Speaker 1: Everyone that might be going through something, maybe a rocky
Speaker 1: time in their marriage. Maybe they're thinking about some things.
Speaker 1: Maybe they're they're wondering if maybe divorce is right for them.
Speaker 1: I want you to just here, Here are these words
Speaker 1: that this breed would never wish this pain on her
Speaker 1: worst enemy. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the podcast,
Speaker 1: Episode one nine seven. Thank you for being here. I
Speaker 1: answer your questions. You send them to me Grangersmith podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Make them about anything, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter the subject, and we'll kind of walk through it
Speaker 1: long form, like we're sitting in the truck. You got
Speaker 1: a question for me, and I'm like, man, that's a
Speaker 1: good question. Let's talk about it. Let's take a little
Speaker 1: bit of time, and we're gonna jump right into this
Speaker 1: first one here. Now these are, by the way, they're
Speaker 1: out of order, they're random. I haven't read them. I
Speaker 1: don't have notes. We're just going for it, so you're
Speaker 1: gonna hear these as I hear them for the first time.
Speaker 1: First one, Subjecline says, divorce. Hey Granger, I appreciate your music,
Speaker 1: love of God and your podcast. I enjoy listen to
Speaker 1: them while I'm at work. To get to the point.
Speaker 1: My husband and I are going through a divorce. I
Speaker 1: feel like a failure. I have failed my husband, I've
Speaker 1: failed God, I've failed my marriage. I've failed as a wife.
Speaker 1: There was infidelity on both ends. I know it's the
Speaker 1: right thing to do, but I've never felt so hurt before.
Speaker 1: This feels like death. If I'm being honest, I don't
Speaker 1: want this divorce, but he has made it so clear
Speaker 1: that there is no going back. Papers have been signed.
Speaker 1: I lost it when the notary walked up to me
Speaker 1: to have them signed. I would never wish this pain
Speaker 1: on my worst enemy. Being a Christian, it's so hard
Speaker 1: to accept that I am at to that high divorce rate.
Speaker 1: God bless Brie. All Right, Brie, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for the email and for being vulnerable. And there's not
Speaker 1: a question here. So interesting. It's very rare that I
Speaker 1: get an email that's not a question. But I'm going
Speaker 1: to use this actually for this podcast because I think
Speaker 1: you not asking a question is just as powerful to
Speaker 1: tell your story out loud, to say it to anyone
Speaker 1: that's listening, so that either it's a warning to them,
Speaker 1: or it's encouragement for them, or it's reassurance for them
Speaker 1: either way, everyone listened to what she's saying. Imagine this moment,
Speaker 1: Imagine this scenario playing out, and we could almost picture it.
Speaker 1: Where she says, papers have been signed. I lost it
Speaker 1: when the notary walked up to me to have them signed.
Speaker 1: I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy.
Speaker 1: I wish everyone could use that, everyone that might be
Speaker 1: going through something, maybe a rocky time in their marriage.
Speaker 1: Maybe they're thinking about some things. Maybe they're wondering if
Speaker 1: maybe divorce is right for them. I want you to
Speaker 1: just hear, hear these words that this breed would never
Speaker 1: wish this pain on her worst enemy. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says, I'm so frustrated with the
Speaker 1: way you choose emails to read. Interesting says, last week
Speaker 1: you read an email from a young woman whose mother
Speaker 1: said terrible things to her, and she forgave her mother.
Speaker 1: It was the perfect time to read my email, which
Speaker 1: I was asking the same thing from the mother's point
Speaker 1: of view. I've been waiting a long time for an
Speaker 1: answer to my situation. The more time that passes, the
Speaker 1: less likely it will be seen. Just saying last week
Speaker 1: would have been perfect. Tricia okay, Tricia, I'm sorry. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't have a specific order that I read these
Speaker 1: emails that come in random to me. I'm not screening them.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not making subjects and going okay, now
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look for mother and daughter and have the
Speaker 1: daughter the daughter forgives the mother. I'm gonna look for
Speaker 1: those kind of emails and read them. I don't, don't.
Speaker 1: I don't have a plan. I'm sorry. There's I'm juggling
Speaker 1: a lot of things in my life, and I try
Speaker 1: to do my best that I can through all of them.
Speaker 1: But there's certain things that have to give with all
Speaker 1: the things, all the different jobs that I juggle, preparing
Speaker 1: a lot for this podcasting, getting ready and not getting
Speaker 1: all the emails in order. It's just not something I do.
Speaker 1: It's not something that I have time to do, and
Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessary. Podcast flows just fine without
Speaker 1: me needing to screen the emails or worry about what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say. So I'm just I think, okay. My
Speaker 1: opinion is the appeal to me of this podcast is
Speaker 1: you never know what you're gonna get. Like, I don't
Speaker 1: cut it, I don't edit it. I just read it
Speaker 1: and I answer it like you asked me point blank
Speaker 1: in the cap of a truck a question, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna answer it right or wrong. I'm gonna stumble through it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I think that's the appeal to the podcast. I
Speaker 1: don't plan it. So I'm so sorry that you're frustrated,
Speaker 1: and I hope everything works out. Don't another point, maybe
Speaker 1: don't don't wait for me to give you the answer
Speaker 1: to move on with your life, all right, Like I'm
Speaker 1: not the guy, I'm just I'm just a friend. Okay,
Speaker 1: next question sub decline tithing. Good afternoon. My name is Blake.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty three years old. I've been a longtime fan
Speaker 1: of your music in the podcast, just had a quick
Speaker 1: question regarding tithing. So I recently began tithing and gave
Speaker 1: ten percent each month to each month to the church
Speaker 1: I attend. My question is this, is it okay to
Speaker 1: give to other charitable causes, nonprofit organizations, individuals who need help,
Speaker 1: et cetera. Or was tithing only meant to be given
Speaker 1: to the church. I love giving to my church, but
Speaker 1: I would also be able to love to give to
Speaker 1: other charitable organizations, individuals on occasion if I can. I
Speaker 1: really appreciate all the wisdom you give on the podcast
Speaker 1: and would love to intend a live podcast show someday.
Speaker 1: And he says, add Saint Louis to that tour. That's
Speaker 1: cool live podcast tour. And Saint Louis, that sounds like
Speaker 1: a good city to add it to, says Yee Blake. Blake,
Speaker 1: appreciate the email, brother, Okay, a couple things. There's nothing
Speaker 1: to in depth here. A couple of things to ten percent.
Speaker 1: That's an Old Testament idea and it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: correlate into modern day tithing. In fact, the New Testament
Speaker 1: is going to say a little bit different. Is it
Speaker 1: gonna say give generously, give cheerfully. Right, So give generously
Speaker 1: and cheerfully and whatever you feel is right. You know,
Speaker 1: if you're if you're in your Bible and you're you've
Speaker 1: got a good prayer life, go at that point, go
Speaker 1: with what your heart tells you to go because that's
Speaker 1: probably a good desire. And it's great to give your church,
Speaker 1: it's great to give to other charitable organizations. There's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with that. And there's to think any other way
Speaker 1: would be legalistic about it, to be like, oh, you're
Speaker 1: not a good Christian unless you give this amount to
Speaker 1: this organization and not this one and only to the
Speaker 1: church for this Like that's just not it's not a
Speaker 1: healthy way to put that kind of those kind of parameters,
Speaker 1: that kind of box around it would be unhealthy. Instead,
Speaker 1: they about it more rationally, with love, with generosity, with cheerfulness.
Speaker 1: Just think of it in terms of I'm gonna give
Speaker 1: to my church because I I believe that my church
Speaker 1: is a good steward of this money, and I believe
Speaker 1: that it could do this, this and this, and I
Speaker 1: believe in this this body, this local congregation that I
Speaker 1: pour into and they pour into me, and we were
Speaker 1: a family together in that way. Okay, So so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give to them because of that. But I'm not
Speaker 1: because of an obligation that I have to, not because
Speaker 1: I'm a bad person if I don't. And saying with
Speaker 1: given a little bit over here and a little bit
Speaker 1: over here, do it because because you're a good steward
Speaker 1: of money that was given to you as a gift
Speaker 1: as well. Nothing is ours, it's all. We're all stewards
Speaker 1: of our of all the gifts here, So give and
Speaker 1: give and give according to what your heart desires and
Speaker 1: what you think is responsibly good for your community for
Speaker 1: you to serve back to it. Okay, there's no scientific
Speaker 1: formula at all to this, even no ten percent. It's
Speaker 1: a pretty good rule of thumb, right, it's a pretty
Speaker 1: good guide. If you have no guide, that's a good guide.
Speaker 1: We'll end with that. Next question, Sepucline says read on
Speaker 1: podcast please says I'm a big I'm in a big
Speaker 1: problem right now. I met this girl five years ago.
Speaker 1: We became really close, and then we dated for only
Speaker 1: about three months, and then things just ended. She said,
Speaker 1: We're never getting back together, but we are only sixteen
Speaker 1: and I still love her just the same. I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do. I was thinking of just waiting
Speaker 1: it out and seeing what the future holds. Buddy, it's
Speaker 1: time to let it go. It's time to let it go.
Speaker 1: She said, we're never getting back together. Take her word
Speaker 1: for it. Anything more than that, you're stalking in your borderline, psycho.
Speaker 1: Let her go. Next question subject line relationship trouble. Please help,
Speaker 1: Hey grangeer like to stay anonymous here. I'm in a
Speaker 1: training I am a in training youth preacher at my
Speaker 1: local church. And there's a girl that is one of
Speaker 1: a kind in my eyes. I believe in Jesus and
Speaker 1: asked him if she is going to be a good
Speaker 1: choice for me, because my center in a relationship is
Speaker 1: God and all my signs I asked from God is
Speaker 1: green flags. So I told my pastor above me about it,
Speaker 1: and he said I should talk to her about my
Speaker 1: signs I got from him. So then I told her
Speaker 1: all about my signs I got. But then she does
Speaker 1: not feel the same connection between us, but her actions
Speaker 1: tell a different story. I have tried to move on,
Speaker 1: but our paths keep crossing every time. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do with my current situation and I'm in
Speaker 1: on a breaking point. Please help, Any advice would be appreciated.
Speaker 1: Thank you for your music. I love it. Thank you Anonymous. Okay, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go with this last sentence you said, please help.
Speaker 1: Any advice would be appreciated. Brother. I hope you're listening.
Speaker 1: I hope you're listening. Let her go, Let her go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's interesting, right, like you're saying, this is a little
Speaker 1: bit psycho, buddy, This is a little bit psycho, Just
Speaker 1: like the email right before it. I don't know how
Speaker 1: old you are, but I'm assuming you're around a teenager, right,
Speaker 1: maybe a little older. But it's a little bit scary
Speaker 1: to be honest with you. Makes me a little uncomfortable
Speaker 1: because this is what's going on. You say, First of all,
Speaker 1: you know Jesus is gonna say this wicked generation that
Speaker 1: asked for signs. Did you know that, ye, youth, pastor
Speaker 1: and training, stop asking for signs. You have a book,
Speaker 1: a Bible, that is the living, breathing word of God,
Speaker 1: sharper than any two edged sword. That is your sign.
Speaker 1: It has been spoken, it has finished. Okay, don't look
Speaker 1: for signs. Second, you asked God and he gave you
Speaker 1: green lights. Huh. Okay. You told her about this and
Speaker 1: she says she doesn't feel the same connection. That means
Speaker 1: that's not a green light, that's a red light. You
Speaker 1: read it wrong. You're getting signs from the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: That's a scary thing in itself. I'm gonna divide this
Speaker 1: up into many scary things with this email. Remember that
Speaker 1: old analogy. Maybe you don't. There's this old story that
Speaker 1: people used to tell, and that said, there's a man
Speaker 1: and he's on a desert island and He's stranded on
Speaker 1: the desert island and he said, God, God, please help me,
Speaker 1: Please help me. God, I'm stranded on this island. Had
Speaker 1: a boat floats up to the island and he goes, ah,
Speaker 1: there's a boat, but I prayed that God would save me. Later,
Speaker 1: a helicopter comes and they're like, hey, man, are you stranded.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, I'm stranded here, but don't worry. God's
Speaker 1: gonna save me. And they're like, okay, by let me leave.
Speaker 1: He died. The man dies, He starves to death, and
Speaker 1: one day he faces judgment and he goes, God, where
Speaker 1: were you? And God says, I sent you a boat
Speaker 1: in helicopter. What's up? Man, that's what your story is?
Speaker 1: Got it? You said, God, give me a sign and
Speaker 1: she said no, I don't want a relationship. And you said, okay,
Speaker 1: so I'm waiting for this sign from God. She said no, bro,
Speaker 1: let her go. Let her go. The guys listen to me.
Speaker 1: Second email in a row. I'm a little frustrated. I'm
Speaker 1: a little frustrated. I've got a daughter. I've got three sons,
Speaker 1: but I've also I have a daughter and I love her,
Speaker 1: and right now she's gonna turn twelve this year. Stop it, guys,
Speaker 1: We're gonna have some serious conversations. If this happens to
Speaker 1: my daughter and there's a guy that doesn't take no,
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to be in a relationship, he doesn't
Speaker 1: take that for an answer. God has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with this at that point, right, God has spoken. You're
Speaker 1: making this up. Maybe I'm hey, tough love, man. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm going a little too far. Maybe I'm being a
Speaker 1: little too tough on you. Maybe you're only nineteen and
Speaker 1: this is your first relationship and I'm and I'm maybe
Speaker 1: I'm going a little too tough. But listen, tough love.
Speaker 1: I think tough love is better than me giving you
Speaker 1: a softball. Okay, let's hit another one here, man, let's
Speaker 1: hit another one. Subject line on this one says choosing
Speaker 1: between music and home. Hey, Grandeur, First, I'd like to
Speaker 1: say I'm a huge fan of yours, and I'm so
Speaker 1: happy the Lord has called you on a mission to
Speaker 1: serve and step away from music. I am a country singer,
Speaker 1: songwriter and a new father. Lately, I've been battling with
Speaker 1: the question of how can I be a good father
Speaker 1: and a touring musician. I am not dating or married
Speaker 1: to the mother of my child, so it makes things
Speaker 1: a little difficult. Lately, I've had a great deal of
Speaker 1: success with music, and I have a song that's almost
Speaker 1: one million streams in less than six months, Glory to God.
Speaker 1: I've been praying and seeking guidance on if I need
Speaker 1: to step away from music, or if there's a better
Speaker 1: way to present and to be present in my daughter's
Speaker 1: life and on tour. The greatest gift God can give
Speaker 1: a man, besides salvation, is to be a father. I
Speaker 1: don't want to regret not being present for my daughter,
Speaker 1: but I also have to I want to be I
Speaker 1: don't want to regret not chasing my dreams when I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm so close to achieving them. Thanks for
Speaker 1: being such a good example for us musicians and fathers.
Speaker 1: God bless your pal. Sequoia. All right, my man, let's
Speaker 1: dive into this. I'm a little worked up, to be honest,
Speaker 1: the last last couple of emails. You know, guy, I'm
Speaker 1: a little worked up. Got a daughter, got a daughter
Speaker 1: at home, right, and so tough love, Sequoia, tough love. Okay,
Speaker 1: you know I love you. Gotta start out with that.
Speaker 1: You know I love you. Right, Okay, let's dive into
Speaker 1: your email. First thing, I'm gonna say, you say, I've
Speaker 1: had a great deal of success with music, with a
Speaker 1: song almost one million streams in less than six months,
Speaker 1: success according to who, success in relation to what are you?
Speaker 1: Are you trying to relate yourself to Justin Bieber because
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, because she just got a billion in a week, right,
Speaker 1: So I don't. My point is your dream is unattainable.
Speaker 1: You don't know what success is if you're measuring it
Speaker 1: by streams. One million streams, that's nothing. If you want
Speaker 1: to play you want to play Major League ball, that's nothing.
Speaker 1: That's struggling. Six took you six months to get a
Speaker 1: million stream that's struggling. They're never gonna get a record
Speaker 1: deal on that coming, right, I'm that low of a stream, right,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm messing with you here, and I'm half serious.
Speaker 1: Just to tell you, I want to put in perspective that, bro,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna find this dream if you're looking for
Speaker 1: it in numbers and streams and and chart positions. You're
Speaker 1: not gonna find it this way. Because it might seem
Speaker 1: like cess now, but five years from now, if you're
Speaker 1: still doing that. You're spinning your wheels doing nothing. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to help with that perspective. Second thing I'm wan
Speaker 1: to dig on a little bit is man, anyone that
Speaker 1: emailed me today, I'm sorry because I'm in a mood. Okay.
Speaker 1: The second thing I want to dig on is this
Speaker 1: last paragraph. The greatest gift God can give a man
Speaker 1: besides salvation is to be a father. That's not biblical
Speaker 1: at all. That's not in the Bible. You heard that
Speaker 1: somewhere you you either. I don't think you made it up.
Speaker 1: You just heard it. It's like, sounds nice, but that's
Speaker 1: not biblical at all. The greatest gift God could give
Speaker 1: first of all, the greatest wouldn't be salvation, and the
Speaker 1: second surely wouldn't be to be a father. If you're
Speaker 1: going to start ranking gifts, well, first and foremost, it
Speaker 1: would be in the presence to know and be in
Speaker 1: the presence of the Glory of God, Creator, Father, Almighty, right,
Speaker 1: to be in the presence of Jesus Christ, to absorb
Speaker 1: the Almighty, the Alpha and the Omega, the King of Kings,
Speaker 1: the Lord of lords, to be in his presence. That
Speaker 1: would be enough. Okay, like, that's first, and then we're
Speaker 1: gonna go wait on the list. And you know what's
Speaker 1: way higher than being a father, being a faithful husband?
Speaker 1: What happened to that? Where's that, buddy? That's ahead of
Speaker 1: being a father? And you have you're not with the girl,
Speaker 1: you're not dating or married to the mother of your child.
Speaker 1: And you say it makes things a little difficult. Of
Speaker 1: course it does. What are you doing? You're chasing a
Speaker 1: music dream. You're trying to get a million streams for what?
Speaker 1: Who cares? What are you gonna get out? You don't
Speaker 1: get paid from that. Spotify doesn't pay you that much
Speaker 1: money for this. You're you gonna make a few bucks?
Speaker 1: What are you doing? You you're not with the girl,
Speaker 1: You're not with Are you with another girl? Maybe? Are
Speaker 1: you out? Are you not in the same city? You're
Speaker 1: touring away from your child that you already left the mom, right,
Speaker 1: that's an irresponsibility to leave the mother with the child.
Speaker 1: And you're gonna go out on tour to chase a
Speaker 1: dream that we've already established to have success in is unattainable.
Speaker 1: M brother, are you feeling me? You're feeling me here?
Speaker 1: You know who you emailed, right like you emailed the
Speaker 1: guy that's giving it up because he is realized it's
Speaker 1: a rat race. You're spinning your wheels. There is nothing
Speaker 1: you can grab onto. It's a vapor. It's a mist.
Speaker 1: Only things done for Christ matter. You have left a child,
Speaker 1: you've gone on tour, you've left the baby mama. You
Speaker 1: have no intention of reconciling that at all. That's a problem.
Speaker 1: You've misidentified gifts from God. That's a problem. You've been
Speaker 1: praying and seeking guidance. Here I am here, I am
Speaker 1: brother tough love. I wouldn't be this tough on you
Speaker 1: if I didn't understand where you're coming from. If I
Speaker 1: couldn't sympathize with you, I wouldn't be this tough. I
Speaker 1: would say, wow, I don't know how that feels, but
Speaker 1: I do. That's why I could say, wake up, do
Speaker 1: the right thing you did for the child. I let
Speaker 1: take a break here back. If you want to get
Speaker 1: a hold of me for any reason, get a video
Speaker 1: message from me and send it to someone else, maybe
Speaker 1: as a gift, maybe to someone that has everything. What
Speaker 1: do you get them for their birthday or anniversary? Well,
Speaker 1: you can get them a cameo for me that's super
Speaker 1: simple at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith, or you
Speaker 1: can download the Cameo app and search for me Granger Smith,
Speaker 1: and I will make a video a selfie video on
Speaker 1: my phone according to what you want me to say
Speaker 1: to who you want me to say it to. So
Speaker 1: this is like happy birthday, or happy anniversary, or Merry
Speaker 1: Christmas or whatever it might be. Maybe just a word
Speaker 1: of encouragement. It could be also to you. I could
Speaker 1: send the message to you. But I use cameo all
Speaker 1: the time and it has been a very good tool
Speaker 1: for me to keep in touch with you guys over
Speaker 1: the last four years that I've been using it. And
Speaker 1: sitting here as I record this, we're only a couple
Speaker 1: weeks away from the release of my book Like a River. Now,
Speaker 1: as a podcast listener, I hope that you are on
Speaker 1: another level from just the average listener, the average fan,
Speaker 1: because you have my heart on this podcast and if
Speaker 1: you listened this far in to hear what I'm saying now,
Speaker 1: that means you are invested in what I'm doing, and
Speaker 1: I appreciate that so much. What you could do to
Speaker 1: help me with Like a River is, first of all,
Speaker 1: pre order that book, and I hope you know that
Speaker 1: it's coming out on audio version, it's coming out on
Speaker 1: digital version, it's coming out on hardback. And to be
Speaker 1: able to review it on whatever website, Barnes and Noble, Amazon,
Speaker 1: wherever you get it, Walmart dot com. To be able
Speaker 1: to review it really helps that book because my goal
Speaker 1: is to get it into as many hands as possible,
Speaker 1: especially the people that need to read the message inside
Speaker 1: of it, someone that's hurting, going through grief or heartbreaks, stuck,
Speaker 1: they're lost. I want this book to be a beacon,
Speaker 1: a light at the end of the tunnel that someone
Speaker 1: could see there is purpose on the other side of
Speaker 1: this suffering of this pain. Again, the book is called
Speaker 1: like a River. It comes out August first, and you
Speaker 1: could help me by reviewing it or pre ordering it,
Speaker 1: and especially word of mouth on social media and telling
Speaker 1: your friends all about this book. Back to the podcast,
Speaker 1: all right, Obviously I released these every single Monday morning,
Speaker 1: and obviously I pre record them, so it is currently
Speaker 1: eleven fifty three PM while I'm recording this, and maybe
Speaker 1: there's a correlation. I do better recording these in the morning,
Speaker 1: and I have less patience because I've been dealing with
Speaker 1: life during the day, I have a little bit less patience.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a lesson for me. Be careful with the podcast.
Speaker 1: If you're answering at night, you might be a little
Speaker 1: more frisky. That's what I'm telling That's the advice I'm
Speaker 1: giving myself if I'm sitting in a truck driving down
Speaker 1: the road. Right, let's got another question here, subdecline says
Speaker 1: X relationship question. Hey grangeer, my name is Zach and
Speaker 1: I've been going through a really tough time recently regarding
Speaker 1: one of my exes. So, first off, little backstory. My
Speaker 1: girlfriend and I were both seventeen and we both felt
Speaker 1: that we were meant to be together, but her parents
Speaker 1: didn't like me, even though I was always respectful to
Speaker 1: her and her family. So nine months into our relationship,
Speaker 1: her parents made us break up and never gave us
Speaker 1: a reason why. Flash forward to now we're enlisted, where
Speaker 1: I'm enlisted in the military, and I hear that she
Speaker 1: is in a new relationship with a guy that all
Speaker 1: my friends says is toxic and bad for her, and
Speaker 1: they say I'm lucky to have gotten away from her.
Speaker 1: My question is, even though we haven't been together in years.
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to say something to her
Speaker 1: to remind her of her worth, but I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's more for her or me, If that makes
Speaker 1: any sense. Your podcast has helped me through a lot
Speaker 1: of hard times, and I would love to hear your thoughts.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Zach, Zach, thank you for the email. Thank
Speaker 1: you for your service enlisting in the military. I don't
Speaker 1: want to take a lot of time on this because
Speaker 1: it's to me, it's very clear. If you and I
Speaker 1: are sitting together around a campfire, i'd say, lay off
Speaker 1: the girl, don't message her, don't email her, don't call
Speaker 1: her to answer your question. Yes, it's about you. It's
Speaker 1: about you needing closure. That's why you feel like you
Speaker 1: need a message. You have this feeling like, oh, I
Speaker 1: want a savor. I want a savor from this guy.
Speaker 1: I hear this guy's toxic. So I want to give
Speaker 1: her a warning, as if she would take your advice,
Speaker 1: or as if she hasn't heard anyone else tell her
Speaker 1: that before, or as if she still cares what you
Speaker 1: would say in that situation. She's gone. It's only you
Speaker 1: looking for closure. You will find the closure better if
Speaker 1: you stop following her. On social media. If you stop
Speaker 1: asking your friends about her, you just slowly start piling
Speaker 1: up stuff so you don't see her anymore, and as
Speaker 1: time goes on slowly, you'll forget, you'll move on. We'll
Speaker 1: say it that way, Okay, that's your only option reaching
Speaker 1: out to her to say your current boyfriend is toxic
Speaker 1: is toxic in itself. Next question here, subject Clie says,
Speaker 1: is it worth it? Hey Grangeer, there's a girl? Man?
Speaker 1: How many times of that? How many times have I got
Speaker 1: an email that says that, Ay Grangeured, there's a girl
Speaker 1: that I was talking to this last year. There was
Speaker 1: everything and I was looking that I was looking for.
Speaker 1: She told me she wasn't ready and we ended things
Speaker 1: very roughly. It didn't speak for six months. Fast forward
Speaker 1: almost a year and we start talking again, but yet again,
Speaker 1: she says she has some things to work on and
Speaker 1: isn't ready. She says she doesn't she wants to be friends,
Speaker 1: but I know I'll continue having feelings for her if
Speaker 1: I stay friends with her. Should I stick around or
Speaker 1: wait for her? Because she's one of a few close
Speaker 1: friends I have left. The question comes from Jared. Jared
Speaker 1: almost identical answer. I would give to the last question
Speaker 1: that I would give to you. This is not going
Speaker 1: to work. She's been very clear in relationships. It's so interesting,
Speaker 1: especially from the outside looking in, when I get these emails,
Speaker 1: it's interesting that we don't take the person's word for it.
Speaker 1: It's like say, I don't like you, I want to
Speaker 1: be friends, I don't think of us in a romantic way,
Speaker 1: and we think in the relationship, we think, what does
Speaker 1: she really mean, because surely it's not that it's like man,
Speaker 1: take her for her word. She said no. Guys, if
Speaker 1: they say no, if they say that they want to
Speaker 1: be friends, they don't want a romantic relationship. No means no.
Speaker 1: Get away. That's it. If it's too hard for you
Speaker 1: at that point, if it's too hard to reconcile, block
Speaker 1: her on everything, including her number, and if you want
Speaker 1: to feel better about it, give her a text right
Speaker 1: before you block her and say, hey, just want to
Speaker 1: let you know this is not personal. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get better. I'm trying to get over you because I
Speaker 1: really liked you, so this is don't take offense to this,
Speaker 1: but I'm just about to block you on all socials
Speaker 1: and block your phone number. Just letting you know. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you your friend, goodbye, and then you go in
Speaker 1: and you block. That's it. If it makes you feel ter,
Speaker 1: do that. If it doesn't, you don't even have to
Speaker 1: give an explanation. That is a true path to healing.
Speaker 1: Separation from them, out of sight, out of mind. Let
Speaker 1: some time go by your heart will heal. You'll find
Speaker 1: someone new subject line The next one says remorse for
Speaker 1: sexual sins Hey Granger, thank you for taking the time
Speaker 1: to read this email. Please keep me anonymous. I am
Speaker 1: a young lady. Uh I read that wrong. I am
Speaker 1: young and lately, me and my boyfriend of about a
Speaker 1: year and a half, both Christians and first relationship have
Speaker 1: been getting closer and closer physically and it's hard to stop.
Speaker 1: Though we didn't go all the way, the things we
Speaker 1: did are not sitting right with us, and remorse is heavy.
Speaker 1: I know we should be living our relationship the way
Speaker 1: God once Any advice on how to live our relationship
Speaker 1: in a way that honors God? Once again, please keep
Speaker 1: me anonymous. And I love your podcast. Keep up the
Speaker 1: good work. Okay, great, thank you for the question anonymous.
Speaker 1: And I'm looking no age here. That's no age I'm
Speaker 1: assuming young. You said, first relationship, I'm assuming pretty young. Okay,
Speaker 1: so this is one of these questions that without more facts,
Speaker 1: it's hard to spitball here. But I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 1: what I think. Thanks for your vulnerability, Your heart is
Speaker 1: in the right place. You're asking the right questions. It's
Speaker 1: very important just to want to ask this kind of question.
Speaker 1: It is good. That's a good thing, especially you're kind
Speaker 1: of mentioning. Both of you are kind of saying this right.
Speaker 1: It's not sitting right with us. You said, it's not
Speaker 1: sitting right with us. I like that. That's cool. I
Speaker 1: like that. It's really good. A bit of a warning,
Speaker 1: you said, we've been getting closer and closer physically, and
Speaker 1: it's hard to stop. Though we didn't go all the way. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll just take that little piece right there, And I
Speaker 1: just want to tell you that getting closer and closer
Speaker 1: thing that will not stop if you allow it to
Speaker 1: go that direction. It's it's not going to get easier
Speaker 1: and easier when you're getting closer and closer, because when
Speaker 1: you get physically intimate like this, your bodies, your your souls,
Speaker 1: like the spirit, whatever you want to call it, your spirit,
Speaker 1: your soul, your body is connecting. It's it's connecting in
Speaker 1: a in a neurological chemical way. It's it's it's bonding together.
Speaker 1: It's that's what humans are meant to do. They're meant
Speaker 1: to bond for life. So you come together intimately and
Speaker 1: you pro create and you bond for life. That's that's
Speaker 1: a chemical thing, right, That is that is what's going on.
Speaker 1: And you can't stop that chemical reaction. This is deeper
Speaker 1: than your willpower. Right, So what do you do? You
Speaker 1: stop the path of the train. You you redirect the tracks,
Speaker 1: because if your train stays on that same track, you're
Speaker 1: gonna get the exact result that you think you're gonna get.
Speaker 1: It's really really easy. So you have to take the
Speaker 1: train off the track. How do you do that? There's
Speaker 1: a lot of ways we could we we could talk
Speaker 1: through it. This was a live a live podcast. We
Speaker 1: could uh top of my head. You're gonna have to
Speaker 1: create some rules that you don't close the door. You're
Speaker 1: in a bedroom, you don't close the door ever. You
Speaker 1: you don't go part down dark places, you don't. If
Speaker 1: you want to get an extra extra layer to this,
Speaker 1: you got to have friends when you're alone, you got
Speaker 1: to have friends around. So if you guys are going
Speaker 1: to watch a movie, say right in a dark room
Speaker 1: on a couch, you got to have a couple other
Speaker 1: friends at the same time with you. You have to
Speaker 1: set these ground rules in a time when you're not
Speaker 1: with them, because when you're with them, you can't make
Speaker 1: those rules. Why because the chemical reaction begins and you
Speaker 1: can't stop the train when it's on the same track
Speaker 1: right there. So set up these rules. It's kind of
Speaker 1: like if you're trying to go on a diet, you
Speaker 1: don't go to the grocery store hungry because you're going
Speaker 1: to buy the wrong things. So you go to the
Speaker 1: grocery store after you've made a list for your diet
Speaker 1: and you're on a foot stomach, you're not hungry. You
Speaker 1: take your list, you go and you're just systematically get
Speaker 1: what you need for your diet at the grocery store.
Speaker 1: If not, if you don't do that, it's inevitable that
Speaker 1: you will get the things you don't need to get.
Speaker 1: The same thing's gonna happen. You will do the things
Speaker 1: that you will regret, and you will you will regret it.
Speaker 1: I mean, all of this just take it with a
Speaker 1: grain of salt. Do what you want. I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: I'm positive on all these things. You will end up
Speaker 1: doing what you don't want to do, and then you
Speaker 1: will regret it and it will be a problem, and
Speaker 1: it could be a really big problem. Right. The decision
Speaker 1: now is up to you. You know what, something you
Speaker 1: could do, something you can do is put this on him.
Speaker 1: Put it on him, And I think that's You're not
Speaker 1: gonna trust him, right, You're not gonna trust all of
Speaker 1: this with him. You're gonna do your own due diligence
Speaker 1: to prevent this. But put it on him too, and
Speaker 1: just say, can I trust you that this won't go
Speaker 1: too far? And have him look you in the face,
Speaker 1: and we'll see what kind of man he is. You'll
Speaker 1: know a lot about what happens after that. You'll know
Speaker 1: a lot. In fact, you might know so much so
Speaker 1: that you could say you're not the right guy for me,
Speaker 1: I can't trust you, or you could say you have
Speaker 1: earned my trust and you could be someone that could
Speaker 1: spend the rest of my life with. It could be
Speaker 1: that easy. Next question here, subject line here says getting
Speaker 1: saved after marriage. Hey, grangeur my husband and I have
Speaker 1: been married for eight years this year. Neither of us
Speaker 1: believed in God during our time dating, nor when we
Speaker 1: got married. About six months into marriage, I went into
Speaker 1: a terrible depression and God called me to the church.
Speaker 1: I went hesitantly and was immediately shown the love of
Speaker 1: God by the Holy Spirit. God turned my life upside down,
Speaker 1: and I became a believer, dedicated my life to Jesus,
Speaker 1: and I got baptized. My husband and I had been
Speaker 1: going through a rough time due to had been going
Speaker 1: through a rough time due to my depression and then
Speaker 1: this significant turnaround. He was even feeling a bit jealous
Speaker 1: of God, as if I was having an affair on
Speaker 1: him because of how happy and new I was. God
Speaker 1: restored our marriage during this time, and life became new.
Speaker 1: I of course wanted to share this with him, and
Speaker 1: so I pushed my new found faith in God on
Speaker 1: to him. He was quick to say, this is fine
Speaker 1: for you, but please don't push your beliefs on to me.
Speaker 1: I respectively backed off and grew in my own faith.
Speaker 1: When we decided a couple of years later to have
Speaker 1: a child, I told my husband I wanted to raise
Speaker 1: the baby as a Christian and in the church together
Speaker 1: as a family. He agreed as long as he didn't
Speaker 1: have to be there every weekend and that and then
Speaker 1: she needed to be old enough to decide her own beliefs.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't force her to continue attending church, and I agreed.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry all this is a little bit long. My
Speaker 1: husband had been attending church with us for about a
Speaker 1: has been attending for about a year and a half now.
Speaker 1: It started out as only every other weekend, but after
Speaker 1: we joined a small group and created community within the church,
Speaker 1: he began attending weekly with us. Praise God. I know
Speaker 1: God is moving in him, but he is still not
Speaker 1: a believer. It has been seven and a half long
Speaker 1: years of praying for God to soften his heart, and
Speaker 1: I'm still waiting. This makes marriage extremely difficult because we
Speaker 1: have had a lot of different view us and opinions.
Speaker 1: We have been in a season for about three years
Speaker 1: now where we have a really hard time connecting, both
Speaker 1: emotionally and physically. We are in regular couple's counseling and
Speaker 1: we put a lot of hard work into it, but
Speaker 1: it never seems to be enough. I have been patient
Speaker 1: in my husband's changing faith, praying that God will call
Speaker 1: him to his own in his own timing, but something
Speaker 1: sometimes it feels so so hard. In the past, I
Speaker 1: have even considered divorce due to our differences, but through
Speaker 1: prayer and scripture, I know better, and so I continue
Speaker 1: to fight for our marriage while waiting on God to
Speaker 1: change his heart. How can I connect with my husband
Speaker 1: even though we are extremely different? How can I help
Speaker 1: my relationship flourish in the waiting? Many blessings, Amanda. Okay, great.
Speaker 1: I usually don't like to read an email that long,
Speaker 1: and I accidentally got into it didn't see it, but Amanda,
Speaker 1: thank you. I didn't mean that in anything against your email.
Speaker 1: Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable and bringing
Speaker 1: this situation, and it's you needed to tell it all,
Speaker 1: So thank you for that. Your question after this email,
Speaker 1: which is difficult and beautiful at the same time, your
Speaker 1: question is how can I connect with my husband although
Speaker 1: we are extremely different? How can I help my relationship
Speaker 1: flourish in the waiting? I love that man, That's so good.
Speaker 1: That's such a beautiful thought. And I appreciate you saying
Speaker 1: this because I think a lot of people would have
Speaker 1: the sentiment of the sucks. I hate this. This is
Speaker 1: so difficult, and I'm sure it is, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: you've had You've shed your your share of tears. But
Speaker 1: we could almost use this question and relate it to anybody,
Speaker 1: not just an unbelieving husband. But how do I connect
Speaker 1: with my husband although we are extremely different. That works
Speaker 1: with a lot of different relationships, right, not just believe
Speaker 1: or non believer whatever. And I would say this relationship
Speaker 1: building or relationship flourishing, that's your words. It depends so
Speaker 1: much on self lessness. All of us are hidden narcissist
Speaker 1: in some way. And I say that because and somebody
Speaker 1: might be thinking I'm not. I'm definitely not. I'm so humble.
Speaker 1: Maybe you are. But the reason I say it that way,
Speaker 1: I mean it. We are so self absorbed. That's our
Speaker 1: natural state. We naturally are self absorbed because we're constantly
Speaker 1: needing to take care of ourselves hunger, thirst, hot, cold, tired.
Speaker 1: Like we we follow ourselves and our feelings, our fleshly
Speaker 1: feelings constantly all day long. We are we are appeasing
Speaker 1: our desires all the time, whether it's I got a
Speaker 1: sweet tooth right now, whether it's I want to hit
Speaker 1: this snooze and sleep for ten more minutes, whether it's
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: in this conversation right now. I got to I've got
Speaker 1: a headache, whether it's my lower back is sore, and
Speaker 1: I'd like just sit down for a little bit. We're
Speaker 1: constantly appeasing ourselves all day long, for years, that's what
Speaker 1: we do. And so to reverse that is to say,
Speaker 1: I'm going to deny my self my selfishness and pour
Speaker 1: into someone else. That's why it's so interesting, and I
Speaker 1: don't think we think another about how profound it is.
Speaker 1: When Jesus says love your neighbor as yourself. He doesn't
Speaker 1: say love your neighbor more than yourself. He doesn't say,
Speaker 1: make sure you love yourself first and then love your neighbor.
Speaker 1: He doesn't say that. He says, love your neighbor as yourself.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting. I don't think we really dig into
Speaker 1: what that means, because it's assuming that we love ourselves.
Speaker 1: That's what it assumes. Jesus is assuming, well, you love yourself,
Speaker 1: love your neighbor like that. Do you know how you
Speaker 1: love yourself? You know how you feed yourself when you're hungry,
Speaker 1: you know how you give yourself aspirin when you've got
Speaker 1: a headache. You know how you go and lay down
Speaker 1: and take a nap when you're tired. Do that the
Speaker 1: same way for someone else. Do that, not more, not
Speaker 1: over the top, not less, Just do that. That's so
Speaker 1: fascinating right In fact, I know there's people listening right
Speaker 1: now thinking to themselves, why not me? I don't love myself.
Speaker 1: Jesus was wrong about me because I can't love my
Speaker 1: neighbor as myself because I don't even love myself. It's
Speaker 1: so crazy. Think about it just for a second. That thought.
Speaker 1: That thought is self loving because you're in a way
Speaker 1: worrying about yourself. In that situation, you are feeling sorry
Speaker 1: for yourself, saying I don't love myself. I don't love myself.
Speaker 1: And so we go to therapy and we pay money
Speaker 1: to therapists and psychiatrists, and we talk to people and counseling,
Speaker 1: all to make us feel better, to love ourselves more.
Speaker 1: So we pour into ourselves and have other people when
Speaker 1: we pay this money. We lay on counteres and we
Speaker 1: talk about our feelings all because we're trying to love
Speaker 1: ourselves more. That sounds like obsessive love, Like when have
Speaker 1: you ever done that for someone else, gone out of
Speaker 1: your way. God, take them to therapy, take them to counseling,
Speaker 1: lay on account, talk about your feelings, make sure they're
Speaker 1: eating right. Make that's what we do for ourselves. It's crazy.
Speaker 1: In fact, the pinnacle of this self love, and my opinion,
Speaker 1: this is just my opinion. The pinnacle of this is suicide.
Speaker 1: Because suicide, at its core, at its essence, is so
Speaker 1: self loving that it says I don't care about anyone else.
Speaker 1: All I care about is my own peace and rest,
Speaker 1: and I will do it. I will obtain the peace
Speaker 1: and the rest through killing myself. I will obtain this
Speaker 1: at all costs. I don't care about mother and father
Speaker 1: and spouse and sibling and friends and boss and co workers.
Speaker 1: I don't care about any of them. They could deal
Speaker 1: with my funeral. They could deal with the every aftermath
Speaker 1: of all this. They could deal with the sadness. They
Speaker 1: could deal with the shock of walking in on this
Speaker 1: horrible scene. They could deal with it. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I love myself so much so toxically, I'm willing to
Speaker 1: take my own life just to achieve my own rest.
Speaker 1: It's crazy, and I believe that's true. I believe that's
Speaker 1: what Jesus means when he says love others as yourself,
Speaker 1: assuming we already love ourselves, even if you think it's hate,
Speaker 1: because hating is a close friend of love. The opposite
Speaker 1: of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.
Speaker 1: I don't care, and no one is indifferent to themselves.
Speaker 1: Try to go a day and without eating, Try to
Speaker 1: go a week without sleeping. You're not indifferent to it.
Speaker 1: You're obsessed with it. You gotta pacify it, right. My point,
Speaker 1: here's my point, and I'll make this simple because I
Speaker 1: went out probably too long on that, but my point
Speaker 1: is this, how could you help your relationship flourish? How
Speaker 1: can you connect with your husband? You can connect with
Speaker 1: him by selflessly enjoying or trying to involve yourself in
Speaker 1: things that he likes. Like maybe you've noticed that he
Speaker 1: likes to come in and relax and he likes to
Speaker 1: watch football on Monday nights afterwards, like that's his thing,
Speaker 1: and you don't like it. You don't really like you
Speaker 1: don't really understand football. It's never really been your thing.
Speaker 1: Maybe you fix his favorite meal and you sit down
Speaker 1: on the couch and you go can you teach me
Speaker 1: about this game? What does the downs mean? What does
Speaker 1: end zone mean? What if you did that? And inside
Speaker 1: you're thinking, I don't care, this is stupid. I'm I've
Speaker 1: got things to do. I'm busy right now. Those thoughts
Speaker 1: are gonna come. But what if you thought I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put that stuff aside. I'm gonna deny all that and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pour into him tonight. And you watched little
Speaker 1: things that he did and everything that you watched, and
Speaker 1: you acted on in a loving, selfless way, And he's going,
Speaker 1: what isn't with this girl? She is amazing? What has
Speaker 1: changed in her heart? This Jesus guy, it's gotta be.
Speaker 1: This has gotta be something that I need because I
Speaker 1: can't know. I can't believe what it's doing to her.
Speaker 1: In fact, that's what Jesus teaches. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Speaker 1: That's the message. I love you guys selflessly. I appreciate
Speaker 1: you so much. We'll see you next Monday. You need
Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. Appreciate all
Speaker 1: of you guys. You could help me out by rating
Speaker 1: this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to
Speaker 1: this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification
Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would
Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Yi