,120 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 1: but when it's done, it's bad. I just tell you

700
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 1: that I just got really scared because I just remember

701
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: that age one on the same day as my mother,

702
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 1: and that is her fucking truth. That is y'all. Libra

703
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:11,319
Speaker 1: asked box. It's good as long as it's balanced, but child,

704
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: don't take it that long ago. When it goes bad,

705
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: it goes real. Literally, just got scared. I thought my

706
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 1: mother was coming around. It's Korema happy today. Okay, good,

707
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: more real talk after the break. Okay, this box that

708
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,880
Speaker 1: that you may not know, uh that I fitted let

709
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:48,479
Speaker 1: me see. Well, let's see. I grew up. I won't

710
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 1: say I grew up, but I had some time in

711
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 1: domestic violence. M h um. It wasn't me personally, but

712
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: it was my my mother and I saw it and

713
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 1: God bless her, God bless her. She got us out

714
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 1: of there and never looked back. My absolute hero. But

715
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 1: because of that, when I tended to hurt people really

716
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 1: badly physically, when they did something to hurt me or

717
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 1: tried to hurt me, hurt my feelings, hurt my little spirit.

718
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 1: I tended to do really really ugly things. And my goal,

719
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: my I'm laughing because it's uncomfortable, No, do your thing.

720
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: This is same. My goal has been to not be

721
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 1: that guy. I don't want to hurt anyone if I

722
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 1: can help it, and I can help it, So if

723
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: somebody gets physically harmed by me, that you have to

724
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:57,879
Speaker 1: know that they've really really pushed the envelope because very

725
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,800
Speaker 1: early on, I really eyes that I was going to

726
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:06,919
Speaker 1: go to somebody's prison because I was I go to Mamie.

727
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 1: There are there are several people in this world early

728
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:16,759
Speaker 1: on became physically changed forever because of being cruel to

729
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: me or being mean to me. That's not You're not

730
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 1: alone Trama listen response to trauma girl. Listen. We talked

731
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 1: about my mom. Two seconds ago my mother died. Everybody

732
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: just I assumed I would just be sad. It was like, oh,

733
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be sad. I know I'm gonna be sad.

734
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 1: Nobody told me I was gonna be angry. Nobody told

735
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 1: me that I was gonna have a fuse that was

736
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,840
Speaker 1: barely visible. Like my few, My fuse were so short

737
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 1: that it was impossible to know that what you were

738
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: going to say to trigger me. I was very much

739
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: like on go for six months or more, and so

740
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 1: I people don't talk about a response to trauma being

741
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,320
Speaker 1: one that's aggressive. Everybody thinks of response to trauma is

742
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: so I'm sad, I'm depressed. What You're that too? Sometimes

743
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 1: sometimes you're both. But I think we should normalize having

744
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 1: conversations about how you respond to it in a in

745
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: a way that's very aggressive, because I experienced that too

746
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 1: and it definitely did not go with people's general perception

747
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 1: of me. So again the box that I'm typically in,

748
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:35,800
Speaker 1: it really messed with people to see me be aggressive, angry, short.

749
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: It wasn't on brain for me as a person. You

750
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: know what I mean, and I trauma. We'll do it

751
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 1: every time. That is a vocab word. I'm grateful every

752
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: day that has become used more in everyday conversation. It's

753
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 1: very new, but I'm excited about it. I'm so excited

754
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,719
Speaker 1: about it because that's to me all what you're talking

755
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 1: about too. It kind of falls into that black box

756
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 1: of things and the way we deal with things, the

757
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: way we handle things, and it's a historical things. So yeah,

758
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 1: I need you all to know that I had stabbed

759
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 1: somebody multiple times by the time I was six. Damn girl,

760
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:16,320
Speaker 1: who a grown person or my person, my cousin. I

761
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: stabbed him with a hot mustard fork. What are you doing?

762
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: What the fund is? What did he do? Though? What

763
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 1: did he do? We were outside my mom at one

764
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 1: of those those pools, those blue pools that you put

765
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 1: water and you know, the backyard pool for the hood. Uh,

766
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 1: And my mom made some of those pretzels that you

767
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 1: put in the oven. And my cousin had gone in

768
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 1: and he had one, he had two, he had three,

769
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 1: he had he had all mostly all of them. But

770
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 1: when I came in the kitchen there was one left.

771
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,320
Speaker 1: I was really young, maybe maybe about five, And I

772
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: got on the chair on the stool, and I got

773
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 1: the spicy mustard and I put it on my friends

774
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: so and I was saying into it, no, no, my

775
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: let's on me so good, and he snatched my pretzel

776
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 1: and I said, hey, that's not fair. You had all

777
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 1: of them, don't take my prenzel. He was like, ah ha,

778
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: I got your pretzel. I don't care that. The and

779
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 1: next thing I knew, I had grabbed his hand with

780
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:21,879
Speaker 1: and took off. That's what I'm talking about. It's it's

781
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 1: like this and then end up in the third grade.

782
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 1: You was a kid who had just don't and I'm

783
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 1: not trying to have witness violence, and and it's like

784
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:38,719
Speaker 1: that makes a big fucking impression on people. It does, honestly,

785
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 1: and honestly any kind of you know, when you crossed

786
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:45,839
Speaker 1: me in a way that I just did not think

787
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:50,360
Speaker 1: was fair, it ended up in a violence in a

788
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 1: way that I was pretty clear. If I don't get

789
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: out of this, I'm going to jail. Because when I fight,

790
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 1: even now, like with my trainer, when I fight, I

791
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 1: tend to see where I can do the most damage,

792
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 1: and that's where I go for first. I'm not I

793
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:11,960
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of time to be sitting going

794
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: sparring with you. I don't have to. So it feels

795
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 1: a filly girl to them. Sorry, some of this says,

796
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:22,800
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. It is really protect your neck, you know,

797
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 1: and I just never I just didn't want to end

798
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: up in anybody's prison, and I didn't want to go

799
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 1: too far. So I try my best to do whatever

800
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 1: I can not to do harm. I don't want to

801
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:42,320
Speaker 1: harm anybody, and I forgive in a rate that is stupid.

802
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're stupid. Stop forgiving these motherfucker's shoot him

803
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 1: in the neck. It's like, you gotta find you your

804
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: gray area. We gotta find you. That is the work.

805
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,400
Speaker 1: That is the work. I just don't want to go

806
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 1: to nobody's prison. I don't even want to visit. I've

807
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 1: but that will be in my book. It's like that

808
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 1: will be in my book. I'll go nobody's prison. I

809
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 1: didn't visited too many. You already know if Jill's goott

810
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,719
Speaker 1: come to prison, they're gonna look at my butt. You

811
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 1: already know. You already know they're going to look at

812
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 1: my butt. It's horrible. This might be kind of not

813
00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:25,640
Speaker 1: the best thing in the world, but I think it's

814
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,560
Speaker 1: a good idea to be a person who's actually experienced

815
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:32,160
Speaker 1: violence in that way and pull back from it than

816
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:35,399
Speaker 1: a person who never has, because I I just think

817
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:39,399
Speaker 1: that sometimes we don't understand or keep yourselves for that reason.

818
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: She's right. I have a short used for that reason. Yes,

819
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 1: when I lose myself because I haven't been Yes, yeah,

820
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:53,879
Speaker 1: when you don't know, like your actual ability, she could

821
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 1: get real ugly. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

822
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,759
Speaker 1: Almost push my uncle down steps. Just don't. I don't

823
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 1: think that boxing and kickboxing has has been beneficial in

824
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 1: that way. I know what I can do, and that's

825
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:09,879
Speaker 1: the problem. Why you don't put some yoga in there

826
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 1: with the balance. I think you're right. I think you're

827
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: right trying to zen out. I do like yoga. I

828
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: do like it. Just trying to balance that bitch because

829
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 1: I don't like that lady. I don't like. I don't

830
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 1: know her. She scared me. I want to and this.

831
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: She ain't got a name yet. I don't. I don't.

832
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 1: I won't name her, but I mean, I guess I should.

833
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 1: I know who I'm dealing with, but I don't. I

834
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:42,600
Speaker 1: don't like that. I don't. She's dangerous. She's very dangerous.

835
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you can't be naming ship. Your name should

836
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 1: give it power. Don't do that. He got pec party.

837
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: But but wait, wait, wait, wait, if we we have

838
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 1: to name trauma in order to move through it, right,

839
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:59,239
Speaker 1: I know that's trauma. I'm just saying I don't know

840
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: if you have the name, trying to just acknowledge what

841
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 1: it is. I mean, all I can say is you

842
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:05,800
Speaker 1: have to kind of accept all parts of yourself. This

843
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: is my opinion obviously, because I don't know, But you

844
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:10,960
Speaker 1: have to accept all parts of yourself, you know what

845
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: I mean. And that's important. So suppressing a part of

846
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 1: yourself because sometimes, you know, keep you from really understanding

847
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: it because you're doing so much work trying to keep

848
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 1: it out of the conversation. So really exploring that part

849
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 1: of yourself and what that means, and my opinion is important.

850
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 1: Is it violence, sexuality, all of those things. It's just

851
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,440
Speaker 1: like everybody gotta be a whole a little bit because

852
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 1: you gotta figure out like what this means for you

853
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: or you're always gonna be holding it inside trying to

854
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 1: figure out well and think about what is your relationship

855
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: to that. Why am I afraid of my sexuality? Why

856
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 1: am I afraid of the violence and me? Why am

857
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: I afraid of that? What does it mean to me?

858
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 1: What does me being violent? Meaning violence can sometimes be

859
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:01,720
Speaker 1: an actual means to an end, you know what I'm saying.

860
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 1: So it just depends on how your relationship to the violence,

861
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:08,800
Speaker 1: your relationship to the sexuality, your relationship to the kindness,

862
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 1: your relationships and those kinds of things. So I just

863
00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: that's kind of what I mean where it's like, don't

864
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:17,000
Speaker 1: name it as a thing outside of yourself. It's a

865
00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 1: part of myself. It's a part of yourself, and you

866
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: have to get to know that part of yourself so

867
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:26,880
Speaker 1: that you can do with it what you choose. But

868
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,839
Speaker 1: this is why my compassion level is so high for us,

869
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: because I just I know that we're always handling and juggling.

870
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 1: We're juggling so many different life experiences, so many interactions,

871
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 1: so many things, and it's hard to not as hard

872
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,760
Speaker 1: to it's impossible to know how that's going to affect

873
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 1: another person, how that's going to show up in their personality.

874
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 1: And um, the more that we give people room to

875
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:59,879
Speaker 1: feel all of their feelings, the less likely they will

876
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 1: to allow other things to define them. They can actually

877
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,920
Speaker 1: be the master of their own fate and define themselves

878
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 1: for themselves. You know, I mean, I just can't. I

879
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: can't be a party to it. Anymore, at least not

880
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,319
Speaker 1: knowingly well Asian, you put me onto that because we're

881
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 1: in this era now where it's about protecting our culture

882
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:20,480
Speaker 1: and and what people think about us. And so we

883
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 1: didn't talk about certain things, and we guarded certain things,

884
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:25,360
Speaker 1: and we have we put each other in boxes and

885
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 1: this is what you need to do. But those days

886
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:28,920
Speaker 1: are over. It goes back to the beginning of this

887
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,680
Speaker 1: whole conversation and how we got started about how these

888
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 1: boxes are breaking down. We questioned and everything, what what

889
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 1: is black? What what is funny? What is mature? What

890
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 1: is like? As we should? As we should, we should

891
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:45,279
Speaker 1: have questioned it because it does it's more good to

892
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:47,960
Speaker 1: break away from it than it does to to continue

893
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 1: the way we've always been going. It's like you know,

894
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: and and most of the things that we believe are

895
00:54:54,920 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 1: based in anti blackness. M I know, y'all. Don't let

896
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 1: this whole hour go by A K A Asia? What

897
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 1: is that? A K? A white supremacy? Thank you? Yes, man?

898
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 1: What's in that box? And nobody knows about blackness? No? Oh,

899
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,359
Speaker 1: that nobody knows about what? I don't know. I think

900
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:22,880
Speaker 1: mineus might be a little simple. I think what's in

901
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:27,399
Speaker 1: my box and nobody knows about is Uh. Sadness, that's

902
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 1: that's that's probably I like that every day, just on

903
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 1: and and sadness based on a lot of the things

904
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:35,920
Speaker 1: that we're talking about, as far as tradition and perception

905
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 1: of what life is supposed to be and knowing that

906
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 1: that's not the direction that Mone went in or is

907
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:46,239
Speaker 1: going in, and uh being open. It goes back to

908
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 1: the same conversations being open to change and getting out

909
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 1: of this box in my head of what life is

910
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 1: supposed to look like, even though I've been wanting it

911
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,120
Speaker 1: to look like that of my whole life. In prayer,

912
00:55:56,480 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: I say, and I mean it, your will, your way.

913
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 1: That gives me a lot of consolation and peace, Your will,

914
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,720
Speaker 1: your way. I don't need to be like anybody else.

915
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,799
Speaker 1: I don't need to act like anybody else. I don't

916
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 1: need to subscribe to whatever it is that they've picked

917
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,880
Speaker 1: up and decided that this is right or wrong. What

918
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:28,800
Speaker 1: I need to do is allow myself to be myself

919
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:31,640
Speaker 1: and allow others to be who they are. You'll find

920
00:56:31,719 --> 00:56:34,800
Speaker 1: your tribe, you'll find your way, You'll find your people.

921
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 1: That's just the way life goes. We thank you so

922
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 1: much for listening to us. We thank you so much

923
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 1: for having a conversation about this with your friends too.

924
00:56:46,000 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 1: Appreciate peace. How do you eat an Elephant? One tie? Hey, y'all,

925
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:10,440
Speaker 1: it's Eaves again, a producer on the show, and per usual,

926
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 1: I'm here to bring you the resource for the episode.

927
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 1: This time it's a poem by Paul Lawrence Dunbar called

928
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 1: We Wear the Mask. Like this episode, it also touches

929
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: on themes of hiding, pretending, and survival. It's a great

930
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 1: companion to today's conversation about the boxes that others put

931
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 1: us in and that we put ourselves in. I'll drop

932
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: a link to the poem in the description, and I'll

933
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 1: also add a link to more info on Dunbar himself.

934
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 1: Until next week. Hi, if you have comments on something

935
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:03,160
Speaker 1: he said in this uppisode called eight six six, Hey Jill,

936
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:06,400
Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight

937
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 1: six six for three nine, five four five by don't

938
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 1: forget to tell us your name and the episode you're

939
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 1: referring to. You might just hear your message on a

940
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 1: future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents

941
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 1: Jay dot Il the podcast. This podcast is hosted by

942
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:28,440
Speaker 1: Jill Scott, Layah st Clair, and Aga Graden Danceller. It's

943
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun.

944
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: It's produced by Laya st Clair and me Eve Jeff Cope.

945
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:39,120
Speaker 1: The editing and sound design for this episode we're done

946
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 1: by Christina Loranger. What is that chicken sandwich? Energy for

947
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:48,440
Speaker 1: your chicken sandwich? Yeah? I remember when everybody was in

948
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: line for the fucking sandwich? Life were ye? Did y'all

949
00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 1: eat the sandwich? I've never had. I never did either?

950
00:58:56,680 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 1: You actually have? And how was it? Why act like

951
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:05,200
Speaker 1: it is still for sale? It's amazing, It's amazing. J

952
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 1: dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. For

953
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 1: more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart

954
00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your

955
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:18,000
Speaker 1: favorite shows.