Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikky. Hello here, I am
Speaker 1: welcome to the podcast. Is Nicki Glizer podcast coming at
Speaker 1: you two times a week. It's the best we can do. Um,
Speaker 1: this I have a feeling might be one of the
Speaker 1: best podcasts we've ever done. I'm just gonna call it early.
Speaker 1: I'm good feeling about it. I'm I'm astral projecting that
Speaker 1: this will be one of the best ones. Um. I'm
Speaker 1: in a good mood. I'm alone in my hotel room
Speaker 1: right now in Hollywood. Still out here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I'm doing the Kelly Clarkson Show tomorrow. Check that out
Speaker 1: on Wednesday. I believe it will air on Wednesday as well. Um.
Speaker 1: And I'm joined by, of course, on your Marina who
Speaker 1: you just heard her song. She will be on the
Speaker 1: road with me this weekend in Kalamazoo and Juliet, Illinois.
Speaker 1: Hey Anya ba bat Noah is also here. Hey no
Speaker 1: uh hi beb happy be and then joining us. I'm
Speaker 1: going to get this intro right. He is a stand
Speaker 1: up comedian called by TBS one of the funniest comedians
Speaker 1: working today. He's the host of the game show Idiot
Speaker 1: Test on Game Show Network and streaming on Game Show Central.
Speaker 1: He was one of the stars of Chelsea Lately, and
Speaker 1: he's currently a lead anchor and contributor for The Young Turks.
Speaker 1: His critically acclaimed second hour special titled Ben Glebe The
Speaker 1: Mad King just dropped on YouTube. Kelly Carlin, daughter of
Speaker 1: George Carlin, tweeted from the official George Carlin Twitter account,
Speaker 1: I think you'll like this special by Ben Glebe. It
Speaker 1: reminds me of elements of my dad's approach. Please welcome
Speaker 1: Ben Glebe. I love that intro bat Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. You made it up off top of your head,
Speaker 1: so you gotta think it's from my heart. Really um
Speaker 1: and uh no, I was so impressed that you sent
Speaker 1: a whole like email of you're just so organized, and
Speaker 1: it like intimidates. It doesn't intimidate me, I'm meant to say,
Speaker 1: infuriates me minutes ago. So it's not like I'm super organized.
Speaker 1: That's a good point. Okay, that really does you know?
Speaker 1: It loses some of its luster with the fact that
Speaker 1: you did send it, um almost late, But it's the
Speaker 1: fact that you're so organized that you're so um. Like, yesterday,
Speaker 1: I did a podcast Chelsea Alvarez's podcast, UM Celebrity Memoir
Speaker 1: Book Club. I forget that's the name of it. Anyway,
Speaker 1: it's on my story if you want to check it out,
Speaker 1: but it's we cover the Harry Um Prince Harry book.
Speaker 1: And because I don't I was about to say his
Speaker 1: last name, and I realized I don't know what Harry
Speaker 1: windsor is that it don't what is his last name,
Speaker 1: Harry Sussex. I don't know Harry and um, well anyway,
Speaker 1: they were like, UM, can you send us a picture
Speaker 1: that we can use for the promo? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't have one. I don't have I don't know
Speaker 1: what picture I would I don't have press pictures. I
Speaker 1: was going through my phone for like twenty minutes trying
Speaker 1: to find it. I was like, do I use a
Speaker 1: stand up picture? No, this doesn't fit it. What's a
Speaker 1: picture that says I've read a look once? Like I
Speaker 1: needed like a not like a set. There were like
Speaker 1: sexy photos and like that's not book photo. Like I
Speaker 1: just don't have like a press kit. I think a
Speaker 1: k press kit a photo of you reading a book
Speaker 1: would be very perfect. Yeah, that's good. It's like a
Speaker 1: big foot photo because it's not gonna so I read
Speaker 1: on my phone, So a picture of me looking at
Speaker 1: my phone might suffice. I know, I've seen Nikki Glazer
Speaker 1: photo behind some Morby Parkers, just like peering out sexily
Speaker 1: with your bob. Maybe it was during Nicky answer Alive
Speaker 1: days We're wear haircut, fixed my relationship or whatever was
Speaker 1: happening at the time. God, I don't know why I
Speaker 1: did that. Bleached my hair cut it real short. It
Speaker 1: was definitely like inner struggle. Well, of course you've got
Speaker 1: it going on, Girly. The other day you were like,
Speaker 1: I want to chop my hair off, Yeah, because I'm
Speaker 1: unwell inside. The other day I was feeling good, you
Speaker 1: were relationship and you and your partner was like, look,
Speaker 1: things are great if just only your hair was shorter
Speaker 1: and Bobby, no guy has ever wanted their girlfriend to
Speaker 1: get shorter hair in the history of heterosexual ben ever. Ever,
Speaker 1: we trick ourselves into thinking bangs or a shaved dad
Speaker 1: will help, or like a pixie cut will be good.
Speaker 1: It's just what is that desire to just change things up? Ben,
Speaker 1: You look like you have a different look going right now.
Speaker 1: It's a cleaner cut. That did you just get a haircut.
Speaker 1: I got a haircut very recently, and I got rid
Speaker 1: of my beard that I usually grow. It's now just
Speaker 1: getting back. Is it true that beards are a sign
Speaker 1: of depression and or big transition in men's lives? Like
Speaker 1: either what happened? We have evidence to support that. Right now, Ben,
Speaker 1: how are you feeling today? Um? Given your recent life change,
Speaker 1: you were engaged, now you're not. Can we say that
Speaker 1: that was part of your total That was the biggest
Speaker 1: part of my intro known mostly from his random n
Speaker 1: engagement that happened to announce on Instagram, which is, you
Speaker 1: know when you announced it on Instagram? I thought, because
Speaker 1: I already knew about it, and it maybe been a
Speaker 1: month after it had happened that you announced it, maybe
Speaker 1: a little bit more. Is that right? Yes, you gotta
Speaker 1: announced it. I realized. I go, maybe he didn't need
Speaker 1: to do that, And I go, no, he does, because
Speaker 1: people who know him know he was with her. If
Speaker 1: somehow he's behaving in a certain way like a single
Speaker 1: guy on his stories or in other posts, girls are
Speaker 1: gonna start people are gonna start going, this fucking asshole,
Speaker 1: what's he doing? So people roll their eyes when people
Speaker 1: announced like, we've decided to separate, and but you you
Speaker 1: shouldn't roll your eyes because I at first was like,
Speaker 1: no one needs to know, but then I go, yes,
Speaker 1: they do, because you suddenly are going to not have
Speaker 1: her in pictures and people are gonna start speculating. So
Speaker 1: you kind of just gotta get it out of the way.
Speaker 1: What what was your like this thought process leading up
Speaker 1: to that announcement. Yeah, I mean it was like, actually
Speaker 1: that it's that, you know, obviously there's gonna be thousands
Speaker 1: of videos of women throwing themselves at me now, and
Speaker 1: I needed cover for that, for people to think I'm realized,
Speaker 1: I'm not a dirt bag that was letting that happen
Speaker 1: just because my fiance cut her hair short or something,
Speaker 1: you know, So I had to announce that. Plus, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just I also don't like to try to be honest.
Speaker 1: I can about my life and I don't even I
Speaker 1: didn't really want to like to archive the engagement posts
Speaker 1: that we had had a few months earlier. It's an
Speaker 1: important part of my life that, you know, you can't
Speaker 1: change your past. I didn't want to like hide it. Plus,
Speaker 1: you know, so I wanted to instead just update people
Speaker 1: and they can go and see the whole, the whole,
Speaker 1: the whole messed up story. You know, it's really brave.
Speaker 1: I asked a question about that because I have a
Speaker 1: weird um thing that I would love to get rid of.
Speaker 1: It's a like I'm afraid of, like people pitying me
Speaker 1: or I hate it. I don't know if I'm afraid
Speaker 1: of it. I don't like pity, condescension. I don't like
Speaker 1: comments on Instagram like the chin up Girl or like
Speaker 1: anything resembling pity. I hate it. So I would be
Speaker 1: afraid if I was in that position that i'd get
Speaker 1: comments like pitying or do you do you have that
Speaker 1: at all? Or what were that some of the most
Speaker 1: uncomfortable comments or feedback you've gotten, either online or off,
Speaker 1: or do you not have any? No? I definitely got
Speaker 1: the full range of comments. I just don't really care.
Speaker 1: I mean, I get so much hate, you know, typically,
Speaker 1: and you get so much like disgusting things and videos
Speaker 1: I do. In the young Turks, I'll get death threats,
Speaker 1: and I'll get people, you know, saying the worst things
Speaker 1: in the world to me. So I didn't mind a
Speaker 1: little bit of pity because it has actually made me
Speaker 1: feel like there's some good people out there, some people
Speaker 1: being like stick with it fine, like oh wow, there's
Speaker 1: someone that doesn't want me to die or think I'm
Speaker 1: an asshole. So I thought that was fine and not
Speaker 1: that I was looking for pity, but I didn't mind
Speaker 1: kind comments coming from people. Maybe it's different from men,
Speaker 1: Like I feel like men are fine with pity, but
Speaker 1: if a woman's like ditched or or they assume that
Speaker 1: she's been rejected, it's like a real I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's definitely have that same thing. I kind of like
Speaker 1: pity as well. I like when someone feels like sorry
Speaker 1: for me, because I you know, I think I struggle
Speaker 1: with feeling sorry for myself and I never like let
Speaker 1: that in or if I do, I feel too indulgent
Speaker 1: and go, look at your life. You shouldn't feel so
Speaker 1: to have someone else kind of go, no, this is
Speaker 1: this sucks. I would hate to be where where you are.
Speaker 1: It doesn't bother me that much. I wonder what that
Speaker 1: is in you that doesn't like peoples like you don't
Speaker 1: know anything about what's going on with me, Like people
Speaker 1: project so much onto me, and then I don't like
Speaker 1: other people reading that. And obviously It's like, who cares
Speaker 1: what other people think of you or what other people
Speaker 1: think of what other people think of you, None of
Speaker 1: it really matters, but it does matter, probably to my
Speaker 1: ego that you know, Like if somebody were to write, oh,
Speaker 1: that sucks some loser like you know, cheated on and
Speaker 1: let's say they don't know the story of why I
Speaker 1: broke up with someone, I would hate that. I would
Speaker 1: want to be like, correction, this is actually what happened.
Speaker 1: Don't project your weird ideas onto me or I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just don't like people knowing too much about my
Speaker 1: life or project What if they just wrote something I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry that you're going through that, like something more vague,
Speaker 1: I mean, just getting specific, like that fucking bitch cheated
Speaker 1: on you. I don't know you, poor thing, No one
Speaker 1: will ever love you again. People write stuff like that.
Speaker 1: People write stuff like that. Yeah, I got some on
Speaker 1: both sides. People said I did, people said she did right.
Speaker 1: People like to well obviously projection, people wanting um things
Speaker 1: that have happened in their own relationships to happen in
Speaker 1: others so they don't feel so alone. But like, was
Speaker 1: there a part of you that was waiting to post
Speaker 1: that because you thought maybe it'll turn around. And then
Speaker 1: was that kind of like the final nail in the
Speaker 1: coffin for you of like, Okay, I'm really letting this
Speaker 1: one go, Like I'm burying this by anouncing it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean to speak a thousand percent honestly, That's why
Speaker 1: I waited a month. You're right. But then also part
Speaker 1: of me and posting it thought that maybe posting it
Speaker 1: would make would be like the last chance you would
Speaker 1: see that and then be like what have I done?
Speaker 1: And like running in the rain to my door and
Speaker 1: and say I've made a terrible mistake it God, is there?
Speaker 1: Is it getting easier, um like emotionally or is it
Speaker 1: still coming in like waves of just like sat like
Speaker 1: is it do you feel it letting up a little bit?
Speaker 1: It is? It is getting easier, um But it still
Speaker 1: does come in waves that said, you know, like I
Speaker 1: just messaged you after like a month of silence like
Speaker 1: a I don't know a week ago and said like
Speaker 1: I'm still a mess. I don't know what's happening. And
Speaker 1: every time I put like when I go out, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm trying to date again. And when I go
Speaker 1: on dates um have a great time, or from focused
Speaker 1: on work or from specifically watching something on TV or
Speaker 1: what ever. I'm fine, but still like pretty much most
Speaker 1: of the time, whenever I have a moment to think,
Speaker 1: I get a little messed up by it. You know,
Speaker 1: it's it's just it's just still so weird. It's still
Speaker 1: so like shocking and just like stunning that somebody I
Speaker 1: thought I was going to spend my life with I
Speaker 1: don't talk to anymore and can't really talk to And
Speaker 1: that's very weird. Is that everything to nothing and there's
Speaker 1: between like we'll just hang out and because it doesn't
Speaker 1: And that's what that's the really risk that you take
Speaker 1: in starting a relationship with anyone is like there's a
Speaker 1: really good chance we're gonna hate each other at the
Speaker 1: end of this. I mean really good chance. I mean,
Speaker 1: how often no one ever thinks that. You never talk
Speaker 1: about that up top, You never think that you think
Speaker 1: for sure you're gonna stay together forever or it'll just
Speaker 1: be perfect ending and happy, and like, I just don't
Speaker 1: get that. Like one of the last text I center
Speaker 1: was like I think Gwyneth Paltrow's conscious uncoupling phrase is
Speaker 1: pretty lame, but I think the idea is right on.
Speaker 1: It's like, why do you have to make it hard?
Speaker 1: We can just make it easy on ourselves. We can
Speaker 1: be friends. We can And then I got a solid
Speaker 1: no response to that. So and I'm pretty sure I'm
Speaker 1: blocked now in tech because it turned green instead of
Speaker 1: or she got an Android and that she's really changed.
Speaker 1: She would much rather block me than ever have an Android.
Speaker 1: So the other day, how android's like you just see
Speaker 1: green text pop up and you just kind of go,
Speaker 1: there's a judgment that you can't help and it's based
Speaker 1: on capitalism and consumerism and just the most shallow thing.
Speaker 1: But I can't help it. It doesn't matter that I know.
Speaker 1: It doesn't that I know Matt Anya's fiance has an Android,
Speaker 1: and I know he's a great guy and he's not
Speaker 1: a bad person or like less person, but he has
Speaker 1: bubbles Like it's just any They shouldn't be allowing any
Speaker 1: group text. They mess up group texts, yeah, they do.
Speaker 1: It is very kid though, that Apple has made people
Speaker 1: care because it's so to be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you don't have an iPhone, you're lame. That is the
Speaker 1: most care I know. But like we do it for
Speaker 1: cars and apart like apartments parts of town people live in.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not like that absurd that we've you know,
Speaker 1: I don't think if you had a fiance you would
Speaker 1: be as that has a green phone, that you would
Speaker 1: be as great about this. Uh you know has a
Speaker 1: green phone and that also infuriates green green bubbles. It's
Speaker 1: a little ridiculous, like like I understand, we don't want
Speaker 1: to be boogie about it, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: it's it's like gathering with your close friends about to
Speaker 1: be on a road trip and your buddy with the
Speaker 1: roll down manual, roll down windows. It's like I'll drive,
Speaker 1: No you're not. You're not driving. Appreciate that's how you
Speaker 1: get around, but don't involve me in this. And it doesn't.
Speaker 1: I don't know that it slows down any communication, but
Speaker 1: it does kind of because they have to be like
Speaker 1: in a building that has good white or like WiFi
Speaker 1: signal to like they have to get I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't rely on bars a lot of times, like
Speaker 1: for my WiFi signal or like for to text. You
Speaker 1: have to you can't reply directly to a text from
Speaker 1: you if you want to laugh at something they said,
Speaker 1: or like herded it's like Nikki hearted and then it
Speaker 1: like quotes it it's awful. It's Nikki finds that to
Speaker 1: be very amusing. That's not the same as it's not
Speaker 1: the same as an exclamation mark, like Nikki responded shocked
Speaker 1: at like it's like, no, that's too much. The reason
Speaker 1: we have those little dots is so that there's not
Speaker 1: an extra text that comes down that it is inherently
Speaker 1: the problem with the green texts that you can't do
Speaker 1: those easy little replies. Um, I also feel like, um,
Speaker 1: have you ever had like Sirie tell you what someone's
Speaker 1: a mode gis? Like responded with heart uh, like with
Speaker 1: red cheeks and hearts coming over like a smiley face
Speaker 1: with hearts coming out of its eyes. So you're like
Speaker 1: it describes it. You're just like God, are used to
Speaker 1: do this thing with my friend where we figured out
Speaker 1: a way that Syria would read like you would say
Speaker 1: like call Dina, like I have a friend Dina, and
Speaker 1: then we have put all these emojis after and Syria
Speaker 1: would read them out, but it would be like called
Speaker 1: Dina angel baby face, medium skin tone. I would say
Speaker 1: the whole thing like little angel baby medium skin tone
Speaker 1: egg bland, star water, squart, and your friends happened to
Speaker 1: be yellow? Why are you discriminatory? Oh my god. Have
Speaker 1: you ever dealt with someone who is a white person
Speaker 1: that sends darker color like skin color emo, like with
Speaker 1: more melanin. That is so weird to me. And it's
Speaker 1: usually a friend that's not being ironic like I'm sending
Speaker 1: a black person. I'm clearly they like think or they're
Speaker 1: or no, they're usually not woke. They're being like they're
Speaker 1: they're almost like anti woke, and so they're making fun
Speaker 1: of it. That's what I meant to say. It's so
Speaker 1: I kind of go, this is worse than if you
Speaker 1: had an Android phone, Like get out of here with that.
Speaker 1: I'll sometimes get a black fist from a white Yeah
Speaker 1: it's a black fist EMOJIU like this, Yeah he thinks
Speaker 1: he's black. He thinks he's black and woke. Oh god,
Speaker 1: what so, Ben? What are some changes that you've done?
Speaker 1: Like what what? What are some the coping mechanisms you've
Speaker 1: gone through the breakup with, Like if you change your hair?
Speaker 1: Have you what if you started going out like throwing
Speaker 1: yourself into things late nights, like partying a little bit more.
Speaker 1: I've noticed, I mean, like all of these things, uh
Speaker 1: as your drug use increasing, Like what people always write
Speaker 1: to me and they go, do you have anything about breakups?
Speaker 1: Like I always send them like you know podcast I've
Speaker 1: listened to when I go through breakups. I kind of
Speaker 1: want to talk about breakups in this if you don't
Speaker 1: mind to, like so people can commenceerate because literally everyone,
Speaker 1: it's the most you know, relatable thing we've all been
Speaker 1: through and you're in it. I am so. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've done a lot. I'm definitely drinking more. That's been
Speaker 1: challenging on my training to lose weight. But I've started
Speaker 1: with a personal trainer, so I'm working out three times
Speaker 1: a week. That's kind of good trying to drinking with
Speaker 1: your personal I started getting drunk with a personal trainer,
Speaker 1: eating fatty foods and not moving. You know, we are
Speaker 1: working out and you watch him train other people where
Speaker 1: you sit in the corner. Okay, three times a week,
Speaker 1: that's pretty good. I mean that keeps you going. You
Speaker 1: could really only see him once and then just repeat
Speaker 1: what he told taught you. But no one does that
Speaker 1: yell at us. It's a female, by the way, but
Speaker 1: her assumed, don't even come on. Of course it's a woman.
Speaker 1: He's got to bounce back. I gotta bounce back. Look,
Speaker 1: not that I have any ill will whatsoever towards my ex.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not even looking at her social media,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing to doing. Has something to do with
Speaker 1: the fact that I'm blocked. And but like from what
Speaker 1: I hear in the grape vine, I wish you the best.
Speaker 1: Here she's doing a lot of black face. Now I
Speaker 1: hear she's, you know, doing a lot of anti Semitic stuff,
Speaker 1: and she's Jewish, so I don't even understand that. But
Speaker 1: I wish her the best. Here she's doing great. No, no,
Speaker 1: that is true. No, but I'm but I'm doing I'm
Speaker 1: doing that. I was earlier on I was writing some
Speaker 1: poetry that was just kind of like pouring out of me.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yes, you shared some of it with me.
Speaker 1: It was so sweet, and Ben made me read it.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, that was great, and then he goes,
Speaker 1: it's not done. There's yeah. I'm like, I'm like, the
Speaker 1: only eighteen more poems in front of my heart. But
Speaker 1: I was staying at and he's like, just wait, just
Speaker 1: there's I think there's a little bit more, and I'm
Speaker 1: like you, I feel like I've been back at school
Speaker 1: again and you're like finished the entire thing. But it
Speaker 1: was really good and it was so sweet and like
Speaker 1: emotional and like such a good way I feel like
Speaker 1: to process your feelings. And we also were listening to
Speaker 1: um We're just like singing in the car on the
Speaker 1: way when you gave me that ride to Santa Monica,
Speaker 1: and I heard the song the other night. Actually, you
Speaker 1: probably think that you will bet him now, Bet hm
Speaker 1: now and Bet and I were like screaming and it
Speaker 1: felt so cathartic. Have you been doing any singing karaoke?
Speaker 1: Like has that helped you? Because you have a whole
Speaker 1: set about your place. I do have a karaoke studio.
Speaker 1: I've been doing a lot of solo karaoke. I will
Speaker 1: broadcast it on Instagram live sometimes to eighteen people. So
Speaker 1: the career is going well. I have relate to that.
Speaker 1: I've done the same thing, yes, and I've been doing
Speaker 1: a lot of that. That Better Now a song by
Speaker 1: post Malone was killing me. I've finally stopped listening to
Speaker 1: my breakup playlist like two weeks ago because it's been
Speaker 1: like two and a half three months since the breakup.
Speaker 1: But I have to say also, just like leaning on
Speaker 1: my friends, I've had friends checking out on me and Nick.
Speaker 1: Just so your listeners can hear this, you might want
Speaker 1: me to say it, but you've been so lovely and
Speaker 1: kind to me during this breakup and like you really
Speaker 1: helped make it a lot easier on me. You've been
Speaker 1: in a falling off recently, but like I get text
Speaker 1: from you and like, because you have a your nocturnal
Speaker 1: and so I'll get text from you or d M
Speaker 1: usually in the middle of the night, and um, and
Speaker 1: I could tell you're going through a hard time or
Speaker 1: you're like and then I check in on you on
Speaker 1: Instagram and I see always having a fun time, always
Speaker 1: kind of like he's getting out about town, he's dating.
Speaker 1: Like I can tell you're like trying to fill the void.
Speaker 1: But I know that it's tough, and I know that
Speaker 1: you have a waste to go because it's you know,
Speaker 1: you were engaged, you were in how long were you
Speaker 1: guys together? Years and years, four and a half years.
Speaker 1: You have basically half a decade of life, you know,
Speaker 1: I know, and in an important decade of like like
Speaker 1: one like almost dare say our prime and you just
Speaker 1: go do you feel it was wasted? Do you do
Speaker 1: you look back? But as somebody was freezing their eggs,
Speaker 1: I'm really like very cognizant of what what time is
Speaker 1: wasted and like, oh this is the this is the
Speaker 1: prime ship. Um, do you do you feel like that
Speaker 1: was wasted? Or do you look back like like I'm
Speaker 1: glad that I had that or what are I'm sure
Speaker 1: you go through the range of feelings on this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do. I mean a little bit of both. I
Speaker 1: tried not to ever regret things in my life, and
Speaker 1: I I don't feel it was wasted in the fact that, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I finally lived with somebody, I finally dated
Speaker 1: somebody more than a year and a half and I
Speaker 1: know that I can do that and made great memories
Speaker 1: and the pandemic was a lot of it, and so
Speaker 1: I could have been alone during that and said I
Speaker 1: was with this lovely human that I you know, I
Speaker 1: was getting closer to and that was good. But when
Speaker 1: I'm on the dating apps now and like most people
Speaker 1: that are matching with are like she's fifty seven, she's
Speaker 1: fifty four, she's forty nine, and no offense, but but
Speaker 1: also I do want to know who is interested no
Speaker 1: matter what the range is, because you once had a
Speaker 1: vibe with Susan Sarandon's and that you didn't capitalize on.
Speaker 1: So there's there's and Portman, he has had chances with
Speaker 1: all these women. He's blown it. We'll talk about that
Speaker 1: more when we get back right after this with and Leave,
Speaker 1: but we're back with Ben Gleeve. You can check out
Speaker 1: his special on YouTube. Ben Gleeb Mad King hilarious. One
Speaker 1: of the best specials of last year. I believe, um,
Speaker 1: Ben Um, you're going through a breakup. Have you been dating?
Speaker 1: And like, here's my question is like, do girls that
Speaker 1: you're dating I think they have a chance at a
Speaker 1: relationship with you? Do they have a chance of relationship
Speaker 1: with you? I think I've dated so many guys that
Speaker 1: are getting out of things and I'm like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is like and they're super down to like be cuddly
Speaker 1: and like treat me like a girlfriend because they're missing
Speaker 1: their girlfriend. And then you realize that you're you're just
Speaker 1: a placeholder and they have no intention of that and
Speaker 1: they need to heal. Is that happening to you at all? Ah?
Speaker 1: That is a tough one to answer, considering people could
Speaker 1: listen to this, but I will say, um, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I've definitely heard the comment like I don't want
Speaker 1: to be your rebound, Like we'll be having a great
Speaker 1: time and then you can feel somebody kind of all
Speaker 1: of a sudden be like wait a minute, am I like,
Speaker 1: you know, catching feelings when when that might not last
Speaker 1: long term? But I don't feel any one way. I'm
Speaker 1: by no means looking for another relationship this second. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I'm not somebody who's gonna who's gonna,
Speaker 1: you know, avoid one if something unfold. Actually, I would
Speaker 1: encourage a friend to date. You would be like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're the right one, he'll make an exception, he'll
Speaker 1: snap out of it. I feel like you because you're
Speaker 1: kind of ready. I mean obviously you were ready to
Speaker 1: settle down and like find someone. Is it hard dating?
Speaker 1: And L like, is it as hard as everyone says? Like?
Speaker 1: What's it? Has not been hard? I mean knock on
Speaker 1: wood and have a lot of wood in front of me.
Speaker 1: I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I just
Speaker 1: have you know, cabinets here in front of me. Um,
Speaker 1: I uh, it has not I mean luckily, And I
Speaker 1: really think it's like the universe like wanted me to
Speaker 1: not be that depressed after the breakup. Like I've had
Speaker 1: a streak of luck that has really like made me
Speaker 1: feel very much better about the breakup. And I've been
Speaker 1: able to spend time with some people and and like
Speaker 1: realize there's a whole world out there again, and it
Speaker 1: has made it a lot easier definitely, at least when
Speaker 1: I'm hanging Yeah, you know, here's my question is that
Speaker 1: And I'm always projecting because I always I never dated
Speaker 1: a guy that I wouldn't want to be their girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even think maybe if I was
Speaker 1: going on first dates that I met on a dating app,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, well I don't know this guy, so
Speaker 1: we'll see. But if I was like ready to bed you,
Speaker 1: I was like ready to be your girlfriend. And so
Speaker 1: I always asked my guy friends, like, how do you
Speaker 1: sleep with women and them not get attached and not
Speaker 1: end up having them hate you and want to like
Speaker 1: and have this turn where they're like they were cool
Speaker 1: with being casual. You thought they were maybe a haad
Speaker 1: of talk, but it wasn't that clear. And then they
Speaker 1: changed their mind on you. I mean you're I know
Speaker 1: you're like me too and know it to a degree
Speaker 1: as well, Like how do men go about and sleep
Speaker 1: with women and not have to leave a string of
Speaker 1: women hating them in their wake? Like me who got
Speaker 1: the wrong message or human would change it in my head? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean is that it six year old women? Yeah? No,
Speaker 1: I'm all over the range right now. And first tip
Speaker 1: I would give you is maybe try to frame it
Speaker 1: in your head in a way where you're not thinking,
Speaker 1: I'm about to bed this man, like you are a
Speaker 1: Victorian queen? What what what are you in in in
Speaker 1: the Renaissance? I'm about to bed to be you know discreets.
Speaker 1: But yes, I mean every single time that you go
Speaker 1: on a date with someone, the stakes are high. I
Speaker 1: mean the stakes are we're at least gonna like like
Speaker 1: fucking isnt is generally the goal? Like if this goes great,
Speaker 1: we're gonna want to funk each other, and then in
Speaker 1: our head it's we're going to marry this guy. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's it's undeniable that that is on the table, and
Speaker 1: that you can't keep that even in your subconc from
Speaker 1: otherwise you wouldn't do it what. No girls are going
Speaker 1: on dates just to like, even if they say I'm
Speaker 1: just dating, I don't really want a boyfriend, I don't
Speaker 1: really believe them. I think that everyone's kind of looking
Speaker 1: out for the one, and I think that's a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure. And and then if there's good chemistry, you
Speaker 1: certainly are going to start daydreaming about them being the one.
Speaker 1: Maybe I maybe I'm crazy, but I always did. No.
Speaker 1: I think probably that's that's true if it like starts
Speaker 1: maybe on like a normal date, if it's like properly
Speaker 1: going out, but you know, some of some of some
Speaker 1: of the opportunities that I've stumbled into, like I'll meet
Speaker 1: somebody at an event or something, or we're around drinking
Speaker 1: and like so then it's like, all right, well, it's
Speaker 1: not too weird to like, you know, go home with
Speaker 1: somebody if you've already both been drinking and it's clearly
Speaker 1: wasn't set up to be this romantic thing if you
Speaker 1: weren't drinking that you have had as many hook ups
Speaker 1: as you've had. I mean, like, how much does drinking
Speaker 1: play a role in hooking up? I would absolutely not
Speaker 1: have and alcohol is a big part. I mean I
Speaker 1: was talking to a friend of about this who's doing
Speaker 1: who's been sober for a few months. He's like, it's
Speaker 1: been very hard to date. I wish that wasn't the case,
Speaker 1: but like when both parties are a little buzzed, I
Speaker 1: think that maybe is kind of the answer to what
Speaker 1: you're saying, is like if girls a little buzz too,
Speaker 1: she's thinking more sexually than maybe normally, and she's not
Speaker 1: thinking all about romance and betting Prince Charming and Victorian
Speaker 1: Castle as much she is. But you're going to get
Speaker 1: that later on when she's sober. And that is that
Speaker 1: I mean, like, do you feel like any of these
Speaker 1: girls have like kind of followed up or are they
Speaker 1: the type of girls that like are used to this
Speaker 1: kind of thing and like they know the drill and
Speaker 1: then you don't hear from them again, Like do they
Speaker 1: know or do you have you left? Girl? Have you
Speaker 1: had to have those conversations of like, I'm not only
Speaker 1: looking for something right now, I've had so many of
Speaker 1: those directed at me that it's just I can't imagine
Speaker 1: women get to go out and about and like not
Speaker 1: get hurt by hooking up. I just can't believe it. Well, firstly,
Speaker 1: you know, I try to be as kind as I can,
Speaker 1: so I'll keep giving it to him. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to cut anybody out. I'm trying to give
Speaker 1: a feelings and you're keep I'll keep sleeping with him.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't need to. I don't need to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to. You know, have have one office
Speaker 1: too much necessarily. If somebody wants some repeat business, I'm
Speaker 1: happy to offer a public service. You know, because you
Speaker 1: you have sex, you have sex repeatedly with someone and
Speaker 1: you start to have this intimacy and they start thinking
Speaker 1: about you, and you know, in those quiet times and
Speaker 1: they start fantasizing, and then there's little You've have been
Speaker 1: through it before for sure, where the girl just says
Speaker 1: something like just throws out a little dangles a line
Speaker 1: of like oh if we were dating, or like you're
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, or just where you go oh no, oh no. Well,
Speaker 1: I think the key in those moments is as when
Speaker 1: you have to be honest, is you have to say
Speaker 1: you have to a one move is like let that
Speaker 1: comment kind of sit for thirty seconds and like show
Speaker 1: that it makes you a little bit uncomfortable, and then
Speaker 1: say like I just want to be clear, like I'm
Speaker 1: not at the moment looking for anything serious, not that
Speaker 1: that's not possible, but just so you know, it's like
Speaker 1: making me, it's making me have any Yeah, we we
Speaker 1: we don't know. We know you're out of a relationship.
Speaker 1: We know that you're not looking for anything. You told
Speaker 1: us all of that. We think we can change you.
Speaker 1: We think we like you might be able to not
Speaker 1: when you would say something like that, that's like put
Speaker 1: you put up, you know the heisman, and you like like, no,
Speaker 1: this is the reason now director not giving consent to
Speaker 1: us to take you on our little relationship path. You're
Speaker 1: saying no, But the reason that I'm saying it, and
Speaker 1: I think I at least try to say it with
Speaker 1: a bit of an open door on it. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying it so that you know that this may not
Speaker 1: likely lead there, but it may. I'm not ever saying
Speaker 1: just so you know there's no chance I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: in a relationship. I'm just saying I'm not looking for that.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's definitely been girls like banging you, but
Speaker 1: it's and I'm not saying you're like at faulty. I
Speaker 1: want to be clear, like I'm not Ben, you mislead women.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, how are women not getting hurt all
Speaker 1: the time sleeping around with Ben? Glee? He's charming, he's cute.
Speaker 1: I bet you are pretty good in bed, like you've
Speaker 1: had experience. You're an emotional person. That's the thing, Ben,
Speaker 1: You're an emotional person. I can see like holding a
Speaker 1: girl's face and being like you're so beautiful baby, and
Speaker 1: like being like when you're drunk, I can see you
Speaker 1: so getting like lovey dovey, like boyfriendly. Yes, And I
Speaker 1: mean it would be impossible for girls you have like
Speaker 1: feelings or do women have hurt feelings around you? Have
Speaker 1: you experienced generally pretty lucky to do it? I mean,
Speaker 1: I think part of maybe the benefit of not being
Speaker 1: like an asshole guy is is that is like I
Speaker 1: am very complimentary, and I try to be very sweet,
Speaker 1: and I think but I'm also just honest, and I
Speaker 1: think they also just can tell they're not getting anything
Speaker 1: false for me, and so I think I'm very sweet.
Speaker 1: But but but people then know that if even if
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily call right after, or if we don't
Speaker 1: make plans immediately right after, it's nothing against them I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to be mean. It's just I'm going through
Speaker 1: a thing, and they understand and then we'll check in.
Speaker 1: Because she said there could be a girl that would
Speaker 1: break through it. It is personal and that's and I
Speaker 1: know you're I know, it's not like I know the
Speaker 1: circumstances and every person, but boy, does it feel that
Speaker 1: it is. I mean, I will tell you one one
Speaker 1: very weird experience that I just had though. So the
Speaker 1: first uh person that broke the seal so to speak,
Speaker 1: after my breakup, it was a you know, drunken night
Speaker 1: after after a gig I did. It was like a
Speaker 1: private Yeah, I was supposed to go to that. Uh No,
Speaker 1: it's a different one. That was a different That was
Speaker 1: the other night, um, which also ended. I definitely saw
Speaker 1: that night. I saw your Instagram stories. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this guy might be engaging in a foursome. I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to have fun. But the point is, yeah, um,
Speaker 1: the first person that I slept with after my breakup, um,
Speaker 1: I you know kind of can venially for where I need,
Speaker 1: where I was in my head because it was immediately
Speaker 1: after the breakup, not immediately it was it was it
Speaker 1: was it was weeks and weeks later. Don't want to.
Speaker 1: I don't want my ex thinking if she hears this
Speaker 1: that I immediately see nothing worry. Okay, I'm curious how
Speaker 1: long that was really weeks and weeks? Okay it was.
Speaker 1: It was weeks, and the least about of time there
Speaker 1: could be to call it weeks, it was a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks in dog years. The point is, um I
Speaker 1: she was likely leaving for a trip the next day
Speaker 1: for like a couple of weeks, so I didn't have
Speaker 1: to call and and it was obviously weird. But then
Speaker 1: you know, I started hanging out with other people after that,
Speaker 1: and I didn't hit her up. And and one thing
Speaker 1: I do feel bad about, she did message me. It's
Speaker 1: very unlike me, actually, but she messed me but wanting
Speaker 1: to hang out again, like weeks later, because I had
Speaker 1: messaged her, I thought about her her on something and
Speaker 1: I message her and she wrote back She's like, I
Speaker 1: love to hang again. I just didn't reply to that,
Speaker 1: and I was replied everything, but I didn't reply. I
Speaker 1: just I got distracted and I didn't know what to say.
Speaker 1: And I thought about it and I didn't reply, and
Speaker 1: I almost never do that, but I was doing a
Speaker 1: show four or five nights ago, and I did a
Speaker 1: joke about our encounter, and the show ends and she
Speaker 1: comes up to me, she was in the crowd. Was
Speaker 1: it bad? Like it? I'll tell you the joke. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was not great. It was not great. Um, the
Speaker 1: joke was, um, it was a pretty vulnerable joke to
Speaker 1: The joke was, um, you know, I haven't had sex
Speaker 1: with anybody other than my ex fiance in a half decade.
Speaker 1: The climate has changed a bit. You know. It's all good,
Speaker 1: but you need to like be a little more sensitive
Speaker 1: these days. So we were having sex and I was
Speaker 1: making what I would describe as bare noises, and I
Speaker 1: don't need to act them out for you, but they
Speaker 1: were kind of bare noises. In the middle, she says
Speaker 1: to me, I just need to check in with you
Speaker 1: right now. And so in the middle of me going
Speaker 1: like suddenly had to go like hard to go back
Speaker 1: to the right to the bar noises it. She wanted
Speaker 1: to check back in to know that I wasn't like
Speaker 1: just all about the sex, I think, and like I
Speaker 1: was still a human connecting to human guys. You can
Speaker 1: get a little carried away and like, oh, we're fucking
Speaker 1: right now, and this is like right, I need to
Speaker 1: just like make sure you know I'm in the room.
Speaker 1: I'm not just like a whole yeah, And so I
Speaker 1: you know, I smiled, and we finished it all good,
Speaker 1: and I was like, she's finally going right back to
Speaker 1: bar noise as long as she knew that there was
Speaker 1: still a connection. And so she come up to me
Speaker 1: after the show and I was like stunned, and I
Speaker 1: gave her a hug and I'm like, you look great,
Speaker 1: and then she texted me afterwards she was like, I
Speaker 1: hope it's okay that I came to your show. I
Speaker 1: just think you're hilarious and I wanted to hang and
Speaker 1: like and uh. That was definitely a first for me
Speaker 1: being referenced in an act like that from our encounter,
Speaker 1: unless another girl said that to you, in which case
Speaker 1: it's an issue you might want to work on. L
Speaker 1: o O. I like this girl. She definitely loved being referenced.
Speaker 1: I would love it if I was proference someone's joke
Speaker 1: and that once didn't do anything wrong. You did. I
Speaker 1: wrote a song about a guy, and this was years ago.
Speaker 1: We had had like a very romantic weekend and I
Speaker 1: liked him so much, and then I just never heard
Speaker 1: from him again. And he was my friend's brother, so
Speaker 1: I would kind of always know him because he was
Speaker 1: my friend's brother. I wrote one song about him. I
Speaker 1: never played it live except one time I played it
Speaker 1: live like a year and a half later in a
Speaker 1: coffee shop at a coffee shop gig and one of
Speaker 1: my early gigs, and I remember introducing the song. It
Speaker 1: was called Lincoln Continental, and I said something like this
Speaker 1: is about a very cute guy liked and how it
Speaker 1: went on a date and you know, never really heard
Speaker 1: from him again and we had a very romantic weekend.
Speaker 1: Don't know whatever happened to that asshole. Then I played
Speaker 1: a song and then after the gig he's there and
Speaker 1: he was like, I was going to surprise you, and
Speaker 1: just I just wanted to say hi. I couldn't believe.
Speaker 1: I was kind of mortified because he wasn't totally an asshole.
Speaker 1: He just again in your head that you made him
Speaker 1: into an asshole, when really it was probably a situation
Speaker 1: of like he just didn't have the same feelings that
Speaker 1: you had, and he thought he communicated that and he
Speaker 1: didn't go like ghosting. I've I feel like We tossed
Speaker 1: that around a lot, but like, how often do you
Speaker 1: really know you write to them a question or something
Speaker 1: and you just hear nothing like has ghosted each other?
Speaker 1: Did you did you have sex in the back of
Speaker 1: a Lincoln Continental? Yeah? Why was it called that? Because
Speaker 1: that would maybe was the most serious. No, I don't
Speaker 1: think that we went all the way, but we did
Speaker 1: have fun in the continent. It was so weird that
Speaker 1: he came and like it was that night. It was
Speaker 1: just so bizarre, I of all of all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's I don't know that that's happened to me, but
Speaker 1: I think that um just I mean someone coming to
Speaker 1: your she that she clearly still likes you, and she
Speaker 1: definitely was like dazzled by the fact that you wrote
Speaker 1: about her and it wasn't anything bad. She just was
Speaker 1: saying that she you know, you were just saying you
Speaker 1: didn't say anything mean about her pussy or something that
Speaker 1: a lot of I'm sure a lot of women have
Speaker 1: gone to Chrystal Leiah's show and been like, he might
Speaker 1: talk about me, and then it's like they they catch
Speaker 1: something that you're like, oh, that's me, or you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm sure there have been girls that have been
Speaker 1: devastated by things they've heard there. I mean, I've seen
Speaker 1: guys do comedy on Conan and talk about their wives
Speaker 1: in ways that I'm just like, this is humiliating. Um,
Speaker 1: And I've certainly done that before too. When I'm hurt,
Speaker 1: you know, like you write a joke about or a
Speaker 1: song on you like where you're like, he didn't really
Speaker 1: do anything wrong. I just like was hurt. We have
Speaker 1: a mutual friend who just like the same kind of thing.
Speaker 1: He was hugging up with a girl. He didn't have
Speaker 1: the same kind of feelings that she did. He let
Speaker 1: her down gently, and then she fucking hates him now,
Speaker 1: and like just it's constantly bullying him and like getting
Speaker 1: other people to hate him, and we're gonna giving him
Speaker 1: advice about it, and I'm like, I've done this so
Speaker 1: many times. Says nothing to do with whatever she's saying.
Speaker 1: She's trying to get you canceled for, like whatever ship
Speaker 1: that you've posted about or your comedy or calling you
Speaker 1: a phony, it's because you didn't like her. That's all, okay.
Speaker 1: So not okay, it's so not okay. I've apologized, I've
Speaker 1: made amends to those people. To that person that I
Speaker 1: did that too, but I was just so I mean,
Speaker 1: he didn't handle it in the greatest way, and there
Speaker 1: were definitely problems with how he did things on his side,
Speaker 1: But the way, the venom with which I hated him
Speaker 1: afterwards and tried to like rally other people to hate
Speaker 1: him was purely from a place, not of anything other
Speaker 1: than just feeling rejected and being so mad that I
Speaker 1: loved this person and they didn't love me back. And
Speaker 1: it's like, it's just it's just this young person's response
Speaker 1: or a dumb person, like I see a lot of women,
Speaker 1: like I have guy friends, and I see women in
Speaker 1: their late thirties behaving this way and then into their forties,
Speaker 1: and I go, this is something you get out of
Speaker 1: in your twenties, I would hope. I mean, I was
Speaker 1: probably thirty two when it's thirty four, so I guess
Speaker 1: now I was pretty late to the game, presently bloomer,
Speaker 1: like just getting hurt. That's why when I talked to
Speaker 1: my male friends and they have casual hookups, always like,
Speaker 1: how are you not leaving awake of just angry women
Speaker 1: behind you? I don't think I've hardly ever, I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever really any Oh, yeah, I would know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just think it's with being kind and
Speaker 1: and expressing yourself. Honestly, I don't think it's fair for
Speaker 1: somebody to expect that every hookup or even every dating
Speaker 1: for a few weeks is going to lead to relationship.
Speaker 1: And I think people that are mature kind of understand that.
Speaker 1: But if guy tells you I am not, just so
Speaker 1: you know, this isn't anything serious. Listen, it's very crucial.
Speaker 1: We all think that we can change them. And also
Speaker 1: we start having you know, I've talked about this at nauseum,
Speaker 1: but like you, when you have sex with a guy,
Speaker 1: the chemical things happen that take over your logical brain
Speaker 1: and it doesn't matter what you know to be true,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what he's told you, and that logic
Speaker 1: is out the fucking window when you let When you
Speaker 1: have good sex with someone and feel like and start
Speaker 1: to like them, it doesn't matter. You're gonna go. You're
Speaker 1: gonna start fantasizing about a life with them and get hurt.
Speaker 1: Every time I see young girls like even my niece Poppy,
Speaker 1: I'm just like the world of hurt she is in for.
Speaker 1: And even you know, boys too. Obviously, Ben, you're going
Speaker 1: through it. Like I look at children now and instead
Speaker 1: of being like, man, they have such great lives ahead
Speaker 1: of them, Like they get to go to high Like
Speaker 1: I used to be jealous that they get to go
Speaker 1: to high school and they get to just like still
Speaker 1: enjoy cartoons and they get you know, they get riled
Speaker 1: up by like you know, they get to have candy,
Speaker 1: like that's exciting to them, Like they don't have to
Speaker 1: pay taxes like and now I just think, oh, they're
Speaker 1: just gonna have they have to learn so many lessons
Speaker 1: and it bums me out for them. Yeah, true, Yeah
Speaker 1: I do that. I mean, as you do your list
Speaker 1: until taxes, I'm like, I still do every one of
Speaker 1: those things. Now I'm enjoying cartoons at a bag of
Speaker 1: skill two nights ago with children. But then but then
Speaker 1: you feel fat the next day when you're kidding the
Speaker 1: old when I was, I think that's what I mean,
Speaker 1: like the unbridled like candy, it's just candy, it's only
Speaker 1: just sugar and happiness. It's not hating yourself afterwards. It's
Speaker 1: not like there's no as a child. I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe there's our children who feel like they hate themselves.
Speaker 1: Like I think, you know, given your circumstance, you can
Speaker 1: have bad self esteem, but as a kid, you just
Speaker 1: I didn't compare myself to other people. I didn't worry
Speaker 1: about what I put in my body. I didn't think
Speaker 1: about I didn't dread things. I mean, there was certainly
Speaker 1: like all the end of summer school again like oh
Speaker 1: this sucks, but like there wasn't this like overwhelming sense
Speaker 1: of like I don't know, I'm just feeling it this
Speaker 1: morning of you know what, let's put a pit in
Speaker 1: this conversation. Let's get back to this, right we're left
Speaker 1: off right after this. Okay, we're back. All I want
Speaker 1: to do is sleep. I just want an escape from
Speaker 1: like things to do, and like I'm I'm having trouble
Speaker 1: like finding happiness in the in the climb, in the experience,
Speaker 1: like I'm doing Kelly Clarkson tomorrow and I'm dreading it
Speaker 1: because I don't know what I'm going to talk about
Speaker 1: yet I hate all my jokes. I'm in this like
Speaker 1: very negative phase of like I don't even want to
Speaker 1: do my jokes on Kelly Clarkson because then people will
Speaker 1: come see me on tour and be like we already
Speaker 1: saw this. I kind of know this, and they won't
Speaker 1: know where they hurt it, but they'll think she's just
Speaker 1: doing old material. I also, I don't have it in
Speaker 1: me right now to come up with new stuff. I
Speaker 1: have to go to a fitting. I'm just feeling like
Speaker 1: kind of dry and my spray tan sluffing off, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just everything about it is bumming me out.
Speaker 1: And I know I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a blast, and then it's gonna be over and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have this glossy clip that I can put
Speaker 1: up and be proud to be like, look what I did, America.
Speaker 1: I'm still relevant. Put me in things and give me
Speaker 1: more work that I can dread. It's like, what am
Speaker 1: I doing? This is what this is? All I want
Speaker 1: is for more people to get more work and to
Speaker 1: be more well known or whatever it is. And yet
Speaker 1: every time I get something, I dread it. What is
Speaker 1: one thing that I try to help you with sometimes,
Speaker 1: I mean, just try to remind you to appreciate it.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're at the top of the world right now.
Speaker 1: You're You're where everyone wishes they would be. In this
Speaker 1: entertainment industry. You get to do every show, you get
Speaker 1: to be in every single thing. You're so in demand
Speaker 1: and and most people wish they could be experiencing what
Speaker 1: you're experiencing, especially people pursuing it. And also you're just
Speaker 1: hilariously funny and charming, So you can also just go
Speaker 1: on and riff these things. Don't even have to burn jokes.
Speaker 1: You can just go and riff and you're pretty damn good.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can call her out and make fun
Speaker 1: of things on her desk and talk about someone in
Speaker 1: the audience or someone that you met backstage that was
Speaker 1: worked on the crew that had a funny thing on, Like,
Speaker 1: you're great at all that stuff. You're great everything you
Speaker 1: talked about here today. Yeah, talk about my breakup and
Speaker 1: how I'm clearly breaking hearts of people and bring that.
Speaker 1: Talk about Ben's fun, thank you bad and he's giving
Speaker 1: me so much material today. Yeah, I just after this,
Speaker 1: I just what I'm gonna do as soon as we
Speaker 1: end this podcast is I'm going to get back in bed.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna close all the curtains, shut the lights off,
Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna think about the Kelly Clarkson call
Speaker 1: that I have to have and come up with something
Speaker 1: that's like how, and then I'll probably fall asleep and
Speaker 1: then wake up and be like, oh funk this the
Speaker 1: call like that probably was gonna happen, but I just
Speaker 1: want to go back to sleep where like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Last night I was in a field holding hands with
Speaker 1: David Letterman and then he bit my hair and was
Speaker 1: chewing my hair, and then he spit it on Alonzo
Speaker 1: Bowden's coat, and that was my dream and it was awesome,
Speaker 1: and that was a better life than he was chewing
Speaker 1: your hair and some hair on the Great Alonzo Bowden.
Speaker 1: Everybody spit it on Alonzo's wool coat. And we were
Speaker 1: in line to be to go on Andrew Santino's talk show,
Speaker 1: and we were all waiting in line, and then I
Speaker 1: took his spit because I remember when he was holding
Speaker 1: my hand, I was like, no one's gonna believe that.
Speaker 1: David Letterman is like trying to fucking cop a field
Speaker 1: right now and hold my hand and like, and I
Speaker 1: was like, and then he bit my hair and I go,
Speaker 1: no one's gonna believe this either, and then he when
Speaker 1: he spit it on Alonzo's coat, I grabbed it because
Speaker 1: I was like, I have his d n A and
Speaker 1: my hair and then much how much hair? It didn't
Speaker 1: bother me usually like obviously losing my hair is like
Speaker 1: my biggest fear, but it was like I was wearing
Speaker 1: my hair up in a ponytail, so it was just
Speaker 1: the top scalp, and it was just like a little
Speaker 1: a little bit like it just I don't know, it
Speaker 1: didn't bother just like I already know what this is.
Speaker 1: When were your last wearing your hair up? A couple
Speaker 1: of days ago? I think, Oh, I guess for the
Speaker 1: people the Critics Choice Awards, and you were surrounded by
Speaker 1: celebrities and you were waiting in a line and they
Speaker 1: didn't let you in on the red carpet. They made
Speaker 1: you go downstairs. In real life, they made her, they
Speaker 1: told her the red carpet was closed. She has to
Speaker 1: go to a step and repeat down in the fucking basement.
Speaker 1: So this dream is about fame, about your place in
Speaker 1: the world of fame. Your worst fear is somebody taking
Speaker 1: your hair out, but it's an icon, so he like
Speaker 1: is being sexual with you, take your hair, spits it,
Speaker 1: and then what you who's Alonzo Bowden to you. He's
Speaker 1: another comedian, UM respectable, uh strapping, handsome uh been around forever,
Speaker 1: one last comic standing, uh friendly guy I don't know,
Speaker 1: like someone I respect, but who isn't like the most famous,
Speaker 1: but who is definitely respected in comedy. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know what he is to me. He's wearing
Speaker 1: a wool campble coat. I mean, this all checks out.
Speaker 1: We're waiting for Andrew Santino's show, and as we were
Speaker 1: waiting for his talk show, I was like, why can't
Speaker 1: I come up with a talk show like this? Like
Speaker 1: the whole time, I was just like, why did he
Speaker 1: Instead of a talk show, it was like a projected
Speaker 1: on a wall, like a desk was a it was
Speaker 1: all a projection. And I was like, Oh, that's an
Speaker 1: interesting idea. And now I realized I came up with it.
Speaker 1: It was my freaking I created that TV show. I
Speaker 1: should have I should, you know, get a credit for it. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I think all of that is true.
Speaker 1: I felt, as you're saying up bed of, like you're
Speaker 1: at the top of your game, people would want to
Speaker 1: be you. I feel that some days, and then I
Speaker 1: think going to that and that people heard me talking
Speaker 1: about yesterday, and it's such like first world problems, like
Speaker 1: where where, but just feeling so small in that room,
Speaker 1: like just feeling like, no matter what I do, I'll
Speaker 1: never be as big as any of these people and
Speaker 1: is worshiped. And it's like and not that I even
Speaker 1: want that. And that was another thing, is like the
Speaker 1: thing that I think I won't I don't even want
Speaker 1: because at the same time I was having this, it
Speaker 1: was a paradox of like I want to be more
Speaker 1: known because no one cares about me in this room.
Speaker 1: I'm sucking in the same room as Julia Roberts. I
Speaker 1: mean nothing. It's like me, I could be a cater
Speaker 1: waiter and it would be the same, Like I'm closer
Speaker 1: to their level than Julia Roberts. Like and not that
Speaker 1: there's any I'm just talking about status on a very
Speaker 1: superficial level. Don't come at me. I'm a cater waiter.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it. I felt so unimportant. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, I don't like the worship of Julia Roberts.
Speaker 1: She's just a person that has was born with a
Speaker 1: pretty skull and a good and good skin and is
Speaker 1: able to portray strangers better than other people. It's not
Speaker 1: really a skill that has any kind of redeemable quality
Speaker 1: outside of the society we're leaving in now. Like Conan
Speaker 1: often references like in another world, like in like the
Speaker 1: turn of the century, and take any century besides the
Speaker 1: recent one, his skill would have been worthless, like just
Speaker 1: being like the court jester, like he would be the
Speaker 1: most famous person. He would just be a guy, you know,
Speaker 1: like the caterers more important, because you die if you
Speaker 1: don't you don't. You die if you don't eat food.
Speaker 1: But Dowson Abbey, he doesn't have a place. I just
Speaker 1: that show has to be called Downtown Abbey. I hate that,
Speaker 1: but it's I'm sure that's been well draped. Watched one
Speaker 1: episode and then he died, and I go, I'm none.
Speaker 1: But I have several issues with the whole premise of
Speaker 1: what you just said, which is I think that I mean,
Speaker 1: it was very cute your posts about being next to
Speaker 1: Julia Roberts and and you sit at the table and
Speaker 1: she was just here and touched my chair and everything.
Speaker 1: But if you had had the confidence just to go
Speaker 1: up to her say hi, I think you're awesome, she
Speaker 1: probably would have been like, oh, my god, I love
Speaker 1: you and everything you're doing. She probably does know who
Speaker 1: you are, and she probably, I mean the best example
Speaker 1: you said, you know where near these people like worshiping
Speaker 1: you or caring about you. It's not true at all,
Speaker 1: because I mean, look at Chelsea Handler, who I'm still
Speaker 1: friends if. I used to be very close with when
Speaker 1: I was on her show and we would hang out
Speaker 1: all the time, and like every celebrity on Earth, idolizes
Speaker 1: a party at her house, and like Gwen Stefani and
Speaker 1: Sandra Bullock and Charlie's Theren and Jane Fonda are all
Speaker 1: at the party being like, oh my god, Chelsea just
Speaker 1: walked by. Chelsea just did this. I was at one
Speaker 1: point talking me, Jane Fonda and Chelsea Handler in a
Speaker 1: little triangle, and then Jane whispers something in Chelsea's ear.
Speaker 1: Chelsea makes a disgusted face and walks off without replying
Speaker 1: to her and icon of our time, of our generation
Speaker 1: and many generations. Jane Fonda turns to me insecurely and says,
Speaker 1: was it something I said? I never know what to
Speaker 1: think with with with that woman, what what's going on
Speaker 1: in her head? And I was like, thank god, it's
Speaker 1: not just me that responds that way to Chelsea's even
Speaker 1: Jane Fonda, and so everybody has that issue and just
Speaker 1: realized that if you remind yourself, we're all the same.
Speaker 1: Even Julia Roberts in that moment, is the same and realizes,
Speaker 1: probably because she seems like a nice person, that she's
Speaker 1: the same. And then I mean it did help us
Speaker 1: off in the blow minutes later than Jane and I
Speaker 1: did Molly together. But the point is, yeah, she's so cool.
Speaker 1: It was her first time doing Molly too. It was
Speaker 1: really fun. Oh my god, wait where did we just
Speaker 1: got really high? And then I called next to play
Speaker 1: Edward Norton ping pong. Next he was playing ping pong
Speaker 1: in some dude, and then Jane Fonda is like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have to see that. I'm like why, She's like,
Speaker 1: I want to see you playing ping pong on Molly,
Speaker 1: And so I'm playing ping pong with Edward Norton and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, halfway through the game's icon, Jane
Speaker 1: Fonda Barbarella just plops down on a couch and was
Speaker 1: watching us play pink po and then like, I lost.
Speaker 1: I lost sixteen, and I said, let's run it back,
Speaker 1: and he's like, why don't you find somebody more at
Speaker 1: your skill level? And I was like, that's hurtful, and
Speaker 1: then he said later he's like, don't worry. I studied
Speaker 1: under a Chinese master. I lived in China. I'm like
Speaker 1: very Edward Nord and sounding thing to say, my god,
Speaker 1: no kidding, yeah. And then I gave some drugs. I
Speaker 1: gave some molly to Matthew Brodrick, who then left before
Speaker 1: I got to put my baggie away, and I'm like, Matthew,
Speaker 1: you get back here, and he's like what. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm putting my baggie away. You can't take the drugs
Speaker 1: and then leave me exposed with the bag out. He's like, sorry,
Speaker 1: I didn't know, I'm new with this or whatever. And
Speaker 1: so I made him stay until I put it away
Speaker 1: in my pocket. It was a wild night. It is
Speaker 1: Ben's dream from last night. Not not only was it
Speaker 1: not a dream not to rub his in nick, but
Speaker 1: last night I fucked David Letterman. Just so you know,
Speaker 1: I get it. I mean I understand, like, but at
Speaker 1: the same time, I think that is so lame to
Speaker 1: like have, Like whenever I see like celebrities bragging about
Speaker 1: being friends with all these celebrities, I don't really think
Speaker 1: they're real friends. I think it's all just a show,
Speaker 1: and I then that depresses me. It's like I'd rather
Speaker 1: just be with my close friends that I can actually
Speaker 1: talk to and like we can show each other our
Speaker 1: vaginas and like there's been like like I like someday
Speaker 1: then I don't get attached though, Um no I bar noises. Um.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I ruined myself to all your listeners,
Speaker 1: like I'm out at least most men make baron noises.
Speaker 1: I felt like that was actually a good description. Was
Speaker 1: like I'm just like waking up from a hibernation. I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of like being roused. Um. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: just feel like I don't know, this is the dumbest
Speaker 1: conversation for me to complain about any of this stuff,
Speaker 1: but it's just it's there's just a point in my
Speaker 1: life where I'm like the things I've pursued, that my
Speaker 1: goals are all based on a superficial thing to me.
Speaker 1: I feel like and like last night I was with
Speaker 1: my friend's son Leon. He's like a little baby, and
Speaker 1: he remembered me from like I've seen him like three
Speaker 1: times in his life. And he's nine months old, and
Speaker 1: he remembered me and was like crawling on me and
Speaker 1: just like laying his head on me. And then he
Speaker 1: his little hand was like gripping me, and I like
Speaker 1: was zooming in on his hand, just like like just
Speaker 1: like trying to like grabbing onto holding onto me. And
Speaker 1: I was like, that is what That is cooler to
Speaker 1: me than any celeb encounter. Like that's that's what makes
Speaker 1: me up. And I hate to sound like that's really
Speaker 1: what this is about. It's about nature and family and friends, like,
Speaker 1: but it really is, like why am I not pursuing
Speaker 1: babies grabbing at me more? I guess if one of
Speaker 1: the girls I was sleeping with said that story, I
Speaker 1: would not text again. That's the truest thing he said. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's not a good sign. Um, good to
Speaker 1: know that. I mean, I'm I'm mostly joking, but I
Speaker 1: mean it's not something you want to hear on on
Speaker 1: date one or two. It's like my hand being gripped
Speaker 1: by a young baby. All right, Well, let's slow it down.
Speaker 1: I don't want but I don't want a baby. Another
Speaker 1: paradox is like that's what brings me the most joy,
Speaker 1: Yet I don't want a baby. It's like these constant
Speaker 1: I would text back, then I would text changes, just
Speaker 1: hold random babies hands and then get the funk out
Speaker 1: of there. Um, and I leave just a wake of
Speaker 1: disappointed babies that hate me and I respected more from me. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just feel like I don't know, I'm just every
Speaker 1: time I come to l A, I struggle with this
Speaker 1: because this town it tends to overwork me. I think
Speaker 1: that not getting enough sleep, not getting enough just like
Speaker 1: quality time with friends, um, and just feeling like you
Speaker 1: have to look a certain way and like everyone hears
Speaker 1: on ozempic and everyone's thin. Everyone is constant going to
Speaker 1: some kind of rumble boxing class or like a spin class.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I walked by this place all the time.
Speaker 1: That's like rumble Fitness, and it's just like hot girls
Speaker 1: going in and out with cropped sweatshirts and on sunset.
Speaker 1: Between pink Dot and the snore poem, I didn't read them.
Speaker 1: I let her do her own reading. Yeah, let me
Speaker 1: read them, and I had to. Like it was the
Speaker 1: stress of like, okay, I have to read this and
Speaker 1: actually like committed to mind, but I also have to
Speaker 1: remember to make fun of him for this later on
Speaker 1: there at that moment. Yeah, I mean, these are like
Speaker 1: the constant things that I have. But it's all because
Speaker 1: I'm just stressed out about Kelly Clarkson, which all of
Speaker 1: a sudden showed up of a schedule because someone dropped out,
Speaker 1: and so it's just like a thing and I just
Speaker 1: don't feel prepared. As long as I get prepared, I'll
Speaker 1: be great. But um, I need more caffeine in me.
Speaker 1: I meet need more. I just need I need something
Speaker 1: to stap me out of this left. Maybe I need
Speaker 1: to meditate, do some breathwork, make a gratitude list. Something
Speaker 1: needs to I need to snap out of this. Also,
Speaker 1: I think you need to remind yourself that I think
Speaker 1: all of that business is a choice. You need to
Speaker 1: remind yourself that, like you, you do more stuff than
Speaker 1: most people do because you're very kind person, and you
Speaker 1: say yes to everything, to a lot of things you
Speaker 1: asked to do and every single podcast and like, and
Speaker 1: you don't need to do any of those things. You
Speaker 1: don't need to, Dolly. I mean, you need to Killy
Speaker 1: Clarkson now because you said yes, But you don't need
Speaker 1: to do any particular talk show if you took one
Speaker 1: or five off. If you weren't in the media for
Speaker 1: six months, that would not do anything negative to you, know,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't six months would do nothing. I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: it's all a choice. It's all a choice. There's definitely
Speaker 1: something to be said by for doing the things, something
Speaker 1: to be said for being a little more mysterious and
Speaker 1: not doing all the things. So my only point with
Speaker 1: that is that definitely you don't have to say yes
Speaker 1: to every podcast and every single show. And if you
Speaker 1: said to Kelly Clarkson, I'm not ready this week, I'd
Speaker 1: love to do it in the next couple of months,
Speaker 1: they would book you in two months and it would
Speaker 1: be more. I mean, I struggle with that like too
Speaker 1: available type thing, because you feel so if you're choosing
Speaker 1: to do things, just remind yourself every time. It will
Speaker 1: help you get up for it that it's a choice
Speaker 1: and you won't dread the things as much because you
Speaker 1: truly don't have to be doing it. Like like when
Speaker 1: I started stand up like three years in one day,
Speaker 1: just all of a sudden got really tired of saying
Speaker 1: the same jokes over and over again, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh no, what am I gonna do and my whole
Speaker 1: life now is going to be repeating my own thoughts
Speaker 1: over and over again. And then I thought about it
Speaker 1: for a week and I thought, I realized what a
Speaker 1: privilege to be able to just have funny thoughts. I
Speaker 1: thought of that I get to say, and I get
Speaker 1: to choose to tell them, or I can choose to
Speaker 1: tell different ones, or do I don't have to do it.
Speaker 1: And I never got tired of it again because I
Speaker 1: realized it's a choice. Even though we want to like
Speaker 1: hate on it and think negatively, it actually is a
Speaker 1: choice that we're making over and over again. So choose one. No.
Speaker 1: I had a call with my my team Want to
Speaker 1: Zoom like a couple of weeks ago, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I want to be a regular on Kelly Clarkson. That
Speaker 1: has to happen. Ine like, that's a goal. I love
Speaker 1: that show. I see clips all the time. They look cool,
Speaker 1: She's amazing. I always have fun on that show. I
Speaker 1: always kill it on that show. And then the next
Speaker 1: week they're like Kelly Clarkson booked, and I'm like, not
Speaker 1: now like I wanted to, which is supposed to be
Speaker 1: in a couple of years from now. Like I want
Speaker 1: to do all these things and then they arrive and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I gotta fucking do them. And I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that's where everyone relates to that when inside,
Speaker 1: if you tell your team I want the thing and
Speaker 1: they can get it for you, that's a little different. No,
Speaker 1: they did their due diligence. I don't even know what
Speaker 1: that words means, but they do. They do that, and
Speaker 1: then I feel and I want to just say with
Speaker 1: Kelly Clarkson, I do want to do that. The podcast
Speaker 1: I did yesterday, I did want to do it because
Speaker 1: it was about I got to read a book and
Speaker 1: I do a book club podcast, and I like that podcast.
Speaker 1: I've listened to it, and so I am choosing things
Speaker 1: that I want to do. Um. There are things though, that, yeah,
Speaker 1: you do because you're just like, this is going to
Speaker 1: spread the word about my show. Do I want to
Speaker 1: have a call today with the Kalamazoo paper about my
Speaker 1: shows in Kalamazoo? Funck? Now, I don't do I want
Speaker 1: to call a radio station and Juliet, Illinois. Probably not.
Speaker 1: That's not because I don't like those people. They're not
Speaker 1: good entertainers. But like the other day, I had a
Speaker 1: radio interview and final thought. I had a radio interview
Speaker 1: the other day and they were like, we interviewed you
Speaker 1: five years ago, and I just want to say you're
Speaker 1: just as nice as you were then, and not you're
Speaker 1: way more famous, but you're still as nice as rare.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well that it shouldn't be rare,
Speaker 1: but thank you for saying that, and they go, I go,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys see people changed without the years
Speaker 1: because it's a radio station that's been on forever. And
Speaker 1: they were like, yeah, we made some people's careers and
Speaker 1: then they don't even call in anymore. They were like,
Speaker 1: Larry the cable guy used to come in, call in
Speaker 1: three times a week and we haven't heard from it.
Speaker 1: I go, it's not because he doesn't appreciate what you did.
Speaker 1: He's fucking busy. He can't do three times a week anymore.
Speaker 1: And he was on his way up. You got to
Speaker 1: do that stuff, and so I was kind of like
Speaker 1: this is It made me think, oh, man, if I
Speaker 1: if I turned down this radio a station in the future,
Speaker 1: their story will be Nikki big Time does she thinks
Speaker 1: she's too big for it? But what the story is
Speaker 1: is I just can't fit it all. I would love
Speaker 1: to keep doing that show three times a week. I'm
Speaker 1: sure Larry would too when he had time. It was
Speaker 1: what he did. And I think that that also um
Speaker 1: weighs on me of you know, even you know, I
Speaker 1: can relate this to listeners who are like ship Nikki,
Speaker 1: shut up about you know, your showbiz life. You know
Speaker 1: you might have uh, I have this in my own life.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I talked about constantly, like no one
Speaker 1: does anything anymore, No one wants to hang out, No,
Speaker 1: none of our friends want to hang out. People are
Speaker 1: just like they don't think to invite us to things,
Speaker 1: you know. And then I go, it's because they have
Speaker 1: kids and families. They they they it's something they don't
Speaker 1: like us less. They're just have less space in their
Speaker 1: brain for to remember to invite us. And it's the
Speaker 1: same thing of like just not taking it personally. And
Speaker 1: I think that really is what I have to work
Speaker 1: on more than anything. Is like not everything is a
Speaker 1: personal attack. That's almost like being in that room at
Speaker 1: the Critics Choice and just being like, you're insignificant. Even
Speaker 1: thinking about myself in those terms, it's like who, no
Speaker 1: one cares about you? That's my problem. But also who
Speaker 1: cares that no one cares about you? That's also like,
Speaker 1: it's it's self serving to even think that people should
Speaker 1: care about me, even though I don't want that. It's
Speaker 1: it's also the opposite because there's probably a good chance
Speaker 1: Julia Roberts is like, I haven't had a hit in
Speaker 1: a long time. I see that everything, and she didn't
Speaker 1: win her categories. She's there. You don't go to the
Speaker 1: Great Choice Awards if you're nominated unless you think I
Speaker 1: might win. Like, if you thought you were gonna lose
Speaker 1: or had any inside infote, you would not be there.
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing to lose when you're in person, your face
Speaker 1: is up there and the cameras on you, and then
Speaker 1: they say someone else's name, and then the cameraman slowly
Speaker 1: like pants to go to someone else. That's so embarrassing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, she probably had those same moments too, even
Speaker 1: though she looked like twenty five and was flawless and
Speaker 1: radiant and um definitely the bell of the ball. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I think you should just talk on Kelly Clarkson
Speaker 1: about this moment where you're sitting at the table and
Speaker 1: and then your face is soles. It's so funny this
Speaker 1: this could be a ten minutes segment just like tell
Speaker 1: us everything that's going on in your minds for like
Speaker 1: your your your Candace Bushnell series, like it really is.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's a good pitch. That's a really
Speaker 1: good idea. What would it be called? Um on the sideline?
Speaker 1: I'm a title for a million years I wanted to
Speaker 1: do called non Entourage. Oh that's great, which like it's
Speaker 1: the opposite of enter It's like the real story. It's
Speaker 1: like you go home alone and like you're trying to
Speaker 1: do the things and you don't get all the big
Speaker 1: things and there's no vins, you know. Yes, that is
Speaker 1: a like I should say, could still have a show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you could still have the brother Johnny drama just
Speaker 1: for some reason, it's also your brother and he appears
Speaker 1: every episode and just goes sorry, Bro, just his only
Speaker 1: two words you ever said on that show. Sorry Bro.
Speaker 1: That was really good. Bevan Glee, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for being here. Um. I love you so much. I
Speaker 1: hope that I get to see you on this trip.
Speaker 1: I'm leaving Thursday. I don't know that I will. I
Speaker 1: don't even know, you know, I didn't tell you because
Speaker 1: I just didn't have time. I knew that would you
Speaker 1: would obviously be a person I would hang out with
Speaker 1: if I had time. Thursdays several days away. We can
Speaker 1: maybe squeeze it in. It is several days away a keyword. Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's squeeze it in. We'll text each other. I gotta
Speaker 1: go to the fitting now and then get back in
Speaker 1: bed and think about Kelly Clarkson. Watch me on that tomorrow,
Speaker 1: see what I come up with. Um. And I love
Speaker 1: you too, by the way, and you are the best,
Speaker 1: and thank you. So nice to meet friend. Nice to
Speaker 1: meet you. Nice to meet you too, And this has
Speaker 1: been very nice. Follow him on things. He's hilarious. He
Speaker 1: check out his Aagram um lives where he's singing karaoke
Speaker 1: a Loane date people my fans love and Instagram Live
Speaker 1: and I am. I go live on our account all
Speaker 1: the time and there's like thirty people there and it's
Speaker 1: sometimes I sometimes WoT a stick or over the number
Speaker 1: ben so then I don't think about it. It's really
Speaker 1: good idea because they can't. That's the one that's gonna
Speaker 1: have a thousand viewers and I'll never know one time
Speaker 1: I did. I went on TikTok live for the first
Speaker 1: time and so and I started off frame and it
Speaker 1: was like seven hundred viewers and I was so excited.
Speaker 1: I'm like whoa. And the second I stepped on frame
Speaker 1: and just drop it was so like people would rather
Speaker 1: watch a blank wall. I've rarely do this, but you
Speaker 1: post a story and I'll be like, this is an
Speaker 1: actually good one. I wonder like if this would be
Speaker 1: what I could do on TikTok or something, and I'll
Speaker 1: watch I'll look at the analytics of it and it
Speaker 1: shows how many people click forward like just went past it,
Speaker 1: how many people exited out of your story, how many
Speaker 1: people went back like that's what I wanted. The number
Speaker 1: of people going like, oh I want to watch this again,
Speaker 1: it's like two. I was like it would be like thousands.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is entertaining people. Just go Tinks,
Speaker 1: this girl that I followed, Tinks did an impression of
Speaker 1: like when when when you think when you say he
Speaker 1: watches my Instagram stories, like oh my god, he's been
Speaker 1: watching my score stories. What it really looks like It's
Speaker 1: just a guy going like uh and let's just clicking
Speaker 1: it so fast on a toilet on a toilet. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's like it's never what you think. It's so embarrassing
Speaker 1: that someone would like be watching my face and like
Speaker 1: clip off of it. Even if I do that to
Speaker 1: everyone all day, I do it to both of view,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean love. And another horrible metric is
Speaker 1: the one that tells you watch time like you think
Speaker 1: the view counts. You're getting our real views. And just
Speaker 1: like a one minute video, it's only a fucking minute long,
Speaker 1: and the average watch time nine seconds. You don't even
Speaker 1: get to the first thought. Now I know why you
Speaker 1: two are a little prone to depression. I didn't even know.
Speaker 1: I looked at it one time, and I go, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm better at not reading comments than fucking anyone.
Speaker 1: I don't look at any of that stuff. I would.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be here with us today if I read
Speaker 1: that stuff. If I looked at my likes and followed
Speaker 1: how many how many followers I lose, I literally would
Speaker 1: have killed myself. But I'm not kidding you. I would
Speaker 1: not be alive right now because it's so depressing. So
Speaker 1: it's rare that I don't seek the stuff out. It
Speaker 1: was just one time I looked, and I go, I
Speaker 1: will never go back. It was Pandora's Box of Hell.
Speaker 1: And and then I hear on Twitter there's a new
Speaker 1: button that shows you or there's a new thing that
Speaker 1: shows you how many people have senior tweet. It used
Speaker 1: to just be like if they liked it. Now you
Speaker 1: can see how many people saw it versus the number
Speaker 1: of likes and how many people did not like it.
Speaker 1: I hate that stuff too, but I just honestly use
Speaker 1: it to make me stronger. I look at that stuff
Speaker 1: and it makes me feel kind of bad, but I
Speaker 1: really feel like I'm taking it on his arm or
Speaker 1: like is it to make the rope stronger that I'm
Speaker 1: trying sprinkler system to a sprinklers, Like what do you
Speaker 1: rig sprinkler? Someone trying to kill themselves and just being
Speaker 1: like jetted around, just being sent everywhere with this rope,
Speaker 1: not being killed, but just being like a dog, like
Speaker 1: you guys thrown around the yard. To consider what you'd
Speaker 1: hang yourself off and you weren't if you can't even
Speaker 1: put a hanger on, and how could you wait? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, like the piping, I was sure they're more specific.
Speaker 1: This is why I'm going to bomb on kellys are good.
Speaker 1: I'm not good off. I'm not good riffing. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna end it all, and by that I just mean
Speaker 1: this podcast and I'll see what stars in the borrow.
Speaker 1: This was one more sentence before you ended, because that's
Speaker 1: exactly how you see it wrong, because you were so
Speaker 1: I'm sorry if anybody's ever forcibly not let you end
Speaker 1: your own podcast before, sorry, but that's exactly how you
Speaker 1: see it wrong, because you just riffed so funnily. It
Speaker 1: was the best back and forth. It was piping day
Speaker 1: because they're gonna go. Ben Beleeve wouldn't let her end
Speaker 1: her podcast in two thousand twenty three, and it's gonna
Speaker 1: be like two thousand forty five when that is like
Speaker 1: if a guy doesn't let you enter a podcast, and
Speaker 1: then you're gonna get canceled from what's you're gonna go.
Speaker 1: It was a different time back then. We were you
Speaker 1: can interrupt women. I don't mean to, I don't mean
Speaker 1: to man explain your podcast. But thank you all for
Speaker 1: listening to the Nikki Glazer Podcast. I really appreciate you
Speaker 1: guys being here, and we'll see you again soon. Don't
Speaker 1: be killed, Jack fo