1 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,879 Speaker 1: I started to realize that not being an expert isn't 2 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: a liability. 3 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 2: It's a real guest. If we don't know something about 4 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 2: ourselves at this point in our life, it's probably because 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:23,919 Speaker 2: it's uncomfortable to know. If you can die before you die, 6 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 2: then you can really live. There's a wisdom at death's door. 7 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 2: I thought I was insane. Yeah, and I didn't know 8 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 2: what to do because there was no internet. 9 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel like everything 10 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 1: is hard. Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. I'm a 11 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: human first and a licensed therapist second. And right now 12 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: I'm inviting you into conversations that I hope encourage you 13 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: to become more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, 14 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: and the world around you. 15 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 2: Welcome to You Need Therapy. 16 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You 17 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast. My name is Kat, I'm the host, 18 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: and glad you're here if you are new. I like 19 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: to start out almost every episode with a little disclaimer 20 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: that just reminds people that although I am a therapist 21 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: and this podcast is called You Need Therapy, it does 22 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: not serve as a replacement or a substitute for any 23 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 1: actual mental health services, but we always hope that it 24 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: can help you in some way wherever you are whenever 25 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 1: you are listening to this podcast. And then the other 26 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 1: quick reminder before we get into the contents today is 27 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: that a couple of weeks ago, I released some limited 28 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: items merch items for the podcast on a new website 29 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: that I created recently for you Need Therapy, So if 30 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: you go to You Need Therapy podcast dot com you 31 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: can look at the stuff we have. There is a 32 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 1: T shirt that sets fail your feelings and then a 33 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: crew neck sweatshirt that says have the day you need 34 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: to have, which are two of the things that we 35 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: really like to promote on here. And then there are 36 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 1: a couple stickers and keychains and little pins you can 37 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 1: put on tote bags and jackets and stuff like that. 38 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,919 Speaker 1: I like having little gifts like those in my house 39 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,360 Speaker 1: just in case somebody needs like a little pick me 40 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: up or something that I just want to add or 41 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 1: throw into a basket, or a gift that I'm creating 42 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: for somebody. I just like having those things around, you know, 43 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: little happy to offer people that say uplifting, positive or 44 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: fun things, So just know that's there. You can again, 45 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 1: just go to unith Therapy podcast dot com and you'll 46 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: be able to figure everything out there. I will say 47 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: the teacher and the crew neck. It's the very very 48 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: limited quantities of the items, and I don't know if 49 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 1: I'm going to replenish them because it's a lot to 50 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: you know, run a merch business on the side of 51 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,160 Speaker 1: a podcast, on the side of your therapy practice. So 52 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: if you want that, I would go ahead and order 53 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: those now. Even if you, let's say you would want 54 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: to give it as a Christmas gift or something like that, 55 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll have anything like that around 56 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,639 Speaker 1: Christmas time. We'll see, so I just would get on it, 57 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: you know. Okay, So let's get into today's podcast episode. 58 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 1: The content, the meat, the juice of what we are 59 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 1: talking about today. It is a solo episode. I'm excited 60 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 1: to be back with one of those. And this actually 61 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 1: came this the idea to talk about this, and what 62 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: I really want to throw out there before we get 63 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: into things is what I'm bringing up right now is 64 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: really a larger conversation I want to continue to have 65 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: with myself and my clients and you guys and just 66 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: the people around me because It's just something I've been 67 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: thinking about. The idea to bring this and talk about 68 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: it on here really just happened like yesterday. And two 69 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: things initiated it. One was if you follow me on Instagram, 70 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: you might know that a couple of weeks ago, Patrick 71 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: and I finally went and for those of you that 72 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: I knew, Patrick's my now husband, but we finally went 73 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: and bought a new couch and it was a really 74 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: big deal. And I have been thinking about this for 75 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 1: a while. And I say finally because since I moved 76 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: into this house. The house that I'm in now, I 77 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: moved into in the summer of twenty twenty two, so 78 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: coming up on around two years. So since I've been 79 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: living in this house, I've been wanting to get a 80 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: new couch that just fits the space better. My old house, 81 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: it was an older house, and so the way it 82 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: was built there was more walls in the rooms were 83 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: more like cut off my walls, while the house I'm 84 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: in now is a lot more open. And so the 85 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: couch I got fit so well, exactly like a glove 86 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: to my old house. And when I brought it into 87 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: this house, it worked, but it kind of chopped up 88 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: the space, and it didn't really allow the like, I 89 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,599 Speaker 1: don't know, the style that I wanted in this new house. 90 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: It just looked like I didn't purchase it for that space. 91 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 1: It just looked like I had it and I made 92 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: it work, which was fine, But I had wanted to 93 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,159 Speaker 1: change it for a while, and since before I even 94 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: moved into my house. And when I was still happy 95 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: with the couch that I had, I became obsessed with 96 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 1: one of my friend's couches that she bought from Creighton 97 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: Berrel and she had a couple of years earlier, and 98 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,600 Speaker 1: it was just so comfortable and big and soft, and 99 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: it was the deep lounge couch from Creighton Barrel, which 100 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: is the one that I ended up getting. So when 101 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: we moved, I told myself that I could use some 102 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 1: of the money that I made from selling my old 103 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: house to buy the new couch. But I wasn't super 104 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: proactive about it. 105 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 2: It wasn't a need. 106 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,479 Speaker 1: It's stuff like that is a big deal for me, 107 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: like buying a new couch, Like that's a big purchase 108 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: for me. Some people that might not feel that way. 109 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,160 Speaker 1: I think some people can relate. But that's like a 110 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: big deal, and so spending that much money on something 111 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,720 Speaker 1: kind of freaked me out. So even though I had it, 112 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,720 Speaker 1: it just so was like, do I really need this? 113 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:48,160 Speaker 2: I don't know. 114 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 1: I really wanted to make sure because what we'll get 115 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 1: into today is I am quite impulsive on some stuff. 116 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: So then after we got engaged, I found out that 117 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: when we registered at Creighton bled Out after our wedding, 118 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 1: we would get a discount at Crane Barrel. So then 119 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,719 Speaker 1: we ended up just waiting until after we got married 120 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:10,160 Speaker 1: so we could use the discount, and that's why we 121 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: ended up getting it when we did. Now in the meantime, 122 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 1: while I was trying to be patient, I had found 123 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: a couple other items that I really wanted to make 124 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: the space more homey and make it look the way 125 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 1: I wanted it to look. And oh my gosh, I 126 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: get so excited when I like find a deal, and 127 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: I feel like I am like beating the system, even 128 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: though I just know that things are overpriced anyway, so 129 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: I'm probably just paying a normal amount for something, but 130 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 1: I ended up finding this is off topic, but I 131 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: do this thing specifically with Anthropology because a lot of 132 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: their stuff is my style and I really like it, 133 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: but it's expensive. To buy clothes there. It's also really 134 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: expensive to buy home furnishings there. It's just a expensive store. 135 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: And what I do is I save things in my 136 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,599 Speaker 1: car and then I wait for them to go on 137 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: to sale. And then a lot of time I'm speaking 138 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: of right now they're doing it. Their sale will go 139 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: on sale, so like wait until their sales fifty percent 140 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 1: off and then I'll get something for like such a steal. 141 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:10,520 Speaker 1: I got two thousand dollars off of the rug that 142 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: I ended up getting for my living room, but I 143 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: had to wait almost a year to get that price. 144 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: And I mean sometimes when I do that, the thing 145 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 1: is out of stock. But when it works, it works 146 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: and it's so exciting. That's how I got the rug 147 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: in my bedroom. It's how I got my bedroom furniture. 148 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: And now I have this like inability to pay full 149 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 1: price for things. Ay anthembrelchi, which is a word to 150 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: the wise. None of that is important. What is important 151 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: is that what I did in my new house is 152 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: instead of just buying things with the money that I 153 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: had at that moment to spend that worked within that 154 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: budget and buying everything is I took my time buying 155 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: pieces that maybe didn't at all times go together, but 156 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: in the end, I will end up having the space 157 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: that I really want versus the space that I could 158 00:07:55,560 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 1: like get finished the fastest. And that is something that 159 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 1: I learned to do from past experience, and it was hard. 160 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: I mean there are times where I'm like, oh, like, 161 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: my house looks random, and I wanted to have that 162 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: experience where you get a new house, you put it together, 163 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: you have a housewimmning party. 164 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 2: E where he's like, oh my gosh, this is so cute. 165 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: But I had random stuff. It bought the viral Walmart 166 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: couch little chair swiddle chair a couple months ago, and 167 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: there's no space for it in my house, so it 168 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 1: was just like randomly in my living room. It didn't 169 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: match anything. 170 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 2: For a while. 171 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 1: I had a rug that Amy Brown actually let me 172 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: have when she got a new rug, and it didn't 173 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 1: really match my space at all, but it fit the space. 174 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 1: And then our Google Fiber when we got it installed, 175 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: the guy wore his muddy shoes all throughout our house. 176 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 2: This is a brand new house. 177 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 1: I just moved in all over the white carpet and 178 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,680 Speaker 1: I tried my hardest to get the stains out, but 179 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: then I sat with a rug which was a nice 180 00:08:57,559 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 1: rug with big brown bandit being like gray stains on 181 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,839 Speaker 1: it for over a year. So I sat in this 182 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: like waiting period and it was tough. And now I 183 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: get to see, as I have this new couch, Oh 184 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: my gosh, this. 185 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 2: Is worth it. This actually looks like what I was. 186 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 1: Hoping for, and I'm getting the feeling of calmness and 187 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 1: serenity and accomplishment versus I just got to do this 188 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:26,199 Speaker 1: really quick and buy these things, and then I'm unhappy 189 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: with all of the way it looks and the items 190 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 1: that I have, and I'm wanting to get new items, 191 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 1: and I keep wanting to change it. 192 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 2: So that's what I wanted to avoid. 193 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,079 Speaker 1: So the point is, and what I want to talk 194 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: about today is that I've been really practicing patients in 195 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: my home and it has paid off in the sense 196 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 1: that my space is full of things that I like. 197 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 2: Like I was saying, I'm not. 198 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: A designer, and I'm sure if somebody came in my house, 199 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: they would find flaws and issues and they would change 200 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: things and they wouldn't like this and all of that. 201 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: But I'm actually creating a space that feels good to me. 202 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: And that is really what matters, and it is really 203 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 1: what I wanted versus again, what I could do the fastest. 204 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 1: And why I'm bringing this up is because and what 205 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 1: I noticed this week is I was going to sell 206 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 1: my old couch. It was only two years old, so 207 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 1: it's still like a good quality couch. I was going 208 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 1: to sell it, and then I was like, wait a second, 209 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 1: why don't I bring this couch that it's like a cozy, 210 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: nice couch into my office. Because the couch in my office, 211 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: I really like it. It's super cute, but it's not 212 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: the most comfortable, and I've been wanting to do something 213 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: a little different in there for a while. And the 214 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 1: couch that I have in my office I thought would 215 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: actually fit better in the space in another office in 216 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: my practice. So I decided to bring that instead of 217 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: sell it. I brought it into my office. And because 218 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: of the way it is, it's a sectional versus just 219 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: like a sofa, so it fits really nicely into the 220 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:59,439 Speaker 1: corner of my office. And what that now has created 221 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,280 Speaker 1: for me is the fact that I have to move 222 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 1: some of the things that were hanging on the wall, 223 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,840 Speaker 1: like a whiteboard, like is now behind the couch. We 224 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 1: can't get to it, so to move that, and then 225 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 1: the artwork we had on the wall was now off 226 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 1: centered and not big enough because there's more wall space 227 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: to take up and to use. And I was like, okay, 228 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: so I have to take someth down. It looks right 229 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: now again. It's like I'm back in my home. It 230 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: looks very unfinished. It looks kind of like a hodgepodge. 231 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, well, I need to make 232 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: this look better. So I had this idea of taking 233 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 1: a bunch of the random stuff that I had around 234 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: my office and around my home, different artwork and frames 235 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 1: and wall hangings and stuff like that, and make a 236 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: gallery wall above one side of the couch. Because it's 237 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,680 Speaker 1: a huge, blank white wall. So I thought that would 238 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,959 Speaker 1: be a really fun way to decorate that space. 239 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 2: So got that idea in my head. 240 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: And what I know about myself is I am the 241 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:02,719 Speaker 1: kind of person that struggle with impulsivity. It also struggles 242 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: with starting things. I'm either going to like do this 243 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: and finish it and I'm going to like hang every 244 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 1: single item in my home, or I'm going to take 245 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: months to do this, And that is kind of what happened. 246 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: With the podcast room that I'm in right now, where 247 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:21,200 Speaker 1: I had my dad and Patrick. 248 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,959 Speaker 2: Build this really cool wall. It's the wall, but that's 249 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 2: behind me. 250 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 1: I think you guys have probably seen a picture of 251 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 1: it because I put up videos and pictures on Instagram. 252 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,079 Speaker 1: But it's this really cool wall and I had them 253 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 1: set that up and then I got this unique therapy 254 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 1: sign made and all that, and then I had everything 255 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 1: just like sitting in this office for months, like literally, 256 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,400 Speaker 1: I think if they did it in February, I put 257 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 1: it together in. 258 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 2: November of twenty twenty three. 259 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: So you see, like I can just like sit there 260 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 1: and like put it off and put it off because 261 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 1: stuff like that's kind of difficult for me, and I 262 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 1: don't have a lot of patience when it comes to 263 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: like centering things, and I'll end up with twenty seven 264 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 1: different holes in the wall and I needed one, and 265 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,959 Speaker 1: so I know that out myself. And I was getting 266 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,680 Speaker 1: this anxious feeling when I was doing this gallery wall 267 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: of I feel like I'm pushing this. I'm rushing this 268 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: because I just want to get this done and I 269 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,439 Speaker 1: don't know if this is going to create the actual 270 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: result that I want. And sometimes the impulsivity. I believe 271 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: that I experience is a superpower for me. It's one 272 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: of the reasons I've been able to do some of 273 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: the things that I do because I don't allow myself 274 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: to think everything through. I just jump in and I 275 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: figure it out as I go, and I'm really okay 276 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 1: with things being not perfect or not the best. This 277 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: is why if you do follow my Instagram, the page 278 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: looks random, like there's no flow, there's no color scheme, 279 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 1: there's no aesthetic to it. It's random, and I really 280 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,199 Speaker 1: like it that way. I post what I want, how 281 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: I want, when I want to do it. I don't 282 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: follow up plan, which I'm sure I could benefit from 283 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: in some ways, but that hasn't felt important to me 284 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: on my personal Instagram page. Starting the podcast was super impulsive. 285 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 1: Quitting my salary job in twenty seventeen was very impulsive. 286 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 2: I started a. 287 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: Jewelry business in twenty sixteen. I mean, I tried out 288 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: to be a cycling instructor without having any experience. There 289 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: are so many ways that I have allowed myself to 290 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 1: be impulsive and it has really worked out for me, 291 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: and it has allowed me to do a lot of things, 292 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: and I really appreciate that because sometimes when I sit 293 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: and I think about things, I find reasons not to 294 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 1: do them, or when I end up following through, it 295 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: doesn't feel authentic because it is planned or there is 296 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 1: just strategy behind it or something like that. And so 297 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: I have come to really appreciate that part of me 298 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 1: versus look at it as this negative thing. And at 299 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: the same time, because things are not black and white, 300 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 1: being impulsive has also been something I've had to be 301 00:14:49,960 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: very mindful of because it doesn't always serve me. Being 302 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 1: impulsive has also been something I've had to be very 303 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: mindful of because it doesn't always serve me, and it 304 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 1: has caused a lot of frustration. It has gotten me 305 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: in a little bit of trouble, and I've had to 306 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: really look at and spend some time figuring out how 307 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 1: to identify when that impulsivity is allowing me to grow 308 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: and bloom and do things that are good for me, 309 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: and when that impulsivity is showing up because of something else. 310 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: And I've noticed that when that part happens, it's often 311 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: because the impulsivity is driven by wanting some sort of 312 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: gratifying feeling, like when it's not something that's helping me 313 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 1: grow and move into the things that I really want. 314 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 1: The impulsivity is driven by wanting some sort of gratifying 315 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: feeling and escape possibly from discomfort, and escape from the 316 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: mundane boredom and escape from me sitting with myself. And 317 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 1: as I'm doing all this stuff, this is so interesting 318 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: to me just how the world works. 319 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 2: And this could have been random. 320 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,320 Speaker 1: It also is like the way that maybe the world 321 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 1: was designed for me to experience this. But as I'm 322 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: like going through all this stuff and I'm trying to 323 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: hang this gallery wall of all these random things, things 324 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: that I like, but I don't know that I want 325 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 1: to put them all on my office wall. I was 326 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: looking at Lisa Haynes, who is on Amy Brown's podcast network, 327 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: and she has a podcast, The Truthless Life that is 328 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 1: really awesome. She's just an awesome person. But I was 329 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 1: looking at her story and she posted something on her 330 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: story and I wish I screenshotted it so I could 331 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: share it with you. But it was talking about comfort culture, 332 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 1: and it was something that I very much resonated with, 333 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 1: so much so that I immediately it was messaging her 334 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: being like, oh my gosh, yes, this everything, and I 335 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: so wish that I screenshotted. Hopefully I can text her 336 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 1: and have her send me what she had posted. But 337 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: she was talking about how wellness culture is very tied 338 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: to comfort culture and this obsession with being comfortable, and 339 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:07,160 Speaker 1: it is this I think spoke to another level of 340 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,119 Speaker 1: why sometimes I get so frustrated when I see people 341 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 1: naming symptoms. And when I say symptoms, it's in air quotes, 342 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: because maybe they are just things that we experience. But 343 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 1: I get frustrated when I see people on the Internet 344 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: naming symptoms and then sending the message that those actual 345 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: normal experiences have to be things you should be concerned with, 346 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 1: and that those people have the solution. 347 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,880 Speaker 2: To fix them. I think I talk about this a lot. 348 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 1: It's easy example to give, but the simple idea that 349 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:40,159 Speaker 1: bloating is something to be avoided at all costs, and yeah, 350 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,720 Speaker 1: there are times where that could be a sign of 351 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,440 Speaker 1: something that could be a symptom of a bigger issue, 352 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,879 Speaker 1: but also it could just be bloating and that's a 353 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: normal human experience. And yes, it's uncomfortable. I don't think 354 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: anybody's like, yes, I feel so good, I'm bloated, Like, yes, 355 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,439 Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable. I get that, and I think part of 356 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: the discomfort we've actually created to be bigger than it is, 357 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: because you pair that discomfort and then you multiply it 358 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,679 Speaker 1: by how we've been trained to make normal experiences that 359 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: affect the way we look a bigger deal than it is, 360 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 1: because any sense that our bodies are taking up more 361 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: space than absolutely necessary has become a red flag for 362 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 1: our ability to love our bodies, our ability for our 363 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,159 Speaker 1: bodies to be okay, our ability for our bodies to 364 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: be healthy, and for other people to love us and 365 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: our bodies like that's become such a big thing. So 366 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 1: I think there's almost some pseudo symptoms created, and the 367 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 1: discomfort is exaggerated by this mental and emotional discomfort that 368 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:55,360 Speaker 1: is multiplied exponentially through diet cultury messages. And the interesting 369 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 1: thing is, like the same people that are slinging these 370 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,440 Speaker 1: kinds of messages are also appearing to promote and love 371 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 1: things like yoga and meditation, But the very act of 372 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: yoga and meditation goes against the idea to run and 373 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 1: fix discomfort. A lot of that is designed to open 374 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 1: up space to sit and be with it, to be 375 00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 1: with the parts of us that we don't love all 376 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 1: the time, to be with the parts of us that 377 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: aren't joyful all the time, to be with just parts 378 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,320 Speaker 1: of us that aren't comfy all the time, which is 379 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,680 Speaker 1: part of the whiplash of this like diet culture messaging. 380 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: You want me to accept and love myself as I am, 381 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 1: et cetera. But again, you have. 382 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 2: The key, so it will make that experience better for me. 383 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,000 Speaker 1: And it involves a lot of me investing money, time 384 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 1: energy into what you're selling. And I'm speaking to those 385 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 1: people slinging those messages, But what I don't think we 386 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 1: are remembering in those moments in some fronts For some 387 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: of us who've never been taught this, that discomfort doesn't 388 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,560 Speaker 1: just show up in order for us to run away. 389 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 2: It's sometimes is just part of life. 390 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,920 Speaker 1: And when I'm talking about this almost feels like I'm 391 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: like talking out of the millennial hater who's like, oh, 392 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: millennials just want everything so easy and they just want 393 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 1: to like make this amount of money and they don't 394 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: want to work, and and like, I don't want it 395 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,880 Speaker 1: to come off that way. That's not what I mean. 396 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,160 Speaker 1: But I think we are living in a world where 397 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 1: we have become so accustomed to fixing everything and making 398 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,959 Speaker 1: everything perfect. At the same time, we're like saying in 399 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,920 Speaker 1: a way that makes us think we're not doing that, 400 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: but in the reality is sometimes part of enjoying our 401 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: lives and living a true, authentic, fruitful life is realizing 402 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 1: that life includes bumps and bruises and days where we 403 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 1: aren't at our best and days where we're just average. 404 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,680 Speaker 1: And I mean it brings you back to the whole 405 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,800 Speaker 1: idea that like being average is such like a I 406 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,119 Speaker 1: feel like it's like a diss Like that would be 407 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: an insult if somebody said that, like you were average, 408 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: and if I had an average. 409 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,359 Speaker 2: Day, it would be like, well, what can you do 410 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 2: to make it better? 411 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 1: And I was like, well, what is wrong with having 412 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 1: an average day? That doesn't mean it's a bad day 413 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 1: and everything has to be better and greater. And I 414 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: don't know, I think I'm getting kind of off track, 415 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 1: but I think what has happened in all of this 416 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 1: is we have distorted the difference between discomfort and actual suffering, 417 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: and I think that we have combined those two things, 418 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 1: and they aren't always combined. Suffering can include discomfort. I 419 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 1: think a lot of times it's going to include discomfort, 420 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: but discomfort doesn't blankly mean you or we or anybody 421 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: is suffering. And yes, I went off the rails there 422 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 1: for a second, But back to what I was saying 423 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 1: about the comfort culture and the thoughts and things that 424 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: I was kind of sitting with when I saw Lisa 425 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 1: posting about that it just hijacks normal experiences and tells 426 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,199 Speaker 1: us in quotes it shouldn't be the way, but in 427 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,119 Speaker 1: a way that's like, yeah, you're right, it shouldn't be 428 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: this way. For example, you should never be bloated. And 429 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,120 Speaker 1: I don't know, I think sometimes that just happens and 430 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 1: then it goes away, and then we move on with 431 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,200 Speaker 1: our life and we don't have to change anything about ourselves, 432 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 1: about our day, about what we're doing, about what we're eating. 433 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: But we struggle so much to sit in the waiting period. 434 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 2: We need a. 435 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,679 Speaker 1: Pill or oh my gosh, I saw. I think it 436 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: was low boss Worth, who was from like Luguna Beach. 437 00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 1: I guess she has a wellness company. But there is 438 00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 1: something I saw. I don't know if it was on 439 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: Instagram or where I saw it, but she has some 440 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 1: debloating pill. 441 00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 2: But it also was like a lotion. 442 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: That she was rubbing on her stomach and I'm like, 443 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 1: what in the world, Like now we're putting lotions. I mean, 444 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 1: I'm all for mor stuizing, but we need a pill 445 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 1: or a lotion or whatever it is so we or 446 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 1: a cleanse so we can get rid of this thing 447 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,880 Speaker 1: as soon as possible, when like, maybe your body can 448 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 1: do that on its own. And we just struggle with patience. 449 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 1: And I don't know if we feel the permission to 450 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: take back the space where we individually get to decide 451 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,760 Speaker 1: if we are suffering or not, Like, you shouldn't have 452 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:13,399 Speaker 1: to suffer this way, You shouldn't. 453 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,199 Speaker 2: Have to deal with this. Sudent should have to put 454 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:14,480 Speaker 2: up with this. 455 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,520 Speaker 1: But do we still feel the agency in our own 456 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,439 Speaker 1: lives to identify if that is suffering or not. I 457 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: think a lot of times we see things and again 458 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 1: it puts in our brains that this is this big, 459 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: bad thing, and then it kind of exacerbates our experiences. 460 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,960 Speaker 1: It makes me think of when I was in grad 461 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 1: school and we to take a class on the DSM, 462 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: which is the manual that helps us diagnose mental disorders. 463 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 1: And it was funny because after every class of course, 464 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,119 Speaker 1: all of us are like I have this, I have this, 465 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:46,680 Speaker 1: I have this, And most of the time we didn't 466 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 1: have any of those things. But because we were talking 467 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:53,000 Speaker 1: about these symptoms in a very exaggerated way, that's just 468 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,439 Speaker 1: what we do. We're ecocentric people as we apply everything 469 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 1: to ourselves. And then, you know, because I was worried 470 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 1: about if I left my straightener on when I left 471 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 1: the house, all of a sudden, I'm diagnosing myself with 472 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,359 Speaker 1: OCPD or something like that. And maybe that was a 473 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 1: normal thing that I didn't remember. If I did that, 474 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean I have a mental health disorder. It 475 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 1: would be okay if I did have that, but that 476 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 1: necessarily doesn't mean I have that. So this idea of 477 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 1: comfort culture really was a helpful thing for me to 478 00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: see this week. I don't know if I've heard that 479 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: phrase before. Maybe I have, but it was a really 480 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,439 Speaker 1: helpful framework that allowed me to process some of the 481 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,399 Speaker 1: patterns I was experiencing this week and in my past 482 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 1: for myself and also in the world around me and 483 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 1: for my clients. And I was looking up to see 484 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,720 Speaker 1: if this was a thing that a lot of people 485 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: were talking about, and the jury's still out on that 486 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: I haven't done too much research on it, but I 487 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 1: did find an article about comfort culture that was written 488 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 1: in two thousand and eight for The Guardian, and in 489 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: the article, the author states, it seems we are either 490 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,720 Speaker 1: wanting to escape current turmoil we're in or we want 491 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:06,399 Speaker 1: to understand it. And I was like, Yeah, that feels 492 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:11,199 Speaker 1: really accurate. We want a way out of something, or 493 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 1: we want an explanation for why we're experiencing it. We 494 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,879 Speaker 1: want to be able to understand it so we can 495 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: sit in it. We struggle to sit in unknowns, especially 496 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 1: if it causes anything less than joy, And maybe the 497 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,960 Speaker 1: skill that we're missing is this ability to sit in 498 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 1: versus the ability to get out of How do I 499 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: end this? How do I change this? Versus how do 500 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 1: I allow myself to be in this and not create 501 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: an issue out of something that might not need to be. 502 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 1: What I know is that we are a culture. We 503 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 1: are a society that loves fixing things, and we also, 504 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,719 Speaker 1: in tandem with that, are very much addicted to instant 505 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:02,199 Speaker 1: gratification that we actually create for ourselves. We have the 506 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,639 Speaker 1: ability to create for ourselves in the world around us. 507 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 1: A lot of that is tied to social media and 508 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 1: how that's changed how our world works and what's available 509 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,080 Speaker 1: to us. And I just know through that patients has 510 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 1: shifted a lot. Patients has changed, our ability to have 511 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: patients has changed because we just don't have to have 512 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: it all the time. I mean, have any of you 513 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 1: guys ever watched a show been watching a TV show 514 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 1: while scrolling on your phone? Because I have, And it's 515 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 1: one of the reasons I've recently actually deleted TikTok. I 516 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 1: think I did it last week because I got so 517 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,199 Speaker 1: frustrated with that. I have been struggling to find a 518 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,359 Speaker 1: show to watch that I could enjoy because I was 519 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:45,320 Speaker 1: getting so bored so fast, and I've been needing something 520 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 1: that was so stimulating and exciting all the time that 521 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: if there was any like build up or character development, 522 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 1: I had no time for that. I just needed excitement 523 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 1: and I catching moments the entire time, or I would 524 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 1: zone out on my phone and scroll and move from 525 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 1: exciting things to exciting things, new thing to new thing. 526 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,160 Speaker 1: If a video is taking too long, I would make 527 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,399 Speaker 1: it go faster, or I would go. 528 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 2: To the next one. 529 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,320 Speaker 1: And so I was like, this is this is not 530 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,439 Speaker 1: helping me anymore. And I think that there is so 531 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,080 Speaker 1: much good that can come from social media. I haven't 532 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,639 Speaker 1: gotten rid of all of it, obviously, but with it 533 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,440 Speaker 1: has come this great responsibility that I am not sure 534 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:28,200 Speaker 1: we know quite how to grasp yet, and it's something 535 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: that has been so helpful, and it's helped people feel 536 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 1: less alone. It's allowed things like this podcast to be 537 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,439 Speaker 1: shared with more people. And at the same time, I 538 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 1: think social media is making some people feel more alone 539 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,160 Speaker 1: than ever, and sometimes we don't even realize that until 540 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 1: we're like, wait a second, this is a manufactured, non 541 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,399 Speaker 1: lonely feeling, and then what it's doing is it's taking 542 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 1: away the actual feeling of loneliness that might actually help 543 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 1: me get to the thing that I'm wanting real connect 544 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 1: with people going out and experiencing real life going out 545 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,399 Speaker 1: and being places and sitting places, making eye contact with people, 546 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 1: because I can get that in an easier, less vulnerable way. 547 00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: And I've talked about that a lot. So if you're 548 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,920 Speaker 1: tired of hearing that, it's probably gonna come up again, 549 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,639 Speaker 1: because it is a problem that's not going away, and 550 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 1: I think it's important to not ignore. But more than anything, 551 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 1: I've seen the way that I personally have become trained 552 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,360 Speaker 1: to calm any space, any moment, any pause, with an 553 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,919 Speaker 1: influx of random content to keep me occupied. And the 554 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 1: mundane parts of my life have started to feel like 555 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 1: they are unsafe, like they are a problem to fix, 556 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: versus a space to exist in a space that sometimes 557 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 1: can also still be fruitful and good. 558 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 2: But I'm trying to get rid of all of those spaces. 559 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 1: And this is where I come back to the impulsivity 560 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 1: stuff that I was talking about. It oftentimes is a reaction. 561 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: I have become accustomed to this impulsivity. It's no longer 562 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 1: a conscious decision a lot of times to choose. It's 563 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 1: an unconscious response to boredom, sadness, loneliness, space, et cetera, 564 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:11,640 Speaker 1: anything like that. And what I've noticed as I've allowed 565 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:15,880 Speaker 1: myself to slow down is the impulsivity is not often 566 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 1: about being satisfied. It's about being stimulated. It's about having 567 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 1: something versus sitting in the space, the waiting, the in between. 568 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,240 Speaker 1: It's about pushing through any kind of discomfort. And this 569 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 1: is where I'm going to bring you back to my 570 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 1: gallery wall. You're like, wait, I thought we were talking 571 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 1: about your couch because I was so excited for the newness, 572 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 1: something different. I decided to change up my office and 573 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, I needed to do something 574 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 1: right then and there, and I wanted to have the 575 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,960 Speaker 1: space finished for the reveal versus the finished product or 576 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 1: the quality of the product, which is very different than 577 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: how I felt with my house. And you see how 578 00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: like I'm making some progress here, and then I have 579 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: to remind myself that just because I did something once 580 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that this has now become the new pathway 581 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 1: for me. I have to continue to work on that. 582 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 1: And years ago, I've always been a big Gomar Girls fan. 583 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,200 Speaker 1: It was the like one show that I actually had 584 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: on DVD. 585 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 2: When I was younger. 586 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: And among the reasons I still love that show is 587 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 1: that it accidentally taught me a lesson that I didn't 588 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,920 Speaker 1: know I needed to be taught when I saw a 589 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,440 Speaker 1: certain episode, and I'm pretty sure I looked it up 590 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 1: because I wanted to find the clip. It was season five, 591 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: episode seventeen, and it is a scene where Rory is 592 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 1: walking out of shopping and she says, if I still 593 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,080 Speaker 1: want that sweater and twenty minutes, I'm going to go 594 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,360 Speaker 1: back and get it. And I've referred to that as 595 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: the twenty minute sweater rule, and I've used it in shopping, 596 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 1: I've used it in decision I just used it in 597 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,280 Speaker 1: decision making a lot. I've shared it with clients, and 598 00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:00,520 Speaker 1: it's not the most salacious idea, right, It's just delayedification. 599 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,440 Speaker 1: So what happened is I was getting this feeling of 600 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: being rushed, like I was being impulsive. I was in 601 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 1: my impulsivity and I was having this feeling of being rushed. 602 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,960 Speaker 1: So after I started to tape my wall, I was 603 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 1: forced to take a break because somebody in the office 604 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 1: next to me was working and so I couldn't, you know, 605 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,960 Speaker 1: make a lot of noise while they had clients in 606 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 1: their office. So I was forced to take a break. 607 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 1: And I don't know if I would have done this 608 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 1: I was if I wasn't forced to take a break. 609 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 1: So I'm not giving myself too. 610 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:28,920 Speaker 2: Much credit here. 611 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 1: But I noticed that I was feeling really rushed and 612 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,840 Speaker 1: I had this anxious impulsivity of just I just want 613 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: to get this done. So I said, okay, I don't 614 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,440 Speaker 1: even know if I like this, Like I'm not getting 615 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,800 Speaker 1: this feeling. I'm like, oh, this feels good, this feels right. 616 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 1: I haven't even like given myself space to think about 617 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 1: what I want this new space to look like and 618 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 1: feel like. 619 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 2: And so I said, actually, I'm going to have to sit. 620 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,080 Speaker 1: Here and look at this gallery wall of look at 621 00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,480 Speaker 1: the frames all laid out like I had for the 622 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:04,560 Speaker 1: whole day and after today. If I still like what 623 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 1: I am seeing, then I can put it up, but 624 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: I have got to sit here with it. And what's 625 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 1: funny is it didn't take very long for me to 626 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,680 Speaker 1: realize that I did not want to hang any of 627 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:15,959 Speaker 1: those up. But the end of the day, I was 628 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 1: already very very sure that that was not the vibe 629 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,560 Speaker 1: that I wanted my office to be. I wanted my 630 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 1: office to feel calming and safe and a space where 631 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,200 Speaker 1: you could have your own thoughts versus your being stimulated 632 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,320 Speaker 1: by all of the stuff all around you. And that gallery, 633 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,479 Speaker 1: sure as heck, was not going to offer that. It 634 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,160 Speaker 1: was not cohesive, it was not calming, It was random. 635 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,320 Speaker 1: It was cute, and I liked it, but not for 636 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,720 Speaker 1: my office. So as I was about to nail thirty 637 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,680 Speaker 1: different pieces of art onto the wall, I said, Okay, 638 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:55,320 Speaker 1: this is not it. And after thinking about that, and 639 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 1: thinking about this comfort culture thing and all of that, 640 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: I realized that what I wanted was to have a 641 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,480 Speaker 1: finished product and to be able to get the response 642 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 1: from clients walking in or pictures of me, being able 643 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: to send this to people I'm like, look what I did, 644 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,239 Speaker 1: or for me to feel accomplished, and I wanted to 645 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 1: post a picture of the room and all of that. 646 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:19,280 Speaker 1: I wanted this excitement. I wanted this rush of feeling 647 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: good that actually would not leave me in a place 648 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,200 Speaker 1: that felt good. And it might feel like kind of 649 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 1: a small potatoes example for you, but this didn't feel 650 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,000 Speaker 1: small for me. And a lot of what I teach 651 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: clients attempting to walk into things like early recovery is 652 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: how to delay their reaction to a triggering event. For example, 653 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 1: let's say after a meal, a client has the urge 654 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 1: to purge. Instead of telling them you can't, don't do it, 655 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,560 Speaker 1: we or I encourage them to delay the response to 656 00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,760 Speaker 1: the urge. So give yourself twenty minutes to do something else, 657 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,360 Speaker 1: and when that twenty minutes is up, if the urge 658 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 1: is still strong, you can decide what you want to 659 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 1: do then. But often as time and space move, so 660 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,600 Speaker 1: does the intel of our urges to get rid of 661 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:05,040 Speaker 1: the initial discomfort we feel, and in this we show 662 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 1: ourselves that we actually do have more say in our 663 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:12,280 Speaker 1: actions than parts of our diseased self may like to think. 664 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 1: Sometimes and after a client uses a behavior, for example, purging, 665 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: oftentimes they will experience an express feeling some type of euphoria, 666 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: right relief, followed by intense shame, guilt, anger, discomfort again 667 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,520 Speaker 1: towards themselves a lot of times, and the idea of 668 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,799 Speaker 1: temporary relief from discomfort somehow always finds a way to 669 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,640 Speaker 1: trump the longer standing discomfort they know is coming after. 670 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:45,920 Speaker 1: Thus a never ending cycle is created, and we continue 671 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: to chase this temporary high, but the high never really 672 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,799 Speaker 1: lasts long enough, and then when we get the come down, 673 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,640 Speaker 1: we remember that it's not worth it. But because we 674 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:57,200 Speaker 1: can't sit with a discomfort, we do it again, and 675 00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:00,719 Speaker 1: we do it again, and we do it again. I 676 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,440 Speaker 1: see so often how this can make people feel crazy, 677 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:07,320 Speaker 1: and it can really create this sense of am I dumb? 678 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,600 Speaker 1: Or what's wrong with me? But these cycles are set 679 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,319 Speaker 1: up and the way they function is you can't you're 680 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 1: not going to win that. You're not going to win 681 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,360 Speaker 1: that by trying to get rid of the discomfort, the 682 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,440 Speaker 1: nature of the cycle is to be a cycle and 683 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 1: to be addictive, and to break it, we have to 684 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,560 Speaker 1: do something different and allow ourselves to experience something different, 685 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,919 Speaker 1: and oftentimes that is discomfort. 686 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:30,760 Speaker 2: It's space. 687 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:36,360 Speaker 1: It's a waiting period and in between. So right now 688 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:39,239 Speaker 1: I'm working out of an office with bare walls and 689 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,439 Speaker 1: a couple of nails in random places. I don't have 690 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,280 Speaker 1: a picture to show you guys right now, the finished product. 691 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,000 Speaker 1: I actually went back today. I don't have to be 692 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,280 Speaker 1: in the office today, but went back today to measure 693 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 1: some things. And I was about to command strip stick 694 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,440 Speaker 1: a bunch of stuff up, and then I said to myself, 695 00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:58,839 Speaker 1: maybe you need to sit on this again. You need 696 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 1: to sit and see if this is actually what you 697 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,400 Speaker 1: want to do. There's no reason you have to do 698 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 1: this right now, because what do you want. What I 699 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 1: really want is to create a space just like my home, 700 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,960 Speaker 1: that feels like it's me, that feels like it was 701 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:20,040 Speaker 1: done with intention, that feels like I was purposeful. And 702 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,000 Speaker 1: it wasn't just what can I do the fastest to 703 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 1: get this done, It was what can I do that 704 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 1: makes us feel the way I want to feel when 705 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,560 Speaker 1: I walk into my space. I want this to be 706 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 1: a place that is both fun and comforting. I want 707 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:37,520 Speaker 1: this to be a place that is calming and also 708 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,960 Speaker 1: has character. And if that's what I want, then that 709 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,840 Speaker 1: is going to take a little bit more time. 710 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 2: And that's okay. 711 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:54,120 Speaker 1: I don't have to create excitement and exaggeration and newness 712 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 1: in every moment of my life to be okay, Sometimes 713 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,800 Speaker 1: sitting in between is It's fine. It's not a problem 714 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:04,400 Speaker 1: to fix, it's not a problem to solve. It's just 715 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,360 Speaker 1: where I am right now. It doesn't mean I'm going 716 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,920 Speaker 1: to stay here forever, but it's where I am and 717 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,600 Speaker 1: I'm really excited about that. I'm excited about the opportunity 718 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:16,000 Speaker 1: to create the space I want versus the temporary feeling 719 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 1: and chance to be in something shiny and new. And 720 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,839 Speaker 1: I'm sharing all of this with you guys today. It's like, yeah, 721 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,919 Speaker 1: Catherine told a story about a couch. I was thinking 722 00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,520 Speaker 1: about that before I went to record this. I'm like, wait, 723 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:31,560 Speaker 1: I'm literally doing a podcast about me buying a couch. 724 00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:33,279 Speaker 1: Like this is People who are going to turn this 725 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 1: off as soon as I started, But maybe you did it. 726 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,279 Speaker 1: Maybe you're not even hearing this part, but maybe you're 727 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,319 Speaker 1: not because you can relate to that feeling, and you 728 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,800 Speaker 1: can relate to that inability to sit in the in between, 729 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,600 Speaker 1: and you can relate to the fact that we have 730 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:51,720 Speaker 1: accidentally created a world where being still or being okay 731 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,400 Speaker 1: even feels just uncomfortable because you know those people you 732 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:58,319 Speaker 1: can be better, like everything can always be better, but 733 00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:02,960 Speaker 1: also doesn't need to be. And so if you are 734 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,879 Speaker 1: in a space where you don't know if your impulsivity 735 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,759 Speaker 1: is helpful or not, some questions that might help you 736 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,600 Speaker 1: decide that is, do I actually know what I'm wanting 737 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:13,399 Speaker 1: I'm doing this thing? Do I know what I want 738 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,160 Speaker 1: out of this? And if it's a no, maybe you 739 00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:19,000 Speaker 1: stop and you sit on that until you figure out 740 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,719 Speaker 1: what you want out of it. And if it's a yes, 741 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,759 Speaker 1: then you can ask yourself more questions like what is 742 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 1: it that I want it? Like, okay, if I know 743 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,319 Speaker 1: what it is, what is it? And will the thing, the 744 00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 1: action that I'm about to do, actually going to offer 745 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,120 Speaker 1: me what I'm wanting? Is it possible for me to 746 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:36,640 Speaker 1: get out of this what I'm doing for me? Like 747 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,440 Speaker 1: I wasn't able to get out of creating a really 748 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,960 Speaker 1: intentional space, out of nailing the first thing I could 749 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:43,840 Speaker 1: find in my office to a wall. This is the 750 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,879 Speaker 1: space we really get to get honest, right, I had 751 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,160 Speaker 1: to get honest with what I want is something long term. 752 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 1: I want the space to be the space I want it. 753 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,920 Speaker 1: But in this impulsivity movement, what I'm doing is I'm 754 00:38:55,920 --> 00:39:00,160 Speaker 1: wanting to just feel better right now, I'm wanting something 755 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,160 Speaker 1: to distract me. I wanted something to give me, something 756 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,239 Speaker 1: to do, something to focus on, something to look forward to. 757 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 2: That's what I'm doing. 758 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:10,400 Speaker 1: So what I think I want and what I want 759 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,080 Speaker 1: are kind of getting in the way because I think 760 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,319 Speaker 1: sometimes we tell ourselves, oh, no, this is what this 761 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:17,920 Speaker 1: is going to do that, but really it's like no, 762 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:19,759 Speaker 1: I just want an excuse to do that thing. 763 00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 2: So we have to be really honest with ourselves in that. 764 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,799 Speaker 1: And if the thing that we're doing does not have 765 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,040 Speaker 1: the ability to give us the thing that we actually want, 766 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: then maybe you stop. Maybe you take twenty minutes and 767 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,840 Speaker 1: you decide if you want to do it in twenty minutes. 768 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,359 Speaker 1: You use a twenty minute sweater rule, And I think 769 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 1: in that too, maybe you think about how that stuff 770 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,120 Speaker 1: has shown up for you as well. 771 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,440 Speaker 2: And I don't really have the answer right now, I don't. 772 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:46,959 Speaker 1: Have the solution to what to do when we become 773 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,880 Speaker 1: obsessed with being comfortable other than the only way to 774 00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:55,440 Speaker 1: get comfortable with being uncomfortable is to be uncomfortable. And 775 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 1: I even think, as I'm saying this, there's no solution 776 00:39:58,040 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 1: to it because the very nature of it is going 777 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,200 Speaker 1: to against what we're wanting, Like we want a way. 778 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:03,160 Speaker 2: To fix this. 779 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,800 Speaker 1: The reality is we have to stop trying to fix 780 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:10,359 Speaker 1: everything and change everything, and we just have to practice. 781 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: It's a practice allowing life to just be topsy turvy 782 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:19,320 Speaker 1: at times. So I hope that my couch story wasn't 783 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:23,680 Speaker 1: as random as it now is. Feelings, I'm wrapping this up, 784 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,400 Speaker 1: and I hope that some of you can relate into 785 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,880 Speaker 1: the humanness that I very much found myself in this week. 786 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:33,080 Speaker 1: If you guys have any questions, feedback, questions, concerns, anything 787 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: now that you can always send those to me Katherine 788 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,400 Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. You can follow 789 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,640 Speaker 1: me Cat dot Defada on Instagram and at You Need 790 00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:45,640 Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast. You can also follow my therapy practice at 791 00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,960 Speaker 1: three Chords Therapy on Instagram. If you live in Tennessee, 792 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,520 Speaker 1: you can reach out to three chord therapy. If you're 793 00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,759 Speaker 1: looking for a therapist or somebody to help you through 794 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:58,520 Speaker 1: maybe some of the stuff that we're talking about. If not, sadly, 795 00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 1: even virtually, we can't work with you because of licensing 796 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,600 Speaker 1: laws that I actually don't hate because they help keep 797 00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:09,680 Speaker 1: our community of mental health practisers safe and regulated. Remember 798 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,960 Speaker 1: there's merch atunedtherapy podcast dot com if you would like 799 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:17,160 Speaker 1: to go look at that. And until Wednesday when I 800 00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,360 Speaker 1: come back for couch Docs, I hope you guys have 801 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:20,680 Speaker 1: the day you need to have.