WEBVTT - When It's Time to Scoot 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:06.360 Okay, good morning, Hello, welcome to today's podcast. You guys, Hi, Hi, 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:12.000 welcome to today's episode. We're counselors, couples counseling, but we're 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:15.200 the couple. Yeah, that's what people are needing to do. 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:17.440 Two for one deal with us, right, so you got 0:00:17.480 --> 0:00:21.000 the yeah, two birds with one stone. I don't know, 0:00:21.160 --> 0:00:25.760 but anyway, you're notice thinking is how many advice series 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:30.000 or shows or content? How much advice content there has been? 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:31.480 Do you have? Did you just throw up in your 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:32.640 mouth a little bit? Oh my god, I think I 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:35.159 choked on my protein bar. Sweetheart, you have to use 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:37.159 liquids to get that down. Hold on, let me take 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:39.640 a sip of water. Do you have a favorite advice 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:42.760 show that you have watched? I was thinking about this recualy. 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:44.800 I'm like, oh, now, we're just one of many that 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:47.599 have come therapy on Showtime is Good. They put out 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:50.080 a COVID episode. Yeah. I like that show. So they 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:54.200 follows real couples going to therapy with this one therapist 0:00:54.240 --> 0:00:57.320 and then she consults with her superior who's ever in 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.520 charge of her caseload show. She like kind of talks 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:03.720 to her cases with her counsel. So it's kind of 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:06.760 there's dynamism in it. Also, it's dynamic because there's so 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:10.160 many different people, like you end up liking certain couples 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:13.560 and disliking other ones, or disliking certain partners, like this 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:16.640 one's a fucking asshole, Like she starts ship all the time. 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.560 You know, you know what I used to love? I 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:20.120 don't know. Do you remember this? Do you remember sex 0:01:20.120 --> 0:01:23.280 with Sue? Where couples are you know, a person would 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:27.360 call in from a relationship with very specific like sex 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:31.840 questions or yeah it was not doctor Sue, doctor Sue. 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:33.640 I just remember being called sex with Sue And that 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:37.520 was the first like advice driven content I'd ever seen. 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:39.759 And I will never forget the very first call I heard. 0:01:40.240 --> 0:01:43.039 A woman called in because her husband wanted her to 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:46.280 poke his dick with needles. That that like turned him on. 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:49.560 And I was probably thirteen, and I can remember waiting 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:50.840 for one to go to bed so I could watch 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.920 Sex with Sue and finding it so fascinating, like the 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.240 dynamics of sex in a relationship because you think of 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:57.720 it being one way and you're like, oh, no, people 0:01:57.760 --> 0:02:01.120 have really fucked up relationships and where ship. I've heard, yeah, 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:03.600 you hear weird stories to about certain people and what 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:05.760 kind of sexual acts they're into, and you're like, what, 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:10.560 I'm not into any funny stuff story. Yeah, the Richard 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:12.799 Geary what that he shoved a gerbil up his us? Yeah, 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:14.400 that's like there's a name for it. I don't know 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:18.600 what it is. I don't know if there's a name 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.160 for sticking a jerbil up your ass? I think, so, Nick, 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:23.600 do you know what I'm talking about? Our our producer 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:26.000 and our producer in the booth? I know the story 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:29.480 I'm not Can you look up what that's called? Funneling? 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:33.120 Sounds like an overstatement or an understates someone anyone. I 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:35.200 would just like to know, because I'm there's a term 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:37.240 for everything. I would also like to know the term 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:39.720 for someone who looks cute from the side, but it's 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:42.400 not cute face on. Well, there's also there should be 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:44.560 a phrase for people who look worse when they smile. 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:46.640 Have you ever seen one of those people when they 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:49.639 smile You're like, oh, oh, stop that. How terrible is that? 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:53.120 Because everyone I thought looked better when that great teeth, 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:55.600 it changes the structure. Doesn't matter what kind of teeth 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:58.760 you have, Well, it does sometimes, but I mean it 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.440 doesn't matter. Like Tammy. Remember my dog, she had sucked 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:03.600 up teeth so when she smiled it was actually really 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:06.520 she looked like she was from London. I loved Tammy. 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:08.400 I just I wish that we could get some dogs 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:12.200 in the house that act like dogs so hard on you. 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:14.959 It's so hard on everyone. Actually, none of my friends 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:17.240 like my dogs, and they you know, I've always had 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.160 dogs that are only my dogs. But even these dogs 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:23.400 aren't my dogs, they're my bell. They don't so I 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:24.760 think that we just need to let a bell take 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:27.400 them over. I would like to get I can't rescue 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:30.079 golden Retriever a dog that wants to be pet and 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:31.960 wants to go on a walk, Like I would love 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:34.840 to be able to take your dog after work for 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:37.920 a hike. I don't want one of my own. Your 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.400 network Jake, he had a dog named Tucker who was 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:43.640 very vocal, which I didn't like, but was the sweetest 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:46.160 fucking dog. Yeah, well, we had to remove his vocal 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:49.280 cords for good reason. We didn't do that. I thought 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.400 I dreamt about doing that. Didn't we have to do 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:53.720 something like that with Chunk where we did not remove 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:56.360 his vocal cords. But we did something with his oho. 0:03:56.480 --> 0:04:00.840 We penned his larynx because he was dry heaving, poor Shunk, 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:03.760 trying to get more air. Oh yeah, he couldn't get 0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:05.960 enough breath, so they had to pin his larynx and 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:09.120 then they couldn't he couldn't bark after. That was a 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:11.640 nice little byproduct. But this is advice that I had 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:15.520 given you because when people have I won't put this 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:16.599 on you because I think it's a lot of people. 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:18.080 When people have a certain amount of money, they want 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:20.159 to do whatever they can for their pets. But it 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:23.920 can actually have an adverse reaction because then we're doing 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:25.440 too much. And so I said, hey, we need to 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:27.880 cut it down with what we're trying to do for Chunk. 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:29.640 Let's just let him live his life. And he died 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:32.960 like a week later, poor buddy. Luckily he wouldn't have 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:35.040 suffered for very long. But the thought of my dog, 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:40.039 I'm just such a bad parent is what it comes 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:42.039 down to. You love your pets, though, and that's really 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:43.719 all we can ask of anyone. I just wish I 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.000 could care for them, Brandon, I wish I could care 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.240 for them. Loving them is one thing, but not having 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.680 the ability to do anything that they need is another. 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:56.200 You know, I love them, but I can't. I don't 0:04:56.320 --> 0:05:00.000 care for them. Well, you were away for four months 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.280 with them. We have a different timeline of how long 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:04.520 you were gone, but you were gone for a while 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:06.480 with the dogs, and you did take care of them. Well, 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:08.560 I had a dog walker that would come at for 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:11.599 and I had to do the bare minimum. Yeah I did. 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:13.240 I did take care of them. But you know I 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:16.480 don't play with them. I don't play play fetch with them. 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:19.600 Those dogs don't play. They don't fetch, you know, Bert, 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:21.240 You throw it in one direction and Bert walks in 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:23.320 the other direction. I mean, they want nothing to do 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.000 with playing fetch or any sort of games or any 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.800 sort of camaraderie. But I do my favorite thing and 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.719 Chunk wouldn't do this. Bert will lie in my lap 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:34.840 like a shape shilter, Like I could pick him up 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:37.800 off the ground. He's like fifty pounds. I pick him 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.880 up and I can wrap him in whatever contortion I want, 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:43.919 and he will lie on top of me like that 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:48.440 until he comes to. And so that I love because 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:50.479 Chunk would never have let me like I could put 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:53.240 his head under my body over it, and Bert will 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:56.760 just let it happen like a contortionist, you know. He 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:59.400 just lets me do whatever I want to him. And 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.600 I love to findle that dog. I love meat on dogs. 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:05.520 I love when their meat is covered with fur. And 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:07.800 there's all these different pockets. Especially when we cut their 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:10.800 hair short with Burton Bernees, you could see different areas 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.599 of meat that I hadn't seen before, Like under their arms. 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:15.760 He has a little flap there that I'd like to 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:17.839 rub when I'm going to sleep. It's like self soothing 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:19.880 for me and for him probably. We have a new 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:21.760 dog groomer as well. I mean this is now becoming 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:23.360 a dog episode, but we have a new dog groomer. 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:27.080 And this groom or has shaped them in a way 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.480 that I didn't know as possible, made you know what 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:32.080 it did, and made me forget about every groomer I've 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:35.240 ever had before this. They look like little puffs. He 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:37.920 turned them into Teddy. They look like stuft animals. It's 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:40.360 like what I would my dream haircut for both of them. 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:42.520 And it's happening right now. Actually there. We just left 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:44.400 the house and they're at the house. They're getting groomed. 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:49.240 So the services on site. What a day? What a day? 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:51.839 What are we focusing on today's sweetheart? Well, I feel 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:55.840 like there's some good submission to say. These are submissions 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.640 that everyone has to deal with. People needing advice on 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.279 knowing when to leave a friendship or a relationship or 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:07.120 a job. Just there's this certain pocket of time that 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:10.120 you kind of start to reflect on if you're still 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:13.040 in the right position, and so we all go through it. Sweetheart, 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:16.280 is that Yeah, you've had this with jobs before, you've 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.360 had it with relationships. My problem is that I have 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.720 no impulse control, so like, when I think about quitting, 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:23.840 I've already quit, like and I'm the exact opposite. Yeah, 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:27.520 you probably overdigest at all. Right, there's nothing that gives me. 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:30.320 I don't quit anything because I want to find a 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:34.480 way to make it work and for better or for worse. 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:37.080 It's one of those characteristics that I catch myself in 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:39.240 where I'm like, I know I shouldn't be doing this anymore, 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:43.040 but I don't want to give in to leaving. I 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.400 just think people leave things so easily, not like friendships. 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:47.040 So you know, we've kind of talked about this. Yeah, 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:50.119 that's like an underline under my name is a friendship ender. 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:55.120 I'm a friendship ender. I've ended friendship. Okay, well I've 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:57.440 had friendships ended. It works both ways. It's not just 0:07:57.520 --> 0:07:59.520 that I m them. People will end them with me 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:02.800 because you know of something I say or do or whatever, 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:06.040 and I end them a lot. So and I also 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:10.360 have weirdly very little sentimentality towards people who are no 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.880 longer in my life. You have zero. That is that 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:14.880 I don't know. This is also something that we joke 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:18.800 about because I'm so sentimental and not in like a 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:23.400 memento type way, but you're not sentimental at all with 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:26.040 people or things. Like we sold my house. I came 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:27.920 home from Whistler and into a new house where in 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:31.840 a rental, and I haven't missed my house one single day. 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:33.559 I thought about it and I thought, do you missed 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:35.760 that street? And I said, nope, I'm so glad to 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:38.680 be done with it. So in a sense it is 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:41.240 caused for concern that I have no sentimentality because it 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:44.360 feels like I have that gene is missing. But in 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:47.000 a sense, I'm always open for a new newness. Like 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:48.600 when you were God, I asked if you missed someone, 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:52.640 and you go no, and I'm like, but you love 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:54.839 this person so much and like you guys have such 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:56.320 a good time together. She goes, I know, I just 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:59.360 don't think about it. I'm like, what there? I would 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.560 like we need to someone to assess that aspect of you. 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:04.520 Maybe we'll have Dan call in one day. We can 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:07.800 have him talk about it, Dan, who of course is 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:10.840 my therapist. I don't know what it is. I don't know, 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.600 but if you, if you have similar I'm sure there's 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:15.280 a lot of other people that have the same thing, 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:17.880 because it can't just be unique to me. So it's 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:19.800 got to be a chip for a gene. I have 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.040 a sneaking suspicion. Then then all these submissions are going 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.160 to be answered very quickly because it's going to be 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:26.960 a leave just go ahead, Yeah, because all about I 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:28.840 like taking a big leap of faith, and I like 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:32.960 new adventures when everything's on the horizon, when anything's possible, 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:36.720 and sometimes when you're stuck in something nothing's possible. Yeah, 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:38.920 well this is our opinions are probably going to differ 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:42.760 on these times. So the first submission comes from Farah 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:45.000 out of Lebanon. She's in her forties. She works in 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:48.200 the fashion industry. She writes, Dear Chelsea, Hi Chelsea. The 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.439 advice I'd like to get is how do you move 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:53.440 past friendships that have done your wrong, friendships coming to 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:57.400 an end, and unsupportive friends during difficult times? How do 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.960 you separate the heads from the heart after turn plus? 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.040 Here's a friendship again, something we all go through and 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:06.120 this is this is your area. Okay? Well, ten plus 0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:09.559 years of friendships means that you have been given all 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:12.560 of the proof that you need that that person isn't 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:14.760 a good friend to you. Right, ten years is long 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:18.080 enough to make an assessment. So there you go. You 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:20.199 have all of this room right, and you have all 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:22.840 of these experiences with that person. It's like what burn 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:25.000 A Brown says about the marble jar? Do you do 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:27.040 you know what she's said? Like if you you know, 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:30.480 a friendship or any relationship is like a jar of marbles, 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:34.559 and every act of kindness, every act of reliability, every 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:38.560 act of compassion puts another marble in the marble jar. 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:42.760 So if that person once screws up, it doesn't matter 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.160 because there's so many marbles in the marble jar. But 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:48.000 if they consistently screw up and they're taking marbles out 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:51.600 at a rapid pace, then there maybe never was a 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:54.559 marble jar to begin with. And if something doesn't make 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:58.760 you feel good over a period of time, then that's 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:02.680 all the information you needed. And talking to your friend 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:05.720 at this point, I would say after ten years is 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:08.800 probably futile. Well, there are so there are multiple layers this, 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:10.679 so let's start with the first one. How do you 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:12.920 move past friendships that have done you wrong? I think 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.319 it would be based on the consistency of those wrong doings, 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:19.400 like you know, the the scale, because people make minor 0:11:19.400 --> 0:11:21.400 mistakes all the time, and you can't just get rid. 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.640 This goes for you can't get rid of friendships over annoyances, 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:27.560 like you have conversations about what needs to change in 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:30.439 that relationship or that dynamic, and then if both people 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.120 accept those conditions, you can move forward. You've had to 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:35.040 have a conversation with one of your friends recently actually 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.840 about that which one? Which one are you talking about? 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:41.319 Without saying who it is? Where they're forgotten about you 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:43.000 to be more excited about things, And you're like, but 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:47.160 that's not how I I suggest it. Yeah, somebody said 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:52.880 yeah for added context, So you know, Chelsea had been 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:58.760 very politically active um prior to the election, and because 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.120 we did not have the resolve of the election and 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:04.200 we didn't have the Senate seat, there was not a 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:09.359 yes like we did that. Like I didn't feel celebratory. 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.720 I felt and they want and yeah, and my friend 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:14.840 really wanted to celebrate and was kind of annoyed that 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:16.600 I didn't want to celebrate at least that's how I 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:18.959 was perceiving it. And I was like, I'm not there yet. 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.240 I don't want to celebrate with you, you know, like 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:23.200 I don't want to celebrate with anybody because we have 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.320 to wait to see what happens with Georgia and then 0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:29.400 we can celebrate. So yes, I explained myself and she 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.520 understood me totally. And she and I have an open 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.840 communication though, so we can always talk about things like 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:37.000 that because she and I have we are so different. 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.640 You know, she's a planner. I'm not a planner. She 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:41.680 likes to make plans. I don't like to make plans. 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.240 But she is also and I've said this before, she 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:46.800 is the best friend you have, the best friend, the 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:48.480 best friend I've ever had in my life. Would do 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:50.080 anything for you, would do any and she's just one 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:52.040 of these people. She would do anything for anyone within 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:55.040 her power. And when that was going on, you had 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:56.920 called you like, this is what's going on? Like what 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.760 do you think? And I basically like, this is one 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.560 of those moments where you need to appreciate what she's 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:04.280 bringing and that she wants you to be excited, that 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:06.000 she wants you to feel that and it's the exact 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:08.679 opposite of how you feel. But we love that about her. 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.719 Oh and I also really hurt her feelings because I 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:14.600 said something like hollow enthusiasm and she was really offended 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.960 by that. She's like, how can you say that hollow enthusiasm? 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.000 Not it's not hollow. This is so exciting that Biden won. 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.760 And so that was not correct of me because I 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:29.000 was characterizing what she was saying in a way that 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:32.200 was unfair, so that I had to apologize for. So 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:35.240 this happens in friendships. So to your point, Fairer from 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:37.520 Lebanon is that you're going to really need to take 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.120 this case by case with your friends, as we all do. 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.360 Unsupportive friends. There's really for me that is kind of 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:45.480 the worst type of friend, someone who can't enjoy your 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:49.320 successes with you or or be there when you call 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:52.120 upon them. Yeah, now that's no, that's no good for you. 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.840 That's no good for you. And one thing to remember 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:57.520 is when you're making decisions like this, when you get 0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:59.120 like we talked about this all the time, when you 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:01.559 get rid of had weight in your life, so to speak, 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:03.320 that's not the right term for this, but if you 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.880 get rid of that in your life, you are opening 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:09.520 up yourself to more positive vibrations. Like you are saying 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:11.959 no to this, this is no longer acceptable to you, 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.439 and you want to standard level of friendship that is 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:16.840 going to operate at this level from now on, and 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:19.600 then that's what comes to you. I think that's important 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:24.240 to remember that you're not saying goodbye necessarily to a person. 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.760 You're saying goodbye to a version of you that is 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:30.560 no longer acceptable. Also right, because you want to be supported, 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:32.680 You want to be loved, and you want to be supported, 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:35.240 and you want your friends to have compassion uh for 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.080 you and what you're going through and that space when 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:41.720 when you do that, it opens up opportunities for different people, 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:44.480 different personalities, different perspectives to come in. And so we 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:47.000 talked about this with Chelsea's friends because I'm so particular 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.400 about who I hang out at her friends because some 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.400 of them fucking suck or you know, they did for 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:55.000 a while, and she did what I called thinning the hurt. 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:57.120 And now her group of friends she has, like I 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:00.800 don't know, ten really great girl friends that are incredible 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:02.840 that like, they're all very supportive of each other. They 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.960 all like want to be there for one another in 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.360 a very authentic way, and they have a good time together. 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:12.960 There's no expectation like you can cancel, you can. They're 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:15.760 always thinking about who's going to add something to the dynamic, 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:17.680 not like you know, they want to bring a live 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:21.600 wire and occasionally to spice things up. But those interactions 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:25.320 are never exhausting exactly, yeah, and they never make you 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:27.800 feel less than you want to. When you hang out 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:29.680 with your friends, you want to feel great about that, 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:31.880 otherwise why would they be your friends. You want to 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:36.880 leave there feeling confident, fun, secure, and supported. And so 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:38.840 you have to only have people in your life that 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:42.640 really represent that unless you know somebody in your life 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.200 that you're talking about is going through a really difficult time. 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:47.360 I mean, ten years sounds like a long time to 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:49.960 be going through a difficult time, but it's not impossible. 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.080 And also putting a little distance between you and that 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:54.920 friend ing that time, you can still be supportive from 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:58.720 a distance if you need to be with that relationship. So, 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:01.040 because it sounds like you talking about multiple people in 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:06.040 her life or one person, well, she says friendships. And 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:08.880 the last part of this, which I think you know 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:11.840 is impossible to some degree, is how do you separate 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.080 your head from your heart? I don't think you really can, 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:16.760 but you can accept the current state of things. Like, 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:19.160 once you have a level of acceptance of where you're at, 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:22.160 it makes things easier to process. So don't try and 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:24.880 like not feel one of those things. It's okay to 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:28.120 not want the friendship and simultaneously miss it. Yes, there 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:30.280 you go, right now, let's go out on that. Please. 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.000 Problem solved. Okay, we're gonna take a break, and then 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.840 we're gonna be right back. In my sexy voice, her 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.600 next emission comes. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:42.280 right from one to the other, but I just really 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:45.440 like to get into them. Our next Yeah, our next 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:48.520 mission comes from Nova Scotia, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Ryan. He's 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:51.600 twenty nine. He writes, Dear Brandon, Chelsea, I dated this thing, 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:53.800 says Dear Chelsea and Brandon. I mean, it's funny how 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:56.200 you switch that around, you know what. I feel so 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:57.920 literally when I read these because I'm reading them through 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:00.160 the mic and it's italic size, so I'm constant only 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:03.920 missing letters or words. So I'm gonna have to figure 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:06.880 something out. But Dear Brandon and Chelsea, oh my god, 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:08.840 he did again. Dear Chelsea and Brandon. I dated this 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.159 guy a few years ago and it was amazing for 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:12.679 a year, and then we both got a little too 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:15.520 busy with life and it hit a standstill. Six years later, 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:17.639 we're best friends and see each other all the time, 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:19.879 but now we're in a gray area. He wants to 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:22.639 start dating someone new, and I'm a little heartbroken. How 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.960 do we keep our friendship intact and still move on 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:29.080 with other relationships when our feelings are involved? Well, this 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:32.920 is a good question. Ryan, Hi, Ryan, Hi, guys, what 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:35.920 are you doing? Hi? So wait, what's the situation here? 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:39.720 It seems like a friendship materialized, right, So that's the problem. 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:42.879 So it was great a while ago, and then we 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:44.240 were both too busy and it kind of put a 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:46.200 stand cill, and we just said Okay, let's let's call 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.960 this what it is. But nothing really changed, and now 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:51.520 six years later, we're best friends. But now he wants 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:54.840 to start dating somebody new. But are you having sex? No? 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:56.600 I mean I can catch a chick forever. So I 0:17:56.600 --> 0:17:58.000 mean that would be the easy part if there was 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.600 sex involved. But it's the friendship that the hard part, 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:02.880 because now all the stuff that we do together he's 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:05.240 an announcer doing with something else, which makes sense, but 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:08.399 that's the part that sucks. So you guys dated y 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:13.159 segued into a friendship. Yes, Now you've been friends for 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:17.280 six years and in that time he's not dated anyone else. No, 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:19.679 neither neither of us have. Was that in like a 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:22.840 tacit understanding between the two of you. I think it 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:25.480 was more of like an unspoken like thing that neither 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:27.240 one of us were seeing anybody else, because we would 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:28.720 have brought it up. And now it's kind of come 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:30.760 to the forefront where he's like, I want to start 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:33.440 seeing this other person. But for six years, you guys 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:37.760 weren't fooling around and you weren't seeing other people. No, Well, 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:41.240 but what is that? That's a friendship with no benefits, 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:45.600 with no benefits right, feeling like it's it was. It's 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:48.800 a weird situation because we gone along so well, we 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:50.680 spent so much time together and the only thing that 0:18:50.720 --> 0:18:54.399