Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dear Haven and I
Speaker 1: heard radio podcast What's Up? Everyone? Welcome to an all
Speaker 1: new episode of Help I Suck at Dating. I'm Denglert,
Speaker 1: joined by the beautifully headbanded Jared Haven and his luxury
Speaker 1: apartment in California. Quick quick disclaimer. I just want to
Speaker 1: let everyone know. I'm on the side of a highway
Speaker 1: in northern California. So I might be in and out
Speaker 1: and I might get distracted, but I'm here. We're suck
Speaker 1: army and today it's a new week. Uh, We've got
Speaker 1: a great episode coming in for you, guys. We have
Speaker 1: a very peculiar couple that started a podcast, a couple
Speaker 1: that used to be married got divorced, staying friends and
Speaker 1: coaching people through the divorce that might be going through
Speaker 1: it as well. Um, but before we do all that stuff, Jared,
Speaker 1: how are you. I'm doing well? Man? You know, just uh,
Speaker 1: day by day man, where each day gets a little
Speaker 1: bit worse than the day before. Uh, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: good though. We're you know, we're healthy. Everybody's doing well. Uh.
Speaker 1: Other than that, you know, just grinding through just like
Speaker 1: everybody else is. How are you. I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 1: Poison Oak setting in really nicely. The van is basically
Speaker 1: taking apart right now. I'm redoing everything inside of it.
Speaker 1: So just trying to make the most of this time
Speaker 1: that we have that we're probably never going to get back,
Speaker 1: you know. I Like there are times where I like
Speaker 1: go through a couple of days and I look back
Speaker 1: on the past like three or four days and I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: I didn't do anything, was past nine hours. So I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be like a little bit more productive with
Speaker 1: my time. Same. It's hard though, because I have no
Speaker 1: motivation to do anything. When when there's nothing to be done,
Speaker 1: I lose motivation, which is I feel like almost or beat.
Speaker 1: It's very different than Ashley. When Ashley has a lot
Speaker 1: of things to do, she gets tired very quickly, and
Speaker 1: when she has nothing to do, that's when she gets motivated.
Speaker 1: Where I'm the complete opposite. There's nothing to be done.
Speaker 1: I'm I have a tough time moving around, man, like
Speaker 1: I drag ass anyway. Um so yeah, we do have
Speaker 1: a couple of guests that are coming up, Stephanie and
Speaker 1: Eric Spett. They are the host of a brand new
Speaker 1: podcast called Divorce Done Well. They're divorced couple that started
Speaker 1: a podcast about their divorce. So it's pretty interesting stuff.
Speaker 1: So I figured we talked about in the first segment,
Speaker 1: seeing how we're gonna talk about divorce in the second segment.
Speaker 1: We talked about marriage in the first segment. Uh, because
Speaker 1: I'm fascinated by the idea of being married. I kind
Speaker 1: of wish I could get Ashley in here to talk
Speaker 1: about it, because we've talked about on the podcast before.
Speaker 1: How like, I'm not the biggest believer in soulmates, Dean,
Speaker 1: I think you're similar in that one. We're like, you
Speaker 1: don't believe in like this one person that's your predestined
Speaker 1: to be with um and I ah, And I was
Speaker 1: actually reading an article on Psychology Today dot com that's
Speaker 1: it's this woman Shana Springer, was a PhD and something.
Speaker 1: Apparently she goes, soulmates do exist, just not in the
Speaker 1: way we usually think. And her argument is kind of
Speaker 1: similar to mine, where soulmates are are She doesn't think
Speaker 1: that like there's somebody that you find, you know, you're
Speaker 1: perfectly matched soulmate, but she does believe that so like
Speaker 1: your quote unquote, soul mate does exist by like growing
Speaker 1: so much admiration for someone's and like the analogy she
Speaker 1: makes is she says, like, if humans can develop finally
Speaker 1: honed skills and like music, athletics, language, wouldn't it be
Speaker 1: equally possible for them to become perfectly suited and completely
Speaker 1: irreplaceable to their spouses. And I kind of agree with
Speaker 1: that because at least in my own experience with Ashley,
Speaker 1: like from the get go, I wouldn't have thought Ashley
Speaker 1: is my soul mate, but growing so moose to her
Speaker 1: over the past five years and starting off as friends
Speaker 1: and then boyfriend, girlfriend and fiance and now being married
Speaker 1: to her, like I could never imagine my life without her,
Speaker 1: and she's kind of grown to be my soul mate
Speaker 1: because she's irreplaceable to me, and I don't know that
Speaker 1: kind of it's very different than the love that we've
Speaker 1: been taught in our life about how a soulmate is
Speaker 1: someone that you meet who gives you feelings that you've
Speaker 1: never felt before, and it's these sparks that are just
Speaker 1: it's fireworks right off the bat, and this glorious aspect
Speaker 1: of love and and for me, I went through a
Speaker 1: very different process with my now wife, and that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that she's not my soul mate though, I just
Speaker 1: think I have a different interpretation of a soul mate
Speaker 1: and I was kind of getting I'd love to know your,
Speaker 1: uh perspective on this team. Uh. Well, that's interesting that
Speaker 1: you say that, because I do agree with you that
Speaker 1: Uh well, I guess not agree with but I find
Speaker 1: it surprising that you're saying that because I always thought
Speaker 1: that you were kind of like the big romantic in
Speaker 1: the relationship with you and actually or did Ashley, Let's
Speaker 1: say we asked actually the same question, would she say
Speaker 1: that you were her soulmate when you guys first met
Speaker 1: and she knew it right away? Because I mean, obviously,
Speaker 1: if you watch her and and know her story, which
Speaker 1: we do, she was obviously really really into you at first.
Speaker 1: So do you think that she would call you her
Speaker 1: soul mate from from even back then? I think so.
Speaker 1: And actually perfect timing, Uh, we have uh somebody coming
Speaker 1: into the glam room right now to get her perspective
Speaker 1: on this. Ashley might be or my love, would you
Speaker 1: consider me to be your soul mate right off the bat?
Speaker 1: Did you know from the moment you met me? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: it was love at first sight, so it was definitely
Speaker 1: like I was struck by something that I had never
Speaker 1: felt before, which I know you didn't feel. And I
Speaker 1: just heard you recording. Well, yes, so you heard what
Speaker 1: I said where I said that you've grown into my
Speaker 1: soulmate because I appreciate that, and I like it just
Speaker 1: as much. You like it just as much? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think so too. Yeah, yeah, I have no problem them
Speaker 1: with that. I like it, Okay, great, Yeah, but like
Speaker 1: for me, like I don't know of it. I don't
Speaker 1: know that I would call it like I realized you
Speaker 1: were my soul mate at first sight. I realized I
Speaker 1: felt like I was in love with you at first sight.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. I wonder
Speaker 1: I guess what soul mate would be even a step up?
Speaker 1: So you could if I was Jared, I would argue
Speaker 1: that you didn't. You could have liked him even more
Speaker 1: than you did. You know, I could have liked Jared
Speaker 1: even more than I did. Yeah, and we all know
Speaker 1: how how good Googaga you are over and at first,
Speaker 1: but you could have even been more like if he
Speaker 1: was your soul mate and you knew it from the
Speaker 1: get go, you would do if any knows that there's
Speaker 1: so many at the get go. I think you need
Speaker 1: a conversation to prove it. It's different than love at
Speaker 1: first sight, because love at first sight is like when
Speaker 1: you're struck by, like you're just struck by somebody, but
Speaker 1: then with a soul mate. I think you at least
Speaker 1: need to have a couple of days of conversation too
Speaker 1: to judge the compative ability. So are you saying that
Speaker 1: you can be in love with someone at first sight
Speaker 1: that's not your soul much? Yeah? I guess that makes sense. Actually,
Speaker 1: you're so wise. Why do you not come on this
Speaker 1: podcast more? I would love to. Yeah, we seriously to
Speaker 1: hear Jared and ize Jared and my different perspectives on
Speaker 1: our own relationship, Which isn't that is that kind of
Speaker 1: counterintuitive everything we've learned growing up about love at first sight.
Speaker 1: I mean, I I feel like every movie, every TV show,
Speaker 1: every book, everything I've ever been told is is that, like,
Speaker 1: love at first sight equates to your soul make no,
Speaker 1: like does not. I've never thought that. I've never thought
Speaker 1: that from movies or whatnot. I do agree with you
Speaker 1: that we're like conditioned to think that true love is
Speaker 1: this thing that you see someone and you know, you
Speaker 1: should know right away that you're gonna spend the rest
Speaker 1: of your life with them, and you should fight tooth
Speaker 1: and nail and never give up to fight for this
Speaker 1: one person that you don't even really know, but you're
Speaker 1: just convinced in your core that it's like the right
Speaker 1: person for you. But then in reality then you like
Speaker 1: try and like to mimic those and echo those, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen that way. And then I think that
Speaker 1: kind of maybe like leads to people getting depressed and like, well,
Speaker 1: I saw all these things happen in the movie when
Speaker 1: I was a kid, and now it's not working out
Speaker 1: for me that way, So why that, like what's wrong
Speaker 1: with me? Um? And I think that is what maybe
Speaker 1: leads to it's funny that we're going to have this
Speaker 1: this couple that's divorced, because I think that's what leads
Speaker 1: to divorces. People get so enamored and they like they
Speaker 1: see this like fairy tale type stuff, and then it
Speaker 1: turns out not to be that way, and so that's why, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, splits happen. I agree. I think people confuse
Speaker 1: lust with love and so and then people just act
Speaker 1: too quickly, and I mean, it's it is kind of
Speaker 1: weird though when you think about it, because the media
Speaker 1: age I look this up for getting married in the
Speaker 1: United States is at its highest point. It's thirty years
Speaker 1: old for men and twenty eight years old for women.
Speaker 1: This was back in two thousands and eighteen, according to
Speaker 1: US Census. But the divorce rate is also the highest
Speaker 1: it's ever been, where it says in two thousand fifteen,
Speaker 1: for every one thousand married adults age fifty and older,
Speaker 1: ten had divorced, which is up five and nine. So
Speaker 1: pretty much they're saying the divorce rate has roughly tripled
Speaker 1: since n so people are getting married older in life,
Speaker 1: which in my head would say that leads to a
Speaker 1: happier marriage because you get to learn more about yourself
Speaker 1: in your twenties and then get married in your thirties.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, divorce rates have also tripled,
Speaker 1: so I guess it really just wait, can we go
Speaker 1: back to that divorce that Can you say that that
Speaker 1: one more time? Pretty much the divorce rate has tripled
Speaker 1: since none of the actual numbers per per one thousand people,
Speaker 1: all right, it says that the US marriage rate has declined,
Speaker 1: so actually less people in the United States are getting married.
Speaker 1: Divorce rates have actually increased among older adults, and it
Speaker 1: says in two thousand fifteen, for every one thousand married
Speaker 1: adults aged fifty and older, ten had divorced, which is
Speaker 1: up from five and nights. So pretty much every thousand
Speaker 1: people they get married, ten divorced. Though that number is
Speaker 1: definitely not true. You're telling me one percent of marriages
Speaker 1: and in divorce that is. But this also see this
Speaker 1: is a skewed stat because this also says ages fifty
Speaker 1: and abuff. So if you're already married, if you've been
Speaker 1: married for like however many years, fifteen years, by the
Speaker 1: time you're fifty, you're probably not getting a divorce, even
Speaker 1: though ironically, the two people we have on a podcast
Speaker 1: today we're married for sixteen years and got a divorce,
Speaker 1: So who the hell knows, um, But the point is,
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is that divorce rate is going up.
Speaker 1: But also the median age of people getting married is
Speaker 1: later in life, which would have initially I would have
Speaker 1: thought that if you're getting married later in life, there
Speaker 1: would have been less likelihood of you getting divorced. But
Speaker 1: the divorce rate keeps going up, so I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think maybe in addition to that, people are staying
Speaker 1: young longer, which I think probably has a been impact
Speaker 1: on it, like with technology and social media and stuff, like,
Speaker 1: you know, a thirty year old in I could be
Speaker 1: wrong on this, but a thirty year old twenty is
Speaker 1: a lot younger than a thirty year old in nineteen,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But you're right. I do
Speaker 1: think that as the as as the meeting excuse older,
Speaker 1: you would think that the divorceery would go down. But
Speaker 1: I think there's just a lot of other variables that
Speaker 1: come into play, like technology and stuff like that. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's gonna be interesting because, Uh, one
Speaker 1: of the reasons that I'm like, it's not super pro
Speaker 1: marriage is just because I've seen so many marriages like
Speaker 1: through my friends parents and my parents fail so so horribly. Um.
Speaker 1: But but I think that a lot of like we
Speaker 1: it's it's kind of hard to even hold ourselves to
Speaker 1: the same standards that we do our parents, just because
Speaker 1: we're so generationally different, Like, uh, the way that we're
Speaker 1: brought up is so so different than how they were
Speaker 1: brought up thirty to forty years ago before we were
Speaker 1: even born. You know what I mean. So, um, I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's yeah, it's it's definitely an interesting thing
Speaker 1: to talk about. Yeah, I mean, if you put like
Speaker 1: religious reasons aside, it is funny when you think about marriage,
Speaker 1: because it's like, hey, to prove our love, let's bring
Speaker 1: in the government. It is. It is pretty funny. But
Speaker 1: but I'm excited to talk to both Stephanie and Eric
Speaker 1: about their new podcast, Divorce Done Well, uh, and talk
Speaker 1: about their marriage, their divorce when they knew it was over,
Speaker 1: because I think that's a difficult question to answer, Like,
Speaker 1: how do you know when you've been for sixteen years
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you're gonna call it quits.
Speaker 1: That's that's a hard thing to do. So I never
Speaker 1: answered your question. You I never, which I apologize for.
Speaker 1: That's my bad. You asked me if I believe in soulmates? Right,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that was the original question. Yeah, I kind
Speaker 1: of just deflected the whole time. Um, I don't know
Speaker 1: if I believe in soulmates. Maybe I'm kind of in
Speaker 1: the same camp as you are with Ashley, where when
Speaker 1: I look at Kalin, I'm like, oh, like I can't
Speaker 1: imagine my life without Kalin, just like you can't imagine
Speaker 1: yours without Ashley. I don't know, necessarily know if that
Speaker 1: makes us soulmates, but I know that I would prefer
Speaker 1: a life with her than I would without her, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So it's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: if that makes us soul mates. Maybe we are soulmates.
Speaker 1: I know that. Uh, I don't know. Actually, it's yeah,
Speaker 1: it's such an interesting thing to think about. Well, think
Speaker 1: about it. I want to get it. I want you
Speaker 1: to talk more about it because I think it's an
Speaker 1: interesting topic of conversation, specifically for you because you're in
Speaker 1: a your relationship that's been a little over a year now,
Speaker 1: so it's getting into that category of all texts. Kalin
Speaker 1: right now and ask her if he thinks we're soul mates.
Speaker 1: What do you think she'll say. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: I'm very excited to hear the answer, and hopefully you
Speaker 1: guys are too, So make sure you stick around. We
Speaker 1: have Eric and Stephanie Speck coming up next, and then
Speaker 1: Dean will tell us what Klin says about the question
Speaker 1: if Dean is her fil mate. But first let's take
Speaker 1: a little break, all right, Welcome back to help I
Speaker 1: suck at dating. We have a couple of special guests
Speaker 1: who are on the line right now. They are the
Speaker 1: hosts of the brand new podcast, Divorce Done Well. We
Speaker 1: have the host rate here, Stephanie and Eric Spett. Stephanie
Speaker 1: and Eric, thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker 1: How are you guys doing? Thanks for having Yeah, thank you. Um, So,
Speaker 1: you guys have this brand new podcast, Divorce Done Well.
Speaker 1: So I would love a little bit of history of
Speaker 1: why you decided to jump into the podcasting world because
Speaker 1: for a little context, which I'd love for you guys
Speaker 1: to talk about, because this is what the podcast in
Speaker 1: our podcast is about two relationships. Is that you Eric
Speaker 1: and Stephanie. You were married and now you are divorced
Speaker 1: and you have kids, and you went through what a
Speaker 1: lot of people go through. And so why did you
Speaker 1: decide to start a podcast? Um talking about that situation? Seven,
Speaker 1: I'll let you take okay. Yeah, So, yes, Divorce Done Well.
Speaker 1: You can follow us by the way, or you can
Speaker 1: listen to us on Apple podcast, Spotify, our websites Divorced
Speaker 1: Done Well dot net. Why did we just decide to
Speaker 1: do a podcast? Well, it was much to my um
Speaker 1: bothering Eric about it. You know, when we were going
Speaker 1: through our divorce, it's not something that we ever I mean,
Speaker 1: I can tell you it's not something that we ever
Speaker 1: thought that we would have done, because getting a divorce
Speaker 1: is really hard. But after we got divorced, we have kids,
Speaker 1: and we both decided that our kids were going to
Speaker 1: be our north star and we were going to focus
Speaker 1: on that, and all the other stuff that sort of
Speaker 1: went into getting a divorce with time kind of went
Speaker 1: by the wayside. And I said to Eric, we're gonna
Speaker 1: get really rich and we're going to get a podcast.
Speaker 1: Not really, but but no, I mean I said to
Speaker 1: my I think that we could offer a service honestly
Speaker 1: that um, I mean, how many divorced couples do you
Speaker 1: know out there that are doing a podcast together. They're
Speaker 1: single women, they're single men, but there's no couple that
Speaker 1: are able to tolerate enough each other enough to have
Speaker 1: a podcast. So it's all came from a good place.
Speaker 1: We were trying to help people, and the funny part
Speaker 1: is that it's really kind of been therapy for us.
Speaker 1: I'm certain you cover this on your podcast, but for
Speaker 1: our listeners that want maybe a little bit more backstory,
Speaker 1: could you share how the divorce even came about, because
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, obviously we know divorce is
Speaker 1: pretty rampant nowadays. Uh most mostly what we see is
Speaker 1: ending on bad terms. But it sounds like you guys
Speaker 1: maybe just didn't end on bad terms or because I'm
Speaker 1: kind of curious how that relationship just dissolved and now
Speaker 1: you guys seem obviously perfectly okay with each other. You
Speaker 1: want me to take it correct? Yes, I think you
Speaker 1: should take that one. Yeah. So we were married for um, okay,
Speaker 1: seventeen years. We got separated. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We got
Speaker 1: separated like just before our sixteenth wedding anniversary. But with
Speaker 1: the you know, divorce takes a while. UM. And we
Speaker 1: but we started dating when we were both in college. Um.
Speaker 1: I was a senior in college, she was a freshman,
Speaker 1: and then I went away. We were young, we were
Speaker 1: super young. And then I went away to law school.
Speaker 1: She stayed in college, and then we came back and
Speaker 1: we dated. You know, during that time we were we
Speaker 1: were on and off, we dated other people, and then
Speaker 1: we had a long UM. So we dated for a
Speaker 1: long time. UM, and then we got to this this
Speaker 1: place in you know, and I think we were just
Speaker 1: different people then we were, you know, back when you know,
Speaker 1: she was eighteen and I was twenty years old, and um,
Speaker 1: so there wasn't really any anything dramatic at that point
Speaker 1: that that you know, the forced us to to go
Speaker 1: this direction. I think it was just it just it
Speaker 1: just wasn't working for either of us anymore, and so
Speaker 1: we decided that that was, um this is what made
Speaker 1: the most sense. And you know, we've seen a lot
Speaker 1: of other people, we had some very good friends, you know,
Speaker 1: go through go through divorce. It was kind of at
Speaker 1: that stage of life where we saw a lot of
Speaker 1: people start breaking up and people were having a terrible
Speaker 1: time and they were doing terrible things to their kids.
Speaker 1: Not on purpose, but you know when when you're fighting
Speaker 1: and um uh, you're not being good to each other,
Speaker 1: it affects the kids. And so we took a look
Speaker 1: at our situation and we said, you know, is this
Speaker 1: what we want do we want to screw up our
Speaker 1: kids like we're seeing our friends do. And we both
Speaker 1: decided that's that we wanted to do it differently, and so, um,
Speaker 1: we weren't going to be married anymore. But like our
Speaker 1: our son says, you know, we're still a family. It
Speaker 1: just looks very different. Can I ask what you thought
Speaker 1: the other couples were doing that hurt the kids, because
Speaker 1: I hear a lot of times when couples are going
Speaker 1: through tough times, specifically married couples, you want to stay
Speaker 1: together for the kids. But you guys obviously decided against that.
Speaker 1: So can you kind of go into more detail about
Speaker 1: why you guys think divorce was actually better for your family. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll say briefly my my thoughts on it, and I
Speaker 1: know Stephanie has thoughts too, you know, towards the latter
Speaker 1: parts of our marriage, we the marriage probably ended years
Speaker 1: before we signed the papers, and um, you know, when
Speaker 1: that starts happening, the kids can tell. Kids are very intuitive,
Speaker 1: and our daughter particularly, I think, really felt the um
Speaker 1: the tension in the house, and um, you know I was.
Speaker 1: I was amazed how well adjusted she seemed to be
Speaker 1: when we, you know, when we told her we were
Speaker 1: getting divorced, and in the months and years since then,
Speaker 1: and I think it's because she recognized there was this
Speaker 1: tension had sort of dissipated, she still got you know,
Speaker 1: divorce is never great. You would love to have both
Speaker 1: parents in the house. And we don't advocate for divorce,
Speaker 1: but sometimes, you know, removing that tension isn't that positive
Speaker 1: for the kids. And I think that was the case
Speaker 1: with us, and I think and that's you know, and
Speaker 1: I think what we've seen and I mean you see
Speaker 1: it even on there was just what was that that
Speaker 1: movie that we watched Eric, not together but separately, a
Speaker 1: marriage story, but it was basically was with um what's
Speaker 1: her name? Yes? Yes, yes, yes. And so if you
Speaker 1: any any like that movie, epitomizes like what it gets
Speaker 1: like because we said, oh, there wasn't one reason, but
Speaker 1: I mean we had hurt feelings. I heard Eric. He
Speaker 1: hurt me. It's not like one day we were like,
Speaker 1: let's get divorced. It's great. There was a lot of
Speaker 1: anger and hurt, but we don't disparage. We don't disparage
Speaker 1: each other. If I'm mad at Eric, I don't tell
Speaker 1: my daughter do that have being a jerk? And this
Speaker 1: is what he did. It seems like a lot of
Speaker 1: parents resort to, like the high school ways and like
Speaker 1: talking bad about the other person. And it's easy to do.
Speaker 1: I mean, especially at the begin I mean when Eric
Speaker 1: and I were not in the best place. I mean,
Speaker 1: I was abbrobated with him. Um, but I never said
Speaker 1: anything to him. I never said to my kids anything
Speaker 1: bad about him. Um And and they remember that. UM.
Speaker 1: So I would say that if there was one piece
Speaker 1: of advice, it would be don't talk bad about your
Speaker 1: ex to your kids because guests who's gonna lose you
Speaker 1: are You're not gonna want to be around you because
Speaker 1: you're just talking bad about your ex. So no matter
Speaker 1: no matter what you may think about your ex, that's
Speaker 1: not how your kids look at them. And so if
Speaker 1: you're gonna if you disparage your kids to your ex,
Speaker 1: you may think that, oh well, I'm going to win
Speaker 1: points for that with them. They're gonna they're gonna now
Speaker 1: look at me, but better that's not gonna happen. It's
Speaker 1: going to be just the opposite. They're going to be like,
Speaker 1: why would you can I cuss on this podcast? Can
Speaker 1: I go for it? Why are you talking about my mom?
Speaker 1: That's my mom? You know? And And that may feel
Speaker 1: good to you in the moment, but um, like Stephanie said,
Speaker 1: I think they remember that stuff later on, and um
Speaker 1: and I think it will come back to bite you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm curious because when you guys sat down the kids
Speaker 1: to kind of explain what was going on as parents
Speaker 1: who are getting divorced, I would imagine too, Um, I
Speaker 1: would imagine most of those conversations will go but everything's
Speaker 1: gonna be fine, like we're still going to be friends.
Speaker 1: But in most cases it probably isn't the case. But you, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm sure was there like a different way that you
Speaker 1: approached even having the discussion with your children? You know,
Speaker 1: that's the worst that that is the single worst part
Speaker 1: of getting a divorce is telling you if you have kids,
Speaker 1: telling your kids is the worst and not even often
Speaker 1: a sugarcoat it for anyone, but you get past it.
Speaker 1: But that's that's Eric and I were a mess, and
Speaker 1: we didn't say I don't think we knew. I don't
Speaker 1: think we ever said we were we're going to be friends.
Speaker 1: He said, we love you, just has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with you. You know. Our son was older. He ran
Speaker 1: out of the house. He was devastated. I mean Eric
Speaker 1: and I both were crying. First, he was crying and
Speaker 1: I was crying, and they say, oh, you're not supposed
Speaker 1: to cry, and there's all these rules. But we didn't
Speaker 1: say we were going to be friends, but we modeled it,
Speaker 1: which we had not been modeling the best at least
Speaker 1: I hadn't being the best parents. So really the only
Speaker 1: way to go was up. But I think we just
Speaker 1: kind of I don't know. I feel like we've navigated
Speaker 1: our divorced way better than our marriage. Um. And I
Speaker 1: think our kids see that we respect each other, and
Speaker 1: I don't think either of us, I mean, we didn't.
Speaker 1: We weren't happy, and when you're not happy, you're not
Speaker 1: nice to your partner, and that's really what happened. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that doesn't go well telling your kids. But you know,
Speaker 1: you've got to be honest and you can't say, oh,
Speaker 1: we're going to be friends and all of that because
Speaker 1: you don't know right now that you guys are newly single.
Speaker 1: How do you guys navigate dating new people? Well, we're
Speaker 1: not totally newly with with both your partner and your children. Yes,
Speaker 1: how do we navigate that? Well, that's an interesting question.
Speaker 1: Very do you try lightly? Our kids are super sensitive
Speaker 1: to that. We are both dating people at the time,
Speaker 1: and we've introduced them, and my son is more into it.
Speaker 1: My daughter can't be bothered. Um, So I mean I don't.
Speaker 1: It's not you don't want to see your parents as
Speaker 1: somebody else. But I do know that just from personal
Speaker 1: experience and what I've seen from other friends, I really
Speaker 1: try to not sort of not that I dated all
Speaker 1: these people or that I have the greatest advice, but
Speaker 1: just not having some sort of revolving door of people
Speaker 1: being introduced to my kids, because I think that can
Speaker 1: be confusing. Yeah, go ahead, And I was just gonna say,
Speaker 1: you don't. You don't force it on them, Like when
Speaker 1: when the time's right for them to sort of be
Speaker 1: introduced to that concept or to that person, you'll know it.
Speaker 1: Um um, you know that they still you know, they've
Speaker 1: got this um family of mom and dad and and um,
Speaker 1: you know they need time. I think the sort of
Speaker 1: get over get over that um, that idealized image. And
Speaker 1: once they do, I think then maybe they're willing to
Speaker 1: entertain that, you know, other people can be involved in uh,
Speaker 1: in mom and dad's life. But but but I again, I
Speaker 1: think it's don't force it on them because I think
Speaker 1: it will backfire. They'll they'll they'll kind of let you
Speaker 1: know when they're ready. What kind of things did you
Speaker 1: guys do to try to work on the marriage. Did
Speaker 1: you go to a couple of therapy? Um? And then
Speaker 1: also my question is when when did you know that
Speaker 1: this wasn't something that could be saved? When did you
Speaker 1: know that you guys would have to get a divorce?
Speaker 1: And I guess my question is how could you know?
Speaker 1: I guess my question is how do you know? I know?
Speaker 1: Isn't that That's a million dollar question. I think I
Speaker 1: struggled for a long time knowing and I think, look
Speaker 1: like Eric said at the beginning, you stay together longer
Speaker 1: because it's hard, I mean, finances, you've got kids. But um,
Speaker 1: we did go to therapy when with lots of therapists,
Speaker 1: anybody needs a recommendation, you can be m me because
Speaker 1: I got lots of names. We went to individual therapy,
Speaker 1: We went to a a couple of therapy. Um, I would
Speaker 1: group therapy. Um. I stole Stephanie's therapist and I made
Speaker 1: it my therapist. That's correct, That's correct. Um. I mean
Speaker 1: we did. I feel like could we have done more? Maybe?
Speaker 1: Could I have looked at our marriage differently? You know,
Speaker 1: I definitely have a different perspective now. If I had
Speaker 1: looked at our marriage now, like you know, things could
Speaker 1: have been different. I spent some time sort of beating
Speaker 1: myself up because I think I'm more aware now than
Speaker 1: I was when we were married. I was too concerned
Speaker 1: about being right and you know, maybe kissing Eric off.
Speaker 1: But we did try. I mean I think we tried
Speaker 1: the best that we knew how at the time. Um
Speaker 1: And and and when you know, you know, my therapist
Speaker 1: always said like you just know. And I feel like
Speaker 1: there was a moment for me where I just knew
Speaker 1: like it wasn't going to work for lots of different reasons. Um,
Speaker 1: but do you ever really know? I mean, it's scary
Speaker 1: as ship. I didn't work for a long time, and
Speaker 1: I didn't have a career. I you know, Eric, it
Speaker 1: very well provided for our family. It's scarity, but you
Speaker 1: know you can. You just have to make a decision,
Speaker 1: um to move forward. And we we we weren't. So
Speaker 1: I think we did. We tried our best. Yeah. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think Stephanie's right. I don't think you ever really um,
Speaker 1: I think we I think Stephani is right. I think
Speaker 1: we tried really hard. When you have kids, I think
Speaker 1: your incentive is to try. I mean, shame bind you
Speaker 1: if you don't try to make it work and make
Speaker 1: it work in a way that's um, you know, where
Speaker 1: you can provide a loving house for your kids. If
Speaker 1: you can't do that, then, like we talked about before,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense to stay married. And it's also easier.
Speaker 1: I think if you don't have kids, it's easier to
Speaker 1: just because you're just walking away from a relationship, you're
Speaker 1: not walking away from a whole family. And I think
Speaker 1: we stayed together probably longer than we should have because
Speaker 1: we had kids. Um. You know, um, I don't think
Speaker 1: that's a bad thing, but um, I think that's sort
Speaker 1: of a natural thing that that you try to do.
Speaker 1: You you know, like I said, you do everything you
Speaker 1: can to try to save it for your kids, and
Speaker 1: at some point you realize it's a losing battle, right
Speaker 1: and just know that we don't get here overnight. It's
Speaker 1: not like Eric and people are like, y'all, we've are
Speaker 1: gotten some feed bad Like that's not real, that's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: You guys can't get along. But like time, it's been
Speaker 1: four years since we've been apart, in three years divorced.
Speaker 1: I mean, time really helps everything. So people that reached
Speaker 1: out to us are generally pretty angry. At their spouse
Speaker 1: for X soon to be ex spouse because it's the beginning.
Speaker 1: Has your perspective on love changed since your divorce? Good question.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever want to get married again. Don't,
Speaker 1: but I think I, uh, I like the fairy tale
Speaker 1: and and I believe that. I don't believe that there's
Speaker 1: one person though, for everybody. So I believe in love.
Speaker 1: I believe it's out there. You know, I'm with somebody now,
Speaker 1: I love him, but I don't know that there's one
Speaker 1: person for everybody. And I think, you know, I think
Speaker 1: that another mistake that I made just from growing up
Speaker 1: is that you you build this fantasy. I met air
Speaker 1: when I was eight, team got married when I was
Speaker 1: twenty six. But there's all of these things that I
Speaker 1: in my head I thought things were supposed to be,
Speaker 1: and it's nothing like that. So I think I've more
Speaker 1: realistic view of love. I think that's the key. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and that a thing's end. I'm not going to fall
Speaker 1: apart because I've been through way worse and for me
Speaker 1: that you know what I mean, Like, you're in a
Speaker 1: relationship and it's not working. If you're dating, the devastation
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to be as big as I don't know.
Speaker 1: For me, I'm a very emotional person and may be
Speaker 1: able to tell um and so things just hit really
Speaker 1: hit me pretty hard. But but I have noticed um
Speaker 1: that with getting divorce, you just am not as emotional
Speaker 1: about things like that. Well, you guys are both very vulnerable,
Speaker 1: which is a breath of fresh air. Especially you're vulnerable
Speaker 1: in a very sensitive subject like your divorce, which a
Speaker 1: lot of people are unwilling to talk about and a
Speaker 1: lot of people go through. Uh. Yeah, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: great that you guys have a platform for people to
Speaker 1: go and listen to. We're going through similar situations. Uh.
Speaker 1: And it's funny because you guys got a divorce, I'm
Speaker 1: assuming because you felt like you needed separation and then
Speaker 1: you decided to do a podcast together. Well isn't that funny?
Speaker 1: I know? Yeah, that was the promise of getting wealthy,
Speaker 1: which I mean Stephanie to be clear, she did promise
Speaker 1: me that and it hasn't happened yet. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hang on to this thing until that happens.
Speaker 1: You might want to play the lottery also, just to
Speaker 1: kind of head your bed. Oh, obviously, So of course
Speaker 1: everybody can go check out Divorce Done Well. Can you
Speaker 1: guys tease us because I see that you have an
Speaker 1: episode help on Apple podcast right now, but give us
Speaker 1: a teaser what people can expect? Okay, So Divorced dounwell
Speaker 1: dot net. You can get to our podcast from our website.
Speaker 1: You can also go to Apple Podcasts with Spotify. So um,
Speaker 1: basically you'll just kind of get a day in the light.
Speaker 1: We have different topics, we have experts. We talk about
Speaker 1: how we handle Halloween, we handle how we handle birthdays.
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe it seemed pretty mundane, but it's you know,
Speaker 1: should we all take a trip together or should we
Speaker 1: not take a trip together? And is that weird? And
Speaker 1: how will your boyfriend our girl friends feel about that?
Speaker 1: So it's basic stuff that divorce couples deal with day
Speaker 1: to day and we kind of just offer a platform
Speaker 1: for that. And it's hilarious. Yes, we're very funny, Yes,
Speaker 1: very good. Well again, Stephanie and Eric, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us. We really thank you. Thanks for
Speaker 1: having us. Thank you, have a good day. All. We
Speaker 1: are back with help I Suck at Dating, Hello Suck Army,
Speaker 1: Welcome back, Dean Texas Kitlin, are you my soul mate?
Speaker 1: So I'm suck sucks, sucks, suck. Uh, yeah, everybody sucks
Speaker 1: sucks sucks that day in I'll never forget the first
Speaker 1: time we did that. It was at Foxwoods when we're
Speaker 1: at the hell's name of that club. We had a
Speaker 1: club appearance and uh, anyway, it was in Connecticut, and
Speaker 1: we were just like, we weren't that drunk, but we
Speaker 1: were feeling ourselves. Apparently we just started like chanting, suck, suck, suck, suck,
Speaker 1: suck suck everybody. Oh, it was a good time anyway.
Speaker 1: I think we were. I think we were sober. I
Speaker 1: think that's what the problem was. That's why we were like,
Speaker 1: let's get some energy up. We were very prideful in
Speaker 1: our podcasts still are still are. You know. Obviously People's
Speaker 1: Choice ties probably out the window. COVID just just terrible.
Speaker 1: But next year now people Choice Award one. We're coming
Speaker 1: for you, baby. Help I second dating sunk Army is
Speaker 1: gonna get us there. Uh. But in the meantime, like
Speaker 1: I said, Dean, Texas Kalin, are you my soul mate?
Speaker 1: So we're very excited for Kalin's response. Hopefully she'll text
Speaker 1: back before the end of the podcast, but before then
Speaker 1: we wanted to get this. Your wonderful emails are wonderful listeners,
Speaker 1: suck army, So Mark with your wonderful voice, if you'd
Speaker 1: like to read us some emails, that'd be great. All right,
Speaker 1: thank you boy. If this is from Hannah. For the
Speaker 1: past six months, I've had a crush on my best
Speaker 1: friend's brother. He's twenty nine and twenty seven, we're both single.
Speaker 1: Do I talk to the sister first or do I
Speaker 1: to shoot my shot with the brother? Jared? What do
Speaker 1: you think? Oh, you talked to the sister first. Your
Speaker 1: it's your best friend. You gotta be like, listen, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of crushing on your brother right now. Mike. Do
Speaker 1: you do you think it's a good idea? You think
Speaker 1: it's bad idea? What are your thoughts? Like, they're your
Speaker 1: best friend. I would have hope that your best friend
Speaker 1: would want you to be happy, and that would include
Speaker 1: possibly dating their brother. Yeah, but what if she goes
Speaker 1: to her sister, her best friend best friend says show
Speaker 1: or go for it, and then she goes for it
Speaker 1: and she gets rejected. You know, don't you think maybe
Speaker 1: she should like feel out if there's any interest on
Speaker 1: the brother's side. Otherwise it's like maybe she's like even
Speaker 1: asking in vain, She's gonna ruffle some feathers and then
Speaker 1: she's gonna get the green light or yellow light, proceed
Speaker 1: with caution, goes for it, gets rejected, and now there's
Speaker 1: tension everywhere in this friendship. Oh yeah, no, that's why
Speaker 1: I think she should talk to the sister, like I
Speaker 1: agree with you, dude, Just get no, I don't think
Speaker 1: you understand what I'm saying. Oh what are you saying? Then?
Speaker 1: I'm saying maybe she should go straight to the brother
Speaker 1: to see if the if the feelings are reciprocated at all. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: why would you waste your time with telling your your
Speaker 1: your friend that you know what I mean? I was interesting.
Speaker 1: I would talk to the friend and about I would
Speaker 1: be like, listen, I like your brother, do you think
Speaker 1: your brother likes me? And then the sister can like
Speaker 1: kind of try to feel it out without exactly saying
Speaker 1: it and just be like, hey, my friend Hannah, like
Speaker 1: she looks good tonight, right, or try to figure out like, hey,
Speaker 1: would you ever would you ever date Hannah? Would what
Speaker 1: are your thoughts about that? Because then she has it
Speaker 1: in like Hannah has it in, so like it off,
Speaker 1: get some intel. I see what you're saying. But let's
Speaker 1: say that Hannah, Hannah's best friend doesn't like that Hannah
Speaker 1: has a crush on her brother, and she asks her
Speaker 1: friend about it. She gets upset, and then she comes
Speaker 1: to find out later that the guy that she had
Speaker 1: a crush on doesn't even like her. So she made
Speaker 1: her friend upset for nothing because the guy doesn't even
Speaker 1: like her. You know what I mean. I don't get it.
Speaker 1: It's like it's like she's putting the car in front
Speaker 1: of the horse. It's like, why I say that she
Speaker 1: likes someone if she doesn't even know if they like
Speaker 1: him like her back Dean saying that it's risky to
Speaker 1: go to the sister first. It could cost you both
Speaker 1: of them exactly. Yeah, So this is what I think
Speaker 1: she's should do. I think she should sit him both
Speaker 1: down at the same time and say, listen, and this
Speaker 1: is the deal. This is what's going on. I got
Speaker 1: a crush on you, you're my best friend. How do
Speaker 1: we proceed? What do we do next? And then you
Speaker 1: come to a mutual understanding inclusion. Yeah, have an intervention
Speaker 1: about liking someone. I I think see, I think Hannah
Speaker 1: talked to the talk to your best friend. Be like, listen,
Speaker 1: I like your brother. Would your brother ever date me?
Speaker 1: That's the right thing to do. But Dean makes a
Speaker 1: point that's definitely the good advice, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: But but yeah, I just wanted to play the other side,
Speaker 1: play the other angle a little bit. I don't hate
Speaker 1: feeling out the boyfriend a little bit before you go
Speaker 1: to bit. Just maybe it's just a little bit of flirting,
Speaker 1: just to see if this if he's receptive to it,
Speaker 1: and then go to the sister. Right, But don't overstep
Speaker 1: because if if, if your best friend gets wind that
Speaker 1: you're trying to date her brother without having heard from
Speaker 1: you first, that's that's when the friendship is it's no
Speaker 1: longer a friendship after that. I'm under the impression that
Speaker 1: there's already been flirtation between Hannah and the best friend's brother,
Speaker 1: which is why she has a crush on him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I was young, I had a crushed on people
Speaker 1: that I've never even talked to. So I had a
Speaker 1: huge crush on my friend's older sister. Isn't that like
Speaker 1: the it's amazing. How like every older sister was this
Speaker 1: hot at you know, like when I was eleven, if
Speaker 1: they were like fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years old, like they
Speaker 1: were just like the hottest girl ever. Did you ever
Speaker 1: tell your your buddy about it? Oh, we used to
Speaker 1: bust his balls all the time. Of course she was,
Speaker 1: you know, she was attractive girl. But it's just like amazing,
Speaker 1: how like the older sisch is always the hottest one.
Speaker 1: I actually I I made out with my one of
Speaker 1: my really good friends older cousin one time, and it
Speaker 1: was like one of the coolest moments of my life
Speaker 1: because she was like five years older than me. She
Speaker 1: was the hot older cousin and for some reason she
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, this guy's hot, and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, let's do it. That's awesome, dude. I didn't
Speaker 1: know how cool you were. Oh I was. It was
Speaker 1: it was like momentarily cool. I was like cool for
Speaker 1: like a day and then it went back to normal.
Speaker 1: But for that day I was, I was all right.
Speaker 1: From Samantha, if a guy asks you to marry him
Speaker 1: and you say, I don't know, I need to think
Speaker 1: about it, is that a no, or does that guy
Speaker 1: think it's a no. My boyfriend asked me to marry him,
Speaker 1: and I said, I think about it. Seven. We've been
Speaker 1: dating a year and a half. I do love him.
Speaker 1: I can see myself marrying him one day, but I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm ready to be engaged in a
Speaker 1: wife yet. I love my job and worry I'm in
Speaker 1: life right now. I don't want that to change. I
Speaker 1: don't want to break up, but I fear we will
Speaker 1: if I say no to right now. I feel like
Speaker 1: I have to give him an answer soon, so please
Speaker 1: help me out. You know what's so funny about this.
Speaker 1: With engagements were so accustomed to it has to be
Speaker 1: either a yes or no. But saying I'll think about
Speaker 1: it is probably the most responsible response somebody can have
Speaker 1: to the most important question of their life, Like will
Speaker 1: you spend the rest of your life with me? Well,
Speaker 1: let me think about it. That's very understanding, and like
Speaker 1: I I can understand why someone had that response, Uh,
Speaker 1: even though this guy's definitely shattered. Like if if I asked,
Speaker 1: like if I asked Ashley to marry me and she goes, well,
Speaker 1: let me think about it, like I, I would be done.
Speaker 1: I would just quickly sink into the ground to which
Speaker 1: I was kneeling on. Um. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It all depends on Samantha. If you think you're ready
Speaker 1: in life, you know, Um, you've been together for what
Speaker 1: a year and a half. Uh, that's a decent amount
Speaker 1: of time. I wonder if you guys lived together at
Speaker 1: all your seven Um, you don't want to lose him,
Speaker 1: which is a big factor because she says she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to break up. Let me ask you this, since
Speaker 1: you're married, Uh, and you already you already said the
Speaker 1: pr life thing. It's it's you know, you've already made
Speaker 1: that promise. Um. If this girl is saying that she
Speaker 1: can see a life with this guy, why wouldn't she
Speaker 1: just go and marry it? Like, what what do you
Speaker 1: think care hesitation is? Well? I mean, to be fair,
Speaker 1: it is. Uh. It's a scary endeavor. Like we were
Speaker 1: talking to Eric and Stephanie earlier about knowing when the
Speaker 1: right time to get a divorces, it's also very difficult
Speaker 1: to know when is the right time to choose that
Speaker 1: this is the person I'm going to spend the rest
Speaker 1: of my life with. Sometimes you just got to dive
Speaker 1: in and I think really it comes down to what
Speaker 1: which outweighs what like what's more important to you spending
Speaker 1: the rest of your life? Was this particular person or
Speaker 1: losing that like which will impact you, uh greater? I
Speaker 1: think that's the question at hand, you know, And I'm
Speaker 1: sure you asked the same thing with Kalen. Is Like
Speaker 1: you know, if Klin, say Calein asked you to marry her,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you'd have to think about the same thing, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, does the year of losing this person outweigh um,
Speaker 1: they'll want to be with them for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life? I don't know. You know what's funny about this, though,
Speaker 1: I kind of I have this up on my screen
Speaker 1: really quickly, so I might as well talk about it. Uh.
Speaker 1: It's from the spruce dot com, so take it with
Speaker 1: a grain of salt. But it talks about the wrong
Speaker 1: reasons to get married and the right reasons to get married,
Speaker 1: which is right up this emails Alley, So, uh, can
Speaker 1: I just run through a couple of these really quickly
Speaker 1: if you don't mind? All right? So a couple of
Speaker 1: wrong reasons to get married you feel too guilty or
Speaker 1: ashamed to back out when plagued with doubt, you're willing
Speaker 1: to gamble on a future spouse changing or having potential,
Speaker 1: so your fear that this person will change. Uh. You
Speaker 1: wanna to have sex, so don't get married if you
Speaker 1: just want to have sex to ease loneliness, to be happy,
Speaker 1: to show your an adult or pregnancy kids because you
Speaker 1: want a baby, uh for money purposes, because all your
Speaker 1: friends are married, out of the fear that you will
Speaker 1: never marry anybody else, you're tired of being single. Those
Speaker 1: are the reasons not to get married, apparently, And some
Speaker 1: of the right reasons to get married are you're in
Speaker 1: love with one another, a desire to share your life
Speaker 1: with this person, to have a lifetime companion. You both
Speaker 1: have realistic expectations and shared goals. I think shared goals
Speaker 1: is a big one. I think if you share certain
Speaker 1: goals with somebody, you know with family purposes, go like
Speaker 1: overall life goals. Because Dean, I'm sure you know traveling
Speaker 1: is very important to you. Having a certain level of
Speaker 1: independence is very important to you. And if Klin wasn't
Speaker 1: allowing that to you, I don't know if you guys
Speaker 1: would have a successful relationship. Yeah, No, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: It's funny actually, because when you're reading off those don'ts,
Speaker 1: it made me think of one of my friends who
Speaker 1: is uh considering breaking up with his girlfriend, and his
Speaker 1: reason for not breaking up with his girlfriend was that
Speaker 1: all of his friends are in relationships and so he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be the only single person. It's a
Speaker 1: bad reason to stay with someone exactly. I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be in a relationship just because your friends
Speaker 1: are in relationships, and like you don't want to be
Speaker 1: alone and single, Like, that's not a good reason to
Speaker 1: stay in a crappy relationship. I don't know, that's just
Speaker 1: the first that's where my mind went when you were
Speaker 1: saying that. But you're right, I do, but I do
Speaker 1: agree that shared goals is super important, and uh, in
Speaker 1: my Kalen's situation, it's nice that what's nice is Um.
Speaker 1: When we first started dating, we were very clear with
Speaker 1: each other about the who we were and what we wanted,
Speaker 1: and so I was always like, look, I like like
Speaker 1: you said. I like my independence. I want to be
Speaker 1: able to to go places as often as we can,
Speaker 1: and sometimes I want to go places alone. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: would love if you were to come with me, Um,
Speaker 1: and so now it kind of at the president where
Speaker 1: it's like if I want to, like, for instance, right now,
Speaker 1: like if I want to go on a camping trip
Speaker 1: for three days by myself, It's not like straight out
Speaker 1: of left field where she's like, well, what do you
Speaker 1: mean you want to go by yourself for three days?
Speaker 1: That doesn't really make any sense. Uh. And so I
Speaker 1: don't know if that scessarily shared goal in that sense,
Speaker 1: but uh, it's a very shared understanding of of what
Speaker 1: we are interested in doing. Um. And it's and one
Speaker 1: thing just to chime in with. At the top of
Speaker 1: this podcast, we were talking about soul mats and you
Speaker 1: had the pleasure of asking Ashley in person if she
Speaker 1: was your soul mate and and or if you were
Speaker 1: her soulmate. I didn't have that luxury, So I texted
Speaker 1: Kalin uh right after we talked about that, and I
Speaker 1: just said, Hey, do you think we're soulmates? And she
Speaker 1: what do you guys think? She said, I guess I
Speaker 1: would like to hear what you think she might have said.
Speaker 1: She definitely said, yes, Mark, what do you think I
Speaker 1: think she threw it back on you and she said,
Speaker 1: what do you think? Uh? Yeah, Okay, Well, you guys
Speaker 1: are both right, I said, I said, do you think
Speaker 1: we're soul mates? And she said yes, and then she
Speaker 1: said next next text, she said do you and then
Speaker 1: I just I just responded, you do She said you
Speaker 1: and me? Yeah, of course, and I just said I
Speaker 1: just said of course she said, she said yes, of
Speaker 1: course you don't. And I haven't responded to that one.
Speaker 1: Oh God, she better, But yeah, I just wanted to.
Speaker 1: I wanted to share that because we didn't have the
Speaker 1: luxury of having heard chime in and live on that.
Speaker 1: You guys are so freaking adorable. I'm telling you. You
Speaker 1: know who's not so mates. Samantha and this dude. I
Speaker 1: don't think this is the guy for her, and I
Speaker 1: think she is scared to break up with him and
Speaker 1: start over again. But I don't think this is the
Speaker 1: guy for her. She should be super Why she says
Speaker 1: she can see herself marrying him one day. Yeah she can,
Speaker 1: but she's not excited about it. So what's wrong with
Speaker 1: saying if someone asks you when someone is down in
Speaker 1: the knee and they pull out her ring, I feel
Speaker 1: like you should be overwhelmed with joy, and if you're not,
Speaker 1: I think it's a red flag. I think it's a problem,
Speaker 1: and maybe she hasn't to drush that deep down inside
Speaker 1: because she could say yes and then have a long engagement.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. That's honestly what I was
Speaker 1: thinking she should do is say yes, get engaged, planned
Speaker 1: like a two at least two year engagement, and then
Speaker 1: see where you're at in two years. And if it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm all in. Like they came to fruition this idea,
Speaker 1: you could see yourself marrying and then great. And if
Speaker 1: over the two years the relationship dissolves, then you know,
Speaker 1: before you get married, and you've already destroyed this guy
Speaker 1: by saying you'll think about it, so oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean he's done. It might be trying to move on
Speaker 1: and the one more quick. When Katie's she like this
Speaker 1: guy on the standing app He's really cute, but all
Speaker 1: the pictures he has a closed mouth smile, so she
Speaker 1: assumes he has bad teeth. She says, I don't need
Speaker 1: perfect teeth, but I need pretty good teeth. I'm big
Speaker 1: on teeth. How do you get someone to smile with
Speaker 1: their teeth before you meet them without being rude? Well, listen,
Speaker 1: if somebody on the first date doesn't smile with their
Speaker 1: teeth the entire time, then something's up with that mouth.
Speaker 1: So just but what about on all of it the
Speaker 1: photos on his app Right, he's hiding something, don't you think? Probably,
Speaker 1: but that shouldn't be a deterran from her going on
Speaker 1: a date with this guy. Find out I think it
Speaker 1: do his zoom date. Don't waste your time find out
Speaker 1: that first well. And also maybe maybe he thinks his
Speaker 1: teeth aren't worth smiling for, but she might like him,
Speaker 1: Like you know, everyone, when I had I had bad,
Speaker 1: not bad teeth. I had a bad tooth in high
Speaker 1: school and one crooked tooth, and I hated it so
Speaker 1: much and it was the only thing that I ever
Speaker 1: saw in photos whenever I smiled, and I hated it
Speaker 1: and I couldn't I can't express to you guys how
Speaker 1: much I hated this one crooked tooth. But everyone else
Speaker 1: thought that I had the best smile in the world.
Speaker 1: And I was like, but look at this stupid crooked tooth,
Speaker 1: And everyone's like, oh, that tiny little crooked tooth, what
Speaker 1: do you mean? So maybe he's on that same camp
Speaker 1: where he thinks he has a bad smile, but in reality,
Speaker 1: other people think that he has a nice smile. You
Speaker 1: know what I think, Dean, You hated that tooth so
Speaker 1: much because it was the one flaw in that perfect face. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: you're absolutely right. And then you want know what's funny
Speaker 1: is I've gotten and I've got Invisi line three times
Speaker 1: on three separate occasions to fix the stupid crooked tooth.
Speaker 1: And every time it fixes it a little bit more
Speaker 1: and a little bit more. But it's still not perfect.
Speaker 1: And every time I smile, even now after having invisi
Speaker 1: line three times, I still only see that one slightly
Speaker 1: crooked too. You gotta get that face perfect, bro, it
Speaker 1: has to be perfect on every angle. I have a
Speaker 1: I have a like a fang tooth that I always
Speaker 1: have been self conscious about um, and like even I'll
Speaker 1: get comments about it about how I have vampire teeth,
Speaker 1: But honestly, I've grown to really like it now because
Speaker 1: I feel that it's kind of become a part of
Speaker 1: my I don't know who I am, Like I have
Speaker 1: a vampire tooth, Like I kind of like that it's
Speaker 1: a little bit different. Yeah, I agree, I think you
Speaker 1: have great teeth. Well, thanks, Bro, I think you have
Speaker 1: great teeth as well, all because of a line I think.
Speaker 1: I think, my little crooked tooth, it's it's what's keeping
Speaker 1: me at a nine point nine. And if I had
Speaker 1: that one too straight, I would be a tent out
Speaker 1: of ten. But Dean's right. We all know somebody who
Speaker 1: was told by someone at some point that they have
Speaker 1: their their their smile is too gummy, or their teeth
Speaker 1: are weird, when the truth is they have a great smile.
Speaker 1: I work with one. I'm not going to name them,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't smile with her teeth, and I don't
Speaker 1: get it because she has a beautiful smile, but some
Speaker 1: were along the way she got the impression that it
Speaker 1: was bad. So yeah, this guy is probably self conscious.
Speaker 1: Doesn't mean he has bad teeth. I agree. That's sad.
Speaker 1: I don't know who that person there is. That's very sad, Dean.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at pictures of you right now, dude. Your
Speaker 1: your teeth are legitimately perfect. What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Who marks? Who? Amne? Yeah? No, I know, but it's like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, when you know what to look for, you
Speaker 1: can see it. I'm not going to tell you what
Speaker 1: to look for, but it's there's just one little tooth
Speaker 1: that just doesn't want to be straight. And you know what,
Speaker 1: I respect your approach where you're like, it's just me,
Speaker 1: this is who I am, and I'm happy with it
Speaker 1: and I am that way. But it's just when it
Speaker 1: comes to teeth, my own teeth specifically, I just it's
Speaker 1: the one thing that just really bugs me so so much.
Speaker 1: That's fair, brother, that that is fair. Um, do we
Speaker 1: want to do another email or should we just call
Speaker 1: it quits for the day. I think those are the
Speaker 1: emails for the day. Man. I think that's the podcast,
Speaker 1: as sad as it is, But time flies by when
Speaker 1: you're listening to help I suck at dating. That was
Speaker 1: a fun one. That was a good one. Thanks for
Speaker 1: sticking with me as I struggled to hear you guys talk,
Speaker 1: and you probably didn't hear anything I said for a
Speaker 1: lot of the time too, So I appreciate you guys
Speaker 1: are working with me on there. Hey anytime, brother, anytime.
Speaker 1: Thanks for thanks for being you Dean. Oh, I want
Speaker 1: to give one quick shout out. So Kaitlin and I
Speaker 1: went down to San Diego this past weekend for like
Speaker 1: little staycation, played some golf, et cetera. And as we
Speaker 1: were going to get dinner one night or breakfast one morning,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this girl like stops us and she's like,
Speaker 1: obviously we're wearing masks, so kudos to her for even
Speaker 1: spotting us in the first place. And she goes, I'm
Speaker 1: your biggest and of your podcast. I listen every week.
Speaker 1: I can't wait till week to listen next week because
Speaker 1: I might suck a little bit less. And I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: this girl is rattling off even our catchphrases and stuff.
Speaker 1: So I want to give a quick shout. I want
Speaker 1: to give a quick shout out to her for being
Speaker 1: a super fan. We need to get here one of
Speaker 1: those beanies whenever we come out with those, but I
Speaker 1: just wanted to give her a quick shout out. That's awesome.
Speaker 1: Shout out to her. I wish I knew her name,
Speaker 1: but shout out to the San Diego girl who spotted
Speaker 1: Klin and Dean even in mask And thank you for
Speaker 1: being a fan of the podcast. Uh, we really appreciate it,
Speaker 1: because I mean, we say it every week, but it's true.
Speaker 1: Without you guys, there is no podcast. And we can't
Speaker 1: thank you enough for listening, especially to us because I
Speaker 1: feel like Dan and I just like say nonsense all
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, yeah, you do, you absolutely do well.
Speaker 1: Do you want to say some nonsense and get us
Speaker 1: out of here for the week. Absolutely. Thank you to
Speaker 1: Eric and Stephanie spett Um for joining us on the podcast.
Speaker 1: You can listen to their podcast Divorce Done Well wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to podcasts. Thank you to all the emailers
Speaker 1: who sent us emails. You know that's our favorite part
Speaker 1: of the podcast, so please keep sending us emails. You
Speaker 1: can follow us on Instagram Help by sec at Dating.
Speaker 1: You can also join our Facebook group help Us a
Speaker 1: dating pod cast, and then I think that is Dean.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being the wonderful man you are,
Speaker 1: and then make sure you guys tune in next week
Speaker 1: were hopefully we all suck a little less. Follow Help
Speaker 1: by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to podcast